Ep. 15; Importance of Connection With The Flirt Coach Benjamin & Ricki Sanchez

Humans have a deep desire for connection, but connecting? Not so easy. The Flirt Coach Benjamin Camras shares how he's redefining "the flirt" and yes it will help all the fellow singles, but it will also help anyone hoping for genuine human connections. He also shared why sometimes it's ok to be a little bit delulu in life. Then Morgan's good friend Ricki Sanchez comes on to share why connecting with others is so important to her, and how the things she's experienced in life made such a feeling so necessary. 

If you liked this episode, please rate, review & subscribe! 

Follow Benjamin Camras: @benjamincamras

Follow Ricki Sanchez: @thatchickricki

Follow Morgan: @webgirlmorgan

Follow Take This Personally: @takethispersonally

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Take personally.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
With Logan Juelsman.

Speaker 3 (00:18):
One of the most natural feelings for humans is wanting
to have connection. That's why this week's episode is all
about that exact feeling. First up, I have the flirt Coach,
Benjamin Camera's on, and you may think he's on for
all of us single people, which he definitely will help,
but it's more than that. You'll see how he's redefining
the flirt and how it will help all of us

(00:39):
feel more connected. Then I'm bringing on one of my
good friends and fellow radio personalities, Ricky Sanchez. She's someone
in my life who is an incredible friend because of
her intention with connecting. So excited right now I am

(01:06):
joined by Benjamin cameras the flirt Coach, which we all
need a little more flirting in our lives, so this
is exciting.

Speaker 4 (01:13):
Benjamin, how are you?

Speaker 2 (01:15):
I am doing quite well, Morgan, very excited to be
here on the show today. Connect with your listeners and
talk about flirting and more.

Speaker 4 (01:23):
Oh yes, all the things.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
Okay, So tell me how you became a flirt coach
and what exactly that all entails.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
Oh my gosh, this part of my story really began
going on about three years ago now, when I quit
my nine to five job. I was a city planner
for a long time. That's what I went to school for.
But I always knew I wanted to pursue something creative.
I always knew I was an outside the box thinker
that the whole nine to five, just the lifestyle that

(01:53):
comes along with that, wasn't for me. I played by
some different roles and exploring what a new adventure could be.
I started to get into coaching and training to be
a coach and what that even was and what that
looked like. Started posting online on Instagram and TikTok about
a few things, and one day I posted a video

(02:14):
about flirting and that's when everything stuck and it was like,
oh my gosh, okay, this is ed. I asked a
couple friends, what do you think about this idea? One
friend was like, do what makes you happy? One friend
was like, you only live once? And I was like, okay,
not yolo. I thank you for the advice, but not

(02:36):
I don't know, not quite what I was looking for.
I was looking for that in yeas and that like yes,
you gotta do this, but you know what. I sat
back and for the first time, ever, just filled up
pages and pages of notes and ideas about what I
could do and how what this looked like. Yeah, and

(02:56):
that's really where it started. And a little bit more
about me. I'm very much an introvert. I'm someone that's
very shy naturally. I experience a lot of social anxiety,
and when it comes to making connections, not just if
you're dating, but making connections in general, that's really hard
for me. And it's my mission as a flirt coach,
as the flirt coach, to help people make connections. The

(03:20):
ones you're going to make out there flirting and dating
if they're romantic, could be platonic of course, And the
connection that may be most important of all, and that's
the one you have with yourself, because all of your
stories and experiences and fears and anxieties are going to
come up in this process of being open and vulnerable

(03:41):
and expressing yourself and tapping into your voice right perhaps
being intimate with some of your own stories and experiences.
So I love using the flirt as a framework just
to empower people to make connections because I think that's
I think that's what we need more of in the world.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
Yes, we are naturally humans would like connection, right, but
connection is also very scary, so it's hard. Yes, yeah,
so you know, and everybody's asking the same question, right,
everybody who's I should say, in the dating world specifically,
is asking the same question.

Speaker 5 (04:18):
Where can I meet single partners and how can I
actually go.

Speaker 4 (04:21):
Up to them? What's the right things to say? What
do I do?

Speaker 3 (04:24):
So what are those first steps you'd tell somebody, Hey,
go here and give this a try kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
So I frame the flirt all around connection first and foremost,
because I think that's a really natural and beautiful place
for it to start. And how I define the flirt
is that flirting is the genuine expression of interest in
the present moment, without expectations, and so that is where
I think it really starts. You could also think about it,

(04:55):
and I share that the flirt can also be an
act of service. Maybe it's putting a small isle on
someone's face, helping them have a better day, helping them
just get into a better mood. Maybe it's a way
for you to observe something around you. Maybe you learn
something new about yourself, learn something new about someone that

(05:16):
you're talking to. You're flirting with. So if the flirt
can start from a place of connection, then I think
it can evolve and become more layered from there if
you want to spice it up, make it a little
more juicy, if it's someone you're starting to date or
even in a relationship with. But the flirt is not

(05:37):
in my mind. Like you see someone that you think
is attractive out you're out one night at a party,
let's just say, and you just walk over to them
and be like, so, I think you're hot, want to
go out? Like that's what That never actually works, does it? No?
And that is not flirting. That is a very specific
question that you are asking with one result in mind. Yeah,

(06:00):
not a flirt. Not a flirt. That's just a question.

Speaker 3 (06:04):
A few of those come up, and I can really
say they've never panned out into anything. No.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
But if that started a little bit differently, maybe this
person was making some eye contact from across the room,
maybe that you saw them and you started to flirt
with the eyes a little bit, some body language. You're
sort of dancing around this space. They walk over to you,
approaching you from the front right, not tapping you on
the shoulder, catching you off guard, but approaching from the front.

(06:31):
It's like, say, I noticed you from across the room.
You really caught my eye. I wanted to come up
and introduce myself. My name's Benjamin.

Speaker 4 (06:38):
How are you.

Speaker 2 (06:39):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (06:39):
I just got like little goosebumps as you did that.

Speaker 5 (06:41):
I was like, if somebody did that for me, I'd
be flattered.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
Oh my gosh, such a big difference. Right, and then
you're making so genuine expression of interest. It's just looking
to Okay, let me learn this person's name, let me
learn one or two things about them. Let me make
some observations around this space. You're at the party, what
music is happening, who else is there, what kind of
food do they have? What are we wearing?

Speaker 1 (07:03):
Right?

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Starting to make that connection in the present moment, So
feeling your way through the flirt rather than thinking your
way through it. A lot of people tend to be
in their head. They're analyzing what I'm going to say next.
They're picking apart every little thing about Oh my god,
the body language looks like this, or oh they just
said this, or ooh you know, last time the flirt
didn't go well for me, so maybe this time it's

(07:26):
not either. Let's come back to the moment. Just feel
our way through it, and then the lack of expectations piece.
It's like, if you are coming up to talk to
this person solely because you think they're hot and want
to go on a date, well, then your flirt is
very much one dimensional and happening specifically because you want

(07:47):
this one thing to happen. Your flirt may not be
received that way and the other person may not want
the same thing. So if you can let go of
those expectations and just get to know a little bit
about who this person is and let the flirt, let
the flirt evolve from there, because the other person gets
to receive the flirt how they want to flirt back
or not, how they want to really respecting and honoring

(08:11):
who they are. It just it establishes that point of
connection first and foremost, which can who knows what could
happen from there. Maybe it leads to a date, Maybe
it leads to you know what, they're taken, but they've
got a single friend. Or maybe you find you have
a mutual friend in common, or you just have a
really awesome conversation about a concert you both saw and

(08:31):
you didn't know you were both there. Maybe that's the
flirt and why can't that be enough? Sometimes you made
a connection.

Speaker 4 (08:38):
That's true human connection.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
I've never really looked at flirting in that capacity, and yeah,
cool way to look at it now, speaking of the
flirt coming from that side of human connection is also
a rejection.

