August 14, 2025 • 33 mins
Remember stumbling upon that mysterious stack of magazines hidden in your parents' closet? You're not alone. In this candid, often hilarious conversation, Etty, Jane, and Heidi--three Gen X women--share their first encounters with adult content and how these formative experiences potentially shaped their sexual preferences and perspectives.
The hosts reflect on how finding erotic materials as curious pre-teens and teenagers created lasting impressions that influenced their adult relationships and desires.
Beyond personal anecdotes, the episode explores surprising research findings that challenge common assumptions about pornography, sparking thoughtful discussion about authenticity in adult entertainment and how performative expressions of pleasure might create unrealistic expectations.
The conversation takes a deeper turn when considering how today's easily accessible online content might be shaping younger generations' sexual expectations. The hosts express concern about the prevalence of certain themes in mainstream pornography while acknowledging the importance of open, honest conversations about sex and media literacy.
What makes this discussion unique is the balance of humor, vulnerability, and thoughtful reflection. These women aren't just sharing embarrassing stories—they're examining how early exposures influenced their understanding of sexuality, pleasure, and relationships in ways both subtle and profound.
Ready to reflect on your own formative experiences? Share your stories with us at info@thewomenareplotting.com or connect with us on social media. Join the conversation as we continue exploring the complex intersections of sex, relationships, and personal growth through the lens of creative Gen X women.
Email us at info@thewomenareplotting.com, and find us on all the socials. Be safe and be excellent to each other.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Etienne (00:02):
Welcome listeners.
This is Women Are Plotting.
I'm Etienne Rose Olivier, andI'm here with my friends and
co-hosts Heidi Willis and JaneGari.
Well, this episode we're goingto be focusing on our
introductions to porn.
And my fun fact for today ishow there was a rumor after the
(00:31):
whole shaving off your pubes foreverybody became a super trend
that pubic lice was on its wayto being eradicated from the
world.
And that's actually not true.
The cdc says not true.
No, pubic lice has been aroundfor eons and it's gone through
different phases of people'sgrooming preferences.
(00:52):
So it's already gone throughtimes before where people shaved
off their pubes, and it's stillaround.
It can actually hang on tochest hair or underarm hair any
kind of hair on your body that'scoarse.
So yeah, don't just think ifsomebody shaved that they're
safe, you may still get pubiclice.
So that's my fun fact.
Jane (01:13):
Oh my God, Etty, that's terrifying.
Okay, wait.
So you're a nurse, so tell methis Do you know the difference
between pubic lice and head lice?
Are they relatives?
Etienne (01:30):
Oh, that's a good question.
I'm assuming it's different.
Please God, I would reallyreally because, although I mean,
I guess, if somebody has headlice and then they're rubbing
their head lice on your pubicarea, that you'd probably let's
not try it.
Jane (01:37):
Terrifying, dealing with head lice was hard enough.
Etienne (01:40):
So, Jane, do you have a fun fact for us today?
Jane (01:43):
I do have a fun fact.
It's not as fun as lice
Etienne (01:47):
God
Jane (01:47):
lice is so much fun but I thought that this was actually
pretty cool because it'spositive.
Like, a lot of porn gets a badrap and there's some things
about porn we should beconcerned about for sure, but
all the data shows that sexualcrimes are lower in areas where
there is greater access to pornand my source for that is
(02:09):
Psychology Today and I thoughtthat that was surprising.
Because maybe not, but I knowthat a lot of people argue like
porn is going to put ideas inpeople's heads and make them
want to do stuff.
But it can also be, I guess, areally good outlet for fantasy
and then if your fantasy is notsomebody else's fantasy, well
then you could just do that inprivate and also just not act
(02:33):
out anything in a non-consensualmanner.
So some people, I guess, needthat as an outlet.
But I don't know.
I was shocked to learn that.
I don't know if it's fun, butit's interesting.
Etienne (02:43):
Okay, yeah, that's definitely interesting, but I
mean fun as far as, yeah, lesscrime, less sexual crime, that's
a positive.
Heidi (02:52):
Yeah, so let's keep porn legal.
Jane (02:55):
Let's keep it alive.
Heidi (02:57):
There is some problems with porn, obviously, you know,
with violence and, yeah, peoplehaving a skewed view of what sex
is supposed to look likebetween two people normal people
anyway so maybe we can work onthat, especially if it cuts down
(03:19):
on crime.
That's amazing
Etienne (03:21):
yeah so, Heidi, what's your fun fact?
Heidi (03:25):
So mine.
I was surprised by this.
So, while viewing porn, mentend to focus on a woman's eyes
and lips over breasts andgenitals.
Etienne (03:35):
Wait, wait, what
Jane (03:36):
Sorry
Heidi (03:36):
Yeah, researchers speculate that men look at
women's faces to determine howturned on a woman is.
That was surprising I was verysurprised.
Etienne (03:46):
Well wait, If that's the case, why is there not more
porn where it looks like thewoman's actually enjoying it?
Heidi (03:53):
Exactly
Etienne (03:54):
I am confused.
Heidi (03:58):
Maybe it's like a disconnect between, okay, what
do people think men like andwant versus what they actually
like and want, and if they'repaying attention to how turned
on the woman is like, how aboutcapitalize on that and make that
a part of yeah?
Etienne (04:16):
I think porn could definitely be turned around if
we could increase the number ofvideos or films or whatever,
where everyone is having a goodtime and not facing it like how
about actually having a goodtime.
Jane (04:32):
What a novel idea
Heidi (04:35):
I watch porn.
That's what I look for if thewoman is having a real orgasm
like whoa yeah,
Etienne (04:39):
and you can tell
Heidi (04:40):
For me
that's way different than thethe fake like yeah,
as women, we can tell.
Jane (04:49):
But I think that you bring up a good point though, heidi,
about the focusing on the face,because I'm wondering if the
cascading effect of that is thatmen have seen this performative
face right.
And then they're thinking thatthat is what women look like and
sound like.
I mean, and honestly, everybodyis different.
(05:09):
Maybe some people do have likeyou know, everybody's got their
own little noises I'm not goingto make mine for you now, but I
think that some women will seethat and then think that that's
what they should be doing, and Ithink there's like this weird
feedback loop that can happenfrom it too.
So I think that authenticity isis important, and sometimes I
look at it and I'm like I don'tthink that that's real.
But I wonder if, like if,especially young men, if they're
(05:32):
watching it and they don't knowwhat you know, if they've never
had an experience with a realperson before, and then that's
their expectation, cause kidsare getting exposed to things
like pretty young now.
I think that that's kind ofweird and that actually is a
nice segue into, like, how we
Etienne (05:49):
yes
Jane (05:50):
how first encountered porn like how old we were and
Heidi (05:54):
how different it was back then.
Etienne (05:56):
Yeah, I'll go ahead and start.
So I am super happy that I didnot grow up in the age of porn
readily available on my phone.
I just can't even imagine likePornhub or whatever, being my
first introduction to porn.
I don't even know what mylittle sexual mind would have
taken from that.
The father that I had thatactually raised me.
(06:18):
He married my mother when I wasfive and so I don't remember
anybody being my father outsideof him.
And when they moved in together,um, there were all these giant
boxes that never got unpacked inthe basement, where the only
other thing that was in thebasement were the washing
machine and the dryer.
So, being a latchkey kid and incatholic school wearing my
(06:42):
little uniform, I am not allowedto watch tv because he would
come home and put his hand onthe tv to check and see if it
was warm.
So I had to find something elseto busy myself with.
Well, I can tell you, what Ifound to busy myself with were
those big giant boxes in thebasement.
I went in there to see what'sin these boxes and what I found
(07:02):
a giant collection of pornmagazines.
We're talking Playboy not somuch Playboy, though, more
Penthouse Hustler.
And here's my seven-year-oldlittle mind, seven or
eight-year-old mind, going intothese magazines and just staring
and just yeah, I could not getenough of it.
(07:26):
And I can tell you, my catholicschool required us to go to
confession once a week.
I can tell you what I nevertalked about in confession
Jane (07:36):
you never
Etienne (07:37):
I never confessed that I spent the majority of my free
time when nobody else was in thehouse looking at all those porn
mags.
