May 6, 2025 • 43 mins
A crisp autumn breeze on your face. Your hands warmed by a foil-covered casserole dish. Anticipation of spending quality time with friends fresh on your mind. The front door opens, you step into the foyer, a friendly Labrador wags their tale in greeting…but wait, would you mind removing your shoes?
Record scratch. The scene freezes. It’s time we get the lawyers involved.
Enter HALEY OC (@MILFWEEED). She’s got two thumbs, a pending insurance card and a J.D. in Social Law and Potluck Etiquette.
This week on an ALL NEW Premeditated, we discuss the appropriate occasions and conditions for taking your shoes off in someone else’s house.
Is there a bench at the entry?
Are guest slippers classy or pretentious?
Is owning 60+ pairs of socks too many socks?
Tune in for deliberation on all that and more!
Hosted by Graham Cameron and Neil Zumwalde
Guest: Haley OC (@MILFWEEED)
insta: @premeditatedpod
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You know, it's insane. I think this year I'm gonna pay
off my student loans. Nice.
Congrats. Thank.
You. Thank you.
I am 37. Yeah.
So that's how long it took. Yeah, I think I'll.
Be when I get my yeah, yeah, butI think it's gonna be this year.
That's nice. Isn't it exciting?
It's sad and it's very exciting and it's also very sad.
(00:21):
Yeah, it's sad, but now you're all you're never gonna be in the
red again. Yeah, until this podcast goes
South. Listen, let's not, let's not,
let's not go crazy. I will still be in the red.
There's. Always credit cards.
Don't be goofy. We live in Los Angeles.
I own a car or I don't own a car.
Actually, they own. It.
But I pay. Yeah, exactly.
(00:44):
This is premeditated. The podcast investigating
society's unwritten laws and theheinous ways they're broken.
True crime. Low stakes.
I'm Neil, I'm Graham, and this is premeditated.
Welcome America, welcome to premeditated, a fake crime true
(01:09):
news show. A lot of those words are
misplaced. Here's our guest Haley OC
welcome on the show. We're so happy to have you.
You we know each other a short time, but you are somebody that
or or spill the beans. We're on a softball team
together. But you were somebody that like
I, you can instantly tell you'relike this girl's got like you
(01:32):
have like you have the funny bone.
Thank you. And so it's like, it's like
very, like you were somebody we really wanted to have on
because, and that's even before I knew you'd actually took
comments these seriously before.Before that, I just thought you
were just like a funny gal. And then like I saw you're like
Twitter and I was like, Oh shit,she was like 300,000 followers.
(01:53):
She's famous. She's.
Famous. She knows she's funny.
Trouble. Oh yeah, her husband probably
hates that. Oh God, if only.
If only, if only they exactly. I would love to have someone
hate my comedy. Yeah, yeah, romantically.
That would be really. But they have to say they like
(02:13):
it. Yeah, they can tell me they
don't because I mean, like, that's the thing.
Like also like I got my start inthe stand up, so I went stand up
and then I made a comedy web series and then I just started
doing improv last year. Okay.
And then stand up. It's just like, it's so much
about your life that like especially when you're dating
people, it becomes about them, whether for better or for worse.
(02:34):
So you have to date someone who also has a good sense of humor
and who can take it on the chin,you know?
Yeah, yeah. And I think it's good cuz like
that's I have very few complaints about my wife, but
one of them is good. Yeah, she's good.
She's good. I got a good one.
No. What is the?
What is the complaint? The complaint is that this is
no, don't worry, don't worry. This will come back around.
(02:54):
This will come back around. You guys can Texas is like when
she gives me, she will only givepositive notes.
It's like I'll have a script andshe'll just write like the only
note she'll write on the script is just like a dash.
And then lol, I'm like, OK, but like what do you think of like
the second act be like it was the sport, you know, like I'm
trying to like be critiqued here.
And she's, she's just can't. She's just like, you're so
(03:15):
funny. Oh wow that sucks.
They drag. Things so.
Funny. Like I said, one of my few
complaints she. She sounds.
Killer. She sounds toxicly supportive.
Disgusting, brutal. I know my love languages, our
complaints, personal annoyances.Yes.
(03:36):
Yeah. Haley, how has your social
etiquette been this week? You think you've been good?
We we asked this for about guesses.
But if you could give yourself like an Uber rating like a 5
star. Out of five, OK, yeah, I would
give myself a 3 1/2 and. What would society give you?
Same thing. Wow, OK.
So especially you're actually holding yourself at a higher
(04:00):
level than everyone else. Yeah, that is new.
I'm doing pretty good. But if you ask anybody else, I'm
sort of shit in the bed. OK, because they can't consider
my circumstances, the outside people I can consider what I'm
going through in the context of how bad my behavior is.
OK, So what? What?
Where did you lose stars? Yeah.
(04:20):
Can you give us an example? I feel like I did a lot of like
sawing in people's faces this week.
Sawing in people's faces. Sure.
Oh my goodness. Wow.
Like. So like not being discreet about
your the way you. Dislike like a directed size.
So it's not like you're just like every set of meeting.
You're just kind of like, you just light one out like a but
(04:43):
it's like somebody asks you a question and you go no job.
Man. No, it was not loose.
It was directed. It was at someone.
Wow, OK. I mean, was it sigh worthy
though 'cause I feel like sometimes, you know, sighs are
worth E. Yeah, if it's an earned sigh,
yeah, you can't. Yeah, they're being idiots,
(05:04):
Absolutely. Boring.
But then I'll say like on the other end of the spectrum last
night, because I forget social etiquette in the house and in
private is different from socialetiquette out of the house
because I'm very like unfilteredin a lot of ways.
So like last night at our softball game, I yelled at my
friend, not like yelled at him like to, but he was socializing
and I asked him to bring a speaker to the game.
And I've known him since I was 14.
(05:25):
So we're really close. And she did do in the group
chat, she said. Connor, can you bring the
speaker to the game? Yeah, Connor was aware of the
speech. He was, but he had a whole
thing. He he walked over to the field,
he lost his key in the field. So then he had to go back to get
his key and then he came over tous in the field to say hi and
then he started talking and thenI was with the at the the mound.
Yeah, not even in the circle. Not even the circle of
(05:47):
conversations. 20 feet away fromwhere everyone's conversing and
he's like, Connor, will you go get the speaker from your car?
And he just took off into a Sprint.
Like he, he really, it didn't even phase him because we've
known each other so long. But I was like, Haley, don't
treat him like that in front of other people.
He's just meeting. They're like, don't set that
precedent like it. Was because he will he will be
(06:08):
like talk to where it's like, are you OK?
She's really mean to you. Yeah, exactly.
Like we had like just shaken hands and I think he was out of
breath from the key finding mission.
He like came up. He's like, sorry.
I'm like guys. Like he just he's like, hey.
And then it was like, I get the speaker and he goes OK and it
(06:28):
runs off and we're like. He's a good kid.
He really didn't obey immediately.
Hey, well, listen, if you're gonna be disrespected, at least
be obedient, you know? Yes.
Yes, yes, my gosh. Shoulder the disrespect with
grace. Yeah, and obedient.
Connor, I hope you don't watch this.
(06:51):
I'm sending it to him. God and then I have one more.
This morning I had an e-mail from one of the people I work
with and they had so clearly notread my last e-mail, but in
their e-mail to me they were saying I'm not sure if you saw
my last e-mail talking about their own and have you the one
I'd responded to. Everybody's e-mail.
They said I'm just lagging this in case you didn't see the other
(07:13):
e-mail and so I said as per my previous e-mail, twice cited my
sources and quoted it in an e-mail.
This one I've never spoken to. Wow.
Is a world that's a dagger in the back.
That's I mean. That's a dagger in the back, a
sapuku in the front, people blowing their brains out and
kicking them in the nuts at the same time.
(07:33):
I mean as per my as per my e-mail comma twice comma
quotations. And this was like before 10.
AMI was angry. Like I just.
Like, well, that's when they commas.
Before 10, Yeah. I wake up angry.
Yeah. I don't know, dude.
Should we start calling each other we just like listen
fucker. God damn it, yeah.
(07:56):
I don't know what it is but I just wake up so angry every day.
Yeah, it's a depression. We should work.
On it depression. I'm talking to my PCP about it.
It's good. We gotta work it out.
Yeah. Exactly, I actually have been
having this fight with my boyfriend that he has friends.
So we went on a ski trip and there was like this apre party,
(08:19):
blah blah blah blah. You know, very fancy.
Quick pause. Quick pause.
It's only at Prey when it's in the snow.
You notice that there's no like you could call it an after
party. Like if we go to the Oscars, we
don't go to the Aprey Oscars, but if we go skiing, it's we go
to the Aprey ski. Fun little observation.
Continue so. Fun.
And clip that I. Want to post that one?
(08:43):
And, and so the one of one of myboyfriend's friends was like
with us and he was just like, oh, I just ran into my primary
care physician here at this, youknow, gay ski week thing or
whatever. And he's like, should I say hi?
And I was just like you. There was so much information in
(09:03):
that question that he asked me that I was just like absolutely
taken aback. And I was like, I don't think I
know anyone with a primary care physician now.
I do I. Do money bags.
Money bags I. Know a primary care physician
well do I I guess Tess is specialized but we we.
Tess. Let's go for a walk.
We'll we'll flag down and. Probably even holding out on me.
(09:24):
What kind of doctor we got? I know.
Can she look at my moles? Well, she probably could, but
she mostly does. She mostly does behaviors, what
they look like, yeah. Behaviors of kids, yeah, like
the second therapist is what you're saying is.
She calls it occupational therapy.
I yeah, I I don't know. We can probably, we can probably
get you on. OK, we'll get you on.
The waiting list APCP is like such a status symbol, right?
(09:48):
I'm so glad you agree with me because I was just, I was just
like raked over the coals for saying that because I was just
like, oh, that's like a big status symbol to like not only
have APCP, but to recognize themby sight and they recognize you
by sight and you know them by name.
There's like so much going on. There.
And you go to the same party. Yeah.
(10:09):
Wow. That's the proletarian mixing
with the bourgeoisie. It is.
I was just like, I need to hide my face.
