August 6, 2024 • 29 mins
The dynamic Gaby Dalkin is a renowned cookbook author, chef, and journalist. Gaby shares her expertise on mastering summer grilling, debunking the myth that grilling is just for men. The woman behind the viral "slutty brownies" also opens up about her deeply personal fertility journey, and how she maintained perspective in the face of it all.
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, bright Side fam, Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
We have a deliciously exciting show lined up for you today.
Joining us is the fabulous Gobby Dalkin, cookbook author, chef,
and food and lifestyle writer. Gobby will be sharing her
secrets to sizzling summer eats and proving why women are
taking over the grill. Plus, you won't want to miss
her incredible story about how slutty Brownies changed her career
(00:27):
and hear her open up about her fertility journey. It's Tuesday,
August sixth I'm Danielle Robe.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
And I'm Simone Voice, and this is the bright Side
from Hello Sunshine, a daily show where we come together
to share women's stories, laugh, learn and brighten your day. Okay, Besties,
you've heard me say it more than once on our show.
I believe dinner parties are the solution for everything, birthdays, breakups, pivots.
(00:55):
A dinner party just cures at all. Danielle, do you agree,
thoughts Simone?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I love that for I don't agree, but I've also
never been to a Simone dinner party. So maybe you
could change my mind or my life.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Oh my gosh, let me change both. I'm so ready. Well,
our guest today is known for her life changing dinner
parties and so much more. Gobby Dalkin is the chef
behind the popular website What's Gobby Cooking. She launched the
website in two thousand and nine, right after she graduated
from college and decided to go the culinary route, and
now fifteen years later, Gobby has gone on to build
(01:28):
an entire multimedia platform. I'm talking cookbooks, social media, and
even a show on QVC. And here's the thing about Gobby.
She's all about the California lifestyle. She's written a whole
book about avocados, and she brings that sunny Calli perspective
to everything she does. She really does.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
But last year, Gobby revealed that there was a lot
more going on behind the scenes in her life. She
shared that she and her husband had spent significant time
on an IVF journey with the hope that they could
conceive a second child, and after a miscarriage, a failed transfer,
and a chemical pregnancy, they were out of embryos. In
(02:06):
a post she made online, she urged her followers to
remember that the path to motherhood isn't always linear.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
This launched a whole new conversation that Gobby has continued
to engage in on Instagram. She's shown how she's given
herself hormone injections, and she's also been a resource to
answer people's questions and just document her journey as she
and her husband have continued the IVF process.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
And fertility challenges are more common than we all may think.
This year, the US Department of Health and Human Services
reported that millions of Americans have experienced infertility at some
point in their lives. Even some of the most public
women we know, like Michelle Obama, Brookshields, Nicole Kidman, They've
all opened up about their own struggles with infertility, and
(02:53):
the chances are we all know someone or are that
someone who's been touched by this issue exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
That's why treating everyone with compassion is so important, because
you never know what people are going through, and we
do have some good news to share. Earlier this year,
Gobby announced that she is pregnant with our second child.
So let's bring her in to get an update on
all things Goby. Gobby Dalkin, Welcome to the bright Side.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I'm so excited to be here. Thank you guys.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Gobby.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
California is so embedded into your brand's DNA. How do
you describe the What's Gobby Cooking spirit, ethos and aesthetic?
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Oh my gosh, well, A thank you for noticing that
that is what we strive to do, so I'm honored
that it's coming through. But I think What's Gobby Cooking
is all about living a very happy, sunny, approachable life
where food is really at the center of everything. Whether
we're having a complicated conversation about something, it's done over food,
(03:51):
because inherently that's what brings people together.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
There's also this like ease and comfort element there. I
notice that you do a lot of comfort foods, but
in a healthful way. As a Chicago and I have
a particular love for that. How do you think that
we can all channel the essence of the quintessential California
girl in our food and embrace that lifestyle no matter
where we're living.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
I think it's really all about using what is in
season where you live and letting the ingredients shine. You
don't need if you're cooking with stuff at the height
of the season, you don't need to make it overly
fussy and make more work for yourself in the kitchen.
I think you know if you just pick a couple
things and let them do their job.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
You're going to be in a good place.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Well, your philosophy and approach to cooking also has a
lot to do with where you buy your food, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
I mean, fortunately, I live in Los Angeles, so I
have access to some of the most incredible farmers markets.
But I grew up in Arizona. I never went to
a farmer's market. That's not a thing there. But I
still think when you are going and searching, no matter
where you are, you just are looking for things that
are look the best, smell the best, and that way
you're letting those flavors really shine.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
It's funny that you brought up farmers markets, because I
think it's something that I take for granted living in LA.
But whenever people are visiting or they're telling me things
that they that remind them of LA, farmers markets really
come to mind. So we are really lucky. I just
needed to take a moment to acknowledge that we're so lucky.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
And it's so funny. I just got back from a
book tour and even going to places where you think
there would be farmers markets on every day of the week,
it's not as much of a thing, like I would
spend a lot of time with some of my friends
in Dallas, and that's not something you do on the weekend.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Well, you just brought up that you have been on
a book tour, and I want to ask you about
your most recent cookbook, which is called What's Gobby Cooking
Grilling all the Things, and it's geared toward anyone who
might be intimidated by grilling. I think this is so
important in America because grilling is not just an appliance,
it's not just a tool. It is an identity for
(05:57):
a lot of people. And I always find it so
interesting that advertisers make grilling ads for men, for dads,
but they never make it for us. They never make
it for the moms.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
We're trying, we're trying to pivot that frame of mind
as far as advertisers go. But you know, I had
a girlfriend over a couple of years ago and we
did an Insta live together and she had texted me
and she said, I just want to feel confident turning
my grill on and off and not burning my food.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Can you teach me that?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Right?
