24: Chaos in The SauceBox ft. The Dover Demon

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:31):
There was a Snapchat filter on Snapchat that Gavin came across,
and it was just raining hot dogs.
I was like, oh, Nikki, oh. My gosh, that's funny.
Hey guys, welcome to the sauce box.
I'm Nikki, I'm Samara, and we'rehere with another week of some

(00:51):
random bullshit for y'all, so you're welcome.
Hold on to your titties and keepthem balls sucked up tight.
You guys honestly I'm a little delusional so just just go with
it. You know, embrace it.
You don't come here for logic most of the time.

(01:12):
Right. I don't actually know what any
of you come here for, to be honest.
To laugh. To laugh at that.
God, I hope we haven't made you cry.
I do. I'm just kidding.
You laugh from crying. Crying from laughter?
What? Whatever, yes, I like that.
I definitely want that. I get that a lot.
Oh shit, dude, I have I have some hysteria.

(01:35):
Some people. Oh God, now I don't know if any
we have any asylums close to ship you off to My gosh, no, I I
can feel myself I'm starting to get a little bit looney tune
right now. So this should be this should be
interesting, which is I was worried.
I was like, shit, man, I am feeling like kind of drained
today and I was like, I don't know if I'm going to have like

(01:57):
the energy for the podcast, but.There is no life into you.
It really does. You know, this is like one of
the few things in my life that Ijust absolutely love and enjoy
and it fills me up and so well and that and like I get to do
this with you, which is really awesome.
I'm very great. You are really great.
You are really great. You know, I manifested you too.

(02:18):
It just took fucking 12 years so.
You know you were still in learning how to manifest.
It was your early years. Yeah, it was my early years.
Dude, I I want to become a manifestation expert.
Like I'm about to manifest all sorts of shit into my life.
This podcast is going to blow up.
Because let's get fucking witchyin this bitch.
Right. Like it's happening.

(02:39):
Like the winds are coming. Blow me away.
No, not the WIND. Win WIN win bitch.
I heard winds. Winds, winds, Winds, not winds.
You're saying it, but they soundthe same.

(03:00):
Yeah, you guys sound the same. It's not getting windy.
It's. Not, no, the winds like, you
know, winning. Let the winning win, win, win.
Yeah, whatever. That fucking song.
Is win, win, win, win, win, win.Yeah.
OK, so no, that was terrible. Oh.
Yeah, that was so bad. Neither of us know what we're
talking about. Oh.

(03:20):
My God, what's happening? Why is this room always so
goddamn hot? No, I feel like sweating to
death right now. Yeah, I was going to pull my
pants off, not off. Jesus Christ.
Help me. Help me, Tom Cruise.
I was going to pull my pant legsup because they're I don't know
even what you would call this material, but it's it's light

(03:43):
and it's it's breathy, it's breathable and they got like
cinched bottom. So I can like turn them kind of
into caprese, you know, but thenmy skin would be touching and I
don't want the the sweaty smoothness of my ankles oh to
occur. So.
My feet feel kind of hot right now, but my my, my feet feel
kind of hot, but my palms are like like sweaty.

(04:07):
Same, I keep drying my hands on my pants.
Well, I'm just like, am I? Am I nervous because my heart's
also beating kind of fast? Oh no, I didn't.
What was the last time you actually ate today?
I haven't. Well, there you fucking go.
Jesus. So this.
Might be do you? Have low blood sugar.
Yeah, that might be part of the problem.

(04:28):
Oh. My God, let's pause to get this
bitch a snack. Oh, it'll make it for good
entertainment. You know, this is good.
Yeah. Nothing.
Whatever I do. Nothing says like audio
entertainment, like having a host pass out mid recording in a
hot room. Good Lord.

(04:52):
Oh. Weird fucking magic.
Do you believe in magic? I believe in needing 3 square
meals a day. I don't know what that's like.
I don't think I've ever eaten 3 square meals a day in my entire
life. Like consistently.

(05:13):
I drink my meals, yeah, mostly. But I haven't drank a meal today
either, so. Well, one, I hope everyone's
doing well. 2, I'm going to get a little bask in.
Just leave little snacks like quiet snacks in here.
So when we record and you haven't eaten, you can just
what's a quiet snack? You know, everything's going to
sound like fucking ASMR. Oh no, I'll get you gummy

(05:35):
snacks. You you chew with your mouth
open. I don't.
I don't. Stop.
Stop. I don't.
Why are you shaving me? Stop it.
Shame, shame, shame. Dishonor on you and your cow and
your family or whatever. Moo, she says.
Fuck. OK, I'll eat some fucking gummy

(05:55):
bears. God, bring that blood sugar back
up. Yeah, something.
Well, at least you got electrolytes in your drink,
right? I do yes.
That's I have my I have my BCA as and my electrolytes in my
water, which I have every day. So I have that.
It's that's I don't know if it counts as nourishment as much as
it I mean, is I don't know actually what it would classify

(06:18):
as, but I'm pretty sure it's notnourishment.
I mean, it's it does something for my body.
I better than just plain water, I guess.
Yeah, it is. You guys, I want you all to know
that I love you. What are we drunk texting our
friends now? I love you guys so much, you're

(06:41):
really incredible. I should say them more often.
So happy that we met. No, that's some shit I would
say. I'm so happy we met.
I'm so glad you're in my life. Such a blessing.

(07:01):
You know, like I need you in my life for real.
So like, you know. Just the Hulk on your face is
just so great. Dude we need to get video up in
here like fucking yesterday. I know, what if I do a little
video right now? Yeah, just do like AI know
obviously about that. We need to like even if we just

(07:22):
oh dude, I am. I am happy like the fucking
giggles. What is happening just a giggly
girl. No, it feels like, it feels like
you know when you stay up all night with like friends and then
you're just like laughing, but you don't know why you're
laughing. That's what it feels like to me
because I'm just trying to talk about I can.

(07:43):
Hear it in your voice. I'm trying to keep it calm, I'm
trying to stop it. I'm trying to talk about having
our phones for reals. If I look at your face, oh God.
You are having a giggle fit. That'll make for a nice flip.

(08:13):
Oh my God. Good.
That'll be really good. Oh, you made me cry till I
laughed. You made me you.
Made me you made me leak. It's only a little judgement.
Gather thyself. Centre my Zen Zen.
It's not Zen. It's not nicotine.

(08:34):
He's. Still recording me.
Well, you know I'm switching between me and to you.
Yes, I love that. Everybody look at Sabera.
Look at me in my eyes and and I think we're, we're good here.
Oh my gosh. So we've done a lot of talking

(08:54):
and saying a whole lot of absolutely fucking nothing.
I hope you guys enjoy these moments as much as we do.
Just so hot. It just hit me.
It's another wave. Oh no dude, I my body is so
fucking hot. Right now, should we do some?
Prayers to lower the temperaturein here.
Let's manifest. Let's let manifest like a lower

(09:17):
temperature in this room. The fan on the ceiling is like
up a lot. It's not doing anything.
I don't. Feel anything at all We should
paint. You know those, Yes, you can
spin them around like they got different.
No, gross. I should.
I could probably benefit from one sitting here.

(09:39):
I have one for you. Perfect.
Say it's like a carousel, and onthe the outside it's painted in
a way where it looks like there's a horse galloping as it.
Spins. We should do that to your fan,
but paint Dicks on it. Make it look like the IT should
be like the Dick going from limpto hard.
Yeah. Flaccid to erect.
Thank you. Flaccid to erect.

(09:59):
Wow, so technical. I just so sometimes, I mean I
have to sometimes redeem myself.I know I'm impressed otherwise
people that just think I'm a complete idiot and not just like
kinda not just kinda no, I'm always like happy with you like
cope with like the correct terminology 'cause I like like I
say limp to hard. You're like, it's flaccid to

(10:20):
erect bitch. Aren't you passionate about
Dicks and sex? I thought this is your fucking
topic ho what the fuck? Don't even know the words I
know. Don't even know the words.
No. Yeah.
Anyways, Oh my gosh, you guys, it's it's been really hot

(10:42):
outside. It's been one week since you
looked at me. What the fuck is happening?
I can't even look at Samara right now.
I'm literally just staring at the wall because if I look at
her I'm just going to laugh at her face.
Turn around. What is it about talking to a

(11:03):
microphone that just makes you need to clear your throat?
Because we sat on your couch foran hour and you didn't clear
your throat or cough a single time?
Jinx, but as soon as you get in front of a microwave, A
microwave, a microphone. Microwaves be doing that to me,

(11:30):
damn it. It's the radio waves, the
microwaves. No one's literally like called
microwaves. Fuck.
See, every time I'm on a good strike, something comes out of
my mouth. I'm like, This is why you stay
humble. But that's.
But that is like the gold about you though.

(11:51):
Like that's your hidden gem I. Mean it's not I can't fucking
talk. Yeah, but it's funny.
Oh. What a treasure.
It is, it is, it is a treasure. I I'm jealous of you.
I wish I could. Damn I wish I could fuck up
speaking as much as you. JKJK when you grow up and you
get to be big and strong. You 2 cannot speak.

(12:14):
Now there's something about thisfamily that we just get tongue
twisted. Oh I know dude, my eyes are just
watery and I have laughed so much right now.
My upper lip is just wet. Oh my.
Gosh, Samara. So I have to tell you, my friend
that I met in Tennessee, Tracy. Yeah, she told me.
She snapped me and she was like,guys, listen to episode, you

(12:37):
guys are fucking. Hilarious.
Thank you, Jacey. Thank you, Jacey, love you.
But it was the last episode whenI was talking about them.
So it was last week's episode and she I think there was a
point where you said you were saying some super sultry and
sexy like that and and she was like.
She came. I mean she OK?

(13:03):
She said. By the way, you need to tell
your sister she has a voice for literature.
She can start her audio book narrating career ASAP.
Please. Shit.
And then I was like oh she's gonna love that.
And she goes, I'll be her test audience and raid her on a
wetness scale. Fuck yeah.
Bone dry being 0 to drenched in running down my legs.

(13:29):
I was like stop, I fucking love you so much.
That's a good ass skill. Like real for real.
But it also gave me the idea, you know, how fun it would be if
we just like if we just each like read like a short story, a
short literature story, like just a short story, you know,
that's like 10 pages and just did it.

(13:50):
And like our most like sexy, sultry voice of like reading
that. I think that would be, I think
that should be like an episode. I'd be giving somebody a
confused pussy or Dick because I'd I know I'd be good for a
while and then I would fuck it up and I'd start giggling or
something. But that you know what?
You just do you. I want people to be confused.

(14:11):
I know, I remember, I remember from what was that a few weeks
back, your you want your audience to not be sure if they
should be turned on or uncomfortable.
I want, I want them to be a little uncomfortable, just a
little not too. Much to kill the mood, but
enough to be like, what's happening.

(14:33):
I mean, I'm kind of here for it,but like, I'm gonna stay 'cause
I need to know how it ends. Yeah, there's a picture that I
had sent to Jake. So I'm gonna read it first and
then I'll show you the picture. It's a cartoon.
It's a dude sitting at A at a computer and it says that is
disgusting. How could anybody be into this

(14:54):
pensive, squinty face shit? I'm into it.
Wait, I think. Oh, oh, this is kind of like the
one that he sent me 'cause this is when we were talking.
It was like our first ESF, wasn't it?
That that was unrelated. Oh, it was OK, 'cause he sent me
one very similar to that. He was like, oh, he goes, this

(15:15):
is going to be me. But it was a black and white
cartoon. It was this guy looking
absolutely disgusted and how could people be into that?
And then the next screen of the cartoon was like the dude
looking absolutely disgusted with a major boner.
Fuck, I'm into that. That's how I want to leave
people. That's my favorite.
Yeah. You know, especially like, we'll

(15:37):
say high school, how the real popular guys were always kind of
into the weird, like gothy punk kind of chicks.
Really. I mean, at least in my school,
because I stayed at my high school all four years.
Yeah, definitely not the case. When I was in high school,
definitely guys were into the popular girls.

