The Jaye Spot Podcast

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Class work that has been undone that's not been turned
in by little Rodney and you know, give them a
little popper too and stop paying more attention.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Gods, thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you
so much.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Grown and Sexy Conversation with Jade thirty and up doing Us,
Tyson Smith, Hay Tyson, Hey, Rinita Gods, thank you so
much for all of your support.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
One eighty Real Talk Chicago.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
Pitt Life, the Real MVPs, Grown In Sexy Conversations with
the j Spot. Now listen you are and everybody else
that supports us, But I want to say Grown and
Sexy Conversation with the Jaspot. Y'all know, listen, we have
been through a lot of things this year. You know,
with these bastards. You know that hack my group back
in May. You know we still never got that back.

(00:45):
But guess what, you know, it's all good. You know
we are on to bigger and better things. But thank
you all for everybody that's spreaded the message so that
we can go ahead and transition over to transition over
to this new group.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
Thank you guys so much.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
We have a great show guys lined up for you tonight.
But listen, you know, we have to listen, we have
to keep up with Unfortunately, you know, we gotta cover
the celebrity news and all this other ish that is
going on. So one of the hot topic everybody is
talking about, you all, it's Diddy, Diddy, Diddy, Diddy Diddy.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
Did he do it? Did he didn't? Diddy dany Diddy
Diddy Diddy.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
But listen, it's saying that Howard has allegedly given back
the million dollars that Diddy gave to the HBCU. Howard,
they gave it back. And my thing is this, let
me just say this, I'm so sick.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
Of you all.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
I'm so sick of these universities. I'm so sick of
you all. You up here begging and you need money
and then somebody give it give it back. You think
that the church is giving back the drug dealing money
that they paying in time.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
You think that they giving that back.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
You think that they giving back all this money that
they know that they're not supposed to be getting or
they getting illegally from that five oh five oh won
three seed money.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
You think they.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
Giving that money back, Howard, in any other university, all
the universities that gave back to the money that Bill
Cosby gave and donated. I just want to know this,
What did the students do to cause you to get
up on your high horse and say, you know what,

(02:34):
we don't need this million dollars. You know we're gonna
go ahead on and give it back. Why would you
give back money that was donated to you?

Speaker 2 (02:44):
I don't understand that. So what does giving back the money? So?

Speaker 1 (02:47):
Is that saying that we have nothing to do you,
we don't want to have anything to do with you,
and to just to.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
Just prove that we don't want to have anything you think.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
Listen, all these other corrupt listens, all this corruption the
person that gave back the money. So are you mean
to tell me? So you know that you are getting
some unillegal grants and all this other ish behind the doors,
behind this, you know, behind the scenes, you doing a
little washing of the hands and some other hands and

(03:18):
getting some other trickery and all this other foolishness going
on behind the scenes that ain't nobody caught up with you,
or ain't nobody said nothing about it yet? But you're
too good to accept the donation now because the funk
don't hit the fan.

Speaker 2 (03:35):
I don't understand.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
So can somebody help me understand? What does giving back money?
What does severing ties with somebody? We are this world.
We live in a fair weather generation of people like
there is like no loyalty amongst people whatsoever. It's just

(03:58):
like what in the world. And then they snatch away
his honorary degree, so they give him back his million
dollars and then they take his honorary degree.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
You know what I would do. I will tell you, Howard.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
Let me tell y'all what y'all can do with that
honorary degree. The president of Howard, the CEO or whoever
you are. Let me tell you could take that CEO
and you could take that degree right with your title
and stick it so far up your CEO.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Because anybody that my thing is this.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
I hope that did he does make it out on
the other side of this. I really really hope that
he does. Now a lot of people may how you
gonna say that, Jay, how you gonna say you hope
he make it out on the other side of this,
because I do you wanna know why? Because there are

(04:50):
so many Listen, if did he fall, then let the
whole organization fall.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
I'll say that again if he falls.

Speaker 1 (04:59):
Let the whole organization phone, because we're sitting here and
we're willingly acknowledging the fact that he did he had
these parties and he's doing all this and he's doing
all that right now, help me get this right though.
But when you say party, and when you say somebody

(05:21):
is having a party, that typically means there's more than
one person.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
Right.

Speaker 1 (05:25):
You gotta have in order to have a party, you
gotta have some guests.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
Right.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
So now everybody is so oh old Diddyon Diddy and
the Diddler and all this and there. Everybody's so scared
of Diddy and so want to be away from them.
But y'all was just partying, so the same smut and
every listen, so many of these celebrities are getting on

(05:52):
here and shaming him and bashing him and all that
other good ish.

Speaker 2 (05:57):
But correct me.

Speaker 1 (05:59):
If I'm right, y'all was at the party. I'm just saying,
y'all was at the party. So if whatever he was
doing allegedly that was against the law, and he's doing
all this, you all were reaping the benefits of his crime.
So he wasn't the only one. If he is guilty

(06:20):
of what they are accusing him of everybody at the
party was guilty of that. See, everybody is sitting up here,
they like, oh, he's so disgusting. Got a thousand bottles
of baby oil and this and that. Listen, y'all thinking
those thousand bottles of baby oil was for Diddy. No,

(06:42):
that was not for Diddy. Those thousand bottles were for
his guest. Okay, I understand what I'm saying, the people
at the party. That's who those bottles of baby oil's
was for the people at the party. That's why he
had so much because it was readily available. Listen, alm
a one stop shop allegedly, So you all come and

(07:05):
hear y'all partying and y'all kicking it. And he got
everything right there. He got what you need. Everybody knew
that his parties was cracking. That's why everybody up in there,
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
This is lit. He lit up in here. He got it.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
He doing this and he doing that. Now, don't nobody
know nothing. Now, everybody want to just be all good
and innocent. Ain't nobody partied, Ain't nobody kicked it. Diddy
was just out here freaking and doing all of this
by himself.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
No, he wasn't. No, he wasn't, and you all know it.

