February 10, 2025 • 39 mins
Balancing Life, Fitness, and Family with Anne & her husband, Matt
In this special Valentine's Day episode of the Muscles and Mindset Revolution podcast, host Anne Jones welcomes her husband Matt, a full-time police officer & Emergency Response Team member, to discuss their journey as a couple.
They share humorous anecdotes about how they met, insights into their relationship dynamics, and how they manage life with Anne's busy business and Matt's shift work. The couple also delve into their different eating habits, navigating diet culture as parents, and how they stay active and balanced.
Matt offers a candid and honest look into his job in law enforcement, how it affects him, and how he manages to keep work and home life separate.
Tune in for practical advice on building a strong relationship while juggling careers, parenting, and personal growth.
00:00 Welcome to the Muscles and Mindset Revolution
00:30 Meet My Husband, Matt
01:03 How We Met
03:16 Navigating Life as a Team
07:04 The Challenges of Shift Work and Parenting
10:01 Mastering Conflict Resolution
15:42 Balancing Life with Shift Work
19:42 Balancing Work and Parenting
20:05 Managing Shift Work
21:08 Meal Planning and Food Prep
22:10 Diet and Eating Habits
24:37 Family Meals and Eating Together
30:26 Navigating Diet Culture
35:59 Work-Life Balance and Job Satisfaction
39:22 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the muscles andmindset revolution.
The podcast for ambitious womenwho want to build strength feel
confident AF, and lose fat forgood, without counting calories,
endless cardio or BS quickfixes.
I'm your host certified lifecoach, personal trainer and
mindset expert, Anne Jones.
After 15 plus years in thefitness industry, I know the
real key to lasting change isn'tjust what you do.
(00:21):
It's how you think.
If you're ready to shift yourmindset, build a lifestyle you
love and feel confident AFyou're in the right place.
Let's dive in.
For those of you who arelistening on audio, my husband's
head is sneaking sideways intothe frame here.
This is my guest.
Matt Horsfield if you're new tothe podcast.
(00:43):
Welcome.
And if you're returning, thanksfor coming back.
So to celebrate Valentine's daytoday's guest is my lovely
husband, Matt we have done livesbefore that are always requested
back by popular demand.
So we're doing the podcasttogether today.
You're welcome.
Hello?
Hi.
So the first question peoplehave is how we met.
(01:08):
Do you want to tell this storyor do you want me to tell the
story?
Sure.
Do I have a time crunch or.
No, you just go for it.
I was working up in the frozennorth of British Columbia.
And Anne was working as anewspaper reporter up there.
And she decided she was going todo a story about my coworkers
and I guess, well, I guess myjob.
(01:28):
And so she did a ride along withone of my colleagues and I met
her.
She came into the office.
Tried to take me away from myimportant typing.
You thought I was rude.
Because I waved at you insteadof turning around.
Yeah.
When I first came in.
And this person introduced me tohim.
He didn't even turn around justlike.
I was busy.
(01:48):
I was typing away.
So I didn't care about you, butthen you came back in and you
were like, oh, you guys aregoing for coffee.
Maybe I'll come.
But I didn't think that hadanything to do with me.
There you go.
When the guys went for coffeelater on, she was at the coffee.
I went there as well.
She kicked me a bunch of timesin the leg.
Under the table.
I assume on purpose.
after that you sought me out andstarted dating me.
(02:13):
I'm pretty sure that's the mainbullet points.
Most of that is accurate.
I was under the impression thatyou came for coffee because I
was going or no, I was not.
No, it was because you werethere.
Sure.
And then what actually happenedafter that?
Cause I didn't seek you outreally.
Did I, did we have text messagesyet?
Was there texting or did I phoneyou?
(02:34):
I think we had texting, but youdid phone me cause I was at work
at the newspaper office and Iremember taking the call outside
and I was like taken aback byhow deep your voice was.
I remember that vividly.
I was like, oh my God.
But I think that's your way ofsaying that you then asked me
out.
Yeah, I think so.
We went for coffee and then theywent back to your office or
something.
(02:55):
I don't remember.
that was a long time ago.
I agree with the most of that.
I think that you told that themost accurately you ever have?
Probably, I don't know what Inormally change that you would
think was inaccurate.
I feel like you leave out someof the details about how really,
like you were interested in me.
Yes.
Very much so.
Yes.
Okay.
The rest is history.
(03:15):
And then we were.
Okay, how do we operate as ateam?
I don't know.
I don't think we've ever reallystructured it.
I mean, We're relationship as ateam.
Because yeah, I think weoperated as a team when we
didn't have a kid, we operate asa team, more so now that we have
a kid.
I feel like we have grown inthis though, and I can kind of
(03:36):
think of the timeline.
Do you want to hear what Ithink?
Sure.
I think that when we were young.
So I'm thinking of like, when wewere super young and we lived in
Fort Nelson, it was like, Wedon't really have any
responsibilities.
But then when we first moved tothe lower mainland, you were
working a lot and you were gonea lot.
I feel like that was a harderperiod in our relationship.
If you recall, I think it waschallenging because you were
(03:59):
gone a lot.
Sometimes you were overseas.
I couldn't even talk to you.
So I think at that time, and Iwasn't working as much, so I
took on more of the just runningof the house.
But I do remember one thing thatI learned at that time, Was we
would fight a lot when you wouldcome home from traveling.
Cause I hadn't seen you for daysand then I hadn't been able to
talk to you and I would be like,you can come in the door, jet
(04:20):
lagged, and then I'd be like,Hey, I need you to like this and
this and this.
And it always caused a fight.
Right.
So I think that was one of thefirst things that I learned was;
I started a policy.
And I think I shared this withyou at that time was just to not
bring you anything that night,like to give it a day.
And that really helped.
One thing that I learned, thisis also when I started going to
(04:42):
therapy and one super annoyingthing that my psychologist
shared with me that.
I always come back to is, and Ihave heard this from clients all
the time that it's like, hedidn't X, Y Zed, or he just
didn't like, he didn't do this.
And I remember my psychologistsaying like, You mean, he didn't
do it the way that you wouldhave done it.
And that was really big for meis to recognize.
(05:03):
That you are not me.
And we do things differently.
Yeah, I think our dynamic fromliving together in Fort Nelson
changed a lot when we went tothe lower mainland because I was
gone so much that it almost likewe pretty much became like,
Dating people who sporadicallylived together.
Yeah.
Which put a lot of burden on youbecause we still had to pay for
(05:26):
our hosts and do all thelogistics of housing.
And I was away so much.
It was like I would come homeand be home for a few days, but
then I'd be gone.
And like we had to like separatelives.
And at the same time, like youwere doing schooling.
A lot of schooling and stuff anddoing all your, your Zumba and
stuff like that.
And I was away.
So even when I was home, you'dbe gone a lot of the time at
(05:49):
work or doing something.
So we didn't really have to workas a team because they're so
separately, we have so much timeto ourselves all the time that
there was like, whatever wewanted to do, we were basically
doing.
And the other stuff,unfortunately just kind of fell
on you because I was home verylimited time.
And the first day I was home invariably was a gong show.
Yeah.
Cause I was wrecked.
(06:10):
I'm leaving at school too.
And then kind of like 2015 whenI was done school.
And you started working on.
ERT.
I feel like we felt a little bitmore into a rhythm because your
schedule is more regular.
I created my own schedule.
We were both very busy, but Ithink that's when we got into
more of that, You know, I wentto trader Joe's.
You made pizza on Fridays.
You started doing the Costcoshop cause like you were around
(06:32):
more.
I think that's where we fellinto our division of labour.
Our life stabilized a lot morebecause yeah, a hundred percent
Once I was home all the time, westarted to kind of figure out
things.
I don't think it was aschallenging as it was going to
get, because we still had anabundance of free time.
It was very easy to demarcate.
Things a little more clearly.
(06:53):
And a little easier.
It was much more consistent.
You still did the lion share ofhouse logistics, but then you
started cooking more.
I took over more of the physicaloperations of the home, wheras
you did all the money logistics.
And then once we had Sophie, Ididn't get maternity leave of
any kind.
So you took paternity leave,which was great.
We went through figuring it outagain then because it's like,
One person is at work and hasexpectations of this person
(07:16):
who's at home.
I wanted to come home to like aclean house and a happy baby at
a home cooked meal.
And usually I did, I was gonnasay, I think, I think it was
just another like relearning andthen you went back to work and
then it all changed again.
My life just disappeared.
Although it was like, so likemy, when we had Sophie.
(07:37):
Like it was not a transition.
It was like an instant.
The time, my time was gone.
Like no more.
Never again was I like spendinghours.
Like playing video games or likegoing out and being away for
eight hours, like leaving to gothe range out in mission.
Drive an hour and go shoot forlike four hours.
(07:59):
I wasn't gone for six hours fromthe house.
Like it was a pretty much anight and day switch for me.
You had a little harder to keepgoing to work.
But yeah, I think we fell intothose roles without a lot of
friction.
And then by the time we movedhere, we were in a pretty
routine, like it was prettysmooth.
I think.
Like having a toddler and thenboth of us were working full
(08:21):
time.
I had started my business.
And then we went through anothertough transition when we moved
here, which was really hard forboth of us.
Sophie was three.
And then that's when youreturned to shift work, which
was one of the questions that wehad, which was another tricky
transition.
Probably one of the hardest onesactually.
Toddler, my business wasgrowing.
You were here working shiftwork, and then half the time you
(08:43):
were on the island doing ERTstuff.
So fully away for at least aweek, a month, like fully away,
away, away.
I'm single parenting, which I'mnow quite used to.
But it was a lot in thebeginning and this was like a
new place and this house had alot of things and that was
really, really hard.
