TAPE 35 - "Lasagna Hut with a Flock of Potatoes"

EPISODE SUMMARY (Tape 35):
A long-distance call with questionable audio quality spirals quickly into fashion advice, livestock comparisons, silent Caleb, and a surprisingly long telephone cord.

Listeners are introduced to a popular local garment made of lamb wool and allegedly topped with a rabbit testicle pom-pom. If no rabbits are available, a Ferret substitute will do. The logistics are unclear.

Music preferences in Bootstuck are discussed, but the town’s recent shipment of broken Bluetooth earbuds means no one can actually hear anything — leading to mass public singalongs that are entirely disconnected and wildly off-key. Gerald has blue teeth and is therefore assumed to be the key to solving this. 

Key Moments:

• Fleece hats with rabbit nuts
• Gerald’s blue teeth = community Bluetooth
• Music headphones that don’t play music
• A one-kilometer landline shared with Dave ( Don?)
• Lollipop time anthem (“Pop pop pop!”)

If you’ve ever tried to get a straight answer in a snowstorm while wearing a testicle hat and shouting Britney lyrics into a dead Bluetooth earbud — this one’s for you.

Send us a text

www.bootstuck.com

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
See it?
Sort it.
You see it and you know it.
You hear it.
You know it because somebodyelse talked about it in the
social media flyer.
I'm the social media flyer.
I gotta get my articlesfinished.

(00:22):
got to get their social mediaflyer ready because there's
going to be boat stuff coming tothe ears of everybody and people
need to know about it.
People need to know and we don'thave social media account now to
think about it.
We're going to have to getourselves one of those instant
gram measure things.
Instant grams.
Face place.

(00:44):
Face place.
Any place.
Yep.
I like to put mine on ArnoldSchwarzenegger.
That's a good idea.
Cross it off the board.
Can you be anybody on thisplace, Face?
Face Place.
Face Place your face?
Where do you place your face?
I'm normally a 21-year-oldfemale.
I see.
So you don't have to be you.

(01:04):
No, you can be me, and I can beyou.
Well, that don't sound right.
That's okay.
I got a Sharpie.
We can change our licenses.
How are you going to fake agovernment document with a
Sharpie?
Well, you get the same colorthey use.
They use white.
I got one of them.
Easy peasy.
I'll put a mustache on you.

(01:25):
Now you look like me.

UNKNOWN (01:26):
Well...

SPEAKER_00 (01:27):
Better make ourselves a journey out to the
Arts and Crafts shed.
Yeah, Arts and Crafts shed isshed number 62.
And you'll find the key forthat, the key shed, shed 7.
Get the key for log 62.
Find your way a little trolley.
Get yourself down there.
Take you a while.
If I could also inquire if youwould be interested in stopping

(01:51):
at shed 6.
Oh, yeah, they do.
They got three types.
They got vegetarian lasagna,which is mostly, I guess,
vegetables.
They got a meat lasagna.
It's a mystery beat today.
You'll have to guess it.
Death will never tell you.
The third lasagna is yesterday'slasagna.

(02:14):
It's happening.
Don't break my heart.
Well, Dave's in charge of thegarden this year, and he was

(02:38):
thinking about growing someflowers.
The thing is, he used bird seed.
And I have a feeling we're goingto have a flock of potatoes this
year.
A flock of potatoes.
Yeah, we used to grow potatoesregularly.
They didn't, uh...
Tastes so good, so we'll stopeating them.
But now that Dave's got themagic bird seed, you should
probably have a gaggle ofpotatoes within about a week.

SPEAKER_01 (02:59):
I see.
You planted a garden with birdseed.

SPEAKER_00 (03:02):
Yeah, with seed or we'll get some good flowers.
Well, Dave likes to experimentwith all sorts of things.
You know, he's our mayor andgets to kind of do what he wants
to do around

SPEAKER_01 (03:10):
here.
That's what I've heard.
I'm surprised by your logic thatyou're not going to grow a flock
of seagulls.

SPEAKER_00 (03:16):
Well, wouldn't that be interesting if a whole flock
of seagulls came out and thrownthe bird seed down on the ground
and watering it and going likethis?
Please, no, please Wouldn't thatbe amazing?

SPEAKER_01 (03:23):
Oh, my God.

SPEAKER_00 (03:24):
I want you to think about how a garden really grows.
And in springtime, you know whathappens?
Nature plants our own garden.
We're planting a bird field.

SPEAKER_01 (03:32):
Bird field.

SPEAKER_00 (03:33):
Bird field.
We should probably have a couplecrows coming by to see what's
going on.
Then we'll have two.
Pretty much a balloon away froman air show.

SPEAKER_01 (03:40):
An air show again.

SPEAKER_00 (03:42):
Every year.
But don't worry about the airshow this year.
There's more excitement comingto town.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We should have...
We always had tires and carrots.
Now we're going to have potatoesand parsnips.
And then later we're going totry and get turnips.
That'd be real nice.

SPEAKER_01 (03:55):
Quite the variety.
Have you thought about somegreen vegetables?

SPEAKER_00 (03:58):
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, most of the green comes onthe trees in the spring.
All you do is wait, and thenit's like magically the leaves
have been painted back again.
Uh-oh.
Can I call you right back?
We've got another message comingin.
I'll tell you all about it.
All right.
Why am I doing that?
Hey, happy day.

(04:19):
How many apples, how many appleshave fallen for me?