Speaker 4 (06:27):
And I was like, yeah, of course, come over, let's
do it an insta live together. That way, if this
is something people are interested in, we can share it
with everyone. And the response was absolutely wild. There's a
common theme from many people, both men and women, that
they're just not comfortable grilling. So I wrote this book
to demystify rilling and teach people that it really is
(06:48):
just as easy as turning on your stove or your
burner or your instant pot or your air fryer or
whatever it is.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
You just have to know a couple basics.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
It's also one of the only grilling books written by
a in the last ten years, so I feel very
proud of that fact.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I learned about the stock market from another woman, and
so I think it's so important to have people like
you educating us on the realms of life that are
typically reserved for men. There's something that just makes it
so much more approachable when you can actually learn about
it from another woman, from a pier. So end of
summer is upon us, we're in August already. What is
(07:27):
one tip that you can offer to anyone who wants
to conquer cooking on the grill while we still can
this season?
Speaker 4 (07:34):
I would say there are a couple of things you
should keep in mind when you're grilling. Number One, you
always have to preheat your grill, similar if you were
preheating a cast iron skillet or a brazer or something
like that. You want those grill greats to be hot
before you put anything on chicken, steak, fish, a peach, vegetables.
That way, it's going to like cook quickly, and then
(07:55):
you don't flip it until it releases naturally. You don't
lose any of the beautiful food to the grill grades
and you know it's ready to flip. So those two things,
preheating and letting the food naturally release, are two of
my biggest takeaways no matter where you are in your
grilling career. And also, just don't be afraid to grill anything.
(08:16):
I grill lettuce and I make grilled salads all summer long,
and it just takes it up that slight notch and
you feel like a total badass.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Hell yeah, we love a grilled romaine awesome. I just
have been so in love and infatuated with summer. I'm
just here for the relaxation that it brings, this sense
of recuperation and like feeling more rested and just these
longer days. I love it so much. I'm always thinking
of how can I make it last longer? And I
(08:44):
feel the same way about vacation, And for me, some
of my best vacation memories are just like these really
absurdly long dinners and like sitting in the moment and
savoring it. So what are your tips for bringing that
vacation feeling home through our meals?
Speaker 4 (09:00):
You are speaking my love language, because that is my
favorite thing to do, and we aren't allowed to get
on a plane right now, so we quite literally can't
go on vacation because of where we are in our pregnancy.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
For me, it is finding those.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
Really special moments that you enjoyed on a trip, whether
it was a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago,
and then recreating an entire night around it. I started
doing dinner parties and I would plan an entire dinner
menu and have everyone bring a bottle of wine from
that specific region, like Champagne, France, and come to my
house for a menu curated with food that was inspired
(09:36):
by that region of wine, and have this beautiful night
that felt look at vacation, but we were very much
in Los Angeles. But I think having that slight thematic
nod to somewhere you would go on vacation and have
a beautiful experience Like that is a really nice way
to have a long summer, beautiful evening at home without
(09:57):
having to get on a plane.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I love that idea, incorporating the destination into the theme.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Yeah, or I mean, if you're not into wine, you
do it via food, like I would love to do
one from Tuscany and from somewhere in southern Spain or
Morocco or whatever it is, and you just really curate
a night around that and get all your guests involved
in it as well, have them make a dish from
that area, and that way, there's like a talking point.
Who's been to Morocco? Who wants to go to Morocco?
(10:23):
What do you want to do there? I love talking
about travel, so like that to me is a great
kickoff to an evening, a conversation with people who may
or may not already be familiar with each other.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
It's a great idea. Gavi.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I've been aware of your work since we met at
the gym years ago, and you used to feed so
many people there. Your recipes and your food bring people
so much joy. The thing I didn't know about you
is that you were a private chef before all of this,
and I'm so curious what that aspect of your career
taught you as opposed to culinary school.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Honestly, I could have skipped culinary school.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I think culinary school teaches you the base and the formula,
which certainly makes cooking easier because you're automatically just like
a little bit more comfortable with winging it. But being
a private chef, it's so funny because you are in
someone's home, the heart of their home, where like everybody congregates,
you're feeding this person and their family, which is such
(11:19):
an intimate thing, and you are exposed to all of
their friends and family, so like you really become a
part of their BAM. I'm lucky that the two families
I private chef for were incredible. I think if you
worked for a family who wasn't quite as welcoming, it
would be a little bit harder of a career path.
But both families I cook for were the most lovely
(11:39):
human beings, and we would eat together and have a
glass of wine together, so it was really nice. But
it taught me how to stretch a menu because I
would plan many times to cook for six and then
twelve extra people would show up, So like, how do
you shop at eight in the morning for six people
and then get a call at three that like, oh,
or how having four families over for dinner and there's
(12:02):
no time to go to the store. How do you
pivot and like expand upon what you were doing?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
This sounds like my nightmare? How did you? How do
you do that?
Speaker 4 (12:10):
You keep a stocked pantry, so like, if you're making
steak and you had only bought steak.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
For six people, make a pasta, you make a rice.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
You like add things that are just already available to
you where you're not having to like go find the
produce or the protein or anything like that. I'm a
big fan of doing like a small amount of whatever
you buy steak, fish, chicken, and then having lots of
sides so everyone has lots of options, but you're not
necessarily having to eat six ounces of steak or whatever
(12:40):
people think is a reasonable amount to serve themselves. It
taught me to be very confident and flexible in the kitchen,
which I think plays into what's God be cooking because
there was no room to be like I hope this
is okay, Like you fake it till you make it.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
Just pray that everyone is into it.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
So word on this street is that you were a
private chef for Jessica Simpson.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Was that one of the families that you were talking about.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Yes, And I love her so much because her palette
is my palette.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
We both she grew up in Texas.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
I grew up in Arizona after we left Chicago, so
like we both love those southwestern Texmex flavors.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
So cooking for her was a true treat.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
Plus she had so many friends and people over all
the time, people I'm still friends with to this day.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
So she was a good time.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Was there a signature Jessica Simpson dish?
Speaker 4 (13:31):
I mean when I cooked for her, she was pregnant
with her first daughter, Maxwell, so we were baking a lot.
I have a recipe on my website called Slutty Brownie's
that she single handedly took viral. She was on Leno
one night. She did not tell me she was going
to talk about them.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Wait, you're behind the slutty brownie.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
Yeah, like the homemade scratch ones.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Yes, Wait what is this? What does the slutty Brownie
educate me.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
Slutty brownie is a layer of cookie dough, a layer
of oreos, and a layer of brownie her and you
bake it all together.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Listen.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
I'm sure people in the fifties made this with Betty
Crocker mix, but I make it all from scratch, so
it's just like next level. And I would make them
all the time for Jess and we would all eat
them because they're delightful. And she was on Leno and
did not give me a heads up sitting there at
eleven o'clock at night with my boyfriend who's my husband
(14:22):
now watching it and she Lenno's like, what are you craving?
