June 25, 2025 • 16 mins
Have you ever been lost in your thoughts? A random memory comes back and you’re not sure where it came from. Often, it’s your past—unfinished, unresolved, unspoken. In this episode of *The Time Smith*, we explore the deeper layers of **identity**: how it’s shaped, mislabeled, and ultimately reclaimed.
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 Using vivid imagery of rooms, floors, and memory-laden hallways, The Time Smith invites you into the forge of his own mind—a place where chaos was once the norm, but order was created out of necessity. This episode is both a journey and an invitation to reflect on your own inner world.
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 🛠️ In this episode:
 - What happens when our identity is shaped by insults, labels, or silence
 - Why journaling, structure, and principles are key to survival
 - A metaphorical walk through the “junk drawer” of the mind
 - How siblings, childhood nicknames, and isolation impact our self-worth
 - How faith, memory, and grace can rebuild what was nearly lost
Â
 > “Maybe you believed the lie. Maybe you've been living in names that aren’t yours. But what do you say about yourself?”
Â
 This isn’t just about the past—it’s about mastering the test, speaking with intention, and standing on something solid. Because identity is more than memory—it’s how you move forward.
Â
 🪓 Step back into the forge. Find the door marked *identity*. Open it.
Â
🎙️Thanks for listening to The Time Smith
✉️Join the Mission: https://linktr.ee/TheTimeSmith
đź””Subscribe and leave a review to help more people find this message.
Forged in thought. Built in Truth. Spoken from experience.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:10):
Have you ever been lost in your thoughts?
Randomness?
A thought pops into your headand you don't know where it came
from.
Many times it's your past.
Things that have happened thathave not let you go.
(00:32):
Why have they hung on?
Let's talk about that.
Welcome to Timesmith and welcomeback.
I hope you had time to listen tothe last lesson, Twilight.
(00:57):
It's about balance.
But let's move on.
I was asked if I can speak aboutidentity.
And so it did take me some timeto find that within myself and
let those thoughts come to me.
But let's enter the forge.
(01:17):
When we look around, what do wesee?
Many times I've started theselessons with the counter, the
staircase, the elevator, couch,the coldness in the room,
pictures on the wall.
Ultimately, this is who I am.
This is my makeup.
(01:40):
When my mind was a mess and Ibegan to think there was no
stability within myself, that Ican gather any information,
which felt that I had noinformation.
It was extremely hard to find.
Some of us have a junk drawer athome, possibly in the kitchen,
which has everything from billsto letters and pencils and
(02:03):
batteries.
You know it's in there, butdon't know exactly where it's
at.
But what would your house looklike if every drawer was a junk
drawer?
Socks in the kitchen, Batteriesin the bathroom.
Bills in the living room.
The house would be a mess.
When I look inside myself, Idon't see that anymore.
(02:25):
But it was.
And it was a huge mess.
Everything was just being thrownin here.
And I had to change that.
I had to change that for thesake of survival.
Again, as I said in my lastlesson, I didn't feel that I'd
lived past the age of 18.
So I needed something to keepmyself alive.
(02:46):
And in this case, it wasn'toxygen and it wasn't food.
It was consistency andstability.
Outside of ourselves, we canrespond with training that we've
been taught by our parents,schools, or even work on how to
properly act.
So, we can become consistent inour workplace, in our schools,
(03:08):
and in other settings.
On top of it, manners comes intoplay.
But we don't always have thosemanners for ourselves.
Or the courtesy for ourselves.
I don't want to steer too farfrom the topic.
But it's identity.
And really who you are.
And who you are is how you act.
Character.
(03:30):
I was thinking of a couplesayings that I remember.
But the first one being this.
Helen Keller.
You might have heard her.
But her first words were this.
I am not dumb now.
She was treated as such forbeing blind and deaf, but she
didn't have a way to learn untilshe found the proper teacher.
(03:51):
You should read about her if youhaven't.
But she made a profoundstatement, which applies to all
of us, that maybe at one pointyou were dumb, or even at
another point you might havebeen blind.
