November 2, 2024 • 12 mins
In this episode of "Rollin with the Dolans," Patrick and Tameka dive into the experiences, challenges, and joys of being in an interracial marriage. They reflect on initial reactions, family and societal perceptions, and the subtle nuances of raising a blended, multicultural family. Throughout the discussion, they share insights into the importance of authenticity, resilience, and understanding in their relationship and offer advice to other interracial couples navigating family dynamics and external assumptions.
Chapters
- Introduction: Why Interracial Marriage Matters
- Patrick and Tamekia introduce the episode’s focus on interracial marriage and their journey as a blended family, setting the stage for a candid conversation about perceptions, challenges, and personal growth.
- Initial Reactions and Early Thoughts
- They reflect on their first impressions of each other and how race wasn’t initially a focal point in their relationship. Patrick shares his initial attraction to Tamekia, while Tamekia talks about people's curiosity.
- Navigating Public and Social Perceptions
- A discussion on societal reactions, from strangers' looks to subtle assumptions. Both agree they rarely notice others' reactions, choosing instead to focus on their own "bubble."
- Family Dynamics and Generational Views
- The Dolans discuss how their children and families reacted, with emphasis on how younger kids were unfazed, while older kids noticed some cultural differences in parenting. They touch on Tamekia’s father’s humorous acknowledgment of Patrick as his son-in-law.
- Addressing Bias and Assumptions
- Specific experiences of subtle biases, such as assumptions made in public about family relations, are recounted, highlighting both humorous and thought-provoking moments.
- Advice for Other Interracial Couples Raising Families
- Patrick and Tamekia share advice for other interracial couples, emphasizing understanding, teaching by example, and not passing judgment on others. They stress the importance of love and acceptance as a foundation in overcoming external opinions.
#InterracialMarriage, #BlendedFamily, #CulturalDiversity, #FamilyJourney, #LoveWithoutLabels, #UnityInDiversity, #ParentingPerspectives, #RelationshipGoals, #LoveBeyondBorders, #RollinWithTheDolans
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Rollin with theDolans.
(00:01):
I'm Patrick Dolan.
And I'm Tameka Dolan.
Our podcast dives into the joysand challenges of blending
families, our interracialmarriage, parents and children
of multiple ages in the journeyof entrepreneurship.
We share our daily lifeexperiences with a positive but
real perspective.
(00:21):
So for today's topic, we'regoing to dive into our
interracial relationship for thefirst time.
Yes, because that was one of thereasons for starting this
podcast, is to talk aboutinterracial marriage.
Marriage.
Marriage.
And so the first question I havefor you is, Uh oh.
You know, what were yourthoughts when we first met?
(00:42):
Was it something that came intomind, or, or what did you think?
I mean, obviously, we both knewthat there would be some
differences in our culture, but,um, that was, I mean, maybe a
little bit in parenting, butthat was pretty much it.
So I'll just, my thought was Ididn't even think twice about
(01:06):
it.
I'm like, wow, she's beautiful.
She's incredible.
I'm like, good answer.
It doesn't even matter.
Good answer.
That's all I thought about and,I was like, all the rest, I'll
figure itself out.
Okay, good answer.
If I ever get somebody lookingat me thinking, oh, okay,
looking at me a little funny, Iwill probably always take it
personal thinking, How on earthdid he end up with her?
(01:28):
Okay, whatever.
Truth be told, that's exactlyhow I thought about it.
I know because I, like peoplehave asked me, do people stare
at you guys or give you a meanlook?
And what is your answer to that?
What's your response to that?
Do they, you're saying?
Mm hmm.
I don't think so.
I mean, I, like, that's onething is I never really notice
(01:49):
what people are doing around us.
Like, if people are staring atme, I probably wouldn't even
notice.
Yeah, same with me.
Yeah, people ask me, do, um,black men give me, like, a mean
look?
Or does white women give me amean look?
And honestly, we're just kind ofin our own bubble that I don't
even really pay attention.
Yeah, that's one of thosethings.
And I know that we've bothlikely been in situations where
(02:14):
You know, we're, surrounded bypeople that there's going to be
one or two of them who thinknegatively about a relationship,
but, I don't think that we'veever felt it.
