Jennifer Mirara is a guide and coach helping women feel more at ease in their bodies and more aligned in their lives through nervous system regulation, emotional well-being, and stress management. Her work blends science with spirituality, drawing from practices like Kundalini Yoga, meditation, and somatics, to offer practical tools that support real, lasting change.
She’s known for making complex ideas feel accessible, helping women move out of chronic stress and into a steadier, regulated state of being.
Before stepping into this work, Jennifer spent over a decade in the corporate world, steadily building her career until she became a Vice President and General Manager.
But beneath the success was a growing disconnect. Years of pushing through led to severe burnout and serious health issues, forcing her to reevaluate not only how she worked, but how she lived. That experience sparked a personal transformation and a deep dive into the science of stress, the nervous system, and emotional health.
What began as a personal healing journey evolved into a new mission: to help other women shift out of survival mode, reconnect with their bodies, and build a way of living that supports long-term well-being. Today, Jennifer shares her knowledge through free educational content, digital programs, and 1:1 coaching, offering guidance that’s both compassionate and grounded in real-life application.
Links:
Instagram: @theinternalcosmos - https://www.instagram.com/theinternalcosmos
Nervous System Reset Guide - https://stan.store/theinternalcosmos/p/get-the-complete-nervous-system-reset-guide
The 42-day somatic series - https://stan.store/theinternalcosmos/p/get-started-with-the-42day-somatic-series
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to The High Vibration Reset, the podcast for women
ready to step into their next level of success without
burnout, overthinking, or ever feeling undervalued.
I'm your host, Kira Conlon, and for the past 18 years, I've been
helping women take full ownership of their growth, their
(00:20):
voice, their work, and their leadership, not just to succeed
personally, but to create real impact in their communities,
workplaces, and in the world. In today's episode, I'm joined
by Jen Marara. Now, Jen is a guide and coach
whose mission is to help women feel more at ease in their
(00:44):
bodies, but also feel more aligned in their lives.
And she does this through nervous system regulation,
emotional well-being and stress management.
Her work has a lovely blend of both science and spirituality,
and she draws from many practices like kundalini yoga,
(01:06):
meditation and somatics. And in doing this, she's able to
offer really practical tools that support and can create
lasting change. So before getting into this
work, Jen spent many years working in a corporate
environment, but unfortunately, her corporate success led to
(01:30):
severe burnout and serious health issues.
And it was this that sparked a personal transformation and a
deep interest in understanding the science of stress and the
nervous system and emotional health.
So what began as her personal healing journey evolved into a
new mission to help other women to shift out of that survival
(01:55):
mode, to reconnect with their bodies and to build a way of
living that supports longer termwell-being.
So in my chat with Jen, she shared her knowledge in a very
grounded and compassionate way. And it's always great to hear.
It's encouraging to hear this kind of story of transformation
(02:18):
and what's really possible, no matter how bad your stress is,
no matter how bad the burnout, that it can be turned around.
So we spoke about nervous systemregulation, but she explains
some of the buzzwords, things that we're hearing a lot about,
like vagal toning, and also why some of these or some of the
(02:41):
kind of fashionable trends that we are seeing everywhere like
cold water, sea swimming, the ice bath plunges, why these
aren't the best solution for. Everyone, so a lot of you will
be relieved. To know that this conversation
goes deep, but it's very accessible and Jen simplified a
(03:03):
lot of the things that are quiteconfusing when we hear about
stress management and nervous system regulation.
So one really important thing that came out of the
conversation was the recognitionthat we don't have to change
everything all at. Once.
Each conversation that I'm bringing you in the High
(03:24):
Vibration Reset is an opportunity for you to choose to
choose what you see yourself moving forward with.
It's about you getting in touch with your intuition and
following what that next step isfor you.
I was actually asked recently doI not worry about promoting all
(03:45):
these other wonderful coaches, practitioners and guides on the
podcast and my answer was not atall.
As Jen mentioned in this podcastthat there are many paths up the
mountain and I honestly believe that the right guide shows up
for us all at the right time. So don't get overwhelmed
(04:06):
listening to all these amazing people and just decide which
voice is currently speaking to your soul.
Start small and do check out Jen's offerings in the show
notes after listening because ifyou're suffering from stress.
Or. Feel like you're close to
(04:28):
Burnout? She does have some good courses
on offer. So this show is being broadcast
in the middle of 2025. So I am giving you a reminder
that there is still time to reach your goals this year
regardless of when you're listening.
The best time to start is of course always today.
(04:49):
And to help you with that, the Life Flow Planner store has 25%
off in its mid year sale. Now the Life Flow Planner is a
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And the planner is not only a practical tool that has
transformed many of my clients lives.
(05:12):
But it is. Also very beautifully designed
by Fiona O'Reilly and on the dotin Donegal.
So make sure you get your planner at 25% off today.
Now, this month, every planner purchase gets a free gift of
adaptogenic coffee from London Nootropics.
(05:33):
So let's get into today's conversation.
So welcome, Jen, I am so delighted to have you here on my
podcast. Finally.
I've been following you for sometime and getting so much benefit
from your Instagram account, which I will add in the show
(05:53):
notes, but at the internal Cosmos, if anybody there can't
wait. She has such great content.
But anyway, Jen. Thank you.
And. Can you start by just telling us
a? Little bit more about how you
got into the work that you do. Absolutely.
So for me, I've always worked incorporate and my idea of success
(06:17):
and my validation was so closelylinked to productivity and
success at work. So IA couple years ago, I found
myself kind of burning out and Ireally started to struggle
emotionally with just managing everything in my life.
And it came to a tipping point where I just couldn't live my
life that way anymore. I was angry, I was frustrated, I
(06:39):
wasn't sleeping, I had terrible coping mechanisms where I was
drinking too much and smoking too much just to try to get
through them. And when I reached that tipping
point, I realized I just, I justcouldn't live my life that way
anymore. And that's when I started to
look into ways to manage my emotions, process my stress.
(06:59):
I got into Kundalini yoga and eventually teaching different
types of mindset and self help. And that for me, really changed
my experience of life and how I felt about myself and how I felt
about the external validation that I was getting and how I
could change that. And because of how it's changed
(07:19):
my life over the past five yearsand I'm just so passionate about
it, I wanted to make sure that Icould I could share that with
other people who may find themselves in a similar
situation. And I think that's so common in
our in our modern world, in our modern society.
Absolutely. Yeah.
There's a lot in there I want tounpack, but did you know what
(07:40):
was happening to you? So you mentioned burnout.
Did you have the concept of whatburnout was or?
Absolutely not. I actually had, I got physically
sick, I, I had a growth in my abdomen that was like the size
of a pair and then within a couple of weeks the size of a
(08:00):
mango. And that to me, and I went
through all of this, you know, the CT scans, the ultrasounds,
and I actually got misdiagnosed with ovarian cancer.
But that's what they told me it was.
And I got rushed into surgery. And it was at that point where I
realized everything I'd been doing was the reason that this
(08:24):
was happening to me, that my body was just at the point of
absolute shutdown and it couldn't cope.
And I did need the surgery. It was a growing tumor.
It just fortunately did not end up being malignant.
And so for me, that's when everything was like, why is this
happening? And I knew that the drinking and
the smoking and the late nights weren't good and the stress
(08:46):
wasn't good. But it's when I started looking
into it in more detail that I realized this is actually what's
been happening to me. This is why I can't cope.
This is why my body's shutting down.
This is why my immune system, mydigestion, and all of these
things are just culminating intothis, this physical breakdown.
So that was really a point of enlightenment for me.
I literally just stopped smokingovernight.
(09:08):
I was just like. Uncle John, I thought that,
well, the the moment was so darkthat it it pushed you into
change, I suppose. Absolutely.
We hear a lot about that with people that, you know, sometimes
it's easier to change when you've no choice.
Well, let's suppose you did havea choice, but what was the first
(09:32):
thing that you did, Jen? So how did you start to make
this? Other than quit smoking, What
should you do next? So the first thing I actually
did was I started meditation while I was going through this
diagnosis process and while I was going through the lead up to
surgery. And that's because I mentally
(09:52):
couldn't cope. I was so young, I was in my
early 30s. So it was just a lot to process
and handle. And given the fatality rate of
that diagnosis and the quick growth of the tumor, it was so
overwhelming that I needed some way to process my emotions, and
I couldn't work out because I was in so much physical pain.
So I replaced my exercise classes with meditation classes,
(10:16):
and that started my ability to manage my emotions as I was
going through this process. And then afterwards, the first
thing I did was start to look atmy foundations and my habits.
You know, what I was eating, what I was, how I was sleeping,
what I was feeding myself, the drinking, the smoking.
And that's when the meditation also led me to Kundalini yoga,
(10:39):
which is a much more embodied practice.
And that for me was kind of the progression.
But initially it started becauseI literally couldn't deal with
the overwhelm and I didn't know how to process it.
And so that meditation really helped me kind of get to that
stage where I understood more. OK.
So talk to me a little bit more about that.
So you said this about it allowed you to manage your
(11:02):
emotions? Yeah, so can you.
Explain a bit more. I think what tends to happen is
we tend to compartmentalize and dissociate when we're feeling
that overwhelm and stress and wehave unhealthy coping
mechanisms. And So what that meditation
allowed me to do is allowed me to connect with myself and
understand where this overwhelm was coming up from.
(11:24):
I mean, obviously I was dealing with extenuating circumstances,
but it allowed me to find a peace and calm within myself
that I allowed me to be able to reconnect and realize all of the
things that were going on internally and all the things
that I've been shutting down andpushing down and, and quieting
with all these unhealthy coping mechanisms.
(11:45):
So it wasn't just the overwhelm of the moment or the fear that
you were going through with the diagnosis, you started to become
aware of other emotions. Absolutely.
And the root of the anger that I've been carrying and not
releasing, right. The resentment that I had been
developing through my lack of self-care and through the lack
of boundaries, especially with work and things like that.
(12:08):
It allowed me to realize all of these elements of broadly turned
self-care that I, I wasn't takencare of through my lack of
awareness, my lack of self connection, and allowed me to
process that and to kind of start to forgive myself for it
and start to move through it so I could come out on the other
side. OK, amazing.
And at that moment then or at that time you started, you said
(12:32):
you started to create better habits.
Yes. And how did you go about that?
Because a lot of people listening, you know, know that
they need better habits, want todo that, but find it difficult
or overwhelming as well to create new habits.
So did you have a way that you did it that made it manageable?
I did. I did it very slowly.
(12:55):
I think a lot of the times when we know there's so much we need
to change, we have this need to kind of try and change
everything all at once. And that in itself can be
overwhelming and shut down the process.
And for me, what I find most helpful is providing myself with
a kind of proof for everything that I'm doing.
So I started with the foundations of, you know, like
(13:16):
sleep and what I ate. I, I stopped eating meat because
of inflammatory aspects. And you know, the, the, the link
to cancer and things like this. And I just started focusing on
more whole fruits and vegetables.
And I found a lot of proof by reading a lot of papers,
watching a lot of documentaries,following a lot of people who
are really focused on this area of health and well-being.
(13:37):
And I would do things like in order to reinforce the positive
habits. If I was eating like berries, I
would look up health benefits ofberries, right?
And it would give me this positive reinforcement that what
I'm doing is the right thing. Very good.
And I think that for me, that kind of positive reinforcement
was built momentum. It built validation in my
choices and it made it easier tokeep going.
(13:58):
And I would do that with everything.
If I went to a workout class, I would look up the benefits of
this workout. I would look up the benefits of
this types of through the benefits of, you know, and
feeding myself that constant validation enabled me to
maintain the momentum that I hadkind of started through that
habit. But again, I did it very slowly.
