27: You Can't Box the Sauce

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:26):
Hello. Hello.
Welcome back to the Softbox. Music.
Yes, welcome back. How have you all been?
I hope you've had a great week. I am Nikki, one of your hosts.
I'm the other one. What's your name, bitch?

(00:50):
So I went to Washington this weekend, to Washington to to
visit family in the tiny, tiny middle of fucking nowhere
village that they live in that has really no cell reception.
Oh my. God, we should start referring
to our family up there as the village people.

(01:10):
Yes, we went to, I went to go see the village people.
Our village people. Our village people.
Oh my gosh, you guys, this town,when I say this town is tiny, I
mean like it's got one flashing red light that is also on the
other side of it, a flashing yellow light, and that is it.
It's literally classified as a village because of the.

(01:32):
Lack of people. Yeah, its population is so tiny
that it is a village. I mean, we've talked about it
before on another pod, on another episode, but yeah, it's
very tiny. Anyways, my cousin.
Our our cousin, she's mine too. Sorry, sorry, Flamed.
Yes, OK, sorry my bad. Fuck our amazing cousin, get it

(01:53):
right Jewel, who we have spoken about before, Jupiter Jones.
She had hit me up a few weeks back and was like hey, I'm going
to have the house to myself a little bit this weekend.
Would you come up and visit me please?
I want to talk to you about somestuff.
And I was like, for sure, I willmake it happen.
So I went to Washington and visited with her, stayed with

(02:16):
her and we had a really, really great conversation.
We had a good time. Her son was there as well.
It was just, it was nice. It was very nice.
And we had very needed conversations with each other.
And I won't say about what because it's still in the hush
hush DL, but it was a new anyways while we were there.

(02:39):
So. So Jewel lives just a little bit
out of town, but I didn't go into town to to see any family.
And I was like, maybe I will, maybe I will.
I don't know. And I was like, at the very
most, I might go say hi to Glenn, but I was like, I don't
really want to see like, I my, Iwasn't up here to visit
everybody else. I was here for Jewel.
Right. And our family has a way of kind
of like sucking up your time. Yeah.

(02:59):
And getting their hooks in you. Yeah, which is fine, but when
that's not the intention, you know you need to avoid them.
O anyways, we run into town to grab a couple things and she's
like Nikki, we have to go to Jones Creek.
Mom won't stop texting me. So Aunt Sam, her mother had been

(03:19):
texting us or texting her and saying come have a beer with us.
And she was like, oh, I can't. I got to run errands in town.
And and so no one even knew that.
Nobody knew. Nobody knew that I was there.
And and Jules, like, oh, well, Iwon't tell them.
I was like, I'm not hiding from them.
I just didn't announce it. She's like, yeah, well, I'm

(03:41):
keeping you from them. Like I don't want them to know
you. You came for me, damn it.
Exactly. That's what she said.
Like you're here for me, not them.
Like I don't want them to know. I don't want to share you.
I was. Like, I love that, Joel.
I'm like, OK, but so like I said, we go to town to get a
couple things and she's like Nikki, we have to go.
I'm like, OK, I never had a problem with it.

(04:04):
She's like, we'll just go for one beer, OK.
And I was like, it's Yep, whatever you want, Joel.
Let's. Go.
It's like you're suddenly not part of the family and you're
like a secret lover. I know.
A friend. And I was like, Jewel, if they
wanted to know, all they have todo is get on 360.
Don't they all fucking live on that app?
Like they could look at 360 and see that I'm there.
I saw I did that, and I was in Oregon.

(04:24):
Yeah, like what Nikki's in. Washington.
Yeah. Before he even told me you guys
went, I was like, I know. Yeah, I saw.
So so I got there Friday afternoon and we went to
Saturday afternoon and I pull in, I'm like, they're all
sitting outside on the patio at this.
It's a real small local brewery and it's just a cute tiny little
establishment and. It's very cute.

(04:46):
But they're all sitting out on the patio and I see them.
Well, they all look and they seemy car, but just carry on with
conversation. I was like, oh, well, we're not
going to be able to surprise them.
Joel. They they saw my car.
She's like, they don't know thatthat's your car.
And I'm like, oh, sure they do. She's like, they weren't paying
attention. I promise.
I was like, OK, So then we walk in or whatever and they see
Jewel and they're like, oh, hi, Jewel, you came.

(05:07):
And then they see me. They're like, wait, what, Nikki,
what are you doing here? Everybody was all super happy to
see me, which is always feels good when your family's excited
to see you. And we just had a really good
conversation. Me and her had who all was out
there. So it was Aunt Sam and her
husband Joe, and then Uncle Daleand his wife Rachel.

(05:31):
So it was just the four of them.And so we joined them.
We each got a beer. We're drinking, having a good
time at some point, I think we're, yeah, halfway through our
first beer. But we we started talking with
the family, just catching up. And they're asking me why I came
up. And I said, you know, Jewel just
asked me to come up and visit. And she's like, yeah, my

(05:51):
partner's out of town. I wanted Nikki come up, visit.
I haven't seen her. I missed her.
Like, oh, well, that's so cool that you did that.
And I was like, yeah, well, I, Ilove her.
So Yep. Not not a problem.
What did they say? A jump skip and or a hop skip
and a jump away. And I was like, it's just a hop
skip and a long jump away. It took me 4 1/2 hours to get

(06:12):
there. Traffic again.
It was fucking hell the entire way.
It cleared up like the last 45 minutes of the drive.
Yeah, yeah. Just so you guys know, the drive
normally takes 3 1/2 hours. So it was.
Still better than the last time we all went up there.
That's true. That that is true.

(06:33):
Not much better, but. It was terrible.
Anyways, anyways, so we're all talking having a good time and I
don't even know how it got brought up, but somebody said
something about the podcast. Oh, I think Rachel had actually
was asking Jewel, you know, oh, help me find it.

(06:53):
Like, I downloaded Spotify so that I can find the podcast and
I was like, oh, well, we're on Cast Box now too.
She's like, oh, you are. And I was like, yeah, you told
me about it. So I I made sure that we got
onto Cast Box. She's like, Oh my gosh, that's
so awesome. She's like I downloaded Spotify
just so that I could listen to your.
Podcast. Wow, that's so sweet.
Thank you. And then Dill's like, what you
have a podcast? And I said, Yep, we do, me and

(07:15):
Samara. And he was like, well, that's
cool. What what do you guys talk
about? I was like.
Oh boy. Stuff things right and Joel I
clearly look uncomfortable like I'm suddenly feeling like I'm
like a 17 year old kid around my.
Family, you can't tell your family that we talk about sex to

(07:36):
the Internet stranger. It was such a weird feeling.
That was like, Oh my God, Nikki,you're a grown ass woman.
Like fucking tell them. And so I was like, OK, well, you
know, so I'm like, how do I say this until she's like, it gives

(07:58):
it bad, Like just fucking tell me what your guys talk about.
And I was like, OK, fine. So I am into everything that has
to do with sex, OK, I talk aboutsex, like all aspects of sex.
It was like, OK, well, that's not a big deal.
He's like. We know what that is.
Yeah, that's what he said. He's like, I know what that is.
I was like, I know you know whatit is, Uncle.

(08:22):
He's like, I have kids like I fucking.
Know that you know what it is. But I'm like, but, but to be
clear, I'm not talking about like my personal sex life.
OK, So you don't need to feel comfortable.
I'm not on there like, yeah, I'mnot talking about like, Oh yeah,
he threw my leg up. Over his shoulder.
Well, yeah, not to that degree, I guess.
Yeah. But I told yeah.

(08:43):
So anyways, I talk about like all aspects of sex, different
random facts. And there's a series that or
yeah, like a little series that Samara and I are doing that's
called Exploring Sexual Flavors,where we talk about different
kinks and fetishes. And of course, Samara, you know,
likes to dig in and find the fucking weirdest, strangest

(09:05):
fucking thing that she can possibly find.
And he was like, fuck yeah, she does.
That's right. I love that spirit.
Good job. Thank you, Uncle the hell.
Yeah, he was very stoked about that.
He was like, awesome. He was like, like what ones?
And I was like, well for example, she covered
spectrophilia and I was getting ready to say the stygiophilia,
but I said she talked about spectrophilia and he was like,

(09:26):
what in the fuck is that? I was like, oh, I'd love to tell
you. Well, for example, it is when
people get off with ghosts. And he was like, how the fuck do
you do that? And I was like, I don't know,
uncle. But Samara found people like
counts, like people recounting times when they had gotten off
sexually with a ghost or a spirit.

(09:47):
And he was like, are you fuckingkidding me right now?
How does that even happen? I don't know, uncle.
I don't claim to understand it, OK.
You're asking the wrong sister right now.
I guess wrong niece. Either one.
Yeah, I but I said what was funny though is a few episodes
after spectrophilia, we were talking about something and I

(10:07):
had my hand to my side and kind of like a loose fist and was
moving it back and forth, which is so you guys know I was doing
kind of the universal motion fora hand job, but unintentionally.
And Samara was like what the fuck are you doing with your
hand right now? And Dale just busted up
laughing. He was like, are you giving a
ghost a hand job? I was like, not intentionally.
That was not, not what I I don'teven know what I was doing.

