How to Shift the Power Dynamic in Client Relationships as an OBM

You were hired to lead—but suddenly, you’re stuck waiting for approvals, tiptoeing around recommendations, and wondering why the “strategic partner” role feels more like support staff.

If that sounds familiar, this episode is your reset button.

On this week’s episode of The OBM Show, we’re unpacking the unspoken issue that holds so many OBMs back: unhealthy power dynamics. I’m breaking down how even the most well-meaning client relationships can slip into misalignment—and how to claim (or reclaim) your role as the operations leader.

🎧 Here’s what we cover:

• How to spot a misaligned power dynamic before it spirals
• Why OBMs often unintentionally show up like assistants (and how to change that)
• The exact onboarding strategies that set you up as a strategic leader from Day 1
• Subtle but powerful language shifts that communicate authority and direction
• What to do when the client relationship needs a reset—and how to lead that shift with confidence

If you’ve ever felt like you're stuck in reactive mode, struggling to be seen as the expert you are, this episode is a must-listen.

Because leadership isn’t about control—it’s about structure, clarity, and trust. And it starts with how YOU show up.

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Until next time, keep building the business behind the business.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Now you started excited, you're ready to lead
your new client, you've signedthem, your click up is color
coded, and you've got a millionideas for how to streamline
their back end.
And you're thinking to yourself,yes, this is exactly the kind of
strategic partnership I've beenwaiting for.

(00:20):
But then, almost withoutrealizing it, you are waiting.
waiting for approvals, waitingfor updates, waiting for clarity
that never comes.
You're chasing down Slackmessages and holding back on
recommendations because youdon't want to step on toes.

(00:44):
And all of a sudden, you are infull-blown reactive mode, not
leadership mode.
Now, if you've ever felt likethe client is the one driving
the bus, you even though youwere hired to be the strategic
partner, this episode is yourreset button.
Because the power dynamic in OBMclient relationships doesn't

(01:07):
just matter, it's actually thekey to building sustainable
success.
Let's dive in.
Welcome to the OBM Show, thepodcast that pulls back the
curtain on what it really takesto thrive as an online business
manager and help businessesscale without burning out.

(01:27):
I'm your host, Sarah Noked,agency owner, OBM mentor, and
founder of OBM School.
I've been working in the backend of online businesses since
2009, building systems, managingremote teams, and mentoring OBMs
who make businesses run likeclockwork.
Now, I've seen what works, whatdoesn't, and the messy middle

(01:49):
that no one talks about.
Here, we get real about thetools, strategies, and stories
that drive sustainable success,plus the tech mishaps, growing
pains, and lessons learned alongthe way.
If you're ready to stop spinningyour wheels, step into your
leadership role, and see whatactually happens behind the

(02:11):
scenes of thriving businesses,you're in the right place.
Let's get started.
Let's get started.
Here's the deal.
OBMs are leaders by role, but weoften enter client relationships
positioned more like assistants.
And most of the time, it's noteven intentional.
It's just the way the onlinespace has evolved.

(02:34):
A lot of us start off as VAs orjust random freelancers.
You know, we're taught to beflexible, helpful, behind the
scenes.
We've learned to over-deliverand not ask too many questions.
But what happens when you stepinto a leader role with that
same energy.
The client fills in the gaps.

(02:54):
They define the relationship andspoiler alert, most of the time
they will default to seeing youas support because that is what
they are used to.
And if you don't redefine thatdynamic from the start, it
becomes a cycle that you justcan't break.
You spend the entire contracttrying to play catch up, second

(03:17):
guessing yourself, and wonderingwhy it doesn't feel like a
partnership.
So here's what we're reallytalking about today, reclaiming
your role as the leader ofoperations because healthy power
dynamics are built on threethings, trust, authority, and
clear boundaries.

(03:39):
Without those in place, even thebest strategies will fall flat.
So how can you tell when thedynamic needs a little bit of a
reset?
It's usually not one big moment.
It's a string of little ittybitty tiny ones that drive you
insane.
Like the client micromanagingyou, they're double checking

(04:02):
your work, or blatantly ignoringyour suggestions, or they toss
tasks at you with no context andexpect you to quote unquote,
just handle it.
Maybe you're having to proveyour value in every
conversation.
You send thoughtful updates andreports and get ghosted.

