March 10, 2025 • 26 mins
The Gradient Method offers a powerful alternative to forcing positivity when stuck in negative emotions, allowing you to gradually climb the emotional scale step by step instead of making impossible leaps. This episode explores how emotions create reality through the law of resonance, providing practical techniques to shift your frequency and attract what you truly desire.
• Real-life examples of coaching clients using the gradient technique to move from anger to acceptance
• Step-by-step process for identifying the next best-feeling emotion when you can't immediately feel positive
• How to locate emotions in your body and process them physically for complete release
• The journey from pain to peace following emotional trauma
• Why the brain resists change and how to work with your neural pathways instead of against them
• Scientific explanation of neuroplasticity, the reticular activating system, and mirror neurons
• Practical affirmations to help train your brain for new emotional patterns
• Understanding that your desires exist because they're meant for you
Join me in the Change Masterclass launching in early April, where you'll get the tools, guidance and support to create lasting shifts in your life. Stay tuned for more details next week.
Thank you for joining me!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Just Count Me In, a podcast about coming
home to yourself and findingyour expression, figuring out
who exactly you came here to bealso known as living your best
life.
I'm Sari Stone and I'll be yourhost.
Have you ever felt stuck insome negative emotions and just
(00:21):
not able to think positive andmove on?
You're not alone.
In this week's episode ofTransform your Life, just Count
Me In, I'm sharing a powerfultechnique that's actually going
to help you shift your emotionalstate step by step.
It's called the gradient method.
It's something I've been doingwith kids and adults for years
now and it's a game changer.
(00:43):
Basically, instead of forcingpositivity, you gradually climb
up the emotional scale, turningfrequency that actually aligns
with exactly what you want.
So if you're struggling withnegative emotions, instead of
forcing positivity, maybe trysome of these steps.
(01:03):
Trying to force yourself to bepositive when you're angry, hurt
or overwhelmed rarely works.
In this episode, you're goingto learn how your emotions
actually can create your realitythe law of resonance and a
step-by-step process that'sgoing to help you move from
frustration to being a littlebit more peaceful.
(01:25):
Albert Einstein said we can'tsolve our problems with the same
thinking we used when wecreated them.
I think he was on to something.
I think he knew about the lawof resonance.
I think he knew that we attractand tune in to the frequency
(01:48):
not of what we want but of whatwe are.
So I've got just the best job inthe world and I love, love the
people that I work with.
And I was working with a girlthis week.
I asked her permission if Icould share the story and she
said yes, such an inspiration tome and it was actually perfect.
(02:10):
Because she was angry.
I mean, she was mad, and wedon't play a game when I coach
or when I'm tutoring about, youknow, putting this bandaid of
positivity.
Sometimes, you know, you getticked off, you get triggered.
It happens to everybody.
It's what you get triggered.
It happens to everybody.
It's what you do with it.
Okay, it's what you do with itthat determines the outcome.
(02:30):
So I thought this is a greatopportunity.
So I'm glad she admitted thatshe was mad, because I could
clearly see it and we talked alittle bit about this.
Um, we talked about she wastrying to just flip the script.
She was trying to just take itand make her thought to be happy
, to choose happy, and granted,I've tried plenty of times
(02:55):
myself.
I do believe sometimes I canchoose, I can practice.
You know what would it feellike to feel joy and then I
think of something joyful and Ipractice feeling joy, but I also
get pulled back and gettriggered and she just could not
get the joy happening.
She was mad and I was talkingto her and I said to her you
(03:16):
know, when you try to controlyour thoughts, because you need
to control them, you're notreally in the best place
normally.
You're not really in the bestplace normally and you can't get
there from there.
Okay, when you can take chargeand make choices about the way
you feel, regardless of thesituations as they currently
(03:38):
exist, and almost get thefeeling of the situation as if
it exists, even when physicallyit doesn't, then the situation
will change.
So when you can take charge ofthe way you feel, regardless of
(03:59):
what you're seeing with youreyes in front of you as they
exist, the situations as theyexist will change.
We decided to try somethingcalled a gradient and I used
(04:20):
gradients when I taughtelementary school to expand kids
vocabularies, their writingvocabulary, and then I started
using it with feelings to kindof pull myself up like I was
climbing a rope to pull myselfup out of a funk, choosing the
next best feeling when Icouldn't choose the exact
feeling that I wanted to have.
I just didn't have it.
(04:41):
Sometimes I couldn't flip fromfeeling devastated about
something to feeling peacefuland calm without going through
some type of internal process.
So I decided to share it withher and it worked really well.
So here I wish that we hadrecorded it.
Here was her process.
So she started out really,really furious, just like
(05:05):
sitting in it, definitely mad.
And then I asked her okay, sobe with that for a minute.
