July 21, 2025 • 16 mins
Why does relaxing feel so hard—especially when you know you need it?
In this episode of The Muscles and Mindset Revolution, certified life coach and personal trainer Anne Jones breaks down the real reason so many high-achieving women struggle to rest, slow down, and feel safe doing nothing.
You’ll learn:
- Why your brain resists stillness (hint: it’s not laziness—it’s your nervous system)
- How to spot and reframe thoughts like “I should be doing something”
- What your brain actually needs to feel safe and productive
- Mindfulness tools that actually work for anxious, busy minds
- Why rest is essential for creativity, focus, and sustainable fat loss
Anne shares her own experience and simple strategies to help you question unhelpful beliefs, build “quiet muscles,” and finally embrace rest—without guilt, burnout, or a to-do list.
💙 This episode is for you if you’re constantly “on,” crave more calm, or want to do less and get better results.
Timestamps:
00:34 – Why relaxing feels unsafe for high achievers
01:12 – The thoughts that steal your peace (and how to question them)
02:44 – How your nervous system responds to stillness
04:50 – Simple tools to help you be more mindful and grounded
10:23 – Why rest is a productivity tool, not laziness
14:10 – Your weekly challenge: practice doing less
🌿 Want to feel relaxed and strong this fall?
DM @annejonesfit on Instagram to join the waitlist for Anne’s upcoming Nervous System November program!
#NervousSystemHealing #MindsetCoach #WomenWhoDoTooMuch #RestWithoutGuilt #HighAchieverBurnout #MusclesAndMindset #ProductiveRest #DoLessFeelMore
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• [https://musclesandmindset.ca/]
Ready to build strength, feel confident AF, and lose fat without obsessing or stressing over it? [Apply to Join the Muscles & Mindset program here].
Connect With Me:
• Instagram: [@annejonesfit]
• Website: [https://www.annejonescoaching.ca/]
• YouTube: [https://www.youtube.com/@annejones]
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Muscles andMindset Revolution Podcast.
The podcast for ambitious womenwho want to build strength, feel
confident, af, and lose fat forgood, without counting calories
or BS quick fixes.
I'm your host, Anne Jones,certified life coach, a personal
trainer and mindset expert, andafter 15 plus years in the
fitness industry.
(00:21):
I know the real key to lastingchange isn't just what you do,
it's how you think.
If you're ready to shift yourmindset, build a lifestyle you
love and feel confident, af,you're in the right place.
Let's dive in.
So last week I posted a questionon my Instagram stories while I
was away with my mom for herbirthday asking, do you ever try
(00:44):
to relax or slow down, but yourbrain tells you that you can't
or you shouldn't, or that youshould be doing something else?
And you know what happened?
A hundred percent of you said,yes, 100%.
100% of my audience is trying torelax.
And brain is screaming, this isa waste of time.
You should be working.
(01:05):
You're falling behind, you'relazy.
Sound familiar?
If so, welcome to the clubbecause you're absolutely not
alone.
And here's the first thing Iwant you to know.
Just because you think a thoughtdoesn't make it true.
So all the things I justmentioned.
Just'cause you're having thethought.
This is a waste of time.
This isn't productive.
You're lazy.
Just'cause you think that doesnot make it a fact, does not
(01:28):
make it true.
I'm gonna say this again becauseit's that important.
if you could take away one thingfrom this podcast, just because
you think a thought does notmake it true.
Your brain tells you thatrelaxing is dangerous or lazy or
irresponsible.
But is that a fact or is it justa thought that you've been
thinking for so long that it'snow a belief that you've
(01:52):
practiced for so long that it'sbecome automatic?
I want you to try somethingright now.
I want you to take one of those'I should be doing something,
thoughts that we just mentioned.
The one that you have and askyourself, is this a fact that
could be proven in a court oflaw?
Or is it just a thought?
You being lazy, irresponsible,unproductive?
(02:15):
Those are not facts.
They cannot be proven in a courtof law.
That's just someone's opinion.
Okay?
Whatever the thought is.
Is it a fact or just a thought?
Is a thought.
And is that thought making youfeel anxious or guilty or
stressed?