(10:28):
My hand was doing its own thing.He was.
Like I mean the ghost guiding it.
Yeah, he was like, 'cause I mean, that motion's pretty
universal. Like everybody knows what that
means. Like I realized that.
So. So anyways, he was like, that
sounds really fucking cool. He's like, I wanna listen, how
do I listen? And so he's like, well, are you
guys on Pandora? And I said, yes, we are.
And he's like, cool. He hands me his phone.

(10:49):
He's like, OK, find it for me. Just shaking the phone at you.
I was like, OK, cool. So I found our our podcast on
Pandora for him and I added it showed him how to find it.
And he was like, right on. Thank you.
I was like, hell yeah. I was like, but sex is not the
only thing that we talk about. So we also talk about the stuff
that really interests Samara, and that is the weird and wild

(11:12):
shit. Right.
So she's into cryptids, and he'slike, what's a Cryptid?
I said Sasquatch, Loch Ness, unicorns like things that.
May or may not exist. And he was like, oh, OK, I was
like, but she also likes mysteries, whether they're
solved or unsolved. She likes cult stuff.
She likes, you know, just kind of different random weird shit.

(11:33):
And so that's the kind of stuff that we talk about.
So we have Samara's aspect of itand my aspect of it.
So for all of you guys family, like it's just like if you were
sitting around having a conversation with us, I mean,
you, you know who we are. You know what we talk about
regularly. It's not anything that we've
never talked about with you guysbefore.
I mean, except for the sex. I might not have ever been as
explicit around you guys, mom, for sure.

(11:55):
But you guys know I revert into my childlike state where I I, I
somehow still feel like a child sometimes.
Like oh fuck, I'm gonna let him down.
I don't even know what a Dick is.
Sex. What are you talking about?
Never. I've never dream of it.
These kids are Immaculate Conception.
So. So anyways, it was it was.

(12:18):
That took me a second to process.
You're like, what is that? No, I I realized that you were
talking about your kids and I was like, oh, right.
Duh. Yeah.
OK, I'm there. I've arrived.
You're. The one that said I didn't know
what a Dick was so. I know I'm, you know, carry on,
please. So we're talking, and by this
time me and Jewel are on our second beers.

(12:40):
The family is probably on their third, I'm guessing.
I'm not entirely sure we're all having a good time.
Just bullshitting Sam is like, what does she say?
I don't even know how she brought it up, but you know, she
likes to kind of get into the conversation.
And she says, oh, OK, this is what it was.
So I had told her, I told the family.

(13:02):
I said what I really want to do is travel to Europe and I want
to, you know, go and see the world.
And a lot of times, like, OK, sohow it got brought up was I was
telling them that we wanted to start having guests on the show
and that I was already kind of meeting people through Reddit
and I already have somebody in Ireland who wants to be on the
show and in, you know, they werelike, well, why do you want to

(13:25):
have somebody from Ireland on the show?
I was like to listen to their accent.
Like they could talk about how they watch paint dry on a wall.
I don't fucking care. Like, I just as long as they are
talking. Yeah, I just want to listen to
him talk. But this particular gentleman,
he actually does no shit and he has pretty interesting to talk
to. But the bonus is that he's also
Irish and has a very strong Irish accent, which is fucking

(13:49):
amazing. The best, yes.
And then Sam pipes in and she goes, oh, going to France would
be great. She's like, who wouldn't want to
go to France? She's like, I've always wanted
to go to, to France and just be walking through Paris or
something and walk past a construction site and, and have
these French men, you know, say oh La La, oh wee, wee, whatever,

(14:09):
Just random. Whatever came out of Sam's
mouth, yeah. Came out of her mouth and she's
like, and if I had construction men just like with those French
accents saying something to me and oh wee, wee.
She was like, oh, she I looked down on my legs like, oh, I did
wee, wee, maybe wee wee real hard.
But she was talking about Cumming.
We don't know. How she would just come so hard

(14:33):
right there in the street. It's running down her leg It's.
Running down her leg. We fucking started dying.
I was like, OK, you guys can handle the podcast.
Yeah. And then later Dale starts
talking about squirting. And I was like, what?
OK. I was like, you want to know
random fact about that? Not every woman is actually
physically capable of squirting.It is a skeins gland that not

(14:56):
every woman has and he was like no shit.
I I as soon as you said that I could see him saying no shit in
my head, right? You can just see him.
I know. And so it was just so fun.
It was like so many just random things.
And, you know, then once I realized, like, OK, they're not
like getting weird about this sexual stuff 'cause I've never

(15:19):
had these conversations with them before.
But at the same time, I was like, fuck it, you asked, so
here you have it. I'm not gonna hold back.
And they were having a good timewith it and it was fun.
And. And then I was telling him I was
like, you want another? You want to know another cool
fact, uncle? And he was like, what I said,
when you guys ejaculate, it comes out at like 28 miles an
hour. And he was like, that's crazy.

(15:41):
Yeah. And and Rachel was like, no
wonder they just get it everywhere.
I was like, yeah, and the longest recorded record of a
dude shooting his load is 8 feet.
And Rachel was like, are you kidding me?
That's so far. Oh my God.
I. Was like that is really it is
really far. Yeah, So it was just fun to have

(16:05):
these conversations. Are you happy, Sam?
I I told your story. Love you.
But it was really fun to just have these conversations with
them. And then at some point, Sam
wanted her cigarettes because she didn't bring them with her
because Dylan Rachel quit smoking.
And that's good. And so Sam was trying not to
smoke around them. That's nice, Nice. 4 beers in,

(16:27):
she was like yeah, fuck it, I want my cigarettes.
So she texted. So she texted Glenn and was
like, hey, will you bring me my cigarettes and a lighter?
Which none of us knew she did until Glenn showed up holding
her cigarettes and a lighter. Wow.
And we're like, wow, Sam, That'swow.
OK. She's like, what?
I wanted a cigarette and on, youknow, family's here.

(16:49):
You should come out anyways. And I was like, oh, yeah.
Justify it. Sure.
OK. Sure.
Yeah. And so then he would turn to
leave. And Sam was like, no, no, no,
don't leave. Get a beer.
Come on, stay. We're having fun.
Family's here. Nikki's here.
Look, see. Nikki's here.
Nikki's here. You know you want to stay.
I was. Like so, which I was surprised
he did. He stayed and had a beer and we
were talking about the podcast. And of course, with Glenn, it

(17:11):
was more the technical stuff youwant to know about the, the
mixer and stuff like that, whichwas just a fun conversation and
just the whole vibe was so good.And then afterwards Jewel was
like, excuse me, that was actually a lot more fun than I
thought it was going to be. And I was like, that's awesome.
Did you not think it was going to be fun?
And she's like, well, it's just normally the, it's usually just

(17:33):
me and mom and Joe and then, youknow, Dell and Rachel sometimes.
And so she just, I wasn't reallysure what to expect.
And usually everybody's pretty mellow, you know, except for
Mom, because she's never mellow,which is AKA Aunt Sam, and she's
really never mellow. She likes to talk.
I love it a lot. Which Dyl was giving her so much
shit about. He always does.

(17:53):
He's he's the brother. He has to.
Yeah, and and then Sam was clapping back and was like, you
talk a lot too. You interrupt a lot too.
He was like, boom, they're goingback and forth, back and forth.
I was like, ladies, you're both pretty.
You. I should have said that, which
is what I'd normally say. I would say that to the girls
and it always pissed them off. I'm like girls, girls, you're
both pretty and they're like Bob, fucking stop saying that.

(18:18):
But I was like, ladies, you guysboth do that.
You both talk a lot, OK, The twoof you in a room just like it's
a lot, which is fine. I love it personally.
Like it doesn't bother me at all.
Like, I fucking love it when they're going at it.
Oh, it's hilarious, it is. So anyways, Joe was saying that
was a really good time. She's like, well, when you're,
you were there, like for whatever reason, when you're

(18:39):
around, like the energy with thefamily is just different.
And I was like, oh. Thank you.
Thank you that. Actually made me feel really
good. I was like, wow, She's like,
yeah, everybody was like in a good mood and laughing and
having a good time and I was just like, fuck, I thanks.
That makes me feel really fucking good.
I appreciate that I I didn't realize that I had that effect

(19:01):
on the family because I don't see the family when I'm not
there. So.
What? I know, I know it.
Also Piper and Sydney. I don't have eyes in the back of
my head. Fuck I.
Know they're adults now though so I feel like I can tell them
the truth so. I hope they can handle it.
I do too. Yeah.
So. So anyways, it was a really good

(19:22):
time. I enjoyed myself and now Uncle
Dale, Aunt Rachel and Aunt Sam are all following us on on.
Platforms. Platforms, yeah, and.
They're very excited and I told Sam, I said if you want to hear
us talk about you Sam, which I know you do, listen to episode,
listen to episode 27, which Samara and I will record
tomorrow and it will air on Thursday.

