July 25, 2025 • 14 mins
Have you ever buried a part of yourself so deep that you couldn’t even find it? In this 10th lesson, The Time Smith explores the hidden depths of trust—how it breaks, how it hides, and how it can be rebuilt after trauma. From a pivotal night in 1997 to a near-death experience, and ultimately being uprooted from home, this episode journeys through the emotional terrain of being forced to grow up too fast.
This is more than a story—it’s an invitation to reflect:
- Can you trust your own decisions?
- Do you still trust others with your truth?
- And what happens when you finally start to?
Through the dark halls of memory and the metaphorical sixth floor of the Forge, this episode confronts the vulnerability and power of trusting again—yourself, others, and even God.
If you're healing, helping someone else heal, or simply trying to understand your own past, this one's for you. Remember: if you feel unloved, you are loved. If you feel lost, you can be found.
🔨 I am The Time Smith.
🎙️Thanks for listening to The Time Smith
✉️Join the Mission: https://linktr.ee/TheTimeSmith
đź””Subscribe and leave a review to help more people find this message.
Forged in thought. Built in Truth. Spoken from experience.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:10):
Have you ever been lost in your thoughts?
Randomness?
A thought pops into your headand you don't know where it came
from.
Many times it's your past.
Things that have happened thathave not let you go.
(00:32):
Why have they hung on?
Let's talk about that.
Hi, I'm the Timesmith andwelcome back.
I hope you had time to listen tomy last lesson, confession.
(00:54):
The things that we keep toourselves that we might need to
tell others just for thefreedom.
I appreciate all the newlisteners and those joining us.
I've been able to get out alittle bit further and share
this knowledge to other people.
It has been an uncomfortablesituation for me as I'm opening
(01:15):
up parts of me that I wanted toreserve just for myself.
But never mind my feelings.
I think the important thing isthat people are starting to
understand that there is a wayout or that there's someone out
there that actually cares.
I was asked if I can do anepisode on trust after trauma.
(01:36):
What exactly does that do to theperson or even the family?
Well, for me, it didn't changemuch, to be honest with you,
because it didn't come from myfamily.
But it did show me parts ofmyself that were hidden.
Well, why don't we venture downand let's talk about this.
Normally, when we come into theforge, we start to see the
(01:59):
counter, the elevator to theleft, and we see the stairs to
the right, the flooring, and thefoundation.
The foundation.
That's an important one.
keep that in mind but trust andwhere does trust lie within
ourselves is it something sodeep that it becomes
(02:20):
unsearchable or maybe that wedon't want to tap into it any
longer so we bury it deep deepdown inside and we make it
virtually impossible for thoseto see it well who are those
maybe the ones we love maybe theones that we want to get to know
trust well Why don't we venturedown?
(02:43):
And on this one, let's go downto the sixth floor.
A place so deep, a place sounsearchable.
Well, let's walk over to theelevator.
Let's push the sixth floor.
Well, here we are, the sixthfloor.
(03:04):
Wow, this place is dark.
There's things in here thatprobably We haven't searched in
a long time.
The hallway is long and there'smany doors.
What could be in here?
It could be the sides of us thatwe don't want to share.
The secrets that we hold that wetell others, I will take that to
(03:26):
my grave.
So how does trust lie in here?
And why is trust so deep?
One of the things I rememberabout getting better and healing
was about being violated by anurturer.
And that had me thinking for along time.
That when we trust, what exactlydo we violate?
(03:48):
We violate the innermost partsof ourselves.
Parts so deep and so interwovenwithin our character.
Trust.
Well, let's walk into this room.
When I was about 15, my fatherhad told me that if I continued
to misbehave and do drugs, thathe wasn't going to let me live
(04:09):
at the house anymore.
And he told me that he'd send meoff somewhere.
I didn't take him serious atall.
Well, I continued doing what Iwanted to do.
And that's what this memory is.
So let's walk in.
Inside of this room, it startsoff with me actually meeting and
(04:30):
being with my wife.
It was the night that I askedher to be with me.
October 11th, 1997.
And...
I did proceed to ask her, but Ialso told her that I might not
be around much longer.
