July 28, 2025 • 17 mins
Ever feel like you know exactly what to do—but still can’t stay consistent with your workouts, nutrition, or self-care?
This episode is for the high-achieving woman who’s tired of thinking her problem is time management or motivation—when really, it’s deeper than that.
In this powerful solo episode, certified life coach and personal trainer Anne Jones shares the real reasons ambitious women struggle to stay consistent—and it’s not because they’re lazy or unmotivated. It’s because of perfectionism, nervous system urgency, and a deep-rooted fear of letting others down.
Drawing on a raw coaching conversation with one of her VIP clients, Anne breaks down:
- Why your “consistency” problem is actually a self-trust problem
- How urgency hijacks your nervous system and blocks follow-through
- What to do when overthinking and people-pleasing keep you stuck
- How to finally show up for yourself—without guilt or drama
If you’ve ever said “I just need more discipline,” but you’re doing all the things for everyone but you—this episode will shift everything.
👉 DM Anne on Instagram @annejonesfit and tell her what part hit home.
⏱️ Episode Breakdown
00:25 Understanding Inconsistency and Perfectionism
01:05 Client Stories: Overcoming Perceived Barriers
02:43 The Urgency Trap and Nervous System Patterns
06:03 Breaking Free from Perfectionism
11:36 Building Self-Trust and Letting Go of Worry
17:03 Final Thoughts and Takeaways
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to the Muscles andMindset Revolution Podcast, for
ambitious women who want tobuild strength, feel confident,
af, and lose fat for good,without counting calories or bs.
Quick fix.
Jones, certified life coach,personal trainer, and mindset
expert.
After 15 plus years in thefitness industry, I know the
real key to lasting change isn'tjust what you do, it's how you
(00:24):
think.
If you've ever said, I just needto be more consistent, but
you're already doing everything,this one's for you.
Here's what I want you to hearupfront.
Your inconsistency is not acharacter flaw or a moral one.
It is often a nervous systempattern.
It is perfectionism and no, youdon't have to think that you're
perfect or be perfect to be aperfectionist because nobody
(00:47):
ever achieves perfection.
It is survival conditioningshowing up as urgency, and we
can change that, but not withanother cute planner.
If you're ready to shift yourmindset, build a lifestyle you
love and feel confident af,you're in the right place.
Let's dive in.
Hey friends.
Welcome back to the show.
Today I want to talk aboutsomething I see, and honestly,
(01:08):
it's something that I am stillworking on in my own life, too.
This episode is inspired by anincredible conversation that I
had recently with one of myone-on-one VIP clients.
I knew right away that thesethemes were too important not to
share with you.
So if you are a woman in yourthirties or forties who's
ambitious, successful in so manyareas of life, and you know all
(01:29):
the things, right?
You have all the information.
You've probably tracked macrosbefore.
You know how to train, you knowsome stuff about exercise and
fitness.
You've got self-care toolscoming outta your ears, but
you're still struggling to stayconsistent, this episode is for
you.
Because here is the deal.
It is most likely not a timemanagement problem.
my client came to me convincedthat her biggest problem was...
(01:54):
well first I think she wasconvinced that time management
was her biggest problem and thenlater, she came to me convinced
that it's consistency.
I just, it's consistency is myproblem.
Now, she's a total high achieveras many of my clients are.
Mom of two, brilliant career,highly successful and decorated,
(02:14):
and she knows pretty mucheverything there is to know
about nutrition, exercise...
now mindset work, nervous systemregulation.
We've worked together on thosethings for a year and a half.
She's even gone to therapy andlearned how to connect with her
inner child journals like a pro.
And she's not alone.
I see this with my clients whoare teachers, business owners,
(02:34):
lawyers, nurses, moms,creatives, women who are doing
it all and still feel likethey're dropping the ball.
And often it's not because theydon't know what to do.
It is because the moment theywake up, they're flooded with
urgency.
Logically, she now has all theinformation.
She knows that she needs to maketime for herself, particularly
where it comes to movement.
(02:56):
She knows movement is good forher body and her brain.
She wants to do it, but here'swhat happens.
She wakes up, her brain turns onand immediately there's urgency.
Urgency about work, urgencyabout her kids feeding people,
driving people places, answeringemails, getting ahead on tasks.
And even though she's gotten somuch better at delegating her
(03:20):
own needs still land dead last.
She knows she wants to work out.
She knows how to work out.