Uh, yeah, no, I did not tellanybody, thank god.
I can only imagine what wouldhave happened, because I would
go in the confessional and Istart talking and the priest
would go oh hi, Etty, I'm like,oh great, this is so anonymous,
(08:02):
this is not anonymous at all.
You know my name.
You're saying my name like no,not telling you what I actually
do that I'm ashamed of andembarrassed about.
So yeah, that was myintroduction to porn
Jane (08:18):
oh my god, confession sounds terrifying.
I do think it's interesting thatyou were just like not playboys
, though, because, like that,that was my first exposure like
playboy.
We were just playing notPlayboys, though, because, like
that, that was my first exposure.
Like Playboy.
We were just playing in myfriend's basement playing with
Barbies, which seemed kind oflike appropriate, because Barbie
kind of looks like a porn star,
Heidi (08:32):
yeah
Jane (08:33):
playing with Barbies, and they were just like.
There was like an entire cornerof her basement that was just
dedicated to just stacks andstacks of just out in the open,
Etienne (08:44):
so not in a box, just in a stack
Jane (08:47):
just stacks of them in various states of disarray, like
some of them were like towered,some of them had already gotten
knocked over.
Etienne (08:54):
Oh, my God
Jane (08:54):
you know, and there, yeah, there was zero attempt to hide
them, and so sometimes I wouldjust go look at them while we're
playing Barbies.
I'm like holding a Barbie,looking at this other Barbie,
and I do remember actuallymaking the connection and being
like how come Barbies don't havenipples or pubic hair?
And thinking that Barbie was alie.
(09:16):
But yeah, it was.
I do remember thinking that thewomen were beautiful, I have to
say.
But Playboy was definitelypretty classy, it wasn't.
But then, like my introductionto actual, the first time I saw
like a hardcore porn situation,I was much older, I was 13, and
I was just hanging out at afriend's house and we were
playing Mad Libs.
But we couldn't.
We wanted to play Mad Libs andwe couldn't find a pen that
(09:40):
functioned.
Sothe moral of this story is
parents have a pen that works,that's accessible to your
children when you're not home.
Because this was, of course,the 80s and we were latchkey
kids and we were unsupervisedand we were like, let's go look
for a pen.
So I went up to my friend'sparents' bedroom because we
couldn't find a pen anywhereelse and I'm rifling through
stuff looking for a pen.
And then I was just instructedby my friend to go into her
(10:01):
dad's closet because he had adresser in there and maybe
there'd be a pen on his dresser.
And I went in there and I waslooking around for a pen in
there and I just slipped on oneof his shoes and just fell
backwards into just a bunch ofclothes that were hanging, and
then behind all of his rack ofclothes was just like stack, I
mean like stacks and stacks ofporn.
And so, as I fell backwards allof the different like
Heidi (10:29):
But it wasn't just any kind of porn.
Jane (10:31):
crazy, crazy magazines just piling on top of me,
burying me up to my chest, and Ilooked at the cover of the one
that was right by my face and itwas freaking German dungeon
porn.
There was people with leathermasks on, with the zippers, and
two women holding a penis.
It had little chains around itlike it was a penis prison.
I'm confused.
Okay, so imagine a penis and give it a little inner tube,
(10:52):
because it wasn't quite a cockring.
Give it a little inner tubemade out of leather and then on
either side of it put a littlechain a little necklace going
out in either direction and theywere kind of playing tug of war
with the penis.
and I was terrified Because togo from Barbies and Playboy to
German dungeon porn is quite aleap and I was freaking out and
I couldn't move because I wasburied in porn and my friend had
(11:13):
to take me out.
Etienne (11:14):
Wait, was this the same house that had the Playboys, or
a totally different house?
Jane (11:18):
No, no, no, Different house.
Different state
Etienne (11:20):
oh different state.
Wait, which state had theGerman dungeon porn?
Jane (11:28):
That was Georgia
Heidi (11:32):
oh the South.
Etienne (11:36):
We're all laughing.
We didn't actually say that weI mean Jane and I live in the
South.
I feel like we're allowed tolaugh a little bit at that.
Jane (11:47):
A hundred percent yankee by birth, southerner by choice,
so I can make fun of everybodypretty much, and I lived in the
midwest so I could do it.
And heidi, you live in themidwest now, but is in the
midwest where you first found
Heidi (11:57):
yes
Jane (11:57):
your porn.
Okay
Heidi (11:58):
oh, yeah
Etienne (11:59):
oh, it was okay
Heidi (12:00):
I don't have clear memories of the magazine porn.
I just remember it beingeverywhere at all my friends'
houses in the bathrooms.
Their fathers just kept stacksof it, so anytime you went to
the bathroom there it was, and Idon't have real distinct
memories of oh oh, this is porn,
Jane (12:22):
but it was just always there.
Heidi (12:23):
It started coming out.
I've got all kinds of stories
Jane (12:25):
Like an old friend
Heidi (12:28):
oh it was just everywhere .
Etienne (12:29):
Wait where, Everywhere.
Where Are we talking?
Everywhere, Like in your
Heidi (12:32):
Just I mean all of my friends' houses
Etienne (12:34):
All of your houses?
Heidi (12:36):
Yeah, it seemed like you know, in the parents' bathroom.
Etienne (12:41):
Yes, Parents' bathroom.
Yes, it was in the bathroom ofours too.
What was the deal?
They're in there having theirmorning poo, the men, and
they're having a little whack.
Like what are they doing?
Heidi (12:49):
I guess,
Jane (12:49):
Totally.
Heidi (12:51):
Of course, yeah, or in the shower, I guess, I have no
idea.
Yeah, it just seemed like itwas everywhere and nobody was
like shield the children.
No there was none of that goingon, they were just like eh.
Etienne (13:03):
Yeah, I always knew when it was like, oh, there's a
new magazine coming, because youcan see the brown paper was
coming in the mail and you knewthe brown wrapped paper magazine
.
Ooh, let's wait till dad andmom aren't home and I'm going to
go up there and check it out.
Sorry
Heidi (13:20):
yeah, I remember.
The magazines were everywhere,though, and even when I was in
the military, they used to sendit in trunks to deployments
Trunks full of magazines, and ifI ran out of books to read or
there weren't any new books inthe break tent, I would just
start getting into the pornmagazines and read them for the
(13:40):
articles.
Etienne (13:41):
Like just the articles, or are you talking about like
penthouse letters?
Heidi (13:45):
probably a little bit of that too
Jane (13:49):
there's some good journalism in playboy, though
they would have like really goodarticles.
Heidi (13:53):
I used to get all kinds of shit for it,
Etienne (13:55):
nobody can see You said that there's some
really good articles.
Jane (14:01):
They really did
Etienne (14:03):
They did.
They had award-winningjournalism I'm pretty sure
award-winning journalism, I'mpretty sure award-winning,
Jane (14:06):
yes, and interviews with cool people.
Etienne (14:08):
And that's what the men would say when the women would
be like why do we have thesemagazines?
This is award-winningjournalism.
Heidi (14:14):
Plus I get to look at yeah, naked women
Etienne (14:17):
please, I'm not looking at the pictures I literally
get Playboy for the articles.
Mm-hmm.
Jane (14:24):
titties and titillation
Etienne (14:26):
wait.
So what about videos then?
heidi were you gonna?
Heidi (14:28):
So okay.
So I remember watching pornvideos.
Oh my gosh at the woman I usedto babysit for she had a
collection and so that.
But that was later on.
So I remember distinctly myaunt's cable would get like a
(14:49):
fuzzy form of the Playboychannel and there was one day I
was in her basement.
She lived with my grandmother,she had the basement part and my
grandmother had the top partand everybody was out swimming
and I was on my period.
So I was inside, you know,watching you.
You know I'm supposed to bewatching whatever, you know,
(15:10):
like little house on the prairieor something.
And here I am trying to tune inthe playboy channel to see as
much as I can.
I think I was like 11 or 12maybe.
Well, this particular day hervcr comes on and it starts
recording and I I'm like, oh no,is it recording like the porn
(15:31):
and not her actual program?
I mean, later on I found outyou can program the channels,
but at the time I was freakingthe fuck out Like just oh my God
, my aunt's gonna totally catchme and know what I was doing.