They're going to, they're going to see that I'm from the
Midwest. You know, yeah, I admit.
Scary out there. Having a PCPI mean guys that's
like that's like a level 1 doctor, that's like like if you
play a sport fan. What braggler?
(10:30):
Yeah, wow. If you.
If I see my PCB at a party that's a status that's a level
of sets. But like just having it like
when you get an insurance card, OK, I guess I'm trying to focus.
Here this card OK. I caught myself in that one.
I caught myself. But to get one, they make you
put the PCB on the card. It's like, it's like when you
(10:51):
get a driver's license, it's like I color brown, whatever.
Like, you know, it comes with the card.
I don't know. Yeah, same with that.
I think you guys should probablyget one.
They're pretty easy to get. It's good to have.
Easy to get you. Know what else is great?
You. Call your insurance, you say
give me one and they're like, all right, then they'll give you
the worst one too. So you wanna go on the website
and figure out somebody who's a?Little see this is information
(11:14):
that is not shared with normal people.
I think all. Right.
Well, you know. What's great flying private?
Also can't relate. Speaking of not relating.
Yeah, Speaking of not relating, you got something to have
leather briefcase that? We haven't seen this.
This leather briefcase is. Very new the dossier.
Dusted one that I brought. Oh, my years.
(11:36):
Yeah. Actually, my grandfather gave me
this dossier. Can we keep that for the pod?
No, my father gave it to me. It's an heirloom.
I'm going to sell it. OK, so you've got a, you've got
a case for us. I sure do.
We're going to put a pin in thisPCP conversation just because we
have a podcast. I the drug.
Primary care physician continue.Unbelievable.
(11:57):
You guys can't go to the doctor.Basically shy call it it's.
Basically. Free.
Basically free money back. You're obviously.
Not you're both employed. I know you guys have insurance.
48 more days maybe? OK so my insurance kicks in and
before that I was paying $300.00a month to get no coverage.
(12:18):
Yeah, I should say I've been on last week's insurance.
I was about to say listener. Listeners, he has a wife and she
works in healthcare. Please do not let him dissuade
you. I also please see a doctor.
Yeah, it. Can't hurt.
OK, it's a good idea. Just a Wellness check.
That's all you say. Oh, other pro tip, call the
(12:39):
doctor, say you need a Wellness check.
That means it's just they do everything vitals and then
that's it. They don't you're, you're not
gonna be like charged extra for like other shit.
Like they check under the hood, they pop it open and make sure
the oil's good. Yeah, I think they do do the
robe with the open in the back, but no fingers and butts.
No, no, no, no fingers and holes.
I know my doctor won't because Idon't have a prostate.
(12:59):
Right on. OK, Yeah, I do.
But I don't know that I'm ready to share it.
OK, Yeah. OK.
All right. Well, would you be willing to
share it after we take a look atsome improvised evidence?
With that. That might convince me.
OK. The sound of it, all right.
(13:22):
OK, look in there really quick. Make sure it's all still good.
OK, You didn't steal it. We're good.
OK, All right. Sure.
Well, should we, should we get into it?
Let's. Crack open the case.
All right? Judy, Hi.
Hello. Out of the office you.
Got me my workyworks or my my homie homes I guess.
(13:44):
Yeah, as I say, those hot pants aren't a fluid.
No. I I dress a little more casual
for this. Such a nice play.
Oh, thank you. Do you mind just taking your
shoes off? Oh, sure.
Yeah, just both of them, OK. OK, OK, yeah, yeah, alright,
slip these out, untie. Wow, it's the foyer is so nice.
(14:06):
It's big. The hot ceilings are so high.
Yeah, it came that way. Yeah, Yeah.
Don't mind the dust on the floor, though.
It's just I have a lot of pets. It gets a little hairy in here.
Yeah. But hope it doesn't dict your
socks. I hope not.
Yeah, What'd you guys bring for the potluck?
Oh, I brought I brought a Mac and cheese, Mac and cheese and
(14:28):
Mackenzie, I know you're lactoseintolerant.
So I actually used a dia in this, which is a vegan cheese.
That's so nice. It's a vegan cheese.
It didn't quite melt, It's just kind of still in the shredded
form. But so it's not my family's
recipe, but I know that Mackenzie was coming, so I
wanted to be conscious of his veganism.
(14:49):
That was so. Nice I brought brownies pot
brownies and I had one before I came and I forgot.
I forgot I thought they were thenormal ones and I think I
grabbed the pot brownies and I'mrealizing now that's not what
you probably want to bring to a coworker's house is.
This is this OK with you? That Mackenzie's high my.
(15:14):
Feet are so full of fur. Yeah, that happens.
No, I'm high too. It's OK, Really.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, thank God.
I thought everyone was judging. There's a.
Little pharmacy ball on the table if you.
Want. Oh my gosh, precious pill.
Yeah, whichever 1 looks good to.You I want the orange one.
I don't, yeah. Most of them aren't lethal.
I'm not a wonderful, I'm not a drug person.
(15:38):
But your shoes are off. Who cares?
But I'm cool with it. OK, OK, so.
Can I take my shoes socks off too?
These socks are full of fur. Take your socks off and then
your feet are going to be full of fur.
Do you have house shoes? Did you bring your own?
I didn't, no. I only have my house shoes.
(15:59):
Oh no. I love how many board games you
have here. Are we gonna play a board game?
We might. Settlers of Catan, no.
That's too long. I don't want you guys for that
much. OK.
I thought that you said that I was your favorite Co worker
though. Yeah, but like monopoly length,
not settlers of Catan length. Monopoly.
(16:20):
I don't wanna be the narc here cuz I already said the drug
thing, but monopoly I think is significantly longer than
Settlers of Catan. Well, what game was I playing
then? I don't understand why we're
laughing. Is it cuz I'm not high?
What's great? Is this a high thing?
Just ignore it. Yeah, OK, OK, I guess you
(16:43):
choose. Stoners probably want some of my
Mac and cheese, huh? I would it looks really it
doesn't look good but I'm reallyhungry.
OK, yeah, let me just bring it over to the table.
My, I just stepped in. Is there something wet on your
floor? Probably it was.
Life's wet. OK, life is wet, but is it?
Life. Is it wet?
Wait. What do you mean life?
(17:04):
'S wet. I mean, when in doubt, life's
wet. You just gotta roll with the
waves. OK, OK, but so is this wet?
Is that probably water though? Or is that some sort of spit up
from a pet or something more I? Mentioned.
Probably. Where are they?
It's. Probably.
It's probably I just I probably.OK, I'm going to take this sock
off and we're gonna go barefoot now.
Yeah, I already started on the barefoot thing because it was.
(17:26):
I guess. Well now your barefoot's gonna
touch piss, so I've. Got some towels?
They're covered in fur. OK.
Oh, wow, wow, wow. OK, I'm gonna take a crack at
(17:49):
it. Take a crack, I bet you can get
it. Say crack again.
Making guests take their shoes off?
Is that what's in that case file?
Mostly. Mostly.
Do you wanna expound upon it? You wanna elaborate on?
That is this stake pet owning noOK that was just an added bonus
(18:11):
yeah cuz I cuz that that. To help differentiate.
OK cuz I wanna get into that butfirst I wanna see what's in that
folder. I wanna see what's in that
folder, so it's that. Folder my grandfather's dossier.
Your finger. 'S father's dossier because
you're. Very same.
Because he investigated the Watergate scandal, right?
That's his dossier. Yeah.
Was he the guy that put tape on the door?
He was the one who set up the. Recording.
Oh my gosh, you have such a brave.
(18:33):
Grand Imagine if that was your responsibility more to put the
tape on the door. Dirty ass shoeless households
clean up or my shoes stay on. Wow.
It's a very particular stance because.
Yes, it's people who say shoes off.
But their houses are. Gross.
It's disgusting. That's a good distinction to
make. Because I'm happy to take my
(18:55):
shoes off when it's clean. I don't mind.
I'll slide around. OK, see.
OK, what? What?
You don't know? No, no, no, I'm forgetting you
because what you don't know is that Neil and I have discussed
this before about how about how we feel outside the pod.
Outside the pod. Beautiful.
Or maybe I don't release episode, but like we but this is
I so I kind of know how Neil feels about this.
(19:16):
Yes, and it's similar to me because, and I'm glad you made
that distinction because nothing's grosser than getting
your socks dirty. It's like, what are you even
doing here? You have to throw the socks
away. You have to burn them.
You have to burn them. If your socks get any sort of
pet hair on them, they are toastforever.
You can put them in the wash as many times as you want.
That pet hair is never coming out you know of.
(19:38):
Socks. It weaves itself into the sock.
It's so crazy. It's insane.
And so like I have adopted, so like much of the world wants you
to take your shoes off and walk around in socks in people's
houses with dogs. Much of the world wants to put
you in that. Situation.
The world wants that, yeah. And I have adapted.
(19:59):
I've found an adaptive behavior and the adaptive behavior is to
buy the same boxed sock from Amazon.
Over and over and over and over again in huge quantities.
They are black ankle socks, so they don't say anything.
Yeah, I love clothes. I love getting dressed up.
(20:19):
Yeah, my socks are always black ankle socks from Amazon that you
can order in packs of 40. And then I just throw all the
rest of them away because eventually they get grossed so
fast. Can't.
Believe you're calling me rich. It's like they are they are like
dollar a pair. If that one, that's less than a
copay. A copay, You gotta have
(20:42):
insurance for that. Exactly, it's crazy I'm pulling
my hair out. It's like chicken or the egg
every time that shit. Anyways, so don't accelerate the
sock destructing process. I would say in a dirty ass
house, my shoes are protecting me.
(21:05):
It's like, it's like the mask debate almost.
You know where it's like, oh, I'm going to wear a mask either
to protect you or to protect me,but that's what shoes are for
too. And your floors are already
dirty. So so.
Before I take this too far, Graham.
(21:25):
No, I think you took an appropriate length.
I yeah, I mean, I mean, I have, I have such little tolerance for
shoes off households that are dirty, especially like dogs.
Like I have a we have, I have a dog and two cats. 4 is dirty.
Like it's, we vacuum once a weekand it's clean for about half a
day and like that's and that's, you know, it's fine.
