December 28, 2024 • 18 mins
Feeling overwhelmed by conflicting dating advice? In this episode, Louis Farfields and Daan De Ram break down the concept of bottlenecks in dating. Discover how to identify what’s holding you back and where to focus your energy to see results fast.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome in another episode of TextGod.com podcast with me, Louis Farfields and my friend,
(00:06):
Dan Ram.
Dan Ram.
In this episode we're going to talk about you who want to become better at game, what
you should focus on first to get the most amount of results in the shortest amount of
time.
Very important topic.
So how do people know that?
You're starting this dating journey and it might all be a jungle.
(00:27):
Where do I start?
What can I do?
What are the tips?
There's so much advice.
Where do you even start?
Too much advice.
And too much conflicting advice.
We might say one thing like, oh, be in touch with your emotions and be honest with it.
And then some other guy will be like, no, just use this copy paste line on every girl you
meet, regardless of context.
(00:47):
Hey, in that regard, it might even be better if you're listening to this and you're kind
of new to the journey.
I would say it could be a massive plus because Dan, how many clients have we had where 90%
of the coaching was unlearning, telling them to unlearn everything they learned from another
coach to like, Hey, I did this other coaches program and it's still not working.
(01:08):
So I guess I'll try yours.
And then as you said, we're like, we're summarizing it too quickly, but we're like, you should
be in touch with your emotions.
And he's like, well, no, the other guy said I should be alphas, fuck and showing any emotion
is weakness.
And what do I do now?
And then they're all conflicted.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's like us running antivirus software on a broken computer.
(01:30):
And before you can even get it to work with like correct software.
So yeah, where do you start?
Like we have one concept for you today as a listener to help you identify where you should
start.
It is a marketing concept.
Indeed.
A business concept.
A business concept.
Yeah.
That is called the bottleneck.
The bottleneck.
(01:50):
Or as old school pickup artists would call it, your sticking point.
Yeah, the sticking point.
You probably don't know this of me.
We've been friends for about eight years or so, I would say.
And I actually studied the bottleneck.
That's like business engineering.
In school.
Probably the second time in the eight years.
(02:11):
I know you that I ever mentioned my study because it was so full of BS, but this was
actually one of the good concepts of it and you don't need to study for it because I can
summarize it in 20 seconds.
Go.
Louis knows it way better.
It's the point in the whole process that keeps everything from progressing as a bottleneck.
(02:33):
So yeah.
Yeah.
That's the one thing you should fix and nothing else but it.
So I'll give an example.
Let's say you are the most successful suducer in the world and you get a hundred phone
numbers per day, but you have no clue how to reach out to them over texts.
(02:54):
So now you can convert none of those hundred numbers to dates.
Then your bottleneck is the texting phase.
If you fix that, you'll have a billion times more results or a hundred.
Absolutely.
Now, how do you identify the bottleneck because it can be a million things, right?
It could be texting.
It could be something completely else.
Yeah.
To quickly interrupt you, maybe I could see a bunch of listeners now being like bottleneck,
(03:18):
day game numbers or whatever.
I'm not very successful yet.
What do you mean there's a bottleneck?
I kind of suck at it all.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then what?
Then you need to get good.
That's it dummy.
Sorry.
We love you.
Don't rate the podcast to one star.
And so in that case, you mean, so if someone's very new, there is still going to be a bottleneck
(03:45):
of some sorts.
Whereas what part should you learn first to get most results?
Yeah.
And it's, it's, it's hard to identify.
Usually for most guys, it's the lack of clarity that really is your bottleneck.
Like the bottleneck is that you don't have a clue and getting clarity.
(04:08):
Oh, it's this point and it can be multiple things.
So I'll give an example.
One time I had a guy on a training weekend training.
This is about seven, six years ago.
He goes through the whole training.
He approaches the mind she grows and it goes all right.
But during theory, I noticed he answers the question of mine and his breath smells kind
(04:33):
of bad.