That caused some tension betweenyou and I, which was mostly
individually about us, but wefigured it out.
(09:05):
I think our transition frictionwas predominantly individual.
It just was a storm over here, astorm over here.
And they were just whacking toeach other here and there.
So that was the main parts ofit.
I was probably the largerhurricane.
Yes.
Your piece out of the way, Thatforced me to learn how to be
(09:26):
independent of you, like be herefor you and not Take on your
storm.
Which.
I needed to learn.
Spoiler alert, shift work sucks.
Yeah I just hate it.
Yeah.
I mean, we are used to now, butoh gosh.
Yeah, I really do hate it.
If those probably the hardest.
That's probably worse than theflying.
(09:48):
shift work is worse.
I don't know.
It's hard to say, but I don'tthink it's, I don't like it.
Well, I mean, we couldn't do theflying these days with a kid
probably, but I mean, people doit but yeah.
one thing that I wanted to touchon with something that you
brought up recently, when we'rediscussing someone else, and you
said that we have practicedfighting.
(10:10):
Like we've got it down, which Iremember hearing when I was
younger, like, why would you,but I totally get it now.
that's a big topic.
Like we have two very differentconflict styles.
Yeah.
Informed by; me, my job.
Yeah.
And you, I guess your upbringingor just how you've, you've moved
to deal with things.
I think our styles of conflictcame into alignment.
(10:34):
That is what resolved.
It sounds like we're fightingall the time, which we don't.
but we almost never fight now.
And when we do, it's done inlike 10 minutes.
I think that's the biggestthing.
It's like, we bounce back somuch faster, which, and I've
talked to lots of my girlfriendsabout this too, is like when
you're young and you're in yourtwenties and you're so dumb,
everything is like so dramatic.
It's like so explosive and sucha big deal.
(10:56):
And it goes on all night.
And in the past several years,it's like, First of all, we
fight way less.
And when we do, we are generallyon the same team and it wraps up
like pretty quick, because yeah,I think that we've practiced.
And let's just say what it iswhen you're saying we have two
different conflict styles orfighting style, yours is to
(11:17):
compartmentalize.
You want to leave the situation.
How do I say this withoutsounding judgey.
I don't want to be like thepeople I deal with.
So I hate drama and I hateeverything I see has taught me
or at least I get theimpression, if you just leave,
like just don't be in thatsituation that situation's not
going to occur.
So yes, I want to.
(11:38):
I prefer to just leave andseparate from the situation.
Whereas yeah, you're really, youreally want to hash it out,
which is funny because a lot ofthe people I've talked to, a lot
of my colleagues who I've talkedto, like if we get in
conversations about likeconflict with your spouses, we,
all we do are very similar inwanting to like, Nope.
I don't want anything to do withthis, but it's probably, I
(11:59):
suspect that might be a job-related thing.
I've gotten better at, I know, Iknow what pisses you off.
Yes.
And I've gotten better at notdoing that.
When we fight.
Yeah.
And I've gotten better over theyears.
I mean, it took awhile, but ofme communicating that to you.
Do I not do anything tocontribute to our relationship?
(12:20):
You're very aware of what you...
I'm the self.
You're smiling.
I'm self-aware.
I'm the one doing all this work,like mindset work.
Which I don't think you don'talways employ this totally.
You are always aware of whatyou're doing.
Well, and we have a, I haven'tdone this for a long time.
I used to have this pattern.
(12:40):
Do you know what I'm gonna say?
I think so, but we'll see.
Yeah, I probably do, but I don'tneed to explain it before you
explain it.
My nighttime thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, I had this pattern ofgetting, and this was about my
anxiety, which if I wasn'tself-aware, I wouldn't know.
Right.
I was just like, he's the worst.
This is all because of him.
And I would have these sort oflike before bed meltdowns, and
(13:03):
then, you know, you go to bedand it's like, I need, this is
not unique in couples.
I'm sure.
It's like, I need to talk toyou.
And then I would be so upset andI would go to bed angry.
I'd be very confused.
And then I'd wake up in themorning regulated and be like
texting, like, oh my God.
I'm so sorry.
I was like being so crazy lastnight.
Ah, I shouldn't call myselfcrazy, but that was a pattern
(13:24):
that I recognized was about me.
Which I nipped in the bud.
While you knew it was happening,You just accepted it for awhile.
I just was like, I'm going toget beat on for a while.
Figuratively.
Mostly.
Yeah.
It's very, it's extremelysporadic these days.
I really dealt with my anxietyin the past couple years.
(13:46):
Yeah.
You're a pro.
You take my mindset advice too.
You just don't know it.
You just absorb it like twoyears after I employ it.
Sure.
I feel very solid in ourconnection and our teamwork now.
So I feel confident in sayingNot that we're perfect, but that
if I were to give sometakeaways, It would be to
probably practice fighting workon your own shit and your own
(14:08):
self-awareness.
if you're fighting.
Probably think about like,Assume that it was probably
based on something you did.
Like it was probably your faultfor some reason, like for both
people to assume that I mean, Ialways think about like Our
fights tend to be, because Idon't like the way you bring
(14:29):
things to me.
But they're generally because ofthings that I am not rectifying
or some failure that I have oflike that I was supposed to take
action on something or thatthere's something that I
consistently do.
And I recognize generally thatI'm like, yes, this is something
I did.
That was wrong.
And it part of what makes meannoyed because yeah, it's
(14:49):
typically, it's a failure that Icommitted, which I dislike
strongly because I come from abackground where like everything
on ERT is about accountability.
So I hate it.
And all ERT guys hate making amistake.
I mean, we get jumped on it alot worse on ERT than at home.
But yes, I recognize it like.
It's typically.
(15:10):
I think the best takeaway is,think about it.
And there's probably somethingyou did that you have to own
that you did wrong.
I think the reason we fight isbecause I tend to get upset the
way you bring things to me.
Sometimes.
And I get that.
working on it.
And you have things that havenothing to do with me.
Yeah.
I do that spark you too.
(15:30):
And I think that I can.
You're getting better, but I canonly see those things.
If I worked on that, I thinklike I'm saying like clean up
your own side of the street.
Really.
Yeah.
Okay.
So there was a question abouthow we balance life with shift,
work craziness or something likethat.
So we addressed it a little bitalready, but, Matt works shift
(15:51):
work 12 hours, which is usuallymore like 13.
Anyways, and then you're gonealso like at least 25% of the
time.
Gone gone, gone by then.
How do we quote unquote balanceit?
Do you want to go first?
No.
We don't.
Yeah, that's true.
there's no balancing.
There's what I learned when wedid this.
(16:12):
And you basically have tosurrender to the fact that like,
Well, no, I was going to say yousurrender the fact that your
life is gone.
Like, no, it's not.
And I don't mean that in anegative way, what's the best
way to put this, like, so I havea full-time job takes up 48
hours of my week.
Over four days and effectivelyfor, for four days for 24 hour
(16:34):
periods, plus I'm gone.
My shifts are 12 hours.
I'm gone at like, Six in themorning till call it seven 30 or
8:00 PM at night.
Like I'm not, not coming back.
That day is gone.
There'll be a few things I canget done.
But mostly I come home.
We hang out a little bit.
We go to bed.
And I do that again.
(16:55):
For one more day, then the nextday I'm asleep for half the day.
I'm up for a bit of it.
And I go to sleep to try and getready to work nights.
And I worked 12 hours nights andI'm asleep.
I work another 12 hours nightsand I sleep.
Typically till like noon and Ihave three and a half days off,
basically.
While that's happening, you havea full-time job that takes up a
whole bunch of your time.
(17:15):
Like you're always working,You'll walk on the go.
You have a lot on your plate todo.
On top of that, we have Sophie,Sophie has five days of school.
She has activities.
Our time has gone and it's allearmarked.
I'll qualify this after, butlike you don't get hobbies.
Like there's no hobbies, there'sno life leftover for that.
And that's fine.
That's our obligation as parentswho both have full-time jobs, if
(17:37):
your hobbies are like, I'm luckyphotography kind of, if I want
to duck away for 20 minutes, 25minutes and sit on the computer
editing photos.
That's doable.
Like I can, I can leave.
I have little periods like that,but I'm not going out.
For like multiple hours a day.
I'm not going to leave for likea six hour travel out into the
Bush to go look for photos.
Sometimes I'll qualify it.
(17:59):
Yeah, you need me to plan thatEarly on, which is fine.
Like occasionally we can jumpaway to do that.
But our day is full.
Like it's pretty earmarked.
When I'm working, you take on awhole bunch, like you have to
cook, you have to look afterSophie or your mom helps.
Which is a benefit, obviouslythat not a lot of people have,
like we have grandparents tohelp out now that we're here.
(18:19):
But basically like when I'm notworking.
I do everything.
That's the household stuff.
So that I can You could work.
Yeah.
Which means making Sophie'slunch, Sophie goes to school.
I pick Sophie up from school.
She comes home.
I spend some time with Sophiethat I'm making dinner.
So I'm prepping all the food andcooking the food.
After that I'm cleaning up thekitchen.
(18:40):
We take turns doing teeth timeand bedtime with sophie and
stuff.
But I mean like it's a full day.
I pretty much always do drop offschool, drop off.
You always do pickup when you'rehere.
And then sometimes like, I leavebedtime to you a little bit more
when you're here, because whenyou're not here, you're like not
here.
No.
And I'm doing it.
But we manage it because I justaccept I mean that's part of
(19:02):
being a team.
Our choices are we either dothat or I come home from being
away for a week or I'm on mydays off.
And I'm like sorry, Anne you getto do everything, but you're
making it sound like we don'thave any fun.
We do for sure, but I tell youthis and I whine about this on
the regular.
we have a whole lot on the go.