(21:47):
Like you just roll around in it like a pig and muck.
But like I, I don't get that. But I also even in a clean house
situation dependent I think it'sI feel childish taking off my
shoes when I come in the house. It's infantilizing.
It's infantilizing. It's infantilizing.
Great word, Neil. Anyways, before we get too far
(22:09):
into it, I want to hear what's what's spurred this case.
Oh OK, I hope my friend doesn't listen to this but it was one of
my friends houses and I actuallya while ago I bought a pair of
slippers to keep at her house for just so that I could not
wear my socks indoors at her place.
She knows. She knows she's big.
And that's yeah. Wow.
OK. She was so happy about it.
(22:30):
She was like, great, I'm so happy you're not wearing your
outside shoes cuz she also has like a little OCD.
So she's like, yeah, I really don't want your outside shoes in
the house. And I'm like, I really don't
want your cat's fur on my feet. That's OK, so.
I this is OK. This is shoes argument.
Beautiful. Aren't aren't not all garments
we wear also outside? Like I obviously shoes touch the
ground and I get but like I I ride the bus, I'm brushing up
(22:53):
against stuff that I'm then brushing onto your couch when I
sit down. Like, are you gonna make?
Do you really ride the bus, Graham?
Yes, thank you. I I ride the bus to my primary
care physician. Gotta save money to pay those
big bills. But yes, I do.
Thank you for checking about. That yeah the so so your friend
(23:15):
I want I want to hear more aboutlike the exact things in the
house though that. It's also like dust.
It's it's it's really just everything like she's a very
strict shoes off household, but she does not vacuum enough.
OK. And so there's dust and there's
dirt and there's cat hair and I just, I can't, I can't have that
(23:36):
happening to my feet. Absolutely.
I've gotta protect them. I've been with them for 30 years
now, you know what I mean? The, the, the your feet.
Yeah, yeah, they've been. They've been.
They've been really they've. Been with you through
everything. Look at these things.
Incredible. I yeah, so I are we ready to
talk about non dirty households and situations?
OK, so like I think, I think that.
(23:57):
Is a difference, yeah. Yes, OK.
Is infantilizing. I understand what you mean.
It is. OK.
So yeah, cuz it's the act of taking your shoes on and off,
especially if there's no bench by the door.
We have to just lean against a wall dehumanizing and like
balance as I slip these off. So then I then have to like
learn to take like slip on, slipoff shoes if they're lace UPS,
(24:19):
you know? And imagine time pre planning.
And imagine putting them back on.
Oh. My God.
Can you imagine? Like you're at the door and
you're like, still trying to saygoodbye and you're like hopping
on one foot, being like, you have to like stomp your foot on
the ground to try to get the heel in.
And you're just like, oh, yeah, no.
So yeah, I think next Tuesday I'll come over.
It's. Just you have to make up more
(24:40):
things to talk about. It's like an extra goodbye.
It's like, do we need a kiss now?
On the lips. Oh, oh, there's yes, there's,
there's so many problems with forcing people to take your
shoes off when you come into thehouse.
I know that there is like there's like a, there's like a
Japanese culture thing to it, right.
(25:02):
If I like, so I can respect something that I is like totally
outside my culture. But like if you are a an
American that I know and I come into your house, let me keep my
shoes on. Yes, if you come into my house,
please for for the love of God, keep your shoes.
On and we're it's not like we'relike tracking muddy footprints.
(25:22):
It's regular. Right.
If you've got like if it's like Dustin, if it's winter in the
Midwest, it's a different story then everything's wet.
Yes, I get it, you know, but like in general, I am a shoes on
household. I will wear shoes.
I'll put my shoes on in my bedroom and then wander around
the house in my shoes. You know that's that's.
I mean I'm a house slipper person, I would never like wear
(25:43):
my gym shoes around the house but like I got my slippy set.
I take off my shoes the moment Iwalk in the door and transfer to
my slips. Yeah, that's cuz I, yeah, cuz
I'm I pretty much first thing I do when I enter my house and
take my shoes off. Interesting.
Interesting. But we do have those.
But it's like others people. But it's like maybe because it's
just like, I'm home. This is where I want to feel.
Yeah. For me, it's about OK.
(26:04):
For me, it's about comfort. I was gonna say because, like,
if you're going over your friend's house to watch a movie,
Yeah, I want to take my shoes off.
I want to get crisscross applesauce and the couch.
I want to get comfortable. That makes sense.
But if I'm like coming over to your house for a dinner party?
Yeah. And I've worn my best slacks.
OK, you think I want to slide around in my socks?
And you're getting a fit off andnow they've taken out a vital
(26:25):
part of your outfit. And if there's if there's like a
meal involved, imagine going to a meal and taking like
everybody's barefoot and every toe during a meal.
Socked toes are just like spreadout and run to the table.
It seems crazy to me, right? Yeah.
It's like, imagine everybody's you know, Tootsie's are out
(26:45):
under the table. No, not the piggies going to the
market. Piggies going to the market as
you're eating the piggy from themarket right above it.
It's yeah, like, like an adult, like house warming party where
it's not like people are going crazy, but everybody's like
standing in small groups throughout the house with like a
little plastic cup. And imagine you just have to
like, like his socks slide like a Risky Business up to them and
(27:06):
be like, hey, so notice that newHRV out front.
You guys get a new Honda. Like it just seems fucking
ridiculous. That is the most middle class
example you can think of. Someone's got a Honda.
I didn't. Say what year it could have been
a It's a very reasonable car. If you guys stayed alone, cramps
(27:27):
Rich this is. Unbelievable.
You go to the dark. You know, I grew up in a station
wagon. I told you guys that.
That's true. But if you so like, imagine that
you go to a really like, really nice house, like a really rich
person with a big mansion, like like, OK, he has a PCP, but
like, this is like somebody witha private doctor.
(27:49):
Yeah, yeah, They've got, what dothey call it, Concierge
insurance? Absolutely.
Imagine taking your shoes off inthat house.
I can't imagine it. Well here's the thing, you
don't. And you don't because I was a
personal assistant for like 2 years.
Oh my God. Amazing.
Don't take off your shoes in a mansion.
Can you say who you were a personal?
Assistant for three times a week?
No. You cannot say, Oh my God,
that's so. Cool.
(28:09):
No, it's not because she's thoseare the because she's litigious.
Oh, kids are the best kind of. Person that is so cool.
You were the I love. I worked out of a mansion in Bel
Air. That's incredible.
It was. One of the most mind melting
moments of my life. But did any of this person's
guests ever take their shoes off?
No, no. Yeah, but is that a rich person
(28:31):
thing? Rich people don't take their
shoes off, No. They don't.
I mean, like, she had house slippers for when she was home.
Yeah. Like, no one takes your shoes
off because the cleaners come three to five times a week.
Yeah. So if you're getting your house
cleaned three to five times a week, the floors aren't dirty.
Period. Also, if you're always in your
shoes, you don't need to worry about your floors being dirty.
They're just the same as being outside.
Which is I think what people whowant to take their shoes off
(28:53):
want to avoid is that inside is inside is different from
outside. Yeah, to argue the other side of
the coin here. I will say that on furniture
right, if I'm putting my feet upon the couch, I'm taking my
shoes off. So if I need to find my shoes in
a house that I live in by myself, the 1st place I check is
in front of the couch because that's where all my shoes live.
(29:16):
Because you click them off rightwhen.
You go cuz I click them off whenI get on the couch that's and
then if I'm like where did I putthose shoes?
That's the place that I'll go check because.
That is true that now that you said that did jog a moment for
me where maybe this is my line, but we have a like when friends
come over shoes on whatever you're comfortable with, But we
have like a couch with like an Ottoman that's also like the
(29:37):
same texture, like it's a whatever felted couch.
And I had a friend come over andhe keeps his shoes on and then
immediately puts his feet up like this on the on the Ottoman.
And I immediately was like, hey,Dylan, like, yes, take them off.
Take them off for. Dachshund.
But. This.
Dylan, take your shoes off the Ottoman.
Yes, like the wood coffee table,This bothers me a lot less.
Because it's not a fabric, it's.Not it's not a fabric, yeah, but
(30:00):
it's like a fabric. It's gonna wipe it off a
fabriced piece of furniture. I would never put my feet up on
there with shoes on. Yeah, I think you're right.
Yeah, but so like, I guess carpets are just ground fabric.
Yeah. Well.
I mean, that's a. That's a choice in and of
itself. That's true.
I didn't ask you to put. The carpet yeah, may fuck am I
(30:20):
like coming around to the shoes off I guess cuz like I I don't
like shoes on Ottoman on carpet.Yeah, shoes on Ottoman is bad.
And honestly, even shoes, I don't know, I don't feel
anything about doing this to your coffee table, Right, Right.
But I feel like if I were in oneof my morning moods and a friend
(30:41):
came over and put his shoes up on my coffee table, which is
like where I put, then I'd be like, hey man, like don't.
I think, I think when it's wood furniture, it's like a little up
in the air. I don't mind having shoes on in
the house. I don't mind other people having
shoes on in the house. Furniture is a different story
because that you may be eating off of it and furniture, like
(31:02):
furnishing, you may be eating off of.
And then like any like, resting space, I'm not gonna wear my
shoes in bed. No, you know that's sick.
That's that's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah.
But I think it's more of a comfort thing than a disgust
thing for me. I don't feel that disgusted by
it. Speaking of comfort and disgust,
I also feel like that dictates whether I take off my shoes when
I'm inside someone's house. You know what I mean?
Like, if you're really comfortable at someone's house,
(31:24):
yeah, even if they don't like, as you take your shoes off,
you're still gonna take them offbecause you're like, the piggies
are safe. Yeah, Yeah.
If you're like watching a movie on a bunch of bean bags and like
there's a bowl of popcorn and you're very like, OK,
everybody's getting comfy. They guess exactly, but like if
you're at someone's house and you're like a little nervous
about it, like maybe it's the first time you're there, you
zillowed it beforehand to find the bathroom and you're like.
(31:44):
Whoa, just wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let's back up one second. You go to houses knowing where
the bathroom is because you zillowed it.
My friend taught me that a few years ago and she's like five
years younger than me, so she's so fucking smart.
