Lesson 7. Balance: Twilight

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Welcome back to The TimeSmith. I’m glad you’re here. If you’ve been following along, you’ll know that in our last lesson, we confronted darkness—not just as something to fear or run from, but as something to step into with awareness, intention, and truth.

Today’s lesson is balance. If there’s darkness, what counters it? Light—not just its opposite, but its remedy. This episode explores the deep mental and spiritual spaces we avoid, the loneliness we don’t admit, and the experiences that feel too personal or too painful to say out loud.

We step into the forge once again—the place where transformation happens. Yes, it might resemble a dungeon. It might feel cold, empty. But I’ve learned not to fear loneliness. I don’t have to fill every space. And maybe neither do you.

We talk about how we cope, how we process trauma, and how we live through what we don't always understand. I share a personal, spiritual experience—one I’ve held onto for years—about a night in my youth when I felt an invisible force torment me. The kind of experience that makes you question what’s real, what’s imagined, and what’s spiritual. That night, I learned something about balance. About the name that breaks darkness. About calling out light in the dark, not just hoping it shows up.

This episode is about what it means to confront what’s broken in us without running. To speak honestly about trauma and still reach toward wholeness. It's also about not staying in those dark places forever. I don’t share these stories to be dramatic. I share them because someone out there might be going through something similar, and they need to know: you’re not alone.

We dive into what it means to not just memorize truth but to live it. To stop hiding the most shameful parts of ourselves and instead, extract the lessons that can free us—and maybe even free someone else.

You’ll also hear me speak about why I stopped trusting people at a young age. Why I started writing to God. And why, even now, I believe those memories were not just for me. They were lessons, not just wounds.

So if you’ve been in a season of struggle, questioning your worth, or stuck in cycles you can’t seem to break—this episode is for you. If you’ve ever sat in your room in the dark wondering if anyone sees you, hears you, or understands—this episode is for you. And if you’re someone who wants to understand the mind, trauma, or healing at a deeper level—this is your forge too.

Balance isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about acknowledging both the shadows and the light—and choosing, intentionally, to walk toward the light when darkness feels overwhelming.

Next episode, we’ll talk about identity. So if that topic speaks to you, come prepared. Research it, think about it, and bring your questions. I’ll bring my truth.

Until then—if you feel lost, know you can be found. If you feel unloved, know you are loved.

God bless you.

I am The Timesmith.

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Forged in thought. Built in Truth. Spoken from experience.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:10):
ever been lost in your thoughts?
Randomness?
A thought pops into your headand you don't know where it came
from.
Many times it's your past.
Things that have happened thathave not let you go.

(00:32):
Why have they hung on?
Let's talk about that.
Hi, I'm the Timesmith, andwelcome back.
I hope you had time to listen tothe last lesson, darkness.

(00:56):
Not sure how many of you tookthat lesson, if it was something
that you processed and chewedon.
Darkness is a funny thing, as weare told to shy away from it, or
get away from it, not get intoit.
But I had to dive into that.
in order to find out the truthabout what's happening within

(01:17):
myself.
I didn't want to just leave itas that.
I had to tie up some loose ends.
So in order to do that, we haveto talk about balance.
For those of you who have comeback and listened, first of all,
thank you.
And I do hope that you'regetting something out of it.
I've tried really hard to getthis message out.

(01:39):
Contacting as many people aspossible and getting on social
media so that people can comeand take a listen.
But the route that I'm taking, Iknow even trying to explain
this, is something that peopledon't process openly.
Anything that has to do with themind is another reason why
people shy away from.

(02:00):
I'm not looking to unlock orgain access to anyone.
What I am trying to do is giveyou the keys to unlock
yourselves, to gain access tothe darkest parts of yourself,
The things that keep you stuck.
So how do we get unstuck?
Well, we have to dive in.

(02:22):
Today's lesson is balance.
If there's darkness, then what'sthe balance to darkness?
I would say it's the light, notjust the opposite, but actually
what counters the darkness.
Let's step into the forge.
What do you see when you stepinto the forge?

