Austyn Lee returns to the show to share life updates and meaningful conversations with host J.R. Yonocruz about identity, fulfillment, and personal growth.
• Recently married and fostering a third cat while transitioning from his corporate job after four years
• Identifying when marriage is right through consistency of care and recognizing special connections
• Discussing the three layers of self: identity, shame, and true self—and how shame prevents authenticity
• Redefining "home" as chosen connections rather than just physical locations
• Understanding three types of happiness: pleasure, grace, and excellence
• Sharing astrological profiles and how they align with our personalities
• Learning from younger friends while remembering our own emotional journeys
• Balancing short-term pessimism with long-term optimism in life planning
• Finding fulfillment through meaningful connections rather than traditional success markers
• Expressing gratitude while navigating periods of questioning and self-discovery
Guest bio:
Austyn was born and raised in Honolulu, Hawai'i, and studied psychology at Stanford University. He currently resides in Los Angeles with his partner and two cats. When not working as a business analyst for a health tech company, Austyn enjoys hip-hop and k-pop dance, coffee, and being a foodie.
- Instagram: @austyn_tayshus / https://www.instagram.com/austyn_tayshus/
Links/resources:
- 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think (audiobook - Amazon affiliate link)
- OTG #47: KM Class of 2010 - Being on a Competitive Team, Maintaining Friendships, the Burdens of Leadership, and 15-Year Aspirations
One Thousand Gurus Podcast:
Everyone has a compelling story to tell with insights we can all be inspired by. J.R. Yonocruz is a self-improvement blogger, relationship coach, and serial hobbyist with a passion for learning. He interviews unique guests from various fields to distill the strategies, habits, and mindsets we can use in our own lives. Each “guru” has a chance to give the audience a peek into a new world.
www.onethousandgurus.com
Instagram: @OneThousandGurus
TikTok: @onethousandgurus
YouTube: One Thousand Gurus Podcast
Email: onethousandgurus@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
J.R. (00:00):
Hello my audio-only audience.
Welcome back to another funepisode of 1000 Gurus with me,
your host, jr Yonacruz.
Today's episode is a randomshow episode with a repeat guest
, austin Lee, who was the secondguest ever on this show.
Personally, I was happy to havehim come back for several
reasons First being I wanted himto experience what it was like
being back on the show.
It's been literally a yearsince he first came on and I
(00:23):
know I'm a better host sincethen.
So the second, because Austinis a very thoughtful and
reflective individual who has alot of great insights.
And third, because he's so easyand fun to talk to, which is
most ideal for any of my guests,especially for these ones.
We talk about marriage, petpeeves, weird food combos, what
home means to us, ourastrological profiles, what
we've learned from our youngerfriends and our thoughts on
(00:44):
happiness and fulfillment.
Just a fun episode not only torecord but to re-listen to for
me.
So, without further ado, hopeyou enjoy this episode with
Austin Lee.
Hello everyone and welcome backto 1000 Gurus.
Please welcome my guest, austin.
So Austin is a repeat guest.
(01:05):
If you guys were here from thebeginning, austin is a repeat
guest.
If you guys were here from thebeginning, austin is guru number
two, so we are happy to havehim back on the show.
So thank you, austin, for beinghere.
Austyn (01:14):
Happy to be back.
J.R. (01:15):
Yeah, so we have a lot of catching up to do.
Obviously, we've seen eachother since then, but what else
have you been up to since thefirst time you were here?
Any big updates or stuff thatyou're up to?
Austyn (01:31):
Yeah, actually, actually a lot has happened.
I think this is honestlyprobably exactly a year since we
recorded the first one, so onebig update.
I got married about a month ago.
My husband, samyuk, is overthere watching.
So big life update number onewe fostered another cat and then
ended up adopting her.
So now we have three cats Movedto a bigger apartment in K-Town
(01:51):
, so that's been nice and catshave more room now.
What else Made four plus yearsat my current company and then
decided it's about time to moveon to something else.
So trying to make thattransition.
So, while it's exciting to moveon to something else, so trying
to make that transition.
So while it's exciting to moveon to not really sure what else,
so there's a little bit ofuncertainty, a little bit of
excitement to leave a kind ofcrazy environment.
(02:13):
So, yeah, lots of lifetransitions.
Oh, and then I rejoined ourdance team again, which has been
fun to have some more exerciseagain and be social again, but
also tiring and stressfulsometimes.
But so lots of changes, lots ofexcitement and, yeah, overall
just been really excited andhappy.
J.R. (02:32):
Nice, I'm glad to hear and happy to hear and congrats
again on getting married.
Excited for you both.
Yeah, I was going to mentionthe whole dance thing too,
because it was nice to have youback on the team.
Obviously, in our first episodeepisode we talked about being
on leadership and then you tooka break and then you rejoined
again.
So it's been nice to see youaround and being engaged with
the team and, of course, it'salways nice to be around people
(02:53):
and friends and do fun stuff.
You moved recently and I thinkwe went to your place for wait
was it your birthday, or was ita housewarming?
Austyn (03:00):
oh yeah, it's my birthday.
Yeah, that's.
J.R. (03:01):
So that was fun and we went to that one.
Was that a boba ice cream placeor dessert place?
Austyn (03:07):
Oh yeah, tu Cha in K-Town, tu Cha yeah yeah.
J.R. (03:09):
That was really nice, really bougie-ish like desserts,
but it was really good.
What else I wanted to get intothe whole, like what we were
talking about off screen, whichwas the whole marriage.
I guess one of the warmquestions besides that is what
have you?
What else you've been up to anynew sort of interests that have
been fun or exciting?
You mentioned Pokemon cards.
Austyn (03:31):
Oh, right, I think so.
This happened right after Itook a break from the dance team
.
Probably was just because I waslooking for something else to
get into, and I have always beena Pokemon fan, since it pretty
much came out like the same time, at the same time or same year
I was born, yeah.
So I definitely, I definitelygrew up with it.
And then I collected cardssince I was a kid, all the way
(03:55):
maybe up to like early middleschool.
And then I was wondering like,oh, like it's still going on.
And I think I went to the BestBuy and saw some cards and I was
like, okay, I'll buy a pack andsee what's going on.
And then that just snowballedvery quickly and gateway drug
yes, me collecting again.
And then when I went back hometo Hawaii, we're cleaning out
(04:15):
the storage closet and then I orstorage locker and then I found
all my old cards and I was like, okay, time to look through it
and appraise them and then flewthem back with me to California
and then added all of those backto my collection.
And now it's trying to buypacks, old packs, and then
buying singles and appraisingthem and everything.
So that's been anotherexpensive hobby and finding
(04:38):
friends who are also collectingtoo.
So it's been fun.
Kind of expensive, but yeah,that's another hobby of mine.
J.R. (04:46):
Now, what is that appraisal process like?
Because I had the sameexperience.
My sister and I went into ourstorage.
We found our old pokemon cardsand they're in pretty decent
condition but we've neverappraised them but we're like,
okay, I'm sure these are worthsomething not that we plan on
selling or anything, and sidetangent.
It was funny because all of mystuff, my cards, my sister's
cards are like in her place andI was like look, if the house
(05:10):
burns down, grab this backpackwith our cards.
I don't care about any of theother sentimental stuff, grab
the Pokemon cards, but yeah.
So what is that appraisalprocess like?
And is it expensive or do youdo it on a time?
Is it like in bulk or do you?
What service do you use?
I don't know.
Austyn (05:23):
Yeah, there are definitely multiple companies or
a couple of companies.
I think most people trust oruse PSA and most people are
chasing for a PSA grade 10,meaning, in theory it's like in
pristine condition.
10 is the highest.
Yeah, 10 is the highest andthat's usually the most quote
unquote expensive.
And yes, you do have to pay.
(05:47):
I don't know how much it is,maybe like 30 bucks per car to
get it graded, plus all theshipping, handling et cetera.
So usually you want to do itall at once, so you're not just
doing it individually, but ofcourse you're looking for are
there any like scratches orbends or folds?
Or is the paper peeling offstains like pens markings,
anything on it?
Also, is it fake, right like incase you bought a single off of
(06:10):
some rando on facebook?
Maybe it is a fake.
Or on ebay, maybe it is a fake,which is very unfortunate
because that does happen.
But that's, that's basically theappraisal process.
So that's, if you want itgraded, some people just keep it
raw, which is what you'redescribing of, just like we're
just going to keep it in ourbinders, which is fine.
Some people do that calculationof.
(06:32):
Just well, if I appraise it andit's a graded 10, it's this
amount, but if I keep it raw,actually the math works out
where it's more valuable if Ikeep it raw.
So it's a whole world.
And right now I'm more in thatthing of I'm keeping this,
because I like this card, I likethe value, like the art, I'm
like it's not trying to make aprofit off of it, right.
J.R. (06:52):
So you have some cards that you have appraised and
graded and no yeah.
So do you.
So have you like looked up thatprocess of OK, which one might
be worth it or which one do youthink are valuable?
Austyn (07:03):
I have yes, but again I'm like that's a lot of effort.
Again, I'm more in for this forthe heart of it and not like
the heart of the cards.
But that's a Yu-Gi-Oh thing.
But yeah, no, I'm not that intoit.
J.R. (07:15):
Gotcha, gotcha.
Okay, yeah, I was thinkingabout that too, because I know I
have some decent cards in mybinder.
But I'm like is it worth it?
Do I really care about it?
Like it'd be nice, but also,it's okay, let me just keep it
for now.
Austyn (07:25):
It's not a high on the priority list, yeah, so if I'm
assuming, the cards you'rereferring to are probably like
the earlier packs of the gen 1cards it's.
Are they first edition?
Are they shadowless meaningthey were like one of the first
printed cards then those areprobably the more valuable ones.
Makes sense.
J.R. (07:45):
Okay, cool.
Yeah, that's something for meto think about now mental note
when I go back home to check mycards out.
Okay, so, before we get intoour regular topics, I want to
ask about marriage.
This is something I talk withmy older friends about, some of
them who have recently gottenengaged or married or have been
married for a little bit, andsince you got married recently,
(08:06):
I wanted to ask you.
The general idea is how did youknow it was the right time for
you guys to get married?
For other people you might beconsidering who should I look
for in a partner?
When do I know it's the righttime?
If this is the right person andI know for every person it's
different but maybe what aresome of your insights on how you
approach that?
Austyn (08:25):
Yeah, I feel like it's such a cliche answer because
when people have asked us that,like we both say, oh, it just
felt right and it still feelsright and it's okay.
Well, that doesn't really tellme anything and it's like
exactly like you said, like whatfeels right to you, totally
different than somebody else.
And then, if I had to, ofcourse, explain it further,
there's like the logisticalaspect of everything, of just we
(08:49):
have to talk through timelinesand expectations and make or
after, and we have been livingtogether for quite a while
beforehand, so like that wasalready taken care of.
We've proven we can livetogether harmoniously.
(09:09):
So that was like already a goodsign.
But I think for me, even thoughwe had already been talking
about it for a while and wealready knew we're on this path,
I guess what was moresurprising to me was just even
the further we're going along inthe relationship, the more I
just kept realizing that hereally, really cared for me and
(09:30):
kept showing that care for me.
For example, like even if hewas like working late or always
super stressed about work orsomething else, like making sure
that I had enough food or wascooking for me, or those like
acts of service that he keptdoing for me.
I was like, oh wow, like Ialready that he kept doing for
me.
I was like, oh wow, like Ialready knew that you care for
me, but you keep showing it, andof course, that made me want to
(09:56):
make sure that I keep showingmy care for him in whatever ways
I can or in ways that I knowthat he would appreciate.
So one, yes, making sure thatit was not stagnating, making
sure that I felt like, wow, thisperson's going above and beyond
this person, showing that hestill cares for me, and that
motivates me to want to showthat I still want to care for
this person.
That means this bond is reallystrong.
And then two, because I feellike I have a lot of experience
(10:19):
with relationships.
I was like wow, like I don'tthink I've had anyone treat me
this way or and I don't thinkI've ever felt this way about
somebody else, even if I've beenin relationships that have been
longer than this relationshipI'm like, okay, then I know how
special this is.
So I need to like not lock thisdown now, because there's
really no rush, but it's morelike yeah, this feels right,
like I don't think, even thoughthere's like billions of people
(10:42):
in the world and think, eventhough there's like billions of
people in the world and sure youcan probably have strong
relationships with I don't knowa handful of them I'm like I'm
gonna nurture this one.
Yeah, that was what was goingon in my mind and yeah, we were
just like, okay, let's look intothe actual, like legal process.
We can do all the bigcelebrations later.
And then we just settled on adate and, yeah, invited some
(11:03):
friends to celebrate with uswhen we actually went to the
courthouse, and that was that.
J.R. (11:07):
Okay, I like those two points where you're saying how
the consistency over time, howit made you feel.
I guess one of the questionsthat also comes up usually with
people who are interested inbeing married is timelines and
timeframes and age and thingslike that.
Right, how early is too early,how late is too late.
There's always the societalpressure, the family pressure
(11:29):
and the personal expectations ofI need to be married by this
time, this date, or I'm gettingolder or I want kids soon.
Obviously, those are realconsiderations.
Do you have any thoughts onbalancing that with the
important things that you'resaying of how it feels right,
logistics are right and maybeyou guys obviously have good
chemistry and you work welltogether and you can go through
(11:50):
conflicts well, but how do youperceive that time?
Austyn (11:53):
aspect with marriage.
Yeah, I think, speaking formyself, like when I was growing
up, I think I always knew Iwanted to at least have a life
partner, like period.
And I guess, does marriage haveto be a part of that?
Not necessarily, but in mythinking of my future growing up
(12:15):
, yes.
So did I necessarily have atimeline on that?
No, but if I had to put atimeline on that, sure, maybe.