What's a little bit lessextreme than that?
What's like if you're climbingup a rope, you're pulling
yourself up a rope.
What's the next rung up?
And she said, annoyed.
I could be annoyed.
(05:26):
Maybe I'm not really thatfurious about it, maybe I'm
actually just annoyed, and so Ilet her feel the annoyance.
We didn't talk about why shewas annoyed, because we don't
want to keep giving it power.
We wanted to let it move and Iasked where she felt it in her
body, how big it was.
(05:46):
What let it move?
And I asked where she felt itin her body, how big it was,
what color it was.
It kind of got smaller at thatpoint.
Then I asked her okay, what?
Take another grab, grab withyour left hand, grab with your
right hand.
What's the next feeling up?
What's a little bit better thanannoyed, but still giving
credit to your original feeling.
But it's kind of fading behindyou now, isn't it?
(06:06):
And it was?
It was kind of like the wake ofa boat.
And she said frustrated.
I think, frustrated really, I'mfrustrated, I'm really not
furious anymore at all, I'm justfrustrated because.
And then she went on, we talkedabout it a little bit and I
asked her you know, where areyou feeling that in your body?
And if it had a color, whatcolor would it be and how big
(06:29):
would it be and would it be adense energy?
And so we talked about that fora very little while and I asked
her if you're climbing up thatladder, what's next?
And she said just unhappy.
I was just not happy thatthings worked out like this.
And I said, yeah, you'reunhappy, where do you feel that
(06:51):
in your body?
And we talked about that and shelocated it and gave it a color.
And it helps us because energyis in our body.
We're energetic beings and kidsand adults can both see inside
of themselves where they'refeeling something.
So she located that feeling andactually it became pretty
(07:14):
transparent, kind of dissipatedlike a fog, which was good.
And she said I feel like I've Idon't know whether I am letting
it go or whether I'm justtrying to think about it a
little bit differently.
And I said I don't know whatare you doing.
And she said I feel like I'maccepting it.
(07:38):
And I thought okay, this is whowe're really getting somewhere.
And she sat with that for alittle while and processed it
and she said maybe this is theway it is and it could be a
little bit simpler.
So either I can choose to getmyself out of this situation or,
(07:59):
if it's a situation that'sbeing imposed on me which it was
being imposed on her at thetime, meaning it was a school or
authority-based situation shedecided that she would have to
think about it a different wayand flip the script with what
she was saying to herself.
And she did and her biggestrealization was I'm okay either
(08:27):
way.
It's not okay maybe.
It's maybe just not okay withme that this happened, but I
actually am okay either way.
We have a tendency to say oh,it's okay, it's okay when it's
not okay.
I don't think we should make itokay if something's not okay
with us.
I think if we can't figure outa reason or maybe we don't even
(08:49):
want to try to figure out areason, we can it's okay for us
to say it's not okay, but I'mstill okay, and that's that's
the art of it.
That's taking charge of the wayyou feel, regardless of what
you're seeing in front of you,of the way you feel regardless
of what you're seeing in frontof you, and then actually you'll
start to see a shift in yoursituation.
(09:12):
So one of the ways that we canlook at things when we're going
through change, I mean youplanted those seeds, you cleared
space, and then you thinkyou're done and maybe something
came up.
Maybe nothing came up yet.
(09:46):
To me, being in that place ofletting go and knowing that I
was at the right energeticfrequency for it to come to me,
and I did everything that Ineeded to do on the doing side
and now I'm being on the beingside the lesson is trust, and
when I trust in the process andtrust in the universe and trust
(10:09):
in that law of resonance, italways works out for me and
things do always work out for me.
So another example that comesto mind is an example very, very
beautiful young woman I'mworking with had gone through a
very difficult situation, adifficult breakup this winter,
(10:29):
and healed and is in the processof healing, and I wanted to
just share a little bit of herprocess, as she explained it to
me, with you.
So when she was feeling at thebottom, and feeling at the
bottom of that deep well, sheknew that she wouldn't stay
(10:52):
there forever, thankfully,thankfully.
And she knew the desired state.
The change that she wanted wasfor her to just enjoy life
without all this thinking, allthis pain, just live in
synchronicity with her life,live in the flow of her life,
(11:13):
feel trusting about things.
But at that point, when she wasat that feeling, trying to
solve her problem, in that state, it was just futile to try to
flip a light switch on.
She needed to go through thesteps and it's often in the
journey that the greatesthealing happens with us.
(11:36):
The greatest healing happenswith us.
So the first step that she didwas she focused on just her body
and she said, okay, what is itthat I need to do to take care
of my body at this point?
Let's just get my physicalneeds met, my survival needs met
.