Well, she agreed.
No more than a few days later,my father came to me and said,
(04:50):
later on this week, you're goingto have to pack your stuff.
We're going to head up north,and you're going to go live with
your brother in Oregon.
I didn't care much.
I thought to myself, that's whatmy life is.
It's just a big mess.
Remember, this is about trust.
(05:11):
As the week started, on aMonday, actually, I had to go
down the street to pick up somefriends and walk them home from
school, mainly because where welived at, we were part of a
gang.
And rival gangs would come andtry to mess with the younger
guys.
So it was my responsibility towatch over them.
(05:31):
Well, on that walk home, therival gang, surely enough,
showed up.
And they jumped out of their carand one man with a gun, well, a
young boy, and immediately cameand pressed the gun up between
my eyes.
I was really arrogant aroundthat time and I didn't really
care that he was doing that, tobe honest with you.
(05:53):
And he pulled the trigger.
Three times.
My friends hit the ground andwhere I should have been
bleeding out, I wasn't.
I didn't understand.
Well, neither did the gunman.
And he looked at me like he hadseen a ghost.
And he jumped back in his carand they took off.
I looked back and the bulletholes were on a garage door
(06:16):
actually that was behind me.
My friends looked at me and Isaid, let's go home.
And they got up and we walkedaway.
I went home and relaxed andthought about that.
I thought about how quickly lifecan change.
But anyway, later on that week,my father drove me out to Oregon
with my brother.
(06:36):
My week started off with measking this girl to be my
girlfriend.
Then I got shot at.
Then I'm in another state.
And how does all this relate totrust?
Well, I had no control over mylife.
I had no way of making rightdecisions.
My processing ability wasextremely low.
(06:56):
And my life was in someoneelse's hands, which was actually
my father's.
And at times I look back of howhard that decision must have
been for my dad.
to take me and leave me, youknow, a few hundred miles away,
mainly because my life was indanger.
There was no control.
Well, that weekend I sat thereand my habits hadn't changed.
(07:21):
There was no one around.
My brother was working.
His girlfriend at the time wasworking.
And I lay up in this house bymyself and I thought to myself,
there's no way that I could makegood decisions.
There's no way that I canunderstand what's really
happening.
And I couldn't trust mydecisions.
But I looked at the decisionsthat my dad made and I thought
(07:44):
to myself, maybe I have to trusthis.
Why don't we walk out?
You know, when I walk down thesehalls, I look at moments of,
especially down here, thatthere's countless moments that I
could not trust myself.
I did things foolishly,arrogantly, confidently in the
(08:09):
wrong direction.
Trying to survive, trying tomake myself feel better.
But I realized that my life wasno longer in my hands.
And who could I trust with it?
Why is this so deep?
Why would something like this beso deep?
Because trust, trust issomething that we should hold
(08:30):
sacred.
Trust is actually on every levelof our lives, back up in the
forge and down to the deepestdepths of our soul.
Trust.
Do you trust yourself with thethings that you do?
Do you trust yourdecision-making process?
(08:52):
How do you feel about that?
Or has somebody had to takecontrol of your life?
And do you trust them?
Being involved with gangs,drugs, and even the law, there's
been many times that I didn'twant to trust those who took
control over my life.
But there came a time that I hadto gain control.
(09:16):
And I had to believe that thedecisions I made, I could trust.
But until my motives changed andthe idea of healing became
secure within me, I couldn'ttrust myself.
Can you trust yourself?
Let's start making our way backto the elevator.
The trust that was establishedin our family wasn't so much
(09:39):
that they violated my trust,it's that they presented,
meaning my parents presented theidea that they will make the
hard decisions, even to thepoint that when my father looked
at me, he would tell me, trustme, I will do it.
And he did.
And it affected my life.
I wasn't allowed to sit thereand cry.
(10:01):
And it wasn't just a get over itmentality.
In fact, it was deal with yourlife.
Handle what is bothering you.
If you do not want to talk toanybody about it, then do
something with it.
Let's make our way up.
You know, when I go back up andI think to myself exactly, how
(10:27):
did I begin to establish thistrust?
