September 21, 2024 • 11 mins
In this episode of Rolling with the Dolans, Patrick and Tameka Dolan discuss the growing trend of couples opting for separate beds or even separate bedrooms, with over 40% of couples reporting this shift. The duo explores key reasons such as snoring, mismatched sleep schedules, menopause, and relationship dynamics. They dive into how these sleeping arrangements impact intimacy and marital happiness, touching on cuddling, spooning, and bed-sharing habits. From European traditions of separate comforters to co-sleeping with children or pets, this episode provides a humorous, relatable, and judgment-free conversation about what really works for couples.
Timestamps:
- 00:00 – Welcome to Rolling with the Dolans
- 00:23 – Introduction to Today’s Topic: Bed Sharing
- 00:43 – Statistics on Separate Sleeping Arrangements
- 01:38 – Personal Experiences and Opinions
- 02:33 – Impact on Relationship Health
- 03:46 – Cuddling and Physical Touch
- 05:37 – Cultural Differences in Sleeping Arrangements
- 06:31 – Practical Solutions and Recommendations
- 07:22 – Considering Children and Pets
- 11:10 – Final Thoughts and Wrap-Up
General Topics
- Sleeping Arrangements for Couples
- Separate Beds in Marriage
- Interracial Marriage Bed Sharing
- Cuddling vs. Sleeping Apart
- Sleeping in Separate Rooms
- Couples and Physical Touch
- Co-Sleeping with Pets
- Marital Happiness and Bed Sharing
#SleepingArrangements
#SeparateBeds
#CoupleGoals
#MarriageAdvice
#CuddleTime
#SleepTips
#RelationshipGoals
#IntimacyMatters
#MarriageLife
#rollinwiththedolans
#InterracialMarriage
#BlendedFamily
#happilymarried
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Line (USB AUDIO CODEC) (00:01):
Welcome to Rolling with the Dolans.
I'm Patrick Dolan and I'm TamekaDolan.
Our podcast focuses on the joysand challenges of blending
families, our interracialmarriage, parenting children of
multiple ages, and the journeyof entrepreneurship.
We share our daily lifeexperiences with a positive but
(00:21):
real perspective.
And today's topic is to cuddleor not to cuddle.
Wait.
I don't think it's to cuddle ornot to cuddle.
I think it's bed sharing.
Yeah, the topic is reallyfocused on sleeping arrangements
for married couples or justcouples that are living
together.
(00:41):
Do you want to start?
Yeah, definitely.
It all really started with weknow that there's a trend.
I think they say now more than40 percent of people now say
that they sleep in separate bedsor separate bedrooms.
We found that, not too shockingbecause we know a lot of people
who are doing that, but what dowe think about that personally?
(01:02):
Okay, first of all, I didn'tknow it was 40%.
I think that's a lot.
The bad part, too, is that 40percent is not necessarily
people who are, like, elderly.
It's people who are younger thanus in our age, right?
That's the sad part.
Yeah.
And because I'm, I remember mygrandparents, For one side, they
had separate rooms, but again,they were in their 70s.
(01:26):
And the other side, they theother set of grandparents, they
had separate beds.
And again, yeah, probably late60s, 70s, things like that.
Like two twin sized beds?
Yeah.
Okay.
You want to know what I thinkabout it?
Yeah.
When I've talked to some clientsabout it and they explained in
detail why they do it, Iunderstand because there's like
(01:49):
different reasons, like, somewomen are going through
menopause, so they're likehaving hot flashes and they want
the room temperatures different.
Some people, their sleeppatterns are off.
Yeah, that's what the majorityof this one top, one I guess
study said, they're sayingbetween 20 to 40 percent.
That's exactly why.
They're saying, between thesnoring, sleep schedules, things
(02:12):
like that.
That's why a lot of people do itin this one study.
Only 20 percent?
Yeah, I guess it was on thelower end.
25 percent.
25 percent?
Okay.
Yeah, that's, yeah, that's not,what.
All right, so what do you thinkabout it?
I think that.
(02:33):
Again, I think it comes back to,I don't want to say this is the
case for all people, butsometimes the health of the
relationship is an indicator.
And again, it's not all people.
Some people just can't sleep andthey need their space.
But I think that if I look at.
Past relationships as far as,where I had the most healthy
(02:55):
relationship is obviously withyou, which we've discussed
before, we how do you describeor how do I describe how we
sleep?
Yeah.
How do you describe it?
Like a pretzel.
So we're all, pretty muchtwisted together and, touching
each other pretty much.
