She’s Only 18... But What She Says About Mental Health Will Leave You Speechless
This week, the Therapists Unhinged crew gets real with a powerful new voice: 18-year-old Aniah, recent graduate, elite all-star cheerleader, and daughter of co-host Nella.
In this raw and emotional conversation, Aniah opens up about:
- How cheerleading saved her mental health
- The pressure teens feel from social media and parents
- Her honest take on therapy, trauma, and what actually helps
- Losing a friend to suicide, and the importance of support at home
- Becoming a coach at 18 and what it taught her about leadership
With Nella, TJ, and Dr. Robin holding space and sharing laughs, this is one of our most important episodes yet. If you’re a parent, teacher, coach, or just want to understand Gen Z better, this one is a must-listen.
Therapists Unhinged is where mental health gets real. Hosted by licensed therapists who tell it like it is, this podcast dives deep into the messy, meaningful, and hilarious parts of being human. From mastering resilience to navigating the chaos of everyday life, we bring raw conversations, expert insights, and unfiltered honesty...no jargon, no BS.
New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe, leave a review, and come unhinge with us.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Aniah (00:00):
Our coaches are like the best people ever,
(00:01):
but like we're raised bythem to be good people.
I've learned more from cheerfor like everything than I have
in high school, I think as anescape because like there's not
really anything to think aboutwhen you're there besides cheer,
even in summer practice there'snothing else to think about,
but like it's a distraction,but also like good place
to use any emotions, anger.
Nella (00:19):
And tumbling, and I love seeing her and being
her mom and watching herdo all this has been very
different for me because,oh, hello.
Hey everybody.
Welcome to episode 13, 13.
(00:40):
Wow.
Lucky.
Lucky.
Oh my goodness.
As you can tell, wehave a special guest.
Yes.
Dr. Robin (00:47):
Very special.
Yes.
And this guest.
Nella (00:49):
Is 18 years old.
She is a recent highschool graduate, woo woo.
And a professional, I wouldsay professional, competitive,
all star cheerleader.
Oh, she
Dr. Robin (01:04):
absolutely.
Nella (01:05):
She also is the daughter of myself.
Dr. Robin (01:09):
Let's go.
Yay.
Nella (01:12):
I have spoken about Anaya many times on the podcast.
Different, different reasons.
Some
Dr. Robin (01:17):
were good, some were good.
Some, some were good, some
TJ (01:20):
were good.
Some mostly good.
Yes.
No, they were good.
Yes, absolutely.
And
Nella (01:25):
the reason why we decided to bring her on is because
she has a full ability to talkabout so many different things.
She's not only.
The young, you know, youngadult, she's also, um, you
know, very much into sports.
She struggled with herown mental health and
(01:47):
she is my daughter.
So this girl is, she knowsthis is gonna be raw.
The all of the
TJ (01:52):
above.
Nella (01:53):
Yeah.
Raw and relatable.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm okay.
And I'm giving you the floorthat, don't worry about me
here, because if you wannasay something, you say it.
Safe space.
Safe space.
I don't do that anyway.
I know.
See.
Oh, oh, that's good.
Okay.
But, um, so Anaya, weknow that, I just wanna
start off by saying.
(02:15):
Won't give too much of yourmental health 'cause that's your
personal stuff, but whateveryou wanna share is up to you.
But this child has told me manytimes how important cheer has
been for her mental health,and that makes me think of
sports in general for kidsand what it does for them.
A lot of people are justlike, oh, well let's
just keep 'em busy.
Let's just do this.
(02:35):
No.
It is more than that.
Absolutely.
Can you tell us what cheerand being in a sport has
done for you in your life?
Aniah (02:42):
I feel like it's a place to go where like,
I don't know, to get awayfrom home or anything.
Not that home is bad,but it has been before.
Nella (02:51):
It has been before.
Yeah.
And has it been likean escape for you?
Aniah (02:56):
Yeah.
Nella (02:56):
Yeah, as an escape,
Aniah (02:58):
because like there's not really anything to think about
when either besides cheer, like.
Even in summer practices, likenot having a routine, like
just you had, you know, there'snothing else to think about.
So like, it's a distraction,but also a good place to like,
I don't know, use your anyemotions, anger and tumbling.
Mm-hmm.
I like that.
(03:18):
Mm-hmm.
Or anything like.
Nella (03:20):
Getting out that frustration or stress or
anxiety that you have,you're able to like Yeah.
Put it out there on the floor.
Yeah.
In competition, I
Aniah (03:29):
can't like overthink about something if I'm
upside down or throwinga girl in the air.
Yeah.
And I can't think aboutsomething that's going
on at home or in school.
Mm-hmm.
If I'm focusingon something else.
TJ (03:43):
How long have you been doing cheer Anaya?
Aniah (03:45):
Since
Nella (03:45):
I was 12.
So.
Before that she wasin gymnastics and
dance, a hiphop dance.
I was like
Aniah (03:53):
really young though, like.
Right.
It wasn't really thatcompetitive that happened
Nella (03:57):
and at that time, I would say, well, around
eight, nine years old, that'sprobably when some events in
her life would have impactedher own mental health.
So I think, of course everyoneknows of middle school.
That's kind of wheneveryone changes into
aliens, look at her face.
I mean, she admits it.
Middle school, she alwayssays like, I don't even know
who I was in middle school.
Like she knew she,but you're not
Dr. Robin (04:18):
supposed to.
And that's no.
That's what's happened.
And I know that we had donesome education and I taught
middle school, you know,he, and I'm an athlete, so,
you know, but I mean, and Ithink, but that's the problem
is that there used to be amuch broader way for kids to
feel kind of out of place.
And now I think especiallywhen we had COVID and
everything dropped and um,we've had a lot of sports
(04:41):
that are not school related.
And so it's like.
There, there's almostlike a disconnect.
And I know cheer is one ofthose in particular because
you know, I'm coming from highschool cheer and I did cheer,
you know, my whole life too.
I'm an I and I, you know,we're a little cheer
babies, but all star cheeris very, very different
than high school cheer.
You know, because you'renot cheering games, you're
not doing sidelines,you're not doing anything.
(05:01):
And it is just sostrictly focused.
So it's like if there wasanything going on in middle
school too, it's like, butyou're still not getting
the connection to school,so you know what I mean?
It's like.
You still have this greatthing like, 'cause you
kept saying escape, but I'mlike, let me ask you this.
How does that affect you?
Like, because, because younever did school cheer, correct?
It was just competitive.
(05:22):
Yeah.
So if you couldcombine 'em, would you like,
would you do cheer also withyour education or do you
like keeping it separate?
Aniah (05:30):
I like keeping it separate and because like
on my team, there's girlsof all different ages.
Not like super farapart, but like.
I dunno if like I couldjust be on a team with high
school girls 'cause they'remean they're different.
Mean girls mean, yeah,we're like in Allstar,
like our coaches are likethe best people ever, but
(05:51):
like, we're like raisedby them to be good people.
TJ (05:55):
So it's like more like a family?
Aniah (05:56):
Yeah, it's like a family.
I feel like high schoolisn't really family.
Like they're all different,but like, I don't know.
Our coaches definitelyI think have shaped the
way we are in a good way.
Like I've learnedmore from sheer.
For like, everything that I havein, in high school, I think.
Nella (06:11):
Hmm.
That's a huge statement.
I love it.
Mm-hmm.
Because, you know, yes,education is important,
but you've learned othervaluable things from
cheer between teammates.
Mm-hmm.
You know, what it feelslike to lose mm-hmm.
What it feels like to win, whatit feels like to, you know,
um, get out that frustration tohave to suck it up sometimes.
(06:32):
Mm-hmm.
And all that.
And I think that's so importantand that's why important.
Yeah.
I think too,
TJ (06:36):
it teaches a lot of discipline, right?
Mm-hmm.
It teaches you to beaccountable, right?
Be accountable to the team.
And you know, let's just sayif you did have a hard day or
a hard, you know, competition,you guys still stood together as
a team because you're a family.
So it, I think it teaches a lotof those values also, um, while
you're having fun and competing
Aniah (06:57):
Yeah.
All the time.
Mm-hmm.
Even conditioning, like.
Last night weconditioned so hard.
Like all of us have sweatdoing down our face and our
coach's, like your team, likeyou all have to do it together.
One person stops holdingtheir plank, we go again.
You know, like stuff like that.
Like we always arereminded that we're a team.
It's not just a one personsport, no one's on the bench.
They're all together.
Dr. Robin (07:17):
So let me ask you this.
What's your definition of team?
And this is what I'masking because I know
where she's coming from,but you know, there's a
lot of coaches out there.
That are not coaches.
There's a lot of teams outthere that are not teams and so
you know anybody to say like,oh, they're a mean person,
or they're this and that.
Y'all know I go attitudeflex leadership right here.
(07:39):
And so there's a lot of fallthere, but I wanna know,
because when you know you'reon a team, it is a team.
So I wanna just get like, whatis your definition of team
Aniah (07:48):
people who love and support each other
through everything?
People who can talk toeach other when they're
mad and upset, and.
Like, you can work theirthings together no matter what.
And just like, I don'tknow, like no one's
like mean to each other.
Everyone always like wantsto pick each other up.
No one's against each other.
Dr. Robin (08:09):
So that's what I wanna hear.
Yeah, because there's a lotof times where there's so
much competition within andit's, and it doesn't work.
And so, you know, asI said, collaboration.
'cause one of the things we'vealways said is that, you know,
one of the things is like some,some of y'all are not gonna
like each other off the mat,but when you're on the mat.
You will respect each other.
You work for each other.
You know what I mean?
And so there is that,that underlying like
(08:30):
this is where you are.
You're not gonna be bestfriends forever, but right
here, if you're gonnabe on this team, this is
what this team represents.
Aniah (08:40):
And like you can hold each other accountable.
Like if I see someone likeslacking, like I can wheel love
each other that much slack andbe like, come on, like let's go.
What are you doing?
We're a team.
Let's go.
Let's all be the best we can be.
TJ (08:53):
Absolutely.
What would you say one ofyour greatest highlights,
um, is as far as cheer?
What was one of yourgreatest moments?
If you can, I have a, a lot.
Ooh, tell us a one.
A good one.
Yeah.
Or you can tell us many.
Aniah (09:06):
Definitely.
The first time winning summit,which is nationals, was like the
best feeling ever because I'venever went, I've never like won
before because that was likewhen I kind of just started.
And then when we TripleCrown, when we won NCA Cheer
Sport and UCA and Won summit.
And yeah, winning every timeis like the best feeling ever.
(09:28):
And what does it feel like tolose because you've lost two?
What does it feel like to lose?
So we lost Summit onetime, actually it's twice.
One was like COVID.
We got second,which was like fine.
I was really happy evenjust getting second because
that was like COVID, butwe actually lost in 2024.
That was like
Nella (09:48):
the worst feeling I ever recall.
And just to add on to that,you guys were undefeated
the entire season?
Yeah.
Wow.
So her team was undefeatedand it was pretty much like.
The final like picture, ifyou wanna think about it.
Summit being like football,the super know of cheerleading,
it's the Super Bowl ofcheerleading, and they all
fumbled to the ground on theirfinal and they were undefeated
(10:10):
the entire, so it was almostlike, but I, it humbled them.
TJ (10:13):
I was gonna ask, as a team, how did you guys
bounce back from that?
Aniah (10:17):
Oh, we bounced back like the next season.
Like we didn't play any games.
We all held each other, heldeach other accountable, like.
That's why we triple crown.
Like we knew that wenever wanted to feel
that feeling again.
I never wanted to feelthat, like none of us did.
I even wrote an essay about itfor one of my college classes.
Wow.
Mm-hmm.
Because it impacted me a lot andI knew that I would never, I.
(10:37):
Like, let anything happen to meor my team to let that something
like that happen again.
TJ (10:42):
So it sounds like to me that this is really like
a part of you, like, likecheer is a part of you.
Like it's who you are.
Mm-hmm.
