January 26, 2025 • 26 mins
What really pulls people in? Bryan's journey takes him from a work-obsessed, socially unsure guy to someone who gets what makes women click. We dive into the unexpected traits that skyrocket your appeal and why doubling down on playfulness might just be your unfair advantage in the dating game.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to another episode of what your dad didn't teach you.
(00:03):
I have a magical, wonderful guest here.
It is Brian for the people that do not know Brian.
He is an incredibly successful businessman, sort of a business mentor to me.
He's helped a lot with Tech Scott as well.
I have coached him and he has transformed from, let's be honest, a scrawny, nerdy,
(00:25):
didn't know what he was doing.
Guide that was just really good at his text of and his business to a guy that has
built a wonderful dating life where he now has the abundance to pick the girl that
he wants on his journey to finding the one the forever love.
How are you doing, Brian?
Doing fucking epic.
Fucking epic. That's pretty good.
(00:45):
I see you got a drink in your hand.
Yes.
Is that going to make our stories and tips better?
Yes, sir.
Good. I want to ask you from all the dates you've been on, what have you learned are
for you the most attractive qualities in a woman?
Confidence and playfulness, 100 percent.
How do you see confidence in a woman?
(01:06):
They're most attractive for the woman or most attractive when I do that for a woman?
No, we just said what you find most attractive in women, you said confidence and playfulness,
playfulness. So how is that?
Yes, so what is a confident woman to someone that is sure in themselves?
They're not your undoubtedly thinking of a situation that's happened before, right?
(01:28):
Yes. I mean, so like there's just something about when someone carries themselves like
they own the world, if that makes sense.
And they're they're they're confident in their own skin.
And whether that's their confidence because they know they're funny or it's
confidence because they know that they're strong or whatever, there's just like a
spark to their eyes. I don't know how to explain it better than that.
(01:49):
And it's just it's just a very attractive trait.
But so it's probably just the way you word it.
But a spark in their eyes seems very attractive to me, makes me think she's happy.
But her acting like she owns the world, the way I imagine that sound repellent, repelling.
No, yeah, I mean, so if there's the masculine, I own the world.
(02:10):
That is not nearly as attractive, but that like I own the role.
Like she's confident in her own skin that no matter what happens around her,
she's like positive and happy and a good time.
She's not like weak and crumbling.
Well, so so when I hear that, I'm thinking of one of the things that I like most
(02:32):
in girls is when they're bubbly.
I mean, you say even when the world's crumbling around around them, they're still
happy or like positive and what I'm just thinking of a bubbly girl.
Well, although it's also this might sound fucked up, but isn't it also super
attractive when the world's crumbling down and the girls just kind of said and
like, well, yes, that when you get to be like the protector, saver type thing,
(02:54):
but or archetype.
But yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.
I guess I still am trying to figure that out.
See, not only the listeners learn from this podcast, but the guests as well.
What about the playfulness that you called out?
Yeah, well, I mean, that's that's I originally I didn't think I was going
to value that nearly as much.
But then over over time, like actually experiencing someone that's super
(03:18):
playful and flirty and fun.
And then you go back and experience someone that's not.
Are you talking about spending time with with girls or with me?
With girls, because I have caught you looking at guys sometimes very recently.
You weren't supposed to tell you.
See, don't trust Louis.
He lies.
Yeah, sorry, I completely cut you off about the playfulness.
Yeah, no, it's just it's just so much more fun.
(03:40):
And so like, even if there is this 10 out of 10 smoking high, like on paper,
great in so many ways, if she doesn't give you shit and give you that like
little like, again, that spark in the eye, although I know that was about
confidence, this is about playfulness.
There's just some little little spark that just causes you to be like this.
(04:01):
There's something different about this one and it's it's exciting and it's
intense and like I love when a woman gives me shit about random things.
It's just makes everything so much more fun.
And at the same time, when we're walking down the street and she'll
randomly make fun of some random person, not in a mean way, of course,
(04:21):
but just in a playful way where we're teasing the world or making fun of the
world.
It's like, OK, this person, no matter what happens, I know that I'm going to
enjoy my life.
My life if, you know, if we hang out and it's that playfulness and they can't be
underrated like or undervalued, I should say, because it makes every
single daily interaction better.
(04:41):
So it sounds like playfulness and optimism.
Yeah, there's an optimism to it for sure.
That's also attractive as hell, right?
That is very attractive.
Nobody likes.
I think you Americans call it Debbie Downer or is a British.
Yeah, Debbie Downer.
Well, I don't know, us Americans like take over everything.
So maybe it's starting to break.
(05:03):
But yes, Debbie Downer is an American saying now, at least.
Yeah, no one likes it in the ones they're dating, but also in friends.
Optimism for sure is a thing.
But let's go back to the playfulness that you said.
My girlfriend is very playful.
And I've told I've talked to you about this many times how she's such a great
texture.
Yeah, I've never seen someone text as good as her.
(05:24):
Like she's witty and funny and she's the best gift user ever.
And she has the biggest sticker collection ever.
And it's like she has a whole she has them all indexed in her brain.
And she knows what sticker to use and where to find it for every, every situation.
And that's really fun too.
Oh, for sure.
And it just makes like every daily interaction better.
(05:48):
So like, let's say that you're you and her are getting into a fight over some
stupid thing.
And then she breaks out one of those stickers just randomly and she makes you
chuckle.
And you're in that moment, you're like, I fucking hate you because we're fighting.
But then she's able to use humor or playfulness to diffuse the situation.
It's just better.
I like that you just like you're fighting and then you're probably drawing from
(06:11):
something that happened to you.
But I've never had fights where I'm like, I fucking hate you.
I don't have those fights.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, in the past, I've had harder relationships like that a little bit.
