June 3, 2025 • 31 mins
Human parents. The things that everyone, except Mork and Kyle XY, have. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, they’re the reason we all exist. But we’re all (biological) adults now. And adults kiss. So…wait, are you saying? Should we be smooching our parents?
Cheek, lips or tongue, our dear friend and future White Sox manager Haley OC has a ruling for each part of the face. She lays a lip-smacking legal smackdown on modern parenthood.
How long of a kiss is too long? What age is too old for a cheek pinch? If you’re in Europe, is it permitted? Is Graham a bad son for only high-fiving? Answers to all that and more on this week’s Premeditated!
Hosted by Graham Cameron and Neil Zumwalde
Guest: Haley OC (@haley_oc)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I can't. I've, I often marvel like what?
Like surgery was 300 years ago. Oh wow.
Like we can transplant a heart from a body to a body.
How many tries did we have to dothat?
A lot like that's. Crazy.
Well, a lot of people needed hearts and we did not get them.
And there's a lot of people thathad hearts to spare, you know?
(00:22):
Well, 'cause we're all born withtwo, yeah.
Surgery in the past probably a nightmare.
Yeah. Can you imagine like before
anesthesia? Oh.
I'd rather die. You just bite a leather belt.
And then someone just cuts you open for your own good.
Yeah, that's Yikes. Not many metal, not many
(00:42):
elective surgeries back then. Like, like it's like, it's like
I want to, I want to make my kneecaps like, like I want to be
taller. I can see that you saw it in my
face then, now I. Want to talk about elective
surgery? I like.
That I got my first like Botox screening.
Like a necessity. Like, like, just like.
Could it work? Yeah.
(01:03):
Like one of those. Just like I think it's like an
atom. I'm pretty sure the answer is
always yes yes. Apparently rape candidate.
I don't know if you knew this about me, but I'm a great
candidate. The the doctor wanting Congrats
money for plastic surgery. You thought you were a great
candidate. Last of a doctor and more of my
friend's girlfriend who does it and she said that you know, the
(01:25):
next time I come over to their house she'll have some stuff
there for me in like a mini fridge like this is the best
ever. So we're getting like the fell
off the back of the truck Botox.I think so like.
The real good the. Real good stuff.
Yeah, that's. The benefit of being like One of
the The greatest benefits of married a nurse is flu shots at
home. Holy smokes.
(01:46):
At home. Incredible.
I would not have guessed that. Yeah, she's like, all right, You
want it before or after dinner? What do you want to?
Do so. Cool.
Does she give them to you? Yeah, you don't give them to
yourself. No.
That's so cool. No, no, no, it's way longer.
I feel like that's way exactly. I mean, I, I needles aren't my,
I'm scared of needles. Like I don't, I don't look like
when I'm getting like a blood draw.
I don't look. I just like Yeah, absolutely
(02:07):
not. Ditto.
I, I like and I just like feel, feel a little woozy and I close
my eyes and I look this direction and they're trying to
tell me jokes and I'm like, thatwould be funny.
Maybe. I can't tell.
But maybe try it out at the store now at my drug flawed
drawing. Yeah, you have, you have like
this much needle inside me that's like flimsy.
(02:29):
It's like, isn't it flexible when they take blood?
I don't like it. It's bad.
I don't I'm. This is premeditated.
The podcast investigating society's unwritten laws and the
heinous ways they're broken. True crime, low stakes.
I'm Neil, I'm Graham, and this is premeditated.
(02:56):
Well, Speaking of jokes during blood draws, Oh my God, amazing
guest Haley OC Thanks Haley OC welcome to the show.
We've been dying to have you on.It's so good to finally have you
here and in your company sponsored outfit as well.
Thank you. That's very, very.
You know, I'm not sure if you know, but Haley has a new job
and they have dank clothes and free diet Cokes.
(03:18):
We can, we can cut this if this is not part of OK.
Dank clothes and diet Cokes is kind of like my thing.
DC, DC. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh man. And a lot of dogs too.
A lot of dogs I really want to steal, like lots of Pomeranians,
dachshunds, the small fashionable kinds.
OK. That was were exactly, exactly
the kind of dogs I imagined at your office.
(03:38):
You grew in 10%. This dog is named Fendi.
Yeah, I love that. I'm not a dog person but like if
it was named Fendi. If the dog's comfy enough.
Yeah, exactly. You know, like.
You're all a dog person then. Yeah, the dog has to earn it,
and it earns it. So it starts yapping at you and
you're like OK, Fendi Yeah, it is a great.
(04:00):
It is like because they say you should name dogs like 2 syllable
like NNFL because that's. Like says that.
Yeah, dog people, OK. Dog doctors.
Yeah, because it's like it's, it's like that's how they
respond. It's like a Dutt Dutt like
because they hear sounds like Fendi is like a good it's a good
dog name. I wanted to name on a three
syllable my first dog. I already have it planned
(04:21):
because I grew up in Chicago andI'm a White Sox fan.
That was my first job. I was taking surveys at Comiskey
in high school. So I want to name my first, like
puppy, Puppy like. When I don't adopt, I want to
name it Comiskey. And if I can call it Cummy for
short? Why is it cummy?
We have different questions. You want me to call it Iski?
Oh my, that's humble dumb. Comiskey and what is comiskey as
(04:44):
a white? Song, the name of the park the
year I was born. Yeah.
They've now changed it to a million different things since
then. Like America?
Whatever. Yeah, exactly.
Pledge Allegiance Park. I don't.
Know what it is? Hey, you got a pledge
allegiance? Exactly.
Speaking of pledge and allegiance, you have a
contentious case file for us, correct?
I certainly do. And it's 1:00 and it's 1.
(05:05):
Is this is this something that you already you know where you
stand on this issue or is it like you have yet to come to a
ruling on? There is almost no changing my
mind on this issue. Wow, wow.
OK, OK, I like. This so.
Coming coming in strong, but youneed to gain consensus.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not completelyclosed off.
I obviously I can be changed andnever say never but.
(05:26):
But you're really looking to recruit, but it will take a
while not to discuss. It's not even hard to recruit.
I'm not worried about it. If you guys, if you guys fall to
the other side, that's just like, you know, not my peers
love to get back. To you but and this is supposed
to be a trial by a jury of your peers.
Yeah, so and we're so we're gonna we're actually gonna find
out if this is even valid in the1st place today.
(05:47):
Yeah. Why don't you pull that out?
Oh wow, it's heavy yeah thing, this whole.
Dusty, worn vine bird. I couldn't.
OK. Has that been kicking around in
your messenger bag for a few years?
What's going on? I've been running all about town
with it, like Carrie Bradshaw. May I open it?
(06:08):
No, not yet. No.
What's? Screen, Are you going to open
it? No, absolutely not.
You can put it out in a safe space next to your mug of Diet
Coke that'd. Be easy.
Thank you, that would be love. For OK, so, but so this is
something you're not gonna change your mind on or you
probably won't probably. 90% not, that's right, don't mind.
Stick to your guns. If you're a Second Amendment
defender, don't. Spoil it, It's just a God.
(06:32):
Just a second. Verbatim.
Thou shalt bear right hearts. So how old is this whole case
file, huh? God, I would say.
Is it a digital age file? No, God, No.
It goes back to biblical times. Oh.
I would say Jesus and Mary dealtwith this.