Yeah, I agree, but I mean, ifyou think about it, it's
probably like that in alldifferent type of relationships,
you know, heterosexual or notheterosexual, um, the opposite
(02:35):
where there's a white female anda black male.
So I feel like.
you're always going to get sometype of looks.
It's just, if you focus on it,and I feel like we just never
focus on it.
You agree?
Yep, definitely.
And then, how do you think ourfamilies reacted to it?
Like, kids first, and thenother, family members.
(02:58):
Uh, with the younger kids, Ifeel like they didn't even blink
an eye, like it didn't matter tothem.
To the older kids, it was alittle bit different, but not
enough to, I mean, nothingserious, you know, like, um, our
20 year old, you know, obviouslybecause he lives with us, he
(03:19):
noticed a difference, you know,but not in a negative way.
He just said, things aredifferent the way he was brought
up in a way he parents versushow you parent, you know, yep
and then our 25 year old I don'tthink she really had anything
(03:40):
Well, she happened to have beendating a white person at the
time.
At the time, you're right,you're right.
How can you think much about itif that's the case?
That's true.
And then our 27 year old, he wasalso with, um, a white female at
the time, too.
But he also was concerned aboutthe difference in parenting.
(04:00):
Like, would you parent the sameas me?
Which is fair, right?
Yep, definitely.
And when it comes to parents,there's only, uh, you know,
parents that are alive still areyours.
From my perspective, I, I neverfelt anything other than, your
dad, gives me a chuckle everynow and then, because I think
he, he enjoys some of the, the,some of the fact, you know,
(04:23):
like, the funniest thing is,there is, uh, he has two son in
laws, And they're both namedpatrick and one is black and one
is white so he kind of gets akick out of that Yeah, but I
don't think he Uh, thinksanything other than just
enjoying, some of thedifferences.
I remember the last time he wasthere, he put you, I heard him
put you on the phone and he waslike, Hey, so and so, this is my
(04:44):
son in law.
Do you think he's a whitePatrick or a black Patrick?
Or is that how you word it?
Yeah, basically.
Or maybe he said it a nicer way.
Which Patrick do you think thisis?
And I'm not about to try to actone way or another.
So I'm going to talk the same.
I'm going to be the same.
So you, what you get is what youget.
Yeah.
I think, I think that's hugetoo.
(05:05):
Is that, going back to youchanging.
I would not be attracted to awhite man that felt like he
needed to, quote, act black.
because then you're not reallybeing yourself, you know?
And there were some otherpeople, I think, some people who
were surprised, but, you know, Idon't, overall, like, I think,
(05:28):
maybe one or two negative,things that we ran into, but the
majority, like, there might besome, some surprise with
friends, family, questions,things like that, but I don't
think there was a, any, um, youknow, there wasn't any, a lot of
negative tone to discuss, so Ithink overall, there was, Wait,
you have to tell them a reallyquick, like, 30 second story
(05:52):
about your old boss.
So, it's really pretty simple,and he's a good friend of mine.
So, he saw me, and, uh, Wait,and you have to say what his
nationality is.
Korean?
Yeah.
So, I don't, uh, tell anybody inadvance.
They're going to meet Tamika ifthey didn't happen to see them
on social media or somethingelse first.
(06:13):
They won't know.
So this was, you know, pushingfive years ago.
Now,, I introduced, um,introduced him and he's what And
he's like, Patrick, he's like,he's the whitest white man I've
ever known And, I guess thatstill applies, but there's, he
didn't say, oh wait, I can'timagine you actually would do
that.
It just took them by surprise.
(06:33):
Right, right.
So, well, no, our 20-year-oldsays that now you quote, have
some sauce on you now.
So.
Well, that might be.
We did post that one, Tamekaeffect video that if, if people
haven't seen it, they can do it.
And there's the before and afterpictures.
But I like to believe that'sjust because I'm so happy.
Like it's not necessarily areflection of, of anything when
(06:57):
it comes to that.
So here's another one that Iwant to cover that I think is,
interesting is, Is it one ofyour stats?
Because you love a good stat.
No, I didn't bring any.