Where I guess I never was pulled out like I hate you, but like, no, we were going at
it.
And then I was the one that was typically throwing out some random smart ass thing.
(06:32):
And then it would completely diffuse the situation and oh, it would.
Oh, no, it would.
And so, well, I guess I've been grumpy or like, if I feel like I'm writing an argument,
I won't just let it slide.
And the other person needs to realize I'm right.
That's maybe not one of my lesser charming sides.
So my girl's fine with it.
(06:53):
But so what she did, do you know Bert and Ernie?
Bert and Ernie.
Yeah, they exist here too.
The yellow one with like a really grumpy face.
Yes.
That's my profile photo in her phone.
And so whenever I call her, his angry face is zoomed in on her whole phone.
And so every time I call her, she picks up laughing because it cracks her up every time.
(07:15):
But that's that reminded me of diffusing the situations with humor.
I can remember a time where there was some sort of discussion and she just sends the
photo of that grumpy little guy and then that's me trying to win my arguments.
That's a valid tactic.
Exactly.
And that's like life is going to throw enough hard things at you.
You want someone that can laugh at it, right?
And it just makes everything better.
(07:37):
And so playfulness for me at least, like has gone to one of the top traits that I look
for in someone I'm dating, just because it makes every other aspect of life easier to
get through and more fun.
Yeah.
You know what I'm also thinking of?
I know that you went on a date with a girl.
I think no one's going to know who this is.
Her name was Sophia.
Yeah.
She was stunning.
(07:59):
She was very attractive.
Yes.
But she was boring as fuck.
Yeah.
Horrible.
And what was crazy is like it was a it was a good day in that I was getting her to laugh
a lot.
And so like I was on point and I was having a lot of fun making fun of her for growing
up on some country farm in Poland and all this like all this crazy random shit.
(08:20):
And I was giving her so much shit and she was loving it, but she just could not do it
back at all.
She couldn't be playful at all.
And so every single moment it was like I was like digging it out or it was it felt like
I was trying to dig out the playfulness of her.
And I was really on my game at that on that date.
So it should have been easy, but she was just such an introvert.
(08:42):
So not playful at all.
It's like, oh my gosh, the if I actually date her long term, it's going to be miserable
because there's going to be plenty of days where I'm not feeling playful and it's just
going to be this dry, dry, dry interactions.
And like who wants that?
Yeah.
Oh, exactly.
Because I was surprised.
I remember I wanted to know how your date went because I had seen the photos and she
(09:06):
was I thought she was incredibly cute.
And you're like, oh my God, biggest, most boring ever super introvert.
I had to drag the stories out.
And I was like, so no second date.
You're like, no way, no second date.
No playfulness is super important.
Yeah.
Conclusion, playfulness, or at least being able to hold a conversation.
Yeah.
(09:27):
Well, I mean, she was able to have a conversation a little bit and that she was very factual,
but that's actually that reminds me.
How about if you you're dating a girl and let's just say she's not the super smartest
girl, but she does keep the conversation going.
She is engaged and she's having fun and she's laughing and she's that whole bubbly, girly
(09:48):
vibe is there.
She's not just going to say anything that necessarily teaches you new stuff.
What about that?
No, the very, very, very sweet and feminine bubbly is also really good.
It's not as good as someone that's witty and playful to be fair, but it is way better than
a dry introvert.
And so like I'm dating a girl that right now that she's super sweet and I can get her to
(10:14):
laugh and that makes me feel good and she feels good.
And it's a it's a really good setup, honestly, and a good, you know, like we have fun together,
but it's just not as good as when that woman is playful back and you're like, I got to
watch out for her.
Like, like, I don't know.
It's like a sparring partner.
(10:34):
It's like, it's actually a challenge.
And at least for me personally, I like, I don't know, I like that spicier thing.
It's not just about only sweet and bubbly, although again, the sweet and bubbly is actually
really, really nice.
It just depends on you as a guy, what you're looking for and, you know, what you want.
Some people want a little bit more spice.
(10:54):
Some people want, you know, more bubbly and sweet.
I think the difference between the two types of girls that you just described is that this
very sweet type that you're describing, you'll throw a jab at her, you'll tease her or diss
her, and she'll be like, no.
And the other type throws back a weird remark.
You're like, oh, fuck her.
(11:16):
And then it's that.
Then it's on.
Yeah.
Then it's like, okay, I can fuck with her.
She's going to fuck with me.
And I get this, these random spikes of joy randomly where, where I guess the sweet and
bubbly is more of just like the content calm.
And again, both are actually really good, but there's, I don't know, I just like the
(11:38):
spiciness a little bit.
I want both though.
So.
Yeah, you got me thinking too.
Like my ex, I can't, cannot really say much negative about her.
She was pretty amazing.
One thing that I remember back then, and I was like, if she's lacking one thing, it
is I didn't find her the funniest person.
And I thought that was really important to me.
(11:58):
And then later as I got older, I was like, huh, was that really so important?
So for example, my ex, she was very calm, calm, soft feminine.
And one thing that I liked is when we were spending time, we would really have the quality
time in the love languages where we could just sit in the same room, each doing our
own thing the whole day.
Of course, sometimes.
(12:19):
If I walk past, I'd give her a hug or whatever, or she'd come quickly say hi or give a kiss,
whatever.
It was all very sweet.
But we could just spend a lot of time in the same room without necessarily having to do
something together or have a conversation really.
And that is so calming.
That was really calming.
Yeah.
And I think for me, that is probably the most important.
Well, see, that's, that's what is really important is for each person, what you need
(12:44):
is different than someone else.
So some people that live chaotic lives, or at least they're in the stage of life that
is chaotic, they need a more calming person, not a spice or whatever.
