May 23, 2025 • 19 mins
Before I found peace, I picked the wrong battles. Before I healed, I hid. Before I grew, I coped- just to survive.
In this episode, I open up about the ways I tried to handle life before I truly understood what coping meant. Not every method was right. Some methods confused me. But buried beneath the wrong ones, I discovered the right ones- and they didnt just help me cope... they help me transform.
This is for anyone who's ever wrestled with quiet pain masked struggles or misunderstood strength. You're- not alone- and there is a better way forward.
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Forged in thought. Built in Truth. Spoken from experience.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:10):
ever been lost in your thoughts?
Randomness?
A thought pops into your headand you don't know where it came
from.
Many times it's your past.
Things that have happened thathave not let you go.
(00:32):
Why have they hung on?
Let's talk about that.
Hi, I'm the Timesmith.
Do you know what a healthy mindlooks like?
(00:54):
It's hard to know.
Outward appearances don't showwhat's going on inside.
Maybe you wear a smile todistract everyone from what's
happening inside.
Or maybe you're a grumpy man ora mean woman.
(01:14):
but inside you're just someonewho wants to be loved.
Isn't that what this is?
We don't always get anopportunity to look inside
someone.
This level of transparency hastaken me a very long time to
come to terms with that this iswhat I must do.
(01:36):
Some of it is purpose, some ofit is intent, and some of it is
just longing to let someone hearhow my mind functions after
everything that's happened in mylife.
I'm not a victim, nor do I feelsorry for myself over anything
that's ever happened.
I've gained the strength to wantto fight and to want to push
(01:57):
forward.
It has placed me in a positionknowing that certain things
would become extremely difficultfor me.
As a young teenager beingsurrounded by siblings and being
the youngest of the siblings,Most of the time I wasn't called
by my name, which I won't share.
(02:19):
But if you've had siblings, youknow that you might have been
called by other names like, heystupid, or hey dummy, or hey
mama's boy.
Something other than what yourparents probably called you.
(02:39):
That's not to say that someparents don't call us by those
names.
But it could be because ofdecisions that I made that I was
called those things.
I'm not justifying that it'sokay to call people any
derogatory name or to put anyonedown.
But people judge and they willact on what they see.
(03:01):
And I do have to say that in myyoung teenage years, I did make
dumb decisions.
Again, I'm not condoning thethings that I did except
explaining why i did them ididn't always understand and i
wasn't able to process all theinformation that was given to me
not at school not at home not atchurch and not in a public
(03:26):
setting and because of that iwould come across as i was dumb
or careless or even reckless andthe reason for that was that i
was suffering when i would lookin the mirror even as a young
boy After, you know, thesituation, I would look at
myself and ask, what is wrongwith you?
(03:50):
Why are you like that?
And I would stare at myself.
What does that look like?
I would close the door to thebathroom and I would look at
myself in the mirror and I wouldjust stare.
And I would try to make sense ofwho that person was.
I never recognized who thatperson was.
(04:12):
that was the beginning of thesuffering that's what came with
the evil that was given to menow what that brought to me was
that i wanted to cope i wantedto be okay but okay so if you're
ready we can venture down soremember in the center there's a
(04:38):
counter and to the right there'sa staircase To the left is the
elevator and we're standing inthe forge.
There is a couch in here thatoccasionally I sit down and
think before I go down andthat's if I want to go down.
But you're more than welcome tosit down and converse and talk
(05:00):
about it.
You know, before we go down,there's something that came to
me the other day and, you know,there's King David and he was
going through a really bad time.
And he said something.
And he said, why so downcast, ohmy soul?
Put your hope in God.
(05:22):
He was talking to himself.
He was encouraging himself.
He knew where he wanted to puthis hope in.
I don't know, was he coping?
Was he trying to understand?
And yes, I know that there'speople who would say that
they're scholars and that theyknow exactly what he was going
through.
