May 2, 2025 • 51 mins
In this episode of the Strength 2 Overcome podcast, Ryan and Matt reflect on their reunion after many years apart, discussing their personal journeys through significant life transitions, including marriage struggles, divorce, and the quest for personal growth. They explore the challenges of rebuilding life after separation, the role of fasting in self-discovery, and the importance of support from friends during tough times. The conversation highlights the power of resilience and the strength to overcome adversity, ultimately leading to new beginnings and a renewed sense of purpose.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Leave your ego at the door and get ready to be
raw.
This is Strength to Overcome,where real men find their
strength in weakness.
Hi guys, welcome back to theStrength to Overcome podcast.
I'm your co-host Ryan here withmy man Matt, and we're excited
to be back with you this weekfor episode two.
(00:22):
And Matt, how you doing,brother?
Absolutely good, mate.
SPEAKER_02 (00:27):
You know, plugging through and it's been a great
week.
I've got a couple of things I'llshare with that too, but
definitely a really good weekand things are looking good.
SPEAKER_01 (00:34):
Yeah, man.
So since the first episode, wewere able to get together, kind
of reunite after 12, 13 years ofnot seeing each other.
So that was cool to spend sometime with you and get to kind of
feel your energy down there.
I know we're both in sunnyFlorida, but you're in a little
bit sunnier spot than me.
SPEAKER_02 (00:54):
We had a great couple of days.
It was far too short and I dolook forward to doing it again
soon.
So in the meantime, this isgoing to have to do.
SPEAKER_01 (01:01):
Yeah.
One of the things I really, youknow, I really appreciate
spending some time with you andyou know, you've always been
like a mentor to me and that'sjust continued on throughout
our, our talks when we weretogether.
But, you know, I was reallythinking about it over the last
24 hours since I got home andit's, uh, It really is meant to
be for us doing this togetherwith the Strength to Overcome
(01:23):
movement, the journey we're on.
And it got me thinking, you toldme you could feel that I was a
little bit off and that I wasfighting with some things
emotionally and talked aboutsome of those things in the
episode last week.
And it just occurred to mebecause I saw, I was expecting a
little bit to come into yourworld and see you down and a
(01:46):
little bit and it wasn't it wasalmost like the opposite and um
Your spirits were high and arehigh, even though, like you
shared last week, you're in atough spot physically in a
number of areas.
And it just struck me.
It occurred to me like we're onopposite ends of the spectrum or
we're actually in the sameplace.
It's just I'm there emotionallyand you're there physically
(02:09):
right now, which it just kind ofhit me out of the blue today.
Wow, that's really where we areright now.
SPEAKER_02 (02:15):
Well, yeah, it's a cool vantage point that you've
got.
Obviously, after 13 years,there's a lot of emotions going
through you.
Catching up with a buddy that,you know, we were pretty close
back in the day and we had somegreat times.
And so we've got a lot tounpack.
And I really do see that thejigsaw pieces come together for
us to do this together.
And hopefully over the next fewepisodes, people will understand
(02:37):
why we're doing this and get abetter understanding as to why
we're laying the foundation ofthis sort of situation we find
ourselves in.
versus waiting a year or two andthen sort of sharing, hey, this
is how we got out of it.
We're both down in differentareas, but we're really driven
to succeed and sort of share thejourney out of that darkness.
SPEAKER_01 (02:57):
And you've had some cool things happen to you since
we filmed our first episode,right?
SPEAKER_02 (03:03):
Yes.
You know, it's funny.
I realized after the lastepisode was filmed that I failed
to mention during my Uberingtime, I actually went back to
school and got my real estatelicense, which was a big deal.
I went through the class with afew other people that didn't
make it out the other side.
And I was blessed enough toactually hang my license with a
client of mine that I'd becomereally good friends with out
(03:25):
here.
And so, you know, I'm working ather office and I got some
clients of mine from when I wastraining that wanted to move.
And so they actually Thank youso much.
(03:54):
The timing of, you know, beingable to get some funds through
that, a business venture is justunbelievable right now.
We really need that.
And to me, it just validates,hey, listen, you guys are doing
something good and I'm going tocontinue to fund it while you
guys are pressing forward on.
I'm doing something that'spretty tough, to be honest with
you.
There's not a lot of people thatwant to bare their soul and have
someone film the journey, right?
So really grateful andabsolutely, you know, thankful
(04:16):
beyond words.
It's happening now.
SPEAKER_01 (04:20):
Yeah, it was cool to see it all unfold right in front
of me there with the real estatedeal.
And I think there's probablysome bigger things to come on
that front for you.
So I'm pumped to see you attackthat side of things.
Absolutely.
You know, today we were reallylooking to dive into this last
10 years.
You know, it's been probably 12or 13 since we really were
(04:42):
together.
But you and I both had somemajor life transitions happen
kind of in that 2015 time range.
I know that was the year that Ileft the golf business and left
my job as a PGA professional wasthat summer of 2015.
And I kind of transitioned intothe fitness world at that time.
(05:03):
but uh you were going throughanother transition during that
period or shortly thereafterweren't you
SPEAKER_02 (05:10):
you know i was and you know this is the story that
really hasn't been told you knowi mean obviously you know that i
moved because you know i'm inflorida but you really don't
know what happened and what wentdown and yeah not a lot of
people do yeah the the timelineof 15 was was an interesting
time.
I'd say from probably about 13,14, really, the last couple of
(05:31):
years, you know, that betweenwhen we kind of, you know, ended
up going in different directionsthrough random circumstances,
which we can talk about anothertime, but 13 and 14 were really
tough on my marriage, and, youknow, I really found myself, you
know, we found ourselves reallydrifting apart.
I was really digging on someother things, and it just...
(05:53):
It drove a wedge between us andconnection just slowly but
surely got to the point where wewere really kind of both just
looking to maybe move on andstart fresh.
We'd both been married at thatpoint 15 years.
You're talking
SPEAKER_01 (06:08):
about your previous marriage, right?
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (06:12):
And so we got married in 2000.
So by this time, we'd beenmarried 15 years.
And I got married when I was,goodness, I was just 20, I
think, or so.
But she was a year younger.
So we were really young.
We got married.
And, you know, we've moved backand forth between Virginia and
Australia a couple of times.
So there's a lot of back andforth and up and down and where
(06:32):
we're going to live and whatwe're going to do type of sort
of stuff.
And, you know, by the time 15rolled around, we're actually,
you know, working at the gymtogether.
It was our gym.
180 Fitness was our gym.
But we had a trip planned toIsrael, of all places.
It was about a two-week trip.
And so we went on that trip.
(06:52):
Kind of like a, you know, kindof like a last hurrah or a kind
of, you know, let's see if wecan get along type of thing, you
know.
And so we went on that trip andwe had some great times and made
some lifelong friends out of it,to be honest with you.
But really, when we got back, wekind of just fell back into that
(07:13):
feeling of, you know, what arewe doing here?
And I think that Both of us hadbeen raised in very strict
religious circles where divorcewas a taboo subject.
It wasn't something that wasaccepted.
And if you did get divorced,you're pretty much reserved to
never marrying again.
And so there's a lot of pressurethere to keep it going, which
(07:33):
just fueled the fire of we don'twant to.
And we're at the gym together.
And so we did.
We separated.
I think that was shortly afterthat Israel trip in April.
SPEAKER_01 (07:43):
That was April of
SPEAKER_02 (07:44):
2015?
April 2015.
And so we did, we separated.
And, you know, I won't speak towhat, you know, she did or not
that would be my business too,and not that I even really know,
but...
She went off and started herlife again, and I started my
life again.
And so the odd portion of thisstory is that we still owned the
gym together and trained ourclients there, which was a
(08:06):
really difficult dynamic, butthat's what we had decided,
let's just figure it out.
And so during that time ofseparation, I started another
relationship.
It was with a client of mine.
And for the first time in a longtime, I kind of had that hope
again and that vigor of, Youknow, there's a bright future.
And, you know, that's common,obviously, right?
New relationship and someexcitement there.
(08:26):
But that kind of time was reallydifficult, really challenging
because we're at the gymtogether.
I'm trying to start a new lifeand getting some momentum in a
different direction.
And she's doing her thing andrunning in different circles,
you know.
And so during that summer, itwas really challenging because
the guilt, you know, and somepeople that are raised in
certain religious circles willunderstand what I'm saying when
(08:48):
I say guilt.
You know, differentdenominations have different
levels of guilt.
But it's funny because there wasthis overwhelming guilt that
just kept waving over me that Ineeded to fight for my marriage.
I needed to make it work, but Ididn't want to.
It was such a difficult dynamicbecause I was excited about my
future.
Things were going well, but Ifelt drawn to, what's the word,
(09:08):
obligation to make it workbecause if I get divorced, I
can't get married again oryou're damned forever type sort
of stuff.
Really tough stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (09:18):
So even though y'all were separated at the time,
summer of 15, you were stillkind of having those feelings?
SPEAKER_02 (09:24):
Yeah, but just that guilt of, you know, till death
type thing, right?
And so you've just got thiscocktail of emotions you've got
rolling around.
And so I got to the point whereI had to break off that
relationship that I had started,which was really difficult for a
lot of reasons, right?
And with this sense ofobligation, you know, try and
(09:46):
come up with a plan or astrategy where this marriage
could still work.
And I think that through, I'mnot going to go through every
conversation, every detail, butlong story short, we got to the
point where we said, all right,well, let's do this.
Let's try again.
But we've got to do it somewhereelse.
We've got to start fresh.
We've got to move on.
And so over the course of thenext couple of months, we've
(10:06):
tried to figure out what are wegoing to do?
And so we ended up putting ourprofile on a house sitting and
business sitting platform wherepeople can find you and you can
go in and look after tosomeone's house that's empty for
six months or a business thatneeds help or running.
And we got a contract for alittle village, a little fishing
village in the west coast ofMexico, Barra de Navidad.
(10:27):
And we were set to start inApril the following year.
And so we quickly realized thatwe had a home, we had a
business, you know, what are wegoing to do?
So we sold the business.
We left my house for sale with aclient of mine who was a real
estate agent and packedeverything up into a left that's
how that's how you know weexited uh roanoke virginia after
(10:51):
me being there for you know thatstage 14 15 years
SPEAKER_01 (10:55):
what month was that when y'all left
SPEAKER_02 (10:58):
so we left in april the following year so april was
16
SPEAKER_01 (11:02):
okay yeah so i was still still kind of in the
fitness world we were gettingready to start our first gym we
were at gold's and and we were
SPEAKER_02 (11:10):
uh
SPEAKER_01 (11:10):
We were getting ready to kind of start the first
with the CrossFit Unify Roanokethat we had created.
So I had a lot going on at thetime.
So I know you and I weren'treally in contact at that point.
SPEAKER_02 (11:21):
Well, listen, I was in the trenches of
SPEAKER_01 (11:22):
trying
SPEAKER_02 (11:23):
to start a new life and then trying to, you know,
fire up the old one, you know,with a dead battery type sort of
situation, right?
And so, you know, by April of2016, that was it.
We were gone.
And so we got to this fishingvillage and we were looking
after a three-villa complex forsome Canadians that couldn't
live there permanently.
(11:44):
And so we went down there andtook over the business for six
months.
And we'd left behind everything.
Right.
Of course, there's a lot ofbitterness and resentment.
You know, here we are in aforeign place.
No one speaks English.
And, you know, it was 120degrees every day.
I mean, just brutal, like thesort of heat that just saps you.
You just got absolutely no fuelor energy.
(12:05):
So during that time, I decidedthat I was going to pull myself
into this marriage.
I was going to just try andleave the past behind, the
relationship, the gym, Roanoke,the friendships and just, you
know, tunnel vision, make themarriage work.
Right.
And so I ended up doing a twoyear course in about four
months.
to become a qualified pastor,which this many people know.
Maybe less, to be honest withyou.
(12:27):
And so during that time, I wasjust
SPEAKER_00 (12:30):
pouring
SPEAKER_02 (12:30):
myself in and all it really did was drive a bigger
wedge.
So we continued to do our thingdown there for the longest time
and try and figure it out.
We had good days, bad days, butwe planned on seeing it through.
And so we got to a point wherewe had to figure out what was
next.
And we got onto that platformand we actually got a contract
for another six months inIreland, of all places, looking
(12:53):
after a farm.
And soon after that, we gotanother contract for a Hawaii
that was going to be the sixmonths after that.
And so we really set up the next12 months traveling the world
and running businesses and, uh,you know, kind of just using
that situation to just reset,right?