The guy is also like quite overweight and he's young too.
So I don't know, it looks extra bad on him.
He's like 20 easily like 20 pounds overweight, probably more, probably closer to 30, 15 kilos.
And the guy has like this little mole and it's not little.
It's kind of a huge strange mole around like a lump of fat in his ear, like an extra ear
(04:56):
lobe.
Yeah, it looks bad.
These are things we couldn't really identify during the intake.
So of course he was on the training.
But at the end of training, I took him aside.
I was like, Hey, I just got to be very honest with you.
You need to go to the dentist and like, you know, and get your breath fixed.
I think it was also like a dental thing.
You need to use some lose some weight and honestly just go see the doctor.
(05:18):
Like you can easily get that thing removed.
He was like, Oh, I went to the doctor once, but they told me like there's going to be
like a scar on my ear.
I was like, gets the scar.
It doesn't matter.
It's fine.
In his case, like one thing just holding him back was just, yeah, not taking care of his
appearances at all.
The tricky thing is with identifying the bottleneck, he probably fast.
(05:40):
Oh, I just need to get great at women.
And that's the bottleneck.
Well, in reality, yes, work on that.
But, you know, your looks are your first impression.
I think you and I agree that for at least 90% of men, if you're kind of new to the whole
dating thing, maybe you're already, maybe you already have some skills, but you want
to get better approaching women during the daytime is going to yield most results.
(06:05):
But you're 100% right.
This guy would have to be ridiculously good to make up for a smelly breath and a birthmark
or whatever that just completely draws all attention to it.
And then also being overweight, especially at a young age, get that fixed first.
Yeah, it would just make it so much easier to have that fixed.
The tricky thing here is that a lot of guys do fixates on one thing and they think that's
(06:31):
the whole bottleneck.
So we typically see that.
I mean, we discussed this in an early episode, so I'll be brief about it, but like, oh, it's
just looks.
And then they think like, oh, my looks are completely static and I can't improve in them.
Therefore, dating doesn't work for me.
And yeah, sometimes guys just completely are delusional.
(06:54):
Delusional, I mean, about what the bottleneck is like, oh, it's being alpha.
And that's the fucking thing I need to be.
And then they like say all these weird lines and it's the complete opposite.
Sometimes like, no, you need to be vulnerable.
I think that's a really good point that you're bringing up.
You need to be really honest with yourself and do a bit of thinking to find your own
(07:18):
bottleneck.
Because what you're saying reminds me of the guys who get cheated on and then they're
so hurt and then their girl cheated on them with a guy who's a bit more muscular or bigger.
And those are the guys that you then find in the gym five days per week.
And from then on, they're like, if only I get big girls who like me.
And then three years down the line, then a bunch of steroids, they're like, I'm quite
(07:40):
massive now, but it still didn't work.
Yeah, interesting.
There's this quote, like if you work on anything but the bottleneck, it's an illusion.
So in other words, you're just wasting your time unless you're working on the thing that
matters.
And I think that doesn't fully apply because there's so many things that make you attractive
(08:02):
indeed to the gym.
Also your style, also the way you speak, also your width, your humor, the amount of approaches
you do, your online dating profile.
So it's okay to work on a few things.
But if you're working on anything that is not your bottleneck, you're just not efficiently
using your time.
Absolutely.
Right.
So let's say you have the worst clothes in the world.
(08:24):
Let's be real.
You guys, you can identify yourself.
Do you know about fashion?
Yes or no?
Very funny, by the way, we have a program called the 12 watt program, 12 week attraction
transformation, which is focused on day game, night game, everything in person game.
And the week right now when we're recording this, there's a challenge happening where the
guys get a daily challenge every day and they have to go do the challenge.
(08:47):
The last challenge I gave them is walk up to random women and ask for a compliment.
And not every, everyone was really doing it.
And I told them, Hey, until you guys have done it, there's no more challenges coming
because what they don't realize, and I haven't told them this yet at this point is I want
that they're obliged to share the compliments they're getting with me in the chat.