Like early 30s, yeah, and whySocietal pressure?
That's around my parents'timeline?
Sure, but, and maybe that'salso what my parents expected of
me as well.
(12:36):
But I will say, not everyone isso fortunate, because I feel
like I have a lot of friends whofeel super pressured by their
family or society's expectationson them and whether or not they
want that.
They're like I don't haveanyone, I don't have any
interest, or I'm trying and I'mnot even getting dates or
whatnot.
So I feel for them.
So that's point number one.
I had that in mind, I have kindof been working towards that,
(13:02):
but it wasn't really like a hardand fast rule.
And the second point regardingtimelines is I feel like through
my early 20s, late teens, early20s, I've made like dating and
finding a partner like one of mytop priorities in life and then
all of a sudden, through likemy late 20s, I came to that
(13:24):
conclusion of actually there'smore to me than just
relationships.
I don't really need toprioritize that.
If it happens, it happens Like Ihave other things going for me,
there's other things that valuein life, like performing arts
and my job or my dance team ormy friends.
Like I don't need to keepputting all my energy into these
(13:45):
people who aren't giving itback.
And then it's.
It's like a weird karmic thingof as soon as I let that go, oh,
then there, now there comessomeone who, like is willing to
give all that energy back to me.
The moment I let that go of,like me desperately trying to
find somebody who is willing tolove me back, even though deep
(14:08):
down I knew that they weren'twilling to put in that energy or
effort, me trying to just fit acircle into a square peg or
whatever that metaphor is.
So that was my otherrealization, too is, like, as
soon as I let that desperationor expectation go, then I
started attracting likesomething that just naturally
(14:28):
fit into what I was looking for.
So, yeah, like again, did myquote unquote timeline work out?
Yes, but I don't think youshould really put too much
pressure on that or settle forless.
But I do acknowledge that somepeople do feel a lot of pressure
and maybe don't feel ascomfortable pushing back on that
(14:48):
.
It makes a lot of sense.
J.R. (14:51):
Okay, so the 15 minute warm up is done, so we can go
into our topics.
I don't know.
Do you have a question at thetop of your mind that you want
to bring up first for a randomshow?
Austyn (15:00):
No, you go ahead.
J.R. (15:01):
I can go first and then started this off.
So my question or I guess thisis an easier one but pet peeves.
So do you have any specificweird or quirky pet peeves?
I guess maybe that's bydefinition pet peeve is quirky.
Do you have any that come tomind?
So I'll start off for me.
One of mine is this is veryweird.
(15:23):
But if I'm walking, let's say,on a sidewalk, and there are
like, let's say, two people infront of me, like adjacent to my
path, and they're talking, butyou can tell that they're about
to break away, break up and walkaway, okay, like they're saying
goodbye.
What I really, I want to sayhate, is as soon as I get next
to them, then they break up, andnow one of them is walking next
(15:45):
to me and my brain is like whydid you wait until I'm walking
next to you for you to break upand now walk next to me?
I'm like, couldn't you havedone that earlier or later?
But it's like theirsubconscious brain was like it's
like a passing car, it's like,oh, I need to catch this train
or whatever, and then let me geton that.
But I'm like I don't want towalk next to you, this person, I
don't know, and it's now, we'reokay, that's.
It's just a weird thing, but italways pisses me off.
(16:07):
I'm like so I walk slower orfaster because I know they're
going to do that, and it happensmore often than I would like,
but anyways, that's my pet peeve.
Austyn (16:15):
Interesting.
Now I can see how that's veryawkward.
Mine also occurs like whenwalking on the sidewalk is
really interesting and I feellike maybe it's more common.
But the first thing that cameto mind is more like folks who
like spit on the sidewalk,either like gum or clearing
their throat, and I think thatjust comes from growing up where
(16:38):
in hawaii, just respecting theland and not littering, throwing
trash, spitting on it, nomatter your reason, like I just
don't like disrespecting theland in that way.
So I understand again, even ifyou're like clearing your throat
and there's no other way ormanner to do that or dispose of
(17:00):
it, I'm like, can you not?
J.R. (17:03):
So yeah, yeah, that's valid.
Valid especially the trashthing, because sure, let's say,
spit if you in the grass,whatever, like it goes away
eventually.
Biodegrade whatever, but trashor littering it's like does that
really belong there?
And now you're disrespectingyour land, your home, where you
live, or even if you're visiting.
So it is like a why would youdo that to a place we all are?
(17:24):
But I get that.
Did you have a question?
Austyn (17:26):
Oh yeah, I'm a huge foodie, so what is your?
This shouldn't taste good, butdoes food combo.
So my answer for this I feellike I get flamed every time I
say this, so mine is.
I don't do this all the time,but I do enjoy some ketchup with
my mac and cheese okay, andevery time I say that some
(17:49):
people are like ew, or a lot ofpeople are like ew and I'm like
it tastes good.
It's an interesting combination.
Am I in the?
J.R. (17:57):
minority here.
I can't say honestly, I've everheard of that combination okay
I can imagine what it takes.
You said ketchup and mac andcheese.
Yeah, I heard this recently,but someone was like hot take.
I don't think anybody underseven should eat ketchup, which
is funny because I'm like, okay,I get what you're saying.
They're like ketchup is like alittle kid sort of thing.
(18:20):
Sure, whatever this personbelieves, I just thought it was
a funny that's funny yeah,because I'm like, but people
like eat hot dogs and ketchupand stuff all the time.
But I think I understand wherethat person's coming from.
It's funny.
Okay, sorry, you said thequestion is like something that
you don't think should tastegood, but yeah, shouldn't.
Austyn (18:36):
What's your?
This shouldn't taste good, butit does.
J.R. (18:38):
Food combo oh okay, oh man , I wish I, I know I have some
of these things.
I think a lot of it stems from,like the salty sweet combo
where it's like okay, that'sweird and it probably shouldn't
taste good like.
I think the biggest example islike the sea salt cream boba
type stuff like I was gonna saywhat about all your custom boba
orders?
yeah.
So a lot of the saltier sort ofthings with a sweet dessert or
(19:02):
drink feels a little bitcounterintuitive.
Also like hawaiian pizza,pineapple pizza, stuff like that
.
I think I'm more yeah, it'sfine, like it's a salty, sweet
thing, but some people are veryadamant on no.
Salty and sweet should besegregated always.
Okay, that's a little I don'tknow.
Sure, maybe it's your ownpreference, but I don't think
something comes to mind rightnow specifically.
(19:23):
But I think those sort ofcombos I'm always open to try it
, but or even I guess anotherweird thing would be like the
cheese and ramen thing.
I don't, I've only had it likeonce, but I'm not against it,
but I don't think it's my thing.
But yeah, I think the sweet,salty stuff usually makes sense.
My next question is I wasmentioning off camera that I was
(19:43):
reading this book called 101essays that change the way you
think and it's 101 chapters with10 to 30 points per chapter and
it's all just these sort ofone-liner nuggets of wisdom that
really do change the way youthink.
But it almost feels like I'mingesting knowledge through a
fire hose and I have to likepause because everything is so
(20:04):
profound and I'm like I need tothink on this a little bit, and
so one of the things that Iwrote down that I want to ask
you about is this idea that I'venever heard before, but there's
just three layers of ourselves.
I guess we're going deep, butthere's three layers, and if you
can think of a large circle, asmaller circle inside and the
small circle inside, which isidentity, shame and true self.
And so the outer circleidentity is how we are perceived
(20:26):
by other people or how we thinkothers perceive us, how we are
perceived by other people or howwe think others perceive us.
Inside of that, is the shamecircle which prevents our true
self, which is at the core, frombeing exposed or shown to the
outside.
And so this author was sayingthe closer we can get our inner
core, our true self, to ouridentity, our outer external
(20:47):
self, the happier we'll feel.
The less cognitive dissonance,the more peaceful we'll feel.
So I thought that was profound.
Austyn (20:57):
Maybe I don't have any thoughts on that, but I wanted
to ask your thoughts on that.
Actually, I think this is a lotof what I've been struggling
with these past few months, oreven this past year at work,
which kind of led me to makethis decision to leave.
There's a lot of other thingstoo, but when I'm thinking about
like the feelings aspect oremotions aspect of what I've
been like dealing with, I thinkit comes down to that, because I
feel like when I talk to mycolleagues, like they know that
(21:19):
I value authenticity and I willalways speak my mind, whether
it's like a process that I thinkcould be improved at work or
something I don't think is right, or speaking out of injustice,
whether it's in the world orsomething that's happening in
the workplace which can beexhausting, which is also
probably leading to my burnout.
But when I take a step back andI'm like, well, why do I still
feel like I'm not completelybeing authentic?
(21:40):
I think it's that idea of, well, okay, I have this persona at
work.
How much of that really is mebeing authentic?
And then what is quote, unquote, my true self, and sure you can
have multiple facets ofyourself, and there's that
professional context.
And then me outside of work,sure, but again I was like, if
I'm putting in all this work,there's so much going on in the
(22:02):
world right now that I reallywould rather be spending more of
my time doing or even like thefun, creative stuff.
I'd rather just be spendingmore time doing dance stuff and
socializing.
I'm like, why am I working onall these slide decks and
spreadsheets?
And even though I do love thatthe company is health related,
I'm like I still feel not maybecognitive dissonance, but I
(22:23):
still feel a lot of gap in thework I'm doing is not directly
related to that, even though Istill love the mission.
But yeah, so that's interestingand that's something I've been
struggling with, and I thinkI've been working with a career
coach and a life coach thesepast few months and something I
have uncovered is that shameaspect of what's at the root
cause of it or why haven't Ibeen able to tackle it?
(22:45):
And it all comes down to shameand I think that's a super
common thing with all people,all humans, and that's something
I just really need to thinkthrough.
Is it shame from seeming orappearing so quote unquote
successful in education, in work, in career, and then all of a
(23:06):
sudden saying I don't want to dothis or I don't think I want to
do this, and then just puttingit aside.
Shame of, oh, but people put somuch effort and support into
you and you're just going tothrow it away.
Shame into, oh, but look at allwhat your peers are doing and
you're so behind them.
Why are you throwing this away?
Shame of?
Are you just giving up?
Are you sure you want to dothis?
(23:28):
All of that shame is preventingme from getting into that inner
core of just trying to figureout who I am.
It also doesn't have to be soblack and white.
I think this is still a goodthing for me to leave.
I don't really have a backup,but for the first time in my
life, I don't want to just jumpinto something just because it's
prestigious, or just to say Ihave something, or just to play,
(23:52):
pretend or do quote, unquotewhat is expected of me.
I really do want to take thetime to figure out who that true
core is, or what parts of thattrue core is truly me or is not
part of me, or maybe was a partof the old me, what's the part
of the new me, and then use thatto guide my next step for the
next 30 years before I turn 30and keep going down this path,
(24:13):
because I could keep going downthis robotic path.
But I really need to listen tothat inner core that was telling
me like you can't keep doingthis.
It's been four years and youfeel completely drained and that
this is just not feeling right.
So, yeah, I resonate a lot withthat.
Even though on the outside,people see my identity as like
super successful and they loveme and they're like you do such
(24:36):
good work, I'm like sure, butwhy do I feel inside I'm just
dying and what's preventing mefrom exploring that is?
It's a lot of shame and I feelstuck.
J.R. (24:46):
Okay, I like that a lot and I think I echo that.
I'll give you time yourquestion's.
Next I'll give my thoughts onit too.
I think I echo that completelyon my end as well.
I feel like there is that gapand it is blocked by that core
or that circle of shame.
I think what it comes from issame with me.
I feel like I've maybe I'mputting on this performative
nature of being this sort ofperson and of course, I'm not
(25:08):
necessarily lying but I knowthat it's not completely aligned
with my inner core self of whoI really want to be or who I
really am, and I think thatshame is the but I need to be
this person or people expect ofthis of me, and if I'm less than
that, then I feel that shame.
Oh, I'm not actually as good asI projecting out into the world
or how people perceive me, andI think that's part of what has
(25:31):
been influencing my journey toremove myself from social media,
being by myself a little bitmore and reflect on who I really
am and not being influenced bybeing around people and what I
think they expect of me or whatI think they need from me in
order for them to like me, andso I definitely echo that.
Did you have a question?
Austyn (25:51):
So I feel like both of us have moved around a bit and
have or have lived in differentplaces.
Where do you consider home, orwhat does the word home mean to
you these days?
It's a good question.
Yeah, for me home, I think well, physical location, like I was
(26:11):
born and raised in Honolulu, soyou know.
When people say, oh, where'syour hometown or where'd you
grow up, I'm like well, that'smy answer.
And then, of course, shorthand,when I say, oh, I'm taking
vacation, I'm like going home,that's what I mean.
But then when someone asks,like, what does home mean to you
, I'm like, well, home is reallylike you're my chosen home of
(26:34):
who I choose to surround myselfwith, of whoever is most
important in my life, like rightnow.
I would say right now it'scorrelated with where I'm
physically living, right inSoCal and LA and K-Town with my
husband, my cats, my friends, mydance friends and my other
SoCal friends.
I think that's where I wouldconsider home, but again it's
less.
For me it's less of a physicallocation and more of a feeling,
(26:55):
a choice of chosen family, ofpeople who I feel connected to
that community, and again lessphysical but more like social or
emotional connection withpeople.
Yeah, that's how I define home.
J.R. (27:10):
I like that a lot.
I've actually thought aboutthat recently too, because I go
home.
My home, or my physical home,or my family most all of my
immediate family live is BayArea, southeast Bay, fremont,
milpitas and so I go back three,maybe four times a year just to
visit my parents and mysiblings.
And so, yeah, by that firstdefinition, that is where my
home is, that's where my familyis right, was born and raised,
(27:32):
grew up in the Bay Area.