OK, Adam and Eve were before Jesus and Mary, right?
(06:54):
Well, they were the first people.
Same story. They were everybody's grandma.
That makes sense. Yeah.
Same, same story in the sense that they're both in the Bible.
OK, Yeah. Not really.
Like so not even in. Season but different, like
series same. Season OK, so this is OK, so
here's my question. Now that I've figured out how
the Bible works. Jesus and Mary, we're discussing
this because there's people around, but we're Adam and Eve
(07:16):
discussing it. If there's just two people,
like, would it just have to be like, so it's like maybe a
public situation? Civilization has to exist for
this to exist. OK.
OK, all right. I know exactly what it is.
You really narrow it. I can't.
Amendment. We already covered this.
So if he already knows what it is, why don't we just get into
it? It is so nice to be here with
(07:42):
the rest of the family. I haven't seen them since last
year. Yeah, I know.
I'm glad. I'm glad all the the Brunswicks
can make it. I know.
This year, your sister's scars are healing nicely.
Yes, I know she's she's started biking again.
Yeah, which we all said. Susan mountain biking, please.
Don't mountain bike anymore. But she just, she keeps, she's
(08:03):
has a thrill. She just wants to get back on
the trails. She, you know, she lives in San
Francisco and it's really all you do out there is put yourself
in danger again. Well, I certainly hope that our
daughter doesn't pick up mountain biking.
It seems like a dangerous activity.
I don't plan on doing anything my aunt does if you're picking
up my drift. Yeah, including, including.
(08:24):
The way she acts with her children.
Well, yeah, she's she's very rude to them.
I've always said you're you're poor cousins.
You must be so happy to have us as your mom and dad.
I think she's a little too nice with them.
Yeah. I think she's just like, really
too sweet, you know? Yeah, we've always said it's
nice to have a daughter that really like zooms out.
(08:46):
Peter. Peter.
Peter. Are you saying that we were too
hard on you? No.
No, no, you guys were the perfect.
We were the right amount of strict.
Perfect amount I thought. Is, I mean, we let you go to
parties in college, but we also made sure that you called us
before and after leaving, correct?
Which I think was a good boundary to say.
It was a good boundary, yeah, of.
Course, and I was happy to do that, but you guys didn't like
walk me out the door and do someovert weird display of
(09:08):
affection. No, no, That would embarrass me.
Yeah, I'm like you'd like, honey.
You're not. You're not you're you're the
love of my life, of course, but you're my daughter.
But but it's not going to have athree second hug.
That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous.
Like you're embarrassing to be around sometimes.
Yeah, and thank you for bringingyour separate picnic blanket
(09:29):
too, because thank you. It's just a little craft with me
and your father. Yeah, you guys bought a really
small towel. I don't know why you did.
That and ever since you've been out of the house, it's really
reignited a lot of physical intimacy between your mother and
I. So is this a boundary for you?
No. You know, as long as the
physical intimacy stays between you guys and doesn't include me,
(09:49):
I think we're so good. I think I'm happy for you even.
OK. But what's your bone to pick
with Susan? What's Courtney?
Close. She's too close with her kids.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
Like physically too close in proximity.
Yeah, I mean, I've noticed. And how old are her kids these
days? I I can't keep track of all the
(10:10):
cousins. 27 and 32. 27 and 32. Adult children.
And she's like, you know. They're they'll always be like 9
and six. They always.
Yeah, I was, Yeah. I I see them as like 5:00 and
8:00, but wow, 27 and 30, Wow. That is, they are.
I guess they're driving now. Graduated college.
(10:31):
A bit for a while. And so Shanya, that was a decade
ago. OK, All right.
I guess I've been in too many mountain biking accidents.
No, she I just don't understand.So obviously, I mean, I've seen
the back pets and the head rubs.That's a little bit too much,
(10:52):
but it's is she doing like pet names?
I should know this about my sister, but we really don't talk
that much. How have?
You, I mean, you spend more timewith with your cousins, yeah,
than we do, that's for sure. We're only spending time with
each other. Isn't that right, Tanya?
Oh my gosh, if only this towel were a hand towel size.
We would. Can we really be next to each
(11:12):
other? You guys are nasty.
But. My cousins are part of the
problem too. They just love it.
They're adult children and they,they do it back, they
reciprocate, you know, like. Very weird I had We would never
ask our embarrassing daughter togive us a back rub, wouldn't
would we time. I mean, she'd have to wash her
hands. What have you been digging in
dirt? Yeah, I was doing some
(11:34):
gardening. Well, yeah, she's old enough to
garden now. I guess we got to just let her
do it. I'm 40.
All rise for the Honorable JudgeHaley, OC.
Well presented case. Thank you.
(11:56):
I spent a lot of time thinking about it and it was actually it
was sparked by something that happened recently.
I witnessed this first hand about two months ago.
Can we just shook me to my core.Should we guess what it is so we
can really dive in? Do you have one?
I'm, I'm think I'm really, I mean, if I had to go to the
polls and cast a ballot, I wouldsay soft parent or soft
(12:18):
parenting, which I know is like a, a kind of like a whatever
buzzword soft. But like, oh, I guess maybe not
soft 'cause it was, it was there's, there's you did a lot
of play about the like the affection and physical
affection. So I guess people will still
kiss their parents. Maybe I 'cause I didn't think it
(12:43):
was quite helicopter parent, youknow, 'cause they're adults or
the cousins were adult cousins. So I'm under the impression that
it's like, I thought it was moreabout treating your adult
children as if they're children.Children like like like sort of
a Arrested Development kind of situation.
(13:03):
But I I I think we should just open open the file I'm.
Dying to know can. You will you open the file and
show the cams. And show it to us Mr. Rogers
style. So like we can all read.
Yes, let's see what's what's in this case file.
Slow strap pole. That's good.
That's a good first. Strap the release, adult child
(13:24):
and parent kissing on the mouth.Wow, all the elements stick in
there. Wow, right there.
You were right. Right there in the ballpark.
Whoa, OK. Stepped up to the plate.
You just didn't take the full swing.
I was ready. I was reading that pitcher's
eye. I was.
I was OK. Wow.
Kissing on the mouth. OK, I'm having a hard time even
(13:45):
imagining. OK, So what was the real story
here? So before my new job, I was
working as a brand ambassador. I was working like a lot of
health and Wellness, fitness, Expo type stuff.
OK. And the body's a temple.
Yes, the body is a freaking temple, and you got to pay a lot
of money to keep it that way. Yeah, absolutely.
And while we were there, I saw aman who worked for the company
(14:09):
whose mother was there attendingin support.
And this man was 35, and his mother was probably like 55 or
60. Young mom.
Yeah, young mom for sure, and very nice people for the most
part. Like, you know, they're from
Chicago, too. We were hitting it off and
everything. And then?
They kissed. And then they kissed on the
mouth. But not even just It was in full
(14:30):
public, just like we were at a booth at a convention.
Was it was it like a hello or like OK bye see ya or is it just
like, oh it was? Like a see you later OK like
there would. Was it like mid conversation
they were like. No, but that means the promise
of more. That means there might be more
than one parental child kissing a day for just to see you later.
(14:50):
That's ACU next month. That's a see you next quarter.
On the mouth. On the mouth.
OK, I describe a kiss. It was like tender.
It was like it was. It was no.