And the only recourse was if Iwas a jerk and I was like, no,
(19:25):
you're, you're the wife.
Like you do it, which I'm notgoing to do because it's not my
style.
It's not my attitude.
I don't believe that's yourrole.
it seems fair.
I'm gone a week a month fortraining.
Otherwise I'm gone for shifts.
So I guess we have obligations,I do them when you're working
and vice versa.
So yeah.
I think that's how it works.
There are a few things which wecan talk about, which.
(19:47):
Are probably more influenced byme no, cause you're kind of the
food prep guy that make ourlives easier.
I also think just have to let goof the idea that it's going to
be perfect.
This is what so many people runinto is having two adults to be
working full time and parenting,and then to expect all the other
things that you're going to doon top of that.
I think shift work blows.
And.
(20:09):
communication You don't manageshift work is basically the
answer to it.
Like shift work manages you.
basically the only option forshift work is one partner is
doing everything when the otherperson is away.
And the other partner has got tobe prepared to basically take
over 99% of the stuff.
For the period that they'rehere.
(20:30):
Some families, two parents doshift work.
Well, well, then that's aterrible choice.
I don't know.
That's fine.
But now you're doing, it's thesame thing.
One person is working.
I'm assuming they're not doingshifts at the same time.
Otherwise they clearly have somesort of separate caregiver.
we have hobbies and I go to yogaand you can go out and, if you
(20:50):
want to go to that Jitsu summitor whatever, that's cool.
Most of my trips are for work.
the point is I think that's thenature of having young kids and
working.
It can be fun, right?
It sounds It's not like yourlife is over to go, jump in the
ocean.
It's just different.
But some things that help is,when we were in the lower
(21:11):
mainland and we were bothworking and Sophie was in
daycare, we got really into theswing of this.
that's when we really kind ofstarted, like you would do a
Costco shop every three weeks.
I would go to trader Joe's everythree weeks.
you would kind of do like a foodprep.
And then we still kind of dothat here.
I do more of the meal planningif you're home, you'll cook.
So I'm like, what do you want tocook?
But put it on a plan if he's notaround or I'm doing the cooking
(21:33):
then I plan the meals.
And I plan the shop and I planthe pickup and then one of us
gets the pick up, does a littlebit of prep.
that makes our life a loteasier.
We're pretty practiced at justswapping out for workouts.
Like, cause that's a priority toboth of us.
It's like we did that yesterday.
We both want it to work out.
And so you were like, I'll do itfirst And then I did it after,
(21:54):
because.
That's important to us.
I think that's what works for usis like, and I know you don't
like the planning piece, theplanning piece really works for
me, but.
You can buy into the prep and Ican buy into the planning.
And then we're both pretty goodat execution.
Sure.
So speaking of prep, there is aquestion, I think the question
was specifically How do youoperate when one of you is on a
(22:17):
diet?
And the question really waslike, do we ever eat differently
or how do we manage it?
And definitely are we all eatingdifferent things?
Are we all eating the samething?
So do you want to answer thisone?
I mean, you have a pretty setway of eating.
What.
You eat.
Chill eater ever.
(22:37):
Well, I know.
But your way of eating, you eatthe same stuff over and over
again.
So do you.
Yes, but my point is you'reconsistent.
Your diet is consistent forever.
you don't change things.
tell people what I, what allthese things are that I
apparently eat all the time.
So in the morning Anne puts afrying pan on the oven.
(22:57):
If we back up about 12 hours,I've cleaned the surface of with
soap and water and scrubby.
It's very nice.
'Cause I cleaned the kitchen.
Sometimes I clean it So anyways,you put a frying pan on you put
oil on it.
Then you put something on theoil, which causes it to splatter
and grease up the surface thatI've cleaned up.
As well as the surroundingcountertop and probably the
floor.
We're going to make themeatballs.
(23:17):
Get to the me eating part So youmake a huge mess.
You eat your English muffin withan egg and stuff, or like some,
basically some egg bread.
Combination.
And fruit and vegetables.
You buy green onions that eithergo bad or you add to that.
And then at lunch you make asalad typically.
(23:37):
With tuna.
And then the tuna can sits inthe sink with a combination of
water that you've poorly rinsedit with and tuna juice.
And I have to clean it.
And look at it.
I hate it.
You eat your salad with tuna.
And then I only eat tuna once aweek.
And then honestly that's aboutit.
Like you don't graze You likeyour Greek yogurt that's how you
(23:58):
eat consistently.
That's the thing.
I'm probably the one who's moreoften changing what I eat or how
frequently I eat.
Like I'm Way less consistentabout my eating.
sometimes I'm eating lots.
Sometimes I'm not eating a lot.
Depends other times, you know,like I going to fit into a
bikini for summer.
So like I'm trying to lean out.
I'm a member of the eatingdisorder response team.
(24:20):
So I'm frequently, frequentlytrying to lean out or get more
muscle or lean out or one of thetwo and then, so yeah, It's easy
for me because I feel like 90%of the time I'm cooking, so I
really control it, but that'snot true.
Like you're probably cooking.
50% of the time.
Cause you're not here..
we eat the same thing over andover again.
(24:40):
So it's not difficult.
the dinners I make are basicallythe same.
Do you want to know what I thinkabout that?
Sure.
Everybody gets what they wantfor breakfast.
Everyone does her own breakfast.
Everyone does their own lunch.
I, this is funny cause I grew upin a family where like you eat
lunch as a family.
We eat breakfast, lunch anddinner as a family, which is
good.
But like somebody makes lunchand then everybody eats it,
(25:01):
which is weird for you becauseyour family people still don't
eat lunch and there's just nofood at your house.
But like lunch, wasn't like afamily meal.
So that was weird for me.
And that's probably because wewere like, your family was all
in different places.
My dad did shift work.
Yeah, your mom was out of thehouse.
Yeah, my mom's working.
We were all at my mom was athome.
I was homeschooled.
Everybody was just ate lunch atthe same time.
(25:22):
That was a thing.
So that was weird for you, but aregular lunch is very normal for
me.
those things have come togetherand we always have family
dinner.
even you and I, before we hadSophie, we would always eat
dinner together unless one of uswas working or something.
So now I think we just havefound a place where you have
your things that you like tomake.
And, you know, the things that Ireally don't like that I will
(25:43):
like tolerate, but really don'tlike, like we noticed you make
that veggie thing all the time.
And we noticed that I wasbloated like every time,'cause
he's loading it with Parmesancheese, which was delicious,
loading it with Parmesan cheese,regardless, you were open to
collaboration and eliminated theParmesan cheese because it hurt
my stomach.
So thank you for that.
And then I have really grown asa domestic goddess in the past
(26:08):
four years.
And as a cook.
I have some things that I liketo make and you tell me which
ones are make again, and whichones are don't make again.
And I make them make, again,ones that we both like.
And then Sophie, we just offerher to eat, whatever.
Yeah.
So it's kind of like a littlecompromise.
How do we manage?
Do you guys eat differently?"first of all, like, oh, I'm
never dieting.
(26:29):
That question is not for me.
I'm never on a diet.
I'm never like, I can't eatthat.
If you were like, we're going toeat lean cuisine every night for
a year, I'd be like,"no, no." Ithink we just make whatever the
other person is eating.
Fit within whatever.
Goals are totally.
So like for me, I will adjustwhatever else I'm doing in my
(26:50):
day from a, like a macros pointof view.
I'll just make it fit.
if you're making spaghetti.
Then I'll just make that fitwith my day.
you seem to do the same.
we just make it fit within We'lltalk about it and plan it.
sometimes you are countingmacros.
so you'll track, whatever Igive.
Right.
If I do a good job with macros,but well, whatever.
And then I just want to know ifit's balanced.
(27:12):
So if you're cooking, I'd belike,"what are we having for
dinner?" Cause that's going toinform what I'm going to have
for lunch.
So it's a collaboration.
I think we also eat overall,probably really healthy.
Yeah.
So it's not difficult to reallyfit anything in.
we do eat pizza every singleweek.
Yeah.
But I mean, look separate fromthat.
Like our dinners are vegetables,meat.
(27:34):
A meat, a vegetable and A carbof some kind or just vegetables
and meat.
we don't have a lot of junk inour life.
Separate from pizza.
Yeah.
Occasional munchies.
Yeah.
weekend beer.
And I'll have wine or whatever.
The only other time we're eatingout is if we go on a date.
I had a goal last year for us togo on 12 dates and we managed
10.
So this year we're going to do12.
(27:55):
So probably once a month, atleast once or for traveling,
it's a little bit more, everyonce in a while we have like an
emergency sushi.
But that's pretty rare.
There will be days when it'sjust not worth it.
it's not happening.
You want to talk about whathappens when I don't have access
to food and how you?
I'm just thinking of the ferry.
at Christmas.
Anne is so consistent.
(28:17):
Yeah.
So the downside of consistency.
And regular eating is.
like, let's say Anne's got to goto a conference and the Pacific
coastal flight crash lands inthe wilderness.
And Anne has to sustain herselfby not eating for a day, to
build shelter, the hierarchy ofneeds.
she would just die.
(28:38):
On purpose.
Like she just be like,"well, I'mnot going to eat every two
hours.
So I guess I'll die." That's notaccurate.
I don't need every two hours,every four hours.
I don't graze.
don't make that mistake.
Can you back me up?
Your priorities are skewed whenit comes to eating versus
accomplishing a mission.
Yeah.
Eating sleeping on my toppriorities after Sophie.
(28:58):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like I will get off the ferry inComox and drive to Victoria.
And if your goal is to get toVictoria, you don't need to eat
or stop a bunch of times tosource food.
Like you need to get there.
But Anne will die.
Yeah.
I won't die, but I will.
I got pretty hangry about it.
