May 3, 2025 • 22 mins
Welcome to today’s episode, where we uncover the hidden beliefs shaping our lives—many programmed into us like faulty code. Some patterns are obvious, but others are buried deep in our subconscious, quietly holding us back.
How do we uncover and change beliefs we don’t even realize exist? That’s where our detective tools come in—the magnifying glass, the mirror, and the flashlight. They help us zoom in, reflect, and seek guidance in rewriting the beliefs that no longer serve us.
I’ll share a personal journey—how I tackled the belief that I was shy. Shame and fear made me feel exposed every time someone called me quiet. But the issue wasn’t my nature—it was rooted in childhood moments of rejection.
Together, we’ll break it down, uncover the deeper layers, and explore how healing requires more than just affirmations—it takes self-acceptance, understanding, and love.
So, grab your detective tools, and let’s dive in!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to episode 3 of the podcast You Are a Cure–
Adult Children of Alcoholics.
This episode will be aboutchanging your programming.
What was programmed into ourpersonal computers, our brains,
was basically a bunch of lies.
(00:22):
Really hurtful lies.
And honestly, it wasn't anyone'sfault.
Our parents didn't know anybetter.
They were acting based on whatthey knew at the time.
Their actions were controlled byhurt and fear.
Some beliefs are pretty obvious,and if you look closely at your
(00:43):
life, you can often spot whichbelief is causing you to repeat
the same patterns over and over.
But then there are the deeperones, the ones buried in your
subconscious mind.
They are much harder to notice.
And here is the tricky part.
If you don't know which beliefis making you suffer or stuck in
(01:05):
the same loop, how can youchange it?
How do you deal with somethingyou don't even realize exists
within you?
How can you figure out whatbeliefs are holding you back?
What's causing the pain, anxietyand uncertainty?
What's trapping you in fear andnegativity?
(01:27):
You find your beliefs in yourreactions, your decisions, your
thoughts and your actions.
And life is pretty incredible.
It gives us different people andsituations, all serving us as
mirrors.
If you are open to seeing thatthese people and situations are
(01:49):
opportunities for growth andself-discovery, that is the
first and most important step.
That is the key.
You have to be truly willing touncover the beliefs that no
longer serve you.
Think of it like a detective'sadventure.
You will need a magnifyingglass, a mirror and a
(02:13):
flashlight.
The magnifying glass representsyour consciousness, your ability
to zoom in and examine closely.
The mirror represents symbolizesyour reflection and honesty with
yourself.
The flashlight shines guidancefrom higher realms, helping you
(02:34):
bring buried beliefs out of yoursubconscious and into the light
of awareness.
Once you've got your tools, youare all set to dive in.
And there is no strict order,you can mix and match as you go.
Maybe start by zooming in to geta closer look at what is
(02:55):
happening or take a glance inthe mirror to filter out
anything that is not true.
And if you are feeling stuck,just grab your flashlight and
ask for some guidance.
Let's take a moment to look at atime in my life when I was
working on changing my beliefthat I was shy.
(03:16):
I used to get really defensiveand upset when someone pointed
out that I was shy.
I felt ashamed and angry atmyself for not being able to
change who I was.
It was especially hard whensomeone at work or someone I had
just met said, Oh, you're soquiet.
(03:37):
Those words would make me shutdown completely.
I would feel like crying.
retreating to my room and juststaying there for years, wrapped
in shame about who I am.
It felt like they had uncoveredmy secret and I believed they
couldn't possibly like meanymore.
(04:00):
So, let's grab our detectivetools and figure out what
beliefs might be hiding behindmy reactions to these people and
situations.
The first thing that came tomind was that I needed to change
my belief about being quiet orshy, so I could stop being shy
(04:20):
altogether.
I decided to write in mynotebook every evening before
bed, repeating the affirmation,I am self-confident, assertive
and extroverted.
I hoped that by doing this, myunconscious mind would start to
(04:40):
rewrite the belief of shy andquiet.
But here is the thing.
Affirmations like this only workif you already know the source
of the belief.
You need to use your detectivekit first, not after.
It's kind of like putting aband-aid on a deep wound caused
(05:02):
by shrapnel.
It doesn't fix the core issue.
You need something more, morehelp, more time, more care, and
most importantly, more love andunderstanding for yourself and
what you are dealing with.
You have to give those things toyourself if you want to make
real changes in your life.