It felt like less of a Peck and more like full lips pressed to
(15:12):
each other briefly. OK, so so it wasn't just like
because you know, like when you I feel like I do this with hugs
too. Like when you're, you're like
physically like leaving or partying.
It's just kind of like a brief like clasp and go like you.
No one's, no one's really aiming.
You're still like just do. And then we like we're on our
way. So it's not just like a like
head out of here. It did.
It was not. It did it linger?
(15:33):
It lingered. Eyes closed.
There was lingering. No, but the eyes open made it
worse actually. It's like so like so like, let
let me just do. Yeah, kind of like that.
You want to release. Yeah, But the sound as well.
The sound is important. There was a sound.
(15:53):
Now I'm in the middle of my workday here and I'm just shattered
because you're not supposed to have to witness that as an
adult, especially not at work orin a public purview.
OK, this is a heavy one. That is a heavy 1 I feel.
I feel like the I first. First, let me say that I am a
(16:16):
big proponent of kissing people on the mouth.
Yes, big fan friends, this is a big one.
Lovers. Yeah, whatever with you there.
As soon as I'm related to them, it makes it feel different
somehow. Appalachian, yeah.
(16:37):
Where good adjective. I I'm trying to imagine like I
would never do that with a bloodrelative of mine.
I would do that with friends allthe time.
Whatever. Straight, gay, male, man, woman
doesn't really matter, right? All day long.
Never. No big deal.
Well. We're in business together.
(17:00):
Yeah, you don't want to complicate things.
I don't want you to catch feelings, but the but yeah,
something about the fam, the blood relation makes it makes it
really a tough thing. I like, absolutely kiss my
family members, like on the cheeks all the time, you know?
Absolutely. That's dead skin.
(17:21):
That's dead skin, something about the mouth.
It's not like it's not like literally worse, but like it's
intellectually big boundary, right, Because I'm like this
isn't like necessarily more. The cheek is not necessarily
like a physical. Yes, the mouth has like less
(17:41):
boundary between the inside of my body and the inside of their
body. The cheek is like.
Pretty damn, never heard it thatway, but he's corrupt.
It is. It is open sesame.
It is the portal to the inside of the body.
That's where the plane goes. They I, this is wild.
I, I I want to be able to because we like and for all
(18:03):
these cases, I think it's good to argue, argue the opposition
of. Course Devil's advocate.
I'm finding it hard to because like, I remember I was trying to
think of like the last time, my family's not a kissing family.
We're not really like maybe whenwe see each other we'll hug.
But we're, we're just have neverbeen a physically affectionate
family. Just Bony skinny people.
It's just a lot of it doesn't feel good.
(18:24):
Not soft. No, no, but like I, I think like
my mom used to kiss me like whenshe dropped me off at school,
but I think by as a child, 2nd grade, 2nd grade, I was like, I
don't like, I don't want that. Like I'm a, I'm a big boy now.
Damn. And so we, I, what we bartered
with and what like, 'cause my mom was like, well, I still want
(18:46):
to kiss my son before he goes toschool.
We bartered with, I think it waswe, we landed on high fives.
That was like our whoa. That is a huge degree down in
intimacy, hey. Hey.
Counsel, you're having your mother.
Oh my God. OK, OK, let me just let me just.
Apologize. Station station wagon.
I'm not apologizing on my station wagon.
(19:07):
I'm in the back seat. I'm sliding out the edge to get
off at the curb. If it's a face kiss, I have to
like stick my little head between the two things She has
to rean over like smooch. It was and also I was like my
friends can see it. I don't know whatever it is.
And she like the high 5 was fine, but it I don't I don't
think I don't think the goodbye kiss was ever on the lips.
Like I think even then it was a it was a cheek kiss.
(19:29):
Most people and I was a baby. I saw my baby fat.
I'm trying to, I'm trying to like really see how far I can
stretch my mind into a European family.
Yes, I will say I, I apply this mostly to white Americans.
And even then that 10 percent, 5% of that not believing in this
(19:50):
goes to the people of the South because they do.
It's just a cultural thing. Like I I don't like it.
A good visual when you were in this and saying goes to the
people of the South. Well, it, I mean, I just, I
don't like it. I don't wanna see it.
I hope to never bear witness to it.
But I know that they culturally,yeah, but even when they're
adults and stuff. Well, I'm like.
(20:12):
I have family in the South. They didn't.
They didn't kiss me on the lips.Sure.
And they're like Georgia. Georgia, that is.
Yeah, that is, wasn't it? Wasn't like it wasn't like North
Carolina, which is arguably. Mid-Atlantic, Missouri.
Just you could Ugly Midwest. You could also argue yes.
The the but I but I'm like trying to imagine it and I'm
(20:34):
like, is there? Does it signal like take all of
my cultural knowledge out of it?Does it signal a very healthy
relationship? That's a good.
Question like just. Just like.
Just like, hey, we're very closeas a family and we are
affectionate. Is that actually, am I
responding because I'm like associating it too much with
(20:58):
like all the way with incest, oris it, Or is it actually like,
hey, we're just very comfortablewith each other and intimate and
it's fine as a family, which I would think is like, not German,
but the rest of Europe, you know?
Yeah, yeah. Like Spanish.
Yeah. I can see the Spanish family
keeping themselves on the lips and me not being like as grossed
(21:19):
out by it as I am with like Wasps.
Just like, you know, smooch on the lips.
But that's also just. Europe, like you go there and
they do. That's mostly cheek kisses.
They do. It's like, it's almost like
corners of the mouth. Like they get the corners, but
it's never full face, like nose to nose.
Why in that way? It's always like a like side,
side. Yeah.
What I really want you guys to. Consider I want you to like take
(21:41):
a moment and imagine that if yousaw your mother's tomorrow.
OK, eyes are closed. I'm.
Imagining my mother saying goodbye.
And as you say goodbye, you givethem just a little 2 second kiss
on the lips as a signal of your love for them.
I my eyes my. Eyes flooded wide open.
I, I I can. See it being like a jokey like,
you know, like a very very jokeylike little pecky thing. 2
(22:04):
seconds is actually a very long time.
I could. See, I feel.
Like, I could see you 'cause you're, I could see you doing a
jokey kiss. Yeah, it just.
Like I or just put my mom on. My lips, she would just be like,
like, it would be like a she'd be shocked.
She was like, this is. What I wanted in the station
way, you're 30 years. Late.
(22:25):
No, I think she'd be like. What the fuck was that?
Yeah. Like, I mean, probably, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's. That's wild.
I hope you guys never have to bear witness to it.
It's not. I mean, we have we've.
Witnessed. We've bared what in the scene we
we watched? Yeah, that's true.
Yeah. For sure.
Well, we just talked about Susan.
(22:46):
Yeah, yeah. OK, so.
This feels like it doesn't. Feel right to set like an age
that thou shall not kissing. Stop kissing kids on lips.
I'm happy to do that. OK, well, let's hear.
It 18. 18 I feel like. That's late.
Wow, that is late, but that's the last age.
I'll accept it is late 100% yeahOK, but it is the absolute last
(23:08):
time you can kiss your kid on the mouth.
See, I just 'cause I. Think for me and my station
wagon analogy is like kissing mom became weird when I started
wanting to kiss girls or like people I like.