Maybe not the way she was, butblind to the things that are
right in front of you, notnoticing, not focusing, Well,
(04:12):
that's the point, becauseeverything is a mess.
And that's why I choose to showyou this.
I was apprehensive, as I'veexplained, to share this,
because it shows who I am.
This is my identity.
In my real life, those that arearound me, many times I do get
looks after I speak, a curiositymaybe.
(04:34):
Or, where does this thoughtprocess begin, or how does he
get there?
I use all my life lessons.
I don't like reliving moments.
Again, that's suffering.
But if I haven't mastered someof the easiest lessons, I will
purposely allow myself to relivethem again.
Life will force you to relivethem if you don't ace the test.
(04:57):
If you go to school and you geta D, a 69, you will fail the
class.
If you get a 70, you might passwith a low C.
Average.
But average is not mastering.
And I'm one of those individualswho not just wants to perform at
the highest possible capabilitythat I have, but knowing that I
(05:19):
can.
That's my identity.
When I've stepped into this roomor this forge, it was difficult
because I couldn't move around.
I was stuck, but not just stuckbecause I couldn't get out of my
mind or out of my head, stuckbecause I didn't know where to
go.
with all the information that Ihad been given.
When someone told me somethingas easy as hard work will pay
(05:43):
off, I didn't understand whereto place that principle.
So what did I have to do?
I had to learn about principles,knowing that those are
foundational to our growth.
So what does all this have to dowith identity?
Who are you and what are youmade of?
My dad used to show me a song orI would say my siblings and I a
(06:05):
song And it was 16 tons.
And there was a line in thatsong that said, I was made of
muscle and blood.
It really allowed me to see thetoughness of who I am as a man,
who we are as people.
So as we go through life, we dopay attention or better yet
said, I have paid attention tothe things that try to define
(06:26):
me.
Songs, moods, those that Ichoose to have around me as
friends and the way I processand think, wanting to associate
with others.
This whole thought process hadleft me feeling isolated because
I hadn't found anyone that wouldthink this way.
I know I'm not the only one thatwas made this way.
(06:46):
So how do you file yourthoughts?
How do you organize yourthoughts?
Where do you place them?
Do you even keep them anywheresafe?
Do you have a setup like mine?
Is it this deep?
Well, maybe you're justbeginning to notice that you
might need some organizing.
So why don't we venture down andlet's go down a little bit
(07:10):
deeper and take the stairs.
Let's just go to the secondfloor.
And there's a memory that I havein here about identity.
I think the first time I startedto notice really about who I was
was not necessarily who I toldmyself I was, but what others
(07:30):
told me I am.
Watch your step and hang on tothe rail.
As we pass the first floor, justtake a look down the hall of
memories, but let's go down alittle bit further to the second
floor.
On the second floor, we find adoor and this door is identity.
(07:52):
I don't really like coming inhere mainly because I've
forgiven what's happened in thisroom.
Now, if people want to grow pastthat, that's something
different.
But on my perspective, I nolonger hold a grudge about this.
And I did.
Let's open this door.
When I was younger, again, I'mthe youngest of the siblings.
(08:17):
I do have a younger sibling, myyounger sister.
But amongst the boys, I'm theyoungest of boys in the large
family.
And in this room, what we see isme with my siblings.
And being the younger brother,we take on the brunt of all the
jokes.
(08:38):
It didn't help out that I wasshort as a child.
I had a big head, big teeth.
I laughed at everything.
It seemed like nothing reallybothered me, but it did.
Being called a short person whenyou're young minimizes you,
makes you feel inadequate.
(08:58):
The fact that I had Thesituation happened to me when we
were young.
We would use words such as,you're gay.
Things that brothers tell eachother.
But they didn't know what hadhappened to me.
Other names that siblings calleach other are stupid and idiot.
(09:20):
But one thing I never respondedto was brother.
I don't remember ever beingcalled, hey brother, by my
siblings.
I was either called by my nameor I was called one of the
things I just mentioned.
And we choose to believe that.
And it's hard to just paint apicture because it was every
(09:43):
moment.
And that's how we grow up.
