How Can You Help a Friend with Depression?

We all know we're supposed to reach out to friends and family experiencing depression, but it's an intimidating prospect. Learn how to get a conversation started in this episode of BrainStuff.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to brain Stuff from How Stuff Works. Hey, brain Stuff,
Lauren vocal bomb here. I just wanted to let you
know this episode deals with the topics of depression and suicide.
So if you're not up for that today, go ahead
and skip it. And Hey, take care of yourself, okay.
During the publicity that attended the recent suicides of Anthony
Bourdain and Kate Spade, people were urged to reach out

(00:25):
to loved ones they suspect are coping with depression. There's
good reason for this nudge. A more than sixteen million
American adults experienced major depression, with only thirty five of
those affected turning to a mental health professional for treatment.
Effective treatment can lead to partial or complete remission and
thus a vastly improved quality of life. But one of
the tricky things about depression is that it can prevent

(00:46):
people from getting help. Still, despite these numbers, a lot
of people are confused or anxious about how to handle
a potentially depressed loved one. How can you tell if
someone is really depressed and how exactly should you approach
the person? What if they get mad at Eve for asking?
Although a lot of variables are at play, and it's
impossible to predict a reaction. Experts insist that it's always

(01:08):
better to make a true and caring effort. We spoke
with Matt Onorado, director of social work and an adjunct
clinical assistant professor at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical
Center's Harding Hospital. He said, a people who contemplates suicide
are ambivalent up to the end. They want the pain
to end, and if there was some other way to
end the pain then kill themselves, they would take that.

(01:29):
There's always hope. You make a small gesture of hey,
I'm here if you need me, and that could stop
someone a week later from trying to kill themselves. The
small things we do make a huge impact. So how
do you know if someone is dealing with depression? Almost
all of us get the blues at some point, feeling
down about our lives or ourselves. The difference with depression

(01:50):
is that this feeling does not lift and is not
improved by spending time with friends or taking part in
fun activities. Some fairly well known symptoms of depression include
sa nous and loss of interest in hobbies enjoyed in
the past, weight gain or weight loss, trouble sleeping, or
excessive sleep, difficulty concentrating, and suicidal thoughts or comments. A

(02:10):
general irribility is a lesser known and often overlooked symptom.
Verbal statements of feeling empty or worthless are also important
to note, as well as physical symptoms like pain, fatigue, headaches,
or stomach aches. If any of these symptoms last more
than two weeks and interfere with the person's life functioning
in some way, it's probably not just the blues. Like

(02:31):
any serious illness, depression needs to be treated to get better.
A lot of people are scared to approach loved what
about depression or suicide, whether it's because they don't want
to offend the person, are afraid to make the situation
to real, or are worried that they'll get yelled at.
We also spoke with Dr Katherine Burnett, Assistant professor at
the School of Social Work at Two Lane University, via email.

(02:55):
She said any time a sensitive issue is brought up,
the potential for defensiveness or anger is there. She also
noted that you're not necessarily in for a fight though quote.
Everyone responds differently, and many people may be relieved to
talk about their struggles, especially if a non judgmental and
sensitive approach is taken. In the event that the person

(03:15):
does react unhappily, it can be helpful to be open
and direct about your emotional response. Therapists suggest saying something
like I understand you're going through a lot, but when
you snap at me, it makes me feel sad. There's
no guarantee that one talk will result in action, and
that's okay, Burnett said. Sometimes if a friend seems to

(03:36):
blow you off, you can affirm that you just care
about them and are there if they ever want to talk.
Your friend may not respond immediately, but your care may
have left an opening for future conversations. When you do
initiate the conversation, calmly express concern, then let them do
a lot of the talking. Listen first, hold off on
any problem solving or suggestions. It might sound silly, but

(04:00):
us listening to a person's experience of depression can help
them validate that experience for themselves once they've had their say.
Therapists recommend asking probing questions like how bad does the
sket Does it ever get worse than what you're telling me?
Are you aware of having a lot of guilt or shame?
Just avoid saying things like look on the bright side,

(04:21):
or it's not that bad, or even something like when
I was depressed, once I started walking every day and
I got better. Remember that depression is a systemic illness.
It can affect a person's whole body and being, so
it needs treatment tailored for every individual person. It may
take time, but hopefully they'll come to the conclusion that
their depression can be treated. There are lots of options

(04:43):
depending on how severe the situation is. If the person
is suicidal, there are services that offer twenty four hour
access to trained professionals and other resources. In the US,
try looking up the National Alliance on Mental Illness or
Mental Health America, or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline or the
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Some services are free,

(05:06):
and there are federally funded outpatient and inpatient programs available
to folks without insurance, with payment based on sliding scale
according to income. If the situation is less urgent, talk
to your friend about what option they might be most
comfortable with. This could start with a trip to the
family doctor, particularly if your friend doesn't want to see
a therapist. After all, primary care doctors are also able

(05:28):
to rule out any other medical cause like thyroid problems
or anemia. They can screen for depression, prescribe medications, and
refer patients to mental health professionals. Many employee assistance programs
offer free or reduced cost counseling sessions to staff and
family members, so be sure to check your specific plan
for counseling and other resources. Onorato said, I think culturally

(05:51):
we're becoming in America more comfortable talking about mental health, depression,
and suicide. People are being more open and knowing that
there is help out there, that you won't be judged
and are not alone. Today's episode was written by Alia
Hoyt and produced by Tyler Clang for iHeartMedia and How
Stuff Works. For more on this and lots of other topics,

(06:13):
visit our home planet, how stuff Works dot com