No distractions.
And
SPEAKER_01 (13:09):
you were going to do this?
SPEAKER_02 (13:11):
No, but you know, I'm living on the, you know, in
Mexico, it was hot, but youknow, through Villa complex on a
canal, beautiful area, justspectacular, unbelievable.
And, uh, you know, so you payfor your own stuff and of course
down there it was cheap aschips, right?
I mean, it was really, you know,inexpensive and so, you know,
you start to learn the languageand you start to know the locals
(13:33):
and, you know, I had a blast.
I just love being in that sortof environment, you know, I
mean, there's people living downthere on dirt floors and don't
have anything and so, it wasjust amazing where I was in a
position financially, you know,having sold the house that we
could, you know, do stuffbecause our dollar went so far
against the peso.
But we got these two gigs, youknow, lined up and we got
towards the end of the time downthere, six months, and I really
(13:53):
didn't want to go back throughRoanoke on the way back to
Ireland for the next contract.
Obviously, all her family wasthere and we weren't equipped
with the right gear for Ireland.
You know, Mexico is kind of, youknow, like shorts and t-shirt,
if that, right?
And obviously, Northern Irelandon a farm, you've got to be
rocked up and you've got to havethe right gear.
And we did have the right gearhaving lived in Virginia.
And so we agreed that She wouldhead back early to reset, see
(14:15):
her family, and I would stay inMexico and see through the house
set.
And it was funny because Iremember the day, you know, we
had a friend that we'd gotten toknow, and I remember the day
that she...
you know, packed up her stuffand got in the car and was, was
driving.
I was on, I was on top of one ofthe villas looking down the
canal drive.
And as she pulled away, Iremember I took a photo.
(14:36):
I've still got it.
I took a photo and I rememberhaving this thought, I'm not
going to see her again.
Even
SPEAKER_01 (14:40):
though things were okay at the time, I mean, things
were going well down there.
SPEAKER_02 (14:44):
They were going well in that there was no
distractions.
We had no business.
We had no relationships downthere.
You know, the circle of friendsthat she was running with and my
circle that I'd gotten closewith, like, we just didn't have
anyone pulling us in any otherdirection.
And So that made it really toughbecause you didn't have any
sounding boards.
But at the same time, you'rethinking, okay, we're rebuilding
(15:05):
something here after 15, 16years of history.
But we just couldn't get ontothe same page.
I think deep down, we wereboth...
During the separation, I thinkwe had both moved on to a point
where we wanted to explore...
different futures right againyou know a lot of people that
get married young will probablyspeak to this but you know when
(15:29):
you're that young you grow upand things change your habits
your likes you you know whatyou're looking for in a partner
and things like that and so shehad different futures set in her
mind and so did I and so duringthat summer of separation I
think we both kind ofexperienced okay this is this is
where I'd go as an adult well,not that we weren't adults when
we got married, but more matureadult, these are the directions
(15:51):
we might go in for a future thatwe wanted.
So we just had this reallychallenging six months.
And so she took off to get backto Virginia and reload
everything.
And it was that day that Ireally decided I was going to do
a fast.
And I'd done a lot of fastingprior to that.
And by fast, I mean not eatinganything, just drinking water.
And I thought to myself, I'mgoing to do this fast and I'm
(16:13):
going to fast my way into savingthis marriage and I'm going to
then develop a concept aroundthis where I get to help men
that are struggling in marriagesand situations where it seems
dire and I'm going to I'm goingto learn through my
qualification as a pastor.
I'm going to go down this path.
I'm going to help guys savetheir marriages.
(16:34):
And I'm going to develop aconcept called strength to
overcome.
And so I started fasting.
I believe I was about a week in.
So seven days, no food.
I was continuing to playpickleball, which is where I
learned the sport down there.
I was getting around on just abicycle.
But I was about a week in tofasting.
And we'd had a couple ofconversations on the phone, just
trying to plan the logistics offlights and timing and such.
(16:57):
And we just had had a couple ofknockdown drag outs.
Just stuff that was just, it wasso, it was almost like six
months had just compresseditself into explosion.
She'd gone back and, you know, Idon't know what she's doing back
there, but I'm, you know, inMexico and I'm fasting.
So, you know, just everythingwas heightened.
And within that one or twoconversations, it ended up that
the contracts for, you know,Ireland and then the six months
(17:20):
away, the whole thing gotcanceled.
Shut it down.
Over.
Done.
SPEAKER_01 (17:23):
You guys decided to cancel it?
SPEAKER_02 (17:25):
That was it.
SPEAKER_01 (17:27):
Yeah.
Done.
SPEAKER_02 (17:28):
Which meant that I'm in Mexico fasting to save the
marriage and move on from mygem, my relationship that I'd
started, my friends, everyone inRoanoke was my life, right?
Her family had become my family,right?
So everything I was working onand striving for and fasting for
and digging my heels in on, justdone.
And so here I am.
I mean, I've got like twosuitcases or like a backpack and
(17:51):
a suitcase in a fishing village.
I've got nowhere to go.
And she's standing in Virginia.
So the next morning I woke upAnd I had received an email, our
profile had received an emailfrom a couple in Northern
California asking if we wouldlook after their dogs in their
home while they went toAustralia, of all places.
I think this is probably why Iwas picked, but of all places,
(18:12):
Australia.
And I reached out to my wife andI said, hey, listen, I
understand what's going on here,but I've just been asked, we
have just been asked to do thissit in Northern California.
And she said, I guess I waslooking for something to tie us
back and, you know, hey, we'regoing to press on here.
But instead of anything movingforward, it was, no, you should
(18:33):
take that because I'm not comingback.
Well, in my situation, you canimagine I'm kind of not really
knowing what to do here.
So I accepted the contract andjust let them know, hey, listen,
you know, my wife's tied up withanother commitment and she'll
meet me at your place once I getthere.
The contract was done.
It was all finalized.
And I stayed in Mexico.
(18:55):
I think I was there for, I thinkit was 19 days on my own with a
contract ready to go about amonth from then.
But I had continued to fast.
SPEAKER_01 (19:03):
You just decided not to eat?
SPEAKER_02 (19:05):
I just continued to fast.
I'd always wanted to do a longone.
And I'd done a lot of fastingprior, but at this point, I'm on
day 19.
And so I'd continue to playpickleball every day for three
hours.
And those that play the gameknow that, you know, three hours
in 100 degree heat is, you know,that's brutal.
But I continued to do it.
I continued to function.
I continued to do everythingwithout anybody knowing, really.
I'm sure I started to, you know,look differently, but continued
(19:29):
to do everything and work on mybonsai trees.
And I was just finding myselfreally drawn to driving.
And again, you'd remember I wasI was driven to have this
strength to overcome concept.
So I had to win.
I had to complete the fast.
I had to save the marriage andwin.
And so I got to day 19.
My contract there was up.
We wrapped everything up.
Packed the place up.
Got it ready for the owners tocome back in.
(19:50):
Got everything back into abackpack sort of suitcase type
scenario and i headed back tohuntington beach california and
i stayed with a good buddy ofmine and continued to fast i
poured myself into prayer andmeditation and doing all the
right stuff you know justbelieving that it was going to
come around you know i've beengiven this concept and so i've
(20:11):
done a lot of walking at thetime to just stay active right i
was sleeping in the bottom bunkwith this five-year-old above me
you know i mean i You knew me atthe height of my powers.
I don't say that like I'm asuperhero, but you knew me when
I had a gem.
I was married.
I was growing my business.
I had employees.
(20:32):
I had a beautiful home on anacre.
Things looked really good.
super strong and just athletic.
Everything was good.
And here I am on the bottom of abunk, you know, entering my
third week of fasting, trying tosave a marriage that clearly
didn't want to be saved byeither party.
But deep down, I just knew thatI could save it and fast my way
through and have this testimony.
So I was doing a lot of walkingat the time and I just kept
(20:53):
fasting.
You know, at that point, my goalwas 40 days.
It's a very biblical concept.
And even if you're not into thereligious circles, you know,
that 40-day fast is like, it's abig, you know, it's a number
that's known by even those thatdon't get into that sort of
religious side of things.
But I continued to fast, didwhere I could to stay active,
and just got to the point wheremy feet just exploded.
They blew up to balloons.
(21:14):
You know, toes were all swollen,ankles were swollen.
I now couldn't even walk.
I'd lost so much weight that itwas hard to move around.
You know, at the end of eachday, I was so fatigued.
That, you know, if I'd beendownstairs, you know, my buddy
and another friend of mine, youknow, that we'd met in this
Israel trip.
Of all places, right?
I had...
(21:35):
gotten to the point where theywould have to carry me up to my
room because i couldn't get upthe stairs my feet had just
exploded swollen from walking onthem too much so here i am you
know getting carried around feetswollen continued to fast and i
got to the 40 day mark and ofcourse at that point i'd already
signed the contract for the nextplace and so i had about a 10
day window and so anybody that'sfasted or could even comprehend
(21:59):
if you don't come back from 40days of no food and just water
and you don't do it right wellthat's what can kill you so So I
had a strategy.
I had a plan.
Obviously, you're introducingjuices and broths, some soups
and things like this.
But I had a 10-day window beforeI was going to be back on the
road.
And so at that point, I got upto Northern California and
(22:19):
started the house set.
And of course, I'm sure that thepeople looked at the profile
picture and then saw me at thefront door and they're like,
what the hell
SPEAKER_01 (22:26):
is
SPEAKER_02 (22:26):
this?
SPEAKER_01 (22:27):
You probably looked completely different.
SPEAKER_02 (22:30):
Well, I have a picture and I posted it on
Facebook and not many peoplePeople even maybe noticed, but I
think I was coming in around 112on the scales there.
And at the time, I don't knowhow much I had weight to start
with because we didn't havescales there.
But I would say in Mexico, butI'd say somewhere around 60 to
70 pounds.
SPEAKER_01 (22:49):
Yeah, during that 40 day fast.
SPEAKER_02 (22:52):
yeah and so i mean you know i'm six one and you
know to be weighing in at thatit's like you know you could see
ribs you could see hips bonesyou know bones sticking out of
my face you know look like a powyou know my my body was bruised
from sleeping you know becausethere's no padding anymore you
know so i had bruises everywherei was just you know beat to hell
so i get up to northerncalifornia and i start this
(23:12):
house set and i started to haveA lot of itching in my fingers
and toes and my wrists andthings.
Got to the point where it was sobad, I went and saw a
specialist, and I was diagnosedwith scabies.
Like, you've got to be kiddingme.
So here I am in NorthernCalifornia.
Marriage has completely crappeditself.
(23:33):
I've done my fast.
Like, what is going on here?
Now I'm battling this.
And so I was 10 days in or acouple of weeks in to the
recovery at that point.
And so, you know, I didn't wantto pour all the toxic poison of
the solution all over my body,right?
I'm coming back from the fast.
I don't want the first thingsthat I pour into it to be, you
(23:56):
know, medication.
And so I tried to work on itnaturally.
And so I did what I could and Ikept trying.
I think I was probably, I don'tknow, maybe three, four weeks
into the recovery and I decidedto do another fast.
This time I did no food, nowater.
And I did that for about threeor four days.
(24:17):
And during that three or fourdays of no food, no water, I
joined a gym and I was workingout twice a day.
I was using the sauna.
And I'd get in the pool and I'dget back in the sauna.
I was just trying to sweat this,you know, disgusting disease
that I had.
you know gotten obviously inMexico and I did that three or
four days and you know thatdidn't work so then I started to
(24:38):
develop some concoctions somereally natural heavy duty you
know concoctions to try and killit off and so I was taking these
baths and it wasn't working so Iyou know I made this really
strong bath and tea tree oil andall sorts of really heavy duty
stuff and I soaked in it to myneck down you know hands are in
knees are in feet are in Isoaked in it for like half an
hour I'm like I was so upset somad so ready to just be done
(24:59):
with life in general and so Idid this major soak and I burnt
myself so badly.
It worked, but now I burntmyself.
So now I'm in this situation oftrying to recover from a fast,
going through a divorce, burntmyself to a crisp from the neck
down.
I had to wear long-sleevedclothing so people wouldn't see
it.
And it's just weird, you know.
My skin had just rashed andstarted to fester.
(25:21):
It was just a mess.
It was like I had leprosy orsomething.
At the same time, I was lookingafter these dogs.
One of them was sick.
And so I was in and out of theveterinarian and trying to...
get in touch with the owners.
Dog was getting worse.