Jane (15:45):
I mean.
That's a very real fear.
My foray into videos was theclimax of the story.
Pun intended was just beingterrified that someone else was
going to walk in while I waslike watching this, because when
I was in high school I hadolder friends who were seniors
when I was a sophomore and theywere like I don't know why, they
(16:06):
just thought that this would becool to rent porn because they
were.
We're 18, now we can rent thedirty videos that are in that
section of the video store beingkept under lock and key behind
the curtained area, and so theywould go back there and pick out
some what they thought would befun, and we would take turns
going to each other's house andbe kind of adult about it, like
it was whoever's parents weren'thome and we would first go to
(16:33):
the grocery store and buysomething that we would make
dinner together.
And this is like a group of.
There were five of us doingthis.
Etienne (16:36):
It was like a dinner, like a dinner date.
Jane (16:38):
It was a dinner, dinner and porn.
You know this is what we did.
We were very high class aboutit, so we'd make a nice dinner
and we would hang out and thenwe would pop in the tape and I
was the only virgin in the groupand I just remember them kind
of looking at me, going listen,this is not how it really is.
(17:00):
They would critique it and Ithink what was weird was this
undercurrent of teenagehorniness, like the baseline
that nobody actually wanted toaddress as they're watching it
and then I think, to get over itwould be like this critique
that would go on, but they didseem genuinely concerned that I
would think that that's what sexwas like, and so they would
pause it and be like see whatshe's doing right here.
(17:20):
This is not like most people'slegs don't do that.
I think they were gauging it bythe horror on my face, because
there were a couple of scenes Iwas just like I don't want to do
that.
Etienne (17:29):
Yeah, see where I would be.
I'd be pausing and saying, okay, you see this penis right here.
That is not the size of a penisyou're probably going to get
Like let's be real.
Jane (17:39):
You know what they did.
Do that too.
But at the time one of myfriends was with somebody who
was super well endowed, so shewas just like actually it could
be bigger, and I was like it waslike a whole discussion.
Finally, then it was time forme to host and my parents were
gone and they had said that theytrusted us.
(17:59):
And then, at the last second,they told my grandparents to
come over and this is in the erabefore cell phones and stuff.
So they had left a message forme on the answering machine that
I did not play when I came homebecause I was too busy cleaning
up and getting ready for myporn watching party.
Heidi (18:16):
No
Jane (18:17):
at the time my grandparents lived two and a
half hours away and so they werecoming later.
I didn't know.
Etienne (18:22):
Oh
Jane (18:23):
yeah, this is a bad, bad thing.
And now we've moved on to theporn portion of the evening and
we're in the basement.
Thankfully, this happened in mybasement.
We had a rec room down there,and so it wasn't like in the
main portion of the housebecause my grandparents had a
key, so they just let themselvesright in.
Etienne (18:36):
Oh God
Jane (18:37):
so we're in the middle of watching something and then I
hear my grandfather's voice atthe top of the stairs to the
basement going hey, and I waslike, oh my God, like it was
just.
And it was one of those whenyou're panicking and you just
forget how to use something thatyou've always used.
I'm trying to press stop andthen it won't eject.
It won't eject and so it's justfrozen on, this just horrible,
horrible moment, and he's likecoming down the stairs to say hi
(18:58):
to me and I'm like I can't.
I can't and seriously, I lookedat my friend and panicked 'cause
she's just like yanked the plugoutta the wall for the tv.
And we're just sitting therelike hi and we all just look so
stupid, Just five teenage girls.
Etienne (19:09):
It's like what are you all doing with the TV off?
Like sitting down here?
Jane (19:16):
Four of them sitting on their hands on a couch on the
floor and me just standing infront of the TV.
Etienne (19:19):
That's not suspicious at all
Heidi (19:20):
no
Jane (19:20):
it was horrifying, but I was just like if my grandfather
sees me watching porn with myfriends right now, I think might
actually die.
Etienne (19:28):
Oh, I would have died.
Jane (19:29):
Thankfully he didn't know, but I was always curious.
Could he hear anything before?
Heidi (19:34):
Maybe that's why he announced himself
Jane (19:37):
yeah, we didn't have it on super loud.
Etienne (19:38):
No
Jane (19:39):
They knew, I don't know maybe some people
are into it
Etienne (19:44):
that was your first time seeing it on video, though
is when your friends are oldenough to actually rent the
videos, like that's.
So, like 18?
, jane?
Jane (19:52):
Yeah, well they were 18.
Etienne (19:53):
Okay, so how old were you?
Jane (19:55):
I was younger, so.
I was 15.
Etienne (19:56):
Okay, so 15.
Okay, I'm actually not sure.
When I saw a video for thefirst time, I think it might
have been around like 13 or 14.
My parents got a VCR and a TVin their bedroom.
I don't know if I just poppedit out to see what was in the
VCR and saw the name of what itwas, and I don't remember what
the name was, but I know it wasporn.
(20:17):
And so I looked at the counterbecause it was one of those ones
that it would only reset if youpushed in the little button
super hard, so it wouldn't go tozeros unless you pushed it in.
So I left it where it was andjust watched and then made sure
that I rewound back to where itwas exactly before.
I turned everything off andwalked away when I was done.
But yeah, I remember that
Heidi (20:38):
I would have never done that.
Etienne (20:39):
Oh, my family.
They never knew about me withthe boxes of mags in the
basement.
They never knew about the pornvideo that I saw, but I remember
the scene.
The scene was.
I still, to this day, canpicture that one scene that I
saw off that video.
It was like a whole bunch ofcouples in their 20s it seemed
like in the setup they all wereneighbors and such, and they
(21:01):
lived on the beach and they hadthis bonfire and they had a
platform where people would goup to the platform and do sex
acts in front of everybody there.
And I remember the one partwhere I was like this is so hot.
Like the woman was laying onher back and some guy comes up
and starts going down on her andI'm like this is great and
everybody's watching.
This is awesome.
(21:22):
Yeah, so that's stuck in mybrain.
I can see it to this day.
I bet if I actually did watchit though it would be different
than what I remember we movedhouses when I was 11.
And those boxes of porndisappeared and I can tell you I
was not happy about that.
Instead of having an unfinishedbasement, we had a finished
(21:45):
basement.
Now we just had this littlestorage spot with a little tiny
door on it, just only what theycould fit in there, and I went
searching, digging in there.
I'm like there's got to besomething, I need something.
I can't go without the pornmags.
I found the story of O.
I was like 12, 11 or 12 yearsold when I found this and I
(22:05):
would sneak in there when I knewnobody was home and I was by
myself, obviously, and I would.
I read that entire book and Idon't know if people listening
to this know what the story ofthat was, but it's pretty
explicit, like BDSM story.
Pretty sure it's set in Francein Paris, which makes me think.
You know, I've always had afascination with being
(22:27):
submissive and I wonder ifthat's where it started, which
then brings me to like.
I've had a boyfriend in thepast who was obsessed with women
urinating on him.
When I met him, he'd neveractually had anybody agreed to
do it to him or for him, so hesaid that proclivity, though,
came from.
One of the first porn videos heever saw was of a woman doing
(22:50):
that to a man, so he wasdefinitely not into golden
showers.
As far as like him doing it toa woman, he wanted it done to
him.
That just makes me think do webecome obsessed with the first
sexual like deviancies that wesee, like when we're first into,
you know, first seeing porn,because maybe that story of O is
(23:10):
why I do enjoy when I've hadthe opportunities to be
submissive.
Yeah, and it's not witheverybody because that is not
okay for everybody, but with theright people I think that is
okay.
Heidi (23:20):
That makes sense Because I remember a lot of the porn I
watched back then.
It was like a lot of outdoorstuff.
I like exhibitionism we'll getinto that in a later episode.
But
Etienne (23:32):
I don't, I don't know, Jane, if I'm gonna put you on
the spot.
Do you have anything that youlike?
Jane (23:36):
I do think there's something to be said for
formative experiences, and thenthat
Etienne (23:40):
that's a good word,
Jane (23:42):
because yes, it's the same with everything else in your
life.
Like you watch the way thatyour parents relate to each
other, and that impacts how youare with relationships later in
life.
