42. The Matriarch in the Making

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When a parent passes, someone quietly steps forward—not by choice, but by necessity. She becomes the keeper of memories, the decision maker, the silent matriarch. In this episode, we explore the unseen inheritance: the emotional and spiritual weight that lands in her hands, and the sacred work of guiding her through it. If you've ever wondered what it truly means to serve beyond the sale, this is a moment worth listening to.

Episode Transcript

Alexa (00:01):
Today we're talking about a very specific person and
you've probably met her already.
She's the daughter, the niece,the sister, the one who is not
on title, but somehow she's theone who makes every decision.
She's sorting through thepaperwork, coordinating the
siblings, taking the calls,paying the taxes, and not

(00:21):
because she asked for any of it,but because somebody had to,
she is the matriarch in themaking, and today we're going to
talk about what that actuallymeans.
So when we started buildingHeirloom, we started with a very
specific type of client and wenamed her Fallon and we did a
bunch of research around theheirs that were inheriting

(00:44):
property and our avatar, fallon,was created out of that.
So Fallon is between 44 and 62.
She's educated, emotionallyintelligent, and she's often
rooted in her faith.
She probably lives out of state.
So I'm in South Florida hereand we have a lot of clients who

(01:08):
their parents retired to Boca,right, and their children still
live out of state.
Sometimes they're local or theylive a few hours away, but in
most cases the heirs don't livein the same place as their
parents and so she is stuck inthis place of balancing her own
household, maybe working with anaging parent, working with a
surviving spouse, right, andmaybe she has adult kids or

(01:31):
maybe they're still, you know,teenagers.
And now she has become thedefault decision maker for an
inherited property.
Truthfully, she did not raiseher hand for any of this, but
when the call came she answeredbecause nobody else was going to
do it.
And she's not grieving loudly,she's grieving logistically.
She's the person that isholding it all together, because

(01:55):
if she doesn't hold everythingelse together, she will fall
apart.
So inside she's wondering ifletting go of the house means
letting go of her mother.
And now I call this woman thematriarch in the making, because
typically what happens is momor dad passes away and it
creates a vacuum where thematriarch or the patriarch is no

(02:16):
longer there to make thedecisions.
And now somebody else stepsinto that role.
And it doesn't happen like acoronation, like it does with a
king right, but it happens asthe inheritance of all the
logistics, all the harddecisions, all of the pressure,
and it usually comes at a timewhen the new matriarch, the new

(02:37):
patriarch, is also grieving.
But they don't have the spaceto grieve because there's so
much that needs to be done andnobody gave her the title and
nobody officially gave her thetasks either, but they kind of
threw up their hands and said Idon't want to deal with this.
And so Fallon is the one whosaid okay, it needs to get done,
so I'll take care of it.
And so I refer to this as herunofficial crowning.

(03:00):
And this happens for men too,right, like it's not just women,
but in a lot of cases, if thereis a sister involved in this
situation, the data shows thatit typically is going to end up
being the woman.
She feels the pressure to do theright thing with the home and
she feels guilty for wanting tosell it.
It feels like she's letting goof the last thing that allows

(03:22):
her and her family to feel closeto the person who passed.
She has some deep-rootedresentment, and that comes from
the place of.
No one else is helping her withall of the things that need to
get done and nobody is evenappreciating what she's doing
either.
She has a fear, a reallydeep-rooted fear of getting it

(03:42):
wrong and as we continue toshift into a new market that is
slower and takes longer forproperties to sell and she's
probably going to have to doprice reduction and she's
probably going to have to dosome repairs to the property.
She's worried about doing itwrong and regretting the
decision later.

(04:02):
But underneath it all, she'swondering wrong and regretting
the decision later.
But underneath it all, she'swondering what if I mess up?
What if this makes me the badguy?
What if I can't hold the familytogether like she did or like
he did right?
This is a new role for her andshe doesn't know if she's doing
it right.
And this here is why I say thatselling inherited property is

(04:22):
not just a financial transaction.
It's a spiritual threshold,it's where a daughter becomes a
matriarch and it's where familylegacy gets passed on, not just
in documents, but in emotionaland spiritual responsibility.
That's why she does not need asales pitch.
She needs a professional whosees her as a person and all the

(04:43):
things that she doesn't say,but she needs to be supported
through.
Now, when you understand her,your whole approach is going to
be different.
You're not going to rush thelisting, you're not going to get
annoyed when she's takingforever to respond, because you
understand the emotions and thegrief that she's experiencing

(05:04):
and you typically won't see herbreak down.
But her breakdown happensbehind closed doors, where
you're not going to see it, andso sometimes we forget that the
strong person needs to bechecked on too.
So when you work with her,you're not going to just talk
about listing the property.
You're not just going to talkabout comps.
You're not just going to tellher just sell it or just do an
estate sale.
You're not just going to talkabout comps.

(05:25):
You're not just going to tellher just sell it or just do an
estate sale.
You're going to ask about theperson who lived there.
You're going to create clarity,you're going to hold space for
compassion, you're going to helpher find closure and you're
going to lead her intocompletion.
And this is what sacred work isServing the people who are
stepping into the most sacredrole of their lives, without a

(05:46):
ceremony, without gratitude,without applause and often
without help.
Now you may be the only one whoactually sees her, the only one
who names the moment for whatit is, and in doing so, you give
her something no title, nopayout and no probate filing
could, a sense of peace that shedidn't just manage an estate.

(06:09):
She actually carried a legacyand she picked up the torch and
became the legacy bearer.
And you, sacred worker, werethe one who walked beside her
when she became the matriarch.