You know, 'cause sometimespeople take on sports or, you
know, different activitiesjust to do it, or, and, and
not that anything's wrongwith it, but this seems like
it's a part of who you are.
Nella (10:59):
Yeah.
And I love seeing her andbeing her mom and watching
her do all this has been verydifferent for me because, you
know, I was like a sports girly.
Like I played volleyball,soccer, softball.
I did all the like,boy sports, the ator.
And she's annihilator,by the way.
Oh yeah.
So isn't that funny?
That's her nickname.
But, um, that was me.
I didn't know what cheer was.
I was never into cheer.
(11:20):
And so seeing her be passionateabout something that I can't
even relate to, um, is amazing.
I've learned so much andI'm still not a pro, but
I. I definitely don'tfeel like a cheer mom.
'cause I'm not all intoit and I still don't
know a lot of things.
But seeing my daughter ingeneral, like I said it
does for her mental health.
Mm-hmm.
How it got her through somuch and how passionate and
(11:40):
disciplined and it's justteaching her so much right.
Outside of.
The, the max.
TJ (11:46):
Right.
And it's good thoughtoo that you supported
her through it all.
I mean, I, I, I made thathighlight for a reason because
sometimes, you know, um, thekids aren't supported enough
to, you know, I mean, it couldbe for many different reasons,
but, but she had that supportfrom you and she was able to
just do what she did because youactually, you, you held her up.
(12:09):
So that, that's, that'sgreat also that you
have supportive parents.
Who holds you up?
You know, parents, y'all.
Yeah.
Who holds you up, you know?
Yeah.
How does that feel?
Because you know, sometimes,you know, you may have friends
that may not have that.
You know, how, how did thatfeel to have your mom's prayer?
I mean, I know it probably, youknow, sometimes was like, ah,
(12:30):
but how did that feel for you?
It
Aniah (12:32):
feels good.
I think everyone has like, hasto have a supportive parent.
Like, I don't know anyone,any of my friends who don't
have supportive parents.
But yeah, it's good.
I love her.
She does everything.
Dr. Robin (12:46):
But see, and, and I wanna go just because I have
a different outlook and I,you know, coached all star.
Long time.
I love the high school.
You know, I came to education,but what I've seen is that.
You know, like what you said,everybody has supportive
parents and we know in publiceducation that's not the case.
And we know that coachesactually take on a role.
(13:07):
And you said something earlier,which I loved because you said,
these coaches have taught me somuch and anytime, like if people
talk about my story, I sayathletics also saved my life.
You know, because it waslike all this other stuff
that didn't make sense oryou know, was out of control.
This made sense to me for somereason, like it was fun and.
I feel like I was incontrol of something,
(13:28):
but it was my coaches.
My coaches, like a womanin particular, my high
school coach, who literallylike, she was kind of the
one that like, I didn'twanna disappoint, you know?
And so that was it.
And so I always knew like, I'mgonna pay it forward because
it is something like, youeither are like, when people
go, oh yeah, you know, I goto the gym or I do this, or
I'm not, I'm like, yeah, butan athlete, like, you're just
(13:48):
different, you know, because.
Like I said, you win together,you lose together, you
throw up together, you traintogether, you're sick together.
You're, I mean, shoes areflying everything, but it
is like nobody can takethat from you, you know,
good, bad, or indifferent.
But you know, that is, like Isaid, having those parents are
so wonderful and so amazing,but I have seen so many of my
colleagues, you know, and likefootball or anything else to
(14:12):
where we know that sometimes,you know, a parent or parents
or guardians, whatever arenot there, walk kids across
the field on senior night.
Come in here and there forsigning, you know, we've
all done all of that stuff.
And so, you know, you arevery blessed 'cause you
have a wonderful family,you know, and cheer.
And then we know you have awonderful family here, you
know, which is double blessed.
And I know, I'm prettysure you're coaching now.
(14:35):
Yes, I'm coaching, so.
Okay.
Gotta know.
Different pressure.
Yeah,
Aniah (14:42):
a little bit.
I mean, I've been coachingfor a while, but now like I
have multiple teams and then.
I'm gonna have myown team this year.
Oh, yay.
TJ (14:50):
Congratulations.
Yeah.
Very good.
Aniah (14:52):
Because one of the coaches I coach
with, she's moving.
So I had to take over oneof of the teams and that's
like, I'm excited, but it'slike, I never done that.
This is her, she's
Nella (15:01):
getting paid now.
So there it is.
Before she was a juniorcoach, like just helping,
supporting volunteering.
Because volunteering, yeah.
Yeah.
So now she's an actualcoach and so it is, she has.
Clock in, in and out.
Mm-hmm.
And things like that.
So I'm very proud of her.
'cause it's teaching her, likeyou said, a different stressor.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
But I just have to saylike an add-on before I
forget about the coaches.
(15:22):
So as you said before,like, you know, yes.
You know, I'm there forher upfront and center,
but lemme tell you, herand I get at it sometimes.
Sometimes that's why went,oh yeah, her and I wanna
too close for comfort,punch her a time or two.
Mm-hmm.
And she wants todo the same to me.
I was gonna say, we, so weknow, but you know, at the end
of the day we get through it.
And the same thingwith the coaches.
You know, like she's.
Struggled with all of hercoaches, and I know the coaches
(15:42):
understand, you know, um, andI, you know, being a parent,
having that balance is, Idon't wanna like overstep
them being coaches mm-hmm.
Because I know they,but I also respect them.
And sometimes I'm frustrated asa parent, but at the end of the
day, just like I did with TeachDo with Teachers, it's like, I
gotta let you have your space.
Mm-hmm.
I gotta let youdo your thing and.
(16:03):
I may not agree with the waythey do things, but I know that
they love her and I know whatrespect she has gained from them
and what they've taught her andthings that I can't even do.
So they are anotherparent for her.
Mm-hmm.
They are there for her and sheknows that, you know, the tears
that she shed, she can go tosome of these coaches and they
will hold her and be there forher, like as if it were me.
(16:26):
So I just have to say toall coaches out there like.
You know, although parents canget frustrated and stuff, I
know I can speak for myself andprobably most parents that have
kids in sports is that we dohold the utmost respect mm-hmm.
For what they do.
Um, I've never been acoach, so I can't relate,
but I just know what theyhave done to my daughter.
Mm-hmm.
(16:46):
And seen her
Dr. Robin (16:47):
well, and a lot of times, coaches and, and
I say this to a lot of,even my families that I
work with, 'cause a lot ofthe parents will say like,
coach, I hear your name more,my house, or you know, Dr.
Robin, here I go, but.
We have a differentrelationship, you know,
and, and it was funny, I waslistening to one of the things
about families and I said, howwe get conditioned like you
guys, y'all know each other.
You're not worried aboutloving each other or anything
(17:08):
else you can kind of goto, but it's almost like.
We have such a differentresponsibility to them, and we
see them objectively, but westill love, like pour into them.
But it's because we loveit so much too, you know?
And so I know in coaching andlearning, I mean, I, I'm always
learning and, but coaching Ithink was more nerve wracking
(17:28):
for me than just being anathlete because there's, I
don't know, I think it's like.
That's why I can't wait.
'cause you haven't takenwon the competition yet.
So I have to have this nextyear, but only because I can't
wait to see the first time whenyou're just like, oh my gosh.
Like is this really happening?
Right.
TJ (17:43):
And that's because she knows, or as a
coach, I'm sure you know.
You know what you want to see.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And you can relate.
Yet, you know, I think thoseare the coaches that are
like, if you don't, like, ifsomebody's just on the outside
looking in, they may say,oh, this coach is so mean,
this coach, blah, blah, blah.
But the coach just knowsthe potential that's in,
you know, um, the team.
(18:05):
And so that's why it mayseem like the coach is
mean, or the coach is alwayspicking on you or, you know,
different things like that.
But she, as a coach, she'll see,she'll know, she'll know what
she wants to see in her team.
So
Dr. Robin (18:17):
I think she's also gonna see that.
One.
It's funny 'cause I know when wehad our junior coaches that were
coming in, they actually endedup becoming better athletes.
'cause they werelike, we get it now.
You know?
You get that both.
'cause you know, sometimesyou're like, why are you,
and then they come up,we're sorry, we get it now.
Mm-hmm.
Because it is when you're,you are, you know, there's
a lot of frustration.
(18:38):
But that's that learning andthat's that good, you know?
Yeah.
It's still fun.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I, I tell 'emeverybody at the end of the
day, I'm like, this is a game.
Like we are having agood time like this.
Would you ratherbe anywhere else?
Well, this, I said if it waseasy, everybody would do it.
You know?
Nella (18:52):
Yeah.
She's dedicated.
Oh.
And she's there five, six daysa week, you know, know Oh.
I's always in the gym,so, and it's good for your
health, even on breaks.
Yeah, even on breaks.
I'm definitely gone.
TJ (19:02):
Yeah.
So what would you, if you,if you would change anything,
what would you change?
Looking back now, if youcould have changed anything,
what would've that, whatwould that have been?
Aniah (19:09):
My like whole chew of color?
Yeah.
Just in general.
The first thing thatcomes to my mind is taking
care of my body better.
Cool with like injuries?
Um, because I don't listento my body, but, 'cause
I don't like to take timeoff like the doctor's,
like, you need to stay out.
I'm like, no.
But I can't reallythink of anything else.
Maybe like when I wasyounger, like watching my
(19:31):
attitude with my coaches.
Okay.
That's a good one becauseI know I had Idy C
Dr. Robin (19:35):
No, 'cause that's, I wanna, I'm glad you said that.
Why do you thinkyou had attitude?
Because I heard this earlierand I wanted to come back
to it because I was a bratty
Aniah (19:43):
of teenager.
Back then, or I wasfrustrated, but this was,
Dr. Robin (19:48):
are you more confident now
than you were then?
Yeah, I know a a lotmore, more about respect
you it insecurities.
Yeah.
And that's what I'm saying.
Usually it's like, 'cause I knowwhen you talked about the mental
health and coming in, and that'swhere I think sometimes people
like, they're like, oh, thiskid isn't coachable or this one.
And I'm like, what's going on?
I've al and I think that's whatI'm saying, what's going on?
You know?
And a lot of times it's like.
(20:08):
They know when you get to knowyour athlete, you know, as
we do, you know what's going
TJ (20:12):
on.
Right.
And they may bestruggling inwardly.
Right.
And so
Dr. Robin (20:15):
you kind of give a little, so you come over here.
Absolutely.
But there's stillthat, hey, listen.
Mm-hmm.
You know, because it'salmost is to like, let you
know like, we've got you,but you gotta believe it.
Aniah (20:24):
I've never been, I don't think, not coachable.
Like I've barely,rarely had attitude.
I think like.
To my coaches.
You, to you mom?
Yes, but my coaches like rarely.
I've been like, rarely
Nella (20:40):
I. We'll ask them.
We'll have to bring oneof them in one time.
They love me.
No, they do.
No, she's great.
What, what is one thing thatyou would say if you could
give advice to, let's sayparents like, and, and please
throw me under the bus.
Okay.
If you can give one thing that,let's say parents do wrong
(21:00):
when it comes to, um, eitherhaving their kids in sports
or saying no to their kids todo sports or like, what do you
think, like what do you say
Aniah (21:10):
to that?
I don't think youshould ever say no.
Like if I have a kid and theywanna do something, I wanna say
yes unless I can't afford it.
But like, hopefully I'm makinggood money when I'm older.
I would never say thata kid can't do something
like guess sport-wise, plussports are good for you.
Mm-hmm.
And mental health.
But
Dr. Robin (21:27):
how about like at games and at competitions
Aniah (21:31):
being frustrated at your tin when like.
They're like trying to be intheir zone and trying to lock
in and like not be stressed.
'cause like competitions canbe stressful 'cause you're
nervous and like your parentbeing frustrated with you.
Like, it just doesn'tmake anything better.
Like just be calm.
And if I'm like, I'm notreally ever mean to her,
(21:52):
like ever, I don't think.