(09:08):
And once they're doing that, I can find the sticking point for a lot of them because if
you are getting zero compliments on your pants, your shoes, your whatever, then your fashion
sucks.
I don't even need to see you, right?
If you are getting zero compliments on your eyes, you have shitty eye contact.
If you're getting zero compliments on your smile, you're, you know, you're, it might be
(09:29):
your body language, but the compliments you get reveal a lot.
For example, I remember when I was doing this challenge a year ago, you were actually there.
We were in Poland.
I think I did about 10 and maybe seven out of those 10 were compliments on my style,
pants, rings, blah, blah, blah.
And of course I put some, some time in some effort in my fashion, you know, that's a quick
(09:52):
way to get a perspective from the type of girls that you like on where your sticking
point might be.
Very interesting points.
I love it.
I love it.
Yeah.
That's a very good way to test that.
Now, right before I brought up that story, where were we?
Cause I was going to say something else.
I don't know.
But I am curious what was like your bottleneck when you first started out doing this?
(10:17):
I just had to do approaches.
I think I was in where 90% of guys would be.
I had to do approaches.
I had such, I've always, I think for the most part, we can talk about this another time,
but I think for the most part I was a natural, what they call in game, you have natural,
the guys that just have it, the skill of flirting and then you have the, the pickup
guys that have to learn it.
(10:37):
I think I wasn't natural, but because I was such a late bloomer, I couldn't really showcase
my skills.
Physically, I was just not there.
And so for me, because I had such little experience, I was very afraid and that, that
would, withheld, that held me back from getting more experience.
So I had to go out there, walk up to girls, introduce myself, talk to them, get familiar
(11:03):
being around the women and then especially the women that I found beautiful.
Because once I knew someone really well, I could be funny.
I could do all that.
But if someone was still a stranger, I would just shiver.
So for me, it was day gaming and I did it every day.
Just like, bam, bam, every day, approach, approach, approach, approach, day and night,
day and night, day and night.
That's interesting.
So I could feel that bottleneck was no longer the bottleneck and then you fix the next thing
(11:27):
that you do.
Do you remember the second thing?
You know what?
I have notoriously bad memory, but I do remember that I would do some sort of self analysis
every now and then and then I would focus on a particular bottleneck for a while.
So if I noticed that I was not afraid of teasing women and I could challenge them a bit and
(11:48):
get the emotions going, but then I was noticing that in those moments, that was a perfect time
to follow it up by being a little bit more physical, being a little bit more touchy and
I wasn't doing that.
Then I'd make it a goal for the next X amount of days or the next X amount of times going
out.
Now I'm going to be more physical, grab someone's hand, lead them to the bar, go for a dance,
(12:13):
whatever it is.
But I would identify my bottleneck quite often.
I think it's the same for you, you know.
I remember starting out where it was exactly the same, like I just need to meet women because
if I don't meet women, there's no opportunities and if there's no opportunities, you don't
train anything, you don't get better.
And I would reflect from time to time, but honestly, I thought it was hard to really
identify on my own, oh, this is it really for me.
(12:37):
Coaching helped me a lot with that because you don't know what you don't know, right?
So you kind of, you are your own blind spot.
Like a very ridiculous one is one time I had a guy on a training.
He's Belgian actually, you know, he looks good.
Tall guy had quite some experience, but a lot of the numbers he would get didn't convert
(13:00):
to dates and his results were kind of mediocre.
So I'm coaching him.
I see him do it.
It all looks amazing, but the guy just doesn't smile.
He just doesn't smile.
He has this very dominant kind of attitude and yes, that's good to a certain degree,
but the girls just don't feel safe and it just looks a little bit too much.
(13:23):
Patrick Bateman and a little bit too little awesome powers.
Yeah, like being in the middle is good.
And I just said like, dude, just smile more and his results went up massively and he was
like, oh, shit, I thought smiling was nice guy.