Speaker 1 (07:41):
So now y'all haven't been out there, y'all been at
the freak calls as well. So my thing is this,
If Diddy is guilty of the freak calls, then what
does that make the people that attended the freak calls?

Speaker 2 (07:55):
Are they not as guilty? I mean, are they?

Speaker 1 (07:57):
Like somebody helped me understanaying, Maybe I'm looking at this
the wrong way. Maybe I'm looking at it through the
wrong lens, because you know, I do wear some glasses,
you know, and they are a sight to see, you know,
So maybe I got it wrong.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
Maybe I'm not looking at this thing the right way.

Speaker 1 (08:14):
But before we go and try to disassociate ourselves or
try to make it seem like, you know, try to
slam this man, my thing is this, If the ish fall,
then let it fall.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
But my thing is, let everybody lifts.

Speaker 1 (08:32):
If heads are gonna roll, let every head that was
involved roll. Literally, don't just oh well we're gonna pick,
We're gonna pick Diddy.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
He done did this and there listen, he.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
Got some beef with some other people. He'dne made the
wrong people mad, and now here it is another black
man will fall because he'd have made the wrong person
mad another skin tone, because there wasn't no black person.
He made the wrong other person mad, and now he

(09:07):
is up to potentially lose everything. But my thing is this,
I hope that while the FBI, while they raided his place,
I hope that they got the guest list. I hope
that they start contacting the people that were that were
benefiting from these freaky parties and that were benefiting from
all of this stuff that he's allegedly being charged with.

(09:28):
I just hope that they all are brought down to
brought to justice. If that's what this is really about,
then let justice be done all the way across the board.
Let's not just get on our high horse and start
singling just oh we're gonna single did hey y'all again,
I'm not condoning anything that did he did. So whatever

(09:52):
he did that was a crime that he is guilty of,
May he pay for what he did. But let the
others that are involved, may they pay for what they
did as well. My thing is this, We're not gonna
just pin it all on one person and then oh
here we go. Yeah, you know, he's going down and

(10:12):
he did this. Listen, let every sick person because if
he's sick, what does that make the people that attended
his parties? So if he's sick, he can't be the
only one that's sick. And he had other people there
partying with them. So may every sick mask that was there,
May you all be served up the correct punishment accordingly,

(10:36):
And that's.

Speaker 2 (10:37):
Just no more than fair.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
If he goes down, then everybody that participated in all
of this foolishness, may they go down as well. But
we all know that that's not what it's really about.
But we'll watch and see. But as far as this
HBCU Howard, as far as you giving back the million
dollar donation that was given to you and then you

(10:59):
snatch his honorary degree, whoever made that.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Judgment call like you suck and you might be next.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
So while you're sitting up here, I would never and
I would never. Yeah, you better hope that you don't
have them and all these people that are laughing and
poking fun. I just hope that they don't come after you, because,
like Hulkogan used to say, what.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
You're gonna do when that power structure comes for you?
What you're gonna do.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
So with that being said, listen, let's just stop, let's
stop chuckling a little bit so much at Diddy, and
let's just start looking clearly to see, like, you know what,
this is some real bull jockey going on, and it's
just it's getting interesting. It really is getting interesting. But
enough about that. So again, I just wanted to say,

(11:48):
I'm a little piece about Diddy. H hashtag free Diddy
because or free Diddy or hashtag lock them all up.
That's how I'm saying, free Diddy or lock them all up.
And that's just how I feel about it. Freeom or
lock them all up. Now listen, speaking of friend and
locking them all up? Listen, you are what do you

(12:09):
all think about this hot topic? So the lady is
saying her husband, they don't have any biological children together.
He has a child and she has a child. So
her husband he decides to take his biological child on
a vacation, but he did not take his stepchild. So

(12:34):
now the mother, the wife is feeling some type of
way because she's like, Okay, well, how are you gonna
take just your child on a vacation and not take
my child with you?

Speaker 2 (12:46):
All on the vacation.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
So he's like, he wants to bond with his daughter,
and what's the problem.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
What do you all think about that?

Speaker 1 (12:56):
Do you all think that the husband has a legitimate point. Listen,
I want to bond with my child. I don't want
to take your daughter. I don't have a problem with
your daughter. I love your daughter. You know I love
your daughter. But I just want some time with my daughter.
Can I do that? The wife got rocks all in

(13:16):
her jaws and she wants to know listen.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
You can't do that.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
If you ain't taking my daughter, then you shouldn't be
taking your daughter. What are your thoughts on that? Just
as a mom, as a parent? First of all, why
would you marry someone you know that they have a
kid and then you not do right by the kids.

(13:43):
See that's the problem that I have with situations like
this because and this is why we have to be
so mindful when you have small kids. Everybody don't have
a good heart. Let's just say this, listen, Let's just
acknowledge this. They can be freaking you and freaking you. Listen,
have you hanging off the chandeliers and just listen, just

(14:06):
getting it in. But that does not mean that they
need to have access to your kids. Some people should
only be to bust one and keep it moving.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
I'm gonna say that again.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
Some people it should they should just be for you
to bust one and keep it moving, because we're seeing
a lot of this. We are seeing a lot of
these stories where the people are treating the children unfairly.
Why would you get into a relationship, let alone a

(14:47):
marriage with someone and you know that you're going to
cause discord amongst the kids. We have to start being,
you know, doing things a little bit.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
YEA.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
Now, I know some may say, Jay, how you gonna
how you gonna even fix your mouth to say something
like that, like what is wrong with this man, you know,
doing something with his daughter and this and that he
wants to bond with his daughter. It's nothing wrong with that,
there's nothing wrong with that at all. But when you

(15:22):
married that woman with that child, did that not become
your child as well? Because my thing is this, it
causes now you're gonna have an innocent kid feeling some
type of way.