Yeah, like that because I was like, because that then it
became an action of like, oh, that's an intimate thing I want
to do and like, I'm I don't wantto do intimate with mom.
(23:29):
That's very good. That's the sign of a healthy
relationship, so I thought that.Occurs before 18 years of like.
Yeah, that's like that's like 13, right, is when you're like,
oh, I want to kiss girls insteadof mom those.
Feelings. It's in second grade, so that's
like, that's oh wow, much time, whatever.
Maybe I was a late bloomer. I was always worried about it,
(23:51):
but I don't know. Worried about kissing?
I was. Worried about being a late?
Bloomer as a kid. Oh, Oh yeah, Mom.
Always told me that. Dad was a late bloomer.
Oh, I was a late bloomer for. Sure.
We talked about yeah, yeah, I didn't shut up in your 20s.
Yeah, I was. I was a post. 18 bloomer, but
no, But yeah, yeah, I was a little Shorty, I think 18.
Makes sense and. I.
(24:16):
Choose your. Words very carefully.
I think that most. People will elect.
You're gonna vote. You gotta stop.
Because your parents will. Elect to stop kissing their
parents on the lips earlier. Most people will.
If they make it to 18, they're probably not stopping at 18, You
know, I mean, the train's been running too.
Long Yeah, and it's just like got.
So much inertia behind it. And if they're European, I think
(24:42):
it's OK. Actually, if they're European, I
think it's all right. If they're cultural, yeah.
Yeah, Under the European. In any non white culture,
because like I do know like a lot of other cultures who are
not white, like definitely do that and that's fine, that's
normal, but for. Not my culture.
American corn. Side household NMC.
Not my culture. So yeah, if you do it in
(25:06):
America, if you kiss your parents on the lips in America
and you are 19 or older, you canget put.
Down. Whoa.
I'm just being. Reasonable here.
You know OK how? Something about this wig?
Neal, I think. The last it's giving.
Me a stick. And you are the last drunk where
(25:28):
the. Grey wig was like death.
Death penalty for all kids. Like ready to.
Bring back like gossip about your friend.
Death your son. Don't want your birthday party?
Celebrated death. Yeah, OK.
So we've got. A vote for the death penalty and
then also just like. Who the kid parties?
Or the. They're both.
Adults, I guess. Yeah, they're both being tried
as adults. Yeah, but the kid kept it going.
(25:50):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tried as adult?
Yeah, good point. Tried as an adult.
Exactly. If they're under 18, they're not
gonna get tried because of the law.
So so if you and. Your husband have one kid and
you don't kiss them on the lips but they do.
You lose your family. Whole family.
There will be. I'm not.
(26:10):
Even as a child, I'm not gonna kiss my kids.
Oh, that's interesting. Yeah.
Do you think in these child kissing families is it 1?
Parent or the other? Yes.
Like would dad have because his mom and son, right?
Would you think? Yeah, mom and son.
Usually dad kiss dad. And daughter.
Can't that just seems even more wrong.
Dad and daughter, yeah. Dad, dad and son.
Also don't like that it. I just don't really want anyone
(26:35):
because they're good on the lips, if I'm being honest.
Yeah, like that over 18 was me being really nice.
I don't want to see it period. That was you being.
Really nice. And then definitely, yeah.
I think. Yeah, I think.
I honestly, I think we should roll it back a little bit to
just driver's license rules. I got 15.
You got to kind of like figure out how to stop like when your
parents. Are around.
You know, train yourself like I could wean it off and by 16 it's
(26:56):
like you got to be on your own. You got to be kissing on your
own because lowering it to. 16 Iwould like to OK.
With a provisional learner's permit at 15, yeah.
Or or forgetters permit, Yeah. Unlearner's permit in terms.
Of yeah, In terms of punishment,I think death is a little too
harsh. No offense, Haley understood.
I like. Where your heads?
At I was, I was kind. Of in in the sort of air of like
(27:19):
deterrent behavior. I think, you know, like how like
old timey clowns have the buzzy hand where, yeah, like shocks
you. I want that on their lips when
they kiss. It's.
Super good. It's a little, it's a little
like. Carpet shock like and it so like
there's a physical recoil like, oh, it's nice to have.
Like that, that, that, that likefeedback.
(27:41):
Yeah. Like Pavlovian?
'S dog, but for bad things, so it's actually like.
You and your parents, when you're both, you're always
holding on to batteries from 18 on or 16 on.
And when you kiss on the lips, it completes the circuit and
electric uses both. Yes, that's what I would.
Like it's like a little shock color.
Type thing. Have you guys not considered?
(28:04):
That. They might like it because
that's where I think you guys have knocked at that point.
Then I do think we have to. Leave them.
Alone. Yeah, Yeah, Thank you.
At that point, that's fair. At that point, they can, like,
live out their happy existence in exile.
OK, kind of. Like we build our own Australia,
but for people who kiss their parents, yes, we just send.
(28:25):
Them away to cook. And it's like deep in the.
Appalachian Mountains, yes, in the.
Mountains of North Carolina. Yeah, Exactly which?
Is not the South. Which is.
Not the South, that's Mid-Atlantic, obviously.
OK, I like the I like the I likethe electricity moment
happening. I think that's a good, that's a
good like stop touching. Just a little gentle reminder
(28:49):
and if you like it then you got to move.
Then. I don't think I think death
penalty would be too harsh because, you know, it takes a
whole it, it's a wide world out there.
And there are some people who are really going through some
things. And I Do you think compassionate
conservatism is. Yeah, the Bush, the Bush era
really tough. Neil, you're softening.
(29:11):
Me up now, yeah, it's like maybemaybe that 35 on his 55 year old
mom should just should just likelive out there.
Happy lives and be like hey see you.
Later and then kiss multiple times a day and you guys can
only. Say that because you haven't
seen it. Yeah, it's true.
Yeah, that might be true. I think it's.
It's it's been 20. Minutes.
Since you played it out for us, you told that story.
Because when you told that. Story.
(29:32):
I was like, yes. And now I'm.
Like, well, well, let him get it.
A boy and his mommy can. And you guys made me feel bad.
About kissing my mom. Yeah, OK.
But I think I think this is moreor.
Less a shut case on this, yeah. And then?
Yeah, we can go death penalty. You've yeah, convinced.
(29:52):
But I like the idea. Of having like one or two
recourses and then going death, Yeah, you like.
You like buzzer the buzzer? And then if it.
Doesn't stop. Maybe something in between?
Even maybe you get a second step.
I'm not. I'm not completely heartless.
The buzzer. Uncomfortable shoes?
Yeah, Then we. Send them to our Australia and
then they die if they can't behave on that island alone.
(30:14):
Like gone OK. OK, so heightening.
Yeah, Yeah. OK.
We heighten to. We heighten to.
Goodbye. Society has decided you're gone.
Buzzer Exile. Death.
OK, that's put that on T-shirt. Right back down.
Buzzer, exile, death buzzer. Exhale.
All right, Scrabble gavels. OK, before we bang them on our
(30:34):
case, Haley, anything you want to plug?
Yeah, you can follow me on Twitter.
It's MILF weed with three ES. I am not a mother.
I just love the show Weeds and Nancy Botwin.
Interesting, my kids. The OC in my last name is not
for Orange County by the way. That is just a shortened version
of my full name. And then also I have a web
(30:56):
series that I made a few years back on YouTube called Brunch, a
comedy web series. Check it out.