So it just, it just depends on what you're looking for.
So you're saying that your girl needs to be more like a dog rather than a cat?
Depending.
(13:05):
So when my life is chaotic, I want a woman that's more like a dog, where my life is a
little bit less chaotic and I'm bored.
I want a woman that's like a cat.
Why?
Why are you doing this to yourselves?
Because I like doing random spontaneous crazy shit.
Like I've done like first date, a first date in Hawaii.
I've never met the girl before.
The first time I met her, I literally hopped off a plane and she met me.
(13:28):
And then we spent three days hiking through waterfalls and all sorts of crazy shit.
And it was just intense and wild and it's so much fun.
But there's times in my life where work is insane and all this other shit.
And it's like, I'm not going to do that.
I just need someone that is just going to cuddle and caress and just awesome.
(13:48):
Not require me to dedicate time flying to Hawaii or wherever the case may be.
And so different aspects or times in my life, I want different things.
And again, I want both.
I want to find a woman that can actually be able to swap between the two, which may
be unrealistic.
But yeah, I mean, it depends on what you're looking for and what you're prioritizing.
(14:09):
Top two biggest turn of some women.
Two masculine, 100 percent.
Like the boss babe thing.
I originally thought I liked that forever ago because like a lot of commonalities.
Like I can get along with this girl.
She had a bit of a balls of babe too.
I like bossing people around just a little.
But no, the probably that the masculine trait as I've dated longer and really figured out
(14:30):
what I want.
That's just such a turn off.
Like I don't want to be.
I don't want to go home and be at war.
Like where we're just arguing over stupid shit or it's, you know, and of course not
everyone that's masculine has to argue, but it's just a much more aggressive trait than
it used to be a ying to the yang.
But masculine is most definitely it's like, no, I don't want that.
(14:52):
I don't want that in a woman.
Other least attractive trait.
How do I describe this?
It's probably pessimism, but it's like a female version of it.
There's just something like women, Jesus Christ, they can beat up on each other horribly, like
horribly.
And in this very pessimistic way, where they just like destroy social or look at social
(15:19):
things in the most negative way.
And I'm not doing a good job explaining this, but that pessimism is super, super unattractive.
All right.
Yeah.
Thanks for the whole speech on pessimism.
And then we saw that our Chick-fil-A order arrived left by the door.
I run down.
It's gone.
(15:39):
Stolen Chick-fil-A special burger or whatever the waffle fries, a brownie milk, a healthy
wholesome meal gone.
Speaking about pessimism and Uber says it's my fault and they don't want to refund.
Do they know how expensive that is in New York?
Okay, Brian.
So Louie, I'm curious.
Those are mine.
What are yours?
Favorites or least favorites?
(15:59):
Least favorite.
Entitlement.
Yeah, that's a good one.
You already.
So for me, I know I'm taking this to the extreme, but I never vibe well with the heavy on the
makeup girls with the more fake there is in the appearance, the less likely that I connect
with them.
Is that entitlement though?
(16:20):
So, well, yeah, I was thinking at the same time, oftentimes it is.
So oftentimes those girls are also the ones that flash their expensive purse in all their
photos or they're in front of a fancy restaurant or on a boat.
Often I feel like those things are coming together.
Now I would say a lot of fakeness in the looks, whether it's makeup or fake boobs and lips
(16:42):
and hair extensions and eyelashes and all that stuff.
I would say that usually comes from insecurity or at least a lack of self-acceptance.
But I've many times seen it come with the more entitled girls.
I mean, entitlement in my mind is a little bit different.
A woman that tries to make her looks better and to be fair, there's way, like some women
(17:08):
go way too extreme, but trying to look more attractive, I don't think is necessarily a
bad thing.
And men do it too.
You have great fashion sense.
You do it.
Thank you.
You do it to look better for a variety of reasons.
One of those is for attraction purposes.
And so I don't, at least me personally, I don't necessarily fall to a woman for trying to be
(17:33):
more beautiful.
But when they're so out of touch of reality where they've just gone completely fake craziness,
it's like they don't understand at all.
And to your point, it's normally a sign of huge insecurities and an emotional trauma
that they have not overcome.
And so those type of women tend to not be the best to date.
(17:56):
Yeah, that's my point, right?
They're just not the best to date.
I don't know.
I see so many guys for going for those girls over and over again.
I see it in my clients, honestly, not really in my group of friends.
I've seen you having some appreciation for them sometimes.
Brian, defend yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(18:16):
Well, I mean, I just find them attractive.
Some of them, again, there's some that are, it just is way too far.
But I also, yeah, no, some of them I find attractive.
Like with the right amount of makeup and the right looks, like it can't be really sexy.
I mean, that's kind of the, that's kind of the point of makeup in that stuff is to bring
out some of those characteristics, the sharper eyes, the bigger lips, the deeper curves,
(18:41):
all that type of stuff.
And so yeah, it's, it's kind of, I mean, it is more sexy.
I just got a support ticket.
I got, I heard, I heard your speech, Brian, for the listener.
I've been furious that my cheek fillet was robbed from me unfairly because it didn't
ring a doorbell.
And I had to fight with three different support workers to get a refund.
(19:01):
And they said no, uneligible.
And they all just kept closing the tickets.
Finally they're refunding it.
So if you learn one thing from listening to this podcast, if you fight with Uber Eats
enough, then you can get your food.
Never give up.
Do they know my hourly rate to give dating advice?
It is 100 times the cheek fillet order.
(19:24):
And I just had to spend 20 minutes defending myself to the support workers.
The guy did not ring the doorbell.
He put the food on the street and he left.
Not only is my dinner now going to be two hours later than usual while I'm trying to
become Mr. Olympia on cheek fillet.
