September 24, 2025 • 42 mins
Freedom of speech and expression are both a constitutional right. However, in these sensitive times, what you say and how you say it can invoke inspiration and agreement or incite an argument and backlash. Fearless Fabulous You’s Melanie Young says, “It is important to think before you speak or post something on social media and consider the response and consequence. How will your words be interpreted?” Melanie discusses social media etiquette and handling negative and inciteful commentary.
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Fearless Fabulous You is broadcast live Wednesdays at 12 Noon ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).
Fearless Fabulous You Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not
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We make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services,
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(00:20):
be directed to those show hosts.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Thank you for choosing W four WN Radio.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Hello, and welcome to Fearless Fabulous You. I am your host,
Melanie Young, and you were listening on the Women for
Women Network. If you're visiting me for the first time
in tuning in, thanks for joining me. A little bit
about me. I had a long career and communications and
public relations in New York. Ran my own company, was
(01:01):
very successful. And then after being diagnosed with breast cancer
and losing my father in the same year, and also
dealing with huge economic setbacks with my company and the economy,
I said I'm done. I want to start a new chapter.
I had just turned fifty, I was in menopause, I
had been completely reconstructed and gone through chemotherapy, and I
(01:24):
was ready to create a new platform. Lo and Behold.
I fell into this podcast because I wrote a book
called Getting Things Off My Chest, A Survivor's Guide to
Staying Fearless and Fabulous in the Face of Breast Cancer,
and at the end of the show will put up
the image of the book. It is now in its
third edition. It was my first book. I wrote it
to help women stay confident and informed and make thoughtful
(01:50):
decisions about their self care during and after breast cancer.
While going on tour to promote the book, I was
doing a lot of podcasts that people said, you're a natural.
You should be doing this for a living.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I am.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
I don't know if it's a living, but it's a
loving it's a labor of love. And I host this
show in its twelve season to talk to women like
you who may be writing their next chapter, or maybe
they're helping their children write their first chapter, or maybe
they're helping their parents finish their last chapter. The point
(02:23):
is we are all writing different chapters of our lives,
and it's an open book and an open journey, and
you can choose how to do it on your terms. However,
what we do and what we say, how we act
and how we treat people have consequences. And I'm going
to address this show because it's such a timely topic
(02:46):
on freedom of speech and how to choose your words
carefully as they chew them carefully before spitting them out,
because communication matters. And I can say this as a
lifetime professional cammunications consultant whose job and role was to
advise CEOs and governments and people who are English was
(03:07):
not necessarily the first language, how to properly convey and
express themselves and what they were marketing and what they
were sharing. I learned this from my mother, Rest in peace.
She was a communications professor who taught public speaking for
over thirty five years at the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga,
(03:28):
and she taught me how important language is as a
communication and as a connection, and how powerful language is
to inspire, educate, but also incite insight in a good
way and incite in a bad way. I'm going to
start the rest of the show like this. We have
(03:52):
been talking about hearing about freedom of speech or quite
some time, and of course this show is being brought
cast in the end of September twenty twenty five, when
we just had an instances were two very well known
late night comic host comedians have lost their shows because
(04:13):
of what they're saying. One was Stephen Colbert. His show
was canceled, of course, supposedly Stephen Colbert's show, which is
one an Emmy in twenty twenty five, yet another one
and I love. Supposedly it was an economic decision. But
how does the best one of the top watch shows
on a network this case CBS that when Emmy's and
(04:35):
has legions of fans, how is that an economic problem?
We won't go there. But then the next bruhaha was
the Jimmy Kimmel who his show was suspended by the
ABC and the networks that own it because of some
comments he made after the unfortunate sad assassin nation of
(04:59):
the police local activist Charlie Kirk, who is a conservative,
and he was assassinated and it was in front of people,
and he left behind a wife and two children, and
it's very sad, and he made some comments it incited,
incited a lot of anger and the ire of the
freedial FCC Commission, and long, lo and behold, his show
(05:22):
was suspended and that provoked an outrage among people who
say his freedom. We have the right to have freedom
of speech, and his was stepped on, tread on and
to treat on me. So he has come back. He
made a very poignant come back last night, September twenty third,
(05:43):
twenty twenty five. I was just watching it, and he
accepted that what he said may not have been tim
d well and was appropriate given that a man had
just been murdered and left behind a wife and very
young children, and maybe the comments were not appropriate, But
he also said it's important that we have freedom of speech.
(06:06):
I've watched many, many debates about this topic, and I've
debated it in my head as well, So I took
the time to understand the First Amendment. Now, before I
get into it and read excerpt for you, I want
to let you know that when I was in college,
I actually took on the First Amendment and the third estate, well,
(06:27):
excuse me be the fourth estate, which is the media,
as a term paper for my work in international relations.
Because the fourth estate, which is the media, is the
fourth check and balance on the government. We have different
sections of government, the judicial, the condisional, and the executive,
and they do checks and balances on each other. So
(06:47):
no one has absolute power, and the fourth estate being
the media reports on the other areas of power and
is supposed to be doing it in an unbiased way,
as journalism is unless it's an opinion piece. So freedom
of speech, what isn't and what is it not? Freedom
(07:11):
and speech, this is a surmise is the first Amendment
of the US Constitution. So if you've never read the
US Constitution, now's a great time to do it, because
I think it's important. It's the right to express ideas, opinions,
and belief without fear or censorship or retaliation from the government.
(07:36):
Though this right is not absolute and has exceptions for
speech that incites violence, constitutes threats, or involves fraud and defamation.
So you've heard about people suing, you know, for suing
for liable and defamation. Well, so, while protected by the
United States, the First Amendment also applies to symbolished speech
(08:00):
and expressive conduct, but it does not necessarily apply to
private entities like social media platforms. So what is protected
verbal communications, spoken and written words, symbolic speech, actions that
convey support for something. Armbands if you support Palestine, if
(08:24):
you support flag burning. If you support LGBT, that's your
freedom of speech to say I support this. It's symbolic
whether you're wearing a flag, whether you're wearing a scarf,
whether you're wearing armband, the right not to speak. It
also protects the right to remain silent, so you have
the right to mainsight. You're arrested, I have a bit.
(08:45):
But if you have the right to remain silent. You
see that always on TV. Controversial on offensive speech, And
this is where it's open for interpretation these days, because
what constitutes offensive and controversial space well just about everything.
Right now, it feels like the First Amendment protects against
speech that is considered and this is a strange term illogical.
(09:09):
It's considered offensive or hateful as long as it does
not fall into an unprotected category. I cannot even explain
that other than incitement to create inminent violence, true threat
to people, places or government, defamation, false statements to harm people.
(09:31):
These are examples obscenity, fraud, or perjury. Speech that is
deemed legally obscene, fraudulent, or false hate speech. While considered protected,
hate speech can lead to unprotected behaviors or actions. This
is where it gets difficult because many people feel that
(09:53):
there's a lot of hate speech out there right now,
and it's been shared all over social media, and I
think the worst propagator of hate speech right now is
social media, and we need to think before we speak
how you interpret that. Obviously, there is a law in Congress,
(10:13):
and there's the Supreme Court ultimately, which has actually taken
on many cases about freedom of speech. So we are
blessed to live in a country that allows freedom of speech,
but we are cursed right now because we are all
kind of in this tsunami of what is freedom of speech,
(10:36):
what is hate speech, what is inciting violence, what could
potentially incite violence? What is wrong when it's right? And
I think we're all confused. We're all very confused about it.