But honestly, I was a little bit like, okay, what else can I give him during his training?
(13:44):
And you know, we taught him a lot of good stuff, but that was his main takeaway, which
I was a bit like, yeah, it's so simple, but you don't know what you don't know.
And that was massive for him.
He finally allowed him to loosen up a bit, smile and this results went up like massively.
Yeah, very good point you bring up.
We all have these blind spots and that's why I think asking girls for compliments is one
(14:05):
way of getting it.
Of course, if you could ask a dating coach and he could tell you with years of experience
that that's going to be more accurate, but that's a super good point, especially going
back to the start of this podcast with all this stupid information out there, a dating
photographer that we both know sent me a reel this week.
I think he sent it to me because he was like, wow, this is good information.
(14:27):
Look at this.
Maybe you don't know yet.
And it was some random dude with way too many views that picked up some studies and linked
it to shim chim chimpanzee behavior.
And he was making a point that smiling is bad in your dating photos because it's submissive
chim behavior and you're looking for approval and it's neediness, blah, blah, blah.
(14:48):
And you need that, you know, that more alpha, that high value.
Look what they would call it.
And it just pisses me off because sure, it makes sense.
Oh yeah, the chimps indeed smiling.
It's submissive behavior.
They're looking for approval of the alpha, blah, blah, blah.
That's just not.
Oh, I would love to challenge the guys saying this because you can read the studies and
stuff, but have you built 10,000 dating profiles for guys and have you seen the before and
(15:12):
after?
Have you split tested smiles versus non smiles?
One billion times.
Have you seduced a tear girl after girl after girl with online dating or are you just reading
the studies because it is just not true?
It's absolutely not true.
It's so dumb as well.
Yes, there are a lot of similarities between chimps and human beings, but at the end of
(15:32):
the day, we are a completely different species and showing teeth for an animal that can massively
hurt you with them as a weapon versus our little baby soft omnivores teeth.
It's quite different.
It's quite different, my friends.
(15:53):
Getting bitten by a chimp.
Very different experience than being bitten by a human.
Like it's just a sign of aggression for them or submissiveness.
Yes.
There's just some aggression as well with dogs.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Anyway, I had this.
I was giggling here a little bit because it's funny how we go from sticking points to discussing
chimps teeth.
It's not true.
(16:13):
It's shitty dating coaches.
Yeah.
But so to summarize a little bit here, you want to get better at game.
You need to find out where your bottleneck is.
You need to be very honest with yourself and not come up with excuses.
If you find it difficult to find your own bottleneck, look for external points of view.
That could be women.
It could be a dating coach.
(16:34):
It could be a friend of yours who's just better with women.
And then I think it's important to urge him to be as honest and direct as possible because
most people are going to try and save their friends' feelings.
Look in the mirror.
Be honest with yourself.
Identify it at one point and then you know that's where you could start.
For most of you, you will be doing some approaches.
One quick asterisk, is that how you say it in English as well?
(16:56):
Yeah, one little extra thing there is we would agree for most of you, it's going to be approaches.
If you really feel completely shit about yourself, if you know of yourself that you have low self-esteem,
you often doubt whether you're good enough to be with the girls who want to be at stuff.
I think it's not bad to check in with a therapist as well.
See where that's coming from and you can work on that maybe while approaching women.
(17:20):
But there are guys who have had those clients multiple times that keep postponing the deep
work and they're only going to get so far.
You can feel it go far, but you're only going to go so far.
Great point.
Great point.
If just the approach scares you to death and a slight negative reaction just hurts you
so much or you get a number and she stops responding and you completely turn into that
(17:45):
abandoned kid or some trauma that happened in the past, yeah, it's definitely better
to do the inner work first, which is probably not what you want to hear, but it is what
you need to hear in that case.
Awesome.
Thanks Dan and you my dear listener.
Be on the lookout for next episode.
Some things that are coming up is we're going to discuss the best places to meet women and
(18:06):
especially the type of woman that you like.
