Ep 14: View From The Barstool Featuring Patrick

Send us a text

Support the show

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, welcome back.
Episode 14, tales from anAirport Bar.
Thanks for downloading this one.
Guys Appreciate you.
This week.
I am here with my, as always,esteemed guest Guest.
No, I run this bitch baby.
My esteemed colleague.

(00:22):
There we go.
We'll get to my esteemedcolleague.
There we go.
We'll get to our esteemed guest, your co host.
Yes, come on now.
If not enough THC Esteemedguest would be I.
Patrick, obviously, chris ShortCircuits without enough THC in
his system.
You know what, so do I.
I should have smoked beforethis.
Patrick, thank you for comingon to the show.

(00:46):
Welcome to the show man.
We appreciate you coming onthis.
I'm glad to be here.
Okay, just to give you a rundown, patrick is one of our regulars
at the cantina where we work.
Patrick likes to fly a lot.
I don't like to fly a lot.
I'm told to fly a lot.

(01:07):
I don't like to fly a lot.
I'm told to fly a lot.
I'm told where to be.
Yeah, yeah, it's all workpurposes.
Now, if I'm flying for personalpleasure, that's a different
story.
I mean, that's always enjoyablefor the most part, unless
you're in Denver in 2021.
So well, let's lead off withthat.
Patrick, what happened in Denverof 2021?

(01:30):
I think it was 2021.
Sounds about right.
So you know, this is right.
After COVID, this was stilltechnically COVID.
It was October of 2021,actually.
So, technically, you know,covid stuff was still happening.
Yeah, you're flying around witha mask on.
We still had to wear masks atthe airport.
Yeah, so that amplifies my youknow my anger issues during this

(01:53):
whole fiasco of the Southwestproblem, where everything went
down and they weren't able toreally fly anywhere, especially
Denver, because, I don't know ify'all are aware, but that's
like one of their major airportswent down and they weren't able
to really fly anywhere,especially Denver, cause, I
don't know if y'all are aware,but that's like one of their
major airports for Southwest.
And so, to begin the story, youknow went out there to go fly

(02:17):
fishing with my dad, my neighbor, his friend.
You know we had a really goodtime, caught a lot of fish, got
to see some good mountains,whatever, that's a nice little
helicopter there, yeah, anyway,um, so, yeah, we caught some
fish.
Whatever trip comes to, it comesto the end.
I have a flight 6 30 in themorning.

(02:38):
Uh, I get to the airport, youknow, I see this big ass, long
ass line for the Southwestcounter.
I'm like, ooh, that's not agood sign.
It's kind of early.
What's happening here?
Flip up, I'm like the news orsomething on my phone.
It's all over the front page.
Oh, southwest down, no flightsin and out for Southwest.

(03:00):
Well, fuck me right, I'm thereat five in the morning.
I'm already here, yeah.
And so I'm scrambling.
I'm like I find out the detailson my fight.
Shocker, it was canceled.
So I'm scrambling.
I'm going to say you did say itwas Southwest, it was Southwest

(03:20):
, okay, continue, continue.
Hey, the Southwest.
Okay, Up until this point.
Okay, continue, continue.
Hey, the Southwest, okay, upuntil this point, yeah.
And now let me put some contexton around how important this
flight was.
I started my new job on Tuesday, okay, this flight was on
Monday morning, all right.
And so, like I'm scrambling,I'm trying I got to get back,

(03:44):
Cause, like my first day at myjob is the next day, okay, I
have to be there, have to bethere.
There's no excuse that gets meout of this, none, all right,
better get a rental car.
Thought about that.
But then, before that, I madethe drive to Colorado from here
and, uh-uh, brother, it sucks.
It sucks Colorado from here.
And, brother, it sucks, it's along drive.

(04:06):
So that did cross my brain.
But then I was like you know,I'd rather be late to my first
day of work, I'd rather be atthe airport.
For the length of the drive Idon't give a shit.
So I'm scrambling, trying tofigure out a new flight.
Whatever I get on a coupleothers that are supposed to
leave around noon, whateverAllegedly All allegedly at this

(04:27):
point Come to fruition.
None of those take off, okay.
And so I found out in the Denverairport, if you're there like
hours before your flight, theyhave essentially a valet bag
service.
Oh, they just hold it.
They just hold it and they'llbring it to the gate agents or
whatever, whenever it's time,whenever it's time, whenever
it's time, it ends up on theplane where it needs to go.

(04:47):
So, like I'm like luggingaround a you know a roller bag
because I went fly fishing, so Igot like waders in there all my
heavy shit, yeah.
And so I'm like you know, I'mgoing to check this out, pay

(05:08):
like the 20 bucks it is, orwhatever, go about my day in the
airport, okay.
So I stumble upon this bar and,um, I'm sitting there drinking.
This guy next to me, we strikeup a conversation he's he's
trying to get, uh, I think,somewhere east, like somewhere
where his mom, sister living, um, tells me his mom or sister
bought his plane ticket.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, like,where are you from?
He's like, well, the thing is,I'm actually homeless.
I was like, oh, All right, thismust be an experience for you.

