April 24, 2024 • 10 mins
On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John talks about how to know if a guy is NOT interested!
Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com and you can WATCH here: WatchTheThoughtShower.com
Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com and you can WATCH here: WatchTheThoughtShower.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And Happy Wednesday, friend, andwelcome to the thought Shower intern. John
is my name. Oh man.I've been using these teeth whitening strips like
in the morning, and I feellike like the whitening stuff is still like
on my teeth a little bit.It feels like thick, you know what
I mean. But I feel likeit works though I do it like my
(00:26):
morning routine. Wake up, shower, right, finish getting out of a
shower, go downstairs. I've beenusing this ice roller on my face,
which is supposed to like reduce inflammation. I guess I'll be honest. I
think it works because on days Idon't do it, I feel like I
look like extra puffy. On dayswhen I do it less puffy. Left
(00:50):
dogs out, Go back upstairs,put my moistrizers on. Then I do
the teeth strips, and then Ido eye patches, which I wear on
the way to work. And that'smy self care routine. Does it work,
I don't know, feels like itdoes. The baby, you know,
feeling younger, feeling spry as thekids say, not gonna layer today.
(01:12):
So I leave. Got wedding inLa this week, very excited for
it. Two really good friends ofmine and kind of worked out and maybe
this happens more often than people think. Where I knew her first she worked
at the station in promotions, andI don't remember if they were dating when
(01:34):
we first met, but then methim at the Christmas party and been friends
with both of them for golly piblyten years. And then it worked out
that she moved to New York forwork. He was still here for a
little bit, and him and Ibonded video games, hockey, all that
kind of stuff. And now goingthe wedding, very exciting. Have I
(01:56):
packed Absolutely not. No. Ibrought my suitcase upstairs, so I have
that. But nah, I'm alsotrying to not pack everything right away because
I have a suit they wanted toget out Wrinkley, speaking of which I
ordered wrinkle Really Spray. I don'tknow if it's come yet. I should
(02:19):
probably check that m but Landing gotthe wedding then, Like I'm excited for
on Saturday, like a whole dayof just whatever, like not a lot
going on, as the kids say, so, might hang out with our
cousin EJ. Might do tattoos,you know, So that's me very exciting.
Been thinking about what to get havea couple of ideas because I'm inked
(02:43):
up from the stink up, andI was thinking about I want to get
like a I'm Minnesota one. Ithink that'd be nice, like a nice
outline of the state somewhere. Ithink that'd be lovely. And then I
was thinking about like possibly getting somethingto represent the dogs and or radio,
(03:06):
like I really do like the logofor the Revival Comedy tour because that was
well, it was me and Chewylook at each other. It's a Seloete
photo me and Chewy look at eachother, and that, to me is
one of my favorite logos of alltime. This means a lot because it's
me and him, you know,it's two homies being homies, and so
(03:30):
I kind of wanted to get somethingfor that. Maybe I don't know,
that's my problem, I think withlike the idea tattoos is like, I
have so many ideas. I justdon't know for sure which one I'd want
to do. So we'll see,you know, could be good, could
be great, could be not good, not great either way, gonna be
(03:51):
a lot of fun. I'm excitedfor the wedding as a whole. I
want to get to this too foryour weddingsday. How men signal they're not
ready for commitment. It's funny.I'd heard recently the like the theory about
the taxicab theory that men it's likeonce the light goes on the taxicab,
(04:14):
like, that's when they're ready tomarry. Like, that's when it's not
necessarily who is like the best forthem, it's who's in front of them
the moment that it happens, youknow what I mean, which I don't
necessarily know if I fully agree with. But here we go. The first
thing they say is he won't makeplans too far in the future. Yes,
(04:36):
they say, I try to gethim talk about a trip months from
now when he's sweet I've brought toyour friends. He'd rather wait and see.
That's probably because he doesn't want tomake any promises he isn't sure he
intends to keep. I think thisis obvious for both ways. If they're
not making, you know, commitment, if they're not telling you exactly what's
(04:59):
going on right away, I thinkthat's more than fair. But hey,
it probably just isn't gonna happen,you know, if he's vocal about maintaining
his independence, I've noticed this tooin general with dating though, where I
do think sometimes people will say thisas a means to I don't know,
(05:19):
like put a buffer up, likejust to kind of like so you don't
get too attached, as the word, but so it's not too much too
soon maybe is a better way ofputting it, you know what I mean.
