Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's k IF.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
I am six forty and you're listening to the Conway
Show on demand on the iHeart Radio app.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Is sing with Us, which is really cool.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
This is like a you know, growing up watching The
Tonight Show and you taking over for Carson and then
for you to be sitting here right now, it's unbelievable.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Well, thank you, thank It shows you how much I've fallenieable.
One day you're on top, next day looking at fil
A out of the window. Yeah, that's right, it's a
Chick fil A out the window.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Let's talk about favorite restaurant, your favorite, your Italian favorite,
and you also cook.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Well, there should be a great one, uh on on Magnolia.
It's across the street from Pinocchios.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Is very I like Pocca. Oh the guy across the
street was great.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Oh my god was good. And he you got fed
up with something whatever, But but that was fir. I'll
tell you a funny story. Somebody in my crew goes
to Italy and they go to Fa Mai, which is
the village where my grandfather came from. So they go
Jay when we're in for Mari and everybody there looks
like you I go, I know that's where my grandfather
came from. They came from America. Okay, my grandfather born
(01:12):
in eighteen fifty seven. Wow, okay, okay, so I am okay.
So he meets the mayor. So he bites the mayor
when you're in America, come to the tonight. Six months later,
Jay the mayor from what the mayor and the mayor
comes in after the show. He looks like Italian Mary.
He's got the little hat. It's too small for his
head to suit. The buttons are.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Too far party because he's more in a too late
kind of fan.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
He goes, he's Aleno and the mayor of from Mari
with your grandfather. One nice to meet you, say, goes, listen,
we want to build a statue of a you and
your grandfather to put in a town square. I said,
you know, I'm not really a statue. Oh no, no,
you toomorrow is from humble beginnings. Your grandfather, his grandson
becomes a huge starter to our village. You would meet
(01:56):
so much to have the statue of you and your grandfather.
You're a town square, he says, will you give a FEMII?
I said, well all right, yes, thank you he goes, yes, good. Now,
the basic statue is the seventy five thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
If you want to be on the hill looking down.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
You know what I said, I don't really know.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
I believe that.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I mean, something has to pay for it. I know,
I understand, I said, I appreciate it. It couldn't be
the most Italian thing.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, just hilarious.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Good wait, your grandfather was born before the Civil War
or the Civil War?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Woh that is that I got in nineteen fifty seven.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, he's almost one hundred years older.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Man.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
My dad was born in nineteen ten. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Wow, you know what that's that's great jeans. You're gonna
be around a long time. Well, we'll see. You know,
I was talking about you know, you had a great
line we were talking about during the commercial break. If
you you know a lot of people have these CATLLITCIC
converters tolling off their car, and if you take it
off your own car, well, this is what it's a problem.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
It's a federal offense because it's a government mandate, you know,
So you take catileca it's a ten thousand dollars fine
to mess with the emission system on your car.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Ten thousand dollars, fine, if you do it.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
If you do it, yes, but if your catalytic converter
is stolen by a thief, it's a misdemeanor film So
you you would actually what you usually do is hire
a thief to take your catle con converter off, right,
And what do they get the guy that steals the
catalytic converter, they're three thousand dollars to replace.
Speaker 5 (03:35):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I had a friend of mine. You just need all
these CD people when you're in show business.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
And this guy used to steal cars and he would say,
what do you think you get for stole Mercedes something?
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Wow? A thousand, ten thousand, no, seventy five bucks?
Speaker 3 (03:47):
What?
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (03:47):
And he said I had to steal two or three
a night to make enough money. But you know, and
then they sell it to a shop shop and he
sells it till every piece of the car's gone.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
You And that's that's what it is. That's what it is.
It's hard to sell nowadays because they're all number.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Yeah and catalytic converter is also it's illegal to sell them,
So he got to sell them to someone who knows
he's buying. So he's committing a crime by buying it
from you. So he's not going to pay you anything
for it. Yeah, yeah, it's it's a terrible thing.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
But you know, up until recently, fire engines didn't have
the Cadillac converse.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Now they all do. What's the what's the advantage of
not having.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Well in the old days, when emissions was not as
computer oriented as is now and they couldn't regulate it
quite as well, if you took the catalytic converter off
your car, your engine ran better because it ran a
little cooler. Uh, you know, didn't have to be quite
so lean, so you got better mileage and more power.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Fire engines have to perform at a certain standard, so
they were exempt for years until they came up with
modern more mind modern fire engines, the more up to
date equipment, you know. So now now they all have
catlet converter, even motorcycles.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Is your garage in la or in the valley? It's
in Burbank Burbank Airport. Yeah, oh I knew the airport, Okay, right,
Do you have somebody maintained for you and somebody keeps
it clean?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Well, I have people who work there I keep it clean.
You know you're there? Are you there every day?
Speaker 3 (05:08):
I'm there every day?
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Really, Yeah, it's my Malibu beach house. I heard you
never sell one of those cars, you only give them away.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, no, no, I don't like to sell it. No,
I like I call Mike. I have a Michael.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Is the whole garage and everything expensive to ensure it's
gotta be duh. Yeah, like hundreds of thousands of dollars. Yeah,
that's probably correct. Yeah, but that's fair to say you
never sell a car. No, no, I just like you
ever buy him anymore.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Yeah, you're still buying cars, you know something.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
I watch hordes and go I don't see the problem.
I mean there's still a path to the bedroom. Look,
the guy can get into the bathroom. Look, you just
go around to.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
The thing, you know. Yeah, no, I don't.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
If you have electric cars, I do have an electric.
I got a nineteen oh nine Baker Electric. I got
a nineteen fourteen to try elect They had electric before
you had gas. In fact, the year nineteen oh seven
eight nine, a third of the cars were steam, a
third were electric, and a third were gas.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
And there was a battle which.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
One was going to win. And we're kind of going
through that now. I think the next big player is
going to be hydrogen. That'll be the next one to come.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I didn't know this until recently.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
I was watching YouTuber or TikTok where I got all
my information from. But the Brownstones in Manhattan were built
up three or four feet and you had stairs because
when they were built, the streets were all filled with
horse crap, right, that's right, and people were tired of that.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
That's where there were dashboard comes. Dash was another word
for manure, so they would put a board in front,
so when the horses kicked up manure, it would hit
the board, it would hit the dashboard as so the
then cars came on, and then they had an engine
in front.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Now the dashboard.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Obviously just holds the gauges right, And as you said,
I think last time you're on there was it was
a great trade off from you know, the horses filled
with you know, horse crap, and the alternative.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Was a puff of blue smoke. That's right.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
I mean that seemed like, oh, this is so much
better than having six tons of manure in here, sixty
of manure every day in New York City.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Do you remember your dad probably did this, maybe your
your grandfather. My grandfather used to do this in Cleveland.
When he would go to change the oil in his car.
He'd put two tires up on the curb and then
undo the this, you know, the screw there this, you know,
the figgurt or whatever, the oil and then the oil
goes right into the gutter.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Yeah. Yeah, it goes back to the earth where it
came from.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, yeah, that those people that goes right back. That's
the beauty of it. Goes back to the earth. You
see it some recycling. Yeah yeah. All right, Jay, thank you,
back you guys, Thank you to having on. John all right,
thank you So.
