June 16, 2025 • 17 mins
In this raw, unscripted episode of The Muscles & Mindset Revolution Podcast, we explore the life-changing impact of being honest with your yeses and nos.
I share personal stories—from soul-sister friendships to coaching conversations—that reveal how direct communication and clear boundaries create deep trust in your relationships. Whether it’s your partner, your team, your parents, or your best friend, knowing when to say “no” (without guilt) and “yes” (with full alignment) is one of the most powerful self-leadership skills you can build.
You’ll learn how to:
- Use honesty as a trust-building tool (not a conflict starter)
- Let go of emotional gymnastics and people-pleasing
- Recognize how saying “yes” when you mean “no” dilutes your identity
- Navigate the discomfort when others don’t like your boundaries
- Prioritize ease, peace, and real connection—without losing yourself
If you’ve ever felt like a “puddle of yes,” this episode is your reminder that protecting your peace is never selfish—it’s sacred.
⏱ Episode Breakdown:
00:00 – Welcome to The Muscles & Mindset Revolution
00:34 – Why this episode is unscripted (and inspired by my best friends)
01:01 – What it means to be authentically direct
01:53 – How trust is built through honest communication
05:17 – Why saying “no” isn’t rude—it’s responsible
09:02 – Real-life examples of ease through clear boundaries
14:49 – When people don’t like your “no”—and why it’s still worth it
16:42 – Final thoughts + how to connect with Anne
🔗 Connect with Anne:
Instagram: @annejonesfit
Coaching & resources: www.annejonescoaching.com
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• [https://musclesandmindset.ca/]
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Connect With Me:
• Instagram: [@annejonesfit]
• Website: [https://www.annejonescoaching.ca/]
• YouTube: [https://www.youtube.com/@annejones]
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Muscles andMindset Revolution Podcast.
(00:03):
The podcast for ambitious womenwho want to build strength, feel
confident, af, and lose fat forgood, without counting calories
or bs quick fixes.
I'm your host, Anne Jones,certified life coach, personal
trainer, and mindset expert.
After 15 plus years in thefitness industry, I know the
real key to lasting change isn'twhat you do, it's how you think.
(00:26):
If you're ready to shift yourmindset, build a lifestyle you
love and feel confident, af,you're in the right place.
Let's dive in.
Hey you guys, what is up?
We are doing things a littledifferently today.
I'm doing a completelyunscripted podcast episode, and
this was inspired by my bestfriends who I just had the
(00:47):
pleasure of spending the wholelast week with.
And this was a suggestion fromthem.
We were having this conversationlast night, and then my
girlfriend and I were talkingabout.
My podcast, which she listens tothis morning, and she suggested
that I do an episode on thistopic.
So let me begin by saying I'mknown to be blunt, right?
I'm known to be direct.
One of my clients, calls me herno BS Fitness Hype girl." shout
(01:12):
out to Jennica.
And it is true, right?
I've always authentically beendirect, and I had to learn to
finesse this a little bit,right?
To be, sometimes morecompassionate, empathetic, and
kind.
I am a very empathetic person,but I've always been direct,
authentically.
I am a direct person.
I like to be direct.
I don't want to guess whatyou're thinking.
(01:32):
I will say in the past 25 years,I didn't always do this
authentically, right?
So I've always been a directperson, but.
There were a lot of years whereI cared what people were
thinking.
I wondered what people werethinking about me.
I didn't know how to be direct,like I would say until probably
(01:52):
my coaching days.
I finally started to learn howto do this both for myself and
with others, and that'ssomething that we're gonna talk
about today.
I am not a certifiedrelationship coach, but let's be
real.
I've become one through almost20 years of coaching, listening,
and holding space for hundredsof patients, clients, and women
in every kind of relationshipscenario.
(02:14):
My degree, my training is injournalism.
Okay.
I was a journalist.
I have professional skills ininterviewing, then I became a
personal trainer, which isbasically like being a
hairdresser.
People tell you all the things.
And then I became a registeredmassage therapist, which people
tell you even more, all thethings.
So, and then I became a coach,which truly coaching is not only
(02:34):
a relationship, but you becomean expert in relationships.