(15:59):
It's a it. Was like a secretive secretive
into him. No 'cause I mean I.
Dated. I dated a couple of the like,
preppy jocks, bro. But look at what you look like
in high school. It doesn't matter what your
fucking genre was of personality.
I like that you were a person. You were like, absolutely.
Fuckable and like and it's so funny 'cause I didn't until

(16:22):
after high school. I know, but I'm just like, you
know, like I could see any like genre, personality, kind of
click group, whatever you want to call them pursuing you.
We're gonna stick with genre. I like that.
Genre. Yeah, personality.
Genre. Yeah, I like that.
Thank you. But it kind of goes with with
that of because I I was very personable in high school.

(16:45):
I don't I dated. I don't get that from you these
days. Yeah, I like being at home.
Just kidding. I'm just kidding.
You're very personable. If I like somebody enough, but I
did it all kinds of different people in high school.
And there's something about again, specifically at least
high school, the preppy jockey kind of guys that just really

(17:09):
liked the the kind of weird girls.
But I mean, not like weird, weird furry wearing cattails in
school kind of a thing, but like, because I was very like
emo and punk in school and I, I wore dumb shit all the time.
I was coloring my my own hair and not using glow.

(17:31):
So I'd come to school with just stained hands and just, you
know, doing all sorts of stuff. But I was still in sports.
But man, those guys, they. Had a thing for.
You. They all had a thing.
For it, yeah. There's something about it.
It's just like I'm turned on by it.
I'm kind of weirded out by it, but I like it.

(17:51):
But I like it. I'm a little weirded out, kind
of scared, but I, I like it. So, you know, I think that's
where it stems from kind of confused, turned on.
Definitely confused a little bit, Yeah.
Yeah. OK.
It's like 90% turned on, 10% confused.
I don't know what that's like. Like my whole life, it has
always been guys have like pursued me like, and it didn't

(18:14):
matter like what group it was jocks, Hicks, like it didn't
matter. Like even when I was in, I'm
going to school in Colville, when I was in high school in
Colville where it was like mostly a bunch of fucking
rednecks and then like a few sprinklings of other personality
genres, but it was mostly rednecks.
And then when I went to Tacoma and was in high school there and

(18:35):
you had more kind of like the thug vibe as far as like a lot
of high schoolers and, and stuffand.
I just from Tacoma but. Wait, you wouldn't.
What do I fucking know I went toschool from kindergarten to 2nd
grade there bro when? I had a fucking thug was then.
Are you kidding me? I wanted a Tucker like the
number of times that I had like a freaking Crip or blood like

(18:58):
pull up on us because one of thefriends I was with was like
hanging a rag out his shorts. It's like, fucking motherfucker,
what are you like, oh dude, we'dalways kick their ass too.
Like if we saw it, we'd like snatch it out 'cause like, are
you trying to get us fucking killed?
Like what? What are you doing?
Are you so stupid? Anyways, that was a dumb sight.
If anyone kills you, it's gonna be me.

(19:18):
For real. You're about to.
Yeah. Anyways, no, I just never had
that experience. And I feel like most men, like I
don't even guys never pursue me for my personality.
It's always like, what's sad? Look dude, I'm telling you like
it. Is it?
Just hurt me. It is, it's really fucking sad,
but like, I'm used to it. Guys come up to me 'cause

(19:39):
they're just like, Oh my gosh, she's got big old titties like,
you know, and it's like, or she's got really long legs, like
they like, like the tall fuckingbig tits, round ass, long legs,
like the tall and curvy. Yeah.
And so that's. Like literally the opposite.
So it's. Like I, I just, and it's just
been that way like my whole life.

(19:59):
So I just don't know what it's like to like have somebody like
pursue me 'cause they're like, oh, you're really fucking cool.
I mean, you're super hot also, but like, you're really fucking
cool 'cause mostly. I mean, obviously, like we all
go off the looks first, right? For the most part.
I mean, yeah, that's like, like instinctually, right?
Yeah. Primal part of our brain.
Yeah. So it's like, I get that, but

(20:21):
and I, you know, I've done that with dudes too, where I'm like,
wow, you were so beautiful, but.The whole mating.
Of it all but, and maybe it's just because like I'm a chick
and guys just think differently or whatever, but I'm like bro,
you could be fine. Like fine.
I want to cry. You are so gorgeous, but if
you're a total douchebag then itruins it.

(20:42):
It ruins it like you. You almost immediately become
ugly. Like I just I almost am like I
don't even like I can't even seelike what?
I saw with a spoon. Yeah, so whereas I feel like
guys can be like, oh, she's got like a banging body and a really
dumb personality, but that's OK,I'll still fuck her, you know,
Like guys just don't care and I feel like.

(21:03):
I think so. That stereotype of guys is just
like. Stereotype.
My bad. That's not all guys, but that's
just been my experience. It's like 98% of them.
It's just, you know, I just takethat as they got really low
standards and they just maybe not low standards, but they hurt
me. Shut up.
That's not what I meant. Shut your face low.

(21:26):
Give a fuck when it comes to like, oh, she's gorgeous, but
she's kind of fucking stupid. I don't care.
Yeah, and I think also that's a big reason why most of my
friends growing up in my life, Ishould correct, have mostly been
guys because they just don't care.
No same same growing up. They do a lot of dumb shit and

(21:48):
the dumb shit is where the fun happens.
Thank you. That's no, that's one thing you
and I are very similar in in, inthat regard as far as how we
were with friends. So we had a couple female
friends, but like the majority of our friends throughout our
lives were dudes. Like I've just, and for me, I
always thought it was because I'm the oldest of for most of my

(22:09):
childhood, it was just me and the boys, right?
And so it was like growing up with two younger brothers.
I was very tomboyish plus just like the way my childhood was
anyways, and just very tomboyish.
And so I just I related, I related to guys easier, right?
Like I didn't grow up wanting Barbie dolls and dolls or
dressing anything up or wanting to be a Princess.

(22:29):
I didn't want none of that shit.Like I wanted like the GI Joes
and the Taco trucks. I was running around the alleys
like fucking barefooted and, youknow, breaking into like
abandoned houses and doing all sorts of just fucking stupid,
stupid shit. But like that, that lasted like
from a little girl in elementaryschool to all the way.
Well, I mean, most of my life now, like I still get along with

(22:51):
guys way better than I get alongwith girls because I feel like
women, I feel like women for themost part, tend to be kind of
catty and petty and, and they care about like kind of
superficial shit. And don't get me wrong, like
there's some superficial shit. Like I, I, I want to look good,
right? Like I care about how I look,
but I don't give a fuck what you're doing with your life.

(23:13):
Like I don't that's you. But like, I don't care who
you're having sex with. I don't care where you went,
where you didn't go, who you know, who you don't know.
Like I don't care about any of that.
Like what I care about is like. What you're wearing or how much
it costs, Who are. You, yeah.
Like what's your personality? Who, what kind of person are
you? And I just feel like guys, and I
will give men and, and, and guysprops on that.

(23:33):
I feel like they were always pretty authentic in that regard.
Now when they weren't trying to like pursue me to fuck me, they
were pretty authentic. Like once they knew that wasn't
going to happen, they're like, OK, well, I don't need to hide
nothing. Like we're fucking, we're boys,
right? Like I was one of the boys.
So same. So, you know, I mean, they're
fucking doing the shit around methat they do around their
fucking buddies and everyone. 'S got better laughs with that

(23:56):
like I still you know I still like having my girlfriends and
everything but I just have to find a very specific kind of
chick it's hard and I've I've found that the females that I
get along with the best yeah areall a little gay or they are

(24:17):
they like they identify as as a least bi yeah those are the ones
I get along with the best like I've had straight chick friends
before but. There's something about the ones
that are just a little, little gay that I'm like, we're perfect
together. See, and I, I, you're saying

(24:37):
that and I'm trying to think because I'm like going back
about all my female friends and they're all very different, you
know, because I think about likeTara and Rochelle back in
Colleville and they were complete opposites.
Tara was like a super, super girly girl, very feminine, but
then like, but also kind of likea country girl at the same time.
And then you had Rochelle, who was very like rocker goth, you

(25:01):
know. I mean, she always did her
makeup and stuff like that too, super pretty.
But like she was like different fucking.
She's like, I'll beat a bitch. Like I don't care.
She's like, you know, like she was getting in fights all the
fucking time. Whereas Tara was like, bro, I
ain't fine. Nobody, What are you talking
about? Like it's gonna mess up my hair.
You know, it sounds like those are like the two friends that I
like, the two girlfriends that Ihad when I was in high school in

(25:21):
Colville, and they're like completely opposite of each
other. So for me, it's just like it's
personality. And like, I don't care.
Like I don't care about anythingas far as like what people's
sexual orientation or anything like that or what their genre
personality is. It's more who are you as a
person? Like, can I be real
authenticity? Yeah, like can I be, can I be

(25:43):
real with you? And you're gonna be cool with
the fact that I'm being like authentic and and like real.
Are you gonna be the same with me?
Are you gonna fucking talk shit behind my back?
Which a lot of girls do. And I'm just not here for it.
Like guys, like if you piss themoff, those like, bro, fuck you.
Like those tell you to your facelike that was fucking rude.
Like what the fuck's wrong with you?

(26:04):
Like, Oh yeah, you're right, my bad.
Fuck off. Yeah, cool.
Yeah, I agree with that. It just, it just might have just
kind of been all over, but it's hard.
And I feel like even, and I'm seeing this now too, the older I
am, is it's really hard to find female friends at my age where

(26:25):
and I experienced this like through my 30s too.
But it's just, it's hard to findfemale friends once you're an
adult who are on that kind of same level.
Because I feel like they almost just like their whole
personality becomes wife or their whole personality becomes
mom. And then they're like whoever
they were is gone and forgotten.And it's like OK, but.

(26:45):
Crumpled in the closet. But that was part of what like
killed me though too, is like, Istill want to be who I am.
Like I love who I am just. Because you enter into a
relationship doesn't mean that you stop being an individual.
Yeah, exactly. I've carried that with me, I
think. I think that really came from
Mom, actually. Yeah, I'm going to give her the

(27:06):
credit. Yeah, whatever.
But because I would see that throughout my life of people get
into relationships and then who they are just kind of
disappears. Yeah.
I'm like, no, but that's a good way to, like, start resenting
somebody not you're not doing this thing anymore and now
you're just all about this otherthing.
Do you even though you're in a relationship, you can still go

(27:26):
do that thing that you would have when you were single?
Yeah. You know, like hobbies and
things like that. Exactly.
And I was like, Gavin and I havetalked about that, too, and we
both agree. And it's like, yeah, just
because we're in a relationship doesn't mean that.
You're a me and you're a no longer personality.
We're still individuals cohabitating.
Yeah. That would.
That's crazy, though, that you say that because, you know, with

(27:50):
my ex, I always was like, he didn't have that experience with
his first wife. You know, she's like, she didn't
want him doing any of the thingsthat he enjoyed, you know.
So it was like he. I want you miserable.
That's what I just heard. Under my thumb, bitch.
But so he he didn't get to do a lot of the things that he wanted

(28:12):
to do and that he enjoyed and that were like, you know, that
filled his cup. And so then when we got
together, I was the complete opposite without knowing that,
but just being who I am, I need to have my own life.
You need to have your own life. Like we can be in a relationship
together, but I need you to still go hang out with your
guys. Like go hang out with your boys.

(28:33):
Let me hang out with my friends.Like, you know, go to fucking
football games with them. Go go out to the bar, go play
basketball, whatever is like go do it.
Like I don't want to be your only person.
Like I can't. No, I don't want that
responsibility. I don't want to be everything
to. Somebody.
I want to be a lot of it, but I don't want to be everything.
Exactly. Because that's a lot like you.
You talk about like, oh, they'remy everything.

(28:56):
I'm like, OK, but when you say like, do you like like they're
your everything? Like like they're your they're
your best everything or like everything, everything.
Like are they your best friend? OK, that's cool.
I think every relationship you should be best friends with your
partner, but are they your only friend?
That's that's not cool. That's not that's a lot like

(29:17):
because when you're now my only friend, like I have nobody else
to talk to or unload or like go like let loose with like it just
not, it's not healthy. And and when you're in a
relationship with somebody, you don't necessarily you're not
necessarily into like everythingthey're into, right?