Yes.
It will cause some frustration.
But the thought of potentiallynot getting to eat will make you
(29:19):
angry.
just to conclude all that, it'seasy for us because we are
pretty congruent in ourlifestyles, like our lifestyle
around food and exercise is verysimilar.
Which means it's not difficultfor us to work around one
another for food.
we also know that about eachother.
This is something that I'll talkto clients about a lot When they
(29:40):
have a difference of prioritywith their partner.
I will often say like, okay,like as a couple, what's your
personal policy around that?
And usually they don't havepolicy, which is why there's
conflict.
But it's like, we know what isimportant to one another.
And so it's easy to makedecisions and plans through that
lens because it's like, we bothknow what our policies are
(30:01):
around.
X Y and Zed.
If we were very much differentin our priorities for fitness
and nutrition, I think it wouldbe tougher.
I mean, I know how you'd workaround it, but you just do your
own thing, but you'd alsoprobably have to cook.
Definitely.
If your job is to cook for yourfamily, you're probably going to
have to cook for your entirefamily and prep your own stuff
separately, which is just goingto be a pain in the bum.
(30:24):
Collaboration and communication.
Okay next question.
Question was how do you all talkabout diet culture as a family?
Does it have a negative impact?
How do you talk about it?
You want to take that one?
In my house, like when I grewup, I had two brothers, which
meant that there was obviously ascarcity of resources food-wise
anyway, because perceivedscarcity.
(30:44):
We were always fighting forfood.
Not a real scarcity.
I have routinely been on thereceiving end of no Turkey at
holiday dinners.
Either due to some sort ofdeceit.
Or just failure to fight for it.
But we grew up like a very much,like a you'll finish everything
that's on your plate.
before desserts, that was a big,a big thing.
It wasn't a real choice thing.
It was like, this is what's fordinner.
(31:06):
If you don't eat it, Then youdon't get anything, which is
fine.
But like, that's what I grew upwith.
It's like, you will finishwhat's on your plate.
So dessert was always like areward for finishing your food.
And it was always about like,you have to finish all your
food.
I mean, it was the eighties.
So nobody was talking aboutlike, what are your hunger cues
and things like that.
It was like, You'll finish this.
(31:27):
And occasionally my mother wouldassault with a carrot.
It was a raw carrot.
it would break and she hit mybrother with it once.
So that's what you learned.
Not that we ate like superpoorly or anything, but like my
parents didn't have any sort ofnutritional knowledge.
they're not big, athletes theytook up running and exercise at
anyone did like as a parent, butlike we, weren't a exercise
focused family.
(31:47):
I hated sports.
So I didn't really do much ofthat.
And it was like, we didn'tregulate anything, which is
fine.
I was definitely a cookiesneaker full show.
And I also, as you well know,I'm like a goldfish, I don't
have an off switch.
if there is a bag of somethinglike it's job is to be finished,
but you will accomplish the taskof finishing these cookies.
(32:07):
So that is, that's something Igrew up with, that was
definitely what I have as mybackground.
I fall back on that a lot of thetime.
Which you're very much not onboard with like the bad food,
like good food, bad foods.
You don't use that languagethough.
No.
And that's when I was going toget you, like, I was going to
let you say your piece, buteffectively, I know that my
method doesn't work.
the reason that I have such atough time.
(32:29):
I'm constantly in a state ofeither gaining weight or losing
weight, be it positive ornegative for bulking for muscle
or leaning out, the reason I'mdoing that all the time and it's
such a yo-yo is because of theway I was brought up.
I would a hundred percent optfor your method than mine
because mine takes way moremental bandwidth than I would
like.
(32:50):
I follow your lead when we dealwith Sophie.
I don't talk about bad foods.
I don't say"You're going to getfat, you're not going to get
fat." I don't use that kind oflanguage.
Around her.
Cause obviously I don't want herto have that burden.
Like life's tough enough whenyou're a kid.
So I follow your lead for a lotof that.
Well, we don't talk about thatabout anyone else either though,
no.
for sure.
At all, like we just don't talkabout people's bodies.
(33:11):
I can't really remember.
I think that I also had that,like, you have to finish your
plate to get dessert thing, butit must not have been so strong
cause I can't remember it to behonest with you.
I mean, we know that I developedsome things later on, but I had
a very healthy relationship withfood growing up.
Like I've shared, like you eatthree meals a day as a family,
you eat like snacks are apriority.
(33:32):
When you're hungry eat, likethat's kind of how I was taught.
I have a pretty healthyrelationship with food.
It was the nineties.
So there was some, you know,liquid cheese.
But for the most part, we had asalad every day, if not with
dinner, like with lunch.
I just grew up like reallyfortunately with some really
good habits.
everybody here probably knows mystory about my disordered eating
(33:53):
and university.
Because I know that, and then Iwas really interested to learn,
like when we had a kid, how dowe create a healthy, mindful
eater?
So I really have done a lot ofresearch on it, which I'm
grateful that you were willingto learn the approach that I
wanted to take, which I thinkhas worked quite well.
Sophie's a pretty easy eater.
She's more recently gotten alittle bit more picky, but I
(34:14):
think she's just like learningwhat she likes.
I mean, just watching hercompared to like her friends, I
just would say that she'sdefinitely more regulated than
some kids that I see around herShe will pick up a cookie and
then be like, yeah, I don'treally want this.
Or if she eats half a candy caneand then she's good.
I don't want to say it's like acop-out, but I think it's easier
for her because I think havingtwo parents who are relatively
(34:38):
focused on like eating healthyexercising.
I think that behaviour just kindof becomes normal.
That's what she knows.
You know, what I was thinking oftheir day is cause like she
doesn't have the experience ofhaving TV with commercials.
But Amazon has commercials now.
And I was watching somethingwith her yesterday and this
commercial came on and I wasjust kind of taken aback first
(34:59):
off because I forgot that therewas like, why are there
commercials?
And then it was like this reallythin woman doing yoga.
And I was kind of like, why isthis like on a kid's show?
And it just made me think thatkids of her generation, have
this whole other mess up problemwith YouTube, which is like why
she's not allowed to have a freefor all on YouTube, but it's a
benefit that they're not justbeing exposed to commercials.
That's how we learn about somuch junk food.
(35:20):
Is like Dunkaroos commercialsand I don't know.
They get that in other ways nowon the internet and stuff.
But all that to say how wenavigate diet culture, I think
was the question.
So I think that we just don'ttalk about bodies.
We don't talk about good food,bad food.
We encourage eating when you'rehungry.
Sometimes you're not hungry yet,but you still have to eat
(35:40):
because when you get hungry,you're going to be swimming or
at gymnastics or on a boat, Veryconfusing for seven year old.
It is because she's like, So Iwould say that's like one that
we're working through right now.
we just don't talk about it thatmuch and we try to keep it
neutral.
And that's it.
one last question, which is justfor you, is what puts a smile on
(36:05):
your face about your job and howdo you keep work and home life
separate.
I think the first question, whatputs a smile on my face for my
job is twofold.
My job is the front row ticketto like the greatest show on
earth.
Like the world is a circus.
I think I have a good sense ofhumour, but There is something
hilarious about half the stuff Ideal with the most ridiculous
(36:28):
nonsense is I would say there'salways a shift, something that
is hilarious, even if it's Iwill say sometimes it's at
someone's expense or like it'sjust from something being so
gross or just so terrible likeyou can't even imagine, but.
Like the job is.
Always, there's always somethingfunny going on, like just the
most ridiculous nonsense youwill see that you would never
(36:50):
see anywhere else in your life.
I think it's part of it.
On the GD(General Duty) thestreet side of things, I have a
really good group of people thatI work with and I really enjoy.
I think you get the same mindsetas a lot of the people you work
with.
And so we're always having agood time.
Like we're always laughingtypically, on the ERT side of
things, I love working with thepeople I work with.
(37:12):
I've never had a better group ofpeople that I enjoy spending
time with than my ERTcolleagues, second being the
people I work with on the watchand it's a very close second.
Like I love working with allthose people.
They're super great.
So that I think is the positive.
That's what I really like aboutmy job.
Like working with those people.
How do you give it separate?
you don't.
I think it was probably theanswer.
I think some people do.
(37:33):
Really well, some people havegot a really good hang of it.
I think some people have a goodmindset.
For keeping it separate.
I think some people have ahealthy way of dealing with it
that keeps it separate.
Like I know guys that I workwith here who when they shut
down at the end of the shift,like it doesn't go with them,
it's there and they're not sodeeply invested in the outcome
of everything that they do, thatit believes into their life.
(37:55):
Even from the onset of mycareer, I adopted a bad method
of dealing with it and Icompartmentalize and I was
really good atcompartmentalizing, but
compartmentalizing is justbuilding a wall around stuff.
And that wall is only good untilit's not.
And then stuff starts to leakout.
I don't think it often overtlyleak out into our life.
(38:18):
But it definitely leaks out ofthe way I respond to things
sometimes.
It will never be like so acutethat you could say, oh, well,
that's something you dealt within your job, well, unless I'm
telling you directly aboutsomething that occurred.
But the ways that it starts toleak into the facets of how you
communicate with people, whetheryou communicate with people
separate from your life.
(38:38):
I don't think I do keep itseparate.
I do for the most part.
And I think you get better andworse, but it's something that
you become more skilled at thelonger you do the job, but it's
also something that the longeryou do the job, the more that
cup fills up that you're tryingto keep separate.
So.
I think I would say I don't.
A hundred percent.
I think I just manage it.
And for the most part.
It works out.
I think I've done it.
Okay.
(38:58):
But.
You can always do better.
Thanks for having me on themuscles and mindset revolution
podcast, the podcast for,ambitious women.
Want to get fit.
And other stuff.