Well, all I'm getting at is thatSometimes we have no one that
(05:46):
understands ourselves betterthan us.
There's times that there's noone that understands me better
than me.
And I know how to encouragemyself.
In the same respect, I know howto destroy myself.
And I know how to cope with thethings that are ailing me.
Well, I guess I thought at timesthat the choices I made would
(06:08):
help out.
but you know as we walk over tothe staircase i just invite you
to uh just follow me down againlet's just take it slow and you
know as we go down and we passthat first floor and we kind of
see that room that we talkedabout in our first lesson let's
continue down to the secondfloor and on this floor we find
(06:30):
coping the amount of responseswe've given to coping But this
coping here brought something tome that was hard to shake.
In one moment, it broughtsomething that I would fight
years to break, and that wasaddiction.
So let's walk up to the room.
Yes, we've walked by plenty ofrooms, and in every one of these
(06:52):
rooms, there's coping, there'spain, there's wrong responses.
But here, here we see addiction.
Let's step in.
It was a summer morning and afriend of mine invited me to go
to his house.
BMXing was a part of my life.
(07:15):
Everywhere we went, we wouldride as fast and as hard as
possible.
My parents wouldn't let me gomore than a block over because
they didn't want nothing bad tohappen to me, not knowing that
something bad already hadhappened to me.
But if we were fast enough, we'dbe able to sneak away.
go down a couple blocks and inthis case that's what i did and
(07:37):
i ended up at my friend's houseand his room was set up kind of
like a halloween store smokemachine mass not dark in the
sense still a kid's room butmass everywhere i noticed he
liked the halloween theme andhis mom was actually very nice
(07:59):
and In her accent, she said,would you like something to eat?
And respectfully, I said, no,but my friend ended up saying,
yes, yes, we do.
And as we sat there and weplayed with this Super Nintendo,
he pulls out a joint and hesays, you want to try?
And I was so shocked because hismom had just walked in the room
(08:23):
and I said, your mom's going towalk in.
And he says, no, it's okay.
She don't mind.
She'd rather I smoke in the roomthan to go smoke outside because
it's less dangerous.
Struck me kind of odd.
But it seemed to be the responsethat most kids give that smoke
in their home with theirparents.
(08:43):
For half a second, I thoughtthat was the coolest thing ever.
And so he lit it up in his roomand he turned on his smoke
machine and kind of closed thecurtain a little bit and we
began to smoke.
I can't say I felt anything.
I don't know anybody who's evergotten high off the first time
they've smoked.
I think that's part of why wealways go back.
(09:05):
Something that entices a personto say, well, the first time
wasn't right.
And they try again.
But I didn't think that thatfirst hit, though it didn't get
me high, that it would actuallychange my perspective on
something.
I actually felt good.
Maybe I didn't feel high, but Ifelt okay.
(09:25):
I felt light.
I felt unbothered.
And for the first time since Iwas a young boy, I felt calm.
Let's step out of this room.
I don't know how many drugsyou've tried.
Not sure if you've done uppersor downers.
And you know, I don't reallycare to use the specific name.
We all understand what this is.
(09:47):
But in that moment, I realizedthat it wasn't about getting
high.
It was about not feelinganymore.
Not feeling pain.
And most of all, in my case, itwas not feeling shame.
Shame.
Humiliation.
Have you ever felt it?
Shame and humiliation walk nextto a person as if they're
(10:10):
actually there, constantlyantagonizing.
And if you've been there, youwant it to go away.
I didn't understand how to makeit go away, but I needed to find
something to make it go away.
To this point, I still hadn'ttold anybody about what had
happened.
And I don't think I was going totell anybody that I found a new
(10:31):
way to cope.
This addiction didn't go zero to100.
It was just the start.
It was the start of me testingconsequences.
It was the start of me seeing ifthe world ends.
If I do something wrong, do Iimmediately get caught?
And I realized that no, none ofthat happened.