I just focused on the food and Iwould look up everything about
(14:19):
the food, everything about the inflammation, everything about
the nutrients, and just consistently give myself that
positive reinforcement. Yeah.
That's brilliant that I find that as well with my clients.
It's that, you know, start smalland, and do it so often that you
get the benefits of this habit before you start moving on to
another habit. I mean, that's something
(14:41):
actually from your Instagram. I'm always looking with my, with
my mouth getting watery, lookingat all the fruit that you're
chopping. And you always have so such a
table of delicious foods. They're being prepared.
I'm all about the micronutrients, what can I say?
(15:03):
I'd say you've enough there to feed your whole neighborhood
though with this. I consume a ridiculous amount of
fruits and vegetables. Like I'm, I'm literally an
elephant, you know? But Jen, do you actually, it's
something I I often meant to to ask you when you chop that
fruit, do you freeze some of it or do you believe that it should
(15:25):
be consumed fresh? Oh, freezing is fantastic.
But typically when I have fruit,fresh fruit and vegetable, I
consume it immediately, even if I put it in a smoothie or
something like that. Because I think when you do the
freezing, I actually like preferto buy frozen fruits and
vegetables than to freeze them myself.
And that's because they're oftenpicked at the time of ultimate
(15:46):
ripeness and then they're frozenat that time.
And that preserves more of the nutrients overtime.
Whereas a lot of fruits and vegetables can sometimes lose
the nutritional quality decreases over time.
So if I purchase this fruit thatmaybe have been imported and
then I go through the freezing process myself, I find it's just
it's just a personal preference to then just buy the frozen
(16:07):
fruit, which I do have, especially for things like
smoothies and things like that, but it's not as aesthetically
pleasing for my videos. Yeah, yeah.
No, definitely. So nutrition then was a big part
of of the change. Do you think nutrition is an
important place to start for everyone or do you think it
depends on the person what habitthey should start with?
(16:29):
I think that there are really 4 pillars when you're looking at
regulating your nervous system coming out of dysregulation.
And the first pillar that everyone should always look at
is their foundations. And their foundations are always
made-up of sleep, hydration and nutrition.
So I think for everyone, if you don't have those pillars in
place that that is one of the most important places to start.
(16:52):
So I think that's important for everyone because it's on a
physiological and biological level.
If you don't have a good sleep routine, you you aren't feeding
and nourishing your body properly, you aren't getting
enough hydration, then you're going to find it really
difficult even if you on board the next level to move up that
hierarchy. So I think it's depending on
where you are. If you have those foundations
set, fabulous, move on. But if you don't, then I do
(17:15):
think that everyone should startthere.
OK. You mentioned 4 pillars and then
you said sleep, hydration, nutrition.
They're part of my foundation. One pillar is foundations.
I have 4 pillars and the foundations is like that,
physiological. So the sleep, nutrition,
hydration, and then I think connection itself is the second
(17:36):
pillar. And I think that comes a lot
from decreasing distractions andoverstimulation.
So you can give yourself the space to really feel into
yourself. And then there's the top down
approach through mindset and then changing your story and
identity. And there's a bottom up approach
which is supporting that throughyour physical practices, the
(17:56):
release of that tension and the release of those emotions that
are stored. So it seems a little complex,
but those 4 pillars would be thefoundations.
Like your physiological foundations, your connection to
self, an up down approach when you look at the mind to body and
the bottom up approach you look at the body to mind.
Not complicated at all. I know, I know, but I feel like
we often do still these very complex concepts and it's, it's
(18:23):
actually simple. It just seems like a lot.
But that's why we work through it progressively, slowly.
Exactly. And that's why you just focus on
one thing at a time. If it's the foundations, we
start with the nutrition and sleep, then we move up to
connection to self. Then we move up to how we
process our emotions through ourmind and our body.
Very good. And when it comes to then
(18:44):
starting with, sorry, what I wanted to say was the.
The. Nervous system.
Yes. So explained to us a little bit
more about that, how do you knowif your nervous system is
dysregulated or you know, isn't everybody's nervous system
dysregulated nowadays? Is these stressful lives?
I think unfortunately, yes, thatbaseline is there, which is why
(19:07):
I, I feel like my work is so important and I feel like people
who do mindset work, it's so important and people who share
yogic or meditation information,it's so important.
So I do think a lot of us are living in an unfortunately a
state of dysregulation. But what people kind of
misunderstand is they feel like being regulated means that you
should feel good all the time. But having a regulated nervous
(19:29):
system, what it means is that you can experience times of
hyperactivity or down regulationwhere you feel stressed or
things are overwhelming, but it's how you move between those
states. Our baseline should always be at
that balanced state. But if you find yourself always
being stressed, always being overstimulated, or always being
depressed and sad, that's when you're living in dysregulation.
(19:51):
You need to be able to move out of into those states as
situations require and then bring yourself back into
balance. And the pace at which we're able
to do that is really what dictates our regulation.
So if you get stuck in hyper vigilance, if you get stuck in
states of like low regulation where you're depressed and sad,
that's when you're living in a dysregulated state, when you're
(20:12):
baseline. Isn't feeling generally good,
but it's feeling generally bad for one reason or the other.
So how do we reset? We reset through the four
pillars, Yeah. So we reset by first identifying
what would be most significant to us.
For some people, that might be the narrative they have.
That might be mindset work, right?
(20:32):
That might be the top down approach for other people and
that's again, that's if your foundations are good.
So we should always start with our foundations because your
routines and your sleep and yourwell-being are the foundations
to regulate your body as a whole.
For other people, it may be thatthey're just so over stimulated
constantly. We're just so over distracted.
(20:52):
You know, you do dishes with theTV on, you're constantly on your
phone. There's never times of sitting
with yourself and that can be one of the most powerful ways to
slow down, to give yourself space and to regulate.
And I think that's just a huge issue just because of our
exposure to screens, our light stimulation, the nature of our
work and stress and everything like that.
(21:14):
So I think it can be very individual as to where you
should start. And it should either be what's
going to be most impactful for you, where you are right now, or
what's going to be easiest to onboard.
Because sometimes the biggest barrier is we try to climb the
mountain all at once. So if it's just easiest for you
to start with one level, start with that because it'll enable
(21:36):
you to move into the others moreeasily once you start to feel
better and build that momentum, if that makes sense.
It does. Yeah, I know, I know exactly.
For some people, it might be getting out in nature that just
helps them, or it could be sleeping gives them a little bit
more energy so that they can even contemplate making.
(21:56):
Yeah, absolutely. So it really is very individual
and I think that's why it's so important to look at your
particular circumstances. And that's why coaches can be so
helpful because they can help you identify where you kind of
go to 1st. Yeah, yeah.
And Jen, if you are somebody whomight be, what did you call
hyper vigilance in that, you know, very stressed out state
(22:20):
and then the other type of nervous system dysregulation, is
it possible that both can happento you or are you likely to be
in one or the other? It is definitely possible that
both can happen to you, but it typically happens that often
when you're in that hyper vigilance for so long, you can
drop down into that state because of just overwhelming
(22:41):
exhaustion. So typically you have a more
dominant state, but you can fluctuate between them.
But they're often causes for that.
Like often if you're in both, it's probably because one is
leading to the other and it's often that hyper vigilance that
leads to that down regulation. Or you can just have issues with
(23:01):
depression and dopamine and especially with over stimulation
with social media, our regulateddopamine levels can drop to a
point where our body doesn't produce enough regular dopamine
because we're so used to the constant stimulation.
And then when you don't get that, you're in a constant state
of down regulation. So it can be quite complicated,
but it's not as important as figuring out ways to come back
(23:26):
into balance because either state, if you find ways to calm
your system and to reconnect with your system, it'll bring
you back into balance. OK, so as you say it can be
quite complicated, but let's tryand simplify it.
OK. So in terms of so if there's
somebody listening who you know has the issue, if there's
(23:49):
somebody, I say it's probably everybody listening.
But as a social media addiction,let's say something like that,
you know, social media, we're busy at work.
The kids are constantly at us. We're in that state where it's
go, go, go, go, go. We've too much to do.
What's a quick way that we can improve that or help ourselves?
(24:16):
What kind of tips do you have or?
No, that's great. Well, I think from a habitual
standpoint, if you can drop someof that simulation, you know,
decreasing your screen time, just finding time to sit with
yourself, that's incredibly powerful.
But you can also do vagal toningexercises.
So things like just breathing deeply into your belly, doing
(24:38):
gentle eye movements that help to signal safety to the body can
be incredibly helpful. Things like meditation, guided
meditation, all of these are little tools that you can use
that'll help your body relax andcome back into a calm state in
the moment. So that's why a lot of people
talk about, you know, doing breath work where you do a very
long exhale, because even that in itself helps to calm the
(25:00):
system and signal safety. So those are great tools to use
in the moment, and they can helpyou at that time.
But overall, they're more like taking Advil when you have a
headache rather than being like treating the source of the
headache itself, right? So I think those tools are
incredibly valuable, and you should integrate them into your
(25:21):
life. But if the root cause is that
overstimulation and that constant go, then ideally what
you want to do is work on reducing that, you know, your
habits. Yeah.
So you mentioned something therethat I hadn't heard.
Before did you say eye? Movement.
Yes, so eye movement's actually a great way because I use the
optical, the ocular system to signal safety and so going
(25:46):
outside and simply scanning the horizon really slowly can help
calm the system. That's why people also sit
outside and watch clouds or stars or things like that.
One of my favorite yogic practices is actually the Figure
8 where you look at your thumb in front of you and about moving
your head, you just slowly follow your thumb in a large
(26:07):
Figure 8 around the body. And that creates signals of
safety. And it's often because when
we're in states of hyper vigilance, we become very
focused because our bodies trying to perceive threats and
danger and our vision becomes very narrow.
So using these broad eye movements and broad sweeping
movements, sitting and looking to your left for 30 seconds and
(26:29):
then switching to your right for30 seconds, you'll often I'm
gonna yawn. You'll often actually yawn
because it calms the vagus nerveand it signals safety.
So it's an alternative to breathwork.
They all do the same thing, manypaths up the mountain and this
is just another one of those tools.
Yeah, it's great. I'm I'm the type of person who
(26:49):
gets bored very easily. So habits for me, for years I
tried to create habits and failed.
And a lot of that was now I knowthat a lot of that was my
internal story and my mindset that that prevented me.
But also I learned. To.
Vary my habits, yes. So I use a lot of different
(27:14):
methods in order to get to the same goal.
It just gives me that little bitof baby dopamine that urges me
to keep going. I'm the same way, I use
different tools at different times.
There isn't always A1 size fits all, and that's why it's nice to
have a toolbox, because then youcan pull out a different tool as
you feel like you need it. Yeah, yeah.
(27:34):
OK. So that that was some great tips
there for being a hyper vigilance.
I have, you know, I've had a couple of clients over the years
that would come to a session, they'd create goals, but then
they are just frozen. They can't move forward.
They they keep trying to do it with their head.
(27:55):
They convince themselves they'regoing to do it, but they never
act. Yeah.
What can you say about those type of people or what tips do
you have? I think people.
I think that's such a great question.
I think that's a 2 fold answer. First of all, I think from your
perspective, again, when you're talking about the mindset, I
feel like sometimes we need to connect with our why in a real
(28:18):
meaningful way. And a lot of times we we do that
intellectually. I find visualization is super
helpful for that, but not from aI want this job, this car, this
house. But what that really should be
is what this feeling is. We want this house because we
want safety, we want stability, we want that family because we
(28:40):
want love and the ability to give our nurturing.
So I think connecting with that feeling is super helpful, but I
think also bringing yourself into a regulated state is also
why you can't move forward. So they have that story in their
mind and they can't get past that story, but it's because
moving forward feels unsafe in their body.