Yeah, I hate that this happened.
But anyway, I'm fully focused and I heard your speech.
And I want to go back to the point where you said that guys do it too and there's nothing
(19:47):
wrong with it.
First of all, guys don't really do it, right?
How many guys do you know with makeup and lip jobs and Isab implants?
Not that.
But no, I mean, guys have their own version where they're worried about haircuts or going
to the gym.
I mean, you go to the gym.
There's so many ego lifters that are just bodybuilding to crazy fucking...
(20:11):
They're doing it to look good.
Yeah.
And I think it's incredibly unattractive.
And I think any woman should be like, okay, this guy is on steroids and is absolutely
massive.
He is probably trying to compensate for some very healthy self-beliefs.
But don't you also, when you're coaching your clients, one of the number one things that
you tell them to do is go to the gym and get fit.
(20:33):
Yes, I'm getting fit and that's healthy.
But I mean, they're not doing it only for themselves.
They are doing it from an attractive lens.
And that's exactly the point.
They are exaggerating it to an unhealthy amount where it's to me, it signals that they're
not right in the head.
Oh, I would agree that yes.
And the equivalent of that with women is tons of makeup, fake this, fake that, fake
(20:56):
this, fake that.
I'm just like, okay, it's just not healthy.
I'm not going to date her.
Well, you're a lot more mature than I am.
So I honestly doubt it.
But I have maybe an unhealthy attraction to a little bit of not stability, which I need
to personally work on.
Well, honestly, maybe you have a bit of that savior complex.
(21:17):
There is that I also need to work on.
Yes.
Yes.
But it goes again to go back to that spice a little bit where it's like those that are
a little bit not as stable, they tend to be more wild.
And that can be a lot of fun.
And as I get further along and my, my life and my journey, I'm realizing that I don't
(21:37):
value that as much to be fair.
But there is that wild, crazy spice that is, yeah, it's fun.
Yeah.
But and so again, I get that and I've heard guys say, yeah, you know, the girl with the
obviously fake boobs and the blown up lips and stuff that, that it just something about
it turns them on.
But 90% of the times that I have heard it, guys see her then as like something for a
(22:02):
wild night of sex.
Oh, yeah.
It's not, it's not someone that you take home to, you know, meet your family for sure.
Yeah.
And I think what those women are trying to achieve with the excessive change of their
looks is not to be seen as a sex object.
I feel like in most cases it is shooting themselves in the foot.
(22:22):
Oh, yeah.
I mean, if I was a woman, I wouldn't be doing that.
But again, when I was saying earlier, like I don't fall to woman for trying to look more
attractive, there's a lot of things that women can do to look more attractive without going
to those extremes with the large fake tits and the two big lips and all that stuff.
There's a lot of women that do the right things.
Like going to the gym to look more attractive is a very good thing whether you're male or
(22:45):
female.
And there's a lot of women that do that for health reasons and just to look better.
And that's, that's a very, very attractive trait.
But the women that are trying to get huge fake tits and all that to attract a man, they're
gonna fell or attract a man that's not going to treat him right.
Yeah.
So I agree.
I think it's such a, it's such a fascinating subject.
(23:09):
I think girls going so extreme in their looks could be compared to, well, you could say
bodybuilders in guys, but mostly I think that's the equivalent of guys really trying hard
and spending a lot of money or, or thinking that they need a certain amount of extreme
status and success and whatever to then get the girl.
And those guys never keep the girl or they at least don't keep him happy.
(23:31):
But I think if a girl is, has such insecurities or is so dissatisfied with herself that she
goes to these extremes in changing her appearance, no healthy guy is going to be drawn to that
or is going to maybe even keep respect for her.
Like I might be extreme here, but I would feel ashamed to run hand in hand with a girl
(23:52):
that did so much work.
Yeah.
And that's where there's a lot of guys that are like, Oh, that'd be fun for a night, but
I'm never taking them home to my family because you would be ashamed of it because all of
like, when you, when you, whether it's your man that's using wealth to make up wealth
to make up for something, or you're a woman using fake tits or whatever to make up for
(24:14):
something, you're still making up for something.
Yeah.
A hundred percent.
And so that, that's the problem.
That's the insecurities that you were talking about earlier.
And yeah, you need to figure out how to do this without overcompensating with wealth
or other things like that as a man or with fake tits as a woman.
Now there are plenty of guys that are dating someone that has a lot of work done and they're
(24:38):
fine with that.
You know, they'll be extremely proud to walk with her hand in hand.
And I also, by the way, I think that's fine.
If they are happy with that, by all means, I'm just saying for me, it has always the
opposite effect.
So one of the awesome things about like human relationships and dating is there's exceptions
to every freaking rule.
And so like you generalize something and it's, you know, then you look into the, the, the
(25:01):
details of a person's life and it's completely wrong.
So if you, if you're with a woman that has huge fake tits and great, like big lips and
all that and you're happy, don't fucking listen to anything we're saying, just be happy.
Yeah.
And if you're a woman dating a very rich man, that, that's his entire personality and you're
happy.
Who fucking cares?
(25:22):
You're happy.
Like that's, that's what's so cool about this relationship is there's exception to every
rule.
And so no matter how weird or fucked up you are, you can find someone that will make
you happy if you find a way to find them.
Beautifully run.
Like I feel like there are so many details and side angles of this still to discuss,
but we've talked a beautiful amount of time.
(25:42):
And if needed, if you guys agree or disagree or want more of this, comments are enabled
on the podcast.
So please dump your stuff in there.
I'll gladly read it and see if you think alike or the complete opposite.
I'm also completely open to changing my perspective and learning new things.
And Brian, wouldn't it be nice if the viewer gave us a five star review if they liked the
(26:04):
content?