Nella (21:54):
Okay.
So
Aniah (21:54):
you
Nella (21:55):
don't think you, you've given me attitude.
Of course.
I see it differently.
No,
Aniah (21:58):
I've given you attitude, but like, not like stupid.
Mean like I see some.
Kids that are like, shut up mom.
Like, I've never done that.
Like anything.
No.
And that
Nella (22:06):
is, but that has to do with just respect.
That's a parent that's, yeah.
That's, that would never,and I have to say she
is, I don't think you'veever told me to shut up.
No, I never have in my life.
So, but like, no, and,and she valid like.
I, as a parent know, I had tocheck myself a few times because
she was already stressed.
And then if I make it worseand then I flip out and
(22:26):
I'm making her feel bad.
And trust me, when I, inhindsight, like give myself
time to pull down, I'm like,okay, that was a really shitty
parent right there, like I did.
And
TJ (22:34):
there it is.
There's my, there's my cursor.
Because they don'tperform their best when
they, you know, oh yeah.
Under that type of pressure.
That's
Dr. Robin (22:40):
what, and that's what I say, it depends on the kid.
'cause I know we've alwaystalked about, you know,
what strong personality,but me being a coach and
then also being a parent.
And my son of course, goodathlete, but he's a little
more like an eye, like notas like fiery as we are.
And he literally said tome one day, he's like,
mom, like you gotta stop.
Like you gotta stop becauselike he would get up to bat
or he, you know, baseballand everything else and
(23:02):
he just, he's like, allhe heard was my voice and
it just freaked him out.
And I mean, he told methat I was so glad he did.
And it's funny because as acoach and everyth, you know,
thing else, I now use that.
And when I'm doing sportspsych with some of my clients.
It's like I have to, Iam, I'm coach, I'm athlete
and everything else.
And so that'swhere we really go.
(23:22):
But I love that, you know,having those, you know,
moments of saying, mom,like, I love you, dad.
I love, please.
You know, because as coaches wesee it, you know, we see it too.
And we always kind of knowthe parents and then this and
that, and we try to, you know,diffuse it as much as possible.
And we know that thereare some parents that.
(23:43):
Again, you know, theydon't mean to but do more
harm than good, you know?
And, and that can reallymess with an athlete.
Nella (23:50):
Yeah.
And I'm guilty andlike I said, I own it.
We're, yeah, I definitely ownit and you know, we always
talk it out after and stuff.
Um, but yeah, but we also
Dr. Robin (23:58):
learn and then we go 'cause and that's what
I'm saying, a lot of timesthey don't realize 'cause
everybody's so excited.
But, you know, itis, it, it is hard,
Nella (24:04):
you know, and it's a lot on the parents in this type of.
Thing, and I'm sure there's,I know there's other sports,
you know, that the parentshave to give a lot of their
time and attention to.
Like, it is very sacrificing.
She knows financially,emotionally, you know,
time, all of that stuff.
It's, it's a lotfor a parent too.
So, and I know she, andI've always known with
her, she's appreciated it.
(24:24):
Like I know she doesn't haveto tell me everyday thank
you, but like, I know shedoes because we just we're
connected in that way, andI know she appreciates it.
And knows that Isacrificed a lot, so.
Dr. Robin (24:35):
Right.
And, and I mean, and youknow, that's usually it.
Now I, I do wanna kind oflike stray away, but I have to
ask y'all, y'all were at thecompetition and I believe your
granddaughter maybe too, theone that was in Texas this year.
Oh gosh.
So all I know is thaty'all were at competition.
I'm up the next morning, I'mdoing something and I start
(24:56):
getting these feeds throughwhatever, and I'm like putting
two and two together, going.
Wait, what she what?
And I'm like, oh my God.
So I immediately, I'm Nella, areyou good or what's happening?
Everything.
Oh my God, isthis, are you okay?
And there was like, Idon't know, shootings
not shooting something.
It was,
Nella (25:12):
it was scary.
Scary.
It was a, uh, threat.
A um, or no, there wasa fight that broke out
and something about, Ithink there was a fight.
And there also was like a gun.
A gun.
We don't, we weren't there.
So we were about to leave.
Yeah.
The whole team wasabout to leave.
Aniah (25:27):
Mm-hmm.
Nella (25:27):
But our coaches
Aniah (25:28):
were there.
Nella (25:29):
The coaches were there.
So scary.
They were Texas and
Aniah (25:31):
we were like, don't come.
Don't come.
Nella (25:32):
Yeah.
'cause we were allliterally about to leave.
But I know I sawseveral parents, um.
Coming back to our hotel andthey were all like, I mean,
kids crying, everybody, it wasreally scary, you know, to have,
Dr. Robin (25:45):
yeah.
To see even like the feed andyou know, the kids just running
and not knowing anything.
Mm-hmm.
And there's barricades andI mean, and I mean it, yeah,
it was, it was terrifying.
Even on this side of it,thinking about, because I
mean, cheer competitions,if anybody, there's.
Thousands of people there, youknow, and I mean everybody,
and it, it's all packed inand there's so many logistical
(26:05):
things happening and goingon and you're going on.
What, what I was gonnasay is that a lot of times
athletes like almost areable to face adversity
so much better, you know,because like even after that.
You guys had to compete forlike the next two days, I think,
and didn't like everythingget pushed back and y'all were
competing at like 1230 at night.
And I know we had to do thata few times at ESPN and we're
(26:27):
in the rain and we're wet andshoes are, and it was just
like, our athletes are dying.
You know?
They're just like, oh my gosh.
And you go.
So with all of that, I'msaying like, do you think that
helps in other areas like.
Of your life outside of cheer?
Aniah (26:44):
I don't know.
I feel like it didn'treally impact me that much
'cause I wasn't there.
But like I feel bad forpeople who were there and
I prayed for them, but
TJ (26:52):
hopefully they never have to face that kind of adversity.
Yeah, that, yeah, that was,
Aniah (26:56):
I hope I don't, I have to experience them like that.
Yeah.
I hope
Nella (27:00):
that you know
Aniah (27:00):
everyone.
I'm definitely morecautious though.
That's like, I'm alwayscautious though, but I am now
I'm like at calm, so like ifI have like a little one near
me, I'm like looking around.
Nella (27:10):
Yeah.
She's definitely morehypervigilant since then,
which she already was before,and anxious and stuff.
Yeah.
So, you know,
Aniah (27:18):
it does make me anxious sometimes.
I noticed like after thatcompetition, like I was
definitely a little bit morelike, what if I don't know.
Dr. Robin (27:25):
And that's what I'm saying.
That's the sad thing is that,you know, it's almost like.
Kids, you guys are justfaced with so many things
that we just weren't, youknow, we never thought
about anything like that.
'cause it wasn't there.
It just wasn't there.
We were going in, doingour thing, we're competing.
This was great, you know?
And now it's just like, herewe are, these little babies
(27:47):
trying to do their thing,trying to do the right thing.
But yet, you know, you've gotjust so many outside forces
that are adding to your stress.
That, and I can, you know, see.
Possibly, like you said, ifI'm a parent, like I would
always let my child, butI can see parents go and I
don't want them to do that.
You know?
I don't want them to do that.
(28:07):
And, and here's thething, you know, I'm 54.
I've been cheer in gymnastics,you know, most of my life.
And just the stigma of it,you know, oh, cheerleaders
aren't real athletes.
And I was like.
Okay.
Like I love it.
You throw a girl up, let hertwist twice and catch her
in one hand above your head.
But I mean, that's cute.
Like that's with no helmet.
(28:28):
I like that though.
I like that.
But I mean, so have youexperienced, you know, now,
I mean you're obviouslyyoung and cheer is different,
but do you still getlike stigma as someone's
Aniah (28:39):
like.
She's not a real sport though.
I'm like, okay, I'd liketo see you try what I do.
That's all I say.
Nella (28:44):
Yeah.
Or you say, um, let me goahead and arm wrestle you.
Y'all done the guns.
I know.
Aniah (28:50):
Yeah, that too.
Or I'm like, I saw this on likesomething, but it's like I can
do the ESPNs robot of sports.
Like yeah, hobbies and where is
Dr. Robin (29:02):
it also getting ready to go?
Well, they alreadyhave international,
they have USA teams.
One of my former athletesis coaches and yeah.
It's gonna be in the Olympics.
Nella (29:09):
Oh yeah.
It's
Aniah (29:09):
gonna be in the
Nella (29:10):
Olympics too.
Yeah.
So anybody can say it's nota sport, it's like, hmm.
I'm pretty sure that sheis arm wrestled, grown ass
men and kicked their ass.
So I'm just saying, and Ilove it because she is, she
has got some guns on her.
Mm-hmm.
So, well, on a differentnote, I wanted to ask you
and talk about what it's likebeing you, um, or a teenager
(29:33):
in general, like since youjust graduated high school.
Um.
Like being a kid in,in this generation.
Like what is your take onit now that you're a little
bit more mature being thatyou're out of high school?
What was it like being likea student athlete but also
like having to go throughthis generation around
kids around high schooland like the way it is?
TJ (29:54):
Like what are the pressures of, of your generation
that you feel that you asa teenager or teenagers
that you know go through?
What are the pressures.
And where's thepressure coming from?
I dunno,
Aniah (30:06):
I don't feel any question.
Nella (30:08):
No.
Besides to, well what aboutmental health in your school?
'cause I know you've known,um, several people that have
talked about self-harm, let'ssay, and or unfortunately
have passed away becausethey've taken their own lives.
So tell me what that'sbeen like and what do
you think is the problem?
Like what do you see?
Aniah (30:28):
I don't what it means appearance, but I
feel like it's a big likehousehold and parent thing.
I don't know.
I guess it can be hard sincethey're struggling, but I feel
like when I have kids, I'mgonna be really close with
them so that where I knowthat if they're struggling
with them, that they'regonna tell me and that I can
like get it fixed readily orsomething like that happens.
But I think social media can bea part of it and how people are
(30:53):
raised, like people doing itbecause people, they're around.
Dr. Robin (30:57):
Are you talking about parents or kids?
Aniah (30:59):
Like kids that are around girlfriend or boyfriends.
Uh, like, familylife will do it.
Nella (31:06):
Yeah.
And I like that you, you, yousaid it, you said like parents
have a lot to do with it.
So I mean, what do you think?
A little bit about therapy?
Maybe not what has donefor you, but like, do
you think it's important?
Yeah, yeah.
Very important.
Dr. Robin (31:18):
Now, let me ask you this, because again.
You're the child of a therapist.
I mean, so you know, prettybadass one, and, and I know
like with the boys, I waseducator and therapist, but
they were always bringing,Hey, my mom will handle,
Hey mom, I've got so and so.
Hey mom, can you help soand so, or they were always.
Bringing, or there was, youknow, boys that didn't have
(31:40):
things like, have you done that?
Have you been like, Hey,my mom will talk to you or
go talk to my mom, or Heymom, I've got this kid.
Or, well, both of, I guess.
Both of y'all.
I mean, I'm thinking,I'm like my oldest.
Yeah.
And
TJ (31:50):
I hope you're watching.
She's like that.
She goes, mom, I told suchand such that you're good
with this and you, I'm like,yeah, but you just can't tell
everybody pimping us out.
Yeah.
Aniah (31:59):
I normally don't say to talk to my mom.
I normally like askmy mom what to say.
Yeah.
She's, mm-hmm.
She's, because I don'twanna overstep anyone.
It's like.
I just, can
TJ (32:08):
you talk to my kids?
Dr. Robin (32:10):
Uhhuh?
Aniah (32:11):
Yeah.
Dr. Robin (32:11):
They show up at my house.
They're just thereand I'm like, Hey.
No, I'm just kidding.
Nella (32:15):
Yeah, she's definitely told me some friends who
have been struggling andthen she'll tell me, she
goes, mom, is this the rightthing to say to this person?
Like, you know, um, they're likehaving really, you know, bad
thoughts and stuff like that.