So creating that sense of safetyin the body where it's OK to
(29:02):
move forward, it's OK to mess up.
Often it can also be rooted in fears of failure, things because
of success, past experiences. So that's all stored in our
body. So bringing yourself to a place
where you can feel balanced in your body is incredibly helpful.
And I think doing a series of somatic movements or things like
that can also really help you move to those internal stuckness
(29:24):
feelings because they help you release those feelings of lack
of safety internally. So it helps you move forward
because the things that you're internalizing is fear and you're
holding into your body. Even though your mind may have
changed, you may still be holding on to those feelings
within your body. So being able to to reconnect
with the body and create that feeling of safety can often move
(29:46):
us through that feeling of stuckness.
OK, so I've, I've I've a lot of questions here as well in turn
in terms of the somatic. Yes.
So I've just signed up to your 4042 Day Somatic series.
It's a long 1, yes. I'm on day six and one of the
(30:09):
reasons that I did Jen is because I have a lot of tension
in my neck and shoulders, which has been there for a long time.
Yes, I've gone to chiropractors.I've, I get regular massage.
I have lots of lovely therapists, Craniosacral, you
know, lots of, of really good people that helped me to a
(30:32):
certain extent. But then the tension, I don't
know if it comes back or if it'sjust deep rooted there.
Now, as I've been doing your your exercises, there have been
moments where I've felt a release, a twitch or you know,
(30:52):
something is feels like it's moving inside.
So can you explain a bit more about that?
And also maybe just a little bitmore about somatic work and what
it's trying to achieve. Perfect.
So when we talk about somatic work, we're really just talking
about like that mind body connection.
(31:13):
We often think of ourselves as separate entities.
Our brain is just an organ just like our heart, just like our
liver and our nervous system connects it all together.
And we do tend to store these emotions internally.
So typically when you're talkingabout, you know, is it just
really deep rooted stress? First of all, it's so hard to
speak in absolutes, but it definitely can be.
(31:33):
And that can be a huge cause of this tension.
Even if we've done the mental work, we've moved through it, we
may not have actually processed it and released it physically,
which is why you might be feeling those twinges as you
kind of go through it. So I think one of the reasons
that, you know, I focus on things like a 42 day semantic
series is because you're lookingat how the body and the mind and
(31:55):
the nervous system rewire over time, how habits form and how
that neuroplasticity takes time to take to take root and to
release. So when you have experienced a
lot of stress or trauma and, or just really high emotional
States and you haven't had a chance to release them from your
body, then that's when we might feel that tension build up over
(32:16):
time because it's just so deeplyrooted.
And it's really difficult to intellectualize because it's not
something we're taught to think about or to even feel into.
So I think somatic work is so great.
And this can come in many different forms because it
allows you to reconnect with thebody to create feelings of
safety within the body. And this allows it to release
(32:38):
over time. It's a layered work and it's a
layered process, just like building a habit is.
Essentially, we want to allow our system to get to the point
of safety and release so it can actually move through those
emotions. There were a couple layers to
that question that you asked, soI'm not sure if I addressed them
properly. So just remind me, what else
were you asking there? No, I think you did.
(33:00):
I was saying about somatics in general and then sorting my
shoulders out. What's the second part of it?
No. And it's it's, it's it's
something that was really difficult for me to come on
board with when I first started doing these practices like
Kundalini yoga. And that's another reason why I
(33:21):
looked so much into the science of it, because I could feel
changes in my system. But because we are such an
intellectualized society, I couldn't understand or allow
myself to fully release them without looking into the science
behind it. And that's when I started
looking into like what the nervous system does.
Why does our body actually hold tension?
(33:42):
Like these are patterns that ourour body remembers and we hold
onto. And if we don't work through
those patterns, then we stay stuck in them and they kind of
build on top of each other. And that's when we feel those
physical manifestations. But it was very difficult for me
at first to do these practices because things like kundalini
can be framed very, very spiritually.
(34:03):
And my mom's a biologist and I'ma very scientific person.
So I had a hard time coming to terms with it without finding
the scientific backing to it andthese studies on like
neuroplasticity and and elementsof that.
OK, so do you still practice kundalini yoga?
I do. I don't practice it as
(34:25):
consistently as I used to when Iwas moving through this time
when I had so many emotions to process.
I practice kundalini yoga probably five times a week, and
it's a long practice. The standard kundalini class is
an hour and a half long, and it can be very challenging because
it's a series of poses with quite extreme breath work and
times of meditation. And you can get very frustrated
(34:47):
and you can become very angry because all these things are
coming up for you that you maybenot have processed.
I remember actually bursting outinto tears and a kundalini class
was very embarrassing. I'm sure they'd seen it before.
Yeah, they had. My teacher came over and
started, like pulling things outof my aura.
And again, I was like, Oh my God, this is so ridiculous.
(35:07):
But you know, then you come on board with it because.
Yeah. Does it works?
Yeah. It works.
So now I probably practice a full class once a week, but I do
much shorter practices. So I will do like a meditation
or a movement from kundalini forthree to 11 minutes.
So I'll do like breath of Fire, which is a very, which is like a
(35:29):
pumping of the stomach with a very intense breath, which
actually helps us move through alot of anger because I was
holding a lot of anger and resentment and I it can
sometimes still come back. So I will do individual
movements or elements of practice from that.
There's lots of movements in my 42 day Somatic series that are
drawn from Kundalini yoga, but they're done in a much more
(35:52):
soothing way because kundalini is a very aggressive form of
emotional processing. And I feel like with the somatic
series, I want it to be a slow release over time, but I will
offer like Kundalini classes to I've done like corporate classes
and things like this for people who are ready or wanting that
kind of change. But it's, it's, it's a, it's
(36:15):
probably the more aggressive form, most aggressive form of
view you can do. No, I love that about your
series. Is this.
It's short, you know, and very doable for somebody.
Just 10 minutes each day you cancommit to, rather than a 90
minute yoga class. It's probably a bit extreme for
most people. Yeah.
(36:35):
And it's about that habitual embodiment, right?
Because we talk about that needing that connection to self.
And it's just that consistency over time, which allows you to
kind of build it over time and also have that connection on a
more consistent basis, which will help rewire your system.
Yeah, yeah. Do you find in your experience
that there are different areas holding different emotions?
(36:59):
Absolutely. And this has actually been a
very difficult thing for me to process because I can't find too
much science on it. And that always irks me.
But it's true that we tend to hold different emotions in our
hips, in our neck and shoulders.Stress often accumulates there,
which is why a lot of us feel that tension and we tense up.
(37:20):
It's also a physical reaction wedo when we're stressed and then
it becomes habitual. And then we also tend a lot of
trauma and grief in our hips. So that's another reason why in
my series, I wanted to work through the different areas of
the body so you can slowly focuson it and release any emotion
that you may be holding over time.
Yeah, very good, very good. You mentioned earlier, Jen,
(37:43):
vagal toning. You're talking about breath
work. For vagal toning in Ireland,
cold water swimming has become, you know, the the most popular
hobby since COVID. I think that's really good for
vagal toning. Is that right?
Or does it depend on who you areand what type of a nervous
(38:03):
system you have? It completely depends.
So when we talk about vagal toning, really what we're just
talking about, again, these, youknow, somatics, vagal toning,
they can be very buzzy words. But it's because again, as
humans, we love to intellectualize.
And so it creates a system for us to understand.
So our vagus nerve runs from thebase of our skull all the way
down through to our to our lowerabdomen.
(38:25):
And it connects our major organs, our gut, our heart, and
it helps to regulate your nervous system.
So that's when you're in a sympathetic state.
So you're in that fight, light, freeze, fawn, overwhelm.
You know, you're in that hyper hyperactivity as well.
That's where you're in a sympathetic nervous system.
And the parasympathetic nervous system is when you're in that
calm state of rest and digest. And the vagus nerve regulates
(38:48):
how we move through between those two systems.
So when people talk about vagal toning, they essentially just
mean stimulating the vagus nerveto move you out of, you know,
that sympathetic nervous system into that parasympathetic.
But there are many ways to do that.
Cold water therapy can be great if it's appropriate for you.
You'll see a lot of practitioners also speaking
(39:10):
about how it can be a really intense way of doing that
though. So if you find yourself really
in a state of chronic stress, itcan be a bit much for you,
right? And you might feel good at
first, but you might actually like over stimulate your system
again. So some people it's fantastic.
Personally, I just don't like cold water.
I just, I don't like it. I'm not, I don't enjoy, so it's
(39:33):
not a path for me. But everything that we talk
about in terms of breath work, in terms of somatics, in terms
of just doing some deep breathing, in terms of doing eye
exercises, all of these are vagal toning exercises.
So it you don't have to choose one or the other.
You know, if that works for you,fabulous, do it.
(39:54):
If it's not your jam, you don't have to do it.
That's completely fine. There's there's again many paths
up the mountain, many roads to Rome.
So you don't have to do one or the other if it's not ideal for
you. And I think possibly that is one
of the things that confuses people.
Yeah. There are so many paths and
which one to take because when something becomes popular, you
(40:18):
know, people can feel like, oh, I should be, you know, plunging
myself in ice, all right, because it's fashionable.
But also it's that confusing bit, you know, how can we
simplify it enough just for somebody to take that first step
or to take that next action? Have you any advice there?
(40:39):
I think we just need to frame how we look at this in a
different way. If you don't like pizza, you
don't eat pizza, you know? So if you try pizza and you
don't like it, don't force yourself to eat it, right?
So if you see a breath work or if you see people drive jumping
into icy water, by all means, you know, give yourself the
(41:00):
opportunity to try things, but then also give yourself enough
self compassion and acceptance to realize that not all things
are meant for you and not all things are right for you.
You know, fashion comes and goes.
It doesn't mean that we all should be walking around in crop
tops, you know, if you don't like it, you know.
So I think framing it in that way and giving yourself enough
compassion to realize that some things just aren't for me and
(41:22):
that's OK. And having a curiosity about it.
And again, that helps you connect more to yourself when
you realize this is for me and this isn't for me.
Yeah. So trying a little bit more to
get in touch with your intuitionand trusting that, yeah, it's OK
not to like what everybody else is doing.
Just absolutely. Crying even look and see is the
(41:43):
one thing that doesn't seem so difficult or overwhelming that I
could possibly take a step into exploring more.
Exactly. And then once you have that, you
can build from there. Absolutely.
So you talk about many forms of rest.
So it's not just enough to lie down on the sofa and watch
Netflix? No.
(42:06):
What are the types of REST are there so?
When I talk about rest, I also think that rest has two
purposes, right? First, it's that state of
relaxation we talk about, but more so, it's also about
recharging us. Sometimes we can feel
unfulfilled or stressed or anxious, not because we're doing
too much of something, but because we're doing too little
of something that fills us up and gives us purpose.
(42:28):
So when I look at the different types of rest, you know, if
you're feeling stuck or like youcan't move forward, often
creative rest is great. And that's finding inspiration
without an obligation to produce.
And so are some people. That's an art gallery for some
people, that's being out in nature.
It's something that inspires youwithout requiring something from
(42:49):
you. So creative rest is fantastic
for that. We also need emotional rest
because some people are always in emotional output mode where
they're always caring for others.
They're always on boarding otherpeople's emotions and they're
not getting the opportunity to actually process those emotions,
which allows them to fill up their own emotional cup.
So that can be, you know, talking to a friend, doing
(43:11):
therapy, journaling, but those kind of emotional rest gives us
that emotional space we need to to to become who we are.
Then there's also things like spiritual rest.
We as humans have an innate interconnectivity to each other
and the world around us. We often separate ourselves from
that. But that's how people feel so
good when they go for a lovely little walk in nature, right?