(29:37):
Like I'm not going to go fuckingplay basketball with him.
I'm not going to play tag football.
I'm not going to go do any of these things like, you know.
If it's in the mud I'll play tagfootball.
That sounds fun as fuck. Oh bro, I want to do tug over a
mud pit, can we do that? That would be so fun.
Yes, we don't do that enough anymore anyway.
Enough anymore. When was the last time you
fucking did it? Or you were born.
No, I'm just kidding. I think you were probably like 5

(29:57):
or 6. It was like a big thing.
Like kids would do that all the time.
That sounds awesome. It was awesome.
The hardest thing was like finding a rope that was long
enough to span the mud pit. You know.
Yeah. Oh, that's not true.
Actually. I totally did it as an adult.
There was like some like retreatthing I did and they had it took

(30:19):
over there and and I'm not goingin the fucking mud.
Like you better put your whole body into this.
Look at me, look at me right now, right?
We are not losing. I need you to dig deep and get
your shit together because we are not entering that mud right.
Losing is not a fucking option right now.
Oh, don't even get me started. Like I'll get hella competitive
on some shit. Yeah, dude, yeah, same.

(30:40):
Anything that involves mud. Like I'm just for someone.
Let me play in some mud again. Yeah, I want to make mud pies.
I want to have mud wars. Like I want to slide mud at
people. Yeah.
And just like, yeah, why is it it feels so fucking good to get
just completely muddy and fucking filthy?

(31:01):
Strong core memory when I went to visit our aunt back when she
was still living in Washington. Yeah, way back, probably like
Spanaway maybe, but went and spent like a day or or two
nights or something like that with her.
And we split a canvas in half. She painted one side, I painted

(31:23):
the other. And then she was like, do you
want to have a paint fight? And I was like, are we allowed
to do that right when it's in her house and it's her paint and
it's her studio? Yeah, are we?
Allowed to do that and we had a mud paint fight.
A mud paint. What a paint fight.
And I can still remember the waythe paint felt like going over

(31:44):
my arms and all over me. I was like this.
Feels so good. I actually remember that because
I got to see your guys's canvases afterwards and you were
so psyched. I.
Remember something about a tree,and I think I painted some
stars, but that's as much as I remember.
Yeah, there might have been a moon in there.
She, she was fun. Like, she was such a huge

(32:05):
influence on me when I was younger to like, really let go
of preconceived notions of how Ishould be and how I should act,
You know? It's just like, there are no
fucking rules. Like, if you're not hurting
anybody, like. Enjoy.
Yourself, yeah, have fun, enjoy yourself.
You want to have a food fight? Have a fucking food fight.

(32:26):
You want to Will. Yeah, You know, and she was just
such a spree. I mean, she still is, but you
know, back then it was like she was just such a free spirit and
it was so different than Grandma.
Yeah. You know it, which it was like,
holy crap. Like that's crazy.
I mean, and mom, when mom was younger, I mean, you didn't get

(32:47):
to know this side of mom, but when she before you were born,
like she was, she was like such a free spirit, not as free as
our aunt, but she was still verymuch a free spirit, just kind of
spontaneous. And I think that's where like my
love for spontaneity has come from because she's just like,
you know what, you'll put your swimsuit on, we're going to the
lake. What?
OK, you know, just random or hey, we're going to go for a
drive or whatever. It was just always like kind as

(33:08):
random. And I, and I think honestly,
that's where my love for spontaneous come from.
She was so influential, she. Really.
Was both of them? Well, she still is.
Yeah, Yeah, both of them, really.
But yeah, they're just definitely.
Shaped like our Aunt is so fucking cool.
Who I am today for sure. I'm so glad that she got me into

(33:28):
coloring my hair. Mm hmm.
Yeah, Tell him how you used to color your hair, how she taught
you how to color. Yeah, boiled water and dump a
kool-aid packet in it and dip dipped your hair.
Yeah, dipped your hair in the. Carefully.
Very fucking not while. It was still boiling, like you
boiled it, then did it, and thenyou dipped your hair in there.
Yeah, yeah, obviously. Come on.
Common sense. Yep, yeah, it worked.

(33:50):
Yeah, because I was, my hair wasso blonde that I didn't have to
bleach it or anything. Yeah, you're just staining your
hair. Obviously.
You also don't put the sugar in there.
It's literally just the boiling water in the Yeah, the kool-aid.
I mean, that's become it. It's been such a big part of my
life since the 3rd or 4th grade.And now like some there are

(34:12):
times where I'll want my naturalhair and that just be it.
But it it doesn't even. It lasts maybe a year before I'm
like. Often, it's not often because I
remember the first time that I think, I don't know if it was
who helped you, if it was me momor or bug, but I just remember
the first time that you got yourhair dyed and you were young.

(34:34):
You were like elementary school.Yeah, it the first time was
either 3rd or 4th grade. Yeah, I was 8 or 9.
And since then, like you said, yeah, it's been such a huge part
of your life that I am thinking back and I feel like I can think
of all the colors you've had in your hair, but trying to picture
you with just your natural hair color.

(34:54):
Is a little harder. Is really difficult.
Like I feel like when you lived with me, when I think it was
right after you turned, actually, were you 18 when you
first came? To live, Yeah, because it was.
It was after I graduated. High school.
So when you came to live with mein my apartment in Eugene, like
I remember. Oh my God, that was the shortest
my hair had ever been too. Yeah, but you were blonde.

(35:15):
Like you had your natural hair color then.
Yep. And so I remember that.
I feel like there was maybe one time at Thanksgiving you might
have shown up with regular natural hair, but I just
honestly, it's so hard for me to.
Picture it. I was still married during that
time and then yeah, right. He's.

(35:36):
Who? Else were you married?
I've only been married once, so yeah.
But here recently, I think the last time I was just natural was
Moses Lake, before Gavin and I met.
Oh, OK. I was going to say because when
I went up for my birthday, you definitely had your hair
colored. Yeah.

(35:56):
So it was maybe like, yeah, it'sbeen about five years.
I just I feel so much more of myself with colored hair.
Yeah, I know. I always love that.
I just like you, you and bug both you guys just like always
coloring your hair. And I don't know, I always think
that's really cool. I was always afraid to like
color my hair. But I also like with red hair, I

(36:18):
just it's not a lot like I can'tdo the kool-aid thing with my
hair. It's too dark.
Way too dark. Yeah, it's too.
So I can't do that. And then also, I don't know, I
just I like my red. Hair.
No, it looks good, but you know,it's red hair.
I mean, it's almost a shame to bleach and color red.
Hair, which I did do once. Do you remember that?

(36:39):
It was like 4 years ago, Three or four years ago I was like,
you know what, fuck it, I want to do like a completely
different color. And I went in and I had my hair
bleached and, and. Turn blonde.
That's right. I was trying to think of like an
actual color, not just you bleaching it.
But yeah, and that'll look good on you too, it.
Did it? Actually, it did look good on

(37:00):
me. I was like, OK, shit, I can pull
off blonde all right. But I also was like.
But I miss my hair. I actually like my red hair way
better and I mean there's plentyof blondes.
Too many, if you ask me. So my girls are both blonde, OK,
but still I'm just like how? How did like not one of them
like couldn't one of them have been a redhead?

(37:22):
Right? Just one.
Gosh, was I asking too much? Maybe I just didn't manifest
that much. Sometimes I forget that Sydney's
blonde because she has like, dirty blonde hair.
Well, so does Piper, but I don'tknow what Piper's actual hair
looks like anymore. She dies at brunettes so much.
Yeah. She hasn't dyed it lately,
actually, has she? Well, she just went and had her

(37:44):
hair done for something. Yeah, no, they're they were both
as blonde as you when they were younger.
Damn, couldn't have gotten another redhead.
I know. You know, maybe if I ever had
kids in my life, maybe I'd get the the redhead.
We'll never know. No, we'll no, we won't ever
know. Damn it.
Whatever. Damn it.
So fucking lame like. Blame that I'm not having kids

(38:06):
or that your kids none. Neither of them turned out
redhead. Well, kind of both, to be
honest, because you know what, we have a niece and nephew that
I don't even ever get AC becausethey're like so far away doing
whatever lawns. Yeah.
And it's like, I don't even get to like have like a niece and.
Nephew, you want to be an aunt? I do want to be an aunt.
That sucks. I mean, auntie, and you're the

(38:28):
only one that can make me an auntie that I would actually
like, see the kids. But you know, that's obviously
not gonna happen. So I'm just like reconciled with
that and that's good. It's fine.
It is what it is, you know, Fuckit, whatever.
You know Jackson's a redhead. It's not the same.
It's pretty close, I mean. He's close enough.
He is. Cute.

(38:49):
Oh my God, I so they're almost 8.
They'll be 8 this year in October.
What's crazy is Gavin came into our lives when they were 30.
Wild. That's a weird perception.
Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, super weird.
But Jackson's never had a middlename, and I finally decided to
give him one. What is it?

(39:11):
Are you giving it to him for hisbirthday?
Happy birthday. I'll give you 3 guesses.
Do I get any hints? It's not one you'd expect.
I can I get a hit it? Starts with an M Just throw
three out there. You're gonna be wrong.

(39:32):
So it doesn't. Matter.
I'm trying to think of any wordsthat start with M and my brain
went brilliant. Got like wow I can't.
Even talk about the Miss Meridius.
Yeah, Alice. I was like Eminem Jackson,
Eminem Edwards like. Eminem.
No. OK, Marmaduke, that would be
hilarious. Actually, I don't know.

(39:54):
I can't guess. I'm.
I'm like my brain. You don't know names.
I I am seriously like blinking like I can't think of a single
fucking M word right now. Like I don't know what is
happening to my brain, like I'm Mary.
OK, there's one. OK that counts.
That's good. An M word, you can do it.
Yeah, come on, pronouns. I feel like my brains melt you.

(40:14):
Got two more. Muscle and I know you would
never do that as. Jackson Muscle phone me on
YouTube at Jackson muscle. It's just Jacksons, ham, Hock
flexed. I always just say that to gays.

(40:37):
I'm like, man, this is a good ham Hock you got here, boy, I'm
like we ever goes hungry. Just no.
I know you. You say that and you grab it and
you shake it a little bit. I know it's like a rule.
This is like a good meal right here, so you better say that to
the dogs all the time. You better hope like it never
comes down to like us or you. I'm.
Looking a little too fine. Bro you will be spit roasted and

(40:58):
eaten. Sad.
We have one more guest and then I'll tell you, OK, it's.
You said so many M words. I'm like looking for.
M We have Mary muscle, Mary, Mary, Mary Muscle.
Why does that sound like the beginning of like a nursery
rhyme, right? Mary and Muscle wanted to get
jacked. Muppet, Muppet.

(41:23):
Bro, I'm struggling here. I don't know why I can't think
of a single and I'm all of you shut up, OK?
So we know you're all like screaming at different M words
of K whatever. We already know that she came
into this delulu. All right, Thank you.
She still hasn't eaten. So electrolytes.
It's what keeps the body healthyand strong, keeps the blood
sugar up. So we have brownie May May is

(41:47):
really like the second part of her first name, but it works as
a middle name. I don't know where this came
from, so don't ask, but I decided because it sounds good
and it has a good mouth feel. Jackson, Marie.
OK, I didn't see that one coming, but I was close when I
said Mary. Yeah, I thought you were going
to get it with the Mary. I was like, damn, that's that's

(42:08):
the closest she's even going to get.
Holy shit, that's crazy. So Brownie Mae and Jackson
Marie. Happy birthday, Jackson Marie.
Yeah. It's cute.
Oh my gosh, he's so pretty. He is a very pretty baby.
He get a pretty boy, gets a pretty name.
But part of it was the like the thought process was, you know, I
I fucking love sleep token and fans will be like vessel Marie

(42:32):
sleep token and I was like, oh, I like that.
It's very cutesy. Jackson Marie oh, settled,
settled. It's done.
Hit the gavel. Dink dink, dink.
Yep, it's more like a. Whatever court adjourned
decision has been made. That's right.
Yeah, No going back now. It's in the court paperwork.