Let's make sure that I'mputting the right food into my
(11:56):
body.
Let's make sure that I'mgetting enough sleep and that
I'm getting enough sun, if Ineed sunshine for my melatonin
production.
And really got prettyscientific with what she needed
to do with her body, made sureshe was exercising and activated
her own pharmacy in between herears, you know.
(12:18):
Basically she activated herbrain chemicals.
Then a lot of feelings came up.
So she still wasn't at thatplace and still in pain and
after a while she started torealize that you know what we
talk about it, but sure it's awhole lot easier for us to talk
(12:39):
about it right now than whenwe're in the muck of it, you
know.
And she realized that she hadto just lean in to the feelings
that she was having.
And this is one of my leastfavorite things to do with
myself.
I'm okay at guiding otherpeople with it, but even then it
(13:00):
kind of grimaces when I saylean in.
But I know, I know that it'strue that you've got to feel it
to heal it, and that's not justa cliche, you really do, or else
it just keeps coming up inother forms to get your
attention.
So we spent some time leaninginto those feelings and figuring
(13:24):
out what it was and reallyfeeling the pain.
And then she came out on theother side of it and kind of
worked her way up.
So it's the same process.
It's like what's the next bestfeeling up?
So it's the same process.
It's like what's the next bestfeeling?
The next best feeling from pain.
Choosing pain over a situationis accepting the situation for
(13:52):
what it is and what it was.
And then that point she knewshe survived, leaning in, she
allowed her feelings to havevoice, she allowed her emotions
to take over when they needed toand she came to like this
peaceful place in the storm,kind of like the feeling you get
(14:15):
if you've cried really, reallyhard and you're all wound up and
then you just let go and youget that calm feeling, like a
calm after a storm, almost Likethe birds will come out and
start singing again and the lumpin your chest and in your
throat starts to dissolve andyou feel that acceptance and in
(14:38):
your throat starts to dissolveand you feel that acceptance.
And so she felt acceptance ofwhat happened and acceptance of
the fact that she made itthrough it, and that feeling of
peace and calm was helping herand it was becoming more
familiar.
And we know the brain likesfamiliar.
Your brain is like a guard dogand it's going to bark at your
(15:03):
new changes because they're notfamiliar.
You're going to have to justtalk to your brain and say, hey,
thanks a lot for trying to keepme safe.
I really appreciate you.
But this is actually good forme, kind of like when you have a
person come to your house.
Okay, stay with me on this one.
So we had a dog and she barkedand she would carry on and it
(15:25):
would take a little while beforeshe would calm down and I would
be saying it's okay, which isnot what you're supposed to say
when they're barking.
But we learned that later.
I was just trying to reasonwith her like she was a person
and say this person's a friend,it's okay, like, let up, you
know, it's just not familiar toyou.
And then after a while, withinabout a year, our dog would let
(15:50):
that person in, even if weweren't home, and be fine, tail
wagging, all happy.
Where's my treat?
I know you, so your mind is thesame way.
Happy, where's my treat?
I know you, so your mind is thesame way and what she was
experiencing was this anxietywhen she was moving forward to
unfamiliar territory.
And that anxiety I had toexplain to her is just the brain
(16:11):
thing.
It's the brain likes familiar,it likes to keep us safe.
It's a primitive instinct andwe have to just explain to it
when it's acting up, you knowthis actually is safe, give it
appreciation and then move on sothat the familiar, the
unfamiliar which is the newpractice becomes familiar and
(16:34):
the dog stops barking.
So she started becoming morefamiliar and stepping into what
she felt was a little bit ofcomfort zone, with feeling
peaceful and calm.
And we were doing internal work, we were doing visualizations,
we were doing meditationstogether.
(16:54):
She definitely was verytalented as far as going in and
seeing what was going on in herbody and in her brain.
Just the perfect mix of geniusand a beautiful soul in one body
, just really a gift to theworld.
So she started getting thiswillingness, this openness to
(17:16):
open up, to change.
I guess she figured on somelevel well, I've tried
everything else and it didn'twork.
And then the next rung up onthe ladder or up on the rope, if
you're climbing up out ofsomething.
Is that willingness to open upto the change.
So are you willing to open upto the change that you actually
(17:41):
said you wanted to make in yourlife and pay the price that
there could be for that?
Because we often get payoffsfrom behaviors that keep us safe
Unpleasant as it sounds,there's often a payoff.
So facing that is alsoessential.
(18:03):
From there she moved fromwilling and wanting to allowing,
and that's kind of where we areright now is just allowing
those seats to take, plant moreof that divine feminine energy
(18:24):
and let's just see what comes up.
Because what we want is thefeeling of what we actually said
we wanted.
So let's say I said I wanted alot of money.