But yeah, she told me that when she would go to house parties,
she would Zillow the house beforehand, so she knew where to
find the bathroom without askinganyone, and she knew the layout
of the house. But not all Zillows have
(32:05):
layouts. Not all she's.
Just she's a sleuth, and that's pretty good.
Wait. That seems like she just wanted
to know how much they paid for the house.
I mean and they that is. Crime.
Sure. Yeah, yeah.
That's insane to me. That is incredible.
I can't tell if it's like evil genius or like OK.
Yeah, it's either Evil Genius or.
(32:26):
Incredibly. Probably call him a little.
Like a 5150? Yeah.
Do reach out. Yeah, make sure he's good, but
it's a good. Yeah.
As someone who loves to take a piss during a party, I got to
know where the bathroom is cuz I'm not.
You can usually either stumble upon it or ask someone, right?
But. Like what about when you do go
(32:47):
to like a rich person's house, which does happen to us in LA
even if you are poor? Yeah, I know one.
Yes, we all know at least one rich person in this room.
We both know one. Sometimes there's a lot of
doors. And like, I'll tell you this,
this isn't a good thing about me, but if the first door is
locked, I'm not gonna try the second.
(33:07):
You know what I mean? Like I get discouraged easily
when I'm new environments. So I'm like, if, if that's out
the door, I'm embarrassed. I'm turning around, I look like
a fool and everyone's laughing. So you just won't go?
Yeah, you I go. Outside, I'm from the Midwest.
Yeah, yeah. Outside.
Yeah, not a rich person's house because you don't want to look
(33:28):
for the bath. No, I miss it.
Unless there's the day in there,I don't care.
You know what I mean? Nothing that nature can't do for
me in the grass connecting. I toilet paper love your
confidence privacy. There's a few things nature.
Can't do, but you know you have a few.
Things nature can't do. That's fine.
No toilet paper, but you can always drip dry.
Takes a little longer than does for men, I mean.
(33:50):
Hey, I say this as your friend. I think you got to try the
second door. You gotta.
I don't. I think I'm reliving my.
Youth, I mean sure, you get to 3doors and maybe then stop like
because you don't want to like because I feel like after if I
tried 3 doors that were all locked, I would be like OK,
what's going on in this house? Yeah, I would be leaving the
house, yeah. They're doing sex, Grimes, Yeah.
(34:11):
There's they're all at best. OK, so before we even get into
like, judging the thing at hand,let's judge another question.
How many doors is it appropriateto have locked in your house at
once? OK.
This is I've thought about the yes, I like this a.
Lot because if you hit three locked doors, I'm getting the.
(34:32):
Hell out of that I don't. I don't think I have a single
locked door in my house. I don't either, but I think 1 is
OK. How many doors does everyone
have? I mean, Gran's probably got 20.
I you know I have 5. 5 doors, OK.
Yeah, I don't think I can lock any of them, if I'm being
honest. Yeah, I don't think.
Bathroom door locks. Of course.
(34:54):
Some like a big house. Fire.
Yeah, yeah. Bragging his back door has a
lock on it. Bags.
Oh yeah, I guess bathrooms. Duh.
Bathrooms like I don't yeah, I. Was thinking like is it like
locking your bedroom ever? Bedroom door, My bedroom doors I
keep open. They don't even close.
They're just always open. But we have pets, they go, they
just come in and out. But.
(35:15):
I guess pets but I think it's like it's weird to have locked
doors in your house when you have.
To. Or like cabinets.
Yeah, yeah. Guns.
Oh yeah, it's gonna be guns, I guess for kids, make it a little
different. You don't want kids getting into
certain places. Yeah, I think locked.
You know, you're like, yeah, what would you even lock in your
(35:35):
house, your Home Office like to keep like if you're a judge or a
lawyer and have documents in there?
OK, one of my friends house sat for a guy who like she's like a
production assistant. She works on a lot of big shows
and so she's house sitting for one of the directors and he had
his room locked one of his roomsand it was the room full of that
means. And so that was that's that's
(35:57):
worth locking up. That's worth especially if
you're leaving for a week to go to Cabo.
You know what? I.
Mean yeah. Cabinet, Yeah.
OK so that's not even the topic at hand but I just like wanted
to know what everyone. Thought, you know, I like it.
It was a very good question. Thank you.
We all learned a lot about each.Other yeah more than one I think
is you got I would have questions.
Yeah, absolutely. Even one I would have questions,
I'd be like, hey, what's behind that door?
What's, what's going on? I would want to be back there,
(36:19):
so yeah, yeah. Nothing makes you want to be in
a room like it being locked. Locked.
God, that is so my dating style.What's wrong with me keeping
from me? I love a closed door.
Wow, you slammed it in my face. Let.
Me get out my little pic set like this puppy.
(36:42):
So OK, shoes on in the house. Your house is dirty, obviously.
Never make me take my shoes off,correct?
Right. There's.
Even a smattering of dust? No.
Yeah, yeah, your house is clean.Also, don't make me take my
shoes off. That's my, that's my judgement.
(37:03):
I'm with you. I like it to be more of a
request. You know what I mean?
Like, I don't like people who are like, take your shoes off.
It's like, whoa, are you the police?
What are we doing here? Like why are you bossing?
Am I under a mess I? Thought I was invited over.
Yeah, but when it's like, do youmind taking your shoes off?
Because, you know, we're Midwesterners.
I really appreciate manners. Like a please and a thank you go
a really long way from me. Someone using their turn signal,
(37:25):
I'll let them into my lane. Someone not using their turn
signal, I'll hit their fucking car, bro.
Yeah. Yeah, but.
OK. So it's like if someone asks me
nicely and it's like, hey, like I just cleaned.
Will you mind taking off your shoes?
Absolutely. I don't want to dirty up this
house. You just clean.
You spend time doing that, but if someone's like, take your
shoes off, I'm like, oh, you think you're my father?
Should we fight? So if the shoe OK, so I'll set
(37:50):
some ground rules. Their quest has to be a do you
mind or may you polite polite, which I feel like even do you
mind. That's one of those phrases
where like it sounds a little bit rude still.
Yeah, it's like like like do youmind?
I don't know do. You mind?
Do you mind? Yeah, I know you mind.
So it has to be a request and cleanliness has to be apparent.
Yes. So if, if so, if you walk in, if
(38:12):
you walk into my house and there's a shoe wreck, but none
of the shoes are actually racked.
They're just kind of like scattered.
And maybe like even you can you can see some dinginess on
dinginess on the rug. You're probably you're like.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to you question them.
Have to decline. Wow.
Yeah. Oh, I'll.
Well, I mean, I don't mind lying.
So I'll just feel like, Oh yeah,I got.
(38:33):
It's more really weird going offI feel right now.
So you're doing a service to them?
Yeah, yeah, you're yeah it keep.Midwestern politeness.
I don't like to cause a ruckus, but.
Midwestern wine like. Let me exactly we love white
lies in the Midwest. We're full of them.
It's. Called snow exactly white lies
it looks comfy and then it's very cold it does it's.
Lying to you, yeah. And then you like lull into
(38:54):
death slowly. OK, so that's a good slight.
That's a good slogan for like, aclimate change denier.
You lull. White lies in the.
Sky. Yes.
You know me compassionate conservative, but the case
literally says calls out The Dirty house.
Yeah. So I think we have to assume
that. The Dirty house, OK.
(39:14):
We need to decide how to punish someone who says can you take
your shoes off in their dirty house?
Yeah. If someone does that.
If someone's not swiffering. Yeah, it's a no Swiffer
household. They even if they're successful,
they make me take my shoes off. I spend some time there, I
leave. What?
(39:36):
How does the government step in?How does law enforcement step in
to punish this person once they're found guilty?
Here's what I was thinking. So this person who doesn't want
who has a dirty house but doesn't want shoes on their
space feels some type of way feels some disjointed type of
way about cleanliness. And for some reason the bottoms
(39:58):
soles of sneakers have like affect like are wrong to them in
some way. I think that you if they make
you take your shoes off and theyhave a dirty house, you get to
put your just bare ass on their floor just like a brief press.
Because in reality, obviously there's a stigma about bare
(40:20):
asses and assholes, but in reality, most people's butts are
probably cleaner than the bottomof their.
Shoes. I wouldn't want to get my butt
dirty exactly in their gross house.
Exactly. Well, but we're we're, we're
enacting, we're enforcing law. So I think you'd have to make an
exception. Do we treat our law enforcement
this cruelly? The thin blue line.
Is this what we're trying to define?
(40:45):
I've got to say I'm I'm not hugeon the on on the that's
particular punishment. I was just thinking of like
something that like some like not as dirty, but like that they
would probably think that personwith a dirty house who makes
tinker shoes off would think is dirtier just to like really.
Just to like, psychologically, yeah, psychologically in, in, in
gender dirt. Yeah, I'm going for a
psychological punishment here. I think, OK, just cuz I think
(41:08):
cuz I think most of the actual case is psychological.
It's like it's not that much dirty than the rest.
The shoes aren't that much dirtythan the rest of your house.
That's true. Or the rest of my body.
I think if they make me take my shoes off in their dirty house,
they have to clean my house that.
'D be nice right but they're butthey're obviously not gonna
clean their house so why you know?
Well, we put a, we put a, a, a bright vest on them and give
(41:33):
them, you know, like they're like they're cleaning up the
side of the road. Yeah, but they have to come to
my house and clean it up becausethey they broke that law.
So mine's pretty close to yours,but mine's a little bit more
biblical. Okay, just.
That if you're gonna make me take off my shoes at your house,
then when upon I leave your house, you're going to wash my
(41:56):
fucking feet just like Jesus did.
Oh my God, it's Christ like it's, it's compassionate.
On the motherfucking cross, you know what I mean?
Absolutely. I would crucify you any time of
the week. You're so welcome.
That is a very good I. Love that.
I think that is. I think that is it.
Yes, I think that's it because it's, it kind of it honestly
combines a little bit of both ofours.
It's true. It's psychological.
(42:17):
Warf and it's like asking clean,but it's doing all right.
If this is your law, then clean my feet.
Absolutely. This is I think this is case
closed. Anything's case closed.
