You Don’t Hate Routine. Your Nervous System Is Overwhelmed (Not a Discipline Problem)

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Today we're talking aboutsomething I see constantly in

(00:02):
high achieving women.
You tell yourself, I just can'tstick to a routine.
I'm bad at consistency.
I need more discipline.
I need a new planner.
I need a better morning routine.
I need to get my life together.
I hear those things all thetime, and I'm going to say
something that might irritateyou a little, but you do need to
hear it.
You don't actually hate routine.
You hate being controlled.

(00:22):
You hate rigid structure thatignores your season of life.
Ignores your nervous systemignores the fact that you're
already carrying 900 invisibletabs in your brain and then
makes you feel like a failurewhen you can't keep up.
So if you've been in a loop ofStart Monday, fall off Thursday,
shame spiral Sunday.
This episode is absolutely foryou because today I want to

(00:43):
teach you part of the flowframework.
Not a schedule that boxes you inmore, a framework that supports
you, a structure that actuallyfeels good.
And I'm going to anchor this ina real one-on-one client story
because it makes it insanelyclear.
Welcome to the Muscles andMindset Revolution, the podcast

(01:04):
for ambitious women who want tobuild strength, feel confident
AF and lose fat for good,without counting calories or bs
quick fixes.
I'm your host, Anne Jones,certified life coach and mentor,
personal trainer and mindsetexpert after 15 plus years in
the fitness industry, I know thereal key to lasting change isn't
just what you do, it's how youthink and how regulated you are

(01:24):
while you're trying to do it.
Let's start here.
The real problem is not yourroutine.
Probably at this point.
It might be if you have noroutine, but most of my clients
come to me with having tried allof their routines.
Most high achieving women thinkthey have a time management
problem.
Moms and high achieving workingwomen both say that to me, but
what they actually have is anervous system problem, because

(01:44):
when your nervous system isdysregulated, your brain does
not reach for consistency.
It reaches for drama, chaos,dopamine overcorrection,
control, avoidance, shut down.
Burn it all down energy I'vebeen there.
Or the classic.
I'll restart tomorrow.
I'll restart And this is why youcan be an absolute force, a

(02:05):
weapon in your career.
A great mom, an amazing partner.
A stellar friend, but when itcomes to taking care of your
body or yourself, you feel likea toddler with a credit card,
your brain is not failing.
It's coping.
And if you don't address thestate first, you'll keep trying
to slap a shoddy strategy on topof a dysregulated system, and it

(02:27):
will never stick.
It's like trying to build aluxury kitchen on a foundation
made of jello.
It's gonna collapse, and thenyou're gonna blame yourself.
For not building it correctly.
So before we even talk aboutroutines of which we do quite a
bit, I have tons of videos on myYouTube about routines.
If you wanna talk about those.
We also have to talk about yournervous system and dopamine.
So here's why discipline doesn'twork when you're overwhelmed or

(02:51):
when your stress bucket is full.
Here's what's happening.
For a lot of you anyways, you'reoverstimulated all day tasks,
switching notifications, and reddots on your phone, children,
work meetings, traffic texts,phone calls, stress decision
fatigue, driving body imagethoughts, Food thoughts.

(03:12):
I should be doing more thoughts.
And then you go to bed and yourbrain does this.
Okay, now we can think likeyou're not thinking that
logically.
But it's the first time thatyou've stopped and suddenly
you're ruminating.
You're reviewing the day, you'repanicking about what you didn't
do.
You're planning tomorrow, I dothis too.
Guilty as charged.
Or you're thinking about yourbody.
You're thinking about work.
You're thinking about how you'rebehind.

(03:33):
You're stressing about money.
So what do you do?
Instead of regulating you reachfor a dopamine button, phone
scrolling, snacking tv, onlineshopping, wine, anything that
helps you not feel what you'refeeling.
It's because your nervous systemhas been in fight or flight all
day, and your brain is trying toregulate itself the only way it
knows how, or in a way that hasworked for it in the past or in

(03:55):
a very familiar self-protectivebehaviour.
So when you tell yourself, Ijust need more discipline, what
you really mean is I need a wayto feel safe enough to follow
through, that is a verydifferent problem and it
requires a very differentsolution.
And that is why meal plans andworkout plans and time
management hacks are not workingfor you.

(04:16):
I wanna share a client's storythat makes this so obvious.
This client is younger, but I'mtelling you.
She could be any of you.
She's very mature and thepatterns are identical.
She's super high achieving,super busy, super intelligent,
super driven, and her brain runshot.
And she used to tell herself,actually, when we started
together, she would, she told meI'm terrible at routine.