So it's not like a we're rushinginto things. I think that probably
is is very true. He shutsdown conversations about defining the relationship. I
(05:42):
have said this, I have preachedthis, and I don't know how many
of the times I can say this. If you're with somebody, a dude,
and he doesn't want to lock youdown right away, something's off.
Something's off because any dude who datesyou and likes you, he's gonna want
(06:03):
to tie you down right away becausehe doesn't want somebody else to come in
and be MISSISSI your girl. SoI do think like, if it's like
a month in or something like thatand he hasn't made that move, I
move on. He still talks tohis exes, Yeah, them, They
(06:24):
say, the occasional check in withan X doesn't have to be a big
deal. But if you guys constantlyreaching out to multiple axes, spending time
with them, maybe even lying aboutit or hiding it from you. He's
definitely not in a stage where relationshipis a priority. Yeah. I mean
my preface for this is always,uh, if there's no kids involved,
then yeah, there's no kids involved. You don't share business together. There
(06:47):
probably isn't much reason to have thatconversation. I mean, certainly, being
friendly, we see each other out. I think that's fine, but there's
no real reason to get involved likethat. I personally don't think I think
that's fair. He avoids any familyand friends meet ups. Listen, a
(07:09):
smart man knows to get in withyou, he's gonna need to get in
with your friends and family. Fact, like that is one of the first
things. It's like, okay,you know, and like I want the
friends on my side because I feellike you'll have more interaction with them probably
right, So I want them tohave my back in case there is ever
(07:30):
a rough patch, they can havemy back and be like, Okay,
you know, he actually isn't abad guy family certainly, because I think
then the family might back off alittle bit in the beginning if they trust
you at least. I found thatthey give a little more space and a
lot of times too, like it'sfun being like a friend to the other
person's family, especially me. Idon't have family here, you know,
(07:54):
Like I've been lucky that my ex'sfamilies have pretty much taken me in as
one of their own, which isgreat. It's great to have that support
system, you know, for holidaysand just weekends and like making birthdays feel
special. So yeah, I thinkif they're avoiding that, it's a huge
sign. Let me see, uh, physical intimacy is his priority. Yeah,
(08:16):
I mean that's a little tough dothing. Most dudes kind of do
that. He doesn't express a realinterest in your life. Yeah, that's
a huge thing. It's a hugething. And maybe I've realized that to
you and past stuff like years andyears ago, where it's like I didn't
see him as interested. I'm like, oh, maybe I just don't care
about this person that way, whichisn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just
(08:39):
kind of like, ah, youknow, happy for him if he has
a wandering eye. Yeah, it'svery easy to say faithful you know that.
That's one of those things I've nevernever cheated in my life. Never
put myself in that position. Andthere's a couple of reasons why I think
when I date somebody, my viewis like they're the best person in the
(09:01):
world, Like they are the best, there's no way better than them,
and I wouldn't want somebody else tothink so it was me and Anna Kendrick.
Annie Kendrick is the best person inthe world, most beautiful lover a
relationship. I wouldn't want to cheatand let somebody else think the better than
she is. That's kind of myvibe. My other vibe is more selfishly.
I don't want somebody to be ableto brag that they got me to
(09:24):
do the wrong thing, you knowwhat I mean. I've been a stand
up dude my entire life, butthis person was able to get me a
crack. I don't like that.The final one, which I think is
interesting, he won't stay overnight.I hate staying overnight. I mean mainly
with the dogs. It's it's impossible, like you know, it just is.
(09:46):
And I've never stayed overnight somewhere withwith my dogs because it's a lot.
It's just it's just like it is. They're both kind of a lot.
So that's the main reason. Theother reasons like with work, I
don't have to wake somebody up attwo fifty, But they say, if
he has an important early meeting nextmorning, it makes sense he may want
to sleep his own bed. Butif your guy is constantly coming over only
(10:07):
to leave after you've had relations,it's clearly isn't serious about you. I
would also say, though, againin my defense, I have my own
place out of my roommates, solike that's a huge factor as well,
is that there's nobody else around.Yeah, I've had that little privacy.