Say, Haley, do you have anythingyou want to plug before we close
this case? Do you want to?
Plug. Liking things.
I would love to plug my Twitter.That's MILF weed with three ES.
(42:38):
Three ES. Snoop Dogg called Nancy Botman
and the Showtime show Weeds. I do not have any children nor
am I married, single and I wouldalso love to plug my web series
Brunch, a comedy web series on YouTube.
Well, you can watch me there. That's wonderful.
Case closed. Case closed.
This is premeditated.
You know, it's insane. I think this year I'm gonna pay
off my student loans. Nice.
Congrats. Thank.
You. Thank you.
I am 37. Yeah.
So that's how long it took. Yeah, I think I'll.
Be when I get my yeah, yeah, butI think it's gonna be this year.
That's nice. Isn't it exciting?
It's sad and it's very exciting and it's also very sad.
(00:21):
Yeah, it's sad, but now you're all you're never gonna be in the
red again. Yeah, until this podcast goes
South. Listen, let's not, let's not,
let's not go crazy. I will still be in the red.
There's. Always credit cards.
Don't be goofy. We live in Los Angeles.
I own a car or I don't own a car.
Actually, they own. It.
But I pay. Yeah, exactly.
(00:44):
This is premeditated. The podcast investigating
society's unwritten laws and theheinous ways they're broken.
True crime. Low stakes.
I'm Neil, I'm Graham, and this is premeditated.
Welcome America, welcome to premeditated, a fake crime true
(01:09):
news show. A lot of those words are
misplaced. Here's our guest Haley OC
welcome on the show. We're so happy to have you.
You we know each other a short time, but you are somebody that
or or spill the beans. We're on a softball team
together. But you were somebody that like
I, you can instantly tell you'relike this girl's got like you
(01:32):
have like you have the funny bone.
Thank you. And so it's like, it's like
very, like you were somebody we really wanted to have on
because, and that's even before I knew you'd actually took
comments these seriously before.Before that, I just thought you
were just like a funny gal. And then like I saw you're like
Twitter and I was like, Oh shit,she was like 300,000 followers.
(01:53):
She's famous. She's.
Famous. She knows she's funny.
Trouble. Oh yeah, her husband probably
hates that. Oh God, if only.
If only, if only they exactly. I would love to have someone
hate my comedy. Yeah, yeah, romantically.
That would be really. But they have to say they like
(02:13):
it. Yeah, they can tell me they
don't because I mean, like, that's the thing.
Like also like I got my start inthe stand up, so I went stand up
and then I made a comedy web series and then I just started
doing improv last year. Okay.
And then stand up. It's just like, it's so much
about your life that like especially when you're dating
people, it becomes about them, whether for better or for worse.
(02:34):
So you have to date someone who also has a good sense of humor
and who can take it on the chin,you know?
Yeah, yeah. And I think it's good cuz like
that's I have very few complaints about my wife, but
one of them is good. Yeah, she's good.
She's good. I got a good one.
No. What is the?
What is the complaint? The complaint is that this is
no, don't worry, don't worry. This will come back around.
(02:54):
This will come back around. You guys can Texas is like when
she gives me, she will only givepositive notes.
It's like I'll have a script andshe'll just write like the only
note she'll write on the script is just like a dash.
And then lol, I'm like, OK, but like what do you think of like
the second act be like it was the sport, you know, like I'm
trying to like be critiqued here.
And she's, she's just can't. She's just like, you're so
(03:15):
funny. Oh wow that sucks.
They drag. Things so.
Funny. Like I said, one of my few
complaints she. She sounds.
Killer. She sounds toxicly supportive.
Disgusting, brutal. I know my love languages, our
complaints, personal annoyances.Yes.
(03:36):
Yeah. Haley, how has your social
etiquette been this week? You think you've been good?
We we asked this for about guesses.
But if you could give yourself like an Uber rating like a 5
star. Out of five, OK, yeah, I would
give myself a 3 1/2 and. What would society give you?
Same thing. Wow, OK.
So especially you're actually holding yourself at a higher
(04:00):
level than everyone else. Yeah, that is new.
I'm doing pretty good. But if you ask anybody else, I'm
sort of shit in the bed. OK, because they can't consider
my circumstances, the outside people I can consider what I'm
going through in the context of how bad my behavior is.
OK, So what? What?
Where did you lose stars? Yeah.
(04:20):
Can you give us an example? I feel like I did a lot of like
sawing in people's faces this week.
Sawing in people's faces. Sure.
Oh my goodness. Wow.
Like. So like not being discreet about
your the way you. Dislike like a directed size.
So it's not like you're just like every set of meeting.
You're just kind of like, you just light one out like a but
(04:43):
it's like somebody asks you a question and you go no job.
Man. No, it was not loose.
It was directed. It was at someone.
Wow, OK. I mean, was it sigh worthy
though 'cause I feel like sometimes, you know, sighs are
worth E. Yeah, if it's an earned sigh,
yeah, you can't. Yeah, they're being idiots,
(05:04):
Absolutely. Boring.
But then I'll say like on the other end of the spectrum last
night, because I forget social etiquette in the house and in
private is different from socialetiquette out of the house
because I'm very like unfilteredin a lot of ways.
So like last night at our softball game, I yelled at my
friend, not like yelled at him like to, but he was socializing
and I asked him to bring a speaker to the game.
And I've known him since I was 14.
(05:25):
So we're really close. And she did do in the group
chat, she said. Connor, can you bring the
speaker to the game? Yeah, Connor was aware of the
speech. He was, but he had a whole
thing. He he walked over to the field,
he lost his key in the field. So then he had to go back to get
his key and then he came over tous in the field to say hi and
then he started talking and thenI was with the at the the mound.
Yeah, not even in the circle. Not even the circle of
(05:47):
conversations. 20 feet away fromwhere everyone's conversing and
he's like, Connor, will you go get the speaker from your car?
And he just took off into a Sprint.
Like he, he really, it didn't even phase him because we've
known each other so long. But I was like, Haley, don't
treat him like that in front of other people.
He's just meeting. They're like, don't set that
precedent like it. Was because he will he will be
(06:08):
like talk to where it's like, are you OK?
She's really mean to you. Yeah, exactly.
Like we had like just shaken hands and I think he was out of
breath from the key finding mission.
He like came up. He's like, sorry.
I'm like guys. Like he just he's like, hey.
And then it was like, I get the speaker and he goes OK and it
(06:28):
runs off and we're like. He's a good kid.
He really didn't obey immediately.
Hey, well, listen, if you're gonna be disrespected, at least
be obedient, you know? Yes.
Yes, yes, my gosh. Shoulder the disrespect with
grace. Yeah, and obedient.
Connor, I hope you don't watch this.
(06:51):
I'm sending it to him. God and then I have one more.
This morning I had an e-mail from one of the people I work
with and they had so clearly notread my last e-mail, but in
their e-mail to me they were saying I'm not sure if you saw
my last e-mail talking about their own and have you the one
I'd responded to. Everybody's e-mail.
They said I'm just lagging this in case you didn't see the other
(07:13):
e-mail and so I said as per my previous e-mail, twice cited my
sources and quoted it in an e-mail.
This one I've never spoken to. Wow.
Is a world that's a dagger in the back.
That's I mean. That's a dagger in the back, a
sapuku in the front, people blowing their brains out and
kicking them in the nuts at the same time.
(07:33):
I mean as per my as per my e-mail comma twice comma
quotations. And this was like before 10.
AMI was angry. Like I just.
Like, well, that's when they commas.
Before 10, Yeah. I wake up angry.
Yeah. I don't know, dude.
Should we start calling each other we just like listen
fucker. God damn it, yeah.
(07:56):
I don't know what it is but I just wake up so angry every day.
Yeah, it's a depression. We should work.
On it depression. I'm talking to my PCP about it.
It's good. We gotta work it out.
Yeah. Exactly, I actually have been
having this fight with my boyfriend that he has friends.
So we went on a ski trip and there was like this apre party,
(08:19):
blah blah blah blah. You know, very fancy.
Quick pause. Quick pause.
It's only at Prey when it's in the snow.
You notice that there's no like you could call it an after
party. Like if we go to the Oscars, we
don't go to the Aprey Oscars, but if we go skiing, it's we go
to the Aprey ski. Fun little observation.
Continue so. Fun.
And clip that I. Want to post that one?
(08:43):
And, and so the one of one of myboyfriend's friends was like
with us and he was just like, oh, I just ran into my primary
care physician here at this, youknow, gay ski week thing or
whatever. And he's like, should I say hi?
And I was just like you. There was so much information in
(09:03):
that question that he asked me that I was just like absolutely
taken aback. And I was like, I don't think I
know anyone with a primary care physician now.
I do I. Do money bags.
Money bags I. Know a primary care physician
well do I I guess Tess is specialized but we we.
Tess. Let's go for a walk.
We'll we'll flag down and. Probably even holding out on me.
(09:24):
What kind of doctor we got? I know.
Can she look at my moles? Well, she probably could, but
she mostly does. She mostly does behaviors, what
they look like, yeah. Behaviors of kids, yeah, like
the second therapist is what you're saying is.
She calls it occupational therapy.
I yeah, I I don't know. We can probably, we can probably
get you on. OK, we'll get you on.
The waiting list APCP is like such a status symbol, right?
(09:48):
I'm so glad you agree with me because I was just, I was just
like raked over the coals for saying that because I was just
like, oh, that's like a big status symbol to like not only
have APCP, but to recognize themby sight and they recognize you
by sight and you know them by name.
There's like so much going on. There.
And you go to the same party. Yeah.
(10:09):
Wow. That's the proletarian mixing
with the bourgeoisie. It is.
I was just like, I need to hide my face.
They're going to, they're going to see that I'm from the
Midwest. You know, yeah, I admit.
Scary out there. Having a PCPI mean guys that's
like that's like a level 1 doctor, that's like like if you
play a sport fan. What braggler?
(10:30):
Yeah, wow. If you.
If I see my PCB at a party that's a status that's a level
of sets. But like just having it like
when you get an insurance card, OK, I guess I'm trying to focus.
Here this card OK. I caught myself in that one.