We think about curriculums ofmental health.
There could be a church, yourfaith, the counsel of your
parents, your best friend, thosethat listen.
And sometimes we have to trustthem that they have the good
advice.
More often than not, most peoplelisten to the voice that says,
(10:49):
don't worry about it.
It'll go away.
Or they lead us into other badhabits.
And we tend to trust those whothat don't want us to grow.
And maybe a good hearted naturewill say, well, I don't want you
to feel more pain.
Let's get off that pain.
(11:15):
You know, I'm taught fight thegood fight.
And I think to myself, there isa struggle happening to do good.
And if you've ever done anythingbad, There does come a time that
your conscience will tell youdon't do that.
And with that being said, youstruggle to do bad.
(11:37):
The struggle is on both ends ofit.
So where do you lie with it?
Do you trust that you canovercome and make a decision?
Do you trust that there arebetter days ahead of you?
Trust.
Trust after trauma.
(11:57):
was difficult because I didn'twant to listen.
And I didn't believe that anyonecould take a hold of my life and
handle it with care as Iexpected.
Again, when I was young, I wastold not to talk to anybody.
Don't talk to your teacher anddon't tell anyone in the family
business.
(12:18):
Well, I took that so deeply thatthe private matters, I didn't
even tell my parents.
I didn't tell anybody.
And yet they had a hold of mylife.
Well, if you're gonna trustpeople with their advice, don't
withhold information.
Tell them what's going on.
If you're gonna pray, tell himwhat's going on.
(12:42):
If you're gonna write, write itall down.
Trust can only be established ifthere's clarity, genuineness,
and truth.
What trauma did to my familyafter was that it caused
confusion.
There was no answers to what wasgoing on and the recklessness
(13:03):
amongst me and quite possibly mysiblings.
A level of rebellion, mainlybecause they had no clue as to
the details of what washappening.
But you know what's happeningwithin yourself and you might
not be telling anybody.
Anyway, I hope that we cancontinue to share and pass this
(13:27):
along to others.
People need to hear thismessage, and I believe it.
It's a really uncomfortablesituation for me to have to open
up and be vulnerable.
But like it says, if we canreach just one, then it's worth
it.
This is the purpose.
I do not condone actions ofabuse of any kind, but I do
(13:49):
understand now why I wentthrough it.
It is for others to hear themessage.
The message and the lessonslearned through that, that when
we look at younger people now,teenagers, children, that they
have tools to overcome.
Embrace your children.
(14:10):
Embrace your family.
Be truthful.
And remember, if you feelunloved, you are loved.
And if you are lost, you can befound.
I am The Timesmith.
God bless.
Have you ever been lost in your thoughts?
Randomness?
A thought pops into your headand you don't know where it came
from.
Many times it's your past.
Things that have happened thathave not let you go.
(00:32):
Why have they hung on?
Let's talk about that.
Hi, I'm the Timesmith andwelcome back.
I hope you had time to listen tomy last lesson, confession.
(00:54):
The things that we keep toourselves that we might need to
tell others just for thefreedom.
I appreciate all the newlisteners and those joining us.
I've been able to get out alittle bit further and share
this knowledge to other people.
It has been an uncomfortablesituation for me as I'm opening
(01:15):
up parts of me that I wanted toreserve just for myself.
But never mind my feelings.
I think the important thing isthat people are starting to
understand that there is a wayout or that there's someone out
there that actually cares.
I was asked if I can do anepisode on trust after trauma.
(01:36):
What exactly does that do to theperson or even the family?
Well, for me, it didn't changemuch, to be honest with you,
because it didn't come from myfamily.
But it did show me parts ofmyself that were hidden.
Well, why don't we venture downand let's talk about this.
Normally, when we come into theforge, we start to see the
(01:59):
counter, the elevator to theleft, and we see the stairs to
the right, the flooring, and thefoundation.
The foundation.
That's an important one.
keep that in mind but trust andwhere does trust lie within
ourselves is it something sodeep that it becomes
(02:20):
unsearchable or maybe that wedon't want to tap into it any
longer so we bury it deep deepdown inside and we make it
virtually impossible for thoseto see it well who are those
maybe the ones we love maybe theones that we want to get to know
trust well Why don't we venturedown?