And she tells herself, you know,it doesn't happen in the
morning.
I'll do it later tonight, but bythe time, she's cooked dinner,
she's exhausted and it doesn'thappen.
And I know so many of youlistening are nodding your heads
right now because you have beenthere, too.
Here's the thing that I havecome to with this client after
(03:41):
many, many months of workingtogether, and I had this feeling
like when I, when I coach a newclient, I can hear what their
perceived barrier is, and I canusually tell if it is a true
barrier or a perceived barrier.
And almost all, almost a hundredpercent of the time with
clients', time is a perceivedbarrier.
(04:02):
It's not real, but we think andwe've decided that we don't have
enough time, or that our timemanagement is poor.
So with this particular client,after some coaching, we both
agreed it is not that shedoesn't have time.
She's very busy.
Yes, that is real.
But it's not that she doesn'thave time.
It's not that she doesn't havemotivation.
That's another thing like not somuch my clients, but brand new
(04:24):
people coming into my audiencethink that they don't have
motivation, they have amotivation problem.
It's that her nervous systemshifts into urgency mode.
And I can relate to this.
And when that happens, itactually feels so unsafe to rest
or not even rest, just slow downor focus on one thing at a time.
(04:48):
Unsafe to do something purelyfor her.
This is Nervous System andstuff.
This is our schemas, our oldconditioning, old schemas,
deeply ingrained beliefs aboutwhat makes us safe, worthy, and
loved.
And this is so common for highachieving women.
We think if I'm not doingsomething useful, I'm not doing
(05:09):
anything.
I'm failing.
If I put myself first.
People will be disappointed.
People will be disappointed inme.
There will be a fallout.
This is what I have clients sayto me, right?
People will be disappointed.
There will be a fallout, orpeople will be angry.
If I pause, everything will fallapart.
Who's gonna do it?
If I don't do it, nobody elsewill.
And sometimes we're afraid toface what might come up if we
(05:32):
actually slow down, right?
So we can put off dealing witheverything I just talked about.
Delegating our interpersonalrelationships, we can.
It's just easier.
That's what my clients say,right?
Sometimes it's just easier thanto deal with the fallout.
I get it.
I totally get it.
And the drama, I always saydrama is temporary, right?
So we disappoint someone, theyget mad at us.
(05:53):
We allow them to fail forward bynot doing it for them.
That's temporary and it'sactually honouring the other
party's boundary, but that's notwhat we're talking about today.
Another huge piece of this, andthis came up with my call with
this particular client recentlyas well, is perfectionism.
This client is a mom, as most ofmy clients are.
And this client, like many of myclients, wants to give her
(06:17):
daughters a very differentexperience than what she had
growing up.
So for example, she wants to bethe mom who makes dinner every
single night because she neverhad that.
Totally makes sense.
Right?
I can appreciate that.
And when you hold yourself tothat level of perfection for,
(06:38):
you know, their whole life, 20years, there's.
Zero room for your own needs.
Not zero room, but almost zeroroom.
So my client, again, like manyof my clients, tells herself,
it's just easier.
It's just easier, you know, andnow they're used to it, right?
It's just easier to make dinnerfor everybody forever then to
(06:58):
deal with the fallout of notdoing it, even though you know
they're old enough to do it now.
As teenagers and going to, or,and or her partner, her adult
partner.
Right.
It's easier to do it than todeal with the disappointment or
the fallout of not doing it andgoing to work out, or she gets
stuck in overthinking.
Okay, so she, because again,she's done a lot of this mindset
(07:19):
work.
She's done a lot of this nervoussystem work, so she can see this
thought, right?
She knows she's going into herpeople pleasing mode and she
gets stuck in overthinking.
Which part of me is resistingthis?
Is this my inner child talking?
Did I eat enough to work out?
Do I have time?
Is this the right time of day?
I've totally done.
I've done all of these things.
You guys, I'm the first one tosay there's so much value in
(07:40):
self-inquiry and inner work andlistening to your body, but
sometimes it keeps us stuck inanalysis instead of getting into
action.
So what I told my client andwhat I wanna tell you is this.
Particularly when it comes tomovement.
Sometimes the solution is justgo work out.
Just go do it.
Step out of thinking.
In fact, it's really good foryour brain because your brain
(08:03):
can't not do something.
You can't tell your brain tostop thinking.
All it's gonna do then is think.
You tell your brain not to thinkof a pink elephant.
