what if we didn't physically age?

HEAR ME OUT! How would you move through your life if you knew that you would maintain the appearance of youth until the day you died? It begs MANY questions (like why are we okay with vampires being 200 and going to high school??!).

As I progress through my twenties I find myself mourning a loss of 'ingénue status' and grappling with the rush of needing to capitalise on it. The context of age seems to frame every accolade more and more belligerently as we age (and it is very frustrating!!!).

Are you scared of aging? Ask yourself:

Is our fear of aging ever really to do with nearing death, or is it to do with our ever-waning access to the fruits of pretty privilege power and ingénue status handed to us in our youth?

Food for thought xx

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hello and welcome to another episode of voyeurism. Today I am going to be talking about

(00:06):
aging. The social concept of aging has been an intellectual hyperfixation of mine probably
my entire life but more recently I had the thought of what would happen if we didn't age
physically. That is once you hit age 24, 25 you continue to age in that you move closer towards

(00:28):
death. I'm not suggesting you become immortal but you stop physically aging like a vampire. You look
25 for your entire life basically until you die of old age. It had me absolutely reeling about
how we perceive age especially in relation to pretty privilege. That is basically what I'm

(00:51):
going to tackle today. Before I get deeply into that though I'm just going to talk about my
thoughts on aging generally. I turned 25 in a couple of months so aging has sort of been on my
mind because I've noticed I actually feel a bit uncomfortable at the thought of turning 25 which
is interesting because age is not something that has ever greatly concerned me. I'm not too fussed

(01:14):
about marriage, I'm not too fussed about hitting certain milestones at certain ages and so I found
myself asking myself like why am I uncomfortable with turning 25? I still perceive 25 as young,
I have so many friends that are older than me, I still perceive 30, 40 as young. I don't feel
old and I think it's that I can't separate myself from the societal concept of age and what it is to

(01:38):
have ingenue status and I think that once you turn 25 you lose ingenue status. What I mean when I say
ingenue status is that without any context at all your accolades are inherently impressive when you
are young. If you say I'm 20 years old and I just bought a house that is impressive off the bat.
Even if you were born into money, even if your parents helped you out that context is not needed

(02:04):
for that sentence and that accolade to carry weight. If you say I'm 30 years old and I bought
a house like that's cool and all but like you've been an adult for 10 years that is not inherently
impressive. If you provide context like not to be dramatic but let's say your context is I was
kidnapped when I was 16 years old and like lived in a basement until I was 28 years old that all of

(02:26):
a sudden makes the statement I bought a house at 30 impressive but without that context it's not
impressive and I think I am mourning the loss of ingenue status and needing context surrounding
my goals surrounding my accolades. Not really for myself but more for them to be understood

(02:47):
societally. Like for example I went backpacking by myself when I was 18 and the amount of people
who were like oh my gosh I can't believe you're only 18 and you're doing this and I don't know
I think everyone experiences this like you're so wise for your age wow like you're only 22 and
you're doing this and I think once you hit like 25 26 27 sure like you're still young and it's still

(03:10):
impressive but it does not hit the same right like I went solo backpacking last year when I was 23
slash 24 and it was way less frequent that someone was like wow like you've done so much for your age
because it's a pretty normal age to be doing those things and now that I'm about to turn 25 like when
I go traveling again next year no one's going to be like wow you're only 25 and you're solo traveling

(03:34):
and that's not necessarily a bad thing and I'm not trying to say that like my relationship with my
success absolutely hinges on it being impressive in the eyes of other people but the fact that
everything you do to an extent is impressive without context when you are age like 18 to 24
is just something that I will miss I suppose and something that I am concerned about because there

(03:59):
is an uncertainty in what my relationship to success is going to be once context becomes
necessary behind it like there isn't really an element of doing something prematurely once you
are older for example 18 is objectively a very young age to solo travel and I met people like

(04:22):
people who were in their 30s solo traveling for the first time and that is still a really cool
thing to be doing and people always have their reasons for doing things at the age they choose
to do them and it could be anything it could be that they spent their 20s depressed or maybe they
were married and now they're divorced they have kids they didn't have the financial means like

(04:42):
everyone's story is so interesting everyone's context is so interesting but being young just
makes everything you do inherently exciting and inherently impressive and I think it sort of means
you can succeed without trying so hard in a sense I guess I have just become very aware

(05:03):
as I ponder the idea of turning 25 that I will never be that person who says I bought a house
at 20 I will never be that person who says I started my business at 21 and that doesn't undo
the fact that you know I was the person who went backpacking for seven months when they were 18 like
everyone has their own achievements but I have just lost access to doing things prematurely and