(43:33):
Because we are nature. And in our modern society, the
separation is over. Intellectualization makes it
difficult for us to feel that interconnectedness, and people
can find that in many ways. People find it through religion,
through prayer, through spiritual activities, through
ritual, through meditation. But having that ability to feel
(43:55):
interconnected and to feel a oneness even when we're on our
own fills you up in a way and gives you balance and safety in
a way that no other type of restor activity can.
So is the creative rest, spiritual rest, emotional rest.
We obviously have our physical rest, which we know is, you
know, sleeping. But then.
We understand. Yeah, there's also active and
(44:18):
passive physical rest where you need like, stretch and gentle
releases to also like reconnect with your body, which people
don't always talk about. So I think incorporating all
these different elements is really important if you want to
just feel that element of wholeness.
And some people may just be missing one or the other, right?
You may have activities like social rest is also super
(44:40):
important if you're in a For me,being in my job is very socially
demanding. I dealt.
I was the person who managed conflict in the office, who
mediated it, who was, you know, in constant social output.
You're leading meetings, you're doing things like that.
And then if you have a demandingsocial group, that can also be
very strenuous. So you need.
(45:00):
And social rest isn't about isolation.
Social rest is actually about reconnecting with people who
make you feel safe and heard. And that's so important.
Looking for anything from you. Yes, exactly.
People who you can just be yourself with because we are
social animals and social connection is important.
One of the ways that we develop as children is through Co
(45:22):
regulation where we actually sync up with our caregivers and
feel their emotions. And that's how we learn to self
regulate as well. So Co regulation and being
around people who help you feel regulated because they're
regulated can, can actually helpa lot in terms of rebalancing
and feeling the safety and feeling validated, all those
(45:43):
things that can help you feel full.
So all these elements of your life create your whole life.
And I think we sometimes can focus on one or the other and we
separate from the other, not realizing that we're these whole
beautiful, complex beings and weneed all of these elements to
really help us feel balanced andfulfilled and more at ease in
(46:05):
our life. That's a very good point as
well. The people we surround ourselves
from, we're picking up from their nervous system.
You know, I'm a heart math coachas well, which tells us that,
you know, the heart rate variability can be felt a meter,
3 meters, I think it was said outside of our bodies.
(46:25):
So we're actually picking up somebody's vibe and whether
they're in a regulated state. So it is a good idea to maybe
audit who you're spending time with so that you can see how
they're impacting you. And is it your own problems or
are you carrying theirs with youas well?
But you said something there, Jen, as well, that I thought was
(46:47):
really cool, which is finding creative inspiration without the
need to create. Yes.
So I would be very guilty of that.
Always in create mode. What next?
What do I need to do? And that's something that I'll
definitely be thinking about. Just that, you know, as you
said, the gallery or things thatdo inspire and that fill me up,
(47:10):
but without that obligation. It's so important and I think
when you're in a space of creation, when you're a coach as
well, when you're constantly looking at that output, it's so
easy to be stuck in that need tocreate.
I feel as well as a creator likewe're supposed to be posting
every day or everything like this.
You feel that need to create andthat obligation to create.
(47:32):
But it comes so much more easilywhen we can be inspired and it
allows us to step into more of that flow state with our our
natural creativity, I think, which is just so beautiful.
When you have bad days, low moments, what's your first go to
habit or practice that you do totry and reset yourself?
(47:55):
The first thing I do is is a is a is a is a is self compassion
is so is a practice of self compassion.
So the last thing I would ever want to do is push that emotion
away, put it in a box and be like, well, I just have to move
on with my life. If I'm feeling upset or
(48:15):
frustrated or disappointed, the first thing I do is go internal
to that emotion, to accept it, to thank it, to find out why I'm
feeling that emotion. All of our emotions are
typically trying to tell us something, right?
We're angry because of boundaries being crossed.
We're frustrated because we're unable to move forward and we
(48:36):
feel stuck or we have the desireto get to something and we're
not able to get there. So the first thing I do is
practice that self compassion. And it often involves me doing a
mixture of like a bottom up and top down approach where I sit
with myself and I let myself feel and connect with what I'm
feeling. And then I write it out in a
journal because that helps me toprocess the signals I'm getting
(49:00):
from my body and to intellectualize them and then
see the narrative that may be leading me there.
And then what? Once I've kind of gone through
that state of processing, I might just be exhausted and
overwhelmed by it. So I'll give myself that
compassion. If what I need to do is curl up
in a ball and cover myself with a weighted blanket, I'll do
that. If what I need is to release the
(49:20):
energy, I'll go for a walk or maybe do a workout or something
like that. But I think understanding the
emotion, connecting with the emotion, feeling it fully and
accepting it is always the most important step for me because
it's through that. I can move through it and I may
(49:41):
not move through it immediately.It may be something that I just
need to sit with and I just needto let myself feel or let myself
cry. And that's completely fine.
That's the most important thing.And I think that's how I'm able
to move through them is through that process of of acceptance
and understanding. And I think that's probably
(50:02):
where in the past you went for adrink or had a cigarette or.
Exactly. Exactly.
Phone and that's people's typical response to emotions
that we don't like we. Yeah, and I think one of the
issues is the accessibility of our phones.
When I'm going through those hard times, I'll even catch
(50:24):
myself now I get like a tinge and I will pick up my phone and
open Instagram. And it is absolutely insane.
And it's because I'm again, seeking that quick feeling of
goodness and distraction, that dopamine hit, that stepping
away. It allows me to move away from
that emotion rather than sittingwith it, which can be
uncomfortable. But you're exactly right.
(50:44):
That's exactly what my main issue was before is I wasn't
able to feel in process. And now I do have to work on
separating myself from these distractions that we we have
that kind of feed that negativity.
What about Jen, people who have extreme emotion, maybe trauma,
you know how that's not always easy and accessible to sit with
(51:07):
the negative emotion? So do you have advice for people
who may be in that state? That's a very difficult one
because I think it also depends on the extent of the trauma, the
type of the trauma, right? If you're dealing with physical
abuse issues, sometimes moving into the body can be incredibly
difficult. If it's more of a mental abuse
situation, it can be difficult to process that.
(51:30):
So I think finding safe ways to reconnect that are small.
I think therapy is incredibly beneficial for everyone.
So if you feel like you have extreme trauma, then I think you
need help in order to move through that in a Safeway.
If you're dealing with just kindof an emotional trauma that may
(51:52):
not be as extreme as that as that abuse that we can think of,
then finding small ways to reconnect with yourself that
feel safe that don't necessarilydirectly address it.
That's why I like things like thematic practice, because
you're not actually thinking of the feeling.
You don't have to identify it orwhat it is in order to just sit
(52:12):
with yourself and move through it.
It can also be easier than sitting in stillness because
what you're actually focusing onis the movement or the breath,
but it's still allows you to create those signals of safety
internally. And that's why I think for me,
things like kundalini were fabulous because I was able to
(52:33):
address those issues indirectly without having the focus be on
them, but still get those internal signals of safety, if
that makes sense. Yeah.
So it's no harm if somebody doesn't know whether it's safe
for them to start a practice like this is really to maybe
have a session with the professional and they can advise
(52:55):
them if they feel, yeah, it's it's it's safe to continue with
some even meditation. Absolutely.
Triggering for some people. Absolutely.
Jen, what does high vibration mean to you?
Living in high vibration. That's such a great point, or
such a great question. Rather, I think for me, living
(53:16):
in high vibration means living in alignment and living in
alignment means living with the state of who you are and
accepting who you are and being able to feel good in that state.
So it doesn't mean you have to be, you know, the most
successful or anything like this, But leaving in a high
vibration state is just being able to feel good with your own
(53:39):
self and with your own presence because you're doing things that
are aligned with who you are, what your values are, what your
morals are. And that to me is a high
vibration state. It's not feeling good all the
time necessarily, but it's it's feeling aligned with yourself
and with your soul. And sometimes we do things that
(53:59):
aren't in alignment and that's what lowers our vibration.
So for me, my bosses would ask me to do some things that I
didn't feel were morally correctand I would get resentful and
angry about that and it would lower my vibration.
When I do things like I, I love animals, I go out and I feed the
strays every day, it raises my vibration because it's more an
alignment of who I am and what Iwant, what my values are.
(54:22):
So I think having that connection to self so you can
truly understand who you are andwhat you want, how you want to
feel is so important because that is what your vibration is
for you. Yeah, and it's true.
We can't be in high vibration all of the time, but if we allow
ourselves those moments and you know, sometimes they're there to
(54:45):
inform us to work through them, but it's that acceptance of self
that that helps us shift back into a more positive state and
more quickly. Absolutely.
And I do think that practices like visualization are so
helpful for that because they can tell you how you want to
feel. And really what it all is, is
it's about how we want to feel. It's not even about the actions
(55:07):
that we take. It's I want to feel love, I want
to feel safety, I want to feel stability.
I want to feel acceptance and then finding those ways or that
actions make you feel that way. Beautiful, beautiful.
What's bringing you joy right now?
This is so ridiculous, but my cats bring me so much joy.
(55:31):
It's so silly to say and it sounds so, so trivial, but my
ability to, to care for them, tonurture them, my ability to
there's, I live, I'm in Morocco right now, so there's a lot of
stray animals. And it can give you kind of
compassion and fatigue because you see so much suffering not
just from the strays, but from domesticated animals and things
(55:52):
like that, like the work donkeysand so on.
But it brings me joy that everyday I'm able to go out and
help them. It helps me overcome feelings of
hopelessness because right now Ican feel very overwhelmed by the
state of the world. You know, we have such a large
input of things going on with wars and just political views
(56:18):
and move towards moving towards fascism and racism.
And it can be overwhelming. And the way that I overcome
those feelings of hopelessness is by doing little acts of
kindness. And those little things are what
what, what bring me joy right now.
It's not even like big things. It's, it really is just being
able to help in some way, makingmy little donations, which
(56:41):
aren't big, but being able to goout and help the animals and,
and do things like that. That that's, that's where I find
solitude from the hopelessness and, and I mean solitude where I
find solace and things like that.
Yeah, no, it's fabulous advice and I think it is about, you
know, bringing it back to the present moment again.
Yes. That's the only thing I can
(57:02):
control. You know, when we get those
feelings of, of hopelessness or not being able to help all of
these people who are suffering, you know, it can.
Some people think it's selfish to bring it back to yourself,
but I think we have to come backto controlling what we can
control, helping where we can help, as you say, in little our
(57:22):
little way. And one of my mantras or
affirmations is I have everything I need for today.
And it is just. Trying to, you know, deal with
what we need to deal with and bring our thoughts back in.
And I think it can feel like what we do is not enough, but we
(57:44):
are one person in the in the cogof life.
And I think that if everybody just did 1 little thing, it
would make a big difference. So that's try how I try and look
at my 1 little thing. I don't remember where this
story came from, if I heard it when I was a child, but there
was, you know, a girl walking down the beach, you know,
throwing starfish back into the ocean.
There was thousands and hundredsof starfish on the beach.
(58:06):
And, and someone asked her like,why are you doing that?
Like there's so many starfish, you can't possibly save them
all. It won't make any difference.
And she said, well, it makes a difference to that starfish.
And I feel like that's just a great approach to have, you
know? Yeah.
Power of 1. Exactly all.
We can do. Jen, thank you so much for
sharing your wisdom. We will share your links below.
(58:31):
Is there anything final you would like to share or let
people know about? No, I just wanted to thank you
so much for having me. I've really enjoyed our
discussion. I know I hope it was clear and
understandable. And I just really appreciate
your insights and the content you share and the work that you
(58:51):
do too. And I just really appreciate you
having me on, so thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Jen. I hope you got great benefit
from today's chat and remember that you don't have to do
everything that you heard about today.