And, you know, I'll askher a little bit more
questions because I justalways, like, I know we
talked about it on anotherpodcast, but like, it, it.
I don't know what it is.
Maybe it's my field or Idon't know, but every time I
(32:37):
hear of a child taking theirlife, like I just, it just
does something to me and Idon't even have to know them.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
'cause I know that theywere struggling long
before that happened.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, I've known families andparents, like she said, parents
are such a big part of it.
It's like.
Don't ignore it.
Right.
Stop thinking my kid is fine.
Stop thinking.
(32:58):
Okay, well yeah, they havesome scratches on them
or Yeah, they're burningthemselves or yeah, they're
doing this and that.
It's like, take that seriously.
It's say cry forhelp in some way.
Right?
You know, maybe they're notgonna do anything past that,
TJ (33:10):
but why risk it?
Right.
And it's not just a phase.
You know, 'cause parentswill sometimes say that
like, oh, it's just a phase.
No, it's not a phase.
It's not a phase that'sgoing to just somehow
miraculously disappear.
You have to speak to it.
But see, here's my thing.
Dr. Robin (33:26):
Don't you think that, well, one, kids are not gonna
act out unless they're hurting.
Like plain and simple.
Developmentally, when youlook at it, and obviously
we know teenagers, but.
Aren't those the sameparents that if they take
accountability, then they'regonna have to face that
they're part of the problem?
Nella (33:45):
I think you would know that answer too, right?
What
Dr. Robin (33:47):
do you think about that?
Nella (33:48):
Like parents not facing that they are
a part of the problem.
I. Like you've known peoplethat have and like that have
parents and that they're apart of the problem of why
their kid is the way they are.
'cause I know, you know, alot of people, so, um, and
them taking accountabilityfor why their child is
acting a certain way or maybewhy they don't have a good
relationship with their child.
(34:08):
But then placing allthe blame on the child.
Aniah (34:11):
Well, I don't think all of it is like, I know like
people whose parent like isn'tthe problem, but like can help.
And then I know peoplewhose parents are like.
Had parents who werelike, were a drug addict,
who were like, whatever.
Like, I think that's a problem.
Mm-hmm.
Like they should takeaccountability for that and
stop so they can be better fortheir kid before it's too late.
Nella (34:29):
Mm-hmm.
But like, yeah, unfortunatelyAnaya has had a friend take
their life, so it was, youknow, big on, on her I know
in her life at that time.
And, um, so.
Yeah, it's unfortunate that it'shappening and I just want, I
want awareness out there and Iknow Anaya has wanted it like
(34:51):
out there as far as like peopleneed to listen to their kids
and these kids like she's me.
Mentioned a good point aboutsocial media, like what is it, I
know you said social media, likewhat is it about social media?
It feels impacts
Aniah (35:03):
with girls I think is comparing themselves to people.
Body image.
Body image.
Like I know friendswho are just sad, like.
They don't like the wish.
I mean, even like everyonecan compare themselves.
Like if, like a lot of girlsdo that, but if it gets
to a certain point, thenit's like you need help.
Well, not like in amean way of my life.
(35:24):
Yeah.
And then like for boys, I don'treally know social media because
I don't think boys like are thatcomparative, like how girls are.
TJ (35:34):
But I like them.
It may be that boyshave a harder time
expressing how they feel.
Yeah, they do.
Because they feel that theydo express it, that, you
know, they're soft or they'relooked at as, you know Yeah.
Wimps or whatever.
So it may be they holdtheir emotions in.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, oftentimes that'swhat causes, you know,
more issues with them.
Dr. Robin (35:53):
So, I have a question.
Um, a few weeks ago on oneof our podcasts, and we were
talking about, and I broughtup that, um, in class,
remember I said it's like.
Everybody was saying how,oh, everybody's open, or
everybody's this or that, butthey're the meanest people.
And you said something earlierabout when we said high school,
you're like, no, they're mean.
I don't want likeyou immediately.
Just, so my question is,do you believe that social
(36:16):
media has also created,um, almost like a platform?
To be like, mean to each otheror do you think it's helping or,
Nella (36:28):
um, no, I feel like it's just how they're raised.
She has a big, uh, opinionabout how people were raised.
Yeah.
Go back to that parent
TJ (36:34):
household thing.
Nella (36:35):
I mean, but that's good because that you say
that like, I mean, as an18-year-old saying that parents
have such a big impact, likeat home of how, how it is
Aniah (36:46):
like I've seen people be, be mean to each other
on social media, doesn'tmean I'm gonna do it.
Like, I think it'salso maturity.
Dr. Robin (36:52):
Yeah.
Well, and I mean, of course Icompletely agree and that's why
I'm saying I love hearing thatfrom you because this is where
people, like, there's so manypeople that wanna point and
say, oh, this generation, or,oh, that, or, oh, that y'all
we're sitting here with thisgeneration right here saying, I.
It still startsin the household.
It still starts in your familysystem, which we know, and I'm
(37:14):
so tired of people going, oh,it's just this, or, oh, it's
just that, or, oh, because ofthis, and oh, because of that.
Because remember, love speaksthe truth and difference
makes excuses and thankyou, thank you, Anaya,
or putting it out there.
And I love when she goes,I don't wanna be mean.
It's not being mean.
It is.
Check yourself, as yousay, check yourself.
Self reflection.
(37:35):
Look within beforeyou start pointing.
Over here, you know?
And that's the thingis that children have
got to be nurtured.
They are not little adults, youknow, but it takes a parent.
To get over themselves.
Parent's, your kid.
Nella (37:53):
Yeah.
I mean, and Iope, and I'vealways said too, and I said
this in earlier podcast,is like, parents, we gotta
apologize to our kids sometimesbecause we, when we do make
mistakes a lot of times, yeah,we need to, and I don't, and
I hate the old generation inthe sense of I'm the parent
and you just have to listen.
Yeah.
What I say goes, is what Isay goes, and I don't care if
you think I'm wrong becauseyou just gotta do it like.
(38:16):
How many times haveI apologized to you?
Uh, yeah, because I mess up.
I am a parent that messesup because I'm human and we
need to do that, and I feellike that's been so important
for my kids is to own it.
That I know I've mademistakes with them.
I know I've made some bad turns,but when they have pointed
out to me being, as they getolder, you know, her older
(38:36):
brother has said, mom, youdid X, Y, and Z, and it made
me feel X, Y, and Z. Mm-hmm.
You know, like, I'm like, damn,like, okay, like you're right.
I shouldn't have said it thatway, or that's not what I meant.
I apologize that itcame out that way.
Um, you know, and her and Istill, you know, she still
lives at home and there'sstill times like I put a
lot of pressure on her.
(38:57):
And you know, I put a lotof pressure on her being 18
now, and it is just becauseI want her to thrive.
I just turned, but she alwayssays that to me, mom, I
just, I'm a young graduatelike a week ago, right?
Yeah, yeah.
She literally just turned18 and she's like, I'm
young, I graduated young.
Don't expect that of me.
And I do.
I have to be like, okay, she'snot, she's not her brother.
Her brother was like,bye, but you know what
Dr. Robin (39:19):
else she's not.
She's not you and she's not me.
And I have to think,remember that too.
I, that's, I, that's what Ihad to, there's a lot of her
in, in, and, but that's whatI had to do with Reagan too.
It was like, ohyeah, he's not me.
Yeah.
Right.
That's what I was gonna ask you,that we do have to, you know.
We're going from producingdiamonds to bursting pipes.
'cause that's that pressure.
Like when do you know?
Like, oh gosh.
'cause
Nella (39:39):
she, and what I love is she'll tell me.
Mm-hmm.
She will tell me if I'm puttingtoo much pressure on her.
And then I also, when Iknow it's good for her,
like literally just beforethe podcast, she was like,
I still need to sign upfor classes, but I have to
do this, this, and this.
And I'm like, you gottamake the phone call.
I'm not gonna make thephone call for her.
And it's not because Idon't wanna help her, it's
because I need her to start.
(40:00):
Doing those steps.
Mm-hmm.
Like she's already making herdoctor's appointments, she's
taking her, I said, here'sthe app for your prescription.
You know, now we have tochange her bank account
'cause she's an adult.
Like there's all these things.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And it's a, and but I also haveto remember it's a lot all
at once for these kids too.
TJ (40:14):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Nella (40:15):
It's a lot that she's had to deal with.
They
TJ (40:17):
need a checklist.
Yeah.
So checklist out.
Nella (40:19):
So I'm trying to kind of balance of like, okay here.
Mm-hmm.
But I also wanna let herknow I am here for her, so.
Right.
It's a balance.
Absolutely.
But there's certain things thatI know are gonna be good for her
to learn how to do by herself.
Yeah.
Because it's gonna give herstrength and confidence
that, Hey, I got this.
Mm-hmm.
Like, and I try to tellher that like, you got
this, you're smart.
Like, come on, you got it.
Yep.
But I do put pressure on herand I know she can admit that.
Dr. Robin (40:42):
So hearing that, I mean, 'cause is your mom, is
it all safe space hearing that?
Like how does thatmake you feel?
Aniah (40:49):
Feels good.
And I get
Dr. Robin (40:50):
confident.
Aniah (40:51):
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I still.
But see here, here's the thing.
Help is 50% help is
Dr. Robin (40:57):
50%.
You gotta do your part again,what we say, here's your toilet
paper, wipe your own behind.
But that, now let me ask youthis, do you think that, 'cause
this is what I have seen becauseeven with my students at the
college or um, some of myclients here that transition
from high school to college,I have a lot of my babies
(41:18):
struggling because it's liketheir parents just go, Nope.
Go ahead.
Yeah,
TJ (41:22):
some of them do.
You're 18 now.
You graduated, you'reon your own and
Dr. Robin (41:24):
it has
TJ (41:25):
been.
Yeah,
Dr. Robin (41:26):
and I'm, and that's why I think I've told y'all,
even at the college level,I have really taken things
back to basics and a lot ofthings because every, there's
just a lot of missing pieces.
Yeah.
I think that.
Then a lot of times if theydon't have supportive parents
or if they don't have anybody,or if they do ask and get told,
I told you that last week.
Like you're,
TJ (41:45):
or figure it out on your own.
I've seen that before.
Figure it out on your own.
Yeah, I did when I was your age.
When I was your age.
When I was your age.
Mm-hmm.
When I was your age.
You feeling hate that?
I hate that.
When I was your, and it's liketimes have changed since you
were my, and as a parent, I hadto remember, I can't parent my
kids from a, when I was your agestandpoint, it does not work.
They shut down so.
Nella (42:07):
Well, Anaya, I really appreciate you coming out here
and being transparent and letyou know, hopefully reaching
out to some people that youknow here she is an 18-year-old,
dealt with her own mentalhealth and also into sports and
how that's so impactful for.
For kids.
So put your kids insports or, or, or groups
or, or, or classes.
(42:27):
Something that they couldbe passionate about.
Yes.
Because it will helpwith their mental health.
And listen to your kids goto take them into therapy if
they're, if they're doing thingsthat are not out of their norm.
Yes.
You know, kids have a lot ofpressures that you, we may not
understand, so get them help.
Yes.
Just let them talk to somebody.
Yes.
Well,
Dr. Robin (42:43):
and even, and I was just gonna say,
because there is a lot ofstigma with athletics and.
I'm also a sports psychologist.
So I mean, there's a lotof things that like, people
can go, oh yeah, use me.
I'm, I'm licensed and I'm gonnasee a sports psychologist.
'cause that's likethe cool thing, but we
can still work on it.
You know what I mean?
So it's like twist, ittakes a village, whatever
you want, it takes.
A village takes and you have to
TJ (43:03):
identify the village.
Identify your village, gotta
Dr. Robin (43:06):
choose you and how it works for you.
Put a name on it, put it on.
You can say, I'm gonnago see Santa Claus and
he's gonna help me.
Santa Claus is cool.
We like seeing Santa Claus,you know, and I'm just.
I just that stigma,it's always that.
I know.
And that's yourthing, like or stigma.