Speaker 6 (07:33):
I really appreciate you're listening to Tim Conway Junior on
demand from kf I am six forty.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Now you've done something that CHP hated. Well, I mean
they're right.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
They're out there, you know, cruising looking for you know,
back or doing stuff that they shouldn't be doing that's unsafe.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Well you know it before you go on here, are
you realized that the laws in California are made for
your protection?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Of course? Thanks so they would rather you obey them, yes, okay, And.
Speaker 5 (08:01):
I typically do and I don't know what happened in
this one instance. The car kind of got away from me,
I guess, and I was driving too fast.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
It's an empty for you weight. It's midnight, Yes, it
was midnight. There weren't a lot of cars in the road.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
So and it's not like you drive a car that's
gonna shake it at eighty five eighty eight.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
No, it's a really smooth ride.
Speaker 5 (08:20):
But I'll tell you also, and this is because we
talk a lot about the way I used to drive.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I don't really drive that, you know, crazy like a
crazy man anymore.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
So, but I apparently I still have it somewhere in
me because the car, I guess got away from me
or whatever I drove for whatever I became impatient or
you know. So anyway, it's midnight, and I see that
thing that just makes your heartstop, which the lights, you know,
come on they you know, they're red and blue. And
then yes, thank you, And that's exactly And then wait,
(08:48):
did you get scared or you angry?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I was scared? Okay, that means you're still young.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Okay, as you get older, like my grandfather at one
point flipped where he was no longer scared he was pissed.
Speaker 5 (08:58):
No, I was scared. And they have such bright lights.
I mean, I don't know where the candle power comes
from on these lights. But it was like, God, this
is insane. I'm gonna get up like a sunburn from
this light. And so I'm frightened. And I pull over
to the you know, and and the right lane. And
then I hear and I'm thinking, oh, no, I can't
(09:21):
hear because the windows up. So I roll the window
down and I'm still driving, you know, but now I'm
in the right land and goes how hot. I can't
understand what he's saying, and so then I roll the
other window down so I could hear it, and and
and I hear. I got both windows down, and I
(09:44):
and I'm now I pull off the road.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (09:46):
So now I'm there on the shoulder of the road
full stop. And he pulls up on him and he
goes cls. I'm like, did he tell me, like to
throw the keys out of the car or what is
he telling me? I don't know what he's telling me.
I still can't understand him, so I'm figuring. And then
then quickly he said, exit, oh, exit, okay, so he
(10:09):
wanted me to go to the next exit and pull off.
So I did pull off and then lankershim exactly and
then and.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
I just figured he wanted me to turn.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
It's weird how you think that technology would have matched
the technology that the lights have, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
But it doesn't.
Speaker 5 (10:29):
It's not clearly they've really outpaced the audio part of
that whole thing.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I think they do that on purpose, so you know,
they confuses the guy that he takes off and there's
a chase I.
Speaker 5 (10:40):
See, but I'm not exaggerating. I couldn't understand except for exit.
I got that and then I turned at the bottom.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Did you not understand because you had too much drink?
Speaker 5 (10:55):
So I pull over to the to the right, and
this dude you know, comes up to and he's this tall,
good looking dude. It's like you got everybody, all all
our cops are just like they're just at a central
casting like right out of chips, you know, And there
he is, and he's and he says, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
You'll no longer get the Barney fipes.
Speaker 5 (11:14):
And exactly, it's you know, and you also don't get
like the boss hog, you know what I mean, You're
not getting that. So this he's is your license pleasing?
And he says, uh, you know, I got you. I
got your speeding back there. I said, oh really, I said,
you guys, And the first thing, I said, hey man,
I'm so sorry. I couldn't understand what you were saying.
That's why I pull over. I pull ahead. I just couldn't.
(11:35):
I was desperate to understand what you were saying. He said,
it's okay, it's okay, just need to see your license.
He takes the license and he goes, I got you
for speeding. And I was still like racked with guilt
that I was unable to understand him before, like I
couldn't follow his instructions. I felt like that maybe that
was he thought I was messing with him. He looks
the license, he said, this is still your addresses.
Speaker 6 (11:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
I said okay. I said how fast was I going?
He said eighty five?
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Wow?
Speaker 5 (11:58):
I said what eighty five? He said, yeah, eighty five?
Said when I was? He said, I said, well, and
then this is pretty classic. I said, well, I really
I thought people were passing me. And he said, when
I was following you, you were the fastest guy out there.
I thought, well, that's probably true. Yeah, all right, you're
(12:20):
the fastest. So I So he goes back, and then
right as he's leaving, this other person comes up, like
I guess the you know, his partner. And I look
over and it's a woman and she's stunning. Okay, I'm thinking,
are you kidding me? Are you a real cop? I mean,
are you an actress? Maybe like studying for a role
(12:42):
as a cop. She was that attractive, and and.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
So I said, aren't you late for an audition?
Speaker 5 (12:48):
No, no, I did not say that, I said, I
did the same thing. I felt so bad. I said, hey,
I want to apologize. I said, I couldn't understand what
you guys were saying. That's why I pulled over. And
then I pulled the head. She said it's okay, said
we'll be right back. They go back to the cruiser.
I think that's what they call them.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Cruisers.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
Sure, And it was like a minute, maybe two minutes,
and they came back and they gave me the license.
She came back and she said, be careful with your speed.
She said, it's that speeding tickets are expensive and it's dangerous.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Wow. Man. Then let me go and they split. Yeah,
Holy smoked.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
He did ask me if I was if I had
been drinking, and I said the answer was truthfully no.
And I think that's kind of what they were worried about.
If I'd been drinking at all, I think it might
have been a different conversation.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Yeah, I never drink, and even like one beer. If
we have a beer at dinner, I have gen drive home.
Because I had a buddy of mine who had a
couple of drinks and he got rear ended at a
stop sign and he got a DUI for it. Right,
I mean, he was blamed in the collision because he
(13:51):
had like it wasn't over the limit, but he had
alcohol in his system and somebody was hurting the car
behind him. Sure, and it wasn't his fault. He was
sitting there, stopped and the guy hit him. That's how
paranoid I am about about drinking and driving. If I'm
homeworking on the garage, like on a Saturday night, and
I've had a couple of beers, I'll ask Jen to
bring the car in from the curb into the garage. Wow,
(14:13):
isn't that crazy? That's really I mean, that's but see,
this is this is what I envision. I go to
move the car off the curb. Somebody hits me and
I've had, you know, nineteen drinks and it's done.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
I'm over right. Well, that's a level of caution. That's
us short.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
It's border bordering on a problem. Yeah, I mean that
I have a problem.
Speaker 5 (14:37):
I'm I So what's funny about this is you were
surrounded by drinkers. I remember you telling a story with
McClean Stevenson driving me from a ballgame downtown and he
literally had like a Gen and Tonic in his hand
while he was driving.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
All right, I've never used that name on the air.
I said it was my dad's friend. But I'm so sorry.
Maybe it was not McLain Stevenson.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Maybe it was not. I'm serious. I just picked. I
picked the name of good.
Speaker 6 (15:00):
Have been anybody you're listening to Tim conwaytun you're on
demand from KF I am six forty crozer.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
You struck me as a big coke guy.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
In the eighties or nineties that trum no not true,
offered sorry a couple of times in my life.