If Jen's words resonated, do check out her courses.
Links are below in the show notes and make sure you're
(59:13):
following her on Instagram. Her reels are really deep in
information and also very entertaining.
Now please make sure you're following the High Vibration
Reset podcast on wherever you get your podcasts, Spotify,
Apple and share it with your friends and neighbors.
(59:33):
Don't keep it all to yourself and if you're enjoying it and it
is making some kind of a difference in your life, I'd
really appreciate a five star rating.
Also, remember, if your company are looking for a motivational
speaker or there is interest in leadership training, reach out
and have a beautiful inner day. Thank you for listening.
Welcome to The High Vibration Reset, the podcast for women
ready to step into their next level of success without
burnout, overthinking, or ever feeling undervalued.
I'm your host, Kira Conlon, and for the past 18 years, I've been
helping women take full ownership of their growth, their
(00:20):
voice, their work, and their leadership, not just to succeed
personally, but to create real impact in their communities,
workplaces, and in the world. In today's episode, I'm joined
by Jen Marara. Now, Jen is a guide and coach
whose mission is to help women feel more at ease in their
(00:44):
bodies, but also feel more aligned in their lives.
And she does this through nervous system regulation,
emotional well-being and stress management.
Her work has a lovely blend of both science and spirituality,
and she draws from many practices like kundalini yoga,
(01:06):
meditation and somatics. And in doing this, she's able to
offer really practical tools that support and can create
lasting change. So before getting into this
work, Jen spent many years working in a corporate
environment, but unfortunately, her corporate success led to
(01:30):
severe burnout and serious health issues.
And it was this that sparked a personal transformation and a
deep interest in understanding the science of stress and the
nervous system and emotional health.
So what began as her personal healing journey evolved into a
new mission to help other women to shift out of that survival
(01:55):
mode, to reconnect with their bodies and to build a way of
living that supports longer termwell-being.
So in my chat with Jen, she shared her knowledge in a very
grounded and compassionate way. And it's always great to hear.
It's encouraging to hear this kind of story of transformation
(02:18):
and what's really possible, no matter how bad your stress is,
no matter how bad the burnout, that it can be turned around.
So we spoke about nervous systemregulation, but she explains
some of the buzzwords, things that we're hearing a lot about,
like vagal toning, and also why some of these or some of the
(02:41):
kind of fashionable trends that we are seeing everywhere like
cold water, sea swimming, the ice bath plunges, why these
aren't the best solution for. Everyone, so a lot of you will
be relieved. To know that this conversation
goes deep, but it's very accessible and Jen simplified a
(03:03):
lot of the things that are quiteconfusing when we hear about
stress management and nervous system regulation.
So one really important thing that came out of the
conversation was the recognitionthat we don't have to change
everything all at. Once.
Each conversation that I'm bringing you in the High
(03:24):
Vibration Reset is an opportunity for you to choose to
choose what you see yourself moving forward with.
It's about you getting in touch with your intuition and
following what that next step isfor you.
I was actually asked recently doI not worry about promoting all
(03:45):
these other wonderful coaches, practitioners and guides on the
podcast and my answer was not atall.
As Jen mentioned in this podcastthat there are many paths up the
mountain and I honestly believe that the right guide shows up
for us all at the right time. So don't get overwhelmed
(04:06):
listening to all these amazing people and just decide which
voice is currently speaking to your soul.
Start small and do check out Jen's offerings in the show
notes after listening because ifyou're suffering from stress.
Or. Feel like you're close to
(04:28):
Burnout? She does have some good courses
on offer. So this show is being broadcast
in the middle of 2025. So I am giving you a reminder
that there is still time to reach your goals this year
regardless of when you're listening.
The best time to start is of course always today.
(04:49):
And to help you with that, the Life Flow Planner store has 25%
off in its mid year sale. Now the Life Flow Planner is a
90 day goal setting tool that gives you a complete strategy
for setting and achieving your goals.
And the planner is not only a practical tool that has
transformed many of my clients lives.
(05:12):
But it is. Also very beautifully designed
by Fiona O'Reilly and on the dotin Donegal.
So make sure you get your planner at 25% off today.
Now, this month, every planner purchase gets a free gift of
adaptogenic coffee from London Nootropics.
(05:33):
So let's get into today's conversation.
So welcome, Jen, I am so delighted to have you here on my
podcast. Finally.
I've been following you for sometime and getting so much benefit
from your Instagram account, which I will add in the show
(05:53):
notes, but at the internal Cosmos, if anybody there can't
wait. She has such great content.
But anyway, Jen. Thank you.
And. Can you start by just telling us
a? Little bit more about how you
got into the work that you do. Absolutely.
So for me, I've always worked incorporate and my idea of success
(06:17):
and my validation was so closelylinked to productivity and
success at work. So IA couple years ago, I found
myself kind of burning out and Ireally started to struggle
emotionally with just managing everything in my life.
And it came to a tipping point where I just couldn't live my
life that way anymore. I was angry, I was frustrated, I
(06:39):
wasn't sleeping, I had terrible coping mechanisms where I was
drinking too much and smoking too much just to try to get
through them. And when I reached that tipping
point, I realized I just, I justcouldn't live my life that way
anymore. And that's when I started to
look into ways to manage my emotions, process my stress.
(06:59):
I got into Kundalini yoga and eventually teaching different
types of mindset and self help. And that for me, really changed
my experience of life and how I felt about myself and how I felt
about the external validation that I was getting and how I
could change that. And because of how it's changed
(07:19):
my life over the past five yearsand I'm just so passionate about
it, I wanted to make sure that Icould I could share that with
other people who may find themselves in a similar
situation. And I think that's so common in
our in our modern world, in our modern society.
Absolutely. Yeah.
There's a lot in there I want tounpack, but did you know what
(07:40):
was happening to you? So you mentioned burnout.
Did you have the concept of whatburnout was or?
Absolutely not. I actually had, I got physically
sick, I, I had a growth in my abdomen that was like the size
of a pair and then within a couple of weeks the size of a
(08:00):
mango. And that to me, and I went
through all of this, you know, the CT scans, the ultrasounds,
and I actually got misdiagnosed with ovarian cancer.
But that's what they told me it was.
And I got rushed into surgery. And it was at that point where I
realized everything I'd been doing was the reason that this
(08:24):
was happening to me, that my body was just at the point of
absolute shutdown and it couldn't cope.
And I did need the surgery. It was a growing tumor.
It just fortunately did not end up being malignant.
And so for me, that's when everything was like, why is this
happening? And I knew that the drinking and
the smoking and the late nights weren't good and the stress
(08:46):
wasn't good. But it's when I started looking
into it in more detail that I realized this is actually what's
been happening to me. This is why I can't cope.
This is why my body's shutting down.
This is why my immune system, mydigestion, and all of these
things are just culminating intothis, this physical breakdown.
So that was really a point of enlightenment for me.
I literally just stopped smokingovernight.
(09:08):
I was just like. Uncle John, I thought that,
well, the the moment was so darkthat it it pushed you into
change, I suppose. Absolutely.
We hear a lot about that with people that, you know, sometimes
it's easier to change when you've no choice.
Well, let's suppose you did havea choice, but what was the first
(09:32):
thing that you did, Jen? So how did you start to make
this? Other than quit smoking, What
should you do next? So the first thing I actually
did was I started meditation while I was going through this
diagnosis process and while I was going through the lead up to
surgery. And that's because I mentally
(09:52):
couldn't cope. I was so young, I was in my
early 30s. So it was just a lot to process
and handle. And given the fatality rate of
that diagnosis and the quick growth of the tumor, it was so
overwhelming that I needed some way to process my emotions, and
I couldn't work out because I was in so much physical pain.
So I replaced my exercise classes with meditation classes,
(10:16):
and that started my ability to manage my emotions as I was
going through this process. And then afterwards, the first
thing I did was start to look atmy foundations and my habits.
You know, what I was eating, what I was, how I was sleeping,
what I was feeding myself, the drinking, the smoking.
And that's when the meditation also led me to Kundalini yoga,
(10:39):
which is a much more embodied practice.
And that for me was kind of the progression.
But initially it started becauseI literally couldn't deal with
the overwhelm and I didn't know how to process it.
And so that meditation really helped me kind of get to that
stage where I understood more. OK.
So talk to me a little bit more about that.
So you said this about it allowed you to manage your
(11:02):
emotions? Yeah, so can you.
Explain a bit more. I think what tends to happen is
we tend to compartmentalize and dissociate when we're feeling
that overwhelm and stress and wehave unhealthy coping
mechanisms. And So what that meditation
allowed me to do is allowed me to connect with myself and
understand where this overwhelm was coming up from.
(11:24):
I mean, obviously I was dealing with extenuating circumstances,
but it allowed me to find a peace and calm within myself
that I allowed me to be able to reconnect and realize all of the
things that were going on internally and all the things
that I've been shutting down andpushing down and, and quieting
with all these unhealthy coping mechanisms.
(11:45):
So it wasn't just the overwhelm of the moment or the fear that
you were going through with the diagnosis, you started to become
aware of other emotions. Absolutely.
And the root of the anger that I've been carrying and not
releasing, right. The resentment that I had been
developing through my lack of self-care and through the lack
of boundaries, especially with work and things like that.
(12:08):
It allowed me to realize all of these elements of broadly turned
self-care that I, I wasn't takencare of through my lack of
awareness, my lack of self connection, and allowed me to
process that and to kind of start to forgive myself for it
and start to move through it so I could come out on the other
side. OK, amazing.
And at that moment then or at that time you started, you said
(12:32):
you started to create better habits.
Yes. And how did you go about that?
Because a lot of people listening, you know, know that
they need better habits, want todo that, but find it difficult
or overwhelming as well to create new habits.
So did you have a way that you did it that made it manageable?
I did. I did it very slowly.
(12:55):
I think a lot of the times when we know there's so much we need
to change, we have this need to kind of try and change
everything all at once. And that in itself can be
overwhelming and shut down the process.
And for me, what I find most helpful is providing myself with
a kind of proof for everything that I'm doing.
So I started with the foundations of, you know, like
(13:16):
sleep and what I ate. I, I stopped eating meat because
of inflammatory aspects. And you know, the, the, the link
to cancer and things like this. And I just started focusing on
more whole fruits and vegetables.
And I found a lot of proof by reading a lot of papers,
watching a lot of documentaries,following a lot of people who
are really focused on this area of health and well-being.
(13:37):
And I would do things like in order to reinforce the positive
habits. If I was eating like berries, I
would look up health benefits ofberries, right?
And it would give me this positive reinforcement that what
I'm doing is the right thing. Very good.
And I think that for me, that kind of positive reinforcement
was built momentum. It built validation in my
choices and it made it easier tokeep going.
(13:58):
And I would do that with everything.
If I went to a workout class, I would look up the benefits of
this workout. I would look up the benefits of
this types of through the benefits of, you know, and
feeding myself that constant validation enabled me to
maintain the momentum that I hadkind of started through that
habit. But again, I did it very slowly.
I just focused on the food and Iwould look up everything about
(14:19):
the food, everything about the inflammation, everything about
the nutrients, and just consistently give myself that
positive reinforcement. Yeah.
That's brilliant that I find that as well with my clients.
It's that, you know, start smalland, and do it so often that you
get the benefits of this habit before you start moving on to
another habit. I mean, that's something
(14:41):
actually from your Instagram. I'm always looking with my, with
my mouth getting watery, lookingat all the fruit that you're
chopping. And you always have so such a
table of delicious foods. They're being prepared.
I'm all about the micronutrients, what can I say?