(02:42):
I think when I step in here, Ithink of something that looks
like a dungeon.
Sometimes it's dark.
Sometimes it's cold.
Even though there's furnitureand doors and door frames, it
does feel a little empty attimes.
Emptiness and loneliness doesn'tscare me.
I don't always have to fillthese spaces.

(03:05):
Loneliness is something thatpeople shy away from.

SPEAKER_01 (03:07):
Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 (03:08):
Shying away.
That's a word that keeps poppingup.
Why?
Because we become apprehensive.
We don't rush in.
Yes, there's that thought thatpeople say a fool rushes in.
If you've never been in before,then yes, I understand that you
would say you cannot rush in.
I move around in here freely.

(03:30):
Again, like I said in my lastlesson, I've bumped myself on
the shin.
I've tripped.
I've hurt myself.
And what exactly does it looklike when we hurt ourselves?
That could be anything.
It could be making mistakes.
It could be coping.
It could be the way that we dealwith this life.

(03:50):
But those things don't alwaysbring balance.
Sometimes what it does is itbrings, it brings problems of
its own.
We might think we know theoutcome of what is to come, but
no, we do not know the outcome.
If we've never experienced acertain situation, then all we
can do is guess.

(04:11):
Yes, many times people readbooks to say, I do know what's
supposed to happen based ontheory.
There's very few books out therethat talk about the brokenness
of a mind, PTSD, and trauma.
I have linked a book in the linktree I have, and it'll show you

(04:33):
a little bit more about the waythe mind works.
More on the medical side.
Again, I'm not a doctor.
But the information is there sothat we can process.
Going back to balance, whatexactly does that look like?
This is more about the thoughtand the steps I took to find
that balance.

(04:53):
To not spend too much time justin the darkness, just to spend
time in the darkness.
But also, you could spend somuch time reading.
And I am a Bible reader.
And one of the things Ichallenge those that read the
Bible is not just to memorize,though memorizing is good.
It's good for training, to putsomething good into your mind.

(05:15):
But also, I challenge you to tryto live one verse.
We can learn so much, but noneof that matters if we can't live
it.
So the balance.
Let's go to that.
So what is the balance?
A few weeks ago, I was talkingabout when I was writing.
I guess I would say a fewlessons ago.
When I would write, I wouldnormally address it to God.

(05:39):
I would address it to someonewho I thought was listening.
I had completely given up onpeople at a very young age.
I think I had already given upby the age of 15.
Not sure exactly where thatlands with you, but maybe you're
in your 20s, 30s, 40s, andyou're just starting to give up

(06:03):
on people.
Well, I did it when I was 15.
I didn't really care about whatpeople thought anymore.
I didn't think that they had theright motives.
Those that wanted to help, thosethat wanted to push me forward,
or as they said, I always feltlike it was something for them.
Now, one of the things that Iwas taught at a young age is

(06:27):
that I should not get tired indoing good.
Doing good, that's a difficultone.
Why?
Because I spent a lot of time inthe darkness.
So it's not just being down inthe lower floors.
It was more of a mindset thatthe only things I was looking
for in this space was thedarkness.

(06:47):
That if I did find somethingthat was of light, I shied away
from it thinking that Iunderstood it all.
Somewhat arrogant.
There are situations though,that when you step into the
light, you might not entirelylike what you see.
not saying that you might finddarkness in those light in the
light moments but i'm justsaying that when the truth hits

(07:09):
you it doesn't always settle solet's go down and let's check i
do like visiting memories morethan anything the memories allow
me to see if i've mastered asituation again as i was saying
we have to learn to live it ifyou overcome one situation

(07:30):
That's not to say you canovercome everything.
But when you're young, you mightwant to overcome talking back.
You might want to overcomecussing.
Well, that's not where lifeends.
Then you get hit with thingsthat get a little more severe.
Addiction and coping.
Darkness.