And I'm not here. I'm not a legal expert. I'm
a communications expert. What I do know is that this
(10:56):
is based on the Constitution and government. When you get
into corporations and private entities, which have their own set
of standards, you have to be careful because conduct unbecoming,
whether it's in the military or in a corporation, could
(11:20):
be saying inappropriate things that reflect badly on the company.
Posting inappropriate things that reflect badly on the company or
your position at the company, Like if a CEO is
out there just blasting away, and I think that's what
happened kind of sort of with Jimmy Kimmel. There's a
(11:42):
lot more to it, however, because there's also some economic
shit that was happening. You know, the parent company is
trying to work out an economic deal and now obviously
they don't want controversy. Bottom line is, freedom of speech
is something to be treasured and celebrated because without freedom
of speech, we wouldn't have freedom expression. We wouldn't have
(12:02):
wonderful artists, we wouldn't have wonderful singers, we wouldn't have
wonderful essays and poets and writers and thinkers. Freedom of
speech is the former expression that makes us create and
inspire and educate and enlighten. On the flip side, it
can also make us hate and become biased and prejudiced
(12:23):
and think the wrong way. And really, at the end
of the day, we need to all choose our words
carefully so that what we say matters in the right way.
There's freedom of speech, and then there's overreach. There's freem
of speech and overreach, And I think and there's freedom
(12:44):
of speech and there's breach of communication when you're spreading
information that could hurt, harm, falsify, mislead is downright ugly
and inappropriate. I think that's a breach of freedom and speech.
I personally do. I just I brought it. I'm a
girl from the South. We're not supposed to speak mean
(13:06):
of anybody. We say bless your heart, and that's like
considered like it. But you know, I gotta tell you,
some of the stuff coming then through social media scares
the you know what out of me, the shataki, because
I think it's overreach, and I wonder, I wonder, I
it's just because you're not face to face with somebody,
(13:29):
you know. I sometimes look at some of the comments
on social media or Reddit or well it's all social media.
I think, would you say that to a person's face?
Would you say that to your mother or your father
or your children? The same ugly thing you're just posting
out there on social media. And I don't think people
(13:51):
are getting it. I think we're just becoming like really mean,
and I think we need to all take a step back.
You know, a couple of things that kind of put
me on the edge about this, and we wanted to
talk about it besides what happened with Jimmy Kimmel and
then all the inner fighting and this and that and
all the amazing negative things that came after Charlie Cook
(14:17):
was assassinated. Whether you hate, don't like what he had
to say or what he stands for, you don't celebrate
someone's murder, senseless murder, and you don't say that was
a good thing. There's people involved. You know, we should
be celebrating people's murder, but we seem to be lately
(14:37):
and we seem to be saying it. So what sent
me over I is my I think I may have
mentioned in another show my mother in law passed away
peacefully inner sleep, Sally Ransom at the age of ninety three.
For me, if someone like your mother passes away, you pause,
you reflect, You honor that person. If anything, you write
(14:58):
something about your person, or you say nothing, you grieve quietly.
How you grieve and what you choose to say is
your personal thing. But I caught my husband posting on
social media, like the day or two after his mother
died about, you know, negative things about Donald Trump. He's
very liberal, and he doesn't like what many things a
president is saying, or dying, or acting, and that's his
(15:21):
right to opinion. We're all right to our opinions. But
I said, I said, David, your mother just died. Why
are you doing this? How important is you to write
about something political when you're grieving your mother. And I said,
you need to take it back. You need to take
steps back, get off social media and stop posting just
(15:43):
crazy stuff you're grieving, and he did. But I think
we're all just jumping in and posting and saying some
It's like a giant social media blurt out. Everybody's just
blurting out whatever comes to mind without thinking about it.
I post because I write about food and water, and
you know, that's kind of what we do for a living,
among other things. I post a lot about what we're
(16:05):
eating and drinking, where we're going. And I do that
because I like to share it, hopefully it'll excite people.
And one of my friends said, you sure do go
out and spend a lot of money. How do you
do it? I thought that was inappropriate to snark on
social media. Another one said, you sure to eat a lot.
I don't know where you put it, and I thought,
(16:25):
why are you even saying that? What is the point?
I wanted to blurt back, well, you sure to post
a lot of photos of your cats, but I didn't.
I just simply said, you know, I do it because
I enjoy it, and I hope other people do to.
I keep it positive. But you know, we're becoming snarky.
(16:45):
We're becoming snarky in a way that is not nice.
It's lack of manners. It's not nice, and it's hurtful,
and we all need to pull it back. And this
is not about politics here. I'm not going to even
get into what I feel is appropriate or inappropriate about
what our president of the United States is doing because
(17:06):
I'm not going to get there in it here. I
was still never to talk about politics and public keep
it up and up. I'm here to talk about how you,
my listeners and followers, can be better communicators and better
managers of communication, whether it's what you say publicly or privately,
(17:27):
and how your kids are doing it, because I worry
a lot not about you and what people think of you,
because if you're my age, I'm sixty about you know,
bring it up, tell me what you think about me?
I've lived a great life. I'm tough. I got thick skin.
One of the things when you get older, you get
your skin gets thicker. Those are fed tho's your body.
(17:49):
But I worry about what the kids are thinking. For
took be the ones who are at the most vulnerable
age when they're on social media way too much, And
I think, are you posting off that your kids may
be seeing if they're following you? Most kids don't follow
their parents, But are you posting stuff that people out
there are seeing and thinking it's okay to say that
(18:10):
because so and so said it. You know, actions matter
and words matter, and you can't really retract either. You
can apologize, but it's out there. It's out there in
the sphere, and it's really hard to take it down.
(18:32):
So if you don't want something you say or do
living in the World Wide Web forever, don't say it
or do it. You know, maybe you need to edit
yourself that set. We all have freedom speech, and my goodness,
women bought hard for that. We were silenced for way
(18:55):
too long. And I still get annoyed when someone hushes
me up. Not many people do it, but I caught
my husband doing it once He's like, sushush, shushed me.
And I was like, hey, don't go there. If you're
in a meeting and somebody ignores what you're saying or
(19:16):
shushes you, We've all been there, We've all been shushed,
We've all been waved aside. You need to speak up
and say, hey, what's going on here? I have something
to say, let me say it. So you also need
to speak up and out for your right to be
vocal so that your voice is not silenced. I got
(19:39):
to be honest with you. I started this show, and
I started my podcast's life after being silenced. I literally
was told as a puppet, as the owner of my
own public relations agency in New York, whose role was
to teach people how to be better communicated so they
(20:00):
could effectively communicate their goods and services to the media.
I can't believe how many times I was shushed, pushed
out of the photo, told public relations people should be
seen but not heard. I disagree with that. Sometimes the
most effective people are public relations people. But we were
(20:22):
so discounted that I became disgusted and I said, I
don't want to be silenced. I want to have a voice,
and here I am and I try to keep things
on the up and up here and non confrontational and
non controversial, because I'm about living your best life and
(20:44):
putting your best foot forward and not getting stuck in
word mud and quagmires that don't suit you. So a
couple of things. You have a right to speak and
communicate and have a voice. You have a right to
your opinion and a right to share your opinion. You
(21:06):
have a right to express yourself and express your conduct.
But if you were working for a company, most companies
have a code of conduct, and if you were under
someone's employment, you need to follow that code of conduct
or you may be out. And that's where the gray
(21:26):
line hits because many people, including a lawyer I watched
on television, said at that point Jimmy Kimmel was an
employee of a big company and they felt his code
of conduct he stepped over the code of conduct. On
the other side, as a comedian, that's what comedians do.