(42:53):
Yeah, it's on the birth certificate, so I got it
amended. I don't know if that's the
verbiage for it, but whatever. Sounds good.
Oh my gosh. Well, so fun.
What are we talking about? Yeah, whole lot of nothing.
That's the way I like it. Man, oh man, that's the way I

(43:14):
like it. That's the way I.
Like it? It's so hot.
It is so hot. I forgot there for a minute what
we're talking about. Yeah.
Or what? You're gonna heat.
I forgot about the heat. I know for a second.
I know my hands. I feel like I could, like, just
squeeze them in like water. I'm just kidding.

(43:34):
But that was gross. The way I visualize sweat
dripping out of your hands when you squeeze.
They're so hot in here, let me wipe them on my titties.
Yeah, maybe they'll suck them up.
Oh no, maybe not. I don't want to do that.
I don't want them any bigger. It's all water retention, it's
not actually fat and whatever tits are made out of.
God, I wish. Are you just wringing out like

(43:55):
like I want to go from like a triple DI just want to like go
down to like AC just like squeeze it.
Yeah, there's like a sequence like you can press your nipple
in like 3 times, squeeze the boob and then you can just.
Release like whatever, but but also it has to like, you know,
keep like a nice size and perky.It can't look like like a
deflated balloon. Well, no, no, no, no.

(44:17):
Yeah. That would be great.
That would be pretty cool. How would you would you have to
blow into them to get them bigger?
Because if that's the case, thenyou would have to have someone's
help. Yeah, blow on my nipple.
You blow my will, you blow my boobs?
Up. You know how like you you blow
up like a pool floatie? Yeah, you have to like squeeze
the nipple, blow into it. Is it there yet?

(44:47):
I'm getting light headed this. Is a lot.
Can you take a turn? Oh, right, you can't.
If it gets big enough, you can kind of pinch it up a little.
Maybe it, yeah, maybe. I don't know.
I just, gosh, I wish they were smaller.
I want smaller boobs. I hear that a lot.
I wonder if I'd get less attention from guys, but like

(45:08):
I'd have to be like considerablysmaller because most of my life
I was AD and I got tons of attention.
Are you a double D now? I'm a triple.
You're a triple D. Yeah, they're too fucking big,
bro. Like I like it's too much.
It's too much. It is.
It's too much. I don't like it.
And maybe when you get old and decrepid, if they're still big

(45:28):
and heavy, like you haven't got a boob job or something, I'll,
I'll get you like a little cart or something.
You put them on to save your back.
Wow. You know it's not full of you.
I know. But that doesn't help me right
now. I could do it for.
You the number of times I hear people say like man, cuz I'm
like, I just wish I could have smaller boobs.
Like I'd love to have like the breast size that I had before I

(45:51):
had put on weight, which was AD like I was a 34D.
I'm like, I would love to be that size again.
That would be fucking amazing. Such a dumb bitch.
I can't believe I complained about that boob size.
Such a dumb bitch. Like I was like, oh, these are
so big. No, no, these, these are so big.

(46:12):
Like people were like, I swear everybody's just like, oh,
what's her? Oh, oh, the one with the big
boobs, Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, OK. I'm more than my tit.
Right. Yeah, I know.
It's like my tits enter the roombefore I do.
They're not that big, Jesus. They feel like it.
I don't like it. I need them to be smaller.
You see those people that got. Like, oh, that's just, you know,

(46:33):
for some shit crazy. Just just yeah, they you see
basically a mile before you see them, dude.
Like some of them are natural though, where they have like
basically it's like elephantitisto the boob basically.
Oh my God damn, that's crazy. Yeah, I know.
I mean, it makes mine seem smallwhen I look at them.
Sometimes I have to go like Google pictures of chicks with

(46:54):
like really, really giant boobs like those, you know, so I could
be like, feel better about my tits.
You know what, these are actually manageable.
You don't have to get your shirts custom made.
So you got that going? For you, that's true.
That's true. Yeah, that's true.
Whatever Anyways, if the opportunity comes, I'm still
gonna get a a breast reduction 100%.
But I mean, I've been even been working out like consistently

(47:17):
and I'm like, I see the difference in my body except for
my fucking tits, man. I'm like, when are you guys
going to shrink? Do more chest?
Like, no, I guess it doesn't work like that.
Like, it should I, it should. People will be like doing like
AB workouts, trying to like burnfat on their belly.
And it's like, that's not how itworks.
But OK. If only, if only.
Yeah. But yeah, anyway, whatever.

(47:38):
With how much I talk, flex my tongue and it's got a six pack.
Oh. My God, Can you imagine?
It was like kind of Lingus wouldbe wild.
Whoa, beat the shit out of that clip.

(48:00):
Wow. Oh my Lord.
OK, that was wild. Prostate here I come.
You'd. Have to have a long ass tongue.
You would have to have a really long tongue to like reach up to
their prostate. Yeah, that's I don't think that
the six pack thing. I think that's like a what is it
like Mr. Miss, Miss Elastic or whatever the.

(48:23):
What are you doing with your hand over there?
I. Was moving my hand, taking a
ghost. Off this room is haunted.
I fucking knew it. I didn't.
Even realize I was moving my hand like that and then I was
like, wait, that's natural, huh?Moving my hand and like it looks
like I was just giving like a hand job like well I'm very
lazy. Hand job, but yeah.

(48:44):
We're casually just giving a hand job to the heir while I'm
talking to Samara Troy to come up with Miss, you know, like the
Elastic cartoon, The Incredibles.
They were like, she was elastic,Miss Miss Incredible.
Like she was like last instant girl.
Yeah. Elastigirl, Thank you.
Why is it hot? Over there I was trying to get

(49:05):
that but yeah anyways. It's like a Hot Pocket.
I know it was like a moment of spectrophilia and I didn't even
know it. I think something just like took
over me. It.
Was like bro like stroke my cock.
Come on, just touch it. Just touch it.
That's the laziest hand job I think I've ever seen.
Yeah, well, you know what? Maybe I don't want to give it a

(49:25):
hand job right now. I don't even know what I'm
giving a hand job to. So that's probably the problem.
Well, you know, this feels like a good place to talk about a
Cryptid. I think so, yeah.
Let's just go from spectrophiliato Cryptid.
I love it. It's all spooky.
It is all spooky. Spooky.
It's is it spooky? It's all weird.
Well, the description of it is kind of spooky.

(49:45):
Yeah. OK.
What? What Cryptid are we talking
about? What you gonna learn this about?
Well, you know I. Don't know that's why I'm.
Asking you, you know Nikki well.Yeah.
What just happened? What?
Just happened like your brain just shut down for a second.
Shut down. I did.

(50:07):
Your whole was just like, yeah. That was crazy.
My face relaxed. That was weird, yeah.
You went somewhere else for a moment.
Oh, my goodness. So in our earlier episodes,
somewhere around 5:00, I think, we did a poll.
Oh. 4 Because we did it after wetalked about the squawk.

(50:29):
I thought Squonk was at six. Nope.
Squonk. Was 4.
I actually work here. I surprisingly actually do know
a matter of fact, when I was talking telling you about that
guy that I met and he was saying, oh, I was listening to
your podcast and he said, yeah, I was like, oh, which one?
And he just said the thing that happened.
I already I was like, oh, that'sepisode 11.
Like I just knew that. My brain just won't retain that.

(50:50):
It's not because I don't care. I do.
My brain's just like, how about that song that's been stuck in
your head for four days? Let's remember that.
I think part of it that why I remember is 'cause I do all the
IG social media and so I have tolike create the stuff for it.
So it just. You see it more.
Often I see it a lot more and plus now I'm like uploading all
our episodes onto YouTube. So I'm like, it's just

(51:10):
refreshed. But also when everybody people
ask about our podcast and they tell them what you're all good
at that then I'm like, oh, OK, well we talk about this, this
and this and they're like, oh, what sex?
OK, OK, well you want like, you want some cool shit about sex,
Listen to these episodes. You want?
Oh, crip. OK, well, we only got 1 so far,
but we got more coming mysteries.
Here you go. You just want to laugh your ass
off at some stupid shit these episodes.

(51:31):
Like I just, Yeah. Yeah, you're a walking archive.
Kinda. I mean, I try can't scroll
through it, but you can't scrollthrough me that's.
Nope, I don't even know what that means.
I don't. I don't either, but I'm positive
you can't do it. I agree with you.
Well, whatever fucking episode was what was it?

(51:53):
OK so it was on 4. If Nikki's wrong, please let her
know. I doubt it but I'm just saying
wow OK carry on. Anyway, we did a poll on because
we covered the squonk. So we did a poll and I don't
remember everyone that was in it, but Dover Demon was one of
them because actually the because you had made the poll

(52:15):
and I actually had never heard of the three cryptids that you'd
put on there. So we had, and it is for just so
everybody knows I'm right, we said basically what Cryptid
would you like to hear about next?
We had CAD Cadbosaurus AKA Caddy, Dover Demon Rod AKA
Skyfish and Chattawa Monster andDover Demon and Chattawa Monster

(52:36):
were the only ones that got votes and the one that went out.
Was today Dover demon? Dover Demon.
Yeah. So you know, you guys, you spoke
and I listened. So it's officially Cryptid time
again. I took her 20 episodes, but
she's there. OK?
There's a lot of stuff to talk about in life.
There really is. So I got a question for you,

(52:56):
Massachusetts. What's lurking over there in
your your woods? Apparently it's the Dover Demon.
Apparently. Apparently, Apparently so the
year I'm going to paint you a picture.
Yes, do it. Well, it's going to be a really
vague picture. We're going to transport you
back in time. We're doing it with crayons.
Yeah, really? Blunted crayons.

(53:20):
The oversized ones. All right, I'm ready to
interpret this picture. Perfect.
I can't fucking wait. So the year is 1977.
Why did I do that? That doesn't even fit.
It's the 70s. It's the Seventies, 1977, man.

(53:40):
Yeah, that's, that'd be what shesaid.
Yeah, we're in Dover, MA in the late hours of night on the 21st
and 22nd of April. OK, hard scroll, too hard of a
scroll. So to give the size of Dover in
1975, it had a population of 4923 people, OK, it's small.

(54:03):
It's real fucking small. It's smaller than Ellensburg,
OK, but it's bigger than PL. Everything's bigger than PL.
Are you fucking kidding me? And it's a it's approximately 40
minutes out of Boston, OK, You Google Maps it different routes,
different times, but it's about 40 minutes, OK.
And it's it's surrounded by a bunch of woods and a ton of

(54:27):
conservation areas, which I was a little surprised about.
It's like, oh, good job. Look at me.
Looking at you Massachusetts learning stuff.
Looking at you for a few reasonsactually.
Yeah, one kind of with a side eye.
But it's fine. So around 10:30, a 17 year old
boy named William Bill, that's how he goes by Bartlett, was

(54:49):
driving along Farm Street with his friends Mike and Andy.
The headlights of his VW Bug caught a creature perched on a
broken stone wall near Charles River.
Banana. What is this creature?
Standing about 3 1/2 to 4 feet tall, it had a large watermelon
shaped head. Nikki's eyes closed, she grabs

(55:12):
her head. Glowing orange eyes, no nose or
mouth and Peach colored skin. Awkward, Awkward.
Very top heavy. Yeah.
Bill tells cryptozoologist Lauren Coleman that it's skin
was like wet sandpaper, right? OK, he saw this as he was
driving by. He was like, oh, their skin

(55:33):
looks like wet sandpaper. Like would they stop?
And they were staring at it. They went well.
Depending on I mean in headlights, headlights go out a
fair distance, you know they. But how good's their fucking
eyesight that they're like, oh, their skin looks like wet
sandpaper? Well, eventually, you know, you
say it's right here, you're driving by, you're coming up on
it. If it stays in the same place,

(55:53):
you're going to get kind of close.
OK, so we're assuming that the Dover demon just.
Stayed there, stayed there. Or they're speeding.
Maybe it's a little column A, little column B Quick.
Check it out. So what?
Like sandpaper? Which I really hate that
description it makes. If my hands weren't already