But to your second point, Iagree with that too, because
home is also that place whereyou feel comfortable, not
necessarily where you grew up,but also that place where it's
oh, this is where my comfort ismy spaces, and the first thing
that comes to my mind is like myactual house, like where I live
.
Right, because that feelscomfortable to me, that's where
my home base and so it's like myemotional home.
(27:54):
And recently, actually, my dad,my stepmom, my brother moved to
Philippines.
So now I have less of a home athome because only my mom and my
sister are there now, and nowmy other parents and my brother
moved to Philippines.
And then I have my other brother, little brother, who's going to
school in Hawaii and so it'sokay, there's, it's all.
Home is still spread out, myhometown is still the same, but
(28:17):
I don't necessarily feelcomfortable comfortable there
because I see my family andbeing with them feels like home,
but being in the bay doesn'tnecessarily feel like home
emotionally, see.
So there is that split and I doecho that as well.
My question is so same book,three things of happiness, also
was a sparking.
This, wow, okay, this kind ofblew my mind.
(28:37):
As someone who's been big inpersonal development for years,
I really appreciate this book,even if it is a fire hose of
stuff.
But so this author says thathappiness there's three types of
happiness.
There's happiness of pleasure,happiness of grace and happiness
of excellence.
And so pleasure makes sense,things that make you like it's a
physiological, maybe emotionalthing oh, this feels good.
The happiness of grace is likethe feeling of forgiveness or
(29:04):
something that is given to you.
That is appreciation, gratitude, I guess is the happiness that
that one is.
And then happiness ofexcellence is the happiness of
you've worked hard on somethingdifficult, a challenge, and
you've achieved it and you havethat sense of happiness.
And at first I thought that theauthor was saying, okay, there's
a hierarchy, one's better thanthe other, but actually the
author says that all of them arenecessary.
(29:25):
It's kind of like colors in aspectrum which is like the
primary colors.
You need all of them and indifferent amounts and whatever.
But you can't just throw awaythe other two, or one for the
other, for a primary one.
You do need to build thehappiness in all three levels.
And so for me that was veryeyeopening and I guess my
thoughts was like.
It made me think about okay, Iknow I am choosing the happiness
(29:47):
, or pursuing the happiness ofexcellence, things that I'm
working on, things I want toachieve always.
And happiness of pleasure isstraightforward, but I think
maybe I can lean into that moreOkay, things that just make me
happy, like physically,emotionally.
And then the happiness ofgratitude is something that's
always been reaffirmed into meby the things that I consume.
It's like if you aren'tgrateful for something, then how
(30:09):
can you expect to have more ofsomething?
And also gratitude is whatgives you that mindset of
happiness.
But I guess it gave me thatperspective of okay, I there are
different aspects of it and Ishould focus on and be aware of
all those three and work to keepfilling those three buckets up.
I guess Any thoughts on that.
Austyn (30:26):
Yeah, no, that's super interesting.
My initial thought was I feellike I tend to gravitate towards
the first bucket of the, morelike immediate.
Well, my interpretation is morelike immediate self, like not
indulgent, but I'm a Taurus, soI'm like more of the hedonistic,
(30:47):
like pleasures in life.
So, again, like the food, thecoffee, the boba.
So I know that I tend togravitate towards that of oh, if
I feel like it, I'll do it, orif I feel like buying it, I'll
do it, or if I feel like eatingit or going out to eat, I'll do
that.
And I definitely agree that Ithink you need to nurture all
three of those buckets that youjust mentioned.
(31:24):
But when you're talking aboutlike grace, I think it people
have said to me, especially inthe work setting, that I don't
give myself enough grace andthen maybe, by extension, I
don't give other people enoughgrace because I'm just so hard
on myself and therefore hard onother people, and maybe if I
don't forgive myself, I don'tholding a grudge against other
people, or even myself, when Idon't even need to, and maybe
they don't even notice and careabout the situation that I'm
like ruminating over.
So I think that's somethingthat I need to work on.
And then, sorry, what was thelast bucket?
Excellence, excellence.
I think another thing thatpeople have consistently given
(31:47):
me feedback on, too is just likeminimizing accomplishments.
Giving me feedback on, too, isjust like minimizing
accomplishments.
Saying things like, oh, likeyou need to like take time to
relish or acknowledge youraccomplishments, celebrate, yeah
, um, and I don't know if that'sjust coming from a place of,
like, self-deprecation or justnot wanting to be boastful or be
(32:08):
perceived.
So yet another thing that Ineed to do, so that I don't need
to constantly feel like youneed to keep hustling and like
I'm not good enough.
But, yeah, I don't really knowwhere that comes from, so I need
to do a little bit more digging.
All right, did you have aquestion?
Yeah, let's see.
I'm gonna jump around a littlebit dance related what part of
(32:28):
your identity interpret that howyou will?
What part of your identityshows up the most when you dance
?
So I have two things to mention.
I think one thing that's reallyinteresting is when I show
people not in my dance world, mydance videos.
They're like whoa, you're sodifferent on stage versus off
(32:50):
stage.
So most of people in likeschool or like work settings and
I'm like I guess I can see that, or more.
I'm like, oh, that makes sense,because maybe outside of dance
I'm like more timid and quiet orlike super just academic and
like teacher's pet and very likejargony, but then on stage I'm
just like very so I think, wait.
J.R. (33:12):
So what is for the audience?
Austyn (33:13):
I know, but just very extra and like my handle,
ostentatious, so very showy andflashy and very extra.
You can't tone it down unlessyou really just go extra and
you're like, okay, let me toneit down and let me adjust.
And if you can't, as an artistor performer, if you can't look
back at like old performancesand say, oh, like, actually now
(33:35):
I would tone it down or I dothat differently, then you're
not growing as an artist, you.
You gotta adjust, but anyway,so it's just very extra, very
out there, very in mydefinitions very hoey, very
showy, very extra.
I don't really know how else toexplain it.
So when I think my identity, Ithink again, very, always 200%,
(33:55):
always extra, always giving itmy all.
Now there should be a balance,right, because you need peaks
and valleys to keep thingsinteresting, so that I need to
work on.
But yeah, I think when I lookat my performances it's always
like aiming for perfection,always giving 200%.
That's my brand.
J.R. (34:13):
I like that, that insight and also the question.
I think for me the first thingthat came to mind was it like
identity in my dance.
For sure, my background isfreestyle popping and it's in a
competitive environment, meaninglike battles and jams, and so
with also my personality type,the first thing I think of is
very competitive and very likestrong and powerful.
(34:35):
I think when I approach dance,especially freestyle popping, I
think of I'm trying to win, notnecessarily it's not like I'm
trying to beat someone, but it'sI'm trying to be the best
version, like I'm going at itaggressively, I'm going at it
with the mentality of thechampion in first place or
something like that, and so Ithink that would be how I'd
categorize my style of my mostauthentic dance.
(34:57):
But to your other point, whichwas what do you?
How you were trying to maybeexplore different avenues.
I know that I also feel reallygood when I'm more on the
opposite end, which is morerelaxed, groovy, flowy, and so
part of the popping style islike waves and that sort of
softer motion and taking yourtime, and that's the aspect I
(35:19):
know that I need to grow on,because if you're too powerful
and focused you're going to be alittle bit too much, I guess,
intense.
But I can lean more into thesofter, taking my time and not
letting the music overpower me,but me like going with the flow
and also groovy and funky isalso what I love dancing to, and
(35:40):
I think that how that makes mefeel is very different from how
it makes me feel powerful in theother focus.
The initial focus and so that'sone thing that I do want to
also lean into is the fun sideof dance, not necessarily the
competitive side, which I enjoytoo, but the groovy, funky,
feely sort of thing, and I guessthat's if that answers the
question like that's how I feelabout my identity in dance.
Austyn (36:03):
That's super interesting because when you describe both
of those like sides of you, Idefinitely see it in the JR.
Doing a show and tell at Sundaypractice is like that, like
competitive side, and it's aninteresting nuance where, yeah,
I never interpret it like you'retrying to beat somebody else.
You're just like going 100% tolike you were saying like beat
who you were yesterday.
More of that kind of thing,exactly, yeah.
(36:23):
And then the like more groovyfreestyle you like in a club
setting, yeah.
J.R. (36:28):
Yes, one of my favorite places to dance is like a club
setting, a wedding setting,because I know I feel amazing
because it's there's obviouslyno competition and it's more
relaxed.
And I think more often than notit's a weird, because I know
most people there are notdancers, but they're there to
dance and then I also want todance, but I do have a level of
skill that gives me confidencethat it always feels like such a
(36:50):
good environment, andespecially in the club where
it's like the lights are off sopeople may or may not be able to
see me, but that sort offreedom, it's a good feeling
that I keep telling myself Iwant to be in more.
It's just circumstances.
Okay, clubbing is logisticallyharder when you're out late, you
have to drive there and thenyou come back and then your next
morning is ruined.
But I think that's it's more ofa sign to me that I need to put
(37:12):
myself in those spaces a littlebit more and to feel that side
of it too.
But I also want to get backinto competitive dance too, like
in a freestyle aspect.
Okay, my next question is so Irecently got sorry, did you have
?
Austyn (37:24):
any thoughts?
J.R. (37:24):
No no no, yeah, my next thing is I recently got my birth
certificate, which I haven'thad because my mom one of us
lost it and so I reordered itand it was a side quest for me
because side tangents like I'mtrying to pursue getting a
Philippine citizenship becausemy mom is a Philippine citizen
and apparently it's likestraightforward but anyway.
(37:45):
So I knew the first step was toget my birth certificate, so I
got that.
But the thing that I've alwayswondered about was like your
astrological signs, yourhoroscopes, like your sun sign
rising and your moon, and Inever knew that because I never
knew when I was born.
So I got my birth certificate Iwas like, okay, great, I know
when I'm born, okay, I alreadyknew where and I knew the date,
and so I found out what my wholeprofile is.
(38:05):
So my question is do you knowyours and what are the each like
characteristics?
If you do know mine, I realize Iknow I've I'm a sun aries, I've
already known that, but my moonis leo and my rising is gemini
and I thought it was veryinteresting because, well, chad
GPT was a little bit moreaccurate than when I did
calculations on like severaldifferent like of those
horoscope websites.
(38:25):
But basically my understandingis, like Gemini's or sorry,
rising is how you're perceivedexternally or your outer
personalities when someone firstmeets you, and it is very that,
from what they told me verycurious, very playful,
lighthearted, adaptable sort ofthing.
And Leo is also a fire sign,just like Aries Gemini's air.
(38:47):
So I guess, and also my weirdtangent, a lot of the people
that I already knew that I getalong with well are fire and air
signs, and this is more of aconfirmation I was like OK
that's cool.
A lot of my close friends arewithin those signs.
But anyways, and a Leo moon, Iguess if you combine it with the
rising Gemini and the sun Aries, is like very at its core very
passionate, very competitive,very high standards, but also
(39:09):
that intellectually curious butalso deeply emotionally invested
and some other things I'mforgetting.
But I thought it was veryinteresting and I thought it was
very accurate, which was alsofunny because in the reading the
whole profile was like you'realso into, like tarot and like
love readings and all that stuff, I was like damn it, they got
me, so yeah, anyways no, that'sinteresting.
Austyn (39:29):
Yeah, I mean, I just find all that stuff super
interesting.
I have looked up my chartbefore.
So I believe, yes, I'm Taurussun and then Gemini moon and I
think also Gemini rising.
So then when I'm looking at myentire chart and all the traits
(39:53):
that it all describes, I feellike, similarly, it all pretty
much aligns with my personality.
And, of course, maybe there'sconfirmation bias or maybe it's
written in a way that's sorelatable, but I'm like, oh, wow
, okay, this is like veryaffirming.
So, yes, I align with a lot ofthe Taurus traits and then with
the Gemini thing.
Like I probably said multipletimes throughout this
(40:14):
conversation, I feel likethere's multiple sides of me
that are all true.
It just depends maybe on thecontext or the context that I'm
in or who I decide to show thatside to.
There's like that professionalwork context and there's that
more creative, social side of meand like the dance context and
they're both me.
There's just different sides ofme and maybe where I feel
(40:39):
conflicted is I kind of want allof that to show at the same
time and not have that kind ofdivide.
And maybe it does and I justdon't notice.
But yeah, it was, it's prettyinteresting and I feel like it
definitely describes me like I'mlike 99% yeah yeah, I thought
it was.
J.R. (40:56):
Oh, witty is also part of the Gemini rising.
Apparently it was like witty,humorous, light, playful, that
of thing, and that's how you'reexternally and intellectually
curious as well.
Now, I was thinking about thesame thing too, because the
landmines of like astrology andhoroscope is like when you get
to those generic, your dailyhoroscope thing, it's yeah, you
really like structure, but youalso like it when it's
spontaneous.
I'm like bro, you just listedall the things, so now you're
(41:18):
reading it.
And so when I was going throughthe profile and I was like all
right, let me also look at someother ones to see if it's oh,
these all apply to me, but I washappy to see that, okay, it
seems very specific.
So maybe it is this combinationof those three things does
create this profile.
Take it with a grain of salt,but it was.
It's always cool when you seesomething that kind of confirms
what I think you've alreadybelieved in.
(41:38):
I've written out these thingslike, okay, these people, it
seems like I'm getting like myclosest friends, I get along
with them well, and then to seethat afterwards okay, that
checks out.
Austyn (41:46):
Okay, did you have a question?
Oh yeah, let's see, I think weboth enjoy mentoring younger
folks, especially in our dancecontext, but it's definitely a
two-way relationship.
So I was curious what'ssomething young people taught
(42:07):
you lately, and maybe it's evensomething that you wish you had
known at their age.