What are you thinking aboutright now?
Pink elephant.
Don't think about a pinkelephant.
There's research behind this.
Actually, the study was with apolar bear, but I say pink
elephant.
Your brain can only dosomething, can only take action.
So when you get stuck in thatoverthinking, I'm not motivated,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
(08:24):
Literally the solution is justto do it.
Stop thinking about the eating.
'cause it doesn't matter if it'sperfect cause you're not doing
it anyway.
Even if it's messy, even if it'snot perfectly planned or
perfectly timed, just go do itbecause your brain is not gonna
magically stop thinking theimpulses that you're having to
care take.
Won't disappear overnight, butyou can choose a different
(08:47):
action in the moment.
And over time, this will notonly build consistency for you,
which builds confidence, itstarts to train those around you
as to who you are and whatyou're doing.
'cause this is an identitything, right?
You become a person whoconsistently does the things
that you do.
So if you want to feeldifferent, you wanna be
different.
You have to start to embody thewoman who does the things
(09:08):
differently in the way that youdesire.
So here's a question I posed tomy client and I want you to ask
yourself as well, if you feellike perhaps this is you, you're
getting caught in a little bitof perfectionism.
Can both things be true?
Like, can we make it not blackor white?
Can you be the mom who makesdinner three or four nights a
(09:28):
week and the woman who goes tothe gym three nights a week?
I love, Dr.
Gabrielle Lyon.
I listened to her podcast and,and for the most part I love
her, but I really love her talkson parenting because she is a
professional.
She's a busy woman.
She's a busy woman.
She's a doctor.
She's highly educated.
I believe in a lot of the sameparenting values as her.
And her, or at least when Ilistened to her podcast, her two
(09:49):
little kids were still littleand she was talking, I think
with her sister about likeprioritizing fitness and all of
this.
And she said that she had toface like her kids.
She was not going to be therethree days a week when her kids
got up or when they hadbreakfast or, I can't remember
what it was.
And as a parent who desperately,wants to do a good job.
(10:10):
As I know many parents do, manymoms do.
I work my whole schedule, mywhole life around my daughter.
Right?
And that was very important tome, was to be present when she
wakes up.
now she's older, but even sinceshe's a toddler, she's known she
can't come outta her room until7:00 AM So I never wanted to be
working or working out or nothere.
When she came out at 7:00 AM Iwanted to be like, come to me.
(10:32):
You know?
And so for me to hear that, Iwas like, okay, maybe I can be
that mom four days a week, butthree days a week, you know, she
can play for 15 or 30 minuteswhile I'm finishing work or
finishing my workout and then Ican be fully attentive to her.
It almost like gave mepermission to hear that from
someone else.
So I really like that examplebecause I know it's like we want
(10:54):
to be this type of person.
Can you be that type of person?
And can you be a person who isnot only present for their child
when they wake up, but also.
Works out three mornings a week,can you show up for your family
and show up for yourself?
And this does not mean doingmore.
This does not mean doing it all.
It means stepping out of thatperfectionism that you need to
be giving a hundred percent inall areas of life.
(11:16):
When there's only 100% of you togo around, can you hold your
standards high without expectingyourself to be perfect?
This is how we break free fromthe all or nothing trap, which
bleeds into so many areas oflife.
The last piece I wanna speakabout, which I've been thinking
about a lot lately and reallycoached this client around a
lot, is self-trust.
So my client is not alone here.
(11:38):
For years, I didn't trust myselfeither.
And not only that, I didn't knowthat I didn't trust myself.
I didn't know what self-trustmeant and many of my clients
start out the same way, and thatis one of the reasons that we're
often seeking externalvalidation, external support.
There must be a diet.
There must be a trick.
There must be a motivation hack.
(12:00):
It's just'cause we don't trustourselves to figure it out.
We tell ourselves we need morestructure, more discipline,
tighter plan, perhaps aspreadsheet.
But the truth is most highachievers actually don't need
more rules.
They need practice living in thegray areas.
They need to prove to themselvesthat even if things go sideways,
(12:20):
they'll figure it out.
This is what I have been workingon in the past years, and this
is what I told my client is,this is actually one of the
biggest reasons I love travelingalone, by the way.
It forces me to figure thingsout without a.