Yeah, you got it and want to doother stuff good, too.
(39:18):
That's sponsored by MusclesMindset.
Sponsored by muscles in mindset.
Speaker (39:22):
That's it for today.
I'd love to hear what you think.
But before you go, keep an eyeon my social media this week.
I've got something big comingfor you that you won't want to
miss.
Trust me.
If you have ever wanted to workwith us, This is for you.
You're going to want to hear it.
And Hey, if you love thisepisode, it would mean the world
to me.
If you left us a five starreview, it helps more women like
(39:45):
you to find this podcast andstart their own journey to
confidence, strength, andlasting results.
Thank you for listening and I'llsee you next time.
Welcome to the muscles andmindset revolution.
The podcast for ambitious womenwho want to build strength feel
confident AF, and lose fat forgood, without counting calories,
endless cardio or BS quickfixes.
I'm your host certified lifecoach, personal trainer and
mindset expert, Anne Jones.
After 15 plus years in thefitness industry, I know the
real key to lasting change isn'tjust what you do.
(00:21):
It's how you think.
If you're ready to shift yourmindset, build a lifestyle you
love and feel confident AFyou're in the right place.
Let's dive in.
For those of you who arelistening on audio, my husband's
head is sneaking sideways intothe frame here.
This is my guest.
Matt Horsfield if you're new tothe podcast.
(00:43):
Welcome.
And if you're returning, thanksfor coming back.
So to celebrate Valentine's daytoday's guest is my lovely
husband, Matt we have done livesbefore that are always requested
back by popular demand.
So we're doing the podcasttogether today.
You're welcome.
Hello?
Hi.
So the first question peoplehave is how we met.
(01:08):
Do you want to tell this storyor do you want me to tell the
story?
Sure.
Do I have a time crunch or.
No, you just go for it.
I was working up in the frozennorth of British Columbia.
And Anne was working as anewspaper reporter up there.
And she decided she was going todo a story about my coworkers
and I guess, well, I guess myjob.
(01:28):
And so she did a ride along withone of my colleagues and I met
her.
She came into the office.
Tried to take me away from myimportant typing.
You thought I was rude.
Because I waved at you insteadof turning around.
Yeah.
When I first came in.
And this person introduced me tohim.
He didn't even turn around justlike.
I was busy.
(01:48):
I was typing away.
So I didn't care about you, butthen you came back in and you
were like, oh, you guys aregoing for coffee.
Maybe I'll come.
But I didn't think that hadanything to do with me.
There you go.
When the guys went for coffeelater on, she was at the coffee.
I went there as well.
She kicked me a bunch of timesin the leg.
Under the table.
I assume on purpose.
after that you sought me out andstarted dating me.
(02:13):
I'm pretty sure that's the mainbullet points.
Most of that is accurate.
I was under the impression thatyou came for coffee because I
was going or no, I was not.
No, it was because you werethere.
Sure.
And then what actually happenedafter that?
Cause I didn't seek you outreally.
Did I, did we have text messagesyet?
Was there texting or did I phoneyou?
(02:34):
I think we had texting, but youdid phone me cause I was at work
at the newspaper office and Iremember taking the call outside
and I was like taken aback byhow deep your voice was.
I remember that vividly.
I was like, oh my God.
But I think that's your way ofsaying that you then asked me
out.
Yeah, I think so.
We went for coffee and then theywent back to your office or
something.
(02:55):
I don't remember.
that was a long time ago.
I agree with the most of that.
I think that you told that themost accurately you ever have?
Probably, I don't know what Inormally change that you would
think was inaccurate.
I feel like you leave out someof the details about how really,
like you were interested in me.
Yes.
Very much so.
Yes.
Okay.
The rest is history.
(03:15):
And then we were.
Okay, how do we operate as ateam?
I don't know.
I don't think we've ever reallystructured it.
I mean, We're relationship as ateam.
Because yeah, I think weoperated as a team when we
didn't have a kid, we operate asa team, more so now that we have
a kid.
I feel like we have grown inthis though, and I can kind of
(03:36):
think of the timeline.
Do you want to hear what Ithink?
Sure.
I think that when we were young.
So I'm thinking of like, when wewere super young and we lived in
Fort Nelson, it was like, Wedon't really have any
responsibilities.
But then when we first moved tothe lower mainland, you were
working a lot and you were gonea lot.
I feel like that was a harderperiod in our relationship.
If you recall, I think it waschallenging because you were
(03:59):
gone a lot.
Sometimes you were overseas.
I couldn't even talk to you.
So I think at that time, and Iwasn't working as much, so I
took on more of the just runningof the house.
But I do remember one thing thatI learned at that time, Was we
would fight a lot when you wouldcome home from traveling.
Cause I hadn't seen you for daysand then I hadn't been able to
talk to you and I would be like,you can come in the door, jet
(04:20):
lagged, and then I'd be like,Hey, I need you to like this and
this and this.
And it always caused a fight.
Right.
So I think that was one of thefirst things that I learned was;
I started a policy.
And I think I shared this withyou at that time was just to not
bring you anything that night,like to give it a day.
And that really helped.
One thing that I learned, thisis also when I started going to
(04:42):
therapy and one super annoyingthing that my psychologist
shared with me that.
I always come back to is, and Ihave heard this from clients all
the time that it's like, hedidn't X, Y Zed, or he just
didn't like, he didn't do this.
And I remember my psychologistsaying like, You mean, he didn't
do it the way that you wouldhave done it.
And that was really big for meis to recognize.
(05:03):
That you are not me.
And we do things differently.
Yeah, I think our dynamic fromliving together in Fort Nelson
changed a lot when we went tothe lower mainland because I was
gone so much that it almost likewe pretty much became like,
Dating people who sporadicallylived together.
Yeah.
Which put a lot of burden on youbecause we still had to pay for
(05:26):
our hosts and do all thelogistics of housing.
And I was away so much.
It was like I would come homeand be home for a few days, but
then I'd be gone.
And like we had to like separatelives.
And at the same time, like youwere doing schooling.
A lot of schooling and stuff anddoing all your, your Zumba and
stuff like that.
And I was away.
So even when I was home, you'dbe gone a lot of the time at
(05:49):
work or doing something.
So we didn't really have to workas a team because they're so
separately, we have so much timeto ourselves all the time that
there was like, whatever wewanted to do, we were basically
doing.
And the other stuff,unfortunately just kind of fell
on you because I was home verylimited time.
And the first day I was home invariably was a gong show.
Yeah.
Cause I was wrecked.
(06:10):
I'm leaving at school too.
And then kind of like 2015 whenI was done school.
And you started working on.
ERT.
I feel like we felt a little bitmore into a rhythm because your
schedule is more regular.
I created my own schedule.
We were both very busy, but Ithink that's when we got into
more of that, You know, I wentto trader Joe's.
You made pizza on Fridays.
You started doing the Costcoshop cause like you were around
(06:32):
more.
I think that's where we fellinto our division of labour.
Our life stabilized a lot morebecause yeah, a hundred percent
Once I was home all the time, westarted to kind of figure out
things.
I don't think it was aschallenging as it was going to
get, because we still had anabundance of free time.
It was very easy to demarcate.
Things a little more clearly.
(06:53):
And a little easier.
It was much more consistent.
You still did the lion share ofhouse logistics, but then you
started cooking more.
I took over more of the physicaloperations of the home, wheras
you did all the money logistics.
And then once we had Sophie, Ididn't get maternity leave of
any kind.
So you took paternity leave,which was great.
We went through figuring it outagain then because it's like,
One person is at work and hasexpectations of this person
(07:16):
who's at home.
I wanted to come home to like aclean house and a happy baby at
a home cooked meal.
And usually I did, I was gonnasay, I think, I think it was
just another like relearning andthen you went back to work and
then it all changed again.
My life just disappeared.
Although it was like, so likemy, when we had Sophie.
(07:37):
Like it was not a transition.
It was like an instant.
The time, my time was gone.
Like no more.
Never again was I like spendinghours.
Like playing video games or likegoing out and being away for
eight hours, like leaving to gothe range out in mission.
Drive an hour and go shoot forlike four hours.
(07:59):
I wasn't gone for six hours fromthe house.
Like it was a pretty much anight and day switch for me.
You had a little harder to keepgoing to work.
But yeah, I think we fell intothose roles without a lot of
friction.
And then by the time we movedhere, we were in a pretty
routine, like it was prettysmooth.
I think.
Like having a toddler and thenboth of us were working full
(08:21):
time.
I had started my business.
And then we went through anothertough transition when we moved
here, which was really hard forboth of us.
Sophie was three.
And then that's when youreturned to shift work, which
was one of the questions that wehad, which was another tricky
transition.
Probably one of the hardest onesactually.
Toddler, my business wasgrowing.
You were here working shiftwork, and then half the time you
(08:43):
were on the island doing ERTstuff.
So fully away for at least aweek, a month, like fully away,
away, away.
I'm single parenting, which I'mnow quite used to.
But it was a lot in thebeginning and this was like a
new place and this house had alot of things and that was
really, really hard.
That caused some tension betweenyou and I, which was mostly
individually about us, but wefigured it out.
(09:05):
I think our transition frictionwas predominantly individual.
It just was a storm over here, astorm over here.
And they were just whacking toeach other here and there.
So that was the main parts ofit.
I was probably the largerhurricane.
Yes.
Your piece out of the way, Thatforced me to learn how to be
(09:26):
independent of you, like be herefor you and not Take on your
storm.
Which.
I needed to learn.
Spoiler alert, shift work sucks.
Yeah I just hate it.
Yeah.
I mean, we are used to now, butoh gosh.
Yeah, I really do hate it.
If those probably the hardest.
That's probably worse than theflying.