(07:52):
The things that scare us.
Well, I do want to sharesomething about this darkness
and the light.
Somewhere around 17 or 18.
So let's find that door.
And as we walk down the hall, westill continue to see many

(08:12):
doors.
It seems as though this hallwayjust goes on forever.
And I'm not sure exactly whatyou feel when you walk through
these halls.
If you feel at peace or if youfeel uneasy.
But yes, even at times, I feeluneasy myself.
Well, here's the door.
Let's step in.
one night I had finally gottenmy car and I was driving home

(08:39):
and usually I would see aneighbor outside he was about my
age so he would be hanging outlate and I would wave at him by
this time I was already going tochurch and our youth night would
end kind of late we'd go to eatat a Carl's Jr.
and after that I'd just drivehome Well, I walk up to my room

(09:04):
and I thought about what wasspoken.
There was a lot of things Ididn't tell the leaders there or
the people there.
They just kind of seen me as aperson that had broken away
from, and I'll mention this forthe first time, here, gangs, as
you know, drugs, anger.
And I found myself around kids,teenagers my age, But there was

(09:31):
a lot of stuff that I didn'ttalk to them about.
I didn't talk to them about mymindset.
I didn't talk to them about whatI was dealing with.
I would just go there and singtheir songs and sit down and
listen, observe, take it in.
Well, that's what I would thinkabout when I'd get home.
Around that time, there wasreally no one waiting up for me.

(09:52):
So I just shut the light off andI'd sit in the dark.
Yes, the door was closed and Mybed, it didn't have a bed frame.
I just kind of put the box frameon the ground and threw my
mattress over it.
I liked it kind of low.
Had a small TV in there.
And I remember it vividly.
I would always close the closetdoor.

(10:13):
And I have talked about themonsters in the closet.
Well, I closed the closet, kindof walked around my room a
little bit, just pacing,thinking.
What does everything really meanwhen I go outside?
and the things that they talkabout, the future that I wanted,
the mistakes I've made.
Even at that age, 17, I wasalready extremely overwhelmed

(10:37):
with the decisions I had to maketo better my life.
I felt that if I made onedecision, it could be
catastrophic.
At times, I felt that if I madea mistake, that it could be
fatal.
I'm not sure how many of you hadthat thought when you were
young, but I was definitely oneof those who thought to myself,

(10:58):
I will never live to see 18.
I have a few stories about thatand I'll share them on another
lesson.
But it was something that wasvery vivid and alive.
The evidence that showed me itis possible and not just a
thought.
I took it very serious.

(11:18):
Well, I finally sit down on mybed, silence, nothing.
I changed my clothes out and gotinto something a little more
appropriate to go to sleep.
I laid there, put my handsbehind my head and looked up
into the ceiling.

(11:39):
I've always been one thatimagines pictures on the ceiling
connecting.
And at the time we had atextured ceiling that I would
make faces out of and designsand think and let my mind
wander.
I didn't really need too muchTV.
My mind was good enough.

(12:00):
And I began to fade and fallasleep.
And just then I was awoken by alaugh.
I didn't jump up, but itstartled me.
And it sounded like my neighborthat was still outside laughing.
And I kind of peeked out thewindow, but there was no one
there.
Didn't really know if I wasawake or if I was asleep.

(12:22):
But this was something veryusual that I had dealt with
since I was a child.
This hidden torment.
I had never been equipped forthis.
I did grow up in a Christianhome, and my mother had taught
me words in Spanish.
And at the time, I would pray,La sangre de Cristo tiene poder,

(12:42):
which translates into, The bloodof Jesus has power.
So, that's what I said.
But it didn't stop.
The laughing continued again andI kept looking.
It sounded exactly like myneighbor.
But I went to lay down and putmy head back down on the pillow

(13:03):
and put my hands behind my headand I closed my eyes.
I wasn't extremely startled atthat moment.
Again, I just lay down andclosed my eyes.
I'm not sure how long I wasasleep and how real this moment
was.
But just then, I felt somethinggrab me, and it slid me from my

(13:25):
bed to the closet in a mostabrupt way, and I tried to grab
onto the closet.
I could not grasp it, and itthrew me back to the bed, again
grabbing myself onto the bed,but I had no control.
I knew I was equipped, but as itthrusted me once more to the
closet, I yelled, and the onlything I could yell was, the

(13:49):
blood of Jesus has power.
And it dropped me.
I looked around and I didn'tknow if I was awake or if I was
asleep.
There was a certain fear, as youwould imagine, not knowing if it
really happened or if it didn'thappen.
I just sat there kind ofconfused.