Speaker 7 (15:16):
It's not wouldn't do anything for me, and uh, I
think the final death knell for that was my dad
dying from it.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
So that was good enough for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
but you actually did try it, it didn't do anything.
Speaker 5 (15:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (15:26):
I tried it a couple times, actually, I don't even
want to say a few times. A couple of times,
and it just it didn't do anything for me. I
literally thought people are losing their houses and cars over
this stuff.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
It doesn't do anything for me? Does grab you? I guess,
and grab my dad.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
The only time I I actually saw it, and I
saw a woman doing it and she said, hey, do
you want to do it? I'm like, I don't know,
I don't know. I'm not I don't like to lose
that kind of control. But I took some on my
finger and put it on my gums because they do
it like it's called.
Speaker 7 (15:53):
A freeze remember them, I don't know. And you put
it on your gums. I remember that being done, but
I don't remember the name of it.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah, And you put on your gums and freeze your gums,
and it tasted like like aspirin.
Speaker 7 (16:04):
And I'm like, it looks like it dastes like aspron Yeah.
I just did the sniff thing and it didn't so
I didn't taste it, and it just it did.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
I was like, what why it does grab people? Though?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
I know a guy that did it and he hated driving. He's,
you know, in the Midwest and like driving, and I'm
hated it and hated driving at nights you couldn't see anything.
But if he was doing cocaine on a weekend and
he was out, he would drive from downtown LA all
the way to like Chatsworth at night when he was
(16:37):
scared to death of driving to get some more grinding
his teeth. Yeah, they said the worst part of doing
cocaine is the when you try to go to sleep
and the birds don't stop chirping. It sounds like they're
in both ears. Really, that's what I heard.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
The thing.
Speaker 7 (16:51):
I was always fascinated by it in the very few
times I've been around it, around it, I I it's
it's an incredibly social drug.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Oh it is.
Speaker 7 (16:58):
Yeah, Like I never asked Ford or anything like that.
It was always one of those hey, here, here, here,
you gotta do it. You're here, here, here, everybody's doing it. Yeah,
my my buddy, that did. They used to enjoy that.
He said, you end up talking to people for six hours.
You would never give the time of day two.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Yeah, you'd never even know they're they existed, and you
have a nine hour conversation with him.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Stephos you don't strike me as a coke guy? Am
I wrong? Am I missing you?
Speaker 8 (17:26):
I'm terrified of all of that outside of uh, you know,
having a couple of drinks.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Oh I see, Okay, I didn't think it was gonna
say a couple of drinks.
Speaker 5 (17:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
I thought he was gonna say, uh, you know, like
uh snort. I thought I say, like meth amphetamine, mushrooms,
sums or horse or h Terrified of everything outside of
the injections, blues greens.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Oh yeah, that that terrifies me too. Just first I
go as gummies. Okay, you don't do injections.
Speaker 8 (17:56):
I'm honestly, I'm terrified to get blood drawn. Really Oh yeah,
Oh you don't like needles? I hate needles. So did
you get the COVID shot? I did, man, I was
terrified and I was sweating when I did.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
You know the COVID or the inoculations now or injections. Man,
when I was a kid, it was like they're putting
a like a comedy pencil into your arm. It hurt
like hell, you know, like one of those not shy
armed comedy pencils.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
But nowadays you can't feel it at all.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
It's it's it's literally the width of a size of
a hair.
Speaker 7 (18:33):
The key is to not get it done by a
nurse or a doctor, because those are not trained to
do it.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
What are they? The phlebotomous or whatever.
Speaker 7 (18:40):
The people that actually trained and licensed and all that
stuff to draw blood, they know how to do it
and not have any pain.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
I'm with you, I'm with you. That's why I get
minded Sears. That's where I got it, right outside of sears.
It's a little table. Somebody said, that's right. Yeah, guy
set up a table and I got a flu shot
right outside of sears.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
God almighty, what was it going on with me? Angel? You?
You don't strike me as a coke gal? Am I wrong?
Am I the moon? Yeah? I don't know. I don't
do that. I can't figure you out. Wait wait you
so you don't? Yeah, I don't do it? Okay?
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Or you're not on it now, that's right, you're not
on cocaine now, no, okay.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
It seems like she she's like she misses it.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
All right, okay, very quick here, oh Kiki, if she
got something to say, Kiki, is.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
That is that you got coke? Queen? Was your license plate?
You're a dune cocaine?
Speaker 3 (19:51):
No?
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I have not, No, I've done nothing. I am a
good person and a good girl, good Percy.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
It was always the first ones to turn yeah right, yeah,
Catholic goals?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Are you Catholic?
Speaker 3 (20:09):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:09):
I'm not you not? Okay?
Speaker 7 (20:11):
Those are the ones that the first time they do it,
they go absolutely insane.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Yeah, what if you don't want me ask? I don't
want to prive? Are you a god fearing woman?
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Yeah? You religious?
Speaker 5 (20:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I am not religious? Okay, Okay, Well she didn't understand
the expression. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
You know, during the break, I'm gonna talk to you
a little bit about Catholicism, you know, because I know
it's gonna piss a lot of people off, but it
really is the.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Only way to happen. That makes a lot of people crazy.
You know.
Speaker 7 (20:45):
I had some people when I was a kid that
you know, they used to come to the doors, to
your door and knock on you, you know, you give
you a little test. Are you familiar with Jesus and
all this stuff? And I had one couple come up,
I was ten, came up to the door, and it
was like price is right was being interrupted, and I
was already irritate to go into the door. And they
asked me, said are you familiar with the Lord? And
I go familiar?
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Yeah, sure, why not?
Speaker 7 (21:05):
And they asked me, they said, do you know his
real name? And I thought, isn't it Jesus? The go No,
it's down, and I went, all right, thanks, closed the
door and I was done.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
You know, they give you that.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
The Mormons come by and they gave me one of
those cards with Jesus on. It is not what they
do with the cards with Jesus on the Mormons.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Yeah, Mormons. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
The boys and the bikes. Yes, they were on bikes.
They are very well dressed young men. And they gave
me a card and had Jesus on it. Man, is
that hard to throw away?
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Oh? Yeah, you feel that?
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Yes, you gotta hang that or put it in a
drawer somewhere, or you know, put it in your wallet.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Well that and that's why these people do you want
to screw with luck? You throw a picture of Jesus away.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
God Almighty, how confident are you in life that you're
going to throw that away?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (21:52):
See That was the thing with them.
Speaker 7 (21:53):
It was like I felt like I was being like
like punished or something like that because I didn't have
a bit of knowledge or something like. They made me
feel like really small and like dumb, and I was like.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
What what you're coming to my door? Yeah, it was.
It wasn't even like the whole religious aspect of it.
It was just the way they come at me.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, I don't. I like when they knock on the door. Look,
they're you know, young men and women. I think they're
they're fine. But I often am of the mindset of man,
I I don't know if I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Change my religions today. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Do you get in the conversation, Nah, a little bit,
A little bit if it depends on how buzzed I
am into the door? Yeah, right, And see I've been
depending how much I'm down that day on TVG like,
hey guys, you got any more pictures of Jesus here?