Have you or your childrenexperienced any assumptions or
biases based on your family'sdiversity?
You mean that my youngerchildren?
(07:17):
Yeah, any of them.
Like have any kids.
And if you don't have anything,I actually have a couple of
things I want to speak to.
Okay, you go ahead.
a couple of things.
that happened, over the last twoweeks, I'd say, maybe a little
bit more, is one going to pickup one of our kids, and the
assumption was that I was one ofthe white kid's parents.
So I was like, oh, nope, I'mhere for that one.
(07:41):
I'm not going to thinknegatively of the person.
It was an assumption, but it'san easy assumption to make.
but, again, in this day and age,it's not always the case.
that was one, and then thesecond one was dealing with
that, the same child.
We were at Costco, and it, and Iwas standing right there.
And, when they get the samplesand stuff like that, the person
(08:02):
was asking, the age and all thattype of stuff.
And, I'm like, uh, he's with me.
I don't think she ever got it.
Really?
Oh, you didn't tell me thatstory.
I'm his parent.
Okay.
Because she kept going on and onabout, well, if it was okay.
And then I'm like, wait, I don'tthink you understand.
I'm his parent.
(08:23):
Yeah.
And then, then I think, I stilldon't even know if she got it in
the end, but she's like, oh,okay.
I don't think they'renecessarily thinking, they're
just keep feeding and, and justchecking to make sure that
nobody has food allergies.
But still, that's a couple ofthings that happened just
recently.
But nothing major or terriblyinsulting, it's just
assumptions.
And, that's the way things are.
I do, I do want to jump in onthat part because whenever I'm
(08:46):
with your boys, um, I rememberone time thinking, I wonder if
they feel awkward that they'rewith a, you know, with their
black bonus mom, but honestly, Idon't think that they do like, I
don't feel like they act anydifferent when we're all
together or.
(09:07):
I don't know.
What do you think?
I think, if anything, they likeit.
I, I think that they like themulticultural aspect of our
family.
And I think it's something theyembrace and overall they, they
enjoy.
Well, at least I would want tothink so, right?
Yeah.
I mean, they've never indicatedanything otherwise to me, all
(09:28):
right.
So one more question.
I'm going to give this questionto you, and then we'll wrap it
up.
What advice do you have forother interracial couples who
are raising kids, especiallywhen navigating family or
societal expectations?
I think it, it's almost similarto what we had in a, a previous
(09:52):
podcast where we were talkingabout teaching autistic kids,
and you treat them the same.
You have to understand thatthere are some differences, but
treat everybody the same.
And, and in, in our case,that's, you know, basic.
Um, setting a good example,really trying to teach them by
doing and how we act and how wedo things.
(10:13):
And I think that that's the bestway to teach.
But I do think that it'simportant to also in the back of
your mind, understand.
One of the biggest things for methat I have to understand it's
now different.
It's now different for people onthe outside.
Like, I do have to realize, thewhole thing that you have to
worry about, now I have to worryabout.
(10:35):
What happens if one of the kidsget pulls over, pulled over by
the police or something likethat.
It's different.
And it's the same thing as, asyou talk to your kids about some
of the, the things that theyhave to do.
Especially as a, black man andthings like that and think
differently.
And those are things I never hadto think about.
Right.
So when it comes to teachingthe, the smaller kids, I hope, I
still hope to have them learn byexample.
(10:57):
But I always have to keepsomething different in my mind
that I never had to think aboutin the past.
That's fair.
And for me to wrap it up, Iwould say, um, because part of
the question is what advicewould you have to other, um,
interracial couples?
Um, what I have learned justfrom living life and talking to
(11:18):
clients and friends is that Youknow, there's no specific
stereotype, so you can't say,Oh, all black women spank their
kids because that's not true.
Or, you know, white men lettheir kids get away with
everything.
That's not true.
Or, you know, um, You know,black men aren't emotional with
(11:40):
their kids, but white men are.
That's not true.
So I just feel like we're allimperfect parents trying to
figure this thing out.
And the best thing that we cando is just try to come together
and encourage one another andfigure it out as we go.
And don't pass judgment.
That's the huge part.