Fuck yeah.
Yeah.
A little star review would be nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nice.
See you later.
Okay.
Oh no.
Welcome to another episode of what your dad didn't teach you.
(00:03):
I have a magical, wonderful guest here.
It is Brian for the people that do not know Brian.
He is an incredibly successful businessman, sort of a business mentor to me.
He's helped a lot with Tech Scott as well.
I have coached him and he has transformed from, let's be honest, a scrawny, nerdy,
(00:25):
didn't know what he was doing.
Guide that was just really good at his text of and his business to a guy that has
built a wonderful dating life where he now has the abundance to pick the girl that
he wants on his journey to finding the one the forever love.
How are you doing, Brian?
Doing fucking epic.
Fucking epic. That's pretty good.
(00:45):
I see you got a drink in your hand.
Yes.
Is that going to make our stories and tips better?
Yes, sir.
Good. I want to ask you from all the dates you've been on, what have you learned are
for you the most attractive qualities in a woman?
Confidence and playfulness, 100 percent.
How do you see confidence in a woman?
(01:06):
They're most attractive for the woman or most attractive when I do that for a woman?
No, we just said what you find most attractive in women, you said confidence and playfulness,
playfulness. So how is that?
Yes, so what is a confident woman to someone that is sure in themselves?
They're not your undoubtedly thinking of a situation that's happened before, right?
(01:28):
Yes. I mean, so like there's just something about when someone carries themselves like
they own the world, if that makes sense.
And they're they're they're confident in their own skin.
And whether that's their confidence because they know they're funny or it's
confidence because they know that they're strong or whatever, there's just like a
spark to their eyes. I don't know how to explain it better than that.
(01:49):
And it's just it's just a very attractive trait.
But so it's probably just the way you word it.
But a spark in their eyes seems very attractive to me, makes me think she's happy.
But her acting like she owns the world, the way I imagine that sound repellent, repelling.
No, yeah, I mean, so if there's the masculine, I own the world.
(02:10):
That is not nearly as attractive, but that like I own the role.
Like she's confident in her own skin that no matter what happens around her,
she's like positive and happy and a good time.
She's not like weak and crumbling.
Well, so so when I hear that, I'm thinking of one of the things that I like most
(02:32):
in girls is when they're bubbly.
I mean, you say even when the world's crumbling around around them, they're still
happy or like positive and what I'm just thinking of a bubbly girl.
Well, although it's also this might sound fucked up, but isn't it also super
attractive when the world's crumbling down and the girls just kind of said and
like, well, yes, that when you get to be like the protector, saver type thing,
(02:54):
but or archetype.
But yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.
I guess I still am trying to figure that out.
See, not only the listeners learn from this podcast, but the guests as well.
What about the playfulness that you called out?
Yeah, well, I mean, that's that's I originally I didn't think I was going
to value that nearly as much.
But then over over time, like actually experiencing someone that's super
(03:18):
playful and flirty and fun.
And then you go back and experience someone that's not.
Are you talking about spending time with with girls or with me?
With girls, because I have caught you looking at guys sometimes very recently.
You weren't supposed to tell you.
See, don't trust Louis.
He lies.
Yeah, sorry, I completely cut you off about the playfulness.
Yeah, no, it's just it's just so much more fun.
(03:40):
And so like, even if there is this 10 out of 10 smoking high, like on paper,
great in so many ways, if she doesn't give you shit and give you that like
little like, again, that spark in the eye, although I know that was about
confidence, this is about playfulness.
There's just some little little spark that just causes you to be like this.
(04:01):
There's something different about this one and it's it's exciting and it's
intense and like I love when a woman gives me shit about random things.
It's just makes everything so much more fun.
And at the same time, when we're walking down the street and she'll
randomly make fun of some random person, not in a mean way, of course,
(04:21):
but just in a playful way where we're teasing the world or making fun of the
world.
It's like, OK, this person, no matter what happens, I know that I'm going to
enjoy my life.
My life if, you know, if we hang out and it's that playfulness and they can't be
underrated like or undervalued, I should say, because it makes every
single daily interaction better.
(04:41):
So it sounds like playfulness and optimism.
Yeah, there's an optimism to it for sure.
That's also attractive as hell, right?
That is very attractive.
Nobody likes.
I think you Americans call it Debbie Downer or is a British.
Yeah, Debbie Downer.
Well, I don't know, us Americans like take over everything.
So maybe it's starting to break.
(05:03):
But yes, Debbie Downer is an American saying now, at least.
Yeah, no one likes it in the ones they're dating, but also in friends.
Optimism for sure is a thing.
But let's go back to the playfulness that you said.
My girlfriend is very playful.
And I've told I've talked to you about this many times how she's such a great
texture.
Yeah, I've never seen someone text as good as her.
(05:24):
Like she's witty and funny and she's the best gift user ever.
And she has the biggest sticker collection ever.
And it's like she has a whole she has them all indexed in her brain.
And she knows what sticker to use and where to find it for every, every situation.
And that's really fun too.
Oh, for sure.
And it just makes like every daily interaction better.
(05:48):
So like, let's say that you're you and her are getting into a fight over some
stupid thing.
And then she breaks out one of those stickers just randomly and she makes you
chuckle.
And you're in that moment, you're like, I fucking hate you because we're fighting.
But then she's able to use humor or playfulness to diffuse the situation.
It's just better.
I like that you just like you're fighting and then you're probably drawing from
(06:11):
something that happened to you.
But I've never had fights where I'm like, I fucking hate you.
I don't have those fights.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, in the past, I've had harder relationships like that a little bit.
Where I guess I never was pulled out like I hate you, but like, no, we were going at
it.
And then I was the one that was typically throwing out some random smart ass thing.