And I did a lot of this trainingwhen I did my life coaching
certification through the fitLife method.
So I have gained a lot ofexpertise in this area.
And in my most successfulrelationships, both personally,
professionally, and anecdotallyin what I see with my clients,
it would actually, I don't knowif it would shock you, but I
(02:57):
talk about relationships, likeromantic relationships a lot
with my coaching clients.
It is a hot topic.
My life coaching clients, yes,but also my fitness coaching
clients.
And it's super relevant becausethe people in our lives are our
biggest supporters or ourbiggest distractors when it
comes to change, change isconfronting.
(03:18):
And when we are changing andthere are people around us who
didn't necessarily choose it, itis confronting for them.
And there can be conflict.
So obviously there's a lot thatwe could talk about here about
relationships in general, butthe concept that I'm coming back
to you today and the reason thatI'm telling you that I'm a
historically direct to no BSperson.
Is because I, as I mentioned, Ijust came off this week with my
(03:40):
two best friends, my soulsisters.
Okay.
So we met 20 years ago injournalism school and
university.
And we're just tight.
Like we are just tight.
None of us ever had a sister.
My one girlfriend, we lived inthe same room for two years
together, like we've been eachother's bridesmaids and all the
things.
(04:01):
And so we just spent this pastweek together after not the
three of us had, I don't knowhow time flies you guys, but the
three of us hadn't been in thesame room, same place together
for nine years since my wedding.
Wild.
And if you have a relationshiplike this, you'll know that what
you can step back into it.
It instantly, you can step backinto it in like, no, no change.
(04:25):
And I mean, we talk all thetime, and you can step right
back into it.
And what we were talking aboutlast night, we had just come
home from being out all day.
We're talking about our plansand somebody mentioned, it feels
so nice to feel easy aroundpeople.
Like for it to feel easy becausenot only can you only be
yourself, and I recognize that'sa huge gift, but you can be
(04:49):
honest.
And I remember, and of courseI'm gifted enough to have this
relationship with these twowomen, but I have this with
other best friends as well.
Yes, who I've known for a longtime.
But I also have thisrelationship with my partner, my
team, my mom and friends that Ihave this relationship, this
honest, open, no BS relationshipwith friends I've only had for a
(05:10):
few years.
So I just want you to know thatyes, I have it in a special
situation, but it is accessiblein pretty much any other
situation.
So the first time I reallyremember this being brought to
my attention was another verygood friend of mine.
Many years ago, I remember hersaying something like, it
surprises me when you dosomething that you don't want to
do.
I had obviously told her that Ihad agreed to do something that
(05:31):
I didn't like or wasn't, didn'twant to do, but she said because
it's so rare, and she was right,because unless it is for the
greater good or for someone Ilove, or to help to truly help
out within my capacity, Igenerally don't.
And that comment helped merealize that saying no is not
rude, it is honest, and thathonesty builds trust.
since my mid twenties, my earlytwenties, I was definitely
(05:53):
saying yes to all sorts ofthings, just to be liked and to
be cool.
Like for sure, for sure.
I've come a long way, butauthentically, I'm very
comfortable with a hell yes.
And to no thank you.
Like that is not for me.
And after this friend said thisto me many years ago, I
reflected on it and then Ireally started to understand
(06:15):
this when I started coaching.
Is that the ability to say no isactually a trust building
exercise.
So let me tell you what I mean.
If you build trust with someone,if you have trust with someone,
(06:36):
you can say no to them and theywill know you mean it.
You can say yes to them.
And they will know you mean itand vice versa.
So for example, if I have trustwith someone, I'm just gonna
assume this all the time, by theway, because I don't, again, I
don't have time to guess whatpeople are thinking.
So you say no to me.
I'm gonna assume that you meanno.
You say yes to me.
I'm gonna assume that you meanyes.
(06:57):
If you then have regrets orthoughts about it, that's a you
thing.
That's you having regrets andthoughts about your decision.
That's not on me.
And vice versa, if I commit tosomething.
I mean it, I mean it.
And I'm gonna deal with theconsequences as an adult person
taking accountability.
So on a friendship level, forexample, you know, somebody asks
(07:21):
me to go to, this actuallyhappens quite frequently.