(15:03):
I'd say you've enough there to feed your whole neighborhood
though with this. I consume a ridiculous amount of
fruits and vegetables. Like I'm, I'm literally an
elephant, you know? But Jen, do you actually, it's
something I I often meant to to ask you when you chop that
fruit, do you freeze some of it or do you believe that it should
(15:25):
be consumed fresh? Oh, freezing is fantastic.
But typically when I have fruit,fresh fruit and vegetable, I
consume it immediately, even if I put it in a smoothie or
something like that. Because I think when you do the
freezing, I actually like preferto buy frozen fruits and
vegetables than to freeze them myself.
And that's because they're oftenpicked at the time of ultimate
(15:46):
ripeness and then they're frozenat that time.
And that preserves more of the nutrients overtime.
Whereas a lot of fruits and vegetables can sometimes lose
the nutritional quality decreases over time.
So if I purchase this fruit thatmaybe have been imported and
then I go through the freezing process myself, I find it's just
it's just a personal preference to then just buy the frozen
(16:07):
fruit, which I do have, especially for things like
smoothies and things like that, but it's not as aesthetically
pleasing for my videos. Yeah, yeah.
No, definitely. So nutrition then was a big part
of of the change. Do you think nutrition is an
important place to start for everyone or do you think it
depends on the person what habitthey should start with?
(16:29):
I think that there are really 4 pillars when you're looking at
regulating your nervous system coming out of dysregulation.
And the first pillar that everyone should always look at
is their foundations. And their foundations are always
made-up of sleep, hydration and nutrition.
So I think for everyone, if you don't have those pillars in
place that that is one of the most important places to start.
(16:52):
So I think that's important for everyone because it's on a
physiological and biological level.
If you don't have a good sleep routine, you you aren't feeding
and nourishing your body properly, you aren't getting
enough hydration, then you're going to find it really
difficult even if you on board the next level to move up that
hierarchy. So I think it's depending on
where you are. If you have those foundations
set, fabulous, move on. But if you don't, then I do
(17:15):
think that everyone should startthere.
OK. You mentioned 4 pillars and then
you said sleep, hydration, nutrition.
They're part of my foundation. One pillar is foundations.
I have 4 pillars and the foundations is like that,
physiological. So the sleep, nutrition,
hydration, and then I think connection itself is the second
(17:36):
pillar. And I think that comes a lot
from decreasing distractions andoverstimulation.
So you can give yourself the space to really feel into
yourself. And then there's the top down
approach through mindset and then changing your story and
identity. And there's a bottom up approach
which is supporting that throughyour physical practices, the
(17:56):
release of that tension and the release of those emotions that
are stored. So it seems a little complex,
but those 4 pillars would be thefoundations.
Like your physiological foundations, your connection to
self, an up down approach when you look at the mind to body and
the bottom up approach you look at the body to mind.
Not complicated at all. I know, I know, but I feel like
we often do still these very complex concepts and it's, it's
(18:23):
actually simple. It just seems like a lot.
But that's why we work through it progressively, slowly.
Exactly. And that's why you just focus on
one thing at a time. If it's the foundations, we
start with the nutrition and sleep, then we move up to
connection to self. Then we move up to how we
process our emotions through ourmind and our body.
Very good. And when it comes to then
(18:44):
starting with, sorry, what I wanted to say was the.
The. Nervous system.
Yes. So explained to us a little bit
more about that, how do you knowif your nervous system is
dysregulated or you know, isn't everybody's nervous system
dysregulated nowadays? Is these stressful lives?
I think unfortunately, yes, thatbaseline is there, which is why
(19:07):
I, I feel like my work is so important and I feel like people
who do mindset work, it's so important and people who share
yogic or meditation information,it's so important.
So I do think a lot of us are living in an unfortunately a
state of dysregulation. But what people kind of
misunderstand is they feel like being regulated means that you
should feel good all the time. But having a regulated nervous
(19:29):
system, what it means is that you can experience times of
hyperactivity or down regulationwhere you feel stressed or
things are overwhelming, but it's how you move between those
states. Our baseline should always be at
that balanced state. But if you find yourself always
being stressed, always being overstimulated, or always being
depressed and sad, that's when you're living in dysregulation.
(19:51):
You need to be able to move out of into those states as
situations require and then bring yourself back into
balance. And the pace at which we're able
to do that is really what dictates our regulation.
So if you get stuck in hyper vigilance, if you get stuck in
states of like low regulation where you're depressed and sad,
that's when you're living in a dysregulated state, when you're
(20:12):
baseline. Isn't feeling generally good,
but it's feeling generally bad for one reason or the other.
So how do we reset? We reset through the four
pillars, Yeah. So we reset by first identifying
what would be most significant to us.
For some people, that might be the narrative they have.
That might be mindset work, right?
(20:32):
That might be the top down approach for other people and
that's again, that's if your foundations are good.
So we should always start with our foundations because your
routines and your sleep and yourwell-being are the foundations
to regulate your body as a whole.
For other people, it may be thatthey're just so over stimulated
constantly. We're just so over distracted.
(20:52):
You know, you do dishes with theTV on, you're constantly on your
phone. There's never times of sitting
with yourself and that can be one of the most powerful ways to
slow down, to give yourself space and to regulate.
And I think that's just a huge issue just because of our
exposure to screens, our light stimulation, the nature of our
work and stress and everything like that.
(21:14):
So I think it can be very individual as to where you
should start. And it should either be what's
going to be most impactful for you, where you are right now, or
what's going to be easiest to onboard.
Because sometimes the biggest barrier is we try to climb the
mountain all at once. So if it's just easiest for you
to start with one level, start with that because it'll enable
(21:36):
you to move into the others moreeasily once you start to feel
better and build that momentum, if that makes sense.
It does. Yeah, I know, I know exactly.
For some people, it might be getting out in nature that just
helps them, or it could be sleeping gives them a little bit
more energy so that they can even contemplate making.
(21:56):
Yeah, absolutely. So it really is very individual
and I think that's why it's so important to look at your
particular circumstances. And that's why coaches can be so
helpful because they can help you identify where you kind of
go to 1st. Yeah, yeah.
And Jen, if you are somebody whomight be, what did you call
hyper vigilance in that, you know, very stressed out state
(22:20):
and then the other type of nervous system dysregulation, is
it possible that both can happento you or are you likely to be
in one or the other? It is definitely possible that
both can happen to you, but it typically happens that often
when you're in that hyper vigilance for so long, you can
drop down into that state because of just overwhelming
(22:41):
exhaustion. So typically you have a more
dominant state, but you can fluctuate between them.
But they're often causes for that.
Like often if you're in both, it's probably because one is
leading to the other and it's often that hyper vigilance that
leads to that down regulation. Or you can just have issues with
(23:01):
depression and dopamine and especially with over stimulation
with social media, our regulateddopamine levels can drop to a
point where our body doesn't produce enough regular dopamine
because we're so used to the constant stimulation.
And then when you don't get that, you're in a constant state
of down regulation. So it can be quite complicated,
but it's not as important as figuring out ways to come back
(23:26):
into balance because either state, if you find ways to calm
your system and to reconnect with your system, it'll bring
you back into balance. OK, so as you say it can be
quite complicated, but let's tryand simplify it.
OK. So in terms of so if there's
somebody listening who you know has the issue, if there's
(23:49):
somebody, I say it's probably everybody listening.
But as a social media addiction,let's say something like that,
you know, social media, we're busy at work.
The kids are constantly at us. We're in that state where it's
go, go, go, go, go. We've too much to do.
What's a quick way that we can improve that or help ourselves?
(24:16):
What kind of tips do you have or?
No, that's great. Well, I think from a habitual
standpoint, if you can drop someof that simulation, you know,
decreasing your screen time, just finding time to sit with
yourself, that's incredibly powerful.
But you can also do vagal toningexercises.
So things like just breathing deeply into your belly, doing
(24:38):
gentle eye movements that help to signal safety to the body can
be incredibly helpful. Things like meditation, guided
meditation, all of these are little tools that you can use
that'll help your body relax andcome back into a calm state in
the moment. So that's why a lot of people
talk about, you know, doing breath work where you do a very
long exhale, because even that in itself helps to calm the
(25:00):
system and signal safety. So those are great tools to use
in the moment, and they can helpyou at that time.
But overall, they're more like taking Advil when you have a
headache rather than being like treating the source of the
headache itself, right? So I think those tools are
incredibly valuable, and you should integrate them into your
(25:21):
life. But if the root cause is that
overstimulation and that constant go, then ideally what
you want to do is work on reducing that, you know, your
habits. Yeah.
So you mentioned something therethat I hadn't heard.
Before did you say eye? Movement.
Yes, so eye movement's actually a great way because I use the
optical, the ocular system to signal safety and so going
(25:46):
outside and simply scanning the horizon really slowly can help
calm the system. That's why people also sit
outside and watch clouds or stars or things like that.
One of my favorite yogic practices is actually the Figure
8 where you look at your thumb in front of you and about moving
your head, you just slowly follow your thumb in a large
(26:07):
Figure 8 around the body. And that creates signals of
safety. And it's often because when
we're in states of hyper vigilance, we become very
focused because our bodies trying to perceive threats and
danger and our vision becomes very narrow.
So using these broad eye movements and broad sweeping
movements, sitting and looking to your left for 30 seconds and
(26:29):
then switching to your right for30 seconds, you'll often I'm
gonna yawn. You'll often actually yawn
because it calms the vagus nerveand it signals safety.
So it's an alternative to breathwork.
They all do the same thing, manypaths up the mountain and this
is just another one of those tools.
Yeah, it's great. I'm I'm the type of person who
(26:49):
gets bored very easily. So habits for me, for years I
tried to create habits and failed.
And a lot of that was now I knowthat a lot of that was my
internal story and my mindset that that prevented me.
But also I learned. To.
Vary my habits, yes. So I use a lot of different
(27:14):
methods in order to get to the same goal.
It just gives me that little bitof baby dopamine that urges me
to keep going. I'm the same way, I use
different tools at different times.
There isn't always A1 size fits all, and that's why it's nice to
have a toolbox, because then youcan pull out a different tool as
you feel like you need it. Yeah, yeah.
(27:34):
OK. So that that was some great tips
there for being a hyper vigilance.
I have, you know, I've had a couple of clients over the years
that would come to a session, they'd create goals, but then
they are just frozen. They can't move forward.
They they keep trying to do it with their head.
(27:55):
They convince themselves they'regoing to do it, but they never
act. Yeah.
What can you say about those type of people or what tips do
you have? I think people.
I think that's such a great question.
I think that's a 2 fold answer. First of all, I think from your
perspective, again, when you're talking about the mindset, I
feel like sometimes we need to connect with our why in a real
(28:18):
meaningful way. And a lot of times we we do that
intellectually. I find visualization is super
helpful for that, but not from aI want this job, this car, this
house. But what that really should be
is what this feeling is. We want this house because we
want safety, we want stability, we want that family because we
(28:40):
want love and the ability to give our nurturing.
So I think connecting with that feeling is super helpful, but I
think also bringing yourself into a regulated state is also
why you can't move forward. So they have that story in their
mind and they can't get past that story, but it's because
moving forward feels unsafe in their body.
So creating that sense of safetyin the body where it's OK to
(29:02):
move forward, it's OK to mess up.
Often it can also be rooted in fears of failure, things because
of success, past experiences. So that's all stored in our
body. So bringing yourself to a place
where you can feel balanced in your body is incredibly helpful.
And I think doing a series of somatic movements or things like
that can also really help you move to those internal stuckness
(29:24):
feelings because they help you release those feelings of lack
of safety internally. So it helps you move forward
because the things that you're internalizing is fear and you're
holding into your body. Even though your mind may have
changed, you may still be holding on to those feelings
within your body. So being able to to reconnect
with the body and create that feeling of safety can often move
(29:46):
us through that feeling of stuckness.