(05:34):
Then, huh, yeah, yeah, yeah,don't really get to fly too
often.
I was like, how old would yousay this gentleman is?
Oh, dude, we're talking,probably older than you.
Oh, thanks, buddy, chris,thanks Patrick.
Well, it could have been thedrugs too.
You know the rundown, I don'tknow, on me or him, him.

(05:54):
Okay, no, definitely no, I'dprobably place him in his 50s,
probably.
So he's been on the street fora minute.
He's definitely older than me,dick, anyway.
So, uh.
So I was like, oh man, yeah,like, must be an experience for

(06:15):
you, whatever.
And, uh, you know we keepjabbing.
And uh, he's like hey, uh, likemy sister or someone's trying
to send me some money on cashapp, like you mind, you mind
helping me out with my cash app.
I was like, sure, like what'sup?
He's like, well, I'm trying tosign in, but I don't know my

(06:36):
password.
I was like well, buddy, noproblem, do you know your email?
He's like, yeah, I think it'sthis.
I'm like, all right, well,let's click this forgot password
thing it's on an AOL page,right and it'll bring you a new
password.
At this point he just hands mehis phone.
You do it for me.
Yeah, you do it.
Future Just want to point outyou know a homeless guy with an

(07:00):
iPhone Okay, whatever, it makesa lot of sense in this world,
but anyway, um, anyway, I'mgoing about it.
I just forgot password.
I go to his email that I had tofind and, uh, you know, luckily
the thing came through.
So we recessed password.
I'm like, hey, man, here's yourphone, you want to type in your
password.
He goes oh no, you can just doit, make it, I'm homeless one,

(07:22):
two, three or something likethat.
Okay, so I do it, get it, getit logged in and all that.
And then he's like oh, like, soI see my sister, whoever, sent
me some money, like how do I getit out?
And I was like we gotta havelike link to a bank account or
debit card or something.

(07:43):
You have somewhere to send it.
Yeah, he goes oh, okay, so wereached out.
It's like a paper clip with allthis shit in it.
We're talking debit cards, alittle bit of cash.
He has, say, a little bit ofcash, because that's going to
come into play in a little bitoh, outstanding.
And so, whatever, he hands me adebit card and I'm like, I

(08:04):
don't know if this will work, toget money out, but we'll see
what happens, let's see whathappens, I don't know.
So he wants you to plug in allhis information.
Oh, yeah, oh nice, yeah.
So if I was a sweet genius witha what's it called, one of
those photogenic brains, I mean,I guess it really wouldn't do

(08:27):
me that much good.
You know, I don't think he'sworried about his negative $100.
Yeah, he really could takeadvantage of his credit somehow.
Whatever, besides the point,obviously he was not worried
about it.
Apparently I come across prettytrusting.

(08:48):
So, hey, it does work out in myfavor these days, blake, and I
like you.
Would you like my debit card?
Sure, do you want me to go buysome beers?
Another round, please?
Anyway, so we finished, so wefinish, we get all this stuff
set up.

(09:09):
To this day.
I don't know if he was able topull money out or send money or
whatever he was trying to do.
I don't know, but you know he'slike oh, thanks, man.
Like so grateful for you,whatever.
Like, let me buy you a beer.
He buys me a beer, I'll let himbuy me one beer, whatever.
Okay, I'll buy you a beer.
He buys me a beer, I'll let himbuy me one beer.
All right, we keep talking.
I finish that beer, let me getyou another beer.

(09:33):
I was like, hey brother, firstone was great, but you don't
need to be buying me anotherbeer.
The second beer is your 401k.
Yeah, I was like look, I don'tneed you to buy me a beer, I'm
good.
I was like look, I don't needyou to buy me a beer, I'm good,
I have money.
I got my expense account fromwork.
You're like sir, how are yougoing to keep later?
Keep in mind, this was a flyfishing trip.
This was no work.

(09:55):
For the record, I was employedTechnically in between jobs, but
I still had money, but thepaperwork had gone through.
Yeah, I had a credit card, butI still had money.
But the paperwork had comethrough.
Yeah, but you know, it was inthe mail and I had a credit card
.
So like, whatever, but anyway,I was like I was like here how
about this?
I'll buy us a couple beersbecause I don't want you to

(10:15):
waste your hard-earned money onme, okay, and you may not
remember your password lateranyway.
So you know that happens.
I get us that next beer and thenyou know, he offers to buy me
another beer.
And then finally, I was likeyou know, maybe let's just go
find a new bar.
You know, he kind of frankly,he kind of stank anyway, so Use

(10:37):
that beer money for dinner.
Yeah, they sell it here.
Yeah, right down there at thelittle shop, a little Hudson
News thing, anyway.
But yeah, so long story short,we had a great conversation.
I dipped out because I didn'twant the homeless man to waste
his money on my beer, because Iwas going to drink a lot of it
that day.
I didn't want to spend thewhole day with the homeless guy.
Yeah, and now, Patrick, this isfor our audience.