Fortunately, I was still intouch with my buddy from
Huntington Beach.
We touched base every day.
I think he thought deep down, hewas like, I don't touch base
with him.
He's just going to off himself,right?
And so he touched base with meevery day and we petitioned and
(25:44):
prayed and just worked towardsresolution.
We didn't know what thatresolution meant at the time,
but we just kept pressing in.
I had another buddy fromVirginia that I'd stayed in
touch with and I'd trained thiskid since he was 13 and he was
going through a rough time, verysimilar to mine.
And he came out for a week, andit was just a shot in the arm
that I needed, you know, somemomentum.
We had a great week, but ofcourse, at the end of the week,
(26:05):
you know, he went back, and Iwas on my own again.
And of course, then there's awave of emotion.
Here I am all alone again.
I was trying to heal.
I was trying to bounce back fromthe fast.
I was looking after this sickdog.
Still trying to work on themarriage.
We had just crossed over intoJanuary at this point, and that
was 17 years.
So I, you know, put togetherthis elaborate anniversary plan
(26:28):
you know gift an idea and sentit off and you know kind of fell
on deaf ears just didn't feelright i guess and so you know
nothing really transpired fromthat meanwhile the owners are
gone so they don't really careif someone's coming around as
long as their dogs are beinglooked after right so i
continued to uh you know bounceback hit the gym work on all
(26:50):
that i could i was having nightsweats at the time which i don't
know if you've ever experiencednight sweats
SPEAKER_01 (26:55):
uh not really
SPEAKER_02 (26:57):
basically wake up in the middle of the night or the
next morning and everything issaturated as if someone had come
in and hosed you down.
Like your pillow, your bed, yoursheets, the comforter,
everything.
Absolutely dripping wet.
And that started to happen and Iwas going through that every
single night.
Which means every single day I'mdoing a full load of laundry.
(27:17):
And I didn't have a lot ofstrength at this point so I was
struggling with that.
And it was just a lot to handle,you know, on my own.
I'd I was trying to work out,but I was fatigued, so I
couldn't get back to my heights.
So just really struggling onevery front.
You know, you start to think,well, you know, that's it.
That's over, right?
And so I remember the day I gotthe mail and I got this envelope
(27:38):
from clients of mine from thegym that I had known for a long,
long time.
Good friends.
And they're lawyers.
So I opened it up and it was thedivorce papers.
So I took the divorce papers toUPS to, you know, sign and have
someone notarize.
And that's how I did it.
Signed them, mailed them off.
Like,
SPEAKER_00 (27:55):
okay,
SPEAKER_02 (27:55):
I'm divorced.
Same timeline.
The dog continued to...
While you
SPEAKER_01 (28:08):
were
SPEAKER_02 (28:10):
out sitting?
Yeah.
You know, I'm literally sittingthere and this dog's dying in my
arms type sort of scenario.
Like, what in the world?
What's the point?
You know, I mean, I don't knowhow many times in that six
(28:30):
months I could have just slippedinto the bath and said that was
done or driven off the edge of abridge.
I mean, you just really start tothink, what is the point?
And I know a lot of people havesort of thought about it, but
when you start thinking aboutYou know, how are you going to
do it and stuff?
You really kind of scareyourself.
You're like, wow, so what wouldhappen if I did?
And at that point, I had nobusiness.
I had no home.
(28:51):
I had no relationships, coupleof friendships.
I'd lost my home city in thedivorce, essentially.
SPEAKER_01 (28:56):
Yeah, because she was back in Roanoke and you were
across the country.
SPEAKER_02 (29:00):
yeah I mean I you know I can't go back to Roanoke
and I you know really gotnothing I got now I'm down to a
backpack type scenario so I Iwrapped up my time there and I
went back to Huntington Beachfor a couple of days and then
flew flew home to Australia I'mlike I gotta get around people
that you know love meunconditionally no matter what
not that anyone you knowHuntington Beach didn't but you
(29:21):
know family is a whole notherlevel right and so I went home
to Australia and of course Ispent about a month there my
family in Brisbane you knowwanted me to you know come up
there so I went up there for alittle time and I spent some
time with both you knowMelbourne and Brisbane family
members and of course they allpitched you know this is just
stay here right you're alreadyhome there's nothing back there
(29:42):
right for whatever reason Idecided I was going to come back
to California I didn't know whyI just decided I was going to do
that and so I went back toHuntington Beach California and
I started getting into a littlebit of carpentry work You know,
I wasn't ready to get back intothe training scene.
You know, just too much.
Just too many emotions attachedto that scene.
And so I decided to get backinto the carpentry thing.
And it kind of started to pickup.
(30:03):
I got some work.
And I was staying with my bodyagain.
And, uh...
Woke up one day, and I just feltimpressed to buy a ticket back
to Virginia.
So I did.
I bought a ticket.
I got on a plane.
I think it was the afternoon of.
And I went back to Virginia, andI stayed with my buddy that had
come out for a week.
And he was renovating his house,so I dug in and helped him
(30:24):
renovate his home and did somework there for him while he was
busy working.
And he was still going throughsome tough times, but coming out
the other side, right?
So it was a real opportunity forus to spend some time together.
And It was during that timebeing there that I felt
impressed and needed someclosure on the relationship that
I had walked away from two yearsprior.
You know, I'd basically justdisappeared for two years.
(30:46):
And so I just needed to know andtalk some stuff out with her and
just trying to figure out, youknow, just share some stuff.
It hadn't gone down very welland, you know, it was really
kind of sad and heartbreaking atthe time.
And so it had been two yearsand, you know, I'd been alone on
my own at that point.
since the prior year.
So I thought I was in a goodposition to just sort of reach
(31:09):
out and say, hey, listen, I'm intown.
I just want to let you knowbecause we run into each other.
And you've got to understand, atthis point, I didn't know if she
was even in town.
At that point, I wasn't on anysocial media.
I didn't really know.
I wouldn't have any idea how totrack it.
I wasn't in touch with anybodythat would know.
And so I just kind of thought,well, she could be married.
(31:31):
She could be married.
you know, could be pregnant,could have already had a kid.
I'm like, what can happen in twoyears?
We know that, right?
Things can happen quickly.
Hell, I didn't even know she wasin the same place, same town.
But I got a text back.
I think it said, I'm almostspeechless, I think was the
reply.
Because essentially I was dead.
I was gone.
I just disappeared off the faceof the earth.
And I'm sure whisperings had gotaround that I'd moved to Mexico
(31:53):
and was living in some smallfishing village type sort of
scenario.
He's gone.
And so we texted a couple ofthings back and forth and I just
asked if it would be okay for usto meet.
And of course, again, youremember at this point, I didn't
know if there was a husband onthe other side of that couch.
Yeah.
And so we agreed to meet.
And I remember we agreed to meetand just go for a walk
(32:13):
somewhere, somewhere veryneutral.
And of course, you know, I hadrecovered from the fast, but
didn't look the same.
It was a different look.
You know, it had been at thatpoint, I don't know, seven,
eight months.
But, you know, you know how longit takes, right?
60, 70 pounds is a lot.
And it was a different look,right?
So, of course, you know, Ididn't look the same.
Probably didn't sound the same.
Probably just a different typepersonality altogether.
And so, you know, I just neededto have that conversation and
(32:35):
just share, hey, you know,what's been going on?
How are you doing?
What's happened in the last twoyears?
And this is where I've beenthrough and this is what's kind
of going on, you know?
I wanted to sort of share thatand have that closure, you know?
Was she open to it?
Yeah, you know, we did that.
We got together and it was, youknow, of course it was awkward,
but it was interesting to, youknow, show up.
And, you know, of course my mindis, you know, I don't want to
(32:58):
get in on something and, youknow, find she's married with
kids and stuff.
So, of course, you know, you askthat fairly early.
Like, hey, listen, this isn'tkind of right if, you know,
something like that's going on.
And so she, you know, sharedwith me that she had, you know,
recently lost her grandmotherwho she was incredibly close
with and had, you know, movedinto an apartment downtown and
was on her own and was doinggreat things in her career and
(33:20):
working her way up to the top inthis business that she was with.
Things were going great for her,right?
You know, so we stayed in touch.
I think we might have gottogether another...
time or so, but I had committedalready going back to California
and I had some jobs that I'dalready committed to.
So I went back to California andwe continued to stay in touch
and text and FaceTime and such.
(33:40):
And so it got to the point whereI said, listen, I'm tied up with
a lot of work out here.
Why don't you come out?
And so she agreed to come out toCalifornia.
And so she came out toCalifornia and we spent a few
days or a week together,whatever it was.
We were staying with my buddyand just exploring the what ifs
at this point.
And so We got to the end of thattime.
(34:01):
And of course, it was time forher to go back to, you know,
Virginia.
So she did.
She went back to Virginia and Istayed in California.
I said, listen, I'm, you know,we continued to stay in touch.
I said, listen, I'm not, I'm notlooking to move back to
Virginia.
You know, I've got roots thatI'm starting to put down here in
(34:21):
California.
I just don't think I can comeback there at this point.
You know, for me to start again,I just need to be out of there.
And I think a lot of peoplemight understand that.
You know, I'd been gone at thatpoint a long time.
And, you know, it was her town.
She grew up there.
It was her family.
It was her friends.
You know, I had entered into,you know, my ex-wife's world at
that point.
And so it just didn't feel rightfor me to kind of try and barge
(34:43):
my way back in, you know.
And I didn't think I wanted toeither.
Although I did have visions of,you know, going back to 180 and
getting back into training andjust, you know, getting on with
my life.
But obviously I didn't do that.
And so I was in California andshe stayed in Virginia.
(35:05):
And we continued to stay intouch and FaceTime after her
visit out there.
And, you know, things were ableto kind of pick up.
pace simply because of thehistory there and so it was a
little easier to sort of seewhat sort of a future there
could be you know so we got to apoint where i said listen you
know again that religiousmindset in me it's like listen
if we're going to do this youknow i got to commit and you
(35:28):
know people that know me know meis you know all in right kind of
like the 40 day fast kind ofthing like sleep he's got no
he's got no throttle he's justyou know he's either on or you
know 8 000 rpm And so I planneda proposal and I flew back to
Virginia, didn't tell her, flewback to Virginia, got the code
for her apartment off of herfriend.
(35:48):
And I snuck in and I laid outthis proposal, you know, on a
kitchen table and then left.
And so that's how I proposed.
And of course she gets home.
She's like, what the heck?
Like, like, you know, kind of, Ican't even put it into words
because it's not my story totell.
(36:08):
Right.
but of course my phone ringslike where are you you know what
you know and i was i didn't havea car i'd flown in i was just
doing everything off a foot youknow i had a backpack again here
i am with a backpack i was likedupree right you remember that
movie you mean dupree even myfamily in australia started
calling me dupree right they putme in their phone as dupree
(36:30):
because i looked bad my hair wasa mess i'd lost weight i was
just living on kids bunk bedsand floors and so here I am
downtown Roanoke getting thisphone call like you know where
are you what's going on are youhere like what how did you do
this type of thing and so ofcourse you know I went around
the you know back streets andgot there and you know knocked
on the door type sort ofscenario like you know I'm here
(36:51):
we're gonna do this type thingand so in the blink of an eye we
went from you know the wholecareer that she was about to
just you know hit new heights onand had a new place downtown and
here I am ruining the wholeprocess and so she She had to,
you know, get out of her lease.
Because I said, listen, if we'regoing to do this, it's got to be
in California.
(37:12):
I'm kind of crunching this alldown here into a matter of
sentences versus days or weeks.
But the decision was made toload everything up into a
30-foot U-Haul and hook it backto California and start life
again.
So we did that.
Wow.
(37:59):
past are literally walking pastand of course they're not
thinking like matt's been gonefor a couple years right so
they're not looking for you youknow so i'm in and out of this
truck loading this thing and i'mseeing people that i know but
they're not seeing me kind ofthing right and uh and so we did
we loaded it up we drove acrossthe country you know we started
life again in in huntingtonbeach california and and we got
(38:22):
married on the beach uh thefollowing may 2018 and uh it was
a rollercoaster because you knowthere's so much baggage that you
just you don't understand whatyou're carrying with you you
know and so it was just thehighs were high the lows were
still low but you know she'dmade that commitment to me and
(38:43):
it was a really tough transitionfor her leaving her mum her
friends her career everythingfor me you know just a really
tough time and I'm like well youknow I did it to myself you know
we plugged through and I endedup getting back into the fitness
industry and had a great careerwith crunch while I was out
(39:05):
there but didn't share the storyI couldn't it was still too raw
everything was still too freshand so I had this career out
there and I got into managementyou know pretty quickly you know
obviously having my own gym fornearly 10 years a lot of
experience and being in thebusiness for you know nearly 20
or 8 15 at the time whatever butThe position was a lot of sales,
(39:28):
and I struggled with therejection.