And he's a show host, so not only is the comedian,
it's a show host. The type of media, so it
(21:48):
gets a little swirly in there, and I think that
there will be legal experts and communicating communications experts breaking
that apart for a while to see when is it
appropriate when and it is not? You know, when is
it a code of contact for a company? And with
freedom of speech because you are a member of the
(22:09):
entertainment world or you're a member of the press. We're
seeing this on and on the gun. I mean, other
people are getting fired too for speaking out. So it's
going to getting a little scared because that's called censorship.
Censorship is when you cannot speak out. Censorship is when
your art can no longer be seen. Censorship is basically
putting a tape over your mouth. And we don't ever
(22:32):
want to be there. Censorship is bad even if people
say bad things that you don't agree with. Censorship is
worse because we never want to be just one sided.
The beauty of a democracy and the beauty of an
open governments in society is that people can be expressive
(22:53):
and there is no censorship. When censorship begins, it starts
an ugly trail of other things that restrict people's lives,
and we don't want to go there because freedom of speech,
freedom of where you live, freedom of how you choose
to live, freedom if you want to live in the
United States or not, Once these things get those freedoms
(23:15):
get taken away, then we're in a bad situation and
we want to be fearless and fabulous about that. So
I created a few of my own, and these are mine.
Rules of conduct. Conduct is how you portray yourself, and
conduct matters. Contact matters, because you know, some people say
(23:36):
you only make a first impression once. I say, a
last impression is even more important. I believe in lasting impressions,
whether it's the first impression of the last. I do
think you have another chance after a first impression, But
you want to create a positive, lasting impression. So on
social and this is really social media at this point.
If you're not on social media, it's also part of
(23:58):
a dinner party conversation or part of being around people
and a discussion in sales, do keep things upbeat and positive.
If you want to argue a point, argue it saying
I understand your side and your opinion and appreciate that
you have one. Let me share what I think rather
(24:22):
than and you can say I disagree with what you're saying,
and here is why. But once you say to someone
you're wrong, this is not right, You're wrong, they get
on the defensive and they are going to knock back
if they truly believe they are. I go, I do
this with my husband all the time. I'm like, you're wrong,
and I've really telling someone you're wrong. It's probably not
(24:43):
the best way to say, say I understand where you're
coming from, but let me explain where I see it,
or where I read it or what I read the
facts are. And gosh knows, I'm going to give you
an example of where we are with this now, vaccines
and see the menaphit. The President went on and said,
(25:04):
you know, pregnant women should not take Thailandol because a
seed of menapin the main ingredient in Thailand all could
impact a pregnant woman's fetus and potentially lead to the
child having autism. Well, there's many medical experts, including the
one who was a pediatric specialist I had dinner with
last night, who said, there is nothing, nothing, that is
(25:29):
conclusive to that. And it sent Thailand I'll stock tumbling.
So they're in a crisis management situation right now. It
sent a lot of people, you know, fear, and a
lot of people like and telling saying pregnant women need
to tough it out. Hey, have you ever been pregnant.
I've never been pregnant. You don't tough out something like that.
You don't say that to anybody. But that's an example
(25:53):
of where you could just go off and say something
and create this tsunami that creates fear, concern, wonder, misinformation,
et cetera. I think you need to think before you
speak and don't name names or mention brands or anything
unless you really truly know it's a problem, because now
(26:14):
there's a brand out there trying to salvage a reputation
based on information that isn't necessarily accurate. Keep things up
being positive. If you think somebody is wrong, you can
argue your point. If you have any doubt that you
have the ability to do that, sign up for Toastmasters,
(26:35):
which is a speaking group. They're in every country, every state,
every community toast Masters, and they're a speakers group and
they can help you become effective in that way. In fact,
anyone who wants to be an executive needs to either
be media training, communications or toast Masters. Be kind and courteous.
It is always better to be kind and courteous than
(26:58):
nasty and argument. And there's there's no war, there's no
womb for name calling. Don't start name calling. I don't
care if other people in power are name calling. Don't
lower yourself to other people's standards who are doing stupid
things like critical you know, criticizing and name calling and
throwing things around. You don't need to lower yourself. You
(27:19):
need to rise up, take the high road. When you
post or write and I'm guilty, me coopl proof your
work so you're not saying something really stupid and it
comes out wrong. Stupid means, you know, instead of saying
public relations, it's pubic relations. It's a common one. Don't
(27:41):
over emoji and do silly things. I think that's important.
You know, you're all grown ups. Words matter. Think about
if you're on social media and you are working for
a company, maybe you should have another identity. I have
a couple of friends who work in international banking and
(28:02):
their social media personality is not their real name. It's
an avatar, and that may be a way to do it,
or keep your account private. I mean, at the end
of the day, how it is important for you to
be blabbling all over social media anyway? Have you ever
timed how much time have you ever considered thinking about
how much time you spend on social media and why
are you making money doing it? Is it enriching your life?
(28:24):
Is it doing something for you? Yes, it could be
very valuable. If you feel socially isolated, then you don't
have a lot going on in your life. It's a
great way to connect with people. But if you're just
doing it just because you like to sit and scroll, hey,
go read a book, Go do something else, take a walk,
do something else. This is really important, really important. Ask
(28:49):
someone if it's okay to post a photo of themselves,
their family, their house, the event they're at before you
just go do it. I'll I'll never forget. Somebody came
over to my mother's home to pick up something that
she had purchased for at an auction, at charity auction
that was my mother's and she walked in the house
(29:12):
like many people did, because I had a beautiful atrium
and it was really beautiful, and she went, wow, everybody
did that. It was a beautiful house. And then she
immediately pulled out her camera, her phone camera and started
this and I said, excuse me, but you didn't ask
my permission to take photos of my mother's home. And
this is a private home, and I don't want photos
(29:35):
of it out in you know, the social fear. I
don't if this is a private home. So you need
to be really careful about that and ask whether you're
at a restaurant, a theater, a dance, a music concert, anywhere,
ask if it's okay to post, take photos and posts.
Many times it's not. It's common courtesy, but also you
(29:59):
maybe step on somebody's rights in privacy. Those are some
might dudes. Here's a few don'ts. Don't overpost images ad
nauseum about your grandchildren and your cats, your dogs, or
anything that looks like it's abuse. I have friends and
I love them dearly, but they're just constantly posting about
(30:21):
cats and cat abuse and animal abuse. And I had
to tell you I had to unfriend them because e
they're overposting. And I support animal rescue, but some of
the photos that they posted of abused animals or animals
being abused triggered me in a terrible way. And I thought,
if they're triggering me an adult, what if a child
sees that? What if somebody else sees it? I think
(30:41):
you've got to be really careful. People are watching your
photos and it could be upsetting. If someone's posting things
that upset you, unfollow them. If they're your friend, unfollow them.
If you really know who the hell they are, unfriend them.
Somebody on my feed the other day I saw them,
just randomly because don't understand algorithms now, but this person
(31:03):
popped up and they posted so many anti Semitic things
that I was gobsmacked that they were even in my
circle of friends. And I don't even know who this
person was. I don't even know how they became of a friend.
I immediately unfriend of them because I don't like what
they stand for. Now, when birthdays come up every day,
I just look through all the birthdays and like half
these people I know who they are. I'm like, how
(31:25):
do they become my friend? I'm becoming more careful about
that because I want to make sure that anyone that's
in my sphere of social media friends or people I
can consistently trust and they're not saying or doing offensive things,
because I don't want it reflecting back on me. I
also don't think it's appropriate personally, and this is my
personal freedom speech to post photos of yourself in the hospital,
(31:48):
yourself having surgery, yourself or more a friend or a
loved one bandaged up. You know, with tubes it's triggering.