So why wouldn't this besomething that carries over too?
And that actually makes me evenmore concerned for kids today.
Heidi (23:58):
Mm-hmm.
Etienne (23:59):
I go to the porn sites myself and you see what?
The first thing that pops up onthe homepage like what's the
most popular porn clips and it'sa lot of incest-ish like
stepbrother, stepsister stuffthat seems to be the most
popular.
Jane (24:13):
That's so weird.
Etienne (24:14):
I'm not saying that stuff doesn't happen, it does
but like yeah
Jane (24:18):
I'm wondering if that is the result of people during the
pandemic doing well, you're hereand we're not related, so
Etienne (24:26):
oh no, you think it's pandemic related?
Jane (24:29):
I'm just wondering if the home page prior to lockdowns.
If there's been an analysis done, okay in 2019.
These were the top five thingsthat were trending on the porn
Etienne (24:40):
oh, I wonder if pornhub keeps a like this information?
Heidi (24:45):
there's gotta be, there's porn researchers out there that
are keeping track of this shit.
Jane (24:50):
They do, and if you're ever curious yourself, you could
actually use thewaybackmachine.
com and then go to Pornhub inNovember of 2019 and look at
what the homepage looked likethen.
Etienne (25:01):
Wow, you just have it all set
Jane (25:02):
do your own.
I have not conducted thisanalysis myself.
I'm a pretty good researcherand I'm just thinking you could
do this yourself for cheap andreally easily.
But yeah, I just think that theformative experiences I mean to
me.
I'm wondering if my experienceseeing Playboy and thinking that
they were so beautiful is likecarried over into.
I'm def, I'm straight, but butI I like waist up, I'm like
(25:31):
beautiful, and I think maybeit's because I was like that was
what was always on full display, like playboy.
There was definitely fullfrontal, but it wasn't like up
in your face and women splayedlike they are in some of the
other publications, and so Ithen was always just fascinated
and thinking that the breastswere just so beautiful.
I didn't want anything to dowith a woman.
(25:51):
Waist down, I'm like nope, myown is fine, but I don't want
anything to do with yours.
Heidi (25:57):
I'll go to second base.
Etienne (25:58):
What are the bases?
Is it kissing first base,what's second base?
Jane (26:03):
And second base is boobs, yeah.
Heidi (26:06):
And third base is like getting down to the genitals and
then home run is all the way.
Etienne (26:12):
Do they not have oral sex on the bases?
It sounds like no
Jane (26:14):
you know what they don't, and that is why a man?
Etienne (26:17):
And that's missing.
Jane (26:19):
A man, definitely,
Heidi (26:22):
I think you know the bases.
You talk about the bases whenyou're younger and you know
you're not thinking about oralsex.
Back then I don't think I'mtrying to remember.
Etienne (26:31):
When I mean I told you what my first porn video was.
I was like I was thinking aboutit.
My first experience with oralsex happened before I ever had
intercourse.
He's actually in this movie,big.
He was one of the teenagers inBig, so we were both teenagers
(26:51):
at the time.
We were around the same age.
I was definitely over 18 whenthis happened.
I was not asking to have him dothat, so when he started doing
going down there, I was likeokay,
Heidi (27:03):
you've been waiting for this your whole life, right?
Etienne (27:06):
I know I've been waiting for it, but like I was
just sort of felt like it cameout of left field a little bit
but I was like okay, yeah, so Iremember him doing it for a
little bit.
Definitely definitely did nothave an orgasm, but it was still
hot as hell Like havingsomebody down there is very hot,
I think.
And it stopped there, I didn'tdo anything to him, there was no
(27:29):
intercourse, it was literally aone-way street.
But, um, yeah, and that was theonly sexual contact we had,
just that one time.
But, yeah,
left field
because I had sex a few times before I even went down
on somebody for the first timeand the guy said something to me
like you ever done this to anya guy before?
And I'm like no, I like it,like I felt, like I said no,
(27:51):
like it never even crossed mymind, and he was like you want
to try?
and I'm like sure, and I gave ita try
Heidi (27:59):
but you had seen it before in the porn.
Etienne (28:01):
I was successful
Heidi (28:02):
so you knew what
Etienne (28:03):
Oh yeah, yeah, I'd seen it, but I had never done it.
I don't know why I like hadn'tyou know, because when you're
young guys just walk around
Heidi (28:10):
yeah exactly
Etienne (28:10):
you don't have to do anything to like make them hard
it's like, like you're justthere and like I was always wet,
so it was like there wasn't awhole lot of oral sex in general
, like my first few boyfriendsor experiences, because
everybody was always ready to go.
You know, not like now, or I'mlike that's my favorite thing in
the whole wide world.
So going back to that porn videoscene, I don't need to have an
(28:36):
audience, by the way, becauseI've never had an audience for
that, but I 100% that is myfavorite cunnilingus, which that
word is terrible.
I think, it needs a better name.
Fellatio sounds so much nicerword-wise I think it just rolls
off the tongue.
Nicer than cunnilingus soundslike I don't know
it sounds like a disease.
It does yes.
Jane (29:00):
Cunnilingus sounds like a disease.
Etienne (29:02):
Cunnilingus.
Sounds like yeah, like some kindof foot and mouth disease or
something, I don't know it'slike
Jane (29:08):
oh, cunnilingus, it's going around the school.
You got to be careful.
We have to disinfect everything.
Etienne (29:15):
Bleach Only bleach will kill it.
You got to pull out the bleach.
Jane (29:18):
Why Is there a vaccine for that?
I need to have a different name.
That's like give it to me.
We got to rebrand it.
Etienne (29:24):
Give it to me.
Oh, I'll think about it
Jane (29:27):
you should look up what's Latin for, give it to me and
then just call it that instead,
Etienne (29:32):
ooh.
Yeah, or give me your tongue.
Heidi (29:36):
Tongue lashing.
What is the poetic.
Jane (29:38):
Ooh, I like that Etty
Heidi (29:40):
Tongue licking, Genital licking.
Etienne (29:43):
I never took Latin, so I have no idea.
Heidi (29:48):
Special kissing
Etienne (29:50):
special kissing
Jane (29:51):
special kissing.
Heidi (29:52):
Genital kissing
Jane (29:53):
I love it
Heidi (29:54):
oh my God.
Etienne (29:58):
That's been today's episode.
The Women Are Plotting.
Episode one our introductionsto porn.
Well, it was lovely speaking toyou guys today.
Jane (30:10):
Thank you, guys for being vulnerable and sharing
Etienne (30:14):
Vulnerable and honest and authentic.
Jane (30:17):
I think that most people in our society have these
stories.
We'd love to hear yours in thecomments, so let's keep the
conversation going.
How old were you, what mediumwas it, and do you think that
that formed some kind of ongoingpreference that you now have?
Heidi (30:32):
funny stories relating to porn first exposure support.
Let us know we want to hearthem in future episodes.
We're talking about porn, butwe're we're also going to talk
about subjects like our writing,our writing careers and the
writing process and, of courseso yeah,
Jane (30:55):
so it's kind of like you know
Heidi (30:57):
yes yeah,
Etienne (30:58):
sex is a need I sleep, eating.
You know you need food, you needsleep, you need sex.
Heidi (31:02):
Two of us are dating um, in midlife, I mean that's
married and has a very good sexlife, so like we're going to be
talking about sex with partners,without partners, and yeah.
Etienne (31:17):
Yeah, and just to be clear, the ones who like me and
Heidi, who are dating, like we,we have had partners in the past
, like long term partners.
I've been married and Heidi'sbeen married.
But yeah, I have someoutrageous stories from the
dating world.
Sex and dating.
Jane (31:36):
We're three perimenopausal and on the verge of menopausal
women.
We're going to talk about sex,sexual function, sexual
dysfunction, but more cerebraltopics and
Etienne (31:49):
health issues mental health
Heidi (31:51):
relationships,
Etienne (31:52):
all the health things.
The way I look at this podcastis I.
I hope that three of us, ourgoal is to leave the world a
better place than we found it,and if we can spread some wisdom
out there that from our yearsof being on this planet and
wanting to be good people inthis world and be good to
ourselves, then hopefully otherpeople will be good to
themselves and to other peoplein the world.