(04:23):
You propose improvements andthey're met with silence or
hesitation.
Or they just don't follow yourprocesses.
They miss deadlines, ignoreSOPs, or just skim your emails
like they are optional reading.
And worst of all, you start toquestion yourself and your
sanity.
Am I being too much?

(04:44):
Did I do something wrong?
No.
What's likely happening is thatthe power dynamic wasn't clearly
established from the beginning,but that's fixable.
Now, let's talk about whatreally causes this misalignment
because it's not just theclient.
Sorry, guys.

(05:04):
A huge factor is how we show upat the start of the relationship
and arguably the biggest factor.
If your onboarding system isvague, if expectations are
unclear, or if you're waitingfor the client to set the tone,
you've already handed them thewheel.
Sometimes we hold back becausewe're new and we're afraid of

(05:27):
being too much, especially ifwe've come from roles where
being assertive was seen asnegative.
Kudos to those of you who arenodding their heads right now
and remembering those days ofcorporate.
Other times it's legacy baggagefrom VA work or task-based gigs
that you've had in the past.

(05:48):
Like you're so used to takingdirection that stepping into
decision-making feels scary ormaybe it feels a little bit out
of bounds.
And often it's as simple as howwe talk about our work.
If you're saying things like,let me know how I can help or
just checking in, you areunintentionally reinforcing the

(06:10):
idea that you're here just tosupport and not lead.
The language, the tone, thestructure, it all really
matters.
And actually, this is the firstthing that I teach inside of OBM
school around making thetransition from VA to OBM with a
It really starts with yourlanguage.

(06:32):
But again, here is the goodnews.
You can absolutely shift thedynamic.
If you have a client on yourroster who is trying to default
you into an assistant type role,you can shift the dynamic.
And you don't have to wait untilthings are bad to do it.
So the moment you sign thecontract with the client is the

(06:54):
moment that your leadershipreally needs to shine.
onboarding is not just aboutforms and logins and trading
information it is your chance toestablish authority to showcase
your processes and naturallytrain your client on how to work
with you yes training yourclient so you can start by

(07:18):
clearly stating your role andvalue here's how I lead clients
through operationaltransformation you can create a
welcome guide or call it aclient success guide, whatever
floats your boat, or simply anonboarding video where you
explain what to expect from you,what you need from them, why

(07:38):
your systems are set up the waythat they are.
For example, we do calls onTuesdays to keep momentum high
and reduce decision fatigue.
If something comes up, we'll useour shared ClickUp dashboard
instead of email for tasktracking.
Now, this is not about beingrigid or bossy, although I have

(08:00):
no problem with that, witheither of those things.
But this is about giving yourclients a container that they
feel safe inside.
And even as I'm saying this, I'mgetting the chills because it
really is, especially at theonset of a working relationship,
all about establishing trust andtone.

(08:20):
Structure breeds trust andonboarding is where that trust
begins.
Now, I already mentioned this,but I'm diving in deeper.
One of the biggest shifts youcan make is how you communicate.
Your language, also the thoughtsyou have in your own mind and
the language and the thoughtsyou say to yourself, they really
do shape our perception.

(08:41):
So I want your go-to phrases tonot be things like, just
checking in, or let me know ifyou want me to you know, fill in
the blank.
Happy to help however you need,right?
All really positive, all reallybubbly, but it is actually time
to rewrite the script.

(09:01):
So instead of just checking in,I want you to say something
like, we're currently blockeduntil X is finalized.
Or let me know if you just wantme to becomes here's the plan
that I recommend based on yourgoals.
And instead of happy to helphowever you need, this task

(09:22):
isn't aligned with ourpriorities for the week.
Want me to shift focus?
So you probably hear the smallnuances.
These aren't huge changes, butthey're so, so powerful because
they center your voice instrategy, not service.
I'm going to say that one moretime.
They center your voice instrategy, not service.