Speaker 5 (08:51):
So how do people feel confident.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
Say they're doing good to be in the present moment,
but to make that connection is so terrible fine because
of the rejection side of it. How do you tell
people like, rejection is okay, what's this going to look like?
And how can I feel about it? Kind of situation.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah, it's that fear of rejection that keeps a lot
of us from not flirting in the first in the
first place, That's what held me back for a long time.
And if you are, I hope framing the flirt around
these themes of connection and being in the present moment

(09:31):
and not having those expectations can release and relax a
lot of that fear around rejection. Ultimately, though, whether you're dating,
flirting or not, rejection is going to happen throughout our
lives in many forms. And I love bringing a little
bit of mindfulness into the flirt, helping it build your

(09:52):
overall resilience as a person that if you can experience
rejection in the flirt, which is really just the other
person not wanting to flirt back in the exact way
that you want them to. We can't control other people.
We can only control ourselves in many ways, our experiences,
how we respond. Building that kind of mentality is going

(10:13):
to help you in all areas of your life. You've
probably heard that your rejection is redirection. Yeah, that can
be a good one. I also like that rejection is clarity. Right.
It's like you now are no longer pursuing a connection
that isn't for you, right, giving you some clarity, some

(10:34):
closure around you know, if maybe you were on a
few dates, what is what I'm trying to say? And
then you know it sort of is fizzling out. You know,
you see the other person, feel them starting to pull
away a little bit. Yeah, it might staying and it
might hurt, but it's very much letting you know. Okay,
well now I know how this person feels about me.

(10:56):
And so I hope allowing rejection to be part of clarity,
enclosure and making connections. Sometimes two can be helpful as well.
And I had a guest on my podcasts say one
time that rejection is sexy. Allow it to be right.
It's like, allow it to be this will come over time,

(11:17):
but allow it to be this this thing that can
be very confidence building. It's like, you know what, because
I put myself out there, I perhaps took a risk
I look to make a connection. It didn't happen the
way I wanted to wanted it to, but I still
did it, and I did something that was really hard
and was really challenging. Inquired me to be vulnerable, to

(11:39):
be seen.

Speaker 4 (11:40):
This is so great, but that's also hard.

Speaker 3 (11:42):
That takes a lot of time to get to that
space of like, yeah, this feels good, it's.

Speaker 4 (11:46):
Fine, we're moving forward now.

Speaker 3 (11:49):
I'm curious on your theory here because I've heard from
a lot of people, like, you know, dating and relationships,
it's kind of a numbers game.

Speaker 4 (11:58):
You kind of have to make a lot of.

Speaker 3 (11:59):
Connection and then one day one of those connections finally sticks.
Do you feel like there's any actual truth to that
or people just kind of pull on our legs saying like,
just put yourself out there some more.

Speaker 2 (12:11):
I think you hear two skulls of thought in the
dating world. I think you do hear that it is
a numbers game and that it is oftentimes about quantity
over quality. Sometimes you're gonna have to kiss a lot
of frogs to find your prince or your princess, whoever
you may be looking to connect with and date. That
is not my mentality or my approach. I would much

(12:32):
rather you focus on quality over quantity, because if you
are going on just tons of dates a month, it
doesn't necessarily if you're not dating with intention, direction, purpose,
strategy right like it's it can lead to burnout, is
where I'm going with this. It can lead to frustration,
It can lead to overwhelm. It can lead to if

(12:54):
you're experience and experiencing a lot of rejection, or you're
doing a lot of rejecting yourself too, you're having to
turn people down or be like I'm not interested putting
words to that experience. That is also really, really difficult.
So it's true that it's somewhat of a numbers game.
I'm never going to be the coach that airs on

(13:16):
this side of quantity over quality. I would much rather
you have a pond with a few frogs. I mean,
you're probably going to have to kiss a few, but
I don't want you having to kiss a ton to
find the idea. My gosh, you know, I it's it's
because so much about about dating too, is I know

(13:39):
we've always also heard this phrase it happens when you
least expect it. Well, I don't. I'm not a huge
but believer in that either. That really makes dating seem
like it's a game of luck as well. Yeah, I
think the bigger piece of that is timing. There is
a huge timing element to dating, being perhaps in the

(14:01):
right place at the right time, but also your willingness
to make a connection, your willingness to say yes, it's
your own timing and process of healing where you're at
in your life. Not that you have to be fully
healed to date by any means, but if you are
not open, aware and able to see the connections you

(14:22):
can make around you, it's not going to happen when
you least expect it.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
Right.

Speaker 2 (14:27):
You have a lot of control over the process too.

Speaker 4 (14:31):
I'm so glad you said that.

Speaker 5 (14:32):
As someone who has been single.

Speaker 3 (14:34):
For a lot of her life, I have heard that
phrase so often and I just look at people. I'm like,
I understand, you're coming from a really good place.

Speaker 2 (14:43):
Yes, it's well intentioned, but.

Speaker 5 (14:46):
You're expecting me to if I just sit on my
couch all.

Speaker 4 (14:48):
Day, that it's going to happen when I least six seconds. No,
that's not all this works. I do actually have to
go out and meet people.

Speaker 3 (14:55):
And yeah, sure, maybe when I'm in an unexpected place
that I didn't intentionally mean to meet someone, that's when
it will happen. But there is this kind of fine
line with it. Rom like we should probably stop saying
that to people.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
Yeah, it is not solely about luck and the universe,
just like one day shining upon you. It's because I know,
we hear those love stories where it does seem like
a lot of luck is involved, perhaps a touch, but
luck truly, Like the definition of luck is where preparation
and opportunity meet. So are you preparing yourself to meet people?

(15:31):
Do you have some strategies? Do you know what kind
of questions you want to ask, what kind of person
you may be looking for, how you like to make connections,
what type of relationship you may like. It's okay if
you don't have the answers to all those questions, but
having some curiosity really good place to start there's a
preparation and then opportunity. Are you going out? Are you
saying yes to yourself so you can say yes to

(15:52):
the people, places, and things that may present themselves to you. Yeah,
you got a lot of control.

Speaker 3 (15:58):
Yes, I like that now. Also, they that comes to mind.
Do you know about the cab light theory?

Speaker 2 (16:04):
M Yeah, out from Sex and the City.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, of course, you know, I do.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
I've seen that whole show multiple times over.

Speaker 3 (16:10):
I've been rewatching it again since been on top of
my brain.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
Do you think the cab light theory is true? Because
in my experience so far it has been. But obviously
I have my limited experience, and I don't know, like
as a coach, have you experienced like this cab light
theory kind of actually being accurate?

Speaker 2 (16:27):
I think there is there is some real truth to
the cab lighte theory of like when someone's light being
on right, it's it's yeah, it's just like in which
way are they on? Like it's about like how they're
presenting themselves as well, Like that's I do think there's
a lot of truth to the cap lite theory.

Speaker 4 (16:49):
Okay, hey, I'm not crazy. I appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (16:52):
Yeah, yeah, I actually, I mean I do like that one.

Speaker 3 (16:56):
Okay, So I want to get back to flirting a
little bit. So, say there's somebody out there who's just
like very lack of experience in flirting. Maybe they're just
getting back out and they did meet someone, say in
high school, and they really never had to kind of
put themselves out there and flirt in that way. What
are some suggestions you give them as like a first

(17:16):
step to being able to kind of master the flirt.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
Yeah, a lot of flirties, A lot of people in
the flirt community that are coming out of long term relationships.
Because I'm in my late thirties now, there are a
lot of people that I've connected with and worked with
that are in their mid to late thirties, forties and
fifties and beyond who were in that long term relationship
with someone they met in high school or college and

(17:43):
it just wasn't you know, maybe they had kids, they
raised the family together, and it just wasn't the relationship
for them, and now they're single again for the first
time in a long time. So I think a part
of it is just getting some experience. You're going to
get your feet wet a little bit, just to know

(18:04):
how you like to date. What are you looking for?
Do you want to be on the apps? Would you
rather meet people in person? How about a singles event
or a networking event or a party of some kind
where you know a lot of single people will be
How do you feel about that? Can you see yourself
in those spaces? Yeah, So, just getting curious about how

(18:25):
you want to date, starting to get a little bit
of experience when you are feeling ready, and then knowing
that dating is it will always be there, Like you're
not going to miss out, you're not too late, none
of that applies here. You get to date in the
way that you want to date, and dating will be

(18:47):
something you do, but it will not be the thing
you do. So if you're if you're feeling like you
need to just be on the apps for hours, or
you need to spend like tons and tons of time
on your profile, or you have to just say yes
to everything, you're going to probably overwhelm yourself. So just
have dating be something you do, it's sort of like

(19:08):
a part of your life, but not the thing, and
then do things for you that you've always wanted to do.
Is there a dance class you want to take a
fitness class, a writing class, something maybe around interest, hobbies, vocations, passions,
something you want to do with a friend, reconnecting with
friends you maybe haven't talked to in a while. And

(19:30):
when you start putting yourself in places where you're there
for you, enjoying yourself and having fun and looking to
make friends, you might be surprised that some of how,
some of those romantic connections start to present themselves.