Some can say, well, you neededto toughen up.
I did.
I did toughen up.
I became a fighter as I gotolder and I became angry.
I became silent and I stoppedlaughing.
But when you're a child andyou're seven and you're eight,
(10:04):
nine, it's important that wedon't listen to what people tell
us that we are knowing that it'snot right.
Because what that comes with isa fight.
Growing up, that's what lifewas, a fight.
I would fight with my siblings.
I would fight with people on thestreet, other kids, mainly
(10:26):
because I didn't want to hearwho they told me that I was.
I knew who I was.
That's influence.
Siblings have a way of havinginfluence over you.
Let's step out of the room realquick and let's talk about
something.
I have children now.
And one of the things I wouldtell my children, and this is a
(10:49):
very easy example, was that whenmy children's room would be
dirty, I would tell themsomething like this.
For being a clean child, yourroom is rather dirty.
I didn't want to come out andsay, you're a pig, clean your
room, because I was afraid thatthey might think that they're
(11:11):
actually pigs, opposed to beingclean children.
That's what I'm trying toexplain in this room, is that in
this room, and if we just kindof step back in, we see siblings
calling each other stupid.
We see siblings calling eachother gay.
derogatory terms, things thatput people down.
(11:32):
Now, if you are those things,then you might not agree
entirely with what I'm saying.
But what I am saying is that Idon't believe that I'm stupid.
Helen Keller mentioned, I am notdumb now.
There's things that I was that Ino longer am.
I used to be violent and I wouldtell myself I am violent.
(11:57):
We all have names.
And now I use the nameTimesmith.
I am the Timesmith.
I am a welder.
I am a writer.
I am a podcaster.
What are you?
Are you stupid?
I don't think you are.
(12:17):
Are you lazy?
I don't believe that either.
It starts young, but we don'teven notice when it starts.
That's kind of why this roomlooks the way it does, that it
really has no format or nolayout because it's every moment
it's every moment growing up butcan you find the memory when
(12:38):
someone finally told you heyyou're pretty smart hey you look
nice today something thatencourages us to find out who we
actually are our identity lifehas a funny way of making us
feel that we are alone Andwanting to show who we are isn't
(13:01):
so easy.
I think as I've gotten older, Ifind pieces of myself in other
people.
Variations of me, I see inpeople.
We are not identical by anystretch of the imagination.
But we do have similarities.
I'm not big on judging.
I do a lot of assessing.
(13:24):
I look at things.
I look at people.
I wonder and I assess.
I usually don't make any finaljudgments as I know that as long
as you're alive, there could bea change that happens.
Yes, there's times that I lookat people and at the time, yes,
they are currently violent.
They're rude and they're crude.
They're unloved and they respondto such.
(13:47):
They've entirely accepted thatthat's who they are at the
moment.
Moving past that, they're goingto need to accept that the
design and who and what theyare.
I'm a firm believer that we aremade in the image of God and
that we have a design withinourselves that is predominantly
(14:08):
love and kindness and goodnesswithin ourselves.
And that's not to minimize thatwe can be tough, hands-on, and
that there's an aggressivenesswithin ourselves.
The parts that we see in animalsis the part I love about
ourselves is that We have partsof those things within
ourselves.
So yes, I grew up fighting and Istill like fighting, just not in
(14:33):
the way that I used to.
And yes, I have taught mychildren how to fight, how to
keep their hands up, how todefend themselves.
I come from that schooling.
They reflect parts of me.
So can you see a little bitclearer about who you are?
Maybe you've believed the lie.
Maybe you've gravitated to thewords that others have said
(14:56):
about you.
But what do you say aboutyourself?
Do you tell yourself that you'restrong?
Do you tell yourself that you'resmart?
What are you?
Anyway, why don't we walk out?
You know, before we go, lookdown this hall and there's
rooms.
(15:17):
Room after room after room.
All of this was organized.
because of who I am.
One thing I know I am iscomplicated.
It might bother people that I'mcomplicated, but it doesn't
bother me.
I know that this is who I am.