I caught myself. But to get one, they make you
put the PCB on the card. It's like, it's like when you
(10:51):
get a driver's license, it's like I color brown, whatever.
Like, you know, it comes with the card.
I don't know. Yeah, same with that.
I think you guys should probablyget one.
They're pretty easy to get. It's good to have.
Easy to get you. Know what else is great?
You. Call your insurance, you say
give me one and they're like, all right, then they'll give you
the worst one too. So you wanna go on the website
and figure out somebody who's a?Little see this is information
(11:14):
that is not shared with normal people.
I think all. Right.
Well, you know. What's great flying private?
Also can't relate. Speaking of not relating.
Yeah, Speaking of not relating, you got something to have
leather briefcase that? We haven't seen this.
This leather briefcase is. Very new the dossier.
Dusted one that I brought. Oh, my years.
(11:36):
Yeah. Actually, my grandfather gave me
this dossier. Can we keep that for the pod?
No, my father gave it to me. It's an heirloom.
I'm going to sell it. OK, so you've got a, you've got
a case for us. I sure do.
We're going to put a pin in thisPCP conversation just because we
have a podcast. I the drug.
Primary care physician continue.Unbelievable.
(11:57):
You guys can't go to the doctor.Basically shy call it it's.
Basically. Free.
Basically free money back. You're obviously.
Not you're both employed. I know you guys have insurance.
48 more days maybe? OK so my insurance kicks in and
before that I was paying $300.00a month to get no coverage.
(12:18):
Yeah, I should say I've been on last week's insurance.
I was about to say listener. Listeners, he has a wife and she
works in healthcare. Please do not let him dissuade
you. I also please see a doctor.
Yeah, it. Can't hurt.
OK, it's a good idea. Just a Wellness check.
That's all you say. Oh, other pro tip, call the
(12:39):
doctor, say you need a Wellness check.
That means it's just they do everything vitals and then
that's it. They don't you're, you're not
gonna be like charged extra for like other shit.
Like they check under the hood, they pop it open and make sure
the oil's good. Yeah, I think they do do the
robe with the open in the back, but no fingers and butts.
No, no, no, no fingers and holes.
I know my doctor won't because Idon't have a prostate.
(12:59):
Right on. OK, Yeah, I do.
But I don't know that I'm ready to share it.
OK, Yeah. OK.
All right. Well, would you be willing to
share it after we take a look atsome improvised evidence?
With that. That might convince me.
OK. The sound of it, all right.
(13:22):
OK, look in there really quick. Make sure it's all still good.
OK, You didn't steal it. We're good.
OK, All right. Sure.
Well, should we, should we get into it?
Let's. Crack open the case.
All right? Judy, Hi.
Hello. Out of the office you.
Got me my workyworks or my my homie homes I guess.
(13:44):
Yeah, as I say, those hot pants aren't a fluid.
No. I I dress a little more casual
for this. Such a nice play.
Oh, thank you. Do you mind just taking your
shoes off? Oh, sure.
Yeah, just both of them, OK. OK, OK, yeah, yeah, alright,
slip these out, untie. Wow, it's the foyer is so nice.
(14:06):
It's big. The hot ceilings are so high.
Yeah, it came that way. Yeah, Yeah.
Don't mind the dust on the floor, though.
It's just I have a lot of pets. It gets a little hairy in here.
Yeah. But hope it doesn't dict your
socks. I hope not.
Yeah, What'd you guys bring for the potluck?
Oh, I brought I brought a Mac and cheese, Mac and cheese and
(14:28):
Mackenzie, I know you're lactoseintolerant.
So I actually used a dia in this, which is a vegan cheese.
That's so nice. It's a vegan cheese.
It didn't quite melt, It's just kind of still in the shredded
form. But so it's not my family's
recipe, but I know that Mackenzie was coming, so I
wanted to be conscious of his veganism.
(14:49):
That was so. Nice I brought brownies pot
brownies and I had one before I came and I forgot.
I forgot I thought they were thenormal ones and I think I
grabbed the pot brownies and I'mrealizing now that's not what
you probably want to bring to a coworker's house is.
This is this OK with you? That Mackenzie's high my.
(15:14):
Feet are so full of fur. Yeah, that happens.
No, I'm high too. It's OK, Really.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, thank God.
I thought everyone was judging. There's a.
Little pharmacy ball on the table if you.
Want. Oh my gosh, precious pill.
Yeah, whichever 1 looks good to.You I want the orange one.
I don't, yeah. Most of them aren't lethal.
I'm not a wonderful, I'm not a drug person.
(15:38):
But your shoes are off. Who cares?
But I'm cool with it. OK, OK, so.
Can I take my shoes socks off too?
These socks are full of fur. Take your socks off and then
your feet are going to be full of fur.
Do you have house shoes? Did you bring your own?
I didn't, no. I only have my house shoes.
(15:59):
Oh no. I love how many board games you
have here. Are we gonna play a board game?
We might. Settlers of Catan, no.
That's too long. I don't want you guys for that
much. OK.
I thought that you said that I was your favorite Co worker
though. Yeah, but like monopoly length,
not settlers of Catan length. Monopoly.
(16:20):
I don't wanna be the narc here cuz I already said the drug
thing, but monopoly I think is significantly longer than
Settlers of Catan. Well, what game was I playing
then? I don't understand why we're
laughing. Is it cuz I'm not high?
What's great? Is this a high thing?
Just ignore it. Yeah, OK, OK, I guess you
(16:43):
choose. Stoners probably want some of my
Mac and cheese, huh? I would it looks really it
doesn't look good but I'm reallyhungry.
OK, yeah, let me just bring it over to the table.
My, I just stepped in. Is there something wet on your
floor? Probably it was.
Life's wet. OK, life is wet, but is it?
Life. Is it wet?
Wait. What do you mean life?
(17:04):
'S wet. I mean, when in doubt, life's
wet. You just gotta roll with the
waves. OK, OK, but so is this wet?
Is that probably water though? Or is that some sort of spit up
from a pet or something more I? Mentioned.
Probably. Where are they?
It's. Probably.
It's probably I just I probably.OK, I'm going to take this sock
off and we're gonna go barefoot now.
Yeah, I already started on the barefoot thing because it was.
(17:26):
I guess. Well now your barefoot's gonna
touch piss, so I've. Got some towels?
They're covered in fur. OK.
Oh, wow, wow, wow. OK, I'm gonna take a crack at
(17:49):
it. Take a crack, I bet you can get
it. Say crack again.
Making guests take their shoes off?
Is that what's in that case file?
Mostly. Mostly.
Do you wanna expound upon it? You wanna elaborate on?
That is this stake pet owning noOK that was just an added bonus
(18:11):
yeah cuz I cuz that that. To help differentiate.
OK cuz I wanna get into that butfirst I wanna see what's in that
folder. I wanna see what's in that
folder, so it's that. Folder my grandfather's dossier.
Your finger. 'S father's dossier because
you're. Very same.
Because he investigated the Watergate scandal, right?
That's his dossier. Yeah.
Was he the guy that put tape on the door?
He was the one who set up the. Recording.
Oh my gosh, you have such a brave.
(18:33):
Grand Imagine if that was your responsibility more to put the
tape on the door. Dirty ass shoeless households
clean up or my shoes stay on. Wow.
It's a very particular stance because.
Yes, it's people who say shoes off.
But their houses are. Gross.
It's disgusting. That's a good distinction to
make. Because I'm happy to take my
(18:55):
shoes off when it's clean. I don't mind.
I'll slide around. OK, see.
OK, what? What?
You don't know? No, no, no, I'm forgetting you
because what you don't know is that Neil and I have discussed
this before about how about how we feel outside the pod.
Outside the pod. Beautiful.
Or maybe I don't release episode, but like we but this is
I so I kind of know how Neil feels about this.
(19:16):
Yes, and it's similar to me because, and I'm glad you made
that distinction because nothing's grosser than getting
your socks dirty. It's like, what are you even
doing here? You have to throw the socks
away. You have to burn them.
You have to burn them. If your socks get any sort of
pet hair on them, they are toastforever.
You can put them in the wash as many times as you want.
That pet hair is never coming out you know of.
(19:38):
Socks. It weaves itself into the sock.
It's so crazy. It's insane.
And so like I have adopted, so like much of the world wants you
to take your shoes off and walk around in socks in people's
houses with dogs. Much of the world wants to put
you in that. Situation.
The world wants that, yeah. And I have adapted.
(19:59):
I've found an adaptive behavior and the adaptive behavior is to
buy the same boxed sock from Amazon.
Over and over and over and over again in huge quantities.
They are black ankle socks, so they don't say anything.
Yeah, I love clothes. I love getting dressed up.
(20:19):
Yeah, my socks are always black ankle socks from Amazon that you
can order in packs of 40. And then I just throw all the
rest of them away because eventually they get grossed so
fast. Can't.
Believe you're calling me rich. It's like they are they are like
dollar a pair. If that one, that's less than a
copay. A copay, You gotta have
(20:42):
insurance for that. Exactly, it's crazy I'm pulling
my hair out. It's like chicken or the egg
every time that shit. Anyways, so don't accelerate the
sock destructing process. I would say in a dirty ass
house, my shoes are protecting me.
(21:05):
It's like, it's like the mask debate almost.
You know where it's like, oh, I'm going to wear a mask either
to protect you or to protect me,but that's what shoes are for
too. And your floors are already
dirty. So so.
Before I take this too far, Graham.
(21:25):
No, I think you took an appropriate length.
I yeah, I mean, I mean, I have, I have such little tolerance for
shoes off households that are dirty, especially like dogs.
Like I have a we have, I have a dog and two cats. 4 is dirty.
Like it's, we vacuum once a weekand it's clean for about half a
day and like that's and that's, you know, it's fine.
(21:47):
Like you just roll around in it like a pig and muck.
But like I, I don't get that. But I also even in a clean house
situation dependent I think it'sI feel childish taking off my
shoes when I come in the house. It's infantilizing.
It's infantilizing. It's infantilizing.
Great word, Neil. Anyways, before we get too far
(22:09):
into it, I want to hear what's what's spurred this case.
Oh OK, I hope my friend doesn't listen to this but it was one of
my friends houses and I actuallya while ago I bought a pair of
slippers to keep at her house for just so that I could not
wear my socks indoors at her place.