I had so much baggage and somuch heartache.
Obviously, you can't process itall in such a short window.
Even though I'd been on my ownfor a long time and gone for two
years, I've just got marriedagain.
I'm starting fresh.
There's a lot of hope about whatthe future holds.
I learned to overcome...
(39:52):
rejection through the salesmanagement role that I had and
it was just you know I look backon it now it's like wow really
that was the right positionbecause day in day out I was
getting no's and rejections andI'd struggled with that my whole
life and it was almost like thatposition was meant to be for me
although it was incredibly hardat the time I just needed to
face no after no after rejectionand I ended up breaking records
(40:13):
out there I had a great careerAnd things were going really,
really well, and we gotpregnant.
We tried to stay out there, butfinancially we just couldn't at
the time, even though we wereboth professionals and making
good money.
We just couldn't afford it.
So we bought a house, sightunseen, before it was cool for
everyone else to do it.
And December of 19, we had ourfirstborn, and we named her
(40:35):
Callie, appropriate forCalifornia, right?
Yeah.
Called her Callie, who you met.
SPEAKER_01 (40:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (40:41):
This week.
And full of energy, right?
Typical Morton.
And so, about 18 months later orso, we had another one.
Chloe, who you met, Coco.
Oh, yeah.
And, you know, we've been inBradenton, Florida now for five
years, and the marriage is stilltough.
And I don't think it's news toanybody that marriage can be
(41:02):
tough when you've got two kidsthat close in age.
She had a whole career she wasgoing to do, and just a lot,
right?
Just a lot in the last fiveyears.
So here we are, and I feel likeI...
moving forward, wanted strengthto overcome to exist, but I
needed to share where it camefrom.
And although you can look backand say, well, you failed,
(41:23):
right?
And so that was my mindset for alot of years.
You failed.
You can't do strength toovercome.
You fasted.
You did everything right.
You knuckled down.
You stayed focused.
You gave it shot after shotafter shot, and it didn't work.
And so they were the voices inmy head that said, you can't do
strength to overcome.
But it took this long for me torealize that in the end, I got a
(41:43):
beautiful wife whom I'm nowlearning to love
unconditionally.
That's the walk that I'm on now.
Unconditional love and gratitudefor her being such an amazing
mom and giving me the familythat I wanted the whole time.
I had wanted a family.
I'd wanted to be a dad.
And it looked like it was done.
I wasn't going to have it.
(42:03):
I was in my late 30s, destitute.
had nothing, no career, nobusiness, no anything.
And it just didn't look good.
Been through a divorce, all thatbaggage, and it just didn't look
like I was ever even going tohave a relationship again, let
alone have kids.
And so...
You have to look at this andsay, you know what, I continue
to overcome.
(42:23):
Even though I didn't necessarilyachieve the original intent of
the fast and the concept ofstrength to overcome, I've
overcome in a lot of other ways.
And so for me, it's justimportant to lay that foundation
for a lot of people out therethat, you know, when you set
your goals on something and youfall short, that doesn't mean
you failed, right?
You know, you've got to presson.
You've got to keep going.
And if I hadn't kept going, if Ihadn't reached out or if I
(42:45):
hadn't have just tried to getback on the horse I honestly
think I'd still be single Idon't think I would have found
someone she's a one in a millionshe's put up with a lot of
emotional roller coasters withme and she stuck by me through
you know all the thick all thethin all the ups the downs and
you know we raised these twokids with a very similar mindset
and I'm blessed I'm so thankfuland I give credit to the
almighty because There was atime during my stay in Northern
(43:10):
California, I'd done a lot ofblood work.
And I sent it off to a doctor inFlorida at the time.
And he called me with theresults.
He was about 80.
He was a legend.
And I found him.
And he called me at the time andintroduced himself.
And his opening line to me, I'llnever forget it, was, we have
your results in.
Do you want to live?
Do
SPEAKER_01 (43:30):
you want to live?
SPEAKER_02 (43:31):
You know, and I'm like, You know, what does that
even mean?
You start looking through youremail, like, what are the
results?
What's happened?
This doctor who's passed now,he's passed away.
And at the time, he kind ofturned my vantage point around
of the divorce.
And he spent about 20 minutesgoing through how I needed to
(43:52):
start living, not about what Ineed to start eating and my
blood work this and my bloodwork that.
Even though I told him about thefast, he's like, that's
irrelevant.
Yeah.
You need to listen to what I'vegot to say.
And he spent about 20 minuteswith me, which just blew my
mind.
And he shared with me so muchmotivation to press on through
the divorce.
He gave me hope at the time.
He gave me hope to try again,which is essentially, I think,
(44:17):
what motivated me to reach outto Heather in the first place.
After two years of completesilence, right?
He gave me that motivation andsaid, listen, you got to press
on.
You can't get stuck.
That doesn't define you, youknow?
SPEAKER_01 (44:29):
Wait, why did he say, do you want to live based
on your blood work?
SPEAKER_02 (44:34):
Yeah, but he didn't take the angle of easier
deficiencies.
He had opened, and it stillblows my mind to this day that
he opened with that because hedidn't know my story at all.
But after I'd shared it, hedidn't diagnose and treat me and
send me pills and potions andsuch.
He spent 20 minutes just sharingwith me what I needed to do to
press on.
And it just blew my brain.
(44:55):
We got to the end of theconversation, and I still
remember it, and he said, Repeatafter me.
He said, I am a son of theAlmighty.
No harm can come unto me.
I repeated it.
I am a son of the Almighty.
No harm can come unto me.
And he hung up.
That was it.
And so it was that conversationthat I carried with me through
my time in Northern California.
And he motivated me.
And I still remember it to thisday, obviously.
(45:17):
Powerful.
And it's what I needed at thetime.
So...
You know, when I look back onthese moments that happened and
everything that was meant to be,you know, here I am with these
two beautiful kids and, youknow, listen, I'm down and out
physically, but I see anincredibly bright future and
strength to overcome for me issomething that I'm so passionate
about now, more than I think Iever would be because had I
(45:40):
achieved my original goal, itwould have been done out of
obligation, whereas now it getsto be done out of, you know, a
passion to help others overcomewhen...
They think they may have failed.
SPEAKER_01 (45:50):
Yeah, I mean, that's huge.
That's powerful, man.
I think a lot of people willresonate because they've been
through those tough times, thedivorce and feeling like they're
completely alone and isolated.
And I'm sure people have movedaway from friends, family and
that sort of thing as well.
So they're going to they'regoing to kind of feel where
you're coming from on that frontfor sure.
(46:11):
What do you think the lowesttime was?
What was the absolute lowest?
Was it when you were 112 pounds?
SPEAKER_02 (46:17):
You know, when I was 100 and I couldn't walk and I'm
being carried upstairs by thesestrong men, just the humility to
do that was significant.
But honestly, I think it waswhen I'd burnt myself trying to
heal myself naturally and tryingto rebuild.
You know, I was in NorthernCalifornia, didn't have any
friends, knew a few people froman Israel trip, but I had felt
at the time that my ex-wife hadgone them in the divorce too so
(46:39):
i felt a little bit challengedon sharing too much with them
that i had met then they'reabout half an hour away of all
places i could have been postedin the world i was close to them
and they were really good to mebut it was a struggle for me to
share too much because they hadreally clicked with my ex-wife
and so that was it was a reallydifficult dynamic but i remember
burning myself and i i honestlywas really i mean i didn't so
(47:01):
you kind of know how it workedbut i really just thought just
slide into the bath And justfinish it here.
Just drown yourself.
You're burnt.
Because you remember after I'dburnt myself, the next month I
had to bathe in these ointmentsand special baths to try and
heal myself.
And the wounds and the stuff onmy flesh, it was just, I had no
(47:22):
strength.
I had no energy.
I had no motivation.
I had no one.
I had nothing.
And my body was completelydestroyed.
SPEAKER_01 (47:28):
How do you come back from that?
You know, because I think that'swhere a lot of people are.
SPEAKER_02 (47:33):
You know, I think that's why I like to share that
story of the doctor that calledand just, I know for sure that
he was moved to call mepersonally and go over my
results, but he didn't approachit from the medical standpoint.
And there's just no way he couldhave known to do that had there
not been some divineintervention for him to call and
just say the things that he did.
Because at the time, you got tounderstand, I had failed.
My marriage had failed.
And so I had reserved myself to,that's it.
(47:55):
I have to be single the rest ofmy life.
I can't marry again.
I can't find happiness.
I can never have a family.
I can never be a and he gave methe hope to just to press on it
was just it was the most bizarre20 minute conversation I've ever
had because it didn't make anysense I'd never met the man all
he had was results in front ofhim he didn't know my story and
I just think that there werepeople littered through my story
(48:16):
my buddy in California who Iwould love to have on the show
not to tell my story but to tellhis of his life but I'm going to
try and get him on the show hechecked in on me every day
actually came up to NorthernCalifornia twice with his wife
and kids and stayed there andjust checked in on me every day.
And I was there during the lasthalf of my fast.
I was there before I went toAustralia.
(48:37):
I was there when I went backfrom Australia.
I was there when I went backfrom Virginia.
I mean, just over and over, hewas a rock of just unbelievable
magnitude.
I wouldn't have made it throughwithout him, for sure.
To me, that's why the strengthto overcome is so powerful with
the two now.
It's like I would definitelyhave not made it without him and
my buddy in Roanoke at the time,who I also touch base with
(48:59):
almost daily.
Without those two guys, I wouldnot have made it.
There's no doubt.
I would have just had a weakmoment and done something
stupid.
SPEAKER_01 (49:05):
It speaks to the power of having people in your
life to lift you up whenyou're...
SPEAKER_02 (49:10):
Yeah, and I think that starting that relationship
again when...
the upbringing and all thebaggage of religion that can
sometimes tie you down.
I think had I listened to that,I would not have reached out and
You know, I live a certain way.
A lot of people know I chase alot of rabbit holes and I live a
certain lifestyle that doesn'talways agree with a lot of
people.
And so to find someone thatwants to be a part of that is
(49:32):
just one in a hundred million,right?
There's just not many people outthere.
And to be able to have twoamazing little girls, it's just,
you know, I'm blessed with heras my wife and I have certainly
made it difficult for her in alot of ways.
And I'm working really hard evennow, you know, things don't look
great, but she's stuck by me sofar and I believe she'll stick
with me till the end.
And of course, you know, mycommitment to her is to stick
(49:52):
through to the end, right?
I I'm not doing this again.
I can promise you that.
SPEAKER_01 (49:56):
That's powerful, man.
Yeah, so I guess the moral ofthe story is, guys, when you're
down and you think it can't getany worse and it might get a
little bit worse, there's alwaysa way up.
There's always a way to overcomebecause...
The world works in mysteriousways for sure.
Absolutely.
And
SPEAKER_02 (50:15):
I, moving forward, want to be able to share that
and lean on that to help others.
And, of course, I know you'vegot a lot you've got going
through.
And we had an amazing 24 hourstogether.
And we've got a lot to workthrough together.
And I just think that a yearfrom now, if we keep pressing on
and keep pushing, I thinkthere's going to be a lot of
lives that we've been able tohelp get through, which just
excites me more than anything.
(50:35):
And I believe that the provisionwill come for us to be able to
continue to do this Whether itbe through something we come up
with or some help along the way,we don't know yet.
But I truly believe that thetiming is right for this and
really excited to be doing itwith you more than anything.
Because although you weren'tthere during that time in my
life, the timing is right foryou to be there now.
And you're about to embark onbecoming a dad.
(50:57):
And I'm going to give you allthat I can to help you through
that challenging time andtransition for you.
So excited to be on the journeywith you, brother.
SPEAKER_01 (51:05):
Yep, pumped for the upcoming weeks.
Guys, if you like this, go aheadand like, subscribe, wherever
you're listening or watching,whether it's YouTube, Spotify,
wherever your favorite placesare to watch and share with a
friend.
If you've got somebody in yourlife, you know, that might get
some comfort from the storieswe're telling and that we're
going to tell in the comingweeks, share this podcast and
(51:27):
let's grow this thing together.
SPEAKER_02 (51:29):
Absolutely, Ryan.