But people think that they feelthat because we're newlyweds
that's why we still sleep likethat.
(03:17):
But I feel like after beingtogether for as long as we have,
I don't think we're newlyweds.
Five years.
Yeah.
Pretty much.
Has it been the same from thebeginning to now?
It gets better every day.
Good answer.
Alright, let's read another oneof your statistics.
(03:37):
Because I love how you have allthese facts already prepared.
Because when I was reading someof it, I was like, what?
Okay.
What?
And what?
Yeah, so it says only 8 percentof couples report cuddling
throughout the entire night.
8%?
Yeah.
And I think the entire night canbe tough.
Sometimes we wake up and wemight be, uncertain.
(03:58):
I don't think anybody knowsabout the entire night, right?
Yeah.
And then let's see.
What is this one?
80 percent of couples stoptouching after the first 20
minutes of sleep.
I think that's okay though, likeyou start off with good
intentions, but once you getinto, what is it, the REM sleep,
you don't really know exactlywhat your actions are, but you
(04:20):
start off with good intentions,right?
Yep, definitely.
And you wake up with goodintentions.
Yeah, that's the thing is youmight, obviously, unconsciously,
be moving around, things likethat, and not knowing it, and
that could be, the blanket's notcovering you, or it's too hot,
something like that so thatdefinitely makes sense.
And then here's an interestingone is, it says that couples who
sleep less than an inch apartare 94 percent more satisfied
(04:45):
with their relationship.
So that goes back to, what wewere talking about in the
beginning is it might be anindicator of some things in some
cases.
When you say indicator, you meanlike they're not happily
together?
Yeah, and it's are you excitedto be around them?
Are you excited to see them?
Or, and things like that.
94%?
And again, I have some of thesesources, but not right in front
(05:06):
of me.
But this is one of the studies Ifound.
Yeah, it's a touchy subjectbecause Not if you say to people
Oh, wow, I can't believe thatyou guys sleep in separate beds.
Get testy sometimes, so yougotta be careful how you
approach the conversation.
Yeah, it says, still a stigmabehind it, but I think more and
more it's becoming a lot morecommon.
(05:29):
Yeah, when you said trendy.
Did it say trending when youresearched it?
No.
Okay, that was just your term.
Oh, that kind of reminds me, Ithink there's one thing that
basically suggests thepossibility of Separate
blankets, and remember where wesaw that?
Oh, we were in Europe, wait,hold on, Germany.
(05:49):
Yep, Germany and Switzerland,both the hotels had separate
blankets.
And I was like, why on earthwould you want to do that?
Oh yeah, I forgot about that,yeah.
But that's, this is one of thethings that they're saying is a
simple solution to some of theirproblems.
And so maybe they have thatsolved, at least partially, in
Europe.
And that's separate comforters.
So they had these little,personal size comforters as soon
(06:13):
as you walk into the hotel.
Yeah Didn't they also have wasthe bed separated a little bit
was it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right It was just acomforter I think that helps
solve a lot of problems becauseI remember when I was saying
like some women are goingthrough menopause and So they
get too hot or too cold.
So if you have your own blanket,you can control that Yeah,
(06:34):
definitely so it's like the theyhave that the sleep number bed
That's true.
Which is supposed to have thefirmness and things like that.
So maybe that is arecommendation for anybody who
wants to, separate beds orwhatever.
It might be a good solution.
That's true.
And then, again, it comes backto does it matter if they have
(06:54):
different sleeping schedules?
And I think that, again, there's41 percent of the couples
sometimes, do so because ofdifferent work schedules.
Which can make a lot of sense Ifsomebody's getting up at three
o'clock in the morning and doingthings, I remember my brother,
in one case, they had separatebathrooms, so they had, the
room, that was fine.
But in the morning, oh, that'sgood.
(07:14):
He would go to a differentbathrooms to get ready.
That's good.
So he wouldn't be waking up hisspouse.
Oh, I, yeah, I think that'sfine.
But there's one thing that I'mnot, I don't think that you
research, but remember, earlierthis week we had dinner with a
couple and they had a newbornbaby.
And so that would be anotherreason why people sleep separate
(07:37):
because I know that it's notuncommon for the mom to sleep in
the bed with the baby.
Because, Some husbands couldpossibly roll over, or, the mom
wants to co sleep and, it mightnot be the best.
So I feel like in thosesituations, I feel like it's
okay to do it but that shouldonly be a temporary thing
(08:00):
because then you I lose some ofthe connection with your spouse.
