June 21, 2026 • 7 mins
—Links—
Career Coaching: https://www.mrjonathanoffice.com/career-coaching
Job Search Coaching: https://www.mrjonathanoffice.com/job-search-coaching
Read my letters: https://mrjonathanoffice.substack.com/
—Socials—
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Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jonathanrhyzli/
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome back to Day Day Up, the weekly podcast for
(00:02):
Chinese professionals navigatingthe Western workplace.
I'm Jonathan.
Let's get into it.
My manager should support memore.
They should give me the offer.
I should get the promotion.
Last night, my wife asked meabout some of the most common
complaints I hear from myclients.
(00:22):
This is it.
Each carries a heavy feeling ofbeing wronged.
And every time a client says itto me, something tightens in my
chest.
Because I once sat in that exactchair.
A few years into my time at themanager level, I sat across from
my own manager and asked him onequestion.
I'm ready for a promotion.
(00:42):
When can we make it happen?
I thought I already knew theanswer.
I had just saved the companyfrom a thirty million dollar
loss.
I had led a twenty person team.
For months I had been showinghim I was already operating at
the next level.
So he should promote me.
He looked at me and said, John,you're doing good work.
(01:04):
But you're not there yet.
Give it another couple of years.
Ah, young John.
Too young, too naive.
The workplace is never the wayit should be.
Yes, you deserve more supportfrom your manager, and a good
one should give it.
Yes, you were the perfect fitfor the role, and they should
have handed you the offer.
(01:25):
Yes, you were ready for the nextlevel and your manager should
promote you.
But what happens when theydon't?
Every time you say how thingsshould be, you're robbing
yourself of the power you neededto make a change.
Should tricks your brain intobelieving you've already done
everything you could.
And it feels good becauseputting the weight on someone
(01:48):
else is so much easier thancarrying it yourself.
So here's what I tell my clientsinstead.
Anytime you reach for the wordshould, replace it with how can
I?
My manager should support mebecomes how can I get more
support?
They should give me the offerbecomes how can I get an offer.
I should get me the promotionbecomes how can I get a
(02:11):
promotion.
Just one small swap.
And you remind your brain thatyou have agency.
This is the magic of language.
The way you think shapes the wayyou speak, but the way you speak
also shapes the way you think.
Now, when I ask my clients thisquestion, often their minds go
blank.
So I make the question smaller.
(02:31):
I tell them to answer just threethings.
What do you want to feel?
What can make you feel that way?
Where can you actually get it?
Because I found most of the timepeople don't know what they
want, but they certainly knowhow they want to feel.
One of my recent clients gotreally specific.
In our first session, she toldme, John, I feel so stuck.
(02:55):
I like my job.
My manager is a kind person, buthe always gives me harsh
feedback and ignores my wins.
I feel like I should be moreappreciated.
It took us one hour to find whatshe actually wanted.
Yes, she wanted her manager toappreciate her.
Why?
Because she wanted to feelcompetent.
How could she achieve thatanother way?
(03:18):
Maybe a higher title could bethe proof she'd been chasing all
along.
That was our unlock.
She didn't need her manager tohand her the feeling that she
was competent.
She could earn it somewhereelse.
It took us another two hours tohave a real game plan.
One path for an internaltransfer, one for external
applications.
The workplace is never going tobe the way it should be.
(03:40):
I'll go even further.
The world is never going to bethe way it should be.
So what are you going to doabout it?
Alright, that's your growth tipfor this week.
Now let's take a melon break.
You know one thing you canalways expect at the World Cup?
Team Japan plays a match.
(04:00):
The final whistle blows, andwhile everyone else streams
toward the exits, the Japanesefans stay behind, pull out
little blue bags, and cleantheir entire section of the
stadium.
The internet sees it, gasps, andcalls it a miracle of discipline
and respect.
This has happened, likeclockwork, at every World Cup
(04:21):
since 1998.
Seeing posts across social mediaabout this, I'm amazed that
Western culture is still somehowstill surprised by it every four
years.
But here's the part nobody talksabout.
The fans aren't doing anythingspecial, at least not according
to themselves.
They're just doing what theyalways do.
When I first traveled to Tokyoyears ago, I finished my pokari
(04:43):
sweat on the street and walkedto the nearest intersection to
drop my bottle in a trash can.
And I just kept on walking fortwo more intersections.
Because in Japan, public trashcans are rare.
The whole country runs on aquiet agreement that you carry
your garbage home with you andthe streets stay spotless
(05:04):
anyway.
For the Japanese, cleaning astadium isn't a performance.
It's a visible habit whichendears them to the world for
good reason.
It starts young.
Japanese kids clean their ownclassrooms and hallways at
school.
There are no janitors, so by thetime you're an adult with a blue
bag in a Texas stadium, you'renot being virtuous.
(05:26):
You're just running a programinstalled into you since you
were six.
So I know we're just here to eatmelons, but it makes me wonder,
what cultural programming isnative within us Chinese?
And how does it show up in goodor bad ways on the other side of
the world?
If at this point you want tospit your seeds at me, I
completely understand.
(05:47):
Here is how you can use thistopic in Small Talk next week.
With coworkers, did you see theJapanese fans cleaning the whole
stadium at the World Cup?
It's been happening for so manyWorld Cups, and every time it
makes headlines, would you stickaround after the game to clean
up other people's trash withyour boss?
(06:07):
The Japanese stadium cleaningthat goes viral, every World Cup
is interesting to me.
They've done it every tournamentsince 1998, and that consistency
is exactly why it's become partof how the world sees Japan.