Really, if I did the five whysand narrowed it down, it would
(18:45):
be freedom and generosity,because I feel free when I have
money and I feel very generouswhen I have money and I love
those feelings.
So then joy is in there too.
So I don't put an exact numberon things.
I don't put an exact outcome onthings.
(19:06):
What I try to do when I'mworking with people is tap into
what the feeling is behind it.
And the feeling behind whatthis young lady wanted was light
, free, confident, trusting,living in synchronicity, and she
is definitely pulling that inright now and she's starting to
(19:27):
notice all over the place howeverything is actually unfolding
for her, even in the weirdestof circumstances that someone
else might look at and say Idon't know why you would think
that's happening for you.
She is seeing it.
I hope that you enjoyedlistening to the transformation
that took place with these twoyoung ladies lives.
(19:50):
I use a mix of approaches.
I'm not one size fits all inanything in my life, especially
when I'm coaching, and the firstwas an example of a shift that
actually took her between 10 and15 minutes minutes.
And the second client is anexample of a shift to learn
(20:11):
multiple methods and shiftedover a few months, recovering
from a major life trauma.
Everything we want exists atsome level and that's why it's
tapping on us.
That's why it's saying, hey,you might want to do this.
It already exists.
It's just waiting for us toalign up properly and clear what
we need to clear and flowtowards it and become it.
(20:34):
So I know this is a lot to takein, but once we align and once
we shift, once we have thatright energetic frequency going,
we are already the thing thatis calling us.
Your desires are things thatalready are here and came here
(20:56):
to be a part of your experience,and that's why you're feeling
them.
Here's some affirmations thatyou might want to try this week.
Take a couple deep breaths inand out.
I am subscribed to abundance.
(21:21):
I receive with ease Everythingthat I need comes to me, and all
that I need to know is revealedto me.
Luck follows me.
Love always finds me.
So if any of these resonatewith you, I would suggest
(21:45):
writing them on your mirror witha marker, or putting them on
the dashboard of your carsomewhere where you're going to
see them once a day, becausethere's a lot of power in
repetition and you're trainingyour brain.
The reason this works, combinedwith visualizing and embodying
(22:06):
the feeling of the change thatyou want to be part of your life
, is there are a few differentreasons.
So what we've learned the last25-30 years about brains is that
there's neuroplasticity, andwhen doing this, you're actually
rewiring your brain for success, because your brain doesn't
know the difference between whatactually happened and what
(22:29):
you're imagining.
It feels the same and the sameneurons wire and fire.
Also, there is the reticularactivating system called the RAS
, and that's the part of yourbrain that will predispose you
to seeing what you're focused on.
So, for example, if I'mthinking right now I'm looking
(22:50):
at a bunch of trees, and if Ithink where's the green in the
room, when I turn around, whenI'm finished with this, I will
probably notice green more inthe room.
So that's the network in yourbrainstem and it's the
gatekeeper for information.
Actually, it gets rid ofunnecessary data and focuses on
what you think is important.
Another reason why these workis mirror neurons, because it's
(23:17):
what we reflect, it's learningby imitation and when we are
feeling this, and it's howathletes have used this for a
long time.
They use mental imagery beforethey compete, because the brain
prepares the body as if it'sactually happening.
So just a few reasons the why.
I'm a person that likes to knowwhy I'm doing this.
(23:40):
So here are some questions foryou, and feel free to pause and
answer as we go.
So can a time come to mind thatyou tried to shift your
emotions but felt stuck?
Can you identify a time whenyour emotions evolved naturally,
step by step?
Right now, what emotion are youfeeling?
(24:06):
Where do you feel it in yourbody?
If you were climbing anemotional ladder, what's one
step higher than where you areright now, and the big one for
all of us.
How can you trust the processmore in your own life today?
(24:27):
So, in this episode of Transformyour Life, just count me in.
We dove into the law ofresonance and how your frequency
actually determines yourreality.
I'm hoping that you got sometips on how to shift your
emotions gradually, using agradient technique to align with
the energy of what you trulywant.
(24:48):
I shared some real-lifecoaching insights with you,
actual cases where peoplenavigated anger, frustration and
actually healed from theiremotional pain.
So, whether you're facingpersonal struggles, relationship
challenges or looking toattract a positive change, this
(25:10):
episode offers practical toolsfor your transformation.
I hope you're walking away withsome suggestions and a fresh
perspective on change and a goodframework to help you make some
decisions that can transformyour life in ways that you
haven't even imagined yet.
Decisions that can transformyour life in ways that you
haven't even imagined yet.
(25:35):
So spring is the season ofrenewal, it's growth, it's new
beginnings.
So why not make this yourseason for transformation?
I invite you to step into thisjourney with me and let's plant
the seeds of change together.