(04:37):
Like it was one of the firstthings she said.
She was consistently staying upuntil two, three, sometimes four
o'clock in the morning.
It wasn't because she was likeworking or doing productive
work.
She was procrastinating on herphone and thinking about doing
work so she wasn't resting.
'cause scrolling is neverresting she wasn't producing
anything.
She was just stuck that veryspecific hell zone that a lot of

(05:01):
us get stuck or live in.
Now, here's what's changed forher.
She started doing something veryimportant.
Instead of overriding hertiredness with stimulation, she
started learning how to feel herbody again.
Actually, probably for the firsttime ever, she's super active,
but like I used to be, like youprobably are, lives very in her
head, very little in her body.

(05:22):
She sent me a voice note.
Where she said something like,for the last few days, I've
slept every night and gottenaround nine hours of sleep.
And I realize, I think Iactually need nine to 10 hours
of sleep to feel mentally welland have full comprehension of
what's going on in my day.
And that sounds like a lot tome, but for the mental recovery
I'm in, it makes sense.
I want you, this is a youngwoman, okay?

(05:44):
So I want you to hear thematurity in that phrase.
This is not a girl who can't getconsistent.
This is someone whose nervoussystem is finally getting honest
about her needs, and I want youto notice how this applies to
you.
I want you to know as well thatI can relate to this.
I am also hands up if you're ahigh need sleeper.
I'm a high need sleeper.
And in university I was soregimented.

(06:05):
Ask anyone who knew me, I wouldwork out, even if it was at 9:30
PM and I would be in bed, but Ionly slept from, I think it was
like 1145 till seven.
Or something like that.
1115.
It was like very specific, likeI could get seven hours and 45
minutes of sleep as a veryactive student.
That was not enough.
That's not enough for me now.
I was like using my brain.
I was working out every day,sometimes twice a day, and I

(06:28):
kept thinking, and even in morerecent past, I would be like, I
can't possibly need more thaneight hours of sleep.
I'm just a high, instead ofactually listening to my body
and realizing I'm a high needsleeper, I was trying to.
Fit myself into some other mold,and that's what this client was
doing as well.
And what I was like when I wasthat age and what was happening

(06:50):
for her as well, is she had nomind body connection to tune in
and feel what actually her bodyneeded.
She was operating from externallike, well, this person sleeps
this much and this personsleeps.
She was in doing so much thatshe was not in feeling at all.
And again, I want you to noticehow this applies to you.
How many of you are trying torun your life on six hours of

(07:11):
sleep?
Three coffees and just anxiety,or not enough food, right?
We're not really talking aboutfood today, but how many of you
are trying to run your life onthis like demure lady like.
Chicken breasts and salad everyday, and then beating yourself
up for being hungry later, ornot eating breakfast and then
beating yourself for, for beinghungry later.

(07:32):
And then you're shocked that youcan't consistently train, eat
protein, and.
Feel calm and peaceful all thetime.
Let's be serious.
Your standards are probably notaligned with your biology.
If you're like any of my clientsor past me or even sometimes
present me, let's be fair.
So part of our work together, myclient and I became ending
trying to force a routine thatignores what her body needs.

(07:54):
So instead, we built a flowframework that supports her.
So this is moving her towardsbeing in a flow framework versus
a controlling framework.
A control framework sounds likeI have to wake up at 5:00 AM I
have to do the full routine, orit doesn't count.
I have to execute perfectly.
I have to do it the same wayevery day.
If I miss a day, I've failed aflow framework sounds and feels

(08:18):
like.
What does my body need to feelsupported right now?
What does your the body need?
Not what does the planner say,not what does the internet say?
What does body need?
What are my anchors Like?
What do I need today?
How can I make this easier?
PE we have so much resistance toit, feeling easier.
My clients know this is thesecret sauce.

(08:39):
This is why my substack iscalled Diary of a Lazy Fitness
Coach, which really just meansease.
how can you make it feel easier?
Because then it will like, it'sliterally that easy.
What is the smallest version ofthis that still counts?
I'm all about minimum effectivedose, and how can I repair
instead of restarting?
Flow is supportive.
Control is punitive.

(09:00):
A very different energy and highachieving Women tend to default
to control because they believethat control equals safety.
They believe that control feelssafe.
Until it doesn't, until yournervous system rebels until
circumstances outside of youthat you were trying to control,
you can no longer control, andthen you go into unsafe even

(09:21):
though you can't control thosethings, and then you call it
falling off, you didn't falloff.
Something happened that youcouldn't control your system,
hit capacity or both.
So we built frameworks thatrespect your capacity.
So here are the two things thatactually changed my client's
bedtime, and this is where Iwanna get really practical,
cause this is where most of youare stuck to.
We built her bedtime routine byreverse engineering.
I do this frequently withclients.