(11:01):
I want to uh explain to them.
You look like, uh, you looklike Andrew Santino.
Um, I've heard that quite a fewtimes, but I want you, I want
you to tell us what happened.
How long ago did you go to hiscomedy?
Oh, his comedy show.

(11:21):
And let's at least explain.
Andrew Santino is a comedian onone of the biggest podcasts on
the planet.
Yeah, bad Friends with BobbyLee.
Yeah, Bobby Lee, but anyways,he's a comedian.
Well, he's also on the showDave with Lil Dicky.
He's on Dave.
He was in Me Time with KevinHart.
I mean, he's got a long.
He's made his rounds the office.
Even Now the show was basicallyover, was he really?

(11:43):
He was just in a new movie.
He was Andy's boat man when thefamily went bankrupt and he had
to help Andy sell his boat.
Oh my gosh, that was his firstacting gig ever.
I forgot about that.
The episode of Bad Friends Iwas listening to in the car on
the way over here.
He and Bobby were talking abouttheir first job ever and like

(12:05):
how embarrassing it was becausehe was like, hey, so they're on
a boat.
They're on like a small boat,right, like a small little
fishing boat, maybe a little bitbigger.
It's got the underneath and thebed or whatever.
And he's supposed to Andy, oneof the characters in the office.
He's supposed to like slap hishands and this Andy's hand.
And this is his first gig ever.
He doesn't know anything.
And John Krasinski, jim, wasdirecting the episode and he was

(12:30):
like hey, the first time hepretended to slap Andy's hand
and he was afraid to actuallyslap him.
And then John Krasinski goes cut, cut, cut, hey, so we're going
to actually use your left handbecause your right hand blocks
the lens.
Okay, and I want you toactually make it look like
you're gonna hit it.
It's like okay, cool, noproblem, easy enough.
So what do you guess happens onthat?

(12:50):
Second?
Smash the shit out.
He's trying to take all thesenotes and still uses the right
hand.
Again.
He goes hey, hey, now, okay,come on, remember, we just
talked about this left right,your left hand, left hand, okay,
okay, no problem, I got it.
And then again, then again,here we go.
Is this Andrew Santino?
Yes, yes, no, this is AndrewSantino.
And he does it with his righthand again, oh, my God.
And Jim Krasinski looks at himand goes hey, bud, it's like

(13:14):
when you're talking to your kidhey, bud, don't eat the wood
chips, don't eat those, they'llstay on the playground.
Hey, talked about this,remember, use your left hand,
use your left hand, okay, noproblem.
Third, take what do you think hedoes?
He does the wrong hand again.
Jesus, how is that possible?
Because it was his first job.

(13:35):
There's the nerves.
He's done stand-up and he'sdone something, but he's never
done a TV show, especiallysomething on the level of the
Office, and this is season 10.
They're checked out.
Michael's not on it anymore andthen finally it's like you know
what, let's just use it, let'smove on.
And he's like that was the mostembarrassing thing.
And he's like and then everyonegot off the boat and I was so

(13:55):
embarrassed.
So the rest of the day he'slike I'm just sitting on the
boat like this.
Everybody went ahead and gotoff and I'm just sitting there
like an idiot, anyways, anyways.
So, patrick, so you went to hiscomedy show.
Yeah, how long ago was this?
Oh, that was probably what I'dsay six months or a year ago.

(14:16):
It was like May or April orsomething.
I think it was after the summer.
I think it was likeSeptember-ish, it was rainy and
stuff.
Yeah, I didn't feel like it wasafter the summer.
I think it was likeSeptember-ish, it was raining
and stuff.
I didn't feel like it was thatlong ago.
So you went to his show andwhat happened?
Oh, okay, so you know, we'resitting there at the show.
So the whole point of this showis we got the tickets, kind of

(14:38):
as a joke, because you know, atthis point everybody's like oh,
pat, pat, you look like andrewsantino.
And I was like, all right, well, cool, he's pretty funny.
Like tickets for like 20 bucksa pot?
Yeah, all right, we buy them,we splurge for the 25 tickets.
All right, dude, this is frontrow.
I was gonna say you're on thefront, right, we're talking from
me to you and I don't know ify'all are aware of our

(15:01):
surroundings.
Right now we're sitting at apicnic.
So he was like on top of me, hewas two feet away and um, all
right, so you know, he does thiswhole skit.
Whatever, it's great.
Whatever Question time comes.
And uh, all my friends around mewere like Pat, you got to like