(09:48):
shift work is worse.
I don't know.
It's hard to say, but I don'tthink it's, I don't like it.
Well, I mean, we couldn't do theflying these days with a kid
probably, but I mean, people doit but yeah.
one thing that I wanted to touchon with something that you
brought up recently, when we'rediscussing someone else, and you
said that we have practicedfighting.
(10:10):
Like we've got it down, which Iremember hearing when I was
younger, like, why would you,but I totally get it now.
that's a big topic.
Like we have two very differentconflict styles.
Yeah.
Informed by; me, my job.
Yeah.
And you, I guess your upbringingor just how you've, you've moved
to deal with things.
I think our styles of conflictcame into alignment.
(10:34):
That is what resolved.
It sounds like we're fightingall the time, which we don't.
but we almost never fight now.
And when we do, it's done inlike 10 minutes.
I think that's the biggestthing.
It's like, we bounce back somuch faster, which, and I've
talked to lots of my girlfriendsabout this too, is like when
you're young and you're in yourtwenties and you're so dumb,
everything is like so dramatic.
It's like so explosive and sucha big deal.
(10:56):
And it goes on all night.
And in the past several years,it's like, First of all, we
fight way less.
And when we do, we are generallyon the same team and it wraps up
like pretty quick, because yeah,I think that we've practiced.
And let's just say what it iswhen you're saying we have two
different conflict styles orfighting style, yours is to
(11:17):
compartmentalize.
You want to leave the situation.
How do I say this withoutsounding judgey.
I don't want to be like thepeople I deal with.
So I hate drama and I hateeverything I see has taught me
or at least I get theimpression, if you just leave,
like just don't be in thatsituation that situation's not
going to occur.
So yes, I want to.
(11:38):
I prefer to just leave andseparate from the situation.
Whereas yeah, you're really, youreally want to hash it out,
which is funny because a lot ofthe people I've talked to, a lot
of my colleagues who I've talkedto, like if we get in
conversations about likeconflict with your spouses, we,
all we do are very similar inwanting to like, Nope.
I don't want anything to do withthis, but it's probably, I
(11:59):
suspect that might be a job-related thing.
I've gotten better at, I know, Iknow what pisses you off.
Yes.
And I've gotten better at notdoing that.
When we fight.
Yeah.
And I've gotten better over theyears.
I mean, it took awhile, but ofme communicating that to you.
Do I not do anything tocontribute to our relationship?
(12:20):
You're very aware of what you...
I'm the self.
You're smiling.
I'm self-aware.
I'm the one doing all this work,like mindset work.
Which I don't think you don'talways employ this totally.
You are always aware of whatyou're doing.
Well, and we have a, I haven'tdone this for a long time.
I used to have this pattern.
(12:40):
Do you know what I'm gonna say?
I think so, but we'll see.
Yeah, I probably do, but I don'tneed to explain it before you
explain it.
My nighttime thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, I had this pattern ofgetting, and this was about my
anxiety, which if I wasn'tself-aware, I wouldn't know.
Right.
I was just like, he's the worst.
This is all because of him.
And I would have these sort oflike before bed meltdowns, and
(13:03):
then, you know, you go to bedand it's like, I need, this is
not unique in couples.
I'm sure.
It's like, I need to talk toyou.
And then I would be so upset andI would go to bed angry.
I'd be very confused.
And then I'd wake up in themorning regulated and be like
texting, like, oh my God.
I'm so sorry.
I was like being so crazy lastnight.
Ah, I shouldn't call myselfcrazy, but that was a pattern
(13:24):
that I recognized was about me.
Which I nipped in the bud.
While you knew it was happening,You just accepted it for awhile.
I just was like, I'm going toget beat on for a while.
Figuratively.
Mostly.
Yeah.
It's very, it's extremelysporadic these days.
I really dealt with my anxietyin the past couple years.
(13:46):
Yeah.
You're a pro.
You take my mindset advice too.
You just don't know it.
You just absorb it like twoyears after I employ it.
Sure.
I feel very solid in ourconnection and our teamwork now.
So I feel confident in sayingNot that we're perfect, but that
if I were to give sometakeaways, It would be to
probably practice fighting workon your own shit and your own
(14:08):
self-awareness.
if you're fighting.
Probably think about like,Assume that it was probably
based on something you did.
Like it was probably your faultfor some reason, like for both
people to assume that I mean, Ialways think about like Our
fights tend to be, because Idon't like the way you bring
(14:29):
things to me.
But they're generally because ofthings that I am not rectifying
or some failure that I have oflike that I was supposed to take
action on something or thatthere's something that I
consistently do.
And I recognize generally thatI'm like, yes, this is something
I did.
That was wrong.
And it part of what makes meannoyed because yeah, it's
(14:49):
typically, it's a failure that Icommitted, which I dislike
strongly because I come from abackground where like everything
on ERT is about accountability.
So I hate it.
And all ERT guys hate making amistake.
I mean, we get jumped on it alot worse on ERT than at home.
But yes, I recognize it like.
It's typically.
(15:10):
I think the best takeaway is,think about it.
And there's probably somethingyou did that you have to own
that you did wrong.
I think the reason we fight isbecause I tend to get upset the
way you bring things to me.
Sometimes.
And I get that.
working on it.
And you have things that havenothing to do with me.
Yeah.
I do that spark you too.
(15:30):
And I think that I can.
You're getting better, but I canonly see those things.
If I worked on that, I thinklike I'm saying like clean up
your own side of the street.
Really.
Yeah.
Okay.
So there was a question abouthow we balance life with shift,
work craziness or something likethat.
So we addressed it a little bitalready, but, Matt works shift
(15:51):
work 12 hours, which is usuallymore like 13.
Anyways, and then you're gonealso like at least 25% of the
time.
Gone gone, gone by then.
How do we quote unquote balanceit?
Do you want to go first?
No.
We don't.
Yeah, that's true.
there's no balancing.
There's what I learned when wedid this.
(16:12):
And you basically have tosurrender to the fact that like,
Well, no, I was going to say yousurrender the fact that your
life is gone.
Like, no, it's not.
And I don't mean that in anegative way, what's the best
way to put this, like, so I havea full-time job takes up 48
hours of my week.
Over four days and effectivelyfor, for four days for 24 hour
(16:34):
periods, plus I'm gone.
My shifts are 12 hours.
I'm gone at like, Six in themorning till call it seven 30 or
8:00 PM at night.
Like I'm not, not coming back.
That day is gone.
There'll be a few things I canget done.
But mostly I come home.
We hang out a little bit.
We go to bed.
And I do that again.
(16:55):
For one more day, then the nextday I'm asleep for half the day.
I'm up for a bit of it.
And I go to sleep to try and getready to work nights.
And I worked 12 hours nights andI'm asleep.
I work another 12 hours nightsand I sleep.
Typically till like noon and Ihave three and a half days off,
basically.
While that's happening, you havea full-time job that takes up a
whole bunch of your time.
(17:15):
Like you're always working,You'll walk on the go.
You have a lot on your plate todo.
On top of that, we have Sophie,Sophie has five days of school.
She has activities.
Our time has gone and it's allearmarked.
I'll qualify this after, butlike you don't get hobbies.
Like there's no hobbies, there'sno life leftover for that.
And that's fine.
That's our obligation as parentswho both have full-time jobs, if
(17:37):
your hobbies are like, I'm luckyphotography kind of, if I want
to duck away for 20 minutes, 25minutes and sit on the computer
editing photos.
That's doable.
Like I can, I can leave.
I have little periods like that,but I'm not going out.
For like multiple hours a day.
I'm not going to leave for likea six hour travel out into the
Bush to go look for photos.
Sometimes I'll qualify it.
(17:59):
Yeah, you need me to plan thatEarly on, which is fine.
Like occasionally we can jumpaway to do that.
But our day is full.
Like it's pretty earmarked.
When I'm working, you take on awhole bunch, like you have to
cook, you have to look afterSophie or your mom helps.
Which is a benefit, obviouslythat not a lot of people have,
like we have grandparents tohelp out now that we're here.
(18:19):
But basically like when I'm notworking.
I do everything.
That's the household stuff.
So that I can You could work.
Yeah.
Which means making Sophie'slunch, Sophie goes to school.
I pick Sophie up from school.
She comes home.
I spend some time with Sophiethat I'm making dinner.
So I'm prepping all the food andcooking the food.
After that I'm cleaning up thekitchen.
(18:40):
We take turns doing teeth timeand bedtime with sophie and
stuff.
But I mean like it's a full day.
I pretty much always do drop offschool, drop off.
You always do pickup when you'rehere.
And then sometimes like, I leavebedtime to you a little bit more
when you're here, because whenyou're not here, you're like not
here.
No.
And I'm doing it.
But we manage it because I justaccept I mean that's part of
(19:02):
being a team.
Our choices are we either dothat or I come home from being
away for a week or I'm on mydays off.
And I'm like sorry, Anne you getto do everything, but you're
making it sound like we don'thave any fun.
We do for sure, but I tell youthis and I whine about this on
the regular.
we have a whole lot on the go.
And the only recourse was if Iwas a jerk and I was like, no,
(19:25):
you're, you're the wife.
Like you do it, which I'm notgoing to do because it's not my
style.
It's not my attitude.
I don't believe that's yourrole.
it seems fair.
I'm gone a week a month fortraining.
Otherwise I'm gone for shifts.
So I guess we have obligations,I do them when you're working
and vice versa.
So yeah.
I think that's how it works.
There are a few things which wecan talk about, which.
(19:47):
Are probably more influenced byme no, cause you're kind of the
food prep guy that make ourlives easier.
I also think just have to let goof the idea that it's going to
be perfect.
This is what so many people runinto is having two adults to be
working full time and parenting,and then to expect all the other
things that you're going to doon top of that.