I appreciate it.
And thanks for hearing my storyafter 13 years.
So to everybody out there, staystrong.
You are not alone.
SPEAKER_01 (51:38):
We'll catch you next Friday.
SPEAKER_02 (51:40):
Absolutely.
Leave your ego at the door and get ready to be
raw.
This is Strength to Overcome,where real men find their
strength in weakness.
Hi guys, welcome back to theStrength to Overcome podcast.
I'm your co-host Ryan here withmy man Matt, and we're excited
to be back with you this weekfor episode two.
(00:22):
And Matt, how you doing,brother?
Absolutely good, mate.
SPEAKER_02 (00:27):
You know, plugging through and it's been a great
week.
I've got a couple of things I'llshare with that too, but
definitely a really good weekand things are looking good.
SPEAKER_01 (00:34):
Yeah, man.
So since the first episode, wewere able to get together, kind
of reunite after 12, 13 years ofnot seeing each other.
So that was cool to spend sometime with you and get to kind of
feel your energy down there.
I know we're both in sunnyFlorida, but you're in a little
bit sunnier spot than me.
SPEAKER_02 (00:54):
We had a great couple of days.
It was far too short and I dolook forward to doing it again
soon.
So in the meantime, this isgoing to have to do.
SPEAKER_01 (01:01):
Yeah.
One of the things I really, youknow, I really appreciate
spending some time with you andyou know, you've always been
like a mentor to me and that'sjust continued on throughout
our, our talks when we weretogether.
But, you know, I was reallythinking about it over the last
24 hours since I got home andit's, uh, It really is meant to
be for us doing this togetherwith the Strength to Overcome
(01:23):
movement, the journey we're on.
And it got me thinking, you toldme you could feel that I was a
little bit off and that I wasfighting with some things
emotionally and talked aboutsome of those things in the
episode last week.
And it just occurred to mebecause I saw, I was expecting a
little bit to come into yourworld and see you down and a
(01:46):
little bit and it wasn't it wasalmost like the opposite and um
Your spirits were high and arehigh, even though, like you
shared last week, you're in atough spot physically in a
number of areas.
And it just struck me.
It occurred to me like we're onopposite ends of the spectrum or
we're actually in the sameplace.
It's just I'm there emotionallyand you're there physically
(02:09):
right now, which it just kind ofhit me out of the blue today.
Wow, that's really where we areright now.
SPEAKER_02 (02:15):
Well, yeah, it's a cool vantage point that you've
got.
Obviously, after 13 years,there's a lot of emotions going
through you.
Catching up with a buddy that,you know, we were pretty close
back in the day and we had somegreat times.
And so we've got a lot tounpack.
And I really do see that thejigsaw pieces come together for
us to do this together.
And hopefully over the next fewepisodes, people will understand
(02:37):
why we're doing this and get abetter understanding as to why
we're laying the foundation ofthis sort of situation we find
ourselves in.
versus waiting a year or two andthen sort of sharing, hey, this
is how we got out of it.
We're both down in differentareas, but we're really driven
to succeed and sort of share thejourney out of that darkness.
SPEAKER_01 (02:57):
And you've had some cool things happen to you since
we filmed our first episode,right?
SPEAKER_02 (03:03):
Yes.
You know, it's funny.
I realized after the lastepisode was filmed that I failed
to mention during my Uberingtime, I actually went back to
school and got my real estatelicense, which was a big deal.
I went through the class with afew other people that didn't
make it out the other side.
And I was blessed enough toactually hang my license with a
client of mine that I'd becomereally good friends with out
(03:25):
here.
And so, you know, I'm working ather office and I got some
clients of mine from when I wastraining that wanted to move.
And so they actually Thank youso much.
(03:54):
The timing of, you know, beingable to get some funds through
that, a business venture is justunbelievable right now.
We really need that.
And to me, it just validates,hey, listen, you guys are doing
something good and I'm going tocontinue to fund it while you
guys are pressing forward on.
I'm doing something that'spretty tough, to be honest with
you.
There's not a lot of people thatwant to bare their soul and have
someone film the journey, right?
So really grateful andabsolutely, you know, thankful
(04:16):
beyond words.
It's happening now.
SPEAKER_01 (04:20):
Yeah, it was cool to see it all unfold right in front
of me there with the real estatedeal.
And I think there's probablysome bigger things to come on
that front for you.
So I'm pumped to see you attackthat side of things.
Absolutely.
You know, today we were reallylooking to dive into this last
10 years.
You know, it's been probably 12or 13 since we really were
(04:42):
together.
But you and I both had somemajor life transitions happen
kind of in that 2015 time range.
I know that was the year that Ileft the golf business and left
my job as a PGA professional wasthat summer of 2015.
And I kind of transitioned intothe fitness world at that time.
(05:03):
but uh you were going throughanother transition during that
period or shortly thereafterweren't you
SPEAKER_02 (05:10):
you know i was and you know this is the story that
really hasn't been told you knowi mean obviously you know that i
moved because you know i'm inflorida but you really don't
know what happened and what wentdown and yeah not a lot of
people do yeah the the timelineof 15 was was an interesting
time.
I'd say from probably about 13,14, really, the last couple of
(05:31):
years, you know, that betweenwhen we kind of, you know, ended
up going in different directionsthrough random circumstances,
which we can talk about anothertime, but 13 and 14 were really
tough on my marriage, and, youknow, I really found myself, you
know, we found ourselves reallydrifting apart.
I was really digging on someother things, and it just...
(05:53):
It drove a wedge between us andconnection just slowly but
surely got to the point where wewere really kind of both just
looking to maybe move on andstart fresh.
We'd both been married at thatpoint 15 years.
You're talking
SPEAKER_01 (06:08):
about your previous marriage, right?
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (06:12):
And so we got married in 2000.
So by this time, we'd beenmarried 15 years.
And I got married when I was,goodness, I was just 20, I
think, or so.
But she was a year younger.
So we were really young.
We got married.
And, you know, we've moved backand forth between Virginia and
Australia a couple of times.
So there's a lot of back andforth and up and down and where
(06:32):
we're going to live and whatwe're going to do type of sort
of stuff.
And, you know, by the time 15rolled around, we're actually,
you know, working at the gymtogether.
It was our gym.
180 Fitness was our gym.
But we had a trip planned toIsrael, of all places.
It was about a two-week trip.
And so we went on that trip.
(06:52):
Kind of like a, you know, kindof like a last hurrah or a kind
of, you know, let's see if wecan get along type of thing, you
know.
And so we went on that trip andwe had some great times and made
some lifelong friends out of it,to be honest with you.
But really, when we got back, wekind of just fell back into that
(07:13):
feeling of, you know, what arewe doing here?
And I think that Both of us hadbeen raised in very strict
religious circles where divorcewas a taboo subject.
It wasn't something that wasaccepted.
And if you did get divorced,you're pretty much reserved to
never marrying again.
And so there's a lot of pressurethere to keep it going, which
(07:33):
just fueled the fire of we don'twant to.
And we're at the gym together.
And so we did.
We separated.
I think that was shortly afterthat Israel trip in April.
SPEAKER_01 (07:43):
That was April of
SPEAKER_02 (07:44):
2015?
April 2015.
And so we did, we separated.
And, you know, I won't speak towhat, you know, she did or not
that would be my business too,and not that I even really know,
but...
She went off and started herlife again, and I started my
life again.
And so the odd portion of thisstory is that we still owned the
gym together and trained ourclients there, which was a
(08:06):
really difficult dynamic, butthat's what we had decided,
let's just figure it out.
And so during that time ofseparation, I started another
relationship.
It was with a client of mine.
And for the first time in a longtime, I kind of had that hope
again and that vigor of, Youknow, there's a bright future.
And, you know, that's common,obviously, right?
New relationship and someexcitement there.
(08:26):
But that kind of time was reallydifficult, really challenging
because we're at the gymtogether.
I'm trying to start a new lifeand getting some momentum in a
different direction.
And she's doing her thing andrunning in different circles,
you know.
And so during that summer, itwas really challenging because
the guilt, you know, and somepeople that are raised in
certain religious circles willunderstand what I'm saying when
(08:48):
I say guilt.
You know, differentdenominations have different
levels of guilt.
But it's funny because there wasthis overwhelming guilt that
just kept waving over me that Ineeded to fight for my marriage.
I needed to make it work, but Ididn't want to.
It was such a difficult dynamicbecause I was excited about my
future.
Things were going well, but Ifelt drawn to, what's the word,
(09:08):
obligation to make it workbecause if I get divorced, I
can't get married again oryou're damned forever type sort
of stuff.
Really tough stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (09:18):
So even though y'all were separated at the time,
summer of 15, you were stillkind of having those feelings?
SPEAKER_02 (09:24):
Yeah, but just that guilt of, you know, till death
type thing, right?
And so you've just got thiscocktail of emotions you've got
rolling around.
And so I got to the point whereI had to break off that
relationship that I had started,which was really difficult for a
lot of reasons, right?
And with this sense ofobligation, you know, try and
(09:46):
come up with a plan or astrategy where this marriage
could still work.
And I think that through, I'mnot going to go through every
conversation, every detail, butlong story short, we got to the
point where we said, all right,well, let's do this.
Let's try again.
But we've got to do it somewhereelse.
We've got to start fresh.
We've got to move on.
And so over the course of thenext couple of months, we've
(10:06):
tried to figure out what are wegoing to do?
And so we ended up putting ourprofile on a house sitting and
business sitting platform wherepeople can find you and you can
go in and look after tosomeone's house that's empty for
six months or a business thatneeds help or running.
And we got a contract for alittle village, a little fishing
village in the west coast ofMexico, Barra de Navidad.
(10:27):
And we were set to start inApril the following year.
And so we quickly realized thatwe had a home, we had a
business, you know, what are wegoing to do?
So we sold the business.
We left my house for sale with aclient of mine who was a real
estate agent and packedeverything up into a left that's
how that's how you know weexited uh roanoke virginia after
(10:51):
me being there for you know thatstage 14 15 years
SPEAKER_01 (10:55):
what month was that when y'all left
SPEAKER_02 (10:58):
so we left in april the following year so april was
16
SPEAKER_01 (11:02):
okay yeah so i was still still kind of in the
fitness world we were gettingready to start our first gym we
were at gold's and and we were
SPEAKER_02 (11:10):
uh
SPEAKER_01 (11:10):
We were getting ready to kind of start the first
with the CrossFit Unify Roanokethat we had created.
So I had a lot going on at thetime.
So I know you and I weren'treally in contact at that point.
SPEAKER_02 (11:21):
Well, listen, I was in the trenches of
SPEAKER_01 (11:22):
trying
SPEAKER_02 (11:23):
to start a new life and then trying to, you know,
fire up the old one, you know,with a dead battery type sort of
situation, right?
And so, you know, by April of2016, that was it.
We were gone.
And so we got to this fishingvillage and we were looking
after a three-villa complex forsome Canadians that couldn't
live there permanently.
(11:44):
And so we went down there andtook over the business for six
months.
And we'd left behind everything.
Right.
Of course, there's a lot ofbitterness and resentment.
You know, here we are in aforeign place.
No one speaks English.
And, you know, it was 120degrees every day.
I mean, just brutal, like thesort of heat that just saps you.
You just got absolutely no fuelor energy.
(12:05):
So during that time, I decidedthat I was going to pull myself
into this marriage.
I was going to just try andleave the past behind, the
relationship, the gym, Roanoke,the friendships and just, you
know, tunnel vision, make themarriage work.
Right.
And so I ended up doing a twoyear course in about four
months.
to become a qualified pastor,which this many people know.
Maybe less, to be honest withyou.
(12:27):
And so during that time, I wasjust
SPEAKER_00 (12:30):
pouring
SPEAKER_02 (12:30):
myself in and all it really did was drive a bigger
wedge.
So we continued to do our thingdown there for the longest time
and try and figure it out.
We had good days, bad days, butwe planned on seeing it through.
And so we got to a point wherewe had to figure out what was
next.
And we got onto that platformand we actually got a contract
for another six months inIreland, of all places, looking
(12:53):
after a farm.
And soon after that, we gotanother contract for a Hawaii
that was going to be the sixmonths after that.
And so we really set up the next12 months traveling the world
and running businesses and, uh,you know, kind of just using
that situation to just reset,right?
No distractions.
And
SPEAKER_01 (13:09):
you were going to do this?
SPEAKER_02 (13:11):
No, but you know, I'm living on the, you know, in
Mexico, it was hot, but youknow, through Villa complex on a
canal, beautiful area, justspectacular, unbelievable.