Don't pass judgment.
(12:01):
And just one thing.
Other thing in summary is likejust just embrace it.
I think.
If two people one love one iftwo people love one another Then
I think the rest will work out.
But you know if people, haveissues with it, then they're not
your friends Anyway, that's notthe right person and we had one
situation where I think they itwas questionable whether or not
(12:22):
they were really, um Had issueswith our relationship.
I think they had issues with ourrelationship But whether or not
it was because it was ourdifference in culture is, is one
thing.
But regardless, if people haveissues with the relationship,
then they're really not yourfriends to begin with.
Yep.
I agree.
All right.
Well, thanks for listening.
(12:44):
look for us on Tik Tok,Instagram.
What else?
YouTube.
And just look for rolling withthe Dolans.
I hope you have a Magnificentand happy day, I Hope you just
have a week.
That's just filled with love andjoy.
(13:05):
Oh That sounds better.
Let me try to type that I hopethat you just listen to your
heart and be guided in the bestway ever All right until next
time all right so next time bye
Welcome to Rollin with theDolans.
(00:01):
I'm Patrick Dolan.
And I'm Tameka Dolan.
Our podcast dives into the joysand challenges of blending
families, our interracialmarriage, parents and children
of multiple ages in the journeyof entrepreneurship.
We share our daily lifeexperiences with a positive but
real perspective.
(00:21):
So for today's topic, we'regoing to dive into our
interracial relationship for thefirst time.
Yes, because that was one of thereasons for starting this
podcast, is to talk aboutinterracial marriage.
Marriage.
Marriage.
And so the first question I havefor you is, Uh oh.
You know, what were yourthoughts when we first met?
(00:42):
Was it something that came intomind, or, or what did you think?
I mean, obviously, we both knewthat there would be some
differences in our culture, but,um, that was, I mean, maybe a
little bit in parenting, butthat was pretty much it.
So I'll just, my thought was Ididn't even think twice about
(01:06):
it.
I'm like, wow, she's beautiful.
She's incredible.
I'm like, good answer.
It doesn't even matter.
Good answer.
That's all I thought about and,I was like, all the rest, I'll
figure itself out.
Okay, good answer.
If I ever get somebody lookingat me thinking, oh, okay,
looking at me a little funny, Iwill probably always take it
personal thinking, How on earthdid he end up with her?
(01:28):
Okay, whatever.
Truth be told, that's exactlyhow I thought about it.
I know because I, like peoplehave asked me, do people stare
at you guys or give you a meanlook?
And what is your answer to that?
What's your response to that?
Do they, you're saying?
Mm hmm.
I don't think so.
I mean, I, like, that's onething is I never really notice
(01:49):
what people are doing around us.
Like, if people are staring atme, I probably wouldn't even
notice.
Yeah, same with me.
Yeah, people ask me, do, um,black men give me, like, a mean
look?
Or does white women give me amean look?
And honestly, we're just kind ofin our own bubble that I don't
even really pay attention.
Yeah, that's one of thosethings.
And I know that we've bothlikely been in situations where
(02:14):
You know, we're, surrounded bypeople that there's going to be
one or two of them who thinknegatively about a relationship,
but, I don't think that we'veever felt it.
Yeah, I agree, but I mean, ifyou think about it, it's
probably like that in alldifferent type of relationships,
you know, heterosexual or notheterosexual, um, the opposite
(02:35):
where there's a white female anda black male.
So I feel like.
you're always going to get sometype of looks.
It's just, if you focus on it,and I feel like we just never
focus on it.
You agree?
Yep, definitely.
And then, how do you think ourfamilies reacted to it?
Like, kids first, and thenother, family members.
(02:58):
Uh, with the younger kids, Ifeel like they didn't even blink
an eye, like it didn't matter tothem.
To the older kids, it was alittle bit different, but not
enough to, I mean, nothingserious, you know, like, um, our
20 year old, you know, obviouslybecause he lives with us, he
(03:19):
noticed a difference, you know,but not in a negative way.
He just said, things aredifferent the way he was brought
up in a way he parents versushow you parent, you know, yep
and then our 25 year old I don'tthink she really had anything
(03:40):
Well, she happened to have beendating a white person at the
time.