(09:46):
Every Slack message, every Zoomcall, every project update, it's
all an opportunity to toreinforce your role as the
driver and not the passenger onthe truck, okay?
And certainly not the client asthe driver.
Now, accountability, I think, isone of the most underrated forms

(10:07):
of leadership.
And it is so non-negotiable whenyou are starting a business and
growing an OBM business anddefinitely as you show up for
your client.
So if you are constantlyfollowing up, chasing down tasks
or reminding your client abouttimelines, you are holding all

(10:27):
the mental load and guys, it'sexhausting.
So let's flip that.
I want you to start sendingweekly up including clear key
performance indicators, actionitems.
Frame your updates aroundoutcomes and not just
checklists.
Outcomes being deliverables,right?

(10:48):
What are you delivering?
What are the actual...
things that you are creating ordoing or moving for your client.
And I want you to use yourproject management tool as,
okay, brace yourselves here.
This might be shocking, but useyour project management tools as
the source of truth.
Make sure everyone knows if it'snot in ClickUp or whatever

(11:11):
project management tool you'reusing, it just doesn't exist.
By the way, if you are wonderingwhat kind of tech stack we
recommend inside of OBM School,you can head on over to
obmschool.com forward slashtools to see for free our whole
tech stack.
And I've got my recommendationsthere.
And yes, okay, so back to thepodcast.

(11:32):
Yes, build in moments for clientfeedback.
I know...
Sometimes this goes overlooked,but you really don't want to
wait for them to lead the bus onfeedback.
You have to go first.
So when you introduce yourstructure, you claim ownership,
and with that ownership comesauthority.

(11:53):
So maybe you're listening toSarah and thinking to yourself,
okay, but what if the damage isalready done?
I say, no problem.
You can always reset.
So you can start by simplyscheduling a realignment call.
Keep the tone neutral andsupportive.
Say something along the lines oflike, I'd love to revisit what

(12:16):
success looks like for us andhow I would can best lead us and
the business there.
So the important thing is toframe it around the business
goals and not your frustrations.
I always say it, I can scream itfrom the rooftops, don't make
business personal, right?
You got to frame it around thebusiness goals and what is in

(12:39):
the best interest of thebusiness and not your own
frustrations around the client'sactions or lack of actions,
right?
You could say something alongthe lines of, I noticed we're a
bit out of sync on prioritiesand I wanted to make sure that
we're using our time and energyin the most strategic way to get

(13:01):
us back on track.
I recommend X.
Okay, did you notice that I'mnot blaming, I'm not begging,
but I am leading.
And that shift, if done well,can completely revive the
relationship.
Now, here is the final mindsetshift I want to leave you with,

(13:22):
right?
Leadership isn't overstepping,it isn't being too much, and
it's certainly not risky.
It was exactly what you needed.
As an OBM, we're hired to do.
You're not just managing tasks,you're stewarding the vision,
right?
You're holding the structurethat lets the business and the

(13:43):
client grow.
And when you do that withclarity, confidence, and
compassion, Everyone wins.
And this, my friends, is why Iharp all the time around the
soft skills of being an onlinebusiness manager.
I talk about it on the podcasthere.
I talk about it on the YouTubechannel.

(14:04):
When you are leveraging youremotional intelligence, hence
your empathy, You will win.
Everyone will win.
So leverage those soft skillsthat I know you got when you're
feeling overwhelmed perhaps bythe harder skills of getting the
work done.

(14:24):
Now, if you're already workingwith clients and you know you're
meant to lead at a higher level,I want to invite you to apply
for our OBM accreditation.
It is our professionalcertification program for
experienced service providersand those corporate individuals
who are So you can head on overto obmacreditation.com to apply.

(15:06):
And if you are just gettingstarted and you're you are
resonating with what I amtalking about, or you are in a
transition phase, check out ourfree OBM starter kit.
It's full of the exact checklisttools and onboarding systems I
use to lead clients withconfidence.
You can head on over toobmschool.com forward slash

(15:29):
starter to grab our OBM starterkit.
And hey, if this episoderesonated with you, tag me on
Instagram at Sarah Noquette orat the O and let me know how you
are stepping into leadershipthis week because I want to
cheer you on.
Thanks so much for tuning intoThe OBM Show.

(15:50):
I'll see you on the nextepisode.