TAPE 34 - "The Lollipop Song"

 A long-distance call with questionable audio quality spirals quickly into fashion advice, livestock comparisons, silent Caleb, and a surprisingly long telephone cord.

Listeners are introduced to a popular local garment — a fleece-lined “chook” (hat) — made of lamb wool and allegedly topped with a rabbit testicle pom-pom. If no rabbits are available, a fairy substitute will do. The logistics are unclear.

Music preferences in Bootstuck are discussed, but the town’s recent shipment of broken Bluetooth earbuds means no one can actually hear anything — leading to mass public singalongs that are entirely disconnected and wildly off-key. Gerald has blue teeth and is therefore assumed to be the key to solving this.

Meanwhile, Caleb remains silent, which is apparently normal. Internal organ communication is suspected.

A box-delivered phone cord — one kilometer long — allows the caller to take calls deep into the woods, provided he doesn’t go uphill. He just follows the cord home. The math checks out.

Key Moments:

• Fleece hats with rabbit or fairy anatomy
• Gerald’s blue teeth = community Bluetooth
• Music headphones that don’t play music
• A one-kilometer landline shared with Dave
• Lollipop time anthem (“Pop pop pop!”)

If you’ve ever tried to get a straight answer in a snowstorm while wearing a testicle hat and shouting Britney lyrics into a dead Bluetooth earbud — this one’s for you.

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www.bootstuck.com

Episode Transcript

Speaker 01 (00:01):
Hard

Speaker 00 (00:06):
to hear you.
We're far away from each other,right?
Like...
Sorry, you've got somequestions.
I can answer them.
Okay, let's just go throughthem here.
He wants to know the mostpopular food.
Chook?
Or food?
Chook?
Chook?
I didn't think we were that farfrom each other, to tell you
the truth.

(00:26):
Anyhoo, what did you want toknow about my chook?
Chook?
Your chook.
You know what?
Why don't you just tell meabout your chook?
Sounds like a good time to me.
Today I got a good one on.
Fuzzy on the inside, like afleece.
You ever know about a fleece?
Fleece comes from a littlelamb.
Baa, baa, black sheep.
Nope.
But mine's white.
It's different.

(00:46):
I don't know if all of them aresupposed to be black or if
that's just the odd duck.
Odd ducks.
I don't have duck feathersinside of my hat, though, so
we'll stay on topic.
Oh, no.
Pom-pom on top.
That's made out of a rabbittesticle.
The little ball on the top ofyour tooth.
They're very fuzzy, and theybubble around.
It's made of rabbit testicles?
Most of the time, yeah.

(01:07):
Fairy, if you can't find arabbit.
But rabbits are pretty commonaround here.
You guys got a rabbit near you?
We certainly We certainly do,but they have very small
testicles.
We have pretty large rabbitsout here.
They're about the size of asmall John Deere.
A rabbit the size of a tractor.
I'm just holding up my hand andthinking maybe you've got one
of them video phones.
I doesn't.
It's hard to tell.
Oh, my God.

(01:28):
How many more questions yougot?
What kind of music do peoplelisten to up in Boopsta?
Oh.
If you wanted to listen toBritney Spears...
You'd have to sing it realloud.
We'll call Gerald over.
I'm going to call him.
Hang on.
I've got another line here.
Hold this line for me.
That's going to...

(01:54):
Gerald! If you hold a string,you got the same type of thing I
got?
You hold a string, even if youdon't got can, you put your lips
on it and yell, get out! It'llgo all the way to the other
side.
What are you on about?
We got a shipment six weeks toa day ago, minus the moon, and

(02:14):
inside the box, Tiny littleheadphones, but with no wires.
They're broken.
Everybody got a pair of them.
There's no music coming out ofthe headphones, so you've got to
sing louder.
They just walk around with themin their ears, singing to
themselves out loud.
But nobody can hear whatthey're singing because
everyone's got the headphoneson.
I think those are earbuds thatyou've gotten.

(02:37):
You have to turn them on, andthey're connected through
Bluetooth.
Yeah!

Unknown (02:42):
Oh!

Speaker 00 (02:42):
We'll call Gerald over because he's got blue
teeth.
That'll be helpful to us.
Gerald, we're going to havemusic tomorrow.
We're going to move on to thequestions.
Gerald loves Britney Spears.
You should see the stack ofwood Caleb made this year.
Yeah, woo-hoo.
Not slanty at all.
I'll skip a couple of questionsbecause Caleb is on there.

(03:05):
People want to know why Calebdoesn't talk.
Yeah, he does sometimes.
What do they call it?
Internal.
So I think his liver talks tohis lungs.
You can hear him muttering.
So before we lose you, let'ssee if we can end this.
You won't lose me too much.
I've got a long cord.
now.
So I can go out into the woodsfor about a kilometer and a

(03:27):
half.
Well, it depends if you'regoing uphill or downhill.
And I can go all that way.
So getting lost is going to bedifficult.
I just followed the cord backhome.
You have a one kilometer longcord for the phone?
Yep.
How?
I didn't make it.
It came in a box.
So that's why Dave uses thesame phone as me.
Sometimes I just leave it athis house.
They sent you aone-kilometer-long song.

(03:47):
Yeah! There's a lot going onhere.
So, in summary...
You've got a lot of stuffing.
You need stuffing?
Oh, God.
Maybe these questions are toohard.
Mints are hard candy.
Yeah.
I can offer some wisdom.
Talking to you is like aping-pong ball in a wind tunnel.
I'll sing a song if you don'tmind.

(04:09):
Swoop!

Speaker 01 (04:11):
Swoop!

Speaker 00 (04:12):
Yep, yep, yep.
All right, lollipop time.
Yep, yep, lollipop time,lollipop

Speaker 01 (04:21):
time.
Yep, yep.
Yep, yep.
Think about it.
A lollipop, pop, pop, pop, pop,lollipop time.
Pop, pop,

Speaker 00 (04:32):
pop.
Sorry about that.
I'm sorry, I didn't get allthat.
That's okay, I didn't give itall.
A lollipop, pop, pop, pop, pop,lollipop.

Unknown (04:43):
And...