I mean, or maybe there is aplan, but if you are a partnered
person who travels with yourpartner, especially a bit of a,
you know, somebody who does liketo have a plan, particularly
(12:41):
around travel like my husbanddoes, or you know, when your
partner's, the one who's alwaysdriving your partner's, the one
who only looks at the money,like, why would you trust
yourself to be able to figurethat out when you are never
doing those things?
So I love traveling alonebecause I want to learn.
I want to trust myself.
No matter what happens, theflight gets canceled.
I miss the thing I, there's nofood where I am.
(13:03):
I want to be able to trustmyself to figure it out.
This has quelled my anxiety somuch is practicing the thought,
"I trust myself.
I'll figure it out." Worry comesfrom believing something bad's
gonna happen, something bad isgonna happen.
It is not that nothing bad isnever gonna happen again.
That's not how we eliminate ourworry.
We trust ourselves to deal withit if and when it comes.
(13:24):
If you follow me on socialmedia, I shared this on my
stories on the weekend (13:26):
one of my superpowers is not taking
many things personally.
I care deeply.
I just don't spend time onwhat's not mine.
I stay in my story and resistmaking up stories about what
someone else is doing orthinking.
Most of the time it's not aboutme, and even if it is, I trust
that I can handle it." That hasbeen huge for me.
(13:50):
Most of the time it's not aboutme, and even if it is, I trust
that I can handle it.
It's the same with fitness.
It's the same with nutrition.
It's the same with life.
Yes, we need tools andstructure, but at some point you
have to practice self-trust.
You have to practice believingyou'll handle whatever comes up
even without a spreadsheet or aperfectly scheduled workout
calendar.
(14:11):
I shared this with my clientsrecently that I also used to be
a worrier.
I used to be a highly anxiousperson, like I didn't sleep at
night for several years if myhusband was working, which he is
60% of the time, working oraway.
I didn't sleep at night until ayear and a half, two years ago,
and one of the things thatallowed me to start sleeping at
night and letting go of worrywas.
(14:31):
Practicing figuring it out.
So for example, they wereinterviewing a therapist about
worry, and she said what shecoaches her clients to do is
trust themselves.
So for example, and I use thisexample, there's eight external
doors in this house.
Eight doors, numerous windows.
(14:51):
Okay?
So in those early years when Iwas highly anxious, sleeping
alone, I would constantly belike, oh, did I close that door?
Did I check all the doors?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And what I learned, this tipthat I began practicing was
trusting myself that I had doneit.
So like I always lock the doors.
When I come inside, like it'sjust a habit.
(15:12):
I lived in the city.
It's just a habit.
I'll always lock the door.
If I walk by the door and I seeit's unlocked, I'll lock it and
I'll do a little walk around, atleast upstairs before I go to
bed, making sure everything'sclosed and locked.
And so what I practiced doingwhen I would have that thought,
'did I lock it?' Is justtrusting myself that I had done
it.
And you know what?
Now I don't even have thatthought anymore.
(15:33):
Because I started trusting thatI had done it.
And yes, there will be the oneoff occasion that you hadn't,
but it's worth the lack ofstress and worry.
I taught this, I coached thiswith my team a couple years ago,
and one of my team members.
Came back and said, she waslike, I tried it, I did it.
I, I left and I thought aboutdriving home'cause I thought I
(15:56):
left my curling iron on and Ididn't, I just trusted that I
had done it.
And then she's like, but I hadleft my curling iron on and I
was like, and you survived.
The house didn't burn down.
It's okay.
And you're not gonna forget nexttime.
So I know that seems like afail, but it's actually a win
because like shit will happenand you will figure it out.
So here's what I want you tohear loud and clear.
(16:18):
If you keep getting stuck inurgency, perfectionism or
overthinking, it doesn't meanyou're doing it wrong.
These patterns are old and theytake time and practice to
unlearn, and every time youlevel up in life, there's gonna
be something else.
Those patterns might resurfacewhen your stress bucket fills.
Those symptoms will come up.
I don't see them as faultsanymore.
(16:40):
I just see them as symptoms.
When I get a little bit likechecky with my phone with a
sense of urgency, I'm like, oh,this is a symptom of my anxiety.
What's going on?
It doesn't mean you failed, itjust means you're human.
So keep practicing.
Keep choosing yourself even insmall moments because you are
worth that.
I need you to believe that, too.
And this work, nervous systemwork, self-trust work, it is
(17:02):
worth it.
All right my friends.
That is what I have for youtoday.