Jane (32:14):
Through the lens of Gen X, creative women
Etienne (32:17):
exactly.
And I always think, the peoplewho are artists in this world.
So we may not be artists thatpeople know, but I think the
artists of the world are themost open-minded people
generally than the rest of theworld.
I'm not going to judge anybodyfor what they do or what they
want to do.
Heidi (32:33):
As long as they're consenting.
And that's our show You've beenlistening to the Women Are
Plotting.
If you have a story you'd liketo share or have any comments,
we'd love to hear from you.
Email us at info@thewomenareplottingcom, and, of
course, you can find us on allthe socials.
Thanks and until next time.
(32:53):
Be safe and be excellent toeach other.
Welcome listeners.
This is Women Are Plotting.
I'm Etienne Rose Olivier, andI'm here with my friends and
co-hosts Heidi Willis and JaneGari.
Well, this episode we're goingto be focusing on our
introductions to porn.
And my fun fact for today ishow there was a rumor after the
(00:31):
whole shaving off your pubes foreverybody became a super trend
that pubic lice was on its wayto being eradicated from the
world.
And that's actually not true.
The cdc says not true.
No, pubic lice has been aroundfor eons and it's gone through
different phases of people'sgrooming preferences.
(00:52):
So it's already gone throughtimes before where people shaved
off their pubes, and it's stillaround.
It can actually hang on tochest hair or underarm hair any
kind of hair on your body that'scoarse.
So yeah, don't just think ifsomebody shaved that they're
safe, you may still get pubiclice.
So that's my fun fact.
Jane (01:13):
Oh my God, Etty, that's terrifying.
Okay, wait.
So you're a nurse, so tell methis Do you know the difference
between pubic lice and head lice?
Are they relatives?
Etienne (01:30):
Oh, that's a good question.
I'm assuming it's different.
Please God, I would reallyreally because, although I mean,
I guess, if somebody has headlice and then they're rubbing
their head lice on your pubicarea, that you'd probably let's
not try it.
Jane (01:37):
Terrifying, dealing with head lice was hard enough.
Etienne (01:40):
So, Jane, do you have a fun fact for us today?
Jane (01:43):
I do have a fun fact.
It's not as fun as lice
Etienne (01:47):
God
Jane (01:47):
lice is so much fun but I thought that this was actually
pretty cool because it'spositive.
Like, a lot of porn gets a badrap and there's some things
about porn we should beconcerned about for sure, but
all the data shows that sexualcrimes are lower in areas where
there is greater access to pornand my source for that is
(02:09):
Psychology Today and I thoughtthat that was surprising.
Because maybe not, but I knowthat a lot of people argue like
porn is going to put ideas inpeople's heads and make them
want to do stuff.
But it can also be, I guess, areally good outlet for fantasy
and then if your fantasy is notsomebody else's fantasy, well
then you could just do that inprivate and also just not act
(02:33):
out anything in a non-consensualmanner.
So some people, I guess, needthat as an outlet.
But I don't know.
I was shocked to learn that.
I don't know if it's fun, butit's interesting.
Etienne (02:43):
Okay, yeah, that's definitely interesting, but I
mean fun as far as, yeah, lesscrime, less sexual crime, that's
a positive.
Heidi (02:52):
Yeah, so let's keep porn legal.
Jane (02:55):
Let's keep it alive.
Heidi (02:57):
There is some problems with porn, obviously, you know,
with violence and, yeah, peoplehaving a skewed view of what sex
is supposed to look likebetween two people normal people
anyway so maybe we can work onthat, especially if it cuts down
(03:19):
on crime.
That's amazing
Etienne (03:21):
yeah so, Heidi, what's your fun fact?
Heidi (03:25):
So mine.
I was surprised by this.
So, while viewing porn, mentend to focus on a woman's eyes
and lips over breasts andgenitals.
Etienne (03:35):
Wait, wait, what
Jane (03:36):
Sorry
Heidi (03:36):
Yeah, researchers speculate that men look at
women's faces to determine howturned on a woman is.
That was surprising I was verysurprised.
Etienne (03:46):
Well wait, If that's the case, why is there not more
porn where it looks like thewoman's actually enjoying it?
Heidi (03:53):
Exactly
Etienne (03:54):
I am confused.
Heidi (03:58):
Maybe it's like a disconnect between, okay, what
do people think men like andwant versus what they actually
like and want, and if they'repaying attention to how turned
on the woman is like, how aboutcapitalize on that and make that
a part of yeah?
Etienne (04:16):
I think porn could definitely be turned around if
we could increase the number ofvideos or films or whatever,
where everyone is having a goodtime and not facing it like how
about actually having a goodtime.
Jane (04:32):
What a novel idea
Heidi (04:35):
I watch porn.
That's what I look for if thewoman is having a real orgasm
like whoa yeah,
Etienne (04:39):
and you can tell
Heidi (04:40):
For me
that's way different than thethe fake like yeah,
as women, we can tell.
Jane (04:49):
But I think that you bring up a good point though, heidi,
about the focusing on the face,because I'm wondering if the
cascading effect of that is thatmen have seen this performative
face right.
And then they're thinking thatthat is what women look like and
sound like.
I mean, and honestly, everybodyis different.
(05:09):
Maybe some people do have likeyou know, everybody's got their
own little noises I'm not goingto make mine for you now, but I
think that some women will seethat and then think that that's
what they should be doing, and Ithink there's like this weird
feedback loop that can happenfrom it too.
So I think that authenticity isis important, and sometimes I
look at it and I'm like I don'tthink that that's real.
But I wonder if, like if,especially young men, if they're
(05:32):
watching it and they don't knowwhat you know, if they've never
had an experience with a realperson before, and then that's
their expectation, cause kidsare getting exposed to things
like pretty young now.
I think that that's kind ofweird and that actually is a
nice segue into, like, how we
Etienne (05:49):
yes
Jane (05:50):
how first encountered porn like how old we were and
Heidi (05:54):
how different it was back then.
Etienne (05:56):
Yeah, I'll go ahead and start.
So I am super happy that I didnot grow up in the age of porn
readily available on my phone.
I just can't even imagine likePornhub or whatever, being my
first introduction to porn.
I don't even know what mylittle sexual mind would have
taken from that.
The father that I had thatactually raised me.
(06:18):
He married my mother when I wasfive and so I don't remember
anybody being my father outsideof him.
And when they moved in together,um, there were all these giant
boxes that never got unpacked inthe basement, where the only
other thing that was in thebasement were the washing
machine and the dryer.
So, being a latchkey kid and incatholic school wearing my
(06:42):
little uniform, I am not allowedto watch tv because he would
come home and put his hand onthe tv to check and see if it
was warm.
So I had to find something elseto busy myself with.
Well, I can tell you, what Ifound to busy myself with were
those big giant boxes in thebasement.
I went in there to see what'sin these boxes and what I found
(07:02):
a giant collection of pornmagazines.
We're talking Playboy not somuch Playboy, though, more
Penthouse Hustler.
And here's my seven-year-oldlittle mind, seven or
eight-year-old mind, going intothese magazines and just staring
and just yeah, I could not getenough of it.
(07:26):
And I can tell you, my catholicschool required us to go to
confession once a week.
I can tell you what I nevertalked about in confession
Jane (07:36):
you never
Etienne (07:37):
I never confessed that I spent the majority of my free
time when nobody else was in thehouse looking at all those porn
mags.
Uh, yeah, no, I did not tellanybody, thank god.
I can only imagine what wouldhave happened, because I would
go in the confessional and Istart talking and the priest
would go oh hi, Etty, I'm like,oh great, this is so anonymous,
(08:02):
this is not anonymous at all.
You know my name.
You're saying my name like no,not telling you what I actually
do that I'm ashamed of andembarrassed about.
So yeah, that was myintroduction to porn
Jane (08:18):
oh my god, confession sounds terrifying.
I do think it's interesting thatyou were just like not playboys
, though, because, like that,that was my first exposure like
playboy.
We were just playing notPlayboys, though, because, like
that, that was my first exposure.
Like Playboy.
