The tape begins with a triumphant ode to soup — thick enough to hold a flag and hotter than rice — before veering into an odd declaration that “science is a fact.” This somehow segues into a taxonomy lesson where chickens are “land fish” and tuna is “the chicken of the sea.”
A grim food memory surfaces: polishing off a case of tuna, only to realize the tins bore a picture of a cat. From there, dinner talk becomes a roulette of chickpeas, mashed pumpkin, and the occasional mystery can — sometimes opened “between your legs” to check for “different nuts.”
It all ends with an inexplicable cigarette commercial and the cryptic farewell: “Always down, never up.”
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Episode Transcript
I'm
SPEAKER_01 (00:11):
recording a message about a bowl of soup.
You ever have a bowl of soup?
Nice bowl of soup.
So thick that you can put yourspoon standing up straight
inside, put a little flag top ontop.
Woo, let it go.
Yep.
I had a bowl of soup once thatwas hotter than a bowl of rice,
but fluffier than a mashedpotato.
That's a different type of soup.
Holy flour.
Soup's on.
(00:34):
All right, got to go.
Okay, so you'll have to forgiveme.
It's been a while since you andI spoke, and a lot of things
have been happening here.
Yeah, different things happen todifferent people at different
times at different dates.
That's true.
That's true.
That's proven by science.
Yeah, science is a fact.
Space, gas, small molecularballs.
(00:54):
Yeah, science.
Beep-bop-boop is how my phoneworks.
But I was thinking aboutsomething really interesting the
other day.
Land chickens.
Land fish.
Land fish.
Chickens.
Fish.
Land fish?
Yep.
Chickens.
Land fish.
Land chickens.
Land fish.
Chickens.
Yep.
Think about that.
You ever hear of chicken of thesea?
That one is a tuna fish.
(01:16):
Much bigger than a chicken.
Hold on now.
Land fish.
I'm going to count outside inthe back how many land fish are
chickens around.
One, two, three, seven, seven,nine, ten.
Yep.
We've got about five.
Land fish.
Land fish for dinner.
You want one?
I don't think I do.
Okay, then we've got four afterme.
Anybody else?
(01:38):
Land...
Okay, so a land fish...
is a chicken, but fish ischicken of the sea.
One would assume that the tunahas no purpose.
Have you ever had fresh tunawhere you're at, or canned tuna?
Have you ever had it?
We had a whole case of it onetime.
Yeah, we all ate it for a weekand a half.
It was a different type of tuna.
(01:59):
Pink and flakes...
Didn't say tune on the can atall.
No.
It didn't.
I'm curious.
Was there a picture of fish onit?
Yeah, it was a big pink fish.
His name was Simon.
Simon Fish.
Land Fish.
Land Fish.
Fish.
Simon Fish is nice.
It's pink.
It's big.
(02:19):
Is it possible that there was aphotograph or maybe a picture of
a cat on the can?
Yeah.
Cute one.
Great.
Long whiskers.
Licks his paw probably.
I see.
So you've been eating from thesetins with a cat on the label.
Land fish.
Land fish.
Land fish.
Whoops.
I feel no need to pursue thisconversation any further without
(02:40):
embarrassing you or even myself.
That's quite all right.
It's almost supper time.
Ring the bell.
What's the dinner tonight?
I'm curious.
Perhaps some alpo.
What's that now?
I don't know.
What we got here in this cratelast week, they come drop off a
big old crate.
Got a whole bunch of cans withno labels on it.
So it's like mystery dinner.
Mystery dinner.
Yesterday was chickpeas, can ofpeas, can of corn.
(03:03):
Not sure.
That's okay.
Bring it upstairs and we'll openit up and discover.
Sometimes it's just a can ofmashed pumpkin.
Sometimes.
Or sometimes it's strainedtomatoes for breakfast.
It all depends on what time ofday you open the can.
You could have had it for lunchif you waited.
We
SPEAKER_02 (03:20):
need to come up with a system where we can figure out
what's inside the cans before weopen them.
SPEAKER_01 (03:27):
Oh, you could just roll them down the hallway and
then guess.
That's what I do.
SPEAKER_02 (03:31):
Well, it's just that a variety is necessary for the
kind of living we're doing.
And I've had chestnuts fordinner.
Three nights in a row.
Got to be awake.
SPEAKER_01 (03:43):
Yeah.
Open the can between your legsand see if there ain't no
different nuts inside.
SPEAKER_00 (03:51):
Hey, what'd you do that for?
Somebody finally put this.
True taste.
In a filter cigarette.
Try them.
How about it?
True taste, huh?
Oh, that's not right, not quiteright.
It's middle thing, middle thing.
(04:12):
Down, down, always down, neverup.
Try them.
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