If this resonated, share thisepisode please with another high
achieving woman who needs tohear that her problem isn't a
lack of time.
It's that her nervous system isscreaming urgency when she tries
to rest.
Or a friend who you know whoworries and remember, you don't
need more discipline.
You need more self-trust.
(17:24):
Thank you so much for listeningto the Muscles and Mindset
Revolution Podcast.
If you love this episode, pleasehit the subscribe button and
leave me a review.
It helps more women find thisshow, and if you want more
support, come hang out with meon Instagram at@annejonesfit.
That's where I share daily tipsand behind the scenes of how I'm
navigating my own muscles andmindset, revolution, fitness and
(17:45):
mindset wise.
I appreciate you so much, and Iwill see you in the next
episode.
Welcome to the Muscles andMindset Revolution Podcast, for
ambitious women who want tobuild strength, feel confident,
af, and lose fat for good,without counting calories or bs.
Quick fix.
Jones, certified life coach,personal trainer, and mindset
expert.
After 15 plus years in thefitness industry, I know the
real key to lasting change isn'tjust what you do, it's how you
(00:24):
think.
If you've ever said, I just needto be more consistent, but
you're already doing everything,this one's for you.
Here's what I want you to hearupfront.
Your inconsistency is not acharacter flaw or a moral one.
It is often a nervous systempattern.
It is perfectionism and no, youdon't have to think that you're
perfect or be perfect to be aperfectionist because nobody
(00:47):
ever achieves perfection.
It is survival conditioningshowing up as urgency, and we
can change that, but not withanother cute planner.
If you're ready to shift yourmindset, build a lifestyle you
love and feel confident af,you're in the right place.
Let's dive in.
Hey friends.
Welcome back to the show.
Today I want to talk aboutsomething I see, and honestly,
(01:08):
it's something that I am stillworking on in my own life, too.
This episode is inspired by anincredible conversation that I
had recently with one of myone-on-one VIP clients.
I knew right away that thesethemes were too important not to
share with you.
So if you are a woman in yourthirties or forties who's
ambitious, successful in so manyareas of life, and you know all
(01:29):
the things, right?
You have all the information.
You've probably tracked macrosbefore.
You know how to train, you knowsome stuff about exercise and
fitness.
You've got self-care toolscoming outta your ears, but
you're still struggling to stayconsistent, this episode is for
you.
Because here is the deal.
It is most likely not a timemanagement problem.
my client came to me convincedthat her biggest problem was...
(01:54):
well first I think she wasconvinced that time management
was her biggest problem and thenlater, she came to me convinced
that it's consistency.
I just, it's consistency is myproblem.
Now, she's a total high achieveras many of my clients are.
Mom of two, brilliant career,highly successful and decorated,
(02:14):
and she knows pretty mucheverything there is to know
about nutrition, exercise...
now mindset work, nervous systemregulation.
We've worked together on thosethings for a year and a half.
She's even gone to therapy andlearned how to connect with her
inner child journals like a pro.
And she's not alone.
I see this with my clients whoare teachers, business owners,
(02:34):
lawyers, nurses, moms,creatives, women who are doing
it all and still feel likethey're dropping the ball.
And often it's not because theydon't know what to do.
It is because the moment theywake up, they're flooded with
urgency.
Logically, she now has all theinformation.
She knows that she needs to maketime for herself, particularly
where it comes to movement.
(02:56):
She knows movement is good forher body and her brain.
She wants to do it, but here'swhat happens.
She wakes up, her brain turns onand immediately there's urgency.
Urgency about work, urgencyabout her kids feeding people,
driving people places, answeringemails, getting ahead on tasks.
And even though she's gotten somuch better at delegating her
(03:20):
own needs still land dead last.
She knows she wants to work out.
She knows how to work out.
And she tells herself, you know,it doesn't happen in the
morning.
I'll do it later tonight, but bythe time, she's cooked dinner,
she's exhausted and it doesn'thappen.
And I know so many of youlistening are nodding your heads
right now because you have beenthere, too.
Here's the thing that I havecome to with this client after
(03:41):
many, many months of workingtogether, and I had this feeling
like when I, when I coach a newclient, I can hear what their
perceived barrier is, and I canusually tell if it is a true
barrier or a perceived barrier.
And almost all, almost a hundredpercent of the time with
clients', time is a perceivedbarrier.
(04:02):
It's not real, but we think andwe've decided that we don't have
enough time, or that our timemanagement is poor.
