The Jaye Spot Podcast

Join us at The Jaye Spot as we recap sizzling social media topics and dive into our discussion of "Exposing Toxic Relationships" Tune in for Sean Wyte's hot single, "Easy to Love You," and so much more! Don't miss out—subscribe to our YouTube channel, The Jaye Spot Radio, for all the excitement!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Of your life, your host Jay, and simply e hold on,
hold on, get ready to enter the Jase Spot, the
Chase Spot on Intellectual radio dot com.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Good evening, good evening, good evening, and welcome to the
best night of your life. You have entered the J Spot,

(00:37):
where we are strengthening relationships and families, one conversation at
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I'm your host, Jay. You all, thank you so much
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(00:57):
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(01:18):
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(01:40):
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the j spot. Ja y e guys, and turn on
the notification bill for all platforms. Hi, everybody, Happy Thursday.
Thank you all so much for tuning in. Guys. We
have an amazing show lined up for you tonight. So
we're gonna go ahead and get started with our hot
time topics. Now listen. When I saw this, I'm just

(02:03):
gonna get right into it now, you all listen, what
do you all feel about this? When you are dating
someone and listen, it's it's it's getting a little sticky.
So you know what you decide to try to you know,
spice the relationship up and do all of this craziness.

(02:24):
So you decide, you know, you think for somewhere up
in you know, in your mind and some people listen,
I don't even want to call it to mind, but
somewhere somebody thought that it was a good ideal to
have a threesome. Now, if you are one of those
that decide to have a threesome, no judgment here, do

(02:45):
what you gotta do, rock out, but listen. It is
being reported that Lil what is his name. Little Scrappy
and his girlfriend had a threesome. Okay, wait a minute, Oh,
it gets it gets it gets better. So they invited
her best friend into the said threesome. Okay, if having

(03:10):
a threesome is not risky enough as it is, okay, Barnond,
it's risky enough as it is. That's having a threesome.
That's no, that's not you. You got that two far down.
That's so if that's not risky enough, so then you
decide that's perfect.

Speaker 3 (03:28):
And then you decide.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
To bring a friend along, not only a friend, best friend. Okay,
if that's not bad enough, Okay, you could tell that
this was not a well thought out situation. So they
go ahead and do the dude, knock it out, you know,
have the little threesome, just you know, go ahead on

(03:49):
and get it in. But at the end of the threesome,
months later, the best friend finds out that she is
pregnant by Scrappy. Oh y'all heard me right. The best
friend finds out that she is pregnant by little Scrappy. Now,

(04:10):
when I say that, that has to be the stupidest
threesome set up ever. First of all, why would you
have a threesome with your girl's best friend. That's the
first thing. Second thing, why would you all not? And
I repeat, why would you not use protection?

Speaker 4 (04:34):
Like?

Speaker 2 (04:35):
I mean, come on, like that is just nasty, nasty,
nasty to the fullest extent. You have a threesome with
your girl's best friend, didn't use no protection? Now she pregnant.
Now now the girlfriend got rocks in her jaws? Why sway,
I don't understand. What do you What did you think

(04:57):
what's going to happen? What did you think if you
guys did not protect yourselves in this stupid setup? I
don't understand. What more, what did you think what's going
to happen in that situation? Again? Do whatever you want
to do with these threesomes. Knock yourself out. Threesomes are

(05:18):
already not like, in my opinion, the best type of
situations to be involved in, unless everybody has their emotions
and check. But if you are someone that knows that
you will not do well in a situation like that,
that you don't share well with others, you don't do

(05:41):
any of that. Listen, why get into a situation like that? Michael, Hey, Michael,
how you doing? He's saying nasty work. Indeed, threesomes lead
to nothing but problem. Sounds like a good ideal at
the time, but always causes trouble, especially when a best
friend is involved. Lord to say, hey, how you doing,

(06:01):
he's saying, no, listen.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
They are not My thing is this? If you are
not in a serious relationship, then listen.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
I'm like this by all means, do whatever it is
your nasty, freaky little heart desires to do, because that's
the time to get it out, Like I mean, get
it out your system. Do what makes you happy, you know.
So I have no problem with that. You know you're
not in a serious relationship. But the moment you get
involved in a serious relationship and then you go and

(06:35):
you're going out to explore, these are the tails, all
the freaky tales. You know, you're going back to your
two short days. Listen, there are bound to be some
comp you know, there are bound to be some repercussions
after a decision like that. So was that a good idea?
Absolutely not. I think that it will again he was

(06:57):
thinking with his nether regions. He didn't think that. He
did not think that thing through All he thought about
was all of the all of the answer listens. Oh
he was like, oh yes, I'm gonna get it from
Oh yeah, oh yeah, bounce that thing on me. Yeah, girl,
you know how I like it? Now?

Speaker 3 (07:16):
Now look now he mad? Now why my thing is this?

Speaker 2 (07:20):
Now?

Speaker 3 (07:20):
Why listen? Why are you trying to be mad?

Speaker 2 (07:23):
Now? Why are you mad? What you're mad for? Suet?

Speaker 3 (07:26):
What are you mad for? Because she got pregnant?

Speaker 2 (07:30):
Well guess what you did.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
That's that's not letting was supposed to be for. Well, sir,
let me tell you this.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
You should have protected your best interest and everybody involved,
in my opinion, failed to protect themselves. So now no
doubt the best friend and the girlfriend listen, they are
at each other's nasty little throats, as you should be.
But now can you really be mad?

Speaker 3 (08:01):
So my question is this, what are your guys' thoughts on.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
Having threesomes in a serious relationship or in a marriage?

Speaker 3 (08:10):
And then are their steps?

Speaker 2 (08:12):
Are their rules to ensure that nobody gets pregnant in
the process, or is this just you know, it's a
free for all and you know what, whatever happens happens, because.

Speaker 3 (08:24):
A lot of people definitely go through life, you know with.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
That type of you know, with that type of frame
of mind, whatever happens, I'm gonna leave.

Speaker 3 (08:33):
I'ma I'm gonna leave it to chance.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
So whatever happens is supposed to happen. I don't necessarily
see it that way, but a lot of people definitely
operate and a lot of people definitely think like that.
So would you set up some ground rules and would
you have a threesome with your best friend? Ladies, if
you are into that type of thing, would your best

(08:55):
friend be the chick that you want to have this experience?

Speaker 3 (09:00):
I mean that takes being best friends to a whole
different level.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
And I don't have any friends, any best friends that
I want to be that close with. So you have
a threesome, you didn't have used any protection, and then
you had the threesome. What's your best friend? Then your
best friend ends up getting pregnant? Now everybody mad.

Speaker 3 (09:24):
It ain't man, It ain't man.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
You know how she get down? Yeah, she get down
just like you, nasty son of a gun. She get
down just like all of you nasty some sums. So
knock yourself out. But my thing would be this if
I was into sharing my schlong dong. First of all,
I'm not sharing my slong dong. Let's just let's just
get that out there. Let's just put that out there

(09:48):
in the atmosphere.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
Let's just let that be known. I'm not sharing.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
I don't share my coffee creamer and I don't share
my schlong dong. Okay, So those are things that I
don't share. We can talk. I'm sure there are a
few other things that I don't share, but those are
the most important right now. I don't share my schlong dong.
So but for those that are, you know, sharing this
caring that you know, go under that type of umbrella,

(10:14):
what is it?

Speaker 3 (10:15):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (10:15):
What are their protocol? Are their rules to this this
this this threesome business or did they you know what? Listen,
we all knew what was involved, we all knew what
the risk were were having getting pregnant. I'm sure was
not a part of that threesome plan. But I really

(10:38):
don't think me personally, I don't think that threesomes are
a good idea. But at the end of the day,
to each his own, Hey, pretty Tasha, how you doing?
But if you are going to participate in said act,
I mean I would. Now let's just say, for the
sake of argument, I am open minded, okay, and say yes,
you know, I'll be on board for let me tell

(11:00):
you the first of all, we're signing contracts. We listen,
I will be up in that mog like a referee.
There will be no kissing. There would be no eye contact,
and there will be no holding and no you know,
passionate kiss there would be in There would be none
of that. You could just straighten. You have to bang

(11:21):
her out like some type of porn star. If I
were to be on board with a threesome, you know,
you would have.

Speaker 3 (11:28):
To just sluugh her totally out.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
And if you are in that and that that's what
you won't and you leave me after that, then you know, listen,
that was the chance that I took. But you will
not be kissing her, and you definitely will be using
protection and she will be on some type of protection
because at the end of the day, who wants to

(11:51):
have to deal with this? So now according you know,
obviously they want to deal with it because they did
not take the necessary steps, in the necessary precautions to
prevent that, you know, the kid, you know, the pregnancy
from happening. Because listen, I'm gonna tell you this condoms

(12:13):
are not one hundred percent. Birth control are not one
hundred percent. But I think that if you put the
two together, I think that you have a pretty good
chance of being safe okay one without the other. You know, listen,
the stats, the percentages are there, But I think that

(12:33):
you got a pretty good shot of being okay without
you know, creating a kid in that type of situation.
But if it's so happens that you know, she gets
pregnant after all of it, listen, that was just listen, let.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
The lords will be done.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
If you protected yourself and she protected herself and she
still got pregnant, y'all was just supposed to be parents.
That's all I'm gonna say about him giving a call,
And I'm gonna go ahead on the leave. You are
all were just supposed to be parents. That's all I
can say about that. But if you did not protect yourself,
what did you think was gonna happen? So, in my opinion,

(13:13):
I don't think that the best friend, the girlfriend has
a right to be mad with the best friend. Little
Scrappy definitely don't have the right to be mad at
anybody but himself. For you know, why you fail for
the dump like you fail with the for the Okie dokee.

Speaker 3 (13:31):
Again, he's sitting there, he's.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
Just like, oh yeah, yeah, as they doing any and
everything to him having the time of his life. Then
when you get that text message I'm late, he like,
late for what? Bama?

Speaker 3 (13:48):
You know what I'm late for. You know what you did?
H six weeks ago, six fridays ago.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
You know what you did. That's what I'm late for.

Speaker 3 (13:56):
Don't play these games. That's what I'm late for now.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
Everybody may so be careful when opening up Pandora's box
in a situation like that. We gotta be careful with
things like that because again, no doubt, now the relationship
is probably gonna be over. He might he probably gonna
be pressing her to get an abortion and all this
other foolishness. Why why why press for an abortion when

(14:22):
you don't press for using protection? Nobody pressed for using protection.
Now all of a sudden, well, Jay, that's not what
the purpose of it was. They didn't do it for
to create a kid, but are a kid was created
because they didn't handle their business. So again, when you
doing that type of stuff, I would say, listen, do

(14:43):
that when you single, when you're single.