She knows. She knows she's big.
And that's yeah. Wow.
OK. She was so happy about it.
(22:30):
She was like, great, I'm so happy you're not wearing your
outside shoes cuz she also has like a little OCD.
So she's like, yeah, I really don't want your outside shoes in
the house. And I'm like, I really don't
want your cat's fur on my feet. That's OK, so.
I this is OK. This is shoes argument.
Beautiful. Aren't aren't not all garments
we wear also outside? Like I obviously shoes touch the
ground and I get but like I I ride the bus, I'm brushing up
(22:53):
against stuff that I'm then brushing onto your couch when I
sit down. Like, are you gonna make?
Do you really ride the bus, Graham?
Yes, thank you. I I ride the bus to my primary
care physician. Gotta save money to pay those
big bills. But yes, I do.
Thank you for checking about. That yeah the so so your friend
(23:15):
I want I want to hear more aboutlike the exact things in the
house though that. It's also like dust.
It's it's it's really just everything like she's a very
strict shoes off household, but she does not vacuum enough.
OK. And so there's dust and there's
dirt and there's cat hair and I just, I can't, I can't have that
(23:36):
happening to my feet. Absolutely.
I've gotta protect them. I've been with them for 30 years
now, you know what I mean? The, the, the your feet.
Yeah, yeah, they've been. They've been.
They've been really they've. Been with you through
everything. Look at these things.
Incredible. I yeah, so I are we ready to
talk about non dirty households and situations?
OK, so like I think, I think that.
(23:57):
Is a difference, yeah. Yes, OK.
Is infantilizing. I understand what you mean.
It is. OK.
So yeah, cuz it's the act of taking your shoes on and off,
especially if there's no bench by the door.
We have to just lean against a wall dehumanizing and like
balance as I slip these off. So then I then have to like
learn to take like slip on, slipoff shoes if they're lace UPS,
(24:19):
you know? And imagine time pre planning.
And imagine putting them back on.
Oh. My God.
Can you imagine? Like you're at the door and
you're like, still trying to saygoodbye and you're like hopping
on one foot, being like, you have to like stomp your foot on
the ground to try to get the heel in.
And you're just like, oh, yeah, no.
So yeah, I think next Tuesday I'll come over.
It's. Just you have to make up more
(24:40):
things to talk about. It's like an extra goodbye.
It's like, do we need a kiss now?
On the lips. Oh, oh, there's yes, there's,
there's so many problems with forcing people to take your
shoes off when you come into thehouse.
I know that there is like there's like a, there's like a
Japanese culture thing to it, right.
(25:02):
If I like, so I can respect something that I is like totally
outside my culture. But like if you are a an
American that I know and I come into your house, let me keep my
shoes on. Yes, if you come into my house,
please for for the love of God, keep your shoes.
On and we're it's not like we'relike tracking muddy footprints.
(25:22):
It's regular. Right.
If you've got like if it's like Dustin, if it's winter in the
Midwest, it's a different story then everything's wet.
Yes, I get it, you know, but like in general, I am a shoes on
household. I will wear shoes.
I'll put my shoes on in my bedroom and then wander around
the house in my shoes. You know that's that's.
I mean I'm a house slipper person, I would never like wear
(25:43):
my gym shoes around the house but like I got my slippy set.
I take off my shoes the moment Iwalk in the door and transfer to
my slips. Yeah, that's cuz I, yeah, cuz
I'm I pretty much first thing I do when I enter my house and
take my shoes off. Interesting.
Interesting. But we do have those.
But it's like others people. But it's like maybe because it's
just like, I'm home. This is where I want to feel.
Yeah. For me, it's about OK.
(26:04):
For me, it's about comfort. I was gonna say because, like,
if you're going over your friend's house to watch a movie,
Yeah, I want to take my shoes off.
I want to get crisscross applesauce and the couch.
I want to get comfortable. That makes sense.
But if I'm like coming over to your house for a dinner party?
Yeah. And I've worn my best slacks.
OK, you think I want to slide around in my socks?
And you're getting a fit off andnow they've taken out a vital
(26:25):
part of your outfit. And if there's if there's like a
meal involved, imagine going to a meal and taking like
everybody's barefoot and every toe during a meal.
Socked toes are just like spreadout and run to the table.
It seems crazy to me, right? Yeah.
It's like, imagine everybody's you know, Tootsie's are out
(26:45):
under the table. No, not the piggies going to the
market. Piggies going to the market as
you're eating the piggy from themarket right above it.
It's yeah, like, like an adult, like house warming party where
it's not like people are going crazy, but everybody's like
standing in small groups throughout the house with like a
little plastic cup. And imagine you just have to
like, like his socks slide like a Risky Business up to them and
(27:06):
be like, hey, so notice that newHRV out front.
You guys get a new Honda. Like it just seems fucking
ridiculous. That is the most middle class
example you can think of. Someone's got a Honda.
I didn't. Say what year it could have been
a It's a very reasonable car. If you guys stayed alone, cramps
(27:27):
Rich this is. Unbelievable.
You go to the dark. You know, I grew up in a station
wagon. I told you guys that.
That's true. But if you so like, imagine that
you go to a really like, really nice house, like a really rich
person with a big mansion, like like, OK, he has a PCP, but
like, this is like somebody witha private doctor.
(27:49):
Yeah, yeah, They've got, what dothey call it, Concierge
insurance? Absolutely.
Imagine taking your shoes off inthat house.
I can't imagine it. Well here's the thing, you
don't. And you don't because I was a
personal assistant for like 2 years.
Oh my God. Amazing.
Don't take off your shoes in a mansion.
Can you say who you were a personal?
Assistant for three times a week?
No. You cannot say, Oh my God,
that's so. Cool.
(28:09):
No, it's not because she's thoseare the because she's litigious.
Oh, kids are the best kind of. Person that is so cool.
You were the I love. I worked out of a mansion in Bel
Air. That's incredible.
It was. One of the most mind melting
moments of my life. But did any of this person's
guests ever take their shoes off?
No, no. Yeah, but is that a rich person
(28:31):
thing? Rich people don't take their
shoes off, No. They don't.
I mean, like, she had house slippers for when she was home.
Yeah. Like, no one takes your shoes
off because the cleaners come three to five times a week.
Yeah. So if you're getting your house
cleaned three to five times a week, the floors aren't dirty.
Period. Also, if you're always in your
shoes, you don't need to worry about your floors being dirty.
They're just the same as being outside.
Which is I think what people whowant to take their shoes off
(28:53):
want to avoid is that inside is inside is different from
outside. Yeah, to argue the other side of
the coin here. I will say that on furniture
right, if I'm putting my feet upon the couch, I'm taking my
shoes off. So if I need to find my shoes in
a house that I live in by myself, the 1st place I check is
in front of the couch because that's where all my shoes live.
(29:16):
Because you click them off rightwhen.
You go cuz I click them off whenI get on the couch that's and
then if I'm like where did I putthose shoes?
That's the place that I'll go check because.
That is true that now that you said that did jog a moment for
me where maybe this is my line, but we have a like when friends
come over shoes on whatever you're comfortable with, But we
have like a couch with like an Ottoman that's also like the
(29:37):
same texture, like it's a whatever felted couch.
And I had a friend come over andhe keeps his shoes on and then
immediately puts his feet up like this on the on the Ottoman.
And I immediately was like, hey,Dylan, like, yes, take them off.
Take them off for. Dachshund.
But. This.
Dylan, take your shoes off the Ottoman.
Yes, like the wood coffee table,This bothers me a lot less.
Because it's not a fabric, it's.Not it's not a fabric, yeah, but
(30:00):
it's like a fabric. It's gonna wipe it off a
fabriced piece of furniture. I would never put my feet up on
there with shoes on. Yeah, I think you're right.
Yeah, but so like, I guess carpets are just ground fabric.
Yeah. Well.
I mean, that's a. That's a choice in and of
itself. That's true.
I didn't ask you to put. The carpet yeah, may fuck am I
(30:20):
like coming around to the shoes off I guess cuz like I I don't
like shoes on Ottoman on carpet.Yeah, shoes on Ottoman is bad.
And honestly, even shoes, I don't know, I don't feel
anything about doing this to your coffee table, Right, Right.
But I feel like if I were in oneof my morning moods and a friend
(30:41):
came over and put his shoes up on my coffee table, which is
like where I put, then I'd be like, hey man, like don't.
I think, I think when it's wood furniture, it's like a little up
in the air. I don't mind having shoes on in
the house. I don't mind other people having
shoes on in the house. Furniture is a different story
because that you may be eating off of it and furniture, like
(31:02):
furnishing, you may be eating off of.
And then like any like, resting space, I'm not gonna wear my
shoes in bed. No, you know that's sick.
That's that's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah.
But I think it's more of a comfort thing than a disgust
thing for me. I don't feel that disgusted by
it. Speaking of comfort and disgust,
I also feel like that dictates whether I take off my shoes when
I'm inside someone's house. You know what I mean?
Like, if you're really comfortable at someone's house,
(31:24):
yeah, even if they don't like, as you take your shoes off,
you're still gonna take them offbecause you're like, the piggies
are safe. Yeah, Yeah.
If you're like watching a movie on a bunch of bean bags and like
there's a bowl of popcorn and you're very like, OK,
everybody's getting comfy. They guess exactly, but like if
you're at someone's house and you're like a little nervous
about it, like maybe it's the first time you're there, you
zillowed it beforehand to find the bathroom and you're like.
(31:44):
Whoa, just wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let's back up one second. You go to houses knowing where
the bathroom is because you zillowed it.
My friend taught me that a few years ago and she's like five
years younger than me, so she's so fucking smart.
But yeah, she told me that when she would go to house parties,
she would Zillow the house beforehand, so she knew where to
find the bathroom without askinganyone, and she knew the layout
of the house. But not all Zillows have
(32:05):
layouts. Not all she's.
Just she's a sleuth, and that's pretty good.
Wait. That seems like she just wanted
to know how much they paid for the house.
I mean and they that is. Crime.
Sure. Yeah, yeah.
That's insane to me. That is incredible.