Triggering means it can unleash anxiety and stress in the
people who are listening and watching. And I also think
it's intrusive. I don't know if I had been if
(32:10):
I was unconscious and it'd been in an accident and
someone's photographing me and saying, please pray for Melanie, and well,
I'm grateful that people want to pray me. I don't
want to be seen lanced in bed. I don't want it.
And even if I'm unconscious, nobody asks my permission, and
Candy boils down to that. But a lot of people
are just out there going here I am, here's my scar,
(32:30):
here's my nose, here's my bandage. You know, it's freeom
of speech. I personally think it's too much, but I
won't do it myself. I will never criticize someone if
they want to post their surgery scars or their chemo therapy.
And I have a lot of friends and I pray
for them who are chemo and they show photos and
they're brave, and I'm all for that. I'm thinking more
(32:51):
about the people who were unconscious and dying. I don't know.
I never wanted to post a photo of my dying mother.
I don't think she would have appreciated it. But some
peop people it's comforting for them. I never criticize. I
just say I'm sorry, I hope things get better. But
I would never do it myself again. It's a matter
of would you want someone to picture photograph a picture
of you on your deathbed? Put it back on you.
(33:15):
And if you go no, I don't think so, then
why are you doing it to somebody else? Those are
the few? And then snarky comments. Don't make snarky comments.
Just let it go. I mean, I've seen so many
online arguments, and I think what really annoys me is
when they do them on my feet. Like I'll post
(33:36):
something and next thing you know, somebody's making a snarky comment.
The next thing you know, someone's arguing snarky comment. And
the next thing you know, my social media feed has
been taken over. My people are having an argument, and
I'll just subdly say, hey, guys, take it off my feet, Hey,
you get off of my cloud. I don't get into
arguments with other people. A couple of times I have,
(33:57):
and once I did something it bit me and then
you know what, and I got called on it. I
criticized a PR agency for something that they did for
their client online and they called me out on it,
and boy, I'll never do that again. I don't really
criticize anybody else. It's not really where I to go.
(34:18):
Think about who's reading what you're writing. It's people of
all ages. It could be your boss, it could be
a calling it. You'd be someone who's having a mental
health challenge. Think about it, and it may be best
to have a private page set up that only certain
people follow if you really want to protect your prophecy. Also,
(34:39):
honesty matters if you're posting something that's work related or sponsored,
be transparent about it. I posted today some suitcases I
have an affiliate with I having a link, and I said,
I love this. I have an affiliate link. You're fifty
dollars off love for anyone to take advantage of it,
but be transparent about it. It's okay to raise funds
(34:59):
for sharing and whatnot, but just don't overkill it. Don't
pester your people. A lot of people don't want to
be pestered. They they use it for different reasons in
social settings. Just be polite, don't try to get an arguments.
The worse is when people get in arguments over dinner.
People always over the holidays, talk about how to avoid
(35:20):
arguments with your family at dinner. Well, don't get into controversy.
It will happen. And there's always somebody that says something inappropriate.
Then a fight ensues and it gets ugly. And it
also happens at dinner. And gosh, I've even had arguments
with my husband at dinner where something gets wrong. Just
if something's about work or money, or politics or religion,
(35:43):
or you're worried about somebody, don't talk about it at dinner.
Just talk about the food, what you do today, what
you're watching, keep it up on the up and up
because somebody may not want to talk about work. At
the same time, do muzzle yourself, you know, keep the
conversation open. So freedom of speech is the freedom to express.
(36:03):
Censorship is muzzling people. But there's also that not gray area,
but that area in between where is it appropriate to
say something or not and what you deem appropriate is
a personal opinion as well. For me, and when I
just read with the Constitution if it's inciting harm or
(36:25):
defames people, or an outlied law, or is fraudulent, or
is going to incite hate, violence, or harm mislead people.
That's that's so cool, that's a cool And yet we're
seeing a lot of that out here now. We're seeing
a lot of it. And I don't have words to
(36:46):
express how I feel about some of the stuff I
see going on and being said, and how crazy it is.
I just sometimes just you know, want to get your
bodes and plug. But at the end of the day,
we if we do see something that is really out
there and wrong, we have the right to say I
don't think this is right. I don't think this is right,
(37:09):
and no one should say you're wrong, and you shouldn't
be saying that. You have the right to say I disagree.
I don't think that's right. I don't think we're going
in the right direction. We need to do something else.
You should never tear yourself down. You should never tear
others down to build yourself up. I just talked about
that last week on the show. You should never tear
(37:29):
other people down by building yourself up. You should never
just make sweeping statements about people. That's how we ended
up with a Holocaust, and you know, suddenly six million
people were killed because they were Jewish, and if I
had been living at that time, I would have been
one of them. So you can be very careful what
(37:51):
you say because it could be hurtful. It could be harmful.
You want to be helpful, and yet you also want
to speak up if you see something that's not right.
So speak up, speak out. Do it intelligently and thoughtfully
and purposefully. But don't do it wastefully. Don't waste your
words saying silly things that don't really matter. Have fun,
(38:15):
but don't waste your time also doing and saying things
that don't really matter. And finally, to kind of wrap
this up, learn to say you know, we often don't.
It's so crazy. Sometimes people are so busy posting on
social media talking about this and that and mission mash
(38:37):
and whatever, but they never really talk to the people
who matter most in their lives, their parents, their children,
their spouses. Maybe you should preserve some of all that
energy yabbering on social media to have honest, thoughtful, loving
conversations with your spouse, your significant other, children, your parents.
(39:02):
If I did one thing, if I could do one
thing over again, I would have spend more time talking
with my mother and not arguing with my mother. In
our last months, we did a lot of arguing and
not enough talking. She didn't want to listen, which is
one reason, and I was angry, which is another. But
I learned from that that you know, conversation matters. Talking matters,
(39:25):
communicating managers, touching matters, and being present for people in
the moment and not scrolling on your phone because you're
looking for a photo or something. Being present with people matters.
And I think at the at the end of the day,
the most important communication and freedom expressed greatam speech and
(39:47):
freedom of expression is expressing yourself and saying I am here,
I am present for you, I am in the present,
I care. I am listening whether I agree with you
or not, I am listening thoughtfully and being responsive. So
I hope this is, you know, conversation for thought. I
(40:07):
hope you have conversations with people, particularly if you were
a parent, you have conversations we are kids about this
because they may be wondering what the hell's going on
and unsure, and this is a good time to have
those conversations and ensure them that we have rights. They're protected,
(40:28):
but they can also be used inappropriately as well. And
you know, it's like guns. We have the word right
to bear arms, but you can also use guns inappropriately.
Same with words. So my final word for you and
this matter is to your words carefully before spinning them out,
(40:52):
because you don't want to eat crow. I'm Melanie Young.
I am author of two books. I do my shameless
self promotion because I need to sell more books so
I can get the rights of my books back. This
is Getting Things off my Chest. Actually we have them
in the image file. Getting Things Off My Chest a
Survivor's Guide to saying Fearless and Fabulous in the face
(41:14):
of breast cancer. It's a great book for anyone who's
going through breast cancer. It is uplifting, it is helpful.
It's the book I wish I had had was going
through breast cancer. Fearless, Fabulous You lessons on living life
on your terms is the book I wrote afterward to
deal with what I realized was post traumatic stress into
(41:34):
them after going through breast cancer and losing my dad.
And it was how to rethink life and move forward,
which I did, And I'm here and I hope you
do too, so thank you for joining me. You have
the right to speak out, speak up, and express yourself.