Is it helping you to feel calm,connected, or present?
Do you wanna keep it?
Do you wanna keep thinking thatthought?
Because if a thought is makingyou feel bad or stealing your
(02:38):
ability to enjoy the moment, oreven stealing your ability to be
productive or focused you areallowed to change it.
But here's why this is so hard.
It's not your fault.
From everything that I havelearned and studied about the
nervous system over the past.
10, 11, 12 years.
I know this to be true.
Your brain and your body arewired to seek safety.
(03:01):
Your brain wants wants context,which I'm giving you now, and
connection, which you're goingto give to yourself.
And for so many of us,especially high achieving
successful women, doing equalssafety currently.
'cause we were socialized thisway, right?
Many of us were raised this way.
and we're rewarded for it,highly rewarded for it.
So when you're moving, working,checking off lists, you feel
(03:24):
productive, you get a gold star,you feel on top of it, you feel
in control.
You've been taught that this isright.
It doesn't matter if you falldown dead, at the end of the
day, you get a gold star.
But when you slow down, guesswhat happens?
That feels vulnerable.
slowing down can feel unsafebecause it literally triggers
(03:44):
deeply ingrained survivalpatterns in your brain.
Your brain starts screaming,danger, uncomfortable, something
bad's gonna happen.
Somebody's gonna yell at you.
You're gonna miss something,something's not gonna get done,
and your nervous system flipsinto fight or flight.
This is why slowing down canfeel unsafe because it literally
triggers those deeply ingrainedsurvival patterns in your brain.
(04:06):
It's not'cause you're lazy, it'snot'cause relaxing is bad.
It's not'cause it's a waste oftime.
It's because we've beensocialized to believe that it is
good and safe.
And so doing the oppositetriggers deeply ingrained
survival patterns, which don'tmake sense because you're not
threatened by relaxing in thepool.
This is so odd sounding, butrelaxation is actually a skill.
(04:29):
It's not just about schedulingme time.
It's actually about helping yournervous system feel safe enough
to pause.
And if you've listened to otherepisodes of my podcast, you know
that I've been through thisjourney on my own for the past
several years.
This.
And so how do you start shiftingthis?
I'm gonna make it really simple.
I'm not even gonna jump to likewhere I'm at or what I did.
I'm gonna keep it so simple foryou.
(04:50):
Okay.
So here are a few things that Iteach my new clients and that I
practice myself, but this iswhere I would start.
Number one, begin withawareness.
Like people poo poo mindfulness,but it is everything.
Mindfulness is having bettersex.
Mindfulness is having betterfocus at work.
(05:10):
Mindfulness is having morepresence and connection with
your kids being a better parent.
Mindfulness is losing body fat.
Mindfulness is no longer bingeor emotional eating.
Mindfulness is it?
Okay, so start with awarenessand first, notice the thought
that you are thinking.
shit happens.
That we can't control.
And then you have a thoughtabout it, which you can control,
(05:33):
and then because of thatthought, you feel some kind of
way.
And that thought leads you to dosomething, take an action, or
not take an action, whichcreates the result that you then
get.
So we gotta start with thethought.
First notice the thought.
I should be working.
This is unproductive.
I'll fall behind.
I should put away the laundry.
Just see it.
Don't judge it.
Just see it as a thought.
(05:55):
This is the most powerful thingyou can do.
I do this personally.
I do this with clients all thetime.
See it as a thought.
Oh, thank you brain.
I see that thought.
Okay, cool.
I see.
That's just a thought.
Doesn't mean it's true.
Doesn't mean I'm gonna buy intoit.
Just interesting.
I'm having that thought.
Okay, cool.
Don't judge it.
Next step is to question it.
Is it a fact?
Is it a fact that I'm gonna fallbehind crash and burn my bank
(06:18):
account's gonna empty out if Idon't do whatever I think I need
to be doing right now?
No, it is not a fact.
If it is negotiable, if itcannot be proven in a court of
law, it is not a fact.
It is probably a belief thatyou've repeated for so long.
It's automatic.
So, number one, see it.