Speaker 3 (19:43):
Oh. I love all these bits and pieces of advice,
but the part that you were saying there were the
very beginning. You said it twice, and I loved that.
That was so good, and I think it's really important
to remember a lot of those pieces in dating. I again,
at this point, I feel like I'm an experienced single person,
so for some reason people come to me and I'm like, honestly,

(20:06):
I'm just out here just doing everything.

Speaker 4 (20:09):
I don't really have the answers.

Speaker 3 (20:12):
So I really appreciate that you were saying a lot
of things that I've mentioned before, and often one of
those things is hobbies and putting yourself out there and
just doing things that you love.

Speaker 5 (20:22):
Those are the best ways to just exist in life
in general, and then it helps you on multiple paths.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Oh absolutely, because if you're on if you're on social media,
even if you're not, you've probably seen videos about manifestation
and being the attractor, even being in your celebrity energy,
And a part of all of this is having fun
and enjoying yourself. And if you're in a state of

(20:49):
flow where you're not there to be perceived, right, You're
not there to impress anyone. You're not in your mind
thinking about how other people are perceiving you, how they
are experiencing you, how they may be looking at you.
You're there truly for you. You're in the present moment,
no expectations. You're making some connections, the flirt will, those

(21:10):
opportunities will happen, and then afterwards you may be like,
oh my gosh, I think I flirted.

Speaker 4 (21:19):
Yeah, it's so great.

Speaker 3 (21:20):
But also I can acknowledge it's really hard to be
in that space too, of like living in the present
moment and oh yeah, kind of being the highest version
of yourself.

Speaker 4 (21:28):
Those are things that we have to work really hard to.

Speaker 2 (21:30):
Do a lifetime daily practice.

Speaker 3 (21:32):
Absolutely, Oh gosh, yes, but you say, and it's so
worth it, you know, in those moments that I've ever
had that. I'm like, this feels so great and you
want to stay in that all the time, so I
know it's worth it just takes a little effort to
get there.

Speaker 4 (21:45):
I want to also talk.

Speaker 3 (21:46):
About being a little Delulu, because, oh, delusions are the
greatest part of my dating experience.

Speaker 4 (21:54):
I really want my delusions.

Speaker 2 (21:56):
Delulu is a slulu, That's what I say. I have
it on a T shirt.

Speaker 4 (22:00):
So tell me.

Speaker 3 (22:01):
Why you feel like it's a slulu and like he
is making some things up in our head or whatever?

Speaker 4 (22:05):
Are we helping already in ourselves? What's going on?

Speaker 2 (22:08):
I mean, I am a gay Libra after all, so
I am gonna be a little bit to Lulu. To
Lulu is a slulu until it becomes Trululu. Someone commented
on one of my videos that one day, I thought
that was hysterical. But I think you want to have
a little bit of fantasy with your dating life, some
whimsy to it, to have dreams and have a somewhat

(22:33):
visionary experience, because I think this can be really helpful
and just working through even some maybe deep seated experiences,
like you know, around fear or shame or trauma. Even
there's a time and a place to work through that
and maybe seeking out help from a professional. But being
able to just allow your mind to go there and

(22:55):
connect the dots and just dream and be I think
is so so helpful and it's a practice that I love.
But everything in moderation. If you're to Lou, you know,
sort of an extreme Lulu. Let's say you make a
match on an app and then you know, you traded
socials and now you're connected on Instagram, which I'm like,

(23:16):
I'm not a big advocate for that. I'd much rather
you meet this person first, because now you're on Instagram
and you're being like, oh my god, did they watch
my stories? You're watching theirs? Did they post but not
text you back? Is their little green light on? Did
they have that turned on? Can you see they're active?
Like how long ago were they active? But then they
texted you back like two hours ago? But you have anyway, are.

Speaker 4 (23:39):
Crazy obsessions that social media situates?

Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yes? Yes, now your anxiety is spiraling or you know
you're sort of scribbling X and o's in your notebook
before you've even met somebody, you know, writing your name
with their last name. I mean I've done that. I've
done it. You're sort of picking out your wedding song
and it's only been one day, Like you know that.

Speaker 3 (24:01):
Sometimes it just makes you feel really good to just
have that experience right now.

Speaker 2 (24:06):
Truthfully, that's why I'm like, who am I to tell
you that that's wrong or bad or to not do it.
Be a little bit Delulu, but also recognize when it
is truly fueling your anxiety, when it's making you feel insecure,
Like if it's taking you into that headspace, we've gotten
too far.

Speaker 3 (24:24):
The reason that people always say I'm Delulu is because
I really try and live.

Speaker 4 (24:27):
My life like a movie.

Speaker 5 (24:29):
Like genuinely, I.

Speaker 3 (24:31):
Exist in the belief that I am in a movie
and everything I'm going to experience is going to be
a movie scene, and so that's where I feed into
my delusions. I'm like, well, obviously we're gonna go on
this super romantic date and then always happens in that way,
And I'm like, yeah, that was like a movie scene,
and it may end in a crash and burn, but
at least it was a really good movie scene.

Speaker 2 (24:52):
Oh my life is a rom com. I'm like, oh,
did they catch that on camera? I hope?

Speaker 3 (24:56):
So yeah, yes, yes, So that's where my delusions really
feed into dating, because I just think that's what's If
you're gonna make me date and you're gonna make me
have to put myself out there, I'm at least gonna
have fun with it. It's like the same level of
like doing it for the plot. If at the least
my heart is gonna get broken, you might as well
give me a good story.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
I mean, you're not wrong, No.

Speaker 4 (25:18):
I know, it's like a slightly unhealthing version of me.
I'm aware of Benjamin.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
And it's also the phrase what you resist per sis.
So if you don't allow yourself to be a little
bit to Lulu and you're trying to just really like
control it and not let it happen at all, I
mean it's probably gonna happen and like really come all
out at one time.

Speaker 4 (25:37):
Yes, you know.

Speaker 3 (25:38):
The one saying that I do believe in is that
whatever it's happened is going to happen regardless of what
I do.

Speaker 4 (25:44):
M M, so I can't really mess it up.

Speaker 3 (25:46):
Or also the belief that like you can't really say
something wrong to the right person.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:50):
Yeah, those are two things that I truly believe in
experience so I'm like, well, if I can be delusional
and he's okay with that, then you.

Speaker 4 (25:57):
Know he might he might work out.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
Mm hm.

Speaker 4 (26:01):
Those are all my crazy things for today.

Speaker 2 (26:03):
Okay, I could relate to all of them.

Speaker 4 (26:06):
Benjamin so much for coming on.

Speaker 3 (26:07):
It's been great to chat with you and learn all
about the flirt and the connections.

Speaker 4 (26:12):
That's been so special.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
Oh yeah, this was really really a fun conversation. And
thank you Morgan for having me so much on the
show today. I can't wait to listen.

Speaker 4 (26:21):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 (26:30):
Smiling so big right now because one of my friends
is joining me this week on the podcast.

Speaker 4 (26:35):
Hello Ricky, how are you hey?

Speaker 1 (26:36):
I'm so good. I'm so excited to be here and
a little bit nervous.

Speaker 3 (26:39):
Everybody always says that, and I really want to know
why people are nervous to hang out in this room.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
It's just because I know we're gonna get deep. And
it's not that getting deep makes me nervous per se,
but you just never know where it's going to go.
So it's the unknown part that I think makes people nervous.