Anyway, I thought that was good. Hope you have a fantastic Wednesday.
(10:28):
Appreciate you listening, friend,
And Happy Wednesday, friend, andwelcome to the thought Shower intern. John
is my name. Oh man.I've been using these teeth whitening strips like
in the morning, and I feellike like the whitening stuff is still like
on my teeth a little bit.It feels like thick, you know what
I mean. But I feel likeit works though I do it like my
(00:26):
morning routine. Wake up, shower, right, finish getting out of a
shower, go downstairs. I've beenusing this ice roller on my face,
which is supposed to like reduce inflammation. I guess I'll be honest. I
think it works because on days Idon't do it, I feel like I
look like extra puffy. On dayswhen I do it less puffy. Left
(00:50):
dogs out, Go back upstairs,put my moistrizers on. Then I do
the teeth strips, and then Ido eye patches, which I wear on
the way to work. And that'smy self care routine. Does it work,
I don't know, feels like itdoes. The baby, you know,
feeling younger, feeling spry as thekids say, not gonna layer today.
(01:12):
So I leave. Got wedding inLa this week, very excited for
it. Two really good friends ofmine and kind of worked out and maybe
this happens more often than people think. Where I knew her first she worked
at the station in promotions, andI don't remember if they were dating when
(01:34):
we first met, but then methim at the Christmas party and been friends
with both of them for golly piblyten years. And then it worked out
that she moved to New York forwork. He was still here for a
little bit, and him and Ibonded video games, hockey, all that
kind of stuff. And now goingthe wedding, very exciting. Have I
(01:56):
packed Absolutely not. No. Ibrought my suitcase upstairs, so I have
that. But nah, I'm alsotrying to not pack everything right away because
I have a suit they wanted toget out Wrinkley, speaking of which I
ordered wrinkle Really Spray. I don'tknow if it's come yet. I should
(02:19):
probably check that m but Landing gotthe wedding then, Like I'm excited for
on Saturday, like a whole dayof just whatever, like not a lot
going on, as the kids say, so, might hang out with our
cousin EJ. Might do tattoos,you know, So that's me very exciting.
Been thinking about what to get havea couple of ideas because I'm inked
(02:43):
up from the stink up, andI was thinking about I want to get
like a I'm Minnesota one. Ithink that'd be nice, like a nice
outline of the state somewhere. Ithink that'd be lovely. And then I
was thinking about like possibly getting somethingto represent the dogs and or radio,
(03:06):
like I really do like the logofor the Revival Comedy tour because that was
well, it was me and Chewylook at each other. It's a Seloete
photo me and Chewy look at eachother, and that, to me is
one of my favorite logos of alltime. This means a lot because it's
me and him, you know,it's two homies being homies, and so
(03:30):
I kind of wanted to get somethingfor that. Maybe I don't know,
that's my problem, I think withlike the idea tattoos is like, I
have so many ideas. I justdon't know for sure which one I'd want
to do. So we'll see,you know, could be good, could
be great, could be not good, not great either way, gonna be
(03:51):
a lot of fun. I'm excitedfor the wedding as a whole. I
want to get to this too foryour weddingsday. How men signal they're not
ready for commitment. It's funny.I'd heard recently the like the theory about
the taxicab theory that men it's likeonce the light goes on the taxicab,
(04:14):
like, that's when they're ready tomarry. Like, that's when it's not
necessarily who is like the best forthem, it's who's in front of them
the moment that it happens, youknow what I mean, which I don't
necessarily know if I fully agree with. But here we go. The first
thing they say is he won't makeplans too far in the future. Yes,
(04:36):
they say, I try to gethim talk about a trip months from
now when he's sweet I've brought toyour friends. He'd rather wait and see.
That's probably because he doesn't want tomake any promises he isn't sure he
intends to keep. I think thisis obvious for both ways. If they're
not making, you know, commitment, if they're not telling you exactly what's
(04:59):
going on right away, I thinkthat's more than fair. But hey,
it probably just isn't gonna happen,you know, if he's vocal about maintaining
his independence, I've noticed this tooin general with dating though, where I
do think sometimes people will say thisas a means to I don't know,
(05:19):
like put a buffer up, likejust to kind of like so you don't
get too attached, as the word, but so it's not too much too
soon maybe is a better way ofputting it, you know what I mean.