(19:43):
And she's like, okay, how do I listen to it?
I said, you need Spotify or something, Where do you listen
to your podcast? She's like, I don't, I don't.
I could have told you that. I'm like, OK, well, let's do it
on Spotify. And so I got her all set up
there and showed her how to get there.
And she said, oh, this is so cool.
This is so cool. Thank you so much, Nick.
And I was like, you're welcome. Yeah.
And then I texted you, and I waslike, so Dill, Rachel and Sam

(20:06):
are now following the podcast. And you were like, what?
Yeah, that blew my mind. Because we never, we never
really went out of our way to tell the family that we had a.
No, I mean we. We.
Touched on it the when we went up for Johnny's graduation, but
we didn't go into it. Did you know Bonnie?
Bonnie didn't know we had a podcast.
She just found out apparently. And Jewel was telling me that

(20:27):
she was pissed off at Jeff because Jeff knew we had a
podcast. I was like, wait, Jeff found out
we had a podcast When everybody else found out we had a podcast,
how did she not know she was there?
She's like, I think she just didn't remember.
And I was like, that was the whole werewolf vampire piss boy
conversation that stemmed from. We have a podcast.
Maybe Jeff was outside and she was in the house or something.
Like, but yeah, anyways, whatever.

(20:49):
So maybe she either way, but shewas like, how could you not tell
me that they have a podcast? What the fuck?
Right as soon as Jeff saw the I was engaged, he started reading
it. He was like, because I talked to
Bonnie just a couple days ago and he was like, oh, did you see
the Samaras engage? And she was like what?
And apparently, like ripped the phone out of his hand before he

(21:10):
was even done speaking and was like, Oh my God, I was like, I
love you, Bonnie. That sounds great, Bonnie.
Yeah, just like, Nope, I wasn't.I wasn't reading that.
So all yours, babe. No, go ahead.
Well, I'll read it after you, right?
On my phone, sweetheart. Right.
No. So it was yeah, that was, it was

(21:32):
such a surprise. Yeah.
It wasn't like we were hiding it, just.
We just didn't think they would be interested in it, so it
wasn't like, Oh yeah. I did not.
So thank you family. We we actually really super
duper appreciate you guys listening and I even told Dell
we do. I told Dell I was like, thank
you so much for following our podcast.
I think that's so awesome. He's like, oh, I am absolutely

(21:52):
going to listen to it. He's like, I am so excited for
the perversion. I was like, Oh well, there's,
there's a lot. Yeah, we need to make the the
other button on here. Yeah, instead of that.
Yeah, that's dumb. What are we, a comedy show?

(22:13):
We're supposed to be. Yeah, yeah.
OK, there you go. That was your cue bro.
OK, anyways, the other thing that was cool that happened was
when I was telling him that I wanted to go to Europe and Dale

(22:33):
was like, fucking do it. He's like, I went to Finland for
three months. It was the best thing ever.
And I was like that he did that.I was like, wait, you went to
Finland? What?
And And I was like, when and howdid I not know this?
And he was like, oh, in 1990 I was like, oh, I was 10, That's
why I didn't know. Makes sense.
So he's telling me about it. He's super psyched.
I was like, yeah, I said Jewel is going to go with me.

(22:53):
And they were like, what? That's so cool, yes, whatever.
And he was just so encouraging. And the family was very
encouraging. That was just, it was cool.
So I was just telling them part of my reason for wanting to do
that was just there was a lot ofthings that I've wanted to do in
my life that I didn't feel free and encouraged or supported to
do in my previous marriage. And so my promise to myself was

(23:18):
that when I got divorced, I was going to do the things I wanted
to do. Going to Europe is one of those
things, and I'm going to do that.
The other thing was having a podcast.
I bullied Samara into it. She loves it, She's happy I'm
here. It's good.
We have a podcast. And the other thing I want to do
was write a book. And he's like, oh, you're
writing a book, What's it about?And I was like.

(23:38):
Sex. Oh fucking.
It's about sex. It was like, like people are
just like having sex in there orlike is what, yeah, it's 50
chapters of just going through an orgy, different couples and
what they're doing. So I basically breakdown what
the book is about. I said it's essentially literary

(23:59):
porn, but there is a story to it.
There is a fantasy element to it, not like sexual fantasy, but
like make believe fantasy to it.And I gave him a rundown
basically of what this book was.He was like, I want a copy of
the book when it's done. I was like, you don't have to
read the book, uncle. And he was like, no, I want to

(24:20):
read the book. He said, that sounds really
fucking interesting. I'm I want to read the book, you
dirty dog. I was like, wow, OK, learn some
shit about you, uncle. But I fucking love it.
I'm like, that's so dope. And then Sam was like, I want a
copy too. I was like, Sam, there's no way
you're fucking reading my book. I was like, you're too much of A
Peru. Just say I am not.
I'd had the whole wee, wee thing.

(24:40):
Remember that thing I said a fewminutes ago?
Right. And so anyways, everyone's like.
I have children. Yeah, everybody wants a copy of
the book and I'm like, OK, we'lljust hold your horses.
I'm only 5 chapters in. OK.
So, and I've taken a big pause on it since we started the
podcast, so it's going to be a while before it's done so, but
yeah, so it's just very, it's cool.
It's cool time. Shrugging our shoulders over

(25:02):
there. Yeah, it was good.
It's good. That's.
Fun. Yeah, that's good.
Our families, always a nice visit.
It's fun. It is.
They're fun. I just wish that the village
people didn't live in the village.
All right, I forgot about that. That's.
Great. It would, really.
Yeah, like. Visiting them so much more
pleasant. It would, especially if there

(25:25):
was at least something to do in the village or like outside the
village, you know, like kayakingsomething.
I kayak with the family. Are you kidding me?
I mean, we used to all go rafting every year.
I don't know, something like that, but it's just a bunch of
trees everywhere. There's the cemetery.
We could go read gravestones together.

(25:46):
It's a family. One pub 1 restaurant that is
absolutely disgusting. I want a hat off someone's head
at that pub. Oh, did you?
Hell yeah. Where was I?
I don't know. It was during a Thanksgiving.
I entered a pool tournament there and I ended up winning
someone's hat. That's cool.
And they're like, OK, you win. We didn't really have any price

(26:07):
set aside. Like, what do you want?
I was like, I want your hat. Like the one I'm wearing.
I was like, Yep, that's the one.I handed it over.
I was like thanks. Wow, was it?
Like a cowboy hat, trucker hat. What was it?
No, it was just like AI think like a snapback.
Oh, OK. It was often older dude.
Yeah, that's cool. Yeah.
All right, cool. I've.
I've played pool with him a few different times.

(26:29):
Yeah. So good stuff there.
Yeah, I mean, you know, it is fun.
If we can get all of the family together to go do stuff, then
it's usually a pretty good time,even though there's not much to
do in the town. It's the struggle is just when
not all of us are all together and then the energy just isn't
the same. It's not as high because you
don't have all of we, we bring out the fun, loud, very

(26:52):
talkative side of each other. Yeah.
So when we get together, like the whole werewolf, vampire
blood, urine thing, then stuff like that comes into reality.
But it only happens when we're all together.
All of our energy must be mixed together in the cauldron.
We're like to create magic, not the Wonder Twins.

(27:14):
What was it? Captain Planet and all the kids
have their own rings and represent different things.
That's that's our family. Or we're like the Care Bears or
the Care Bears, you know, just picture any kind of thing where
everybody's got a special power,and once they're together,
they're more powerful. Than like the Teletubbies just
feel gross. Don't say that you said

(27:34):
anything. You don't control me.
You're lucky I'm not a care Bear.
I'm tummy blast you with something right now.
What kind of That sounded reallydirty.
It did. What kind of care Bear do you
think you? Would be.
I don't know a lot about Care Bears.
Just like anything. They were they were like
different feelings and emotions and and like like 1 would be

(27:55):
like depression you get. Depressed.
You get depressed, you get depressed.
Oh, I only hit you half. You get melancholy.
Oh my God, so. Wow, not what you were talking
about. No, I think mine should just be
a vibration. I think mine should be a
vibrator. I'm just going to make everybody
horny. Well, I think.

(28:18):
We're kind of related to a vibrator.
We are Uncle Joe. Oh my God.
I know. Yeah.
Well, you know, that's hilarious.
You gotta bring some light to this situation.
I love you, Uncle. I love.
You. Yeah, that's funny.
So what did you do this weekend?I this weekend, not a whole lot

(28:40):
of anything. We had so much stuff to do
'cause, you know, fair. So we were catching up from last
week and then the whole week that went by.
But no, we just did a bunch of errands together.
We went out to eat, just spent the day doing little things.
It was mellow, but it was it wasa good time.

(29:01):
I kept playing really stupid songs as I do.
I am an expert. I have a Spotify playlist called
Obscurities, and you never know what's going to fucking come on
on that list. So yeah.
I believe that. You should.
I believe that. Well, I know you were supposed
to go floating the river today, but the weather sucks.
Yeah, my my, my dear dear friendAllie, my bestie here.

