Episode Transcript
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Welcome to the muscles andmindset revolution.
The podcast for busy, ambitiouswomen who are tired of chasing
quick fixes and are ready tofinally achieve real lasting
results.
Strong bodies, sustainablehabits, and longterm weight
loss.
I'm your host Anne Jonescertified life coach and fitness
professional for over 15 yearshere to help you break free from
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inconsistency, overwhelm, andburnout.
Build strength, feel confident,AF, and lose weight without
obsessing or stressing overweight loss.
No BS.
Just simple, sustainablestrategies.
Hello, everyone.
Welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Anne.
I'm so excited that you're heretoday.
Have you ever felt likeconfidence is reserved for
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certain people?
You know, maybe those who arenaturally outgoing or can fit
into a specific body size orweight range?
If so, this episode is a hundredpercent for you.
Today, we're diving into whyconfidence isn't about your size
or your personality.
It is a skill anyone candevelop.
So today I'm going to share whyfake it till you make it is not
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the answer to build inconfidence.
How positive self-talk ties intosustainable self-care and why
setting unrealistic lofty goalscan actually hold you back.
But first I'm thrilled to tellyou that we were running our
loving discipline challengeagain, this year.
And it is coming up soon.
It's beginning on February 10th.
This free challenge is designedto help you to create habits and
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routines that stick.
Realistic sustainable ones.
So we've got fun prizes, like ahundred dollars gift cards,
beauty giveaways, and even aone-on-one breakthrough coaching
session with me.
So stay tuned for more details.
At the end of the episode,you'll be able to add yourself
to the waitlist.
So the reason that I'm talkingabout confidence today is
because of a recent experience Ihad.
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So last week I was in Las Vegasfor a mastermind with other
female health coaches in myfield.
And while packing, I made areel, showing me trying on my
cute outfits for the trip andthe text over the reel said
point of view, you're packingfor a quick trip to Vegas,
feeling confident AF, and notlike you have to lose a quick
five to 10 pounds.
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And someone on Facebookcommented.
Yeah.
You're, you're confident becauseyou're freaking beautiful.
But what about those of us inbigger bodies?
First of all, I want to say.
Thank you to that person fortheir kindness.
This is a valid and importantconversation, So I want to kind
of unpack this a little bit.
So the reel actually wasn'tabout confidence being tied to
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beauty.
It was about consistency andfitness and nutrition, creating
freedom from body worries.
Right.
I wasn't thinking about my sizeor shape, I was focused on the
trip...
And that's the result ofconsistency over time of playing
the long game of getting to aneutral Headspace about your
body, that you're not pickingyourself apart and worrying
about it all the time.
Like trying on clothes is prettyneutral, to be honest.
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And I actually love this.
Because it really highlights amisconception, right.
That shape or size equalsconfidence.
And that is absolutely not thecase.
And so today we're going to bustsome of those myths about
confidence.
Myth number one, confidencecomes from being a certain size.
So one of the most commonbeliefs is; hear this all the
time.
Yeah, I just need to lose 10pounds or fit into this smaller
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size and then I'll feelconfident like then I'll be
okay.
People even say to me like, thenI'll be happier.
And I totally understand thisline of thinking.
But.
To be honest.
I know this to be true.
I know you're not gonna believeme, but I've been in this
industry for a long time.
confidence does not come fromhow your body looks.
It comes from how you feel aboutyourself and how you show up for
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yourself daily.
I totally got it.
Society reinforces the idea thata smaller body equals more
confidence, but as a coach, as afitness professional, I've
worked with women of all agesshapes and sizes.
And I have seen it firsthandconfidence doesn't automatically
come with weight loss because Ihave had clients who have had
transformations in their body.
And if they haven't done themindset work, then they still
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feel the same as when they werein a bigger body.
I have also had clients havevery subtle physical progress
or, or even no physicalprogress.
You know, in a short amount oftime, but they work on their
mindset to the point that itdoesn't matter anymore.
The skill is actually they learnto be confident in the body that
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they're in and then they stillmove forward.
In fact, then it's easier tomove forward on your fitness and
health goals because it's comingfrom a place of acceptance and
love versus fear and shamebecause fear and shame are very
short term motivators.
So, if you don't shift yourmindset, hitting her goal will
not make you feel confident.
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Like, if you do this, have youever looked back at old photos
of yourself?