And She's like, well, you know, Godby's been making these
things called slutty brownies. And Leno goes, well, what makes
them slutty? We've never had this conversation. I've never talked
to her about it. It's just like the name. And
she goes, well, I guess it's because a lot of
things go into them. And I'm crying laughing because she's
(14:46):
just so funny and she knows her brand so well,
and also in a full panic because my website breaks
like twelve minutes later. Oh and it's like eleven pm
at night. Everyone's trying to get this recipe. I'm like
crying because my website's down. Anyways, it's a great recipe even.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
To this day.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Was that a game changing moment in your career?
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Yeah, because it was really back when websites and blogs
were just starting and things were just starting to take
off on Pinterest, and like the idea of a viral
recipe just started. So that was one of the first
ones that ever really took off. And it's because of her.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Okay, we have to take a quick break, but when
we come back, New York Times best selling author and
chef Gobby Dalkin shares a different kind of life changing moment,
one that's set it off on a year's long fertility journey.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
That's after the.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Break and we're back with Gobby Dalkin. So, Gobby, I
want to talk about family because you are pregnant for
the second time.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
I mean I'm technically pregnant for like the twelfth time,
but this is the second one.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
That's Amazing's lock.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Well, that's what I wanted to ask you about because
I know on social you've been really open about your
entire fertility journey. But I actually don't quite know the
whole story. Do you mind sharing what happened?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
No, I don't.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
It's my favorite topic. So Thomas and I Thomas is
my husband. We started trying to get pregnant.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Gosh, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
I want to say in like twenty seventeen, and I
think the first time we ever got pregnant. I remember
going over to my parents' house to tell them and
we walked in and we brought the camera to record
it for the secret video we wanted to do, and.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
We're like, we're pregnant.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
And I come from a family of doctors, and my
dad was like, Okay, how many weeks are you? And
I was like, I just missed my period, so you're
four weeks at the time. And he's like, that's amazing.
Let's see how this goes. You have to get past
that first trimester. One in four people miscarry in the
first trimester. Just so you know that's the statistic. Let's
keep that in mind, and like, we're going to celebrate
(16:59):
hard when you make it to thirteen weeks. We never
made it to thirteen weeks. We miscarried. You know, a
handful of weeks later, and it was the first of many.
We ended up miscarrying eight times over the course of
the last couple of years. But it was an incredibly
sobering experience and to have that conversation with my parents
up front, and it was such a gift that they
(17:21):
gave us because Thomas and I had no idea. You
go into this situation so blindly. Sometimes we were so
naive that it really levels set our expectations for this.
And when we did miscarry for that first time, it
was like, Oh, this happens to one in four people.
That's twenty five percent of the population.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
That's no big deal.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
Were cool, and then it kept happening and I'm like, Okay, well,
if it happens five times in a row, that's a
little alarming. Like the chances of that happening are much lower.
Maybe we need to, you know, seek some fertility treatment
or figure out what's happening. So that's when we started
going down the fertility route and I found an incredible
(18:03):
doctor and I really started educating myself about what was
going on because I had no idea previous to that.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
It can feel like we're spinning our wheels for so
much time whenever we're just seeking a diagnosis or trying
to understand a problem. Were you ever able to figure
out what was the cause of the miscarriages?
Speaker 4 (18:24):
No, we have something called unexplained infertility. So when you
start going to a fertility doctor, they try and rule
everything out. They put me on some thyroid medicine. Even
at my thyroid we did a procedure on my uterus.
I had a heart shaped uterus, which means I have
a little septum at the top. So we shaved off
(18:45):
the septum, if you will, because if an embryo had
implanted there, there was no blood flow, so that could
have been causing the miscarriages. We did that surgery didn't
necessarily stop the miscarriages, so who knows if that was
what it was. But in my mind, it's just a
statistical egg thing. I was thirty three at the time
(19:07):
when we started trying to get pregnant. Not all my
eggs were good. I was past, you know, my twenties
epic fertile time. But just for me, I learned that
one in eight of my eggs is viable. We learned
that after we had done a couple egg retrievals. This
was after we had Poppy, because we had more miscarriages
after our first daughter. One in eight times we try
(19:28):
and get pregnant, we'll get a good egg. So it's
just an egg quality thing for us.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Gobby I this is a different situation. But I froze
my eggs in January of last year, and I recorded
it and shared it on social media, and I got
a lot of messages from people saying like, I can't
believe you're sharing this publicly. This is so personal. And
the interesting part about it for me was that I
set out to do it because I wanted to sort
(19:55):
of destigmatize it or share with other people. But what
I actually received was like an incredible amount of support
from women who made me feel less alone.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
It was sort of this like backwards thing that happened.
I'm so curious if that happened to you and why
you decided to share on socials so publicly and really
in real time.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
And I think freezing your eggs, if you're able to
do it, is the most incredible gift you can give
to your future self. It's just like a great insurance
policy to take out. But for us, I was getting
questions all the time, When are you and Thomas gonna
have kids? When are you going to have what do
you want kids? Are you pregnant? And nobody knew we
had gone through these miscarriages. So for me, I needed
(20:40):
people to stop asking those questions for my own mental health.
I've developed a really thick skin because of my job,
which is perhaps healthy, perhaps not healthy. But I also
wanted to educate the larger audience that those are not
questions we can ask people anymore. I wanted it to
stop selfishly for my but I also wanted it to
(21:01):
stop for other people who didn't have the voice to
tell their answer, their friends or their cousins to stop
asking those kinds of questions. So that's really when I
started sharing it, and similarly to you, the response was overwhelming.
It was absolutely wild, the comments I got, the DMS,
(21:21):
the people who were like, thank you for destigmatizing this.
We've been going through something similar. They're so brave. I
don't need anyone to tell me I'm brave for sharing this.