And also we have another interesting guest with some stories coming through the podcast.
So stay tuned.
Love you so much.
Dan, can you give him a juicy kiss?
Welcome in another episode of TextGod.com podcast with me, Louis Farfields and my friend,
(00:06):
Dan Ram.
Dan Ram.
In this episode we're going to talk about you who want to become better at game, what
you should focus on first to get the most amount of results in the shortest amount of
time.
Very important topic.
So how do people know that?
You're starting this dating journey and it might all be a jungle.
(00:27):
Where do I start?
What can I do?
What are the tips?
There's so much advice.
Where do you even start?
Too much advice.
And too much conflicting advice.
We might say one thing like, oh, be in touch with your emotions and be honest with it.
And then some other guy will be like, no, just use this copy paste line on every girl you
meet, regardless of context.
(00:47):
Hey, in that regard, it might even be better if you're listening to this and you're kind
of new to the journey.
I would say it could be a massive plus because Dan, how many clients have we had where 90%
of the coaching was unlearning, telling them to unlearn everything they learned from another
coach to like, Hey, I did this other coaches program and it's still not working.
(01:08):
So I guess I'll try yours.
And then as you said, we're like, we're summarizing it too quickly, but we're like, you should
be in touch with your emotions.
And he's like, well, no, the other guy said I should be alphas, fuck and showing any emotion
is weakness.
And what do I do now?
And then they're all conflicted.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's like us running antivirus software on a broken computer.
(01:30):
And before you can even get it to work with like correct software.
So yeah, where do you start?
Like we have one concept for you today as a listener to help you identify where you should
start.
It is a marketing concept.
Indeed.
A business concept.
A business concept.
Yeah.
That is called the bottleneck.
The bottleneck.
(01:50):
Or as old school pickup artists would call it, your sticking point.
Yeah, the sticking point.
You probably don't know this of me.
We've been friends for about eight years or so, I would say.
And I actually studied the bottleneck.
That's like business engineering.
In school.
Probably the second time in the eight years.
(02:11):
I know you that I ever mentioned my study because it was so full of BS, but this was
actually one of the good concepts of it and you don't need to study for it because I can
summarize it in 20 seconds.
Go.
Louis knows it way better.
It's the point in the whole process that keeps everything from progressing as a bottleneck.
(02:33):
So yeah.
Yeah.
That's the one thing you should fix and nothing else but it.
So I'll give an example.
Let's say you are the most successful suducer in the world and you get a hundred phone
numbers per day, but you have no clue how to reach out to them over texts.
(02:54):
So now you can convert none of those hundred numbers to dates.
Then your bottleneck is the texting phase.
If you fix that, you'll have a billion times more results or a hundred.
Absolutely.
Now, how do you identify the bottleneck because it can be a million things, right?
It could be texting.
It could be something completely else.
Yeah.
To quickly interrupt you, maybe I could see a bunch of listeners now being like bottleneck,
(03:18):
day game numbers or whatever.
I'm not very successful yet.
What do you mean there's a bottleneck?
I kind of suck at it all.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then what?
Then you need to get good.
That's it dummy.
Sorry.
We love you.
Don't rate the podcast to one star.
And so in that case, you mean, so if someone's very new, there is still going to be a bottleneck
(03:45):
of some sorts.
Whereas what part should you learn first to get most results?
Yeah.
And it's, it's, it's hard to identify.
Usually for most guys, it's the lack of clarity that really is your bottleneck.
Like the bottleneck is that you don't have a clue and getting clarity.
(04:08):
Oh, it's this point and it can be multiple things.
So I'll give an example.
One time I had a guy on a training weekend training.
This is about seven, six years ago.
He goes through the whole training.
He approaches the mind she grows and it goes all right.
But during theory, I noticed he answers the question of mine and his breath smells kind
(04:33):
of bad.
The guy is also like quite overweight and he's young too.
So I don't know, it looks extra bad on him.
He's like 20 easily like 20 pounds overweight, probably more, probably closer to 30, 15 kilos.