(15:29):
raise your hand to say it orsomeone else.
Yeah, so my buddy's like, fuckit, I'll do it.
Raise his hand.
He's like, hey, you.
And uh, he's like, hey, there'sa guy sitting right in front of
you.
Would you say that he lookslike you?
And he looks down.
He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, I'd say doppelganger, huh and
um, he was like hey, stand up.
Show the crowd, you know, makesstand up.
Show the crowd, you know, makesme stand up in front of
everybody and put the fuckingspotlight on me and it's great

(15:51):
as shit.
I don't know how they operatewith that shit.
I was in there for an hour, dude, fucking.
Everybody was just like hooting, hollering, laughing.
It was hilarious, but the bestthing about it is, before the
show even started, I go to thebathroom because you know we're
there a little early and I go tothe bathroom, whatever, wash my
hands, I turn around, doorwhips open and some random guy

(16:15):
who would be going to the show.
He just stops in his tracks andstares at me, probably because
he thought I was Andy Santino.
I think he saw the great whitebuffalo, andy Santino, wait a
minute, he's with us.
And then I just walked rightpast him and kept going about my
day and went to the show andwhatever.
It was a good time.
So.
But yeah, dude, it was.

(16:36):
Got a lot of, got a lot ofcomments about that and even one
time, I think at the airportactually, yeah, someone asked to
take a selfie with me.
I was going to say did you signa baby?
I was like absolutely, yeah, Iwas like sure.
But like you do know, I'm notandrew santino, right, you want
me to.
You want me to facetime littledicky while we take this photo?

(16:58):
Yeah, and he was like, yeah, Ijust want to show all my friends
.
I was like, great, it's kind offucking weird.
But okay, let's just see whathappens.
Like you're taking a picture ofsome rando that just happens to
look like andrew santino.
Like congrats, buddy.
I don't know if he planned togo tell all his friends, he met
andrew santino.
I don't know if he planned togo tell all his friends he met
in Santino or something.
I don't know, but in his eyeshe did.
So how long would you say you'vebeen coming to our bar?

(17:22):
Well, I'm not going to lie.
The only reason why I firststarted coming to those bars, no
, no, patrick, you're married.
Go ahead, lie.
Well, it's because, patrick,you're married.
Go ahead, lie.
Well, it's because.
So whenever I started frequentflying from work, I remember
there was a bar in the airportand they had this really good

(17:43):
like blue margarita that had abeer in it.
Yeah, you know, and frankly, Ithought it was y'all's bar.
You just stumbled in.
I stumbled in and it wasn'ty'all's bar.
I mixed up my terminals.
It was the other one, owned bya different company.
Do y'all actually remember thenames of places in airports when

(18:07):
you go to them?
No, when I'm traveling.
No, that place with thesandwiches, I don't know.
I probably just now rememberedy'all's bar's name a few months
ago.
Anywho, I stumble into the barand I'm like shit, this is not
the place.
This is Blue Margarita.

(18:27):
I contemplated leaving and thenfucking Chris over here does
his little name game thing and Iwas like, oh, you know, this
might be a pretty okay place.
I get a beer.
You know, downside to this barthere's no fucking Miller Lite
on tap.
I was going to say you weredrinking Miller Lite bottle that
day.
I don't understand why.
So since then I've swapped to 8because you know the 8 Elite

(18:50):
Lager.
We're sorry, patrick, thoseexecutive decisions are way
above Blake and I's pay grade.
Aren't you the bar manager orsomething?
No, a supervisor.
He orders all the alcohol.
He orders all the alcohol,except for the beer.
It's branded.
What do you want me to do?
Why do you hate me and prettymuch every other person that

(19:11):
walks into the bar?
Patrick doesn't ask for much,he just asks for Miller Lite On
tap.
That's it.
You get what you get and youdon't throw it away.
You take that bottle, I willsay I appreciate that y'all have
upgraded from those shittyplastic tall glasses to actual
glass ones.
You say y'all we make these as agut thing.
In my eyes you do.
We say shitty, but thoseglasses never broke they.

(19:34):
We say shitty but those glassesnever broke.
They're so paper thick and theglass tall.
So we have a short beard and atall beard.
The tall 22-ounce beard that wehave is the cheapest glass I've
ever seen in my life.
Every time either it looks likemy eight-year-old hand blow
these glasses.
You pull a glass out of thecooler it breaks.
You open the tap and let thebeer hit the glass the glass
shatters.