At the time, you're right,you're right.
How can you think much about itif that's the case?
That's true.
And then our 27 year old, he wasalso with, um, a white female at
the time, too.
But he also was concerned aboutthe difference in parenting.
(04:00):
Like, would you parent the sameas me?
Which is fair, right?
Yep, definitely.
And when it comes to parents,there's only, uh, you know,
parents that are alive still areyours.
From my perspective, I, I neverfelt anything other than, your
dad, gives me a chuckle everynow and then, because I think
he, he enjoys some of the, the,some of the fact, you know,
(04:23):
like, the funniest thing is,there is, uh, he has two son in
laws, And they're both namedpatrick and one is black and one
is white so he kind of gets akick out of that Yeah, but I
don't think he Uh, thinksanything other than just
enjoying, some of thedifferences.
I remember the last time he wasthere, he put you, I heard him
put you on the phone and he waslike, Hey, so and so, this is my
(04:44):
son in law.
Do you think he's a whitePatrick or a black Patrick?
Or is that how you word it?
Yeah, basically.
Or maybe he said it a nicer way.
Which Patrick do you think thisis?
And I'm not about to try to actone way or another.
So I'm going to talk the same.
I'm going to be the same.
So you, what you get is what youget.
Yeah.
I think, I think that's hugetoo.
(05:05):
Is that, going back to youchanging.
I would not be attracted to awhite man that felt like he
needed to, quote, act black.
because then you're not reallybeing yourself, you know?
And there were some otherpeople, I think, some people who
were surprised, but, you know, Idon't, overall, like, I think,
(05:28):
maybe one or two negative,things that we ran into, but the
majority, like, there might besome, some surprise with
friends, family, questions,things like that, but I don't
think there was a, any, um, youknow, there wasn't any, a lot of
negative tone to discuss, so Ithink overall, there was, Wait,
you have to tell them a reallyquick, like, 30 second story
(05:52):
about your old boss.
So, it's really pretty simple,and he's a good friend of mine.
So, he saw me, and, uh, Wait,and you have to say what his
nationality is.
Korean?
Yeah.
So, I don't, uh, tell anybody inadvance.
They're going to meet Tamika ifthey didn't happen to see them
on social media or somethingelse first.
(06:13):
They won't know.
So this was, you know, pushingfive years ago.
Now,, I introduced, um,introduced him and he's what And
he's like, Patrick, he's like,he's the whitest white man I've
ever known And, I guess thatstill applies, but there's, he
didn't say, oh wait, I can'timagine you actually would do
that.
It just took them by surprise.
(06:33):
Right, right.
So, well, no, our 20-year-oldsays that now you quote, have
some sauce on you now.
So.
Well, that might be.
We did post that one, Tamekaeffect video that if, if people
haven't seen it, they can do it.
And there's the before and afterpictures.
But I like to believe that'sjust because I'm so happy.
Like it's not necessarily areflection of, of anything when
(06:57):
it comes to that.
So here's another one that Iwant to cover that I think is,
interesting is, Is it one ofyour stats?
Because you love a good stat.
No, I didn't bring any.
Have you or your childrenexperienced any assumptions or
biases based on your family'sdiversity?
You mean that my youngerchildren?
(07:17):
Yeah, any of them.
Like have any kids.
And if you don't have anything,I actually have a couple of
things I want to speak to.
Okay, you go ahead.
a couple of things.
that happened, over the last twoweeks, I'd say, maybe a little
bit more, is one going to pickup one of our kids, and the
assumption was that I was one ofthe white kid's parents.
So I was like, oh, nope, I'mhere for that one.
(07:41):
I'm not going to thinknegatively of the person.
It was an assumption, but it'san easy assumption to make.
but, again, in this day and age,it's not always the case.
that was one, and then thesecond one was dealing with
that, the same child.
We were at Costco, and it, and Iwas standing right there.
And, when they get the samplesand stuff like that, the person
(08:02):
was asking, the age and all thattype of stuff.
And, I'm like, uh, he's with me.
I don't think she ever got it.
Really?
Oh, you didn't tell me thatstory.
