Stop Playing the VA Game: How to Step Into True OBM Leadership

You’re answering emails.
You’re checking tasks off the list.
You’re keeping the wheels turning.

But here’s the truth: if you’re still stuck in “helper mode,” you’re holding yourself back.

In this episode of The OBM Show, I’m breaking down how to stop playing the VA game and step fully into your OBM leadership. Because leadership isn’t about having a big team or a fancy title, it’s about how you show up every single day.

Here’s what we cover:

 • The difference between “helpers” and true leaders (and why it matters)
 • How to recognize when you’ve slipped back into support mode
 • The daily mindset shifts that help you embody OBM leadership
 • What it looks like to step into the CEO gap with confidence and clarity
 • Why this shift is the key to being seen (and paid) as a strategic partner

Whether you’re transitioning from VA work or you’ve been an OBM for years, this episode will give you the tools and mindset shifts to lead boldly, position yourself strategically, and thrive in your role.

Join us for our next round of OBM Week - a three day, LIVE virtual event where we’ll dive deeper into how to step into the OBM role with confidence and clarity. → https://www.obmschool.com/info/

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Thanks for tuning in to The OBM Show - your go-to podcast for Online Business Managers and entrepreneurs who want to scale strategically and sustainably.

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Until next time, keep building the business behind the business.

Episode Transcript

SarahNoked (00:00):
Welcome back to the OBM show.
I'm your host, Sarah Noquette,and today we're tackling one of
the most important mindsetshifts you can make as an online
business manager, and that ismoving out of the virtual
assistant mindset and into trueOBM leadership.
Because here's the truth.
If you're still playing the VAgame, you're holding yourself

(00:20):
back, and I don't want that foryou.
You're here because you'reready to lead, but somewhere
along the way, many OBMs,especially those transitioning
from the VA work, and believeme, I know what this feels like.
This is near and dear.
You get stuck in support mode.
You're showing up, you're doingthe work, you're answering the
emails, you're ticking theboxes, but you're not being seen

(00:42):
as the leader you actually are.
Welcome to the OBM Show, thepodcast that pulls back the
curtain on what it really takesto thrive as an online business
manager and help businessesscale without burning out.
I'm your host, Sarah Noqued,agency owner, OBM mentor, and

(01:02):
founder of OBM School.
I've been working in the backend of online businesses since
2009, building systems, managingremote teams, and mentoring
OBMs who make businesses runlike clockwork.
Now I've seen what works, whatdoesn't, and the messy middle
that no one talks about.
Here we get real about thetools, strategies, and stories

(01:27):
that drive sustainable success,plus the tech mishaps, growing
pains, and lessons learned alongthe way.
If you're ready to stopspinning your wheels, step into
your leadership role, and seewhat actually happens behind the
scenes of thriving businesses,you're in the right place.
Let's get started.
Here's what I want to talkabout today the subtle but

(01:50):
powerful shift that happens whenyou stop acting like a helper
and you start stepping intoleadership because being a team
leader isn't about having a bigteam or a fancy title.
It's about how you show up, howyou think, and how you position
yourself.
And let's get real honest.
When you're stuck in the VAgame, you are reactive.
You wait for instructions,period.

(02:12):
So you're reactionary.
You say yes to everything, youdeliver tasks, not outcomes.
And let's be clear this is inno way dissing the VA world.
VAs are essential.
We have incredible VAs on ourteam inside of OBM School, but
OBMs, now OBMs are verydifferent.
OBMs lead.
We set the pace, we bring thestrategy, the accountability,

(02:36):
and a big picture lens to everybusiness we support.
And if you're not positioningyourself in that way, you're not
just leaving money on thetable, you're leaving your
leadership on the table.
Let's slow this down and reallypaint the pictures.
When you're stuck in VA mode,you spend your days reacting to
inbox pings.
Am I right?

(02:56):
You're answering questions, youshouldn't even be getting,
you're hopping from Zoom callsto Slack messages to click
upwards like a ping-pong ball.
Your client says, Can you lookinto this?
And instead of askingclarifying questions or offering
recommendations, you dive intolike a task rabbit and that
energy that, my friends, is notscalable.

(03:17):
It's not sustainable.
I know that.
And most importantly, it's notleadership.
So I want to quickly share astory about Julia.
She's one of our OBM schoolgrads.
And when she first came intoour accelerator program, she had
three steady clients, but shefelt invisible.
Her clients, I'm sure, reallyloved her because I know her,
she's reliable, she's friendly,but they didn't really see her

(03:41):
as strategic.
She was, no kidding, the onewho just gets things done, but
never the one asked to lead alaunch or rework an operation or
a broken system.
And she was really tired of it.
So inside of our acceleratorprogram, she got serious about
her positioning and she reallystopped calling herself support.
And she started calling herselfan operational leader.