I have friends with differenttastes.
Somebody asks me to go to aconcert, somebody asked me to go
to a movie.
If I say yes, and then I ha Idon't wanna go to this movie.
And then I have to get a sitterso I can go to this movie that I
don't wanna go to.
And again, of course there arealways instances, in which case
(07:42):
I would totally do this ifthere's a friend who like has no
one to go, like, reallywhatever.
Like sometimes you're alwaysgonna do it.
It's when it's the norm for you,right?
Let's use this in an example.
If that friend, we then go tothis movie and I'm acting tired,
or she knew I didn't wanna goand I said yes.
She's feeling weird about it.
(08:03):
I'm feeling salty about it.
Next time she's either gonna askme and have the same expectation
that I'll say yes, but notreally wanna be there, or she
won't ask me because she won'tbe able to trust my yes.
When we are honest with ouryeses in our nos, people trust
you more.
We can build trust.
(08:24):
If somebody asks me to dosomething to get something for
them in the city, cool.
I am gonna be like, yep.
If it's like downtown, I cantotally do it.
If it's like in Burnaby, I, I'mnot gonna have time for that.
Sorry.
Because I need to be honestbecause otherwise I'm not gonna
have the capacity.
It's not gonna get done.
Something else is going to getdropped.
(08:45):
That was probably a prioritybecause of it.
Like when we are honest about,our yeses are in our nos.
It builds confidence inourselves.
The other person respects thator should respect that, and then
it is a trust building exercise.
So let me give you some otherexamples of even just like this
(09:06):
past week with my girlfriends.
We're like sharing a hotel.
Okay.
So I'm like, I'll get the hotel,I got the hotel room.
I mean that, I'm not saying Iwill get the hotel room.
And then I'm like, Ooh, I hopelike, no, I'm saying that
because I literally mean it.
Like I will get it.
And then they're like, cool.
Like, we'll get food, we'll getthe ferry, we'll get whatever.
(09:29):
Great.
Everyone's on the same page.
Nobody's being weird orwondering what someone else is
thinking.
Nobody's like, I'm gonna pay forthis.
But then really hope thatsomebody else volunteers like
that is so much emotional andmental gymnastics.
I can't.
Even handle, or like, this isthe only way I can travel with
people too.
It's like friend is like, I'mgetting hungry.
(09:51):
Okay.
We're gonna need to prioritizeeating.
I'm getting tired.
We're gonna need to prioritizethis.
This is the plan.
And if two of us are done withit, we're going home, this is
the plan.
You have to have this kind ofcommunication.
I also have this kind ofrelationship and communication
with my mom.
We do the same thing.
Like I share this example a lot.
We moved here when my daughterwas a toddler and my parents
(10:13):
were so excited and you know,they wanted to see her all the
time.
And we had a conversation whereI was like, this is gonna be
amazing, and we have to agree tobe honest with each other about
capacity.
So I will always ask if you canbabysit, if I can trust.
That you will only say yes whenyou mean it, and you will say no
when you can't.
(10:34):
And it has always worked in thepast four years because I trust
them to say no if they don'twant to, they need a break.
It's too much.
I don't have the feel bads forasking because I know that I'll
get a no when a no is warranted.
I'll know that.
I'll get a guess when it'spossible and vice versa.
So that's another example.
But I also do this with my momwhen I travel, like we need to
(10:54):
be on the same page.
I do this with my team.
This is so important to me withmy team, and I tell team members
this from the get go.
I have to be able to trust youryes and trust your, no, it's
okay to, you know, if shithappens, we can.
I want you to tell me if you'renot gonna be able to do it, you
just need to be able to tell me.
(11:14):
I don't want to you to pretendthat you can do it and then not
do it.
I don't want you to pretend thatyou have the capacity to take on
a project and then take it onand be able not be able to
complete it.
So I am an overcommunicator if Ieven get a vibe.
Like that someone is, not thatanyone would not be honest, but
like friend, family orotherwise, I'm gonna be like,
(11:37):
I'm getting this vibe aboutthis.
Like, is this thing happeningand just call it out because I
do not have the desire or timeto wonder.