Sometimes I have to learn toarticulate that I don't
(15:39):
complicate my conversations withpeople because I know that they
can't take everything in thatI'm saying.
Sometimes my thoughts get aheadof my words.
And I'm not able to translateeverything I want to say.
So I need to speak slow, not foryou, but for myself.
(15:59):
Let's go up.
You know, there's memories inhere.
I always look down this hall.
There's so many things here.
So many lessons that I'velearned that I want to share
with you.
Let's keep going back up to theforge.
There's something up here in theforge that I've never really
shared.
And it's the ground.
(16:20):
It's the flooring.
It's foundational.
I think that's what I want totalk about next.
Foundation.
Principles.
Well, if you feel unloved, guesswhat?
You are loved.
If you're lost, you can befound.
God bless you.
(16:42):
I am the Timesmith.
Have you ever been lost in your thoughts?
Randomness?
A thought pops into your headand you don't know where it came
from.
Many times it's your past.
Things that have happened thathave not let you go.
(00:32):
Why have they hung on?
Let's talk about that.
Welcome to Timesmith and welcomeback.
I hope you had time to listen tothe last lesson, Twilight.
(00:57):
It's about balance.
But let's move on.
I was asked if I can speak aboutidentity.
And so it did take me some timeto find that within myself and
let those thoughts come to me.
But let's enter the forge.
(01:17):
When we look around, what do wesee?
Many times I've started theselessons with the counter, the
staircase, the elevator, couch,the coldness in the room,
pictures on the wall.
Ultimately, this is who I am.
This is my makeup.
(01:40):
When my mind was a mess and Ibegan to think there was no
stability within myself, that Ican gather any information,
which felt that I had noinformation.
It was extremely hard to find.
Some of us have a junk drawer athome, possibly in the kitchen,
which has everything from billsto letters and pencils and
(02:03):
batteries.
You know it's in there, butdon't know exactly where it's
at.
But what would your house looklike if every drawer was a junk
drawer?
Socks in the kitchen, Batteriesin the bathroom.
Bills in the living room.
The house would be a mess.
When I look inside myself, Idon't see that anymore.
(02:25):
But it was.
And it was a huge mess.
Everything was just being thrownin here.
And I had to change that.
I had to change that for thesake of survival.
Again, as I said in my lastlesson, I didn't feel that I'd
lived past the age of 18.
So I needed something to keepmyself alive.
(02:46):
And in this case, it wasn'toxygen and it wasn't food.
It was consistency andstability.
Outside of ourselves, we canrespond with training that we've
been taught by our parents,schools, or even work on how to
properly act.
So, we can become consistent inour workplace, in our schools,
(03:08):
and in other settings.
On top of it, manners comes intoplay.
But we don't always have thosemanners for ourselves.
Or the courtesy for ourselves.
I don't want to steer too farfrom the topic.
But it's identity.
And really who you are.
And who you are is how you act.
Character.
(03:30):
I was thinking of a couplesayings that I remember.
But the first one being this.
Helen Keller.
You might have heard her.
But her first words were this.
I am not dumb now.
She was treated as such forbeing blind and deaf, but she
didn't have a way to learn untilshe found the proper teacher.
(03:51):
You should read about her if youhaven't.
But she made a profoundstatement, which applies to all
of us, that maybe at one pointyou were dumb, or even at
another point you might havebeen blind.
Maybe not the way she was, butblind to the things that are
right in front of you, notnoticing, not focusing, Well,
(04:12):
that's the point, becauseeverything is a mess.
And that's why I choose to showyou this.
I was apprehensive, as I'veexplained, to share this,
because it shows who I am.
This is my identity.
In my real life, those that arearound me, many times I do get
looks after I speak, a curiositymaybe.
(04:34):
Or, where does this thoughtprocess begin, or how does he
get there?
I use all my life lessons.
I don't like reliving moments.
Again, that's suffering.
But if I haven't mastered someof the easiest lessons, I will
purposely allow myself to relivethem again.
Life will force you to relivethem if you don't ace the test.
(04:57):
If you go to school and you geta D, a 69, you will fail the
class.
If you get a 70, you might passwith a low C.