Speaker 3 (26:55):
That's true, and I do go in some interesting directions,
so I'm ready though, speaking of you, guys may know Ricky.
She's on one of seven five of the River in Nashville.
She's our sister Pops station in the building and one
of my really good friends. That's why she's on here.
Her and I have become really good friends over the
last several years.

Speaker 5 (27:13):
Yeah, and we're both little firecrackers together, so.

Speaker 4 (27:15):
This should be interesting.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
Teeny tiny firecrackers, big bang, big bang, big big bang.

Speaker 4 (27:22):
All right, Ricky, let's get the people a little.

Speaker 3 (27:24):
Acquainted with you, if they don't know you yet. I
want you to share some things that have happened in
your life that have kind of made you you as
we start to dive in and get to this connection.
Because I did have a flirt coach on named Benjamin,
who is really awesome and the reason I'm wanting you
to join us to talk about connections and stuff, but
we got to start kind of at the ground level
of who you are.

Speaker 1 (27:45):
Okay, Yeah, specifically when it comes to connections, I think
a big moment. I think back to is I when
I was growing up, went to a Christian school and
a Catholic school when I was younger, and it was
really hard for me in my Christian school when I
was younger to make genuine connections with people. Part of

(28:08):
that was because my parents were divorced, and being divorced
is a no no in religion, and there was a
lot going on with my parents that obviously the school
knew about, and it was such a small school that
so many people knew about it, and that led to
a lot of people judging me by a lot of
people judging me, I mean, mostly adults, which was really hard.

(28:29):
So I always craved connections with people. And I was
always really good at making friends, but not necessarily friends
that I had a connection with because their parents would
always kind of pull them away when it felt like
we were getting closer because they didn't want me to
be close with their kids for the reasons of like

(28:49):
my parents and my family. So I've always wanted to
connect with people, and I think when I was younger,
I just I didn't get to do that as much
as I wanted to. And that's why I crave it
so much much now and why I look for it
so much now. I think that's part of the reason.
And then outside of that, when I went to college,
I originally studied journalism before I switched to communications, and

(29:12):
I studied journalism mostly just because I liked to write.
And then I realized while writing and writing articles and
pieces for my newspaper that there is such a connection
there when you're interviewing people and when you're talking to
them about stories and you're talking to them about their
perspective on things or what had happened, and get more
details from them and you learn about them. It felt

(29:35):
so cool to get to know people in that way,
in a way that typically doesn't feel very natural because
you're asking somebody so many questions because you're essentially interviewing
them for an article. But it always felt comfortable for me,
like I always felt good in those spaces, and in
the end, I felt like I got people to really

(29:56):
give me more information than I think they planned to
because they were comfortable with me. Because I always want
people to feel comfortable, and I want people to feel
like they have a space to talk and an open
area with me to be themselves and talk about whatever
it is that they need to talk about. So I
thrived as a journalist when I was younger in college.

(30:19):
Thrived and it was.

Speaker 5 (30:21):
The first time clearly took the wrong path in life.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
Of course, so I think it was like the first
time that I felt like I was really genuinely good
at something. I was like, oh, I'm like good at
this because I was always a great writer and I
always loved connecting with people, and it was like the
two things put into one. So once I felt like, oh,
this is where I thrive, there was no getting me
away from that aspect of it. I just in reality

(30:47):
when I went to college, it was like, Okay, print
media is kind of slowly dying, so I went to
the next best thing, which is slowly dying, and that's radio.

Speaker 3 (30:55):
Well, you would have been good in any medium or
whatever you chose. I do want to go to the
part one if you can, can you recall some of
those feelings you had when you felt very disconnected from people,
Like when you were in that space and especially having adults.

Speaker 4 (31:15):
Be ones that were disconnecting you. What were some of
those feelings you experienced.

Speaker 1 (31:20):
Anger? I was so lonely, Like I felt so lonely there.
It felt like there was no one that understood me
or cared to understand me, or cared about me outside
of my family. And it felt like if adults thought

(31:41):
of me that way, then their kids were going to
think of me that way, and it felt like adults
are not supposed to be that way. They're supposed to
be the ones to tell their kids, like not to
think about people in negative lights, not to bully them,
not to alienate them, especially in a religious setting like

(32:02):
a Christian school. The whole idea of Christianity is to
love thy neighbor, to accept everyone, to help those who
need it. And that was kind of like an opportunity
that they should have taken to help me and to
be there for me, and instead didn't, So it just
really left me in like a very angry, lonely space.

(32:26):
It wasn't even so much sadness, like it started as
sadness at one point. It was like a lot of sadness,
and then it grew into just sheer anger and loneliness.
And it took many years after that for me to
work through that anger and to be a better person,

(32:47):
because I let that anger kind of like sit inside
of me and fester and grow and grow and grow
and grow till it kind of like took over parts
of my life and I I had to do a
really hard look in the mirror at one point to
say to myself, like this isn't you. This isn't who
you want to be, And just because you've had these

(33:09):
experiences doesn't mean that you have to be that way.

Speaker 3 (33:12):
So do you feel like when you then went to
journalism and communications school, do you feel like that's when
that turn started to happen because you did choose to
connect with people when you could have chose not to
because all of your past experiences told you that was
not going to work out.

Speaker 4 (33:29):
Do you feel like that's when that happened.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
I think the weird part is that I never stopped
trying to connect with people. I always tried to connect
with people, even in my anger and my darkness and
my loneliness. I always tried to connect with somebody on
any level that I could. And I found those connections
sometimes every so often, you know, there was a good

(33:53):
connection with someone that I felt understood me, who I
felt didn't judge me, and who I could go to.
But I never stopped. That was something that I never
stopped that. There were points in my life that I
held back. I wasn't as open or as myself as

(34:14):
I would have liked to be because I was holding
back to shield myself and to protect myself one hundred percent. Yeah,
I had walls up one hundred percent. But I eventually
kind of grew out of that because I think it's
just in my nature to want to connect and to
talk to everybody and to help people. And I felt

(34:35):
like it was always bigger than me and bigger than
my own issues. I always felt like my connection with
people was for a reason, and that I shouldn't kind
of hold that in, I shouldn't squander that, I shouldn't
ignore that aspect just because I'd been burned so many
times prior.

Speaker 3 (34:55):
Yeah, you had some internal conflict happening of like the
part of you that really wanted to connect and the
other that was like no, no, no, we want to
run and hide and get away from this.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
Oh girl. Internal conflict is my life and my life
we've connected on that before. That is my life. Is
this internal battle constantly of like you should do this,
but also that's not like you, or this is like you,
but you need to do this instead in order to
make this situation where it's a constant issue that I

(35:23):
have to do with.

Speaker 3 (35:24):
You know, And I never I knew about your experiences
with the church schools in that, but I never realized
your experiences with the parents and adults doing that to you.
One of my bullies in high school was an adult
and was.

Speaker 4 (35:41):
Part of all of the issues that I dealt.

Speaker 3 (35:44):
With in high school, and the way that she spoke
about me, or spoke to me or handled me in
those situations left a really bad.

Speaker 4 (35:55):
Scar for me.

Speaker 3 (35:56):
Do you feel like you have a scar from some
of those adult interactions that is really hard today to
still kind of deal with.

Speaker 1 (36:03):
I feel like I can't say no, but I also
can't say yes because one thing that I've realized, like
at the time, as a kid, I was just like,
this doesn't make sense to me. Your whole life, you're
taught that adults are supposed to be there for you.
They're supposed to protect you. You're supposed to respect them
because of those things, because they care about you and
want to protect you. And because they're older and they

(36:25):
understand things more, they have more wisdom, they've been through
more things, and so it was really confusing as a kid,
and then as an adult when I grew up, I
realize that they have so many unresolved issues in their life.
They are so unhappy with themselves, with their surroundings, with

(36:46):
where they are that seeing a child who is completely
innocent is so easy to target, Like, it's so easy
to target somebody who honestly doesn't even know you're targeting
them sometimes, you know, Like it took me a long
time to really understand that they were targeting me, because

(37:09):
I was like, there's no way, that's just it doesn't
work that way. That's not how life works, that's not
how I was taught that it works. And it took
so long for me to realize, like, oh, no, you're
bullying me, Like you're an adult bullying me, but as
an adult, like you were just so unhappy, And if anything,
I feel so sad for them. I know who they are.