Yeah, but also I wannasay thank you because I
know it is hard, you know?
Yes.
(43:26):
Thank you, Anaya, to speak up.
It's, and you know.
Thank you.
'cause there's, italways takes welcome
TJ (43:33):
one start, right, and you're speaking for a whole
group of people behind you.
So you,
Nella (43:38):
so
TJ (43:38):
you did well.
Yes.
Thank you very
Nella (43:40):
much.
And thank you for our listeners.
TJ (43:41):
Yeah.
Aniah (43:42):
Comment down below if you want part two.
Our coaches are like the best people ever,
(00:01):
but like we're raised bythem to be good people.
I've learned more from cheerfor like everything than I have
in high school, I think as anescape because like there's not
really anything to think aboutwhen you're there besides cheer,
even in summer practice there'snothing else to think about,
but like it's a distraction,but also like good place
to use any emotions, anger.
Nella (00:19):
And tumbling, and I love seeing her and being
her mom and watching herdo all this has been very
different for me because,oh, hello.
Hey everybody.
Welcome to episode 13, 13.
(00:40):
Wow.
Lucky.
Lucky.
Oh my goodness.
As you can tell, wehave a special guest.
Yes.
Dr. Robin (00:47):
Very special.
Yes.
And this guest.
Nella (00:49):
Is 18 years old.
She is a recent highschool graduate, woo woo.
And a professional, I wouldsay professional, competitive,
all star cheerleader.
Oh, she
Dr. Robin (01:04):
absolutely.
Nella (01:05):
She also is the daughter of myself.
Dr. Robin (01:09):
Let's go.
Yay.
Nella (01:12):
I have spoken about Anaya many times on the podcast.
Different, different reasons.
Some
Dr. Robin (01:17):
were good, some were good.
Some, some were good, some
TJ (01:20):
were good.
Some mostly good.
Yes.
No, they were good.
Yes, absolutely.
And
Nella (01:25):
the reason why we decided to bring her on is because
she has a full ability to talkabout so many different things.
She's not only.
The young, you know, youngadult, she's also, um, you
know, very much into sports.
She struggled with herown mental health and
(01:47):
she is my daughter.
So this girl is, she knowsthis is gonna be raw.
The all of the
TJ (01:52):
above.
Nella (01:53):
Yeah.
Raw and relatable.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm okay.
And I'm giving you the floorthat, don't worry about me
here, because if you wannasay something, you say it.
Safe space.
Safe space.
I don't do that anyway.
I know.
See.
Oh, oh, that's good.
Okay.
But, um, so Anaya, weknow that, I just wanna
start off by saying.
(02:15):
Won't give too much of yourmental health 'cause that's your
personal stuff, but whateveryou wanna share is up to you.
But this child has told me manytimes how important cheer has
been for her mental health,and that makes me think of
sports in general for kidsand what it does for them.
A lot of people are justlike, oh, well let's
just keep 'em busy.
Let's just do this.
(02:35):
No.
It is more than that.
Absolutely.
Can you tell us what cheerand being in a sport has
done for you in your life?
Aniah (02:42):
I feel like it's a place to go where like,
I don't know, to get awayfrom home or anything.
Not that home is bad,but it has been before.
Nella (02:51):
It has been before.
Yeah.
And has it been likean escape for you?
Aniah (02:56):
Yeah.
Nella (02:56):
Yeah, as an escape,
Aniah (02:58):
because like there's not really anything to think about
when either besides cheer, like.
Even in summer practices, likenot having a routine, like
just you had, you know, there'snothing else to think about.
So like, it's a distraction,but also a good place to like,
I don't know, use your anyemotions, anger and tumbling.
Mm-hmm.
I like that.
(03:18):
Mm-hmm.
Or anything like.
Nella (03:20):
Getting out that frustration or stress or
anxiety that you have,you're able to like Yeah.
Put it out there on the floor.
Yeah.
In competition, I
Aniah (03:29):
can't like overthink about something if I'm
upside down or throwinga girl in the air.
Yeah.
And I can't think aboutsomething that's going
on at home or in school.
Mm-hmm.
If I'm focusingon something else.
TJ (03:43):
How long have you been doing cheer Anaya?
Aniah (03:45):
Since
Nella (03:45):
I was 12.
So.
Before that she wasin gymnastics and
dance, a hiphop dance.
I was like
Aniah (03:53):
really young though, like.
Right.
It wasn't really thatcompetitive that happened
Nella (03:57):
and at that time, I would say, well, around
eight, nine years old, that'sprobably when some events in
her life would have impactedher own mental health.
So I think, of course everyoneknows of middle school.
That's kind of wheneveryone changes into
aliens, look at her face.
I mean, she admits it.
Middle school, she alwayssays like, I don't even know
who I was in middle school.
Like she knew she,but you're not
Dr. Robin (04:18):
supposed to.
And that's no.
That's what's happened.
And I know that we had donesome education and I taught
middle school, you know,he, and I'm an athlete, so,
you know, but I mean, and Ithink, but that's the problem
is that there used to be amuch broader way for kids to
feel kind of out of place.
And now I think especiallywhen we had COVID and
everything dropped and um,we've had a lot of sports
(04:41):
that are not school related.
And so it's like.
There, there's almostlike a disconnect.
And I know cheer is one ofthose in particular because
you know, I'm coming from highschool cheer and I did cheer,
you know, my whole life too.
I'm an I and I, you know,we're a little cheer
babies, but all star cheeris very, very different
than high school cheer.
You know, because you'renot cheering games, you're
not doing sidelines,you're not doing anything.
(05:01):
And it is just sostrictly focused.
So it's like if there wasanything going on in middle
school too, it's like, butyou're still not getting
the connection to school,so you know what I mean?
It's like.
You still have this greatthing like, 'cause you
kept saying escape, but I'mlike, let me ask you this.
How does that affect you?
Like, because, because younever did school cheer, correct?
It was just competitive.
(05:22):
Yeah.
So if you couldcombine 'em, would you like,
would you do cheer also withyour education or do you
like keeping it separate?
Aniah (05:30):
I like keeping it separate and because like
on my team, there's girlsof all different ages.
Not like super farapart, but like.
I dunno if like I couldjust be on a team with high
school girls 'cause they'remean they're different.
Mean girls mean, yeah,we're like in Allstar,
like our coaches are likethe best people ever, but
(05:51):
like, we're like raisedby them to be good people.
TJ (05:55):
So it's like more like a family?
Aniah (05:56):
Yeah, it's like a family.
I feel like high schoolisn't really family.
Like they're all different,but like, I don't know.
Our coaches definitelyI think have shaped the
way we are in a good way.
Like I've learnedmore from sheer.
For like, everything that I havein, in high school, I think.
Nella (06:11):
Hmm.
That's a huge statement.
I love it.
Mm-hmm.
Because, you know, yes,education is important,
but you've learned othervaluable things from
cheer between teammates.
Mm-hmm.
You know, what it feelslike to lose mm-hmm.
What it feels like to win, whatit feels like to, you know,
um, get out that frustration tohave to suck it up sometimes.
(06:32):
Mm-hmm.
And all that.
And I think that's so importantand that's why important.
Yeah.
I think too,
TJ (06:36):
it teaches a lot of discipline, right?
Mm-hmm.
It teaches you to beaccountable, right?
Be accountable to the team.
And you know, let's just sayif you did have a hard day or
a hard, you know, competition,you guys still stood together as
a team because you're a family.
So it, I think it teaches a lotof those values also, um, while
you're having fun and competing
Aniah (06:57):
Yeah.
All the time.
Mm-hmm.
Even conditioning, like.
Last night weconditioned so hard.
Like all of us have sweatdoing down our face and our
coach's, like your team, likeyou all have to do it together.
One person stops holdingtheir plank, we go again.
You know, like stuff like that.
Like we always arereminded that we're a team.
It's not just a one personsport, no one's on the bench.
They're all together.
Dr. Robin (07:17):
So let me ask you this.
What's your definition of team?
And this is what I'masking because I know
where she's coming from,but you know, there's a
lot of coaches out there.
That are not coaches.
There's a lot of teams outthere that are not teams and so
you know anybody to say like,oh, they're a mean person,
or they're this and that.
Y'all know I go attitudeflex leadership right here.
(07:39):
And so there's a lot of fallthere, but I wanna know,
because when you know you'reon a team, it is a team.
So I wanna just get like, whatis your definition of team
Aniah (07:48):
people who love and support each other
through everything?
People who can talk toeach other when they're
mad and upset, and.
Like, you can work theirthings together no matter what.
And just like, I don'tknow, like no one's
like mean to each other.
Everyone always like wantsto pick each other up.
No one's against each other.
Dr. Robin (08:09):
So that's what I wanna hear.
Yeah, because there's a lotof times where there's so
much competition within andit's, and it doesn't work.
And so, you know, asI said, collaboration.
'cause one of the things we'vealways said is that, you know,
one of the things is like some,some of y'all are not gonna
like each other off the mat,but when you're on the mat.
You will respect each other.
You work for each other.
You know what I mean?
And so there is that,that underlying like
(08:30):
this is where you are.
You're not gonna be bestfriends forever, but right
here, if you're gonnabe on this team, this is
what this team represents.
Aniah (08:40):
And like you can hold each other accountable.
Like if I see someone likeslacking, like I can wheel love
each other that much slack andbe like, come on, like let's go.
What are you doing?
We're a team.
Let's go.
Let's all be the best we can be.
TJ (08:53):
Absolutely.
What would you say one ofyour greatest highlights,
um, is as far as cheer?
What was one of yourgreatest moments?
If you can, I have a, a lot.
Ooh, tell us a one.
A good one.
Yeah.
Or you can tell us many.
Aniah (09:06):
Definitely.
The first time winning summit,which is nationals, was like the
best feeling ever because I'venever went, I've never like won
before because that was likewhen I kind of just started.
And then when we TripleCrown, when we won NCA Cheer
Sport and UCA and Won summit.
And yeah, winning every timeis like the best feeling ever.
(09:28):
And what does it feel like tolose because you've lost two?
What does it feel like to lose?
So we lost Summit onetime, actually it's twice.
One was like COVID.
We got second,which was like fine.
I was really happy evenjust getting second because
that was like COVID, butwe actually lost in 2024.
That was like
Nella (09:48):
the worst feeling I ever recall.
And just to add on to that,you guys were undefeated
the entire season?
Yeah.
Wow.
So her team was undefeatedand it was pretty much like.
The final like picture, ifyou wanna think about it.
Summit being like football,the super know of cheerleading,
it's the Super Bowl ofcheerleading, and they all
fumbled to the ground on theirfinal and they were undefeated
(10:10):
the entire, so it was almostlike, but I, it humbled them.
TJ (10:13):
I was gonna ask, as a team, how did you guys
bounce back from that?
Aniah (10:17):
Oh, we bounced back like the next season.
Like we didn't play any games.
We all held each other, heldeach other accountable, like.
That's why we triple crown.
Like we knew that wenever wanted to feel
that feeling again.
I never wanted to feelthat, like none of us did.
I even wrote an essay about itfor one of my college classes.
Wow.
Mm-hmm.
Because it impacted me a lot andI knew that I would never, I.
(10:37):
Like, let anything happen to meor my team to let that something
like that happen again.
TJ (10:42):
So it sounds like to me that this is really like
a part of you, like, likecheer is a part of you.
Like it's who you are.
Mm-hmm.
You know, 'cause sometimespeople take on sports or, you
know, different activitiesjust to do it, or, and, and
not that anything's wrongwith it, but this seems like
it's a part of who you are.
Nella (10:59):
Yeah.
And I love seeing her andbeing her mom and watching
her do all this has been verydifferent for me because, you
know, I was like a sports girly.
Like I played volleyball,soccer, softball.
I did all the like,boy sports, the ator.
And she's annihilator,by the way.
Oh yeah.
So isn't that funny?
That's her nickname.
But, um, that was me.
I didn't know what cheer was.
I was never into cheer.