Average.
But average is not mastering.
And I'm one of those individualswho not just wants to perform at
the highest possible capabilitythat I have, but knowing that I
(05:19):
can.
That's my identity.
When I've stepped into this roomor this forge, it was difficult
because I couldn't move around.
I was stuck, but not just stuckbecause I couldn't get out of my
mind or out of my head, stuckbecause I didn't know where to
go.
with all the information that Ihad been given.
When someone told me somethingas easy as hard work will pay
(05:43):
off, I didn't understand whereto place that principle.
So what did I have to do?
I had to learn about principles,knowing that those are
foundational to our growth.
So what does all this have to dowith identity?
Who are you and what are youmade of?
My dad used to show me a song orI would say my siblings and I a
(06:05):
song And it was 16 tons.
And there was a line in thatsong that said, I was made of
muscle and blood.
It really allowed me to see thetoughness of who I am as a man,
who we are as people.
So as we go through life, we dopay attention or better yet
said, I have paid attention tothe things that try to define
(06:26):
me.
Songs, moods, those that Ichoose to have around me as
friends and the way I processand think, wanting to associate
with others.
This whole thought process hadleft me feeling isolated because
I hadn't found anyone that wouldthink this way.
I know I'm not the only one thatwas made this way.
(06:46):
So how do you file yourthoughts?
How do you organize yourthoughts?
Where do you place them?
Do you even keep them anywheresafe?
Do you have a setup like mine?
Is it this deep?
Well, maybe you're justbeginning to notice that you
might need some organizing.
So why don't we venture down andlet's go down a little bit
(07:10):
deeper and take the stairs.
Let's just go to the secondfloor.
And there's a memory that I havein here about identity.
I think the first time I startedto notice really about who I was
was not necessarily who I toldmyself I was, but what others
(07:30):
told me I am.
Watch your step and hang on tothe rail.
As we pass the first floor, justtake a look down the hall of
memories, but let's go down alittle bit further to the second
floor.
On the second floor, we find adoor and this door is identity.
(07:52):
I don't really like coming inhere mainly because I've
forgiven what's happened in thisroom.
Now, if people want to grow pastthat, that's something
different.
But on my perspective, I nolonger hold a grudge about this.
And I did.
Let's open this door.
When I was younger, again, I'mthe youngest of the siblings.
(08:17):
I do have a younger sibling, myyounger sister.
But amongst the boys, I'm theyoungest of boys in the large
family.
And in this room, what we see isme with my siblings.
And being the younger brother,we take on the brunt of all the
jokes.
(08:38):
It didn't help out that I wasshort as a child.
I had a big head, big teeth.
I laughed at everything.
It seemed like nothing reallybothered me, but it did.
Being called a short person whenyou're young minimizes you,
makes you feel inadequate.
(08:58):
The fact that I had Thesituation happened to me when we
were young.
We would use words such as,you're gay.
Things that brothers tell eachother.
But they didn't know what hadhappened to me.
Other names that siblings calleach other are stupid and idiot.
(09:20):
But one thing I never respondedto was brother.
I don't remember ever beingcalled, hey brother, by my
siblings.
I was either called by my nameor I was called one of the
things I just mentioned.
And we choose to believe that.
And it's hard to just paint apicture because it was every
(09:43):
moment.
And that's how we grow up.
Some can say, well, you neededto toughen up.
I did.
I did toughen up.
I became a fighter as I gotolder and I became angry.
I became silent and I stoppedlaughing.
But when you're a child andyou're seven and you're eight,
(10:04):
nine, it's important that wedon't listen to what people tell
us that we are knowing that it'snot right.
Because what that comes with isa fight.
Growing up, that's what lifewas, a fight.
I would fight with my siblings.
I would fight with people on thestreet, other kids, mainly
(10:26):
because I didn't want to hearwho they told me that I was.
I knew who I was.
That's influence.
Siblings have a way of havinginfluence over you.
Let's step out of the room realquick and let's talk about
something.
I have children now.
And one of the things I wouldtell my children, and this is a
(10:49):
very easy example, was that whenmy children's room would be
dirty, I would tell themsomething like this.