(19:54):
You close the cooler it breaks.
You open the tap and let thebeer hit the glass the glass
shatters.
You close the door to thedishwasher the glass shatters.
You whisper sweet nothings inits ear it shatters.
It's unbelievable.
All I know is it sounds likey'all need to have some softer
hands up in there.
There's no hands, bro.
I'm telling you these thingsare paper thin, open in the beer
tap room.
And I'm telling you thesethings are paper thin, opening

(20:17):
the beer tap room and you shouldsee them.
Sometimes they're like thebottom of them.
How many times have y'all'sfemale bartender broken one of
these glasses?
About 27 a day, no comment.
Okay, well, she might be newthen.
It doesn't matter who does it,they break it, I swear to God.
Yeah, no, I swear to God.
I was hoping she would have abetter record than y'all.
No one does.
No one does.
We're undefeated.
Yeah, maybe, true, we're likethe 72 Dolphins.

(20:38):
Anyway, we're getting a littleoff track here.
Yes, go on.
This podcast should be calledDetour.
Yeah, Could be, actually.
But anyway, with AndrewSantino's double, I wish he
would just hire me on to be hisactual double.
And Santino it's funny, on BadFriends he's always the one
trying to get it back on track.
You're playing the roleperfectly, patrick.

(21:00):
It works out.
You're playing the roleperfectly.
He really just needs to hire meas double and pay me money to
be him, anyway.
So I stumble into the bar, Iorder my beer, I'm drinking
whatever, and for whateverreason that just became my go-to
bar, probably because Block Aand Chris here were so

(21:21):
hospitable and they remember myname.
So that was a fun thing, andthat beer was poured before you
even got your seat.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, it probably wasn't forme originally.
But you know, here we are.
I don't know about you, knowthe new day you're traveling,
but at least when I was there,before you sat down that ate to
pork, if nothing else, we askedyou what your name was and what
can we humbly get you to drink.

(21:43):
We bonded over Baconators thefirst time, wendy's Baconators.
Who doesn't love Baconators?
Those things are so good.
I will say that I think theyhave gone down in quality.
Shout out to any sponsorships.
We love you, wendy's, wendy's,dave.
Rest in peace, dave.
Where's the beef?
I take it back, wendy's, yourbacon.

(22:03):
Airs have not gone down inquality.
If anything, they're better andy'all should sponsor these guys
Exactly.
We'll cut that part.
I will say the spicy nugs, thesaucy nugs, those are pretty
good, they're actually prettygood.
They're a little hard, they'reactually pretty good.
Their garlic parm fries prettygood.
Yes, can't complain, I'll haveto check that out.
Their baked potatoes and theirchili also good.

(22:23):
Yes, chili's a classic.
Their chili's incredible.
Yeah.
But anyway, I digress.
If you're not health conscious,I will say I ended up eating
Wendy's for probably the firstfive times I flew out to my work
location, borger, texas.
I don't know if you've everbeen there audience Whereabouts

(22:46):
Ain't much going on Not much.
They have a Bennigan's though.
So if you're wondering whereone of the few last standing
Bennigan's is in the UnitedStates, there's one in Borger,
texas.
That is spelled B-O-R-G-E-R.
It's north of Amarillo, 45minutes Now.
What's funny is our companyowned the binnigans, and even
the one in the airport shut down.
Yeah, I can tell you.

(23:07):
Yeah, they only have about six.
I actually worked at that a fewtimes.
They only have about six brickand mortars left.
I was going to say there mightbe less than that, and they are
all in small towns Just becausethey don't have the money to get
rid of it.
Probably that, and honestlyprobably.
My guess is if it's anythinglike Borger, it's a small town
with like five restaurants.

(23:29):
Those regulars are keeping itgoing.
I am one of those regularsthere.
Regulars are keeping it going.
I am one of those regularsthere.
Shout out to Modesty atBinigan's and Borger, she's my
favorite bartender.
They probably have BillO'Lantern on tap.
He's your favorite bartender.
She, oh, okay, she's yourfavorite female bartender, the
Binigan's and Borger.
She doesn't break tall glasseslike we do.

(23:50):
Well, you say that.
I have witnessed it once.
Okay, okay, once On the car soshe doesn't have the tall paper
thing, glasses to break.
Well, she would break them too.
I mean, yeah, how would youknow?
Do you want to make a trip outthere with me one day?
Not really, yeah, it's true, Idon't blame you, but anyway, out

(24:16):
in the middle of Texas no, it'sactually the Panhandle.
It is Texas, but it is thePanhandle.
We're not talking west, it isthe middle of nowhere, sir, it
is the middle of nowhere, I willagree.
Great hunting out there.
Though, what are you hunting?
Well, you can hunt anythingWhatever.

(24:38):
So you got you got deers, yougot enough, yeah, whatever.
So anything on four feet, theygot it, okay.
Um, any bird you can imagine,they got it.
So I actually went dove huntingover there one day.
I went dove hunting three daysin a row, came back with 30
doves.
Do you like to eat a littledove?
I do like to eat a little dove.
How is that dove lonesome?