Speaker 2 (15:37):
Now you're going to destroy.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
Any chance that your daughter and your wife's daughter have
of bonding. You're destroying that because you're you're doing for
one and you're not doing.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
For the other. Kids. A lot of.

Speaker 1 (15:54):
Times don't understand adult foolishness. They just and we shouldn't
want to be honest, we shouldn't want to put the
kids in the midst.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Of adult bull junkie. We just should not want to
do that.

Speaker 1 (16:10):
It's just like, it's not a good look, what what
purpose does it serve for putting the kids in the
middle of our adult madness. So if you want to bond,
you've married this woman and she has a kid, aren't
you her dad? Like, aren't you her bonus dad? Isn't
she your bonus daughter? So why can't you do for both? Now,

(16:36):
from the wife's standpoint, you can't be talking to him
all crazy out the side of his neck, outside of
your neck, saying, oh, well, if you ain't doing this
for my baby, then yo, baby ain't going.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
You can't you cannot.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
You can't do that because guess what, you chose him,
the man that is making this type of decision. You
chose him so you knew how he was prior to
you getting in a relationship with him. So you cannot
don't sit and act surprised and act like you didn't
know who or whom or what you were dealing with,

(17:13):
because this type of stuff, like these type of behaviors,
this does not just happen overnight like this was always there.
So ma'am, you cannot dictate to him how he runs
his life, how he raises his daughter.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
Or what he chooses to do.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
You cannot, you know, say it with your chest and
you know, make all these demands, because that was a
conversation that should have been had prior to you all
getting married. But I think that it's unfortunate. It's unfair,
and it sucks for the kids. It sucks for both

(17:53):
the kids. Now, the husband he may be thinking that,
you know, oh well, this is just it only affects
you know, the wife's daughter. But no, it's gonna affect
your daughter as well, because like your daughter could be
looking forward to having a bonus sister, but by you
alienating her from the bonding session, then you know they're

(18:16):
not gonna get a chance to you know, be as
close as they potentially could. Because here we are, we
have an adult in their feelings for whatever reason.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
Now here's the thing.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
If for real, you don't wanna pay for both of them,
then I would say something, say something to the wife
and say, you know what, Listen, I don't have enough
right now to take both of the girls, but I
want to take both of them.

Speaker 2 (18:41):
So why don't you, you know, chip in and let's
make this happen.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
Let's make this an epic experience for both of our daughters.
But if you are just singing them out and just
automatically you're pitting them, you're pitting them against each other
because you're choosing to do this. Yeah, Ja, that's his
biological daughter. He don't have to do nothing for this
woman's daughter. No he doesn't. But why would you not, Hey, Reginald,

(19:10):
how you doing? Why would you not want to do
something for a child that you willingly signed up? You
knew that this child exists. You said I do to
this woman, You said to take care of her. You're
gonna take care of her and honor her and love
her and all the other ish. But she comes with
the child as well as you do. But you're going

(19:32):
to alienate her child and then you're going to just
do something with your kid. My thing is this, And
even for women that do things like that, like they'll
go out and you go shopping and you know, that
this man got kids and you going out and you're
shopping just for you and your or for your kids.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
That ain't right now, how you're gonna just shop for
his kids? Your kids?

Speaker 1 (19:56):
But you know he got kids as well, and you
know that they're around, Like why not do for all?
So when people have that type of mindset, I just
feel like, you know what, just stay single, Like, just
stay single or get with somebody that do not have kids,
and therefore all the attention can just be on your kid.
You don't have to worry about putting another kid in

(20:19):
the situation and making them feel uncomfortable. Hey Freddy Tasha,
how you doing? Because again that destroys kids self esteem.
We wonder while we have so many kids and so
much hatred and foolishness in our in the black community,
that's because we got these ding back adults doing dumbish

(20:41):
like this to these kids. This is why you wonder
why these kids are so hateful and disrespectful.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
This is part of the problem. That ain't my kid?

Speaker 1 (20:54):
Listen, I just can we please get out of that
my kid type mentality? Hey Erica, you saying I will
definitely replay this. I'm like, how you doing today, Honey,
you say exactly you are exactly right. This is what's
wrong with our community.

Speaker 2 (21:13):
Like we don't love on.

Speaker 1 (21:15):
Something just because I didn't give birth to it, don't
mean that I cannot love it, that I will not
love it, that I will not and I don't want
the best for it just because I didn't give birth
to it. It's a black child. I want what's best
for all these black kids. I want what's best for
all kids, but I'm gonna focus on black kids. But

(21:38):
this is one of the reasons why. Because adults, we
don't make it. We don't hide how we feel if
it ain't ours all. Look at all the stuff that
we say on social media. Kids are reading this. So
if this man, this ain't my daddy and he don't
care about me, my daddy don't care about me, Why

(21:59):
Mama don't care about me?

Speaker 2 (22:00):
Why should I care about anybody else?

Speaker 1 (22:02):
Now you go to school and you tear the whole
school up, and now everybody else crying around because you
know why, because we're.

Speaker 2 (22:10):
Not shared and no love, We're not spread and no love.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
All we're doing is spread all this toxic foolishness and
all this hate. And now we crying because somebody innocent
got hurt.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
Yeah, you loving on your kid?

Speaker 1 (22:25):
Yeah, but what about all of the kids that's around
your kid.