Join me in the ChangeMasterclass launching in early
April, where you'll get thetools, guidance and supports to
create lasting shifts in yourlife.
Stay tuned for more detailsnext week.
Thank you so much for joiningme today.
(25:57):
If you like this episode,please let me know.
Stop by at social media, onInstagram or my Facebook page.
Just count me in and pleaseleave a comment.
If there's anybody that youthink could benefit from this
episode, please forward it tothem, and I look forward to
seeing you next time.
We're all in this together.
Welcome to Just Count Me In, a podcast about coming
home to yourself and findingyour expression, figuring out
who exactly you came here to bealso known as living your best
life.
I'm Sari Stone and I'll be yourhost.
Have you ever felt stuck insome negative emotions and just
(00:21):
not able to think positive andmove on?
You're not alone.
In this week's episode ofTransform your Life, just Count
Me In, I'm sharing a powerfultechnique that's actually going
to help you shift your emotionalstate step by step.
It's called the gradient method.
It's something I've been doingwith kids and adults for years
now and it's a game changer.
(00:43):
Basically, instead of forcingpositivity, you gradually climb
up the emotional scale, turningfrequency that actually aligns
with exactly what you want.
So if you're struggling withnegative emotions, instead of
forcing positivity, maybe trysome of these steps.
(01:03):
Trying to force yourself to bepositive when you're angry, hurt
or overwhelmed rarely works.
In this episode, you're goingto learn how your emotions
actually can create your realitythe law of resonance and a
step-by-step process that'sgoing to help you move from
frustration to being a littlebit more peaceful.
(01:25):
Albert Einstein said we can'tsolve our problems with the same
thinking we used when wecreated them.
I think he was on to something.
I think he knew about the lawof resonance.
I think he knew that we attractand tune in to the frequency
(01:48):
not of what we want but of whatwe are.
So I've got just the best job inthe world and I love, love the
people that I work with.
And I was working with a girlthis week.
I asked her permission if Icould share the story and she
said yes, such an inspiration tome and it was actually perfect.
(02:10):
Because she was angry.
I mean, she was mad, and wedon't play a game when I coach
or when I'm tutoring about, youknow, putting this bandaid of
positivity.
Sometimes, you know, you getticked off, you get triggered.
It happens to everybody.
It's what you get triggered.
It happens to everybody.
It's what you do with it.
Okay, it's what you do with itthat determines the outcome.
(02:30):
So I thought this is a greatopportunity.
So I'm glad she admitted thatshe was mad, because I could
clearly see it and we talked alittle bit about this.
Um, we talked about she wastrying to just flip the script.
She was trying to just take itand make her thought to be happy
, to choose happy, and granted,I've tried plenty of times
(02:55):
myself.
I do believe sometimes I canchoose, I can practice.
You know what would it feellike to feel joy and then I
think of something joyful and Ipractice feeling joy, but I also
get pulled back and gettriggered and she just could not
get the joy happening.
She was mad and I was talkingto her and I said to her you
(03:16):
know, when you try to controlyour thoughts, because you need
to control them, you're notreally in the best place
normally.
You're not really in the bestplace normally and you can't get
there from there.
Okay, when you can take chargeand make choices about the way
you feel, regardless of thesituations as they currently
(03:38):
exist, and almost get thefeeling of the situation as if
it exists, even when physicallyit doesn't, then the situation
will change.
So when you can take charge ofthe way you feel, regardless of
(03:59):
what you're seeing with youreyes in front of you as they
exist, the situations as theyexist will change.
We decided to try somethingcalled a gradient and I used
(04:20):
gradients when I taughtelementary school to expand kids
vocabularies, their writingvocabulary, and then I started
using it with feelings to kindof pull myself up like I was
climbing a rope to pull myselfup out of a funk, choosing the
next best feeling when Icouldn't choose the exact
feeling that I wanted to have.
I just didn't have it.
(04:41):
Sometimes I couldn't flip fromfeeling devastated about
something to feeling peacefuland calm without going through
some type of internal process.
So I decided to share it withher and it worked really well.
So here I wish that we hadrecorded it.
Here was her process.
So she started out really,really furious, just like
(05:05):
sitting in it, definitely mad.
And then I asked her okay, sobe with that for a minute.
What's a little bit lessextreme than that?
What's like if you're climbingup a rope, you're pulling
yourself up a rope.
What's the next rung up?
And she said, annoyed.
I could be annoyed.
(05:26):
Maybe I'm not really thatfurious about it, maybe I'm
actually just annoyed, and so Ilet her feel the annoyance.
We didn't talk about why shewas annoyed, because we don't
want to keep giving it power.
We wanted to let it move and Iasked where she felt it in her
body, how big it was.