(25:00):
Well, when it's with me andBorger, yes, or if it lands in
Borger, it's always going to belonesome.
It's like just let me out of mymisery, patrick.
They were pretty much beggingto be killed out there.
So you became a regular at thecantina where we work, and so

(25:22):
what's the coolest or thecraziest thing you've seen?
I think my favorite.
I've got two favorites, allright.
So my favorite one was probablyearlier in my traveling career.
I popped down at the bar aftera flight.
Okay, chris is working.

(25:43):
You may have been working, Idon't recall, but there's this
small girl sitting at the barand she was plastered already at
this point.
Well, I definitely wasn'tworking.
Yeah, and you know, I holler ather from across the bar.
I'm like what you doing here?
Because I kind of overheard,like I think I recall this
vaguely Go on.

(26:03):
She was like waiting on hersister or someone to come pick
her up from the airport.
Is this the girl that startedcrying?
No, go on.
No, I don't think so.
No, go on.
But it's like leave the airport.
I would like to hear about that, but we'll get to that.
No, I anyway.
I hear over here saying that,like her sister, somebody is
coming to pick her up and, um,like she's about to be there.

(26:26):
Okay, like 30 minutes goes byand this girl is still there,
and at this point she's talkingup some guy that decided to sit
next to her and he must havebeen equally as drunk or
whatever.
Oh for sure, somehow they gotsome more shots, Somehow.
No, that is not true.
It was true.
Nobody was pushing.
I was probably working withsome jackass that wasn't paying

(26:48):
attention to how many they had.
I'm not saying it was you thatserved her.
We have a fortune.
I'm just saying it was you thatserved her.
We have a fortune in that.
I'm just saying these shotsappeared.
I'm just saying somehow she gotshot.
She didn't win Bam, and twoshots were there.
We don't know Allegedly Well,that's how she got there.
I will say she took this shotand then she was cut off after
that.
But evidently she should havebeen cut off before that.

(27:13):
But go anyway.
But at this point, when she gotthese shots, she's like oh yeah,
like my sister, she's outsidewaiting for me and we're all
like what the fuck are you stilldoing here?
Why are you here?
I was like are you justchoosing to pay airport prices
for drinks right now?
Like this is crazy.
She doesn't know she's at theairship, she probably probably,

(27:34):
and she probably doesn't knowwhat kind of economy she's
living in right now.
But you know, crazy If someoneelse is buying, it's free, yeah,
anyway.
So Bryce is right, bob.
I think she eventually got thatdude's number, by the way.
I hope so, I hope so.
Hopefully they linked upoutside of the airport bar.
So I mean, one of them didn'tsmudge the wrong.

(27:56):
You know one of the digitswrong.
It's very possible they werequite drunk.
But now, second is all myfavorite stories happen to be
whenever I get off the plane andI happen to be waiting on my
wife to come pick me up.
Yeah, so like, well, is it backin March?
No, no, no, sorry, it was backin March.

(28:16):
No, no, no, sorry, sorry.
Back in November I got thefirst half of my bonus from my
previous company.
Yeah, and uh, hop off the plane.
My wife's like, hey, I'll bethere in like 30 minutes.
Go catch a drink with Blake andChris.
Cool, all right, cool, yeah,don't twist my arm.
Whatever, I sit down, I get mybeer, I'm shooting the shit with
Chris and he does this wholename game thing.

(28:38):
And then he's like who's buyingaround for the bar?
And I was like fuck it, keep inmind, keep in mind, I probably
had three beers at the airportin amarillo before I got on my
45 minute flight.
You know, none of our, andwe're talking none of our
business.
We're talking talls, okay, noneof our business.
Yeah, and you probably only hadlike maybe one beer when you

(29:01):
got, yeah, to our bar, yeah, andthen on the plane I had like
two gin and sprites.
So you know, that was prettysoft stuff.
I just got a bonus.
Baby, let's get some shots.
I get my one beer from chris anduh, yeah, I was keeping under
control, obviously because hedidn't cut me off.
Yeah, uh, he does this wholename game, he does the round

(29:22):
shots thing, and I was like,fuck it, I'll buy it, why not my
turn?
I was like chris, come here,well, he's like what?
I was like how, fuck it, I'llbuy it, why not my turn?
I was like Chris, come here,well, he's like what.
I was like how much is it goingto cost me?
He's like I know I got bonusand everything, but like, come
on, he's like I'll hook you up.
And so I think like 10, 12people order a shot of tequila.
I chose tequila Because halfthe people won yes, but there's

(29:49):
at least a good 10 peoplethat'll say yes every time.
So he pours us up some tequilashots.
I think it was some hornitos orsomething like that.
I guarantee you it was.
Hornitos Came out clean withlike $100.
Not bad.
You're like you know what.
That's fine.
This is what pays to become aregular at an airport bar.
Guys, don't give all my secrets.
Those shots were all rung up,sir.
Sorry, they were rung up atfull price, with no discount for

(30:11):
sure.
None For sure.
I paid full price for those,never, ever, discounted anything
.
I spent my entire.
There's no discounts on alcoholin Texas.
That's against the law, blake.
Yes, okay, I'm sorry, blake.
Chris, you did not ring me up.
I think it was the other personthat was there.
Oh for sure, and it wasn't meeither.
No, the other Chris.
Yeah, it was the other Chris.