And, uh, you know, so you payfor your own stuff and of course
down there it was cheap aschips, right?
I mean, it was really, you know,inexpensive and so, you know,
you start to learn the languageand you start to know the locals
(13:33):
and, you know, I had a blast.
I just love being in that sortof environment, you know, I
mean, there's people living downthere on dirt floors and don't
have anything and so, it wasjust amazing where I was in a
position financially, you know,having sold the house that we
could, you know, do stuffbecause our dollar went so far
against the peso.
But we got these two gigs, youknow, lined up and we got
towards the end of the time downthere, six months, and I really
(13:53):
didn't want to go back throughRoanoke on the way back to
Ireland for the next contract.
Obviously, all her family wasthere and we weren't equipped
with the right gear for Ireland.
You know, Mexico is kind of, youknow, like shorts and t-shirt,
if that, right?
And obviously, Northern Irelandon a farm, you've got to be
rocked up and you've got to havethe right gear.
And we did have the right gearhaving lived in Virginia.
And so we agreed that She wouldhead back early to reset, see
(14:15):
her family, and I would stay inMexico and see through the house
set.
And it was funny because Iremember the day, you know, we
had a friend that we'd gotten toknow, and I remember the day
that she...
you know, packed up her stuffand got in the car and was, was
driving.
I was on, I was on top of one ofthe villas looking down the
canal drive.
And as she pulled away, Iremember I took a photo.
(14:36):
I've still got it.
I took a photo and I rememberhaving this thought, I'm not
going to see her again.
Even
SPEAKER_01 (14:40):
though things were okay at the time, I mean, things
were going well down there.
SPEAKER_02 (14:44):
They were going well in that there was no
distractions.
We had no business.
We had no relationships downthere.
You know, the circle of friendsthat she was running with and my
circle that I'd gotten closewith, like, we just didn't have
anyone pulling us in any otherdirection.
And So that made it really toughbecause you didn't have any
sounding boards.
But at the same time, you'rethinking, okay, we're rebuilding
(15:05):
something here after 15, 16years of history.
But we just couldn't get ontothe same page.
I think deep down, we wereboth...
During the separation, I thinkwe had both moved on to a point
where we wanted to explore...
different futures right againyou know a lot of people that
get married young will probablyspeak to this but you know when
(15:29):
you're that young you grow upand things change your habits
your likes you you know whatyou're looking for in a partner
and things like that and so shehad different futures set in her
mind and so did I and so duringthat summer of separation I
think we both kind ofexperienced okay this is this is
where I'd go as an adult well,not that we weren't adults when
we got married, but more matureadult, these are the directions
(15:51):
we might go in for a future thatwe wanted.
So we just had this reallychallenging six months.
And so she took off to get backto Virginia and reload
everything.
And it was that day that Ireally decided I was going to do
a fast.
And I'd done a lot of fastingprior to that.
And by fast, I mean not eatinganything, just drinking water.
And I thought to myself, I'mgoing to do this fast and I'm
(16:13):
going to fast my way into savingthis marriage and I'm going to
then develop a concept aroundthis where I get to help men
that are struggling in marriagesand situations where it seems
dire and I'm going to I'm goingto learn through my
qualification as a pastor.
I'm going to go down this path.
I'm going to help guys savetheir marriages.
(16:34):
And I'm going to develop aconcept called strength to
overcome.
And so I started fasting.
I believe I was about a week in.
So seven days, no food.
I was continuing to playpickleball, which is where I
learned the sport down there.
I was getting around on just abicycle.
But I was about a week in tofasting.
And we'd had a couple ofconversations on the phone, just
trying to plan the logistics offlights and timing and such.
(16:57):
And we just had had a couple ofknockdown drag outs.
Just stuff that was just, it wasso, it was almost like six
months had just compresseditself into explosion.
She'd gone back and, you know, Idon't know what she's doing back
there, but I'm, you know, inMexico and I'm fasting.
So, you know, just everythingwas heightened.
And within that one or twoconversations, it ended up that
the contracts for, you know,Ireland and then the six months
(17:20):
away, the whole thing gotcanceled.
Shut it down.
Over.
Done.
SPEAKER_01 (17:23):
You guys decided to cancel it?
SPEAKER_02 (17:25):
That was it.
SPEAKER_01 (17:27):
Yeah.
Done.
SPEAKER_02 (17:28):
Which meant that I'm in Mexico fasting to save the
marriage and move on from mygem, my relationship that I'd
started, my friends, everyone inRoanoke was my life, right?
Her family had become my family,right?
So everything I was working onand striving for and fasting for
and digging my heels in on, justdone.
And so here I am.
I mean, I've got like twosuitcases or like a backpack and
(17:51):
a suitcase in a fishing village.
I've got nowhere to go.
And she's standing in Virginia.
So the next morning I woke upAnd I had received an email, our
profile had received an emailfrom a couple in Northern
California asking if we wouldlook after their dogs in their
home while they went toAustralia, of all places.
I think this is probably why Iwas picked, but of all places,
(18:12):
Australia.
And I reached out to my wife andI said, hey, listen, I
understand what's going on here,but I've just been asked, we
have just been asked to do thissit in Northern California.
And she said, I guess I waslooking for something to tie us
back and, you know, hey, we'regoing to press on here.
But instead of anything movingforward, it was, no, you should
(18:33):
take that because I'm not comingback.
Well, in my situation, you canimagine I'm kind of not really
knowing what to do here.
So I accepted the contract andjust let them know, hey, listen,
you know, my wife's tied up withanother commitment and she'll
meet me at your place once I getthere.
The contract was done.
It was all finalized.
And I stayed in Mexico.
(18:55):
I think I was there for, I thinkit was 19 days on my own with a
contract ready to go about amonth from then.
But I had continued to fast.
SPEAKER_01 (19:03):
You just decided not to eat?
SPEAKER_02 (19:05):
I just continued to fast.
I'd always wanted to do a longone.
And I'd done a lot of fastingprior, but at this point, I'm on
day 19.
And so I'd continue to playpickleball every day for three
hours.
And those that play the gameknow that, you know, three hours
in 100 degree heat is, you know,that's brutal.
But I continued to do it.
I continued to function.
I continued to do everythingwithout anybody knowing, really.
I'm sure I started to, you know,look differently, but continued
(19:29):
to do everything and work on mybonsai trees.
And I was just finding myselfreally drawn to driving.
And again, you'd remember I wasI was driven to have this
strength to overcome concept.
So I had to win.
I had to complete the fast.
I had to save the marriage andwin.
And so I got to day 19.
My contract there was up.
We wrapped everything up.
Packed the place up.
Got it ready for the owners tocome back in.
(19:50):
Got everything back into abackpack sort of suitcase type
scenario and i headed back tohuntington beach california and
i stayed with a good buddy ofmine and continued to fast i
poured myself into prayer andmeditation and doing all the
right stuff you know justbelieving that it was going to
come around you know i've beengiven this concept and so i've
(20:11):
done a lot of walking at thetime to just stay active right i
was sleeping in the bottom bunkwith this five-year-old above me
you know i mean i You knew me atthe height of my powers.
I don't say that like I'm asuperhero, but you knew me when
I had a gem.
I was married.
I was growing my business.
I had employees.
(20:32):
I had a beautiful home on anacre.
Things looked really good.
super strong and just athletic.
Everything was good.
And here I am on the bottom of abunk, you know, entering my
third week of fasting, trying tosave a marriage that clearly
didn't want to be saved byeither party.
But deep down, I just knew thatI could save it and fast my way
through and have this testimony.
So I was doing a lot of walkingat the time and I just kept
(20:53):
fasting.
You know, at that point, my goalwas 40 days.
It's a very biblical concept.
And even if you're not into thereligious circles, you know,
that 40-day fast is like, it's abig, you know, it's a number
that's known by even those thatdon't get into that sort of
religious side of things.
But I continued to fast, didwhere I could to stay active,
and just got to the point wheremy feet just exploded.
They blew up to balloons.
(21:14):
You know, toes were all swollen,ankles were swollen.
I now couldn't even walk.
I'd lost so much weight that itwas hard to move around.
You know, at the end of eachday, I was so fatigued.
That, you know, if I'd beendownstairs, you know, my buddy
and another friend of mine, youknow, that we'd met in this
Israel trip.
Of all places, right?
I had...
(21:35):
gotten to the point where theywould have to carry me up to my
room because i couldn't get upthe stairs my feet had just
exploded swollen from walking onthem too much so here i am you
know getting carried around feetswollen continued to fast and i
got to the 40 day mark and ofcourse at that point i'd already
signed the contract for the nextplace and so i had about a 10
day window and so anybody that'sfasted or could even comprehend
(21:59):
if you don't come back from 40days of no food and just water
and you don't do it right wellthat's what can kill you so So I
had a strategy.
I had a plan.
Obviously, you're introducingjuices and broths, some soups
and things like this.
But I had a 10-day window beforeI was going to be back on the
road.
And so at that point, I got upto Northern California and
(22:19):
started the house set.
And of course, I'm sure that thepeople looked at the profile
picture and then saw me at thefront door and they're like,
what the hell
SPEAKER_01 (22:26):
is
SPEAKER_02 (22:26):
this?
SPEAKER_01 (22:27):
You probably looked completely different.
SPEAKER_02 (22:30):
Well, I have a picture and I posted it on
Facebook and not many peoplePeople even maybe noticed, but I
think I was coming in around 112on the scales there.
And at the time, I don't knowhow much I had weight to start
with because we didn't havescales there.
But I would say in Mexico, butI'd say somewhere around 60 to
70 pounds.
SPEAKER_01 (22:49):
Yeah, during that 40 day fast.
SPEAKER_02 (22:52):
yeah and so i mean you know i'm six one and you
know to be weighing in at thatit's like you know you could see
ribs you could see hips bonesyou know bones sticking out of
my face you know look like a powyou know my my body was bruised
from sleeping you know becausethere's no padding anymore you
know so i had bruises everywherei was just you know beat to hell
so i get up to northerncalifornia and i start this
(23:12):
house set and i started to haveA lot of itching in my fingers
and toes and my wrists andthings.
Got to the point where it was sobad, I went and saw a
specialist, and I was diagnosedwith scabies.
Like, you've got to be kiddingme.
So here I am in NorthernCalifornia.
Marriage has completely crappeditself.
(23:33):
I've done my fast.
Like, what is going on here?
Now I'm battling this.
And so I was 10 days in or acouple of weeks in to the
recovery at that point.
And so, you know, I didn't wantto pour all the toxic poison of
the solution all over my body,right?
I'm coming back from the fast.
I don't want the first thingsthat I pour into it to be, you
(23:56):
know, medication.
And so I tried to work on itnaturally.
And so I did what I could and Ikept trying.
I think I was probably, I don'tknow, maybe three, four weeks
into the recovery and I decidedto do another fast.
This time I did no food, nowater.
And I did that for about threeor four days.
(24:17):
And during that three or fourdays of no food, no water, I
joined a gym and I was workingout twice a day.
I was using the sauna.
And I'd get in the pool and I'dget back in the sauna.
I was just trying to sweat this,you know, disgusting disease
that I had.
you know gotten obviously inMexico and I did that three or
four days and you know thatdidn't work so then I started to
(24:38):
develop some concoctions somereally natural heavy duty you
know concoctions to try and killit off and so I was taking these
baths and it wasn't working so Iyou know I made this really
strong bath and tea tree oil andall sorts of really heavy duty
stuff and I soaked in it to myneck down you know hands are in
knees are in feet are in Isoaked in it for like half an
hour I'm like I was so upset somad so ready to just be done
(24:59):
with life in general and so Idid this major soak and I burnt
myself so badly.
It worked, but now I burntmyself.
So now I'm in this situation oftrying to recover from a fast,
going through a divorce, burntmyself to a crisp from the neck
down.
I had to wear long-sleevedclothing so people wouldn't see
it.
And it's just weird, you know.
My skin had just rashed andstarted to fester.
(25:21):
It was just a mess.
It was like I had leprosy orsomething.
At the same time, I was lookingafter these dogs.
One of them was sick.
And so I was in and out of theveterinarian and trying to...
get in touch with the owners.
Dog was getting worse.
Fortunately, I was still intouch with my buddy from
Huntington Beach.
We touched base every day.
I think he thought deep down, hewas like, I don't touch base
with him.
He's just going to off himself,right?
And so he touched base with meevery day and we petitioned and
(25:44):
prayed and just worked towardsresolution.