I'm just so happy I can make someone else feel
less alone.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, I think women find fertility to be incredibly isolating,
Like every aspect of it. We actually have a clip
of your husband Thomas talking about those questions that I'd
love to play.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Sure.
Speaker 5 (21:49):
I just want to give props to my parents because
during all this, like they definitely want grandchildren, but they
never asked when you're getting pregnant, when are you going
to get a grandkid for me? None of that, And
so not having that pressure from your parents, like it's
so nice and yeah, like just thank you mom and dad.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
It was very helpful because and I'm guilty of this,
Like I used to ask my friends all the time
a couple of.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Years ago, when are you gonna have a baby? When
are you gonna have a baby?
Speaker 4 (22:14):
When you have a baby, And I realize now how
wildly inappropriate that was on my behalf.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Having experienced all of this, how do you think we
can be having more compassionate conversations.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
That's a great question. If someone wants to talk about
their fertility journey, they will bring it up. If they
are not interested in sharing it, that is for them
to decide when it is right on their own time.
Or maybe the answer is it's never right for them
and they just don't want to talk about it. But
we have to let that person come to the table. First,
and I think as a friend being supportive of someone
(22:50):
in their decision, even if you know something's going on.
Like I have friends who are going through embryo implants
right now. I will send them a text and be like, Hey,
I'm thinking about you. I do not need an update,
but just know I'm here if you need something.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
That's it.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
No specificity about whatever I'm trying to find out. I
just want them to know that I'm here and I'm
a sounding board. They don't need my opinion if they
don't want it, but if they want a vent, I'm here.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
The update thing is so big because you don't have
the emotional bandwidth to update.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
No, you're so anxious, you're so tired, you're if you're
doing the drug stuff, your emotions are running wild. Just
hearing that reassurance from a friend is a really beautiful
gift that you can give someone.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
We have to take a quick break, but we'll be
right back with Gobby Dualkin. We're back with New York
Times bestselling author and chef Gobby Dalkin. Gobby, I'm really
inspired by your resiliences. I just want everyone to understand
(23:53):
the gravity of eight miscarriages. That's every month of anticipation,
of hope, of thinking, oh, this could be the month
that it's going to happen, and then it doesn't, and
falling off of that emotional cliff and then having to
pull yourself up and pick yourself back up again. What
brought you hope while you were trying to get pregnant?
(24:15):
How did you find it?
Speaker 4 (24:17):
For me, it was making sure all the other aspects
of my life were full. For us, we miscarried typically
around a nine to ten week mark, so that means
we had gone in for this six or eight week appointment,
we'd heard a heartbeat, we went in again, no heartbeat,
and then it takes another four to six weeks to
(24:37):
get your body back to normal.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
So during that chunk of time.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
I always made sure I was seeing my friends. I
had some fun trips planned, whether it's just like somewhere
an hour away or a great day trip or something
like that, or something a little bit more international. I
made sure I was showing up at work. I was
just really making sure that I was never sitting around dwelling,
(25:02):
because I think that's when you can really get into
your own head and you start thinking what's wrong with me?
And the answer is nothing's wrong with you. There's nothing
wrong with me. That's just bad luck. These are my numbers,
this is my reality. But there's nothing I could have
done differently. So for me, it was making sure Thomas
and I were still celebrating each other, going out on date,
(25:24):
talking to my parents every day, stuff like that was
really helpful in getting us through those, you know, chunks
of bummer times. I also realize that it's very easy
for me to say a lot of these things being
on the other side of it. I have a daughter,
I'm pregnant with my second. The other thing I will
(25:44):
say is seeing the humor in this situation was really
helpful for me because you realize how unhinged of a
situation you're going through and how strong you are as
an individual, and the female bodies just incredible at what
it can endure. And being able to find like funny
(26:05):
moments in all of that was really therapeutic for me.
I went out for sushi every night after we had
a DMC and a big fat glass of wine, and
I was like, well, this is my silver lining. So
being able to kind of giggle when you're bummed was
a really great coping mechanism.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
For me, we believe in the power of the giggle.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
You gotta laugh.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
You have to see how crazy something is and be
like this is unhinged, Like how does you just have
to be able to, you know, laugh at yourself.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
I've realized I am a person who wants to laugh
when it's inappropriate, Like I want to laugh through the pain.
I think it's the only way through.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
I think it's healthy.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Is there anything that another woman shared with you during
all of this that really helped you or supported you
or got you through? Was did anybody come through with
a gift, a word, a moment.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
One of my best friends had experienced a miscarriage before me,
and her mother in law had told her to practice
extreme moments of self care. So whether that meant and
going and getting one hundred and twenty minute massage, she
was like, you should do that and just really focus
on making yourself happy and giving yourself that extra little
(27:26):
love because you deserve it, especially right now when you're
dealing with a lot.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Yeah, this is really personal, But did this test your
relationship with your husband?
Speaker 1 (27:36):
How did you guys remain close through it all? Oh?
Speaker 4 (27:39):
Yeah, it's for sure, Like put us through the ringer.
I actually oddly think it made us closer. I mean,
we had to really lean on each other, and I
always was really aware that he was going through it. Also,
he wasn't the one having to go through all the
procedures and the surgeries and all that kind of stuff,
but like mentally, he was in it with me. So
(28:01):
I think it really encouraged us to have a really
open dialogue about how we were feeling all the time.
And I think you saw that play out on other
aspects of our life. We're better communicators at work. We
know what each other's strengths are, so we can lean
on each other for those kinds of things. He knows
I'm going to provide the comedic relief, and he's going
(28:23):
to be like operationally just better at executing things than
I am when we're going through hard time.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Such as fertility.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
So I think it really showed us our different strengths.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
It was great for us.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
I know that's not always the experience with a lot
of my friends.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
I'm so happy to hear that.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Gobby, thank you so much for sharing with us today.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Oh my gosh, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
It was great. Thank you so much. Gobby, thank you.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
This was so fun.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Gobby Dulcan is the founder of What's Cooking with Gobby.
That's it for today's show.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Tomorrow, we're going on a journey of joy and self
discovery with Laura McCowan, the author of We Are the
Luckiest and push off from here. Listen and follow the
bright Side on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
I'm Simone Boye. You can find me at Simone Boice
on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I'm Danielle Robe on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
That's r b A Y See you tomorrow, folks. Keep
looking on the bright side.