(05:27):
I don't know my whole life I've been told that I'm wise for my age and I've talked about this a
little bit because to me what people are recognizing is that I am a really deeply reflective person
and the thing is I always have been and I always will be and once I'm 35 I feel like me being
deeply reflective loses you know it's not impressive anymore because once you've been an adult for 10

(05:52):
years 15 years 20 years you're kind of supposed to be wise we have this societal correlation
between wisdom and age and it's almost like it's only impressive to have a good sense of self when
you're really young and don't get me wrong I understand why that is but I think when I meet
someone who's 70 and they have a really deep reflective manner and they have a unique perspective

(06:15):
on life that is also really impressive but for some reason when there's no on-genue status we are
just not like eluded by that and I don't know maybe this is you know an ego issue that I have
to work out with myself but I am sad to no longer be told that I'm wise for my age you know that I'm
so young to be doing what I'm doing nothing I do really carries the innate inbuilt impressiveness

(06:41):
of being objectively very young I feel like it's sort of impossible to talk about the concept of
aging without also talking about aging and relationship to pretty privilege so I'm going
to touch on that but basically youth obviously maximizes pretty privilege and I think this is
so seen by the fact that it is the prettiest people that are the most addicted to anti-aging

(07:04):
and holding on to their youth you look at people especially in the public eye like really beautiful
celebrities pop stars actresses they are the ones that you know get the most you know age-altering
surgeries and say things like for example Kim Kardashian recently said I have 10 good years left
and I kind of wonder if someone has never felt the immense impact of pretty privilege and always felt

(07:29):
average looking or below average looking if they would get to age 35 and think I have 10 good years
left and I mean it sort of goes into the concept of how pretty privilege is a trap even though it's a
privilege you know in and of itself like it does open doors for you you become addicted to the
amount of doors it opens and that traps you in this cycle of not wanting to age um but anyway I guess

(07:55):
when it comes to the question of what would happen if we did not physically age right like we hit 25
and we looked like that until the day we died it would absolutely erase this concept of I have 10
good years left and I just think the way that we approach success would be flipped on its head
because for me personally right I am 24 turning 25 and there are so many things that I want to achieve

(08:20):
in my life that I don't actually mind if I achieve them at age 25 35 45 55 but I know if I don't try
to achieve them whilst I also have the privilege of being young and pretty it will be much harder
for me to you know amass success and capital gain from those ventures and it makes me feel like even

(08:45):
though I don't feel personally that attached to age this underpinned pressure at all times to
perform and to produce when if I'm being so for real I don't have any desire to produce right now
I kind of want to spend my entire 20s traveling and figuring out who I am and learning how to love
myself and love others and just consuming and reading books and talking to people that are older

(09:10):
and wiser than me and sure I'm a creative person and I want to create for the sake of practice for
the sake of self-expression but I don't really have the desire to create or to produce for the
purposes of capital gain it's more that I really value freedom and financial freedom is I think a

(09:31):
goal of anyone's and I recognize that if I want to make any sort of money as a creative person from
something that I produce if I don't pair it with the privilege of being young and with whatever
level of pretty privilege and like pretty young privilege I have I am greatly diminishing my
chances to hit that financial freedom from my creativity and you may be like that isn't

(09:57):
absolutely heinous thing to say and it totally depends on what your thing is I guess in life
like if you want to be a successful lawyer it may be a little bit less tied to the privilege of youth
but I think when it comes to anything creative we as a society are so obsessed with this idea
of an ingenue of being wise for your age of producing something amazing for your age and

(10:22):
we always have been we always fixate on the fact that Mozart was so young like this is just something
that we are so inherently attached to and it's like even though I know that when I'm in my 30s and 40s
I'm probably going to be at a way better place to produce and to create because I will have spent 20
years practicing 20 years learning who I am and if I write my first book my first album when I'm 45

(10:49):
it's probably going to be a lot better than if I do it now but if I do it now if I try to gain exposure
for being creative and for my ideas now I am also pairing it with pretty privilege and with the
privilege of youth but then I ask myself the question okay if I look the same when I'm 45

(11:12):
when I'm 55 will that maintain a level of this ingenue status like how much of it is tied to your
literal age to the literal number of years that you've been alive on this earth and how much of
it is actually just tied to your physical age if I am 50 years old but I look 25 can I become a

(11:33):
pop star when I'm 55 and obviously this is never going to happen unless overnight scientists
magically discover how to you know elongate your telomeres and stop us from aging which I mean I
hope that doesn't happen because society would quite genuinely collapse but this is a hypothetical
right like I'm not basing my life off of this but I can't help but recognize how much of this rush