(29:25):
Pretty much the only friend I ever see here.
Her birthday is today. So happy.
Birthday. Happy birthday.
Allie, I love you. Don't be mad at me.
No, because they all floated theriver still, but it wasn't super
warm today. And especially for floating the
river, like for me, because I when I get cold, I get fucking

(29:48):
cold. Like I needed to be at least 75
out and even then I'm still freezing.
And so like I was just like, I, I can't, I'm not going to have a
good time. I'm going to be miserable.
Like I'll, I'll put on a brave face for a little bit, but
you're going to know something'sup and that's going to bother
you the whole the whole time. So I just, I didn't go, but I

(30:10):
did get her some presents and I showed Nikki here what they
were. And then I added an extra thing.
Nice that you don't know about. But happy birthday, Allie.
Poor little presents waiting forher.
You know what's funny? It's also Jason's birthday
today. Yeah.
So happy birthday, Jason. Happy birthday to our favorite

(30:33):
bitches. I know.
It's fucking wild. I was like, wait a second.
Ally's birthday? That's Jason's birth.
Wow. Well, OK, Happy birthday.
You. Leo's you.
Yeah, our little lions. Our little lions face your
little kitties because you're fierce.
I did little tiger hands so. Funny, I love it.

(30:53):
So Jewel gave me something when I was up there.
She got me a gift. What'd she get?
Show me, show me, show me. She's like, I saw this and
thought of you. Oh my God, it's a Dick banana.
It is a Dick banana. It's a Dick banana pin.
It's it's a peeled half peeled banana.
And the banana that's revealed is a penis.

(31:15):
That's cute. You should wear it every single
day right on your chest. Right out, right over my heart.
Right over your heart, where it belongs.
Well, she also gave me somethingto give to you, so this is a
gift from Jupiter. What were you?
Oh. A cute little once a little.
Beer with beer. Yeah, with beer in it.
I mean with beer. Fake foam at the top too.

(31:38):
Sorry, it's Styrofoam and plastic.
Oh my God it's an alien. Oh my.
God, it's an alien. Let go.
You don't wanna. Be my friend.
You're mine now come here. Oh my God, he's like in a He's a
little green alien. Oh, they even gave him a spine.

(31:58):
He's in a sitting position 0. It'll like snap into his hand,
he's in a sitting position, he'sgot one, there we go with his
thumb up, almost like he's hitchhiking maybe.
No, it's like a. Oh, it's a hang loose sign.
Yeah, thank you. Hang loose sign and then the
other hand is holding the the beer mug.
Oh my gosh. He's so.

(32:20):
Cute, crazy looking. There's a kind of a lot of
detail on him. He got picks and ABS.
And it oh, fun. Wow, thanks, Jupiter.
That's awesome. They can, just like.
Sit there on your table. He's gonna hang out.
Oh my God, that's so great. That's awesome.
He's just We're gonna take a picture of this handsome fella.

(32:44):
Oh, and then? His legs are just his feet are
crossed at the ankles. Wow, he's just chilling.
He's so awesome. My first alien.
It seems fitting for you. I'm surprised this is your
first. Yeah.
Oh well, OK, second alien. I have a itty bitty tiny like
half inch plastic alien at home somewhere.

(33:06):
I think he's sitting in one of my plants.
We could sit him on that, that shelf above your head where we
have the Bob fish, I mean the BLOB fish.
The Bob Fish. Now he's in prison.
OK, well, never mind. It was a nice idea, never mind a
bad idea, but still a good one. Who's bro?
Love it. Beer's Universal Beer.

(33:28):
No, it's not. Yeah, no, but it's not.
It was Speaking of beer. So Uncle Dale is moving through
the list of beers he got. This one, he was like, oh, this
beer tastes like shit, and it's a little bit darker.
And I was like, what is that? It doesn't quite look dark.
It's dark like a stout, but you could still see light through
it. So I was like, OK, it's not like
a stout. Stout.

(33:49):
He was like, I can't remember what he said it was.
He's trying to remember the name, but he was like, no, this
tastes like shit. And then Sam took a drink of it.
She's like, oh, so disgusting. I was like, let me try it.
And I smelt it. It smelled like raisins, which
is OK, not pleasant. I fucking hate raisins.
But I took a drink and I was like, I actually really like it.
I think it tastes good. And they're like, what?

(34:10):
No, it tastes like shit. What are you talking about?
Like, I like it. I was like, Uncle, you don't
have to drink it. I'll drink this for you.
What's the next beer on the list?
I'll buy it and you can have that instead.
And it was like, Are you sure that beer is nasty?
I was like, I like it. God damn it.
And I was like, Jewel taste this.
And she took a drink. She's like, oh, that's good.
And I was like, see, it's good. Like it's only for the young.

(34:32):
Yeah, it's you guys are probablyexpired, so your taste buds are
expiring. Oh God.
Yeah, so it was. Yeah.
OK, I. Went and got him the next beer
on the list and he liked that one a lot.
So oh that's good. The whole taste buds expiring
made me think of a video I watched of it was like a montage

(34:57):
time lapse. I don't know but it was of this
chick that got her tongue split.Oh, I've seen when.
People do that, which is so fucking wild.
It's it's crazy the way that youcan control both sides.
Yeah, which I mean, it makes sense in your mouth.
But when you see him split, it'sjust like what's there's an
alien in there? Yeah, 'cause I've like even

(35:18):
tried to just like, control the different sides of the tip of my
tongue and I'm like, yeah, no, that doesn't work.
So the video that I saw was likeher her whole journey before to
after. And so it showed all the like
the whole time where in split itwas like stitched.
And then she would take a short video and like just stick out

(35:43):
her tongue and it literally for most of the time look like her
tongue was rotting and her mouth.
And then by the time that it wasall healed, like it just looked
like a normal tongue. But that in between process
where it was actively healing, Iwas just like, Are you sure?

(36:03):
Are you going to are you going to be tongue less?
Is that what the point of the video is?
Is like, oh, don't split your tongue because mine went wrong
and I was like, no, that's just the that's the process.
That's what it looks like. I was like, that's.
Fucking gross. Could.
You eat anything? Were you on a liquid diet?
Did you taste how? Yeah, it was.
That's what I was going to say. I feel like you'd probably be

(36:24):
able to taste and smell like theheat like.
The yeah, I mean it didn't like look pussy or anything, but it
just looked like it was damaged.The whole thing all the way back
to her throat. It was so wild because I've seen
people like before and afters, but I've never seen a video that
someone took showing the whole process.

(36:48):
I was like, what the fuck is that?
No thanks. Gross.
No, Yeah. No, I'm good.
Everyone should just be happy that I'm into tattoos and not
wild body modifications so. That would be kind of Yeah, be
grateful for what is happening. Yeah.
Also that tramp stamp reel that.Oh, my God, fucking funny.

(37:12):
Oh my God, that's hilarious. So she sends me this reel and
it's this chick going around a tattoo parlor asking all these
other female tattoo artist, hey,what's the male version of a
tramp stamp? And the first one is when a line
cook gets a knife tattooed on their forearm, which is

(37:33):
hilarious because that's Gavin. Gavin has that tattoo, really
does. And then the last one was like,
what's the male version of a tramp stamp?
Which doesn't apply to Samara because she is a female, but.
It still stands. It was basically a ring of
evergreens around their arm. Yeah, just to a wrap around of
trees. Yep.

(37:55):
And I was like, you know what? Oh, and the way that the the
person that said that they're like total slut.
I was like, I went to the comments.
I was like, I'm not a man, but Ido have this, but I still accept
the total slut comment. Also mine does have a word in it
so just saying just you know it's not.
It's not totally. The same.
I'm different. Oh my God, the amount of times

(38:18):
that I have had people send me things of like stereotypical
dude, generic dude tattoo, something like that.
Like poking fun of this fucking tattoo.
Oh my gosh. Is ridiculous.
I find it very funny because it is funny because, you know, it
was one of those things where I got it done.

(38:39):
Sounds like a hipster. I got it done before it turned
into a trend. Which you totally did.
But I I really did. Years before it was a trend, and
it blew. Up and I was like.
Now what's happening? You guys are ruining my tattoo.
Basically like at least I have Evergreen in there because it's,
it's like negative space how it's written, which I fucking

(39:02):
love it 'cause I haven't seen anyone do this before so.
But also, to be fair, I mean, you got that when you were in
Oklahoma and it was an homage tothe Pacific Northwest, where you
were born and raised. Yeah.
It wasn't just like who? I want some fucking cool trees.
No, it was. It has like, actual personal
meaning. And you grew up in the PW.
Exactly. Get fucked.