(41:55):
You have the right to choose life on your terms,
and I tell you to always choose fearless and fabulous.
Thank you for joining me.
The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are
solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not
those of W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates.
We make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services,
or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability,
explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN
Radio It's employees or affiliates. Any questions or comments should
(00:20):
be directed to those show hosts.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Thank you for choosing W four WN Radio.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Hello, and welcome to Fearless Fabulous You. I am your host,
Melanie Young, and you were listening on the Women for
Women Network. If you're visiting me for the first time
in tuning in, thanks for joining me. A little bit
about me. I had a long career and communications and
public relations in New York. Ran my own company, was
(01:01):
very successful. And then after being diagnosed with breast cancer
and losing my father in the same year, and also
dealing with huge economic setbacks with my company and the economy,
I said I'm done. I want to start a new chapter.
I had just turned fifty, I was in menopause, I
had been completely reconstructed and gone through chemotherapy, and I
(01:24):
was ready to create a new platform. Lo and Behold.
I fell into this podcast because I wrote a book
called Getting Things Off My Chest, A Survivor's Guide to
Staying Fearless and Fabulous in the Face of Breast Cancer,
and at the end of the show will put up
the image of the book. It is now in its
third edition. It was my first book. I wrote it
to help women stay confident and informed and make thoughtful
(01:50):
decisions about their self care during and after breast cancer.
While going on tour to promote the book, I was
doing a lot of podcasts that people said, you're a natural.
You should be doing this for a living.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I am.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
I don't know if it's a living, but it's a
loving it's a labor of love. And I host this
show in its twelve season to talk to women like
you who may be writing their next chapter, or maybe
they're helping their children write their first chapter, or maybe
they're helping their parents finish their last chapter. The point
(02:23):
is we are all writing different chapters of our lives,
and it's an open book and an open journey, and
you can choose how to do it on your terms. However,
what we do and what we say, how we act
and how we treat people have consequences. And I'm going
to address this show because it's such a timely topic
(02:46):
on freedom of speech and how to choose your words
carefully as they chew them carefully before spitting them out,
because communication matters. And I can say this as a
lifetime professional cammunications consultant whose job and role was to
advise CEOs and governments and people who are English was
(03:07):
not necessarily the first language, how to properly convey and
express themselves and what they were marketing and what they
were sharing. I learned this from my mother, Rest in peace.
She was a communications professor who taught public speaking for
over thirty five years at the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga,
(03:28):
and she taught me how important language is as a
communication and as a connection, and how powerful language is
to inspire, educate, but also incite insight in a good
way and incite in a bad way. I'm going to
start the rest of the show like this. We have
(03:52):
been talking about hearing about freedom of speech or quite
some time, and of course this show is being brought
cast in the end of September twenty twenty five, when
we just had an instances were two very well known
late night comic host comedians have lost their shows because
(04:13):
of what they're saying. One was Stephen Colbert. His show
was canceled, of course, supposedly Stephen Colbert's show, which is
one an Emmy in twenty twenty five, yet another one
and I love. Supposedly it was an economic decision. But
how does the best one of the top watch shows
on a network this case CBS that when Emmy's and
(04:35):
has legions of fans, how is that an economic problem?
We won't go there. But then the next bruhaha was
the Jimmy Kimmel who his show was suspended by the
ABC and the networks that own it because of some
comments he made after the unfortunate sad assassin nation of
(04:59):
the police local activist Charlie Kirk, who is a conservative,
and he was assassinated and it was in front of people,
and he left behind a wife and two children, and
it's very sad, and he made some comments it incited,
incited a lot of anger and the ire of the
freedial FCC Commission, and long, lo and behold, his show
(05:22):
was suspended and that provoked an outrage among people who
say his freedom. We have the right to have freedom
of speech, and his was stepped on, tread on and
to treat on me. So he has come back. He
made a very poignant come back last night, September twenty third,
(05:43):
twenty twenty five. I was just watching it, and he
accepted that what he said may not have been tim
d well and was appropriate given that a man had
just been murdered and left behind a wife and very
young children, and maybe the comments were not appropriate, But
he also said it's important that we have freedom of speech.
(06:06):
I've watched many, many debates about this topic, and I've
debated it in my head as well, So I took
the time to understand the First Amendment. Now, before I
get into it and read excerpt for you, I want
to let you know that when I was in college,
I actually took on the First Amendment and the third estate, well,
(06:27):
excuse me be the fourth estate, which is the media,
as a term paper for my work in international relations.
Because the fourth estate, which is the media, is the
fourth check and balance on the government. We have different
sections of government, the judicial, the condisional, and the executive,
and they do checks and balances on each other. So
(06:47):
no one has absolute power, and the fourth estate being
the media reports on the other areas of power and
is supposed to be doing it in an unbiased way,
as journalism is unless it's an opinion piece. So freedom
of speech, what isn't and what is it not? Freedom
(07:11):
and speech, this is a surmise is the first Amendment
of the US Constitution. So if you've never read the
US Constitution, now's a great time to do it, because
I think it's important. It's the right to express ideas, opinions,
and belief without fear or censorship or retaliation from the government.
(07:36):
Though this right is not absolute and has exceptions for
speech that incites violence, constitutes threats, or involves fraud and defamation.
So you've heard about people suing, you know, for suing
for liable and defamation. Well, so, while protected by the
United States, the First Amendment also applies to symbolished speech
(08:00):
and expressive conduct, but it does not necessarily apply to
private entities like social media platforms. So what is protected
verbal communications, spoken and written words, symbolic speech, actions that
convey support for something. Armbands if you support Palestine, if
(08:24):
you support flag burning. If you support LGBT, that's your
freedom of speech to say I support this. It's symbolic
whether you're wearing a flag, whether you're wearing a scarf,
whether you're wearing armband, the right not to speak. It
also protects the right to remain silent, so you have
the right to mainsight. You're arrested, I have a bit.
(08:45):
But if you have the right to remain silent. You
see that always on TV. Controversial on offensive speech, And
this is where it's open for interpretation these days, because
what constitutes offensive and controversial space well just about everything.
Right now, it feels like the First Amendment protects against
speech that is considered and this is a strange term illogical.
(09:09):
It's considered offensive or hateful as long as it does
not fall into an unprotected category. I cannot even explain
that other than incitement to create inminent violence, true threat
to people, places or government, defamation, false statements to harm people.
(09:31):
These are examples obscenity, fraud, or perjury. Speech that is
deemed legally obscene, fraudulent, or false hate speech. While considered protected,
hate speech can lead to unprotected behaviors or actions. This
is where it gets difficult because many people feel that
(09:53):
there's a lot of hate speech out there right now,
and it's been shared all over social media, and I
think the worst propagator of hate speech right now is
social media, and we need to think before we speak
how you interpret that. Obviously, there is a law in Congress,
(10:13):
and there's the Supreme Court ultimately, which has actually taken
on many cases about freedom of speech. So we are
blessed to live in a country that allows freedom of speech,
but we are cursed right now because we are all
kind of in this tsunami of what is freedom of speech,
(10:36):
what is hate speech, what is inciting violence, what could
potentially incite violence? What is wrong when it's right? And
I think we're all confused. We're all very confused about it.
And I'm not here. I'm not a legal expert. I'm
a communications expert. What I do know is that this
(10:56):
is based on the Constitution and government. When you get
into corporations and private entities, which have their own set
of standards, you have to be careful because conduct unbecoming,
whether it's in the military or in a corporation, could
(11:20):
be saying inappropriate things that reflect badly on the company.