(04:03):
Huge, right?
She updated her packages tofocus on outcomes, things like
team accountability systemsbuild and launch ops overhaul.
And she stopped waiting for herclients to hand her tasks.
She started offering solutions.
She went from sending Slackreplies like, sure, I'll take
care of that, to ones that said,here's what I'm seeing, here's

(04:24):
a fix I recommend, and here'swhat we need to do next.
And she became the pace setter,the trusted thought partner,
the client's second brain.
Yes.
And within 60 days, one of herclients hired her for a full
strategic build-out of theirentire operation system.
Another brought her intoleadership meetings and she

(04:47):
raised her rates by braceyourselves 40% and started
getting referrals from higherlevel clients.
Because you know that's howthis game works, right?
The pipeline is fed byreferrals.
It's word of mouth referrals,it is a very strong piece of
being an OBM.
And so you want to make surethe right clients are referring

(05:08):
their friends who are equallygood clients.
So one of the key reasons thatshe was able to make this shift
so quickly was the co-workingand accountability that we have
built into OBM School.
Okay.
And so if you're not an OBMschool, this doesn't mean that
you can't get it.
But let me tell you, you needto have a space.
It could even just be thecompetent finding some friends
in the competent OBM community,right?

(05:29):
That's our free Facebook group,the competent OBM community.
So if you have a space or acontainer where you can show up
consistently, take real action,and get some live feedback from
other OBMs who are walking thesame path, that is a game
changer.
And Julia really credits theseco-working sessions as the place
where she practiced reframingher language, reworking her

(05:52):
offer suite.
And she really learned to stepinto a room as a leader and not
just an implementer.
So if you're thinking, that'sme, I know I've outgrown this
kind of support mode, but Idon't know how to step up.
This episode is for you.
So the first step is to audityour language.
I talk about this, I'm gonnatalk about it till the cows come

(06:13):
home.
You really need to look at yourmessaging on your website, your
bio, how your proposals comeacross, and how you speak day to
day with your clients, andespecially in discovery calls
and ongoing.
Are you highlighting tasks ortransformation?
Too many OBMs are listing everytool they've ever touched.
They're talking about inboxmanagement and calendar

(06:35):
scheduling, and that stuffdoesn't land with premium
clients.
High-level business owners arescanning for leaders.
They want to hear aboutoutcomes.
They want to be able to seethemselves in the testimony on
your website of your otherclients regarding the
transformation that they hadwhen working with you, about

(06:56):
what changes when you, my fellowOBM, enter the business.
Now let's triple click intothat.
Okay.
So if your bio says I helpentrepreneurs stay organized
with systems and support, well,what does that actually mean?
Compare that to I lead theback-end operations that allow

(07:17):
CEOs to scale sustainably.
Do you see the difference?
One is a to-do list, the otheris a value proposition.
Next, rethink how you onboardclients.
From the very first discoverycall, are you showing up like a
leader?
Are you asking questions thatuncover bottlenecks and expose

(07:37):
gaps?
Are you using your brain andbeing a good listener, not just
some random checklist to helpyour potential client feel seen,
understood, and supported at ahigher level?
Now, in our accelerator, aswell as in our accreditation, in
all of our OBM school programs,we walk through a full

(07:58):
framework for strategicdiscovery calls.
Because here's the truth.
When you onboard like a leader,when you intake like a leader,
your clients treat you like one.
They loop you intoconversations earlier, they
respect your time, they trustyour recommendations, and that
changes everything.
Now, finally, I want you toshift how you think about your
role because here's the realtalk.

(08:20):
You don't need to be perfect,right?
We're not perfect, but you needto own your lane.
Leadership isn't about havingall the answers, it's about
having the confidence to ask theright questions, trust your
expertise, and take ownership ofthe solution.
I remember a moment during oneof our accelerator co-working

(08:41):
sessions where there was an OBMnamed Michelle who was really
struggling to speak up with herlong-term client.
She knew the client's team wasmisaligned, she knew that the
projects were stalling, andnothing was being communicated
clearly.
But she wasn't really sure itwas her place.
Yes, I know.
She wasn't sure it was herplace to say something.

(09:02):
And in one of our hot seats, wewalked through how to reframe
the problem and present asolution that really, really
exemplified her leadership.
That next week, she initiated ateam audit, implemented a
weekly huddle, and gave herclient a real sense of traction
for the first time in months.
That is leadership in action.

(09:24):
That is what the shift lookslike.
It's not waiting forpermission, it's by choosing to
lead.
And often it just takes onedecision to change the entire
dynamic of a clientrelationship.
And now if you're sitting therethinking, okay, Sarah, I hear
you, but what does this actuallylook like?
I want you to go check out ourday in the life of an OBM series

(09:45):
over on YouTube and on thepodcast.
You will find these pepperedthroughout.
These are real interviews fromreal OBMs who are running the
show behind the scenes in sixand seven figure businesses.
You'll hear exactly how theystructure your days, how they
lead client relationships, andhow they build confidence by
doing the work differently.

(10:06):
So if you're just getting yourbusiness started, I'm leaving a
whole bunch of practical,easy-to-use resources linked
below this video and in thepodcast show notes, or you can
head straight to obmschool.comforward slash resources to grab
them all in one place.
And if you're ready to stopplaying small and start getting
paid like a leader and you wantto check out our OBM

(10:27):
certification program, head onover to obmaccreditation.com to
learn more about ourcertification and becoming an
accredited OBM.
Thanks for tuning in to the OBMshow.
If this episode sparkedsomething inside of you, share
it with a fellow OBM who needsto hear it.
Subscribe, leave a review, andremember real OBMs don't just

(10:49):
check boxes, they lead the wholedamn checklist.
I will catch you in the nextone.