I think shift work blows.
And.
(20:09):
communication You don't manageshift work is basically the
answer to it.
Like shift work manages you.
basically the only option forshift work is one partner is
doing everything when the otherperson is away.
And the other partner has got tobe prepared to basically take
over 99% of the stuff.
For the period that they'rehere.
(20:30):
Some families, two parents doshift work.
Well, well, then that's aterrible choice.
I don't know.
That's fine.
But now you're doing, it's thesame thing.
One person is working.
I'm assuming they're not doingshifts at the same time.
Otherwise they clearly have somesort of separate caregiver.
we have hobbies and I go to yogaand you can go out and, if you
(20:50):
want to go to that Jitsu summitor whatever, that's cool.
Most of my trips are for work.
the point is I think that's thenature of having young kids and
working.
It can be fun, right?
It sounds It's not like yourlife is over to go, jump in the
ocean.
It's just different.
But some things that help is,when we were in the lower
(21:11):
mainland and we were bothworking and Sophie was in
daycare, we got really into theswing of this.
that's when we really kind ofstarted, like you would do a
Costco shop every three weeks.
I would go to trader Joe's everythree weeks.
you would kind of do like a foodprep.
And then we still kind of dothat here.
I do more of the meal planningif you're home, you'll cook.
So I'm like, what do you want tocook?
But put it on a plan if he's notaround or I'm doing the cooking
(21:33):
then I plan the meals.
And I plan the shop and I planthe pickup and then one of us
gets the pick up, does a littlebit of prep.
that makes our life a loteasier.
We're pretty practiced at justswapping out for workouts.
Like, cause that's a priority toboth of us.
It's like we did that yesterday.
We both want it to work out.
And so you were like, I'll do itfirst And then I did it after,
(21:54):
because.
That's important to us.
I think that's what works for usis like, and I know you don't
like the planning piece, theplanning piece really works for
me, but.
You can buy into the prep and Ican buy into the planning.
And then we're both pretty goodat execution.
Sure.
So speaking of prep, there is aquestion, I think the question
was specifically How do youoperate when one of you is on a
(22:17):
diet?
And the question really waslike, do we ever eat differently
or how do we manage it?
And definitely are we all eatingdifferent things?
Are we all eating the samething?
So do you want to answer thisone?
I mean, you have a pretty setway of eating.
What.
You eat.
Chill eater ever.
(22:37):
Well, I know.
But your way of eating, you eatthe same stuff over and over
again.
So do you.
Yes, but my point is you'reconsistent.
Your diet is consistent forever.
you don't change things.
tell people what I, what allthese things are that I
apparently eat all the time.
So in the morning Anne puts afrying pan on the oven.
(22:57):
If we back up about 12 hours,I've cleaned the surface of with
soap and water and scrubby.
It's very nice.
'Cause I cleaned the kitchen.
Sometimes I clean it So anyways,you put a frying pan on you put
oil on it.
Then you put something on theoil, which causes it to splatter
and grease up the surface thatI've cleaned up.
As well as the surroundingcountertop and probably the
floor.
We're going to make themeatballs.
(23:17):
Get to the me eating part So youmake a huge mess.
You eat your English muffin withan egg and stuff, or like some,
basically some egg bread.
Combination.
And fruit and vegetables.
You buy green onions that eithergo bad or you add to that.
And then at lunch you make asalad typically.
(23:37):
With tuna.
And then the tuna can sits inthe sink with a combination of
water that you've poorly rinsedit with and tuna juice.
And I have to clean it.
And look at it.
I hate it.
You eat your salad with tuna.
And then I only eat tuna once aweek.
And then honestly that's aboutit.
Like you don't graze You likeyour Greek yogurt that's how you
(23:58):
eat consistently.
That's the thing.
I'm probably the one who's moreoften changing what I eat or how
frequently I eat.
Like I'm Way less consistentabout my eating.
sometimes I'm eating lots.
Sometimes I'm not eating a lot.
Depends other times, you know,like I going to fit into a
bikini for summer.
So like I'm trying to lean out.
I'm a member of the eatingdisorder response team.
(24:20):
So I'm frequently, frequentlytrying to lean out or get more
muscle or lean out or one of thetwo and then, so yeah, It's easy
for me because I feel like 90%of the time I'm cooking, so I
really control it, but that'snot true.
Like you're probably cooking.
50% of the time.
Cause you're not here..
we eat the same thing over andover again.
(24:40):
So it's not difficult.
the dinners I make are basicallythe same.
Do you want to know what I thinkabout that?
Sure.
Everybody gets what they wantfor breakfast.
Everyone does her own breakfast.
Everyone does their own lunch.
I, this is funny cause I grew upin a family where like you eat
lunch as a family.
We eat breakfast, lunch anddinner as a family, which is
good.
But like somebody makes lunchand then everybody eats it,
(25:01):
which is weird for you becauseyour family people still don't
eat lunch and there's just nofood at your house.
But like lunch, wasn't like afamily meal.
So that was weird for me.
And that's probably because wewere like, your family was all
in different places.
My dad did shift work.
Yeah, your mom was out of thehouse.
Yeah, my mom's working.
We were all at my mom was athome.
I was homeschooled.
Everybody was just ate lunch atthe same time.
(25:22):
That was a thing.
So that was weird for you, but aregular lunch is very normal for
me.
those things have come togetherand we always have family
dinner.
even you and I, before we hadSophie, we would always eat
dinner together unless one of uswas working or something.
So now I think we just havefound a place where you have
your things that you like tomake.
And, you know, the things that Ireally don't like that I will
(25:43):
like tolerate, but really don'tlike, like we noticed you make
that veggie thing all the time.
And we noticed that I wasbloated like every time,'cause
he's loading it with Parmesancheese, which was delicious,
loading it with Parmesan cheese,regardless, you were open to
collaboration and eliminated theParmesan cheese because it hurt
my stomach.
So thank you for that.
And then I have really grown asa domestic goddess in the past
(26:08):
four years.
And as a cook.
I have some things that I liketo make and you tell me which
ones are make again, and whichones are don't make again.
And I make them make, again,ones that we both like.
And then Sophie, we just offerher to eat, whatever.
Yeah.
So it's kind of like a littlecompromise.
How do we manage?
Do you guys eat differently?"first of all, like, oh, I'm
never dieting.
(26:29):
That question is not for me.
I'm never on a diet.
I'm never like, I can't eatthat.
If you were like, we're going toeat lean cuisine every night for
a year, I'd be like,"no, no." Ithink we just make whatever the
other person is eating.
Fit within whatever.
Goals are totally.
So like for me, I will adjustwhatever else I'm doing in my
(26:50):
day from a, like a macros pointof view.
I'll just make it fit.
if you're making spaghetti.
Then I'll just make that fitwith my day.
you seem to do the same.
we just make it fit within We'lltalk about it and plan it.
sometimes you are countingmacros.
so you'll track, whatever Igive.
Right.
If I do a good job with macros,but well, whatever.
And then I just want to know ifit's balanced.
(27:12):
So if you're cooking, I'd belike,"what are we having for
dinner?" Cause that's going toinform what I'm going to have
for lunch.
So it's a collaboration.
I think we also eat overall,probably really healthy.
Yeah.
So it's not difficult to reallyfit anything in.
we do eat pizza every singleweek.
Yeah.
But I mean, look separate fromthat.
Like our dinners are vegetables,meat.
(27:34):
A meat, a vegetable and A carbof some kind or just vegetables
and meat.
we don't have a lot of junk inour life.
Separate from pizza.
Yeah.
Occasional munchies.
Yeah.
weekend beer.
And I'll have wine or whatever.
The only other time we're eatingout is if we go on a date.
I had a goal last year for us togo on 12 dates and we managed
10.
So this year we're going to do12.
(27:55):
So probably once a month, atleast once or for traveling,
it's a little bit more, everyonce in a while we have like an
emergency sushi.
But that's pretty rare.
There will be days when it'sjust not worth it.
it's not happening.
You want to talk about whathappens when I don't have access
to food and how you?
I'm just thinking of the ferry.
at Christmas.
Anne is so consistent.
(28:17):
Yeah.
So the downside of consistency.
And regular eating is.
like, let's say Anne's got to goto a conference and the Pacific
coastal flight crash lands inthe wilderness.
And Anne has to sustain herselfby not eating for a day, to
build shelter, the hierarchy ofneeds.
she would just die.
(28:38):
On purpose.
Like she just be like,"well, I'mnot going to eat every two
hours.
So I guess I'll die." That's notaccurate.
I don't need every two hours,every four hours.
I don't graze.
don't make that mistake.
Can you back me up?
Your priorities are skewed whenit comes to eating versus
accomplishing a mission.
Yeah.
Eating sleeping on my toppriorities after Sophie.
(28:58):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like I will get off the ferry inComox and drive to Victoria.
And if your goal is to get toVictoria, you don't need to eat
or stop a bunch of times tosource food.
Like you need to get there.
But Anne will die.
Yeah.
I won't die, but I will.
I got pretty hangry about it.
Yes.
It will cause some frustration.
But the thought of potentiallynot getting to eat will make you
(29:19):
angry.
just to conclude all that, it'seasy for us because we are
pretty congruent in ourlifestyles, like our lifestyle
around food and exercise is verysimilar.
Which means it's not difficultfor us to work around one
another for food.
we also know that about eachother.
This is something that I'll talkto clients about a lot When they
(29:40):
have a difference of prioritywith their partner.
I will often say like, okay,like as a couple, what's your
personal policy around that?
And usually they don't havepolicy, which is why there's
conflict.
But it's like, we know what isimportant to one another.
And so it's easy to makedecisions and plans through that
lens because it's like, we bothknow what our policies are
(30:01):
around.