(05:24):
So let's dive into this exampleand see how it is done.
First up, magnifying glass.
What is really going on here?
You have to ask yourselfquestions like How this
situation is similar tosomething that happened to me
when I was young?
Have I ever felt like thisbefore?
(05:46):
If so, when?
What happened in those pastsituations?
Carefully examine thosesituations.
You can even write them down ina notebook.
I already knew that I believed Iwas shined quiet.
When I took a closer look withmy magnifying glass, I started
(06:08):
to see those moments from mychildhood.
Those times when I felt soashamed whether it was because
of adults or other kids just fornot wanting to talk.
I was carrying so much inside.
feeling like I was dying becauseof what was happening at home.
(06:31):
I didn't have the energy totalk, let alone smile.
I was being humiliated manytimes by adults who probably had
good intentions to convince meto talk or dance or sing, etc.
Looking closely at thosesituations, I could see that A.
(06:53):
I wasn't feeling safe to speakmy mind.
B.
I was giving it everything Ihad, trying my best not to break
down in uncontrollable sobs.
C.
I was playing the role ofinvisible child at my
dysfunctional family.
If you are not familiar with howthe roles in the alcoholic or
(07:15):
dysfunctional families impactour adult lives, you need to
listen to my second episode.
From listening to my secondepisode, you might already know
that the roles we play are oftenshaped by our natural talents
and traits.
What you might call the essenceof our soul.
(07:36):
For me, the talent I was bornwith was being quiet.
The reason I felt ashamed whenpeople said things like, oh,
you're so shy or you're so quietwas was because of all those
times in my childhood when I washumiliated or not saying much.
(07:58):
We, adult children of alcoholicsor dysfunctional families, often
share this common feeling thateveryone else is superior to us.
We walk around carrying thisheavy belief that we've got some
awful secret we can never share,like it's left a permanent mark
(08:19):
on us.
It's almost like we can feelthat weight, that lingering
sense of being tainted.
We end up bearing the guilt andshame that rightfully belongs to
our parents and that was a bigfactor in why I felt so ashamed
and sad whenever someonediscovered my secret.
(08:43):
I guess in my mind I had linkedbeing shy with rejection,
humiliation and the lack ofacceptance.
So I had to revisit thosesituations and as an adult now
give my inner child the support,acceptance and love she
desperately needed.
I let her have the time to cry,to tell me how she felt and to
(09:10):
express how unfair it was forher.
The second detective tool I usedwas the mirror, our ability to
face the truth about ourselves.
When I looked at my reflectionin the mirror, what did I truly
see?
Each time someone said, you areso shy, or whenever I felt
(09:35):
judged by others as being shy, Itook a moment to look at myself
in my mirror.
I could see that the emotions Iwas feeling were actually coming
from the past.
They weren't really tied tothese specific situations.
That was the truth I saw when Ilooked into the mirror.
(09:57):
Those emotions felt like an oldsong playing on repeat.
And yet I realized I was stillsuffering because of them.
Even now.
The mirror is such an incrediblypowerful and essential tool.
Without it, you can easily slipinto your assigned role, for
example, staying stuck as avictim.
(10:20):
So, let's break this down withan example to better understand
the importance of the mirror.
Let's say I already knew thatthe emotions I feel whenever
someone points out that I'mquiet stem from those childhood
moments where I was humiliatedand felt ashamed for not
speaking up.
(10:41):
Without the mirror, I might endup feeling sorry for myself, for
everything that happened backthen and what is happening now.
I would slip into the victimrole.
Someone else might reactdifferently.
They might feel anger or evenhatred toward the people who
hurt them in the past or thosewho dare to comment on their
(11:05):
behavior now.
That reaction could push theminto the prosecutor role, which
often sits dangerously close tothat of the scapegoat.
When you fall into these roles,you lose your connection to the
truth.
And the truth is this.
You did feel pain,embarrassment, isolation.
(11:28):
That was real.
But the truth is also that.
I am an adult now.
I have all the power in theworld to heal myself and take
responsibility for looking afterthat little girl or boy within
me.
The truth is that what I'mfeeling right now was very real
(11:49):
in the past, but it isn'tanymore.
That is the power of the mirror.
It allows you to be rooted inthe truth.
Another example of how we needto start thinking using the
mirror.
Hopefully it will give you moreunderstanding.
(12:10):
You are noticing few wrinkles onyour face.