Number two, question it.
my previous coach and friend,Cara Barone, says that not every
(06:39):
thought deserves a seat at yourtable.
Doesn't deserve to be taking upbrain space.
Number three, replace.
Don't just remove'cause.
Remember what I said, your braincan't not do something.
Your brain can only do anactivity.
It can't not do anything.
So you have to replace theactivity or the thought.
Your brain can't just donothing.
It's wired to focus onsomething.
So if you wanna relax, you haveto give it a new anchor.
(07:00):
You can't just be like, I'mgonna think about blank space.
So if mindless scrolling is yourthing, maybe you replace it with
a few mindful breaths.
I have something.
It's like a fidget ring.
I used to poo poo like fidgetspinners and stuff, and I kind
of still do, but it's calledstim.
for those of us who are anxious,I've been like this my whole
life.
(07:20):
This is not related to phones orbeing an adult, I've always been
a fidgeter.
I have to really consciously notfidget.
I always play with my cuticles.
It's just st So I have this wirering that I play with my husband
got it for me and then Isubsequently bought another one.
So I can have one downstairs andone upstairs, and I just roll it
up and down my fingers.
Or sometimes you'll see me.
(07:41):
Tracing one finger with theother cause it brings me back,
this is grounding.
So you gotta kind of find yourthing that works for you.
For some people it's breath.
For some people it's touch.
For some people it's movement.
It also depends where yournervous system is at.
But try a few mindful breaths.
Try tracing one.
Hand's fingers with the otherpointer finger.
(08:01):
Get something to fidget withthat's not your phone, instead
of grabbing your phone in theelevator.
Look around.
What colour are the walls?
Feel your feet on the floor.
What do you taste in your mouthright now?
Instead of feeling silence andwalks with podcasts and more and
fucking videos?
My God, people watching videosin all public locations have to
fricking stop.
(08:21):
Why do you need to be watchingreels on the ferry all the time?
This is a, the downfall ofsociety, I swear to God.
Anyways.
Instead of doing that, try awalk in nature with no music.
Oh, what a thought.
what do you hear?
I've worked on this literalthing with several clients who
were like, I can't do that.
That's a waste of time.
oh, but we got there and thenthey felt way better.
(08:43):
And now they do it all the timegoing for walks without pods, we
call it.
So if you've only everassociated stillness with
danger, though jumping intomeditation, cold Turkey will
feel impossible.
Right.
So we, we gotta replace it withsomething else.
This is why you go to yourphone, you don't know how to be
still, and we see everyone elsedoing it.
So it gives us permission.
Small hinges swing big doors soyou don't have to go from a
(09:06):
hundred miles per hour to zeroovernight.
We're gonna titrate, we justwant you to fill 1% better in
any moment.
Okay.
Number four, build quote unquotequiet muscles over time.
So this is like strengthtraining for your brain.
Start with 30 seconds of quiet.
Then one minute, then fiveminutes.
Kate Northrop calls this the artof doing less but achieving
(09:29):
more.
And let me tell you, it worksbecause the more regulated your
nervous system, the morecreative, productive, attentive,
and joyful you become.
I wanna share with you, I workedon this with my nervous system
coach.
I was not getting anything donein my business for my clients.
I was taking care of my clients,but I could never make ground on
a project because I wasconstantly in my business
(09:53):
messaging caretaking.
I couldn't focus on a creativeproject, and I love creative
projects, but I couldn't justhave one tab open I had to
practice one minute in one taband then two minutes in one tab,
and then five, and then 10.
No, I can do an hour, noproblem.
(10:14):
But I had to work my way up toit and I'm way more productive
now.
Part of that is also taskswitching, which you may have
heard me talk about before, andI'll talk about another day.
Okay.
Let's now talk about whyrelaxation is not the same as
laziness.
L Rest is productive.
It's part of the humanbiological necessity cave.
(10:38):
People did it.
Farmers have always done it likeit's productive.
It's required, it's not wastedtime.
It's how your brain and bodyreset and the more stimulation
we add to our lives, our dailylives, the more actually is
required to rejuvenate.
