Ep 24 - Why 'Follow Your Passion' is Poor Advice (And What Actually Works)

Are you interested in finding your passion? Well, the problem is popular advice to "find your passion" doesn't work; it's fundamentally flawed and can be very frustrating. 

Research shows that over 80% of adults don't know what their passion is, yet we're told we should. The truth is passion isn't something you find - it's something you develop through experiment and experience. 

You can't have passion for something you've never done. 

In this episode, Rob shares from personal experience how to grow towards something you end up feeling passionate about and explains that:

• you start with what interests you
• its based more on values
• it takes time - often months or years
• you find passion building after a while of trying things out
• you can change over time anyway
• it's not your head you should listen to.

Any thoughts or questions? Send me a text!

Thanks for listening! See you again soon.

Rob

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to Wiser with Rob Bialostocki.
Simple everyday stories,insights and ideas to help you
live a life that truly mattersand grow wiser in the process.

SPEAKER_01 (00:11):
How many times have you heard people say, just
follow your passion or find yourpassion and it's all on from
there or even follow yourpassion and the money will
follow.
Well, the problem is, I thinkit's poor advice.
It's like chasing somethingthat's not even there.
Now, that's not going to bepopular.
with many of the gurus outthere, including the
25-year-olds, because they sayfollow your passion like it's

(00:35):
some kind of magic key.
And I've tried to find and usethat key over the years, and the
locks just don't spring open.
Maybe you heard and tried tofollow that advice as well, and
you found that you weren'tsucceeding, which then leads you
to question yourself, doesn'tit?
And it can result in being stuckor confused and worried that

(00:56):
things have passed you by.
I get it.
Don't worry, stay tuned to thisepisode because help is at hand.
Yes, for years I've tried tofollow the oft-quoted advice,

(01:18):
find and follow your passion.
The problem has been, I haven'treally known what my passion is
exactly and I think that'sbecause I seem to have several.
So finding it hasn't been easy.
And then just on pure logicalone, following it becomes,
well, impossible.
And worse, there are myriadYouTube videos, Instagram posts,

(01:42):
free courses out there createdby very good looking people who
seem to have found their passionand they want to help you find
yours.
And frankly, it's been too easyto feel like a failure for too
long.
Now, I have to say that recentlyI've had a great life coaching
session with Tracy and when wewere basically just sort of

(02:02):
floating around what's going onand how does it feel, I kind of
came to the conclusion thatmaybe much of what I've tried to
launch and get going over thelast few years has been because
I haven't really found my truekind of voice for this stage of
life.
And so that's why sometimes itcan be difficult when you listen

(02:23):
to somebody who's at a totallydifferent stage of life offer
you advice.
And that's kind of okay, butit's probably only going to work
if you're wired like them andyou're in a similar situation to
them and you're maybe in thesame stage of life as them.
But you may not be.
So it could be that you are justnot able to follow that advice

(02:45):
like somebody else might.
Now, many people I know and havelistened to or read about have
also felt like this finding yourpassion thing has eluded them
and there must therefore besomething wrong with them.
They feel that they'll nevermake it, which is a pity because
frankly, the notion of findingyour one passion is just BS.

(03:08):
The notion of finding yourpassion, I think, is based on an
assumption that you have one andthat you need to go and find it.
But I'm not sure that's thecase.
If you're like me, I've actuallygot several things that I
really, really enjoy, that I'mso-called passionate about.
They're all in different stagesof development.

(03:30):
It's also based on the idea, bythe way, that you find your
passion by looking for it likeyou're looking in the long grass
for something and then suddenly,ah, there is my passion.
I've been looking everywhere forit.
But let me challenge that.
Just using reason, how can youhave a passion for something

(03:50):
that you don't do yet?
In other words, passion is notsomething you find.
It's something you develop.
You might notice something thatinterests you, like playing the
guitar.
You take some lessons.
You get some success learningyour first 20 or 30 songs.
You start to get better.
You get past that frustrating,where's A minor again stage.

(04:14):
And then you realize, oh, Ireally love this.
Passion has developed.
And by the way, in that case, itmight have taken a year or two
or five.
It could also, of course, happenfaster than that.
In 1984, after just one visitoverseas where I experienced

(04:34):
what extreme poverty was like inIndia, I developed a passion to
do something about it.
And looking back, it wasprobably more of an intense
interest rather than a passionat first.
So we often associate passionwith focus, with intensity, with
enthusiasm being absorbed in it,that sort of thing.

(04:59):
But that's kind of very hard tobe able to experience that kind
of thing at the beginning ofanything.
So passion is something yourealize you have after a fair
bit of time of involvement andexperimenting and success.
Probably it takes months, if notyears.

(05:20):
There's also an idea that onceyou find your passion, then it's
all on from there.
Somehow, things become clearer.
Doors fly open.
You become famous or well-known.
It gets easier.
You never want to look atanything else again.
And so on.
If you have found your passion,well then I sincerely wish you

(05:42):
good luck.
Well done.
But I have a suspicion thatthose of us who are keen to find
their passion, only a smallpercentage ever do so, or do so
quickly.
There's a good little bookactually by Bill Burnett and
Dave Evans called Designing YourLife.