Speaker 2 (22:29):
That is not being loved on? That's what you gotta
worry about.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
We can't just be worried about loving on our kids
because your kid got classmates that ain't nobody loving on them.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
So guess who will target your baby?

Speaker 1 (22:46):
Your baby is prone to be picked on by the
kid that ain't nobody else showing them no love? Guess
why don't nobody love me? Ain't nobody showing me no love?
Guess what?

Speaker 2 (22:58):
So why should I show love? I don't care?

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Or so I'm gonna hurt choke hid because yo kid
got because I'm jealous because of the way your kid
is well rounded, Your kid is well balanced, So I'm jealous.
So guess what, I'm gonna hurt choke kid because I'm
hurt and we don't see how a lot of this stuff.

Speaker 2 (23:21):
We can we can.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
We can fix it if we are just a little
bit more open and a little bit more perceptive to
other people and things that are around us.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
But we so dog gone, We so dang gonna selfish.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
We'll see our kids classmates We'll see a little kid
walk past, shoes dirty, clothes dirty.

Speaker 2 (23:42):
We'll see that. We'll see it.

Speaker 1 (23:43):
We'll see the kids walk past, baby, We'll see that
they home. We look home, grey nature, and we won't
say jack to them. We get talk about it, act like,
but don't.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
You know that some kindness for that can go a
long way. Pull that kid to the side.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
You never know whose life you're saving just by being nice,
just by helping you see a need. I'm not saying
we can save the world, but dang, give you see
something like, let's stop. They parents need to stop being
so trifling and mama tried.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
Well, if you know, is mama trifling?

Speaker 3 (24:25):
Help them?

Speaker 2 (24:27):
You know I ain't gonna get it at home.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
That ain't my responsibility, Erica, you're saying, sad but true.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
Hey Katie Low, how you doing, boss, Lady Katie Low.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
Yeah, it's and then you also seeing Erica, it works
both ways and it does. So here's the thing. If
we're gonna get in relationships, especially married and with people
that have kids, treat your kids how you want people
to treat you, you know, treat and treat other people's
kids how you want your child to be treated So

(24:59):
for me, I think that that was a relationship and
a marriage that.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
Should not have even even gotten together.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
Because if you're gonna be like that, you're not gonna
treat my kid like that.

Speaker 2 (25:09):
You just not.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
If we're bringing kids into this situation, then this is
a conversation that should have been had prior to saying
I do how are we gonna parent?

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Like?

Speaker 1 (25:21):
What does this look like? What does this blended family
look like? How would this look like? What role are
you gonna play with my child? What role do you
want me to play with your child? And let's see
if we're on the same page as far as how
we want things to go.

Speaker 2 (25:39):
With our kids.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
I mean, this is an important conversation that needs to
be had, and it needs to be had upfront.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
So we gotta do better.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
At putting our kids needs ahead of our own ones
and our own needs because guess what, they didn't ask
to be here, So why do they have to be
involved in this selfish type of relationship when you know
that this dude or this chick, you know that they
don't have no good intention towards your kids.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
You know that they not gonna include them in anything.

Speaker 1 (26:12):
You know that you're gonna be at work and your
kid gonna be at home with this way, and so
she's gonna be cooking for her kids.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
Baby. Let me tell you.

Speaker 1 (26:20):
I Oh lord, I just see how I just blanked
out right there. I would let me come home from
work and my child sitting here on the floor and
everybody else sitting at the table and they eat.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
Do you know, just call the people on me right now.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
Call the people on me right now, because I'm telling
you that whole house is getting tore up, and the
person that's cooking is gonna get.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
Tore up as well. I don't care. You're not gonna
do my kid like that. So you are again.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
You have to start vetting these people and making sure
that they are suiting, just like you know, when you
go to the animal shelter, No, some of y'all gonna
get mad. And when you go to the animal shelter
and you go and they have to make sure, they
ask you about your kids, and they want to make
sure that the dog that you about.

Speaker 3 (27:09):
To bring home is compatible with your kids.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
We gotta start doing that with the people that we're
dating and that we're marrying. We gotta make sure that
these folks are compatible with our children. All these folks
are not compatible to bring home. Some of them are
only compatible for you to bust one. I say, you
gotta bust them on this. Listen bus one and keep

(27:36):
it moving.

Speaker 2 (27:37):
That's what Some of these people are only compatible for.

Speaker 1 (27:40):
Stop making a good bus one, Stop making that something permanent,
in something long term. And really they come with warning labels,
do not mix well with children.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
Hey, Luuan Lauan.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
You're saying parents have to explain the level at which
the other adult can discipline or treat your child or children.
And that is so true, which would lead into our
next hot topic. So, Lewan, you brought up a good point.
So now you are in this relationship. You're married, but

(28:13):
the other parent is very active in the kid's life.

Speaker 2 (28:18):
They're very active. You're married.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
Does your spouse have the right to discipline your child
or children even though their biological parent is actively involved
in their lives?

Speaker 2 (28:36):
How does that work?

Speaker 1 (28:37):
You talk about whoo God, all these channels and all
these dynamics. Again, you may say, listen, they got they
they mama involved, that they doing something, call a mamma.

Speaker 2 (28:49):
They father involved. Karl Ai Diddy, you.