We need a lot of help here in the nightcap.
Hang on, I got a collection plate just over here.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
A lot of help here with this last race.
Speaker 6 (22:47):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Forty So here's the story. My dad back in the
nineteen may been late sixties, early seventies. I think I
was seven or eight years old, so it could have
been sixty nine seventies somewhere in there. And he was
asked to do a charity event in Chicago. We were
in Cleveland at the time, and he was asked to
(23:14):
do a charity event in Chicago, and they were going
to fly into Chicago. He was going to do, you know,
a half hour, forty five minutes of jokes, the people
can ask him questions about his career, about McHale's Navy,
the whole run. And so they fly him to Chicago
from Hopkins Airport in Cleveland, not a private jet, you know, passenger,
(23:38):
public transport, public airways. They fly him to Chicago, they
pick him up, he does his set, does the charity
and he notices that there's a lot of guys who
worked for the city there, you know, a lot of
the city employees there. And back in the sixties and
(23:59):
early seventies in Chicago, the mob ran that town.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Chicago. I don't know if they still do, but they did.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Then and my dad met a few of those guys.
But it wasn't filled with those guys. There was like
one or two table of those guys and the rest
of them were you know, city employees. Probably about two
thousand people there. There's a big deal. And so they
thanked my dad for doing the event. And he literally
went there at I don't know, he left Cleveland at
(24:28):
noon and he was home the next day by noon.
So it's just a one day event. And he gets
back and we pick him up at the airport.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
You know. How was the event? Oh, was grades a
lot of people there, and it was a really cool event.
And they.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
And they gave me some Tonka toys for you kids,
and I said, oh, that's very nice. You know, we're young,
you know, seven, eight years old, nine years old. So
we get back to my grandparents' house and my dad
gives me this box. But it's a Tonka truck and
you could see through the celafhane at the truck and
and I opened it up and in the bottom of
(25:02):
it was fifty thousand dollars in cash. Stuck in the
bottom of that box was fifty thousand dollars in cash.
And I said to my dad and said, hey, you know,
there's money in this box. And he said, well, what
do you mean money? And I showed him and there
was fifty thousand dollars in cash, and my dad turned
(25:28):
white as a ghost. Pretty white guy anyway, but even whiter.
And he got on the phone and he called the
guys that did the event and he said, hey, somebody
put fifty thousand or maybe he is missing fifty thousand
dollars and they put it in his tonquer truck case.
(25:48):
And I don't want someone to come after me because
they're you know, they switched boxes.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
You know, it was a mob box that should have
gone to this guy. And I was like, now I
have it.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
And the guy said no, no, no, that's just us
saying thank you for doing the event.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
That's all yours.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
And my dad said, okay, I'd like to fly back
to Cleveland or to Chicago on my own dime and
give you this money back. And the guy says, well, no,
that's your appearance fee. He said, no, no, I told you
I'll do the event for free. I'm going to fly back,
I'll eat you at the airport, and I'm going to
give you this fifty thousand dollars. He flew back to Chicago,
(26:24):
gave him the fifty grand and then flew back to Cleveland.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Did he check the bag with the fifty grand?
Speaker 5 (26:29):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
I don't know, but I think he. I don't know
about the details, but they know. He gave the money
back and he flew back to Cleveland. And I said,
and even at a young age, I said, what happened here?
Why'd you do that?
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Dad? Yeah? And then it's fifty that's a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Look in retrospect, I would have never told my dad,
you know, he'd give me the money. I should have
socked it away.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
And where'd this twenty grand from here? From? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (26:55):
No, that's right. Your kid's new car is extraordinary and
he's only eleven.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
The big mistake of my life is tell my dad
that I did cash and he returned the money, and
I said, what had happened? And like years later he
explained it to me. He said, Look, you were too
young for me to explain it to you. But that's
how you become indebted to the mob. You do them
a favor. They pay you fifty grand. Now you got
(27:20):
to do them another one. Then they pay you one
hundred grand. Now you gotta do another one. They pay
and that's all of a sudden, you're in their life
and you're flying around doing all kinds of events for
these guys.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
And he goes, I don't want to do that. Yeah,
I don't want to be that guy. Ultimately he should
have gone that route.
Speaker 5 (27:38):
Oh if it sounds to me like you got a
pretty good dig going. And look what happened at Sinatra.
You know, look how much money? But Sinatra made fifty grand,
h grand, one hundred fifty grand. That's rights, we're going
the right way.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
I don't have the problems, but I do remember this.
I remember very distinctly my dad's doing a video late
in life called Dwarfund phishing. We're out at Lake casts
Stay and the son's going down. They can't get the shot,
and my dad's cold and he's wet, and I said
to him, I said, UH, should kept that fifty grand.
(28:13):
And you never really hear my dad swear, but I
heard him few.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
You know, that is great, that's a great story.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
And I must say, one thousand dollars back in nineteen
sixty nine, what is that worth now?
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Three four hundred thousand.
Speaker 5 (28:26):
I can imagine that amount, and I'm not sure even
with the uh in retrospect.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 5 (28:33):
I get his it speaks to his purity of heart
and understanding things.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
But I don't know, man, I he should have gone
that round. I might have.
Speaker 7 (28:42):
Yeah, fifty grand from nineteen sixty nine would be roughly
four hundred and thirty thousand dollars to Wow.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
How about that that Tonka truck. That's real. That's a
real talking Yeah, that's a real troney. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
I knew there was something odd about it because it
was a Tonka truck with the elephane wrap around it,
and then there was sort of like a big back
end of it that I thought maybe there was another
you know, attachment to the truck inside there, like the
extension is yeah, right, yeah, there was. There was nothing there,
nothing going on in there. Oh that's where the fifty
grand was in that one. And thank God that I
(29:16):
got it because they gave you know, he gave enough
these Tonka trucks for me and my brother is my sister.
And if my brothers got that fifty grand, you would
mum was the word.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Man.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
They would have never said anything. My dad would have
been all mobbed up for the rest of his life.
Speaker 5 (29:33):
That's the movie, right, The kid takes the money. You
didn't take it, but your kid took it, and now
you're in debt to the mob.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
That's the movie.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
He's all mobbed exactly. He's nine years old smoking a cigar, right,
you know. And and the reason why he didn't want
to do it is because there was a big, huge
mob war going on between Cleveland and Chicago, and my
dad lived in Cleveland, so he didn't want the Cleveland
mob pissed at him that he's all mobbed up with
the Chicago guys, you know, because that's where you really
(30:01):
run into trouble, you know, when you live in a
town and you're mobbed up with another town.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
That's when they come by and say, hey, what's going
on with you? You know. So he knew it. My
dad knew what was going on. It sounds like it
was the right move. Actually, yeah, it turns out it
probably was. But I don't know. Should have kept the doe?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Should kept the doe and take money? Took money from
the Cleveland mob too?
Speaker 5 (30:22):
I see? You know, well, I think that doesn't end well.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Asinatra, how it ends?