(09:42):
She wanted to wake up earlier,but she was consistently waking
up later.
So instead of forcing a fantasywake up time, we pick a
realistic goal for the seasonand we reverse engineer it from
bedtime, and then we create alanding strip or a runway.
A runway taking off, I guess forbedtime.
It's a landing strip in themorning.
It's a runway because bedtime isis not, and should not just be
go to sleep.

(10:02):
Body doesn't work like that.
Bedtime is an entire transitionfor yes, adult.
You just like an infant ifyou've ever had a baby or
babysat, and the transitionfails when you go from high
dopamine to nothing.
Your body can't do that.
That's a dopamine drop off.
Especially for this particularclient who does have a DHD.
And she's young, right?

(10:22):
Like, she's like social and onher phone a lot.
She was going from like highdopamine to like, but trying to
go to like bam and it wasn'tworking.
So we did a couple things.
And again, minimum effectivedose.
I gave her two things'cause Iwanna keep it this simple.
How can we make this so freakingeasy?
So number one is we set a phoneto bed alarm.
She's on her phone anyways, at10:00 PM an alarm goes off.

(10:43):
That alarm is not a suggestion,it is a queue.
And this is different fordifferent clients'cause I do
have my clients who will justignore the alarms.
But for this client, it doeswork.
So at 10:00 PM alarm goes off.
When a phone goes off, the phonegoes.
Downstairs or upstairs orwherever her bedroom is, not, I
can't remember.
Not across the room, not besidethe pillow.
Not just cutely flipping it overother part of the house,

(11:04):
upstairs, downstairs, kitchen,because if the phone is in your
room, you're playing with fire,there's just no point.
It's like having the mosttempting food in the house when
you have not trained yourself tofeel neutral about it.
If you feel neutral about it,cool.
You probably don't feel neutralabout your phone.
You're probably itching to touchit.
And if you wake up and you wantit, you have to physically go so

(11:25):
far to get it.
I put my phone to bed in mybathroom.
I have for years, sometimes evenin the kitchen actually.
But if you do really need yourphone and you have to get up to
get it, then you're up, you'removing and you're not trapped in
the rollover, scrolling spiral.
I have to stand in the bathroomto add something to the grocery
list.
Stand in the kitchen to text mymom back if I think of something
when I'm in bed.
And that's what I want you to dotoo.

(11:47):
That's what I want her to do,too.
That was number one, was thephone to bed alarm.
Literally putting the phone tobed.
Arianna Huffington has thesecute, her Huffington posts, I
think makes these cute, phonebeds.
You like put it on your mantle.
It's literally like a littlebamboo bed.
You like tuck your phone intobed.
Nice little ritual.
I love it.
Number two is a handwrittenbrain dump.
Do this with tons of clients.

(12:08):
It's so huge for busy brains andhigh achievers because the
reason you scroll is often notjust a desire for stimulation.
It's avoidance.
It's your brain trying to solvetomorrow and next year at
midnight.
Right?
Trying to fix, trying to solve.
So instead of letting thoughtsbounce around in your head, just

(12:28):
dump'em onto paper.
There's so much power to this.
It's like talking it out.
If it's a to-do list, whatever,like get it out.
Your worries.
I'm so stressed about this.
Reminders anything.
The goal is not to journalpoetically.
The goal is.
Your brain believes the thoughtsare safely stored somewhere so
it can let them go.
It can be a truly be a tomorrowproblem.

(12:49):
This was really big for me.
I also switched, you guys know Ilove a digital calendar.
I love my Google calendar.
I love my task manager, but thenI was finding if I thought of
something, I would try to get onmy phone to put it in so I don't
forget for tomorrow.
And then I was on my phone.
that's tricky.
That does require willpower tojust not get sucked in.
So several years ago I switchedto, I also have a paper planner

(13:12):
that I just keep with me, andit's kind of my day to day and
I, it goes to bed with me, andthen if I need something, I put
it on for tomorrow.
I'm writing it.
I'm not getting on my phone.
So this is especially helpfulfor my, I'll forget it if I
don't hold it in my head, girls,of which I'm absolutely one and
most of my clients are as well.
write it down.
Analog tomorrow.
Anne can handle it and thentrust tomorrow.