Hey, bright Side fam, Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
We have a deliciously exciting show lined up for you today.
Joining us is the fabulous Gobby Dalkin, cookbook author, chef,
and food and lifestyle writer. Gobby will be sharing her
secrets to sizzling summer eats and proving why women are
taking over the grill. Plus, you won't want to miss
her incredible story about how slutty Brownies changed her career
(00:27):
and hear her open up about her fertility journey. It's Tuesday,
August sixth I'm Danielle Robe.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
And I'm Simone Voice, and this is the bright Side
from Hello Sunshine, a daily show where we come together
to share women's stories, laugh, learn and brighten your day. Okay, Besties,
you've heard me say it more than once on our show.
I believe dinner parties are the solution for everything, birthdays, breakups, pivots.
(00:55):
A dinner party just cures at all. Danielle, do you agree,
thoughts Simone?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I love that for I don't agree, but I've also
never been to a Simone dinner party. So maybe you
could change my mind or my life.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Oh my gosh, let me change both. I'm so ready. Well,
our guest today is known for her life changing dinner
parties and so much more. Gobby Dalkin is the chef
behind the popular website What's Gobby Cooking. She launched the
website in two thousand and nine, right after she graduated
from college and decided to go the culinary route, and
now fifteen years later, Gobby has gone on to build
(01:28):
an entire multimedia platform. I'm talking cookbooks, social media, and
even a show on QVC. And here's the thing about Gobby.
She's all about the California lifestyle. She's written a whole
book about avocados, and she brings that sunny Calli perspective
to everything she does. She really does.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
But last year, Gobby revealed that there was a lot
more going on behind the scenes in her life. She
shared that she and her husband had spent significant time
on an IVF journey with the hope that they could
conceive a second child, and after a miscarriage, a failed transfer,
and a chemical pregnancy, they were out of embryos. In
(02:06):
a post she made online, she urged her followers to
remember that the path to motherhood isn't always linear.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
This launched a whole new conversation that Gobby has continued
to engage in on Instagram. She's shown how she's given
herself hormone injections, and she's also been a resource to
answer people's questions and just document her journey as she
and her husband have continued the IVF process.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
And fertility challenges are more common than we all may think.
This year, the US Department of Health and Human Services
reported that millions of Americans have experienced infertility at some
point in their lives. Even some of the most public
women we know, like Michelle Obama, Brookshields, Nicole Kidman, They've
all opened up about their own struggles with infertility, and
(02:53):
the chances are we all know someone or are that
someone who's been touched by this issue exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
That's why treating everyone with compassion is so important, because
you never know what people are going through, and we
do have some good news to share. Earlier this year,
Gobby announced that she is pregnant with our second child.
So let's bring her in to get an update on
all things Goby. Gobby Dalkin, Welcome to the bright Side.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I'm so excited to be here. Thank you guys.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Gobby.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
California is so embedded into your brand's DNA. How do
you describe the What's Gobby Cooking spirit, ethos and aesthetic?
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Oh my gosh, well, A thank you for noticing that
that is what we strive to do, so I'm honored
that it's coming through. But I think What's Gobby Cooking
is all about living a very happy, sunny, approachable life
where food is really at the center of everything. Whether
we're having a complicated conversation about something, it's done over food,
(03:51):
because inherently that's what brings people together.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
There's also this like ease and comfort element there. I
notice that you do a lot of comfort foods, but
in a healthful way. As a Chicago and I have
a particular love for that. How do you think that
we can all channel the essence of the quintessential California
girl in our food and embrace that lifestyle no matter
where we're living.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
I think it's really all about using what is in
season where you live and letting the ingredients shine. You
don't need if you're cooking with stuff at the height
of the season, you don't need to make it overly
fussy and make more work for yourself in the kitchen.
I think you know if you just pick a couple
things and let them do their job.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
You're going to be in a good place.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Well, your philosophy and approach to cooking also has a
lot to do with where you buy your food, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
I mean, fortunately, I live in Los Angeles, so I
have access to some of the most incredible farmers markets.
But I grew up in Arizona. I never went to
a farmer's market. That's not a thing there. But I
still think when you are going and searching, no matter
where you are, you just are looking for things that
are look the best, smell the best, and that way
you're letting those flavors really shine.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
It's funny that you brought up farmers markets, because I
think it's something that I take for granted living in LA.
But whenever people are visiting or they're telling me things
that they that remind them of LA, farmers markets really
come to mind. So we are really lucky. I just
needed to take a moment to acknowledge that we're so lucky.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
And it's so funny. I just got back from a
book tour and even going to places where you think
there would be farmers markets on every day of the week,
it's not as much of a thing, like I would
spend a lot of time with some of my friends
in Dallas, and that's not something you do on the weekend.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Well, you just brought up that you have been on
a book tour, and I want to ask you about
your most recent cookbook, which is called What's Gobby Cooking
Grilling all the Things, and it's geared toward anyone who
might be intimidated by grilling. I think this is so
important in America because grilling is not just an appliance,
it's not just a tool. It is an identity for
(05:57):
a lot of people. And I always find it so
interesting that advertisers make grilling ads for men, for dads,
but they never make it for us. They never make
it for the moms.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
We're trying, we're trying to pivot that frame of mind
as far as advertisers go. But you know, I had
a girlfriend over a couple of years ago and we
did an Insta live together and she had texted me
and she said, I just want to feel confident turning
my grill on and off and not burning my food.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Can you teach me that?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Right?
Speaker 4 (06:27):
And I was like, yeah, of course, come over, let's
do it an insta live together. That way, if this
is something people are interested in, we can share it
with everyone. And the response was absolutely wild. There's a
common theme from many people, both men and women, that
they're just not comfortable grilling. So I wrote this book
to demystify rilling and teach people that it really is
(06:48):
just as easy as turning on your stove or your
burner or your instant pot or your air fryer or
whatever it is.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
You just have to know a couple basics.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
It's also one of the only grilling books written by
a in the last ten years, so I feel very
proud of that fact.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I learned about the stock market from another woman, and
so I think it's so important to have people like
you educating us on the realms of life that are
typically reserved for men. There's something that just makes it
so much more approachable when you can actually learn about
it from another woman, from a pier. So end of
summer is upon us, we're in August already. What is
(07:27):
one tip that you can offer to anyone who wants
to conquer cooking on the grill while we still can
this season?