So with this particular client,after some coaching, we both
agreed it is not that shedoesn't have time.
She's very busy.
Yes, that is real.
But it's not that she doesn'thave time.
It's not that she doesn't havemotivation.
That's another thing like not somuch my clients, but brand new
(04:24):
people coming into my audiencethink that they don't have
motivation, they have amotivation problem.
It's that her nervous systemshifts into urgency mode.
And I can relate to this.
And when that happens, itactually feels so unsafe to rest
or not even rest, just slow downor focus on one thing at a time.
(04:48):
Unsafe to do something purelyfor her.
This is Nervous System andstuff.
This is our schemas, our oldconditioning, old schemas,
deeply ingrained beliefs aboutwhat makes us safe, worthy, and
loved.
And this is so common for highachieving women.
We think if I'm not doingsomething useful, I'm not doing
(05:09):
anything.
I'm failing.
If I put myself first.
People will be disappointed.
People will be disappointed inme.
There will be a fallout.
This is what I have clients sayto me, right?
People will be disappointed.
There will be a fallout, orpeople will be angry.
If I pause, everything will fallapart.
Who's gonna do it?
If I don't do it, nobody elsewill.
And sometimes we're afraid toface what might come up if we
(05:32):
actually slow down, right?
So we can put off dealing witheverything I just talked about.
Delegating our interpersonalrelationships, we can.
It's just easier.
That's what my clients say,right?
Sometimes it's just easier thanto deal with the fallout.
I get it.
I totally get it.
And the drama, I always saydrama is temporary, right?
So we disappoint someone, theyget mad at us.
(05:53):
We allow them to fail forward bynot doing it for them.
That's temporary and it'sactually honouring the other
party's boundary, but that's notwhat we're talking about today.
Another huge piece of this, andthis came up with my call with
this particular client recentlyas well, is perfectionism.
This client is a mom, as most ofmy clients are.
And this client, like many of myclients, wants to give her
(06:17):
daughters a very differentexperience than what she had
growing up.
So for example, she wants to bethe mom who makes dinner every
single night because she neverhad that.
Totally makes sense.
Right?
I can appreciate that.
And when you hold yourself tothat level of perfection for,
(06:38):
you know, their whole life, 20years, there's.
Zero room for your own needs.
Not zero room, but almost zeroroom.
So my client, again, like manyof my clients, tells herself,
it's just easier.
It's just easier, you know, andnow they're used to it, right?
It's just easier to make dinnerfor everybody forever then to
(06:58):
deal with the fallout of notdoing it, even though you know
they're old enough to do it now.
As teenagers and going to, or,and or her partner, her adult
partner.
Right.
It's easier to do it than todeal with the disappointment or
the fallout of not doing it andgoing to work out, or she gets
stuck in overthinking.
Okay, so she, because again,she's done a lot of this mindset
(07:19):
work.
She's done a lot of this nervoussystem work, so she can see this
thought, right?
She knows she's going into herpeople pleasing mode and she
gets stuck in overthinking.
Which part of me is resistingthis?
Is this my inner child talking?
Did I eat enough to work out?
Do I have time?
Is this the right time of day?
I've totally done.
I've done all of these things.
You guys, I'm the first one tosay there's so much value in
(07:40):
self-inquiry and inner work andlistening to your body, but
sometimes it keeps us stuck inanalysis instead of getting into
action.
So what I told my client andwhat I wanna tell you is this.
Particularly when it comes tomovement.
Sometimes the solution is justgo work out.
Just go do it.
Step out of thinking.
In fact, it's really good foryour brain because your brain
(08:03):
can't not do something.
You can't tell your brain tostop thinking.
All it's gonna do then is think.
You tell your brain not to thinkof a pink elephant.
What are you thinking aboutright now?
Pink elephant.
Don't think about a pinkelephant.
There's research behind this.
Actually, the study was with apolar bear, but I say pink
elephant.
Your brain can only dosomething, can only take action.
So when you get stuck in thatoverthinking, I'm not motivated,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
(08:24):
Literally the solution is justto do it.
Stop thinking about the eating.
'cause it doesn't matter if it'sperfect cause you're not doing
it anyway.
Even if it's messy, even if it'snot perfectly planned or
perfectly timed, just go do itbecause your brain is not gonna
magically stop thinking theimpulses that you're having to
care take.
Won't disappear overnight, butyou can choose a different
(08:47):
action in the moment.