Posting inappropriate things that reflect badly on the company or
your position at the company, Like if a CEO is
out there just blasting away, and I think that's what
happened kind of sort of with Jimmy Kimmel. There's a
(11:42):
lot more to it, however, because there's also some economic
shit that was happening. You know, the parent company is
trying to work out an economic deal and now obviously
they don't want controversy. Bottom line is, freedom of speech
is something to be treasured and celebrated because without freedom
of speech, we wouldn't have freedom expression. We wouldn't have
(12:02):
wonderful artists, we wouldn't have wonderful singers, we wouldn't have
wonderful essays and poets and writers and thinkers. Freedom of
speech is the former expression that makes us create and
inspire and educate and enlighten. On the flip side, it
can also make us hate and become biased and prejudiced
(12:23):
and think the wrong way. And really, at the end
of the day, we need to all choose our words
carefully so that what we say matters in the right way.
There's freedom of speech, and then there's overreach. There's freem
of speech and overreach, And I think and there's freedom
(12:44):
of speech and there's breach of communication when you're spreading
information that could hurt, harm, falsify, mislead is downright ugly
and inappropriate. I think that's a breach of freedom and speech.
I personally do. I just I brought it. I'm a
girl from the South. We're not supposed to speak mean
(13:06):
of anybody. We say bless your heart, and that's like
considered like it. But you know, I gotta tell you,
some of the stuff coming then through social media scares
the you know what out of me, the shataki, because
I think it's overreach, and I wonder, I wonder, I
it's just because you're not face to face with somebody,
(13:29):
you know. I sometimes look at some of the comments
on social media or Reddit or well it's all social media.
I think, would you say that to a person's face?
Would you say that to your mother or your father
or your children? The same ugly thing you're just posting
out there on social media. And I don't think people
(13:51):
are getting it. I think we're just becoming like really mean,
and I think we need to all take a step back.
You know, a couple of things that kind of put
me on the edge about this, and we wanted to
talk about it besides what happened with Jimmy Kimmel and
then all the inner fighting and this and that and
all the amazing negative things that came after Charlie Cook
(14:17):
was assassinated. Whether you hate, don't like what he had
to say or what he stands for, you don't celebrate
someone's murder, senseless murder, and you don't say that was
a good thing. There's people involved. You know, we should
be celebrating people's murder, but we seem to be lately
(14:37):
and we seem to be saying it. So what sent
me over I is my I think I may have
mentioned in another show my mother in law passed away
peacefully inner sleep, Sally Ransom at the age of ninety three.
For me, if someone like your mother passes away, you pause,
you reflect, You honor that person. If anything, you write
(14:58):
something about your person, or you say nothing, you grieve quietly.
How you grieve and what you choose to say is
your personal thing. But I caught my husband posting on
social media, like the day or two after his mother
died about, you know, negative things about Donald Trump. He's
very liberal, and he doesn't like what many things a
president is saying, or dying, or acting, and that's his
(15:21):
right to opinion. We're all right to our opinions. But
I said, I said, David, your mother just died. Why
are you doing this? How important is you to write
about something political when you're grieving your mother. And I said,
you need to take it back. You need to take
steps back, get off social media and stop posting just
(15:43):
crazy stuff you're grieving, and he did. But I think
we're all just jumping in and posting and saying some
It's like a giant social media blurt out. Everybody's just
blurting out whatever comes to mind without thinking about it.
I post because I write about food and water, and
you know, that's kind of what we do for a living,
among other things. I post a lot about what we're
(16:05):
eating and drinking, where we're going. And I do that
because I like to share it, hopefully it'll excite people.
And one of my friends said, you sure do go
out and spend a lot of money. How do you
do it? I thought that was inappropriate to snark on
social media. Another one said, you sure to eat a lot.
I don't know where you put it, and I thought,
(16:25):
why are you even saying that? What is the point?
I wanted to blurt back, well, you sure to post
a lot of photos of your cats, but I didn't.
I just simply said, you know, I do it because
I enjoy it, and I hope other people do to.
I keep it positive. But you know, we're becoming snarky.
(16:45):
We're becoming snarky in a way that is not nice.
It's lack of manners. It's not nice, and it's hurtful,
and we all need to pull it back. And this
is not about politics here. I'm not going to even
get into what I feel is appropriate or inappropriate about
what our president of the United States is doing because
(17:06):
I'm not going to get there in it here. I
was still never to talk about politics and public keep
it up and up. I'm here to talk about how you,
my listeners and followers, can be better communicators and better
managers of communication, whether it's what you say publicly or privately,
(17:27):
and how your kids are doing it, because I worry
a lot not about you and what people think of you,
because if you're my age, I'm sixty about you know,
bring it up, tell me what you think about me?
I've lived a great life. I'm tough. I got thick skin.
One of the things when you get older, you get
your skin gets thicker. Those are fed tho's your body.
(17:49):
But I worry about what the kids are thinking. For
took be the ones who are at the most vulnerable
age when they're on social media way too much, And
I think, are you posting off that your kids may
be seeing if they're following you? Most kids don't follow
their parents, But are you posting stuff that people out
there are seeing and thinking it's okay to say that
(18:10):
because so and so said it. You know, actions matter
and words matter, and you can't really retract either. You
can apologize, but it's out there. It's out there in
the sphere, and it's really hard to take it down.
(18:32):
So if you don't want something you say or do
living in the World Wide Web forever, don't say it
or do it. You know, maybe you need to edit
yourself that set. We all have freedom speech, and my goodness,
women bought hard for that. We were silenced for way
(18:55):
too long. And I still get annoyed when someone hushes
me up. Not many people do it, but I caught
my husband doing it once He's like, sushush, shushed me.
And I was like, hey, don't go there. If you're
in a meeting and somebody ignores what you're saying or
(19:16):
shushes you, We've all been there, We've all been shushed,
We've all been waved aside. You need to speak up
and say, hey, what's going on here? I have something
to say, let me say it. So you also need
to speak up and out for your right to be
vocal so that your voice is not silenced. I got
(19:39):
to be honest with you. I started this show, and
I started my podcast's life after being silenced. I literally
was told as a puppet, as the owner of my
own public relations agency in New York, whose role was
to teach people how to be better communicated so they
(20:00):
could effectively communicate their goods and services to the media.
I can't believe how many times I was shushed, pushed
out of the photo, told public relations people should be
seen but not heard. I disagree with that. Sometimes the
most effective people are public relations people. But we were
(20:22):
so discounted that I became disgusted and I said, I
don't want to be silenced. I want to have a voice,
and here I am and I try to keep things
on the up and up here and non confrontational and
non controversial, because I'm about living your best life and
(20:44):
putting your best foot forward and not getting stuck in
word mud and quagmires that don't suit you. So a
couple of things. You have a right to speak and
communicate and have a voice. You have a right to
your opinion and a right to share your opinion. You
(21:06):
have a right to express yourself and express your conduct.
But if you were working for a company, most companies
have a code of conduct, and if you were under
someone's employment, you need to follow that code of conduct
or you may be out. And that's where the gray
(21:26):
line hits because many people, including a lawyer I watched
on television, said at that point Jimmy Kimmel was an
employee of a big company and they felt his code
of conduct he stepped over the code of conduct. On
the other side, as a comedian, that's what comedians do.