(10:53):
But it also made me think aboutthe situation.
It made me think about thesexual abuse I had experienced
in my life.
It brought me back to thatpoint.
But even my own words werecoming back to bite me.
I remember having a group offriends that when they would
look at me, they would alwaysask me, what's wrong with you?
(11:15):
Why are you like that?
Why are you so funny?
Why are you so silly?
Why are you so reckless?
Why don't you care?
Well, I never had told anybodyabout what had happened.
But one thing I was very adamantabout that I would tell everyone
is that I would never do drugs.
And here I found myselfchanging.
Changing my stance for survival.
(11:38):
Well, I didn't realize that thiswas killing me even worse.
And that when addiction cameinto my life, I didn't realize
the monumental task I would haveto take to break that habit.
I don't know if we need to stepback in the room, but maybe we
could peek.
So let me ask you, do youremember the last time you were
(12:01):
sober?
Do you remember when youraddiction started?
Did it look like this?
Who gave you your first hit?
Who encouraged you?
Who made it feel like it wasokay?
Did you understand that you weredoing it because you were
coping?
I understand that sometimes Wejust do things because we do
(12:23):
them.
But if we continue it, there's areason.
And I continued that habit thatwe see in this room.
I didn't want to stop because Iwanted to stop feeling.
You know, young boys have thisway of wanting to be mysterious
and not let anyone know whatthey're thinking to make
everyone think that they don'tfeel nothing, that we're tough,
(12:47):
that we're solid, that we'reunmovable.
But yet, when I was alone, Iwould still go back and look in
the mirror and ask myself, whoare you?
What happened to you?
There was such a hugedisconnection between myself and
my very thoughts.
With the desires of my heart,nothing was in sync.
(13:09):
Everything was out of alignment.
I had a desire to want to live alife that was calm and peaceful.
My mind would tell me, dowhatever you need to do.
My body was reckless,destructive, careless, hateful,
(13:29):
unstable, insecure, out ofalignment.
I actually felt that I hadplenty of reason to cope the way
I was coping.
And things had to come back intoalignment.
The road is long.
That's kind of why I show youthese memories.
Because I do remember I doremember where my life began to
(13:54):
shift and went out of alignment.
Coping doesn't just come withdrugs.
Coping can come with the way youdeal with the opposite sex.
It could deal with the way youtreat people.
It could deal with the way thatyou eat.
I could go on with manyexamples.
(14:18):
But if I continue, it's just forthe sake of allowing you to
associate this conversation withyour coping.
So maybe I don't call outexactly how you're coping, but
if you're coping, you know how.
I could tell you that thatexperience was coping for me.
(14:39):
That experience took me to aplace that I had never been to.
And you know what that was?
It was a place that gave me afalse sense of peace.
Real peace will not end indestruction.
Not the first step and not ahundred steps from that choice.
(15:04):
But there are certain roads thatlead to destruction.
And there are certain roads thatlead to emptiness that cause
chaos between you and maybethose around you.
Cause chaos within yourself.
The turmoil within.
And that's what this was.
(15:25):
It looked peaceful.
And it looked calm.
And it sounded like just becausean adult made it okay that it
was okay.
Immaturity comes in every age.
Well, it might be young.
It might be old.
But we have to make choices.
Choices that create a path to agreat finish.
Sometimes it takes maneuvering.
(15:45):
This memory I've never gone into try to change anything.
It actually just pauses with myfriend on the floor of his room
on his knees with the remotebetween his legs and me sitting
Indian style in front of him,just passing the joint back and
forth.
But as an adult, I look at that.
In fact, when I overcameaddiction, I was still fairly
(16:08):
young.
And even then I would look atthis memory.
And sometimes we go into thesememories.
Well, sometimes I go into thesememories wishing that everything
could stop.
And knowing that I can't make itstop, I just step away.
That's where the suffering comesin.
It's a vicious cycle.
(16:28):
But I let it be, and I realizedthat I had a problem.