For being a clean child, yourroom is rather dirty.
I didn't want to come out andsay, you're a pig, clean your
room, because I was afraid thatthey might think that they're
(11:11):
actually pigs, opposed to beingclean children.
That's what I'm trying toexplain in this room, is that in
this room, and if we just kindof step back in, we see siblings
calling each other stupid.
We see siblings calling eachother gay.
derogatory terms, things thatput people down.
(11:32):
Now, if you are those things,then you might not agree
entirely with what I'm saying.
But what I am saying is that Idon't believe that I'm stupid.
Helen Keller mentioned, I am notdumb now.
There's things that I was that Ino longer am.
I used to be violent and I wouldtell myself I am violent.
(11:57):
We all have names.
And now I use the nameTimesmith.
I am the Timesmith.
I am a welder.
I am a writer.
I am a podcaster.
What are you?
Are you stupid?
I don't think you are.
(12:17):
Are you lazy?
I don't believe that either.
It starts young, but we don'teven notice when it starts.
That's kind of why this roomlooks the way it does, that it
really has no format or nolayout because it's every moment
it's every moment growing up butcan you find the memory when
(12:38):
someone finally told you heyyou're pretty smart hey you look
nice today something thatencourages us to find out who we
actually are our identity lifehas a funny way of making us
feel that we are alone Andwanting to show who we are isn't
(13:01):
so easy.
I think as I've gotten older, Ifind pieces of myself in other
people.
Variations of me, I see inpeople.
We are not identical by anystretch of the imagination.
But we do have similarities.
I'm not big on judging.
I do a lot of assessing.
(13:24):
I look at things.
I look at people.
I wonder and I assess.
I usually don't make any finaljudgments as I know that as long
as you're alive, there could bea change that happens.
Yes, there's times that I lookat people and at the time, yes,
they are currently violent.
They're rude and they're crude.
They're unloved and they respondto such.
(13:47):
They've entirely accepted thatthat's who they are at the
moment.
Moving past that, they're goingto need to accept that the
design and who and what theyare.
I'm a firm believer that we aremade in the image of God and
that we have a design withinourselves that is predominantly
(14:08):
love and kindness and goodnesswithin ourselves.
And that's not to minimize thatwe can be tough, hands-on, and
that there's an aggressivenesswithin ourselves.
The parts that we see in animalsis the part I love about
ourselves is that We have partsof those things within
ourselves.
So yes, I grew up fighting and Istill like fighting, just not in
(14:33):
the way that I used to.
And yes, I have taught mychildren how to fight, how to
keep their hands up, how todefend themselves.
I come from that schooling.
They reflect parts of me.
So can you see a little bitclearer about who you are?
Maybe you've believed the lie.
Maybe you've gravitated to thewords that others have said
(14:56):
about you.
But what do you say aboutyourself?
Do you tell yourself that you'restrong?
Do you tell yourself that you'resmart?
What are you?
Anyway, why don't we walk out?
You know, before we go, lookdown this hall and there's
rooms.
(15:17):
Room after room after room.
All of this was organized.
because of who I am.
One thing I know I am iscomplicated.
It might bother people that I'mcomplicated, but it doesn't
bother me.
I know that this is who I am.
Sometimes I have to learn toarticulate that I don't
(15:39):
complicate my conversations withpeople because I know that they
can't take everything in thatI'm saying.
Sometimes my thoughts get aheadof my words.
And I'm not able to translateeverything I want to say.
So I need to speak slow, not foryou, but for myself.
(15:59):
Let's go up.
You know, there's memories inhere.
I always look down this hall.
There's so many things here.
So many lessons that I'velearned that I want to share
with you.
Let's keep going back up to theforge.
There's something up here in theforge that I've never really
shared.
And it's the ground.
(16:20):
It's the flooring.
It's foundational.
I think that's what I want totalk about next.
Foundation.
Principles.
Well, if you feel unloved, guesswhat?
You are loved.
If you're lost, you can befound.
God bless you.
(16:42):
I am the Timesmith.
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