OK, so I've, I've I've a lot of questions here as well in turn
in terms of the somatic. Yes.
So I've just signed up to your 4042 Day Somatic series.
It's a long 1, yes. I'm on day six and one of the
(30:09):
reasons that I did Jen is because I have a lot of tension
in my neck and shoulders, which has been there for a long time.
Yes, I've gone to chiropractors.I've, I get regular massage.
I have lots of lovely therapists, Craniosacral, you
know, lots of, of really good people that helped me to a
(30:32):
certain extent. But then the tension, I don't
know if it comes back or if it'sjust deep rooted there.
Now, as I've been doing your your exercises, there have been
moments where I've felt a release, a twitch or you know,
(30:52):
something is feels like it's moving inside.
So can you explain a bit more about that?
And also maybe just a little bitmore about somatic work and what
it's trying to achieve. Perfect.
So when we talk about somatic work, we're really just talking
about like that mind body connection.
(31:13):
We often think of ourselves as separate entities.
Our brain is just an organ just like our heart, just like our
liver and our nervous system connects it all together.
And we do tend to store these emotions internally.
So typically when you're talkingabout, you know, is it just
really deep rooted stress? First of all, it's so hard to
speak in absolutes, but it definitely can be.
(31:33):
And that can be a huge cause of this tension.
Even if we've done the mental work, we've moved through it, we
may not have actually processed it and released it physically,
which is why you might be feeling those twinges as you
kind of go through it. So I think one of the reasons
that, you know, I focus on things like a 42 day semantic
series is because you're lookingat how the body and the mind and
(31:55):
the nervous system rewire over time, how habits form and how
that neuroplasticity takes time to take to take root and to
release. So when you have experienced a
lot of stress or trauma and, or just really high emotional
States and you haven't had a chance to release them from your
body, then that's when we might feel that tension build up over
(32:16):
time because it's just so deeplyrooted.
And it's really difficult to intellectualize because it's not
something we're taught to think about or to even feel into.
So I think somatic work is so great.
And this can come in many different forms because it
allows you to reconnect with thebody to create feelings of
safety within the body. And this allows it to release
(32:38):
over time. It's a layered work and it's a
layered process, just like building a habit is.
Essentially, we want to allow our system to get to the point
of safety and release so it can actually move through those
emotions. There were a couple layers to
that question that you asked, soI'm not sure if I addressed them
properly. So just remind me, what else
were you asking there? No, I think you did.
(33:00):
I was saying about somatics in general and then sorting my
shoulders out. What's the second part of it?
No. And it's it's, it's it's
something that was really difficult for me to come on
board with when I first started doing these practices like
Kundalini yoga. And that's another reason why I
(33:21):
looked so much into the science of it, because I could feel
changes in my system. But because we are such an
intellectualized society, I couldn't understand or allow
myself to fully release them without looking into the science
behind it. And that's when I started
looking into like what the nervous system does.
Why does our body actually hold tension?
(33:42):
Like these are patterns that ourour body remembers and we hold
onto. And if we don't work through
those patterns, then we stay stuck in them and they kind of
build on top of each other. And that's when we feel those
physical manifestations. But it was very difficult for me
at first to do these practices because things like kundalini
can be framed very, very spiritually.
(34:03):
And my mom's a biologist and I'ma very scientific person.
So I had a hard time coming to terms with it without finding
the scientific backing to it andthese studies on like
neuroplasticity and and elementsof that.
OK, so do you still practice kundalini yoga?
I do. I don't practice it as
(34:25):
consistently as I used to when Iwas moving through this time
when I had so many emotions to process.
I practice kundalini yoga probably five times a week, and
it's a long practice. The standard kundalini class is
an hour and a half long, and it can be very challenging because
it's a series of poses with quite extreme breath work and
times of meditation. And you can get very frustrated
(34:47):
and you can become very angry because all these things are
coming up for you that you maybenot have processed.
I remember actually bursting outinto tears and a kundalini class
was very embarrassing. I'm sure they'd seen it before.
Yeah, they had. My teacher came over and
started, like pulling things outof my aura.
And again, I was like, Oh my God, this is so ridiculous.
(35:07):
But you know, then you come on board with it because.
Yeah. Does it works?
Yeah. It works.
So now I probably practice a full class once a week, but I do
much shorter practices. So I will do like a meditation
or a movement from kundalini forthree to 11 minutes.
So I'll do like breath of Fire, which is a very, which is like a
(35:29):
pumping of the stomach with a very intense breath, which
actually helps us move through alot of anger because I was
holding a lot of anger and resentment and I it can
sometimes still come back. So I will do individual
movements or elements of practice from that.
There's lots of movements in my 42 day Somatic series that are
drawn from Kundalini yoga, but they're done in a much more
(35:52):
soothing way because kundalini is a very aggressive form of
emotional processing. And I feel like with the somatic
series, I want it to be a slow release over time, but I will
offer like Kundalini classes to I've done like corporate classes
and things like this for people who are ready or wanting that
kind of change. But it's, it's, it's a, it's
(36:15):
probably the more aggressive form, most aggressive form of
view you can do. No, I love that about your
series. Is this.
It's short, you know, and very doable for somebody.
Just 10 minutes each day you cancommit to, rather than a 90
minute yoga class. It's probably a bit extreme for
most people. Yeah.
(36:35):
And it's about that habitual embodiment, right?
Because we talk about that needing that connection to self.
And it's just that consistency over time, which allows you to
kind of build it over time and also have that connection on a
more consistent basis, which will help rewire your system.
Yeah, yeah. Do you find in your experience
that there are different areas holding different emotions?
(36:59):
Absolutely. And this has actually been a
very difficult thing for me to process because I can't find too
much science on it. And that always irks me.
But it's true that we tend to hold different emotions in our
hips, in our neck and shoulders.Stress often accumulates there,
which is why a lot of us feel that tension and we tense up.
(37:20):
It's also a physical reaction wedo when we're stressed and then
it becomes habitual. And then we also tend a lot of
trauma and grief in our hips. So that's another reason why in
my series, I wanted to work through the different areas of
the body so you can slowly focuson it and release any emotion
that you may be holding over time.
Yeah, very good, very good. You mentioned earlier, Jen,
(37:43):
vagal toning. You're talking about breath
work. For vagal toning in Ireland,
cold water swimming has become, you know, the the most popular
hobby since COVID. I think that's really good for
vagal toning. Is that right?
Or does it depend on who you areand what type of a nervous
(38:03):
system you have? It completely depends.
So when we talk about vagal toning, really what we're just
talking about, again, these, youknow, somatics, vagal toning,
they can be very buzzy words. But it's because again, as
humans, we love to intellectualize.
And so it creates a system for us to understand.
So our vagus nerve runs from thebase of our skull all the way
down through to our to our lowerabdomen.
(38:25):
And it connects our major organs, our gut, our heart, and
it helps to regulate your nervous system.
So that's when you're in a sympathetic state.
So you're in that fight, light, freeze, fawn, overwhelm.
You know, you're in that hyper hyperactivity as well.
That's where you're in a sympathetic nervous system.
And the parasympathetic nervous system is when you're in that
calm state of rest and digest. And the vagus nerve regulates
(38:48):
how we move through between those two systems.
So when people talk about vagal toning, they essentially just
mean stimulating the vagus nerveto move you out of, you know,
that sympathetic nervous system into that parasympathetic.
But there are many ways to do that.
Cold water therapy can be great if it's appropriate for you.
You'll see a lot of practitioners also speaking
(39:10):
about how it can be a really intense way of doing that
though. So if you find yourself really
in a state of chronic stress, itcan be a bit much for you,
right? And you might feel good at
first, but you might actually like over stimulate your system
again. So some people it's fantastic.
Personally, I just don't like cold water.
I just, I don't like it. I'm not, I don't enjoy, so it's
(39:33):
not a path for me. But everything that we talk
about in terms of breath work, in terms of somatics, in terms
of just doing some deep breathing, in terms of doing eye
exercises, all of these are vagal toning exercises.
So it you don't have to choose one or the other.
You know, if that works for you,fabulous, do it.
(39:54):
If it's not your jam, you don't have to do it.
That's completely fine. There's there's again many paths
up the mountain, many roads to Rome.
So you don't have to do one or the other if it's not ideal for
you. And I think possibly that is one
of the things that confuses people.
Yeah. There are so many paths and
which one to take because when something becomes popular, you
(40:18):
know, people can feel like, oh, I should be, you know, plunging
myself in ice, all right, because it's fashionable.
But also it's that confusing bit, you know, how can we
simplify it enough just for somebody to take that first step
or to take that next action? Have you any advice there?
(40:39):
I think we just need to frame how we look at this in a
different way. If you don't like pizza, you
don't eat pizza, you know? So if you try pizza and you
don't like it, don't force yourself to eat it, right?
So if you see a breath work or if you see people drive jumping
into icy water, by all means, you know, give yourself the
(41:00):
opportunity to try things, but then also give yourself enough
self compassion and acceptance to realize that not all things
are meant for you and not all things are right for you.
You know, fashion comes and goes.
It doesn't mean that we all should be walking around in crop
tops, you know, if you don't like it, you know.
So I think framing it in that way and giving yourself enough
compassion to realize that some things just aren't for me and
(41:22):
that's OK. And having a curiosity about it.
And again, that helps you connect more to yourself when
you realize this is for me and this isn't for me.
Yeah. So trying a little bit more to
get in touch with your intuitionand trusting that, yeah, it's OK
not to like what everybody else is doing.
Just absolutely. Crying even look and see is the
(41:43):
one thing that doesn't seem so difficult or overwhelming that I
could possibly take a step into exploring more.
Exactly. And then once you have that, you
can build from there. Absolutely.
So you talk about many forms of rest.
So it's not just enough to lie down on the sofa and watch
Netflix? No.
(42:06):
What are the types of REST are there so?
When I talk about rest, I also think that rest has two
purposes, right? First, it's that state of
relaxation we talk about, but more so, it's also about
recharging us. Sometimes we can feel
unfulfilled or stressed or anxious, not because we're doing
too much of something, but because we're doing too little
of something that fills us up and gives us purpose.
(42:28):
So when I look at the different types of rest, you know, if
you're feeling stuck or like youcan't move forward, often
creative rest is great. And that's finding inspiration
without an obligation to produce.
And so are some people. That's an art gallery for some
people, that's being out in nature.
It's something that inspires youwithout requiring something from
(42:49):
you. So creative rest is fantastic
for that. We also need emotional rest
because some people are always in emotional output mode where
they're always caring for others.
They're always on boarding otherpeople's emotions and they're
not getting the opportunity to actually process those emotions,
which allows them to fill up their own emotional cup.
So that can be, you know, talking to a friend, doing
(43:11):
therapy, journaling, but those kind of emotional rest gives us
that emotional space we need to to to become who we are.
Then there's also things like spiritual rest.
We as humans have an innate interconnectivity to each other
and the world around us. We often separate ourselves from
that. But that's how people feel so
good when they go for a lovely little walk in nature, right?
(43:33):
Because we are nature. And in our modern society, the
separation is over. Intellectualization makes it
difficult for us to feel that interconnectedness, and people
can find that in many ways. People find it through religion,
through prayer, through spiritual activities, through
ritual, through meditation. But having that ability to feel
(43:55):
interconnected and to feel a oneness even when we're on our
own fills you up in a way and gives you balance and safety in
a way that no other type of restor activity can.
So is the creative rest, spiritual rest, emotional rest.
We obviously have our physical rest, which we know is, you
know, sleeping. But then.