What do you think?
Intimacy is one of the factorsthat they often talk about.
Yeah.
Physical touch, but speaking ofintimacy one of my clients said
that they, Decide which roomthey will meet up in they hook
up and then they go back totheir separate quarters.
(08:22):
So So do you agree with that Imean I think that i'm pretty
happy with our sleepingarrangements as it is today, but
Hopefully i'm not sleeping onthe couch tonight No, you are
But yeah, the bottom line isit's worth talking about it's
(08:42):
worth trying to understandwhether people do what works for
them And it's not a one sizefits all situation for anybody
and I think that you don't haveto judge But you know don't just
do what you feel is mostcomfortable for you And I'm
fortunate that we're both to thepoint where we're very happy
with our current sleepingarrangements.
So Yeah, I agree.
I was just thinking to one morething before we wrap this up you
(09:05):
know how a lot of times we'reconscious of what the kids see,
like?
Yeah.
And what do you think when kidsnotice that their parents are in
separate rooms?
I think it's probably, I thinkthe key is whether or not
they're, intimate, like at leastnot, somewhat physical, or
sitting next to each other, notlike sitting on separate
(09:26):
couches, and one person hastheir favorite chair, things
like that.
So I think it depends on theentire experience that they
witness.
So it's I'd say no, like not thebest thing but I think it, it
could be fine with, ifeverything else looks good and
healthy as far as therelationship goes.
So you're saying like, okay,we're all gonna eat dinner
together We're all gonna sit andwatch a show but at night mommy
(09:48):
and daddy's gonna go in separaterooms.
Is that what you're saying?
yeah, what is that a littlehouse on the prairie or
something like that where theyall turned out the lights and
stuff like that and night billyjoe or whatever their names were
and billy joe and in this case,it'll be night night night
tamika And one light goes offand next thing you know Good
(10:09):
night.
Another light goes off.
It's a little, definitely notwhat you were grown, growing up
with back in the day.
But, again, going back this ismy grandparents.
I really, it was probably late60s, early 70s, and they were
doing it.
They were sleeping in differentrooms in different I always
thought you had to be, Over 80to do that, but Hopefully I'm
(10:35):
not insulting anybody.
But anyway, I always thought itwas something older.
Here's one other thing that wecan throw out there.
What about sleeping with pets inthe bed?
No.
Yeah, that's a hard no.
We we eliminated that.
So we decided, just us.
Before I came in the picture,that little fat girl cat.
(10:57):
She was getting in your bed andI put a stop to that.
A fat cat and you would let thedog get up there if you could.
I would.
I know when I was in my place hewas in my bed.
Yeah.
Alright let's wrap this up.
Alright thanks for listening.
And until the next time, makesure you like, share click on
(11:19):
Subscribe.
You do all those good thingsuntil the next time and we look
forward to hearing from you andlooking forward to doing the
next one.
Alright, I hope you have afabulous day.
And I'm thinking you should havean absolutely magnificent week.
And I'm hoping that you have amarvelous week.
(11:41):
Splendid.
Oh, I like that one.
Okay.
Alright.
Alright.
Until next time.
Bye.
Mhm.
Welcome to Rolling with the Dolans.
I'm Patrick Dolan and I'm TamekaDolan.
Our podcast focuses on the joysand challenges of blending
families, our interracialmarriage, parenting children of
multiple ages, and the journeyof entrepreneurship.
We share our daily lifeexperiences with a positive but
(00:21):
real perspective.
And today's topic is to cuddleor not to cuddle.
Wait.
I don't think it's to cuddle ornot to cuddle.
I think it's bed sharing.
Yeah, the topic is reallyfocused on sleeping arrangements
for married couples or justcouples that are living
together.
(00:41):
Do you want to start?
Yeah, definitely.
It all really started with weknow that there's a trend.
I think they say now more than40 percent of people now say
that they sleep in separate bedsor separate bedrooms.
We found that, not too shockingbecause we know a lot of people
who are doing that, but what dowe think about that personally?
(01:02):
Okay, first of all, I didn'tknow it was 40%.
I think that's a lot.
The bad part, too, is that 40percent is not necessarily
people who are, like, elderly.
It's people who are younger thanus in our age, right?
That's the sad part.
Yeah.
And because I'm, I remember mygrandparents, For one side, they
had separate rooms, but again,they were in their 70s.
(01:26):
And the other side, they theother set of grandparents, they
had separate beds.
And again, yeah, probably late60s, 70s, things like that.