I made it with one of my best friends in Chicago before I
moved to LA and it was the happiest time of my life.
What's the name again? Brunch a comedy web.
Series Brunch, comedy, Web series.
No, if we'd on Twitter. All right, Yeah, we'll see.
Case closed. Case closed.
Very good. Very.
Good this. Is premeditated.
I can't. I've, I often marvel like what?
Like surgery was 300 years ago. Oh wow.
Like we can transplant a heart from a body to a body.
How many tries did we have to dothat?
A lot like that's. Crazy.
Well, a lot of people needed hearts and we did not get them.
And there's a lot of people thathad hearts to spare, you know?
(00:22):
Well, 'cause we're all born withtwo, yeah.
Surgery in the past probably a nightmare.
Yeah. Can you imagine like before
anesthesia? Oh.
I'd rather die. You just bite a leather belt.
And then someone just cuts you open for your own good.
Yeah, that's Yikes. Not many metal, not many
(00:42):
elective surgeries back then. Like, like it's like, it's like
I want to, I want to make my kneecaps like, like I want to be
taller. I can see that you saw it in my
face then, now I. Want to talk about elective
surgery? I like.
That I got my first like Botox screening.
Like a necessity. Like, like, just like.
Could it work? Yeah.
(01:03):
Like one of those. Just like I think it's like an
atom. I'm pretty sure the answer is
always yes yes. Apparently rape candidate.
I don't know if you knew this about me, but I'm a great
candidate. The the doctor wanting Congrats
money for plastic surgery. You thought you were a great
candidate. Last of a doctor and more of my
friend's girlfriend who does it and she said that you know, the
(01:25):
next time I come over to their house she'll have some stuff
there for me in like a mini fridge like this is the best
ever. So we're getting like the fell
off the back of the truck Botox.I think so like.
The real good the. Real good stuff.
Yeah, that's. The benefit of being like One of
the The greatest benefits of married a nurse is flu shots at
home. Holy smokes.
(01:46):
At home. Incredible.
I would not have guessed that. Yeah, she's like, all right, You
want it before or after dinner? What do you want to?
Do so. Cool.
Does she give them to you? Yeah, you don't give them to
yourself. No.
That's so cool. No, no, no, it's way longer.
I feel like that's way exactly. I mean, I, I needles aren't my,
I'm scared of needles. Like I don't, I don't look like
when I'm getting like a blood draw.
I don't look. I just like Yeah, absolutely
(02:07):
not. Ditto.
I, I like and I just like feel, feel a little woozy and I close
my eyes and I look this direction and they're trying to
tell me jokes and I'm like, thatwould be funny.
Maybe. I can't tell.
But maybe try it out at the store now at my drug flawed
drawing. Yeah, you have, you have like
this much needle inside me that's like flimsy.
(02:29):
It's like, isn't it flexible when they take blood?
I don't like it. It's bad.
I don't I'm. This is premeditated.
The podcast investigating society's unwritten laws and the
heinous ways they're broken. True crime, low stakes.
I'm Neil, I'm Graham, and this is premeditated.
(02:56):
Well, Speaking of jokes during blood draws, Oh my God, amazing
guest Haley OC Thanks Haley OC welcome to the show.
We've been dying to have you on.It's so good to finally have you
here and in your company sponsored outfit as well.
Thank you. That's very, very.
You know, I'm not sure if you know, but Haley has a new job
and they have dank clothes and free diet Cokes.
(03:18):
We can, we can cut this if this is not part of OK.
Dank clothes and diet Cokes is kind of like my thing.
DC, DC. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh man. And a lot of dogs too.
A lot of dogs I really want to steal, like lots of Pomeranians,
dachshunds, the small fashionable kinds.
OK. That was were exactly, exactly
the kind of dogs I imagined at your office.
(03:38):
You grew in 10%. This dog is named Fendi.
Yeah, I love that. I'm not a dog person but like if
it was named Fendi. If the dog's comfy enough.
Yeah, exactly. You know, like.
You're all a dog person then. Yeah, the dog has to earn it,
and it earns it. So it starts yapping at you and
you're like OK, Fendi Yeah, it is a great.
(04:00):
It is like because they say you should name dogs like 2 syllable
like NNFL because that's. Like says that.
Yeah, dog people, OK. Dog doctors.
Yeah, because it's like it's, it's like that's how they
respond. It's like a Dutt Dutt like
because they hear sounds like Fendi is like a good it's a good
dog name. I wanted to name on a three
syllable my first dog. I already have it planned
(04:21):
because I grew up in Chicago andI'm a White Sox fan.
That was my first job. I was taking surveys at Comiskey
in high school. So I want to name my first, like
puppy, Puppy like. When I don't adopt, I want to
name it Comiskey. And if I can call it Cummy for
short? Why is it cummy?
We have different questions. You want me to call it Iski?
Oh my, that's humble dumb. Comiskey and what is comiskey as
(04:44):
a white? Song, the name of the park the
year I was born. Yeah.
They've now changed it to a million different things since
then. Like America?
Whatever. Yeah, exactly.
Pledge Allegiance Park. I don't.
Know what it is? Hey, you got a pledge
allegiance? Exactly.
Speaking of pledge and allegiance, you have a
contentious case file for us, correct?
I certainly do. And it's 1:00 and it's 1.
(05:05):
Is this is this something that you already you know where you
stand on this issue or is it like you have yet to come to a
ruling on? There is almost no changing my
mind on this issue. Wow, wow.
OK, OK, I like. This so.
Coming coming in strong, but youneed to gain consensus.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not completelyclosed off.
I obviously I can be changed andnever say never but.
(05:26):
But you're really looking to recruit, but it will take a
while not to discuss. It's not even hard to recruit.
I'm not worried about it. If you guys, if you guys fall to
the other side, that's just like, you know, not my peers
love to get back. To you but and this is supposed
to be a trial by a jury of your peers.
Yeah, so and we're so we're gonna we're actually gonna find
out if this is even valid in the1st place today.
(05:47):
Yeah. Why don't you pull that out?
Oh wow, it's heavy yeah thing, this whole.
Dusty, worn vine bird. I couldn't.
OK. Has that been kicking around in
your messenger bag for a few years?
What's going on? I've been running all about town
with it, like Carrie Bradshaw. May I open it?
(06:08):
No, not yet. No.
What's? Screen, Are you going to open
it? No, absolutely not.
You can put it out in a safe space next to your mug of Diet
Coke that'd. Be easy.
Thank you, that would be love. For OK, so, but so this is
something you're not gonna change your mind on or you
probably won't probably. 90% not, that's right, don't mind.
Stick to your guns. If you're a Second Amendment
defender, don't. Spoil it, It's just a God.
(06:32):
Just a second. Verbatim.
Thou shalt bear right hearts. So how old is this whole case
file, huh? God, I would say.
Is it a digital age file? No, God, No.
It goes back to biblical times. Oh.
I would say Jesus and Mary dealtwith this.
OK, Adam and Eve were before Jesus and Mary, right?
(06:54):
Well, they were the first people.
Same story. They were everybody's grandma.
That makes sense. Yeah.
Same, same story in the sense that they're both in the Bible.
OK, Yeah. Not really.