Eventually, I had to deal withthat problem.
So how are you coping today?
How do you remedy it?
Some people go for a jog andincorporate something new in
their life.
Some people, they end up inprograms.
Some people go to church, seekcounsel, seek friendship.
(16:49):
Seek fellowship.
Seeking something genuine.
Coping is one of those things.
Many times I wish I could havejust placed it into someone's
hands.
But I had to take a hold of it.
And I had to accept that I wasmasking something.
That the reason when I looked inthe mirror I didn't recognize
that person is because I wasmasking it.
(17:09):
With fake smiles.
With self medication.
Anyway.
Let's close that door.
Let's walk out.
Let's take the stairs back up.
What do you think?
When you look at that door andyou look at that room, how does
that make you feel?
Does it make you feel sad aboutyour own life?
Don't feel sad.
Just accept it.
(17:30):
You've made mistakes.
We've masked it with saying it'srecreational.
It's been masked with us sayingit's helped us.
Because I'll tell you that it'snot just weed.
It grows.
When the pain is intense, itgrows.
And if you're in a place ofrecreation and you have it under
(17:52):
control, then fine.
But I'm talking to those who aredeeper, who understand that you
don't have it.
It has you.
All of this, that's what thisis.
When we look down into thoserooms, there's rooms in there of
violence, rooms in there ofaddiction, of being cruel, all
(18:15):
for the purpose of making myselffeel better.
Anyway, so how do we overcomethat?
We'll put it down.
You might ask God forforgiveness.
You might talk to a friend.
You might change a habit.
But do you realize that it'stime?
It is time to change that habit.
It is time to accept that itcould just be coping.
(18:38):
That that lack of peace thatcould be within, as I had it,
caused me to do that.
Again, no excuse.
Just remember, this doesn't haveto be profound.
It just has to be shared.
And I know why I was coping.
And I had to accept thatsomething bad happened in my
(18:58):
life.
There was no changing it.
And masking the suffering wasnot the way to go.
So, remember, if you feel lost,you can be found.
If you feel unloved, you areloved.
And I know I don't know you, butI do pray that you find peace.
And that your suffering May goaway.
(19:18):
Till next time.
Have a great day.
I am the Timesmith.
ever been lost in your thoughts?
Randomness?
A thought pops into your headand you don't know where it came
from.
Many times it's your past.
Things that have happened thathave not let you go.
(00:32):
Why have they hung on?
Let's talk about that.
Hi, I'm the Timesmith.
Do you know what a healthy mindlooks like?
(00:54):
It's hard to know.
Outward appearances don't showwhat's going on inside.
Maybe you wear a smile todistract everyone from what's
happening inside.
Or maybe you're a grumpy man ora mean woman.
(01:14):
but inside you're just someonewho wants to be loved.
Isn't that what this is?
We don't always get anopportunity to look inside
someone.
This level of transparency hastaken me a very long time to
come to terms with that this iswhat I must do.
(01:36):
Some of it is purpose, some ofit is intent, and some of it is
just longing to let someone hearhow my mind functions after
everything that's happened in mylife.
I'm not a victim, nor do I feelsorry for myself over anything
that's ever happened.
I've gained the strength to wantto fight and to want to push
(01:57):
forward.
It has placed me in a positionknowing that certain things
would become extremely difficultfor me.
As a young teenager beingsurrounded by siblings and being
the youngest of the siblings,Most of the time I wasn't called
by my name, which I won't share.
(02:19):
But if you've had siblings, youknow that you might have been
called by other names like, heystupid, or hey dummy, or hey
mama's boy.
Something other than what yourparents probably called you.
(02:39):
That's not to say that someparents don't call us by those
names.
But it could be because ofdecisions that I made that I was
called those things.
I'm not justifying that it'sokay to call people any
derogatory name or to put anyonedown.
But people judge and they willact on what they see.