(39:22):
Speaking of real. So I was watching these reels,
I'm sure you've seen em of like little kids doing martial art
moves like little like toddler. Kids.
Oh my God, it's the most adorable thing so.
Fucking cute. So fucking cute.
So tiny and so fierce. I wish that I would have done
that with my girls when they were smaller.
I'm like, 'cause they're so flexible and they just learn

(39:43):
that stuff. And if they're just learning
those moves and it just becomes muscle memory for them at an age
like that, like, imagine what kind of martial artist they
would be once they're an adult. Sydney could probably kick
through somebody. Uh huh.
Her legs are strong. And then I just love the the
daintiness of Piper. And then picturing her like, as

(40:03):
a shoulder. Yeah, like shoulder throwing
someone. I know.
I love that. Yeah, and I've seen, I've seen
some females on Instagram who are very, very girly and they
dress girly. And then they do like a
transition and they do fucking crazy martial arts shit where
you're like, I did not see that coming.
And Piper would be like a sneak attack.

(40:25):
Like you would not see that coming with her.
No, not at all. You would not look at her and be
like, oh, this bitch can kick myass.
You'd be like, Oh yeah, I could take her and then and then she
kicked. She kicks your ass and looks
damn good. Doing it too.
Right, I know he was like what Iso I was thinking about that and
it then that made because I was like, oh shit, I wish I would
have done this with my girls. But then I was thinking all

(40:47):
girls, because of the world thatwe live in and the society that
we live in, all girls should instead of like regular PE
class, they should be in self-defense.
They should be being taught physical self-defense all
throughout school so their PE guys can do their freaking
weights and track and all the whatever random shit that we all
did in PE growing up. But I think the girls, it should

(41:08):
be self-defense is what they should be learning all
throughout school for their I love that physical education I
would have and I think that way I would have.
Fucked with that so hard. I think that would change the
dynamic on men and women and menattacking women because it would
be a lot more common that, you know, you have a lot higher

(41:29):
chance of the woman that you're going to attack actually knowing
self-defense and and being able to defend herself physically.
And I just. Yeah, so that's my, that's my
hot. I'm better determined.
Yeah, Yeah, I think that would be awesome.
I was always super into pee. That was one of my favorite
classes. Like you said, pee.
I was always super into pee. I kept freaking Gavin out this

(41:52):
weekend because we were doing errands and I was looking for
birthday gifts for Ali. And he's like, man, can we stop
by the house so I can go pee before we go do this?
And I was like, yeah, or you just pee in my mouth.
And he's like, what? I was like, yeah, I'm just
kidding. I was like what the fuck?
And then I did it to him again later.

(42:17):
I was peeing and he came into the the bathroom to like mess
with his contacts or something. And I was just staring at him
and he was like, do you need to pee?
He's like, yeah, like you could just pee in my mouth.
And then it's like a funnel, right?
That's how it works. And he was like, why is with you
today? It's like, I don't know,
feeling. Weird.
Yeah. Oh shit, that's so funny.

(42:40):
Oh my God. Like are you trying to toss me
hints right now? I was like, no, absolutely not.
Like are you trying to like breakthrough?
There's like a fetish or a kink that you want to try Like what's
going on, right? You make jokes of of it first
and then you're like, but actually really.
But I mean, would you we could try?
Not the case, but I thought it was really funny.
It is pretty funny, just, you know, keeping him on his toes.

(43:02):
That's actually what I said is like I just.
Never want you to know what's gonna come out of my mouth next.
Yeah, no, I I never know what's going to come out of your mouth.
Next and I love that for me. I also I love that for me.
Like, I think it's fucking great.
You know, it keeps things interesting.
Fresh. So you said earlier that PE was

(43:23):
one of your favorite classes, which I think is so funny
because I fucking loathed. I loved it.
I mean, I excelled at a lot of the stuff that we had to do,
except for running, which is fucking weird because they also
did track. I don't know why I hated it.
I was good at it, but I hated it.
What'd you do? I just did.
Were you in hurdles or a long jump?

(43:44):
Hurdles. How did you know?
I don't know. Legs, huh?
I just had a feeling. I was like, you're not.
You're not just running. No, no.
You're doing something. It was.
Her ass. That's crazy that you knew that.
And that was my first one. I was like, if you're not
hurdles, then you're doing a long jump.
Yeah, I just something about that that's crazy.
Yeah. No, it was.
Because I've seen short girls dohurdles, so it has nothing to do

(44:06):
with it. It's all in the hips.
Yeah, it's true. I mean, it was a little bit
easier for me with the long legs.
Yeah, but what'd you do to step over them, essentially.
I mean, my nickname growing up as a kid was Daddy Long Legs.
So I had way more legs than I had anything else.
It was just like, I mean, I was an awkward.
Puppy even back then getting called daddy.

(44:28):
Look at you. Look at you how they've grown.
Oh my God. So anyways, tell me about so you
you really liked PE? Yeah, I I just loved it because
how fucking itty bitty teeny tiny I was like I I had a lot of
people think that or yeah, that thought that I was anorexic.

(44:51):
I was like, no, I put down food.I just really high, yeah, killer
right now in this portion of my life.
And so I really enjoyed like proving people wrong, which has
not changed. But physically back then,
'cause, you know, we would stillhave the ropes.
You would have to climb and I'd make it to the top.
And people are just like, there's no muscle on your arm.

(45:12):
What how, how did you do that? And I was like.
Well, for what is there, it's strong.
It's functional muscle. When I would climb the ropes,
I'd always make it to the top, but it was never my arms, It was
always my legs. My legs were always so fucking
strong. And so I would use my legs.
I would hold on to it, but I would use my legs to lift.
Me, I mean, that's really the the better way to do it is,

(45:33):
yeah, using them and dying them and not just hand over hand.
You see guys do it though, showing off and they wouldn't.
They'd just let their their legshang and just pull themselves up
with their with their hands. Did you ever have any of the
guys in your PE class do that? Of course, yeah, boys will be
boys. Yeah, they're like, oh, that's
what it means. Watch this.
Yeah, we're like doing pull ups.I don't know what it was still

(45:55):
called the same thing, but like the pacer where you'd have to
run to the different court lineson like the basketball and you
have to make it before the. Boop, boop.
Oh yeah, You'd have to run like half court.
There was, I don't know, a bunch.
It was the full back and forth across the gym.

(46:16):
Yeah, I always do that. I'd always finish first or
second every time. But I just loved PE because I
was just my shit, didn't think that I was fast or strong.
And I was like, watch this. I excelled at all the
flexibility stuff. Same.
Yeah, and then English was my other.
My shit. I do.

(46:36):
I do love English. I loved it in high school, loved
it in college, but we also just love to write and read so.
We do Makes sense. Yep, math was the bane of my
existence and it is still today.Thank you.
Same, I did love science though.Science was really good, but.
I didn't like the math part of science.
You know what's fucking wild? So I I never enjoyed math and

(47:00):
even in high school I really struggled.
And there was a point where I was skipping a class and my math
teacher had caught me when I wasskipping.
He was. And instead of being mad, he was
like, why aren't you coming to class?
And I told him I was like, honestly, because I don't
understand it. It doesn't make sense.
So I don't, there's no point in me being there because I can't
even understand what, what you're trying to teach me.
And he said, OK, well, that's not going to work.

(47:22):
Why don't you come by after, after class, like or after
school and I will sit down with you, like just give me 30
minutes. I will sit down with you and we
will figure out what it is that you're struggling with.
And I promise you I will help you understand.
That's a. Good teacher and he did.
And when he explained certain things to me, dude, it was like
the. Heavens open it.
Was like breaking through a glass ceiling.

(47:43):
Suddenly I was like, holy shit, I fucking get it.
Oh my. Like so.
Much. That's such a good.
Feeling it was. And so still, I didn't like
math, but I didn't loathe it like I did before.
And so then when I got into college, I really enjoyed
science. I loved chemistry, biology, all
of that. But with chemistry, there's a

(48:04):
lot of math. So much.
And for whatever reason, I fucking excelled at the math
that was involved in chemistry. And I did.
I hadn't even taken calculus yet, which I was you're supposed
to take before you take some of the chemistry classes.
I just understood it. It made sense to me.
That's crazy, man. That's.
But regular. That's how important.

(48:25):
Good teachers are the ones that actually give a shit.
Actually care. Yeah.
Wow, that's tight. We need to pay our teachers way
more money. No shit.
Yeah. But anyways, yeah, that's crazy.
Did you like science? I hated history.
History and math were like my two worst, but history number
one worst fucking. Hated history.
Fun history with me in history in school.

(48:53):
Never use that button. Now I'm using it excessively.
We I moved schools enough times,and apparently, arguably at the
right time that I only until my senior year of high school.
You were learning the same curriculum over and over again.
Yeah, and you know what it was? You were really.

(49:13):
Yes, Pacific Northwest history. I had that class so many fucking
times. I didn't learn about American
history at all. It was just Pacific Northwest
and then and then senior year itwas world history.
I didn't learn a single fucking thing from school really to do

(49:35):
with American history. That is crazy.
Because every year that every time I moved schools that year
let the if I would have stayed, if I would have stayed, that
following year is when they wereteaching it.
And then I moved to a different school and that year is like,
this year we're learning PacificNorthwest history.
And I was like, are you fucking getting me again?
I know it, there's Morgan trailsand people died of fucking

(49:59):
desentarian snake bites. Like teach me something else.
I already played the video game OK.
Yeah, Now I have a card version.Yeah.
And then the just the the world history, wow.
That's so all the American history that I've learned has
been in my adult life on my own and from other people.