If you want to play the role ofthe victim, you might say, Oh
no, on top of all my problems,I'm getting older now and I will
never meet anyone who will loveme and I will probably die on my
own.
(12:31):
If you want to play the role ofthe prosecutor, you might say,
Of course, I'm getting thewrinkles.
It's all because of the stressat work.
I told them to hire anotherperson to work on this project.
And when you're using mirror,you're choosing the truth.
You say, ah, few wrinkles.
(12:54):
This is just to show you ourinner dialogues.
From mirror, we state the truth.
That is all.
The truth is that we are gettingfew wrinkles and that's it.
The fact that why we feeldifferent things because of this
fact, well, let's use magnifyingglass to find out.
(13:18):
Whenever you feel yourselfslipping back into the role
assigned to you in your family,remember to pause and look into
the mirror.
Ask yourself, what's true?
and what's not, what's comingfrom the past.
Let's take a step back for amoment and talk about what
(13:40):
trauma really means.
There was this one time when mymom asked me to find my dad who
was out drinking with a friend.
Somehow I had an idea where hemight be, but I never actually
been to that place before.
I think I was around 15 at thetime.
(14:01):
I knocked on the door of hisfriend's apartment and there
they were, drinking vodka.
I don't know what came over me,but I started pouring the
alcohol from the glasses,straight into the sink.
It was like I was in a trance.
I don't even remember thesequence of events clearly.
(14:22):
Everything felt foggy.
It's the same feeling you getwhen you are rescuing someone
close to you from a dangeroussituation.
Your whole body switches intofight or flight mode.
Adrenaline and cortisol floodyour system.
As I poured the alcohol down thedrain, my dad said to me, You
(14:46):
are so stupid.
We have plenty of vodka in thebottles anyway, you stupid
child.
Obviously, I couldn't doanything to save my dad or even
convince him to leave with me.
That's just one example oftraumatic experience.
After it happened, I remembersitting at my desk, writing down
(15:11):
the lyrics to a song andreciting them in my head.
I couldn't feel any emotions atall.
I was completely frozen.
All the emotions that shouldhave been there during or after
the event were stored somewheredeep in my body.
Emotions are signals, letting usknow what's happening with us in
(15:34):
that moment, their energyflowing through us, creating
different sensations in thevarious parts of our body.
But what happens when thatenergy gets blocked, when it
can't flow freely or do its job?
Those emotions get stuck.
(15:55):
Imagine those emotions triggeredby the example I just shared
with you.
The amount of pain I felt had tobe shut down to protect me.
I was too young to process whatwas happening and I had to face
it all on my own.
I couldn't tell my mom how itmade me feel and I couldn't
(16:16):
share it with anyone elseeither.
That's why our body has thisemergency switch off button.
It shuts down our ability tofeel when it's just too
overwhelming.
Sometimes there's so much toprocess that we even forget what
(16:37):
happened, like in cases ofextreme trauma such as rape.
But those emotions don't justdisappear.
Energy can't be destroyed, itcan only be transformed.
Normally, we might feel a surgeof anger when someone takes our
parking spot.
(16:58):
But after a while, that angerwould start to shift.
Maybe we would vent about it toa close friend or a co-worker.
We might even channel thatenergy into something physical,
like punching the steeringwheel.
Hopefully not the guy.
When we let a signal, emotion,pass through the body, it
(17:20):
doesn't get stuck.
Like in the example of the guytaking our parking spot.
But with trauma, all thoseemotions become trapped.
If you experience multipletraumatic events, these emotions
can build up, forming yarn ballsof tangled feelings.
(17:44):
They're like a foreign object inyour system, and what's the
automatic response of the bodywhen it detects something
foreign?
It does whatever it takes toexpel it, because the body is
always striving for balance andhealth.
This is why you mightunconsciously choose people who
(18:06):
trigger those stuck emotions orfind yourself drawn to
situations where this energeticball of yarn can finally be
released.
It means all those times you'veasked yourselves, why am I going
through the same scenario overand over?
Or why do I always pick thewrong partners?
(18:30):
are actually blessings indisguise.
They are chances to revisit yourchildhood and use the free
detective tools, right?
Now, let's talk about the thirdtool we haven't touched on yet.
The flashlight.
With the magnifying glass, we'vealready examined what's really
(18:53):
happening in the situation.