(03:01):
And I do have to say that in myyoung teenage years, I did make
dumb decisions.
Again, I'm not condoning thethings that I did except
explaining why i did them ididn't always understand and i
wasn't able to process all theinformation that was given to me
not at school not at home not atchurch and not in a public
(03:26):
setting and because of that iwould come across as i was dumb
or careless or even reckless andthe reason for that was that i
was suffering when i would lookin the mirror even as a young
boy After, you know, thesituation, I would look at
myself and ask, what is wrongwith you?
(03:50):
Why are you like that?
And I would stare at myself.
What does that look like?
I would close the door to thebathroom and I would look at
myself in the mirror and I wouldjust stare.
And I would try to make sense ofwho that person was.
I never recognized who thatperson was.
(04:12):
that was the beginning of thesuffering that's what came with
the evil that was given to menow what that brought to me was
that i wanted to cope i wantedto be okay but okay so if you're
ready we can venture down soremember in the center there's a
(04:38):
counter and to the right there'sa staircase To the left is the
elevator and we're standing inthe forge.
There is a couch in here thatoccasionally I sit down and
think before I go down andthat's if I want to go down.
But you're more than welcome tosit down and converse and talk
(05:00):
about it.
You know, before we go down,there's something that came to
me the other day and, you know,there's King David and he was
going through a really bad time.
And he said something.
And he said, why so downcast, ohmy soul?
Put your hope in God.
(05:22):
He was talking to himself.
He was encouraging himself.
He knew where he wanted to puthis hope in.
I don't know, was he coping?
Was he trying to understand?
And yes, I know that there'speople who would say that
they're scholars and that theyknow exactly what he was going
through.
Well, all I'm getting at is thatSometimes we have no one that
(05:46):
understands ourselves betterthan us.
There's times that there's noone that understands me better
than me.
And I know how to encouragemyself.
In the same respect, I know howto destroy myself.
And I know how to cope with thethings that are ailing me.
Well, I guess I thought at timesthat the choices I made would
(06:08):
help out.
but you know as we walk over tothe staircase i just invite you
to uh just follow me down againlet's just take it slow and you
know as we go down and we passthat first floor and we kind of
see that room that we talkedabout in our first lesson let's
continue down to the secondfloor and on this floor we find
(06:30):
coping the amount of responseswe've given to coping But this
coping here brought something tome that was hard to shake.
In one moment, it broughtsomething that I would fight
years to break, and that wasaddiction.
So let's walk up to the room.
Yes, we've walked by plenty ofrooms, and in every one of these
(06:52):
rooms, there's coping, there'spain, there's wrong responses.
But here, here we see addiction.
Let's step in.
It was a summer morning and afriend of mine invited me to go
to his house.
BMXing was a part of my life.
(07:15):
Everywhere we went, we wouldride as fast and as hard as
possible.
My parents wouldn't let me gomore than a block over because
they didn't want nothing bad tohappen to me, not knowing that
something bad already hadhappened to me.
But if we were fast enough, we'dbe able to sneak away.
go down a couple blocks and inthis case that's what i did and
(07:37):
i ended up at my friend's houseand his room was set up kind of
like a halloween store smokemachine mass not dark in the
sense still a kid's room butmass everywhere i noticed he
liked the halloween theme andhis mom was actually very nice
(07:59):
and In her accent, she said,would you like something to eat?
And respectfully, I said, no,but my friend ended up saying,
yes, yes, we do.
And as we sat there and weplayed with this Super Nintendo,
he pulls out a joint and hesays, you want to try?
And I was so shocked because hismom had just walked in the room
(08:23):
and I said, your mom's going towalk in.
And he says, no, it's okay.
She don't mind.
She'd rather I smoke in the roomthan to go smoke outside because
it's less dangerous.
Struck me kind of odd.
But it seemed to be the responsethat most kids give that smoke
in their home with theirparents.
(08:43):
For half a second, I thoughtthat was the coolest thing ever.