Speaker 1 (28:51):
As a step parent cannot discipline the child because they
have a parent, their biological parent is involved. What do
you all say about that? What do you all think
about that? Is that step parent not able to discipline
a child, your child because their biological parent is actively

(29:16):
involved in their lives. What do you all think about that? Erica,
you're saying, I'm going to jail with our beil. Listen,
I'll be right there right with you. I'm gonna probably
be crying though, because I don't want to be up
in there, but I know I'm gonna be right on
up because you're not gonna be misterating these kids. But
you're saying, listen, Okay, I expect you to take care

(29:40):
of my kids. I expect you to provide financially for
my kids. I expect you to take my kids on
trips and do all of this other stuff for my kids.
I expect you to do all that, But you cannot
discipline my child because my child has that says biological

(30:01):
parent involved. My child's father is very involved in his life.
So you do not need to be trying to discipline
my child. Because my child already got his daddy, His
daddy is already involved. You cannot discipline my child. Whoo baby,
let's see what we're not gonna do.

Speaker 2 (30:21):
Is this we just got through talking about.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
These are conversations that you have to have beforehand, because again,
here's the deal.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
How does it look? How can you fix your mouth.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
To say, you know what, this person has to take
care of my kid financially. I'm expecting them to take
care of my child financially and do.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
For them the way that you know that.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
I want for them to do for their the way
they do for their kid, and I want them to
do and treat myself to keep my child the same,
except for when it comes to discipline.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Hold fast, Hold fast. Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
It's either the whole shebang or nothing, because you're not.
I'm not about to sit up here and give all
my hard earned money and do all of this stuff.
I'm showing up in all aspects as a parent.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
But when it.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
Comes to discipline, now, you tell me I can't discipline
because they they they they father, they father involved, They
real father involved, because the real mother is involved.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
They stay with the real mother.

Speaker 1 (31:39):
But they getting but they getting my real money, they
getting my real time, they getting my real energy. They
can get everything from me. They can get everything from me,
but these hands if need be or no, let me
tell you something.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
Count me out, Count me.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
All the way out, because you're not about to have
me sitting here.

Speaker 2 (32:01):
Take it care of a kid.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
I can feed them, I can clothe them, I can
give them money. I can take them here, I can
take them there. But you're telling me that end I
cannot discipline them. Let me tell you what you what
you and your.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
Kids can do.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
You can get up out my face and you can
take that and take all that foolishness and take that
over there with the biological parent, and you and a
biological parent handle that. You handle that, because how does
that not sound crazy? Like you got a person doing
all of this you want them to do, contribute and

(32:44):
show up in every way for your child as a parent.
But when they do something, I gotta come to you
like I'm a little kid and tell you what they did,
and then you discipline them.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
Hey what wait? Wait? So now I didn't have to
come to you and ask you can I take them
to Disneyland? Didn't have to do that.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
Didn't have to ask you if I can buy them
a pair of new shoes, didn't have to ask you.
That didn't have to ask you if I could take
them near or take them there, or do this and
do that for them. Didn't have to ask you for that.
But now they getting out of line. Now I gotta
ask your permission to put my foot up.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
They behind. I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

Speaker 1 (33:34):
So it's either you want the entire parent or you don't.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Now I get it.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
Some people will say, Jay, I'm not gonna just have
no any and everybody hitting on my kid.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
I'm I one hundred percent agree with you on that.

Speaker 1 (33:52):
So if you feel like the person that you with
is a any and everybody, why are you with them?

Speaker 2 (34:01):
Check yourself? Why are you with any and everybody? See?
We get good.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
See we gotta we gotta make up our minds on
which side of the fence we gonna be on because
we can't be all for you wanting these people to
pour out all they resources.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
But then we.

Speaker 1 (34:18):
Fall back and now we oh what they as long
as you don't hit my child, cool. I ain't gonna
hit your child, and I'm not gonna pay for nothing
for your child either. I will just be a stand in. Listen,
Go action, mama, Go action, mama. But when you look
at and if you gotta get that petty, is that
really something that you wanna be involved in? Because I'm like,

(34:42):
I am not about to be in a counterproductive marriage,
a counterproductive relationship.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
Because these things that we're talking about.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
This ish has to be discussed way before we even
get to the marriage and we get to moving in.
This stuff needs to be talked about ahead of time
because parenting styles are different, goals are different, lifestyles, everything
is different. So we gotta know what it is that

(35:17):
we want because things just look different. So why not
talk about these things beforehand before getting involved in all
these situations and just kind of winging it. These are
things that we need to start talking about, and they
have to be talked about beforehand. We can't just wait
until the last minute. Because again, here we are. Now

(35:39):
you're married, and now y'all trying to figure out how
to parent. Now you just now figuring out that your
your are your spouse doesn't want you to discipline their
kids physically, but they want you to spend all their
money on them. They want you to do all of

(35:59):
this stuff to show that they're your child. But when
it comes to discipline, they're saying, I I I my
child got they real daddy. If I'm his real daddy,
I just see on his daddy. But when he needed
some shoes, his daddy wasn't able to come through with
the shoes.

Speaker 2 (36:18):
I just tell his mother, his mom, his mom, her
mama have to just do it for you. I'm just
gonna tell all, mamma, you don't gotta worry about it.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
But when you needed that extra for the trip and
all this other stuff and that extra outfit for you know,
for a tumbling class, where was her mama at when
you needed that extra?

Speaker 2 (36:36):
The mama wasn't there. The mama didn't have it. You
was looking at me. So all I'm saying is, no,
I'm not saying.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
Oh, it's a free for all we should be having
everybody or everybody can hit your kids and do all this.

Speaker 2 (36:50):
I'm not saying that, not saying that at all.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
What I am saying is, if you have them in
the house, you trust them, and you've buried them, then
why can they not discipline your kids? And if you
say you know and if you know that they don't
do good with your kids, and your kids ain't feeling them,

(37:13):
and it's not a good fit. This is how kids
get hurt. This is let's be real, This is where
the real comes in and kids get hurt because we're
putting the wrong people around our kids. You already knew
it was some tension when when they met the kids.
You already know that this dude is bipolar, ain't taking

(37:35):
his medicine, crazy, done been hitting on his real kids
and baby mama.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
That's why they ain't together.