(02:43):
And on this one, let's go downto the sixth floor.
A place so deep, a place sounsearchable.
Well, let's walk over to theelevator.
Let's push the sixth floor.
Well, here we are, the sixthfloor.
(03:04):
Wow, this place is dark.
There's things in here thatprobably We haven't searched in
a long time.
The hallway is long and there'smany doors.
What could be in here?
It could be the sides of us thatwe don't want to share.
The secrets that we hold that wetell others, I will take that to
(03:26):
my grave.
So how does trust lie in here?
And why is trust so deep?
One of the things I rememberabout getting better and healing
was about being violated by anurturer.
And that had me thinking for along time.
That when we trust, what exactlydo we violate?
(03:48):
We violate the innermost partsof ourselves.
Parts so deep and so interwovenwithin our character.
Trust.
Well, let's walk into this room.
When I was about 15, my fatherhad told me that if I continued
to misbehave and do drugs, thathe wasn't going to let me live
(04:09):
at the house anymore.
And he told me that he'd send meoff somewhere.
I didn't take him serious atall.
Well, I continued doing what Iwanted to do.
And that's what this memory is.
So let's walk in.
Inside of this room, it startsoff with me actually meeting and
(04:30):
being with my wife.
It was the night that I askedher to be with me.
October 11th, 1997.
And...
I did proceed to ask her, but Ialso told her that I might not
be around much longer.
Well, she agreed.
No more than a few days later,my father came to me and said,
(04:50):
later on this week, you're goingto have to pack your stuff.
We're going to head up north,and you're going to go live with
your brother in Oregon.
I didn't care much.
I thought to myself, that's whatmy life is.
It's just a big mess.
Remember, this is about trust.
(05:11):
As the week started, on aMonday, actually, I had to go
down the street to pick up somefriends and walk them home from
school, mainly because where welived at, we were part of a
gang.
And rival gangs would come andtry to mess with the younger
guys.
So it was my responsibility towatch over them.
(05:31):
Well, on that walk home, therival gang, surely enough,
showed up.
And they jumped out of their carand one man with a gun, well, a
young boy, and immediately cameand pressed the gun up between
my eyes.
I was really arrogant aroundthat time and I didn't really
care that he was doing that, tobe honest with you.
(05:53):
And he pulled the trigger.
Three times.
My friends hit the ground andwhere I should have been
bleeding out, I wasn't.
I didn't understand.
Well, neither did the gunman.
And he looked at me like he hadseen a ghost.
And he jumped back in his carand they took off.
I looked back and the bulletholes were on a garage door
(06:16):
actually that was behind me.
My friends looked at me and Isaid, let's go home.
And they got up and we walkedaway.
I went home and relaxed andthought about that.
I thought about how quickly lifecan change.
But anyway, later on that week,my father drove me out to Oregon
with my brother.
(06:36):
My week started off with measking this girl to be my
girlfriend.
Then I got shot at.
Then I'm in another state.
And how does all this relate totrust?
Well, I had no control over mylife.
I had no way of making rightdecisions.
My processing ability wasextremely low.
(06:56):
And my life was in someoneelse's hands, which was actually
my father's.
And at times I look back of howhard that decision must have
been for my dad.
to take me and leave me, youknow, a few hundred miles away,
mainly because my life was indanger.
There was no control.
Well, that weekend I sat thereand my habits hadn't changed.
(07:21):
There was no one around.
My brother was working.
His girlfriend at the time wasworking.
And I lay up in this house bymyself and I thought to myself,
there's no way that I could makegood decisions.
There's no way that I canunderstand what's really
happening.
And I couldn't trust mydecisions.
But I looked at the decisionsthat my dad made and I thought
(07:44):
to myself, maybe I have to trusthis.
Why don't we walk out?
You know, when I walk down thesehalls, I look at moments of,
especially down here, thatthere's countless moments that I
could not trust myself.
I did things foolishly,arrogantly, confidently in the
(08:09):
wrong direction.
Trying to survive, trying tomake myself feel better.
