TAPE 53 - A Pocket Full of Slaps

A confused caller accidentally goes live on the air and immediately loses his composure, setting the tone for another chaotic dispatch from Bootstuck. Between jam jars, smoke-filled air, and impromptu fire dances, the locals’ musical ambitions get derailed by missing spoons, homemade concerts, and a mysterious old man who may—or may not—have threatened someone’s life. When the tape recorder clicks on, we hear the chilling voice of a stranger offering a pocket rummage before the narrator bolts in panic and joy at once.

It’s unclear whether Bootstuck has been visited by danger, absurdity, or both—but one thing’s certain: someone’s got a pocket full of something, and it’s probably not candy.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Hello?

Speaker (00:20):
Hi, am I on the air?

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Yeah.

unknown (00:22):
Fuck.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
My lord.
Hey, how you doing?
What's your name?
Hi, am I on the air?
Yeah.

unknown (00:29):
Fuck.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
Smack smack.
Good morning.
Who are you?
Am I on?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
Fuck you.
Woo! We got problems.
Hello?
Are you there?
Are you talking to me or am Ijust talking to thin air or
thick air?

Speaker 3 (00:44):
Oh my god, you're gonna be kidding me.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
I ain't sure.
It might be smoky.
Hello?

Speaker 3 (00:48):
Hello?
Are you there?

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Sorry about that.
Jerry just got his finger rightout, baby little hands right
inside that jar there.
Couldn't decide if it was raspor strawberry, and scooped out
the last two fingers of jam.
Whoop.
Yep.
Also can't find the lid.
Yep.
We had a smoky time here inBootstock, you know.
Made a fire.
Real hot, hot.
Danced around it.

(01:09):
Yep.
Woo! Like this.
I danced around the fire.
Dance around the fire.
I dance around the fire.
Like they did it around threetimes.
Yep, tripped once.
Whoop, stopped.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
You're not a very good guitar player.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
No, no, no.
But you should hear me on thejugs.
You ever hear me on the jugs?
One day I'll play a whoop-whoopfor you.
It's a pretty good time.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
Oh, whoop.

Speaker 2 (01:39):
And spoons, but I lost one, so I only got a spoon,
and it doesn't make the samenoise no more.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
What do you do for music up in Bootstuck these
days?

Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yeah, yeah.
No, we take suggestions fromother people.
We used to just listen to thethings that we knew in life and
love, and then we tooksuggestions from other people
from different places, and nowwe're listening to the other
things and we're kind of movingour head a lot more.
Yep.

Speaker 3 (02:01):
I see.
Do you have concerts up there?

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, sometimes Caleb likes toput on a concert, kind of like
how Dave puts on a movie show.
Only he holds up an album coverand we say yes or no, uh, and
then he'll play the album forus.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 3 (02:18):
What's that?

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Well, there's a long line.
Real long line.
Maybe we'll go somewhere elseinstead, yeah?
Maybe not.
Maybe we're stuck.
Stuck in a line.
Yeah.
Woo! Four people standing in arow.
Oh, never mind.
They're watching a bird.
Yep.
That's uh that's you don't wantto know what's happening around
here.
No, no, I'm gonna tell you.
Hang on to getting into gettinginto the swing of things.

(02:42):
Okay, so what happened?

Speaker 3 (02:44):
What what happened?

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, I don't really want to talk about it, but there
was an old man that came aroundand kind of got me all jumbled
up and tied into not the source.
Explain.
Well, my arms are all twistedaround, and then my torso is
nearly backwards.
Hold on, I'm just gonna So um II got all discombobulated.
Oh love to board.

(03:06):
A man came to me and threatenedme, threatened my life.
Did he?
Yeah, I think so.
Anyway, I was pretty scared.
Came up to me and I'll tell youwhat he said.
He said it, he said it in areally rough voice.
He said right to my face.

Speaker 3 (03:19):
Is this somebody that you who who who was it?

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Well, I'll play.
I've recorded it for you.
Let me play it for you.
Hang on a second.
I got the tape machine recorderbox here somewhere.
Click.
How do you do the click button?
Oh, like this.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
Hey! Come over here.
Hey, I got a pocket full ofslaps, I got a pocket full of
treats.
Who wants to come over here andhave a rummage?
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
Well, that's terrible.
Yeah.
I didn't really know what quiteto make of that.
Whoo! Goodness.
So I turned and ran.
Wee! We say that when we'rehaving fun.
What if you're having fun byyourself?
You say, ah!

Speaker 3 (03:56):
I think you're free to say whatever you'd like.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
I don't know why we're referring to other people
while we're having fun.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
I don't know why you're shouting.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
I'm coming down! I'll take one of these too.
Oh, I gotta tell you.
Oh, I have uh I have a wholepurse full of robots to set.