I'm his parent.
Okay.
Because she kept going on and onabout, well, if it was okay.
And then I'm like, wait, I don'tthink you understand.
I'm his parent.
(08:23):
Yeah.
And then, then I think, I stilldon't even know if she got it in
the end, but she's like, oh,okay.
I don't think they'renecessarily thinking, they're
just keep feeding and, and justchecking to make sure that
nobody has food allergies.
But still, that's a couple ofthings that happened just
recently.
But nothing major or terriblyinsulting, it's just
assumptions.
And, that's the way things are.
I do, I do want to jump in onthat part because whenever I'm
(08:46):
with your boys, um, I rememberone time thinking, I wonder if
they feel awkward that they'rewith a, you know, with their
black bonus mom, but honestly, Idon't think that they do like, I
don't feel like they act anydifferent when we're all
together or.
(09:07):
I don't know.
What do you think?
I think, if anything, they likeit.
I, I think that they like themulticultural aspect of our
family.
And I think it's something theyembrace and overall they, they
enjoy.
Well, at least I would want tothink so, right?
Yeah.
I mean, they've never indicatedanything otherwise to me, all
(09:28):
right.
So one more question.
I'm going to give this questionto you, and then we'll wrap it
up.
What advice do you have forother interracial couples who
are raising kids, especiallywhen navigating family or
societal expectations?
I think it, it's almost similarto what we had in a, a previous
(09:52):
podcast where we were talkingabout teaching autistic kids,
and you treat them the same.
You have to understand thatthere are some differences, but
treat everybody the same.
And, and in, in our case,that's, you know, basic.
Um, setting a good example,really trying to teach them by
doing and how we act and how wedo things.
(10:13):
And I think that that's the bestway to teach.
But I do think that it'simportant to also in the back of
your mind, understand.
One of the biggest things for methat I have to understand it's
now different.
It's now different for people onthe outside.
Like, I do have to realize, thewhole thing that you have to
worry about, now I have to worryabout.
(10:35):
What happens if one of the kidsget pulls over, pulled over by
the police or something likethat.
It's different.
And it's the same thing as, asyou talk to your kids about some
of the, the things that theyhave to do.
Especially as a, black man andthings like that and think
differently.
And those are things I never hadto think about.
Right.
So when it comes to teachingthe, the smaller kids, I hope, I
still hope to have them learn byexample.
(10:57):
But I always have to keepsomething different in my mind
that I never had to think aboutin the past.
That's fair.
And for me to wrap it up, Iwould say, um, because part of
the question is what advicewould you have to other, um,
interracial couples?
Um, what I have learned justfrom living life and talking to
(11:18):
clients and friends is that Youknow, there's no specific
stereotype, so you can't say,Oh, all black women spank their
kids because that's not true.
Or, you know, white men lettheir kids get away with
everything.
That's not true.
Or, you know, um, You know,black men aren't emotional with
(11:40):
their kids, but white men are.
That's not true.
So I just feel like we're allimperfect parents trying to
figure this thing out.
And the best thing that we cando is just try to come together
and encourage one another andfigure it out as we go.
And don't pass judgment.
That's the huge part.
Don't pass judgment.
(12:01):
And just one thing.
Other thing in summary is likejust just embrace it.
I think.
If two people one love one iftwo people love one another Then
I think the rest will work out.
But you know if people, haveissues with it, then they're not
your friends Anyway, that's notthe right person and we had one
situation where I think they itwas questionable whether or not
(12:22):
they were really, um Had issueswith our relationship.
I think they had issues with ourrelationship But whether or not
it was because it was ourdifference in culture is, is one
thing.
But regardless, if people haveissues with the relationship,
then they're really not yourfriends to begin with.
Yep.
I agree.
All right.
Well, thanks for listening.
(12:44):
look for us on Tik Tok,Instagram.
What else?
YouTube.
And just look for rolling withthe Dolans.
I hope you have a Magnificentand happy day, I Hope you just
have a week.
That's just filled with love andjoy.
(13:05):
Oh That sounds better.
Let me try to type that I hopethat you just listen to your
heart and be guided in the bestway ever All right until next
time all right so next time bye
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