(10:58):
So you know how I just said cavepeople and sailors and farmers
have always rested Well, yeah,they could probably get away
with a full Sunday of rest oneday a week.
And eight hours of sleep becauselife was simpler.
There was way less stimulation.
They were spending most of theday doing one thing at a time,
(11:19):
probably all day, doing onething at a time, unless they
were talking and coiling a ropeat the same time.
How many things are you doing ata time?
And then not only that, as ahigh achieving woman, what do I
know to be true?
You get a promotion.
You have the same expectation ofyourself as you did before, the
promotion and the increasedresponsibility and workload.
You have a baby, you have thesame expectation of yourself,
(11:41):
your brain, your body, and yourcapacity as you did before the
baby.
Oh, you had another baby.
Same expectation.
I used to be able to do this.
I used to be able to do this.
I used to look like this, andblah, blah, blah.
You need more reset.
You're gonna have to do lessthings.
You need rest.
You need it.
It's not wasted time.
It's refilling the cup.
Highly recommend the book DoLess by Kate Northrop, in which
(12:05):
she says, when you do less, youcan be more present, more
focused, and ironically oftenget better results.
I actually don't think it's thatironic.
I think it makes perfect sense.
But all that to say, your worthis not measured by how many
things you check off a to-dolist, and I used to be a big
to-do list girly.
I'm a recovering type Aperfectionist.
(12:25):
But I gave up to-do lists awhile ago because I decided that
they never end, and I now callthem two die lists.
'cause it just, what do you do?
You just move it from one day tothe next.
You just keep adding to the GDlist.
It doesn't end.
It's still there when you die.
I remember when I first startedcoaching and I would start
teaching time blocking toclients and they would be like,
I tried to do the time blocking,but there was too many things
(12:48):
and not enough time in the day.
So you think that you're gonnareconstruct the number of hours
in a day to accommodate thenumber of things that you think
that you need to do?
No.
That means that you have toomany fricking things on the
calendar, and then if you'retime blocking and it keeps
getting bumped to another day,it means it's not important, or
(13:09):
you don't have time to do it.
Like, sorry, time is a humanconstruct, but so are the things
that you think that you need tobe doing.
This is the biggest pushback Iget is like, but what about the
closet and the, who's gonna doit if I don't do it?
Nobody will.
First of all, it's a beliefyou're carrying around, so it's
absolutely going to be true.
(13:29):
But also I would questionfucking everything that you
think you need to be doing,because let me tell you, you
don't need to be doing most ofit.
We, as women take overresponsibility for.
Are most things, and this isjust a people pleasing, high
achieving worthiness hustle,that actually when you start to
(13:49):
question the things thatactually are taking up space in
your brain and calendar andsimply.
Removing them, this problemsolves itself.
So anyways, not a fan of to-dolists.
You're nervous.
The system deserves rest.
Your mind deserves quiet.
You deserve to feel safe,slowing down.
It feels good.
It can be hard, but it feelsgood.
(14:10):
So my challenge for you is this.
If this episode is resonatingwith you, here's a little
challenge for this week.
Pick one moment in your day topractice doing less.
Maybe you, listen to the radioinstead of opening Instagram
until 8:00 AM That's somethingthat I've been doing I'm like, I
can have the phone, I wannalisten to the radio.
But I'm not on WhatsApp orInstagram till at least 8:00 AM.
(14:32):
Maybe you are breathing deeplyfor 60 seconds before checking
the phone, before touching thephone.
Do I need to do this?
Sit in your car for a minutebefore rushing inside.
This is one that I do.
you can sit in your car for aminute before rushing inside.
You can breathe deeply.
Before checking your phone ornot checking your phone, go for
a walk without headphones.
Just pause.
(14:52):
Let that person wait for threedays before you reply to their
email.
Just pause.
Just pause, refrain, and remindyourself, I'm safe.
Even when I'm not doinganything, I'm safe.
'cause that's what it's about.
It's about your body not feelingsafe.
You are safe.
You're okay.
If you're okay right now, you'resafe, you're good.
(15:14):
If this episode hit home foryou, I would love for you to
share it with a friend who'salways on or come find me over
on Instagram at@annejonesfit andlet me know one place you're
going to practice doing lessthis week.