Speaker 1 (37:41):
But you think he gonna come over here and he
gonna be better with you and your kids. Okay, yeah, no,
you set yourself up for that one. So let's be
mindful of the people that we are putting around our
kids and putting them in our space. But it's ridiculous

(38:01):
to think that you can expect somebody to financially care
for your child.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
But that's where it is.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
They can only financially care for your child, but they
cannot they cannot discipline your child because they biological parent
is involved.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
And we get along.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
Listen, if I can't parent one hundred percent, then I'm
not I'm gonna I'm gonna parent zero percent. So it's
all enough, and so you all, let's make sure that
this is a conversation that we're having up front, before
getting in these relationships and before getting serious, and before
especially before getting married. Let's make this a conversation that

(38:43):
we start having beforehand so that we can kind of
know how this looks and how this is gonna work,
because I mean, these are real situations and these dynamics. Listen,
we had a totally good relationship till we got married
and brought these kids involved because we did not have
that discussion on how discipline looks, how you know, how

(39:05):
financial responsibility for kids look. How does the the biological
pearance being involved in the kids'.

Speaker 2 (39:11):
Lives, how does that look?

Speaker 1 (39:13):
All these situations and conversations need to be discussed up front.
Now Listen, speaking of disgusting upfront, ladies, what say this?

Speaker 2 (39:27):
Now? Listen the horizontal mambo? When y'all do it?

Speaker 1 (39:33):
Listen, it's bad, it's whack, but he treats you like
a queen.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
He loves the ground you woke on. Do you stay
or do you leave? Listen? There is nothing listen, his his.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
Skills, no technique, no nothing you just like somebody said, listen,
I get more action. I get more stimulation than I
get from a dog. On it from from from a
from the rose, I get more from a rose then

(40:17):
I get from being with you on a sexual basis,
I get more from the rug.

Speaker 2 (40:25):
I get more from that rose. Baby. They say that
Rose is more exciting than you are. But he's a
good Maine Savannah. He's a good man.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
But his technique is just it's just all it's all wrong.
Do you stay with this man or do you leave?
Do you stay with him? Because he's a good man,
he loves you, he treats you right, But in that area,
it's just it's lacking a thousand What are we doing?

Speaker 2 (41:01):
Are we staying or are we leaving? Are we staying? Listen?
He cannot make you listen. You have more pleasure? You
like whoo? He working late on Saturday?

Speaker 1 (41:12):
All right, go ahead, I go ahead on and take
care of himself with the roads before he get home.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
And you know, and cut or do you leave? Are
you saying? You know?

Speaker 1 (41:22):
Listen, Jay, We're gonna be real that that sexual component
is a very important part of the relationship. And if
we can't get it together in that area, if he's
not putting it down in that area like he needs

(41:43):
to be, I can't stay in a relationship where he
is not putting it down. I know he treats me
like a queen. Hey, Sedric, how you doing. I know
he loves me and all this other good ish, but
it is not happen over here for me.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
His tech everything is just off.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
So I'm gonna say, you know what, I might have
to get this man up because it's not it's not
working out in that area. And if you are one
of those ladies that say, you know what, I'm gonna
have to give him up because it's not working out
in that area, cometh cometh right upside your head.

Speaker 2 (42:28):
What is wrong with you? You're gonna throw.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
A perfectly good man away because the sex is not good.
My thing is this Now, he's a good man and
his technique is it's just off. So in my opinion,
I believe that you can teach people. You gotta show

(42:51):
each other what.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
You like and that's where communication about that.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
And I know sometimes listen, but ladies, listen, you gotta
pursue lightly.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
In that area.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
You can't just go, you know, and just tear his
whole ego down, because listen, because you're not gonna get nothing.
So you have to approach that situation very lightly, and
you know you gotta stroke him up. Ladies that are
interested in building their households up there, y'all know what
I'm talking about, the ones that's just if you ready

(43:25):
to end it and not be there, then you know
you're gonna talk all vulgar and crazy to him, and
then he gonna go, and he gonna put that wax
sex on somebody else, and she gonna know his whack,
but she know what. He's a good man, so she
gonna stroke his ego and she gonna keep your man.
She gonna keep your good man because you ran your
mouth too recklessly opposed to telling him what you like

(43:46):
and working with him, and so y'all can fix it.
You chose to run him down. Now he over there
with somebody else, and now he now she done showed
him what she like, and now they together, and now
she got your good man and you sitting over there
with your rolls twenty four hours. So you keep on
rocking out. But for those that choose to stay, because

(44:09):
out listen, I would stay with the good man like
he's a good man. Like good dudes aren't listen. Good
dudes are hard to find. They are hard to find. Listen,
you guys have to set up tutoring sessions until you
all get that physical part in order. Listen, it's so
much stuff out here. Listen, you can show him how

(44:32):
to use the roles. Oh, it's so much stuff that
you all can do. You gotta think outside the box.
But to throw a whole good dude away because that
part ain't right.

Speaker 2 (44:44):
Mm hmmn nip noop.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
Noop, nope, Cededric, you're saying you knew that before y'all
decided to be serious. Absolutely, he said so, So by
doing didn't so? By didn't doing it, you give him
some point? Didn't you give him some points or something?
That's what I'm saying, Like people, and a lot of
times these are just excuses, like you gotta be I

(45:07):
feel like if the moment you decide to start having
relations with somebody, like okay, now you like, we know
each other, we're connected, so now we should be able
to talk and like, okay, let's put some things on
the line, like okay, what do you like?