With the mirror, we've stood intruth.
We've let go of roles andreconnected with the truth
within ourselves, staying intune with our inner child.
So what is missing?
This is something we oftenoverlook in our healing journey,
(19:15):
but it's so absolutelyessential.
Taking those unknown roads canbe scary, full of doubts, and
sometimes we lose our way.
It can feel lonely too.
especially since not everyone isready or mature enough to walk
alongside someone who is focusedon healing and improving their
(19:37):
life.
The flashlight represents divineguidance, helping us take the
next step forward andilluminating the path ahead.
We need this higher love.
We need to feel connected tosomething greater and deeply
loving.
The flashlight also shines intothose hidden corners of our
(19:59):
consciousness, where our mostburied beliefs reside.
Sometimes just bringing thosebeliefs into the light is all it
takes.
Simply recognizing that we holdon to certain beliefs can cause
them to dissolve, almost likethey are melting away.
(20:22):
Many times the pain I felt wasjust too overwhelming to handle
on my own.
I knew what had really happenedand I was living in my truth.
But I couldn't untangle thatball of yarn.
It had just grown too big.
So I reached out for help and Ireceived it.
I've shared more details aboutwhat happened to me in my book.
(20:47):
which is currently beingtranslated and hopefully it will
be published soon.
Asking for help can be reallytough, especially for someone
who grew up in a dysfunctionalfamily.
It might not come naturally toyou, but here is the thing.
You don't need to be religiousto ask for help.
(21:10):
All you need is an awareness.
that there is some kind ofintelligent consciousness out
there willing to lend a hand.
What might happen when you askfor help?
You could have a dream thatgives you a hint about your
hidden belief or maybe you willmeet someone who helps you
(21:31):
figure things out or alreadyknows the answer.
You might even watch a movie andsuddenly realize Everything
becomes crystal clear to you.
There are so many ways help cancome to you.
You just have to stay open toreceiving it.
(21:52):
All the beliefs that hold usback from growth, happiness,
prosperity and love are oftentied to painful and very often
traumatic experiences from thepast.
That's why, as I mentionedearlier in this episode, Simply
writing or saying affirmationsdoesn't really change anything
(22:14):
if you are carrying deeperwounds.
Reprogramming yourself startswith healing your inner child,
staying connected to the truthand being open to asking for
guidance and receiving it.
And one last thing.
I'm so happy that I'm the quietone.
(22:36):
I've learned that this is agift.
something I can use in mycoaching sessions.
By listening, you often learn somuch more than by speaking.
Stay tuned for more episodes andI wish you courage in your
healing journey.
And don't forget about the freetools.
Welcome to episode 3 of the podcast You Are a Cure–
Adult Children of Alcoholics.
This episode will be aboutchanging your programming.
What was programmed into ourpersonal computers, our brains,
was basically a bunch of lies.
(00:22):
Really hurtful lies.
And honestly, it wasn't anyone'sfault.
Our parents didn't know anybetter.
They were acting based on whatthey knew at the time.
Their actions were controlled byhurt and fear.
Some beliefs are pretty obvious,and if you look closely at your
(00:43):
life, you can often spot whichbelief is causing you to repeat
the same patterns over and over.
But then there are the deeperones, the ones buried in your
subconscious mind.
They are much harder to notice.
And here is the tricky part.
If you don't know which beliefis making you suffer or stuck in
(01:05):
the same loop, how can youchange it?
How do you deal with somethingyou don't even realize exists
within you?
How can you figure out whatbeliefs are holding you back?
What's causing the pain, anxietyand uncertainty?
What's trapping you in fear andnegativity?
(01:27):
You find your beliefs in yourreactions, your decisions, your
thoughts and your actions.
And life is pretty incredible.
It gives us different people andsituations, all serving us as
mirrors.
If you are open to seeing thatthese people and situations are
(01:49):
opportunities for growth andself-discovery, that is the
first and most important step.
That is the key.
You have to be truly willing touncover the beliefs that no
longer serve you.
Think of it like a detective'sadventure.
You will need a magnifyingglass, a mirror and a
(02:13):
flashlight.
The magnifying glass representsyour consciousness, your ability
to zoom in and examine closely.
The mirror represents symbolizesyour reflection and honesty with
yourself.
The flashlight shines guidancefrom higher realms, helping you
(02:34):
bring buried beliefs out of yoursubconscious and into the light
of awareness.