We were just playing in myfriend's basement playing with
Barbies, which seemed kind oflike appropriate, because Barbie
kind of looks like a porn star,
Heidi (08:32):
yeah
Jane (08:33):
playing with Barbies, and they were just like.
There was like an entire cornerof her basement that was just
dedicated to just stacks andstacks of just out in the open,
Etienne (08:44):
so not in a box, just in a stack
Jane (08:47):
just stacks of them in various states of disarray, like
some of them were like towered,some of them had already gotten
knocked over.
Etienne (08:54):
Oh, my God
Jane (08:54):
you know, and there, yeah, there was zero attempt to hide
them, and so sometimes I wouldjust go look at them while we're
playing Barbies.
I'm like holding a Barbie,looking at this other Barbie,
and I do remember actuallymaking the connection and being
like how come Barbies don't havenipples or pubic hair?
And thinking that Barbie was alie.
(09:16):
But yeah, it was.
I do remember thinking that thewomen were beautiful, I have to
say.
But Playboy was definitelypretty classy, it wasn't.
But then, like my introductionto actual, the first time I saw
like a hardcore porn situation,I was much older, I was 13, and
I was just hanging out at afriend's house and we were
playing Mad Libs.
But we couldn't.
We wanted to play Mad Libs andwe couldn't find a pen that
(09:40):
functioned.
Sothe moral of this story is
parents have a pen that works,that's accessible to your
children when you're not home.
Because this was, of course,the 80s and we were latchkey
kids and we were unsupervisedand we were like, let's go look
for a pen.
So I went up to my friend'sparents' bedroom because we
couldn't find a pen anywhereelse and I'm rifling through
stuff looking for a pen.
And then I was just instructedby my friend to go into her
(10:01):
dad's closet because he had adresser in there and maybe
there'd be a pen on his dresser.
And I went in there and I waslooking around for a pen in
there and I just slipped on oneof his shoes and just fell
backwards into just a bunch ofclothes that were hanging, and
then behind all of his rack ofclothes was just like stack, I
mean like stacks and stacks ofporn.
And so, as I fell backwards allof the different like
Heidi (10:29):
But it wasn't just any kind of porn.
Jane (10:31):
crazy, crazy magazines just piling on top of me,
burying me up to my chest, and Ilooked at the cover of the one
that was right by my face and itwas freaking German dungeon
porn.
There was people with leathermasks on, with the zippers, and
two women holding a penis.
It had little chains around itlike it was a penis prison.
I'm confused.
Okay, so imagine a penis and give it a little inner tube,
(10:52):
because it wasn't quite a cockring.
Give it a little inner tubemade out of leather and then on
either side of it put a littlechain a little necklace going
out in either direction and theywere kind of playing tug of war
with the penis.
and I was terrified Because togo from Barbies and Playboy to
German dungeon porn is quite aleap and I was freaking out and
I couldn't move because I wasburied in porn and my friend had
(11:13):
to take me out.
Etienne (11:14):
Wait, was this the same house that had the Playboys, or
a totally different house?
Jane (11:18):
No, no, no, Different house.
Different state
Etienne (11:20):
oh different state.
Wait, which state had theGerman dungeon porn?
Jane (11:28):
That was Georgia
Heidi (11:32):
oh the South.
Etienne (11:36):
We're all laughing.
We didn't actually say that weI mean Jane and I live in the
South.
I feel like we're allowed tolaugh a little bit at that.
Jane (11:47):
A hundred percent yankee by birth, southerner by choice,
so I can make fun of everybodypretty much, and I lived in the
midwest so I could do it.
And heidi, you live in themidwest now, but is in the
midwest where you first found
Heidi (11:57):
yes
Jane (11:57):
your porn.
Okay
Heidi (11:58):
oh, yeah
Etienne (11:59):
oh, it was okay
Heidi (12:00):
I don't have clear memories of the magazine porn.
I just remember it beingeverywhere at all my friends'
houses in the bathrooms.
Their fathers just kept stacksof it, so anytime you went to
the bathroom there it was, and Idon't have real distinct
memories of oh oh, this is porn,
Jane (12:22):
but it was just always there.
Heidi (12:23):
It started coming out.
I've got all kinds of stories
Jane (12:25):
Like an old friend
Heidi (12:28):
oh it was just everywhere .
Etienne (12:29):
Wait where, Everywhere.
Where Are we talking?
Everywhere, Like in your
Heidi (12:32):
Just I mean all of my friends' houses
Etienne (12:34):
All of your houses?
Heidi (12:36):
Yeah, it seemed like you know, in the parents' bathroom.
Etienne (12:41):
Yes, Parents' bathroom.
Yes, it was in the bathroom ofours too.
What was the deal?
They're in there having theirmorning poo, the men, and
they're having a little whack.
Like what are they doing?
Heidi (12:49):
I guess,
Jane (12:49):
Totally.
Heidi (12:51):
Of course, yeah, or in the shower, I guess, I have no
idea.
Yeah, it just seemed like itwas everywhere and nobody was
like shield the children.
No there was none of that goingon, they were just like eh.
Etienne (13:03):
Yeah, I always knew when it was like, oh, there's a
new magazine coming, because youcan see the brown paper was
coming in the mail and you knewthe brown wrapped paper magazine
.
Ooh, let's wait till dad andmom aren't home and I'm going to
go up there and check it out.
Sorry
Heidi (13:20):
yeah, I remember.
The magazines were everywhere,though, and even when I was in
the military, they used to sendit in trunks to deployments
Trunks full of magazines, and ifI ran out of books to read or
there weren't any new books inthe break tent, I would just
start getting into the pornmagazines and read them for the
(13:40):
articles.
Etienne (13:41):
Like just the articles, or are you talking about like
penthouse letters?
Heidi (13:45):
probably a little bit of that too
Jane (13:49):
there's some good journalism in playboy, though
they would have like really goodarticles.
Heidi (13:53):
I used to get all kinds of shit for it,
Etienne (13:55):
nobody can see You said that there's some
really good articles.
Jane (14:01):
They really did
Etienne (14:03):
They did.
They had award-winningjournalism I'm pretty sure
award-winning journalism, I'mpretty sure award-winning,
Jane (14:06):
yes, and interviews with cool people.
Etienne (14:08):
And that's what the men would say when the women would
be like why do we have thesemagazines?
This is award-winningjournalism.
Heidi (14:14):
Plus I get to look at yeah, naked women
Etienne (14:17):
please, I'm not looking at the pictures I literally
get Playboy for the articles.
Mm-hmm.
Jane (14:24):
titties and titillation
Etienne (14:26):
wait.
So what about videos then?
heidi were you gonna?
Heidi (14:28):
So okay.
So I remember watching pornvideos.
Oh my gosh at the woman I usedto babysit for she had a
collection and so that.
But that was later on.
So I remember distinctly myaunt's cable would get like a
(14:49):
fuzzy form of the Playboychannel and there was one day I
was in her basement.
She lived with my grandmother,she had the basement part and my
grandmother had the top partand everybody was out swimming
and I was on my period.
So I was inside, you know,watching you.
You know I'm supposed to bewatching whatever, you know,
(15:10):
like little house on the prairieor something.
And here I am trying to tune inthe playboy channel to see as
much as I can.
I think I was like 11 or 12maybe.
Well, this particular day hervcr comes on and it starts
recording and I I'm like, oh no,is it recording like the porn
(15:31):
and not her actual program?
I mean, later on I found outyou can program the channels,
but at the time I was freakingthe fuck out Like just oh my God
, my aunt's gonna totally catchme and know what I was doing.
Jane (15:45):
I mean.
That's a very real fear.
My foray into videos was theclimax of the story.
Pun intended was just beingterrified that someone else was
going to walk in while I waslike watching this, because when
I was in high school I hadolder friends who were seniors
when I was a sophomore and theywere like I don't know why, they
(16:06):
just thought that this would becool to rent porn because they
were.
We're 18, now we can rent thedirty videos that are in that
section of the video store beingkept under lock and key behind
the curtained area, and so theywould go back there and pick out
some what they thought would befun, and we would take turns
going to each other's house andbe kind of adult about it, like
it was whoever's parents weren'thome and we would first go to
(16:33):
the grocery store and buysomething that we would make
dinner together.