(50:20):
And. Wow, yeah, Gavin's helped me a
lot, too. He's like, you don't know the
year that this happened. I was like, I don't know how
many times I have to tell you, Ididn't learn that in school,
ever. That is crazy.
So that was the one benefit of growing up with dad was that he
was a massive or probably still is.

(50:41):
I don't know. I don't talk to him really, but
he was a massive history buff, especially U.S. history.
Like fucking nerd for it. And so thank God he was because
all through high school, like I said, I hated history more than
any other class that I ever had to take.
And so whenever I had to write reports or do research or

(51:01):
anything about anything where I just wanted to like, can I shoot
myself in the foot instead, literally.
Please, I'll use a crowbar if you'll let me.
Just don't make me do this. Fuck.
And so then I would tell dad I'mlike, dad, this is what I have
to study and they want me to talk about this or whatever.
And he was like, oh, and he, he made it so fun because he loved

(51:24):
it so much. He was so excited.
And so. And so basically I would say
this is what it is. And he would even go through and
read like my textbook, what they're teaching and stuff.
And. And he was like, oh, yeah, fill
things in. Yeah.
Like connect it better. Yeah.
And he would just explain it to me in a way where I was like,
oh, that's really interesting. Like that.
OK, well, why does my history class suck so fucking much?

(51:46):
Because this is actually pretty interesting.
And it was, it's very interesting.
It's just all about the way it'spresented.
And usually it sucks. Yes.
And the same was in college. I had a really amazing history
professor when I was learning about different world history,
and he was just very excited about history.
He loved it and he made it fun. He made it interesting.

(52:10):
He made it so that you wanted topay attention, you wanted to
learn. It was almost like you were
watching a movie or reading a story and you're like, how does
it end? You know, like you wanted to
know. It was very cool.
Sometimes it was really fucking horrible because he gave us the
unfiltered versions of history, not the the This is how.
The winner's side. Yeah, yeah.

(52:31):
This isn't how the US wants you to see it.
This is what actually happened, or this isn't how China wants
you to see it. This is what actually happened.
It's just like, you know, like let's not just look at the
winner's side. Let's look at the fucking
horrors and the traumas that happened on the Yeah, the whole
story. Because really, it's a human
history. Yeah, cuz isn't isn't there a
saying like the it's the winnersthat write history or something

(52:55):
like that? Yeah.
Yeah. So very true.
Yeah. See.
And you know, that's also why it's so important to follow and
do the things that you're passionate about because when
you're in that, you spread that passion to other people.
Yeah, yeah. So if it wasn't for Dad, I
probably would have not been interested in history and I

(53:17):
wouldn't have looked forward to the history class that I wound
up taking in college, which I wasn't super looking forward to.
I mean, granted dad made historyinteresting.
He did not make me love it. I still not a big fan of
history, but that's fair. But I don't loathe it the way
that I used to. And now I'm like, OK, I can see
that there's other ways to learnabout the history of the world

(53:39):
in different places in a way that is interesting and
fascinating and and, you know, makes me actually not want to
fall asleep or shoot myself in the foot or pull my own teeth
out or just literally anything. That's fair.
Did you know that there was onlyone class I ever got in F in in
high school or well, ever? What class?
It was the class that I dropped.I took some English class and

(54:03):
the first semester so half of the school year.
But I thought you liked English I.
Love English but the first semester was all recording
yourself and like doing demonstrations and explaining
stuff and I was like fuck that Iam not doing that.

(54:26):
Wait, what do you mean recordingyourself and doing
demonstrations? Like like they were ditch class.
I, I can't remember. It was like a, it was like an AP
English class. And I was like, well, I'm good
enough in English. Like I can absolutely take this
class and I didn't realize that that's that was going to be part
of the curriculum, but it was literally like, we're learning

(54:49):
for this thing in English. And so you're going to record
yourself explaining this, whatever, and we're going to
watch it in class. And I was like, get the fuck out
of here. I don't think so.
And so I went, I went to my counselor and I was like, can I
drop this class and just take 2 English classes next year?

(55:09):
I'm like, yeah, sure. Do you want to fill it with
something? Do you want to just open period?
I think I filled it with like anextracurricular.
Wait so how did you get AF and if you dropped it?
Because I, I had to keep it for half the year and so I I
technically flunked out of it. Oh, that's shitty.

(55:30):
Yeah, I didn't care. It's not like I had a good GPA.
I wasn't a bad student. Didn't have a great GPA though.
Oh, I was like AAB sometimes. AC student.
That's not terrible. No, that's not terrible at all.
I took a speech class. This is funny.
So when I was in college, I was going to the Community College
here and I took a speech class that was online, that's virtual.

(55:57):
And I was like, that's what. Counterintuitive, isn't it?
Yeah, and you know what's even more weird is we wrote our
speeches and shared them back and forth through writing, never
speaking. The only time that I actually
had to speak in that class was for my midterm and my final, in

(56:17):
which I had to actually go on campus and then give and then
speak. If you guys could only see the
fucking used look on my face right now, I'm like, how is this
a speech class? Like what?
OK, but but I will say, English is one of the classes that made
it so that I don't have a problem speaking in front of
people because we had to, we hadto write those, write different

(56:41):
reports or whatever about Greek gods or whatever the topic was.
And then we had to go up in front of class and present our
reports and read them and basically teach the class about
the particular topic that we were assigned or that we chose
or whatever. And so, and, and back then, in,
in those days when I was in highschool, there was no opting out.
You, if you didn't do it, you failed.

(57:03):
Like you got up in class and youspoke.
That was just it, you, you, there were no alternative things
that you could do. And so you got over the fear.
You figured it out and you did it.
Sometimes you suck the whole time.
Sometimes you got better just depending on the person, but you
did it. You didn't have a choice.
But I took a film class. That's what I was.
I remember it was the easiest thing.

(57:24):
We literally watched movies in class and had a test about it
maybe once every two weeks. That's what I did in college.
I took a theater class that was watching full old films, and I
remember the very first one thatwe watched was a black and white
film called Casablanca. No, I watched that.
A Streetcar Named Desire. Well.
We watched that one too. Yeah, which I was like, oh shit,

(57:44):
this is actually good. Marlon Brando was a hottie back
in the day. I know.
I was like oh shit, I get why people were going cuckoo crazy
for that man. I know I.
Was like, she's a liquor. I was like, man, he was such an
asshole in that movie. But I was like, fuck, you want
to be an asshole to me? Let me go back in time.
You were hot. Oh my God.
Toxic. Hey, it's.
Not me, teenage. But yeah, yeah, that's fun.

(58:07):
Yeah. Whatever is whatever randomness.
So yeah. Before we jump into a fun little
game, I forgot to buy another game.
Damn it. I meant to do that.
I was just going to ask you thattoo.
Yeah, I totally meant to do that.
Yesterday I got distracted with buying Ali Presents.
Whoops. I was scrolling through

(58:27):
Instagram earlier and I saw someone call Noah's Ark a zoo
cruise. The zoo cruise.
I was like, well, I mean, that'schanged in my brain forever now.
For real. Oh my gosh, that's so funny.
The Zoo Cruise. The The Zoo Cruise.
You know what? Never mind.

(58:49):
That's funny. You guys want to play a game?
Yeah, you fucking know what you play one game.
Let's. Play a game.
Let's play a game. Let's play a game.
OK, so we are going to play Mindin the Gutter.

(59:11):
Such a dirty, dirty one. That's not So you're the
heathens here. That's a card.
So this game, because we haven'tplayed it in a while, so just a
little reminder for those of youwho may be new to the podcast,
it essentially each card gives us 4 hints.
The hints are very dirty, but the answer is not.

(59:33):
There is nothing dirty about anyof these answers, and we just
and it's just ordinary things, items.
There's nothing dirty about them.
Nope, it just the innuendo is strong here.
It really is. It's real thick.
It's hard. Real girthy.
Yeah. Sometimes they are hard.
They really are sometimes. They really sweep away your
imagination. Yeah, you're like, wait, but

(59:55):
it's not supposed to be dirty. And you're just then you're
like, I can't even think. Of anything, I can't pull myself
out of the gutter. Exactly, it just makes the game
so fucking fun. Well, I made you go first last
week, so. So you're going to try and guess
first this time. I will try to guess first.
Beautiful. OK, hint numero Uno.