(56:13):
sweaty, it'd make my hand sweaty.
Yeah. Yeah.
OK. And that's like.
Nails on chalkboard kind of vibe.
It's like when I I see someone getting too close to like a rock
face that is just a. Like that weird Vertigo like
sensation to get in your tummy where you're like.
Yeah, but I don't get it in my tummy.
My hands and feet start to tingle and then they start to

(56:35):
sweat. Oh.
That's what the that descriptiongives me.
Yeah, OK. It gives me a physical ick.
Yeah. So the the, the the next thing
that he says is also really off putting.
He says that the figure is shaped like a baby's body, with
long arms and legs. A baby's body with long arms and

(56:58):
legs. OK, but with a A watermelon head
With a watermelon head. That's disturbing.
Wet sandpaper, like skin that's Peach colored.
I hate everything about it. OK.
It's disgusting. It definitely doesn't have,
like, the squonk's, like, cuteness.
Cuteness. Yeah.
Yeah, No, it does not. Its long, spindly arms ended up

(57:18):
in tendril like fingers, which going with the baby's body
freaks me the fuck out. Or salad fingers maybe?
That makes it less bad. Yeah, I'm gonna picture it like
Salad Fingers, Rusty. Yeah.
So it's a stones. I need to watch solid fingers

(57:45):
again. What a fucking classic.
I know. God damn weird.
I was so surprised that you you were the one that showed me
that. Yeah.
Well, RC is the one that showed it to me and I was like, why do
I like this so much? It's.
I'm still confused about that. Why?
Does anybody like it? It's just he's so.
But I, I don't know. I love solid fingers.
I love Lamp, yeah. You know, I mean rusty tea

(58:08):
kettle. Oh Jesus Christ.
OK, my finger just like scratching.
Me, I know I had to look away. It's like I'm not.
You guys check out check out Solid Fingers.
Just YouTube it watching solid Fingers episodes.
Any any any. They're fabulous.
They are. It's fucking weird, but God
they're fabulous. I love his eyes so.

(58:29):
OK, sorry. Anyway, So it's long spindly
fucking Salad fingers ended in tendril like salad fingers, and
it appeared to cling to the wall, so Bill slowed his car.
There you go. There's your answer.
Observing the creature for several seconds, not very long
before it scurried off into the darkness.

(58:51):
Yeah. I don't like that he used
scurried and it just said yes. Yes.
Yeah. Like a wet sound.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're all welcome for that. So Bill's friends, Mike and
Andy, they were distracted. They didn't see Jack shit.
So Bill's likely. Yeah, the Bill's the sole
witness. He later drew a a pretty

(59:12):
detailed sketch swearing I Bill Bartlett swear on a stack of
bibles that I saw this creature very like small town country boy
of it, emphasizing his certainty.
This sighting was the 1st and most detailed and it set the
stage for the Dover Demon to turn into the legend that it is

(59:36):
now. OK.
So we have another account abouttwo hours later, around 12/20,
12:30-ish. But same day.
Yeah, that night. Same night, yeah.
Two hours later, so he saw it about 10:30.
This person saw it about 12:30-ish, give or take.
So 15 year old John Baxter was about a mile into his walk home

(59:57):
from visiting his his girlfriendat her house.
I thought you were going to say his grandma in the woods.
Yeah, he's actually wearing a red cloak and he's got a basket
full of goodies. So yeah, he's, he's our second
witness at this time. The sky was dark and overcast.
You know, it's fucking midnight.So now it's.

(01:00:19):
Like a grim fairy tale. It really is.
It really is. So not good visibility.
Yeah. I'm just so stuck on picturing
him in a red fucking cloak rightnow.
I can't think. Sorry.
I I fucked you up. You did 'cause you sound so
cute. So you, you have been to
Ellensburg Outskirts. So it's pretty dark, You know,

(01:00:42):
there's very limited light, all of that.
So he sees this figure or personnext to a tree just standing
there. While he's walking home.
Yeah, OK. That's not in the middle of the
night. Creepy at all?
With overcast. How old is this guy?
He's 15. I don't like that.

(01:01:03):
I would hate it. Every fucking second of it.
I'd hate it. So he is.
He's just walking down the middle of this road, small town,
you know you can do that. And this figure by the tree is
gripping the tree with these tendril like hands he describes
when as John's approaching, thinking it might be a child or

(01:01:24):
an acquaintance that he knew that lived further down that
street, he called out to the figure.
But then it fled into the woods and didn't say anything.
And it moved very fluid and unnaturally and silently and
quickly. But all of that is absolutely.
Terrifying. I would shit my pants and then

(01:01:45):
run back to my girlfriend's house.
Are you kidding me that? Sounds absolutely terrifying.
I would end it. Take me now.
Let me be raptured. Save me Tom Cruise.
Help me Tom Cruise. Like I like spooky shit.
I don't want to experience it IRL.
Yeah. I want to read about it, maybe

(01:02:05):
watch it. I don't want to experience it.
See, I don't want any of it. Hard pass.
Thanks. No thanks.
So John's account giving independently.
So Bill and John, they live in Dover, but they they haven't
talked, OK, they're not even friends.
OK, so independently he corroborated I can say words

(01:02:26):
Bill's account, though he didn'tspecify the color.
Again, it's probably due to it being the country and it's
fucking dark. Dark and dusk.
Yeah. Well, and when it's like The
thing is too is like when it's dark like that, I don't know if
you guys know this, but if you're in a room and you take
away the light and not like, so it's like pitch black, but so
you have like very minimal kind of shielded light.

(01:02:49):
You actually can't see color. Like.
Oh really? Yeah.
When it's when it's super dim like that, where there's just
enough light to make out shapes you can't actually see color,
like the way the cones work in our eyes, it just it you can't
see, said. You know what?
Nah, no. You can see the shapes, but you
can't. But there's not enough light

(01:03:11):
reflecting in the cones of your eyes for you to actually be able
for your eyes to be able to interpret color and to prove it
our I learned this when I was incollege.
But the professor that I had themad hots for, oh, that guy
turned. Yeah.
I listened to everything he said.
He turned the lights down just enough so that it was like that.

(01:03:31):
And he was like, all right, I want everybody.
Well, before you do these, I want everybody to close your
eyes, like, all right, cool. He's like, I'm going to turn the
lights down, and then I'm going to pull out a couple different
objects. And I want you guys to see if
you can tell me what the colors are.
And there are things that we didn't know.
They're not in the classroom, sowe couldn't be like, oh, you
know, he brought. Yeah.
So we're like, all right, cool. So then he, like, holds the
items up and we can see what they are.

(01:03:52):
Like, 1's a ball, but you can't tell, like, what kind of ball.
The other one I think was like, I don't know, a book or
something, and the other one, I don't even remember what the
other thing was. But we can see what they are.
We can't see what colors they are.
And then he turns the light on and one's like a bright fucking
red, right? The other one was blue and then
the other one I think was green,but you couldn't see.

(01:04:14):
That's why any other color. Brains are crazy.
They are. So that's why I feel like John
wouldn't know, even if even if he did get close enough, he
probably still wouldn't have been able to see the color.
Yeah, with, with the lighting being the way that it was.
That's good. All right.
Well, thank you for coming to John's defense.
Yep, I got you, John. So all of John's other
descriptors of the creature wereessentially the same as Bill's,

(01:04:37):
and he sincerely also had a detailed recollection, adding
credibility to a sightings. And you just added a little
more. Now we have a third account.
OK. Air quote encounter, if you
will, on April 22nd at about midnight.

(01:04:58):
So this is 1977 still still 1977.
Just the next day after the other two, 15 year old Abby
Brabham, yeah, we'll go with that.
And 18 year old Will, we're driving on Springdale Ave. when
they saw a creature crossing theroad, Abby described the
creature. Ow, just punched myself in the

(01:05:19):
headphone. Abby described the creature as a
size of a goat with a large head, glowing green eyes, so a
little different and a body structure that matched Bill's
and John's earlier reports. Also standing next to a tree.
So like after across the road itstood out a tree.

(01:05:40):
Will, focused on driving, only caught a glimpse, but still
confirmed that he saw something and confirmed Abby's account.
Interesting. OK.
So there was some speculation ifthey saw the same thing because
the eye color was different. So it sparked a debate, a debate

(01:06:03):
through investigators and they attributed this to just lighting
or perception like if you think of.
That's what I was going to say too.
Like a dog or a cat, the eye shine depending on the intensity
of the light and the angle of their head you can watch it like
go from like a red or an orange to like a yellowy or green kind

(01:06:24):
of color. So or white or white which
really freaks my shit out. Nothing like having a black dog
in a dark backyard and seeing just this weird fucking eye
shine and nothing else. Yeah, yeah.
Well, that's what I was going tosay because the one said red
eyes, the girls said green eyes.And I was like, OK, But the red

(01:06:45):
and green eye accounts were both.
They were driving in a vehicle and so it could have been a
different height difference of the vehicle different, you know,
he was one was standing, you know, he's standing by the tree.
The other one he's like on a wall or whatever.
And the angle could have been different.
So I'm like the eye color shine.I like, OK, whatever that's.
Minor, minor, yeah, 'cause you don't even, we don't know what

(01:07:05):
the third account, what the people we're driving, Yeah.
And VW bugs, WVWVW bugs. They're they sit low, so who
knows exactly what kind of vehicle.
So, you know, people kind of went back and forth with like
that. I'm like, oh, maybe they're
making it up. Maybe it's something different.

(01:07:26):
So the where she saw this creature was near Channing pond,
which aligned with both Will no John and Bill.
Sorry, Will was with Abby. So where the three of them saw
it form like a a 12 mile mile perimeter.
Yeah. So it's like the creature was

(01:07:47):
kind of in the same area, just poking out at different spots.
Yeah. Which there there was a map on
one of the the sites that had like a a roughly drawn a map of
it. I was like, OK, that helps
because looking at it, they throw out a bunch of different
street names. Yeah, I'm really going to fuck
it up from there. We don't know what those.

(01:08:08):
That means nothing to me exactly.
So having a little, it was kind of like a loose triangle, yeah,
kind of a thing. Well, it makes sense.
It was three different accounts,so yeah.
Exactly so. Cryptozoologist Lauren Coleman
led the primary investigation and they were joined by three
other people, one being Walter Webb, who's a respected

(01:08:29):
astronomer from Boston's Hayden Planetarium.
What's an astronomer going to do?
You know, typically astronomers,at least.
Believe in. Cryptids.
They're more open to it, like a lot of astronomers tend to be.
Teased as the stars and the planets, but like here coming.
Well, it's also like for Cryptid, makes you think more of

(01:08:51):
what's out there and being more open to the unexplainable kind
of a thing. I can see that, yeah.
But I think their point with this was just that he's someone
that's respected in their field.He was the only person
available. I don't know because there's
Joseph Nyman, Ed Fogg, and then Walter Webb is the astronomer

(01:09:15):
and Lauren Coleman is the cryptozoologist.
So Lauren, working at the WalterSchool for Boys and need Needham
neat ham at the time, learned ofthe sightings at the Dover
General Store where Bill's sketch of it was posted up.
OK, which I love that they just,like, photocopy this creature.

(01:09:37):
But yeah, like putting it aroundtown, like why, you know?
It was the 70s, who knows why they did anything.
That's true. That's very true.
The 70s of it all. So the team and ended up
interviewing all the witnesses, like the person Abby was with,
Bill's other friends, everybody.They they talked to family,

(01:10:02):
friends, random people in the town just to see if there was
anything else. Yeah, they talked to the police
also within a week of these sightings being reported.
So it was very quick. Yeah.
And they found no evidence that it was a hoax.
Everyone, they said, all the witnesses were very consistent.

(01:10:26):
They they had never met each other.
So you didn't have to worry about them coming up with like
this elaborate story or anything.
It being at different times and then just like their emotional
sincerity impressed investigators.
So they could have just really good actors, but potentially,

(01:10:47):
but still OK, got it. Potentially, but I mean, they're
1515 and 17, so they're young. I don't know.
Would you ever consider your girls to be excellent actors,
being able to weave a story likethat?
Yeah, actually. Oh, OK, That was a bad, bad
example. Wipe that from the record.