I can't tell if it's like evil genius or like OK.
Yeah, it's either Evil Genius or.
(32:26):
Incredibly. Probably call him a little.
Like a 5150? Yeah.
Do reach out. Yeah, make sure he's good, but
it's a good. Yeah.
As someone who loves to take a piss during a party, I got to
know where the bathroom is cuz I'm not.
You can usually either stumble upon it or ask someone, right?
But. Like what about when you do go
(32:47):
to like a rich person's house, which does happen to us in LA
even if you are poor? Yeah, I know one.
Yes, we all know at least one rich person in this room.
We both know one. Sometimes there's a lot of
doors. And like, I'll tell you this,
this isn't a good thing about me, but if the first door is
locked, I'm not gonna try the second.
(33:07):
You know what I mean? Like I get discouraged easily
when I'm new environments. So I'm like, if, if that's out
the door, I'm embarrassed. I'm turning around, I look like
a fool and everyone's laughing. So you just won't go?
Yeah, you I go. Outside, I'm from the Midwest.
Yeah, yeah. Outside.
Yeah, not a rich person's house because you don't want to look
(33:28):
for the bath. No, I miss it.
Unless there's the day in there,I don't care.
You know what I mean? Nothing that nature can't do for
me in the grass connecting. I toilet paper love your
confidence privacy. There's a few things nature.
Can't do, but you know you have a few.
Things nature can't do. That's fine.
No toilet paper, but you can always drip dry.
Takes a little longer than does for men, I mean.
(33:50):
Hey, I say this as your friend. I think you got to try the
second door. You gotta.
I don't. I think I'm reliving my.
Youth, I mean sure, you get to 3doors and maybe then stop like
because you don't want to like because I feel like after if I
tried 3 doors that were all locked, I would be like OK,
what's going on in this house? Yeah, I would be leaving the
house, yeah. They're doing sex, Grimes, Yeah.
(34:11):
There's they're all at best. OK, so before we even get into
like, judging the thing at hand,let's judge another question.
How many doors is it appropriateto have locked in your house at
once? OK.
This is I've thought about the yes, I like this a.
Lot because if you hit three locked doors, I'm getting the.
(34:32):
Hell out of that I don't. I don't think I have a single
locked door in my house. I don't either, but I think 1 is
OK. How many doors does everyone
have? I mean, Gran's probably got 20.
I you know I have 5. 5 doors, OK.
Yeah, I don't think I can lock any of them, if I'm being
honest. Yeah, I don't think.
Bathroom door locks. Of course.
(34:54):
Some like a big house. Fire.
Yeah, yeah. Bragging his back door has a
lock on it. Bags.
Oh yeah, I guess bathrooms. Duh.
Bathrooms like I don't yeah, I. Was thinking like is it like
locking your bedroom ever? Bedroom door, My bedroom doors I
keep open. They don't even close.
They're just always open. But we have pets, they go, they
just come in and out. But.
(35:15):
I guess pets but I think it's like it's weird to have locked
doors in your house when you have.
To. Or like cabinets.
Yeah, yeah. Guns.
Oh yeah, it's gonna be guns, I guess for kids, make it a little
different. You don't want kids getting into
certain places. Yeah, I think locked.
You know, you're like, yeah, what would you even lock in your
(35:35):
house, your Home Office like to keep like if you're a judge or a
lawyer and have documents in there?
OK, one of my friends house sat for a guy who like she's like a
production assistant. She works on a lot of big shows
and so she's house sitting for one of the directors and he had
his room locked one of his roomsand it was the room full of that
means. And so that was that's that's
(35:57):
worth locking up. That's worth especially if
you're leaving for a week to go to Cabo.
You know what? I.
Mean yeah. Cabinet, Yeah.
OK so that's not even the topic at hand but I just like wanted
to know what everyone. Thought, you know, I like it.
It was a very good question. Thank you.
We all learned a lot about each.Other yeah more than one I think
is you got I would have questions.
Yeah, absolutely. Even one I would have questions,
I'd be like, hey, what's behind that door?
What's, what's going on? I would want to be back there,
(36:19):
so yeah, yeah. Nothing makes you want to be in
a room like it being locked. Locked.
God, that is so my dating style.What's wrong with me keeping
from me? I love a closed door.
Wow, you slammed it in my face. Let.
Me get out my little pic set like this puppy.
(36:42):
So OK, shoes on in the house. Your house is dirty, obviously.
Never make me take my shoes off,correct?
Right. There's.
Even a smattering of dust? No.
Yeah, yeah, your house is clean.Also, don't make me take my
shoes off. That's my, that's my judgement.
(37:03):
I'm with you. I like it to be more of a
request. You know what I mean?
Like, I don't like people who are like, take your shoes off.
It's like, whoa, are you the police?
What are we doing here? Like why are you bossing?
Am I under a mess I? Thought I was invited over.
Yeah, but when it's like, do youmind taking your shoes off?
Because, you know, we're Midwesterners.
I really appreciate manners. Like a please and a thank you go
a really long way from me. Someone using their turn signal,
(37:25):
I'll let them into my lane. Someone not using their turn
signal, I'll hit their fucking car, bro.
Yeah. Yeah, but.
OK. So it's like if someone asks me
nicely and it's like, hey, like I just cleaned.
Will you mind taking off your shoes?
Absolutely. I don't want to dirty up this
house. You just clean.
You spend time doing that, but if someone's like, take your
shoes off, I'm like, oh, you think you're my father?
Should we fight? So if the shoe OK, so I'll set
(37:50):
some ground rules. Their quest has to be a do you
mind or may you polite polite, which I feel like even do you
mind. That's one of those phrases
where like it sounds a little bit rude still.
Yeah, it's like like like do youmind?
I don't know do. You mind?
Do you mind? Yeah, I know you mind.
So it has to be a request and cleanliness has to be apparent.
Yes. So if, if so, if you walk in, if
(38:12):
you walk into my house and there's a shoe wreck, but none
of the shoes are actually racked.
They're just kind of like scattered.
And maybe like even you can you can see some dinginess on
dinginess on the rug. You're probably you're like.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to you question them.
Have to decline. Wow.
Yeah. Oh, I'll.
Well, I mean, I don't mind lying.
So I'll just feel like, Oh yeah,I got.
(38:33):
It's more really weird going offI feel right now.
So you're doing a service to them?
Yeah, yeah, you're yeah it keep.Midwestern politeness.
I don't like to cause a ruckus, but.
Midwestern wine like. Let me exactly we love white
lies in the Midwest. We're full of them.
It's. Called snow exactly white lies
it looks comfy and then it's very cold it does it's.
Lying to you, yeah. And then you like lull into
(38:54):
death slowly. OK, so that's a good slight.
That's a good slogan for like, aclimate change denier.
You lull. White lies in the.
Sky. Yes.
You know me compassionate conservative, but the case
literally says calls out The Dirty house.
Yeah. So I think we have to assume
that. The Dirty house, OK.
(39:14):
We need to decide how to punish someone who says can you take
your shoes off in their dirty house?
Yeah. If someone does that.
If someone's not swiffering. Yeah, it's a no Swiffer
household. They even if they're successful,
they make me take my shoes off. I spend some time there, I
leave. What?
(39:36):
How does the government step in?How does law enforcement step in
to punish this person once they're found guilty?
Here's what I was thinking. So this person who doesn't want
who has a dirty house but doesn't want shoes on their
space feels some type of way feels some disjointed type of
way about cleanliness. And for some reason the bottoms
(39:58):
soles of sneakers have like affect like are wrong to them in
some way. I think that you if they make
you take your shoes off and theyhave a dirty house, you get to
put your just bare ass on their floor just like a brief press.
Because in reality, obviously there's a stigma about bare
(40:20):
asses and assholes, but in reality, most people's butts are
probably cleaner than the bottomof their.
Shoes. I wouldn't want to get my butt
dirty exactly in their gross house.
Exactly. Well, but we're we're, we're
enacting, we're enforcing law. So I think you'd have to make an
exception. Do we treat our law enforcement
this cruelly? The thin blue line.
Is this what we're trying to define?
(40:45):
I've got to say I'm I'm not hugeon the on on the that's
particular punishment. I was just thinking of like
something that like some like not as dirty, but like that they
would probably think that personwith a dirty house who makes
tinker shoes off would think is dirtier just to like really.
Just to like, psychologically, yeah, psychologically in, in, in
gender dirt. Yeah, I'm going for a
psychological punishment here. I think, OK, just cuz I think
(41:08):
cuz I think most of the actual case is psychological.
It's like it's not that much dirty than the rest.
The shoes aren't that much dirtythan the rest of your house.
That's true. Or the rest of my body.
I think if they make me take my shoes off in their dirty house,
they have to clean my house that.
'D be nice right but they're butthey're obviously not gonna
clean their house so why you know?
Well, we put a, we put a, a, a bright vest on them and give
(41:33):
them, you know, like they're like they're cleaning up the
side of the road. Yeah, but they have to come to
my house and clean it up becausethey they broke that law.
So mine's pretty close to yours,but mine's a little bit more
biblical. Okay, just.
That if you're gonna make me take off my shoes at your house,
then when upon I leave your house, you're going to wash my
(41:56):
fucking feet just like Jesus did.
Oh my God, it's Christ like it's, it's compassionate.
On the motherfucking cross, you know what I mean?
Absolutely. I would crucify you any time of
the week. You're so welcome.
That is a very good I. Love that.
I think that is. I think that is it.
Yes, I think that's it because it's, it kind of it honestly
combines a little bit of both ofours.
It's true. It's psychological.
(42:17):
Warf and it's like asking clean,but it's doing all right.
If this is your law, then clean my feet.
Absolutely. This is I think this is case
closed. Anything's case closed.
Say, Haley, do you have anythingyou want to plug before we close
this case? Do you want to?
Plug. Liking things.
I would love to plug my Twitter.That's MILF weed with three ES.
(42:38):
Three ES. Snoop Dogg called Nancy Botman
and the Showtime show Weeds. I do not have any children nor
am I married, single and I wouldalso love to plug my web series
Brunch, a comedy web series on YouTube.
Well, you can watch me there. That's wonderful.
Case closed. Case closed.
This is premeditated.
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