So I think sometimes I try notto be very patronizing and like
I know it all, or one that theyeven want me to mentor them,
because a lot of times they areour friends or teammates too, so
I have to like keep myself incheck.
(42:28):
So I think a lot of the times Ihave to realize that, oh, they
already know this quote-unquotelesson that I'm trying to teach
them, or they actually have alot more life experience in one
domain than I even have.
So I need to check myself onthose kinds of things.
But when trying to think aboutwhat things that they have shown
me, I think again, it's thatthing of just they're probably
(42:51):
carrying a lot more baggage thanI know and they don't have to
share with me or tell me.
But it just makes me appreciatethem more because of how much
time and effort they put intothe team and their schoolwork
and their relationships andobviously their relationship
with me, even though there's somuch going on behind the scenes
and of course I want to supportthem and, again, they don't have
(43:12):
to share what they don't wantto share.
But I'm like, oh, mad props, madrespect for you to like be
going through all of that and beso mature, and I shouldn't
assume that you're not matureand that you don't have anything
heavy going on.
So again, I just need to checkmyself and not think that just
being super young is all fun andgames when they're actually
(43:36):
going through a lot in lifeStuff that I've never gone
through.
So yeah, I think in general, weall have just different life
experiences and we can all learnfrom each other and I don't
have to play that mentor role100% of the time, all the time.
Yeah, they can teach us a lottoo.
So I've been trying to likebalance that aspect a lot and
not trying to be a helicopterparent all the time.
J.R. (43:57):
Yeah, I definitely resonate with that Everything
you said a lot.
I don't think I have somethingthat comes to mind specifically
of what they've taught me, but Ithink one thing that being with
our younger friends hasreminded me of is what it was
like back then and puttingmyself in their shoes so I can
understand them more, so that Icould potentially play that role
(44:19):
of helping or guiding or evenjust listening.
But and I'm grateful to be inthat position but I think it's
brought me back to my early 20sor late teens, just fresh out of
high school or even in college,that stuff that I forgot about
because it's been so long whichis the feeling of I don't know
how to say this but havingemotions, being happy, being in
(44:43):
love, like these sort of youngeremotions.
Right, when you get older andyou have more experience and you
have this wider frame or thislens or experience to pull from
and you're I want to say we're alittle bit more grounded than
we were before, right.
But now when I'm listening tothem and I'm like, okay, let me
put myself in their shoes so Ican understand better not
understand from my perspectiveand I'm like, oh, I used to be
(45:04):
like that as well.
I used to be so strung up onlove or this person liking me or
having all these emotions thatI don't know what to do with,
making all these decisions thatI don't know the answers to,
because I don't have theexperience or life lessons or
frame of mind to make thosedecisions.
And then it brought me back toyeah, I was definitely a mess, I
made a lot of mistakes, and itreminds me to not be harsh Not
(45:26):
that I try to be or I'm veryhyper aware of not being
judgmental and just trying tolisten but it does pull me back
to okay, how were you like whenyou were at that age, when
you're dealing with thoseproblems?
And it also reminded me howmuch more I felt back then.
And I don't want to make itsound like it's a sad thing, but
I think when I compare myselfto like my 20 year old self and
(45:47):
my currently 34 year old self,I'm like, yeah, you had a lot
more emotions back then, ormaybe a lot of different
emotions, but there are youngeremotions, there are more fresh
emotions being a young adult.
And I don't want to say I missit, but there's a part of
nostalgia of man.
I wonder what it would be liketo go back to feel those things
again, and maybe I'm like livingvicariously through their
(46:09):
stories and when they like wantto open up to me and stuff like
that.
But I think that's to answerthe question.
That's what it's really givenme.
Is that experience of beingthat age again?
Austyn (46:20):
Yeah, no, I definitely resonate with that too.
Just let me not be quick tojudge, because even back then in
, at that age, like the emotionswere more intense.
Like, especially if you'refeeling them for the first time
and there's lots of socialpressures, and also if you're
dorming all together like allyour peers, you can't really
escape them.
You're all living together.
Plus, social media has onlygotten more pervasive in our
(46:41):
lives too, so I'm sure that isan extra layer of pressure.
And, yeah, not only are thefeelings more intense, like you
latch onto them more, so it'stough.
I don't know if I miss thosedays, but I can empathize.
J.R. (46:55):
Yeah, I think about this thought experiment a lot because
I was like man I wish I couldgo back to my younger self to
not only observe, but obviouslyif I knew what I know now, I
would act differently, I wouldtake these things differently.
And I had a reunion episodewith some of my friends from
college and a lot of that wastied back to how we would
(47:16):
approach things differently andthe frame of mind that we're in
now, and a lot of it was be morepresent, right, really connect
with people.
Don't take things for granted.
Because there's so many thingsgoing on in college it's easy to
just move on to the next thingand not really be in the moment,
and now that we're older it's Ireally wish I was more in the
moment and connected with thosepeople, because some of those
people I don't see anymore everand I wish I do, but
(47:39):
circumstances and whatnot.
I guess that's what it bringsme back to that and I think it's
a good sort of thoughtexperiment to go back into.
Okay, my question is what is onething you've learned about
yourself recently?
And my answer is that I feellike, at least in this moment, I
(48:00):
feel like I've realized that Iam a short-term pessimist but a
long-term optimist, and it'swithin the context of when I map
out my goals five, 10, 20-yeargoals, my vision of my life, who
I want to be, what the things Iwant to do and how I approach
that compared to the day-to-dayso strategic versus tactical,
for example, or how I live mydaily routine.
(48:21):
And I think when I say I'm ashort-term pessimist, I think
what I mean is I think thingscan go wrong here and there and
I'm defensive because I'm veryrisk-averse, meaning I try to
mitigate risks, to not fall intothose traps and to protect what
I have, not to the extreme, butthat's how I feel.
But then in the longterm I'moptimistic that everything will
(48:43):
work out Like.
I have a lot of faith that allof my wildest dreams and goals
will come true and I'll worktowards it because I'm
consistent, I have a stronglevel of self-efficacy.
I know I have confidence to dothe things I need to do.
But it's just interestingjuxtaposition how.
But in the short term I'm likeah, there's a lot of things can
go wrong, there's a lot ofpeople who can mess up my day,
(49:03):
there's a lot of things that Ineed to mitigate those risks.
But I think in the long termthings all work out.
Austyn (49:10):
Yeah.
J.R. (49:10):
How about you?
Austyn (49:11):
Interesting, I think, again in the context of the
identity, shame and self or trueself, especially in the context
of work and me trying to decidewhether to stay not just at
this company or in this role butstay in this like industry or
corporate in general.
I'm trying to figure out hownot to fall into the same quote
(49:33):
unquote trap again.
Trap meaning like, how do I notfeel this way again, Meaning
feeling burnt out, feelingoverworked.
And I think one thing Irealized is oh, I have more
control over the situation thanI thought Because I, like I
mentioned, always feel like Ihave to put 200% into everything
(49:54):
, when I don't always have to,and then I need to not just
accept that as a trait.
I really need to dig into whythat is.
And when I talk about shame andI'm like, oh, maybe it has
something to do with that oflike, why do I always feel like
I have to prove myself toeveryone and myself?
And maybe they're like separatebut related things, and maybe I
(50:14):
haven't found the answer yet,but I think it might be related
to something like that no one isagain asking me to do these
things, I'm just doing it out ofhabit and then complaining
about it.
So it's like I'm only doing itto myself for the most part and
then of course, then naturallyI'm going to feel not
compensated for it and thenburnt out and then frustrated
(50:35):
and then taking that frustrationout on other people or blaming
other people for it.
It's not 100% on me.
The locus of control is mostlyon me.
So there's things that I can doto prevent that, or systems or
flags that I can set up when Iget that way to say, okay, maybe
not 200% today, maybe 150 ormaybe 100, or giving myself the
(50:57):
grace of, it's okay to give 70%today because at the end of the
day I'm only gonna get paid 100%anyway.
So, might as well give 200% ofthe things that actually I do
value, like my partner, the team, and again, maybe not every day
, but where when it matters,right.
So that's something I just needto learn is I can't give 200%
all the time, but where is thatcoming from, why?
(51:21):
Let's address that and thenfigure out now okay, when do I
give 200% to things or how do Igauge that?
That's just something that Irealized, and then maybe I'll be
happier, maybe I'll be moreoptimistic, because I think, in
general, I'm just a pessimist100% of the time, short term and
long term Nice, so yeah, so Ineed to work on that, but yeah.
J.R. (51:51):
I like that.
Okay, do you have a lastquestion?
Austyn (51:52):
you want to go.
Oh, we wrap up, let me see.
All right, I guess and again,this is something I've been
asking myself and relates to alot of what we were talking
about how do you definehappiness or success, or what
are the signs that you look forthat tells you like I do feel
fulfilled, or how do you measurethat?
I know that's a lot ofquestions, but really what I'm
(52:14):
just looking for is like how doyou personally know that you
feel fulfilled?
And I know everyone'sdefinition of fulfilled is
different, so I'm just curious.
And then, to answer that formyself, like I mentioned, I'm
starting to rethink all of that.
Old me, or maybe still part ofme, the old definition was like
money, title, career, that kindof like definition of success or
(52:40):
fulfillment.
And while sure, that is niceand could be someone's
definition of fulfillment, why,at the end of the day, do I
still feel very empty or drainedright?
And while I'm still workingthrough it, the closest answer I
can get to quote unquotefulfillment is like connection
to other people, connection to,of course, my partner, my cats,
(53:04):
like helping others, helpinganimals, help social connections
.
So friends helping friends inneed, helping the community,
which is why I want to lean moreinto like social justice and
nonprofit work for a littlewhile, or hopefully forever.
And yeah, social connection issomething that I just keep
coming back to.
But again, I just don't want tojump into something.
I want to make sure, like, Ireally understand what it is
(53:28):
about social connection and whatI can do with my skills and
background to help.
So, as long as I'm doingsomething that directly makes
someone else's life better and Isee that and I can work
face-to-face with somebody, Ithink that's where I would feel
fulfilled at the end of the day.
And if that's, if again I canmake someone laugh, smile, make
(53:50):
their life better, then I wouldcall that a success.
Doesn't have to be tied tomoney, title, fame, whatever.
Again, not sure if that's theanswer, but that's what I've
been thinking about recently.
So, yeah, still working towardsthat answer, but again, I'm
trying to redefine that formyself.
J.R. (54:10):
It's actually mind blowing that you bring that up and your
reflections on it, because I'vebeen thinking the exact same
thing and I've come to similarconclusions.
I'm on a pursuit of doing10,000 steps per day and
recently I've been like a hermit, but also hyperproductive.
Now I go on to 15K steps perday, so I go to the park and I
walk around for two hoursstraight around the track and so
I have these reflections andlike, okay, happiness,
fulfillment, purpose, etc.
(54:31):
And I was thinking about it alot to also redefine it for
myself because I'm alsoquestioning that the book also
hits that point in that chaptermade me reflect on it a lot,
because it was talking about thedifferences and happiness being
related to peace of mind, butalso fulfillment and purpose
versus passion, and there's awhole spiel on that.
(54:53):
But I guess the takeaway that Ihad was I guess for myself, it
is connection as well.
I was like, okay, I think that'swhat I'm looking for and as I'm
moving into this next phase ofthis is the last year I'm going
to be on the team, especially asleadership, and so it's like my
identity is changing and I'mfeeling disconnected from that
(55:14):
environment and those people andthose relationships, and I know
that I'm looking forward to thenext step.
So I'm like well, what is mypurpose now?
Because I feel like I'm not.
I won't find that fulfillmentuntil I find that purpose again,
because I had the purpose, butnow that it's going away, what
is the next thing?
And I'm thinking also it mightbe into some sort of volunteer
work, charity work, being moreinvolved in my church, possibly
(55:36):
finding new communities,activities and groups.
Right now I do a lot of thingsin isolation, just the
hyperproductive nature of what Ilike doing.
But I think that's the nextstep that I want to focus on to
find my own happiness andfulfillment.
And purpose is to find thosecommunities, find connection,
work towards something that Ifeel like is meaningful, that
gives me fulfillment, and I havean idea of what those things
(55:57):
are.
It's now just timing and then,once I find, once the timing is
right, then going for it andthen finding those areas.
So yeah, I thought that wasreally weird.
I'm like wow everything thatI've been thinking about, too,
is what you just brought up.
I think that's it, unless youhad any final thoughts on any of
those things.
Austyn (56:16):
No, seems like we've been thinking about a lot of the
same things.
Maybe it's rising Gemini's, butno, just grateful to have these
conversations and thanks forhaving me back.
Yeah, no, just grateful to havethese conversations and thanks
for having me back.
J.R. (56:27):
Yeah, no, thank you for being here.
Gratitude, anything else you'regrateful for.
Austyn (56:30):
Just to wrap it up, just grateful to be alive, Grateful
for my partner in the life we'rebuilding together, Grateful for
friends.
I'm looking forward to the nextschool year and season with the
team.
Originally I wasn't planning oncoming back, but I'm really
looking forward to the nextschool year School.
Originally I wasn't planning oncoming back, but I'm really
looking forward to the nextschool year.
School year yeah, it is schoolyear yeah.
Especially being fun employed.
(56:51):
Yeah, it's exciting yeah.
J.R. (56:53):
Low-key, kind of jealous.
How about you?
Gratitude, gratitude, yeah,same thing.
Life, family, friends.
It's weird.
Again, the book made me thinkabout this because it's been
changing the way I think, butgrateful for being in this.
They say the precursor to abreakthrough is a breakdown.
I wouldn't say I'm in a mentalbreakdown, but I would say I'm
(57:14):
in that questioning phase ofwhat am I supposed to be doing?
Why do I feel this sort ofemptiness in these sort of
pockets?