(01:11:07):
So the big thing for the investigation was that there was
no physical evidence. There were no footprints or, or
hair, even though it was hairless.
Yeah, even though it was described as hairless, but.
OK, fine, There were hair there.Were no photographs.
There were no skin cells, no blood, no saliva, fingernails.

(01:11:34):
Fucking medical marks. The slimy tree.
OK, no physical evidence. No physical evidence.
So big thing because, you know, you think about like Sasquatch
people claim to have like Tufts of hair stuck in trees or or

(01:11:55):
something like that, or the footprints.
So the Dover Police Department received no further reports
after 1977, and the Creatures brief appearance left
investigators puzzled. And they said, you know what,
that was weird. Anyway, moving on.

(01:12:17):
Pretty much. So there hasn't been a Dover
Demon sighting since 1977, sincethose two nights, those two days
or whatever. But this was the biggest news.
Yeah, this was it. I believe that.
So Lauren Coleman actually has abook called Miss Mysterious
America that was first publishedin October 1989, and it's all
about across the United States, different cryptids and local

(01:12:41):
legends, creatures, weird accounts, sightings, things like
that. What if the Dover Demon was just
like passing through? Who knows if it fucking?
Cuz I'm like. Where'd it go?
Where was it coming? Where did it come from?
Where did it go? Where did the Dover Demon go?
Where did it come from? Where did it go?
Where did it come from? Cotton Eye Joe Yeah, whatever

(01:13:04):
that tune is. Cotton Eye Joe is the no I meant
the the next like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, whatever. Anyways.
But so there were no other like accounts of the Dover demon
anywhere else. Like, not like just in Dover,
but like anywhere else in the. States not, not that I've I saw.
Interesting. Yeah.
So where did it fucking go? Maybe it's like a family just

(01:13:26):
had like a really short lifespan.
Here and then just died on the third day it was just.
Yeah, croaked. No evidence of a body just like
evaporated. Just into the earth.
Yeah, yeah, It melted into the earth.
It fucking maybe fell into a swamp and died.
I don't know. Are there swamps in Dover?
Demon in Dover. Dover Demon in Massachusetts.

(01:13:48):
I don't think Massachusetts is known for its swamps.
I don't like say like, oh, there's a bunch of swamps, but
like, you know, lots of places have swamps if they're really
wet. I make no comment.
Stop. Whatever.
OK, so because of mysterious America, that really cemented

(01:14:13):
the Dover demon being encrypted.Yeah.
So the lack of physical evidenceagain was a major challenge.
No footprints, despite the soft springtime soil.
No photographs or videos. What was the 1977 exactly like?
Let me whip out my fucking 35mm,wait for the flash to warm up

(01:14:35):
and take a picture. If you even had a flash, yeah.
And I mean the the video camerasthen they were massive.
They were, they were big. You could get some of the
smaller ones where you could hold it with a hand, like 70s,
Yeah. OK.
But they weren't very common because they were fucking
expensive so. Teenagers are not just walking

(01:14:56):
around. Exactly, and at that time I'd
imagine it was a one video camera per household and the
kids weren't allowed to fuck with it.
Right. Pretty sure so it's not like.
It was walking down from your girlfriends house with a fucking
video camera. Let me just turn this on record
real quick. Yeah, let me make sure my tape
is queued up. Turn it on you.

(01:15:16):
Never know what you're going to see on these walks.
Yeah, I can't imagine. And especially since all these
sightings were just a few seconds long.
Yeah, that's not enough time to have.
Let me get this. Hey, Todd, hand me the camera
from the back seat real quick. Let me take the lens cap off.
Let me turn it on it focus. Yeah, you crank down the the

(01:15:38):
window so I can put it out. Yeah, obviously there's no
videotape footage or fucking camera grudge.
Yeah, fucking obviously. It's a goddamn 70s for real.
So I feel like like that's unnecessary.
You don't have to add that. Like that's like, I feel like
that's just to really discount it more.
Yeah. There's no photographs or video.

(01:16:00):
Yeah, no shit. It's the 70s.
Right. And it was teenagers.
I think they're just walking around with them.
Come on. Yeah, their families would have
beat their ass if that thing hadgotten broken.
Are you kidding me? For real?
So moving on from that, the the creatures fleeting presence of
the the witnesses brief encounters may explain why it

(01:16:20):
didn't have any physical evidence or anything, you know,
but I lied to you and there are actually two other encounters
that were recorded. What gotcha you?
Are you just like to keep me on my toes?
I'm always right. I'm always right when you
fucking have stuff and then you make it seem like I'm wrong and
then I'm right. And then I listen to the episode

(01:16:41):
later and I'm like, I was fucking right.
Fucking know it. Yeah.
I'm just making sure you're still flexing that intuition.
Yep. It's still on point.
It's still on point. So these have a lot less less.
Validity to. Him also because of a lack of
detail also but for the Dover demons defense you know they're

(01:17:06):
they're worth mentioning so in 1972.
Oh, OK, SO54. Five years before, Mark, Senate
and some friends were near that Channing pond that I had
referenced earlier, and they sawa small figure in their
headlights described as moving, crouched, which kind of freaks

(01:17:29):
me out. And he's like, yeah, creepy with
the pants you imagine it making.Yeah.
With its little elbows tucked in, hands dangling in the front,
like creaking around a pond. Yeah, that's what I see.
So it was too vague to confirm if it was the Dover demon, But
they, Mark and his friends all said that it looked kind of like

(01:17:53):
a, a creature, like it didn't resemble an animal that they had
seen before, and it didn't soundlike they were.
It was like across the pond, like the pond was huge or
something. So it works still.
It was still visible enough thatthey felt like they should
report it to the police. So they did.

(01:18:14):
But the police came out, they investigated again, no
footprints or any physical tracethat something was over there.
Also, it is a lake, so if it waswalking, like along the shore,
there's still a a tide. So maybe something could have
been eroded. Yeah, good point.
You never know. OK.
So there's there's that. And then in 1978, so a year

(01:18:40):
after the the main attraction and encounters, whatever the
three teenage sightings. Yeah, Bill is our our last one
and he's now 18. He reported a possible second
encounter while parked with his his girlfriend.
He heard a thud on his car and saw a small figure running into

(01:19:01):
the woods. Some people were like, oh, maybe
it's this specific owl that lives in this area of
Massachusetts. And he's like.
An owl that runs. Exactly.
And he's like, I know what an owl looks like and no, I know
enough that it wasn't an owl. I don't know what it was, but if
it didn't fly right, uncertain if it was the Dover demon or

(01:19:25):
like a prankster or something. Bill hesitated to connect it for
sure, but it still adds some intrigue even though lacks
detail of his his 1977 encounter.
I mean, at least the guy was honest.
So I, I respect that, especiallybeing, you know, a 17 to an 18

(01:19:46):
year old. And then he's that's made me
kind of sad. Bill remains shaken and haunted
by the sighting even seven yearslater.
When he was he did an interview about it.
And he's quoted in that interview saying in a lot of
ways, it's kind of embarrassing to me.
I definitely saw something. It was definitely weird and I

(01:20:09):
didn't make it up, though sometimes I wish I had.
I know I was like. Still, that's so sad, makes you
want to not see weird shit and tell people about it, but for.
But at the same time, how can you see weird shit and not tell
people about it exactly? Yeah, exactly.
Such a conundrum. So for Dover, MA, the Dover

(01:20:30):
demon is not alone in the in thestrange happenings or sightings.
There was actually in the 1600s,there was a sighting of the
devil on horseback. Not a devil, the devil on
horseback, OK, that's all we know.
And then there's some other stories about some buried
treasure. So the Dover demons, definitely

(01:20:51):
the most exciting thing to come out of Dover.
Don't know if that's changed recently.
Sorry if something exciting has happened to you, Dover.
But Needless to say, y'all's woods got some stuff in them, so
possibly, possibly. So there you have it.
Maybe it's like a creature, you know it just like emerges once
every like 70. Years.
Oh, it's like on a cycle. Yeah, You know, it just like

(01:21:14):
comes out to like feed and breedand then it like goes back into
it's weird hibernation thing to come out again in like 100
years. I don't want to think about that
Peach colored wet sandpaper skinmating, Yeah.
That's kind of gross. It probably was like, what?
Maybe it doesn't have to mate. Maybe.
It's maybe they rub eyeballs. No.
Maybe it's what do you call thatwhen something breeds?

(01:21:36):
Its photosynthesis. I don't know asexual.
Yeah, but not. Self pollinating.
Let me come in myself, get myself pregnant.
What my mommy and dad? I don't know.
That's the Dover Demon for you all.
There you have it. I have to.
Like know what this word is? Parthenogenesis, yeah.

(01:21:56):
Asexual, asexual reproduction. But yeah, hey, I have the
asexual part. So asexual reproduction, like it
could just be that like it just comes out and just like has to
feed and then it like breeds itself.
Yeah, maybe. I mean they have like a build
together to say anything about go back to the hibernation, like
a mouth on it. Yeah.

(01:22:17):
But maybe it's maybe it like absorbs it through the air or
like to the ground or a tendril.Like fingers?
I know you showed me pictures ofit.
It's very interesting. Yeah.
Yeah. Because there was like one of
the drawings described its feet,like the feet and toes or
whatever, kind of like formed around the rocks.

(01:22:37):
Yeah, so. It's like very interesting, very
disturbing. Like if I saw something like
that in real life, I would probably not ever go down that
road again. I'm.
Going straight home. I will say like there have been
times when I was driving down a wooded Rd. or there's like no
light other than my headlights and I get really fucking creeped

(01:22:59):
out 'cause like that's. What's in there?
That's when the craziness in my mind comes out to play.
It's like. Oh, we've been waiting for this.
Yeah, like, oh. You know what, there's probably
like a werewolf or some like crazy creature in the woods
sitting there waiting for a car to come by so it could time it
just right and dive through yourfucking passenger window into

(01:23:20):
your car and freaking. I think about that.
Or like your tail lights aren't nearly as bright, so it's like,
what if there's just something right outside the glow?
What if there's something that'sjust like me?
Yeah. What if there's something just
like running after my car but I can't see it?
Flying silently above me like Mothman.
You're a Mothman that's not silent.
Never. Mind, do you remember, so that
road to like Hwy. 6 and they were doing construction just in

(01:23:43):
the middle of nowhere, like to replace a bridge.
And so they had, like it said, nobody was fucking out there,
but they just had like a light. So just random spot in the
middle of fucking nowhere. You just had to stop.
There was no intersection. You just had to stop and then
you had to wait for the light. Yeah, that happened.
And it was at night that I was driving and I was like, bro, why

(01:24:04):
am I stopping at this fucking light?
Like there's no traffic, there'sno people out here.
I'm stopping and something is about like something catch up.
Something is gonna catch up to me and like, just like jump on
my fucking like the roof of my car or something and check your
rear view and there's just a face standing behind.
You. Oh my.
God no, I was that that freaks. You out?
She's clutching her pearls. That freaks me out so much.

(01:24:26):
I remember sitting there and I was like, I am not going to look
out my passenger window. And I'm not looking out of my
driver's eye window. I'm not looking in my mirrors.
I'm looking straight ahead. I don't want to see if there's
something like, because then I think about that and I'm like,
Oh my God, there is something, There's something just standing
right outside my window and you start fucking staring and

(01:24:46):
intentionally ignoring your peripheral vision.
Yeah, like, no literal tunnel vision right now.
Absolutely. I'm like, I can't, you know, Or
then like, I do like let it downa little bit, but it's like not
my passenger side where it's further away from me.
It's my driver's side where it'sliterally like inches away from
my fucking face. And then I'm like, I get freaked
out because what do I see my ownreflection from?