There was many years in my lifewhere I was overly concerned
about what other people thoughtof me, and I have thus learned
that I am now more concernedabout what I think about other
people.
Always believing in the best ofothers, of course, but when we
(12:02):
are not being honest and we'renot receiving honesty, that's a
lot of wasted energy and time onoverthinking.
And then usually the result ispeople pleasing or over
delivery, or over serving, orover caretaking.
(12:22):
Okay.
And of course, you know, we havea right to privacy.
You don't need to knoweverything.
I'm thinking, I don't need toknow everything that you're
thinking.
It depends on the relationship.
But if you truly do wanna haveintimacy, so in the kind of
relationships that I'm talkingabout, like with my friends and
with my husband and my parentsand my team.
Honesty is required.
(12:43):
Also, when you're completelyhonest, you don't have to ever
worry or wonder or rememberabout how you presented
something to someone.
You know what you said you likedand you don't like, and you are
also entitled to change yourmind.
You're allowed to change yourmind about you used to like this
thing and now you don't likedoing that anymore.
You're allowed to change yourmind, and if you want honesty
(13:03):
and intimacy in relationship,like it's so easy.
If you have not heard me saythis before or my client say
this before.
Yeah, I'm a little bithedonistic and I'm all about
ease.
My clients are constantlyreflecting back to me that they
simply didn't know that it couldfeel this easy.
Fitness, weight loss,relationships, their job, their
(13:24):
career, their business,parenting.
It gets to feel easy.
You deserve to feel good.
This is not about being aselfish, a-hole, but some
selfishness is required becausenobody is in.
The self that you are in, no oneelse can decide what your
capacity is or what you like oryou don't like.
And when you're allowing otherpeople to dictate it, not only
(13:45):
do you not know who you are, butnobody else knows who the F you
are.
If you're always saying yes,even when it is not aligned, you
don't just lose time, you loseyourself.
You become a diluted version ofwho you are.
A big puddle of yes.
Now, here's the part that's notalways easy.
Sometimes people don't like itwhen you stop saying yes to
(14:05):
everything.
They don't like to hear thetruth.
It is inconvenient for them, foryou to set this boundary.
Sometimes people will push back,become uncomfortable, try to
guilt you into being who or theway that you used to be, or even
be upset with you and honestly.
That is part of the work, andit's not yours saying no or
(14:28):
saying yes, or setting theboundary or upholding the
boundary.
That is your work, theirreaction, not your
responsibility.
We're gonna do another episodeon boundaries because boundaries
don't always make other peoplehappy, but they make you honest
and authentic and protected.
They build real trust and theyhelp you show up fully for the
people and the priorities thattruly matter to you.
(14:49):
So I think all of this to say.
That one of my greatest lessonswas being honest, particularly
with the people.
I love, knowing what I like,what I dislike, who I am, what I
desire, and really taking thetime.
One of the most importantreasons to be selfish, let's say
(15:12):
if selfish is the word, isbecause when we are not, when we
are outside of ourselves.
We don't have a barometer forwhere we're at, and that is when
we end up overcommitting andthen taking on things and then
disappointing people because wehaven't had the selfishness or
quite honestly, theself-awareness to check our own
capacity.
So we do all these things andagree to all these things fear
(15:35):
of not disappointing others, butusually the result is
disappointing others, or quitehonestly worse, disappointing
ourselves.
We should be way more afraid ofdisappointing ourselves, of
letting ourselves down becauseit was avoidable.
It was avoidable, and so noshame.
Let's use it as a lesson goingforward.
But I think what I really wantedto share today was the power
(15:58):
that I felt and that my friendsfelt and that we shared and that
I have, I just take for granted,quite honestly, the ease and
power in being honest with myyeses in my nos and the intimacy
and trust that that builds.
And of course, it's a practice.
Like I definitely had topractice doing this, like with
my husband.
I had to, I've had to practicedoing this with everyone.
And when you get there, it feelsso good.
(16:19):
It feels so easy.
It eliminates overthinking.
And you really create more spacefor the people, the things, the
priorities that matter to youbecause you've gotten really
clear on it, you've communicatedit with everyone, and there are
no feel bads or weirdness.