And he's a show host, so not only is the comedian,
it's a show host. The type of media, so it
(21:48):
gets a little swirly in there, and I think that
there will be legal experts and communicating communications experts breaking
that apart for a while to see when is it
appropriate when and it is not? You know, when is
it a code of contact for a company? And with
freedom of speech because you are a member of the
(22:09):
entertainment world or you're a member of the press. We're
seeing this on and on the gun. I mean, other
people are getting fired too for speaking out. So it's
going to getting a little scared because that's called censorship.
Censorship is when you cannot speak out. Censorship is when
your art can no longer be seen. Censorship is basically
putting a tape over your mouth. And we don't ever
(22:32):
want to be there. Censorship is bad even if people
say bad things that you don't agree with. Censorship is
worse because we never want to be just one sided.
The beauty of a democracy and the beauty of an
open governments in society is that people can be expressive
(22:53):
and there is no censorship. When censorship begins, it starts
an ugly trail of other things that restrict people's lives,
and we don't want to go there because freedom of speech,
freedom of where you live, freedom of how you choose
to live, freedom if you want to live in the
United States or not, Once these things get those freedoms
(23:15):
get taken away, then we're in a bad situation and
we want to be fearless and fabulous about that. So
I created a few of my own, and these are mine.
Rules of conduct. Conduct is how you portray yourself, and
conduct matters. Contact matters, because you know, some people say
(23:36):
you only make a first impression once. I say, a
last impression is even more important. I believe in lasting impressions,
whether it's the first impression of the last. I do
think you have another chance after a first impression, But
you want to create a positive, lasting impression. So on
social and this is really social media at this point.
If you're not on social media, it's also part of
(23:58):
a dinner party conversation or part of being around people
and a discussion in sales, do keep things upbeat and positive.
If you want to argue a point, argue it saying
I understand your side and your opinion and appreciate that
you have one. Let me share what I think rather
(24:22):
than and you can say I disagree with what you're saying,
and here is why. But once you say to someone
you're wrong, this is not right, You're wrong, they get
on the defensive and they are going to knock back
if they truly believe they are. I go, I do
this with my husband all the time. I'm like, you're wrong,
and I've really telling someone you're wrong. It's probably not
(24:43):
the best way to say, say I understand where you're
coming from, but let me explain where I see it,
or where I read it or what I read the
facts are. And gosh knows, I'm going to give you
an example of where we are with this now, vaccines
and see the menaphit. The President went on and said,
(25:04):
you know, pregnant women should not take Thailandol because a
seed of menapin the main ingredient in Thailand all could
impact a pregnant woman's fetus and potentially lead to the
child having autism. Well, there's many medical experts, including the
one who was a pediatric specialist I had dinner with
last night, who said, there is nothing, nothing, that is
(25:29):
conclusive to that. And it sent Thailand I'll stock tumbling.
So they're in a crisis management situation right now. It
sent a lot of people, you know, fear, and a
lot of people like and telling saying pregnant women need
to tough it out. Hey, have you ever been pregnant.
I've never been pregnant. You don't tough out something like that.
You don't say that to anybody. But that's an example
(25:53):
of where you could just go off and say something
and create this tsunami that creates fear, concern, wonder, misinformation,
et cetera. I think you need to think before you
speak and don't name names or mention brands or anything
unless you really truly know it's a problem, because now
(26:14):
there's a brand out there trying to salvage a reputation
based on information that isn't necessarily accurate. Keep things up
being positive. If you think somebody is wrong, you can
argue your point. If you have any doubt that you
have the ability to do that, sign up for Toastmasters,
(26:35):
which is a speaking group. They're in every country, every state,
every community toast Masters, and they're a speakers group and
they can help you become effective in that way. In fact,
anyone who wants to be an executive needs to either
be media training, communications or toast Masters. Be kind and courteous.
It is always better to be kind and courteous than
(26:58):
nasty and argument. And there's there's no war, there's no
womb for name calling. Don't start name calling. I don't
care if other people in power are name calling. Don't
lower yourself to other people's standards who are doing stupid
things like critical you know, criticizing and name calling and
throwing things around. You don't need to lower yourself. You
(27:19):
need to rise up, take the high road. When you
post or write and I'm guilty, me coopl proof your
work so you're not saying something really stupid and it
comes out wrong. Stupid means, you know, instead of saying
public relations, it's pubic relations. It's a common one. Don't
(27:41):
over emoji and do silly things. I think that's important.
You know, you're all grown ups. Words matter. Think about
if you're on social media and you are working for
a company, maybe you should have another identity. I have
a couple of friends who work in international banking and
(28:02):
their social media personality is not their real name. It's
an avatar, and that may be a way to do it,
or keep your account private. I mean, at the end
of the day, how it is important for you to
be blabbling all over social media anyway? Have you ever
timed how much time have you ever considered thinking about
how much time you spend on social media and why
are you making money doing it? Is it enriching your life?
(28:24):
Is it doing something for you? Yes, it could be
very valuable. If you feel socially isolated, then you don't
have a lot going on in your life. It's a
great way to connect with people. But if you're just
doing it just because you like to sit and scroll, hey,
go read a book, Go do something else, take a walk,
do something else. This is really important, really important. Ask
(28:49):
someone if it's okay to post a photo of themselves,
their family, their house, the event they're at before you
just go do it. I'll I'll never forget. Somebody came
over to my mother's home to pick up something that
she had purchased for at an auction, at charity auction
that was my mother's and she walked in the house
(29:12):
like many people did, because I had a beautiful atrium
and it was really beautiful, and she went, wow, everybody
did that. It was a beautiful house. And then she
immediately pulled out her camera, her phone camera and started
this and I said, excuse me, but you didn't ask
my permission to take photos of my mother's home. And
this is a private home, and I don't want photos
(29:35):
of it out in you know, the social fear. I
don't if this is a private home. So you need
to be really careful about that and ask whether you're
at a restaurant, a theater, a dance, a music concert, anywhere,
ask if it's okay to post, take photos and posts.
Many times it's not. It's common courtesy, but also you
(29:59):
maybe step on somebody's rights in privacy. Those are some
might dudes. Here's a few don'ts. Don't overpost images ad
nauseum about your grandchildren and your cats, your dogs, or
anything that looks like it's abuse. I have friends and
I love them dearly, but they're just constantly posting about
(30:21):
cats and cat abuse and animal abuse. And I had
to tell you I had to unfriend them because e
they're overposting. And I support animal rescue, but some of
the photos that they posted of abused animals or animals
being abused triggered me in a terrible way. And I thought,
if they're triggering me an adult, what if a child
sees that? What if somebody else sees it? I think
(30:41):
you've got to be really careful. People are watching your
photos and it could be upsetting. If someone's posting things
that upset you, unfollow them. If they're your friend, unfollow them.
If you really know who the hell they are, unfriend them.
Somebody on my feed the other day I saw them,
just randomly because don't understand algorithms now, but this person
(31:03):
popped up and they posted so many anti Semitic things
that I was gobsmacked that they were even in my
circle of friends. And I don't even know who this
person was. I don't even know how they became of a friend.
I immediately unfriend of them because I don't like what
they stand for. Now, when birthdays come up every day,
I just look through all the birthdays and like half
these people I know who they are. I'm like, how
(31:25):
do they become my friend? I'm becoming more careful about
that because I want to make sure that anyone that's
in my sphere of social media friends or people I
can consistently trust and they're not saying or doing offensive things,
because I don't want it reflecting back on me. I
also don't think it's appropriate personally, and this is my
personal freedom speech to post photos of yourself in the hospital,
(31:48):
yourself having surgery, yourself or more a friend or a
loved one bandaged up. You know, with tubes it's triggering.