Speaker 2 (30:28):
We're live on KFI AM six forty Conway Show on
demand on.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
The iHeart Radio app.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Now, you can always hear us live on KFI Am
six forty four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and
anytime on demand on the iHeart Radio app
It's k IF.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
I am six forty and you're listening to the Conway
Show on demand on the iHeart Radio app.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Is sing with Us, which is really cool.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
This is like a you know, growing up watching The
Tonight Show and you taking over for Carson and then
for you to be sitting here right now, it's unbelievable.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Well, thank you, thank It shows you how much I've fallenieable.
One day you're on top, next day looking at fil
A out of the window. Yeah, that's right, it's a
Chick fil A out the window.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Let's talk about favorite restaurant, your favorite, your Italian favorite,
and you also cook.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Well, there should be a great one, uh on on Magnolia.
It's across the street from Pinocchios.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Is very I like Pocca. Oh the guy across the
street was great.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Oh my god was good. And he you got fed
up with something whatever, But but that was fir. I'll
tell you a funny story. Somebody in my crew goes
to Italy and they go to Fa Mai, which is
the village where my grandfather came from. So they go
Jay when we're in for Mari and everybody there looks
like you I go, I know that's where my grandfather
came from. They came from America. Okay, my grandfather born
(01:12):
in eighteen fifty seven. Wow, okay, okay, so I am okay.
So he meets the mayor. So he bites the mayor
when you're in America, come to the tonight. Six months later,
Jay the mayor from what the mayor and the mayor
comes in after the show. He looks like Italian Mary.
He's got the little hat. It's too small for his
head to suit. The buttons are.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Too far party because he's more in a too late
kind of fan.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
He goes, he's Aleno and the mayor of from Mari
with your grandfather. One nice to meet you, say, goes, listen,
we want to build a statue of a you and
your grandfather to put in a town square. I said,
you know, I'm not really a statue. Oh no, no,
you toomorrow is from humble beginnings. Your grandfather, his grandson
becomes a huge starter to our village. You would meet
(01:56):
so much to have the statue of you and your grandfather.
You're a town square, he says, will you give a FEMII?
I said, well all right, yes, thank you he goes, yes, good. Now,
the basic statue is the seventy five thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
If you want to be on the hill looking down.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
You know what I said, I don't really know.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
I believe that.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I mean, something has to pay for it. I know,
I understand, I said, I appreciate it. It couldn't be
the most Italian thing.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, just hilarious.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Good wait, your grandfather was born before the Civil War
or the Civil War?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Woh that is that I got in nineteen fifty seven.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, he's almost one hundred years older.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Man.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
My dad was born in nineteen ten. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Wow, you know what that's that's great jeans. You're gonna
be around a long time. Well, we'll see. You know,
I was talking about you know, you had a great
line we were talking about during the commercial break. If
you you know a lot of people have these CATLLITCIC
converters tolling off their car, and if you take it
off your own car, well, this is what it's a problem.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
It's a federal offense because it's a government mandate, you know,
So you take catileca it's a ten thousand dollars fine
to mess with the emission system on your car.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Ten thousand dollars, fine, if you do it.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
If you do it, yes, but if your catalytic converter
is stolen by a thief, it's a misdemeanor film So
you you would actually what you usually do is hire
a thief to take your catle con converter off, right,
And what do they get the guy that steals the
catalytic converter, they're three thousand dollars to replace.
Speaker 5 (03:35):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I had a friend of mine. You just need all
these CD people when you're in show business.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
And this guy used to steal cars and he would say,
what do you think you get for stole Mercedes something?
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Wow? A thousand, ten thousand, no, seventy five bucks?
Speaker 3 (03:47):
What?
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (03:47):
And he said I had to steal two or three
a night to make enough money. But you know, and
then they sell it to a shop shop and he
sells it till every piece of the car's gone.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
You And that's that's what it is. That's what it is.
It's hard to sell nowadays because they're all number.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Yeah and catalytic converter is also it's illegal to sell them,
So he got to sell them to someone who knows
he's buying. So he's committing a crime by buying it
from you. So he's not going to pay you anything
for it. Yeah, yeah, it's it's a terrible thing.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
But you know, up until recently, fire engines didn't have
the Cadillac converse.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Now they all do. What's the what's the advantage of
not having.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Well in the old days, when emissions was not as
computer oriented as is now and they couldn't regulate it
quite as well, if you took the catalytic converter off
your car, your engine ran better because it ran a
little cooler. Uh, you know, didn't have to be quite
so lean, so you got better mileage and more power.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Fire engines have to perform at a certain standard, so
they were exempt for years until they came up with
modern more mind modern fire engines, the more up to
date equipment, you know. So now now they all have
catlet converter, even motorcycles.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Is your garage in la or in the valley? It's
in Burbank Burbank Airport. Yeah, oh I knew the airport, Okay, right,
Do you have somebody maintained for you and somebody keeps
it clean?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Well, I have people who work there I keep it clean.
You know you're there? Are you there every day?
Speaker 3 (05:08):
I'm there every day?
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Really, Yeah, it's my Malibu beach house. I heard you
never sell one of those cars, you only give them away.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, no, no, I don't like to sell it. No,
I like I call Mike. I have a Michael.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Is the whole garage and everything expensive to ensure it's
gotta be duh. Yeah, like hundreds of thousands of dollars. Yeah,
that's probably correct. Yeah, but that's fair to say you
never sell a car. No, no, I just like you
ever buy him anymore.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Yeah, you're still buying cars, you know something.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
I watch hordes and go I don't see the problem.
I mean there's still a path to the bedroom. Look,
the guy can get into the bathroom. Look, you just
go around to.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
The thing, you know. Yeah, no, I don't.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
If you have electric cars, I do have an electric.
I got a nineteen oh nine Baker Electric. I got
a nineteen fourteen to try elect They had electric before
you had gas. In fact, the year nineteen oh seven
eight nine, a third of the cars were steam, a
third were electric, and a third were gas.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
And there was a battle which.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
One was going to win. And we're kind of going
through that now. I think the next big player is
going to be hydrogen. That'll be the next one to come.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I didn't know this until recently.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
I was watching YouTuber or TikTok where I got all
my information from. But the Brownstones in Manhattan were built
up three or four feet and you had stairs because
when they were built, the streets were all filled with
horse crap, right, that's right, and people were tired of that.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
That's where there were dashboard comes. Dash was another word
for manure, so they would put a board in front,
so when the horses kicked up manure, it would hit
the board, it would hit the dashboard as so the
then cars came on, and then they had an engine
in front.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Now the dashboard.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Obviously just holds the gauges right, And as you said,
I think last time you're on there was it was
a great trade off from you know, the horses filled
with you know, horse crap, and the alternative.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Was a puff of blue smoke. That's right.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
I mean that seemed like, oh, this is so much
better than having six tons of manure in here, sixty
of manure every day in New York City.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Do you remember your dad probably did this, maybe your
your grandfather. My grandfather used to do this in Cleveland.
When he would go to change the oil in his car.
He'd put two tires up on the curb and then
undo the this, you know, the screw there this, you know,
the figgurt or whatever, the oil and then the oil
goes right into the gutter.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Yeah. Yeah, it goes back to the earth where it
came from.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, yeah, that those people that goes right back. That's
the beauty of it. Goes back to the earth. You
see it some recycling. Yeah yeah. All right, Jay, thank you,
back you guys, Thank you to having on. John all right,
thank you So.