(14:09):
But I was on the ground.
So I picked myself up from theground and put myself back in
the bed.
And I began to pray.
Let's take a step out realquick.
Remember that, you know, theseare memories.
This is something that I'm justsharing and it's not happening
to me at the moment.

(14:33):
But what it's doing, it'sreminding me of the balance of
the darkness and the light.
I share this because I feel thatthere might be someone who has
experienced this.
And as I've said before, youmight be listening because
you're interested to know aboutthe mind of brokenness.

(14:53):
But there might be someonethat's actually dealing with
this.
It's tormenting.
It's hard to escape.
You get stuck.
And even those moments after thenext day, you can continue to
think about it.
You can be at work and stillthinking about it and not want
to share it with anybody becauseyou don't want to seem like

(15:15):
you're weird.
And I'm taking a huge chancehere showing people exactly the
things that I've been throughfrom the trauma and what it's
grown into just for the sake oftrying to get someone unstuck.
So what do you feel when you seethat?
When you look into this room,right, what do you do?

(15:36):
Do you sit there in fear?
Does it make you freeze?
Do you have sympathy for someonewho's been through that?
I've heard that plenty of timesto say, I cannot believe you've
been through that, Timesmith.
Yeah, well, That's my life.
And those are the things thathave tormented me.

(15:58):
So what's the balance to that?
You know that the balance tothat was that quick prayer.
It was claiming the blood ofJesus.
That's what the balance was tothe darkness.
To make it all stop.
So we might not all believe thatthat's what makes these moments
stop.
But that doesn't change the factthat it made it stop.

(16:21):
And I'm not entirely sure ofyour methods.
And if they work.
Again.
These are the methods thatworked for me.
That I've seen work in others.
Just the way I've talked aboutwriting.
This is something else.
That the balance to thedarkness.
Isn't just hoping that there'slight in us.

(16:42):
But calling that light out.
In the darkness.
That's the balance.
Are you in darkness?
And if you are.
Are you okay?
Again, grab my hand and whydon't we just walk up the
stairs?
Don't look back.
That's something we have toremember is that we have to push

(17:04):
ourselves for what's ahead andforget what is behind us.
Why I haven't forgotten allthese things.
I pray daily and ask God.
But I think he's chosen to helpme to remember and not just
remember but to grab the lessonsfrom these memories that I could
pass them on.
What was the lesson here?

(17:24):
Don't just sit in the darkness.
Call out the light in thatdarkness.
Exposing the truth is what willset you free.
We don't always want to seethat.
And believe me when I tell you,I don't want to be telling
everybody about some of theseexperiences.

(17:44):
Sometimes they're embarrassingand they're a little shameful.
It makes me feel that I'm notnormal, that I'm not like
everyone else.
And I'm not looking forconfirmation for those who have
experienced it so that I don'thave to feel like I'm not like
everyone else.
I just say that.

(18:06):
Well, we're back in the forge.
You know, I was thinking aboutthe next lesson.
Many times I could talk aboutthese lessons for longer than
the podcast that I put out.
I do feel that I can go on aboutthese matters longer than the
time allotted.
I just choose to cut them when Ido.

(18:29):
I was asked if I can talk aboutidentity.
So on our next lesson, that'swhat I'll be talking about.
Identity.
So you can do research onidentity if you want.
You can come prepared.
And I'll give you my perspectiveon that.
Again, If you feel lost, can befound.

(18:51):
If you feel unloved, you areloved.
God bless you.
I am the Timesmith.