And so he lit it up in his roomand he turned on his smoke
machine and kind of closed thecurtain a little bit and we
began to smoke.
I can't say I felt anything.
I don't know anybody who's evergotten high off the first time
they've smoked.
I think that's part of why wealways go back.
(09:05):
Something that entices a personto say, well, the first time
wasn't right.
And they try again.
But I didn't think that thatfirst hit, though it didn't get
me high, that it would actuallychange my perspective on
something.
I actually felt good.
Maybe I didn't feel high, but Ifelt okay.
(09:25):
I felt light.
I felt unbothered.
And for the first time since Iwas a young boy, I felt calm.
Let's step out of this room.
I don't know how many drugsyou've tried.
Not sure if you've done uppersor downers.
And you know, I don't reallycare to use the specific name.
We all understand what this is.
(09:47):
But in that moment, I realizedthat it wasn't about getting
high.
It was about not feelinganymore.
Not feeling pain.
And most of all, in my case, itwas not feeling shame.
Shame.
Humiliation.
Have you ever felt it?
Shame and humiliation walk nextto a person as if they're
(10:10):
actually there, constantlyantagonizing.
And if you've been there, youwant it to go away.
I didn't understand how to makeit go away, but I needed to find
something to make it go away.
To this point, I still hadn'ttold anybody about what had
happened.
And I don't think I was going totell anybody that I found a new
(10:31):
way to cope.
This addiction didn't go zero to100.
It was just the start.
It was the start of me testingconsequences.
It was the start of me seeing ifthe world ends.
If I do something wrong, do Iimmediately get caught?
And I realized that no, none ofthat happened.
(10:53):
But it also made me think aboutthe situation.
It made me think about thesexual abuse I had experienced
in my life.
It brought me back to thatpoint.
But even my own words werecoming back to bite me.
I remember having a group offriends that when they would
look at me, they would alwaysask me, what's wrong with you?
(11:15):
Why are you like that?
Why are you so funny?
Why are you so silly?
Why are you so reckless?
Why don't you care?
Well, I never had told anybodyabout what had happened.
But one thing I was very adamantabout that I would tell everyone
is that I would never do drugs.
And here I found myselfchanging.
Changing my stance for survival.
(11:38):
Well, I didn't realize that thiswas killing me even worse.
And that when addiction cameinto my life, I didn't realize
the monumental task I would haveto take to break that habit.
I don't know if we need to stepback in the room, but maybe we
could peek.
So let me ask you, do youremember the last time you were
(12:01):
sober?
Do you remember when youraddiction started?
Did it look like this?
Who gave you your first hit?
Who encouraged you?
Who made it feel like it wasokay?
Did you understand that you weredoing it because you were
coping?
I understand that sometimes Wejust do things because we do
(12:23):
them.
But if we continue it, there's areason.
And I continued that habit thatwe see in this room.
I didn't want to stop because Iwanted to stop feeling.
You know, young boys have thisway of wanting to be mysterious
and not let anyone know whatthey're thinking to make
everyone think that they don'tfeel nothing, that we're tough,
(12:47):
that we're solid, that we'reunmovable.
But yet, when I was alone, Iwould still go back and look in
the mirror and ask myself, whoare you?
What happened to you?
There was such a hugedisconnection between myself and
my very thoughts.
With the desires of my heart,nothing was in sync.
(13:09):
Everything was out of alignment.
I had a desire to want to live alife that was calm and peaceful.
My mind would tell me, dowhatever you need to do.
My body was reckless,destructive, careless, hateful,
(13:29):
unstable, insecure, out ofalignment.
I actually felt that I hadplenty of reason to cope the way
I was coping.
And things had to come back intoalignment.
The road is long.
That's kind of why I show youthese memories.
Because I do remember I doremember where my life began to
(13:54):
shift and went out of alignment.
Coping doesn't just come withdrugs.