Speaker 4 (07:34):
I would say there are a couple of things you
should keep in mind when you're grilling. Number One, you
always have to preheat your grill, similar if you were
preheating a cast iron skillet or a brazer or something
like that. You want those grill greats to be hot
before you put anything on chicken, steak, fish, a peach, vegetables.
That way, it's going to like cook quickly, and then
(07:55):
you don't flip it until it releases naturally. You don't
lose any of the beautiful food to the grill grades
and you know it's ready to flip. So those two things,
preheating and letting the food naturally release, are two of
my biggest takeaways no matter where you are in your
grilling career. And also, just don't be afraid to grill anything.
(08:16):
I grill lettuce and I make grilled salads all summer long,
and it just takes it up that slight notch and
you feel like a total badass.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Hell yeah, we love a grilled romaine awesome. I just
have been so in love and infatuated with summer. I'm
just here for the relaxation that it brings, this sense
of recuperation and like feeling more rested and just these
longer days. I love it so much. I'm always thinking
of how can I make it last longer? And I
(08:44):
feel the same way about vacation, And for me, some
of my best vacation memories are just like these really
absurdly long dinners and like sitting in the moment and
savoring it. So what are your tips for bringing that
vacation feeling home through our meals?
Speaker 4 (09:00):
You are speaking my love language, because that is my
favorite thing to do, and we aren't allowed to get
on a plane right now, so we quite literally can't
go on vacation because of where we are in our pregnancy.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
For me, it is finding those.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
Really special moments that you enjoyed on a trip, whether
it was a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago,
and then recreating an entire night around it. I started
doing dinner parties and I would plan an entire dinner
menu and have everyone bring a bottle of wine from
that specific region, like Champagne, France, and come to my
house for a menu curated with food that was inspired
(09:36):
by that region of wine, and have this beautiful night
that felt look at vacation, but we were very much
in Los Angeles. But I think having that slight thematic
nod to somewhere you would go on vacation and have
a beautiful experience Like that is a really nice way
to have a long summer, beautiful evening at home without
(09:57):
having to get on a plane.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I love that idea, incorporating the destination into the theme.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Yeah, or I mean, if you're not into wine, you
do it via food, like I would love to do
one from Tuscany and from somewhere in southern Spain or
Morocco or whatever it is, and you just really curate
a night around that and get all your guests involved
in it as well, have them make a dish from
that area, and that way, there's like a talking point.
Who's been to Morocco? Who wants to go to Morocco?
(10:23):
What do you want to do there? I love talking
about travel, so like that to me is a great
kickoff to an evening, a conversation with people who may
or may not already be familiar with each other.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
It's a great idea. Gavi.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I've been aware of your work since we met at
the gym years ago, and you used to feed so
many people there. Your recipes and your food bring people
so much joy. The thing I didn't know about you
is that you were a private chef before all of this,
and I'm so curious what that aspect of your career
taught you as opposed to culinary school.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Honestly, I could have skipped culinary school.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I think culinary school teaches you the base and the formula,
which certainly makes cooking easier because you're automatically just like
a little bit more comfortable with winging it. But being
a private chef, it's so funny because you are in
someone's home, the heart of their home, where like everybody congregates,
you're feeding this person and their family, which is such
(11:19):
an intimate thing, and you are exposed to all of
their friends and family, so like you really become a
part of their BAM. I'm lucky that the two families
I private chef for were incredible. I think if you
worked for a family who wasn't quite as welcoming, it
would be a little bit harder of a career path.
But both families I cook for were the most lovely
(11:39):
human beings, and we would eat together and have a
glass of wine together, so it was really nice. But
it taught me how to stretch a menu because I
would plan many times to cook for six and then
twelve extra people would show up, So like, how do
you shop at eight in the morning for six people
and then get a call at three that like, oh,
or how having four families over for dinner and there's
(12:02):
no time to go to the store. How do you
pivot and like expand upon what you were doing?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
This sounds like my nightmare? How did you? How do
you do that?
Speaker 4 (12:10):
You keep a stocked pantry, so like, if you're making
steak and you had only bought steak.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
For six people, make a pasta, you make a rice.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
You like add things that are just already available to
you where you're not having to like go find the
produce or the protein or anything like that. I'm a
big fan of doing like a small amount of whatever
you buy steak, fish, chicken, and then having lots of
sides so everyone has lots of options, but you're not
necessarily having to eat six ounces of steak or whatever
(12:40):
people think is a reasonable amount to serve themselves. It
taught me to be very confident and flexible in the kitchen,
which I think plays into what's God be cooking because
there was no room to be like I hope this
is okay, Like you fake it till you make it.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
Just pray that everyone is into it.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
So word on this street is that you were a
private chef for Jessica Simpson.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Was that one of the families that you were talking about.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Yes, And I love her so much because her palette
is my palette.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
We both she grew up in Texas.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
I grew up in Arizona after we left Chicago, so
like we both love those southwestern Texmex flavors.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
So cooking for her was a true treat.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
Plus she had so many friends and people over all
the time, people I'm still friends with to this day.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
So she was a good time.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Was there a signature Jessica Simpson dish?
Speaker 4 (13:31):
I mean when I cooked for her, she was pregnant
with her first daughter, Maxwell, so we were baking a lot.
I have a recipe on my website called Slutty Brownie's
that she single handedly took viral. She was on Leno
one night. She did not tell me she was going
to talk about them.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Wait, you're behind the slutty brownie.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
Yeah, like the homemade scratch ones.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Yes, Wait what is this? What does the slutty Brownie
educate me.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
Slutty brownie is a layer of cookie dough, a layer
of oreos, and a layer of brownie her and you
bake it all together.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Listen.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
I'm sure people in the fifties made this with Betty
Crocker mix, but I make it all from scratch, so
it's just like next level. And I would make them
all the time for Jess and we would all eat
them because they're delightful. And she was on Leno and
did not give me a heads up sitting there at
eleven o'clock at night with my boyfriend who's my husband
(14:22):
now watching it and she Lenno's like, what are you craving?