Speaker 3 (14:47):
But I would not be advising.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
A threesome in a serious relationship, and especially not a marriage,
because again, listen, feelings, people's catch filling the other people listening.
She probably don't bust that thing open wider than you
did or she done, you know, Oh and especially oh,
let me tell you another two rules that I just
thought about. You will not be slurping his slong dog

(15:14):
and he will not be lapping your puddle of love. Okay,
we will have none of that. Okay, So again, you
could just make listen, just put a bag over her head,
you know, a pillowcase or something. You know, We'll cut
the nose out so she can breathe and everything, but
she would just it would be like the most craziest

(15:36):
threesome situation that you could ever think of.

Speaker 3 (15:39):
If I were to say, you know what, you know
what I do that?

Speaker 2 (15:43):
Let me go ahead. Let me do that for I
love my bu and for the girl listen, for the
new girlfriend. Listen. You know, little Scrappy ain't much you
done seen how his life not played out now? He
might be different in real life, but I'm gonna tell
you say this. He have a long time relationship with
the first baby mama that was ending crazy.

Speaker 3 (16:05):
He married the chick that he was cheating on, the
baby mama.

Speaker 2 (16:08):
We'd had a few kids with her and that didn't
work out, and now here you go, just a few
months after that whole debacle of him getting divorced. So
I would just say, you know what, maybe you're not
the Maybe you're not the serious relationship that you think
you are because of the type of threesome that he
engaged in with you. So maybe you're not. You know,

(16:31):
maybe the relationship ain't that deep for him, because I
can't see a man.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
That cares for you.

Speaker 2 (16:39):
I know, listen, I know they are some little freaky
little toads. I don't do know that, and I accept that,
I respect that, but I cannot see him a man
that cares about you wanting that threesome to be with
your best friend. That's just me. I could be wrong now,
not saying that if you don't if you give a

(16:59):
man a three so he not gonna take it, I'm
not saying that at all. But what I'm saying is
I just think that it's kind of it's weird to
me that he would choose the woman or accept allow
the woman that he's going to engage in that threesome
with that he would allow that to be your best friend,

(17:21):
somebody that is going to steal be around. I wouldn't
even I wouldn't even be comfortable with that, Like, you
know that this is supposed to be your friend. So
it's just like why would you why would you? Like
I don't understand, Like, why would you even want that
to be the case? Like your best friend and she's around,

(17:41):
So wouldn't you think that Listen, while you're at work,
or while you're getting your lasses done, or while you're
getting you know them your tracks glued in, I would
be thinking that they would be kind of creeping around
and just like you know, like messing around. So I
don't know, just be careful and be mindful of the
stuff that you kind of put yourself in, you know,

(18:02):
the situation that you put yourself into, because to me,
this is definitely a situation that did not have to
go that way, Like you didn't have to be involved
in that situation, but you chose to put yourself in
that situation because of yr little freaky little desires. And
so now here you are crying and we're laughing because

(18:22):
We're like, Okay, now that was a dumb move, like
why would you do some crazy ish like that? But again,
a threesome, what do you guys think would you have
a threesome? If so, would you allow the person that
you're having a threesome with? Would you choose your best friend,
would you choose somebody that you know, or would it
be some random person that you're like, Okay, I'm gonna

(18:46):
do this, but you know what, it's gonna be some
protocol to it, and I'm definitely not having anybody that
I know because again, that will definitely be the deal breaker.
I'm like, listen, you getting lucky to even be able
to have me to agree to this part of it.
But I'm gonna set the rules up. We gonna I'm
gonna protect us. And if you still go out and

(19:08):
you know, creep with this person behind my back, then
again it was just meant for this whole situation to
be over it said and done with because you chose
to you know, you chose to go out and you
chose to go elsewhere with that whole situation. But again,
you are be mindful, listen, ladies, do not be letting
these guys talk y'all into all of this foolishness, especially

(19:31):
if you know that you don't have thick skin to
handle those type of situations. Do not allow yourself to
be talking into that dumb ish You're a comuon over here,
I'm gonna have you have a threesome.

Speaker 3 (19:42):
Then he turned How have you turned out?

Speaker 2 (19:44):
Listen? He cheating with this chick, and listen you over
there now, he got you thinking that you really like women,
but you only in this because this is what he
wanted you to do.

Speaker 3 (19:58):
Be wise, be mindful, use your own mind.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
Just listen. Just say no, Say no now listen speaking
of baby mamas, okay, and just saying no.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
What do you all think about this? Listen?

Speaker 2 (20:14):
The lady is saying the sex does not count. Relations
does not count. If it lasted under three minutes, or
if the dude use the condom, it don't count.

Speaker 3 (20:30):
What do you all think about that? They say that
that does not count as a body?

Speaker 2 (20:35):
Ladies? Are you is that accurate? And fellas, do you
believe in that ideology? Are you going? Are you? Are
you on board with that statement? It does not count
as a body if it lasted under three minutes, meaning
that he and then that's it. That was it like you,

(20:57):
like a whole thirty seconds, there's saying it don't count
as a body. If he used the condom, then that
does not count as a body. What do you all
think about that? Is that a true statement? That is
not a body if you use protection or if he
and thirty seconds later it was over under three minutes,

(21:20):
they are saying that that is not relations. That you
did not have relations. Again, if it was protection involved,
or he just like limp, listen, he was finished before
the race even started. They're saying that that does not
count as sex. Now that I will say that these

(21:40):
are new people that are saying that. So let me
know what you all think about that. Lord toenay, you're
saying they are mentally ill. Wait, so they mentally ill
because they're saying, listen, he yeah, he wrapped up. You know,
it don't count because they're because you know the reason
why it does not count. It's because your flesh did

(22:04):
not touch my flesh. You see what I'm saying. There
was a barrier in between us, so it does not cut.
It doesn't count because our fluids did not intertwine. You know,
that's one reason. The other reason is they're saying, listen,
he went in and he has to come right back

(22:25):
out because that was it. He was finished before the
job was even done. Rahim, you're saying not at all.
You're saying, once you put it in, it's a done deal.
But wait, raym they shed he had a condom all,
They saying it don't count if they used a condom,

(22:46):
or if he just got in and that was it. Listen,
she like, wait, what happened? Nothing happened for me, so
it doesn't count. Now, Lord Tony, you're saying that's bs.
Come on, ladies, let me know if anybody believes in that.
Rahim is saying, don't matter. You still did it with

(23:07):
them and it's still a body. I want to know
from the ladies, y'all listen, y'all getting kind of quiet?

Speaker 3 (23:14):
Does that count? Do you subscribe to that ideology?

Speaker 2 (23:17):
And again there was some this was you know, I
have to say, probably under thirty that made this comment
that made the comment that said, you know what, it
don't count as having relations, It doesn't count as being
a body. If he used a condom, or if the

(23:39):
session lasted thirty seconds, three they said, three minutes. They said,
if it lasted three minutes or lest I was saying
thirty seconds, but they said three minutes. If it lasted
three minutes or less, or if they if the god
wore a condom baby that was not a body, you ain't.
You ain't slept, You ain't did it to nobody. You

(23:59):
have not did the horizontal mumbo with nobody. If it
falls into that criteria, if you fall, if it falls
into the criteria of him using protection or three minutes
or less, you ain't did it. You ain't did it
at all. You have not done nothing with no body.

(24:20):
So listen, do not even worry about it. You didn't
do it. Ladies, what do you think about that? Again?
I think that this is definitely a New Chicks type
of these new people. This is their ideology. It definitely
sounds like something like that.

Speaker 3 (24:38):
I believe that if you did.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
Have sex, I don't care how long it is, Like
Rahim said, the moment he enters your body, you have
had relations. I don't care how long it was. Rahim
is saying, once she's penetrated, that's it. I totally agree.
Once listen, once that hit, come and knock on the door,
once you let him in, that's it. It don't matter

(25:05):
how long he visited. It don't matter if he peeked
he said peek a boo, it don't matter. You have
still had relations. It doesn't matter if he wore a condom.
He should be wearing a condom. But it is still
relations because you need to protect yourself.

Speaker 3 (25:25):
So it's like you can't be saying, you know, listen,
this is crazy.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
This is how a little scrappy and his girl got
the girl in the threesome pregnant by this type of mindset,
not wanting to use protection. You gotta use protection. So
even if she did again, it is still a body beloved.
You did do the horizontal mumbo beloved, you know, so
it is another body. So listen, if with these young

(25:52):
chicks they thinking like this baby, they racking that toll
charge up and saying it don't so felas let me.
I'm gonna be honest, I'm gonna come on over your side,
and I'm not trying to be a pick me and
all this and that I'm not. But I can under
with that statement being made, I can understand how some
of you are, some of the younger guys, because these

(26:14):
oh listen, thirty thirty five and up thirty plus plus plus.
This should not even be a part of your thinking.
So I'm just gonna hope that this is just for
the new chicks that kind of think like that. But
I can understand a little of why you all might
be a little hesitant when women when you ask a

(26:38):
question and say, you know, what's your what's your body
colt even though I don't think that you know, you
need to be asking that, like, don't don't set yourself up.
But I can understand now from this example, in this
way of thinking, I can understand why men might be
hesitant and why men may say, you know what, they

(27:01):
ain't gonna do nothing but lie. That's how they any
whatever number they're saying, they gonna lie, they gonna subtract
some it. You know what. I can understand this right here,
this statement and this thinking. If they take this type
of statement and thinking to heart, I can understand why
some of you all might have a little, you know,
have a few trust issues. I can see why you

(27:23):
all might have, you know, a few challenges in that area,
and I can definitely understand that. But again, at the
end of the day, there when you when you do it,
it is done. Like Rahim said, once there is some penetration,
it's a done deal. Like there's no you know, you
can't turn back the hands of time. That's it. You

(27:45):
may as well go all the way. Listen, whether it's
three minutes or not, listen, you better grab that thing,
shake it, choke it, bring it back to life, and
you better get your Well that's gonna be a whole
different conversation. But don't you sit up here and just
let them choke out, spit up what they gonna spit up?

Speaker 3 (28:04):
And you still sitting up there.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
You like what just happened. I know, I know it's
not over, beloved, it might be over that soon, but
you still you did it.

Speaker 3 (28:19):
You gave it up to him.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
You probably you know, I know you might be having
Bayer's remorse, and that's why you said what you said.
As far as you know what listen, mm hmm, it
don't count. It don't count because you did not have
an enjoyable experience. And I'm sorry that you did not
have an enjoyable experience, but you did do it to
the man, and you gave it to him, and I'm

(28:40):
sorry that it wasn't what you thought it was. Cracked
up to be. But you did it? Now listen, speaking
of you did it? Ladies, what would you think about
this request? So you're about to go on a date,
first date with a man, and he requests that you
come with no makeup on? How would you feel about that?

(29:05):
And would you go? He's saying, you know what, Listen,
it's the first date. He's like, Listen, I prefer for
you not to wear any makeup, So please come to
the date without any makeup on?