And this is like a group of.
There were five of us doingthis.
Etienne (16:36):
It was like a dinner, like a dinner date.
Jane (16:38):
It was a dinner, dinner and porn.
You know this is what we did.
We were very high class aboutit, so we'd make a nice dinner
and we would hang out and thenwe would pop in the tape and I
was the only virgin in the groupand I just remember them kind
of looking at me, going listen,this is not how it really is.
(17:00):
They would critique it and Ithink what was weird was this
undercurrent of teenagehorniness, like the baseline
that nobody actually wanted toaddress as they're watching it
and then I think, to get over itwould be like this critique
that would go on, but they didseem genuinely concerned that I
would think that that's what sexwas like, and so they would
pause it and be like see whatshe's doing right here.
(17:20):
This is not like most people'slegs don't do that.
I think they were gauging it bythe horror on my face, because
there were a couple of scenes Iwas just like I don't want to do
that.
Etienne (17:29):
Yeah, see where I would be.
I'd be pausing and saying, okay, you see this penis right here.
That is not the size of a penisyou're probably going to get
Like let's be real.
Jane (17:39):
You know what they did.
Do that too.
But at the time one of myfriends was with somebody who
was super well endowed, so shewas just like actually it could
be bigger, and I was like it waslike a whole discussion.
Finally, then it was time forme to host and my parents were
gone and they had said that theytrusted us.
(17:59):
And then, at the last second,they told my grandparents to
come over and this is in the erabefore cell phones and stuff.
So they had left a message forme on the answering machine that
I did not play when I came homebecause I was too busy cleaning
up and getting ready for myporn watching party.
Heidi (18:16):
No
Jane (18:17):
at the time my grandparents lived two and a
half hours away and so they werecoming later.
I didn't know.
Etienne (18:22):
Oh
Jane (18:23):
yeah, this is a bad, bad thing.
And now we've moved on to theporn portion of the evening and
we're in the basement.
Thankfully, this happened in mybasement.
We had a rec room down there,and so it wasn't like in the
main portion of the housebecause my grandparents had a
key, so they just let themselvesright in.
Etienne (18:36):
Oh God
Jane (18:37):
so we're in the middle of watching something and then I
hear my grandfather's voice atthe top of the stairs to the
basement going hey, and I waslike, oh my God, like it was
just.
And it was one of those whenyou're panicking and you just
forget how to use something thatyou've always used.
I'm trying to press stop andthen it won't eject.
It won't eject and so it's justfrozen on, this just horrible,
horrible moment, and he's likecoming down the stairs to say hi
(18:58):
to me and I'm like I can't.
I can't and seriously, I lookedat my friend and panicked 'cause
she's just like yanked the plugoutta the wall for the tv.
And we're just sitting therelike hi and we all just look so
stupid, Just five teenage girls.
Etienne (19:09):
It's like what are you all doing with the TV off?
Like sitting down here?
Jane (19:16):
Four of them sitting on their hands on a couch on the
floor and me just standing infront of the TV.
Etienne (19:19):
That's not suspicious at all
Heidi (19:20):
no
Jane (19:20):
it was horrifying, but I was just like if my grandfather
sees me watching porn with myfriends right now, I think might
actually die.
Etienne (19:28):
Oh, I would have died.
Jane (19:29):
Thankfully he didn't know, but I was always curious.
Could he hear anything before?
Heidi (19:34):
Maybe that's why he announced himself
Jane (19:37):
yeah, we didn't have it on super loud.
Etienne (19:38):
No
Jane (19:39):
They knew, I don't know maybe some people
are into it
Etienne (19:44):
that was your first time seeing it on video, though
is when your friends are oldenough to actually rent the
videos, like that's.
So, like 18?
, jane?
Jane (19:52):
Yeah, well they were 18.
Etienne (19:53):
Okay, so how old were you?
Jane (19:55):
I was younger, so.
I was 15.
Etienne (19:56):
Okay, so 15.
Okay, I'm actually not sure.
When I saw a video for thefirst time, I think it might
have been around like 13 or 14.
My parents got a VCR and a TVin their bedroom.
I don't know if I just poppedit out to see what was in the
VCR and saw the name of what itwas, and I don't remember what
the name was, but I know it wasporn.
(20:17):
And so I looked at the counterbecause it was one of those ones
that it would only reset if youpushed in the little button
super hard, so it wouldn't go tozeros unless you pushed it in.
So I left it where it was andjust watched and then made sure
that I rewound back to where itwas exactly before.
I turned everything off andwalked away when I was done.
But yeah, I remember that
Heidi (20:38):
I would have never done that.
Etienne (20:39):
Oh, my family.
They never knew about me withthe boxes of mags in the
basement.
They never knew about the pornvideo that I saw, but I remember
the scene.
The scene was.
I still, to this day, canpicture that one scene that I
saw off that video.
It was like a whole bunch ofcouples in their 20s it seemed
like in the setup they all wereneighbors and such, and they
(21:01):
lived on the beach and they hadthis bonfire and they had a
platform where people would goup to the platform and do sex
acts in front of everybody there.
And I remember the one partwhere I was like this is so hot.
Like the woman was laying onher back and some guy comes up
and starts going down on her andI'm like this is great and
everybody's watching.
This is awesome.
(21:22):
Yeah, so that's stuck in mybrain.
I can see it to this day.
I bet if I actually did watchit though it would be different
than what I remember we movedhouses when I was 11.
And those boxes of porndisappeared and I can tell you I
was not happy about that.
Instead of having an unfinishedbasement, we had a finished
(21:45):
basement.
Now we just had this littlestorage spot with a little tiny
door on it, just only what theycould fit in there, and I went
searching, digging in there.
I'm like there's got to besomething, I need something.
I can't go without the pornmags.
I found the story of O.
I was like 12, 11 or 12 yearsold when I found this and I
(22:05):
would sneak in there when I knewnobody was home and I was by
myself, obviously, and I would.
I read that entire book and Idon't know if people listening
to this know what the story ofthat was, but it's pretty
explicit, like BDSM story.
Pretty sure it's set in Francein Paris, which makes me think.
You know, I've always had afascination with being
(22:27):
submissive and I wonder ifthat's where it started, which
then brings me to like.
I've had a boyfriend in thepast who was obsessed with women
urinating on him.
When I met him, he'd neveractually had anybody agreed to
do it to him or for him, so hesaid that proclivity, though,
came from.
One of the first porn videos heever saw was of a woman doing
(22:50):
that to a man, so he wasdefinitely not into golden
showers.
As far as like him doing it toa woman, he wanted it done to
him.
That just makes me think do webecome obsessed with the first
sexual like deviancies that wesee, like when we're first into,
you know, first seeing porn,because maybe that story of O is
(23:10):
why I do enjoy when I've hadthe opportunities to be
submissive.
Yeah, and it's not witheverybody because that is not
okay for everybody, but with theright people I think that is
okay.
Heidi (23:20):
That makes sense Because I remember a lot of the porn I
watched back then.
It was like a lot of outdoorstuff.
I like exhibitionism we'll getinto that in a later episode.
But
Etienne (23:32):
I don't, I don't know, Jane, if I'm gonna put you on
the spot.
Do you have anything that youlike?
Jane (23:36):
I do think there's something to be said for
formative experiences, and thenthat
Etienne (23:40):
that's a good word,
Jane (23:42):
because yes, it's the same with everything else in your
life.
Like you watch the way thatyour parents relate to each
other, and that impacts how youare with relationships later in
life.
So why wouldn't this besomething that carries over too?
And that actually makes me evenmore concerned for kids today.
Heidi (23:58):
Mm-hmm.
Etienne (23:59):
I go to the porn sites myself and you see what?
The first thing that pops up onthe homepage like what's the
most popular porn clips and it'sa lot of incest-ish like
stepbrother, stepsister stuffthat seems to be the most
popular.
Jane (24:13):
That's so weird.
Etienne (24:14):
I'm not saying that stuff doesn't happen, it does
but like yeah
Jane (24:18):
I'm wondering if that is the result of people during the
pandemic doing well, you're hereand we're not related, so
Etienne (24:26):
oh no, you think it's pandemic related?