Like so not even in. Season but different, like
series same. Season OK, so this is OK, so
here's my question. Now that I've figured out how
the Bible works. Jesus and Mary, we're discussing
this because there's people around, but we're Adam and Eve
(07:16):
discussing it. If there's just two people,
like, would it just have to be like, so it's like maybe a
public situation? Civilization has to exist for
this to exist. OK.
OK, all right. I know exactly what it is.
You really narrow it. I can't.
Amendment. We already covered this.
So if he already knows what it is, why don't we just get into
it? It is so nice to be here with
(07:42):
the rest of the family. I haven't seen them since last
year. Yeah, I know.
I'm glad. I'm glad all the the Brunswicks
can make it. I know.
This year, your sister's scars are healing nicely.
Yes, I know she's she's started biking again.
Yeah, which we all said. Susan mountain biking, please.
Don't mountain bike anymore. But she just, she keeps, she's
(08:03):
has a thrill. She just wants to get back on
the trails. She, you know, she lives in San
Francisco and it's really all you do out there is put yourself
in danger again. Well, I certainly hope that our
daughter doesn't pick up mountain biking.
It seems like a dangerous activity.
I don't plan on doing anything my aunt does if you're picking
up my drift. Yeah, including, including.
(08:24):
The way she acts with her children.
Well, yeah, she's she's very rude to them.
I've always said you're you're poor cousins.
You must be so happy to have us as your mom and dad.
I think she's a little too nice with them.
Yeah. I think she's just like, really
too sweet, you know? Yeah, we've always said it's
nice to have a daughter that really like zooms out.
(08:46):
Peter. Peter.
Peter. Are you saying that we were too
hard on you? No.
No, no, you guys were the perfect.
We were the right amount of strict.
Perfect amount I thought. Is, I mean, we let you go to
parties in college, but we also made sure that you called us
before and after leaving, correct?
Which I think was a good boundary to say.
It was a good boundary, yeah, of.
Course, and I was happy to do that, but you guys didn't like
walk me out the door and do someovert weird display of
(09:08):
affection. No, no, That would embarrass me.
Yeah, I'm like you'd like, honey.
You're not. You're not you're you're the
love of my life, of course, but you're my daughter.
But but it's not going to have athree second hug.
That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous.
Like you're embarrassing to be around sometimes.
Yeah, and thank you for bringingyour separate picnic blanket
(09:29):
too, because thank you. It's just a little craft with me
and your father. Yeah, you guys bought a really
small towel. I don't know why you did.
That and ever since you've been out of the house, it's really
reignited a lot of physical intimacy between your mother and
I. So is this a boundary for you?
No. You know, as long as the
physical intimacy stays between you guys and doesn't include me,
(09:49):
I think we're so good. I think I'm happy for you even.
OK. But what's your bone to pick
with Susan? What's Courtney?
Close. She's too close with her kids.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
Like physically too close in proximity.
Yeah, I mean, I've noticed. And how old are her kids these
days? I I can't keep track of all the
(10:10):
cousins. 27 and 32. 27 and 32. Adult children.
And she's like, you know. They're they'll always be like 9
and six. They always.
Yeah, I was, Yeah. I I see them as like 5:00 and
8:00, but wow, 27 and 30, Wow. That is, they are.
I guess they're driving now. Graduated college.
(10:31):
A bit for a while. And so Shanya, that was a decade
ago. OK, All right.
I guess I've been in too many mountain biking accidents.
No, she I just don't understand.So obviously, I mean, I've seen
the back pets and the head rubs.That's a little bit too much,
(10:52):
but it's is she doing like pet names?
I should know this about my sister, but we really don't talk
that much. How have?
You, I mean, you spend more timewith with your cousins, yeah,
than we do, that's for sure. We're only spending time with
each other. Isn't that right, Tanya?
Oh my gosh, if only this towel were a hand towel size.
We would. Can we really be next to each
(11:12):
other? You guys are nasty.
But. My cousins are part of the
problem too. They just love it.
They're adult children and they,they do it back, they
reciprocate, you know, like. Very weird I had We would never
ask our embarrassing daughter togive us a back rub, wouldn't
would we time. I mean, she'd have to wash her
hands. What have you been digging in
dirt? Yeah, I was doing some
(11:34):
gardening. Well, yeah, she's old enough to
garden now. I guess we got to just let her
do it. I'm 40.
All rise for the Honorable JudgeHaley, OC.
Well presented case. Thank you.
(11:56):
I spent a lot of time thinking about it and it was actually it
was sparked by something that happened recently.
I witnessed this first hand about two months ago.
Can we just shook me to my core.Should we guess what it is so we
can really dive in? Do you have one?
I'm, I'm think I'm really, I mean, if I had to go to the
polls and cast a ballot, I wouldsay soft parent or soft
(12:18):
parenting, which I know is like a, a kind of like a whatever
buzzword soft. But like, oh, I guess maybe not
soft 'cause it was, it was there's, there's you did a lot
of play about the like the affection and physical
affection. So I guess people will still
kiss their parents. Maybe I 'cause I didn't think it
(12:43):
was quite helicopter parent, youknow, 'cause they're adults or
the cousins were adult cousins. So I'm under the impression that
it's like, I thought it was moreabout treating your adult
children as if they're children.Children like like like sort of
a Arrested Development kind of situation.
(13:03):
But I I I think we should just open open the file I'm.
Dying to know can. You will you open the file and
show the cams. And show it to us Mr. Rogers
style. So like we can all read.
Yes, let's see what's what's in this case file.
Slow strap pole. That's good.
That's a good first. Strap the release, adult child
(13:24):
and parent kissing on the mouth.Wow, all the elements stick in
there. Wow, right there.
You were right. Right there in the ballpark.
Whoa, OK. Stepped up to the plate.
You just didn't take the full swing.
I was ready. I was reading that pitcher's
eye. I was.
I was OK. Wow.
Kissing on the mouth. OK, I'm having a hard time even
(13:45):
imagining. OK, So what was the real story
here? So before my new job, I was
working as a brand ambassador. I was working like a lot of
health and Wellness, fitness, Expo type stuff.
OK. And the body's a temple.
Yes, the body is a freaking temple, and you got to pay a lot
of money to keep it that way. Yeah, absolutely.
And while we were there, I saw aman who worked for the company
(14:09):
whose mother was there attendingin support.
And this man was 35, and his mother was probably like 55 or
60. Young mom.
Yeah, young mom for sure, and very nice people for the most
part. Like, you know, they're from
Chicago, too. We were hitting it off and
everything. And then?
They kissed. And then they kissed on the
mouth. But not even just It was in full
(14:30):
public, just like we were at a booth at a convention.
Was it was it like a hello or like OK bye see ya or is it just
like, oh it was? Like a see you later OK like
there would. Was it like mid conversation
they were like. No, but that means the promise
of more. That means there might be more
than one parental child kissing a day for just to see you later.
(14:50):
That's ACU next month. That's a see you next quarter.
On the mouth. On the mouth.
OK, I describe a kiss. It was like tender.
It was like it was. It was no.
It felt like less of a Peck and more like full lips pressed to
(15:12):
each other briefly. OK, so so it wasn't just like
because you know, like when you I feel like I do this with hugs
too. Like when you're, you're like
physically like leaving or partying.
It's just kind of like a brief like clasp and go like you.
No one's, no one's really aiming.
You're still like just do. And then we like we're on our
way. So it's not just like a like
head out of here. It did.