(06:32):
And then it would completely diffuse the situation and oh, it would.
Oh, no, it would.
And so, well, I guess I've been grumpy or like, if I feel like I'm writing an argument,
I won't just let it slide.
And the other person needs to realize I'm right.
That's maybe not one of my lesser charming sides.
So my girl's fine with it.
(06:53):
But so what she did, do you know Bert and Ernie?
Bert and Ernie.
Yeah, they exist here too.
The yellow one with like a really grumpy face.
Yes.
That's my profile photo in her phone.
And so whenever I call her, his angry face is zoomed in on her whole phone.
And so every time I call her, she picks up laughing because it cracks her up every time.
(07:15):
But that's that reminded me of diffusing the situations with humor.
I can remember a time where there was some sort of discussion and she just sends the
photo of that grumpy little guy and then that's me trying to win my arguments.
That's a valid tactic.
Exactly.
And that's like life is going to throw enough hard things at you.
You want someone that can laugh at it, right?
And it just makes everything better.
(07:37):
And so playfulness for me at least, like has gone to one of the top traits that I look
for in someone I'm dating, just because it makes every other aspect of life easier to
get through and more fun.
Yeah.
You know what I'm also thinking of?
I know that you went on a date with a girl.
I think no one's going to know who this is.
Her name was Sophia.
Yeah.
She was stunning.
(07:59):
She was very attractive.
Yes.
But she was boring as fuck.
Yeah.
Horrible.
And what was crazy is like it was a it was a good day in that I was getting her to laugh
a lot.
And so like I was on point and I was having a lot of fun making fun of her for growing
up on some country farm in Poland and all this like all this crazy random shit.
(08:20):
And I was giving her so much shit and she was loving it, but she just could not do it
back at all.
She couldn't be playful at all.
And so every single moment it was like I was like digging it out or it was it felt like
I was trying to dig out the playfulness of her.
And I was really on my game at that on that date.
So it should have been easy, but she was just such an introvert.
(08:42):
So not playful at all.
It's like, oh my gosh, the if I actually date her long term, it's going to be miserable
because there's going to be plenty of days where I'm not feeling playful and it's just
going to be this dry, dry, dry interactions.
And like who wants that?
Yeah.
Oh, exactly.
Because I was surprised.
I remember I wanted to know how your date went because I had seen the photos and she
(09:06):
was I thought she was incredibly cute.
And you're like, oh my God, biggest, most boring ever super introvert.
I had to drag the stories out.
And I was like, so no second date.
You're like, no way, no second date.
No playfulness is super important.
Yeah.
Conclusion, playfulness, or at least being able to hold a conversation.
Yeah.
(09:27):
Well, I mean, she was able to have a conversation a little bit and that she was very factual,
but that's actually that reminds me.
How about if you you're dating a girl and let's just say she's not the super smartest
girl, but she does keep the conversation going.
She is engaged and she's having fun and she's laughing and she's that whole bubbly, girly
(09:48):
vibe is there.
She's not just going to say anything that necessarily teaches you new stuff.
What about that?
No, the very, very, very sweet and feminine bubbly is also really good.
It's not as good as someone that's witty and playful to be fair, but it is way better than
a dry introvert.
And so like I'm dating a girl that right now that she's super sweet and I can get her to
(10:14):
laugh and that makes me feel good and she feels good.
And it's a it's a really good setup, honestly, and a good, you know, like we have fun together,
but it's just not as good as when that woman is playful back and you're like, I got to
watch out for her.
Like, like, I don't know.
It's like a sparring partner.
(10:34):
It's like, it's actually a challenge.
And at least for me personally, I like, I don't know, I like that spicier thing.
It's not just about only sweet and bubbly, although again, the sweet and bubbly is actually
really, really nice.
It just depends on you as a guy, what you're looking for and, you know, what you want.
Some people want a little bit more spice.
(10:54):
Some people want, you know, more bubbly and sweet.
I think the difference between the two types of girls that you just described is that this
very sweet type that you're describing, you'll throw a jab at her, you'll tease her or diss
her, and she'll be like, no.
And the other type throws back a weird remark.
You're like, oh, fuck her.
(11:16):
And then it's that.
Then it's on.
Yeah.
Then it's like, okay, I can fuck with her.
She's going to fuck with me.
And I get this, these random spikes of joy randomly where, where I guess the sweet and
bubbly is more of just like the content calm.
And again, both are actually really good, but there's, I don't know, I just like the
(11:38):
spiciness a little bit.
I want both though.
So.
Yeah, you got me thinking too.
Like my ex, I can't, cannot really say much negative about her.
She was pretty amazing.
One thing that I remember back then, and I was like, if she's lacking one thing, it
is I didn't find her the funniest person.
And I thought that was really important to me.
(11:58):
And then later as I got older, I was like, huh, was that really so important?
So for example, my ex, she was very calm, calm, soft feminine.
And one thing that I liked is when we were spending time, we would really have the quality
time in the love languages where we could just sit in the same room, each doing our
own thing the whole day.
Of course, sometimes.
(12:19):
If I walk past, I'd give her a hug or whatever, or she'd come quickly say hi or give a kiss,
whatever.
It was all very sweet.
But we could just spend a lot of time in the same room without necessarily having to do
something together or have a conversation really.
And that is so calming.
That was really calming.
Yeah.
And I think for me, that is probably the most important.
Well, see, that's, that's what is really important is for each person, what you need
(12:44):
is different than someone else.
So some people that live chaotic lives, or at least they're in the stage of life that
is chaotic, they need a more calming person, not a spice or whatever.
So it just, it just depends on what you're looking for.
So you're saying that your girl needs to be more like a dog rather than a cat?
Depending.