And thought, wow, I really wishI had appreciated myself back
then.
That is proof that theconfidence is internal, not
external because you, you know,Perhaps, you're looking back at
those old photos when you didn'tappreciate yourself and that
body, you know, aestheticallyyou're like, that's amazing, but
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you didn't have that feeling ofconfidence in it.
I remember.
One of my clients a couple ofyears ago, we were having a body
image conversation.
And she said, she read recentlythat, some quote from Megan Fox
about feeling insecure in herbody.
Like Megan Fox is insecure inher body.
And she was like, I was shocked.
And I was like, I'm not shockedat all.
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That makes perfect sense to mebecause.
Megan Fox is like people arecritiquing and criticizing and
looking at her all the time.
So it's so easy for her to fallinto that comparison trap.
And that's all a mindset game.
Megan Fox aesthetically has adesirable body from a visual
perspective to many, manypeople.
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And yet she's in that bodyfeeling insecure because
everyone's talking about it andeveryone's critiquing and
criticizing, and she's comingfrom a place of like, I have to
look a certain way, which isjust evidence that it is not
about the aesthetic.
It's all about the mind.
Myth number two, confidence issomething that you're born with.
This is another myth is thatconfidence is a natural trait
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that some people just have.
But the truth is that confidenceis a skill.
It is built through practicehabits and intentional thought
patterns.
It is a state of mind.
When I was in university, even,growing up in my career, I
thought that I would feelconfident, once I got fit enough
or once I was making a certainamount of money, but what I
learned and what I see with myclients is that confidence
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actually doesn't come fromachieving the perfect body.
It comes from buildingself-trust forgiving yourself
for your mistakes and aligningyour actions with your goals.
I love Brene brown describesself-trust beautifully in Atlas
of the heart.
If you haven't read Atlas of theheart, that's right here on my
bookshelf.
I think it should be in schools,to be honest with you.
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It's literally.
Education around what emotionsare from a very, it's like a
dictionary or encyclopedia foremotions.
And confidence is actually notan emotion, but I would say that
the one that is closest, theemotion that is closest to
confidence is self-trust.
So Brene brown describesself-trust beautifully in Atlas
of the heart.
She says, self-trust is thefirst casualty of failure or
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mistakes.
We stop trusting ourselves whenwe hurt others, feel shame or
question our worth." And that'swhy leaving behind all or
nothing thinking and forgivingyourself quickly, are essential.
And so I want to, now talk aboutbuilding confidence.
So the two sort of myths aroundconfidence are the competence
comes from being a certain sizeand confidence is something
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they're born with.
So, We have eliminated those twothings.
But now, how do you build it?
Right?
How do you practice this skill?
Well, I think some people wouldsay, you know, fake it till you
make it.
And I don't hate that, but itdoesn't quite land for me.
And so I prefer the term"act asIf." You've probably heard
people say fake it till you makeit right.
So I prefer the the tweak of ActAs If.
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This means that you areembodying the version of
yourself, who you're working tobecome.
Okay.
So I always say you can loveyourself and work on yourself at
the same time.
And I think it's easier and morefun that way.
In fact, I know that it is.
So.
Aligning your current actionswith the future version of you
is acting as if and there are afew steps before this, right?
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You got to know what your goalsare, and if you've ever had a
conversation with me aboutgoals, you know that if you come
to me saying, I want to loseweight.
Cool.
Great.
Why do you want that?
Or like, why is that soimportant to you?
Because you don't actually wantto lose weight.
You want to feel and think howyou believe that you're going to
feel and think when you loseweight.
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Right.
Which is probably confident andsexy.
Like that's what you want.
If you lose weight on the wayamazing.
Like do those things, you know,often are they correlated?
Sure.
But you can feel confident,sexy, and happy without losing
weight.
But also you can feel confident,happy, and sexy and lose weight.
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Like that's great.
we call this like your futurepaced heroin.
So.
You need to know your goals.
And then see her.
How does she feel?
How does she act?
And I will actually do thisexercise with my clients.
It's a future selfvisualization.
There's a couple of ways that Ido it, but.
I walk them into a meditation, avisualization where you are
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imagining yourself, whatever,six or 12 months from now, five
years from now.
And I want you to see her.
And how she feels.
So these goals that you have inthat time, Okay.
Cool.
You have the goal.
What does that woman who hasthat goal say?
look?
feel?
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do?
How does she show up forherself?