(30:32):
It was the other Chris, you'reright.
My bad, we got to talk about it.
It was the other Chris, theother other Chris.
Anyway, yeah, we all took theshot and I dipped out right
after that.
Yes, at me.
I remember His mic dropped andhe got out of there.
That's pretty much it.

(30:52):
Great job.
Everybody tips nicely.
That wasn't that long ago.
No, that was back in November.
Everybody wants to be the guythat gets it going, oh, yeah, or
everybody.
There's always Excuse me, noteverybody.
There's always one that wantsto just piss on everybody's
parade and not have a good time.
You know what I mean, which Idon't understand that either.

(31:14):
I will say that's probablyusually never me, like I was.
Like that's never been.
Patrick, yeah now I don'tfrequently do shots, though, but
like you catch me in the rightmood now.
Yeah, shots when I do mainlyonly tequila or patrick it's.
It's our job to read the room.
Yeah, true, well, we're kind ofgood at that, good at catching

(31:35):
me on my good days, but I don'tthink I've ever caught you on a
bad day.
Yeah, right, yeah, that'sbecause I don't go sit there in
the mornings whenever I'm flyingout, because you know it's an
airport bar.
You don't need to go to work, Idon't need to be there in the
morning.
Talk to all these other peoplethat I'm giving double Bloody
Marys to that are going to work,but on the way back, I don't

(31:56):
know how they do it.
I don't know how they do it.
I mean, I'm not saying that's abad idea, but like I don't know
how they do it, that might beMaybe, maybe next time.
There's just no way I'm havingthree double Bloody Bears and
Joe presenting a project to myboss for no good reason.
I don't think that's a greatidea.
To drink before going into aplant, I don't think so either.

(32:18):
No, definitely not.
Where there's a lot of heavymachinery, well.
But luckily, I work in theoffice as an airport bartender,
blake and I.
I can't speak for Blake, but wewill promote the alcohol.
If you come to the bar, patrick,it's a great idea to have a
drink before you get on yourflight.
That is your job.
We are professional armchairs.
The best idea you've had allday is to have a drink before

(32:42):
you get on your flight.
Patrick, I'll just steer clearof y'all's bar in the morning.
That's about it.
I won't even make that.
We're not there in the mornings.
I will say I'm not.
I am.
Yeah, I will say I'm there inthe morning more than I'm not.
Sometimes, whenever I'm leavingand I don't have time to stop
at the bar, I'll walk past up,but usually y'all are too busy.

(33:08):
So, yeah, that's true, it'sokay, though.
Of course it is, but we feel itit's okay.
Sometimes they avoid me.
We feel it it's all right.
No, no, love here for me.
No, I'm busy with other guests.
Patrick, you're not the onlyperson sitting at the bar.
Yeah, that's true.
Honestly, y'all are usuallypretty slam because I fly in at

(33:30):
like 530 or something.
That's right when it's freakinghot.
I'd like to think we've neverneglected you, patrick, actually
never.
You haven't.
You've actually brought a stoolout of the woodworks for me one
time.
Well, that was that one.
I was like Patrick, get yourass over here.
And then I carried it.
I stole a chair from the highchair.
I remember that.
And I had to go behind like 12people hold it up in the air,
try to not hit the TVs.

(33:50):
I was like, sit your ass downright here.
And then I was like, guys, makea river here, okay.
And we got you Because therewere no seats.
No, it was a packed bar.
I said you know what?
For Patrick, there's always aseat.
I yeah, I remember you carryingthat huge bar stool that weighs
as much as you do over yourhead, like it's a bar mitzvah.

(34:12):
Guys, watch your head.
I'm coming behind you with achair.
It's a Jewish wedding.
A bar mitzvah and a Jewishwedding are two separate things.
Whatever, whatever they put I'mnot Jewish, so I don't know
they put them in the chair andthey hoist them up.
That's a bar mitzvah and that'swhere he what is it?
A 13-year-old boy?
Yes, is that a bar mitzvah?
Yeah, that's a bar mitzvah,dude.

(34:33):
I thought they did that atweddings and stuff too.
That's when a boy becomes a manin the Jewish eyes, Okay, like
a quinceañera for, but Jewish,just a teenage thing now.
Do they do?
Do they do bar mitzvahs forgirls?
I don't know.
It's a bat mitzvah.