Speaker 3 (29:17):
What will you are you going to go?

Speaker 2 (29:20):
Are you going to or are you gonna think something's
wrong with him? Or are you gonna think that you
know what? Listen, I don't even know you like that?
Fam This is just a little bit too much. I'm
trying to you know what, Listen, I'm trying to be comfortable.
I want to wear and dress how I want to dress.
I don't need you dictating to me how I should

(29:40):
come to a date.

Speaker 3 (29:41):
Ladies, how would you feel about that? Would you say?

Speaker 2 (29:44):
You know what?

Speaker 3 (29:45):
Listen, Okay, you know what, I can honor that.

Speaker 2 (29:48):
I don't have a problem with coming to the date
with without any makeup on. I can definitely do that.
Or would you say, you know what? Ooh, Nah's that's
a rad flag. That's a red flag for me because
he asked me to show up to the date as
I am, without any makeup on. And for ladies that
love makeup or for ladies that don't, like you know,

(30:11):
you wear a little makeup here, little makeup there, would
you would you have a problem with that request? So
as for me, like, I don't wear a lot of makeups,
so I wouldn't have a problem with, you know, showing
up without makeup because I'm like, listen, ninety percent of the.

Speaker 3 (30:27):
Time am I everyday regular life.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
I don't really have makeup on. I'm like cause I'm
just I'm outside, like I'm outside, So I'm just outside,
And that's just what it is. You see me, you
see me? You don't, you don't. The only thing is
I probably you know, I don't like being outside without
my hair fixed. That's like the only thing. But as
far as makeup, maybe, as long as I got me

(30:50):
a tube of chapstick, I'm good to go. That's all
the makeup that I need. Me and my chapstick will
go far in this world. But as far as requesting
to note come with makeup, I don't think that I
would have a problem with that.

Speaker 3 (31:05):
Let me see, pretty, Tasha, you're saying.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
I would tell him that I'm not ashamed to go
without makeup, but he not gonna be telling me when
to wear it and when not to wear it. And
I think that that's a fair point, But I just
want to play devil's advocate. I would think that if
a man has requested that a woman not wear makeup
for a date, I would say that he has met

(31:30):
his fair share of women that look extremely different without
makeup on, and he kind of wants to see what
he's dealing with.

Speaker 3 (31:40):
And I don't think that he's.

Speaker 2 (31:42):
I don't think that a man would be wrong for
that wanted to see what they're dealing with without, you know,
a woman without all that makeup on, because let's be honest, listen,
we do have some women out here, baby, that will
cake it all the way on. They cake it on,
and then when they take it off, they look extremely different.

(32:03):
You've seen them, and I've seen them.

Speaker 3 (32:05):
Listen.

Speaker 2 (32:06):
I've seen some of these women without their makeup, and
I'm just like, well, God, dog, what has happened here?
So I would be I can understand why he would
be asking them pretty, Tasha, you're saying, if he want
a woman natural, then he needs to find him a

(32:27):
woman that don't wear makeup at all. I can understand that,
but again I'm gonna give you a little pushback. Maybe
he doesn't mind her wearing makeup, he just wants to
see how she looks without the makeup, because again, we
got women that you know, look extremely different without makeup on.

(32:49):
So who he wants to know who he's waking up to,
Because let's be honest, the woman he's going to bed
with that's all beautified and made up, with all the
makeup and looking good the lashes of everything. Baby, she
is the bomb. But then when she wake up in
the morning, she looking like a bomb done hitter. And
I feel like that's listen, that's no more than fair

(33:11):
that because the makeup. We gotta be honest, the makeup
is getting out of control, like all this is, it's
it's so much that. Again, we as women, if we're
willing to be honest, we have seen women that have
worn all this makeup and then you catch them on
a down day and you like, oh shoot, god, woo god.

Speaker 3 (33:33):
Dog, yeah, what done?

Speaker 2 (33:34):
What in the world you like what's up, Clyde. I mean, oh,
Claudia girl, I thought you listen. I thought you was
your daddy. For miss mister Raymond, I thought you was listen.
Let's not act like we ain't seen that somebod these listen.
Some of the makeup and this hair is just like listen.

(33:57):
When you take it off, you look like a totally
different person. And I don't feel as though a man
is wrong for asking that. But again, like pretty Tasha,
like you said, I would tell him that I'm not
ashamed to, you know, to come outside natural without makeup on.

(34:19):
But I don't need you to tell me when and
where to wear makeup or how I should wear it
and this and that.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
I don't think that he should be able to do that.

Speaker 2 (34:28):
However, However, I do believe that, you know, if he
wants to see I think for me it would be
all about the tone, how did he say it, what
did he like, what was the context in which that
request was made, And then I will know how to

(34:48):
assess what his true intent was behind it, meaning did
he ask me from a place where you know he's
just trying to, you know, make sure you are who
you say you are, or you're that you're not all
makeup and foundation and huff and puff and fluff. He's
trying to make sure that or is he saying it
in a controlling manner where you know, would come to

(35:12):
this first date and come to the date and I
don't need you haveing no makeup on because I like
my women without makeup and da da da da da.
If he's that dude, then yeah, that might be a
red flag. And like you said, Pretty Tasha, he might
need to deal with a chick that does not wear makeup.
But if he acts it as a request, I wouldn't.

(35:34):
I wouldn't see anything wrong with it. And if you
are a woman that needs makeup for whatever reason, you know,
skin issues, whatever the issue is, I would definitely, you know,
see that as the time to, you know, kind of
explain why you wear the makeup and how it makes
you feel. So everything is, you know, should be up

(35:55):
for a conversation. But I wouldn't necessarily just jump to
the Would I be shocked and would I be surprised? Yes,
because that's not a common thing that me and would
ask That's not a com I've never been asked that.
I don't know anybody that has ever had that be
requested of them. So would I be shocked, Yeah, of

(36:16):
course it would be shocking. I'll be surprised. I'm like, Okay,
dig where'd that come from? But then it would cause
me to kind of dig a little deeper to figure out, like, okay, well,
why is this, you know, why is this his request?
And like what's going on? What caused him to, you know,
be in this situation and where he feels as though,
you know, he needs to request that a woman not

(36:40):
wear makeup, like what happened?

Speaker 3 (36:42):
Who hurt you, sir? Or who tricked you?

Speaker 2 (36:44):
And why? You know, why do you feel the need
to ask a woman to not have wear makeup? So
is he wrong for not wanting her to wear makeup?
I wouldn't think that's wrong. I wouldn't see a problem
with that type of request. But again, I would want
to know where where that is coming from, and then

(37:05):
we can kind of, you know, deal with it. You know,
from that point, we would see, Listen, is it coming
from a demanding place or is it coming from a
place where Yo, I ain't trying to get catfished, I
ain't trying to be in this situation where you know,
what I'm saying, you got all his makeup on, and
you don't look like what you put you don't. You don't.
You don't look like all that Mac and all that

(37:25):
Ultra and Sophara. You don't look like all of that
underneath when you take everything off. So, if he's looking
out for his best interests, I really don't think that
they're that should be an issue. But again, I think
that it's all about the way it's said. Lord Toenay,
you're saying he will see her without makeup soon enough.
So do you think that he shouldn't ask that? Do

(37:46):
you think that he was wrong? Lord Tony? Do you
think he was wrong for asking asking for the woman
to not have on any makeup? Do you think that
he was he was out of line for that? Or
do you think that you know, he was well within
his rights to ask her to not, you know, wear
any makeup? What do you think about that? Would you

(38:07):
ask a woman not to wear makeup? Or do you
think am I looking at it wrong? Am I giving
this man too much grace? Is this a situation where
it's like, nah, jay mm mmm, he was out of buddy,
was out of line forever? He don't have a right
to ask a woman to you know, to not wear makeup.
That's you know, that's her right. She can do whatever

(38:27):
it is that she wants to do. You know, he
has no right to ask her not to wear makeup
or anything like that. He has no right to do that.
If that's your stance on it. Again, I can totally
understand that, Lorton, you're saying, I don't think he was wrong,
but it's not necessary. She needs to feel beautiful. I
can get that. But now, listen, let's just agree. Let's

(38:49):
just keep it real though, now lord to say. You know,
like I know, I've seen some listen, they are so beautiful.
They are darned they're perfect, and I'm just like, man,
what does she look like up underneath all of that?

Speaker 3 (39:05):
But again, like you said, she needs that to feel beautiful.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
And again, there are so many reasons why women wear makeup.
So maybe there'd be another show another time where we
can kind of dig into the psychology behind and the
reason behind women wearing makeup and the amount of makeup
that is worn, and you know, all the extra bells

(39:29):
and whistles that women wear to you know, enhance their beauty.
But some men just prefer them to just be natural. Listen.
I want to see all of you and all you know,
all your natural glory.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
Listen.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
I know that you have a little cut snack right
here at the back of your neck. Listen, Listen, I
love you, and in spite of those cooker bugs at
the back of your head, I love you, in spite
of the cook of bugs on the side and all this.
You know, I love you in spite of love you
in spite of the crow, the bags of the dark spot. Listen.

(40:03):
It's so much stuff that goes on in so many
reasons why women wear makeup. But again, you know, you
gotta be on board with it. You gotta be secure
with who you are dealing with. But I do believe
that men have a right to, you know, request that
you know, at least at some point, I gotta see

(40:24):
you without some makeup before I decide to get serious
with you. If a man said that, I don't think
that he would be wrong for feeling like that, Like,
I gotta.

Speaker 3 (40:33):
See what's going on before I.

Speaker 2 (40:35):
Decide to get serious, because again, I don't want to
get duped thinking that you the chick and all this
and that, and you really not you got all this
extra stuff going on, and you not who I thought
you were, Like, you got a lot going on and
that's just it, and that's just all. But is he wrong?
Absolutely not. Guys. Listen, we're gonna take a short musical

(40:58):
break and when we're return we have more hot topics
to get into. Stay tuned. You don't want to miss it.
You're listening to the j spot. Well, we are strengthening
relationships and families. One conversation.

Speaker 4 (41:22):
I get, okay, know, anybody love me? You're the one
that lives my deed.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
I should never feel.

Speaker 5 (41:38):
You don't have a woman's pis some time. I want
you loving every job of a time. You'll see me
calling you should come running. Quit our best dollars. My
family is calling I bal timebout all the time.

Speaker 4 (41:56):
This could he's a perfect hell of a a.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
Did he got us here?

Speaker 5 (42:02):
Ease?

Speaker 4 (42:02):
See any calling my coop about just all my slowness
on you baby be turning up.

Speaker 6 (42:08):
You had to change me no singing and chases.

Speaker 4 (42:12):
This love I have this nice for pleasant to your
circumsistence in so missing pick up the fucus I get.

Speaker 2 (42:22):
So I get so long? Okay, lad know anybody love me.

Speaker 4 (42:30):
You're the one that lives in me, My dear, I
should never feel ley.