Speaker 2 (45:24):
What do I people?

Speaker 1 (45:26):
I think this is a big thing. You can't assume
that what worked for Henry is gonna work for Bobby.
You cannot assume that. You can't assume what worked for
Lizzie is gonna work for Mary. You cannot assume that,
like like talk.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
I mean, we should know this at this age range.
We should know. Listen, one stroke does not fit all.

Speaker 1 (45:53):
I know it was your best move for Mary, but
Sheila ain't feeling it.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
It does absolutely nothing for Sheila.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
Sheila, you gotta tell him, but tell him lightly, Okay,
tell him lightly.

Speaker 2 (46:08):
You know. Oh you are just the end all be all.
I just love it.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
Could you do a little bit more of this and
a little less of that.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
It's the way we say it.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
I feel like we can have a conversation about almost anything,
and I believe it's the way that we say things.
You know, our tone, our delivery, A lot of that
will you know, some things just won't be as offensive
depending on how we deliver the message. And all of
a sudden, now, listen, you also gotta know who the

(46:40):
receiver is and know how they receive information, and then
taylor your delivery to how you know the person the
receiver is.

Speaker 2 (46:50):
You gotta so sometimes you gotta do a little work.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
But if you believe, if that being is a good man,
you know throwing them away because that aspect is not
you know, in order I think that that you know,
those are some teachable moments. Hey Lee, my sister saying,
hopefully he's open to listening to her knees and trying
to satisfy them. Absolutely, And that's the thing. And that's

(47:15):
why I say, you know what, you gotta kind of
know who the receiver is, because if the receiver is
not open to any suggestions, then you gotta ask yourself.
Now that becomes bigger than, you know, just a sexual problem.
I'm trying to let you know what I like and
what I need and you're not being receptive to that.

(47:39):
So now you gotta ask yourself, like, Okay, is he
really as good of a dude as I say he
is or I'm trying to make it seem like he is,
because if he was, he would be open.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
To listening to what it is that I need.

Speaker 1 (47:54):
So the fact that he would shut down whatever you're
trying to say about what you need, then that would
cause me the question to think, like, okay, is he
really that good of a man? Now that's the part
just the technique and he's a good dude. Now here's
the part that can get a little tricky where you

(48:15):
know you might have to you know, you might gotta leave.
Cedric is saying, be openly honest with him. And here's
the thing I agree with that, Cedric. Now here's the
part where he can be a good dude. Now what
if the chemistry, that sexual chemistry is off or nonexistent,

(48:40):
but he's a good dude. Do you stay in that situation?

Speaker 2 (48:46):
Now?

Speaker 1 (48:46):
See, the technique and the chemistry, those are two different things.
Like technique you can teach, but that chemistry, you know,
I don't know if you could. I don't know if
I would say stay in a relationship where the chemistry

(49:10):
is not there. You know why, because the chemistry is
what draws me to you.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
The chemistry is.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
What makes me want you. And if I don't want
you in that way, then I'm going to want.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
And have somebody else in that way.

Speaker 1 (49:25):
So when that when it switches over, when it's no
longer about the technique, it's just about the full fledged chemistry.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
You got, Houston, You got a problem.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
You have a problem when it's the chemistry, because how
do you come back from that? How do you come
back from not having a sexual attraction to this good man.
So you got a good dude, but he does nothing

(50:01):
for you in that area, Like you can see him
and you can go months and weeks. So I know
a lot of times I've seen a lot of times
the fellas are seeing you know, man, she not giving
it up.

Speaker 2 (50:14):
And it's been mon since I've been with my wife
or I've been with.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
My my my long term girlfriend and my fiance. It's
been a while. And there's nothing wrong with her. You know,
there's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with her.
But we're not being intimate like we should. If you know,
definitely have a conversation because you know, I don't like
to hear you know, relationships end and over things like that.

(50:40):
But like that chemistry, So somebody tell me, how do
you come back from that? Can you come back from
there being no chemistry? So they're a good dude, and fellas,
we're gonna include the women like me. And she's a
good woman, but you just not sexually attracted to her.
She's a good woman, but there is no chemistry. At

(51:01):
first it was, but something happened, whatever it was that happened,
But now I no longer.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
Desire you in that way.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
Once you stop desiring a person in a sexual way, like.

Speaker 2 (51:18):
What are we doing here?

Speaker 1 (51:19):
Like I can be the sweetest woman, the best woman,
but if he no longer desires you in that way,
in my opinion, it's done. I don't know if you
guys want to talk to me seven O two two
three eight nine five three seven o eight two two
three eight nine five three when the chemistry is gone

(51:43):
or if there was never any sexual chemistry for me,
I think that the relationship is over.

Speaker 2 (51:51):
Like what do you do? How do you? Maybe there
are some things now. I do think that maybe there.

Speaker 1 (51:56):
Are some courses and some things that you can you
that can maybe help you. Guys, if you were once
attracted to each other, then I think that it can
be rekindled. We just gotta get to the root of
what caused that person to lose that sexual attraction to
their partner. And I'm gonna be honest like ladies sometimes

(52:19):
like what causes men to lose their attraction?

Speaker 2 (52:22):
And fellas y'all can chime in too, What would happen?

Speaker 1 (52:24):
What causes a man to lose his sexual attraction for
his woman or his wife? What would cause a man
to lose his sexual attraction?

Speaker 2 (52:36):
And I know one of the one of the number one.

Speaker 1 (52:38):
Things is running your mouth, like if the way you
talk to him listen, especially in public.

Speaker 2 (52:48):
You cannot be a masculating.

Speaker 1 (52:53):
These men in public and then thinking that when they
get home they gonna be ready to with the slong
down on you because they not, because you don't. That
mouth of yours have talked you up out and you
can only do it for you so many times.