So I mean, in a nutshell, that'sreally all I've got for you
(16:40):
today, but I do think it's avery important topic.
So that's a wrap for today'sepisode of the Muscles and
Mindset Revolution podcast.
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(17:01):
Make it super easy for yourself.
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(17:22):
@annejonesfit over there.
That is where I hang out themost in the line of social
media.
My friends, that's all I havefor you.
I so appreciate you being here.
I would love to hear how thislanded for you, or if you
already practiced this, or ifthis was a breakthrough at all.
I would love to see youprioritizing your own self and
your growth, which you'realready doing by being here.
(17:43):
I love you and I will see younext time.
Welcome to the Muscles andMindset Revolution Podcast.
(00:03):
The podcast for ambitious womenwho want to build strength, feel
confident, af, and lose fat forgood, without counting calories
or bs quick fixes.
I'm your host, Anne Jones,certified life coach, personal
trainer, and mindset expert.
After 15 plus years in thefitness industry, I know the
real key to lasting change isn'twhat you do, it's how you think.
(00:26):
If you're ready to shift yourmindset, build a lifestyle you
love and feel confident, af,you're in the right place.
Let's dive in.
Hey you guys, what is up?
We are doing things a littledifferently today.
I'm doing a completelyunscripted podcast episode, and
this was inspired by my bestfriends who I just had the
(00:47):
pleasure of spending the wholelast week with.
And this was a suggestion fromthem.
We were having this conversationlast night, and then my
girlfriend and I were talkingabout.
My podcast, which she listens tothis morning, and she suggested
that I do an episode on thistopic.
So let me begin by saying I'mknown to be blunt, right?
I'm known to be direct.
One of my clients, calls me herno BS Fitness Hype girl." shout
(01:12):
out to Jennica.
And it is true, right?
I've always authentically beendirect, and I had to learn to
finesse this a little bit,right?
To be, sometimes morecompassionate, empathetic, and
kind.
I am a very empathetic person,but I've always been direct,
authentically.
I am a direct person.
I like to be direct.
I don't want to guess whatyou're thinking.
(01:32):
I will say in the past 25 years,I didn't always do this
authentically, right?
So I've always been a directperson, but.
There were a lot of years whereI cared what people were
thinking.
I wondered what people werethinking about me.
I didn't know how to be direct,like I would say until probably
(01:52):
my coaching days.
I finally started to learn howto do this both for myself and
with others, and that'ssomething that we're gonna talk
about today.
I am not a certifiedrelationship coach, but let's be
real.
I've become one through almost20 years of coaching, listening,
and holding space for hundredsof patients, clients, and women
in every kind of relationshipscenario.
(02:14):
My degree, my training is injournalism.
Okay.
I was a journalist.
I have professional skills ininterviewing, then I became a
personal trainer, which isbasically like being a
hairdresser.
People tell you all the things.
And then I became a registeredmassage therapist, which people
tell you even more, all thethings.
So, and then I became a coach,which truly coaching is not only
(02:34):
a relationship, but you becomean expert in relationships.
And I did a lot of this trainingwhen I did my life coaching
certification through the fitLife method.
So I have gained a lot ofexpertise in this area.
And in my most successfulrelationships, both personally,
professionally, and anecdotallyin what I see with my clients,
it would actually, I don't knowif it would shock you, but I
(02:57):
talk about relationships, likeromantic relationships a lot
with my coaching clients.
It is a hot topic.
My life coaching clients, yes,but also my fitness coaching
clients.
And it's super relevant becausethe people in our lives are our
biggest supporters or ourbiggest distractors when it
comes to change, change isconfronting.
(03:18):
And when we are changing andthere are people around us who
didn't necessarily choose it, itis confronting for them.
And there can be conflict.
So obviously there's a lot thatwe could talk about here about
relationships in general, butthe concept that I'm coming back
to you today and the reason thatI'm telling you that I'm a
historically direct to no BSperson.
Is because I, as I mentioned, Ijust came off this week with my
(03:40):
two best friends, my soulsisters.
Okay.
So we met 20 years ago injournalism school and
university.
And we're just tight.
Like we are just tight.
None of us ever had a sister.