Coping can come with the way youdeal with the opposite sex.
It could deal with the way youtreat people.
It could deal with the way thatyou eat.
I could go on with manyexamples.
(14:18):
But if I continue, it's just forthe sake of allowing you to
associate this conversation withyour coping.
So maybe I don't call outexactly how you're coping, but
if you're coping, you know how.
I could tell you that thatexperience was coping for me.
(14:39):
That experience took me to aplace that I had never been to.
And you know what that was?
It was a place that gave me afalse sense of peace.
Real peace will not end indestruction.
Not the first step and not ahundred steps from that choice.
(15:04):
But there are certain roads thatlead to destruction.
And there are certain roads thatlead to emptiness that cause
chaos between you and maybethose around you.
Cause chaos within yourself.
The turmoil within.
And that's what this was.
(15:25):
It looked peaceful.
And it looked calm.
And it sounded like just becausean adult made it okay that it
was okay.
Immaturity comes in every age.
Well, it might be young.
It might be old.
But we have to make choices.
Choices that create a path to agreat finish.
Sometimes it takes maneuvering.
(15:45):
This memory I've never gone into try to change anything.
It actually just pauses with myfriend on the floor of his room
on his knees with the remotebetween his legs and me sitting
Indian style in front of him,just passing the joint back and
forth.
But as an adult, I look at that.
In fact, when I overcameaddiction, I was still fairly
(16:08):
young.
And even then I would look atthis memory.
And sometimes we go into thesememories.
Well, sometimes I go into thesememories wishing that everything
could stop.
And knowing that I can't make itstop, I just step away.
That's where the suffering comesin.
It's a vicious cycle.
(16:28):
But I let it be, and I realizedthat I had a problem.
Eventually, I had to deal withthat problem.
So how are you coping today?
How do you remedy it?
Some people go for a jog andincorporate something new in
their life.
Some people, they end up inprograms.
Some people go to church, seekcounsel, seek friendship.
(16:49):
Seek fellowship.
Seeking something genuine.
Coping is one of those things.
Many times I wish I could havejust placed it into someone's
hands.
But I had to take a hold of it.
And I had to accept that I wasmasking something.
That the reason when I looked inthe mirror I didn't recognize
that person is because I wasmasking it.
(17:09):
With fake smiles.
With self medication.
Anyway.
Let's close that door.
Let's walk out.
Let's take the stairs back up.
What do you think?
When you look at that door andyou look at that room, how does
that make you feel?
Does it make you feel sad aboutyour own life?
Don't feel sad.
Just accept it.
(17:30):
You've made mistakes.
We've masked it with saying it'srecreational.
It's been masked with us sayingit's helped us.
Because I'll tell you that it'snot just weed.
It grows.
When the pain is intense, itgrows.
And if you're in a place ofrecreation and you have it under
(17:52):
control, then fine.
But I'm talking to those who aredeeper, who understand that you
don't have it.
It has you.
All of this, that's what thisis.
When we look down into thoserooms, there's rooms in there of
violence, rooms in there ofaddiction, of being cruel, all
(18:15):
for the purpose of making myselffeel better.
Anyway, so how do we overcomethat?
We'll put it down.
You might ask God forforgiveness.
You might talk to a friend.
You might change a habit.
But do you realize that it'stime?
It is time to change that habit.
It is time to accept that itcould just be coping.
(18:38):
That that lack of peace thatcould be within, as I had it,
caused me to do that.
Again, no excuse.
Just remember, this doesn't haveto be profound.
It just has to be shared.
And I know why I was coping.
And I had to accept thatsomething bad happened in my
(18:58):
life.
There was no changing it.
And masking the suffering wasnot the way to go.
So, remember, if you feel lost,you can be found.
If you feel unloved, you areloved.
And I know I don't know you, butI do pray that you find peace.
And that your suffering May goaway.
(19:18):
Till next time.
Have a great day.
I am the Timesmith.
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