Once you've got your tools, youare all set to dive in.
And there is no strict order,you can mix and match as you go.
Maybe start by zooming in to geta closer look at what is
(02:55):
happening or take a glance inthe mirror to filter out
anything that is not true.
And if you are feeling stuck,just grab your flashlight and
ask for some guidance.
Let's take a moment to look at atime in my life when I was
working on changing my beliefthat I was shy.
(03:16):
I used to get really defensiveand upset when someone pointed
out that I was shy.
I felt ashamed and angry atmyself for not being able to
change who I was.
It was especially hard whensomeone at work or someone I had
just met said, Oh, you're soquiet.
(03:37):
Those words would make me shutdown completely.
I would feel like crying.
retreating to my room and juststaying there for years, wrapped
in shame about who I am.
It felt like they had uncoveredmy secret and I believed they
couldn't possibly like meanymore.
(04:00):
So, let's grab our detectivetools and figure out what
beliefs might be hiding behindmy reactions to these people and
situations.
The first thing that came tomind was that I needed to change
my belief about being quiet orshy, so I could stop being shy
(04:20):
altogether.
I decided to write in mynotebook every evening before
bed, repeating the affirmation,I am self-confident, assertive
and extroverted.
I hoped that by doing this, myunconscious mind would start to
(04:40):
rewrite the belief of shy andquiet.
But here is the thing.
Affirmations like this only workif you already know the source
of the belief.
You need to use your detectivekit first, not after.
It's kind of like putting aband-aid on a deep wound caused
(05:02):
by shrapnel.
It doesn't fix the core issue.
You need something more, morehelp, more time, more care, and
most importantly, more love andunderstanding for yourself and
what you are dealing with.
You have to give those things toyourself if you want to make
real changes in your life.
(05:24):
So let's dive into this exampleand see how it is done.
First up, magnifying glass.
What is really going on here?
You have to ask yourselfquestions like How this
situation is similar tosomething that happened to me
when I was young?
Have I ever felt like thisbefore?
(05:46):
If so, when?
What happened in those pastsituations?
Carefully examine thosesituations.
You can even write them down ina notebook.
I already knew that I believed Iwas shined quiet.
When I took a closer look withmy magnifying glass, I started
(06:08):
to see those moments from mychildhood.
Those times when I felt soashamed whether it was because
of adults or other kids just fornot wanting to talk.
I was carrying so much inside.
feeling like I was dying becauseof what was happening at home.
(06:31):
I didn't have the energy totalk, let alone smile.
I was being humiliated manytimes by adults who probably had
good intentions to convince meto talk or dance or sing, etc.
Looking closely at thosesituations, I could see that A.
(06:53):
I wasn't feeling safe to speakmy mind.
B.
I was giving it everything Ihad, trying my best not to break
down in uncontrollable sobs.
C.
I was playing the role ofinvisible child at my
dysfunctional family.
If you are not familiar with howthe roles in the alcoholic or
(07:15):
dysfunctional families impactour adult lives, you need to
listen to my second episode.
From listening to my secondepisode, you might already know
that the roles we play are oftenshaped by our natural talents
and traits.
What you might call the essenceof our soul.
(07:36):
For me, the talent I was bornwith was being quiet.
The reason I felt ashamed whenpeople said things like, oh,
you're so shy or you're so quietwas was because of all those
times in my childhood when I washumiliated or not saying much.
(07:58):
We, adult children of alcoholicsor dysfunctional families, often
share this common feeling thateveryone else is superior to us.
We walk around carrying thisheavy belief that we've got some
awful secret we can never share,like it's left a permanent mark
(08:19):
on us.
It's almost like we can feelthat weight, that lingering
sense of being tainted.
We end up bearing the guilt andshame that rightfully belongs to
our parents and that was a bigfactor in why I felt so ashamed
and sad whenever someonediscovered my secret.
(08:43):
I guess in my mind I had linkedbeing shy with rejection,
humiliation and the lack ofacceptance.
So I had to revisit thosesituations and as an adult now
give my inner child the support,acceptance and love she
desperately needed.
I let her have the time to cry,to tell me how she felt and to
(09:10):
express how unfair it was forher.
The second detective tool I usedwas the mirror, our ability to
face the truth about ourselves.
When I looked at my reflectionin the mirror, what did I truly
see?