We didn't know what thatresolution meant at the time,
but we just kept pressing in.
I had another buddy fromVirginia that I'd stayed in
touch with and I'd trained thiskid since he was 13 and he was
going through a rough time, verysimilar to mine.
And he came out for a week, andit was just a shot in the arm
that I needed, you know, somemomentum.
We had a great week, but ofcourse, at the end of the week,
(26:05):
you know, he went back, and Iwas on my own again.
And of course, then there's awave of emotion.
Here I am all alone again.
I was trying to heal.
I was trying to bounce back fromthe fast.
I was looking after this sickdog.
Still trying to work on themarriage.
We had just crossed over intoJanuary at this point, and that
was 17 years.
So I, you know, put togetherthis elaborate anniversary plan
(26:28):
you know gift an idea and sentit off and you know kind of fell
on deaf ears just didn't feelright i guess and so you know
nothing really transpired fromthat meanwhile the owners are
gone so they don't really careif someone's coming around as
long as their dogs are beinglooked after right so i
continued to uh you know bounceback hit the gym work on all
(26:50):
that i could i was having nightsweats at the time which i don't
know if you've ever experiencednight sweats
SPEAKER_01 (26:55):
uh not really
SPEAKER_02 (26:57):
basically wake up in the middle of the night or the
next morning and everything issaturated as if someone had come
in and hosed you down.
Like your pillow, your bed, yoursheets, the comforter,
everything.
Absolutely dripping wet.
And that started to happen and Iwas going through that every
single night.
Which means every single day I'mdoing a full load of laundry.
(27:17):
And I didn't have a lot ofstrength at this point so I was
struggling with that.
And it was just a lot to handle,you know, on my own.
I'd I was trying to work out,but I was fatigued, so I
couldn't get back to my heights.
So just really struggling onevery front.
You know, you start to think,well, you know, that's it.
That's over, right?
And so I remember the day I gotthe mail and I got this envelope
(27:38):
from clients of mine from thegym that I had known for a long,
long time.
Good friends.
And they're lawyers.
So I opened it up and it was thedivorce papers.
So I took the divorce papers toUPS to, you know, sign and have
someone notarize.
And that's how I did it.
Signed them, mailed them off.
Like,
SPEAKER_00 (27:55):
okay,
SPEAKER_02 (27:55):
I'm divorced.
Same timeline.
The dog continued to...
While you
SPEAKER_01 (28:08):
were
SPEAKER_02 (28:10):
out sitting?
Yeah.
You know, I'm literally sittingthere and this dog's dying in my
arms type sort of scenario.
Like, what in the world?
What's the point?
You know, I mean, I don't knowhow many times in that six
(28:30):
months I could have just slippedinto the bath and said that was
done or driven off the edge of abridge.
I mean, you just really start tothink, what is the point?
And I know a lot of people havesort of thought about it, but
when you start thinking aboutYou know, how are you going to
do it and stuff?
You really kind of scareyourself.
You're like, wow, so what wouldhappen if I did?
And at that point, I had nobusiness.
I had no home.
(28:51):
I had no relationships, coupleof friendships.
I'd lost my home city in thedivorce, essentially.
SPEAKER_01 (28:56):
Yeah, because she was back in Roanoke and you were
across the country.
SPEAKER_02 (29:00):
yeah I mean I you know I can't go back to Roanoke
and I you know really gotnothing I got now I'm down to a
backpack type scenario so I Iwrapped up my time there and I
went back to Huntington Beachfor a couple of days and then
flew flew home to Australia I'mlike I gotta get around people
that you know love meunconditionally no matter what
not that anyone you knowHuntington Beach didn't but you
(29:21):
know family is a whole notherlevel right and so I went home
to Australia and of course Ispent about a month there my
family in Brisbane you knowwanted me to you know come up
there so I went up there for alittle time and I spent some
time with both you knowMelbourne and Brisbane family
members and of course they allpitched you know this is just
stay here right you're alreadyhome there's nothing back there
(29:42):
right for whatever reason Idecided I was going to come back
to California I didn't know whyI just decided I was going to do
that and so I went back toHuntington Beach California and
I started getting into a littlebit of carpentry work You know,
I wasn't ready to get back intothe training scene.
You know, just too much.
Just too many emotions attachedto that scene.
And so I decided to get backinto the carpentry thing.
And it kind of started to pickup.
(30:03):
I got some work.
And I was staying with my bodyagain.
And, uh...
Woke up one day, and I just feltimpressed to buy a ticket back
to Virginia.
So I did.
I bought a ticket.
I got on a plane.
I think it was the afternoon of.
And I went back to Virginia, andI stayed with my buddy that had
come out for a week.
And he was renovating his house,so I dug in and helped him
(30:24):
renovate his home and did somework there for him while he was
busy working.
And he was still going throughsome tough times, but coming out
the other side, right?
So it was a real opportunity forus to spend some time together.
And It was during that timebeing there that I felt
impressed and needed someclosure on the relationship that
I had walked away from two yearsprior.
You know, I'd basically justdisappeared for two years.
(30:46):
And so I just needed to know andtalk some stuff out with her and
just trying to figure out, youknow, just share some stuff.
It hadn't gone down very welland, you know, it was really
kind of sad and heartbreaking atthe time.
And so it had been two yearsand, you know, I'd been alone on
my own at that point.
since the prior year.
So I thought I was in a goodposition to just sort of reach
(31:09):
out and say, hey, listen, I'm intown.
I just want to let you knowbecause we run into each other.
And you've got to understand, atthis point, I didn't know if she
was even in town.
At that point, I wasn't on anysocial media.
I didn't really know.
I wouldn't have any idea how totrack it.
I wasn't in touch with anybodythat would know.
And so I just kind of thought,well, she could be married.
(31:31):
She could be married.
you know, could be pregnant,could have already had a kid.
I'm like, what can happen in twoyears?
We know that, right?
Things can happen quickly.
Hell, I didn't even know she wasin the same place, same town.
But I got a text back.
I think it said, I'm almostspeechless, I think was the
reply.
Because essentially I was dead.
I was gone.
I just disappeared off the faceof the earth.
And I'm sure whisperings had gotaround that I'd moved to Mexico
(31:53):
and was living in some smallfishing village type sort of
scenario.
He's gone.
And so we texted a couple ofthings back and forth and I just
asked if it would be okay for usto meet.
And of course, again, youremember at this point, I didn't
know if there was a husband onthe other side of that couch.
Yeah.
And so we agreed to meet.
And I remember we agreed to meetand just go for a walk
(32:13):
somewhere, somewhere veryneutral.
And of course, you know, I hadrecovered from the fast, but
didn't look the same.
It was a different look.
You know, it had been at thatpoint, I don't know, seven,
eight months.
But, you know, you know how longit takes, right?
60, 70 pounds is a lot.
And it was a different look,right?
So, of course, you know, Ididn't look the same.
Probably didn't sound the same.
Probably just a different typepersonality altogether.
And so, you know, I just neededto have that conversation and
(32:35):
just share, hey, you know,what's been going on?
How are you doing?
What's happened in the last twoyears?
And this is where I've beenthrough and this is what's kind
of going on, you know?
I wanted to sort of share thatand have that closure, you know?
Was she open to it?
Yeah, you know, we did that.
We got together and it was, youknow, of course it was awkward,
but it was interesting to, youknow, show up.
And, you know, of course my mindis, you know, I don't want to
(32:58):
get in on something and, youknow, find she's married with
kids and stuff.
So, of course, you know, you askthat fairly early.
Like, hey, listen, this isn'tkind of right if, you know,
something like that's going on.
And so she, you know, sharedwith me that she had, you know,
recently lost her grandmotherwho she was incredibly close
with and had, you know, movedinto an apartment downtown and
was on her own and was doinggreat things in her career and
(33:20):
working her way up to the top inthis business that she was with.
Things were going great for her,right?
You know, so we stayed in touch.
I think we might have gottogether another...
time or so, but I had committedalready going back to California
and I had some jobs that I'dalready committed to.
So I went back to California andwe continued to stay in touch
and text and FaceTime and such.
(33:40):
And so it got to the point whereI said, listen, I'm tied up with
a lot of work out here.
Why don't you come out?
And so she agreed to come out toCalifornia.
And so she came out toCalifornia and we spent a few
days or a week together,whatever it was.
We were staying with my buddyand just exploring the what ifs
at this point.
And so We got to the end of thattime.
(34:01):
And of course, it was time forher to go back to, you know,
Virginia.
So she did.
She went back to Virginia and Istayed in California.
I said, listen, I'm, you know,we continued to stay in touch.
I said, listen, I'm not, I'm notlooking to move back to
Virginia.
You know, I've got roots thatI'm starting to put down here in
(34:21):
California.
I just don't think I can comeback there at this point.
You know, for me to start again,I just need to be out of there.
And I think a lot of peoplemight understand that.
You know, I'd been gone at thatpoint a long time.
And, you know, it was her town.
She grew up there.
It was her family.
It was her friends.
You know, I had entered into,you know, my ex-wife's world at
that point.
And so it just didn't feel rightfor me to kind of try and barge
(34:43):
my way back in, you know.
And I didn't think I wanted toeither.
Although I did have visions of,you know, going back to 180 and
getting back into training andjust, you know, getting on with
my life.
But obviously I didn't do that.
And so I was in California andshe stayed in Virginia.
(35:05):
And we continued to stay intouch and FaceTime after her
visit out there.
And, you know, things were ableto kind of pick up.
pace simply because of thehistory there and so it was a
little easier to sort of seewhat sort of a future there
could be you know so we got to apoint where i said listen you
know again that religiousmindset in me it's like listen
if we're going to do this youknow i got to commit and you
(35:28):
know people that know me know meis you know all in right kind of
like the 40 day fast kind ofthing like sleep he's got no
he's got no throttle he's justyou know he's either on or you
know 8 000 rpm And so I planneda proposal and I flew back to
Virginia, didn't tell her, flewback to Virginia, got the code
for her apartment off of herfriend.
(35:48):
And I snuck in and I laid outthis proposal, you know, on a
kitchen table and then left.
And so that's how I proposed.
And of course she gets home.
She's like, what the heck?
Like, like, you know, kind of, Ican't even put it into words
because it's not my story totell.
(36:08):
Right.
but of course my phone ringslike where are you you know what
you know and i was i didn't havea car i'd flown in i was just
doing everything off a foot youknow i had a backpack again here
i am with a backpack i was likedupree right you remember that
movie you mean dupree even myfamily in australia started
calling me dupree right they putme in their phone as dupree
(36:30):
because i looked bad my hair wasa mess i'd lost weight i was
just living on kids bunk bedsand floors and so here I am
downtown Roanoke getting thisphone call like you know where
are you what's going on are youhere like what how did you do
this type of thing and so ofcourse you know I went around
the you know back streets andgot there and you know knocked
on the door type sort ofscenario like you know I'm here
(36:51):
we're gonna do this type thingand so in the blink of an eye we
went from you know the wholecareer that she was about to
just you know hit new heights onand had a new place downtown and
here I am ruining the wholeprocess and so she She had to,
you know, get out of her lease.
Because I said, listen, if we'regoing to do this, it's got to be
in California.
(37:12):
I'm kind of crunching this alldown here into a matter of
sentences versus days or weeks.
But the decision was made toload everything up into a
30-foot U-Haul and hook it backto California and start life
again.
So we did that.
Wow.
(37:59):
past are literally walking pastand of course they're not
thinking like matt's been gonefor a couple years right so
they're not looking for you youknow so i'm in and out of this
truck loading this thing and i'mseeing people that i know but
they're not seeing me kind ofthing right and uh and so we did
we loaded it up we drove acrossthe country you know we started
life again in in huntingtonbeach california and and we got
(38:22):
married on the beach uh thefollowing may 2018 and uh it was
a rollercoaster because you knowthere's so much baggage that you
just you don't understand whatyou're carrying with you you
know and so it was just thehighs were high the lows were
still low but you know she'dmade that commitment to me and
(38:43):
it was a really tough transitionfor her leaving her mum her
friends her career everythingfor me you know just a really
tough time and I'm like well youknow I did it to myself you know
we plugged through and I endedup getting back into the fitness
industry and had a great careerwith crunch while I was out
(39:05):
there but didn't share the storyI couldn't it was still too raw
everything was still too freshand so I had this career out
there and I got into managementyou know pretty quickly you know
obviously having my own gym fornearly 10 years a lot of
experience and being in thebusiness for you know nearly 20
or 8 15 at the time whatever butThe position was a lot of sales,
(39:28):
and I struggled with therejection.