Speaker 6 (07:33):
I really appreciate you're listening to Tim Conway Junior on
demand from kf I am six forty.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Now you've done something that CHP hated. Well, I mean
they're right.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
They're out there, you know, cruising looking for you know,
back or doing stuff that they shouldn't be doing that's unsafe.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Well you know it before you go on here, are
you realized that the laws in California are made for
your protection?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Of course? Thanks so they would rather you obey them, yes, okay, And.
Speaker 5 (08:01):
I typically do and I don't know what happened in
this one instance. The car kind of got away from me,
I guess, and I was driving too fast.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
It's an empty for you weight. It's midnight, Yes, it
was midnight. There weren't a lot of cars in the road.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
So and it's not like you drive a car that's
gonna shake it at eighty five eighty eight.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
No, it's a really smooth ride.
Speaker 5 (08:20):
But I'll tell you also, and this is because we
talk a lot about the way I used to drive.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I don't really drive that, you know, crazy like a
crazy man anymore.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
So, but I apparently I still have it somewhere in
me because the car, I guess got away from me
or whatever I drove for whatever I became impatient or
you know. So anyway, it's midnight, and I see that
thing that just makes your heartstop, which the lights, you know,
come on they you know, they're red and blue. And
then yes, thank you, And that's exactly And then wait,
(08:48):
did you get scared or you angry?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I was scared? Okay, that means you're still young.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Okay, as you get older, like my grandfather at one
point flipped where he was no longer scared he was pissed.
Speaker 5 (08:58):
No, I was scared. And they have such bright lights.
I mean, I don't know where the candle power comes
from on these lights. But it was like, God, this
is insane. I'm gonna get up like a sunburn from
this light. And so I'm frightened. And I pull over
to the you know, and and the right lane. And
then I hear and I'm thinking, oh, no, I can't
(09:21):
hear because the windows up. So I roll the window
down and I'm still driving, you know, but now I'm
in the right land and goes how hot. I can't
understand what he's saying, and so then I roll the
other window down so I could hear it, and and
and I hear. I got both windows down, and I
(09:44):
and I'm now I pull off the road.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (09:46):
So now I'm there on the shoulder of the road
full stop. And he pulls up on him and he
goes cls. I'm like, did he tell me, like to
throw the keys out of the car or what is
he telling me? I don't know what he's telling me.
I still can't understand him, so I'm figuring. And then
then quickly he said, exit, oh, exit, okay, so he
(10:09):
wanted me to go to the next exit and pull off.
So I did pull off and then lankershim exactly and
then and.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
I just figured he wanted me to turn.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
It's weird how you think that technology would have matched
the technology that the lights have, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
But it doesn't.
Speaker 5 (10:29):
It's not clearly they've really outpaced the audio part of
that whole thing.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I think they do that on purpose, so you know,
they confuses the guy that he takes off and there's
a chase I.
Speaker 5 (10:40):
See, but I'm not exaggerating. I couldn't understand except for exit.
I got that and then I turned at the bottom.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Did you not understand because you had too much drink?
Speaker 5 (10:55):
So I pull over to the to the right, and
this dude you know, comes up to and he's this tall,
good looking dude. It's like you got everybody, all all
our cops are just like they're just at a central
casting like right out of chips, you know, And there
he is, and he's and he says, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
You'll no longer get the Barney fipes.
Speaker 5 (11:14):
And exactly, it's you know, and you also don't get
like the boss hog, you know what I mean, You're
not getting that. So this he's is your license pleasing?
And he says, uh, you know, I got you. I
got your speeding back there. I said, oh really, I said,
you guys, And the first thing, I said, hey man,
I'm so sorry. I couldn't understand what you were saying.
That's why I pull over. I pull ahead. I just couldn't.
(11:35):
I was desperate to understand what you were saying. He said,
it's okay, it's okay, just need to see your license.
He takes the license and he goes, I got you
for speeding. And I was still like racked with guilt
that I was unable to understand him before, like I
couldn't follow his instructions. I felt like that maybe that
was he thought I was messing with him. He looks
the license, he said, this is still your addresses.
Speaker 6 (11:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
I said okay. I said how fast was I going?
He said eighty five?
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Wow?
Speaker 5 (11:58):
I said what eighty five? He said, yeah, eighty five?
Said when I was? He said, I said, well, and
then this is pretty classic. I said, well, I really
I thought people were passing me. And he said, when
I was following you, you were the fastest guy out there.
I thought, well, that's probably true. Yeah, all right, you're
(12:20):
the fastest. So I So he goes back, and then
right as he's leaving, this other person comes up, like
I guess the you know, his partner. And I look
over and it's a woman and she's stunning. Okay, I'm thinking,
are you kidding me? Are you a real cop? I mean,
are you an actress? Maybe like studying for a role
(12:42):
as a cop. She was that attractive, and and.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
So I said, aren't you late for an audition?
Speaker 5 (12:48):
No, no, I did not say that, I said, I
did the same thing. I felt so bad. I said, hey,
I want to apologize. I said, I couldn't understand what
you guys were saying. That's why I pulled over. And
then I pulled the head. She said it's okay, said
we'll be right back. They go back to the cruiser.
I think that's what they call them.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Cruisers.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
Sure, And it was like a minute, maybe two minutes,
and they came back and they gave me the license.
She came back and she said, be careful with your speed.
She said, it's that speeding tickets are expensive and it's dangerous.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Wow. Man. Then let me go and they split. Yeah,
Holy smoked.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
He did ask me if I was if I had
been drinking, and I said the answer was truthfully no.
And I think that's kind of what they were worried about.
If I'd been drinking at all, I think it might
have been a different conversation.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Yeah, I never drink, and even like one beer. If
we have a beer at dinner, I have gen drive home.
Because I had a buddy of mine who had a
couple of drinks and he got rear ended at a
stop sign and he got a DUI for it. Right,
I mean, he was blamed in the collision because he
(13:51):
had like it wasn't over the limit, but he had
alcohol in his system and somebody was hurting the car
behind him. Sure, and it wasn't his fault. He was
sitting there, stopped and the guy hit him. That's how
paranoid I am about about drinking and driving. If I'm
homeworking on the garage, like on a Saturday night, and
I've had a couple of beers, I'll ask Jen to
bring the car in from the curb into the garage. Wow,
(14:13):
isn't that crazy? That's really I mean, that's but see,
this is this is what I envision. I go to
move the car off the curb. Somebody hits me and
I've had, you know, nineteen drinks and it's done.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
I'm over right. Well, that's a level of caution. That's
us short.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
It's border bordering on a problem. Yeah, I mean that
I have a problem.
Speaker 5 (14:37):
I'm I So what's funny about this is you were
surrounded by drinkers. I remember you telling a story with
McClean Stevenson driving me from a ballgame downtown and he
literally had like a Gen and Tonic in his hand
while he was driving.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
All right, I've never used that name on the air.
I said it was my dad's friend. But I'm so sorry.
Maybe it was not McLain Stevenson.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Maybe it was not. I'm serious. I just picked. I
picked the name of good.
Speaker 6 (15:00):
Have been anybody you're listening to Tim conwaytun you're on
demand from KF I am six forty crozer.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
You struck me as a big coke guy.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
In the eighties or nineties that trum no not true,
offered sorry a couple of times in my life.