And if you want help unwindingyour own nervous system patterns
so you can finally feel relaxedand strong and enjoy all these
moments and people and thingsyou've worked so hard for.
(15:37):
Send me a message.
This is the kind of mindset workthat changes everything, and I'm
opening something reallyexciting in the fall.
A really affordable, accessible,easy peasy, nervous system
course.
So if you would like to get onthe wait list for that, send me
a message at@annejonesfit onInstagram.
Thank you for being here, myfriend.
Please give yourself permissionto rest like you deserve it more
(16:00):
than you know.
And that is a wrap for today'sepisode of The Muscles and
Mindset Revolution Podcast.
If you enjoyed today's episode,don't forget to hit that
subscribe button so you don'tmiss the next one.
And if you would like toconnect, come hang out with me
on Instagram at@annejonesfit.
I would love to hear from you.
Thank you for being here, andI'll see you next time.
Welcome to the Muscles andMindset Revolution Podcast.
The podcast for ambitious womenwho want to build strength, feel
confident, af, and lose fat forgood, without counting calories
or BS quick fixes.
I'm your host, Anne Jones,certified life coach, a personal
trainer and mindset expert, andafter 15 plus years in the
fitness industry.
(00:21):
I know the real key to lastingchange isn't just what you do,
it's how you think.
If you're ready to shift yourmindset, build a lifestyle you
love and feel confident, af,you're in the right place.
Let's dive in.
So last week I posted a questionon my Instagram stories while I
was away with my mom for herbirthday asking, do you ever try
(00:44):
to relax or slow down, but yourbrain tells you that you can't
or you shouldn't, or that youshould be doing something else?
And you know what happened?
A hundred percent of you said,yes, 100%.
100% of my audience is trying torelax.
And brain is screaming, this isa waste of time.
You should be working.
(01:05):
You're falling behind, you'relazy.
Sound familiar?
If so, welcome to the clubbecause you're absolutely not
alone.
And here's the first thing Iwant you to know.
Just because you think a thoughtdoesn't make it true.
So all the things I justmentioned.
Just'cause you're having thethought.
This is a waste of time.
This isn't productive.
You're lazy.
Just'cause you think that doesnot make it a fact, does not
(01:28):
make it true.
I'm gonna say this again becauseit's that important.
if you could take away one thingfrom this podcast, just because
you think a thought does notmake it true.
Your brain tells you thatrelaxing is dangerous or lazy or
irresponsible.
But is that a fact or is it justa thought that you've been
thinking for so long that it'snow a belief that you've
(01:52):
practiced for so long that it'sbecome automatic?
I want you to try somethingright now.
I want you to take one of those'I should be doing something,
thoughts that we just mentioned.
The one that you have and askyourself, is this a fact that
could be proven in a court oflaw?
Or is it just a thought?
You being lazy, irresponsible,unproductive?
(02:15):
Those are not facts.
They cannot be proven in a courtof law.
That's just someone's opinion.
Okay?
Whatever the thought is.
Is it a fact or just a thought?
Is a thought.
And is that thought making youfeel anxious or guilty or
stressed?
Is it helping you to feel calm,connected, or present?
Do you wanna keep it?
Do you wanna keep thinking thatthought?
Because if a thought is makingyou feel bad or stealing your
(02:38):
ability to enjoy the moment, oreven stealing your ability to be
productive or focused you areallowed to change it.
But here's why this is so hard.
It's not your fault.
From everything that I havelearned and studied about the
nervous system over the past.
10, 11, 12 years.
I know this to be true.
Your brain and your body arewired to seek safety.
(03:01):
Your brain wants wants context,which I'm giving you now, and
connection, which you're goingto give to yourself.
And for so many of us,especially high achieving
successful women, doing equalssafety currently.
'cause we were socialized thisway, right?
Many of us were raised this way.
and we're rewarded for it,highly rewarded for it.
So when you're moving, working,checking off lists, you feel
(03:24):
productive, you get a gold star,you feel on top of it, you feel
in control.
You've been taught that this isright.