(01:00:16):
I am 8 inches long and made out of latex.
Oh boy, guesses people. I.
Don't even know anything that's 8 inches.
Long that can be. Down a latex, a magnum condom.
I was. No, not that.
That's not dirty. Yeah, innocent things, right.
OK, the next one. Hit #2 you can wear me for

(01:00:41):
protection. You have to be careful not to
stick your finger in the wrong hole.
Excuse me #3 you stick your fingers in to try to get it on
number 4. You might have to use Lube to
get inside me. Is it a fucking suit?
No. OK, Yeah, there's holes, a

(01:01:05):
glove. What kind of glove?
A latex glove. close enough. Rubber glove but.
Yes, rubber glove, whatever. Good semantics.
Good job. Good job.
All right, bring it on. 8 inches, yeah, because it's
probably from wrist to middle finger.
It's probably 8 inches. So I would imagine.
Who's got a measuring tape? Anyone in the audience pass one

(01:01:26):
through? I'm on.
Stage and help us, yeah. Please.
All right, hint one, sometimes you can insert a stick into my
body, OK. Not into sodaby dogs.
Literally shut the fuck up. Sorry about the dogs, if you can
hear them, we'll do our best with those.

(01:01:48):
And hint #2 you should warm me up first before you stick it in,
OK? Number three, touch me gently to
see if I'm ready for you. OK #4 you're dripping meat can
be burning inside of me when youplay with my knobs you really

(01:02:10):
light my fire. What the fuck?
It's. So dirty.
OK, give me the first hit again.Sometimes you can insert a stick
into my body. OK, so I'm thinking like bread,
but then you said the dripping meat and I was thinking
meatloaf. Nope.
OK, give me the hints again. Sometimes you can insert a stick

(01:02:32):
into my body. You should warp me up first
before you stick it in. Touch me gently to see if I'm
ready for you. Your dripping meat can be
burning inside of me. When you play with my knobs, you
really light my fire. OK, so BBQ oven stove.

(01:02:52):
Yep, there it is. Stove like, good grief.
I was like, yeah, BBQ's pretty close, it's essentially the
same, OK #1. I am long and round with a hole
in the middle. Same I'm.

(01:03:13):
Sorry, you're going to have to read that one again.
OK, I am long and round with a hole in the middle 2.
I can be soft or rigid 3. When people need me, they will
suck on me 4. Blank stare into the distance.

(01:03:37):
If you blow into me, I will makea strange sound.
Is it a whistle? No, damn it.
Oh well, yeah, I wouldn't work with the the soft or the long.
So I'm long and round with a hole in the middle.
I can be soft or rigid. When people need me, they will

(01:03:57):
suck on me. If you blow into me, I'll make a
strange sound. What the fuck?
Focus on the 1st 3, those are the most.
Accurate. The first 3.
The whole rigid thing is really,really throwing me.
I don't know, do you? Want me to tell you?
Yeah. You're going to hate yourself.

(01:04:18):
It's a straw. God damn it, I almost said
straw. Shit.
Just gotta follow your gut instincts man.
Damn it. OK, bring it on.
All right #1 you have to pay to get on me.
Two, it's all work. 2, I might know everything you want to

(01:04:45):
know. Three, if you're not protected,
you can definitely catch something nasty from me.
What the fuck? Vicky #4I allow you to have
intercourse with strangers. That's the most explicit hint I
think we've ever had. Yeah.
Is it a condom? No.
OK, give me the hints again. You have to pay to get on me.

(01:05:09):
I have to pay to get on me, OK? I might know everything you want
to know. If you're not protected, you
could catch something nasty fromme.
I allow you to have intercourse with strangers.
Then I'm thinking birth control,but that doesn't fit with the
other. Ones wrong wheelhouse.
I allow you to have protected sex with strangers, but it's not

(01:05:32):
a condom. It just says I allow you to have
intercourse with strangers you. Have to pay to get on me.
I might know everything you wantto know.
That is killed. That's throwing me off.
I'm like what the fuck? If you're not protected, you
could catch something nasty fromme.
Such a dirty hint I. I honestly have no fuck I don't,

(01:05:56):
I don't know you. Want me to tell you?
Yes, the Internet. Oh.
Fuck, I never would have fuckinggot that.
Are you kidding me? Yeah, because you have to pay an
Internet bill. You want to use Internet?
Oh. My God, I never.
Antivirus, yeah. I really wanted to be like, it's
kind of like Limewire. Wow, I never would have gotten
that. That's crazy.
OK first hint, I'm white, long and hard too.

(01:06:22):
You can move me up and down but you'd better not 3.
When you play with me, you really ignite my flame.
Oh. 4 When I get hot I'll flare up and you'll feel
uncomfortable. Are you gout?
I'm white, long and hard. You can move me up and down, but

(01:06:46):
you'd better not. When you play with me, you
really ignite my flame. When I get hot, I'll flare up
and you'll feel uncomfortable. The thermostat?
No. No.
A flute. Flu.
Flute. No, no.
They meant flu. But no.
Thank you. You're welcome.
I never know, Huh? But you better not.

(01:07:06):
Long, white and hard. Yeah.
What? I don't know.
To be fair, it could be other colors.
That doesn't help me. That's not actually helpful
information. Sorry.
I don't know. Give up.
Yeah. A candle.
Oh. Oh, fuck off.
Yeah, that one was pretty hard. That one's like, at the
Internet. I wouldn't.
You're like, wait, what? Yeah.
What? Yeah.

(01:07:27):
OK. Damn.
Getting our asses kicked with these.
I know. We've each gotten one card right
so far out of three. Well, we'll see how you do on
the your. 3rd Oh right, this is my third.
OK, Yep. OK, one when I'm done, you'll
need to wipe off your holes. I can come as many times in a
row. Oh, I can come many times in a
row 2 you. You usually close your eyes when

(01:07:53):
I spasm. One Oh my God.
Three, my residue can drip all over your face.
What? The actual fuck?
4 I can shoot all over the people around.
You. I love all of these heads.

(01:08:17):
Oh my God, it's so fucking dirty.
Just jizz. It's just constant jizz, yeah.
Come come everywhere. This is all I see is jizz
everything sticky? OK, now that you've heard them,
I'll read them again so you can actually.
Think about what the fuck they would be.
I know because you almost have to have them twice because the

(01:08:37):
first time you're just like I'm sorry, what is everything dirty?
And the second time you're like,no.
What can this be? That's not dirty?
Yeah. OK.
All right, one. When I'm done, you'll need to
wipe off your holes. I can come many times in a row.
Jesus, I still don't know what the fuck that could be.

(01:08:58):
Two, you usually close your eyeswhen I spasm. 3 my residue can
drip all over your face. Oh, is it a sneeze?
close nose? Yes.
Four, I can shoot all over the people around you.
Oh my gosh. Oh geez, thank God, that was one

(01:09:18):
of my favourites I think. That was excellent.
They did a. Fantastic job on all four of
those things. Those are awesome.
OK, your last one I am a four letter word and I end in UCKI
can help you grow a big bulge inyour pocket.

(01:09:40):
When I go down on you, it can beexpensive.
When you're not in me, you couldblow your wad.
Shit, this one's just as good. Oh my God.
OK. All right, all right.

(01:10:03):
I just love when they say blow your wad.
I just want somebody to tell me that I just want to blow my wad.
Blow my wad. Can I blow my wad in you?
Like try to say it sexually, sayit sexually, but not
seductively. Yeah, OK.
I'm not going to be able to takesomeone serious.
No, I'm a four letter word and Iend in UCKI can help you grow a

(01:10:27):
big bulge in your pocket. When I go down on you, it can be
expensive. When you're not in me, you could
blow your wad. 4 letter word. Yep.
You just have to come with that first.
Letter right or you just going UK duck.
Actually, no, but that's a good idea.
Go through the alphabet because I'm taking blow your wad as like

(01:10:50):
your wad of money. What are?
What are the second and third ones?
I can help you grow a big bulge in your pocket when I go down on
you. It can be expensive.
Go through the alphabet quickly.Cock, cock.
They can make you bulge in your minds.
Buck. Doug, where am I?

(01:11:12):
It's hard putting that to words or to other letters and then
remembering where I am in the alphabet.
Luck. There we go.
We got there. And for everyone listening,
that'll sound like it happened very quickly.
But it didn't. Nope.
Some redemption. Yes.
Thank God. I can only get one out of four.

(01:11:35):
That's terrible. That reminds me because I was
telling Dill about editing and how when you talk like you don't
notice it when you're talking toyou in person, that you have a
lot of pauses. And but when we're editing, it's
kind of a pain in the ass to edit out all your pauses.
And I told him, I said I'm goingto get, I told Samara I'm going
to get her a temporary tattoo made of the buffering signal.

(01:11:59):
Slap it on my forehead. Put it on her forehead and he
fucking lost his shit laughing. We need to do it.
I am absolutely game for that. Yeah, it's it's pretty great.
So he also gave me another idea which I will not share with you
that's. Fucking rude.
It's going. To be a surprise.
You know what, Dale? It's fucking gold.
You know what, as Uncle Dale would say, whatever.

(01:12:21):
Oh no, he would not. He'd be like, I can't fucking
wait. Do it.
And also high 5. You're welcome.
Let me dust my shoulder off. Wow.
Yeah, he's very proud of the conspiracies.
I know. Jeez.
Yep. When do I get to know?
When you listen on Thursday. When I do, oh, I don't like
that. That's dirty.