(11:20):
And so seeing her be passionateabout something that I can't
even relate to, um, is amazing.
I've learned so much andI'm still not a pro, but
I. I definitely don'tfeel like a cheer mom.
'cause I'm not all intoit and I still don't
know a lot of things.
But seeing my daughter ingeneral, like I said it
does for her mental health.
Mm-hmm.
How it got her through somuch and how passionate and
(11:40):
disciplined and it's justteaching her so much right.
Outside of.
The, the max.
TJ (11:46):
Right.
And it's good thoughtoo that you supported
her through it all.
I mean, I, I, I made thathighlight for a reason because
sometimes, you know, um, thekids aren't supported enough
to, you know, I mean, it couldbe for many different reasons,
but, but she had that supportfrom you and she was able to
just do what she did because youactually, you, you held her up.
(12:09):
So that, that's, that'sgreat also that you
have supportive parents.
Who holds you up?
You know, parents, y'all.
Yeah.
Who holds you up, you know?
Yeah.
How does that feel?
Because you know, sometimes,you know, you may have friends
that may not have that.
You know, how, how did thatfeel to have your mom's prayer?
I mean, I know it probably, youknow, sometimes was like, ah,
(12:30):
but how did that feel for you?
It
Aniah (12:32):
feels good.
I think everyone has like, hasto have a supportive parent.
Like, I don't know anyone,any of my friends who don't
have supportive parents.
But yeah, it's good.
I love her.
She does everything.
Dr. Robin (12:46):
But see, and, and I wanna go just because I have
a different outlook and I,you know, coached all star.
Long time.
I love the high school.
You know, I came to education,but what I've seen is that.
You know, like what you said,everybody has supportive
parents and we know in publiceducation that's not the case.
And we know that coachesactually take on a role.
(13:07):
And you said something earlier,which I loved because you said,
these coaches have taught me somuch and anytime, like if people
talk about my story, I sayathletics also saved my life.
You know, because it waslike all this other stuff
that didn't make sense oryou know, was out of control.
This made sense to me for somereason, like it was fun and.
I feel like I was incontrol of something,
(13:28):
but it was my coaches.
My coaches, like a womanin particular, my high
school coach, who literallylike, she was kind of the
one that like, I didn'twanna disappoint, you know?
And so that was it.
And so I always knew like, I'mgonna pay it forward because
it is something like, youeither are like, when people
go, oh yeah, you know, I goto the gym or I do this, or
I'm not, I'm like, yeah, butan athlete, like, you're just
(13:48):
different, you know, because.
Like I said, you win together,you lose together, you
throw up together, you traintogether, you're sick together.
You're, I mean, shoes areflying everything, but it
is like nobody can takethat from you, you know,
good, bad, or indifferent.
But you know, that is, like Isaid, having those parents are
so wonderful and so amazing,but I have seen so many of my
colleagues, you know, and likefootball or anything else to
(14:12):
where we know that sometimes,you know, a parent or parents
or guardians, whatever arenot there, walk kids across
the field on senior night.
Come in here and there forsigning, you know, we've
all done all of that stuff.
And so, you know, you arevery blessed 'cause you
have a wonderful family,you know, and cheer.
And then we know you have awonderful family here, you
know, which is double blessed.
And I know, I'm prettysure you're coaching now.
(14:35):
Yes, I'm coaching, so.
Okay.
Gotta know.
Different pressure.
Yeah,
Aniah (14:42):
a little bit.
I mean, I've been coachingfor a while, but now like I
have multiple teams and then.
I'm gonna have myown team this year.
Oh, yay.
TJ (14:50):
Congratulations.
Yeah.
Very good.
Aniah (14:52):
Because one of the coaches I coach
with, she's moving.
So I had to take over oneof of the teams and that's
like, I'm excited, but it'slike, I never done that.
This is her, she's
Nella (15:01):
getting paid now.
So there it is.
Before she was a juniorcoach, like just helping,
supporting volunteering.
Because volunteering, yeah.
Yeah.
So now she's an actualcoach and so it is, she has.
Clock in, in and out.
Mm-hmm.
And things like that.
So I'm very proud of her.
'cause it's teaching her, likeyou said, a different stressor.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
But I just have to saylike an add-on before I
forget about the coaches.
(15:22):
So as you said before,like, you know, yes.
You know, I'm there forher upfront and center,
but lemme tell you, herand I get at it sometimes.
Sometimes that's why went,oh yeah, her and I wanna
too close for comfort,punch her a time or two.
Mm-hmm.
And she wants todo the same to me.
I was gonna say, we, so weknow, but you know, at the end
of the day we get through it.
And the same thingwith the coaches.
You know, like she's.
Struggled with all of hercoaches, and I know the coaches
(15:42):
understand, you know, um, andI, you know, being a parent,
having that balance is, Idon't wanna like overstep
them being coaches mm-hmm.
Because I know they,but I also respect them.
And sometimes I'm frustrated asa parent, but at the end of the
day, just like I did with TeachDo with Teachers, it's like, I
gotta let you have your space.
Mm-hmm.
I gotta let youdo your thing and.
(16:03):
I may not agree with the waythey do things, but I know that
they love her and I know whatrespect she has gained from them
and what they've taught her andthings that I can't even do.
So they are anotherparent for her.
Mm-hmm.
They are there for her and sheknows that, you know, the tears
that she shed, she can go tosome of these coaches and they
will hold her and be there forher, like as if it were me.
(16:26):
So I just have to say toall coaches out there like.
You know, although parents canget frustrated and stuff, I
know I can speak for myself andprobably most parents that have
kids in sports is that we dohold the utmost respect mm-hmm.
For what they do.
Um, I've never been acoach, so I can't relate,
but I just know what theyhave done to my daughter.
Mm-hmm.
(16:46):
And seen her
Dr. Robin (16:47):
well, and a lot of times, coaches and, and
I say this to a lot of,even my families that I
work with, 'cause a lot ofthe parents will say like,
coach, I hear your name more,my house, or you know, Dr.
Robin, here I go, but.
We have a differentrelationship, you know,
and, and it was funny, I waslistening to one of the things
about families and I said, howwe get conditioned like you
guys, y'all know each other.
You're not worried aboutloving each other or anything
(17:08):
else you can kind of goto, but it's almost like.
We have such a differentresponsibility to them, and we
see them objectively, but westill love, like pour into them.
But it's because we loveit so much too, you know?
And so I know in coaching andlearning, I mean, I, I'm always
learning and, but coaching Ithink was more nerve wracking
(17:28):
for me than just being anathlete because there's, I
don't know, I think it's like.
That's why I can't wait.
'cause you haven't takenwon the competition yet.
So I have to have this nextyear, but only because I can't
wait to see the first time whenyou're just like, oh my gosh.
Like is this really happening?
Right.
TJ (17:43):
And that's because she knows, or as a
coach, I'm sure you know.
You know what you want to see.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And you can relate.
Yet, you know, I think thoseare the coaches that are
like, if you don't, like, ifsomebody's just on the outside
looking in, they may say,oh, this coach is so mean,
this coach, blah, blah, blah.
But the coach just knowsthe potential that's in,
you know, um, the team.
(18:05):
And so that's why it mayseem like the coach is
mean, or the coach is alwayspicking on you or, you know,
different things like that.
But she, as a coach, she'll see,she'll know, she'll know what
she wants to see in her team.
So
Dr. Robin (18:17):
I think she's also gonna see that.
One.
It's funny 'cause I know when wehad our junior coaches that were
coming in, they actually endedup becoming better athletes.
'cause they werelike, we get it now.
You know?
You get that both.
'cause you know, sometimesyou're like, why are you,
and then they come up,we're sorry, we get it now.
Mm-hmm.
Because it is when you're,you are, you know, there's
a lot of frustration.
(18:38):
But that's that learning andthat's that good, you know?
Yeah.
It's still fun.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I, I tell 'emeverybody at the end of the
day, I'm like, this is a game.
Like we are having agood time like this.
Would you ratherbe anywhere else?
Well, this, I said if it waseasy, everybody would do it.
You know?
Nella (18:52):
Yeah.
She's dedicated.
Oh.
And she's there five, six daysa week, you know, know Oh.
I's always in the gym,so, and it's good for your
health, even on breaks.
Yeah, even on breaks.
I'm definitely gone.
TJ (19:02):
Yeah.
So what would you, if you,if you would change anything,
what would you change?
Looking back now, if youcould have changed anything,
what would've that, whatwould that have been?
Aniah (19:09):
My like whole chew of color?
Yeah.
Just in general.
The first thing thatcomes to my mind is taking
care of my body better.
Cool with like injuries?
Um, because I don't listento my body, but, 'cause
I don't like to take timeoff like the doctor's,
like, you need to stay out.
I'm like, no.
But I can't reallythink of anything else.
Maybe like when I wasyounger, like watching my
(19:31):
attitude with my coaches.
Okay.
That's a good one becauseI know I had Idy C
Dr. Robin (19:35):
No, 'cause that's, I wanna, I'm glad you said that.
Why do you thinkyou had attitude?
Because I heard this earlierand I wanted to come back
to it because I was a bratty
Aniah (19:43):
of teenager.
Back then, or I wasfrustrated, but this was,
Dr. Robin (19:48):
are you more confident now
than you were then?
Yeah, I know a a lotmore, more about respect
you it insecurities.
Yeah.
And that's what I'm saying.
Usually it's like, 'cause I knowwhen you talked about the mental
health and coming in, and that'swhere I think sometimes people
like, they're like, oh, thiskid isn't coachable or this one.
And I'm like, what's going on?
I've al and I think that's whatI'm saying, what's going on?
You know?
And a lot of times it's like.
(20:08):
They know when you get to knowyour athlete, you know, as
we do, you know what's going
TJ (20:12):
on.
Right.
And they may bestruggling inwardly.
Right.
And so
Dr. Robin (20:15):
you kind of give a little, so you come over here.
Absolutely.
But there's stillthat, hey, listen.
Mm-hmm.
You know, because it'salmost is to like, let you
know like, we've got you,but you gotta believe it.
Aniah (20:24):
I've never been, I don't think, not coachable.
Like I've barely,rarely had attitude.
I think like.
To my coaches.
You, to you mom?
Yes, but my coaches like rarely.
I've been like, rarely
Nella (20:40):
I. We'll ask them.
We'll have to bring oneof them in one time.
They love me.
No, they do.
No, she's great.
What, what is one thing thatyou would say if you could
give advice to, let's sayparents like, and, and please
throw me under the bus.
Okay.
If you can give one thing that,let's say parents do wrong
(21:00):
when it comes to, um, eitherhaving their kids in sports
or saying no to their kids todo sports or like, what do you
think, like what do you say
Aniah (21:10):
to that?
I don't think youshould ever say no.
Like if I have a kid and theywanna do something, I wanna say
yes unless I can't afford it.
But like, hopefully I'm makinggood money when I'm older.
I would never say thata kid can't do something
like guess sport-wise, plussports are good for you.
Mm-hmm.
And mental health.
But
Dr. Robin (21:27):
how about like at games and at competitions
Aniah (21:31):
being frustrated at your tin when like.
They're like trying to be intheir zone and trying to lock
in and like not be stressed.
'cause like competitions canbe stressful 'cause you're
nervous and like your parentbeing frustrated with you.
Like, it just doesn'tmake anything better.
Like just be calm.
And if I'm like, I'm notreally ever mean to her,
(21:52):
like ever, I don't think.
Nella (21:54):
Okay.
So
Aniah (21:54):
you
Nella (21:55):
don't think you, you've given me attitude.
Of course.
I see it differently.
No,
Aniah (21:58):
I've given you attitude, but like, not like stupid.
Mean like I see some.
Kids that are like, shut up mom.
Like, I've never done that.
Like anything.
No.
And that
Nella (22:06):
is, but that has to do with just respect.
That's a parent that's, yeah.
That's, that would never,and I have to say she
is, I don't think you'veever told me to shut up.
No, I never have in my life.