It doesn't matter if you falldown dead, at the end of the
day, you get a gold star.
But when you slow down, guesswhat happens?
That feels vulnerable.
slowing down can feel unsafebecause it literally triggers
(03:44):
deeply ingrained survivalpatterns in your brain.
Your brain starts screaming,danger, uncomfortable, something
bad's gonna happen.
Somebody's gonna yell at you.
You're gonna miss something,something's not gonna get done,
and your nervous system flipsinto fight or flight.
This is why slowing down canfeel unsafe because it literally
triggers those deeply ingrainedsurvival patterns in your brain.
(04:06):
It's not'cause you're lazy, it'snot'cause relaxing is bad.
It's not'cause it's a waste oftime.
It's because we've beensocialized to believe that it is
good and safe.
And so doing the oppositetriggers deeply ingrained
survival patterns, which don'tmake sense because you're not
threatened by relaxing in thepool.
This is so odd sounding, butrelaxation is actually a skill.
(04:29):
It's not just about schedulingme time.
It's actually about helping yournervous system feel safe enough
to pause.
And if you've listened to otherepisodes of my podcast, you know
that I've been through thisjourney on my own for the past
several years.
This.
And so how do you start shiftingthis?
I'm gonna make it really simple.
I'm not even gonna jump to likewhere I'm at or what I did.
I'm gonna keep it so simple foryou.
(04:50):
Okay.
So here are a few things that Iteach my new clients and that I
practice myself, but this iswhere I would start.
Number one, begin withawareness.
Like people poo poo mindfulness,but it is everything.
Mindfulness is having bettersex.
Mindfulness is having betterfocus at work.
(05:10):
Mindfulness is having morepresence and connection with
your kids being a better parent.
Mindfulness is losing body fat.
Mindfulness is no longer bingeor emotional eating.
Mindfulness is it?
Okay, so start with awarenessand first, notice the thought
that you are thinking.
shit happens.
That we can't control.
And then you have a thoughtabout it, which you can control,
(05:33):
and then because of thatthought, you feel some kind of
way.
And that thought leads you to dosomething, take an action, or
not take an action, whichcreates the result that you then
get.
So we gotta start with thethought.
First notice the thought.
I should be working.
This is unproductive.
I'll fall behind.
I should put away the laundry.
Just see it.
Don't judge it.
Just see it as a thought.
(05:55):
This is the most powerful thingyou can do.
I do this personally.
I do this with clients all thetime.
See it as a thought.
Oh, thank you brain.
I see that thought.
Okay, cool.
I see.
That's just a thought.
Doesn't mean it's true.
Doesn't mean I'm gonna buy intoit.
Just interesting.
I'm having that thought.
Okay, cool.
Don't judge it.
Next step is to question it.
Is it a fact?
Is it a fact that I'm gonna fallbehind crash and burn my bank
(06:18):
account's gonna empty out if Idon't do whatever I think I need
to be doing right now?
No, it is not a fact.
If it is negotiable, if itcannot be proven in a court of
law, it is not a fact.
It is probably a belief thatyou've repeated for so long.
It's automatic.
So, number one, see it.
Number two, question it.
my previous coach and friend,Cara Barone, says that not every
(06:39):
thought deserves a seat at yourtable.
Doesn't deserve to be taking upbrain space.
Number three, replace.
Don't just remove'cause.
Remember what I said, your braincan't not do something.
Your brain can only do anactivity.
It can't not do anything.
So you have to replace theactivity or the thought.
Your brain can't just donothing.
It's wired to focus onsomething.
So if you wanna relax, you haveto give it a new anchor.
(07:00):
You can't just be like, I'mgonna think about blank space.
So if mindless scrolling is yourthing, maybe you replace it with
a few mindful breaths.
I have something.
It's like a fidget ring.
I used to poo poo like fidgetspinners and stuff, and I kind
of still do, but it's calledstim.
for those of us who are anxious,I've been like this my whole
life.
(07:20):
This is not related to phones orbeing an adult, I've always been
a fidgeter.
I have to really consciously notfidget.
I always play with my cuticles.