(13:32):
Self to handle it tonight annesleeps tomorrow.
Anne handles it.
Trust her.
Trust her.
Trust her.
Okay.
Dopamine drop offs and mediumdopamine activities.
I'm proud of listening to youguys.
Medium dopamine activities.
I love this.
So let's talk about dopaminedrop offs because this is the
part.
You'll feel in your soul.
A dopamine drop off is whathappens when you go from
scrolling or whatever your highdopamine hit activity is, to

(13:57):
stopping to silence, to bed.
Your brain does not like thatbecause scrolling is high
stimulation, high novelty, highdopamine.
This is like stepping off ofSpace Mountain and then trying
to have a nap.
So when you stop, your brainfeels the crash.
The crash feels like anxiety.
It feels like restlessness,irritability, or I need

(14:19):
something, right?
It's like stepping off thewalking escalator and your
body's like still going.
It's just like that.
That's why you suddenly wantsomething.
You want snacks, you need onemore video.
You suddenly remember 45 thingsyou didn't do today.
Your brain is on that walking.
Treadmill.
You know, the airport thing, theflat treadmill, the escalator
thing, your brain is still onthat if you don't give it a

(14:40):
medium dopamine activity inbetween.
So what do we do?
We don't go from high dopamineto zero dopamine.
We go from high dopamine tomedium dopamine.
We slow the escalator down.
Medium dopamine activities arethings that feel satisfying.
Feel soothing, feel productivewithout being overly
stimulating.
Okay, so these are things likedoing your skincare routine,

(15:00):
puttering, tidying your room orkitchen for five minutes.
No particular goal, justputtering.
Setting out your clothes fortomorrow, smoothing the bed,
stretching for a minute or two,having a shower, having a cup of
tea.
These are not just like wellnesstropes.
These are true transitionactivities.
Doing the brain dump.
I talked about reading two pagesof a fiction book, listening to

(15:22):
a Calm meditation while youPutter.
I will do this as I've gotreally into this, especially,
when my husband was workingnights and Sophie was younger
and I would put her to bed andthen there would be all the
things, right?
Cleaning the kitchen, making herlunch tidying.
I would put on something.
Not necessarily fiction, but notnecessarily learning.
I found a couple podcasts that Ilike.

(15:43):
I have a couple of YouTubechannels that I like to just
listen to.
Almost like affirmations,meditation, self-help.
There's a few books that Ibought that I would listen to.
Like Pema Chodron.
I love her books, especially forthis kind of activity.
These are transition activities.
They help your brain power down.
Without feeling like it'sfalling off a cliff.
And this client who I wasspeaking about, she already had

(16:04):
these activities actually.
She had her skincare, she hadher tithing, she had this
routine.
She has this soft light thatcrackles like a fire.
So she actually wasn't bad atroutine.
She was telling me she was badat routine, but she actually had
this routine.
She just didn't know it was aroutine.
She was missing one littlepiece.
She was missing a consistent cueto start the routine before

(16:26):
getting sucked into dopamine.
And also she was missing justeven calling it a bedtime
routine, which can be powerful.
So that's that.
We name it as a routine.
She has the alarm.
The phone goes upstairs,downstairs, she does the brain
dump.
Boom.
That's the cue.
Now we're in the, now we're inthe landing strip.
You think you need morediscipline when you really

(16:49):
probably need recovery of somekind.
My client said, I think Iactually need nine to 10 hours
of sleep to be mentally well,first of all, yes, probably.
Second of all, I want you tonotice the mindset shift there.
This is the shift from hustleculture to self-leadership.
High achievers, hear me saythis, high achievers are taught

(17:11):
to treat sleep like a luxury andmore than seven hours of sleep.
Oh my gosh.
but your body treats it like arequirement that is a
misalignment.
Your brain is treating sleeplike a luxury.
As well as rest and food andmany other things.
Your body does not see it thatway with the high stimulation,
busy life that you have, yourbody probably has a higher sleep

(17:34):
need even than like quoteunquote the average person.
And so it's it's considering ita luxury.
It's like sleep me.
And the more you start doingnervous system regulation work,
the more your body starts askingfor rest because you're
listening to it.
Just like when you startlistening to your body, you
start feeling hungry and youstart feeling full simply
because you're listening.

(17:54):
Because when you stop numbingyourself with stimulation, you
start feeling the exhaustion.
You've been overriding.
I always used to feel this.
I don't so much anymore becauseI'm better at.
Resting more during my normallife.
But like when I would go homefor Christmas or to my parents',
and you're so like lethargic andtired.
It's like responsibility hasleft the building.

(18:15):
You don't really have to doanything.
You don't have a work deadline.
You exams are done and you feelso tired.
You worked tired before, youwere just working through it on
adrenaline.
So if you're listening to thisand you're like, why am I more
tired now that I'm trying to behealthier?
Or why am I hungrier now thatI'm trying to be healthier?