Speaker 7 (15:16):
It's not wouldn't do anything for me, and uh, I
think the final death knell for that was my dad
dying from it.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
So that was good enough for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
but you actually did try it, it didn't do anything.
Speaker 5 (15:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (15:26):
I tried it a couple times, actually, I don't even
want to say a few times. A couple of times,
and it just it didn't do anything for me. I
literally thought people are losing their houses and cars over
this stuff.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
It doesn't do anything for me? Does grab you? I guess,
and grab my dad.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
The only time I I actually saw it, and I
saw a woman doing it and she said, hey, do
you want to do it? I'm like, I don't know,
I don't know. I'm not I don't like to lose
that kind of control. But I took some on my
finger and put it on my gums because they do
it like it's called.
Speaker 7 (15:53):
A freeze remember them, I don't know. And you put
it on your gums. I remember that being done, but
I don't remember the name of it.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah, And you put on your gums and freeze your gums,
and it tasted like like aspirin.
Speaker 7 (16:04):
And I'm like, it looks like it dastes like aspron Yeah.
I just did the sniff thing and it didn't so
I didn't taste it, and it just it did.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
I was like, what why it does grab people? Though?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
I know a guy that did it and he hated driving. He's,
you know, in the Midwest and like driving, and I'm
hated it and hated driving at nights you couldn't see anything.
But if he was doing cocaine on a weekend and
he was out, he would drive from downtown LA all
the way to like Chatsworth at night when he was
(16:37):
scared to death of driving to get some more grinding
his teeth. Yeah, they said the worst part of doing
cocaine is the when you try to go to sleep
and the birds don't stop chirping. It sounds like they're
in both ears. Really, that's what I heard.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
The thing.
Speaker 7 (16:51):
I was always fascinated by it in the very few
times I've been around it, around it, I I it's
it's an incredibly social drug.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Oh it is.
Speaker 7 (16:58):
Yeah, Like I never asked Ford or anything like that.
It was always one of those hey, here, here, here,
you gotta do it. You're here, here, here, everybody's doing it. Yeah,
my my buddy, that did. They used to enjoy that.
He said, you end up talking to people for six hours.
You would never give the time of day two.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Yeah, you'd never even know they're they existed, and you
have a nine hour conversation with him.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Stephos you don't strike me as a coke guy? Am
I wrong? Am I missing you?
Speaker 8 (17:26):
I'm terrified of all of that outside of uh, you know,
having a couple of drinks.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Oh I see, Okay, I didn't think it was gonna
say a couple of drinks.
Speaker 5 (17:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
I thought he was gonna say, uh, you know, like
uh snort. I thought I say, like meth amphetamine, mushrooms,
sums or horse or h Terrified of everything outside of
the injections, blues greens.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Oh yeah, that that terrifies me too. Just first I
go as gummies. Okay, you don't do injections.
Speaker 8 (17:56):
I'm honestly, I'm terrified to get blood drawn. Really Oh yeah,
Oh you don't like needles? I hate needles. So did
you get the COVID shot? I did, man, I was
terrified and I was sweating when I did.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
You know the COVID or the inoculations now or injections. Man,
when I was a kid, it was like they're putting
a like a comedy pencil into your arm. It hurt
like hell, you know, like one of those not shy
armed comedy pencils.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
But nowadays you can't feel it at all.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
It's it's it's literally the width of a size of
a hair.
Speaker 7 (18:33):
The key is to not get it done by a
nurse or a doctor, because those are not trained to
do it.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
What are they? The phlebotomous or whatever.
Speaker 7 (18:40):
The people that actually trained and licensed and all that
stuff to draw blood, they know how to do it
and not have any pain.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
I'm with you, I'm with you. That's why I get
minded Sears. That's where I got it, right outside of sears.
It's a little table. Somebody said, that's right. Yeah, guy
set up a table and I got a flu shot
right outside of sears.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
God almighty, what was it going on with me? Angel? You?
You don't strike me as a coke gal? Am I wrong?
Am I the moon? Yeah? I don't know. I don't
do that. I can't figure you out. Wait wait you
so you don't? Yeah, I don't do it? Okay?
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Or you're not on it now, that's right, you're not
on cocaine now, no, okay.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
It seems like she she's like she misses it.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
All right, okay, very quick here, oh Kiki, if she
got something to say, Kiki, is.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
That is that you got coke? Queen? Was your license plate?
You're a dune cocaine?
Speaker 3 (19:51):
No?
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I have not, No, I've done nothing. I am a
good person and a good girl, good Percy.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
It was always the first ones to turn yeah right, yeah,
Catholic goals?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Are you Catholic?
Speaker 3 (20:09):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:09):
I'm not you not? Okay?
Speaker 7 (20:11):
Those are the ones that the first time they do it,
they go absolutely insane.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Yeah, what if you don't want me ask? I don't
want to prive? Are you a god fearing woman?
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Yeah? You religious?
Speaker 5 (20:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I am not religious? Okay, Okay, Well she didn't understand
the expression. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
You know, during the break, I'm gonna talk to you
a little bit about Catholicism, you know, because I know
it's gonna piss a lot of people off, but it
really is the.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Only way to happen. That makes a lot of people crazy.
You know.
Speaker 7 (20:45):
I had some people when I was a kid that
you know, they used to come to the doors, to
your door and knock on you, you know, you give
you a little test. Are you familiar with Jesus and
all this stuff? And I had one couple come up,
I was ten, came up to the door, and it
was like price is right was being interrupted, and I
was already irritate to go into the door. And they
asked me, said are you familiar with the Lord? And
I go familiar?
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Yeah, sure, why not?
Speaker 7 (21:05):
And they asked me, they said, do you know his
real name? And I thought, isn't it Jesus? The go No,
it's down, and I went, all right, thanks, closed the
door and I was done.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
You know, they give you that.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
The Mormons come by and they gave me one of
those cards with Jesus on. It is not what they
do with the cards with Jesus on the Mormons.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Yeah, Mormons. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
The boys and the bikes. Yes, they were on bikes.
They are very well dressed young men. And they gave
me a card and had Jesus on it. Man, is
that hard to throw away?
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Oh? Yeah, you feel that?
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Yes, you gotta hang that or put it in a
drawer somewhere, or you know, put it in your wallet.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Well that and that's why these people do you want
to screw with luck? You throw a picture of Jesus away.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
God Almighty, how confident are you in life that you're
going to throw that away?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (21:52):
See That was the thing with them.
Speaker 7 (21:53):
It was like I felt like I was being like
like punished or something like that because I didn't have
a bit of knowledge or something like. They made me
feel like really small and like dumb, and I was like.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
What what you're coming to my door? Yeah, it was.
It wasn't even like the whole religious aspect of it.
It was just the way they come at me.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, I don't. I like when they knock on the door. Look,
they're you know, young men and women. I think they're
they're fine. But I often am of the mindset of man,
I I don't know if I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Change my religions today. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Do you get in the conversation, Nah, a little bit,
A little bit if it depends on how buzzed I
am into the door? Yeah, right, And see I've been
depending how much I'm down that day on TVG like,
hey guys, you got any more pictures of Jesus here?