And I'm grateful for thatbecause I know that on the other
side of that is hopefully abreakthrough that will give me
some clarity in these otheraspects.
So I'm grateful for that aswell.
My health there's a lot ofthings to be grateful for, and I
know that the only differencebetween my happiness and
(57:35):
happiness for me personally isjust my perspective on how I see
those things, because there'sso many things that are good and
right in my life that, like, ifI just tweak it a little bit,
I'm actually really happy.
So grateful for that.
Okay, we will wrap it up.
Thank you again so much, austin, for being here.
I really appreciate it.
Let me do my final sign off forthe audience.
Thank you, guys for being here.
I really appreciate it.
Be sure to like, subscribe,follow, give me five stars on
(57:57):
whatever platform you'relistening to this, to Leave
Austin some love in the comments, tell us what you liked about
and a reminder that to always bekind to other people,
especially yourself, andremember that you can always
learn something from someone ifyou take the time to listen.
So thanks for being here.
Hello my audio-only audience.
Welcome back to another funepisode of 1000 Gurus with me,
your host, jr Yonacruz.
Today's episode is a randomshow episode with a repeat guest
, austin Lee, who was the secondguest ever on this show.
Personally, I was happy to havehim come back for several
reasons First being I wanted himto experience what it was like
being back on the show.
It's been literally a yearsince he first came on and I
(00:23):
know I'm a better host sincethen.
So the second, because Austinis a very thoughtful and
reflective individual who has alot of great insights.
And third, because he's so easyand fun to talk to, which is
most ideal for any of my guests,especially for these ones.
We talk about marriage, petpeeves, weird food combos, what
home means to us, ourastrological profiles, what
we've learned from our youngerfriends and our thoughts on
(00:44):
happiness and fulfillment.
Just a fun episode not only torecord but to re-listen to for
me.
So, without further ado, hopeyou enjoy this episode with
Austin Lee.
Hello everyone and welcome backto 1000 Gurus.
Please welcome my guest, austin.
So Austin is a repeat guest.
(01:05):
If you guys were here from thebeginning, austin is a repeat
guest.
If you guys were here from thebeginning, austin is guru number
two, so we are happy to havehim back on the show.
So thank you, austin, for beinghere.
Austyn (01:14):
Happy to be back.
J.R. (01:15):
Yeah, so we have a lot of catching up to do.
Obviously, we've seen eachother since then, but what else
have you been up to since thefirst time you were here?
Any big updates or stuff thatyou're up to?
Austyn (01:31):
Yeah, actually, actually a lot has happened.
I think this is honestlyprobably exactly a year since we
recorded the first one, so onebig update.
I got married about a month ago.
My husband, samyuk, is overthere watching.
So big life update number onewe fostered another cat and then
ended up adopting her.
So now we have three cats Movedto a bigger apartment in K-Town
(01:51):
, so that's been nice and catshave more room now.
What else Made four plus yearsat my current company and then
decided it's about time to moveon to something else.
So trying to make thattransition.
So, while it's exciting to moveon to something else, so trying
to make that transition.
So while it's exciting to moveon to not really sure what else,
so there's a little bit ofuncertainty, a little bit of
excitement to leave a kind ofcrazy environment.
(02:13):
So, yeah, lots of lifetransitions.
Oh, and then I rejoined ourdance team again, which has been
fun to have some more exerciseagain and be social again, but
also tiring and stressfulsometimes.
But so lots of changes, lots ofexcitement and, yeah, overall
just been really excited andhappy.
J.R. (02:32):
Nice, I'm glad to hear and happy to hear and congrats
again on getting married.
Excited for you both.
Yeah, I was going to mentionthe whole dance thing too,
because it was nice to have youback on the team.
Obviously, in our first episodeepisode we talked about being
on leadership and then you tooka break and then you rejoined
again.
So it's been nice to see youaround and being engaged with
the team and, of course, it'salways nice to be around people
(02:53):
and friends and do fun stuff.
You moved recently and I thinkwe went to your place for wait
was it your birthday, or was ita housewarming?
Austyn (03:00):
oh yeah, it's my birthday.
Yeah, that's.
J.R. (03:01):
So that was fun and we went to that one.
Was that a boba ice cream placeor dessert place?
Austyn (03:07):
Oh yeah, tu Cha in K-Town, tu Cha yeah yeah.
J.R. (03:09):
That was really nice, really bougie-ish like desserts,
but it was really good.
What else I wanted to get intothe whole, like what we were
talking about off screen, whichwas the whole marriage.
I guess one of the warmquestions besides that is what
have you?
What else you've been up to anynew sort of interests that have
been fun or exciting?
You mentioned Pokemon cards.
Austyn (03:31):
Oh, right, I think so.
This happened right after Itook a break from the dance team
.
Probably was just because I waslooking for something else to
get into, and I have always beena Pokemon fan, since it pretty
much came out like the same time, at the same time or same year
I was born, yeah.
So I definitely, I definitelygrew up with it.
And then I collected cardssince I was a kid, all the way
(03:55):
maybe up to like early middleschool.
And then I was wondering like,oh, like it's still going on.
And I think I went to the BestBuy and saw some cards and I was
like, okay, I'll buy a pack andsee what's going on.
And then that just snowballedvery quickly and gateway drug
yes, me collecting again.
And then when I went back hometo Hawaii, we're cleaning out
(04:15):
the storage closet and then I orstorage locker and then I found
all my old cards and I was like, okay, time to look through it
and appraise them and then flewthem back with me to California
and then added all of those backto my collection.
And now it's trying to buypacks, old packs, and then
buying singles and appraisingthem and everything.
So that's been anotherexpensive hobby and finding
(04:38):
friends who are also collectingtoo.
So it's been fun.
Kind of expensive, but yeah,that's another hobby of mine.
J.R. (04:46):
Now, what is that appraisal process like?
Because I had the sameexperience.
My sister and I went into ourstorage.
We found our old pokemon cardsand they're in pretty decent
condition but we've neverappraised them but we're like,
okay, I'm sure these are worthsomething not that we plan on
selling or anything, and sidetangent.
It was funny because all of mystuff, my cards, my sister's
cards are like in her place andI was like look, if the house
(05:10):
burns down, grab this backpackwith our cards.
I don't care about any of theother sentimental stuff, grab
the Pokemon cards, but yeah.
So what is that appraisalprocess like?
And is it expensive or do youdo it on a time?
Is it like in bulk or do you?
What service do you use?
I don't know.
Austyn (05:23):
Yeah, there are definitely multiple companies or
a couple of companies.
I think most people trust oruse PSA and most people are
chasing for a PSA grade 10,meaning, in theory it's like in
pristine condition.
10 is the highest.
Yeah, 10 is the highest andthat's usually the most quote
unquote expensive.
And yes, you do have to pay.
(05:47):
I don't know how much it is,maybe like 30 bucks per car to
get it graded, plus all theshipping, handling et cetera.
So usually you want to do itall at once, so you're not just
doing it individually, but ofcourse you're looking for are
there any like scratches orbends or folds?
Or is the paper peeling offstains like pens markings,
anything on it?
Also, is it fake, right like incase you bought a single off of
(06:10):
some rando on facebook?
Maybe it is a fake.
Or on ebay, maybe it is a fake,which is very unfortunate
because that does happen.
But that's, that's basically theappraisal process.
So that's, if you want itgraded, some people just keep it
raw, which is what you'redescribing of, just like we're
just going to keep it in ourbinders, which is fine.
Some people do that calculationof.
(06:32):
Just well, if I appraise it andit's a graded 10, it's this
amount, but if I keep it raw,actually the math works out
where it's more valuable if Ikeep it raw.
So it's a whole world.
And right now I'm more in thatthing of I'm keeping this,
because I like this card, I likethe value, like the art, I'm
like it's not trying to make aprofit off of it, right.
J.R. (06:52):
So you have some cards that you have appraised and
graded and no yeah.
So do you.
So have you like looked up thatprocess of OK, which one might
be worth it or which one do youthink are valuable?
Austyn (07:03):
I have yes, but again I'm like that's a lot of effort.
Again, I'm more in for this forthe heart of it and not like
the heart of the cards.
But that's a Yu-Gi-Oh thing.
But yeah, no, I'm not that intoit.
J.R. (07:15):
Gotcha, gotcha.
Okay, yeah, I was thinkingabout that too, because I know I
have some decent cards in mybinder.
But I'm like is it worth it?
Do I really care about it?
Like it'd be nice, but also,it's okay, let me just keep it
for now.
Austyn (07:25):
It's not a high on the priority list, yeah, so if I'm
assuming, the cards you'rereferring to are probably like
the earlier packs of the gen 1cards it's.
Are they first edition?
Are they shadowless meaningthey were like one of the first
printed cards then those areprobably the more valuable ones.
Makes sense.
J.R. (07:45):
Okay, cool.
Yeah, that's something for meto think about now mental note
when I go back home to check mycards out.
Okay, so, before we get intoour regular topics, I want to
ask about marriage.
This is something I talk withmy older friends about, some of
them who have recently gottenengaged or married or have been
married for a little bit, andsince you got married recently,
(08:06):
I wanted to ask you.
The general idea is how did youknow it was the right time for
you guys to get married?
For other people you might beconsidering who should I look
for in a partner?
When do I know it's the righttime?
If this is the right person andI know for every person it's
different but maybe what aresome of your insights on how you
approach that?
Austyn (08:25):
Yeah, I feel like it's such a cliche answer because
when people have asked us that,like we both say, oh, it just
felt right and it still feelsright and it's okay.
Well, that doesn't really tellme anything and it's like
exactly like you said, like whatfeels right to you, totally
different than somebody else.
And then, if I had to, ofcourse, explain it further,
there's like the logisticalaspect of everything, of just we
(08:49):
have to talk through timelinesand expectations and make or
after, and we have been livingtogether for quite a while
beforehand, so like that wasalready taken care of.
We've proven we can livetogether harmoniously.
(09:09):
So that was like already a goodsign.
But I think for me, even thoughwe had already been talking
about it for a while and wealready knew we're on this path,
I guess what was moresurprising to me was just even
the further we're going along inthe relationship, the more I
just kept realizing that hereally, really cared for me and
(09:30):
kept showing that care for me.
For example, like even if hewas like working late or always
super stressed about work orsomething else, like making sure
that I had enough food or wascooking for me, or those like
acts of service that he keptdoing for me.
I was like, oh wow, like Ialready that he kept doing for
me.
I was like, oh wow, like Ialready knew that you care for
me, but you keep showing it, andof course, that made me want to
(09:56):
make sure that I keep showingmy care for him in whatever ways
I can or in ways that I knowthat he would appreciate.
So one, yes, making sure thatit was not stagnating, making
sure that I felt like, wow, thisperson's going above and beyond
this person, showing that hestill cares for me, and that
motivates me to want to showthat I still want to care for
this person.
That means this bond is reallystrong.
And then two, because I feellike I have a lot of experience
(10:19):
with relationships.
I was like wow, like I don'tthink I've had anyone treat me
this way or and I don't thinkI've ever felt this way about
somebody else, even if I've beenin relationships that have been
longer than this relationshipI'm like, okay, then I know how
special this is.
So I need to like not lock thisdown now, because there's
really no rush, but it's morelike yeah, this feels right,
like I don't think, even thoughthere's like billions of people
(10:42):
in the world and think, eventhough there's like billions of
people in the world and sure youcan probably have strong
relationships with I don't knowa handful of them I'm like I'm
gonna nurture this one.
Yeah, that was what was goingon in my mind and yeah, we were
just like, okay, let's look intothe actual, like legal process.
We can do all the bigcelebrations later.
And then we just settled on adate and, yeah, invited some
(11:03):
friends to celebrate with uswhen we actually went to the
courthouse, and that was that.
J.R. (11:07):
Okay, I like those two points where you're saying how
the consistency over time, howit made you feel.
I guess one of the questionsthat also comes up usually with
people who are interested inbeing married is timelines and
timeframes and age and thingslike that.
Right, how early is too early,how late is too late.
There's always the societalpressure, the family pressure
(11:29):
and the personal expectations ofI need to be married by this
time, this date, or I'm gettingolder or I want kids soon.
Obviously, those are realconsiderations.
Do you have any thoughts onbalancing that with the
important things that you'resaying of how it feels right,
logistics are right and maybeyou guys obviously have good
chemistry and you work welltogether and you can go through
(11:50):
conflicts well, but how do youperceive that time?
Austyn (11:53):
aspect with marriage.
Yeah, I think, speaking formyself, like when I was growing
up, I think I always knew Iwanted to at least have a life
partner, like period.
And I guess, does marriage haveto be a part of that?
Not necessarily, but in mythinking of my future growing up
(12:15):
, yes.
So did I necessarily have atimeline on that?
No, but if I had to put atimeline on that, sure, maybe.
Like early 30s, yeah, and whySocietal pressure?
That's around my parents'timeline?
Sure, but, and maybe that'salso what my parents expected of
me as well.
(12:36):
But I will say, not everyone isso fortunate, because I feel
like I have a lot of friends whofeel super pressured by their
family or society's expectationson them and whether or not they
want that.
They're like I don't haveanyone, I don't have any
interest, or I'm trying and I'mnot even getting dates or
whatnot.
So I feel for them.
So that's point number one.
I had that in mind, I have kindof been working towards that,
(13:02):
but it wasn't really like a hardand fast rule.
And the second point regardingtimelines is I feel like through
my early 20s, late teens, early20s, I've made like dating and
finding a partner like one of mytop priorities in life and then
all of a sudden, through likemy late 20s, I came to that
(13:24):
conclusion of actually there'smore to me than just
relationships.
I don't really need toprioritize that.