My one girlfriend, we lived inthe same room for two years
together, like we've been eachother's bridesmaids and all the
things.
(04:01):
And so we just spent this pastweek together after not the
three of us had, I don't knowhow time flies you guys, but the
three of us hadn't been in thesame room, same place together
for nine years since my wedding.
Wild.
And if you have a relationshiplike this, you'll know that what
you can step back into it.
It instantly, you can step backinto it in like, no, no change.
(04:25):
And I mean, we talk all thetime, and you can step right
back into it.
And what we were talking aboutlast night, we had just come
home from being out all day.
We're talking about our plansand somebody mentioned, it feels
so nice to feel easy aroundpeople.
Like for it to feel easy becausenot only can you only be
yourself, and I recognize that'sa huge gift, but you can be
(04:49):
honest.
And I remember, and of courseI'm gifted enough to have this
relationship with these twowomen, but I have this with
other best friends as well.
Yes, who I've known for a longtime.
But I also have thisrelationship with my partner, my
team, my mom and friends that Ihave this relationship, this
honest, open, no BS relationshipwith friends I've only had for a
(05:10):
few years.
So I just want you to know thatyes, I have it in a special
situation, but it is accessiblein pretty much any other
situation.
So the first time I reallyremember this being brought to
my attention was another verygood friend of mine.
Many years ago, I remember hersaying something like, it
surprises me when you dosomething that you don't want to
do.
I had obviously told her that Ihad agreed to do something that
(05:31):
I didn't like or wasn't, didn'twant to do, but she said because
it's so rare, and she was right,because unless it is for the
greater good or for someone Ilove, or to help to truly help
out within my capacity, Igenerally don't.
And that comment helped merealize that saying no is not
rude, it is honest, and thathonesty builds trust.
since my mid twenties, my earlytwenties, I was definitely
(05:53):
saying yes to all sorts ofthings, just to be liked and to
be cool.
Like for sure, for sure.
I've come a long way, butauthentically, I'm very
comfortable with a hell yes.
And to no thank you.
Like that is not for me.
And after this friend said thisto me many years ago, I
reflected on it and then Ireally started to understand
(06:15):
this when I started coaching.
Is that the ability to say no isactually a trust building
exercise.
So let me tell you what I mean.
If you build trust with someone,if you have trust with someone,
(06:36):
you can say no to them and theywill know you mean it.
You can say yes to them.
And they will know you mean itand vice versa.
So for example, if I have trustwith someone, I'm just gonna
assume this all the time, by theway, because I don't, again, I
don't have time to guess whatpeople are thinking.
So you say no to me.
I'm gonna assume that you meanno.
You say yes to me.
I'm gonna assume that you meanyes.
(06:57):
If you then have regrets orthoughts about it, that's a you
thing.
That's you having regrets andthoughts about your decision.
That's not on me.
And vice versa, if I commit tosomething.
I mean it, I mean it.
And I'm gonna deal with theconsequences as an adult person
taking accountability.
So on a friendship level, forexample, you know, somebody asks
(07:21):
me to go to, this actuallyhappens quite frequently.
I have friends with differenttastes.
Somebody asks me to go to aconcert, somebody asked me to go
to a movie.
If I say yes, and then I ha Idon't wanna go to this movie.
And then I have to get a sitterso I can go to this movie that I
don't wanna go to.
And again, of course there arealways instances, in which case
(07:42):
I would totally do this ifthere's a friend who like has no
one to go, like, reallywhatever.
Like sometimes you're alwaysgonna do it.
It's when it's the norm for you,right?
Let's use this in an example.
If that friend, we then go tothis movie and I'm acting tired,
or she knew I didn't wanna goand I said yes.
She's feeling weird about it.
(08:03):
I'm feeling salty about it.
Next time she's either gonna askme and have the same expectation
that I'll say yes, but notreally wanna be there, or she
won't ask me because she won'tbe able to trust my yes.
When we are honest with ouryeses in our nos, people trust
you more.
We can build trust.
(08:24):
If somebody asks me to dosomething to get something for
them in the city, cool.
I am gonna be like, yep.
If it's like downtown, I cantotally do it.
If it's like in Burnaby, I, I'mnot gonna have time for that.
Sorry.
