TAPE 43 - The Bootstuck Nude Racing League

This week in Bootstuck, a new civic initiative is announced: treasure chests filled with nickels and notes will be hidden around town, doubling as both a wishing well and a municipal mystery. Meanwhile, preparations are underway for a “cake show,” featuring Gerald popping out of one, Caleb baking another, and Dave inevitably producing something spaghetti-shaped.

The town also attempts a census by slapping numbered sticky notes on people’s heads—accuracy optional. And as winter ends, the community embraces “nude racing” through the sugar bush, a spring ritual that is apparently faster than skidoos, shinier than Dave’s new spools, and only slightly less confusing than the crossed transmission of a Torontonian hog who lays eggs.

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Episode Transcript

UNKNOWN (00:00):
Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 (00:09):
I've got a whole treasure chest of information to
tell you about new things thatare around town, and also some
things that are a little bitsquare.

SPEAKER_02 (00:18):
I see.
Well, why don't we start withthe less confusing of the two
and tell me about what's new?
I'm

SPEAKER_01 (00:24):
going to start with the square, and that's the
treasure chest.
Treasure chest.
Yeah, treasure chest.
Say it again.
Treasure chest.
Harder to say the first time.
Treasure chest.
I got it.
Inside.
Clickety-click.
Open it up.
like that.
Oh, he broke it.
Inside the treasure chest, whatwe're gonna do is we're gonna
put a bright, shiny nickel.
Yeah, think about it.

(00:45):
Make a wish.
You ever used to make wishes onpennies?

SPEAKER_02 (00:48):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (00:49):
Yep, every time you had one, because what are they
good for?
Also for putting on train track,make them flat.
Train track, make them flat,pick flat.
You ever do that when you were alittle boy?
Hang on, I'm speaking.
So we're gonna put a nickelinside the treasure chest, and
then what we're gonna do iswe're gonna put treasure chests
around the area and everywherethat people come to from going
when they come again.
You'll also have a note.

SPEAKER_02 (01:08):
A note?

SPEAKER_01 (01:09):
Yep.
a note.
We're going to write notes onthem and put them inside there.
It'll be nice.
That'd be real nice.

SPEAKER_02 (01:15):
What's the point of these treasure chests around
town with nickels in them?

SPEAKER_01 (01:19):
Everybody's got things on their mind these days.
And everybody wants to, yeah,some people want to think about
other things.
You ever make a birthday wishwhen they come out with the
candles and sing the song?
Hey, hey, there's a cake.
There it is.
There it is.
Do you ever have that one?
And then you've got to blow outthe candles and tell somebody

(01:42):
that they're going to have along life?

SPEAKER_02 (01:45):
I'm not familiar with that version of the song.
We sing happy birthday.

SPEAKER_01 (01:48):
Yeah, on their birthday?
Yeah.
What do you sing to them ifyou've just given them a cake?

SPEAKER_02 (01:52):
Well, we don't.

SPEAKER_01 (01:53):
What we've got coming to town is going to make
you real excited then becauseit's mostly a big cake show.
Yep.
Woo! Gerald is going to bepopping out of the cake.
Caleb is going to be the onecrafting the cake from scratch.

SPEAKER_02 (02:08):
A cake show.

SPEAKER_01 (02:09):
Yeah, it's going to be like a cake-off, bake-off.
You ever have one of thosethings come to your town?

SPEAKER_02 (02:13):
No.

SPEAKER_01 (02:14):
So we're going to have three cakes being made.
One is supposed to be in theshape of a tree.
The other one's supposed to bein the shape of something other
than a tree.
And the last one's Dave, so youcan probably guess it's going to
be in the shape of a spaghetti.

SPEAKER_02 (02:26):
So is this a big event in town?
Is there a lot of people thatturn up to this kind of a thing?

SPEAKER_01 (02:30):
Well, Dave will be there.

SPEAKER_02 (02:31):
Dave will be there.
You know, because over all thetime I've talked to you, I
really don't get a good sense ofhow many people actually live in
Boots.com.

SPEAKER_01 (02:39):
Well, we try to count them, but everybody keeps
walking around.
So we're going to getticky-tacky sticky notes and
tick-tack-tap them on top of theback of their head.
And then we'll number themequally.
And then after that, what we'lldo is we'll round them up and
ask them to bring their stickynotes to the office.
And once the sticky notes arethere, we'll put the sticky
notes up on the wall and see ifwe can't make a co-log.
And then after that...

SPEAKER_00 (03:00):
Now, the 680 News International So, the skidoo
races are going to be

SPEAKER_01 (03:12):
coming to an end.
We're going to tally up who won.
I think it's me.
Did I ever tell you about theskidoo racing up here?
Hang on, I'm speaking.
So, the new racing is naked.
It's nude.
It's different.
Nude?
It's for springtime.
Yeah.
What did you think I said?

SPEAKER_02 (03:27):
Nude, as in N-U-D-E, nude, naked racing?

SPEAKER_01 (03:31):
It doesn't matter how you spell it.
It's just without clothes.
Of course.
So it's a great way to enterinto spring.
And what we do is we run intothe sugar bush.
Essentially, what you canpicture is just running through
the trees.

SPEAKER_02 (03:44):
That's it?
That's

SPEAKER_01 (03:45):
racing?
Yeah, it's a good time.
Well, we go fast, real fast.

SPEAKER_02 (03:48):
So you don't do any form of racing up there with
vehicles?

SPEAKER_01 (03:51):
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Those things go slowly, as fastas you can push one, if we put
the wheels on it.
Or the spools.
Dave got a new set of spools.
Oh, no.
Wow.
They're one of them as shiny asheck.

SPEAKER_00 (04:06):
A ruffled Torontonian hogs the joint.
And then he lays his eggs.
Cool.
You hear that?
Well, we should figure it out ifyou care about me.