So, but like, no, and,and she valid like.
I, as a parent know, I had tocheck myself a few times because
she was already stressed.
And then if I make it worseand then I flip out and
(22:26):
I'm making her feel bad.
And trust me, when I, inhindsight, like give myself
time to pull down, I'm like,okay, that was a really shitty
parent right there, like I did.
And
TJ (22:34):
there it is.
There's my, there's my cursor.
Because they don'tperform their best when
they, you know, oh yeah.
Under that type of pressure.
That's
Dr. Robin (22:40):
what, and that's what I say, it depends on the kid.
'cause I know we've alwaystalked about, you know,
what strong personality,but me being a coach and
then also being a parent.
And my son of course, goodathlete, but he's a little
more like an eye, like notas like fiery as we are.
And he literally said tome one day, he's like,
mom, like you gotta stop.
Like you gotta stop becauselike he would get up to bat
or he, you know, baseballand everything else and
(23:02):
he just, he's like, allhe heard was my voice and
it just freaked him out.
And I mean, he told methat I was so glad he did.
And it's funny because as acoach and everyth, you know,
thing else, I now use that.
And when I'm doing sportspsych with some of my clients.
It's like I have to, Iam, I'm coach, I'm athlete
and everything else.
And so that'swhere we really go.
(23:22):
But I love that, you know,having those, you know,
moments of saying, mom,like, I love you, dad.
I love, please.
You know, because as coaches wesee it, you know, we see it too.
And we always kind of knowthe parents and then this and
that, and we try to, you know,diffuse it as much as possible.
And we know that thereare some parents that.
(23:43):
Again, you know, theydon't mean to but do more
harm than good, you know?
And, and that can reallymess with an athlete.
Nella (23:50):
Yeah.
And I'm guilty andlike I said, I own it.
We're, yeah, I definitely ownit and you know, we always
talk it out after and stuff.
Um, but yeah, but we also
Dr. Robin (23:58):
learn and then we go 'cause and that's what
I'm saying, a lot of timesthey don't realize 'cause
everybody's so excited.
But, you know, itis, it, it is hard,
Nella (24:04):
you know, and it's a lot on the parents in this type of.
Thing, and I'm sure there's,I know there's other sports,
you know, that the parentshave to give a lot of their
time and attention to.
Like, it is very sacrificing.
She knows financially,emotionally, you know,
time, all of that stuff.
It's, it's a lotfor a parent too.
So, and I know she, andI've always known with
her, she's appreciated it.
(24:24):
Like I know she doesn't haveto tell me everyday thank
you, but like, I know shedoes because we just we're
connected in that way, andI know she appreciates it.
And knows that Isacrificed a lot, so.
Dr. Robin (24:35):
Right.
And, and I mean, and youknow, that's usually it.
Now I, I do wanna kind oflike stray away, but I have to
ask y'all, y'all were at thecompetition and I believe your
granddaughter maybe too, theone that was in Texas this year.
Oh gosh.
So all I know is thaty'all were at competition.
I'm up the next morning, I'mdoing something and I start
(24:56):
getting these feeds throughwhatever, and I'm like putting
two and two together, going.
Wait, what she what?
And I'm like, oh my God.
So I immediately, I'm Nella, areyou good or what's happening?
Everything.
Oh my God, isthis, are you okay?
And there was like, Idon't know, shootings
not shooting something.
It was,
Nella (25:12):
it was scary.
Scary.
It was a, uh, threat.
A um, or no, there wasa fight that broke out
and something about, Ithink there was a fight.
And there also was like a gun.
A gun.
We don't, we weren't there.
So we were about to leave.
Yeah.
The whole team wasabout to leave.
Aniah (25:27):
Mm-hmm.
Nella (25:27):
But our coaches
Aniah (25:28):
were there.
Nella (25:29):
The coaches were there.
So scary.
They were Texas and
Aniah (25:31):
we were like, don't come.
Don't come.
Nella (25:32):
Yeah.
'cause we were allliterally about to leave.
But I know I sawseveral parents, um.
Coming back to our hotel andthey were all like, I mean,
kids crying, everybody, it wasreally scary, you know, to have,
Dr. Robin (25:45):
yeah.
To see even like the feed andyou know, the kids just running
and not knowing anything.
Mm-hmm.
And there's barricades andI mean, and I mean it, yeah,
it was, it was terrifying.
Even on this side of it,thinking about, because I
mean, cheer competitions,if anybody, there's.
Thousands of people there, youknow, and I mean everybody,
and it, it's all packed inand there's so many logistical
(26:05):
things happening and goingon and you're going on.
What, what I was gonnasay is that a lot of times
athletes like almost areable to face adversity
so much better, you know,because like even after that.
You guys had to compete forlike the next two days, I think,
and didn't like everythingget pushed back and y'all were
competing at like 1230 at night.
And I know we had to do thata few times at ESPN and we're
(26:27):
in the rain and we're wet andshoes are, and it was just
like, our athletes are dying.
You know?
They're just like, oh my gosh.
And you go.
So with all of that, I'msaying like, do you think that
helps in other areas like.
Of your life outside of cheer?
Aniah (26:44):
I don't know.
I feel like it didn'treally impact me that much
'cause I wasn't there.
But like I feel bad forpeople who were there and
I prayed for them, but
TJ (26:52):
hopefully they never have to face that kind of adversity.
Yeah, that, yeah, that was,
Aniah (26:56):
I hope I don't, I have to experience them like that.
Yeah.
I hope
Nella (27:00):
that you know
Aniah (27:00):
everyone.
I'm definitely morecautious though.
That's like, I'm alwayscautious though, but I am now
I'm like at calm, so like ifI have like a little one near
me, I'm like looking around.
Nella (27:10):
Yeah.
She's definitely morehypervigilant since then,
which she already was before,and anxious and stuff.
Yeah.
So, you know,
Aniah (27:18):
it does make me anxious sometimes.
I noticed like after thatcompetition, like I was
definitely a little bit morelike, what if I don't know.
Dr. Robin (27:25):
And that's what I'm saying.
That's the sad thing is that,you know, it's almost like.
Kids, you guys are justfaced with so many things
that we just weren't, youknow, we never thought
about anything like that.
'cause it wasn't there.
It just wasn't there.
We were going in, doingour thing, we're competing.
This was great, you know?
And now it's just like, herewe are, these little babies
(27:47):
trying to do their thing,trying to do the right thing.
But yet, you know, you've gotjust so many outside forces
that are adding to your stress.
That, and I can, you know, see.
Possibly, like you said, ifI'm a parent, like I would
always let my child, butI can see parents go and I
don't want them to do that.
You know?
I don't want them to do that.
(28:07):
And, and here's thething, you know, I'm 54.
I've been cheer in gymnastics,you know, most of my life.
And just the stigma of it,you know, oh, cheerleaders
aren't real athletes.
And I was like.
Okay.
Like I love it.
You throw a girl up, let hertwist twice and catch her
in one hand above your head.
But I mean, that's cute.
Like that's with no helmet.
(28:28):
I like that though.
I like that.
But I mean, so have youexperienced, you know, now,
I mean you're obviouslyyoung and cheer is different,
but do you still getlike stigma as someone's
Aniah (28:39):
like.
She's not a real sport though.
I'm like, okay, I'd liketo see you try what I do.
That's all I say.
Nella (28:44):
Yeah.
Or you say, um, let me goahead and arm wrestle you.
Y'all done the guns.
I know.
Aniah (28:50):
Yeah, that too.
Or I'm like, I saw this on likesomething, but it's like I can
do the ESPNs robot of sports.
Like yeah, hobbies and where is
Dr. Robin (29:02):
it also getting ready to go?
Well, they alreadyhave international,
they have USA teams.
One of my former athletesis coaches and yeah.
It's gonna be in the Olympics.
Nella (29:09):
Oh yeah.
It's
Aniah (29:09):
gonna be in the
Nella (29:10):
Olympics too.
Yeah.
So anybody can say it's nota sport, it's like, hmm.
I'm pretty sure that sheis arm wrestled, grown ass
men and kicked their ass.
So I'm just saying, and Ilove it because she is, she
has got some guns on her.
Mm-hmm.
So, well, on a differentnote, I wanted to ask you
and talk about what it's likebeing you, um, or a teenager
(29:33):
in general, like since youjust graduated high school.
Um.
Like being a kid in,in this generation.
Like what is your take onit now that you're a little
bit more mature being thatyou're out of high school?
What was it like being likea student athlete but also
like having to go throughthis generation around
kids around high schooland like the way it is?
TJ (29:54):
Like what are the pressures of, of your generation
that you feel that you asa teenager or teenagers
that you know go through?
What are the pressures.
And where's thepressure coming from?
I dunno,
Aniah (30:06):
I don't feel any question.
Nella (30:08):
No.
Besides to, well what aboutmental health in your school?
'cause I know you've known,um, several people that have
talked about self-harm, let'ssay, and or unfortunately
have passed away becausethey've taken their own lives.
So tell me what that'sbeen like and what do
you think is the problem?
Like what do you see?
Aniah (30:28):
I don't what it means appearance, but I
feel like it's a big likehousehold and parent thing.
I don't know.
I guess it can be hard sincethey're struggling, but I feel
like when I have kids, I'mgonna be really close with
them so that where I knowthat if they're struggling
with them, that they'regonna tell me and that I can
like get it fixed readily orsomething like that happens.
But I think social media can bea part of it and how people are
(30:53):
raised, like people doing itbecause people, they're around.
Dr. Robin (30:57):
Are you talking about parents or kids?
Aniah (30:59):
Like kids that are around girlfriend or boyfriends.
Uh, like, familylife will do it.
Nella (31:06):
Yeah.
And I like that you, you, yousaid it, you said like parents
have a lot to do with it.
So I mean, what do you think?
A little bit about therapy?
Maybe not what has donefor you, but like, do
you think it's important?
Yeah, yeah.
Very important.
Dr. Robin (31:18):
Now, let me ask you this, because again.
You're the child of a therapist.
I mean, so you know, prettybadass one, and, and I know
like with the boys, I waseducator and therapist, but
they were always bringing,Hey, my mom will handle,
Hey mom, I've got so and so.
Hey mom, can you help soand so, or they were always.
Bringing, or there was, youknow, boys that didn't have
(31:40):
things like, have you done that?
Have you been like, Hey,my mom will talk to you or
go talk to my mom, or Heymom, I've got this kid.
Or, well, both of, I guess.
Both of y'all.
I mean, I'm thinking,I'm like my oldest.
Yeah.
And
TJ (31:50):
I hope you're watching.
She's like that.
She goes, mom, I told suchand such that you're good
with this and you, I'm like,yeah, but you just can't tell
everybody pimping us out.
Yeah.
Aniah (31:59):
I normally don't say to talk to my mom.
I normally like askmy mom what to say.
Yeah.
She's, mm-hmm.
She's, because I don'twanna overstep anyone.
It's like.
I just, can
TJ (32:08):
you talk to my kids?
Dr. Robin (32:10):
Uhhuh?
Aniah (32:11):
Yeah.
Dr. Robin (32:11):
They show up at my house.
They're just thereand I'm like, Hey.
No, I'm just kidding.
Nella (32:15):
Yeah, she's definitely told me some friends who
have been struggling andthen she'll tell me, she
goes, mom, is this the rightthing to say to this person?
Like, you know, um, they're likehaving really, you know, bad
thoughts and stuff like that.
And, you know, I'll askher a little bit more
questions because I justalways, like, I know we
talked about it on anotherpodcast, but like, it, it.
I don't know what it is.
Maybe it's my field or Idon't know, but every time I
(32:37):
hear of a child taking theirlife, like I just, it just
does something to me and Idon't even have to know them.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
'cause I know that theywere struggling long
before that happened.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, I've known families andparents, like she said, parents
are such a big part of it.
It's like.
Don't ignore it.
Right.
Stop thinking my kid is fine.
Stop thinking.