Each time someone said, you areso shy, or whenever I felt
(09:35):
judged by others as being shy, Itook a moment to look at myself
in my mirror.
I could see that the emotions Iwas feeling were actually coming
from the past.
They weren't really tied tothese specific situations.
That was the truth I saw when Ilooked into the mirror.
(09:57):
Those emotions felt like an oldsong playing on repeat.
And yet I realized I was stillsuffering because of them.
Even now.
The mirror is such an incrediblypowerful and essential tool.
Without it, you can easily slipinto your assigned role, for
example, staying stuck as avictim.
(10:20):
So, let's break this down withan example to better understand
the importance of the mirror.
Let's say I already knew thatthe emotions I feel whenever
someone points out that I'mquiet stem from those childhood
moments where I was humiliatedand felt ashamed for not
speaking up.
(10:41):
Without the mirror, I might endup feeling sorry for myself, for
everything that happened backthen and what is happening now.
I would slip into the victimrole.
Someone else might reactdifferently.
They might feel anger or evenhatred toward the people who
hurt them in the past or thosewho dare to comment on their
(11:05):
behavior now.
That reaction could push theminto the prosecutor role, which
often sits dangerously close tothat of the scapegoat.
When you fall into these roles,you lose your connection to the
truth.
And the truth is this.
You did feel pain,embarrassment, isolation.
(11:28):
That was real.
But the truth is also that.
I am an adult now.
I have all the power in theworld to heal myself and take
responsibility for looking afterthat little girl or boy within
me.
The truth is that what I'mfeeling right now was very real
(11:49):
in the past, but it isn'tanymore.
That is the power of the mirror.
It allows you to be rooted inthe truth.
Another example of how we needto start thinking using the
mirror.
Hopefully it will give you moreunderstanding.
(12:10):
You are noticing few wrinkles onyour face.
If you want to play the role ofthe victim, you might say, Oh
no, on top of all my problems,I'm getting older now and I will
never meet anyone who will loveme and I will probably die on my
own.
(12:31):
If you want to play the role ofthe prosecutor, you might say,
Of course, I'm getting thewrinkles.
It's all because of the stressat work.
I told them to hire anotherperson to work on this project.
And when you're using mirror,you're choosing the truth.
You say, ah, few wrinkles.
(12:54):
This is just to show you ourinner dialogues.
From mirror, we state the truth.
That is all.
The truth is that we are gettingfew wrinkles and that's it.
The fact that why we feeldifferent things because of this
fact, well, let's use magnifyingglass to find out.
(13:18):
Whenever you feel yourselfslipping back into the role
assigned to you in your family,remember to pause and look into
the mirror.
Ask yourself, what's true?
and what's not, what's comingfrom the past.
Let's take a step back for amoment and talk about what
(13:40):
trauma really means.
There was this one time when mymom asked me to find my dad who
was out drinking with a friend.
Somehow I had an idea where hemight be, but I never actually
been to that place before.
I think I was around 15 at thetime.
(14:01):
I knocked on the door of hisfriend's apartment and there
they were, drinking vodka.
I don't know what came over me,but I started pouring the
alcohol from the glasses,straight into the sink.
It was like I was in a trance.
I don't even remember thesequence of events clearly.
(14:22):
Everything felt foggy.
It's the same feeling you getwhen you are rescuing someone
close to you from a dangeroussituation.
Your whole body switches intofight or flight mode.
Adrenaline and cortisol floodyour system.
As I poured the alcohol down thedrain, my dad said to me, You
(14:46):
are so stupid.
We have plenty of vodka in thebottles anyway, you stupid
child.
Obviously, I couldn't doanything to save my dad or even
convince him to leave with me.
That's just one example oftraumatic experience.
After it happened, I remembersitting at my desk, writing down
(15:11):
the lyrics to a song andreciting them in my head.
I couldn't feel any emotions atall.
I was completely frozen.
All the emotions that shouldhave been there during or after
the event were stored somewheredeep in my body.
Emotions are signals, letting usknow what's happening with us in
(15:34):
that moment, their energyflowing through us, creating
different sensations in thevarious parts of our body.
But what happens when thatenergy gets blocked, when it
can't flow freely or do its job?
Those emotions get stuck.
(15:55):
Imagine those emotions triggeredby the example I just shared
with you.
The amount of pain I felt had tobe shut down to protect me.
I was too young to process whatwas happening and I had to face
it all on my own.