X Y and Zed.
If we were very much differentin our priorities for fitness
and nutrition, I think it wouldbe tougher.
I mean, I know how you'd workaround it, but you just do your
own thing, but you'd alsoprobably have to cook.
Definitely.
If your job is to cook for yourfamily, you're probably going to
have to cook for your entirefamily and prep your own stuff
separately, which is just goingto be a pain in the bum.
(30:24):
Collaboration and communication.
Okay next question.
Question was how do you all talkabout diet culture as a family?
Does it have a negative impact?
How do you talk about it?
You want to take that one?
In my house, like when I grewup, I had two brothers, which
meant that there was obviously ascarcity of resources food-wise
anyway, because perceivedscarcity.
(30:44):
We were always fighting forfood.
Not a real scarcity.
I have routinely been on thereceiving end of no Turkey at
holiday dinners.
Either due to some sort ofdeceit.
Or just failure to fight for it.
But we grew up like a very much,like a you'll finish everything
that's on your plate.
before desserts, that was a big,a big thing.
It wasn't a real choice thing.
It was like, this is what's fordinner.
(31:06):
If you don't eat it, Then youdon't get anything, which is
fine.
But like, that's what I grew upwith.
It's like, you will finishwhat's on your plate.
So dessert was always like areward for finishing your food.
And it was always about like,you have to finish all your
food.
I mean, it was the eighties.
So nobody was talking aboutlike, what are your hunger cues
and things like that.
It was like, You'll finish this.
(31:27):
And occasionally my mother wouldassault with a carrot.
It was a raw carrot.
it would break and she hit mybrother with it once.
So that's what you learned.
Not that we ate like superpoorly or anything, but like my
parents didn't have any sort ofnutritional knowledge.
they're not big, athletes theytook up running and exercise at
anyone did like as a parent, butlike we, weren't a exercise
focused family.
(31:47):
I hated sports.
So I didn't really do much ofthat.
And it was like, we didn'tregulate anything, which is
fine.
I was definitely a cookiesneaker full show.
And I also, as you well know,I'm like a goldfish, I don't
have an off switch.
if there is a bag of somethinglike it's job is to be finished,
but you will accomplish the taskof finishing these cookies.
(32:07):
So that is, that's something Igrew up with, that was
definitely what I have as mybackground.
I fall back on that a lot of thetime.
Which you're very much not onboard with like the bad food,
like good food, bad foods.
You don't use that languagethough.
No.
And that's when I was going toget you, like, I was going to
let you say your piece, buteffectively, I know that my
method doesn't work.
the reason that I have such atough time.
(32:29):
I'm constantly in a state ofeither gaining weight or losing
weight, be it positive ornegative for bulking for muscle
or leaning out, the reason I'mdoing that all the time and it's
such a yo-yo is because of theway I was brought up.
I would a hundred percent optfor your method than mine
because mine takes way moremental bandwidth than I would
like.
(32:50):
I follow your lead when we dealwith Sophie.
I don't talk about bad foods.
I don't say"You're going to getfat, you're not going to get
fat." I don't use that kind oflanguage.
Around her.
Cause obviously I don't want herto have that burden.
Like life's tough enough whenyou're a kid.
So I follow your lead for a lotof that.
Well, we don't talk about thatabout anyone else either though,
no.
for sure.
At all, like we just don't talkabout people's bodies.
(33:11):
I can't really remember.
I think that I also had that,like, you have to finish your
plate to get dessert thing, butit must not have been so strong
cause I can't remember it to behonest with you.
I mean, we know that I developedsome things later on, but I had
a very healthy relationship withfood growing up.
Like I've shared, like you eatthree meals a day as a family,
you eat like snacks are apriority.
(33:32):
When you're hungry eat, likethat's kind of how I was taught.
I have a pretty healthyrelationship with food.
It was the nineties.
So there was some, you know,liquid cheese.
But for the most part, we had asalad every day, if not with
dinner, like with lunch.
I just grew up like reallyfortunately with some really
good habits.
everybody here probably knows mystory about my disordered eating
(33:53):
and university.
Because I know that, and then Iwas really interested to learn,
like when we had a kid, how dowe create a healthy, mindful
eater?
So I really have done a lot ofresearch on it, which I'm
grateful that you were willingto learn the approach that I
wanted to take, which I thinkhas worked quite well.
Sophie's a pretty easy eater.
She's more recently gotten alittle bit more picky, but I
(34:14):
think she's just like learningwhat she likes.
I mean, just watching hercompared to like her friends, I
just would say that she'sdefinitely more regulated than
some kids that I see around herShe will pick up a cookie and
then be like, yeah, I don'treally want this.
Or if she eats half a candy caneand then she's good.
I don't want to say it's like acop-out, but I think it's easier
for her because I think havingtwo parents who are relatively
(34:38):
focused on like eating healthyexercising.
I think that behaviour just kindof becomes normal.
That's what she knows.
You know, what I was thinking oftheir day is cause like she
doesn't have the experience ofhaving TV with commercials.
But Amazon has commercials now.
And I was watching somethingwith her yesterday and this
commercial came on and I wasjust kind of taken aback first
(34:59):
off because I forgot that therewas like, why are there
commercials?
And then it was like this reallythin woman doing yoga.
And I was kind of like, why isthis like on a kid's show?
And it just made me think thatkids of her generation, have
this whole other mess up problemwith YouTube, which is like why
she's not allowed to have a freefor all on YouTube, but it's a
benefit that they're not justbeing exposed to commercials.
That's how we learn about somuch junk food.
(35:20):
Is like Dunkaroos commercialsand I don't know.
They get that in other ways nowon the internet and stuff.
But all that to say how wenavigate diet culture, I think
was the question.
So I think that we just don'ttalk about bodies.
We don't talk about good food,bad food.
We encourage eating when you'rehungry.
Sometimes you're not hungry yet,but you still have to eat
(35:40):
because when you get hungry,you're going to be swimming or
at gymnastics or on a boat, Veryconfusing for seven year old.
It is because she's like, So Iwould say that's like one that
we're working through right now.
we just don't talk about it thatmuch and we try to keep it
neutral.
And that's it.
one last question, which is justfor you, is what puts a smile on
(36:05):
your face about your job and howdo you keep work and home life
separate.
I think the first question, whatputs a smile on my face for my
job is twofold.
My job is the front row ticketto like the greatest show on
earth.
Like the world is a circus.
I think I have a good sense ofhumour, but There is something
hilarious about half the stuff Ideal with the most ridiculous
(36:28):
nonsense is I would say there'salways a shift, something that
is hilarious, even if it's Iwill say sometimes it's at
someone's expense or like it'sjust from something being so
gross or just so terrible likeyou can't even imagine, but.
Like the job is.
Always, there's always somethingfunny going on, like just the
most ridiculous nonsense youwill see that you would never
(36:50):
see anywhere else in your life.
I think it's part of it.
On the GD(General Duty) thestreet side of things, I have a
really good group of people thatI work with and I really enjoy.
I think you get the same mindsetas a lot of the people you work
with.
And so we're always having agood time.
Like we're always laughingtypically, on the ERT side of
things, I love working with thepeople I work with.
(37:12):
I've never had a better group ofpeople that I enjoy spending
time with than my ERTcolleagues, second being the
people I work with on the watchand it's a very close second.
Like I love working with allthose people.
They're super great.
So that I think is the positive.
That's what I really like aboutmy job.
Like working with those people.
How do you give it separate?
you don't.
I think it was probably theanswer.
I think some people do.
(37:33):
Really well, some people havegot a really good hang of it.
I think some people have a goodmindset.
For keeping it separate.
I think some people have ahealthy way of dealing with it
that keeps it separate.
Like I know guys that I workwith here who when they shut
down at the end of the shift,like it doesn't go with them,
it's there and they're not sodeeply invested in the outcome
of everything that they do, thatit believes into their life.
(37:55):
Even from the onset of mycareer, I adopted a bad method
of dealing with it and Icompartmentalize and I was
really good atcompartmentalizing, but
compartmentalizing is justbuilding a wall around stuff.
And that wall is only good untilit's not.
And then stuff starts to leakout.
I don't think it often overtlyleak out into our life.
(38:18):
But it definitely leaks out ofthe way I respond to things
sometimes.
It will never be like so acutethat you could say, oh, well,
that's something you dealt within your job, well, unless I'm
telling you directly aboutsomething that occurred.
But the ways that it starts toleak into the facets of how you
communicate with people, whetheryou communicate with people
separate from your life.
(38:38):
I don't think I do keep itseparate.
I do for the most part.
And I think you get better andworse, but it's something that
you become more skilled at thelonger you do the job, but it's
also something that the longeryou do the job, the more that
cup fills up that you're tryingto keep separate.
So.
I think I would say I don't.
A hundred percent.
I think I just manage it.
And for the most part.
It works out.
I think I've done it.
Okay.
(38:58):
But.
You can always do better.
Thanks for having me on themuscles and mindset revolution
podcast, the podcast for,ambitious women.
Want to get fit.
And other stuff.
Yeah, you got it and want to doother stuff good, too.
(39:18):
That's sponsored by MusclesMindset.
Sponsored by muscles in mindset.
Speaker (39:22):
That's it for today.
I'd love to hear what you think.
But before you go, keep an eyeon my social media this week.
I've got something big comingfor you that you won't want to
miss.
Trust me.
If you have ever wanted to workwith us, This is for you.
You're going to want to hear it.
And Hey, if you love thisepisode, it would mean the world
to me.
If you left us a five starreview, it helps more women like
(39:45):
you to find this podcast andstart their own journey to
confidence, strength, andlasting results.
Thank you for listening and I'llsee you next time.
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