Like two twin sized beds?
Yeah.
Okay.
You want to know what I thinkabout it?
Yeah.
When I've talked to some clientsabout it and they explained in
detail why they do it, Iunderstand because there's like
(01:49):
different reasons, like, somewomen are going through
menopause, so they're likehaving hot flashes and they want
the room temperatures different.
Some people, their sleeppatterns are off.
Yeah, that's what the majorityof this one top, one I guess
study said, they're sayingbetween 20 to 40 percent.
That's exactly why.
They're saying, between thesnoring, sleep schedules, things
(02:12):
like that.
That's why a lot of people do itin this one study.
Only 20 percent?
Yeah, I guess it was on thelower end.
25 percent.
25 percent?
Okay.
Yeah, that's, yeah, that's not,what.
All right, so what do you thinkabout it?
I think that.
(02:33):
Again, I think it comes back to,I don't want to say this is the
case for all people, butsometimes the health of the
relationship is an indicator.
And again, it's not all people.
Some people just can't sleep andthey need their space.
But I think that if I look at.
Past relationships as far as,where I had the most healthy
(02:55):
relationship is obviously withyou, which we've discussed
before, we how do you describeor how do I describe how we
sleep?
Yeah.
How do you describe it?
Like a pretzel.
So we're all, pretty muchtwisted together and, touching
each other pretty much.
But people think that they feelthat because we're newlyweds
that's why we still sleep likethat.
(03:17):
But I feel like after beingtogether for as long as we have,
I don't think we're newlyweds.
Five years.
Yeah.
Pretty much.
Has it been the same from thebeginning to now?
It gets better every day.
Good answer.
Alright, let's read another oneof your statistics.
(03:37):
Because I love how you have allthese facts already prepared.
Because when I was reading someof it, I was like, what?
Okay.
What?
And what?
Yeah, so it says only 8 percentof couples report cuddling
throughout the entire night.
8%?
Yeah.
And I think the entire night canbe tough.
Sometimes we wake up and wemight be, uncertain.
(03:58):
I don't think anybody knowsabout the entire night, right?
Yeah.
And then let's see.
What is this one?
80 percent of couples stoptouching after the first 20
minutes of sleep.
I think that's okay though, likeyou start off with good
intentions, but once you getinto, what is it, the REM sleep,
you don't really know exactlywhat your actions are, but you
(04:20):
start off with good intentions,right?
Yep, definitely.
And you wake up with goodintentions.
Yeah, that's the thing is youmight, obviously, unconsciously,
be moving around, things likethat, and not knowing it, and
that could be, the blanket's notcovering you, or it's too hot,
something like that so thatdefinitely makes sense.
And then here's an interestingone is, it says that couples who
sleep less than an inch apartare 94 percent more satisfied
(04:45):
with their relationship.
So that goes back to, what wewere talking about in the
beginning is it might be anindicator of some things in some
cases.
When you say indicator, you meanlike they're not happily
together?
Yeah, and it's are you excitedto be around them?
Are you excited to see them?
Or, and things like that.
94%?
And again, I have some of thesesources, but not right in front
(05:06):
of me.
But this is one of the studies Ifound.
Yeah, it's a touchy subjectbecause Not if you say to people
Oh, wow, I can't believe thatyou guys sleep in separate beds.
Get testy sometimes, so yougotta be careful how you
approach the conversation.
Yeah, it says, still a stigmabehind it, but I think more and
more it's becoming a lot morecommon.
(05:29):
Yeah, when you said trendy.
Did it say trending when youresearched it?
No.
Okay, that was just your term.
Oh, that kind of reminds me, Ithink there's one thing that
basically suggests thepossibility of Separate
blankets, and remember where wesaw that?
Oh, we were in Europe, wait,hold on, Germany.
(05:49):
Yep, Germany and Switzerland,both the hotels had separate
blankets.
And I was like, why on earthwould you want to do that?
Oh yeah, I forgot about that,yeah.
But that's, this is one of thethings that they're saying is a
simple solution to some of theirproblems.
And so maybe they have thatsolved, at least partially, in
Europe.
And that's separate comforters.
So they had these little,personal size comforters as soon
(06:13):
as you walk into the hotel.
Yeah Didn't they also have wasthe bed separated a little bit
was it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right It was just acomforter I think that helps
solve a lot of problems becauseI remember when I was saying
like some women are goingthrough menopause and So they
get too hot or too cold.