Because I need to be honestbecause otherwise I'm not gonna
have the capacity.
It's not gonna get done.
Something else is going to getdropped.
(08:45):
That was probably a prioritybecause of it.
Like when we are honest about,our yeses are in our nos.
It builds confidence inourselves.
The other person respects thator should respect that, and then
it is a trust building exercise.
So let me give you some otherexamples of even just like this
(09:06):
past week with my girlfriends.
We're like sharing a hotel.
Okay.
So I'm like, I'll get the hotel,I got the hotel room.
I mean that, I'm not saying Iwill get the hotel room.
And then I'm like, Ooh, I hopelike, no, I'm saying that
because I literally mean it.
Like I will get it.
And then they're like, cool.
Like, we'll get food, we'll getthe ferry, we'll get whatever.
(09:29):
Great.
Everyone's on the same page.
Nobody's being weird orwondering what someone else is
thinking.
Nobody's like, I'm gonna pay forthis.
But then really hope thatsomebody else volunteers like
that is so much emotional andmental gymnastics.
I can't.
Even handle, or like, this isthe only way I can travel with
people too.
It's like friend is like, I'mgetting hungry.
(09:51):
Okay.
We're gonna need to prioritizeeating.
I'm getting tired.
We're gonna need to prioritizethis.
This is the plan.
And if two of us are done withit, we're going home, this is
the plan.
You have to have this kind ofcommunication.
I also have this kind ofrelationship and communication
with my mom.
We do the same thing.
Like I share this example a lot.
We moved here when my daughterwas a toddler and my parents
(10:13):
were so excited and you know,they wanted to see her all the
time.
And we had a conversation whereI was like, this is gonna be
amazing, and we have to agree tobe honest with each other about
capacity.
So I will always ask if you canbabysit, if I can trust.
That you will only say yes whenyou mean it, and you will say no
when you can't.
(10:34):
And it has always worked in thepast four years because I trust
them to say no if they don'twant to, they need a break.
It's too much.
I don't have the feel bads forasking because I know that I'll
get a no when a no is warranted.
I'll know that.
I'll get a guess when it'spossible and vice versa.
So that's another example.
But I also do this with my momwhen I travel, like we need to
(10:54):
be on the same page.
I do this with my team.
This is so important to me withmy team, and I tell team members
this from the get go.
I have to be able to trust youryes and trust your, no, it's
okay to, you know, if shithappens, we can.
I want you to tell me if you'renot gonna be able to do it, you
just need to be able to tell me.
(11:14):
I don't want to you to pretendthat you can do it and then not
do it.
I don't want you to pretend thatyou have the capacity to take on
a project and then take it onand be able not be able to
complete it.
So I am an overcommunicator if Ieven get a vibe.
Like that someone is, not thatanyone would not be honest, but
like friend, family orotherwise, I'm gonna be like,
(11:37):
I'm getting this vibe aboutthis.
Like, is this thing happeningand just call it out because I
do not have the desire or timeto wonder.
There was many years in my lifewhere I was overly concerned
about what other people thoughtof me, and I have thus learned
that I am now more concernedabout what I think about other
people.
Always believing in the best ofothers, of course, but when we
(12:02):
are not being honest and we'renot receiving honesty, that's a
lot of wasted energy and time onoverthinking.
And then usually the result ispeople pleasing or over
delivery, or over serving, orover caretaking.
(12:22):
Okay.
And of course, you know, we havea right to privacy.
You don't need to knoweverything.
I'm thinking, I don't need toknow everything that you're
thinking.
It depends on the relationship.
But if you truly do wanna haveintimacy, so in the kind of
relationships that I'm talkingabout, like with my friends and
with my husband and my parentsand my team.
Honesty is required.
(12:43):
Also, when you're completelyhonest, you don't have to ever
worry or wonder or rememberabout how you presented
something to someone.
You know what you said you likedand you don't like, and you are
also entitled to change yourmind.
You're allowed to change yourmind about you used to like this
thing and now you don't likedoing that anymore.
You're allowed to change yourmind, and if you want honesty
(13:03):
and intimacy in relationship,like it's so easy.
If you have not heard me saythis before or my client say
this before.