(37:29):
I've seen them later on in life, I've had conversations
with them later on in life, and I just feel
so bad for them. Your life like dwindled down into
such a bad space that you needed to pick on
me as a child, And that just says so much
more about them than it does me, just like it

(37:51):
says so much more about your adult bully than it
does about you. But at the same time, I can't
say that, no, it didn't leave a scar, because everything does.
Everything that's negatively impacted you in your life is going
to leave some sort of of residue. Like I almost
don't even want to say scar. I like the idea
almost of like a residue, because like you can wash

(38:11):
it off, but sometimes like it just leaves, like a sticker.
You take a sticker off of your laptop. You could
take that sticker off and that sticker's no longer there,
but it still has that little bit of residue. But
over time it becomes like less and less residue is
left bind and you don't even like realize it anymore,
and you cover it up with other stickers because there's

(38:32):
other things in your life that become more relevant at
that time. Maybe it's a different band or a different
place that you visited that has better memories, and you
kind of cover up that residue and it kind of
doesn't exist anymore. It's kind of more like that for
me than a scar.

Speaker 4 (38:47):
Necessarily. It's a good analogy.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
I like that because scars are with you forever, and
trust me, there are scars. I got scars, but that
one's more more of like a sticky residue that's kind
of been covered by better things and better experiences and
better adults that I've had in my life later on,
who I've been like, Oh, this is always how it
should have been. You know, these are the adults that

(39:09):
I wanted to be surrounded with, just took me time
to find them. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (39:13):
You know it's funny about mine, is.

Speaker 1 (39:14):
I break your studio. It wouldn't be me if I
didn't break something.

Speaker 4 (39:23):
You're doing great. I was gonna say. The funny thing
about mine is that while yours was a massive group of.

Speaker 3 (39:32):
Them and more generalizations and making kind of stereotypes about you,
mine was a specific one who targeted me. But I
also had like a you know, Wizard of Oz situation
where I had Glinda the Goodwitch, and I had the which.

Speaker 4 (39:46):
Is the evil one? What's her name? I can't remember
her name right now.

Speaker 6 (39:48):
Alphaba the Wicked Witch of the West the West, Yeah,
and Wizard of Out she's Wicked Witch of the West.

Speaker 4 (39:53):
I don't think she's Alphaba in that one. I think
she's Alphaba and wicked.

Speaker 6 (39:56):
Is yes, okay, yes, yes, So I had like a
Witch of the West, which was my adult bully, but
then I also had Glinda the Goodwitch who really helped
me and like hid me in her classrooms and took
me under her wing and took care of.

Speaker 4 (40:07):
Me, which was a really interesting dynamic.

Speaker 3 (40:10):
So to your point, I had a scar happening wall,
so somebody was actively fixing that scar as it was happening,
which is another interesting dynamic. But now that people have
an idea of where you come from, a lot of
them already know a lot of my story, I want
to talk about why. Now you are this great person

(40:31):
who finds connections so important, how do you make sure
you are constantly making that important in your life? Like,
connecting with people is hard, especially when you have hard
days and a lot of life is going on. But
you're someone who I admire in the sense that it's
always important to you to connect on some level.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
It's really hard. It's really really hard. I can actually
say right now as we're recording this, I'm in a
very I don't want to say negative space. I'm going
to down like I'm down lately. I crave connection, like
I said to you, and I love connecting, And a

(41:12):
huge part of my job is connecting to people who
are listening to me every day, and I love that
so much. It's my favorite part of the job is
being able to connect with people and getting to know
them and getting to know my community is so fun
for me. And with that comes so many people that
trust me and trust us on my show. And recently,

(41:37):
we had a situation last week where and you know
about this, where we had a caller call in and
I'm going to try to tell this story without crying.

Speaker 4 (41:46):
If you do, it's okay.

Speaker 1 (41:47):
The room is posy for me, yes, but I'm gonna
try to say without crying so I could be clear.
Not because I don't want to cry. I think crying
is so good. I actually used to set designated cry
times for myself so that I could like let out
my emotions because I used to be so bad at
letting out my emotions. Really proud of you for that,
thank you. I used to have like legitimate set times.
I was like, this is my time to cry, like

(42:08):
everything that's been frustrating. Cry. Then crying is amazing. I
just want to be very clear about what I'm going
to say though. So every morning we have six point
twenty is our first caller of the day where we
give away a prize and it varies in whatever it
is that week, and every morning when we do that,
We small talk with our listeners, so you know, what
are you doing right now? Oh, you're on your way

(42:30):
to work. What do you do for work? So we
get to know them, like, oh, you're on the way
to school. How many kids do you have? What are
you doing after you drop them off at school? Oh?
Then you're going to work. It's like, okay, we're getting
to know you. You're a mom who's dropping out for
kids and working like you must be exhausted. Thank you
for listening to us so early in the morning. Things
like that, because we wanted to get to know them.
And we had our first caller, who we did our

(42:52):
same thing that we always do. You know, what's your name,
where are you calling from? Write it down? Talking to her,
and all we said was how's your day going so far?
Which is how I open up a lot of them.
It's like, how's your day going so far? And she
started to cry and she told us that she thought

(43:13):
about unliving herself the night before. And we weren't obviously
expecting someone to open up in that in that way,
especially you know, first caller of the day, first thing
that we're really like doing in the morning. And I
don't think that she was planning to tell us that either.
I think it was just the simple question of how

(43:35):
is your day going that changed how she was going
to have a conversation with us, which I think is
a very important note to keep in mind of. Sometimes
all it takes is to ask somebody, you know, how
are you doing, how is your day going, how are
you feeling today? That little silly question that may seem
so dumb is actually such a great communicator and can

(43:59):
open something up in a crazy way that you just
aren't expecting. And we talked to her on air, we
talked to her off air. I've been randomly messaging her
to check in on her, but that was a really
heavy moment for me because with connection, and with amazing connections,
and with the positive aspect of connecting with people, also

(44:21):
comes scenarios like this. And this isn't a negative by
any means. I am so happy. I'm so so so
happy that she felt comfortable enough that she could tell
us that, knowing that she's live on the radio and
all of these people are going to hear her, and

(44:42):
she didn't care because she felt good talking to us.
That is something I will never take for granted, and
that is the amazing part of my job that I
get to do that, and that's what I want, those connections.
It's just hard being an EmPATH too to hear those
things because I want to help everybody. I want everybody

(45:03):
to be happy. I want everybody to feel like they belong.
I want everybody to feel comfort in being here, and
by being here, I mean just like Earth. Yeah, because
I've had so many times that I didn't have comfort
being here on Earth. I've had so many times that
I didn't want to be here anymore. And I worked

(45:27):
through those emotions and I'm in such a better place
now and i just want everybody else to have that.
So it can be really draining, it can be really
exhausting in like an amazing way. Because, like I said,
I'm so lucky that she felt comfortable saying that to us.
I don't know if this is actually true, but like

(45:50):
we could have saved her life just by talking to
her and by asking her how she was doing that day,
and by telling her you know that we're here and
we're willing to help her, like look for the help
that she not only like wants, but like deserves and needs.

Speaker 3 (46:04):
You guys absolutely helped her whether it was in a small.

Speaker 4 (46:07):
Or big role. You absolutely did.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
You know why because even you talking when you told
me this happened, the day that happened, you had posted
about it. It's so this is why community is so important,
this is why connection is so important.

Speaker 4 (46:24):
This is why I wanted to talk about connection.

Speaker 3 (46:26):
And this is so interesting because this is not genuinely
the way this episode was not going to go.

Speaker 4 (46:32):
I had brought on Benjamin, who is known as a.

Speaker 3 (46:35):
Flirt coach, but the way that he shifted the conversation
of saying I see flirting as connection with any and
everybody in the world changed my entire perspective on everything
in a lot of ways. And in this particular topic,

(46:55):
we passed through our days so easily, seemed so many strangs,
without smiling, without interacting, without recognizing that we are all
existing on this planet together. We just go about our
days because life can be so hard, and so for

(47:16):
you guys to say, how are you doing today?