And She's like, well, you know, Godby's been making these
things called slutty brownies. And Leno goes, well, what makes
them slutty? We've never had this conversation. I've never talked
to her about it. It's just like the name. And
she goes, well, I guess it's because a lot of
things go into them. And I'm crying laughing because she's
(14:46):
just so funny and she knows her brand so well,
and also in a full panic because my website breaks
like twelve minutes later. Oh and it's like eleven pm
at night. Everyone's trying to get this recipe. I'm like
crying because my website's down. Anyways, it's a great recipe even.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
To this day.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Was that a game changing moment in your career?
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Yeah, because it was really back when websites and blogs
were just starting and things were just starting to take
off on Pinterest, and like the idea of a viral
recipe just started. So that was one of the first
ones that ever really took off. And it's because of her.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Okay, we have to take a quick break, but when
we come back, New York Times best selling author and
chef Gobby Dalkin shares a different kind of life changing moment,
one that's set it off on a year's long fertility journey.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
That's after the.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Break and we're back with Gobby Dalkin. So, Gobby, I
want to talk about family because you are pregnant for
the second time.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
I mean I'm technically pregnant for like the twelfth time,
but this is the second one.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
That's Amazing's lock.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Well, that's what I wanted to ask you about because
I know on social you've been really open about your
entire fertility journey. But I actually don't quite know the
whole story. Do you mind sharing what happened?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
No, I don't.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
It's my favorite topic. So Thomas and I Thomas is
my husband. We started trying to get pregnant.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Gosh, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
I want to say in like twenty seventeen, and I
think the first time we ever got pregnant. I remember
going over to my parents' house to tell them and
we walked in and we brought the camera to record
it for the secret video we wanted to do, and.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
We're like, we're pregnant.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
And I come from a family of doctors, and my
dad was like, Okay, how many weeks are you? And
I was like, I just missed my period, so you're
four weeks at the time. And he's like, that's amazing.
Let's see how this goes. You have to get past
that first trimester. One in four people miscarry in the
first trimester. Just so you know that's the statistic. Let's
keep that in mind, and like, we're going to celebrate
(16:59):
hard when you make it to thirteen weeks. We never
made it to thirteen weeks. We miscarried. You know, a
handful of weeks later, and it was the first of many.
We ended up miscarrying eight times over the course of
the last couple of years. But it was an incredibly
sobering experience and to have that conversation with my parents
up front, and it was such a gift that they
(17:21):
gave us because Thomas and I had no idea. You
go into this situation so blindly. Sometimes we were so
naive that it really levels set our expectations for this.
And when we did miscarry for that first time, it
was like, Oh, this happens to one in four people.
That's twenty five percent of the population.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
That's no big deal.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
Were cool, and then it kept happening and I'm like, Okay, well,
if it happens five times in a row, that's a
little alarming. Like the chances of that happening are much lower.
Maybe we need to, you know, seek some fertility treatment
or figure out what's happening. So that's when we started
going down the fertility route and I found an incredible
(18:03):
doctor and I really started educating myself about what was
going on because I had no idea previous to that.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
It can feel like we're spinning our wheels for so
much time whenever we're just seeking a diagnosis or trying
to understand a problem. Were you ever able to figure
out what was the cause of the miscarriages?
Speaker 4 (18:24):
No, we have something called unexplained infertility. So when you
start going to a fertility doctor, they try and rule
everything out. They put me on some thyroid medicine. Even
at my thyroid we did a procedure on my uterus.
I had a heart shaped uterus, which means I have
a little septum at the top. So we shaved off
(18:45):
the septum, if you will, because if an embryo had
implanted there, there was no blood flow, so that could
have been causing the miscarriages. We did that surgery didn't
necessarily stop the miscarriages, so who knows if that was
what it was. But in my mind, it's just a
statistical egg thing. I was thirty three at the time
(19:07):
when we started trying to get pregnant. Not all my
eggs were good. I was past, you know, my twenties
epic fertile time. But just for me, I learned that
one in eight of my eggs is viable. We learned
that after we had done a couple egg retrievals. This
was after we had Poppy, because we had more miscarriages
after our first daughter. One in eight times we try
(19:28):
and get pregnant, we'll get a good egg. So it's
just an egg quality thing for us.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Gobby I this is a different situation. But I froze
my eggs in January of last year, and I recorded
it and shared it on social media, and I got
a lot of messages from people saying like, I can't
believe you're sharing this publicly. This is so personal. And
the interesting part about it for me was that I
set out to do it because I wanted to sort
(19:55):
of destigmatize it or share with other people. But what
I actually received was like an incredible amount of support
from women who made me feel less alone.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
It was sort of this like backwards thing that happened.
I'm so curious if that happened to you and why
you decided to share on socials so publicly and really
in real time.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
And I think freezing your eggs, if you're able to
do it, is the most incredible gift you can give
to your future self. It's just like a great insurance
policy to take out. But for us, I was getting
questions all the time, When are you and Thomas gonna
have kids? When are you going to have what do
you want kids? Are you pregnant? And nobody knew we
had gone through these miscarriages. So for me, I needed
(20:40):
people to stop asking those questions for my own mental health.
I've developed a really thick skin because of my job,
which is perhaps healthy, perhaps not healthy. But I also
wanted to educate the larger audience that those are not
questions we can ask people anymore. I wanted it to
stop selfishly for my but I also wanted it to
(21:01):
stop for other people who didn't have the voice to
tell their answer, their friends or their cousins to stop
asking those kinds of questions. So that's really when I
started sharing it, and similarly to you, the response was overwhelming.
It was absolutely wild, the comments I got, the DMS,
(21:21):
the people who were like, thank you for destigmatizing this.
We've been going through something similar. They're so brave. I
don't need anyone to tell me I'm brave for sharing this.
I'm just so happy I can make someone else feel
less alone.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, I think women find fertility to be incredibly isolating,
Like every aspect of it. We actually have a clip
of your husband Thomas talking about those questions that I'd
love to play.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Sure.