(32:58):
Okay, well yeah, they havesome scratches on them
or Yeah, they're burningthemselves or yeah, they're
doing this and that.
It's like, take that seriously.
It's say cry forhelp in some way.
Right?
You know, maybe they're notgonna do anything past that,
TJ (33:10):
but why risk it?
Right.
And it's not just a phase.
You know, 'cause parentswill sometimes say that
like, oh, it's just a phase.
No, it's not a phase.
It's not a phase that'sgoing to just somehow
miraculously disappear.
You have to speak to it.
But see, here's my thing.
Dr. Robin (33:26):
Don't you think that, well, one, kids are not gonna
act out unless they're hurting.
Like plain and simple.
Developmentally, when youlook at it, and obviously
we know teenagers, but.
Aren't those the sameparents that if they take
accountability, then they'regonna have to face that
they're part of the problem?
Nella (33:45):
I think you would know that answer too, right?
What
Dr. Robin (33:47):
do you think about that?
Nella (33:48):
Like parents not facing that they are
a part of the problem.
I. Like you've known peoplethat have and like that have
parents and that they're apart of the problem of why
their kid is the way they are.
'cause I know, you know, alot of people, so, um, and
them taking accountabilityfor why their child is
acting a certain way or maybewhy they don't have a good
relationship with their child.
(34:08):
But then placing allthe blame on the child.
Aniah (34:11):
Well, I don't think all of it is like, I know like
people whose parent like isn'tthe problem, but like can help.
And then I know peoplewhose parents are like.
Had parents who werelike, were a drug addict,
who were like, whatever.
Like, I think that's a problem.
Mm-hmm.
Like they should takeaccountability for that and
stop so they can be better fortheir kid before it's too late.
Nella (34:29):
Mm-hmm.
But like, yeah, unfortunatelyAnaya has had a friend take
their life, so it was, youknow, big on, on her I know
in her life at that time.
And, um, so.
Yeah, it's unfortunate that it'shappening and I just want, I
want awareness out there and Iknow Anaya has wanted it like
(34:51):
out there as far as like peopleneed to listen to their kids
and these kids like she's me.
Mentioned a good point aboutsocial media, like what is it, I
know you said social media, likewhat is it about social media?
It feels impacts
Aniah (35:03):
with girls I think is comparing themselves to people.
Body image.
Body image.
Like I know friendswho are just sad, like.
They don't like the wish.
I mean, even like everyonecan compare themselves.
Like if, like a lot of girlsdo that, but if it gets
to a certain point, thenit's like you need help.
Well, not like in amean way of my life.
(35:24):
Yeah.
And then like for boys, I don'treally know social media because
I don't think boys like are thatcomparative, like how girls are.
TJ (35:34):
But I like them.
It may be that boyshave a harder time
expressing how they feel.
Yeah, they do.
Because they feel that theydo express it, that, you
know, they're soft or they'relooked at as, you know Yeah.
Wimps or whatever.
So it may be they holdtheir emotions in.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, oftentimes that'swhat causes, you know,
more issues with them.
Dr. Robin (35:53):
So, I have a question.
Um, a few weeks ago on oneof our podcasts, and we were
talking about, and I broughtup that, um, in class,
remember I said it's like.
Everybody was saying how,oh, everybody's open, or
everybody's this or that, butthey're the meanest people.
And you said something earlierabout when we said high school,
you're like, no, they're mean.
I don't want likeyou immediately.
Just, so my question is,do you believe that social
(36:16):
media has also created,um, almost like a platform?
To be like, mean to each otheror do you think it's helping or,
Nella (36:28):
um, no, I feel like it's just how they're raised.
She has a big, uh, opinionabout how people were raised.
Yeah.
Go back to that parent
TJ (36:34):
household thing.
Nella (36:35):
I mean, but that's good because that you say
that like, I mean, as an18-year-old saying that parents
have such a big impact, likeat home of how, how it is
Aniah (36:46):
like I've seen people be, be mean to each other
on social media, doesn'tmean I'm gonna do it.
Like, I think it'salso maturity.
Dr. Robin (36:52):
Yeah.
Well, and I mean, of course Icompletely agree and that's why
I'm saying I love hearing thatfrom you because this is where
people, like, there's so manypeople that wanna point and
say, oh, this generation, or,oh, that, or, oh, that y'all
we're sitting here with thisgeneration right here saying, I.
It still startsin the household.
It still starts in your familysystem, which we know, and I'm
(37:14):
so tired of people going, oh,it's just this, or, oh, it's
just that, or, oh, because ofthis, and oh, because of that.
Because remember, love speaksthe truth and difference
makes excuses and thankyou, thank you, Anaya,
or putting it out there.
And I love when she goes,I don't wanna be mean.
It's not being mean.
It is.
Check yourself, as yousay, check yourself.
Self reflection.
(37:35):
Look within beforeyou start pointing.
Over here, you know?
And that's the thingis that children have
got to be nurtured.
They are not little adults, youknow, but it takes a parent.
To get over themselves.
Parent's, your kid.
Nella (37:53):
Yeah.
I mean, and Iope, and I'vealways said too, and I said
this in earlier podcast,is like, parents, we gotta
apologize to our kids sometimesbecause we, when we do make
mistakes a lot of times, yeah,we need to, and I don't, and
I hate the old generation inthe sense of I'm the parent
and you just have to listen.
Yeah.
What I say goes, is what Isay goes, and I don't care if
you think I'm wrong becauseyou just gotta do it like.
(38:16):
How many times haveI apologized to you?
Uh, yeah, because I mess up.
I am a parent that messesup because I'm human and we
need to do that, and I feellike that's been so important
for my kids is to own it.
That I know I've mademistakes with them.
I know I've made some bad turns,but when they have pointed
out to me being, as they getolder, you know, her older
(38:36):
brother has said, mom, youdid X, Y, and Z, and it made
me feel X, Y, and Z. Mm-hmm.
You know, like, I'm like, damn,like, okay, like you're right.
I shouldn't have said it thatway, or that's not what I meant.
I apologize that itcame out that way.
Um, you know, and her and Istill, you know, she still
lives at home and there'sstill times like I put a
lot of pressure on her.
(38:57):
And you know, I put a lotof pressure on her being 18
now, and it is just becauseI want her to thrive.
I just turned, but she alwayssays that to me, mom, I
just, I'm a young graduatelike a week ago, right?
Yeah, yeah.
She literally just turned18 and she's like, I'm
young, I graduated young.
Don't expect that of me.
And I do.
I have to be like, okay, she'snot, she's not her brother.
Her brother was like,bye, but you know what
Dr. Robin (39:19):
else she's not.
She's not you and she's not me.
And I have to think,remember that too.
I, that's, I, that's what Ihad to, there's a lot of her
in, in, and, but that's whatI had to do with Reagan too.
It was like, ohyeah, he's not me.
Yeah.
Right.
That's what I was gonna ask you,that we do have to, you know.
We're going from producingdiamonds to bursting pipes.
'cause that's that pressure.
Like when do you know?
Like, oh gosh.
'cause
Nella (39:39):
she, and what I love is she'll tell me.
Mm-hmm.
She will tell me if I'm puttingtoo much pressure on her.
And then I also, when Iknow it's good for her,
like literally just beforethe podcast, she was like,
I still need to sign upfor classes, but I have to
do this, this, and this.
And I'm like, you gottamake the phone call.
I'm not gonna make thephone call for her.
And it's not because Idon't wanna help her, it's
because I need her to start.
(40:00):
Doing those steps.
Mm-hmm.
Like she's already making herdoctor's appointments, she's
taking her, I said, here'sthe app for your prescription.
You know, now we have tochange her bank account
'cause she's an adult.
Like there's all these things.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And it's a, and but I also haveto remember it's a lot all
at once for these kids too.
TJ (40:14):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Nella (40:15):
It's a lot that she's had to deal with.
They
TJ (40:17):
need a checklist.
Yeah.
So checklist out.
Nella (40:19):
So I'm trying to kind of balance of like, okay here.
Mm-hmm.
But I also wanna let herknow I am here for her, so.
Right.
It's a balance.
Absolutely.
But there's certain things thatI know are gonna be good for her
to learn how to do by herself.
Yeah.
Because it's gonna give herstrength and confidence
that, Hey, I got this.
Mm-hmm.
Like, and I try to tellher that like, you got
this, you're smart.
Like, come on, you got it.
Yep.
But I do put pressure on herand I know she can admit that.
Dr. Robin (40:42):
So hearing that, I mean, 'cause is your mom, is
it all safe space hearing that?
Like how does thatmake you feel?
Aniah (40:49):
Feels good.
And I get
Dr. Robin (40:50):
confident.
Aniah (40:51):
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I still.
But see here, here's the thing.
Help is 50% help is
Dr. Robin (40:57):
50%.
You gotta do your part again,what we say, here's your toilet
paper, wipe your own behind.
But that, now let me ask youthis, do you think that, 'cause
this is what I have seen becauseeven with my students at the
college or um, some of myclients here that transition
from high school to college,I have a lot of my babies
(41:18):
struggling because it's liketheir parents just go, Nope.
Go ahead.
Yeah,
TJ (41:22):
some of them do.
You're 18 now.
You graduated, you'reon your own and
Dr. Robin (41:24):
it has
TJ (41:25):
been.
Yeah,
Dr. Robin (41:26):
and I'm, and that's why I think I've told y'all,
even at the college level,I have really taken things
back to basics and a lot ofthings because every, there's
just a lot of missing pieces.
Yeah.
I think that.
Then a lot of times if theydon't have supportive parents
or if they don't have anybody,or if they do ask and get told,
I told you that last week.
Like you're,
TJ (41:45):
or figure it out on your own.
I've seen that before.
Figure it out on your own.
Yeah, I did when I was your age.
When I was your age.
When I was your age.
Mm-hmm.
When I was your age.
You feeling hate that?
I hate that.
When I was your, and it's liketimes have changed since you
were my, and as a parent, I hadto remember, I can't parent my
kids from a, when I was your agestandpoint, it does not work.
They shut down so.
Nella (42:07):
Well, Anaya, I really appreciate you coming out here
and being transparent and letyou know, hopefully reaching
out to some people that youknow here she is an 18-year-old,
dealt with her own mentalhealth and also into sports and
how that's so impactful for.
For kids.
So put your kids insports or, or, or groups
or, or, or classes.
(42:27):
Something that they couldbe passionate about.
Yes.
Because it will helpwith their mental health.
And listen to your kids goto take them into therapy if
they're, if they're doing thingsthat are not out of their norm.
Yes.
You know, kids have a lot ofpressures that you, we may not
understand, so get them help.
Yes.
Just let them talk to somebody.
Yes.
Well,
Dr. Robin (42:43):
and even, and I was just gonna say,
because there is a lot ofstigma with athletics and.
I'm also a sports psychologist.
So I mean, there's a lotof things that like, people
can go, oh yeah, use me.
I'm, I'm licensed and I'm gonnasee a sports psychologist.
'cause that's likethe cool thing, but we
can still work on it.
You know what I mean?
So it's like twist, ittakes a village, whatever
you want, it takes.
A village takes and you have to
TJ (43:03):
identify the village.
Identify your village, gotta
Dr. Robin (43:06):
choose you and how it works for you.
Put a name on it, put it on.
You can say, I'm gonnago see Santa Claus and
he's gonna help me.
Santa Claus is cool.
We like seeing Santa Claus,you know, and I'm just.
I just that stigma,it's always that.
I know.
And that's yourthing, like or stigma.
Yeah, but also I wannasay thank you because I
know it is hard, you know?
Yes.
(43:26):
Thank you, Anaya, to speak up.
It's, and you know.
Thank you.
'cause there's, italways takes welcome
TJ (43:33):
one start, right, and you're speaking for a whole
group of people behind you.
So you,
Nella (43:38):
so
TJ (43:38):
you did well.
Yes.
Thank you very
Nella (43:40):
much.
And thank you for our listeners.
TJ (43:41):
Yeah.
Aniah (43:42):
Comment down below if you want part two.
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