It was not. It did it linger?
(15:33):
It lingered. Eyes closed.
There was lingering. No, but the eyes open made it
worse actually. It's like so like so like, let
let me just do. Yeah, kind of like that.
You want to release. Yeah, But the sound as well.
The sound is important. There was a sound.
(15:53):
Now I'm in the middle of my workday here and I'm just shattered
because you're not supposed to have to witness that as an
adult, especially not at work orin a public purview.
OK, this is a heavy one. That is a heavy 1 I feel.
I feel like the I first. First, let me say that I am a
(16:16):
big proponent of kissing people on the mouth.
Yes, big fan friends, this is a big one.
Lovers. Yeah, whatever with you there.
As soon as I'm related to them, it makes it feel different
somehow. Appalachian, yeah.
(16:37):
Where good adjective. I I'm trying to imagine like I
would never do that with a bloodrelative of mine.
I would do that with friends allthe time.
Whatever. Straight, gay, male, man, woman
doesn't really matter, right? All day long.
Never. No big deal.
Well. We're in business together.
(17:00):
Yeah, you don't want to complicate things.
I don't want you to catch feelings, but the but yeah,
something about the fam, the blood relation makes it makes it
really a tough thing. I like, absolutely kiss my
family members, like on the cheeks all the time, you know?
Absolutely. That's dead skin.
(17:21):
That's dead skin, something about the mouth.
It's not like it's not like literally worse, but like it's
intellectually big boundary, right, Because I'm like this
isn't like necessarily more. The cheek is not necessarily
like a physical. Yes, the mouth has like less
(17:41):
boundary between the inside of my body and the inside of their
body. The cheek is like.
Pretty damn, never heard it thatway, but he's corrupt.
It is. It is open sesame.
It is the portal to the inside of the body.
That's where the plane goes. They I, this is wild.
I, I I want to be able to because we like and for all
(18:03):
these cases, I think it's good to argue, argue the opposition
of. Course Devil's advocate.
I'm finding it hard to because like, I remember I was trying to
think of like the last time, my family's not a kissing family.
We're not really like maybe whenwe see each other we'll hug.
But we're, we're just have neverbeen a physically affectionate
family. Just Bony skinny people.
It's just a lot of it doesn't feel good.
(18:24):
Not soft. No, no, but like I, I think like
my mom used to kiss me like whenshe dropped me off at school,
but I think by as a child, 2nd grade, 2nd grade, I was like, I
don't like, I don't want that. Like I'm a, I'm a big boy now.
Damn. And so we, I, what we bartered
with and what like, 'cause my mom was like, well, I still want
(18:46):
to kiss my son before he goes toschool.
We bartered with, I think it waswe, we landed on high fives.
That was like our whoa. That is a huge degree down in
intimacy, hey. Hey.
Counsel, you're having your mother.
Oh my God. OK, OK, let me just let me just.
Apologize. Station station wagon.
I'm not apologizing on my station wagon.
(19:07):
I'm in the back seat. I'm sliding out the edge to get
off at the curb. If it's a face kiss, I have to
like stick my little head between the two things She has
to rean over like smooch. It was and also I was like my
friends can see it. I don't know whatever it is.
And she like the high 5 was fine, but it I don't I don't
think I don't think the goodbye kiss was ever on the lips.
Like I think even then it was a it was a cheek kiss.
(19:29):
Most people and I was a baby. I saw my baby fat.
I'm trying to, I'm trying to like really see how far I can
stretch my mind into a European family.
Yes, I will say I, I apply this mostly to white Americans.
And even then that 10 percent, 5% of that not believing in this
(19:50):
goes to the people of the South because they do.
It's just a cultural thing. Like I I don't like it.
A good visual when you were in this and saying goes to the
people of the South. Well, it, I mean, I just, I
don't like it. I don't wanna see it.
I hope to never bear witness to it.
But I know that they culturally,yeah, but even when they're
adults and stuff. Well, I'm like.
(20:12):
I have family in the South. They didn't.
They didn't kiss me on the lips.Sure.
And they're like Georgia. Georgia, that is.
Yeah, that is, wasn't it? Wasn't like it wasn't like North
Carolina, which is arguably. Mid-Atlantic, Missouri.
Just you could Ugly Midwest. You could also argue yes.
The the but I but I'm like trying to imagine it and I'm
(20:34):
like, is there? Does it signal like take all of
my cultural knowledge out of it?Does it signal a very healthy
relationship? That's a good.
Question like just. Just like.
Just like, hey, we're very closeas a family and we are
affectionate. Is that actually, am I
responding because I'm like associating it too much with
(20:58):
like all the way with incest, oris it, Or is it actually like,
hey, we're just very comfortablewith each other and intimate and
it's fine as a family, which I would think is like, not German,
but the rest of Europe, you know?
Yeah, yeah. Like Spanish.
Yeah. I can see the Spanish family
keeping themselves on the lips and me not being like as grossed
(21:19):
out by it as I am with like Wasps.
Just like, you know, smooch on the lips.
But that's also just. Europe, like you go there and
they do. That's mostly cheek kisses.
They do. It's like, it's almost like
corners of the mouth. Like they get the corners, but
it's never full face, like nose to nose.
Why in that way? It's always like a like side,
side. Yeah.
What I really want you guys to. Consider I want you to like take
(21:41):
a moment and imagine that if yousaw your mother's tomorrow.
OK, eyes are closed. I'm.
Imagining my mother saying goodbye.
And as you say goodbye, you givethem just a little 2 second kiss
on the lips as a signal of your love for them.
I my eyes my. Eyes flooded wide open.
I, I I can. See it being like a jokey like,
you know, like a very very jokeylike little pecky thing. 2
(22:04):
seconds is actually a very long time.
I could. See, I feel.
Like, I could see you 'cause you're, I could see you doing a
jokey kiss. Yeah, it just.
Like I or just put my mom on. My lips, she would just be like,
like, it would be like a she'd be shocked.
She was like, this is. What I wanted in the station
way, you're 30 years. Late.
(22:25):
No, I think she'd be like. What the fuck was that?
Yeah. Like, I mean, probably, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's. That's wild.
I hope you guys never have to bear witness to it.
It's not. I mean, we have we've.
Witnessed. We've bared what in the scene we
we watched? Yeah, that's true.
Yeah. For sure.
Well, we just talked about Susan.
(22:46):
Yeah, yeah. OK, so.
This feels like it doesn't. Feel right to set like an age
that thou shall not kissing. Stop kissing kids on lips.
I'm happy to do that. OK, well, let's hear.
It 18. 18 I feel like. That's late.
Wow, that is late, but that's the last age.
I'll accept it is late 100% yeahOK, but it is the absolute last
(23:08):
time you can kiss your kid on the mouth.
See, I just 'cause I. Think for me and my station
wagon analogy is like kissing mom became weird when I started
wanting to kiss girls or like people I like.
Yeah, like that because I was like, because that then it
became an action of like, oh, that's an intimate thing I want
to do and like, I'm I don't wantto do intimate with mom.
(23:29):
That's very good. That's the sign of a healthy
relationship, so I thought that.Occurs before 18 years of like.
Yeah, that's like that's like 13, right, is when you're like,
oh, I want to kiss girls insteadof mom those.
Feelings. It's in second grade, so that's
like, that's oh wow, much time, whatever.