(11:58):
I feel to produce is linked to the amount of power especially as a woman that you can maintain
whilst you're young and whilst you are at your peak pretty privilege power and Kim Kardashian
is simply recognizing this when she says the depressing statement I only have 10 good years
left aging is not just about pretty privilege though it is also about relevance like I was

(12:22):
sort of saying earlier we simply do not regard ideas and achievements with the same esteem or
reverence once somebody is matured in the eyes of society right like this whole concept of being
wise for your age someone can be 21 years old with the wisdom of an 80 year old monk and someone can
be 80 years old with the underdeveloped psyche of a 16 year old boy but we don't really think about

(12:46):
age and wisdom separate to your literal age we don't assess someone's ideas separate to their
age and age is rarely something that can be hidden as it is physically evident like once you are 60
years old you cannot escape that context like I was saying before the example of being 30 and buying
your first house but maybe the context is that you were kidnapped and you were living in a basement

(13:08):
for 10 years right like nobody cares nobody cares at face value about your context once you reach a
certain age because that age is in and of itself a certain context in the eyes of society which begs
the question like how would society change if it wasn't physically evident if you were doing cool

(13:29):
things and being creative you will be praised without this constant measurement to your age
like if you think about how immortality is portrayed in fiction for example vampires
even when it is a known fact that a vampire is 300 years old because they are in the youthful body

(13:50):
of like a 20 something year old it is totally glazed over right like it's not impressive that
they speak a million language there's that scene in twilight there's that scene in vampire diaries
right not to expose myself as a hardcore consumer of vampire fiction right but there's always that
scene where they're in history class and they're being a smarty pants and they're telling the

(14:12):
history teacher actually it wasn't 1861 it was 1862 and it's like I mean really that's not
impressive my guy like you're 300 years old you were like 38 years old at the time that that
happened of course you have a better understanding of it than a history teacher that's learning
about it like a hundred years after it took place yet because this information is coming from a hot

(14:37):
young body everyone's like whoa and I guess obviously not everyone in the class knows that
the person's a vampire but even like the hot main character the bella swan even when they know that
this motherfucker is 350 years old and is a literal fossil they're still like wow that's so hot
that's so impressive that they know all of that and I'm like it quite simply wouldn't be

(14:59):
if they looked like a fossil if they looked 300 years old it's just genuinely bizarre to me aging
is something that I think about every day when it comes to how I perceive others and how others
perceive me even though I'm literally only 24 years old and I personally perceive that
as very young I don't feel stressed about things like money relationships like I said the only

(15:24):
thing that makes me uncomfortable is how I've sort of had to relinquish this on-genue status and I'm
already finding myself desiring not to disclose my age like the first example I can think of is
going to be traveling when someone's like I'm 21 years old and I've been to 56 countries you're
just like damn that's so impressive and the thing is I think I've been to 27 countries and I'm 24

(15:47):
years old and that is still impressive but it's so much more impressive if I don't include the 24
years old because what if I what if someone assumed I'm younger than that then it's even
more impressive do you know what I mean and it's kind of disgusting of me to vocalize this but at
least I'm self-aware enough to recognize it and I just think it's so silly because if someone's
21 years old and they have been to 56 countries sure that is really cool that they have had the

(16:13):
determination and the privilege to do that but it's also really cool if someone is 56 and they've
been to 56 countries you know what I'm saying but it doesn't have the same ring to it and I'm like
cool I'm turning 25 years old and I already feel like every single one of my accolades has less of
a ring to it another reason that I thought of this hypothetical question and it's been on my mind is

(16:35):
because I have a genetic illness that I recently found out slows down your physical aging so it's
super common for someone with my genetic illness to be 40 years old and look far younger because
they have less wrinkling on their skin and on their face and I'm too young to really know
how and if that's going to manifest for me but it got me thinking like okay like what if I am 45

(16:57):
and I low-key look like 28 is that going to change how I move through my 40s is that going to change
how impressed people are by my accolades is that going to extend my ongenu status like I'm only
going to be able to find out by living through the experience of aging but it just got me thinking
like obviously I'm still going to age I'm not out here saying that I'm going to be 80 years old

(17:20):
looking 25 right but that's where this idea of being ageless was born is that how much of
aging is about your literal age and how much is about your physical age you genuinely cannot
separate it in this insanely superficial society that is so deeply built upon pretty privilege
another thing that I've realized in recent years when it comes to aging is how much aging impacts

(17:46):
my decision making and again I find this interesting because I'm not someone who
has super set desires like buying a house marriage if I don't have kids I don't have kids like I
don't have an inbuilt timeline for myself and I sort of never have yet I still find that my age
is such a strong factor when it comes to my decision making and one sort of thought experiment

(18:09):
slash life experiment I've been doing on myself is trying to perceive myself as ageless which is
if I was not privy to the information that I am 24 years old what would I be doing and when I tell
you it flipped my life upside down because there are things where I'm like okay if I was 21 I would