We need a lot of help here in the nightcap.
Hang on, I got a collection plate just over here.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
A lot of help here with this last race.
Speaker 6 (22:47):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Forty So here's the story. My dad back in the
nineteen may been late sixties, early seventies. I think I
was seven or eight years old, so it could have
been sixty nine seventies somewhere in there. And he was
asked to do a charity event in Chicago. We were
in Cleveland at the time, and he was asked to
(23:14):
do a charity event in Chicago, and they were going
to fly into Chicago. He was going to do, you know,
a half hour, forty five minutes of jokes, the people
can ask him questions about his career, about McHale's Navy,
the whole run. And so they fly him to Chicago
from Hopkins Airport in Cleveland, not a private jet, you know, passenger,
(23:38):
public transport, public airways. They fly him to Chicago, they
pick him up, he does his set, does the charity
and he notices that there's a lot of guys who
worked for the city there, you know, a lot of
the city employees there. And back in the sixties and
(23:59):
early seventies in Chicago, the mob ran that town.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Chicago. I don't know if they still do, but they did.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Then and my dad met a few of those guys.
But it wasn't filled with those guys. There was like
one or two table of those guys and the rest
of them were you know, city employees. Probably about two
thousand people there. There's a big deal. And so they
thanked my dad for doing the event. And he literally
went there at I don't know, he left Cleveland at
(24:28):
noon and he was home the next day by noon.
So it's just a one day event. And he gets
back and we pick him up at the airport.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
You know. How was the event? Oh, was grades a
lot of people there, and it was a really cool event.
And they.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
And they gave me some Tonka toys for you kids,
and I said, oh, that's very nice. You know, we're young,
you know, seven, eight years old, nine years old. So
we get back to my grandparents' house and my dad
gives me this box. But it's a Tonka truck and
you could see through the celafhane at the truck and
and I opened it up and in the bottom of
(25:02):
it was fifty thousand dollars in cash. Stuck in the
bottom of that box was fifty thousand dollars in cash.
And I said to my dad and said, hey, you know,
there's money in this box. And he said, well, what
do you mean money? And I showed him and there
was fifty thousand dollars in cash, and my dad turned
(25:28):
white as a ghost. Pretty white guy anyway, but even whiter.
And he got on the phone and he called the
guys that did the event and he said, hey, somebody
put fifty thousand or maybe he is missing fifty thousand
dollars and they put it in his tonquer truck case.
(25:48):
And I don't want someone to come after me because
they're you know, they switched boxes.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
You know, it was a mob box that should have
gone to this guy. And I was like, now I
have it.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
And the guy said no, no, no, that's just us
saying thank you for doing the event.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
That's all yours.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
And my dad said, okay, I'd like to fly back
to Cleveland or to Chicago on my own dime and
give you this money back. And the guy says, well, no,
that's your appearance fee. He said, no, no, I told you
I'll do the event for free. I'm going to fly back,
I'll eat you at the airport, and I'm going to
give you this fifty thousand dollars. He flew back to Chicago,
(26:24):
gave him the fifty grand and then flew back to Cleveland.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Did he check the bag with the fifty grand?
Speaker 5 (26:29):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
I don't know, but I think he. I don't know
about the details, but they know. He gave the money
back and he flew back to Cleveland. And I said,
and even at a young age, I said, what happened here?
Why'd you do that?
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Dad? Yeah? And then it's fifty that's a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Look in retrospect, I would have never told my dad,
you know, he'd give me the money. I should have
socked it away.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
And where'd this twenty grand from here? From? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (26:55):
No, that's right. Your kid's new car is extraordinary and
he's only eleven.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
The big mistake of my life is tell my dad
that I did cash and he returned the money, and
I said, what had happened? And like years later he
explained it to me. He said, Look, you were too
young for me to explain it to you. But that's
how you become indebted to the mob. You do them
a favor. They pay you fifty grand. Now you got
(27:20):
to do them another one. Then they pay you one
hundred grand. Now you gotta do another one. They pay
and that's all of a sudden, you're in their life
and you're flying around doing all kinds of events for
these guys.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
And he goes, I don't want to do that. Yeah,
I don't want to be that guy. Ultimately he should
have gone that route.
Speaker 5 (27:38):
Oh if it sounds to me like you got a
pretty good dig going. And look what happened at Sinatra.
You know, look how much money? But Sinatra made fifty grand,
h grand, one hundred fifty grand. That's rights, we're going
the right way.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
I don't have the problems, but I do remember this.
I remember very distinctly my dad's doing a video late
in life called Dwarfund phishing. We're out at Lake casts
Stay and the son's going down. They can't get the shot,
and my dad's cold and he's wet, and I said
to him, I said, UH, should kept that fifty grand.
(28:13):
And you never really hear my dad swear, but I
heard him few.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
You know, that is great, that's a great story.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
And I must say, one thousand dollars back in nineteen
sixty nine, what is that worth now?
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Three four hundred thousand.
Speaker 5 (28:26):
I can imagine that amount, and I'm not sure even
with the uh in retrospect.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 5 (28:33):
I get his it speaks to his purity of heart
and understanding things.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
But I don't know, man, I he should have gone
that round. I might have.
Speaker 7 (28:42):
Yeah, fifty grand from nineteen sixty nine would be roughly
four hundred and thirty thousand dollars to Wow.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
How about that that Tonka truck. That's real. That's a
real talking Yeah, that's a real troney. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
I knew there was something odd about it because it
was a Tonka truck with the elephane wrap around it,
and then there was sort of like a big back
end of it that I thought maybe there was another
you know, attachment to the truck inside there, like the
extension is yeah, right, yeah, there was. There was nothing there,
nothing going on in there. Oh that's where the fifty
grand was in that one. And thank God that I
(29:16):
got it because they gave you know, he gave enough
these Tonka trucks for me and my brother is my sister.
And if my brothers got that fifty grand, you would
mum was the word.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Man.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
They would have never said anything. My dad would have
been all mobbed up for the rest of his life.
Speaker 5 (29:33):
That's the movie, right, The kid takes the money. You
didn't take it, but your kid took it, and now
you're in debt to the mob.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
That's the movie.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
He's all mobbed exactly. He's nine years old smoking a cigar, right,
you know. And and the reason why he didn't want
to do it is because there was a big, huge
mob war going on between Cleveland and Chicago, and my
dad lived in Cleveland, so he didn't want the Cleveland
mob pissed at him that he's all mobbed up with
the Chicago guys, you know, because that's where you really
(30:01):
run into trouble, you know, when you live in a
town and you're mobbed up with another town.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
That's when they come by and say, hey, what's going
on with you? You know. So he knew it. My
dad knew what was going on. It sounds like it
was the right move. Actually, yeah, it turns out it
probably was. But I don't know. Should have kept the doe?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Should kept the doe and take money? Took money from
the Cleveland mob too?
Speaker 5 (30:22):
I see? You know, well, I think that doesn't end well.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Asinatra, how it ends?
Speaker 2 (30:28):
We're live on KFI AM six forty Conway Show on
demand on.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
The iHeart Radio app.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Now, you can always hear us live on KFI Am
six forty four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and
anytime on demand on the iHeart Radio app
Tim Conway Jr. on Demand News
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