Maybe I was a late bloomer. I was always worried about it,
(23:51):
but I don't know. Worried about kissing?
I was. Worried about being a late?
Bloomer as a kid. Oh, Oh yeah, Mom.
Always told me that. Dad was a late bloomer.
Oh, I was a late bloomer for. Sure.
We talked about yeah, yeah, I didn't shut up in your 20s.
Yeah, I was. I was a post. 18 bloomer, but
no, But yeah, yeah, I was a little Shorty, I think 18.
Makes sense and. I.
(24:16):
Choose your. Words very carefully.
I think that most. People will elect.
You're gonna vote. You gotta stop.
Because your parents will. Elect to stop kissing their
parents on the lips earlier. Most people will.
If they make it to 18, they're probably not stopping at 18, You
know, I mean, the train's been running too.
Long Yeah, and it's just like got.
So much inertia behind it. And if they're European, I think
(24:42):
it's OK. Actually, if they're European, I
think it's all right. If they're cultural, yeah.
Yeah, Under the European. In any non white culture,
because like I do know like a lot of other cultures who are
not white, like definitely do that and that's fine, that's
normal, but for. Not my culture.
American corn. Side household NMC.
Not my culture. So yeah, if you do it in
(25:06):
America, if you kiss your parents on the lips in America
and you are 19 or older, you canget put.
Down. Whoa.
I'm just being. Reasonable here.
You know OK how? Something about this wig?
Neal, I think. The last it's giving.
Me a stick. And you are the last drunk where
(25:28):
the. Grey wig was like death.
Death penalty for all kids. Like ready to.
Bring back like gossip about your friend.
Death your son. Don't want your birthday party?
Celebrated death. Yeah, OK.
So we've got. A vote for the death penalty and
then also just like. Who the kid parties?
Or the. They're both.
Adults, I guess. Yeah, they're both being tried
as adults. Yeah, but the kid kept it going.
(25:50):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tried as adult?
Yeah, good point. Tried as an adult.
Exactly. If they're under 18, they're not
gonna get tried because of the law.
So so if you and. Your husband have one kid and
you don't kiss them on the lips but they do.
You lose your family. Whole family.
There will be. I'm not.
(26:10):
Even as a child, I'm not gonna kiss my kids.
Oh, that's interesting. Yeah.
Do you think in these child kissing families is it 1?
Parent or the other? Yes.
Like would dad have because his mom and son, right?
Would you think? Yeah, mom and son.
Usually dad kiss dad. And daughter.
Can't that just seems even more wrong.
Dad and daughter, yeah. Dad, dad and son.
Also don't like that it. I just don't really want anyone
(26:35):
because they're good on the lips, if I'm being honest.
Yeah, like that over 18 was me being really nice.
I don't want to see it period. That was you being.
Really nice. And then definitely, yeah.
I think. Yeah, I think.
I honestly, I think we should roll it back a little bit to
just driver's license rules. I got 15.
You got to kind of like figure out how to stop like when your
parents. Are around.
You know, train yourself like I could wean it off and by 16 it's
(26:56):
like you got to be on your own. You got to be kissing on your
own because lowering it to. 16 Iwould like to OK.
With a provisional learner's permit at 15, yeah.
Or or forgetters permit, Yeah. Unlearner's permit in terms.
Of yeah, In terms of punishment,I think death is a little too
harsh. No offense, Haley understood.
I like. Where your heads?
At I was, I was kind. Of in in the sort of air of like
(27:19):
deterrent behavior. I think, you know, like how like
old timey clowns have the buzzy hand where, yeah, like shocks
you. I want that on their lips when
they kiss. It's.
Super good. It's a little, it's a little
like. Carpet shock like and it so like
there's a physical recoil like, oh, it's nice to have.
Like that, that, that, that likefeedback.
(27:41):
Yeah. Like Pavlovian?
'S dog, but for bad things, so it's actually like.
You and your parents, when you're both, you're always
holding on to batteries from 18 on or 16 on.
And when you kiss on the lips, it completes the circuit and
electric uses both. Yes, that's what I would.
Like it's like a little shock color.
Type thing. Have you guys not considered?
(28:04):
That. They might like it because
that's where I think you guys have knocked at that point.
Then I do think we have to. Leave them.
Alone. Yeah, Yeah, Thank you.
At that point, that's fair. At that point, they can, like,
live out their happy existence in exile.
OK, kind of. Like we build our own Australia,
but for people who kiss their parents, yes, we just send.
(28:25):
Them away to cook. And it's like deep in the.
Appalachian Mountains, yes, in the.
Mountains of North Carolina. Yeah, Exactly which?
Is not the South. Which is.
Not the South, that's Mid-Atlantic, obviously.
OK, I like the I like the I likethe electricity moment
happening. I think that's a good, that's a
good like stop touching. Just a little gentle reminder
(28:49):
and if you like it then you got to move.
Then. I don't think I think death
penalty would be too harsh because, you know, it takes a
whole it, it's a wide world out there.
And there are some people who are really going through some
things. And I Do you think compassionate
conservatism is. Yeah, the Bush, the Bush era
really tough. Neil, you're softening.
(29:11):
Me up now, yeah, it's like maybemaybe that 35 on his 55 year old
mom should just should just likelive out there.
Happy lives and be like hey see you.
Later and then kiss multiple times a day and you guys can
only. Say that because you haven't
seen it. Yeah, it's true.
Yeah, that might be true. I think it's.
It's it's been 20. Minutes.
Since you played it out for us, you told that story.
Because when you told that. Story.
(29:32):
I was like, yes. And now I'm.
Like, well, well, let him get it.
A boy and his mommy can. And you guys made me feel bad.
About kissing my mom. Yeah, OK.
But I think I think this is moreor.
Less a shut case on this, yeah. And then?
Yeah, we can go death penalty. You've yeah, convinced.
(29:52):
But I like the idea. Of having like one or two
recourses and then going death, Yeah, you like.
You like buzzer the buzzer? And then if it.
Doesn't stop. Maybe something in between?
Even maybe you get a second step.
I'm not. I'm not completely heartless.
The buzzer. Uncomfortable shoes?
Yeah, Then we. Send them to our Australia and
then they die if they can't behave on that island alone.
(30:14):
Like gone OK. OK, so heightening.
Yeah, Yeah. OK.
We heighten to. We heighten to.
Goodbye. Society has decided you're gone.
Buzzer Exile. Death.
OK, that's put that on T-shirt. Right back down.
Buzzer, exile, death buzzer. Exhale.
All right, Scrabble gavels. OK, before we bang them on our
(30:34):
case, Haley, anything you want to plug?
Yeah, you can follow me on Twitter.
It's MILF weed with three ES. I am not a mother.
I just love the show Weeds and Nancy Botwin.
Interesting, my kids. The OC in my last name is not
for Orange County by the way. That is just a shortened version
of my full name. And then also I have a web
(30:56):
series that I made a few years back on YouTube called Brunch, a
comedy web series. Check it out.
I made it with one of my best friends in Chicago before I
moved to LA and it was the happiest time of my life.
What's the name again? Brunch a comedy web.
Series Brunch, comedy, Web series.
No, if we'd on Twitter. All right, Yeah, we'll see.
Case closed. Case closed.
Very good. Very.
Good this. Is premeditated.
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