So if you have your own blanket,you can control that Yeah,
(06:34):
definitely so it's like the theyhave that the sleep number bed
That's true.
Which is supposed to have thefirmness and things like that.
So maybe that is arecommendation for anybody who
wants to, separate beds orwhatever.
It might be a good solution.
That's true.
And then, again, it comes backto does it matter if they have
(06:54):
different sleeping schedules?
And I think that, again, there's41 percent of the couples
sometimes, do so because ofdifferent work schedules.
Which can make a lot of sense Ifsomebody's getting up at three
o'clock in the morning and doingthings, I remember my brother,
in one case, they had separatebathrooms, so they had, the
room, that was fine.
But in the morning, oh, that'sgood.
(07:14):
He would go to a differentbathrooms to get ready.
That's good.
So he wouldn't be waking up hisspouse.
Oh, I, yeah, I think that'sfine.
But there's one thing that I'mnot, I don't think that you
research, but remember, earlierthis week we had dinner with a
couple and they had a newbornbaby.
And so that would be anotherreason why people sleep separate
(07:37):
because I know that it's notuncommon for the mom to sleep in
the bed with the baby.
Because, Some husbands couldpossibly roll over, or, the mom
wants to co sleep and, it mightnot be the best.
So I feel like in thosesituations, I feel like it's
okay to do it but that shouldonly be a temporary thing
(08:00):
because then you I lose some ofthe connection with your spouse.
What do you think?
Intimacy is one of the factorsthat they often talk about.
Yeah.
Physical touch, but speaking ofintimacy one of my clients said
that they, Decide which roomthey will meet up in they hook
up and then they go back totheir separate quarters.
(08:22):
So So do you agree with that Imean I think that i'm pretty
happy with our sleepingarrangements as it is today, but
Hopefully i'm not sleeping onthe couch tonight No, you are
But yeah, the bottom line isit's worth talking about it's
(08:42):
worth trying to understandwhether people do what works for
them And it's not a one sizefits all situation for anybody
and I think that you don't haveto judge But you know don't just
do what you feel is mostcomfortable for you And I'm
fortunate that we're both to thepoint where we're very happy
with our current sleepingarrangements.
So Yeah, I agree.
I was just thinking to one morething before we wrap this up you
(09:05):
know how a lot of times we'reconscious of what the kids see,
like?
Yeah.
And what do you think when kidsnotice that their parents are in
separate rooms?
I think it's probably, I thinkthe key is whether or not
they're, intimate, like at leastnot, somewhat physical, or
sitting next to each other, notlike sitting on separate
(09:26):
couches, and one person hastheir favorite chair, things
like that.
So I think it depends on theentire experience that they
witness.
So it's I'd say no, like not thebest thing but I think it, it
could be fine with, ifeverything else looks good and
healthy as far as therelationship goes.
So you're saying like, okay,we're all gonna eat dinner
together We're all gonna sit andwatch a show but at night mommy
(09:48):
and daddy's gonna go in separaterooms.
Is that what you're saying?
yeah, what is that a littlehouse on the prairie or
something like that where theyall turned out the lights and
stuff like that and night billyjoe or whatever their names were
and billy joe and in this case,it'll be night night night
tamika And one light goes offand next thing you know Good
(10:09):
night.
Another light goes off.
It's a little, definitely notwhat you were grown, growing up
with back in the day.
But, again, going back this ismy grandparents.
I really, it was probably late60s, early 70s, and they were
doing it.
They were sleeping in differentrooms in different I always
thought you had to be, Over 80to do that, but Hopefully I'm
(10:35):
not insulting anybody.
But anyway, I always thought itwas something older.
Here's one other thing that wecan throw out there.
What about sleeping with pets inthe bed?
No.
Yeah, that's a hard no.
We we eliminated that.
So we decided, just us.
Before I came in the picture,that little fat girl cat.
(10:57):
She was getting in your bed andI put a stop to that.
A fat cat and you would let thedog get up there if you could.
I would.
I know when I was in my place hewas in my bed.
Yeah.
Alright let's wrap this up.
Alright thanks for listening.
And until the next time, makesure you like, share click on
(11:19):
Subscribe.
You do all those good thingsuntil the next time and we look
forward to hearing from you andlooking forward to doing the
next one.
Alright, I hope you have afabulous day.
And I'm thinking you should havean absolutely magnificent week.
And I'm hoping that you have amarvelous week.
(11:41):
Splendid.
Oh, I like that one.
Okay.
Alright.
Alright.
Until next time.
Bye.
Mhm.
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