And the guy has like this little mole and it's not little.
It's kind of a huge strange mole around like a lump of fat in his ear, like an extra ear
(04:56):
lobe.
Yeah, it looks bad.
These are things we couldn't really identify during the intake.
So of course he was on the training.
But at the end of training, I took him aside.
I was like, Hey, I just got to be very honest with you.
You need to go to the dentist and like, you know, and get your breath fixed.
I think it was also like a dental thing.
You need to use some lose some weight and honestly just go see the doctor.
(05:18):
Like you can easily get that thing removed.
He was like, Oh, I went to the doctor once, but they told me like there's going to be
like a scar on my ear.
I was like, gets the scar.
It doesn't matter.
It's fine.
In his case, like one thing just holding him back was just, yeah, not taking care of his
appearances at all.
The tricky thing is with identifying the bottleneck, he probably fast.
(05:40):
Oh, I just need to get great at women.
And that's the bottleneck.
Well, in reality, yes, work on that.
But, you know, your looks are your first impression.
I think you and I agree that for at least 90% of men, if you're kind of new to the whole
dating thing, maybe you're already, maybe you already have some skills, but you want
to get better approaching women during the daytime is going to yield most results.
(06:05):
But you're 100% right.
This guy would have to be ridiculously good to make up for a smelly breath and a birthmark
or whatever that just completely draws all attention to it.
And then also being overweight, especially at a young age, get that fixed first.
Yeah, it would just make it so much easier to have that fixed.
The tricky thing here is that a lot of guys do fixates on one thing and they think that's
(06:31):
the whole bottleneck.
So we typically see that.
I mean, we discussed this in an early episode, so I'll be brief about it, but like, oh, it's
just looks.
And then they think like, oh, my looks are completely static and I can't improve in them.
Therefore, dating doesn't work for me.
And yeah, sometimes guys just completely are delusional.
(06:54):
Delusional, I mean, about what the bottleneck is like, oh, it's being alpha.
And that's the fucking thing I need to be.
And then they like say all these weird lines and it's the complete opposite.
Sometimes like, no, you need to be vulnerable.
I think that's a really good point that you're bringing up.
You need to be really honest with yourself and do a bit of thinking to find your own
(07:18):
bottleneck.
Because what you're saying reminds me of the guys who get cheated on and then they're
so hurt and then their girl cheated on them with a guy who's a bit more muscular or bigger.
And those are the guys that you then find in the gym five days per week.
And from then on, they're like, if only I get big girls who like me.
And then three years down the line, then a bunch of steroids, they're like, I'm quite
(07:40):
massive now, but it still didn't work.
Yeah, interesting.
There's this quote, like if you work on anything but the bottleneck, it's an illusion.
So in other words, you're just wasting your time unless you're working on the thing that
matters.
And I think that doesn't fully apply because there's so many things that make you attractive
(08:02):
indeed to the gym.
Also your style, also the way you speak, also your width, your humor, the amount of approaches
you do, your online dating profile.
So it's okay to work on a few things.
But if you're working on anything that is not your bottleneck, you're just not efficiently
using your time.
Absolutely.
Right.
So let's say you have the worst clothes in the world.
(08:24):
Let's be real.
You guys, you can identify yourself.
Do you know about fashion?
Yes or no?
Very funny, by the way, we have a program called the 12 watt program, 12 week attraction
transformation, which is focused on day game, night game, everything in person game.
And the week right now when we're recording this, there's a challenge happening where the
guys get a daily challenge every day and they have to go do the challenge.
(08:47):
The last challenge I gave them is walk up to random women and ask for a compliment.
And not every, everyone was really doing it.
And I told them, Hey, until you guys have done it, there's no more challenges coming
because what they don't realize, and I haven't told them this yet at this point is I want
that they're obliged to share the compliments they're getting with me in the chat.