If it happens, it happens Like Ihave other things going for me,
there's other things that valuein life, like performing arts
and my job or my dance team ormy friends.
Like I don't need to keepputting all my energy into these
(13:45):
people who aren't giving itback.
And then it's.
It's like a weird karmic thingof as soon as I let that go, oh,
then there, now there comessomeone who, like is willing to
give all that energy back to me.
The moment I let that go of,like me desperately trying to
find somebody who is willing tolove me back, even though deep
(14:08):
down I knew that they weren'twilling to put in that energy or
effort, me trying to just fit acircle into a square peg or
whatever that metaphor is.
So that was my otherrealization, too is, like, as
soon as I let that desperationor expectation go, then I
started attracting likesomething that just naturally
(14:28):
fit into what I was looking for.
So, yeah, like again, did myquote unquote timeline work out?
Yes, but I don't think youshould really put too much
pressure on that or settle forless.
But I do acknowledge that somepeople do feel a lot of pressure
and maybe don't feel ascomfortable pushing back on that
(14:48):
.
It makes a lot of sense.
J.R. (14:51):
Okay, so the 15 minute warm up is done, so we can go
into our topics.
I don't know.
Do you have a question at thetop of your mind that you want
to bring up first for a randomshow?
Austyn (15:00):
No, you go ahead.
J.R. (15:01):
I can go first and then started this off.
So my question or I guess thisis an easier one but pet peeves.
So do you have any specificweird or quirky pet peeves?
I guess maybe that's bydefinition pet peeve is quirky.
Do you have any that come tomind?
So I'll start off for me.
One of mine is this is veryweird.
(15:23):
But if I'm walking, let's say,on a sidewalk, and there are
like, let's say, two people infront of me, like adjacent to my
path, and they're talking, butyou can tell that they're about
to break away, break up and walkaway, okay, like they're saying
goodbye.
What I really, I want to sayhate, is as soon as I get next
to them, then they break up, andnow one of them is walking next
(15:45):
to me and my brain is like whydid you wait until I'm walking
next to you for you to break upand now walk next to me?
I'm like, couldn't you havedone that earlier or later?
But it's like theirsubconscious brain was like it's
like a passing car, it's like,oh, I need to catch this train
or whatever, and then let me geton that.
But I'm like I don't want towalk next to you, this person, I
don't know, and it's now, we'reokay, that's.
It's just a weird thing, but italways pisses me off.
(16:07):
I'm like so I walk slower orfaster because I know they're
going to do that, and it happensmore often than I would like,
but anyways, that's my pet peeve.
Austyn (16:15):
Interesting.
Now I can see how that's veryawkward.
Mine also occurs like whenwalking on the sidewalk is
really interesting and I feellike maybe it's more common.
But the first thing that cameto mind is more like folks who
like spit on the sidewalk,either like gum or clearing
their throat, and I think thatjust comes from growing up where
(16:38):
in hawaii, just respecting theland and not littering, throwing
trash, spitting on it, nomatter your reason, like I just
don't like disrespecting theland in that way.
So I understand again, even ifyou're like clearing your throat
and there's no other way ormanner to do that or dispose of
(17:00):
it, I'm like, can you not?
J.R. (17:03):
So yeah, yeah, that's valid.
Valid especially the trashthing, because sure, let's say,
spit if you in the grass,whatever, like it goes away
eventually.
Biodegrade whatever, but trashor littering it's like does that
really belong there?
And now you're disrespectingyour land, your home, where you
live, or even if you're visiting.
So it is like a why would youdo that to a place we all are?
(17:24):
But I get that.
Did you have a question?
Austyn (17:26):
Oh yeah, I'm a huge foodie, so what is your?
This shouldn't taste good, butdoes food combo.
So my answer for this I feellike I get flamed every time I
say this, so mine is.
I don't do this all the time,but I do enjoy some ketchup with
my mac and cheese okay, andevery time I say that some
(17:49):
people are like ew, or a lot ofpeople are like ew and I'm like
it tastes good.
It's an interesting combination.
Am I in the?
J.R. (17:57):
minority here.
I can't say honestly, I've everheard of that combination okay
I can imagine what it takes.
You said ketchup and mac andcheese.
Yeah, I heard this recently,but someone was like hot take.
I don't think anybody underseven should eat ketchup, which
is funny because I'm like, okay,I get what you're saying.
They're like ketchup is like alittle kid sort of thing.
(18:20):
Sure, whatever this personbelieves, I just thought it was
a funny that's funny yeah,because I'm like, but people
like eat hot dogs and ketchupand stuff all the time.
But I think I understand wherethat person's coming from.
It's funny.
Okay, sorry, you said thequestion is like something that
you don't think should tastegood, but yeah, shouldn't.
Austyn (18:36):
What's your?
This shouldn't taste good, butit does.
J.R. (18:38):
Food combo oh okay, oh man , I wish I, I know I have some
of these things.
I think a lot of it stems from,like the salty sweet combo
where it's like okay, that'sweird and it probably shouldn't
taste good like.
I think the biggest example islike the sea salt cream boba
type stuff like I was gonna saywhat about all your custom boba
orders?
yeah.
So a lot of the saltier sort ofthings with a sweet dessert or
(19:02):
drink feels a little bitcounterintuitive.
Also like hawaiian pizza,pineapple pizza, stuff like that
.
I think I'm more yeah, it'sfine, like it's a salty, sweet
thing, but some people are veryadamant on no.
Salty and sweet should besegregated always.
Okay, that's a little I don'tknow.
Sure, maybe it's your ownpreference, but I don't think
something comes to mind rightnow specifically.
(19:23):
But I think those sort ofcombos I'm always open to try it
, but or even I guess anotherweird thing would be like the
cheese and ramen thing.
I don't, I've only had it likeonce, but I'm not against it,
but I don't think it's my thing.
But yeah, I think the sweet,salty stuff usually makes sense.
My next question is I wasmentioning off camera that I was
(19:43):
reading this book called 101essays that change the way you
think and it's 101 chapters with10 to 30 points per chapter and
it's all just these sort ofone-liner nuggets of wisdom that
really do change the way youthink.
But it almost feels like I'mingesting knowledge through a
fire hose and I have to likepause because everything is so
(20:04):
profound and I'm like I need tothink on this a little bit, and
so one of the things that Iwrote down that I want to ask
you about is this idea that I'venever heard before, but there's
just three layers of ourselves.
I guess we're going deep, butthere's three layers, and if you
can think of a large circle, asmaller circle inside and the
small circle inside, which isidentity, shame and true self.
And so the outer circleidentity is how we are perceived
(20:26):
by other people or how we thinkothers perceive us, how we are
perceived by other people or howwe think others perceive us.
Inside of that, is the shamecircle which prevents our true
self, which is at the core, frombeing exposed or shown to the
outside.
And so this author was sayingthe closer we can get our inner
core, our true self, to ouridentity, our outer external
(20:47):
self, the happier we'll feel.
The less cognitive dissonance,the more peaceful we'll feel.
So I thought that was profound.
Austyn (20:57):
Maybe I don't have any thoughts on that, but I wanted
to ask your thoughts on that.
Actually, I think this is a lotof what I've been struggling
with these past few months, oreven this past year at work,
which kind of led me to makethis decision to leave.
There's a lot of other thingstoo, but when I'm thinking about
like the feelings aspect oremotions aspect of what I've
been like dealing with, I thinkit comes down to that, because I
feel like when I talk to mycolleagues, like they know that
(21:19):
I value authenticity and I willalways speak my mind, whether
it's like a process that I thinkcould be improved at work or
something I don't think is right, or speaking out of injustice,
whether it's in the world orsomething that's happening in
the workplace which can beexhausting, which is also
probably leading to my burnout.
But when I take a step back andI'm like, well, why do I still
feel like I'm not completelybeing authentic?
(21:40):
I think it's that idea of, well, okay, I have this persona at
work.
How much of that really is mebeing authentic?
And then what is quote, unquote, my true self, and sure you can
have multiple facets ofyourself, and there's that
professional context.
And then me outside of work,sure, but again I was like, if
I'm putting in all this work,there's so much going on in the
(22:02):
world right now that I reallywould rather be spending more of
my time doing or even like thefun, creative stuff.
I'd rather just be spendingmore time doing dance stuff and
socializing.
I'm like, why am I working onall these slide decks and
spreadsheets?
And even though I do love thatthe company is health related,
I'm like I still feel not maybecognitive dissonance, but I
(22:23):
still feel a lot of gap in thework I'm doing is not directly
related to that, even though Istill love the mission.
But yeah, so that's interestingand that's something I've been
struggling with, and I thinkI've been working with a career
coach and a life coach thesepast few months and something I
have uncovered is that shameaspect of what's at the root
cause of it or why haven't Ibeen able to tackle it?
(22:45):
And it all comes down to shameand I think that's a super
common thing with all people,all humans, and that's something
I just really need to thinkthrough.
Is it shame from seeming orappearing so quote unquote
successful in education, in work, in career, and then all of a
(23:06):
sudden saying I don't want to dothis or I don't think I want to
do this, and then just puttingit aside.
Shame of, oh, but people put somuch effort and support into
you and you're just going tothrow it away.
Shame into, oh, but look at allwhat your peers are doing and
you're so behind them.
Why are you throwing this away?
Shame of?
Are you just giving up?
Are you sure you want to dothis?
(23:28):
All of that shame is preventingme from getting into that inner
core of just trying to figureout who I am.
It also doesn't have to be soblack and white.
I think this is still a goodthing for me to leave.
I don't really have a backup,but for the first time in my
life, I don't want to just jumpinto something just because it's
prestigious, or just to say Ihave something, or just to play,
(23:52):
pretend or do quote, unquotewhat is expected of me.
I really do want to take thetime to figure out who that true
core is, or what parts of thattrue core is truly me or is not
part of me, or maybe was a partof the old me, what's the part
of the new me, and then use thatto guide my next step for the
next 30 years before I turn 30and keep going down this path,
(24:13):
because I could keep going downthis robotic path.
But I really need to listen tothat inner core that was telling
me like you can't keep doingthis.
It's been four years and youfeel completely drained and that
this is just not feeling right.
So, yeah, I resonate a lot withthat.
Even though on the outside,people see my identity as like
super successful and they loveme and they're like you do such
(24:36):
good work, I'm like sure, butwhy do I feel inside I'm just
dying and what's preventing mefrom exploring that is?
It's a lot of shame and I feelstuck.
J.R. (24:46):
Okay, I like that a lot and I think I echo that.
I'll give you time yourquestion's.
Next I'll give my thoughts onit too.
I think I echo that completelyon my end as well.
I feel like there is that gapand it is blocked by that core
or that circle of shame.
I think what it comes from issame with me.
I feel like I've maybe I'mputting on this performative
nature of being this sort ofperson and of course, I'm not
(25:08):
necessarily lying but I knowthat it's not completely aligned
with my inner core self of whoI really want to be or who I
really am, and I think thatshame is the but I need to be
this person or people expect ofthis of me, and if I'm less than
that, then I feel that shame.
Oh, I'm not actually as good asI projecting out into the world
or how people perceive me, andI think that's part of what has
(25:31):
been influencing my journey toremove myself from social media,
being by myself a little bitmore and reflect on who I really
am and not being influenced bybeing around people and what I
think they expect of me or whatI think they need from me in
order for them to like me, andso I definitely echo that.
Did you have a question?
Austyn (25:51):
So I feel like both of us have moved around a bit and
have or have lived in differentplaces.
Where do you consider home, orwhat does the word home mean to
you these days?
It's a good question.
Yeah, for me home, I think well, physical location, like I was
(26:11):
born and raised in Honolulu, soyou know.
When people say, oh, where'syour hometown or where'd you
grow up, I'm like well, that'smy answer.
And then, of course, shorthand,when I say, oh, I'm taking
vacation, I'm like going home,that's what I mean.
But then when someone asks,like, what does home mean to you
, I'm like, well, home is reallylike you're my chosen home of
(26:34):
who I choose to surround myselfwith, of whoever is most
important in my life, like rightnow.
I would say right now it'scorrelated with where I'm
physically living, right inSoCal and LA and K-Town with my
husband, my cats, my friends, mydance friends and my other
SoCal friends.
I think that's where I wouldconsider home, but again it's
less.
For me it's less of a physicallocation and more of a feeling,
(26:55):
a choice of chosen family, ofpeople who I feel connected to
that community, and again lessphysical but more like social or
emotional connection withpeople.
Yeah, that's how I define home.
J.R. (27:10):
I like that a lot.
I've actually thought aboutthat recently too, because I go
home.
My home, or my physical home,or my family most all of my
immediate family live is BayArea, southeast Bay, fremont,
milpitas and so I go back three,maybe four times a year just to
visit my parents and mysiblings.
And so, yeah, by that firstdefinition, that is where my
home is, that's where my familyis right, was born and raised,
(27:32):
grew up in the Bay Area.
But to your second point, Iagree with that too, because
home is also that place whereyou feel comfortable, not
necessarily where you grew up,but also that place where it's
oh, this is where my comfort ismy spaces, and the first thing
that comes to my mind is like myactual house, like where I live
.
Right, because that feelscomfortable to me, that's where
my home base and so it's like myemotional home.
(27:54):
And recently, actually, my dad,my stepmom, my brother moved to
Philippines.
So now I have less of a home athome because only my mom and my
sister are there now, and nowmy other parents and my brother
moved to Philippines.
And then I have my other brother, little brother, who's going to
school in Hawaii and so it'sokay, there's, it's all.
Home is still spread out, myhometown is still the same, but
(28:17):
I don't necessarily feelcomfortable comfortable there
because I see my family andbeing with them feels like home,
but being in the bay doesn'tnecessarily feel like home
emotionally, see.
So there is that split and I doecho that as well.
My question is so same book,three things of happiness, also
was a sparking.