But I realized that my life wasno longer in my hands.
And who could I trust with it?
Why is this so deep?
Why would something like this beso deep?
Because trust, trust issomething that we should hold
(08:30):
sacred.
Trust is actually on every levelof our lives, back up in the
forge and down to the deepestdepths of our soul.
Trust.
Do you trust yourself with thethings that you do?
Do you trust yourdecision-making process?
(08:52):
How do you feel about that?
Or has somebody had to takecontrol of your life?
And do you trust them?
Being involved with gangs,drugs, and even the law, there's
been many times that I didn'twant to trust those who took
control over my life.
But there came a time that I hadto gain control.
(09:16):
And I had to believe that thedecisions I made, I could trust.
But until my motives changed andthe idea of healing became
secure within me, I couldn'ttrust myself.
Can you trust yourself?
Let's start making our way backto the elevator.
The trust that was establishedin our family wasn't so much
(09:39):
that they violated my trust,it's that they presented,
meaning my parents presented theidea that they will make the
hard decisions, even to thepoint that when my father looked
at me, he would tell me, trustme, I will do it.
And he did.
And it affected my life.
I wasn't allowed to sit thereand cry.
(10:01):
And it wasn't just a get over itmentality.
In fact, it was deal with yourlife.
Handle what is bothering you.
If you do not want to talk toanybody about it, then do
something with it.
Let's make our way up.
You know, when I go back up andI think to myself exactly, how
(10:27):
did I begin to establish thistrust?
We think about curriculums ofmental health.
There could be a church, yourfaith, the counsel of your
parents, your best friend, thosethat listen.
And sometimes we have to trustthem that they have the good
advice.
More often than not, most peoplelisten to the voice that says,
(10:49):
don't worry about it.
It'll go away.
Or they lead us into other badhabits.
And we tend to trust those whothat don't want us to grow.
And maybe a good hearted naturewill say, well, I don't want you
to feel more pain.
Let's get off that pain.
(11:15):
You know, I'm taught fight thegood fight.
And I think to myself, there isa struggle happening to do good.
And if you've ever done anythingbad, There does come a time that
your conscience will tell youdon't do that.
And with that being said, youstruggle to do bad.
(11:37):
The struggle is on both ends ofit.
So where do you lie with it?
Do you trust that you canovercome and make a decision?
Do you trust that there arebetter days ahead of you?
Trust.
Trust after trauma.
(11:57):
was difficult because I didn'twant to listen.
And I didn't believe that anyonecould take a hold of my life and
handle it with care as Iexpected.
Again, when I was young, I wastold not to talk to anybody.
Don't talk to your teacher anddon't tell anyone in the family
business.
(12:18):
Well, I took that so deeply thatthe private matters, I didn't
even tell my parents.
I didn't tell anybody.
And yet they had a hold of mylife.
Well, if you're gonna trustpeople with their advice, don't
withhold information.
Tell them what's going on.
If you're gonna pray, tell himwhat's going on.
(12:42):
If you're gonna write, write itall down.
Trust can only be established ifthere's clarity, genuineness,
and truth.
What trauma did to my familyafter was that it caused
confusion.
There was no answers to what wasgoing on and the recklessness
(13:03):
amongst me and quite possibly mysiblings.
A level of rebellion, mainlybecause they had no clue as to
the details of what washappening.
But you know what's happeningwithin yourself and you might
not be telling anybody.
Anyway, I hope that we cancontinue to share and pass this
(13:27):
along to others.
People need to hear thismessage, and I believe it.
It's a really uncomfortablesituation for me to have to open
up and be vulnerable.
But like it says, if we canreach just one, then it's worth
it.
This is the purpose.
I do not condone actions ofabuse of any kind, but I do
(13:49):
understand now why I wentthrough it.
It is for others to hear themessage.
The message and the lessonslearned through that, that when
we look at younger people now,teenagers, children, that they
have tools to overcome.
Embrace your children.
(14:10):
Embrace your family.
Be truthful.
And remember, if you feelunloved, you are loved.
And if you are lost, you can befound.
I am The Timesmith.
God bless.
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