So it's not like a we're rushinginto things. I think that probably
is is very true. He shutsdown conversations about defining the relationship. I
(05:42):
have said this, I have preachedthis, and I don't know how many
of the times I can say this. If you're with somebody, a dude,
and he doesn't want to lock youdown right away, something's off.
Something's off because any dude who datesyou and likes you, he's gonna want
(06:03):
to tie you down right away becausehe doesn't want somebody else to come in
and be MISSISSI your girl. SoI do think like, if it's like
a month in or something like thatand he hasn't made that move, I
move on. He still talks tohis exes, Yeah, them, They
(06:24):
say, the occasional check in withan X doesn't have to be a big
deal. But if you guys constantlyreaching out to multiple axes, spending time
with them, maybe even lying aboutit or hiding it from you. He's
definitely not in a stage where relationshipis a priority. Yeah. I mean
my preface for this is always,uh, if there's no kids involved,
then yeah, there's no kids involved. You don't share business together. There
(06:47):
probably isn't much reason to have thatconversation. I mean, certainly, being
friendly, we see each other out. I think that's fine, but there's
no real reason to get involved likethat. I personally don't think I think
that's fair. He avoids any familyand friends meet ups. Listen, a
(07:09):
smart man knows to get in withyou, he's gonna need to get in
with your friends and family. Fact, like that is one of the first
things. It's like, okay,you know, and like I want the
friends on my side because I feellike you'll have more interaction with them probably
right, So I want them tohave my back in case there is ever
(07:30):
a rough patch, they can havemy back and be like, Okay,
you know, he actually isn't abad guy family certainly, because I think
then the family might back off alittle bit in the beginning if they trust
you at least. I found thatthey give a little more space and a
lot of times too, like it'sfun being like a friend to the other
person's family, especially me. Idon't have family here, you know,
(07:54):
Like I've been lucky that my ex'sfamilies have pretty much taken me in as
one of their own, which isgreat. It's great to have that support
system, you know, for holidaysand just weekends and like making birthdays feel
special. So yeah, I thinkif they're avoiding that, it's a huge
sign. Let me see, uh, physical intimacy is his priority. Yeah,
(08:16):
I mean that's a little tough dothing. Most dudes kind of do
that. He doesn't express a realinterest in your life. Yeah, that's
a huge thing. It's a hugething. And maybe I've realized that to
you and past stuff like years andyears ago, where it's like I didn't
see him as interested. I'm like, oh, maybe I just don't care
about this person that way, whichisn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just
(08:39):
kind of like, ah, youknow, happy for him if he has
a wandering eye. Yeah, it'svery easy to say faithful you know that.
That's one of those things I've nevernever cheated in my life. Never
put myself in that position. Andthere's a couple of reasons why I think
when I date somebody, my viewis like they're the best person in the
(09:01):
world, Like they are the best, there's no way better than them,
and I wouldn't want somebody else tothink so it was me and Anna Kendrick.
Annie Kendrick is the best person inthe world, most beautiful lover a
relationship. I wouldn't want to cheatand let somebody else think the better than
she is. That's kind of myvibe. My other vibe is more selfishly.
I don't want somebody to be ableto brag that they got me to
(09:24):
do the wrong thing, you knowwhat I mean. I've been a stand
up dude my entire life, butthis person was able to get me a
crack. I don't like that.The final one, which I think is
interesting, he won't stay overnight.I hate staying overnight. I mean mainly
with the dogs. It's it's impossible, like you know, it just is.
(09:46):
And I've never stayed overnight somewhere withwith my dogs because it's a lot.
It's just it's just like it is. They're both kind of a lot.
So that's the main reason. Theother reasons like with work, I
don't have to wake somebody up attwo fifty, But they say, if
he has an important early meeting nextmorning, it makes sense he may want
to sleep his own bed. Butif your guy is constantly coming over only
(10:07):
to leave after you've had relations,it's clearly isn't serious about you. I
would also say, though, againin my defense, I have my own
place out of my roommates, solike that's a huge factor as well,
is that there's nobody else around.Yeah, I've had that little privacy.
Anyway, I thought that was good. Hope you have a fantastic Wednesday.
(10:28):
Appreciate you listening, friend,
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