(09:08):
And once they're doing that, I can find the sticking point for a lot of them because if
you are getting zero compliments on your pants, your shoes, your whatever, then your fashion
sucks.
I don't even need to see you, right?
If you are getting zero compliments on your eyes, you have shitty eye contact.
If you're getting zero compliments on your smile, you're, you know, you're, it might be
(09:29):
your body language, but the compliments you get reveal a lot.
For example, I remember when I was doing this challenge a year ago, you were actually there.
We were in Poland.
I think I did about 10 and maybe seven out of those 10 were compliments on my style,
pants, rings, blah, blah, blah.
And of course I put some, some time in some effort in my fashion, you know, that's a quick
(09:52):
way to get a perspective from the type of girls that you like on where your sticking
point might be.
Very interesting points.
I love it.
I love it.
Yeah.
That's a very good way to test that.
Now, right before I brought up that story, where were we?
Cause I was going to say something else.
I don't know.
But I am curious what was like your bottleneck when you first started out doing this?
(10:17):
I just had to do approaches.
I think I was in where 90% of guys would be.
I had to do approaches.
I had such, I've always, I think for the most part, we can talk about this another time,
but I think for the most part I was a natural, what they call in game, you have natural,
the guys that just have it, the skill of flirting and then you have the, the pickup
guys that have to learn it.
(10:37):
I think I wasn't natural, but because I was such a late bloomer, I couldn't really showcase
my skills.
Physically, I was just not there.
And so for me, because I had such little experience, I was very afraid and that, that
would, withheld, that held me back from getting more experience.
So I had to go out there, walk up to girls, introduce myself, talk to them, get familiar
(11:03):
being around the women and then especially the women that I found beautiful.
Because once I knew someone really well, I could be funny.
I could do all that.
But if someone was still a stranger, I would just shiver.
So for me, it was day gaming and I did it every day.
Just like, bam, bam, every day, approach, approach, approach, approach, day and night,
day and night, day and night.
That's interesting.
So I could feel that bottleneck was no longer the bottleneck and then you fix the next thing
(11:27):
that you do.
Do you remember the second thing?
You know what?
I have notoriously bad memory, but I do remember that I would do some sort of self analysis
every now and then and then I would focus on a particular bottleneck for a while.
So if I noticed that I was not afraid of teasing women and I could challenge them a bit and
(11:48):
get the emotions going, but then I was noticing that in those moments, that was a perfect time
to follow it up by being a little bit more physical, being a little bit more touchy and
I wasn't doing that.
Then I'd make it a goal for the next X amount of days or the next X amount of times going
out.
Now I'm going to be more physical, grab someone's hand, lead them to the bar, go for a dance,
(12:13):
whatever it is.
But I would identify my bottleneck quite often.
I think it's the same for you, you know.
I remember starting out where it was exactly the same, like I just need to meet women because
if I don't meet women, there's no opportunities and if there's no opportunities, you don't
train anything, you don't get better.
And I would reflect from time to time, but honestly, I thought it was hard to really
identify on my own, oh, this is it really for me.
(12:37):
Coaching helped me a lot with that because you don't know what you don't know, right?
So you kind of, you are your own blind spot.
Like a very ridiculous one is one time I had a guy on a training.
He's Belgian actually, you know, he looks good.
Tall guy had quite some experience, but a lot of the numbers he would get didn't convert
(13:00):
to dates and his results were kind of mediocre.
So I'm coaching him.
I see him do it.
It all looks amazing, but the guy just doesn't smile.
He just doesn't smile.
He has this very dominant kind of attitude and yes, that's good to a certain degree,
but the girls just don't feel safe and it just looks a little bit too much.
(13:23):
Patrick Bateman and a little bit too little awesome powers.
Yeah, like being in the middle is good.
And I just said like, dude, just smile more and his results went up massively and he was
like, oh, shit, I thought smiling was nice guy.
But honestly, I was a little bit like, okay, what else can I give him during his training?
(13:44):
And you know, we taught him a lot of good stuff, but that was his main takeaway, which
I was a bit like, yeah, it's so simple, but you don't know what you don't know.