I had so much baggage and somuch heartache.
Obviously, you can't process itall in such a short window.
Even though I'd been on my ownfor a long time and gone for two
years, I've just got marriedagain.
I'm starting fresh.
There's a lot of hope about whatthe future holds.
I learned to overcome...
(39:52):
rejection through the salesmanagement role that I had and
it was just you know I look backon it now it's like wow really
that was the right positionbecause day in day out I was
getting no's and rejections andI'd struggled with that my whole
life and it was almost like thatposition was meant to be for me
although it was incredibly hardat the time I just needed to
face no after no after rejectionand I ended up breaking records
(40:13):
out there I had a great careerAnd things were going really,
really well, and we gotpregnant.
We tried to stay out there, butfinancially we just couldn't at
the time, even though we wereboth professionals and making
good money.
We just couldn't afford it.
So we bought a house, sightunseen, before it was cool for
everyone else to do it.
And December of 19, we had ourfirstborn, and we named her
(40:35):
Callie, appropriate forCalifornia, right?
Yeah.
Called her Callie, who you met.
SPEAKER_01 (40:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (40:41):
This week.
And full of energy, right?
Typical Morton.
And so, about 18 months later orso, we had another one.
Chloe, who you met, Coco.
Oh, yeah.
And, you know, we've been inBradenton, Florida now for five
years, and the marriage is stilltough.
And I don't think it's news toanybody that marriage can be
(41:02):
tough when you've got two kidsthat close in age.
She had a whole career she wasgoing to do, and just a lot,
right?
Just a lot in the last fiveyears.
So here we are, and I feel likeI...
moving forward, wanted strengthto overcome to exist, but I
needed to share where it camefrom.
And although you can look backand say, well, you failed,
(41:23):
right?
And so that was my mindset for alot of years.
You failed.
You can't do strength toovercome.
You fasted.
You did everything right.
You knuckled down.
You stayed focused.
You gave it shot after shotafter shot, and it didn't work.
And so they were the voices inmy head that said, you can't do
strength to overcome.
But it took this long for me torealize that in the end, I got a
(41:43):
beautiful wife whom I'm nowlearning to love
unconditionally.
That's the walk that I'm on now.
Unconditional love and gratitudefor her being such an amazing
mom and giving me the familythat I wanted the whole time.
I had wanted a family.
I'd wanted to be a dad.
And it looked like it was done.
I wasn't going to have it.
(42:03):
I was in my late 30s, destitute.
had nothing, no career, nobusiness, no anything.
And it just didn't look good.
Been through a divorce, all thatbaggage, and it just didn't look
like I was ever even going tohave a relationship again, let
alone have kids.
And so...
You have to look at this andsay, you know what, I continue
to overcome.
(42:23):
Even though I didn't necessarilyachieve the original intent of
the fast and the concept ofstrength to overcome, I've
overcome in a lot of other ways.
And so for me, it's justimportant to lay that foundation
for a lot of people out therethat, you know, when you set
your goals on something and youfall short, that doesn't mean
you failed, right?
You know, you've got to presson.
You've got to keep going.
And if I hadn't kept going, if Ihadn't reached out or if I
(42:45):
hadn't have just tried to getback on the horse I honestly
think I'd still be single Idon't think I would have found
someone she's a one in a millionshe's put up with a lot of
emotional roller coasters withme and she stuck by me through
you know all the thick all thethin all the ups the downs and
you know we raised these twokids with a very similar mindset
and I'm blessed I'm so thankfuland I give credit to the
almighty because There was atime during my stay in Northern
(43:10):
California, I'd done a lot ofblood work.
And I sent it off to a doctor inFlorida at the time.
And he called me with theresults.
He was about 80.
He was a legend.
And I found him.
And he called me at the time andintroduced himself.
And his opening line to me, I'llnever forget it, was, we have
your results in.
Do you want to live?
Do
SPEAKER_01 (43:30):
you want to live?
SPEAKER_02 (43:31):
You know, and I'm like, You know, what does that
even mean?
You start looking through youremail, like, what are the
results?
What's happened?
This doctor who's passed now,he's passed away.
And at the time, he kind ofturned my vantage point around
of the divorce.
And he spent about 20 minutesgoing through how I needed to
(43:52):
start living, not about what Ineed to start eating and my
blood work this and my bloodwork that.
Even though I told him about thefast, he's like, that's
irrelevant.
Yeah.
You need to listen to what I'vegot to say.
And he spent about 20 minuteswith me, which just blew my
mind.
And he shared with me so muchmotivation to press on through
the divorce.
He gave me hope at the time.
He gave me hope to try again,which is essentially, I think,
(44:17):
what motivated me to reach outto Heather in the first place.
After two years of completesilence, right?
He gave me that motivation andsaid, listen, you got to press
on.
You can't get stuck.
That doesn't define you, youknow?
SPEAKER_01 (44:29):
Wait, why did he say, do you want to live based
on your blood work?
SPEAKER_02 (44:34):
Yeah, but he didn't take the angle of easier
deficiencies.
He had opened, and it stillblows my mind to this day that
he opened with that because hedidn't know my story at all.
But after I'd shared it, hedidn't diagnose and treat me and
send me pills and potions andsuch.
He spent 20 minutes just sharingwith me what I needed to do to
press on.
And it just blew my brain.
(44:55):
We got to the end of theconversation, and I still
remember it, and he said, Repeatafter me.
He said, I am a son of theAlmighty.
No harm can come unto me.
I repeated it.
I am a son of the Almighty.
No harm can come unto me.
And he hung up.
That was it.
And so it was that conversationthat I carried with me through
my time in Northern California.
And he motivated me.
And I still remember it to thisday, obviously.
(45:17):
Powerful.
And it's what I needed at thetime.
So...
You know, when I look back onthese moments that happened and
everything that was meant to be,you know, here I am with these
two beautiful kids and, youknow, listen, I'm down and out
physically, but I see anincredibly bright future and
strength to overcome for me issomething that I'm so passionate
about now, more than I think Iever would be because had I
(45:40):
achieved my original goal, itwould have been done out of
obligation, whereas now it getsto be done out of, you know, a
passion to help others overcomewhen...
They think they may have failed.
SPEAKER_01 (45:50):
Yeah, I mean, that's huge.
That's powerful, man.
I think a lot of people willresonate because they've been
through those tough times, thedivorce and feeling like they're
completely alone and isolated.
And I'm sure people have movedaway from friends, family and
that sort of thing as well.
So they're going to they'regoing to kind of feel where
you're coming from on that frontfor sure.
(46:11):
What do you think the lowesttime was?
What was the absolute lowest?
Was it when you were 112 pounds?
SPEAKER_02 (46:17):
You know, when I was 100 and I couldn't walk and I'm
being carried upstairs by thesestrong men, just the humility to
do that was significant.
But honestly, I think it waswhen I'd burnt myself trying to
heal myself naturally and tryingto rebuild.
You know, I was in NorthernCalifornia, didn't have any
friends, knew a few people froman Israel trip, but I had felt
at the time that my ex-wife hadgone them in the divorce too so
(46:39):
i felt a little bit challengedon sharing too much with them
that i had met then they'reabout half an hour away of all
places i could have been postedin the world i was close to them
and they were really good to mebut it was a struggle for me to
share too much because they hadreally clicked with my ex-wife
and so that was it was a reallydifficult dynamic but i remember
burning myself and i i honestlywas really i mean i didn't so
(47:01):
you kind of know how it workedbut i really just thought just
slide into the bath And justfinish it here.
Just drown yourself.
You're burnt.
Because you remember after I'dburnt myself, the next month I
had to bathe in these ointmentsand special baths to try and
heal myself.
And the wounds and the stuff onmy flesh, it was just, I had no
(47:22):
strength.
I had no energy.
I had no motivation.
I had no one.
I had nothing.
And my body was completelydestroyed.
SPEAKER_01 (47:28):
How do you come back from that?
You know, because I think that'swhere a lot of people are.
SPEAKER_02 (47:33):
You know, I think that's why I like to share that
story of the doctor that calledand just, I know for sure that
he was moved to call mepersonally and go over my
results, but he didn't approachit from the medical standpoint.
And there's just no way he couldhave known to do that had there
not been some divineintervention for him to call and
just say the things that he did.
Because at the time, you got tounderstand, I had failed.
My marriage had failed.
And so I had reserved myself to,that's it.
(47:55):
I have to be single the rest ofmy life.
I can't marry again.
I can't find happiness.
I can never have a family.
I can never be a and he gave methe hope to just to press on it
was just it was the most bizarre20 minute conversation I've ever
had because it didn't make anysense I'd never met the man all
he had was results in front ofhim he didn't know my story and
I just think that there werepeople littered through my story
(48:16):
my buddy in California who Iwould love to have on the show
not to tell my story but to tellhis of his life but I'm going to
try and get him on the show hechecked in on me every day
actually came up to NorthernCalifornia twice with his wife
and kids and stayed there andjust checked in on me every day.
And I was there during the lasthalf of my fast.
I was there before I went toAustralia.
(48:37):
I was there when I went backfrom Australia.
I was there when I went backfrom Virginia.
I mean, just over and over, hewas a rock of just unbelievable
magnitude.
I wouldn't have made it throughwithout him, for sure.
To me, that's why the strengthto overcome is so powerful with
the two now.
It's like I would definitelyhave not made it without him and
my buddy in Roanoke at the time,who I also touch base with
(48:59):
almost daily.
Without those two guys, I wouldnot have made it.
There's no doubt.
I would have just had a weakmoment and done something
stupid.
SPEAKER_01 (49:05):
It speaks to the power of having people in your
life to lift you up whenyou're...
SPEAKER_02 (49:10):
Yeah, and I think that starting that relationship
again when...
the upbringing and all thebaggage of religion that can
sometimes tie you down.
I think had I listened to that,I would not have reached out and
You know, I live a certain way.
A lot of people know I chase alot of rabbit holes and I live a
certain lifestyle that doesn'talways agree with a lot of
people.
And so to find someone thatwants to be a part of that is
(49:32):
just one in a hundred million,right?
There's just not many people outthere.
And to be able to have twoamazing little girls, it's just,
you know, I'm blessed with heras my wife and I have certainly
made it difficult for her in alot of ways.
And I'm working really hard evennow, you know, things don't look
great, but she's stuck by me sofar and I believe she'll stick
with me till the end.
And of course, you know, mycommitment to her is to stick
(49:52):
through to the end, right?
I I'm not doing this again.
I can promise you that.
SPEAKER_01 (49:56):
That's powerful, man.
Yeah, so I guess the moral ofthe story is, guys, when you're
down and you think it can't getany worse and it might get a
little bit worse, there's alwaysa way up.
There's always a way to overcomebecause...
The world works in mysteriousways for sure.
Absolutely.
And
SPEAKER_02 (50:15):
I, moving forward, want to be able to share that
and lean on that to help others.
And, of course, I know you'vegot a lot you've got going
through.
And we had an amazing 24 hourstogether.
And we've got a lot to workthrough together.
And I just think that a yearfrom now, if we keep pressing on
and keep pushing, I thinkthere's going to be a lot of
lives that we've been able tohelp get through, which just
excites me more than anything.
(50:35):
And I believe that the provisionwill come for us to be able to
continue to do this Whether itbe through something we come up
with or some help along the way,we don't know yet.
But I truly believe that thetiming is right for this and
really excited to be doing itwith you more than anything.
Because although you weren'tthere during that time in my
life, the timing is right foryou to be there now.
And you're about to embark onbecoming a dad.
(50:57):
And I'm going to give you allthat I can to help you through
that challenging time andtransition for you.
So excited to be on the journeywith you, brother.
SPEAKER_01 (51:05):
Yep, pumped for the upcoming weeks.
Guys, if you like this, go aheadand like, subscribe, wherever
you're listening or watching,whether it's YouTube, Spotify,
wherever your favorite placesare to watch and share with a
friend.
If you've got somebody in yourlife, you know, that might get
some comfort from the storieswe're telling and that we're
going to tell in the comingweeks, share this podcast and
(51:27):
let's grow this thing together.
SPEAKER_02 (51:29):
Absolutely, Ryan.
I appreciate it.
And thanks for hearing my storyafter 13 years.
So to everybody out there, staystrong.
You are not alone.
SPEAKER_01 (51:38):
We'll catch you next Friday.
SPEAKER_02 (51:40):
Absolutely.
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