Speaker 6 (42:39):
Your love has been on my mind honestly, busy, I
want to.

Speaker 5 (42:45):
Unwine, fantasize and invalue.

Speaker 6 (42:54):
An phicipating it is about to go down.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
Don't leave me waiting.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
Oh my god, I get so. You have to change.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
No sing chanses, just love I have.

Speaker 4 (43:15):
It's nice, nice.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
Message.

Speaker 6 (43:21):
Pick up the fuck is I get?

Speaker 2 (43:32):
I get so? Welcome back to the JA Spot where
we are spreending a relationships and families, one conversation at
a time. Guys, I want to thank you all so

(43:53):
much for tuny. If please give me a baby you
all go to our page, our fakebook page and like
our page. That that's the j spot, and then go
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at jspot. Also go to Instagram and like and follow
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a y E for all three? Why you at it?

(44:15):
Go right around the corner boo boo boop. Go to YouTube,
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that's www dot jspot dot com the jspot dot com.
Follow us there at YouTube. Then go to TikTok like
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J is j a y e.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
Guys, I want to thank you so much for tuning in.
Thank you thirty and up doing us.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
Tyson Smith grown in Sexy Conversations with the Jspot one
eighty Real Talk Chicago, uh Pitt Life. Thank you everybody
that rocks with us. We really appreciate you all. Thank
you guys, so so so so much. Again, please don't
forget go to YouTube. Please, I'm pushing go to YouTube

(45:05):
and subscribe to our channel again. That's the jspot dot com.
Now listen, guys, here's our next hot topic. Now, what
do you guys think about this? The couple just got
married and they moved into the home and it was
partially furnished. The wife wanted to furnish the home and
the husband says, we do not have the money to

(45:26):
do it, so they had to wait. The wife went
behind her husband's back and asked her father for the
money to furnish the house.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
The husband then came home.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
One day and saw that the house had been furnished,
so he asked his wife what was it about, and
she told him what she did. The husband then got
upset and told her to return the stuff because he
is who ladies hold onto y'all wigs, your eyelashes and
everything else, the baby hair and everything. He told her

(46:00):
to return the stuff because he is the man of
that dog on house, and no other man should be
furnishing his house. He got the final say so because
he is the man of that dog gold house. That's
how I could just imagine that statement being said. What

(46:21):
are your thoughts? Is he wrong for feeling that way?
Couple they just bought the house and they they it
was partially furnished, and they decided to you know, the
husband said, you know what, we can't afford it right now.
Just you know, we gotta wait. The wife says, you

(46:45):
know what, Listen, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna ask
my I'm gonna ask my dad, asks the dad. The
dad furnished the house and the husband blew the blue
a gasket. He blew gas sket baby. He was like, no, sir,
you could take all this ish back, take this back

(47:10):
and return it, because guess what, I am the man
of this house. And I said no, And what I
say is what goes? Ladies, how would you feel about that?
What is is he overreacting? First of all, this husband overreact.
It's not like, you know, it's not like she went

(47:30):
out and asked, you know, I don't know, Lissen. I'm
just gonna say, you know what, sir, you know, you
might be a little bit, you know, a little bit
going overboard. You may be a little bit overboard. Uh
just you know, just a little bit to you know,

(47:51):
just a little bit, just a little bit, just a
little bit, you know. But again the husband fathered, I'm
about it, dumb aut it and he said, take that
ish back because I'm the man of the house. And
I said, we can't afford it. You don't.

Speaker 3 (48:10):
You don't challenge my authority, That's what he telling her.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
He said, don't challenge my authority.

Speaker 3 (48:17):
Do not challenge my authority.

Speaker 2 (48:20):
Do not. What do y' all think about that? Do
y'all think that this man lost his everlasting mine? Or
was he right to feel like that? Was he right
to feel like that? What do you all think about that?
Was he right? Cliff is saying, it's guaranteed she will
always go behind his back moving forward.

Speaker 3 (48:41):
Okay, that's an interesting thought.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
Lord Tane is saying she is wrong because that makes
him look like he can't take care of his responsibility.
That should have been a discussion to ask her father.
And then let's see. Cedric is saying a little bit okay, guys, okay,
y'all helping me. Y'all helping me, y'all helping me. Uh.
Cliff is saying, sometimes women one hundred percent oh look

(49:04):
different with makeup. That's true, but yeah, okay, so I
can understand that that it might look like the husband
cannot afford it. Would I have done that? If I
would have probably been like, you know what, if he
said no, then I you know, I wouldn't. I definitely
would not go and ask somebody else because of like
you just said, lords and that it might look like

(49:27):
make the men look like he cannot, you know, take
care of his responsibility. And I do agree that that
is a conversation that could have been here. But at
the same time, I'm just like, okay, so if my
father can do it, so we So we just gotta
sleep on the floor, We gotta eat on the floor.
We got the because your pride is that big and

(49:48):
fellas I want y'all know listen, Cedric, y'all know y'all
can tell me, Cliff, y'all can tell me, Am I
looking at this the wrong way. Is your pride that
big that we gotta sleep on the floor and eat
off the floor because we don't really have no furniture.

Speaker 3 (50:02):
Your pride is that big? Before you will, let me
ask my father?

Speaker 2 (50:07):
Cedria can sin, she disrespected him. Cliff is saying, the
father will throw it up in his face at some point.
Now you know, Lord Tene is saying, don't bring the
father into their affairs.

Speaker 3 (50:18):
Now listen.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
I would say this if you know that you gotta
find your father is a messy and he wanted them
dudes that you know, or he didn't like your husband,
and you know he was just waiting, you know, because
he knew you was gonna need something from him, and
he you know, then I probably would not ask. I
probably would not, but I would want to. Definitely, Cedria

(50:43):
can sin, that's a family conversation. I would definitely probably
have had a conversation with my husband to ask him
how he felt about it. And then if he said,
know that I can ask my father, then guess what
I'm going to pout and complain until you see it
my way. So that we can ask my father, because

(51:04):
there's no reason for us to not be able to
have the things that we need if my father is
able to do it for me. So I'm going to
complain and I'm just gonna be like he gonna be
he gonna wake up in the morning, he gonna be like,
good morning, baby, how you doing. I'm like, oh my god,
Oh my back is hurting so bad. My neck is
hurting so bad. I got the biggest headache because I

(51:25):
did not get on sleep. Sleeping on this air mattress
is killing me. But baby, how you doing hot? Did
you sleep well? You know I'm gonna make some little now.
I will be honest with you about that. Your no
is not going to come without some type of backlash.
I'm gonna respect you, but.

Speaker 3 (51:43):
I'm gonna get on your nerves, and one of two
things is gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (51:47):
You gonna take on some more jobs and you gonna
hurry up and furnish this place, or you gonna let
me ask my father. But one way or the other,
we're gonna get some We're gonna get some furniture, and
we're gonna get it in a quick way because guess what,
You're not gonna have any peace, any no type of
peace at all until we get that house furnished. But

(52:08):
would I put my my husband in position to look bad.

Speaker 3 (52:14):
Never, wouldn't do wouldn't do that, wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (52:17):
Do anything to jeopardize the husband looking bad. And I
don't think that from the sun, from the tone of
the post, I don't think that she intended for, you know,
to you know, put her husband in a bad light.
But again, he always like to say this, men look
at things totally different, like we didn't. I didn't look

(52:38):
at just as a woman reading this, I didn't see
it as a sign of disrespect. But all the men
that I've said something, it was disrespectful. She should not
have done it. So if that's how you guys feel,
then I'm riding with how you feel because you are
the man, and again you are the leader. But We're
gonna have to have a little conversation. I'm gonna have
to see him, listen, come close to them one more

(53:00):
time that I'm a man of the listen. Let's let's
let's let's talk about that statement right there. I need
you to calm down and just gather everything you know,
just gather your senses and just you know, snap back
because listen, you all listen. You almost had a big
problem up and here, you know, but listen, if you

(53:21):
marry me, you already know what comes with it. You
already know. Listen. I will never tell a man that
I don't talk back, because I do now. I don't
talk back all the time, but I do, you know,
I do. I got some questions. Okay, I got some questions.
Cliff is saying, he will say that's sorry, Pump couldn't

(53:43):
even buy you over. This is true. I can definitely
see that that being a statement that is being said.
Lord Teney is saying, I will agree to pay the
money back. That's a good point. That's a good point.
I'll say, you know what, I go to the father.
That's what I see husbands go up and tell a father,
you know what, thank you so much for fronting us,

(54:05):
you know, and gifting us with this furniture.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
And I'm definitely going to pay you back the money.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
I like that. I can definitely I can roll with that.
And Cedric, you're saying he could have brung it up differently,
but she pretty much said you ain't ish whoo she
said he ain't well. You know, well, maybe she just
knew that his pride was so big. I wouldn't necessarily,
I don't know. I wouldn't necessarily want to think that

(54:32):
she was saying he wasn't ish. I just would like
to think that she knew that, you know what, he
not gonna listen my husband, don't listen. My husband is
hard headed, and we need this stuff for the house.
We need this stuff because I'm tired of sleeping on
the floor. I can't be sleeping on the floor like this.
My back is bad. I need a couch to sit on.

(54:52):
We need these different things. I can kind of see
it like that, But I don't know if she would
necessarily be saying that her hus ain't ish.

Speaker 3 (55:02):
But speaking of people not being ish, what do you
all think about this?

Speaker 2 (55:08):
This lady says she left her daughter in a twenty
four hour daycare at ten pm so that she can
go out for some me time. The woman dropped her
daughter off at a twenty four hour daycare at ten
pm at night.

Speaker 3 (55:25):
She said, because you know what, I wanted some me time.
I needed some me time.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
I needed to get outside, I needed to do what
I needed to do. I needed some adult time. I
needed some me time, and so I dropped my daughter
off at a daycare, a twenty four hour daycare. Ladies,
as a mother, father's parents, is this something that you
would do? What was she wrong for dropping her baby

(55:51):
off at the daycare at ten o'clock at night so
she can go out to the club and back that
thing up' Was she wrong for doing that? I mean
she did fine suitable childcare, you know, listen, no doubt
she probably don't ask somebody in the family that asks
what did but did? Like listen, I'm told you I
am done keeping kids. I am not your babysitter. I

(56:14):
am not babysiting. Listen, Swanda, I listen, Sherwanda Adam babysaid Listen.
I love my grandbaby, but all them babysit her three
weekends in a row. I'm not doing it. You're going
out to found you somewhere else to take her. I'm
not doing it tonight. I got listen, mister Herry is
coming over tonight, so I'm not trying to deal with that. Listen.

(56:36):
I'm not doing that tonight. Charitha.

Speaker 3 (56:38):
I and told you look go ahead, and that closes
the door.