(18:30):
do that if I was 35 I would do that but then I'm like that is so stupid age is to an extent a social
construct obviously it has important right like you need to know the age of your partner age you
know does sort of inform things like whether or not you have kids and you know how much longer you
have left to do things I'm not trying to say age is wholly irrelevant but it is so much less relevant

(18:55):
than we perceive it to be like one thought that I have been harboring that I realized is that
I perceive age 20 to 30 but especially like maybe 24 to 30 as my like peak time to have fun and
because of that because I have this sort of imaginary cap or lid that I've placed on how

(19:18):
much fun and joy I can experience I feel this pressure to not have a singular dull moment which
means that even if I'm like okay maybe I should buckle down and work full-time and save for two
years even if that's what I would do if I thought I was 36 right I go oh but I'm 24 I'm 24 I can't be

(19:38):
working full-time I needs to be traveling I need to be on the beach at least once a week I need to
be and the list goes on and I'm like that is not a healthy way to approach decision making you should
simply do what is best for you at the time whether that match up with the societal idea of where your
age should align your goals and your decision making and it's genuinely the reason that I'm

(20:02):
currently working full-time is because I asked myself what would I be doing if I didn't know how
old I was and I was like well I'd probably just be sitting still and working for a second but
because I'm so scared of wasting this peak fun having time by doing that I was really resisting
it and I was like no like I'm just going to go backpacking again even though I literally just

(20:26):
got back from like seven months of traveling I was like I'm just going to go traveling again because
once I hit 35 I won't be able to enjoy things like that and this was not a super like obvious
thought I was having like I had to sort of dig to get to this thought when I was sitting at home
like what do I do what do I do do I book a flight do I apply for jobs what do I do what do I do what

(20:47):
do I do and like once I kept digging and digging I was like oh my gosh the amount of rules that I
have given myself that are associated to my age is just ridiculous so now I'm sort of operating
as if I'm ageless yes technically I'm 24 I'm turning 25 and is that relevant is that relevant

(21:07):
context when it comes to my relationships to my accolades to my goals yes somewhat it for sure is
but I'm not letting it have the same like hold on me that I think society wants me to have I don't
know I just think that age is such an empty piece of context in so many ways like bringing it back

(21:29):
to the concept of you're so wise for your age one thing that I have learned as I progress through
my life is that self-actualization is a choice that is trying to reach your highest potential
is a choice and when I was younger I really associated this concept of wisdom with age I'd
look at people with gray hair people that were visibly old and I'd go that person is my elder

(21:55):
that person has so much wisdom to impart onto me I'm sure they have so many profound takes about
life the universe and everything and then as I have started to move through adulthood and enter
the workforce and enter spaces where I am regularly communicating that people double my age at first I
used to expect that these people would impart wisdom onto me and quite often they did right like I said

(22:19):
I have plenty of friends that are a lot older than me I have friends that are younger than me
I have learned a lot from older people I've learned a lot from my parents but the amount of people that
are genuinely double my age where I'm just kind of like you turned 18 and you did not choose to
continue upon the journey of self-actualization you have not had a single thought of introspection

(22:42):
since your first relationship when you were 18 years old and it's actually crazy to behold because
like I said when you're young you go the older you get the wiser you get and if you are pursuing the
hobby of self-actualization that is you are relatively frequently reflecting upon why things
happen to you in your relationships and in your life and I'm not trying to say that you have to be

(23:05):
someone that is in a constant constant state of deep rumination like maybe someone would perceive
me to be right like I'm not trying to say that like self-actualization is this elusive thing
that only you know the most deep philosophical people can access anyone that is reflecting upon
their life and reassessing their life is embarking upon the journey of self-actualization and

(23:29):
accumulation of wisdom and knowledge but as I'm sure anyone listening to this can attest there are
so many people who do not do this there are so many people who I literally feel like walk through
life blind like that clip from Mulan where like the old woman is just like walking across the street
in full traffic with her eyes closed that is how I feel about like every second person I meet that

(23:54):
is a lot older than me and I no longer expect wisdom just because I see wrinkles on someone's
face and I don't know that's definitely one thing that is sort of disproven this idea of age meaning
so much you know what I mean like age is just a piece of context that we associate so much more

(24:14):
weight to than is necessary at all anyway I am going to attempt to conclude this ramble but I
encourage you to ask yourself the question how differently would you move through your life if
you were told that the aging process was about to stop for you and the way that you look now on the
level of youth that you carry now you were going to maintain that until the day that you die would

(24:35):
it change the level of rush that you feel to achieve things to perform under capitalism how
would it change your mindset?