It's just st So I have this wirering that I play with my husband
got it for me and then Isubsequently bought another one.
So I can have one downstairs andone upstairs, and I just roll it
up and down my fingers.
Or sometimes you'll see me.
(07:41):
Tracing one finger with theother cause it brings me back,
this is grounding.
So you gotta kind of find yourthing that works for you.
For some people it's breath.
For some people it's touch.
For some people it's movement.
It also depends where yournervous system is at.
But try a few mindful breaths.
Try tracing one.
Hand's fingers with the otherpointer finger.
(08:01):
Get something to fidget withthat's not your phone, instead
of grabbing your phone in theelevator.
Look around.
What colour are the walls?
Feel your feet on the floor.
What do you taste in your mouthright now?
Instead of feeling silence andwalks with podcasts and more and
fucking videos?
My God, people watching videosin all public locations have to
fricking stop.
(08:21):
Why do you need to be watchingreels on the ferry all the time?
This is a, the downfall ofsociety, I swear to God.
Anyways.
Instead of doing that, try awalk in nature with no music.
Oh, what a thought.
what do you hear?
I've worked on this literalthing with several clients who
were like, I can't do that.
That's a waste of time.
oh, but we got there and thenthey felt way better.
(08:43):
And now they do it all the timegoing for walks without pods, we
call it.
So if you've only everassociated stillness with
danger, though jumping intomeditation, cold Turkey will
feel impossible.
Right.
So we, we gotta replace it withsomething else.
This is why you go to yourphone, you don't know how to be
still, and we see everyone elsedoing it.
So it gives us permission.
Small hinges swing big doors soyou don't have to go from a
(09:06):
hundred miles per hour to zeroovernight.
We're gonna titrate, we justwant you to fill 1% better in
any moment.
Okay.
Number four, build quote unquotequiet muscles over time.
So this is like strengthtraining for your brain.
Start with 30 seconds of quiet.
Then one minute, then fiveminutes.
Kate Northrop calls this the artof doing less but achieving
(09:29):
more.
And let me tell you, it worksbecause the more regulated your
nervous system, the morecreative, productive, attentive,
and joyful you become.
I wanna share with you, I workedon this with my nervous system
coach.
I was not getting anything donein my business for my clients.
I was taking care of my clients,but I could never make ground on
a project because I wasconstantly in my business
(09:53):
messaging caretaking.
I couldn't focus on a creativeproject, and I love creative
projects, but I couldn't justhave one tab open I had to
practice one minute in one taband then two minutes in one tab,
and then five, and then 10.
No, I can do an hour, noproblem.
(10:14):
But I had to work my way up toit and I'm way more productive
now.
Part of that is also taskswitching, which you may have
heard me talk about before, andI'll talk about another day.
Okay.
Let's now talk about whyrelaxation is not the same as
laziness.
L Rest is productive.
It's part of the humanbiological necessity cave.
(10:38):
People did it.
Farmers have always done it likeit's productive.
It's required, it's not wastedtime.
It's how your brain and bodyreset and the more stimulation
we add to our lives, our dailylives, the more actually is
required to rejuvenate.
(10:58):
So you know how I just said cavepeople and sailors and farmers
have always rested Well, yeah,they could probably get away
with a full Sunday of rest oneday a week.
And eight hours of sleep becauselife was simpler.
There was way less stimulation.
They were spending most of theday doing one thing at a time,
(11:19):
probably all day, doing onething at a time, unless they
were talking and coiling a ropeat the same time.
How many things are you doing ata time?
And then not only that, as ahigh achieving woman, what do I
know to be true?
You get a promotion.
You have the same expectation ofyourself as you did before, the
promotion and the increasedresponsibility and workload.
You have a baby, you have thesame expectation of yourself,
(11:41):
your brain, your body, and yourcapacity as you did before the
baby.
Oh, you had another baby.
Same expectation.
I used to be able to do this.
I used to be able to do this.
I used to look like this, andblah, blah, blah.
You need more reset.
You're gonna have to do lessthings.
You need rest.
You need it.
It's not wasted time.
It's refilling the cup.