Speaker 4 (47:20):
Is probably something she hasn't heard in a while.

Speaker 3 (47:24):
If I had to guess, which you probably would do,
knowing we both have the experiences that we do and
have been in her shoes before. So somebody saying those words,
even to a random stranger, even to the lady at
the cashier, even to the person that you see on
the street, even to the coworker that you don't.

Speaker 4 (47:45):
Normally talk to.

Speaker 3 (47:47):
Interacting with other humans is so important and we've gotten
so far away from it.

Speaker 4 (47:54):
And that's why I love.

Speaker 3 (47:56):
Hearing you share this story, because not only was your
guys connection to her so important, it was so important
that it did play a role in saving her life.

Speaker 4 (48:05):
And I don't want you to ever downplay that or
question that because she did. Yeah, I just I've I.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
Don't it's I don't even have words for that, uh
because obviously, like nobody plans for that, nobody plans to
like help save someone in that aspect. But I'm just
I'm so happy that she had somebody to talk to.
And if that was us, or if it was somebody else,

(48:32):
what whoever, it doesn't matter. But it's so important, like
you said, to have those connections and to have we crave.
I say this all the time to my fiance that
like we as human beings are number one thing that
we want in life is to feel like we belong.
It's not love like in a romantic relationship, it's not

(48:54):
love in a platonic way. It's not money, it's not
a successful career. The number one thing that we just
want innate in our bodies, like it's just literally ingrained
in us, is to feel like we belong. And so
many of us don't feel like we belong. And there's
an array of reasons for that that would take days

(49:16):
to get into. But everyone should have the opportunity to
feel like they do belong, and everyone should have the
opportunity to feel like they have somewhere that they can
go to where they feel safe and comfortable and like
they're not going to be judged. And we always joke
on our show about like, oh, we're gonna judge you

(49:37):
in a very superficial, silly way, like when we banter
with people, But we never ever judge anybody for anything,
you know, even if we don't technically agree with them,
we're not judging them for that. We want everyone to
feel comfortable. We want everyone to feel good about where
they are, because I just can't imagine ever being a

(49:57):
person that doesn't want that. Now that I've done so
much work on myself and now that I've brought myself
out of that anger, dark hole that we talked about
that like really just seething, disgusting feeling of anger and
hatred for everyone and everything. Ever since I've brought myself
out of that, I'm like, I can't imagine ever being

(50:19):
like that again, because it's just it's so it's so
much harder to be hateful. It's so much work to
be hateful, Like, oh my god, you are putting so
much energy into the hatred, and for what reason? That
energy you can go into so many other things. You
could put that energy into making an amazing meal that
night for yourself or for your family. You can put

(50:40):
that energy into a new art project that you've been
putting off forever, that energy into creating something worthy of something,
write a freaking book. You could do anything with that energy,
because it takes so much out of you to be
so just like negative and hateful. But I just don't
want that ever.

Speaker 3 (50:59):
That's why we're here to encourage people to start finding connection.
That's what we're here in this episode particularly to do.

Speaker 4 (51:07):
And the way to do that is to.

Speaker 3 (51:09):
Find things that you're passionate about and that you care
about and show up in those spaces. And this is
what Benjamin really encouraged was when you go out do
something that you love, and when you're in a place
that you love or something that you really like to do,
talk to at least one person, like go out and
it doesn't have.

Speaker 4 (51:28):
To be someone of the opposite sex.

Speaker 3 (51:30):
It can be the same sex, it can be whatever
you want. But have a conversation with somebody, ask him
how they are, see how life is. And I know
that that's terrifying for a lot of people.

Speaker 1 (51:39):
So hard for you and.

Speaker 3 (51:40):
Me as extroverts, we're like, ah, y'all want you want
me to go talk to somebody, Okay, I'll go to it.

Speaker 4 (51:43):
I can talk to a walk.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
So hard, especially as an adult, and so to talk
to other adults like it goes back to this.

Speaker 3 (51:49):
Whole thing of like we constantly feel we're being judged
and we basically feel like we're being watched and we're
never going to do the right things or say the
right things to this person. But the truth is is
to the bottom of it is that we all do
want that connection. And at the end of the day,
somebody's probably gonna be really happy.

Speaker 4 (52:07):
That you came up to them.

Speaker 3 (52:08):
And I have this situation that happened I went out
Halloween weekend and I had brought in my purse instead
of anything that I actually needed, I brought a bunch
of candy. And I was like, I'm just gonna give
out candy to a bunch of people and just try
and create connection. This way is because you know, a
little behind the scenes here. Benjamin and I recorded that
interview a couple weeks ago, and I was like, I'm

(52:30):
gonna put this kind of concept to the test in
the field and connect with people in different ways and
just try this. And He's I'm telling you, guys, how
he sees and views this is a game changer. Like
I brought out this candy and one of the funny
interactions that I had not just with like guys or
potential people that I thought were cute. But there's a

(52:51):
bartender and she was giving me a drink and she's like,
you're Sabrina Carpenter and I.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
Was like, yes, I am. Oh my gosh, do.

Speaker 4 (52:56):
You want a piece of candy? Like you got it?
You want a piece of candy?

Speaker 3 (52:59):
That kind of became I stick for the night right
And she was like, oh my gosh, yes, I'd love one.
So I gave everyone I was like, you can have
more than one, and I just gave her a bunch
of candy and we left the bar, and then we
ended up going back to that bar like at the
end of the night, and she was leaving it was
the end.

Speaker 4 (53:14):
Of her shift, and she walked by me again.

Speaker 3 (53:15):
She goes, I just want to tell you you made
my entire night coming up to me, not only as
a parena carpenter, but also with candy and just your
energy and being.

Speaker 4 (53:24):
Kind to me, Like it genuinely changed the course of
my evening.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
How simple? How simple is that? And before you even
said that candy story, the one thing that I was
just thinking about was like, remember being a kid, and
remember how easy it was because you didn't think about
anything at all, Like you never thought about what you
were going to say to a stranger or how you
were going to make friends. You would say something as
small as I really like your purse, yes, and then

(53:50):
you became friends. Like it was that easy and that simple,
And that's the first thing I thought about. And then
you said the candy thing. What an easy and simple
way to connect with somebody that you've never talked to before,
And in a way that's like also childlike in a way,
you know what I mean the candy, like candy always
gives you a thought process of oh kitty.

Speaker 4 (54:08):
And everybody likes candy.

Speaker 1 (54:09):
You're like, oh kitty. I mean it's tifically taking the
piece of candy absolutely, which like I'm not gonna lie
this day and age. I probably wouldn't have taken your candy,
but the option would have been really sweet. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (54:19):
And then if you didn't want a candy from a stranger,
I understand.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
Exactly, but it starts the conversation of like, oh, do
you want to piece of candy? And even if I
was like, oh, I don't know you, I don't think
yours a candy, I'd still be like, but your outfit's
really cute. You look like Sabrina Carpenter. You'd be like,
that's exactly who I am. And it would still start
a conversation, yep.

Speaker 3 (54:35):
And I like, honestly, though, what's crazy about it is
I would have thought the same thing, Like I didn't
really even think.

Speaker 4 (54:41):
I was like, I'm not a stranger. I'm not a
stranger to anybody.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
I wasn't even processing and like, oh, this is kind
of creepy.

Speaker 3 (54:47):
But when I gave out so much candy that night Ricky,
and not a single person denied it.

Speaker 4 (54:53):
Oh and listen, some people get energy pretty privileged whatever.
I don't think that's what it was.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
I was just so happy to be connecting with so
many different humans, whether it was about Sabrina or Halloween
or the candy or their night. I had so many
conversations that evening, and it then snowballed into these other
nights that I've been out.

Speaker 4 (55:16):
I've carried that same energy without.

Speaker 3 (55:18):
Candy, and I'm just connecting with people, and I've stopped
putting expectations on anything.

Speaker 4 (55:25):
It's just connecting.

Speaker 3 (55:26):
It's just meeting another stranger in the world and seeing
where life takes you, like taking the expectations off of
each other and just bringing it back down to what
you're saying, this.