(13:05):
So when my life is chaotic, I want a woman that's more like a dog, where my life is a
little bit less chaotic and I'm bored.
I want a woman that's like a cat.
Why?
Why are you doing this to yourselves?
Because I like doing random spontaneous crazy shit.
Like I've done like first date, a first date in Hawaii.
I've never met the girl before.
The first time I met her, I literally hopped off a plane and she met me.
(13:28):
And then we spent three days hiking through waterfalls and all sorts of crazy shit.
And it was just intense and wild and it's so much fun.
But there's times in my life where work is insane and all this other shit.
And it's like, I'm not going to do that.
I just need someone that is just going to cuddle and caress and just awesome.
(13:48):
Not require me to dedicate time flying to Hawaii or wherever the case may be.
And so different aspects or times in my life, I want different things.
And again, I want both.
I want to find a woman that can actually be able to swap between the two, which may
be unrealistic.
But yeah, I mean, it depends on what you're looking for and what you're prioritizing.
(14:09):
Top two biggest turn of some women.
Two masculine, 100 percent.
Like the boss babe thing.
I originally thought I liked that forever ago because like a lot of commonalities.
Like I can get along with this girl.
She had a bit of a balls of babe too.
I like bossing people around just a little.
But no, the probably that the masculine trait as I've dated longer and really figured out
(14:30):
what I want.
That's just such a turn off.
Like I don't want to be.
I don't want to go home and be at war.
Like where we're just arguing over stupid shit or it's, you know, and of course not
everyone that's masculine has to argue, but it's just a much more aggressive trait than
it used to be a ying to the yang.
But masculine is most definitely it's like, no, I don't want that.
(14:52):
I don't want that in a woman.
Other least attractive trait.
How do I describe this?
It's probably pessimism, but it's like a female version of it.
There's just something like women, Jesus Christ, they can beat up on each other horribly, like
horribly.
And in this very pessimistic way, where they just like destroy social or look at social
(15:19):
things in the most negative way.
And I'm not doing a good job explaining this, but that pessimism is super, super unattractive.
All right.
Yeah.
Thanks for the whole speech on pessimism.
And then we saw that our Chick-fil-A order arrived left by the door.
I run down.
It's gone.
(15:39):
Stolen Chick-fil-A special burger or whatever the waffle fries, a brownie milk, a healthy
wholesome meal gone.
Speaking about pessimism and Uber says it's my fault and they don't want to refund.
Do they know how expensive that is in New York?
Okay, Brian.
So Louie, I'm curious.
Those are mine.
What are yours?
Favorites or least favorites?
(15:59):
Least favorite.
Entitlement.
Yeah, that's a good one.
You already.
So for me, I know I'm taking this to the extreme, but I never vibe well with the heavy on the
makeup girls with the more fake there is in the appearance, the less likely that I connect
with them.
Is that entitlement though?
(16:20):
So, well, yeah, I was thinking at the same time, oftentimes it is.
So oftentimes those girls are also the ones that flash their expensive purse in all their
photos or they're in front of a fancy restaurant or on a boat.
Often I feel like those things are coming together.
Now I would say a lot of fakeness in the looks, whether it's makeup or fake boobs and lips
(16:42):
and hair extensions and eyelashes and all that stuff.
I would say that usually comes from insecurity or at least a lack of self-acceptance.
But I've many times seen it come with the more entitled girls.
I mean, entitlement in my mind is a little bit different.
A woman that tries to make her looks better and to be fair, there's way, like some women
(17:08):
go way too extreme, but trying to look more attractive, I don't think is necessarily a
bad thing.
And men do it too.
You have great fashion sense.
You do it.
Thank you.
You do it to look better for a variety of reasons.
One of those is for attraction purposes.
And so I don't, at least me personally, I don't necessarily fall to a woman for trying to be
(17:33):
more beautiful.
But when they're so out of touch of reality where they've just gone completely fake craziness,
it's like they don't understand at all.
And to your point, it's normally a sign of huge insecurities and an emotional trauma
that they have not overcome.
And so those type of women tend to not be the best to date.
(17:56):
Yeah, that's my point, right?
They're just not the best to date.
I don't know.
I see so many guys for going for those girls over and over again.
I see it in my clients, honestly, not really in my group of friends.
I've seen you having some appreciation for them sometimes.
Brian, defend yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(18:16):
Well, I mean, I just find them attractive.
Some of them, again, there's some that are, it just is way too far.
But I also, yeah, no, some of them I find attractive.
Like with the right amount of makeup and the right looks, like it can't be really sexy.
I mean, that's kind of the, that's kind of the point of makeup in that stuff is to bring
out some of those characteristics, the sharper eyes, the bigger lips, the deeper curves,
(18:41):
all that type of stuff.
And so yeah, it's, it's kind of, I mean, it is more sexy.
I just got a support ticket.
I got, I heard, I heard your speech, Brian, for the listener.
I've been furious that my cheek fillet was robbed from me unfairly because it didn't
ring a doorbell.
And I had to fight with three different support workers to get a refund.
(19:01):
And they said no, uneligible.
And they all just kept closing the tickets.
Finally they're refunding it.
So if you learn one thing from listening to this podcast, if you fight with Uber Eats
enough, then you can get your food.
Never give up.
Do they know my hourly rate to give dating advice?
It is 100 times the cheek fillet order.
(19:24):
And I just had to spend 20 minutes defending myself to the support workers.
The guy did not ring the doorbell.
He put the food on the street and he left.
Not only is my dinner now going to be two hours later than usual while I'm trying to
become Mr. Olympia on cheek fillet.
Yeah, I hate that this happened.
But anyway, I'm fully focused and I heard your speech.