(05:46):
What let it move?
And I asked where she felt itin her body, how big it was,
what color it was.
It kind of got smaller at thatpoint.
Then I asked her okay, what?
Take another grab, grab withyour left hand, grab with your
right hand.
What's the next feeling up?
What's a little bit better thanannoyed, but still giving
credit to your original feeling.
But it's kind of fading behindyou now, isn't it?
(06:06):
And it was?
It was kind of like the wake ofa boat.
And she said frustrated.
I think, frustrated really, I'mfrustrated, I'm really not
furious anymore at all, I'm justfrustrated because.
And then she went on, we talkedabout it a little bit and I
asked her you know, where areyou feeling that in your body?
And if it had a color, whatcolor would it be and how big
(06:29):
would it be and would it be adense energy?
And so we talked about that fora very little while and I asked
her if you're climbing up thatladder, what's next?
And she said just unhappy.
I was just not happy thatthings worked out like this.
And I said, yeah, you'reunhappy, where do you feel that
(06:51):
in your body?
And we talked about that and shelocated it and gave it a color.
And it helps us because energyis in our body.
We're energetic beings and kidsand adults can both see inside
of themselves where they'refeeling something.
So she located that feeling andactually it became pretty
(07:14):
transparent, kind of dissipatedlike a fog, which was good.
And she said I feel like I've Idon't know whether I am letting
it go or whether I'm justtrying to think about it a
little bit differently.
And I said I don't know whatare you doing.
And she said I feel like I'maccepting it.
(07:38):
And I thought okay, this is whowe're really getting somewhere.
And she sat with that for alittle while and processed it
and she said maybe this is theway it is and it could be a
little bit simpler.
So either I can choose to getmyself out of this situation or,
(07:59):
if it's a situation that'sbeing imposed on me which it was
being imposed on her at thetime, meaning it was a school or
authority-based situation shedecided that she would have to
think about it a different wayand flip the script with what
she was saying to herself.
And she did and her biggestrealization was I'm okay either
(08:27):
way.
It's not okay maybe.
It's maybe just not okay withme that this happened, but I
actually am okay either way.
We have a tendency to say oh,it's okay, it's okay when it's
not okay.
I don't think we should make itokay if something's not okay
with us.
I think if we can't figure outa reason or maybe we don't even
(08:49):
want to try to figure out areason, we can it's okay for us
to say it's not okay, but I'mstill okay, and that's that's
the art of it.
That's taking charge of the wayyou feel, regardless of what
you're seeing in front of you,of the way you feel regardless
of what you're seeing in frontof you, and then actually you'll
start to see a shift in yoursituation.
(09:12):
So one of the ways that we canlook at things when we're going
through change, I mean youplanted those seeds, you cleared
space, and then you thinkyou're done and maybe something
came up.
Maybe nothing came up yet.
(09:46):
To me, being in that place ofletting go and knowing that I
was at the right energeticfrequency for it to come to me,
and I did everything that Ineeded to do on the doing side
and now I'm being on the beingside the lesson is trust, and
when I trust in the process andtrust in the universe and trust
(10:09):
in that law of resonance, italways works out for me and
things do always work out for me.
So another example that comesto mind is an example very, very
beautiful young woman I'mworking with had gone through a
very difficult situation, adifficult breakup this winter,
(10:29):
and healed and is in the processof healing, and I wanted to
just share a little bit of herprocess, as she explained it to
me, with you.
So when she was feeling at thebottom, and feeling at the
bottom of that deep well, sheknew that she wouldn't stay
(10:52):
there forever, thankfully,thankfully.
And she knew the desired state.
The change that she wanted wasfor her to just enjoy life
without all this thinking, allthis pain, just live in
synchronicity with her life,live in the flow of her life,
(11:13):
feel trusting about things.
But at that point, when she wasat that feeling, trying to
solve her problem, in that state, it was just futile to try to
flip a light switch on.
She needed to go through thesteps and it's often in the
journey that the greatesthealing happens with us.
(11:36):
The greatest healing happenswith us.
So the first step that she didwas she focused on just her body
and she said, okay, what is itthat I need to do to take care
of my body at this point?
Let's just get my physicalneeds met, my survival needs met
.
Let's make sure that I'mputting the right food into my
(11:56):
body.
Let's make sure that I'mgetting enough sleep and that
I'm getting enough sun, if Ineed sunshine for my melatonin
production.
And really got prettyscientific with what she needed
to do with her body, made sureshe was exercising and activated
her own pharmacy in between herears, you know.
(12:18):
Basically she activated herbrain chemicals.
Then a lot of feelings came up.
So she still wasn't at thatplace and still in pain and
after a while she started torealize that you know what we
talk about it, but sure it's awhole lot easier for us to talk
(12:39):
about it right now than whenwe're in the muck of it, you
know.