Speaker 2 (56:41):
Kiss my grand baby for me because and listen, let
me know if you see mister Henry Carlefaut pulling up.
But she's like, okay, that's fine, So now I'm gonna
take her to a daycare. Cedric is saying, where's her family?
And he's saying, she's for the streets. Now. As a mother,
having being a single mom, there were plenty of times

(57:01):
that I wanted to go out, go outside and I
didn't have a babysitter, and I know I wasn't looking
for and I knew of some twenty four hour places,
but I'm like, it's not for me. It was not
that deep to be trying to go out to find
a twenty four hour daycare for my child. I'm not listen,

(57:25):
it's not your time to go outside, it's you should
have again, this is where the whole you know, oh,
it's my body. Listen.

Speaker 3 (57:32):
You gotta listen.

Speaker 2 (57:33):
All of that. When you become a mother, all of that,
the burden, the bulk of that child rearing a lot
of times, especially if you are a single mom, a
lot of that is going to fall on you. And
I don't think that it's right to put your kid

(57:54):
in a daycare because you need some me time, you
gonna have to get you some me time when they
at school, but your extracurricular that's one of the things
like unfortunately you forfeit that you forfeit a lot of
your me time? Should you? I mean, I will hope
that you have not burned up your relationship with your family,

(58:16):
because that's the only way that I can kind of
see a grandmother or an auntie or a friend or
somebody totally shutting the door on you are on babysitting
your kid first. It's like if you you always need
a babysitter, So that would cause me the question like, Okay,
do you really need me time? Because it seems like

(58:38):
somebody in your family or your friend, somebody that you trust.
If you're not burning those bridges, and if you're not
overdoing your me time, then I don't see why somebody
in your family did not step up to or answer
your call when you ask, you know, could you keep
the baby for me? I want to get out for
a little bit. I can't see a family. But again,

(59:01):
she could be a young lady that comes from a
toxic family that you know, or she don't trust.

Speaker 3 (59:06):
I don't know if I don't trust my baby with
my family.

Speaker 2 (59:09):
I'm definitely not going outside because I can't see myself
trusting you outside more than I trust my family. And
I know if I don't trust my family, I'm definitely
not trusting no outsider. I'll just be, you know, in
the house and just be like, you know what, I
just have to find something else to do. Cedric is saying, boom.

(59:30):
Cliff is saying, I can understand the need for some
me time so it doesn't lead to depression. That's a
good point, but single mothers get depressed, which gets worse. True,
very true. And then Cedric is saying, responsibility before recreation, recreating. Yes, yes,
listen before reproducing, before listen, pushing out them things, think

(59:54):
about it, you think about that, think about all your
plan but listen, let's be honest, a lot of that
is not thought about until after the fact. Lord Tenay
is saying, when I had kids, we would discuss who
was going out while the other parents stayed home with
the kids. And that's a great thing. And that's why
I just hope that you know, we at some point,

(01:00:15):
as black people, we can get better at you know,
at co parenting because we do have a lot of
single parent households. We do have a lot of single
moms that are truly extremely stressed out, especially when you
have multiple kids.

Speaker 3 (01:00:33):
Listen, I know, like I'm an auntie.

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
I'm not keeping multiple kids at one time. I say, listen,
we can flip a coin and we can decide who
is coming over with ain't this weekend? Who's coming this time?
Everybody not coming because my nerves are not set up
like that. But we're gonna give you a break and
we're gonna help you. But listen, I'm not about to
type have your kids tap dance on my nerves to

(01:00:59):
give you a break, so you know, but we have
to just definitely do better and fostering a healthy you know,
a healthy co parenting environment, a whole healthy co parenting
attitude in the black community, because when the relationships are

(01:01:20):
over and kids are involved, baby, listen, it's all bets off.
I'm a single mother. Listen, girl, you are not a
single mother. If you got the child's father and the
father is taking care of his responsibility, just because he's
not taking care of you, just because he's not with you,

(01:01:40):
does not mean that you are.

Speaker 3 (01:01:42):
A single mother. You are a single woman with a child.

Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
But if you are getting support from that father, it's
not fair to say, oh, I'm a single mother, I'm
doing this all by myself. But you picked the kid
up from daycare this week, the father picking him up
is the next week you flip flopping. The father is
paying child support. And then some you are not a
single mother. You a single woman that has a child.

(01:02:09):
It's a big difference. A single mother is doing it
all herself. So we have to stop, you know, putting
that label on it. And you are not. Unfortunately, Lord,
have mercy a package deal to your baby dad. It's
well within his rights to move on but still be

(01:02:30):
able to be able to be a father without getting
resistance from the child's mother. And I think again that's
something that we definitely have to start talking about a
little bit more, because again, at the end of the day,
the kid is the only one that is hurting.

Speaker 3 (01:02:48):
So listen, instead of sitting up there and.

Speaker 2 (01:02:51):
Trying to make things hard for your kid's father, if
at possible, if it's possible, listen, you know what, stop
worried about who he's dating and starting, you know what,
thinking of using him as a resource, like hmm, you
know what, I'm sitting up here, and he outliving his
best life because he got all this free time and

(01:03:13):
he been trying to get the kids, or he been
trying to get the baby. You know what, I'm gonna
ease up. He's responsible. I'm gonna let him get the baby.
And so now you guys work that out. So now
you don't have to have a twenty four hour you know,
taking baby to a twenty four hour daycare, because now
you guys are alternating week in So now your kid

(01:03:34):
is getting the best of both words. Your kid got
time with you, and then your kid gets time with
the father. And guess what, you get the me time
that you need and your kid gets the bond in
time that they need with their father. Cedric can say,
you better say that, and Lord Today is saying everyone
needs an outlet to get a break. I definitely, I

(01:03:58):
definitely will encourage my lady to go out with her
friends to enjoy herself. Absolutely. Now what if they not together, though,
Lord Today, because it seemed like this is something a
single mom that doesn't have that type of relationship, But again,
it's good that she does have that as an option.
I will say that because it's better than when some

(01:04:20):
people when they are depressed or these mothers get their
their backs are against the wall and they don't have
an outlet and they don't have the help. It's better
than them trying to, you know, leave the kid at
home because they're just that frustrated. They're just that burnt
out and they don't have anybody. The family is not

(01:04:44):
trying to help them. So they do have that as
a resource. So I am glad that that is an option.
But is it something that I would encourage, you know,
women to utilize all the time. No, But again, you
know where you are, you know how you feel, you
know when you have reached your point and you're just like, man,

(01:05:06):
I'm frustrated, I need a break. I would prefer you
to do that. Then you to lash out and hit
your child because you're frustrated or because you're overwhelmed, I
would prefer you to do that. I would prefer you
to take your kid to a twenty four hour sitter,
opposed to you hurting your child because you're frustrated or
because you just really want to go outside. Like Ceded,

(01:05:29):
you can saying she for the streets. The streets is
calling your name, Miss deeepnisty. It's ladies. Now, you know
all this craziness that be going on. I would prefer
that be an option than the latter. Then you to
do something to hurt your child, and you know, because
you needed an outlet, because you needed to get out.

Speaker 3 (01:05:49):
So definitely do that. Lord and day saying bring me
the kids. I will always have time if.

Speaker 2 (01:05:56):
I haven't told her about any prior engagements, and that's good.
And again this is why I'm just like, we need
to foster this, We need to allutinate. We need to
make that type of conversation be a normal type of
conversation in the black community. We need to make that normal.

Speaker 3 (01:06:14):
So listen, call your baby daddy up.

Speaker 2 (01:06:19):
Hey. You know I always wondering, you know what can
we talk about, you know how this co parented thing
would look. I'm not gonna try to run your life.
You can't run my life. But let's talk about it
so that we could come up with a plan with
something that will possibly work, you know, so I can

(01:06:39):
get a break, so I can be more productive. Because
let's be real, once you come back and you rejuvenate,
every parent needs a break. When you come back and
you rejuvenated. You you know you're better. You're better, You're
in a better mood, a better attitude, more productive. And
that's just common sense, that's just nature. You're in a
you know, you can't sit there. Just like from your job,

(01:07:01):
you need a vacation from your job. You need to
take off from your job. The same thing with parenting.
You need a job. Parents need a job. Sedric, youre
saying your break is the ish that put your tail
in that position. Now see Cedric, now see you ain't

(01:07:21):
have to go. That's talking about some Her break is
the reason that she got popped off. It could be
she was like, you know what, I'm gonna go ahead off,
I'm gonna give me some me tab and now listen,
don't get listen. I will say this, go have you
some fun. Just don't get popped off and come back
with another kid that you're gonna need another babysit of
for like listen now if you got one and you

(01:07:44):
already know it's hard to get a babysit or listen,
sit your in down, wrap that thing up, forget about it.

Speaker 3 (01:07:52):
Lea look, leave it, look leave it be, leave it
be forget about it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:56):
Don't use it because you already know how the hard
time that you have finding a babysitter, you know it's
gonna be tough for you. So definitely watch your fertility.
Watch your fertility, guard your fertility, and guard it good.
Now listen, speaking of guarding get good. What have you

(01:08:17):
all thoughts on.

Speaker 3 (01:08:18):
This foolishness right here? So this couple, they.

Speaker 2 (01:08:22):
Were living together in a rental property for two years,
and the man he has spent Listen to this ninety
thousand dollars refurbishing the apartment.

Speaker 3 (01:08:37):
He purchased all new furniture.

Speaker 2 (01:08:40):
The relationship, the relationship ends, and the man leaves the home.
Do you think the man should be compensated in some
way for all the money he spent? Let me sum
it up. So a couple they've been living together for
two years in a rental for two years. He put

(01:09:03):
ninety thousand dollars in the apartment, bought all new furniture
and everything. They the relationship ends, and the man he
leaves the house, he leaves the rental property. Do you
think that this man should be compensated for all of
the money he put into the rental property? What do
you guys think about that? Should he be compensated or

(01:09:24):
should he be like, you know what, listen, your fault
dog that was on you. I don't even understand how
you get that done, Like where did that come from?
So I have questions. I'm just gonna be honest. When
I saw ninety thousand dollars that you put into a
rental property, somebody better own it. She better secretly own

(01:09:49):
that apartment and he don't know about it, because there
is no way in the world I would put ninety
thousand dollars into a rental property, Like that's a rental property.
Cedric is saying, now he out the game. Lord Tenay
is saying, depends on why the relationship ended. I'm not

(01:10:11):
saying I don't think first I just let me just
backtrack to how do you spend the ninety thousand dollars
on a rental property and you don't even have a home,
Like you could have took that ninety thousand that you
spent to refurbish the rental unit and you could have Listen,
if you didn't have good credit, that ninety thousand dollars

(01:10:33):
could have cleaned your credit off so that you could
have went and bought you a house and put the
remainder money into a house. But there I would never
I would never suggest putting ninety thousand dollars into somebody
else's property. I would never. I would never advise that
take that ninety thousand, clean up your credit if your

(01:10:56):
credit is bad, and then look for purchasing your own
stuff and refurbished.