How does she feel?
What kind of thoughts is shehaving?
How does she carry herself?
Maybe?
What is she wearing?
Where is she?
And then acting as if isstepping into and embodying that
energy now.
You can act as if you arealready that woman, you can.
The only reason you think youcan't is because you have lies
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and thoughts in your head thatare telling you.
You're not allowed because ofwhat you look like or whatever,
that's all in your head, myfriend.
So acting as if is, knowingwhere you're going, seeing her.
And then acting like that now,and we're titrating it, right?
if you don't even like to be, ina photo, you're not just
probably, it's not going to feelsafe to just jump into the
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front.
Although I would love that foryou, but it's titrating with
small actions.
One of the ways that we can dothat is positive self-talk and
reframing.
Confidence begins with how youspeak to yourself.
And if you've ever worked withme, You know, this I'm very
specific and intentional with mylanguage.
I almost never use the word, butI never used the word cheap.
I don't say that I'm cheap.
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I don't call things expensive.
Because I don't want to get intothat energy.
I very rarely use the word hate.
I don't hate anything...
Because our language reflectsour thoughts.
So the things you're saying tome, I know you're probably
thinking that more often andyour thoughts inform your
actions and your actions informyour result.
I'm actually launching a courseon this, on your language in the
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summer.
It will be free for muscles andmindset clients.
And then it will be, veryaffordable for people who just
want to actually do the course.
So that will be A seven weekcourse.
But.
Let me tell you how to do ithere.
So confidence begins with howyou speak to yourself.
Negative.
Self-talk like"I'll never lookthe way that I want," or"why
even bother trying?" (11:25):
That
reinforces the cycle of doubt
that creates your result.
So, as I said, Your thoughts?
Inform your feelings, yourfeelings inform your actions and
your actions create result.
So if we reframe those thoughtsinto empowering ones, instead of
"my legs will never look the waythat I want," try,"my legs are
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getting stronger every day."Instead of"I'm so far from my
goal, this is taking too long."Say I'm making progress every
single day.
It seems subtle, but it's hugein how you think, feel and show
up for yourself.
By constantly shifting thisinner dialogue, you're actually
training your brain to focus ongrowth and possibility, which is
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what you want.
Focus on the end result.
We can also have a briefconversation about affirmations
here.
I love affirmations, but I don'tlove like just reciting them or
writing them over and overwithout meaning.
I like my clients and myself tochoose a few that speak to me
the most and not just speak tome the most, but really feel
relevant and achievable for me.
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I love this example from KaraLowentheil.
Who has the unfuck your brainpodcast, which is one of my
favourites.
She uses the example of, ifyou've been telling yourself for
years,"I'm disgusting, I have adisgusting stomach," it's not
going to be possible for you tobelieve in the affirmation"I
have a perfect body.
Perfect stomach." You're justgoing to shut that down.
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In fact, it's going to createmore resistance.
But you can probably get onboard with something like,"I
have a human stomach." So itfeels pretty neutral, right.
But neutral feels a lot betterthan disgust and shame about
your body.
So we always want to choosesomething that's a little bit
stretchy, but not gonna blow youout of the water and create a
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whole bunch of resistance.
So thinking about identifyingthe thoughts that you're having
now that are making you feelcrappy and not confident, and
then thinking about your futureself.
Who is she?
How does she act?
What does she think?
What does she do?
And then if the things thatshe's thinking don't feel
achievable just yet, just find amiddle ground, just find a
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middle ground.
If you want to DM and workshopthis, I love this like totally
send me a message and be like,this is the thought that I'm
constantly having about myself.
How do I make it feel slightlybetter?
Happy to do that.
Because confidence is not aboutyour size.
It's not about your geneticsactually, even it is about
self-trust.
It is about showing up foryourself.
It is about shifting yourmindset.
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You can build confidence, youdeserve to feel confident, no
matter what.
So that's it.
Thank you for joining me today.
Don't forget to stay tuned.
Go to the show notes, to get onthe wait list for the loving
discipline challenge.
If you are A Muscles and mindsetclient, don't worry about it.
Cause we're gonna be doing itall month long in February.
So you will automatically getaccess to that, but if you are
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not a client, make sure you goon the wait list for this free
challenge.
It's going to be super fun.
It's going to be amazing.
And so until next time, pleasekeep showing up for yourself.
You've got this.
You've got this! Have a goodweek!