And over time, this will notonly build consistency for you,
which builds confidence, itstarts to train those around you
as to who you are and whatyou're doing.
'cause this is an identitything, right?
You become a person whoconsistently does the things
that you do.
So if you want to feeldifferent, you wanna be
different.
You have to start to embody thewoman who does the things
(09:08):
differently in the way that youdesire.
So here's a question I posed tomy client and I want you to ask
yourself as well, if you feellike perhaps this is you, you're
getting caught in a little bitof perfectionism.
Can both things be true?
Like, can we make it not blackor white?
Can you be the mom who makesdinner three or four nights a
(09:28):
week and the woman who goes tothe gym three nights a week?
I love, Dr.
Gabrielle Lyon.
I listened to her podcast and,and for the most part I love
her, but I really love her talkson parenting because she is a
professional.
She's a busy woman.
She's a busy woman.
She's a doctor.
She's highly educated.
I believe in a lot of the sameparenting values as her.
And her, or at least when Ilistened to her podcast, her two
(09:49):
little kids were still littleand she was talking, I think
with her sister about likeprioritizing fitness and all of
this.
And she said that she had toface like her kids.
She was not going to be therethree days a week when her kids
got up or when they hadbreakfast or, I can't remember
what it was.
And as a parent who desperately,wants to do a good job.
(10:10):
As I know many parents do, manymoms do.
I work my whole schedule, mywhole life around my daughter.
Right?
And that was very important tome, was to be present when she
wakes up.
now she's older, but even sinceshe's a toddler, she's known she
can't come outta her room until7:00 AM So I never wanted to be
working or working out or nothere.
When she came out at 7:00 AM Iwanted to be like, come to me.
(10:32):
You know?
And so for me to hear that, Iwas like, okay, maybe I can be
that mom four days a week, butthree days a week, you know, she
can play for 15 or 30 minuteswhile I'm finishing work or
finishing my workout and then Ican be fully attentive to her.
It almost like gave mepermission to hear that from
someone else.
So I really like that examplebecause I know it's like we want
(10:54):
to be this type of person.
Can you be that type of person?
And can you be a person who isnot only present for their child
when they wake up, but also.
Works out three mornings a week,can you show up for your family
and show up for yourself?
And this does not mean doingmore.
This does not mean doing it all.
It means stepping out of thatperfectionism that you need to
be giving a hundred percent inall areas of life.
(11:16):
When there's only 100% of you togo around, can you hold your
standards high without expectingyourself to be perfect?
This is how we break free fromthe all or nothing trap, which
bleeds into so many areas oflife.
The last piece I wanna speakabout, which I've been thinking
about a lot lately and reallycoached this client around a
lot, is self-trust.
So my client is not alone here.
(11:38):
For years, I didn't trust myselfeither.
And not only that, I didn't knowthat I didn't trust myself.
I didn't know what self-trustmeant and many of my clients
start out the same way, and thatis one of the reasons that we're
often seeking externalvalidation, external support.
There must be a diet.
There must be a trick.
There must be a motivation hack.
(12:00):
It's just'cause we don't trustourselves to figure it out.
We tell ourselves we need morestructure, more discipline,
tighter plan, perhaps aspreadsheet.
But the truth is most highachievers actually don't need
more rules.
They need practice living in thegray areas.
They need to prove to themselvesthat even if things go sideways,
(12:20):
they'll figure it out.
This is what I have been workingon in the past years, and this
is what I told my client is,this is actually one of the
biggest reasons I love travelingalone, by the way.
It forces me to figure thingsout without a.
I mean, or maybe there is aplan, but if you are a partnered
person who travels with yourpartner, especially a bit of a,
you know, somebody who does liketo have a plan, particularly
(12:41):
around travel like my husbanddoes, or you know, when your
partner's, the one who's alwaysdriving your partner's, the one
who only looks at the money,like, why would you trust
yourself to be able to figurethat out when you are never
doing those things?
So I love traveling alonebecause I want to learn.
I want to trust myself.
No matter what happens, theflight gets canceled.
I miss the thing I, there's nofood where I am.
(13:03):
I want to be able to trustmyself to figure it out.
This has quelled my anxiety somuch is practicing the thought,
"I trust myself.
I'll figure it out." Worry comesfrom believing something bad's
gonna happen, something bad isgonna happen.
It is not that nothing bad isnever gonna happen again.