Speaker 3 (01:11:01):
Listen, you could have refurbished a whole two.

Speaker 2 (01:11:04):
Flat in some cities and states for ninety thousand dollars
and still had money left to, you know, to furnish
the place. So it depends on where this purchase the
property was refurbished, But ninety thousand dollars could have got
you a nice little piece of property. So that was
my first thing. But answering the question if he left,

(01:11:25):
if they broke up and he put ninety thousand dollars
into it, why should he not be entitled to.

Speaker 3 (01:11:34):
You know, at least some of it?

Speaker 2 (01:11:38):
You know? Now, I know some of you guys have
just said Jay, I know you have lost you'll everlast
in mind by saying some of it. But my thing
is I'm saying some because you were in a relationship.
So should you walk on? Should she walk away with
absolutely nothing? And I could already see the comments coming.

(01:11:59):
That wasn't his life. Well, listen, depending on what state
they were in, you know, it could be some common
law uh, some common law clauses. So don't have me
to start pulling down my common claw my coming law
facts and clauses. So y'all just stay stay, stay sibbered
down over there. But Cededricre saying that's some wedding bread. Absolutely,

(01:12:21):
Lord Tony says he could have built a house. Absolutely,
he definitely could have. So again, I wouldn't that's foolish
money right there? That was to me, that was definitely
always some money. I would not recommend spending ninety thousand
dollars for a rental property. I'm like, what the heck
did you do for a rental? What did you do?

(01:12:45):
What did he get done for that property? Like?

Speaker 3 (01:12:47):
What did you spend ninety thousand dollars on.

Speaker 2 (01:12:52):
In a rental? What?

Speaker 3 (01:12:54):
What did you what did you buy new furniture? And listen,
this sounded like some heat.

Speaker 2 (01:12:59):
I got some shit that's living above her means and
just all just all kinds of craziness. But the relationship ended,
Let's focus on them. The relationship ended. Should he walk
away with nothing. I don't think that he should walk
away with nothing. I think that he should be entitled to.

Speaker 3 (01:13:17):
To get to get some to get some of his
stuff back again.

Speaker 2 (01:13:21):
I know you guys may be like, that ain't his
that ain't his wife. He should be able to get
everything back. I don't think that he should get everything
back because they both live there together, so she got
some time invested in the relationship. But I will say
that I do think that he should get the bulk
of the stuff back, like I definitely do think that.
But spending ninety thousand dollars on a rental property and

(01:13:45):
you know, doing that type of stuff, I think that
that is foolish spending and the money could have definitely
been spent in other ways. Now listen, you all look
speaking of other ways, fellas. I'm glad that y'all talk
to me today because this question is for you all.
Your boy likes a woman, but she doesn't want him.

(01:14:10):
She wants you, fellas. Is she off limits? So your
boys like this shit, but she don't like him, she
likes you? Is she off limits? I want to know
what's the cold? Like, do you guys, what's the cold? Fellas?

Speaker 3 (01:14:26):
She's feeling? You your homeboy feeling her, but she feeling you.
Is she off limits?

Speaker 2 (01:14:33):
They've never dated, they've never done anything, but he likes
her and she likes you. Is she off limits? Let
me know, fellas, what does that look like right there?
What does that situation look like for this woman that
is that's crushing on you, but your boy is crushing

(01:14:53):
on her and she like, m Yeah, I'm good, not interested.
But thank you very much, you know, thank you for
you know, for offering and all of this other boy junkie,
thank you, you know for being concerned. But yeah, no,
I'm I'm personally not with it. That's what she's telling
you boys. She like nom he cool and all, but uh,

(01:15:16):
it's a no go for me. Hay Sparkly, how you doing?
Lortone is saying, I'm not falling into that trap. I
don't want that smoke. Cedric said, fair gay. I'm just saying.

Speaker 3 (01:15:28):
Listen, and that's I would kind of think that too,
that she would.

Speaker 2 (01:15:32):
Be fair gay. Now, Cedric, why is she fair gay? Lortenay,
why would there be smoke? Hay Sparkle, how you doing?
Why would there be smoke? And why is she fair game?
Because I can see it from both sides, but I
want to know, Like, Okay, if she's not with you know,
she's not with your friend, she doesn't like your friend,

(01:15:57):
she likes you, so why can you not? As Cedric said,
why can she not? Why is that situation not free game?
Why is it not fair game? Because your friend likes
a woman, but the woman is not liking your friend,
So why is she not fair game to you? If

(01:16:20):
she's not you know, if she's not feeling the same
way about your friend, why is she not fair game?
I want to know that. Why is she not fair game?

Speaker 3 (01:16:28):
Why does you know? Why do you have to miss
out on.

Speaker 2 (01:16:32):
What could be your blessing because your friend got his
underwear all up in all in a tizzy. Now now
you can't date nobody. You can't date the chick you single.
She's single, but since your.

Speaker 3 (01:16:47):
Friend, I like, how old girl bad? But she don't
like you and she's made it clear.

Speaker 2 (01:16:53):
But somewhere along the rainbow, you thinking that she gonna
change her mind and she just gonna liking it, you know,
and feeling you. But she's letting you know that you
know I'm you know I'm not you know I'm I'm
I'm cool on you.

Speaker 4 (01:17:08):
But.

Speaker 3 (01:17:10):
But I like your friend.

Speaker 2 (01:17:14):
Is she off limits? Cedric is saying, ain't no ring
on either her or my finger. Lord Tenay is saying,
I want to keep my friend because he is my
friend for a good reason. I can respect that. But
what if you miss it out on the woman that
could potentially be for you? Think about that part, so

(01:17:37):
let me know about that part. What if she could
be the woman that could be for you, the woman
that you have been waiting for. And you're like, you know,
you're such a good dude, and you're like, you know what, ma'am,
I can't even do it. I'm not even gonna do
it because that's my that's my boy, that's my good friend,

(01:17:58):
and I don't want to ruin our friendship. And so
you keep and you hold on to that, and you know,
you say you keep the friendship, but you don't know
what you could possibly be missing out on with this
woman because she could be the one for you or
is it no she is that? No, she ain't the

(01:18:19):
one because my friend like her, so she can't be
the one for me. Lord Today is saying he would
get the one shot deal. I don't think she is
off limits. Cedric said, hate the player nothing, hate to play,
not the player. I would like. I would like think
the same way guys, though, to be honest, like I

(01:18:41):
would think that if it's just a simple like you
like her but she's not feeling you, then I don't
think that there's anything wrong with you all dating or
seeing each other. You know, I don't think that she
should be off limits, but I do think that now. Listen,

(01:19:04):
you know how some of these people have dated years ago.
I don't care how long I dated you. I don't
want nobody. I know, my friends, my fa You can't
date one of my exes. I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (01:19:16):
If it's an ex, then no, the exes. All exes
are off limits.

Speaker 2 (01:19:20):
In my opinion, forever you off off limits. I don't
want to date your ex. You cannot date my ex.
I don't care how long ago it could have been
my ex from preschool. You better leave Jamaine Jermaine the
dookie thing alone.

Speaker 3 (01:19:39):
That was my dookie thing. You better leave him alone.
That was my dookie thing. That's the name I gave.

Speaker 4 (01:19:44):
You.

Speaker 3 (01:19:44):
Better leave him alone. You cannot not date my ex.

Speaker 2 (01:19:49):
But if it was just somebody that I liked and
they didn't have the same feelings for me, then no, no,
that person is definitely free game. But Jermaine Germaine the
Dukie sting from third grade, he is off limits and

(01:20:10):
you better find you somebody else to play with. You
better leave Jermaine Jermaine the Dukie sing alone because that
was my ex from pre k or third grade and
you cannot date him. I don't care if we are
in thirty plus plus plus plus age rade, you cannot
date Jermaine Jermaine the Dookie Sting, but you get But
if it's a dude that I liked and he didn't

(01:20:30):
like me, or if it's a chick that I like
if she didn't like me, then those people, in my opinion,
are definitely like the fella said fair game sad. You
can say he should be happy she knew what it
was from the jump Lord today is saying I'm not crazy,
so I will never I will. I will make that
judgment if that ever happens. Absolutely, I'm like again, as

(01:20:54):
long as there was never see, I would have to
ask see because today you know what people you know,
they do some slick stuff, so you gotta ask them.
You know, did y'all ever do did y'all ever have
any relations You gotta ask it, and you gotta ask
the same question and a whole lot of different ways,
because again, you know, if they u you could be

(01:21:16):
talking to a chick that they use protection and so
she don't consider him as counting because she don't consider
him as a body because they use protection, or he
lasts three minutes. So you gotta ask and just make
sure there was no physical contact. But if there was
no physical contact and there was no relationship, then I
think that it's all It should be all good, Seeda

(01:21:37):
get saying that far back. Absolutely absolutely, Jamaine, Jermaine, and
Dukie Stain is mine, don't you cannot He can go
off and have another family and all this and that
that's fine, but he cannot be with you, Jamaine. The
Dukie Stain belongs to me. Guys, listen, we're gonna take
a short musical break and when we return, we're getting

(01:21:59):
in to our topic for the evening, exposing toxic relationships.
You're listening to the j spot where we are strengthening
relationships and families one conversation at a time.

Speaker 4 (01:22:27):
Set like we were on the same pay Believe we
beat together some day we faced on calling the days
you playing for something mental deep my philaspy?

Speaker 2 (01:22:43):
Is it all in my head?

Speaker 1 (01:22:46):
Your action showing me.

Speaker 5 (01:22:50):
Fall don't expect me to be.

Speaker 4 (01:22:54):
Faithful and thucomeing.

Speaker 2 (01:22:58):
You talked to who you.

Speaker 6 (01:23:02):
While my heart's invine s good John.

Speaker 4 (01:23:07):
And it's really killing me that with you.

Speaker 2 (01:23:12):
I gotta share. I don't like what you do to
meat baby? Why can't you be fair? Pe only?

Speaker 4 (01:23:23):
We just does this.

Speaker 6 (01:23:25):
Let's just stop by each other's time. Let's stop wait
to eat other time? You know and I know it's
don't even here?

Speaker 2 (01:23:39):
Do you even love me?

Speaker 5 (01:23:40):
Got is not showing me.

Speaker 2 (01:23:44):
P don't like what you do to meat baby? Why
can't you be fair? Pee only be just does this?

Speaker 6 (01:23:56):
Let's just stop by each other's time. Let's stop wait
and eat justice time. Let's stop wait and eat justice time?

Speaker 2 (01:24:18):
You look good. Welcome back to the j Spot. Well
we are strengthening in relationships and families. One conversation out
of time, guess the want to thank you out so
much for tuning in. Please do me a favor. Go
to our page and like our page at the j Spot.
Follow us on Twitter at jspot. Also follow us on

(01:24:41):
Instagram at the J Spot and j spield j A
y e for all three. Now listen, why you at it?
Go right around the corner boop, Go to YouTube thejspot
dot com, follow and listen, follow, subscribe to our channel there,
go to TikTok like and follow us there at the

(01:25:02):
J Spot. JA y e.