And she realized that she hadto just lean in to the feelings
that she was having.
And this is one of my leastfavorite things to do with
myself.
I'm okay at guiding otherpeople with it, but even then it
(13:00):
kind of grimaces when I saylean in.
But I know, I know that it'strue that you've got to feel it
to heal it, and that's not justa cliche, you really do, or else
it just keeps coming up inother forms to get your
attention.
So we spent some time leaninginto those feelings and figuring
(13:24):
out what it was and reallyfeeling the pain.
And then she came out on theother side of it and kind of
worked her way up.
So it's the same process.
It's like what's the next bestfeeling up?
So it's the same process.
It's like what's the next bestfeeling?
The next best feeling from pain.
Choosing pain over a situationis accepting the situation for
(13:52):
what it is and what it was.
And then that point she knewshe survived, leaning in, she
allowed her feelings to havevoice, she allowed her emotions
to take over when they needed toand she came to like this
peaceful place in the storm,kind of like the feeling you get
(14:15):
if you've cried really, reallyhard and you're all wound up and
then you just let go and youget that calm feeling, like a
calm after a storm, almost Likethe birds will come out and
start singing again and the lumpin your chest and in your
throat starts to dissolve andyou feel that acceptance and in
(14:38):
your throat starts to dissolveand you feel that acceptance.
And so she felt acceptance ofwhat happened and acceptance of
the fact that she made itthrough it, and that feeling of
peace and calm was helping herand it was becoming more
familiar.
And we know the brain likesfamiliar.
Your brain is like a guard dogand it's going to bark at your
(15:03):
new changes because they're notfamiliar.
You're going to have to justtalk to your brain and say, hey,
thanks a lot for trying to keepme safe.
I really appreciate you.
But this is actually good forme, kind of like when you have a
person come to your house.
Okay, stay with me on this one.
So we had a dog and she barkedand she would carry on and it
(15:25):
would take a little while beforeshe would calm down and I would
be saying it's okay, which isnot what you're supposed to say
when they're barking.
But we learned that later.
I was just trying to reasonwith her like she was a person
and say this person's a friend,it's okay, like, let up, you
know, it's just not familiar toyou.
And then after a while, withinabout a year, our dog would let
(15:50):
that person in, even if weweren't home, and be fine, tail
wagging, all happy.
Where's my treat?
I know you, so your mind is thesame way.
Happy, where's my treat?
I know you, so your mind is thesame way and what she was
experiencing was this anxietywhen she was moving forward to
unfamiliar territory.
And that anxiety I had toexplain to her is just the brain
(16:11):
thing.
It's the brain likes familiar,it likes to keep us safe.
It's a primitive instinct andwe have to just explain to it
when it's acting up, you knowthis actually is safe, give it
appreciation and then move on sothat the familiar, the
unfamiliar which is the newpractice becomes familiar and
(16:34):
the dog stops barking.
So she started becoming morefamiliar and stepping into what
she felt was a little bit ofcomfort zone, with feeling
peaceful and calm.
And we were doing internal work, we were doing visualizations,
we were doing meditationstogether.
(16:54):
She definitely was verytalented as far as going in and
seeing what was going on in herbody and in her brain.
Just the perfect mix of geniusand a beautiful soul in one body
, just really a gift to theworld.
So she started getting thiswillingness, this openness to
(17:16):
open up, to change.
I guess she figured on somelevel well, I've tried
everything else and it didn'twork.
And then the next rung up onthe ladder or up on the rope, if
you're climbing up out ofsomething.
Is that willingness to open upto the change.
So are you willing to open upto the change that you actually
(17:41):
said you wanted to make in yourlife and pay the price that
there could be for that?
Because we often get payoffsfrom behaviors that keep us safe
Unpleasant as it sounds,there's often a payoff.
So facing that is alsoessential.
(18:03):
From there she moved fromwilling and wanting to allowing,
and that's kind of where we areright now is just allowing
those seats to take, plant moreof that divine feminine energy
(18:24):
and let's just see what comes up.
Because what we want is thefeeling of what we actually said
we wanted.
So let's say I said I wanted alot of money.
Really, if I did the five whysand narrowed it down, it would
(18:45):
be freedom and generosity,because I feel free when I have
money and I feel very generouswhen I have money and I love
those feelings.
So then joy is in there too.
So I don't put an exact numberon things.
I don't put an exact outcome onthings.
(19:06):
What I try to do when I'mworking with people is tap into
what the feeling is behind it.