(34:55):
Oh, really, ok, maybe I havezero idea.
I've never been to either.
I've heard they're pretty lit.
Those are fucking lit.
I'll tell you that much.
Now, I would assume a barmitzvah is lit, but I don't know
.
I've heard they're pretty litthough.
I've been to quinceañeras.
Those are fucking lit, I'lltell you that much.
Yeah, now, I would assumeapartments was lit, but I don't
know.
I've heard they're lit.
I assume they're lit too.
Whose quinceañera did you go to?
I don't know.

(35:15):
Oh, okay, I think I rememberyou telling me about it Years
ago.
Yeah, I just know it.
Yeah, good times.
Oh, they got me drunk at it,whatever it was, whoever's piece
or whatever I was.
Side note, they sure did get medrunk y'all, I don't know Side
note Steering us back.
I don't know.

(35:35):
I do have another.
You know, sometimes traveling isnot always as it's made out to
be, and sometimes you doencounter some people at the
bars that severely depress you,and I'm about to share a story
about that.
We don't have a choice to dealwith them.
That's why they make gummies.

(35:57):
Yeah, right, no.
But like one time I was stuckin DFW actually, and I don't
know, my flight changed to likeE, the satellite E terminal.
Yeah, no one wants to go to E.
All right, I was just talkingwith people today about it.
They're like no one wants to goto E.
I found a bar.
I just popped down.
This lady next to me strikes upconversation and we're just

(36:18):
chatting.
I'm like, hey, where are yougoing?
What are you going to do?
Whatever you know, she's likegoing to Seattle or somewhere.
No guy like that going to Idon't know Seattle or somewhere,
yeah, wherever.
I was like, oh cool, what's outthere?
She's like, oh well, my dad wason hospice.
I was like, oh shit, that's nobueno.

(36:40):
She's like, yeah, but all thisflight stuff happening,
cancellations, I didn't get tomake it out there on time and he
died.
I was like looked around and Iwas like, huh, where's my beer
at?
And uh, I just kind of drank mybeer and um paid, paid my tab
and left after that because Iwas like I'm not I'm not here to

(37:01):
be depressed or sad man.
Let me tell you that happensmore than you would think,
patrick.
People flying back and forthfor funerals oh, I know, it's
very, very common.
I have learned this.
Like I said, blake and I getpaid to read the room.
You've got to be careful,you've got to look at people's

(37:23):
face.
That's why we interact with you.
We ask your name, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, to be fair, she strikedup the conversation, she started
it.
You just fell on normal backand forth.
Hey, where are you going?
Normal banter, what's going onOn vacation?
She just decided to drop a bombon me.
She wanted to.
It sounded like she wanted toget it off of her chest and into

(37:44):
somebody else's plate.
Now to counter that there arethe times when you walk up to
the bar and you're like, hey,we're about to start boarding in
three minutes and you'restanding in the boarding line
and these two people around youthey're like you want to go grab
a beer real quick.
And I'm like, fucking right.
So we walk over to the otherlittle bar.
You know, in the down thewhatever.

(38:04):
Yeah, the little satellite downthe uh, whatever.
Yep, yeah, a little satellite,yeah, and um, we hammer three
beers right there and you cansee the line from there like why
not hammer three beers?
And we get on the plane alittle tipsy at this point.
Jump in line, do, do, do, do.
Do we see the line move tooquick?
And this is like after sittingat y'all's bar, so like I
already had three, four beersand so I had one or two more.

(38:28):
I'm not a quitter, nice planeride, that's all I got to say.
Sleepy time, it makes thatBaconator even nicer.
Yeah, I will say dude, eatingBaconators.
For the first five times I flewout there Every Sunday night
I'd be like I'm not going to getany food.
I got a Baconator in my future.
It's right next to the hotel,dude, it literally is.

(38:50):
It's like Baconator hotel.
We're talking Like I skipparking lots Every Sunday night.
I'd just stop asking Pat if hewanted food because I already
knew a Baconator was in hisfuture.
I knew you didn't need a foodmenu Wendy's, please, sponsor.
And you didn't have Miller Liteon tap, yeah, so I had to
settle for the organic shittything.
Damn it.

(39:11):
Troy.
Patrick, thank you so so muchfor coming on this week.
You are the best bar regularI've ever had in my 26 plus
years of bartending and runningaround and in restaurants.

(39:33):
Patrick, come out, you can come, have a beer and non-discounted
shots Anytime you want.
Well, hopefully my uh, myflights will start picking up
more.
You know, I got to get somedriving out of the way first and
then I'm going to go back toflying pretty regularly.

(39:53):
We love it To all our listeners.
Thank you so much, guys, fordownloading these episodes and
supporting us and laughing withus.
We love you a long time.
We will see you, guys, again ina few weeks.
Peace, peace out.
Girl Scouts.