Yeah, I'm a little bithedonistic and I'm all about
ease.
My clients are constantlyreflecting back to me that they
simply didn't know that it couldfeel this easy.
Fitness, weight loss,relationships, their job, their
(13:24):
career, their business,parenting.
It gets to feel easy.
You deserve to feel good.
This is not about being aselfish, a-hole, but some
selfishness is required becausenobody is in.
The self that you are in, no oneelse can decide what your
capacity is or what you like oryou don't like.
And when you're allowing otherpeople to dictate it, not only
(13:45):
do you not know who you are, butnobody else knows who the F you
are.
If you're always saying yes,even when it is not aligned, you
don't just lose time, you loseyourself.
You become a diluted version ofwho you are.
A big puddle of yes.
Now, here's the part that's notalways easy.
Sometimes people don't like itwhen you stop saying yes to
(14:05):
everything.
They don't like to hear thetruth.
It is inconvenient for them, foryou to set this boundary.
Sometimes people will push back,become uncomfortable, try to
guilt you into being who or theway that you used to be, or even
be upset with you and honestly.
That is part of the work, andit's not yours saying no or
(14:28):
saying yes, or setting theboundary or upholding the
boundary.
That is your work, theirreaction, not your
responsibility.
We're gonna do another episodeon boundaries because boundaries
don't always make other peoplehappy, but they make you honest
and authentic and protected.
They build real trust and theyhelp you show up fully for the
people and the priorities thattruly matter to you.
(14:49):
So I think all of this to say.
That one of my greatest lessonswas being honest, particularly
with the people.
I love, knowing what I like,what I dislike, who I am, what I
desire, and really taking thetime.
One of the most importantreasons to be selfish, let's say
(15:12):
if selfish is the word, isbecause when we are not, when we
are outside of ourselves.
We don't have a barometer forwhere we're at, and that is when
we end up overcommitting andthen taking on things and then
disappointing people because wehaven't had the selfishness or
quite honestly, theself-awareness to check our own
capacity.
So we do all these things andagree to all these things fear
(15:35):
of not disappointing others, butusually the result is
disappointing others, or quitehonestly worse, disappointing
ourselves.
We should be way more afraid ofdisappointing ourselves, of
letting ourselves down becauseit was avoidable.
It was avoidable, and so noshame.
Let's use it as a lesson goingforward.
But I think what I really wantedto share today was the power
(15:58):
that I felt and that my friendsfelt and that we shared and that
I have, I just take for granted,quite honestly, the ease and
power in being honest with myyeses in my nos and the intimacy
and trust that that builds.
And of course, it's a practice.
Like I definitely had topractice doing this, like with
my husband.
I had to, I've had to practicedoing this with everyone.
And when you get there, it feelsso good.
(16:19):
It feels so easy.
It eliminates overthinking.
And you really create more spacefor the people, the things, the
priorities that matter to youbecause you've gotten really
clear on it, you've communicatedit with everyone, and there are
no feel bads or weirdness.
So I mean, in a nutshell, that'sreally all I've got for you
(16:40):
today, but I do think it's avery important topic.
So that's a wrap for today'sepisode of the Muscles and
Mindset Revolution podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode,don't forget to hit that
subscribe button so you can getnotified of the next episode if
the episodes are not justpopping up automatically in your
app, you will keep forgettingabout the show even if you
really love it.
So please, go ahead, hit thatsubscribe button.
(17:01):
Make it super easy for yourself.
And of course, if you wanna seemore episodes like this one, let
me know by leaving your review Iknow it's super annoying to do
so, but it just takes a fewseconds.
It means the world to me and italso ensures that I can continue
to keep doing this for you toprovide free education and value
and if you're looking for morefree resources or you wanna just
connect, chat, hang out, comefind me on Instagram I'm at
(17:22):
@annejonesfit over there.
That is where I hang out themost in the line of social
media.
My friends, that's all I havefor you.
I so appreciate you being here.
I would love to hear how thislanded for you, or if you
already practiced this, or ifthis was a breakthrough at all.
I would love to see youprioritizing your own self and
your growth, which you'realready doing by being here.
(17:43):
I love you and I will see younext time.
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