(01:25:10):
Like the lights that are inside the car, like the dashboard.
I'm like, Oh my God. You need to fucking go.
Oh my God, it's fine. Exactly.
And then you realize you're like, oh wait, that was my own
reflection. Oh my God, I'm such an idiot.
That that's what they mean. When your imagination gets away

(01:25:32):
from you, you're trying. So.
Hard to hold on to it, but it's like Nah.
No, we're at this bitch. We're going all the way.
Yeah, I don't enjoy those moments, no.
I get those a lot when I go in the ocean, which is why you
don't really like go in the ocean a lot.
You know, I just like, I have toreally be mindful about where I

(01:25:54):
let my mind go in situations like that because I I'll.
Give myself a panic attack. I will.
Yeah, same. Like my, my imagination will
absolutely just be like, oh, we're about to have a fucking
heyday up at this bitch. We're gonna get crazy.
Yeah. And then I'm like, OK, it's time
for me to leave now. Because on my breathing, swim
towards the shore, right? Everything's OK, everything is

(01:26:14):
normal. Don't panic and look like a
fucking idiot. Yeah, dude.
When I had a trip down to Florida, we were snorkeling.
I, I'm pretty sure I've told youthe story before, there was a
these little fish. They were like 2 inches long,
very cute. I had a great time watching em
and I, I am self aware and I sawthem.

(01:26:36):
I was like, I know that if they fucking touch me, I'm going to
fucking scream into the snorkel.And a couple minutes went by and
then I felt something touched mytoe and I was like, OK, you're
fine. You can feel the panic rising.
It's fine. It's just a little fish.
And then one like water sucked on my toe or like you're.

(01:27:00):
Like that's it, I'm done. Yeah, I literally, it was just
like A and I had a friend sitting on the shore like they
had just gone out to like get some water and they they were
like. What happened?
When was that? Did you scream?
And I was like, yeah, you heard that.
That's unfortunate for me. I screamed in my snorkeling.

(01:27:21):
He was like, Oh my God, what happened?
Are you OK? I was like, I really don't want
to tell you this, but it was just because a fish touched my
foot. I have no chill, OK?
All self regulation and control out the fucking window.
When I'm in the water, I can't. So it makes me think of when we
go to Hawaii in in December, we're going to snorkel.

(01:27:44):
Yeah. Am I going to make myself a fool
in front of Gavin's family? Probably.
And potentially around a bunch of other strangers?
Yeah. That's probably going to happen.
Probably I will say so. You know that when the girls and
I went to Kauai, I got a snorkelso we could snorkel because I
had no idea the water was going to be so crystal clear.

(01:28:06):
And I was like losing my mind because I don't know why I
didn't think this was a thing, but I was like, Oh my God, all
the fish that I see in these saltwater tanks are like here in
the wild. I was like, this is crazy.
We need snorkels. Yeah, absolutely.
That's an appropriate. And so I was like, let me get us
snorkels. And then we're like, oh, yeah,
this is so cool. And the water's so warm and it's

(01:28:27):
so crystal clear. Oh, my God, this is great.
And you're looking around, and then all of a sudden I'm like,
wait, you're also a mom? Where are your kids?
I mean, granted they were teenagers and not like little
kids. Still.
Still, I'm like, Oh yeah, where are your kids?
I don't. I like kind of look around.
I don't see them. I pop my head up.
Sid's like a ways away. The first thing that comes into
my mind is like, and she's a ways away.
Like there's other people out there.
But the first thing that comes in my mind is like, she probably

(01:28:50):
looks like a really tasty snack.That's a fucked up thought, come
back. Closer 'cause I'm just like,
cool. So like a great white can just
like swoop up, eat my kid. Like that's I'm not here.
Like we got all sorts of like meals, just like swimming
around, like not just humans, but like sea turtles and just
all the different like critters and stuff that, you know, sharks

(01:29:12):
like to munch on or swimming with us.
And so I don't want my child to be misinterpreted as a meal.
And I'm like, you need to come back.
Stay closer over here. I don't know why that's gonna
help any of us, but I feel better as a mom.
Like, if you're gonna die, at least give me the opportunity to

(01:29:32):
save her. Yeah, Let me at least try to
kick a shark. If she's like, 100 yards away.
I can't fucking do that. Like, she's gonna be gone before
I can even lift my head up to scream.
Like, yeah, you know, so. So yeah, no, the whole time I
had to very, very consciously just like, keep your chill,
Don't freak out. People go out here all the time.

(01:29:54):
Plus there's usually like shark watch and, you know, it's like,
just just chill, you know? And I'm like, yeah, you're
right, you're right. It's myself talk, right?
Like, you're right, you're right.
Chill, chill. And then like the other part of
me is like, yeah, but there was that girl who was surfing and
just like laying on her board with her dad and her her friend
or whatever, and they're all just chilling after surfing and

(01:30:16):
great white just came up and bither arm off.
Like Yep, that's true. Yep.
Okay, so then I'm like, cool, but you were supposed to stay
chill, not think of actual true stories, so that's not helping.
Yeah, just. Battling yourself in your head.
Yeah, 100%. I'm just like, let's think
logically, okay? But here are the facts though
too. So.

(01:30:37):
Yeah, my mind. Really likes the Yeah, but
exactly what if? Yeah, Well then that's the
other. Thing fuck yourself.
Me. Yes, that's whose side are you
on? Treacherous.
Bitch, you're like trying to be logical and you think of the
facts and it's like, okay, maybethe logic and the facts line up
and you're like, right, nothing to worry about.
But then it's like, it's not happy.
It's a fucking treacherous bitch.

(01:30:57):
And like you said, it's like, but what if this happened?
What if this does exist? What if?
And you're just like, you know what?
Fuck. You you know what?
I don't even like swimming. Like I just I'm.
Trying to enjoy myself and you're out here just trying to
fucking rain on my parade. You don't like dopamine and and

(01:31:18):
serotonin and the pretty? Fish and shut the fuck up,
bitch. Truly, fucking truly.
Man, we it's the same Florida trip.
The three of us swam out to the buoys off off the beach.
I was so hesitant. I was like, that's a you're.
Like that's really far away fromthe beach.
That's a really long way out. I mean, it's not that far, but

(01:31:39):
it's it's far. Like if I have to swim for my
life, it's too far. Exactly.
Absolutely. I got you.
And we're about like, you know, we have our snorkels on and
everything. We're swimming out there looking
around. It's Florida, so there's not
really anything to see besides sand in water, you know, but
whatever. Halfway there, me and my friend

(01:32:01):
Sammy look at each other and we're just like, there's a a
knowing in in our eyes, like we're feeling the same kind of
way of I'm fucking stressed out,I'm not having a good time,
right? This is.
Not fun for me, yeah. Yeah, my cortisol is spiking
right now. I'm like, great, we're only

(01:32:21):
halfway there. We finally get there.
We touched the movie. Like, OK, yeah, we made your
husband happy. We fucking did it.
OK. Can we go back now?
Bye. We swam faster back to the shore
and after we got out we were like, yeah, never gonna fucking
do that again. That was super fun because that
yeah, the entire time. Like they're gonna just
something could just fucking swim up on me right now, right.

(01:32:43):
That's what I think about what I'm because it's awesome.
This is not my domain. It's not super Clearwater like
it's it's clear enough like you can see a a good distance in
front of you, but. Were you guys snorkeling in the
Gulf or in the Atlantic, Wherever?
Pompano Beach is feel the water was warm.
The Gulf, Yeah, I don't know. That's the only time I've ever.

(01:33:03):
Been to Florida, the Atlantic isn't super clear but like the
Gulf is pretty Dang clear. That's why I was asking.
I don't know. It was also it was, it was kind
of murky because sediment was moving around.
So it was kind of the water, kind of the sediment, because it
wasn't super deep, but deep enough for fucking wildlife to

(01:33:24):
swim up on my bitch ass. No, I think about that a lot.
Like, I had a hard time getting into water for a really long
time because I would be so afraid of what was in there.
And I remember this all started.Thanks, Dad.
This all started when Dad took me up to the mountains.
Like when we lived in Montana, we.
He was like, I want to go fishing for sturgeon.

(01:33:45):
And there's sturgeon up in this mountain lake.
And I was like, all right, cool.Yeah, let's go do it.
Sturgeon looks scary. They look terrifying.
Dad caught a sturgeon and I was.Like fast as fuck too holy.
Fuck, it's huge. The thing that's like an actual
sea monster? I got an ugly face.
I was afraid of lakes. I was like cool, well that has

(01:34:05):
now made me afraid of lakes. Like that don't even scar.
Yeah, lakes. That don't even have sturgeon in
them. But I'm like, I don't know.
I don't know for a fact. There's no surgeon in here.
Do you know for a fact? Yeah.
Maybe some Jackass was like, I'mgonna put one.
Right. I don't know.
Yeah, No, I. Don't know enough about
sturgeon? Or you hear those stories of
people like, yeah, I got a pet alligator, and then it gets away

(01:34:26):
and it's out in the wild somewhere and there's an
alligator living somewhere that an alligator shouldn't be
living. And it's like, I don't fucking
know. So I have I battle, I battle
with that like all the time. And I remember I would go
swimming out to different lakes when I was living in Eastern
Washington or in Montana, even California, some even here and
just thinking I'm like, Nikki, people swim in here all the

(01:34:48):
time. Look it, there are children
swimming in here. It's OK.
Stop being a pussy ass bitch. Like get in the water, grow the
fuck up. You're fine.
But still to this day, if I can't, if it's like too murky.
I have a real hard time. I got to make sure my attention
is up here way above the floaties.

(01:35:08):
That or I got to have like a fewbeers in me because I need, I
need my nerves to be very relaxed.
Yeah, mine started with being atthe lake in Ellensburg and
seaweed just touching my. I mean, it's not technically a
seaweed because it's in a fucking lake, but it touched my
foot and it got kind of caught because I like.

(01:35:30):
And you're like, Oh my God. Something's got me and I felt
like a little tug and I was likeand it was slimy and everything
and I that was the first time I experienced the feeling of a
panic attack coming on. Yeah, that's that.
That was the moment is when thathappens.
The water thing really just manifested.

(01:35:52):
Yeah, I don't like swimming anywhere where I have to like,
wade through through. I want aquaplanes.
Nope. I don't know.
Don't fucking do it. I don't like the way it feels.
I can get on a free floaty. Someone can push me out.
But thank you. That's what I'm saying.
I'm like, I'll I'll sit on a floaty and I'll paddle.
I don't mind if my hands touch it, but my feet I can't.
But I like, I'll paddle myself out because I'm like, Nope, I

(01:36:13):
need to get away from this and then I can swim.
But but it touches my I just don't like feet, my legs.
But then I'm like, no, fuck, nowI have to get out.
Like hell. Help.
Yeah, Somebody throw me a rope. Truly.
Jesus lift me out of this floatyand put me on solid ground.

(01:36:35):
I believe more than a float. Ham, take the floaty.
Jesus, take the float. We love it.
Holy shit. No, I pray a lot in those
moments. Become real faithful then.
I'm scared for my life. Jesus, please save me, keep me
safe. Bitch, it's, it's a plant.

(01:36:58):
Calm down. Nope.
I might die, Lord. Might literally come out of my
body. You might have another Angel
soon. Who said you were going to be an
Angel? Sweetheart?
It's so hot. I mean, I'm good, right?
It is really hot in here. My pants are damp.
Oh, that's, well, not damp. Damp is.
That's disturbing. Too moisture.

(01:37:18):
Too wet too. Yeah, too moist.
But it's. I don't know.
I'm warm. Yeah, sweaty.
So, you know, I hope you guys enjoyed this wild fucking ride.
Yeah, that was today. Yeah, that's good.
I had a good time. I hope you guys had a good time.
Yeah, even if it was just laughing at our bitch asses.
You know this, this is the only time where I really talk shit

(01:37:39):
about myself and to myself is like about this kind of
conversation like pussy ass. That's what I'm saying, yeah.
I'm like, I realize that. Thank you.
Like I realized. That about myself and I have
that's when it's like you got two people living in your head
kind of like, yeah, you got you and then you're conscious you.
Like I know this about myself, shut the fuck up.

(01:38:01):
Thank you. Yeah.
Like that's how I am with like scary movies and books and
stuff. I'm like, I know that I'm a
pussy ass bitch when it comes tohorror and that kind of scary
shit. Like I don't like it.
It's not for me. I am scared as fuck.
I can't sleep at night. I get scared of a dark room.
Like I'm afraid there's monstersunder my bed.
Any of the things, I'm afraid ofthem, they're all real.