And I want to go back to the point where you said that guys do it too and there's nothing
(19:47):
wrong with it.
First of all, guys don't really do it, right?
How many guys do you know with makeup and lip jobs and Isab implants?
Not that.
But no, I mean, guys have their own version where they're worried about haircuts or going
to the gym.
I mean, you go to the gym.
There's so many ego lifters that are just bodybuilding to crazy fucking...
(20:11):
They're doing it to look good.
Yeah.
And I think it's incredibly unattractive.
And I think any woman should be like, okay, this guy is on steroids and is absolutely
massive.
He is probably trying to compensate for some very healthy self-beliefs.
But don't you also, when you're coaching your clients, one of the number one things that
you tell them to do is go to the gym and get fit.
(20:33):
Yes, I'm getting fit and that's healthy.
But I mean, they're not doing it only for themselves.
They are doing it from an attractive lens.
And that's exactly the point.
They are exaggerating it to an unhealthy amount where it's to me, it signals that they're
not right in the head.
Oh, I would agree that yes.
And the equivalent of that with women is tons of makeup, fake this, fake that, fake
(20:56):
this, fake that.
I'm just like, okay, it's just not healthy.
I'm not going to date her.
Well, you're a lot more mature than I am.
So I honestly doubt it.
But I have maybe an unhealthy attraction to a little bit of not stability, which I need
to personally work on.
Well, honestly, maybe you have a bit of that savior complex.
(21:17):
There is that I also need to work on.
Yes.
Yes.
But it goes again to go back to that spice a little bit where it's like those that are
a little bit not as stable, they tend to be more wild.
And that can be a lot of fun.
And as I get further along and my, my life and my journey, I'm realizing that I don't
(21:37):
value that as much to be fair.
But there is that wild, crazy spice that is, yeah, it's fun.
Yeah.
But and so again, I get that and I've heard guys say, yeah, you know, the girl with the
obviously fake boobs and the blown up lips and stuff that, that it just something about
it turns them on.
But 90% of the times that I have heard it, guys see her then as like something for a
(22:02):
wild night of sex.
Oh, yeah.
It's not, it's not someone that you take home to, you know, meet your family for sure.
Yeah.
And I think what those women are trying to achieve with the excessive change of their
looks is not to be seen as a sex object.
I feel like in most cases it is shooting themselves in the foot.
(22:22):
Oh, yeah.
I mean, if I was a woman, I wouldn't be doing that.
But again, when I was saying earlier, like I don't fall to woman for trying to look more
attractive, there's a lot of things that women can do to look more attractive without going
to those extremes with the large fake tits and the two big lips and all that stuff.
There's a lot of women that do the right things.
Like going to the gym to look more attractive is a very good thing whether you're male or
(22:45):
female.
And there's a lot of women that do that for health reasons and just to look better.
And that's, that's a very, very attractive trait.
But the women that are trying to get huge fake tits and all that to attract a man, they're
gonna fell or attract a man that's not going to treat him right.
Yeah.
So I agree.
I think it's such a, it's such a fascinating subject.
(23:09):
I think girls going so extreme in their looks could be compared to, well, you could say
bodybuilders in guys, but mostly I think that's the equivalent of guys really trying hard
and spending a lot of money or, or thinking that they need a certain amount of extreme
status and success and whatever to then get the girl.
And those guys never keep the girl or they at least don't keep him happy.
(23:31):
But I think if a girl is, has such insecurities or is so dissatisfied with herself that she
goes to these extremes in changing her appearance, no healthy guy is going to be drawn to that
or is going to maybe even keep respect for her.
Like I might be extreme here, but I would feel ashamed to run hand in hand with a girl
(23:52):
that did so much work.
Yeah.
And that's where there's a lot of guys that are like, Oh, that'd be fun for a night, but
I'm never taking them home to my family because you would be ashamed of it because all of
like, when you, when you, whether it's your man that's using wealth to make up wealth
to make up for something, or you're a woman using fake tits or whatever to make up for
(24:14):
something, you're still making up for something.
Yeah.
A hundred percent.
And so that, that's the problem.
That's the insecurities that you were talking about earlier.
And yeah, you need to figure out how to do this without overcompensating with wealth
or other things like that as a man or with fake tits as a woman.
Now there are plenty of guys that are dating someone that has a lot of work done and they're
(24:38):
fine with that.
You know, they'll be extremely proud to walk with her hand in hand.
And I also, by the way, I think that's fine.
If they are happy with that, by all means, I'm just saying for me, it has always the
opposite effect.
So one of the awesome things about like human relationships and dating is there's exceptions
to every freaking rule.
And so like you generalize something and it's, you know, then you look into the, the, the
(25:01):
details of a person's life and it's completely wrong.
So if you, if you're with a woman that has huge fake tits and great, like big lips and
all that and you're happy, don't fucking listen to anything we're saying, just be happy.
Yeah.
And if you're a woman dating a very rich man, that, that's his entire personality and you're
happy.
Who fucking cares?
(25:22):
You're happy.
Like that's, that's what's so cool about this relationship is there's exception to every
rule.
And so no matter how weird or fucked up you are, you can find someone that will make
you happy if you find a way to find them.
Beautifully run.
Like I feel like there are so many details and side angles of this still to discuss,
but we've talked a beautiful amount of time.
(25:42):
And if needed, if you guys agree or disagree or want more of this, comments are enabled
on the podcast.
So please dump your stuff in there.
I'll gladly read it and see if you think alike or the complete opposite.
I'm also completely open to changing my perspective and learning new things.
And Brian, wouldn't it be nice if the viewer gave us a five star review if they liked the
(26:04):
content?
Fuck yeah.
Yeah.
A little star review would be nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nice.
See you later.
Okay.
Oh no.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com