This, wow, okay, this kind ofblew my mind.
(28:37):
As someone who's been big inpersonal development for years,
I really appreciate this book,even if it is a fire hose of
stuff.
But so this author says thathappiness there's three types of
happiness.
There's happiness of pleasure,happiness of grace and happiness
of excellence.
And so pleasure makes sense,things that make you like it's a
physiological, maybe emotionalthing oh, this feels good.
The happiness of grace is likethe feeling of forgiveness or
(29:04):
something that is given to you.
That is appreciation, gratitude, I guess is the happiness that
that one is.
And then happiness ofexcellence is the happiness of
you've worked hard on somethingdifficult, a challenge, and
you've achieved it and you havethat sense of happiness.
And at first I thought that theauthor was saying, okay, there's
a hierarchy, one's better thanthe other, but actually the
author says that all of them arenecessary.
(29:25):
It's kind of like colors in aspectrum which is like the
primary colors.
You need all of them and indifferent amounts and whatever.
But you can't just throw awaythe other two, or one for the
other, for a primary one.
You do need to build thehappiness in all three levels.
And so for me that was veryeyeopening and I guess my
thoughts was like.
It made me think about okay, Iknow I am choosing the happiness
(29:47):
, or pursuing the happiness ofexcellence, things that I'm
working on, things I want toachieve always.
And happiness of pleasure isstraightforward, but I think
maybe I can lean into that moreOkay, things that just make me
happy, like physically,emotionally.
And then the happiness ofgratitude is something that's
always been reaffirmed into meby the things that I consume.
It's like if you aren'tgrateful for something, then how
(30:09):
can you expect to have more ofsomething?
And also gratitude is whatgives you that mindset of
happiness.
But I guess it gave me thatperspective of okay, I there are
different aspects of it and Ishould focus on and be aware of
all those three and work to keepfilling those three buckets up.
I guess Any thoughts on that.
Austyn (30:26):
Yeah, no, that's super interesting.
My initial thought was I feellike I tend to gravitate towards
the first bucket of the, morelike immediate.
Well, my interpretation is morelike immediate self, like not
indulgent, but I'm a Taurus, soI'm like more of the hedonistic,
(30:47):
like pleasures in life.
So, again, like the food, thecoffee, the boba.
So I know that I tend togravitate towards that of oh, if
I feel like it, I'll do it, orif I feel like buying it, I'll
do it, or if I feel like eatingit or going out to eat, I'll do
that.
And I definitely agree that Ithink you need to nurture all
three of those buckets that youjust mentioned.
(31:24):
But when you're talking aboutlike grace, I think it people
have said to me, especially inthe work setting, that I don't
give myself enough grace andthen maybe, by extension, I
don't give other people enoughgrace because I'm just so hard
on myself and therefore hard onother people, and maybe if I
don't forgive myself, I don'tholding a grudge against other
people, or even myself, when Idon't even need to, and maybe
they don't even notice and careabout the situation that I'm
like ruminating over.
So I think that's somethingthat I need to work on.
And then, sorry, what was thelast bucket?
Excellence, excellence.
I think another thing thatpeople have consistently given
(31:47):
me feedback on, too is just likeminimizing accomplishments.
Giving me feedback on, too, isjust like minimizing
accomplishments.
Saying things like, oh, likeyou need to like take time to
relish or acknowledge youraccomplishments, celebrate, yeah
, um, and I don't know if that'sjust coming from a place of,
like, self-deprecation or justnot wanting to be boastful or be
(32:08):
perceived.
So yet another thing that Ineed to do, so that I don't need
to constantly feel like youneed to keep hustling and like
I'm not good enough.
But, yeah, I don't really knowwhere that comes from, so I need
to do a little bit more digging.
All right, did you have aquestion?
Yeah, let's see.
I'm gonna jump around a littlebit dance related what part of
(32:28):
your identity interpret that howyou will?
What part of your identityshows up the most when you dance
?
So I have two things to mention.
I think one thing that's reallyinteresting is when I show
people not in my dance world, mydance videos.
They're like whoa, you're sodifferent on stage versus off
(32:50):
stage.
So most of people in likeschool or like work settings and
I'm like I guess I can see that, or more.
I'm like, oh, that makes sense,because maybe outside of dance
I'm like more timid and quiet orlike super just academic and
like teacher's pet and very likejargony, but then on stage I'm
just like very so I think, wait.
J.R. (33:12):
So what is for the audience?
Austyn (33:13):
I know, but just very extra and like my handle,
ostentatious, so very showy andflashy and very extra.
You can't tone it down unlessyou really just go extra and
you're like, okay, let me toneit down and let me adjust.
And if you can't, as an artistor performer, if you can't look
back at like old performancesand say, oh, like, actually now
(33:35):
I would tone it down or I dothat differently, then you're
not growing as an artist, you.
You gotta adjust, but anyway,so it's just very extra, very
out there, very in mydefinitions very hoey, very
showy, very extra.
I don't really know how else toexplain it.
So when I think my identity, Ithink again, very, always 200%,
(33:55):
always extra, always giving itmy all.
Now there should be a balance,right, because you need peaks
and valleys to keep thingsinteresting, so that I need to
work on.
But yeah, I think when I lookat my performances it's always
like aiming for perfection,always giving 200%.
That's my brand.
J.R. (34:13):
I like that, that insight and also the question.
I think for me the first thingthat came to mind was it like
identity in my dance.
For sure, my background isfreestyle popping and it's in a
competitive environment, meaninglike battles and jams, and so
with also my personality type,the first thing I think of is
very competitive and very likestrong and powerful.
(34:35):
I think when I approach dance,especially freestyle popping, I
think of I'm trying to win, notnecessarily it's not like I'm
trying to beat someone, but it'sI'm trying to be the best
version, like I'm going at itaggressively, I'm going at it
with the mentality of thechampion in first place or
something like that, and so Ithink that would be how I'd
categorize my style of my mostauthentic dance.
(34:57):
But to your other point, whichwas what do you?
How you were trying to maybeexplore different avenues.
I know that I also feel reallygood when I'm more on the
opposite end, which is morerelaxed, groovy, flowy, and so
part of the popping style islike waves and that sort of
softer motion and taking yourtime, and that's the aspect I
(35:19):
know that I need to grow on,because if you're too powerful
and focused you're going to be alittle bit too much, I guess,
intense.
But I can lean more into thesofter, taking my time and not
letting the music overpower me,but me like going with the flow
and also groovy and funky isalso what I love dancing to, and
(35:40):
I think that how that makes mefeel is very different from how
it makes me feel powerful in theother focus.
The initial focus and so that'sone thing that I do want to
also lean into is the fun sideof dance, not necessarily the
competitive side, which I enjoytoo, but the groovy, funky,
feely sort of thing, and I guessthat's if that answers the
question like that's how I feelabout my identity in dance.
Austyn (36:03):
That's super interesting because when you describe both
of those like sides of you, Idefinitely see it in the JR.
Doing a show and tell at Sundaypractice is like that, like
competitive side, and it's aninteresting nuance where, yeah,
I never interpret it like you'retrying to beat somebody else.
You're just like going 100% tolike you were saying like beat
who you were yesterday.
More of that kind of thing,exactly, yeah.
(36:23):
And then the like more groovyfreestyle you like in a club
setting, yeah.
J.R. (36:28):
Yes, one of my favorite places to dance is like a club
setting, a wedding setting,because I know I feel amazing
because it's there's obviouslyno competition and it's more
relaxed.
And I think more often than notit's a weird, because I know
most people there are notdancers, but they're there to
dance and then I also want todance, but I do have a level of
skill that gives me confidencethat it always feels like such a
(36:50):
good environment, andespecially in the club where
it's like the lights are off sopeople may or may not be able to
see me, but that sort offreedom, it's a good feeling
that I keep telling myself Iwant to be in more.
It's just circumstances.
Okay, clubbing is logisticallyharder when you're out late, you
have to drive there and thenyou come back and then your next
morning is ruined.
But I think that's it's more ofa sign to me that I need to put
(37:12):
myself in those spaces a littlebit more and to feel that side
of it too.
But I also want to get backinto competitive dance too, like
in a freestyle aspect.
Okay, my next question is so Irecently got sorry, did you have
?
Austyn (37:24):
any thoughts?
J.R. (37:24):
No no no, yeah, my next thing is I recently got my birth
certificate, which I haven'thad because my mom one of us
lost it and so I reordered itand it was a side quest for me
because side tangents like I'mtrying to pursue getting a
Philippine citizenship becausemy mom is a Philippine citizen
and apparently it's likestraightforward but anyway.
(37:45):
So I knew the first step was toget my birth certificate, so I
got that.
But the thing that I've alwayswondered about was like your
astrological signs, yourhoroscopes, like your sun sign
rising and your moon, and Inever knew that because I never
knew when I was born.
So I got my birth certificate Iwas like, okay, great, I know
when I'm born, okay, I alreadyknew where and I knew the date,
and so I found out what my wholeprofile is.
(38:05):
So my question is do you knowyours and what are the each like
characteristics?
If you do know mine, I realize Iknow I've I'm a sun aries, I've
already known that, but my moonis leo and my rising is gemini
and I thought it was veryinteresting because, well, chad
GPT was a little bit moreaccurate than when I did
calculations on like severaldifferent like of those
horoscope websites.
(38:25):
But basically my understandingis, like Gemini's or sorry,
rising is how you're perceivedexternally or your outer
personalities when someone firstmeets you, and it is very that,
from what they told me verycurious, very playful,
lighthearted, adaptable sort ofthing.
And Leo is also a fire sign,just like Aries Gemini's air.
(38:47):
So I guess, and also my weirdtangent, a lot of the people
that I already knew that I getalong with well are fire and air
signs, and this is more of aconfirmation I was like OK
that's cool.
A lot of my close friends arewithin those signs.
But anyways, and a Leo moon, Iguess if you combine it with the
rising Gemini and the sun Aries, is like very at its core very
passionate, very competitive,very high standards, but also
(39:09):
that intellectually curious butalso deeply emotionally invested
and some other things I'mforgetting.
But I thought it was veryinteresting and I thought it was
very accurate, which was alsofunny because in the reading the
whole profile was like you'realso into, like tarot and like
love readings and all that stuff, I was like damn it, they got
me, so yeah, anyways no, that'sinteresting.
Austyn (39:29):
Yeah, I mean, I just find all that stuff super
interesting.
I have looked up my chartbefore.
So I believe, yes, I'm Taurussun and then Gemini moon and I
think also Gemini rising.
So then when I'm looking at myentire chart and all the traits
(39:53):
that it all describes, I feellike, similarly, it all pretty
much aligns with my personality.
And, of course, maybe there'sconfirmation bias or maybe it's
written in a way that's sorelatable, but I'm like, oh, wow
, okay, this is like veryaffirming.
So, yes, I align with a lot ofthe Taurus traits and then with
the Gemini thing.
Like I probably said multipletimes throughout this
(40:14):
conversation, I feel likethere's multiple sides of me
that are all true.
It just depends maybe on thecontext or the context that I'm
in or who I decide to show thatside to.
There's like that professionalwork context and there's that
more creative, social side of meand like the dance context and
they're both me.
There's just different sides ofme and maybe where I feel
(40:39):
conflicted is I kind of want allof that to show at the same
time and not have that kind ofdivide.
And maybe it does and I justdon't notice.
But yeah, it was, it's prettyinteresting and I feel like it
definitely describes me like I'mlike 99% yeah yeah, I thought
it was.
J.R. (40:56):
Oh, witty is also part of the Gemini rising.
Apparently it was like witty,humorous, light, playful, that
of thing, and that's how you'reexternally and intellectually
curious as well.
Now, I was thinking about thesame thing too, because the
landmines of like astrology andhoroscope is like when you get
to those generic, your dailyhoroscope thing, it's yeah, you
really like structure, but youalso like it when it's
spontaneous.
I'm like bro, you just listedall the things, so now you're
(41:18):
reading it.
And so when I was going throughthe profile and I was like all
right, let me also look at someother ones to see if it's oh,
these all apply to me, but I washappy to see that, okay, it
seems very specific.
So maybe it is this combinationof those three things does
create this profile.
Take it with a grain of salt,but it was.
It's always cool when you seesomething that kind of confirms
what I think you've alreadybelieved in.
(41:38):
I've written out these thingslike, okay, these people, it
seems like I'm getting like myclosest friends, I get along
with them well, and then to seethat afterwards okay, that
checks out.
Austyn (41:46):
Okay, did you have a question?
Oh yeah, let's see, I think weboth enjoy mentoring younger
folks, especially in our dancecontext, but it's definitely a
two-way relationship.
So I was curious what'ssomething young people taught
(42:07):
you lately, and maybe it's evensomething that you wish you had
known at their age.
So I think sometimes I try notto be very patronizing and like
I know it all, or one that theyeven want me to mentor them,
because a lot of times they areour friends or teammates too, so
I have to like keep myself incheck.
(42:28):
So I think a lot of the times Ihave to realize that, oh, they
already know this quote-unquotelesson that I'm trying to teach
them, or they actually have alot more life experience in one
domain than I even have.
So I need to check myself onthose kinds of things.
But when trying to think aboutwhat things that they have shown
me, I think again, it's thatthing of just they're probably
(42:51):
carrying a lot more baggage thanI know and they don't have to
share with me or tell me.
But it just makes me appreciatethem more because of how much
time and effort they put intothe team and their schoolwork
and their relationships andobviously their relationship
with me, even though there's somuch going on behind the scenes
and of course I want to supportthem and, again, they don't have
(43:12):
to share what they don't wantto share.
But I'm like, oh, mad props, madrespect for you to like be
going through all of that and beso mature, and I shouldn't
assume that you're not matureand that you don't have anything
heavy going on.