I couldn't tell my mom how itmade me feel and I couldn't
(16:16):
share it with anyone elseeither.
That's why our body has thisemergency switch off button.
It shuts down our ability tofeel when it's just too
overwhelming.
Sometimes there's so much toprocess that we even forget what
(16:37):
happened, like in cases ofextreme trauma such as rape.
But those emotions don't justdisappear.
Energy can't be destroyed, itcan only be transformed.
Normally, we might feel a surgeof anger when someone takes our
parking spot.
(16:58):
But after a while, that angerwould start to shift.
Maybe we would vent about it toa close friend or a co-worker.
We might even channel thatenergy into something physical,
like punching the steeringwheel.
Hopefully not the guy.
When we let a signal, emotion,pass through the body, it
(17:20):
doesn't get stuck.
Like in the example of the guytaking our parking spot.
But with trauma, all thoseemotions become trapped.
If you experience multipletraumatic events, these emotions
can build up, forming yarn ballsof tangled feelings.
(17:44):
They're like a foreign object inyour system, and what's the
automatic response of the bodywhen it detects something
foreign?
It does whatever it takes toexpel it, because the body is
always striving for balance andhealth.
This is why you mightunconsciously choose people who
(18:06):
trigger those stuck emotions orfind yourself drawn to
situations where this energeticball of yarn can finally be
released.
It means all those times you'veasked yourselves, why am I going
through the same scenario overand over?
Or why do I always pick thewrong partners?
(18:30):
are actually blessings indisguise.
They are chances to revisit yourchildhood and use the free
detective tools, right?
Now, let's talk about the thirdtool we haven't touched on yet.
The flashlight.
With the magnifying glass, we'vealready examined what's really
(18:53):
happening in the situation.
With the mirror, we've stood intruth.
We've let go of roles andreconnected with the truth
within ourselves, staying intune with our inner child.
So what is missing?
This is something we oftenoverlook in our healing journey,
(19:15):
but it's so absolutelyessential.
Taking those unknown roads canbe scary, full of doubts, and
sometimes we lose our way.
It can feel lonely too.
especially since not everyone isready or mature enough to walk
alongside someone who is focusedon healing and improving their
(19:37):
life.
The flashlight represents divineguidance, helping us take the
next step forward andilluminating the path ahead.
We need this higher love.
We need to feel connected tosomething greater and deeply
loving.
The flashlight also shines intothose hidden corners of our
(19:59):
consciousness, where our mostburied beliefs reside.
Sometimes just bringing thosebeliefs into the light is all it
takes.
Simply recognizing that we holdon to certain beliefs can cause
them to dissolve, almost likethey are melting away.
(20:22):
Many times the pain I felt wasjust too overwhelming to handle
on my own.
I knew what had really happenedand I was living in my truth.
But I couldn't untangle thatball of yarn.
It had just grown too big.
So I reached out for help and Ireceived it.
I've shared more details aboutwhat happened to me in my book.
(20:47):
which is currently beingtranslated and hopefully it will
be published soon.
Asking for help can be reallytough, especially for someone
who grew up in a dysfunctionalfamily.
It might not come naturally toyou, but here is the thing.
You don't need to be religiousto ask for help.
(21:10):
All you need is an awareness.
that there is some kind ofintelligent consciousness out
there willing to lend a hand.
What might happen when you askfor help?
You could have a dream thatgives you a hint about your
hidden belief or maybe you willmeet someone who helps you
(21:31):
figure things out or alreadyknows the answer.
You might even watch a movie andsuddenly realize Everything
becomes crystal clear to you.
There are so many ways help cancome to you.
You just have to stay open toreceiving it.
(21:52):
All the beliefs that hold usback from growth, happiness,
prosperity and love are oftentied to painful and very often
traumatic experiences from thepast.
That's why, as I mentionedearlier in this episode, Simply
writing or saying affirmationsdoesn't really change anything
(22:14):
if you are carrying deeperwounds.
Reprogramming yourself startswith healing your inner child,
staying connected to the truthand being open to asking for
guidance and receiving it.
And one last thing.
I'm so happy that I'm the quietone.
(22:36):
I've learned that this is agift.
something I can use in mycoaching sessions.
By listening, you often learn somuch more than by speaking.
Stay tuned for more episodes andI wish you courage in your
healing journey.
And don't forget about the freetools.
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