And that was massive for him.
He finally allowed him to loosen up a bit, smile and this results went up like massively.
Yeah, very good point you bring up.
We all have these blind spots and that's why I think asking girls for compliments is one
(14:05):
way of getting it.
Of course, if you could ask a dating coach and he could tell you with years of experience
that that's going to be more accurate, but that's a super good point, especially going
back to the start of this podcast with all this stupid information out there, a dating
photographer that we both know sent me a reel this week.
I think he sent it to me because he was like, wow, this is good information.
(14:27):
Look at this.
Maybe you don't know yet.
And it was some random dude with way too many views that picked up some studies and linked
it to shim chim chimpanzee behavior.
And he was making a point that smiling is bad in your dating photos because it's submissive
chim behavior and you're looking for approval and it's neediness, blah, blah, blah.
(14:48):
And you need that, you know, that more alpha, that high value.
Look what they would call it.
And it just pisses me off because sure, it makes sense.
Oh yeah, the chimps indeed smiling.
It's submissive behavior.
They're looking for approval of the alpha, blah, blah, blah.
That's just not.
Oh, I would love to challenge the guys saying this because you can read the studies and
stuff, but have you built 10,000 dating profiles for guys and have you seen the before and
(15:12):
after?
Have you split tested smiles versus non smiles?
One billion times.
Have you seduced a tear girl after girl after girl with online dating or are you just reading
the studies because it is just not true?
It's absolutely not true.
It's so dumb as well.
Yes, there are a lot of similarities between chimps and human beings, but at the end of
(15:32):
the day, we are a completely different species and showing teeth for an animal that can massively
hurt you with them as a weapon versus our little baby soft omnivores teeth.
It's quite different.
It's quite different, my friends.
(15:53):
Getting bitten by a chimp.
Very different experience than being bitten by a human.
Like it's just a sign of aggression for them or submissiveness.
Yes.
There's just some aggression as well with dogs.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Anyway, I had this.
I was giggling here a little bit because it's funny how we go from sticking points to discussing
chimps teeth.
It's not true.
(16:13):
It's shitty dating coaches.
Yeah.
But so to summarize a little bit here, you want to get better at game.
You need to find out where your bottleneck is.
You need to be very honest with yourself and not come up with excuses.
If you find it difficult to find your own bottleneck, look for external points of view.
That could be women.
It could be a dating coach.
(16:34):
It could be a friend of yours who's just better with women.
And then I think it's important to urge him to be as honest and direct as possible because
most people are going to try and save their friends' feelings.
Look in the mirror.
Be honest with yourself.
Identify it at one point and then you know that's where you could start.
For most of you, you will be doing some approaches.
One quick asterisk, is that how you say it in English as well?
(16:56):
Yeah, one little extra thing there is we would agree for most of you, it's going to be approaches.
If you really feel completely shit about yourself, if you know of yourself that you have low self-esteem,
you often doubt whether you're good enough to be with the girls who want to be at stuff.
I think it's not bad to check in with a therapist as well.
See where that's coming from and you can work on that maybe while approaching women.
(17:20):
But there are guys who have had those clients multiple times that keep postponing the deep
work and they're only going to get so far.
You can feel it go far, but you're only going to go so far.
Great point.
Great point.
If just the approach scares you to death and a slight negative reaction just hurts you
so much or you get a number and she stops responding and you completely turn into that
(17:45):
abandoned kid or some trauma that happened in the past, yeah, it's definitely better
to do the inner work first, which is probably not what you want to hear, but it is what
you need to hear in that case.
Awesome.
Thanks Dan and you my dear listener.
Be on the lookout for next episode.
Some things that are coming up is we're going to discuss the best places to meet women and
(18:06):
especially the type of woman that you like.
And also we have another interesting guest with some stories coming through the podcast.
So stay tuned.
Love you so much.
Dan, can you give him a juicy kiss?
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