Speaker 5 (55:39):
Very childlike level of we're just humans.

Speaker 3 (55:43):
We're all just trying to be here and get along.
We're all in the same space because we all like
this place, whether it be a bar or a gym
or I went to a free workout the other day
and I was like the team cheerleader.

Speaker 5 (55:54):
Every time somebody passed me, I was like, let's go
and everybody's.

Speaker 1 (55:57):
Looking at me like she's kind of crazy, And I
was like, no, Morgan is very, very competitives, So that
actually totally makes sense.

Speaker 4 (56:02):
That you're like, yeah, let's go.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
You're like, we're all gonna do so good.

Speaker 3 (56:07):
I was, though, like it genuinely changed this perspective, which
is one that like, you and I are lucky enough
to kind of already have a piece of us.

Speaker 1 (56:16):
But what for you?

Speaker 3 (56:17):
Do you feel like you do when you go out
into the world and you're like, how am I going
to interact today.

Speaker 4 (56:22):
To make this a little bit better for myself and
for others?

Speaker 2 (56:25):
You do?

Speaker 4 (56:25):
Anything?

Speaker 5 (56:26):
Have you had like a mindset shift that's happened, I would.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
Say, honestly, I'm just like open. Being open is so hard,
Like it's a really hard thing to be an open person,
especially if you have been burned or you have been
hurt in the past, Like it's really hard to be
open to everything. But I try to be as open
as possible to everyone and everything around me. So when

(56:51):
I say that, I mean like when I'm going grocery shopping,
Like I can walk past somebody and I can say
something like, oh my god, I love your shoes and
the oh, thank you, I appreciate that. Or if I'm
at like Trader Joe's and there's like a product that
I haven't tried before and somebody's already picking it up,
I'll be like, have you tried that yet? Because I
think I'm gonna try it, I just don't know yet,
And then that starts a conversation. So not necessarily meaning

(57:13):
that we're gonna be best friends or anything with that,
maybe not even friends in general, but just a connection
with someone.

Speaker 4 (57:20):
So you've already been doing this.

Speaker 5 (57:21):
I mean, I feel like there's a part of me
that always but has been.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
Now I'm really doing it, but you you've been doing it. Yeah,
I don't know that. I can't like, I don't know
if I'm capable of not doing that. I don't know
if I'm capable of not talking to everyone and everything,
even like a wall. I think there's points where people
are like, please stop talking, like enough, I don't want
to connect with you right now, which is also another

(57:45):
flip side of this is like kind of learning what
people need and what their connection is because not everybody
has the same thoughts as you. Right In the sense
of connection, sometimes connection is being able to sit with
somebody and not talk at all. Yeah, but just being
able to be yeah, or just being able to be
silent next to that person because that person just wants

(58:06):
to be with someone in the.

Speaker 4 (58:08):
Presence of somebody else.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
Yes. So connection doesn't necessarily always mean talking. Connection could
mean going and sending somebody a gift, Like you're not there,
you're not talking to them, but you sent them a
gift that you thought of them, and you just send
that to them. That's a connection. Like, there's connecting in
so many different ways. It doesn't just need to be

(58:31):
a conversation or you walking up to somebody. For those
that scares the crap out of them, I totally get it.
I don't blame you whatsoever. It's scary. So if that's
something that frightens you, you can find connection in so
many other ways.

Speaker 4 (58:46):
You know what I did.

Speaker 3 (58:47):
You reminded me of a conversation I had with someone
who's a newer friend of mine and they're much more introverted,
and they were like, how do.

Speaker 4 (58:57):
You just want to be friends with people? How do
you how do you be outgoing? How is this?

Speaker 3 (59:02):
I was like, well, honestly, half of the battle is
realizing that nobody actually cares.

Speaker 4 (59:09):
About anything that you're doing. When you take away this idea.

Speaker 3 (59:15):
That you think everybody is judging you and everybody has
something to say, Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of
people that have a lot to say and they have
a lot of yeah, but most of people are not
judging you, and they're so focused on their own worlds
that when.

Speaker 5 (59:29):
You take away this like need to almost.

Speaker 3 (59:35):
Make yourself terrified of the rapercussions of being outgoing or
going to speak to somebody, you take away a lot
of that power that comes with rejection, because rejection is
where the terrified.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
Oh yeah, it's the rejection part for sure. But I
can also say take comfort in the fact that everyone
is nervous, Like you're not the only one that's nervous
to talk to somebody new. You're not the only one
that's nervous that somebody's judging them. Everyone is always worried
about that. It's something that you kind of learn to overcome.

(01:00:10):
And also when I say overcome, I don't mean that
like judgment means nothing to you anymore, and that it
doesn't bother you when somebody says something negative about you.
That's not what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:00:19):
I'm saying that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
You learn to overcome that initial thought of oh no,
I can't do this because someone's going to judge me.
Instead you're like, okay, great, judge me. You also get
to a point I think in life as an adult
that you're so comfortable in who you are, and it
takes longer for some and for others. It's like very
natural and very just like right off the bat. But

(01:00:41):
when you're comfortable with who you are and you know
who you are, you don't worry so much about people
judging you. I don't worry so much about people judging me.
That's not something that I think about very often. I
used to when I was younger, because that's what I
always felt like everybody was judging me, because that's what
I was taught by those adults that judged me. Like

(01:01:01):
right from the get I was like, oh wow, people
are always judging me, and for things that are outside
of my own control. I didn't do any of this,
Like I never did anything to deserve this judgment. This
is just being brought upon me because of my family.
I didn't do this. I'm just a kid, like I
was brought into this and I just learned later on,
I'm like, okay, so what if they judge cool, Like

(01:01:25):
judge me if you want to. But I know who
I am. I know what I want to bring to
this world. I know what I bring to the table.
I know my values and my morals and who I
am as a person. And if you don't see those
things and you see something else, okay, fine.

Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
Yeah, you have this confidence that exudes about you, that
has really come to understand herself and that's a beautiful place.

Speaker 4 (01:01:55):
To be in your life.

Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
It really I'm lucky that I've gotten here. But I
will say it was yours of therapy, a lot of
looking inward, a lot of sitting down with myself, not
even just a therapist, but down with myself and being like, Okay,
why are you thinking like this? Why do you feel
this way? What are your your reasonings for X y Z?

(01:02:18):
And really like digging deeper and deeper. I will also
say that, like, I'm lucky that I've always had family
members that have supported me and instilled that confidence in
me from a very early age of like you're amazing,
you're beautiful, you're this, you're that, And I've always heard
that my whole life, and I'm so lucky that I
had that, because not everybody does. I think everyone should,

(01:02:39):
but not everybody does, unfortunately. So I'm going to say
right now, you are amazing, You are beautiful, you are talented,
You could do anything, and I truly wholeheartedly believe that, truly,
And when you believe that is when your entire life
like changes and that confidence can wane, you know, Like
it's not like I wake up every morning and I'm like, hell, yeah, confident, bitch,

(01:03:00):
Like I just I don't like that would be a
live I said that, I.

Speaker 4 (01:03:04):
Would love that. Most of the time. I roll out
of bed and I'm like, who is that?

Speaker 1 (01:03:09):
No, for real, who is she? Yeah, like a girl,
she's slept on the wrong side of the bed. Like that,
That's okay, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (01:03:16):
Like know, Telli Parma was saying time, and she's like,
roll out of bad and cup of envision.

Speaker 4 (01:03:19):
I need a cup of a whole lot of.

Speaker 1 (01:03:21):
Things to become supposed to be yes, and at least
another hour to actually wake up. So like, I get it,
you know what I mean. You're not always gonna wake
up feeling that way, and that's totally fine, Like and
I don't always either, but overall, I'm very confident in
who I am. Like, I know that I am a caring,
loving m path. I know that I am a badass.

(01:03:41):
I know that I am talented. I know that I
can accomplish anything that I put my mind towards, because
I already have accomplished so many things I put my
mind towards. And I know that I'm lucky in that,
you know what I mean. Like, I'm not blind to
that thought process by any means. I just want everyone
to take that time to look at themselves to build

(01:04:02):
their confidence. Yeah, you knowause.