That's not how we eliminate ourworry.
We trust ourselves to deal withit if and when it comes.
(13:24):
If you follow me on socialmedia, I shared this on my
stories on the weekend (13:26):
one of my superpowers is not taking
many things personally.
I care deeply.
I just don't spend time onwhat's not mine.
I stay in my story and resistmaking up stories about what
someone else is doing orthinking.
Most of the time it's not aboutme, and even if it is, I trust
that I can handle it." That hasbeen huge for me.
(13:50):
Most of the time it's not aboutme, and even if it is, I trust
that I can handle it.
It's the same with fitness.
It's the same with nutrition.
It's the same with life.
Yes, we need tools andstructure, but at some point you
have to practice self-trust.
You have to practice believingyou'll handle whatever comes up
even without a spreadsheet or aperfectly scheduled workout
calendar.
(14:11):
I shared this with my clientsrecently that I also used to be
a worrier.
I used to be a highly anxiousperson, like I didn't sleep at
night for several years if myhusband was working, which he is
60% of the time, working oraway.
I didn't sleep at night until ayear and a half, two years ago,
and one of the things thatallowed me to start sleeping at
night and letting go of worrywas.
(14:31):
Practicing figuring it out.
So for example, they wereinterviewing a therapist about
worry, and she said what shecoaches her clients to do is
trust themselves.
So for example, and I use thisexample, there's eight external
doors in this house.
Eight doors, numerous windows.
(14:51):
Okay?
So in those early years when Iwas highly anxious, sleeping
alone, I would constantly belike, oh, did I close that door?
Did I check all the doors?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And what I learned, this tipthat I began practicing was
trusting myself that I had doneit.
So like I always lock the doors.
When I come inside, like it'sjust a habit.
(15:12):
I lived in the city.
It's just a habit.
I'll always lock the door.
If I walk by the door and I seeit's unlocked, I'll lock it and
I'll do a little walk around, atleast upstairs before I go to
bed, making sure everything'sclosed and locked.
And so what I practiced doingwhen I would have that thought,
'did I lock it?' Is justtrusting myself that I had done
it.
And you know what?
Now I don't even have thatthought anymore.
(15:33):
Because I started trusting thatI had done it.
And yes, there will be the oneoff occasion that you hadn't,
but it's worth the lack ofstress and worry.
I taught this, I coached thiswith my team a couple years ago,
and one of my team members.
Came back and said, she waslike, I tried it, I did it.
I, I left and I thought aboutdriving home'cause I thought I
(15:56):
left my curling iron on and Ididn't, I just trusted that I
had done it.
And then she's like, but I hadleft my curling iron on and I
was like, and you survived.
The house didn't burn down.
It's okay.
And you're not gonna forget nexttime.
So I know that seems like afail, but it's actually a win
because like shit will happenand you will figure it out.
So here's what I want you tohear loud and clear.
(16:18):
If you keep getting stuck inurgency, perfectionism or
overthinking, it doesn't meanyou're doing it wrong.
These patterns are old and theytake time and practice to
unlearn, and every time youlevel up in life, there's gonna
be something else.
Those patterns might resurfacewhen your stress bucket fills.
Those symptoms will come up.
I don't see them as faultsanymore.
(16:40):
I just see them as symptoms.
When I get a little bit likechecky with my phone with a
sense of urgency, I'm like, oh,this is a symptom of my anxiety.
What's going on?
It doesn't mean you failed, itjust means you're human.
So keep practicing.
Keep choosing yourself even insmall moments because you are
worth that.
I need you to believe that, too.
And this work, nervous systemwork, self-trust work, it is
(17:02):
worth it.
All right my friends.
That is what I have for youtoday.
If this resonated, share thisepisode please with another high
achieving woman who needs tohear that her problem isn't a
lack of time.
It's that her nervous system isscreaming urgency when she tries
to rest.
Or a friend who you know whoworries and remember, you don't
need more discipline.
You need more self-trust.
(17:24):
Thank you so much for listeningto the Muscles and Mindset
Revolution Podcast.
If you love this episode, pleasehit the subscribe button and
leave me a review.
It helps more women find thisshow, and if you want more
support, come hang out with meon Instagram at@annejonesfit.
That's where I share daily tipsand behind the scenes of how I'm
navigating my own muscles andmindset, revolution, fitness and
(17:45):
mindset wise.
I appreciate you so much, and Iwill see you in the next
episode.
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