So again, I just need to checkmyself and not think that just
being super young is all fun andgames when they're actually
(43:36):
going through a lot in lifeStuff that I've never gone
through.
So yeah, I think in general, weall have just different life
experiences and we can all learnfrom each other and I don't
have to play that mentor role100% of the time, all the time.
Yeah, they can teach us a lottoo.
So I've been trying to likebalance that aspect a lot and
not trying to be a helicopterparent all the time.
J.R. (43:57):
Yeah, I definitely resonate with that Everything
you said a lot.
I don't think I have somethingthat comes to mind specifically
of what they've taught me, but Ithink one thing that being with
our younger friends hasreminded me of is what it was
like back then and puttingmyself in their shoes so I can
understand them more, so that Icould potentially play that role
(44:19):
of helping or guiding or evenjust listening.
But and I'm grateful to be inthat position but I think it's
brought me back to my early 20sor late teens, just fresh out of
high school or even in college,that stuff that I forgot about
because it's been so long whichis the feeling of I don't know
how to say this but havingemotions, being happy, being in
(44:43):
love, like these sort of youngeremotions.
Right, when you get older andyou have more experience and you
have this wider frame or thislens or experience to pull from
and you're I want to say we're alittle bit more grounded than
we were before, right.
But now when I'm listening tothem and I'm like, okay, let me
put myself in their shoes so Ican understand better not
understand from my perspectiveand I'm like, oh, I used to be
(45:04):
like that as well.
I used to be so strung up onlove or this person liking me or
having all these emotions thatI don't know what to do with,
making all these decisions thatI don't know the answers to,
because I don't have theexperience or life lessons or
frame of mind to make thosedecisions.
And then it brought me back toyeah, I was definitely a mess, I
made a lot of mistakes, and itreminds me to not be harsh Not
(45:26):
that I try to be or I'm veryhyper aware of not being
judgmental and just trying tolisten but it does pull me back
to okay, how were you like whenyou were at that age, when
you're dealing with thoseproblems?
And it also reminded me howmuch more I felt back then.
And I don't want to make itsound like it's a sad thing, but
I think when I compare myselfto like my 20 year old self and
(45:47):
my currently 34 year old self,I'm like, yeah, you had a lot
more emotions back then, ormaybe a lot of different
emotions, but there are youngeremotions, there are more fresh
emotions being a young adult.
And I don't want to say I missit, but there's a part of
nostalgia of man.
I wonder what it would be liketo go back to feel those things
again, and maybe I'm like livingvicariously through their
(46:09):
stories and when they like wantto open up to me and stuff like
that.
But I think that's to answerthe question.
That's what it's really givenme.
Is that experience of beingthat age again?
Austyn (46:20):
Yeah, no, I definitely resonate with that too.
Just let me not be quick tojudge, because even back then in
, at that age, like the emotionswere more intense.
Like, especially if you'refeeling them for the first time
and there's lots of socialpressures, and also if you're
dorming all together like allyour peers, you can't really
escape them.
You're all living together.
Plus, social media has onlygotten more pervasive in our
(46:41):
lives too, so I'm sure that isan extra layer of pressure.
And, yeah, not only are thefeelings more intense, like you
latch onto them more, so it'stough.
I don't know if I miss thosedays, but I can empathize.
J.R. (46:55):
Yeah, I think about this thought experiment a lot because
I was like man I wish I couldgo back to my younger self to
not only observe, but obviouslyif I knew what I know now, I
would act differently, I wouldtake these things differently.
And I had a reunion episodewith some of my friends from
college and a lot of that wastied back to how we would
(47:16):
approach things differently andthe frame of mind that we're in
now, and a lot of it was be morepresent, right, really connect
with people.
Don't take things for granted.
Because there's so many thingsgoing on in college it's easy to
just move on to the next thingand not really be in the moment,
and now that we're older it's Ireally wish I was more in the
moment and connected with thosepeople, because some of those
people I don't see anymore everand I wish I do, but
(47:39):
circumstances and whatnot.
I guess that's what it bringsme back to that and I think it's
a good sort of thoughtexperiment to go back into.
Okay, my question is what is onething you've learned about
yourself recently?
And my answer is that I feellike, at least in this moment, I
(48:00):
feel like I've realized that Iam a short-term pessimist but a
long-term optimist, and it'swithin the context of when I map
out my goals five, 10, 20-yeargoals, my vision of my life, who
I want to be, what the things Iwant to do and how I approach
that compared to the day-to-dayso strategic versus tactical,
for example, or how I live mydaily routine.
(48:21):
And I think when I say I'm ashort-term pessimist, I think
what I mean is I think thingscan go wrong here and there and
I'm defensive because I'm veryrisk-averse, meaning I try to
mitigate risks, to not fall intothose traps and to protect what
I have, not to the extreme, butthat's how I feel.
But then in the longterm I'moptimistic that everything will
(48:43):
work out Like.
I have a lot of faith that allof my wildest dreams and goals
will come true and I'll worktowards it because I'm
consistent, I have a stronglevel of self-efficacy.
I know I have confidence to dothe things I need to do.
But it's just interestingjuxtaposition how.
But in the short term I'm likeah, there's a lot of things can
go wrong, there's a lot ofpeople who can mess up my day,
(49:03):
there's a lot of things that Ineed to mitigate those risks.
But I think in the long termthings all work out.
Austyn (49:10):
Yeah.
J.R. (49:10):
How about you?
Austyn (49:11):
Interesting, I think, again in the context of the
identity, shame and self or trueself, especially in the context
of work and me trying to decidewhether to stay not just at
this company or in this role butstay in this like industry or
corporate in general.
I'm trying to figure out hownot to fall into the same quote
(49:33):
unquote trap again.
Trap meaning like, how do I notfeel this way again, Meaning
feeling burnt out, feelingoverworked.
And I think one thing Irealized is oh, I have more
control over the situation thanI thought Because I, like I
mentioned, always feel like Ihave to put 200% into everything
(49:54):
, when I don't always have to,and then I need to not just
accept that as a trait.
I really need to dig into whythat is.
And when I talk about shame andI'm like, oh, maybe it has
something to do with that oflike, why do I always feel like
I have to prove myself toeveryone and myself?
And maybe they're like separatebut related things, and maybe I
(50:14):
haven't found the answer yet,but I think it might be related
to something like that no one isagain asking me to do these
things, I'm just doing it out ofhabit and then complaining
about it.
So it's like I'm only doing itto myself for the most part and
then of course, then naturallyI'm going to feel not
compensated for it and thenburnt out and then frustrated
(50:35):
and then taking that frustrationout on other people or blaming
other people for it.
It's not 100% on me.
The locus of control is mostlyon me.
So there's things that I can doto prevent that, or systems or
flags that I can set up when Iget that way to say, okay, maybe
not 200% today, maybe 150 ormaybe 100, or giving myself the
(50:57):
grace of, it's okay to give 70%today because at the end of the
day I'm only gonna get paid 100%anyway.
So, might as well give 200% ofthe things that actually I do
value, like my partner, the team, and again, maybe not every day
, but where when it matters,right.
So that's something I just needto learn is I can't give 200%
all the time, but where is thatcoming from, why?
(51:21):
Let's address that and thenfigure out now okay, when do I
give 200% to things or how do Igauge that?
That's just something that Irealized, and then maybe I'll be
happier, maybe I'll be moreoptimistic, because I think, in
general, I'm just a pessimist100% of the time, short term and
long term Nice, so yeah, so Ineed to work on that, but yeah.
J.R. (51:51):
I like that.
Okay, do you have a lastquestion?
Austyn (51:52):
you want to go.
Oh, we wrap up, let me see.
All right, I guess and again,this is something I've been
asking myself and relates to alot of what we were talking
about how do you definehappiness or success, or what
are the signs that you look forthat tells you like I do feel
fulfilled, or how do you measurethat?
I know that's a lot ofquestions, but really what I'm
(52:14):
just looking for is like how doyou personally know that you
feel fulfilled?
And I know everyone'sdefinition of fulfilled is
different, so I'm just curious.
And then, to answer that formyself, like I mentioned, I'm
starting to rethink all of that.
Old me, or maybe still part ofme, the old definition was like
money, title, career, that kindof like definition of success or
(52:40):
fulfillment.
And while sure, that is niceand could be someone's
definition of fulfillment, why,at the end of the day, do I
still feel very empty or drainedright?
And while I'm still workingthrough it, the closest answer I
can get to quote unquotefulfillment is like connection
to other people, connection to,of course, my partner, my cats,
(53:04):
like helping others, helpinganimals, help social connections
.
So friends helping friends inneed, helping the community,
which is why I want to lean moreinto like social justice and
nonprofit work for a littlewhile, or hopefully forever.
And yeah, social connection issomething that I just keep
coming back to.
But again, I just don't want tojump into something.
I want to make sure, like, Ireally understand what it is
(53:28):
about social connection and whatI can do with my skills and
background to help.
So, as long as I'm doingsomething that directly makes
someone else's life better and Isee that and I can work
face-to-face with somebody, Ithink that's where I would feel
fulfilled at the end of the day.
And if that's, if again I canmake someone laugh, smile, make
(53:50):
their life better, then I wouldcall that a success.
Doesn't have to be tied tomoney, title, fame, whatever.
Again, not sure if that's theanswer, but that's what I've
been thinking about recently.
So, yeah, still working towardsthat answer, but again, I'm
trying to redefine that formyself.
J.R. (54:10):
It's actually mind blowing that you bring that up and your
reflections on it, because I'vebeen thinking the exact same
thing and I've come to similarconclusions.
I'm on a pursuit of doing10,000 steps per day and
recently I've been like a hermit, but also hyperproductive.
Now I go on to 15K steps perday, so I go to the park and I
walk around for two hoursstraight around the track and so
I have these reflections andlike, okay, happiness,
fulfillment, purpose, etc.
(54:31):
And I was thinking about it alot to also redefine it for
myself because I'm alsoquestioning that the book also
hits that point in that chaptermade me reflect on it a lot,
because it was talking about thedifferences and happiness being
related to peace of mind, butalso fulfillment and purpose
versus passion, and there's awhole spiel on that.
(54:53):
But I guess the takeaway that Ihad was I guess for myself, it
is connection as well.
I was like, okay, I think that'swhat I'm looking for and as I'm
moving into this next phase ofthis is the last year I'm going
to be on the team, especially asleadership, and so it's like my
identity is changing and I'mfeeling disconnected from that
(55:14):
environment and those people andthose relationships, and I know
that I'm looking forward to thenext step.
So I'm like well, what is mypurpose now?
Because I feel like I'm not.
I won't find that fulfillmentuntil I find that purpose again,
because I had the purpose, butnow that it's going away, what
is the next thing?
And I'm thinking also it mightbe into some sort of volunteer
work, charity work, being moreinvolved in my church, possibly
(55:36):
finding new communities,activities and groups.
Right now I do a lot of thingsin isolation, just the
hyperproductive nature of what Ilike doing.
But I think that's the nextstep that I want to focus on to
find my own happiness andfulfillment.
And purpose is to find thosecommunities, find connection,
work towards something that Ifeel like is meaningful, that
gives me fulfillment, and I havean idea of what those things
(55:57):
are.
It's now just timing and then,once I find, once the timing is
right, then going for it andthen finding those areas.
So yeah, I thought that wasreally weird.
I'm like wow everything thatI've been thinking about, too,
is what you just brought up.
I think that's it, unless youhad any final thoughts on any of
those things.
Austyn (56:16):
No, seems like we've been thinking about a lot of the
same things.
Maybe it's rising Gemini's, butno, just grateful to have these
conversations and thanks forhaving me back.
Yeah, no, just grateful to havethese conversations and thanks
for having me back.
J.R. (56:27):
Yeah, no, thank you for being here.
Gratitude, anything else you'regrateful for.
Austyn (56:30):
Just to wrap it up, just grateful to be alive, Grateful
for my partner in the life we'rebuilding together, Grateful for
friends.
I'm looking forward to the nextschool year and season with the
team.
Originally I wasn't planning oncoming back, but I'm really
looking forward to the nextschool year School.
Originally I wasn't planning oncoming back, but I'm really
looking forward to the nextschool year.
School year yeah, it is schoolyear yeah.
Especially being fun employed.
(56:51):
Yeah, it's exciting yeah.
J.R. (56:53):
Low-key, kind of jealous.
How about you?
Gratitude, gratitude, yeah,same thing.
Life, family, friends.
It's weird.
Again, the book made me thinkabout this because it's been
changing the way I think, butgrateful for being in this.
They say the precursor to abreakthrough is a breakdown.
I wouldn't say I'm in a mentalbreakdown, but I would say I'm
(57:14):
in that questioning phase ofwhat am I supposed to be doing?
Why do I feel this sort ofemptiness in these sort of
pockets?
And I'm grateful for thatbecause I know that on the other
side of that is hopefully abreakthrough that will give me
some clarity in these otheraspects.
So I'm grateful for that aswell.
My health there's a lot ofthings to be grateful for, and I
know that the only differencebetween my happiness and
(57:35):
happiness for me personally isjust my perspective on how I see
those things, because there'sso many things that are good and
right in my life that, like, ifI just tweak it a little bit,
I'm actually really happy.
So grateful for that.
Okay, we will wrap it up.
Thank you again so much, austin, for being here.
I really appreciate it.
Let me do my final sign off forthe audience.
Thank you, guys for being here.
I really appreciate it.
Be sure to like, subscribe,follow, give me five stars on
(57:57):
whatever platform you'relistening to this, to Leave
Austin some love in the comments, tell us what you liked about
and a reminder that to always bekind to other people,
especially yourself, andremember that you can always
learn something from someone ifyou take the time to listen.
So thanks for being here.
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