We understand. Yeah, there's also active and
(44:18):
passive physical rest where you need like, stretch and gentle
releases to also like reconnect with your body, which people
don't always talk about. So I think incorporating all
these different elements is really important if you want to
just feel that element of wholeness.
And some people may just be missing one or the other, right?
You may have activities like social rest is also super
(44:40):
important if you're in a For me,being in my job is very socially
demanding. I dealt.
I was the person who managed conflict in the office, who
mediated it, who was, you know, in constant social output.
You're leading meetings, you're doing things like that.
And then if you have a demandingsocial group, that can also be
very strenuous. So you need.
(45:00):
And social rest isn't about isolation.
Social rest is actually about reconnecting with people who
make you feel safe and heard. And that's so important.
Looking for anything from you. Yes, exactly.
People who you can just be yourself with because we are
social animals and social connection is important.
One of the ways that we develop as children is through Co
(45:22):
regulation where we actually sync up with our caregivers and
feel their emotions. And that's how we learn to self
regulate as well. So Co regulation and being
around people who help you feel regulated because they're
regulated can, can actually helpa lot in terms of rebalancing
and feeling the safety and feeling validated, all those
(45:43):
things that can help you feel full.
So all these elements of your life create your whole life.
And I think we sometimes can focus on one or the other and we
separate from the other, not realizing that we're these whole
beautiful, complex beings and weneed all of these elements to
really help us feel balanced andfulfilled and more at ease in
(46:05):
our life. That's a very good point as
well. The people we surround ourselves
from, we're picking up from their nervous system.
You know, I'm a heart math coachas well, which tells us that,
you know, the heart rate variability can be felt a meter,
3 meters, I think it was said outside of our bodies.
(46:25):
So we're actually picking up somebody's vibe and whether
they're in a regulated state. So it is a good idea to maybe
audit who you're spending time with so that you can see how
they're impacting you. And is it your own problems or
are you carrying theirs with youas well?
But you said something there, Jen, as well, that I thought was
(46:47):
really cool, which is finding creative inspiration without the
need to create. Yes.
So I would be very guilty of that.
Always in create mode. What next?
What do I need to do? And that's something that I'll
definitely be thinking about. Just that, you know, as you
said, the gallery or things thatdo inspire and that fill me up,
(47:10):
but without that obligation. It's so important and I think
when you're in a space of creation, when you're a coach as
well, when you're constantly looking at that output, it's so
easy to be stuck in that need tocreate.
I feel as well as a creator likewe're supposed to be posting
every day or everything like this.
You feel that need to create andthat obligation to create.
(47:32):
But it comes so much more easilywhen we can be inspired and it
allows us to step into more of that flow state with our our
natural creativity, I think, which is just so beautiful.
When you have bad days, low moments, what's your first go to
habit or practice that you do totry and reset yourself?
(47:55):
The first thing I do is is a is a is a is a is self compassion
is so is a practice of self compassion.
So the last thing I would ever want to do is push that emotion
away, put it in a box and be like, well, I just have to move
on with my life. If I'm feeling upset or
(48:15):
frustrated or disappointed, the first thing I do is go internal
to that emotion, to accept it, to thank it, to find out why I'm
feeling that emotion. All of our emotions are
typically trying to tell us something, right?
We're angry because of boundaries being crossed.
We're frustrated because we're unable to move forward and we
(48:36):
feel stuck or we have the desireto get to something and we're
not able to get there. So the first thing I do is
practice that self compassion. And it often involves me doing a
mixture of like a bottom up and top down approach where I sit
with myself and I let myself feel and connect with what I'm
feeling. And then I write it out in a
journal because that helps me toprocess the signals I'm getting
(49:00):
from my body and to intellectualize them and then
see the narrative that may be leading me there.
And then what? Once I've kind of gone through
that state of processing, I might just be exhausted and
overwhelmed by it. So I'll give myself that
compassion. If what I need to do is curl up
in a ball and cover myself with a weighted blanket, I'll do
that. If what I need is to release the
(49:20):
energy, I'll go for a walk or maybe do a workout or something
like that. But I think understanding the
emotion, connecting with the emotion, feeling it fully and
accepting it is always the most important step for me because
it's through that. I can move through it and I may
(49:41):
not move through it immediately.It may be something that I just
need to sit with and I just needto let myself feel or let myself
cry. And that's completely fine.
That's the most important thing.And I think that's how I'm able
to move through them is through that process of of acceptance
and understanding. And I think that's probably
(50:02):
where in the past you went for adrink or had a cigarette or.
Exactly. Exactly.
Phone and that's people's typical response to emotions
that we don't like we. Yeah, and I think one of the
issues is the accessibility of our phones.
When I'm going through those hard times, I'll even catch
(50:24):
myself now I get like a tinge and I will pick up my phone and
open Instagram. And it is absolutely insane.
And it's because I'm again, seeking that quick feeling of
goodness and distraction, that dopamine hit, that stepping
away. It allows me to move away from
that emotion rather than sittingwith it, which can be
uncomfortable. But you're exactly right.
(50:44):
That's exactly what my main issue was before is I wasn't
able to feel in process. And now I do have to work on
separating myself from these distractions that we we have
that kind of feed that negativity.
What about Jen, people who have extreme emotion, maybe trauma,
you know how that's not always easy and accessible to sit with
(51:07):
the negative emotion? So do you have advice for people
who may be in that state? That's a very difficult one
because I think it also depends on the extent of the trauma, the
type of the trauma, right? If you're dealing with physical
abuse issues, sometimes moving into the body can be incredibly
difficult. If it's more of a mental abuse
situation, it can be difficult to process that.
(51:30):
So I think finding safe ways to reconnect that are small.
I think therapy is incredibly beneficial for everyone.
So if you feel like you have extreme trauma, then I think you
need help in order to move through that in a Safeway.
If you're dealing with just kindof an emotional trauma that may
(51:52):
not be as extreme as that as that abuse that we can think of,
then finding small ways to reconnect with yourself that
feel safe that don't necessarilydirectly address it.
That's why I like things like thematic practice, because
you're not actually thinking of the feeling.
You don't have to identify it orwhat it is in order to just sit
(52:12):
with yourself and move through it.
It can also be easier than sitting in stillness because
what you're actually focusing onis the movement or the breath,
but it's still allows you to create those signals of safety
internally. And that's why I think for me,
things like kundalini were fabulous because I was able to
(52:33):
address those issues indirectly without having the focus be on
them, but still get those internal signals of safety, if
that makes sense. Yeah.
So it's no harm if somebody doesn't know whether it's safe
for them to start a practice like this is really to maybe
have a session with the professional and they can advise
(52:55):
them if they feel, yeah, it's it's it's safe to continue with
some even meditation. Absolutely.
Triggering for some people. Absolutely.
Jen, what does high vibration mean to you?
Living in high vibration. That's such a great point, or
such a great question. Rather, I think for me, living
(53:16):
in high vibration means living in alignment and living in
alignment means living with the state of who you are and
accepting who you are and being able to feel good in that state.
So it doesn't mean you have to be, you know, the most
successful or anything like this, But leaving in a high
vibration state is just being able to feel good with your own
(53:39):
self and with your own presence because you're doing things that
are aligned with who you are, what your values are, what your
morals are. And that to me is a high
vibration state. It's not feeling good all the
time necessarily, but it's it's feeling aligned with yourself
and with your soul. And sometimes we do things that
(53:59):
aren't in alignment and that's what lowers our vibration.
So for me, my bosses would ask me to do some things that I
didn't feel were morally correctand I would get resentful and
angry about that and it would lower my vibration.
When I do things like I, I love animals, I go out and I feed the
strays every day, it raises my vibration because it's more an
alignment of who I am and what Iwant, what my values are.
(54:22):
So I think having that connection to self so you can
truly understand who you are andwhat you want, how you want to
feel is so important because that is what your vibration is
for you. Yeah, and it's true.
We can't be in high vibration all of the time, but if we allow
ourselves those moments and you know, sometimes they're there to
(54:45):
inform us to work through them, but it's that acceptance of self
that that helps us shift back into a more positive state and
more quickly. Absolutely.
And I do think that practices like visualization are so
helpful for that because they can tell you how you want to
feel. And really what it all is, is
it's about how we want to feel. It's not even about the actions
(55:07):
that we take. It's I want to feel love, I want
to feel safety, I want to feel stability.
I want to feel acceptance and then finding those ways or that
actions make you feel that way. Beautiful, beautiful.
What's bringing you joy right now?
This is so ridiculous, but my cats bring me so much joy.
(55:31):
It's so silly to say and it sounds so, so trivial, but my
ability to, to care for them, tonurture them, my ability to
there's, I live, I'm in Morocco right now, so there's a lot of
stray animals. And it can give you kind of
compassion and fatigue because you see so much suffering not
just from the strays, but from domesticated animals and things
(55:52):
like that, like the work donkeysand so on.
But it brings me joy that everyday I'm able to go out and
help them. It helps me overcome feelings of
hopelessness because right now Ican feel very overwhelmed by the
state of the world. You know, we have such a large
input of things going on with wars and just political views
(56:18):
and move towards moving towards fascism and racism.
And it can be overwhelming. And the way that I overcome
those feelings of hopelessness is by doing little acts of
kindness. And those little things are what
what, what bring me joy right now.
It's not even like big things. It's, it really is just being
able to help in some way, makingmy little donations, which
(56:41):
aren't big, but being able to goout and help the animals and,
and do things like that. That that's, that's where I find
solitude from the hopelessness and, and I mean solitude where I
find solace and things like that.
Yeah, no, it's fabulous advice and I think it is about, you
know, bringing it back to the present moment again.
Yes. That's the only thing I can
(57:02):
control. You know, when we get those
feelings of, of hopelessness or not being able to help all of
these people who are suffering, you know, it can.
Some people think it's selfish to bring it back to yourself,
but I think we have to come backto controlling what we can
control, helping where we can help, as you say, in little our
(57:22):
little way. And one of my mantras or
affirmations is I have everything I need for today.
And it is just. Trying to, you know, deal with
what we need to deal with and bring our thoughts back in.
And I think it can feel like what we do is not enough, but we
(57:44):
are one person in the in the cogof life.
And I think that if everybody just did 1 little thing, it
would make a big difference. So that's try how I try and look
at my 1 little thing. I don't remember where this
story came from, if I heard it when I was a child, but there
was, you know, a girl walking down the beach, you know,
throwing starfish back into the ocean.
There was thousands and hundredsof starfish on the beach.
(58:06):
And, and someone asked her like,why are you doing that?
Like there's so many starfish, you can't possibly save them
all. It won't make any difference.
And she said, well, it makes a difference to that starfish.
And I feel like that's just a great approach to have, you
know? Yeah.
Power of 1. Exactly all.
We can do. Jen, thank you so much for
sharing your wisdom. We will share your links below.
(58:31):
Is there anything final you would like to share or let
people know about? No, I just wanted to thank you
so much for having me. I've really enjoyed our
discussion. I know I hope it was clear and
understandable. And I just really appreciate
your insights and the content you share and the work that you
(58:51):
do too. And I just really appreciate you
having me on, so thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Jen. I hope you got great benefit
from today's chat and remember that you don't have to do
everything that you heard about today.
If Jen's words resonated, do check out her courses.
Links are below in the show notes and make sure you're
(59:13):
following her on Instagram. Her reels are really deep in
information and also very entertaining.
Now please make sure you're following the High Vibration
Reset podcast on wherever you get your podcasts, Spotify,
Apple and share it with your friends and neighbors.
(59:33):
Don't keep it all to yourself and if you're enjoying it and it
is making some kind of a difference in your life, I'd
really appreciate a five star rating.
Also, remember, if your company are looking for a motivational
speaker or there is interest in leadership training, reach out
and have a beautiful inner day. Thank you for listening.
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