Triggering means it can unleash anxiety and stress in the
people who are listening and watching. And I also think
it's intrusive. I don't know if I had been if
(32:10):
I was unconscious and it'd been in an accident and
someone's photographing me and saying, please pray for Melanie, and well,
I'm grateful that people want to pray me. I don't
want to be seen lanced in bed. I don't want it.
And even if I'm unconscious, nobody asks my permission, and
Candy boils down to that. But a lot of people
are just out there going here I am, here's my scar,
(32:30):
here's my nose, here's my bandage. You know, it's freeom
of speech. I personally think it's too much, but I
won't do it myself. I will never criticize someone if
they want to post their surgery scars or their chemo therapy.
And I have a lot of friends and I pray
for them who are chemo and they show photos and
they're brave, and I'm all for that. I'm thinking more
(32:51):
about the people who were unconscious and dying. I don't know.
I never wanted to post a photo of my dying mother.
I don't think she would have appreciated it. But some
peop people it's comforting for them. I never criticize. I
just say I'm sorry, I hope things get better. But
I would never do it myself again. It's a matter
of would you want someone to picture photograph a picture
of you on your deathbed? Put it back on you.
(33:15):
And if you go no, I don't think so, then
why are you doing it to somebody else? Those are
the few? And then snarky comments. Don't make snarky comments.
Just let it go. I mean, I've seen so many
online arguments, and I think what really annoys me is
when they do them on my feet. Like I'll post
(33:36):
something and next thing you know, somebody's making a snarky comment.
The next thing you know, someone's arguing snarky comment. And
the next thing you know, my social media feed has
been taken over. My people are having an argument, and
I'll just subdly say, hey, guys, take it off my feet, Hey,
you get off of my cloud. I don't get into
arguments with other people. A couple of times I have,
(33:57):
and once I did something it bit me and then
you know what, and I got called on it. I
criticized a PR agency for something that they did for
their client online and they called me out on it,
and boy, I'll never do that again. I don't really
criticize anybody else. It's not really where I to go.
(34:18):
Think about who's reading what you're writing. It's people of
all ages. It could be your boss, it could be
a calling it. You'd be someone who's having a mental
health challenge. Think about it, and it may be best
to have a private page set up that only certain
people follow if you really want to protect your prophecy. Also,
(34:39):
honesty matters if you're posting something that's work related or sponsored,
be transparent about it. I posted today some suitcases I
have an affiliate with I having a link, and I said,
I love this. I have an affiliate link. You're fifty
dollars off love for anyone to take advantage of it,
but be transparent about it. It's okay to raise funds
(34:59):
for sharing and whatnot, but just don't overkill it. Don't
pester your people. A lot of people don't want to
be pestered. They they use it for different reasons in
social settings. Just be polite, don't try to get an arguments.
The worse is when people get in arguments over dinner.
People always over the holidays, talk about how to avoid
(35:20):
arguments with your family at dinner. Well, don't get into controversy.
It will happen. And there's always somebody that says something inappropriate.
Then a fight ensues and it gets ugly. And it
also happens at dinner. And gosh, I've even had arguments
with my husband at dinner where something gets wrong. Just
if something's about work or money, or politics or religion,
(35:43):
or you're worried about somebody, don't talk about it at dinner.
Just talk about the food, what you do today, what
you're watching, keep it up on the up and up
because somebody may not want to talk about work. At
the same time, do muzzle yourself, you know, keep the
conversation open. So freedom of speech is the freedom to express.
(36:03):
Censorship is muzzling people. But there's also that not gray area,
but that area in between where is it appropriate to
say something or not and what you deem appropriate is
a personal opinion as well. For me, and when I
just read with the Constitution if it's inciting harm or
(36:25):
defames people, or an outlied law, or is fraudulent, or
is going to incite hate, violence, or harm mislead people.
That's that's so cool, that's a cool And yet we're
seeing a lot of that out here now. We're seeing
a lot of it. And I don't have words to
(36:46):
express how I feel about some of the stuff I
see going on and being said, and how crazy it is.
I just sometimes just you know, want to get your
bodes and plug. But at the end of the day,
we if we do see something that is really out
there and wrong, we have the right to say I
don't think this is right. I don't think this is right,
(37:09):
and no one should say you're wrong, and you shouldn't
be saying that. You have the right to say I disagree.
I don't think that's right. I don't think we're going
in the right direction. We need to do something else.
You should never tear yourself down. You should never tear
others down to build yourself up. I just talked about
that last week on the show. You should never tear
(37:29):
other people down by building yourself up. You should never
just make sweeping statements about people. That's how we ended
up with a Holocaust, and you know, suddenly six million
people were killed because they were Jewish, and if I
had been living at that time, I would have been
one of them. So you can be very careful what
(37:51):
you say because it could be hurtful. It could be harmful.
You want to be helpful, and yet you also want
to speak up if you see something that's not right.
So speak up, speak out. Do it intelligently and thoughtfully
and purposefully. But don't do it wastefully. Don't waste your
words saying silly things that don't really matter. Have fun,
(38:15):
but don't waste your time also doing and saying things
that don't really matter. And finally, to kind of wrap
this up, learn to say you know, we often don't.
It's so crazy. Sometimes people are so busy posting on
social media talking about this and that and mission mash
(38:37):
and whatever, but they never really talk to the people
who matter most in their lives, their parents, their children,
their spouses. Maybe you should preserve some of all that
energy yabbering on social media to have honest, thoughtful, loving
conversations with your spouse, your significant other, children, your parents.
(39:02):
If I did one thing, if I could do one
thing over again, I would have spend more time talking
with my mother and not arguing with my mother. In
our last months, we did a lot of arguing and
not enough talking. She didn't want to listen, which is
one reason, and I was angry, which is another. But
I learned from that that you know, conversation matters. Talking matters,
(39:25):
communicating managers, touching matters, and being present for people in
the moment and not scrolling on your phone because you're
looking for a photo or something. Being present with people matters.
And I think at the at the end of the day,
the most important communication and freedom expressed greatam speech and
(39:47):
freedom of expression is expressing yourself and saying I am here,
I am present for you, I am in the present,
I care. I am listening whether I agree with you
or not, I am listening thoughtfully and being responsive. So
I hope this is, you know, conversation for thought. I
(40:07):
hope you have conversations with people, particularly if you were
a parent, you have conversations we are kids about this
because they may be wondering what the hell's going on
and unsure, and this is a good time to have
those conversations and ensure them that we have rights. They're protected,
(40:28):
but they can also be used inappropriately as well. And
you know, it's like guns. We have the word right
to bear arms, but you can also use guns inappropriately.
Same with words. So my final word for you and
this matter is to your words carefully before spinning them out,
(40:52):
because you don't want to eat crow. I'm Melanie Young.
I am author of two books. I do my shameless
self promotion because I need to sell more books so
I can get the rights of my books back. This
is Getting Things off my Chest. Actually we have them
in the image file. Getting Things Off My Chest a
Survivor's Guide to saying Fearless and Fabulous in the face
(41:14):
of breast cancer. It's a great book for anyone who's
going through breast cancer. It is uplifting, it is helpful.
It's the book I wish I had had was going
through breast cancer. Fearless, Fabulous You lessons on living life
on your terms is the book I wrote afterward to
deal with what I realized was post traumatic stress into
(41:34):
them after going through breast cancer and losing my dad.
And it was how to rethink life and move forward,
which I did, And I'm here and I hope you
do too, so thank you for joining me. You have
the right to speak out, speak up, and express yourself.
(41:55):
You have the right to choose life on your terms,
and I tell you to always choose fearless and fabulous.
Thank you for joining me.
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