Speaker 3 (01:25:06):
Guys, listen.

Speaker 2 (01:25:09):
Tonight we are talking about exposing toxic relationships. Will y'all listen?
I think that if you are in a thirty plus
plus plus age range and you have managed to avoid
a toxic situation, a toxic relationship, man, you are rare

(01:25:34):
and you are blessed and holly favor because let me
tell these folks out here are crazy. Now here's the thing.
What is a toxic relationship. It's the relationship that causes
your tongue to get tied, just like I just my
tongue just got tied. But according to an online source,
a toxic relationship is a relationship lord, and it does

(01:25:57):
that just sucks the life out of you, sucks the
energy out of you, the happiness, It just takes everything
out of you. But guess what also happens in those
toxic relationships? You stay. A lot of people stay these
relationships are just downright stressful. It's no longer romantic because

(01:26:24):
it's so much foolishness that's going on. Listen, when if
your eye starts twitching, when that person starts to call you, listen,
that may be a side. It's time to get It's
time to get up out of that. When I think
of toxic relationships, I tend to think of relationships that

(01:26:46):
are full of constant lying, cheating, arguing, and even physical fighting.
But then I'm gonna also add on relationships where there
is no communication. You got playing games, you got stringing along.
You want one minute you in love with him, and

(01:27:06):
you want to be with him the next minute. You
don't know who they are. That type of stuff. Anything
that causes stress on the other person, it's toxic. Anything
that puts a frown on your face, it's toxic. Anything

(01:27:28):
that breaks your heart is toxic. Sedik said, it's not
productive at all. Absolutely, anything that's not productive or it's
not moving forward, it's toxic. If you have been in
a relationship for ten years, five years, and you are
still at the same place you listen, same place, meaning

(01:27:54):
there has been no growth in that relationship. I would
say that there's toxic because relationships have growth. If you
are in a relationship, or you're dealing with somebody and
you've been dealing with somebody five years, three years, and
you have to ask yourself what are we doing? What

(01:28:16):
are we?

Speaker 3 (01:28:17):
Or you constantly find yourself acting that other person?

Speaker 6 (01:28:21):
What is that?

Speaker 2 (01:28:23):
What are we?

Speaker 3 (01:28:25):
You are in a toxic situation.

Speaker 2 (01:28:28):
You are in a toxic relationship because a relationship that
is built on substance, a relationship that is built on truth,
a relationship that is built on honesty and that has
a foundation, it doesn't bring you all those toxic things.

(01:28:50):
Now that's not to say that relationships don't have problems,
because every relationship have problems. Listen, if you get two people,
somebody's gonna have attitude, it's going to be some stuff always.
No relationship is one hundred percent perfect. I wouldn't want

(01:29:11):
a relationship like I saw. There was Oh, there was
a I saw the the h An article where it
said Alicia Keys. She said her and Swiss beats in
like the fourteen or fifteen years that they have been married,
they have never had an argument. I said, baby, that's
because he don't care. Somebody lie, Somebody lying and somebody

(01:29:34):
is scared to ask the truth. Somebody, they're not being
themselves because I cannot see being in a relationship, being
married for fifteen years and to never have had an argument. Listen,
you gonna argue because he You're gonna fuss at him
because he'd left the seat up. You gonna fuss at

(01:29:57):
him because it's gonna be Listen, you act to bring
the black wallnut that he brought butterbecand it's going to
be some fussing. And I feel like if there's no fussing,
if there's never been any type of argument, I don't
think you're keeping it real with each other. I don't
think that you guys they have exposed who they truly are.

(01:30:19):
You're just tiptoeing around the relationship. And I mean fifteen years,
that's a long time. You don't listen, fifteen years you
arguing over stuff just because of the way that they breathe.
I don't like the way you breathe. You had to
stop breathing like that, breathe through your nose and not

(01:30:39):
through your mouth while you had a shoe like that.
You know, being together fifteen years, Listen, all the annoyer
stuff has come out at that point, And you mean
to tell me that in fifteen years you love everything
about There's nothing about them that will get on your nerves,
nothing that makes you the buy young young them upside

(01:31:01):
the head in fifteen years. I found I personally find
that hard to believe. But if that is really the case,
then listen, listen, y'all need to write a book and
tell people how y'all doing it, Because again, after fifteen years,
I already no, I would get tired of here my
husband breathe, I'd be like, listen, do you have to
breathe like that?

Speaker 3 (01:31:23):
Just stop breathing, babe.

Speaker 2 (01:31:24):
If I stop breathing, I'm gonna not be here. Well,
you know what, listen, can you breathe from the other
room right now? And then for me, I know, listen,
I already know he gonna be like listen with your
big mouth and your big fauxhead. I'm like, listen, maybe
you didn't marry from a fauxhead. Now, God say, I'm
see you know, but it's gonna be some stuff because

(01:31:48):
you know who you are. Nobody's I know I'm gonna
have some stuff. Now. We may have some crazy arguments
that normal people may not you know, have arguments about
you know, I'd be like, listen, why are you chewing
like that dog off Beethoven? See, but it's gonna be something.
He gonna be like, you know what, why do you

(01:32:09):
keep why do you keep sucking sucking on your teeth
like that? Why do you keep doing that?

Speaker 4 (01:32:14):
You know?

Speaker 2 (01:32:14):
So it's going to be something that is going to calls,
you know, there to not be a pleasant conversation. But
it's not. It shouldn't be to the point where you know,
you guys despise being around each other. Sparkle said, inconsistency,
bread crumbing, stopping, stop communicating and ghosting me for months

(01:32:37):
and I let it go. I totally agree with that,
and that's definitely that's definitely toxic. She's also saying, exactly,
get that ice cream. You know what, Listen, you better
get that ice cream right because if you don't, you
can't come back and listen. You can't come back up
here because that means you wasn't listening to me. He
gonna be like, I always listening, but you always talk.
And see that right there, that's gonna be an argument.

(01:32:59):
So I don't see how you can get fifteen years
without an argument. But okay, that's but if they saying that,
I'm I'm I'm gonna agree with them on not having
an argument. Cetrica said, if you're not willing to freely
sacrifice your other half takes toxic. Where if you're not
willing to freely sacrifice your other half takes toxic, well true,

(01:33:24):
do you have to smack a two like that?

Speaker 3 (01:33:26):
Absolute Listen, Sparkle, I'm telling you that is so me.

Speaker 2 (01:33:29):
I'm like, look, I'm gonna be so annoying because I
already know I'm gonna get somebody that's annoying.

Speaker 3 (01:33:35):
And we have to know that we're gonna annoy each other.

Speaker 2 (01:33:37):
But we're gonna be just like they used to do
off of in Living Color, and we still together, we're
gonna get on each other nerves. Listen, he gonna sit
up there, he gonna know I'm looking for my contact
linses and he gonna be gonna pour them down the
toilet and no, I can't see without my contact lises.
And then he gonna come and he gonna be looking

(01:33:58):
for he gonna be looking for the the look great
had a shampoo, and I'm gonna be gonna put some
baby shampoo up in there, he gonna be washing his hand,
you know. So we're gonna be doing crazy stuff like
that to each other, but guess what, We're gonna still
be together. Pretty Tasha saying, right, when a god ghosts
me and I become inconsistent, I move on too, And uh,

(01:34:20):
you're saying for your other half, I agree with this
ghost and stuff. To me, that ghosting is a huge,
huge toxic thing that people have picked up nowadays. It's
just like, if you don't want to be there, just

(01:34:44):
free yourself, Like why go through all of the time.
So not only do you ghost, but then you come
back like you haven't done anything, like you haven't been there.
It's like, what are we doing? What are we're doing
with that, you know, with that type of you know,
with that type of behavior. And then let's not get

(01:35:07):
the lack of communication. So ghosting and a lack of
communication today are definitely big toxic things. But here's the thing.
What causes.

Speaker 3 (01:35:19):
Relationships to become toxic?

Speaker 2 (01:35:22):
Well, I would think that sometimes people go into relationships
and they're already toxic. You already see the signs and
the red flags where you all should not be together,
but you still go forward with it.

Speaker 3 (01:35:40):
So what causes a relationship to be toxic?

Speaker 2 (01:35:42):
You guys were already toxic before y'all got together. Now
you're just a chemical combustion because you crazy over here
and he's crazy over here, and now y'all done all
that undealt with crazy together and now it's just a
chemical combustion.

Speaker 3 (01:36:01):
So what caused the relationship to be toxic?

Speaker 2 (01:36:04):
Both of you all entering into the same relationship If
you have not healed from your past relationship traumas, childhood traumas,
and if you're not even aware or addressing them things
that is shows up in relationships, It shows up in marriages,

(01:36:25):
and you have to be grown enough, insane enough, and
aware enough to acknowledge. Yeah, oh man, oh god, that's
my crazy right there. That is ooh, that's me right there.

Speaker 3 (01:36:37):
Listen. I will go off in a hot butterfly second.
I will be just just like that.

Speaker 2 (01:36:43):
You gotta know who you are, and a lot of
us don't know who we are, Sparkles said. When he
called me trying to spend the block, I was like this,
Papa John's, how may I help you? And they will
do that too, like they haven't done anything but you
know again, that's that toxic ish. They know that they

(01:37:06):
want to be with you, but they not ready to
give up the streets. But they want you to sit
up there and keep all waiting so that they'll give
you a little hope, just enough to hold keep you
holding on.

Speaker 3 (01:37:19):
You gotta make a decision.

Speaker 2 (01:37:21):
Are you gonna keep holding on to this toxic craziness
or are you gonna just let them go and let
them be crazy on their own?

Speaker 3 (01:37:28):
And Cedrict said, you ain't got a lot of kick
it just be.

Speaker 2 (01:37:32):
Real, absolutely positively, But people are not a lot of
people are not gonna do that.

Speaker 3 (01:37:38):
Listen.

Speaker 2 (01:37:39):
We don't even want to be honest with ourselves. We
don't even want to say self, you crazy. You got
some issues to deal with. See that's why I'm my
own best friend, because I know I listen. I sometimes
I get on my own nerves because I be like,
you know what, Jamala, that is just too extras. It's

(01:38:00):
just too listen when you extra, and you know it,
I know it. I tell people I'm you know, but
I'm extra in little quirky ways. I but I know
my extra like the way I drink my coffee. You all,
I would I wish I was lying, but let me
tell you, I'm so extra in that area. So it's

(01:38:21):
not even funny. Like I need my coffee the same
I need it the same exact way. I need to
make my stuff the way I need to make it,
and it has to be right and I don't need
any help.

Speaker 3 (01:38:32):
And if it's not done right, then I know I
am extra.