Speaker 5 (21:49):
I just want to give props to my parents because
during all this, like they definitely want grandchildren, but they
never asked when you're getting pregnant, when are you going
to get a grandkid for me? None of that, And
so not having that pressure from your parents, like it's
so nice and yeah, like just thank you mom and dad.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
It was very helpful because and I'm guilty of this,
Like I used to ask my friends all the time
a couple of.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Years ago, when are you gonna have a baby? When
are you gonna have a baby?
Speaker 4 (22:14):
When you have a baby, And I realize now how
wildly inappropriate that was on my behalf.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Having experienced all of this, how do you think we
can be having more compassionate conversations.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
That's a great question. If someone wants to talk about
their fertility journey, they will bring it up. If they
are not interested in sharing it, that is for them
to decide when it is right on their own time.
Or maybe the answer is it's never right for them
and they just don't want to talk about it. But
we have to let that person come to the table. First,
and I think as a friend being supportive of someone
(22:50):
in their decision, even if you know something's going on.
Like I have friends who are going through embryo implants
right now. I will send them a text and be like, Hey,
I'm thinking about you. I do not need an update,
but just know I'm here if you need something.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
That's it.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
No specificity about whatever I'm trying to find out. I
just want them to know that I'm here and I'm
a sounding board. They don't need my opinion if they
don't want it, but if they want a vent, I'm here.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
The update thing is so big because you don't have
the emotional bandwidth to update.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
No, you're so anxious, you're so tired, you're if you're
doing the drug stuff, your emotions are running wild. Just
hearing that reassurance from a friend is a really beautiful
gift that you can give someone.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
We have to take a quick break, but we'll be
right back with Gobby Dualkin. We're back with New York
Times bestselling author and chef Gobby Dalkin. Gobby, I'm really
inspired by your resiliences. I just want everyone to understand
(23:53):
the gravity of eight miscarriages. That's every month of anticipation,
of hope, of thinking, oh, this could be the month
that it's going to happen, and then it doesn't, and
falling off of that emotional cliff and then having to
pull yourself up and pick yourself back up again. What
brought you hope while you were trying to get pregnant?
(24:15):
How did you find it?
Speaker 4 (24:17):
For me, it was making sure all the other aspects
of my life were full. For us, we miscarried typically
around a nine to ten week mark, so that means
we had gone in for this six or eight week appointment,
we'd heard a heartbeat, we went in again, no heartbeat,
and then it takes another four to six weeks to
(24:37):
get your body back to normal.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
So during that chunk of time.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
I always made sure I was seeing my friends. I
had some fun trips planned, whether it's just like somewhere
an hour away or a great day trip or something
like that, or something a little bit more international. I
made sure I was showing up at work. I was
just really making sure that I was never sitting around dwelling,
(25:02):
because I think that's when you can really get into
your own head and you start thinking what's wrong with me?
And the answer is nothing's wrong with you. There's nothing
wrong with me. That's just bad luck. These are my numbers,
this is my reality. But there's nothing I could have
done differently. So for me, it was making sure Thomas
and I were still celebrating each other, going out on date,
(25:24):
talking to my parents every day, stuff like that was
really helpful in getting us through those, you know, chunks
of bummer times. I also realize that it's very easy
for me to say a lot of these things being
on the other side of it. I have a daughter,
I'm pregnant with my second. The other thing I will
(25:44):
say is seeing the humor in this situation was really
helpful for me because you realize how unhinged of a
situation you're going through and how strong you are as
an individual, and the female bodies just incredible at what
it can endure. And being able to find like funny
(26:05):
moments in all of that was really therapeutic for me.
I went out for sushi every night after we had
a DMC and a big fat glass of wine, and
I was like, well, this is my silver lining. So
being able to kind of giggle when you're bummed was
a really great coping mechanism.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
For me, we believe in the power of the giggle.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
You gotta laugh.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
You have to see how crazy something is and be
like this is unhinged, Like how does you just have
to be able to, you know, laugh at yourself.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
I've realized I am a person who wants to laugh
when it's inappropriate, Like I want to laugh through the pain.
I think it's the only way through.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
I think it's healthy.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Is there anything that another woman shared with you during
all of this that really helped you or supported you
or got you through? Was did anybody come through with
a gift, a word, a moment.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
One of my best friends had experienced a miscarriage before me,
and her mother in law had told her to practice
extreme moments of self care. So whether that meant and
going and getting one hundred and twenty minute massage, she
was like, you should do that and just really focus
on making yourself happy and giving yourself that extra little
(27:26):
love because you deserve it, especially right now when you're
dealing with a lot.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Yeah, this is really personal, But did this test your
relationship with your husband?
Speaker 1 (27:36):
How did you guys remain close through it all? Oh?
Speaker 4 (27:39):
Yeah, it's for sure, Like put us through the ringer.
I actually oddly think it made us closer. I mean,
we had to really lean on each other, and I
always was really aware that he was going through it. Also,
he wasn't the one having to go through all the
procedures and the surgeries and all that kind of stuff,
but like mentally, he was in it with me. So
(28:01):
I think it really encouraged us to have a really
open dialogue about how we were feeling all the time.
And I think you saw that play out on other
aspects of our life. We're better communicators at work. We
know what each other's strengths are, so we can lean
on each other for those kinds of things. He knows
I'm going to provide the comedic relief, and he's going
(28:23):
to be like operationally just better at executing things than
I am when we're going through hard time.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Such as fertility.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
So I think it really showed us our different strengths.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
It was great for us.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
I know that's not always the experience with a lot
of my friends.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
I'm so happy to hear that.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Gobby, thank you so much for sharing with us today.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Oh my gosh, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
It was great. Thank you so much. Gobby, thank you.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
This was so fun.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Gobby Dulcan is the founder of What's Cooking with Gobby.
That's it for today's show.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Tomorrow, we're going on a journey of joy and self
discovery with Laura McCowan, the author of We Are the
Luckiest and push off from here. Listen and follow the
bright Side on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
I'm Simone Boye. You can find me at Simone Boice
on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I'm Danielle Robe on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
That's r b A Y See you tomorrow, folks. Keep
looking on the bright side.
Hosts And Creators
Simone Boyce
Danielle Robay
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