TAPE 37 - "Current Affairs and Squeezin Rita"

What begins with a vague reference to “current affairs” quickly turns into another Bootstuck spiral of half-finished thoughts, potatoes, and emotional trauma. The narrator once again attempts to document meaningful insight from the townsfolk, only to be met with suspicious snuggling rumors, unsettling clown chatter, and a sudden confession about itchy necks and abandoned parents. Somewhere in the chaos, a circus is being planned — or perhaps invented on the spot. Either way, Dave is involved, Caleb may be painting horses, and someone has three photos of snails ready for the big show.

Highlights:

• A cryptic tutorial on “squeezing it a bit” leads directly into a conversation about current affairs, specifically Dave and Rita’s suspicious offseason snuggling.
• Circus talk begins: Caleb may paint horses; Geraldine is offering pigs and mud; snails will be slowly paraded.
• A debate on whether to include clowns. The official position: “Bootstuck ain't got time for evil.”
• Redneck lineage, parental abandonment, and a plaid jacket left behind by a father who disappeared when the speaker was three.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 00 (00:00):
If you put it over here, stick it in tight, push it
down, squeeze it a bit.
I'm sorry, clearly I've caughtyou in the middle of something.
Squeeze it a bit.
And it's not going insideunless you squeeze it a bit.

(00:21):
Oops, too much.
I won't even investigate.
So I got your message.
You wanted to talk to me aboutsomething.
What was it about?
Current affairs.
Yep.
What current affairs?
Dave and Rita's been snugglingoff-season.
Is that right?
Is that right?
Rita, this is the woman thatcomes up and keeps...

(00:41):
That seems to be the currentaffair.
Oh, I understand.
Tell the world about it becauseeverybody knows about Madonna.
Good point.
So I'm just checking my noteshere.
Rita, this is the woman thatcomes up in the wintertime and
keeps everybody warm?
Yep.
Keep warm with Rita.
That's kind of what...
We'll be doing December only.

(01:03):
But now you know it's February,right?
That's a long time fromDecember.
Soon it'll be December and theneverything will be all messed
up again.
So talk about it and thinkabout it and let me know in the
morning.
Thank you.
I don't really understandwhat's being said to me, but

(01:36):
that's okay.
Some people say I got potatoesin my ears.
Doesn't see how they can fitinside my ears.
Speaking of potatoes, there wasa potato patch the other day I
came across, decided to pick acouple of tatties.
Sat down, picked about sixtatties, put them in the back of
my sack and went on my way.
Then I remembered the time whensomebody had talked to me about
a potato famine.
Oh, I don't think I'd likethat.

(01:56):
Potatoes?
Potatoes, potatoes, tatties,potatoes.
Tomatis, tomatoes, what do youlike to do?
growth forwards and backwardsperpetual motion combination
together with acceleration crossthose two off the board and
then you'll realize that what isaid doesn't make sense we're

(02:16):
getting the circus coming itdown that sounds exciting what
kind of animals are you gettingcaleb gonna paint some horses
out back geraldine from yonderis going to bring over two pigs
and we're going to get them allmuddy and then also we're going
to have something else Soundslike quite the circus.
Are you going to have clowns?
I don't know.

(02:37):
Yeah, if you ever listen to thebook by King Stephen, there's a
clown that comes around, scaresyou.
Don't think we're going to havetoo many of the clowns at the
circus.
But what we could do, we couldput more pillows under Dave's
shirt.
More pillows under Dave'sshirt.
I got three pictures of snails.

(02:58):
I'll also show people and movethem slowly.
You know, I have to agree withyou.
And as a journalist, to me, theclown is an evil and awful
thing.
I don't associate them withgood things.
Many movies have been madeabout clowns being very evil.

(03:18):
Bootstuck, we ain't got timefor evil.
We're a loving, caring, kindbunch.
That is apparent.
Who?
My parents?
All right, fine, we'll get intoit.
Dad wasn't always the nicestguy, but he did have a really
cool plaid jacket, which he gaveto me one time when he left
when I was three.
I'm hanging on to it in case hecomes back.

(03:41):
You know, it's in the closet,and so is Mother.
As a journalist, I have tomaintain my integrity, but I
have to be observant, andnothing is funnier than a
redneck talking about lineage.
My neck's really itchy today.
I couldn't even wear a collaron my shirt.
I had to tear the collar offbecause it was just itching and
itching.
I guess tomorrow I can fashionit back with some duct tape.

(04:01):
Otherwise, this is my newshirt.
Hello, number two?

Unknown (04:09):
Uh, that's, uh, the, uh...
Thank you.