Highly recommend the book DoLess by Kate Northrop, in which
(12:05):
she says, when you do less, youcan be more present, more
focused, and ironically oftenget better results.
I actually don't think it's thatironic.
I think it makes perfect sense.
But all that to say, your worthis not measured by how many
things you check off a to-dolist, and I used to be a big
to-do list girly.
I'm a recovering type Aperfectionist.
(12:25):
But I gave up to-do lists awhile ago because I decided that
they never end, and I now callthem two die lists.
'cause it just, what do you do?
You just move it from one day tothe next.
You just keep adding to the GDlist.
It doesn't end.
It's still there when you die.
I remember when I first startedcoaching and I would start
teaching time blocking toclients and they would be like,
I tried to do the time blocking,but there was too many things
(12:48):
and not enough time in the day.
So you think that you're gonnareconstruct the number of hours
in a day to accommodate thenumber of things that you think
that you need to do?
No.
That means that you have toomany fricking things on the
calendar, and then if you'retime blocking and it keeps
getting bumped to another day,it means it's not important, or
(13:09):
you don't have time to do it.
Like, sorry, time is a humanconstruct, but so are the things
that you think that you need tobe doing.
This is the biggest pushback Iget is like, but what about the
closet and the, who's gonna doit if I don't do it?
Nobody will.
First of all, it's a beliefyou're carrying around, so it's
absolutely going to be true.
(13:29):
But also I would questionfucking everything that you
think you need to be doing,because let me tell you, you
don't need to be doing most ofit.
We, as women take overresponsibility for.
Are most things, and this isjust a people pleasing, high
achieving worthiness hustle,that actually when you start to
(13:49):
question the things thatactually are taking up space in
your brain and calendar andsimply.
Removing them, this problemsolves itself.
So anyways, not a fan of to-dolists.
You're nervous.
The system deserves rest.
Your mind deserves quiet.
You deserve to feel safe,slowing down.
It feels good.
It can be hard, but it feelsgood.
(14:10):
So my challenge for you is this.
If this episode is resonatingwith you, here's a little
challenge for this week.
Pick one moment in your day topractice doing less.
Maybe you, listen to the radioinstead of opening Instagram
until 8:00 AM That's somethingthat I've been doing I'm like, I
can have the phone, I wannalisten to the radio.
But I'm not on WhatsApp orInstagram till at least 8:00 AM.
(14:32):
Maybe you are breathing deeplyfor 60 seconds before checking
the phone, before touching thephone.
Do I need to do this?
Sit in your car for a minutebefore rushing inside.
This is one that I do.
you can sit in your car for aminute before rushing inside.
You can breathe deeply.
Before checking your phone ornot checking your phone, go for
a walk without headphones.
Just pause.
(14:52):
Let that person wait for threedays before you reply to their
email.
Just pause.
Just pause, refrain, and remindyourself, I'm safe.
Even when I'm not doinganything, I'm safe.
'cause that's what it's about.
It's about your body not feelingsafe.
You are safe.
You're okay.
If you're okay right now, you'resafe, you're good.
(15:14):
If this episode hit home foryou, I would love for you to
share it with a friend who'salways on or come find me over
on Instagram at@annejonesfit andlet me know one place you're
going to practice doing lessthis week.
And if you want help unwindingyour own nervous system patterns
so you can finally feel relaxedand strong and enjoy all these
moments and people and thingsyou've worked so hard for.
(15:37):
Send me a message.
This is the kind of mindset workthat changes everything, and I'm
opening something reallyexciting in the fall.
A really affordable, accessible,easy peasy, nervous system
course.
So if you would like to get onthe wait list for that, send me
a message at@annejonesfit onInstagram.
Thank you for being here, myfriend.
Please give yourself permissionto rest like you deserve it more
(16:00):
than you know.
And that is a wrap for today'sepisode of The Muscles and
Mindset Revolution Podcast.
If you enjoyed today's episode,don't forget to hit that
subscribe button so you don'tmiss the next one.
And if you would like toconnect, come hang out with me
on Instagram at@annejonesfit.
I would love to hear from you.
Thank you for being here, andI'll see you next time.
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