(18:36):
Or why do I feel my body now?
It's not'cause you're gettingworse.
It's because you're finally notignoring your body.
That is progress, my friend,that most people don't make.
And this is why your new routineneeds to include recovery as a
non-negotiable.
Because you do not build a bitstrong body, a calm brain and
consistent habits on sleep debt.

(18:57):
You build them on regulation.
Let's get insanely practical.
Here's a bedtime flow frameworkthat you can try tonight.
I already told you my clients,right?
There's no perfection in this.
No life overhaul.
Just a clean experiment.
So step one would be to Chooseyour phone to bedtime.
Start with 30 minutes before youwanna be asleep.
For me, it's two hours.
Alarm goes off at eight o'clock.

(19:18):
It literally says, take yourmagnesium and put your phone to
bed.
So set the alarm when it goesoff phone, goes to bed out of
your room.
That's step one.
Step two is to choose just twomedium dopamine activities like
I listed earlier.
Skincare, tidying without agoal, laying out your clothes,
smoothing your bed, making tea,stretching, showering, brain
dump.
Two is enough.

(19:39):
Don't choose them all.
Don't do 10, do two.
Step three.
Do a two minute brain dump.
I do love that for you.
Write what's on your mind, evenif it makes no sense.
Write what you're worried you'regonna forget.
Write what you're pissed offabout.
Write what you wanna handletomorrow.
Write how you wanna feel tonightand then close the book.
Step four, give your brain aclosing statement.
This is the piece high achieversneed, say.

(19:59):
I trust myself to deal with thistomorrow.
Tonight I sleep, or tomorrow mehas got this or it's safe to
rest.
That was one for me for sure.
You're basically training yourbrain to stop acting like sleep
is optional.
Okay, and then step five, laststep is a body check-in before
sleep.
You could even do if you'rejournaling anyways, like how do

(20:20):
I feel in my body right now orwithout the journal?
Just asking into self, what do Ifeel in my body right now?
My jaw, is it clenched or is itsoft?
My shoulders, are they up or arethey down my belly?
Is it tight or is it relaxed?
Take one.
Breath.
Are your shoulders drop?
Done?
That's it.
That's your flow framework.
It's not rigid, supportive.

(20:41):
Let's connect this to, if youare interested, why this matters
for consistency in fat loss.
If you are a high achievingwoman over the age of 35 and you
wanna lose body fat, you wannabuild strength, you wanna stop
being obsessed about everything,your results are not gonna come
from you pushing harder.
You've tried that.
You've tried.
I can guarantee you've triedthat.
If you're listening to this,I've tried that.

(21:01):
It felt terrible.
They're gonna come from youbecoming someone who can stay
consistent in real life.
Consistency is not built throughrestarting constantly.
It is built through repairing,learning, and repairing bedtime
routines.
Sleep, nervous system regulationand dopamine management are not
fluffy or woo woo.
They are foundational for yourbody.

(21:22):
I'm not just like making thisshit up.
The woman who sleeps regulatesand reduces overstimulation is
the woman who has the bandwidthand the energy to train
consistently.
Who has the capacity to like eatbreakfast and feed her kids
breakfast?
Who does not binge at night?
Who does not need to start overevery Monday, who does not treat
her body like a huge problem?

(21:43):
And if you want to buildstrength and lose body fat
without living in diet brain,you need a nervous system that
can tolerate discomfort withoutrunning to dopamine for relief.
That is literally the work.
If this episode hit you andyou're realizing you don't need
to restart, you in fact need arepair, I want you to try That
framework tonight.
Phone to bed alarm.
Two medium dopamine activities.

(22:05):
A two minute brain dump, closingstatement to yourself, one full
body breath, and then message meon Instagram at Anne Jones Fit
and tell me what changed.
If you are ready to stop whiteknuckling your habits and start
building a body and a lifestyleyou actually want to live in,
this is exactly what we doinside muscles and mindset.
Strength training structure,nervous system support, and the

(22:25):
mindset work to stop the all ornothing spiral because you are
not a failure, but you'reprobably overloaded and we can
fix that.
And that is a wrap for today'sepisode of the Muscles and
Mindset Revolution podcast.
If you enjoyed today's episode,don't forget to hit the
subscribe button so you getnotified of the next one.
And if you want to hear moreepisodes like this, I would love
for you to leave a five starreview.

(22:46):
If you're looking for more freeresources or just wanna connect,
come find me on Instagram.
I'm at@annejonesfit Okay, myfriends, I so appreciate you
being here.
I love to see you showing up forand prioritizing yourself and
your growth, and I will see younext time.

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