It's a good reminder thatreputation isn't built on one
big moment.
It's built on doing the smallthing the same way every single
(06:29):
time.
Welcome back to Day Day Up, the weekly podcast for
(00:02):
Chinese professionals navigatingthe Western workplace.
I'm Jonathan.
Let's get into it.
My manager should support memore.
They should give me the offer.
I should get the promotion.
Last night, my wife asked meabout some of the most common
complaints I hear from myclients.
(00:22):
This is it.
Each carries a heavy feeling ofbeing wronged.
And every time a client says itto me, something tightens in my
chest.
Because I once sat in that exactchair.
A few years into my time at themanager level, I sat across from
my own manager and asked him onequestion.
I'm ready for a promotion.
(00:42):
When can we make it happen?
I thought I already knew theanswer.
I had just saved the companyfrom a thirty million dollar
loss.
I had led a twenty person team.
For months I had been showinghim I was already operating at
the next level.
So he should promote me.
He looked at me and said, John,you're doing good work.
(01:04):
But you're not there yet.
Give it another couple of years.
Ah, young John.
Too young, too naive.
The workplace is never the wayit should be.
Yes, you deserve more supportfrom your manager, and a good
one should give it.
Yes, you were the perfect fitfor the role, and they should
have handed you the offer.
(01:25):
Yes, you were ready for the nextlevel and your manager should
promote you.
But what happens when theydon't?
Every time you say how thingsshould be, you're robbing
yourself of the power you neededto make a change.
Should tricks your brain intobelieving you've already done
everything you could.
And it feels good becauseputting the weight on someone
(01:48):
else is so much easier thancarrying it yourself.
So here's what I tell my clientsinstead.
Anytime you reach for the wordshould, replace it with how can
I?
My manager should support mebecomes how can I get more
support?
They should give me the offerbecomes how can I get an offer.
I should get me the promotionbecomes how can I get a
(02:11):
promotion.
Just one small swap.
And you remind your brain thatyou have agency.
This is the magic of language.
The way you think shapes the wayyou speak, but the way you speak
also shapes the way you think.
Now, when I ask my clients thisquestion, often their minds go
blank.
So I make the question smaller.
(02:31):
I tell them to answer just threethings.
What do you want to feel?
What can make you feel that way?
Where can you actually get it?
Because I found most of the timepeople don't know what they
want, but they certainly knowhow they want to feel.
One of my recent clients gotreally specific.
In our first session, she toldme, John, I feel so stuck.
(02:55):
I like my job.
My manager is a kind person, buthe always gives me harsh
feedback and ignores my wins.
I feel like I should be moreappreciated.
It took us one hour to find whatshe actually wanted.
Yes, she wanted her manager toappreciate her.
Why?
Because she wanted to feelcompetent.
How could she achieve thatanother way?
(03:18):
Maybe a higher title could bethe proof she'd been chasing all
along.
That was our unlock.
She didn't need her manager tohand her the feeling that she
was competent.
She could earn it somewhereelse.
It took us another two hours tohave a real game plan.
One path for an internaltransfer, one for external
applications.
The workplace is never going tobe the way it should be.
(03:40):
I'll go even further.
The world is never going to bethe way it should be.
So what are you going to doabout it?
Alright, that's your growth tipfor this week.
Now let's take a melon break.
You know one thing you canalways expect at the World Cup?
Team Japan plays a match.
(04:00):
The final whistle blows, andwhile everyone else streams
toward the exits, the Japanesefans stay behind, pull out
little blue bags, and cleantheir entire section of the
stadium.
The internet sees it, gasps, andcalls it a miracle of discipline
and respect.
This has happened, likeclockwork, at every World Cup
(04:21):
since 1998.
Seeing posts across social mediaabout this, I'm amazed that
Western culture is still somehowstill surprised by it every four
years.
But here's the part nobody talksabout.
The fans aren't doing anythingspecial, at least not according
to themselves.
They're just doing what theyalways do.
When I first traveled to Tokyoyears ago, I finished my pokari
(04:43):
sweat on the street and walkedto the nearest intersection to
drop my bottle in a trash can.
And I just kept on walking fortwo more intersections.
Because in Japan, public trashcans are rare.
The whole country runs on aquiet agreement that you carry
your garbage home with you andthe streets stay spotless
(05:04):
anyway.
For the Japanese, cleaning astadium isn't a performance.
It's a visible habit whichendears them to the world for
good reason.
It starts young.
Japanese kids clean their ownclassrooms and hallways at
school.
There are no janitors, so by thetime you're an adult with a blue
bag in a Texas stadium, you'renot being virtuous.
(05:26):
You're just running a programinstalled into you since you
were six.
So I know we're just here to eatmelons, but it makes me wonder,
what cultural programming isnative within us Chinese?
And how does it show up in goodor bad ways on the other side of
the world?
If at this point you want tospit your seeds at me, I
completely understand.
(05:47):
Here is how you can use thistopic in Small Talk next week.
With coworkers, did you see theJapanese fans cleaning the whole
stadium at the World Cup?
It's been happening for so manyWorld Cups, and every time it
makes headlines, would you stickaround after the game to clean
up other people's trash withyour boss?
(06:07):
The Japanese stadium cleaningthat goes viral, every World Cup
is interesting to me.
They've done it every tournamentsince 1998, and that consistency
is exactly why it's become partof how the world sees Japan.
It's a good reminder thatreputation isn't built on one
big moment.
It's built on doing the smallthing the same way every single
(06:29):
time.
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