(01:38:22):
After I watch a scary movie, somebody's going to fucking kill
me. Somebody's going to fucking.
A monster's going to come. Like Freddy Krueger's fucking
real. All of it is real, OK?
It's all it all is real. Well, the serial.
Killer sea monsters. They're all one body in my
fucking dark room right now. No, they're all in there.
They're all just like, waiting for me to come to bed and fall
asleep so they can fucking eat me and kill me.

(01:38:45):
It's real. Yeah.
So I don't watch those because Ineed to sleep at night.
And I, you know, I just. I'm like, I think a few times
you talked. You remember when you talked me
into watching Paranormal Activity?
Yeah. Bro, I was so scared.
You guys I'm sitting on, she's like Nicki.
Please. Please, let's just watch it.
And I'm like, oh, I hate you so fucking much right now.

(01:39:05):
And so we sit on the couch. I'm gripping my couch pillow
like my life depends on it, LikeI got my face kind of buried
into it. Barely lay my eyes out.
They were. Everything was up on a couch.
Cushion very tight fetal position in the corner of the
couch and it got so scary. There was one point and Samara's
just looking at me laughing likethis is just gold to her.

(01:39:27):
She's like having the time of her life and I'm absolutely
terrified. Cherished to those moments.
And I remember there was a scenewhere it was so scary.
I don't remember if I screamed or what, but I jerked really
hard and I was like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck the show, I hate
you. I don't want to watch this
anymore. This marriage is busted up
laughing hysterically. Then I also remember watching

(01:39:49):
what was that Halle Berry movie.It was a scary movie that she
did. Gothica.
Oh yeah, that one was kind of freaky.
Yeah, there was a scene. So I was watching Gothica with
my husband at the time. And you know, at this point in
my life, I was like, you know, I'll, I'll suck it up.
I can I could do this. Yeah, I'm a big, strong woman.
I got this. Nothing to be afraid of.

(01:40:10):
Yeah, well, a scene happened andI didn't realize that I had my
hands clutched together, like atmy face.
Like I was just like, so scared.Like, just had them, like, right
by my face, and a scary scene happened.
I jerk up, hunched myself in thenose, and it hit my nose
piercing that I had at the time,and I gave myself a Nosebleed.
That's insult to injury. Yeah.

(01:40:32):
So I'm like, OK, cool. So I watched a scary movie, and
I gave myself a bloody nose. That's good.
It's just like your subconsciouswas like, yeah, that's what I'm
gonna knock some sense into you,you dumb bitch.
We don't like this. Yeah, you know, so that's my
embarrassing story. Like nothing even happened to
me. I just gave myself a bloody
noses like what happened to you?I did, yeah.
Mentally and then. Physically.
So I don't watch them and then Iswear, like scary movies are

(01:40:54):
like weed. Like people know that you don't
smoke. Oh come on, man.
Yeah, you don't watch them. They're like, oh, you're gonna
watch one with me? You're gonna smoke the fuck I
am. I only got you to smoke weed
with me once. Yeah, it's like it's taken most
people years of like, wearing onme to finally get me to just
even like, take a hit. I mean, now it's different now,
like, you know, depending on my mood, I don't know, I probably,

(01:41:17):
like smoke weed, one or two hitsof a joint maybe, or out of a
pipe. Fuck, dude.
Like at once a decade. It's just not often.
I just don't like the way it makes me feel.
So I'm like, I don't, I don't want to.
It's the same with like scary movies.
I just don't like the way they make me feel.
Yeah, that's totally valid. And everybody can stop fucking
peer pressuring me into drugs and horror.

(01:41:37):
Okay, so I'm trying to live my best life out here and you all
are trying to bring me down. What the fuck?
That's amazing. Wow.
We are jinxing all the way home all the way.
All right. Well, I mean, some good stuff.
It was a ride that was fun. I actually really enjoyed this.
This is This is good. This was a good time it.

(01:41:58):
Was a good time. Good time.
Noodle salad. Yeah.
Always a good time with you. Hell yeah.
Raise a good time with you. That's not even a song.
I don't even. Know I was gonna say I don't
know that song I. Don't know what that was.
Just go put your record on. Yeah, I like that.
So you just do like a musical episode?

(01:42:20):
But I. Hope you get your dreams.
I do like that song. It's fun.
Yeah. All right.
Well, you guys, you know what? Next week is another episode in
the series of ESF, as we are calling it for short, but
exploring a sexual laborers where we screw up our search

(01:42:43):
histories for y'alls. You're welcome.
Happily. Yeah, we'll give you the low
down on some kinks and. Yeah, shoot us Adm, you know,
Yeah, slide into our DMS if you want, or e-mail anything like
that. Just let us, let us.
Ready for your entry? Yeah, slide on in.

(01:43:06):
I fuck you up. I'm sorry, what was I gonna say?
Wait, Yes. If you guys have a kink or
fetish that you are curious about and you want to learn more
about, we're super open to ideasright now.
Like, we're just like trying to come up with these on our own.
We're here to please you, baby. Yeah.
So let us know what you want so that we can fucking give it to

(01:43:27):
you. Exactly.
We want to make you happy. We're gonna shove this
communication down your throat till you understand
communication. Until you're fucking choking and
gagging, your eyes are watering,your fucking nose is running
like you're gonna fucking take it.
Let's go That's you're so fuckedup.
I got nothing else to add on to that.
Good God. What is wrong with us?

(01:43:48):
Everything and nothing. You're welcome.
Yeah, you are welcome. Like, this is a special bond.
It is. I couldn't talk like this with
just anybody. I wish I could.
Oh, if I had a man that I could talk like this with.
Are you kidding? That would be just like I'd
never see you again. I would be so happy.
My God. I wonder if there's a guy out

(01:44:09):
there that is like, there's a few like, like, but not like,
you know, like, I'm not like a gross person, though.
Like, I like to talk about sex, but I'm not, like, gross.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
And I'm like, obviously those guys are like, oh, yeah, you
know, But like, you know, just on my level of like, being funny
and sarcastic and overtly sexual, but like, not a creep.
Yeah. It's like a fine balance.

(01:44:31):
This is an art. Yeah.
OK. Not everybody can artiste.
Yes, we are artists. Whatever.
Anyways, we'll be back next week.
Let us know if you guys have anyideas for us.
We'd love to bring you some more.
Yeah. So we're going to whether you
give us ideas or not, but. Help us out.

(01:44:52):
OK, All right. BRB.
Yeah, but. OK, babies, we got to we got to
give you all like a game. We can't leave without a game.
I. Know I don't know what I was
thinking yeah silly shame on me punish me later I'm.

(01:45:13):
Sure, they'd love to. Would you like to go first show?
Make me guess First, I guess is actually yes, yes, do it.
Pave the way. So one.
I'm always creative. No, that's wrong.
I can't fucking read. OK, scratch that one.
I am always active and can't stay still.

(01:45:34):
OK 2 When I'm excited I beat faster.
It's a hard Yeah it is. I am usually on your left side
four. Hey buddy, don't get annoyed and
leave me. I don't know.
How is that a hit for? Hearts.
I don't fucking know. That one was easy.

(01:45:54):
OK hit one. I'm big and soft and sweet is my
flavor. 2 If you lick me and getme wet, I'll become sticky.
Three. You can eat me or just hold me
in your mouth. Is it a hard candy?
No 4, the faster you move, the smaller I get.

(01:46:17):
Sucker. No lollipop, no lozenge, Cum
drop. It's not hard.
I'm big and soft. Taffy and sweet is my flavor.
If you lick me and get me wet, I'll become sticky.
You can eat me or just hold me in your mouth.
The faster you move, the smallerI get.
That's your problem. Is it a food?

(01:46:42):
Yes, what kind? Of food I'm.
Not going to tell you. Damn Fair food.
Fair food. Fair food.
Is it cotton candy? Yay, nailed it first try.
All right, one, I come in waves.If I'm big enough, you'll feel
me inside of you. Oh, Daddy, please.

(01:47:03):
Be just the goal. Two, it can sometimes hurt when
I come in your ear. Excuse me, what?
Slow blink. I'd imagine so.
I wouldn't know Four. If I think that's a fetish, I
mean the kink. God, I can't imagine the health

(01:47:27):
implications for real. OK, sorry, go ahead.
So three. If I'm really big, the neighbors
might complain. Please, let's make them
complain. 4 Hard banging can make me bigger.
OK, I'm signed up. I'm ready.
Like. Open invitation.
Let's go. What is it?

(01:47:52):
I'll give it to you one more time.
One, I come in waves. If I'm big enough, you'll feel
me inside of you. 2 It can sometimes hurt when I come in
your ear. Three, if I'm really big, the
neighbors might complain. 4 Heart banging can make me
bigger. That was for you, Tracy.

(01:48:18):
I was thinking like water or waves, but then I'm like, the
bigger I get that I come inside your body like that's not that's
not a thing like, but then something that comes in your ear
if you're big. What the fuck?
And and how do you make? And like how does?
What does that have to do? With like water can make me
bigger. Yeah, well, and what does that
have to do with the neighbors complaining?

(01:48:39):
Yeah. So it's not too crazy in your
pool. Yeah, I just what if it's, what
was that first hand? If it's big enough, it might
what? If I come in waves, if I'm big
enough, you'll feel me inside ofyou.
OK, And then I was thinking wind, but that doesn't make
sense. I I just that doesn't that
doesn't add up for any of the other ones.

(01:48:59):
I honestly I don't know what this is I.
Was trying to think of a hint. Noise, noise, noise.
It's noise. The hint is noise or.
No, the answer is noise. Oh, got you, just made.
Me. Think of Jane Silent Bob.
Yeah, I love Jane. Silent Bob.
Put that money in my hand. If you don't, you owe me.
Owe me. Oh oh, jungle love.

(01:49:25):
Anyway, OK, hit one. If I start dripping water, that
means there's a problem with me.Two, grab me, play with me, and
I'll spray out excitedly. 3 If you're under me too long, you'll

(01:49:47):
start to shrivel. 4 You'll need a towel after you're done with
me. I mean, that's true.
If I start dripping water, that means there's a problem with me.
Grab me, play with me, and I'll spray out excitedly.
If you're under me for too long,you'll start to shrivel and

(01:50:09):
you'll need a towel after you'redone with me.
The first couple of things I wasthinking of don't make sense.
Well, they, they, they don't fitbecause I was thinking like a
hose. No, a waterbed.
Why would you? Why would a waterbed be
squirting? I don't know if Nikki's on.

(01:50:30):
It's because she's in kindergarten poking her earrings
through it. Hi, mom and dad.
Fucking whoops. It was on purpose.
I just thought it was cool. That's kindergarten.
I didn't fucking know what I wasdoing and I was like, oh, OK,
just put the sheets back over it.
I know. Grounded water board you on the

(01:50:52):
waterbed I. Mean you got kind of the right
idea with the water situation happening, you know, with like
the hose in the waterbed, like you're kind of in the the realm.
Yeah, it's the, I guess it's theshaking part of it that's
throwing you off. Yeah, I don't know.
It's something in every house. Every single house has it.

(01:51:13):
Well, then I was thinking like ashower or water faucet.
There you go. Water faucet.
Oh, shit. Yeah.
Oh yeah, 'cause if you're it shouldn't be leaking.
Yeah. And every time you're done with
it, you need to tell whether it's a dry off your body or your
hands. That's true, yeah.
Hey. Yep.
If there's a leak, there's a problem.

(01:51:34):
True. How was it?
Well, there you go. Did you guys get those?
Any of them. Are you guys, are you guys going
to come back in a few episodes and shame me?
Yeah, or probably me. You got yours.
Yeah, but you gave me hints. Yeah, well, OK.
Anyways, love you guys. We got to go now.
Bye. OK, love you.
Bye. Listen to us on Spotify and

(01:52:13):
YouTube. Fuck you Apple.
Visit our link tree in our show notes for more places to listen
and links to our socials. Don't forget to rate and follow
us on Spotify. Subscribe to our YouTube channel
and give us a follow on our socials, Instagram, Facebook and
X. Also, if you'd like to talk to
us, give us any show ideas or business opportunities, reach

(01:52:33):
out to us at the Sauce Box Podcast.
At gmail.com.

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