And the feeling behind whatthis young lady wanted was light
, free, confident, trusting,living in synchronicity, and she
is definitely pulling that inright now and she's starting to
(19:27):
notice all over the place howeverything is actually unfolding
for her, even in the weirdestof circumstances that someone
else might look at and say Idon't know why you would think
that's happening for you.
She is seeing it.
I hope that you enjoyedlistening to the transformation
that took place with these twoyoung ladies lives.
(19:50):
I use a mix of approaches.
I'm not one size fits all inanything in my life, especially
when I'm coaching, and the firstwas an example of a shift that
actually took her between 10 and15 minutes minutes.
And the second client is anexample of a shift to learn
(20:11):
multiple methods and shiftedover a few months, recovering
from a major life trauma.
Everything we want exists atsome level and that's why it's
tapping on us.
That's why it's saying, hey,you might want to do this.
It already exists.
It's just waiting for us toalign up properly and clear what
we need to clear and flowtowards it and become it.
(20:34):
So I know this is a lot to takein, but once we align and once
we shift, once we have thatright energetic frequency going,
we are already the thing thatis calling us.
Your desires are things thatalready are here and came here
(20:56):
to be a part of your experience,and that's why you're feeling
them.
Here's some affirmations thatyou might want to try this week.
Take a couple deep breaths inand out.
I am subscribed to abundance.
(21:21):
I receive with ease Everythingthat I need comes to me, and all
that I need to know is revealedto me.
Luck follows me.
Love always finds me.
So if any of these resonatewith you, I would suggest
(21:45):
writing them on your mirror witha marker, or putting them on
the dashboard of your carsomewhere where you're going to
see them once a day, becausethere's a lot of power in
repetition and you're trainingyour brain.
The reason this works, combinedwith visualizing and embodying
(22:06):
the feeling of the change thatyou want to be part of your life
, is there are a few differentreasons.
So what we've learned the last25-30 years about brains is that
there's neuroplasticity, andwhen doing this, you're actually
rewiring your brain for success, because your brain doesn't
know the difference between whatactually happened and what
(22:29):
you're imagining.
It feels the same and the sameneurons wire and fire.
Also, there is the reticularactivating system called the RAS
, and that's the part of yourbrain that will predispose you
to seeing what you're focused on.
So, for example, if I'mthinking right now I'm looking
(22:50):
at a bunch of trees, and if Ithink where's the green in the
room, when I turn around, whenI'm finished with this, I will
probably notice green more inthe room.
So that's the network in yourbrainstem and it's the
gatekeeper for information.
Actually, it gets rid ofunnecessary data and focuses on
what you think is important.
Another reason why these workis mirror neurons, because it's
(23:17):
what we reflect, it's learningby imitation and when we are
feeling this, and it's howathletes have used this for a
long time.
They use mental imagery beforethey compete, because the brain
prepares the body as if it'sactually happening.
So just a few reasons the why.
I'm a person that likes to knowwhy I'm doing this.
(23:40):
So here are some questions foryou, and feel free to pause and
answer as we go.
So can a time come to mind thatyou tried to shift your
emotions but felt stuck?
Can you identify a time whenyour emotions evolved naturally,
step by step?
Right now, what emotion are youfeeling?
(24:06):
Where do you feel it in yourbody?
If you were climbing anemotional ladder, what's one
step higher than where you areright now, and the big one for
all of us.
How can you trust the processmore in your own life today?
(24:27):
So, in this episode of Transformyour Life, just count me in.
We dove into the law ofresonance and how your frequency
actually determines yourreality.
I'm hoping that you got sometips on how to shift your
emotions gradually, using agradient technique to align with
the energy of what you trulywant.
(24:48):
I shared some real-lifecoaching insights with you,
actual cases where peoplenavigated anger, frustration and
actually healed from theiremotional pain.
So, whether you're facingpersonal struggles, relationship
challenges or looking toattract a positive change, this
(25:10):
episode offers practical toolsfor your transformation.
I hope you're walking away withsome suggestions and a fresh
perspective on change and a goodframework to help you make some
decisions that can transformyour life in ways that you
haven't even imagined yet.
Decisions that can transformyour life in ways that you
haven't even imagined yet.
(25:35):
So spring is the season ofrenewal, it's growth, it's new
beginnings.
So why not make this yourseason for transformation?
I invite you to step into thisjourney with me and let's plant
the seeds of change together.
Join me in the ChangeMasterclass launching in early
April, where you'll get thetools, guidance and supports to
create lasting shifts in yourlife.
Stay tuned for more detailsnext week.
Thank you so much for joiningme today.
(25:57):
If you like this episode,please let me know.
Stop by at social media, onInstagram or my Facebook page.
Just count me in and pleaseleave a comment.
If there's anybody that youthink could benefit from this
episode, please forward it tothem, and I look forward to
seeing you next time.
We're all in this together.
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