(06:05):
And they say that in theirdecades of experience as
lecturers and directors ofdesign and life design labs at
Stanford University, So theyshould know what they're talking
about, right?
Over 80% of adults don't knowwhat their passion is.
Wow, that must be frustrating.
But it's only frustrating if youbelieve that you ought to know.

(06:28):
And now.
What if you don't need to know?
What if you do not need to knowwhat your passion is?
Then you open up the possibilitythat instead of trying to find
your passion...
You instead try out things thatinterest you.
You know, you do a series ofmini experiments and you see

(06:48):
which ones work, which onesdon't, which ones resonate.
Not to try and find yourpassion, but just to find what
you enjoy, what works, what youcould move on to next.
Passion will probably come alittle bit later.
I don't know about you, but whenI think about it that way, that
sounds pretty freeing to me.

(07:08):
It's also very practical becauseit means you can let curiosity
and utility guide what you endup continuing with.
There's no sense flogging a deadhorse, as they say.
It's important to distinguish, Ithink, between interest and
involvement.
You might seem to be interestedin serving your community in
some way.

(07:29):
good on you.
So you join a community groupfor, I don't know, looking after
youth in sport or something.
It's quite possible that after amonth or three of involvement,
it might be that you thenrealise you actually don't want
to keep doing that.
And I think that's a totallylegitimate way of being where
you try things out and it's bydoing it that you realise the

(07:51):
reality of it.
Let me say that again.
You get an idea, you trysomething out for a while, and
it is by having done it that yourealise the reality of what it's
like.
And then you might decide,actually, it's not what I
thought.
It's not for me.

(08:12):
Or, of course, you could reallyenjoy it and be captured by a
real sense of investment inyoung people in that particular
example.
And so you keep going and youmight change a role or you might
just put more time and energyinto it, you're developing a
passion for it.
So just because you'reinterested in something doesn't
mean that you need to getinvolved in it.

(08:35):
I don't know about you, but I'minterested in all sorts of
things.
I mean, yesterday I went for awalk, had a bit of a day off and
went fly fishing in a region nottoo far from here.
I love live music.
I took my eldest daughter'sColdplay in Auckland last year.
It's got to be one of the bestconcerts I've ever been to.
I love dogs.
We have two.
I didn't used to, but I reallyenjoy reading about history and

(09:00):
I love being a granddad.
I love personal development.
I love philosophy.
I love renovating houses.
Which one of those is mypassion?
Hmm.
I think we should only getinvolved in activities that not
only interest us, but in whichwe feel some sort of possibility

(09:20):
of continuing in the longerterm.
To know that, you'd need to diga bit deeper into your own
values and see how that activitylines up with them.
Because what I've noticed isthat those people who are
involved in things that arealigned to their personal values
seem to stick at it longer.

(09:41):
So if it's not aligned to yourvalues, you'll probably give up
after a while, particularly whenthe going gets tough or when
things just don't quite workout.
Now, The greater the lineup ofpossibilities of what you could
get involved in, the more likelyit is that your interest will
turn into involvement and maybeinto passion if it grabs you by

(10:02):
the heart.
So let that be a bit of a guide.
There are a lot of possibilitiesof what you could do as
recreation, of careers, ofinterests you could have, but
try and be guided by what lightsyour heart up.
Now, I'm a bit of a scientist,and so what does light your
heart up mean?
But Just let's go with thephrase for now.

(10:23):
And let me finish with thatthought, that passion is
probably more felt in the heartthan decided in the head.
So, you know, if you're lookingfor clues, then go for what you
feel strongly about rather thanwhat you think might be good.
I've actually just recentlyhad...

(10:44):
some chats with my youngestdaughter who is at a phase of
exploring entrance into careers.
And I've said to her, whateverit is you actually start looking
at, try and make sure that it'ssomething that you care about.
Because if you don't, then oneday you'll end up feeling a bit

(11:08):
empty and a bit frustrated.
But if it's something you careabout you're more likely to find
meaning and purpose and developa passion for it over time.
And don't be worried about apassion you've developed, by the
way, and maybe even held formany years that might go off the
boil after a while.

(11:28):
Because, hey, that happens.
It's normal.
It's part of being human.
You might have developed a realpassion for the corporate world,
like I did for many years.
And you might have been involvedfor many years of your life.
And then one day, you realizeyou no longer have that same
passion.
Now, that's not really at oddswith what I just said about do

(11:50):
something you care about, whichis often aligned to your
personal values.
Because I actually think thatvalues can change.
I mean, I'm not sure I've gotexactly the same set of values
that I had 30 years ago.
Surely not.
So it's perfectly okay, I think.
Things change.
You change.
Life changes.

(12:11):
I mean, the world changes.
All I think that means is twothings.
Don't keep committing yourprecious time and energy to what
you no longer enjoy.
And experiment with newinterests to see what works for

(12:32):
you.
And then, over time, let passionarise.
I hope that helps.
I hope it brings you somefreedom, some lightness, and
some hope for what's up ahead.
Thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_00 (12:52):
You've been listening to The Wiser Podcast
with Rob Bielostocki.
feel free to send Rob a message.
He'd love to hear from you.
Until next week, we hope thisepisode helps you live a life
that truly matters and growwiser in the process.