Speaker 2 (01:38:35):
So that right there, I know. I know myself, so
I know the things that I'm extra about. I know
the crazy. I know my crazies because there are quite
a few. But you gotta know yourself. And I know
that doctor Slewinsky is looking for me, like, okay, come on, come, come, come, come,

(01:38:56):
it's time for you to come back on this couch.
But I don't want to be one hundred percent fixed
because some of my crazies. I like my crazies and
you know they just work for me. So you know,
I'll deal with the.

Speaker 3 (01:39:08):
Trauma things, but my crazy crazies that annoy other.

Speaker 2 (01:39:12):
People but are perfectly fine with, Like you just gonna
have to get over that, like we cannot even do it, Sparkle,
you ask I even asked him if he was bipolar
before dating. Now you know, good dog on. Well, they
ain't gonna tell that. You gotta look at that medicine cabs.
Go to the house in the bathroom and look through
their stuff and see what kind of medicine that they taken.

Speaker 3 (01:39:33):
Take a picture of it, or remember the words.

Speaker 2 (01:39:35):
Remember to try to remember the name, and then look
it up and then you can see what the medicine
is for. If it's too many bottles in there, something
is wrong. You either on your way out of here.
Are you crazy? Something is going on. If it's a
lot of medicine in the medicine cabinet, it's something going on.
Is it something that we need to talk about. I'm like,
you know what, maybe we need to talk. Maybe we

(01:39:59):
need to talk. But that's the thing too, when there's
mental illnesses running in people family, we don't even talk
about that. Listen, babe, we are hung off the shadoliers
and they ain't told you that they family. You know. Listen, Well,
my father's gizophrantic, you know, like off of purple ring.
You know, my mama craze, my daddy crazy, this whole Listen,

(01:40:20):
you need to talk about that. People need to know
what they're getting involved in at what point do you
need Do people need to know that it's some mental
issues before y'all do the Horrizontal mumbo, before feelings start
to get involved, because once feelings are involved in people
don't really make the right decisions because now your feelings

(01:40:45):
are involved. I love him, I love her, ma'am. He's
talking to the wall, he's seeing stuff at night. She
hears voices and don't nobody else hear them.

Speaker 3 (01:41:00):
It's something wrong. We need to talk about that.

Speaker 2 (01:41:03):
I don't think that mental illness is toxic, but I
think the thoat it can lead to toxic behaviors. That
if you don't talk about that, then one will not
know that you have mental illnesses, and so they may
chalk that up as being toxic. But really you just
need some help, now, Listen, some people need the help.

(01:41:27):
That's gonna require a jacket. A jacket and a prescription
and a thirty to sixty day stay at a secured facility,
you know, with a white jacket and you know you're
under twenty four hour observation. Some situations may require that.
Just gonna tell you somebody might require that. Okay, just
gonna let you know that, Sedrick, you said you know

(01:41:51):
I gotta mess with you, Jamella Bustello coffee. You still
ain't tried it yet. That's being toxic, Sedgc. You are right.

Speaker 3 (01:42:01):
See that's what I'm I keep saying.

Speaker 2 (01:42:03):
I'm gonna taste it, but see if I don't like it,
then I'm gonna be mad at you. See that's just
how it's gonna be. I'm gonna be like, you know what,
Now I gotta get mad at Cedric because he doesn't
told me to drink this coffee and it turned out
to be too strong and my cream can't even. Now
i'ma have to be mad at you, and I don't
want to be mad at you, Cedric. So you say,

(01:42:23):
knowing you're crazy, I know my crazy. I know my crazy.
I'm gonna be so mad. I'd be like, you know what,
Cedric gonna be with me all these years, But I'm
mad at Cedric. I am so mad at Cedric, and
I will tell you that. So I'm not trying to
be mad.

Speaker 3 (01:42:36):
At you, Cedric.

Speaker 2 (01:42:37):
So that's why I haven't tried at Chat. But when
I try, if I tried, I'm like, you know what,
I Oh, I knew it. I knew I shouldna have
tried this, Cedria gonna sent me off. That's what I'm
and then I'm gonna be up at the stove, said,
and you know what, cause I'll be telling her talking
to the cash. Listen, you know I'm about this nasty
coffee caause Cedric told me bad. He said it was good.

(01:42:57):
They'll look at here. Now. I gotta bring it back
because I knew what gonna be good. And Cedric gonna
feel like talking like that in the story. You don't
already have enough going on in these stores and rustallants. Anyway, Sparker,
you said, and he started talking. He started talking about threesomes.
I was like, it's time to go. Tell him to
have the threesome with his third person, his other personality,

(01:43:19):
him and his personalities. They can have all the threemes
that they want. Cedric ke laughing. Listen, I'm telling you
that coffee game be real. Lord Today is saying we
are all different, but you have to be willing to
accept the differences of of the other person. If it's
an issue that they need help with, then suggests what
can help change the situation before it comes toxic. Absolutely,

(01:43:42):
see Lord Today, you are the definitely the voice of reasons,
and I appreciate that. Now here's the thing. Here are
a few sides of a toxic relationship. The first one
is the relationship gets physical. That's always the that's toxic.
That's just toxic. One O one, write that baby, it's physical.

(01:44:05):
You all are arguing find whether it's physical or verbal,
mental abuse, physical abuse, any form of abuse abuse, That
is a toxic situation. That's a toxic relationship. You need
to go to your separate corners and get somebody in
there to help you all figure figure that out. And

(01:44:28):
sometimes when it gets physical, sometimes you have to like
remove yourself from.

Speaker 3 (01:44:34):
The situation until it's resolved.

Speaker 2 (01:44:37):
So if you're in a situation, a toxic abusive situation
and it's not safe to be there, you gotta know
when it's you know what, Listen, it's time for me
to remove myself from this situation because what you don't
want to do is mess around and get hurt in
a situation like that. So anytime it's physical, that's time.

(01:45:00):
That's a whole that's toxic. One on, that's toxic to
the thousandth degree, and that's time to make some changes
to figure out how to exit the situation, the relationship
is one sided. This one person they in a relationship,
they put more into it than the other person is.

(01:45:20):
And again sometimes listen, here's how it's one sided. You
in it and they still trying to figure out what
they want. If you're married and the relationship is one sided,
oh that's really really toxic because how did you all
get there? Because you had to be on one accord

(01:45:41):
at some point because you both showed up to get married.
So in those situations, I listen. I'm a big fan
of therapy. I'm a big fan of counseling. We listen,
Black people, it's okay. It's okay to talk to somebody
to help them, to help so they can you sort
out what might be going on up here. It's okay

(01:46:04):
to talk to somebody. We all need a little touch
up and a little tune up every now and again.
You know your car needs gas to run right and
needs an oil change, and it don't need an all
change all the time, but it needs an oil change.
It needs a tune up. And that's just how we
are in life. Your brain, your.

Speaker 3 (01:46:22):
Heart needs a tune up, your brain needs a tune up.

Speaker 2 (01:46:25):
You need to be able to talk to somebody too,
especially if you've dated a lot and you've been hurt.

Speaker 3 (01:46:32):
A lot in these relationships.

Speaker 2 (01:46:34):
You need to talk to somebody so that you can
unpack all of that hurt, all that anger, all that pay.
You need to talk to somebody so that you can help,
you know, figure out what happened and what went wrong,
and you know what, also figure out what you did,
what you did wrong. I know a lot of people.

(01:46:55):
Oh I'm perfect, I'm perfect, you know, I ain't never
did nothing wrong. But how did you add to it?
You could have added to it by staying too long.
You could have added to it by enabling their bad behavior.
So that's another thing that therapy will help you figure
it out. But we gotta figure that out. We gotta
get good with talking with somebody, your partner. Listen, this

(01:47:20):
is toxic. This is a big one that's starting to
be on the rise. One person won't kids and the
other one don't you to me, you all, I think
that that's to me, that's a deal breaker. You there's
no reason why two people should be together if one
one's kids and the other one doesn't. That's just that's

(01:47:42):
just grounds for toxic energy. Get that get that situated.
So those are things that should be talked about ahead
of time and don't make it seem like Ladies, if
he's like, oh, I'm done having kids, I don't want
no more kids, or whoever says that. If you know
that you want kids, don't act like you're okay with that.

(01:48:06):
And then you get with them and now you complained
it about it, but you said that you were okay
with it. He doesn't want a woman with kids. But
then you get with a woman with kids and then
you bash her and you tear her down. That is
some toxic ish.

Speaker 3 (01:48:28):
Get out of that.

Speaker 2 (01:48:29):
Why did you get with a lady that has kids
and you know you don't like women with kids? Ladies,
stop trying to listen. If a man says he does
not like kids, he don't want kids, or he don't
want to be around another man's kids, get out of there.

(01:48:51):
There's nothing for you there. He's not the man for
you because he doesn't want kids. You bring it so
up else's responsibility to the table, and he's not on
board with that. So we gotta be mindful, and we
gotta listen to what people are seeing, and we gotta

(01:49:12):
look at the whole entire situation. When you a parent,
you gotta do what's best not only for you, but
for your kids. So it's so many toxic situations that
we walk into. But some of these situations can be
avoided if we stop trying to make everything fit again.

(01:49:37):
The moment somebody tells you something and you know that
you don't fit that requirement or that criteria, let it go,
Let it go, stop trying to force things. You go
out with a man, you see his profile. He said
he don't want kids. You on a data side, and

(01:49:58):
so you going out with this And now you've been
going down here for three months, four months, and you
ain't told him you had no kids. Y'alla did the horrors?
I told mumbo them fell in love and all this
and that. Now he's loving you. So now you come
to him, babe, I have a secret to tear. I
got something to tell you. You know, I got some kids.

(01:50:21):
Now he fell in love with your ragny behind. So
now he don't want to let you go. A lot
of dudes will just let you go off gp off
the fact that you lied to him.

Speaker 3 (01:50:30):
But say, for instance, you keep this man decides to
stay around.

Speaker 2 (01:50:35):
He not gonna trust you, and he's gonna resent you
because you lied to him and you put him in
a situation where now he has to accept something that
he doesn't really want to accept because you lied to
him and you led him or so it's like, we
have to do better with being upfront and just you

(01:50:55):
don't want accepted a situation for what it is, and
just being growed enough to say, you know what, I'm
not thy cup of coffee. They looking for something else.
I thought that we could have connected, I thought that
we could have matched, but they don't want this.

Speaker 4 (01:51:10):
This it is.

Speaker 3 (01:51:10):
So you have to get good at eliminating.

Speaker 2 (01:51:13):
Yourself from situations that could potentially be toxic. You gotta
love yourself because if you don't love yourself first, nia,
how are you gonna possibly love somebody else. Guys, I
want to thank you all so much for tuning in.
Please do me a favorite you all go to our page.

(01:51:34):
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(01:51:58):
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