Speaker 3 (01:04:04):
Everybody deserves to be that confident, and everybody deserves to
have that inner like self reflection that gets them to
a place of I don't give an actual damn.

Speaker 4 (01:04:14):
About what you think about me or what you have
to say. Yeah, because it is.

Speaker 3 (01:04:17):
It's very freeing, but it also still comes like nobody's perfect.
Everybody still has their moments we're understanding.

Speaker 1 (01:04:24):
But also I have so many areas to grow in
as a person.

Speaker 4 (01:04:28):
We all do.

Speaker 1 (01:04:29):
But that's also part of the fun, right, is like
knowing that you're always going to be growing, You're always
going to be better.

Speaker 3 (01:04:35):
I will say, once you work on that inner like
self and that inner confidence, that inner knowing who you are.

Speaker 4 (01:04:43):
The rest of it starts to come pretty easy.

Speaker 1 (01:04:45):
You don't even know what's happening sometimes, no, because you're
just when.

Speaker 3 (01:04:48):
You have self confidence and you're just like existing in
the world. You are in the present moment, and being
in the present moment will change.

Speaker 4 (01:04:57):
The entire course of what you're doing.

Speaker 3 (01:05:00):
Oh yeah, that present moment where you're no longer focused
on the behind, focused on what's ahead.

Speaker 1 (01:05:05):
You're just here.

Speaker 3 (01:05:06):
You're just existing as exactly who you are in this moment.
That right there, that is a superwoman, super Man. It
is the perfect mesh of the things that we should
be doing in this life, what we wance. I feel like,
really we're doing and we're getting back to we're finding
our way back.

Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
And that's like I would say, before you know, it
wanes and that's okay. You know, like everyone's gonna have
those times where they don't feel that way and they
don't feel confident in who they are, and that's okay.
I mean, like it's just it's life. Everything is a rollercoaster. Yes,
you know, one day you're gonna be on top and
the next day, you're gonna feel like absolute nothing, and
that's okay. The one thing that I can say in

(01:05:46):
those moments is like, feel all of those feelings. I mean,
I've said that to you so many times in scenarios.
It's like, feel all those feelings, like I want you
to feel out of part.

Speaker 4 (01:05:55):
But yeah, I know, I know it. Anytime somebody tells
me them, I'm like, I know, I know. I know.

Speaker 1 (01:05:59):
It's such a hard thing and it's so cliche. It's
so cliche, but it's not. It's true, so true, because
like you need to feel everything that you are feeling
to work through.

Speaker 4 (01:06:09):
One of those things is me wanting to punch you in.

Speaker 7 (01:06:11):
This but yeah, that's totally fine, and I except that fully,
except that I actually expect it. And if you didn't
want to punch me in the face, I wouldn't be
doing my job as your Fred true all jokes.

Speaker 4 (01:06:21):
I really, I'm never gonna punch her or never will.

Speaker 1 (01:06:24):
But that's and that's like literally just you have to
work through all of those things to get back to
that confident, that confident you that I know who I am. Like,
you get through all those moments and then you're like, oh, no,
that's her. There's that bitch, and she's there somewhere. She's
back like it takes time. See, so all these things.

Speaker 3 (01:06:42):
Look at where Ricky has come from a lot of
you know, where I have come from to be where
I am today. A lot of the questions that I
get asked often are like, how are you this happy,
confident human being? And it didn't come from nothing, It didn't.
It came from so many places, and it's still constantly
coming from multiple situations and things that I've experienced.

Speaker 4 (01:07:05):
But all that to say, anybody can be this way.

Speaker 5 (01:07:08):
You just have to choose that Ricky and I chose.

Speaker 4 (01:07:11):
It just took a lot of wrong.

Speaker 1 (01:07:14):
Choices to get to this choice, and there will be
plenty of more wrong choices and plenty of more moments
that we're going to have to choose to be happy
and choose to be somebody who wants to connect with
people and confidence all of those things. That's a choice
every day. It's an easy one.

Speaker 3 (01:07:30):
So that's why I'm challenging everyone who's listening right now.
I don't care if you're outgoing and you've already figured
everything out. I don't care if you haven't figured anything out.
I'll have two challenges for you today. One go talk
to any stranger, just one one stranger.

Speaker 4 (01:07:46):
Today, say hello, Say how are you so? If nothing
comes right?

Speaker 3 (01:07:50):
Cool, If something does, also great, that's your one challenge.
Challenge number two is to look yourself in the mirror and.

Speaker 4 (01:07:57):
Say I am a badass.

Speaker 1 (01:07:59):
I deserve to be here.

Speaker 4 (01:08:01):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (01:08:02):
The only two things you have to say today. And
if you start each day with those two things for
a week, I guarantee.

Speaker 4 (01:08:06):
You'll start to feel better.

Speaker 1 (01:08:07):
And the second one might be really hard. And even
though I am very confident, I hate compliments and I'm
very hard at giving them to myself. Trust me, And
I know that's kind of like, oh, that doesn't make
any sense. You're confident and you don't like compliments. Hate compliments.
It always makes you like're.

Speaker 3 (01:08:22):
So crazy and I'm so proud of you and you're
such a great person.

Speaker 1 (01:08:27):
I love you so much. It makes you so uncomfortable.

Speaker 4 (01:08:29):
Now, so you want to punch me in the face out.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
No, I actually kind of want to hug you, but
I like want to like squeeze you a little tighter, like,
don't do that again. But cute aggression. Yes, yes, exactly.
So it can be really hard, but you know you
gotta try, and like we said, we still have to
do it all the time.

Speaker 4 (01:08:47):
I wake up every day and talk to myself her.

Speaker 1 (01:08:50):
I'm constantly talking to myself all day every day about
things like in my head of like little reminders of
like or like working through scenarios in my head of Okay,
this is how we're gonna handle this, Like what's the
initial reaction and like think that part through then move
past the initial reaction because normally the initial reaction is
not how I should handle any situation, and like work

(01:09:12):
through those things. So I'm constantly talking to myself and
there's plenty of times where I'm like, Rocky, the hell
was that? Like why did you do that?

Speaker 3 (01:09:19):
If you're not doing that to yourself twice today, then
you're really not living, let's be honest.

Speaker 1 (01:09:23):
Yeah, so many moments where I'm like, why are you
like this? Like what is wrong with you?

Speaker 3 (01:09:27):
But that's okay, that's like the cute disaggression for I'll like,
I'll do cute in disagression with my dog and my cat.
I'm like, we're going, why, just gentle, why are you
like this?

Speaker 4 (01:09:37):
Why are you the way you are.

Speaker 1 (01:09:38):
But that's part of it, you know. It was like,
why are you the way you are? Why are you
like this?

Speaker 4 (01:09:42):
Angel? Question? And nobody will ever answer.

Speaker 1 (01:09:44):
Right, and then be like, I don't know, but I
want to be like this.

Speaker 4 (01:09:48):
And working towards that this is true, this is how
you figure it out.

Speaker 1 (01:09:51):
Or just accepting that you are the way that you
are too, because there are definitely certain parts of me
I'm like, this is just the way it's gonna be.
I don't know what to tell you. Unfortunately, this is
where we're we're at.

Speaker 3 (01:10:01):
Oh right, we could talk all day and you'll have
to come on for another episode at someone, But for now,
I'm going to release you from this vulnerable released.

Speaker 1 (01:10:08):
Thank you for.

Speaker 3 (01:10:09):
Being here, Thanks for hanging out with me and opening
up about your life and talking about connections.

Speaker 1 (01:10:14):
Thank you for having me, and this couch is very comfy.

Speaker 3 (01:10:24):
I really hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Benjamin is
already helping me personally redefine connection with strangers and put
it to practice IRL in real life. If you want
to follow either Benjamin or Ricky, check out the description
notes for their Instagram pages, and you can also follow
the podcast Instagram page. While you're there, I hope you
have a great start to your November. This week, remember
my two challenges for you, and if you do them,

(01:10:46):
please tag me on Instagram. I want to see all
the things happening. All right, y'all, talk to you next time.

Speaker 4 (01:10:50):
Bye,