Jane (24:29):
I'm just wondering if the home page prior to lockdowns.
If there's been an analysis done, okay in 2019.
These were the top five thingsthat were trending on the porn
Etienne (24:40):
oh, I wonder if pornhub keeps a like this information?
Heidi (24:45):
there's gotta be, there's porn researchers out there that
are keeping track of this shit.
Jane (24:50):
They do, and if you're ever curious yourself, you could
actually use thewaybackmachine.
com and then go to Pornhub inNovember of 2019 and look at
what the homepage looked likethen.
Etienne (25:01):
Wow, you just have it all set
Jane (25:02):
do your own.
I have not conducted thisanalysis myself.
I'm a pretty good researcherand I'm just thinking you could
do this yourself for cheap andreally easily.
But yeah, I just think that theformative experiences I mean to
me.
I'm wondering if my experienceseeing Playboy and thinking that
they were so beautiful is likecarried over into.
I'm def, I'm straight, but butI I like waist up, I'm like
(25:31):
beautiful, and I think maybeit's because I was like that was
what was always on full display, like playboy.
There was definitely fullfrontal, but it wasn't like up
in your face and women splayedlike they are in some of the
other publications, and so Ithen was always just fascinated
and thinking that the breastswere just so beautiful.
I didn't want anything to dowith a woman.
(25:51):
Waist down, I'm like nope, myown is fine, but I don't want
anything to do with yours.
Heidi (25:57):
I'll go to second base.
Etienne (25:58):
What are the bases?
Is it kissing first base,what's second base?
Jane (26:03):
And second base is boobs, yeah.
Heidi (26:06):
And third base is like getting down to the genitals and
then home run is all the way.
Etienne (26:12):
Do they not have oral sex on the bases?
It sounds like no
Jane (26:14):
you know what they don't, and that is why a man?
Etienne (26:17):
And that's missing.
Jane (26:19):
A man, definitely,
Heidi (26:22):
I think you know the bases.
You talk about the bases whenyou're younger and you know
you're not thinking about oralsex.
Back then I don't think I'mtrying to remember.
Etienne (26:31):
When I mean I told you what my first porn video was.
I was like I was thinking aboutit.
My first experience with oralsex happened before I ever had
intercourse.
He's actually in this movie,big.
He was one of the teenagers inBig, so we were both teenagers
(26:51):
at the time.
We were around the same age.
I was definitely over 18 whenthis happened.
I was not asking to have him dothat, so when he started doing
going down there, I was likeokay,
Heidi (27:03):
you've been waiting for this your whole life, right?
Etienne (27:06):
I know I've been waiting for it, but like I was
just sort of felt like it cameout of left field a little bit
but I was like okay, yeah, so Iremember him doing it for a
little bit.
Definitely definitely did nothave an orgasm, but it was still
hot as hell Like havingsomebody down there is very hot,
I think.
And it stopped there, I didn'tdo anything to him, there was no
(27:29):
intercourse, it was literally aone-way street.
But, um, yeah, and that was theonly sexual contact we had,
just that one time.
But, yeah,
left field
because I had sex a few times before I even went down
on somebody for the first timeand the guy said something to me
like you ever done this to anya guy before?
And I'm like no, I like it,like I felt, like I said no,
(27:51):
like it never even crossed mymind, and he was like you want
to try?
and I'm like sure, and I gave ita try
Heidi (27:59):
but you had seen it before in the porn.
Etienne (28:01):
I was successful
Heidi (28:02):
so you knew what
Etienne (28:03):
Oh yeah, yeah, I'd seen it, but I had never done it.
I don't know why I like hadn'tyou know, because when you're
young guys just walk around
Heidi (28:10):
yeah exactly
Etienne (28:10):
you don't have to do anything to like make them hard
it's like, like you're justthere and like I was always wet,
so it was like there wasn't awhole lot of oral sex in general
, like my first few boyfriendsor experiences, because
everybody was always ready to go.
You know, not like now, or I'mlike that's my favorite thing in
the whole wide world.
So going back to that porn videoscene, I don't need to have an
(28:36):
audience, by the way, becauseI've never had an audience for
that, but I 100% that is myfavorite cunnilingus, which that
word is terrible.
I think, it needs a better name.
Fellatio sounds so much nicerword-wise I think it just rolls
off the tongue.
Nicer than cunnilingus soundslike I don't know
it sounds like a disease.
It does yes.
Jane (29:00):
Cunnilingus sounds like a disease.
Etienne (29:02):
Cunnilingus.
Sounds like yeah, like some kindof foot and mouth disease or
something, I don't know it'slike
Jane (29:08):
oh, cunnilingus, it's going around the school.
You got to be careful.
We have to disinfect everything.
Etienne (29:15):
Bleach Only bleach will kill it.
You got to pull out the bleach.
Jane (29:18):
Why Is there a vaccine for that?
I need to have a different name.
That's like give it to me.
We got to rebrand it.
Etienne (29:24):
Give it to me.
Oh, I'll think about it
Jane (29:27):
you should look up what's Latin for, give it to me and
then just call it that instead,
Etienne (29:32):
ooh.
Yeah, or give me your tongue.
Heidi (29:36):
Tongue lashing.
What is the poetic.
Jane (29:38):
Ooh, I like that Etty
Heidi (29:40):
Tongue licking, Genital licking.
Etienne (29:43):
I never took Latin, so I have no idea.
Heidi (29:48):
Special kissing
Etienne (29:50):
special kissing
Jane (29:51):
special kissing.
Heidi (29:52):
Genital kissing
Jane (29:53):
I love it
Heidi (29:54):
oh my God.
Etienne (29:58):
That's been today's episode.
The Women Are Plotting.
Episode one our introductionsto porn.
Well, it was lovely speaking toyou guys today.
Jane (30:10):
Thank you, guys for being vulnerable and sharing
Etienne (30:14):
Vulnerable and honest and authentic.
Jane (30:17):
I think that most people in our society have these
stories.
We'd love to hear yours in thecomments, so let's keep the
conversation going.
How old were you, what mediumwas it, and do you think that
that formed some kind of ongoingpreference that you now have?
Heidi (30:32):
funny stories relating to porn first exposure support.
Let us know we want to hearthem in future episodes.
We're talking about porn, butwe're we're also going to talk
about subjects like our writing,our writing careers and the
writing process and, of courseso yeah,
Jane (30:55):
so it's kind of like you know
Heidi (30:57):
yes yeah,
Etienne (30:58):
sex is a need I sleep, eating.
You know you need food, you needsleep, you need sex.
Heidi (31:02):
Two of us are dating um, in midlife, I mean that's
married and has a very good sexlife, so like we're going to be
talking about sex with partners,without partners, and yeah.
Etienne (31:17):
Yeah, and just to be clear, the ones who like me and
Heidi, who are dating, like we,we have had partners in the past
, like long term partners.
I've been married and Heidi'sbeen married.
But yeah, I have someoutrageous stories from the
dating world.
Sex and dating.
Jane (31:36):
We're three perimenopausal and on the verge of menopausal
women.
We're going to talk about sex,sexual function, sexual
dysfunction, but more cerebraltopics and
Etienne (31:49):
health issues mental health
Heidi (31:51):
relationships,
Etienne (31:52):
all the health things.
The way I look at this podcastis I.
I hope that three of us, ourgoal is to leave the world a
better place than we found it,and if we can spread some wisdom
out there that from our yearsof being on this planet and
wanting to be good people inthis world and be good to
ourselves, then hopefully otherpeople will be good to
themselves and to other peoplein the world.
Jane (32:14):
Through the lens of Gen X, creative women
Etienne (32:17):
exactly.
And I always think, the peoplewho are artists in this world.
So we may not be artists thatpeople know, but I think the
artists of the world are themost open-minded people
generally than the rest of theworld.
I'm not going to judge anybodyfor what they do or what they
want to do.
Heidi (32:33):
As long as they're consenting.
And that's our show You've beenlistening to the Women Are
Plotting.
If you have a story you'd liketo share or have any comments,
we'd love to hear from you.
Email us at info@thewomenareplottingcom, and, of
course, you can find us on allthe socials.
Thanks and until next time.
(32:53):
Be safe and be excellent toeach other.
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