(01:12:41):
That's conniving shit. All right, here's your last one.
OK, When I slip into your dark hole, you wrap around me.
Good luck with this one. The moisture inside makes it
hard for me to speed up. I slowly twist and it feels good

(01:13:02):
for you. Oh.
My God. When I pull out, I become
sticky. Oh geez.
OK. All right, OK, give them to me
again. One, when I slip into your dark
hole, you wrap around me. Two, the moisture inside makes
it hard for me to speed up. Three, I slowly twist and it

(01:13:25):
feels good for you. 4 When I pull out, I become.
Sticky lollipop Hard candy gum. Nope, I don't feel like these
are good hints for this. Moisture side makes it hard to
move but when I twist around youlike it.

(01:13:48):
Yeah, that one's really not helpful.
I, I don't know, tell me. Cleaning stick, right?
What the fuck is a cleaning? Stick.
I don't know, like a mop? See, and I thought like a toilet
bowl cleaner. I mean, either way, these hints

(01:14:09):
were not it. Those are terrible.
Yeah. Well, we tied though.
And that makes me feel good. Two out of four.
Oh, yeah. Good job.
High five. That was an excellent high 5.
They'll never know. They'll know it was.
Perfect, you guys. That's all you need.
To know, Yeah. Didn't you hear that smack?
It was actually my knuckle popping.

(01:14:33):
Oh, Oh my gosh. OK, well, did you guys get any
of those? How'd you do?
How are you doing? How do you feel?
What do you want to hear us talkabout next?
I mean, we got a couple ideas, so.
I will be doing a cult here. So she keeps threatening and is
yet to deliver. There's a lot so you know.

(01:14:54):
I mean, you could do, you could make it like A2 parter if it's a
lot of information that's true. You know, I mean, I mean, we've
done it before. Yeah.
So that's. Yeah.
OK. Thank you for that reminder.
OK. Yeah.
So, yeah. All right, you guys.
Well, welcome to August, the last month of summer for the
people who live in the Pacific Northwest, and just another hot

(01:15:15):
month for everybody else. Yep, I hope you enjoy it.
Get out, have fun, go swimming, go to games, concerts, shows, do
all the things, have all the fun.
Yeah, go Cryptid hunting, join acult, come back after summer,
you know, Tell us all about me. Send us some.
Yes, I will say. So we did purchase a third

(01:15:38):
microphone. So soon we will begin having
guests on the show. So if there is somebody
reasonable, you guys, we're not famous enough to get famous
people. But if there is like a type of
person or personality that you would love to to listen to and
to hear us have an interaction with and conversation with, let
us know. Yeah.

(01:15:58):
We'll send them our. Best yeah, we're, we're super
down and even if they're not where we are, if they're, you
know, not local, that's fine. We can do remote.
We'll do it remotely. So just yeah, let us know.
Let let us know your suggestions.
Yeah, what? You won't hear, baby.
What? You won't hear, man.
What you wanna hear? Yeah, I don't know.
That's not actually a song. But anyway, you know, we don't

(01:16:21):
have anything really going on this month as far as event wise.
Yeah, I have a lot going on thismonth.
Every weekend's fucking full. Yeah, that's next weekend.
I have somebody coming up to visit for the weekend.
The weekend after that, I'm going to a Santa Barbara
concert. The weekend after that, you're
seeing Matt Rife. I'm going to see Matt Rife.
Did you see? OK.

(01:16:41):
Do you know about the Annabelle doll?
The the haunted possessed Annabelle doll?
Him and someone else. I can't remember their name.
Yes, Matt Rife and someone else.They don't own Annabelle but
they for the next like 5 years are like the caretakers yes of

(01:17:02):
the Annabelle doll. The The Possessed haunted
Annabelle doll. Matt, if you're listening to
this, which I doubt you are, butif you are, please don't bring
it to the show. Please fucking do.
Please don't. She's not going to be there, OK?
Don't listen to this bitch. I'm going to be Annabelle.
If you're listening. No, Stop that show.
Stop. I don't like it.
Make it stop. I don't like this stuff.
Stop. I love it.

(01:17:24):
Yeah, I saw that because it's AIthought that Zach Baggin.
I always do that. Zach Baggins fucking.
Dildo Baggins No, Bilbo, it's a dildo.
Dildo Tea Baggins. Oh my God.

(01:17:46):
It's funny, I have a video game character named Bilba Tea
Baggins. But no, I thought it was Zach
Baggins. Jesus, I can't do it now.
Zach Baggins from Ghost Adventures.
I thought that he actually ownedthe Annabelle doll because he
has a haunted Museum of his own.And so I'm now I'm wondering

(01:18:07):
like if he just had the the rights to be like the caretaker
for it for a certain amount of time and that's ended.
I don't know, but I just saw that and I was like, oh, I got
to tell Nikki. So I'm so glad you brought Matt
Rife up. Yeah, I hope he's got some weird

(01:18:28):
interactions coming his way thathe can make jokes about.
That I'm not a fan. I love it.
I use that shit up. I know you do.
I avoid that shit at all costs. You had to tell Piper, so she
also is aware. Yeah, and is even more mad that

(01:18:48):
she's not going to the show. We can be mad together.
Well, Oh yeah. And since I brought up Ghost
Adventures, one of the main group because it's like 4 or
five guys that do that make up the Ghost Adventure people.
It's Zach Bagans show, but one of his people that work on it.

(01:19:13):
A few months ago he died. Almost.
What happened? His wife hired a hitman to take
him out what and was discovered she was messaging a guy in
prison and was like setting it up.

(01:19:33):
Sent him like 11,000 some odd dollars or something.
Gave him detailed plans of wherehe was going to be with Ghost
Adventures, they were filming, where he was staying, all of it.
And it, the plan was foiled because the prison officials

(01:19:55):
just like took his phone and wasreading through it and found all
that information and put an end to in like made calls and shit.
And so she's not even getting that much time.
She's getting like 19 months in prison.
For it, for plotting a murder, That's crazy.
Yeah, and they've been married for like two or three years,

(01:20:17):
something like that. Just get a fucking.
Divorce. No shit that's what everyone
keeps saying. Like if you're not happy in a
relationship, fucking leave. The answer is to not kill your
partner. Yeah, literally hired a hit man
and what's really sad on top of it much he is the nicest guy in
that show. Like on TV at least.

(01:20:38):
No, even in real life, like he there was so many.
I don't know what you'd call him, but like people writing
into like newspapers and on social media and everything
being like when I wrote in as a kid, he was the only one that
responded, signed things whenever they had like press
conferences or whatever, like. Could you imagine what would

(01:20:58):
that be like? Like you think that you're
perfectly happy in your marriage?
I mean, two to three years is not even that long.
You should still be in the honeymoon phase of your marriage
and then you're notified by authorities that your wife or
your husband has been plotting to have you assassinated.
Yeah, like talk about the fuck. And he's, Oh my God, he's so

(01:21:18):
sweet. He was in, I watched his thing
in court and he was devastated. Oh, I bet.
Like everything in his life justfucking blew up, just destroyed
because of it. He's like, I have such a hard
time trusting people now and I can't believe the betrayal, all
that. But yeah, a bunch of people were

(01:21:39):
like, no, he's a really nice guy.
Whenever we wrote in, like you always have a handwritten letter
signed by him, sent it back, would sign things actually stop
and like talk to the fans and everyone else would be like,
fuck you, whatever. Yeah, wild shit.
That is so fucking wild. Poor guy.
I know. It's really sad.

(01:22:00):
More time. Yeah, 19 months.
Get a fucking divorce, bitch. Truly, she's not even that
pretty. That is fucking crazy.
And I bet it was his money too that she used, which is even
worse. Yeah, and making for his own
assassinations. Fucked.
So fucked. God.
But yeah, so to leave on a high note.
That was a high note. OK, Matt Rife haunted Annabelle

(01:22:24):
doll. You're going to a show after his
possession of it. More or less.
So neat. Cool story.
All right. Well, we will see you guys next
week and I'm going to try to forget everything that Samara
just said about. And hopefully Nikki's still here
for September. What?
My birthday's in September? I got to be here.

(01:22:44):
I know. And Matt Rives cursed me.
Matt Rives. I don't know my animal
Annabelle's haunted man. I don't know.
I just she's in a like blessed, multi blessed glass box.
So you know, you're it's fine. Everything's fine.
I. Fucking hope he does not bring
her to the show. I.
Hope he does. I love you and I love you,

(01:23:05):
listeners. I really hope that doesn't
happen. OK, Thanks for fucking that up
for me. You're welcome.
All right, well, I hope you guyshad a great time and we will be
back next week. See you later.
Love ya. Bye.
Deuces. Listen to us on Spotify and
YouTube. Fuck you Apple.
Visit our link tree in our show notes for more places to listen

(01:23:26):
and links to our socials. Don't forget to rate and follow
us on Spotify. Subscribe to our YouTube channel
and give us a follow on our socials, Instagram, Facebook and
X. Also, if you'd like to talk to
us, give us any show ideas or business opportunities, reach
out to us at the sauceboxpodcast@gmail.com.

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