Speaker 2 (53:11):
And then once you notice that you guys can.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
Start being without being together intimately, Like, listen, somebody gonna
go somewhere and do something. That's all I'm gonna say.
Somebody gonna go somewhere and something gonna happen, and somebody
gonna take care of something. So be mindful on how
you talk to these dudes. Be very mindful. Cedric can

(53:36):
saying it ain't worthwhile too with either of us to
continue to live a lot, and I'm so with that.
So it's like when you get to the point and
it's like if it gets to the point like man, you.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
Know, man, I love him, but.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
I don't want him like that, like I'm good, like
I'm good on him like that, and you're not even
willing to try to figure out what's going on. I
think that that is the day that you know what,
you gotta ask yourself, like, what are we what are
we doing? And my sister, she's saying holding sex from him?

(54:16):
Oh yes, yes, listen, that is a huger. Thanks for
pointing it out. Leave holding sex from these dudes. Listen,
you cannot have been putting this, putting that thing on him,
and then every time you get mad or you.

Speaker 2 (54:31):
Don't get your way, you won't to withhold sex from him.

Speaker 1 (54:34):
You gonna withhold sex from him one time too many
and guess what, once he stopped wanting it.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
From you, now you're gonna have a problem.

Speaker 1 (54:43):
So you gotta find something else to you know, be
able to get your point across with these dudes. Because
and dudes too like withholding affection from each other.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
I just don't think that that is ever an effective.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
Way to handle a disagreement because you can only alienate
and push a person away for so long until they
no longer desire to come back, because they're like, listen,
already know he finna do this, she finna do this.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
Guess what, I'm good?

Speaker 1 (55:18):
Once they start saying that they good in regards to
the way you're acting, guess what, it's over Like it's
over now, you just pretty much waiting for the other
shoe to fall, you waiting for the other listen. Either
they gonna cheat or they just gonna say, you know what,

(55:41):
it's not worth it, like I'm tired, I'm not gonna
keep going through this.

Speaker 2 (55:44):
I'm too good of a dude to be sitting here
playing these type.

Speaker 1 (55:47):
Of games with her, or she's gonna say I'm too
good of a woman to be playing these type of
games with him. But that withholding sex and that withholding
affection should never be a thing that we should be
doing to try to get our partners attention or trying
to punish them. We gotta come up with something else.
So we gotta figure out some other techniques. But let's

(56:08):
come to the table and listen what's going on. We
need to get back to the days of just really
talking and communicating, but not only talking listening. We gotta
listen to what each other is saying, and then we
gotta tap in and know our partners love language. What

(56:29):
you're gonna be talking about that tonight? Shortly, but gods,
we're gonna take a short musical break and when we return,
we have more hot topics to get into. Stay tuned,
you don't want to miss it. You're listening to the
j spot where we are strengthening their relationships and families
one conversation at time.

Speaker 2 (56:49):
Guys, Yeah, we can't. We definitely listen. Listen can see
you and Dane a twenty piece because girl, your.

Speaker 4 (57:03):
The reason, not me, young and funny, you can't everything
in me be telling me, don't let you get away?

Speaker 2 (57:12):
And all the guys looking like they want to live.

Speaker 4 (57:17):
Every damn your body ain't got that over mindy everybody?

Speaker 2 (57:21):
Why you got so? Why you so?

Speaker 5 (57:25):
Why you gotta eat so good?

Speaker 2 (57:28):
Nails when you put they glow on? Why you're so.

Speaker 5 (57:37):
With your head up, nail down?

Speaker 2 (57:40):
Why but they glow? Now?

Speaker 5 (57:41):
Why you gotta't so good?

Speaker 2 (57:44):
I got look and see you not an average chick.
You shouldn't it down everywhere you go. Girl, I want
you as bad as I want on a chick coach.
You said from head to the reason.

Speaker 4 (58:05):
Now me, young and funny, everything you need to be
telling me.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
Don't let you get away? And all the guys looking like.

Speaker 5 (58:15):
They want to love you, everybody.

Speaker 2 (58:18):
And your body going.

Speaker 4 (58:19):
Not over my dead body Why you gotta look so
Why you look so long?

Speaker 1 (58:25):
You go.

Speaker 2 (58:29):
Now when you put your grandma.

Speaker 4 (58:44):
When you're manging up straight out of bed girl, Why
you gotta look so good?

Speaker 1 (58:49):
When you add the job chesting and the maker, Why
you gotta look so good?

Speaker 4 (58:55):
And the clo turning up? Why you gotta look so good?

Speaker 5 (59:08):
You with your head?

Speaker 6 (59:27):
You Welcome back to the J Spot, where we are

(59:48):
strengthening relationships and families, one conversation at a time.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
Guys, I want to thank you all so much for
tuning in. Please do me a favor. You all go
to our pa age and like our page at the
J spot. Follow us on Twitter at jspot. Also follow
us on Instagram at the J spot and J spelled
j A y E for all three y yady, go
right around the corner boo boo boop. Go to YouTube

(01:00:17):
like and subscribe to our channel there that's the jspot
dot com.

Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
And then go to TikTok like and follow us there.
The J spot J is j a y guys.

Speaker 1 (01:00:28):
Turn on the notification bells bang boom.

Speaker 2 (01:00:32):
For all platforms. Guys, thank you all so much for
tuning in.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
It's just me listen, sit it next to me m
we got Esthetician Chandler.

Speaker 3 (01:00:46):
Mother of a group of cool dudes, and little lady.

Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
Lady lotus, Lady lordus. How you doing.

Speaker 3 (01:00:53):
I'm doing gorgeous?

Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
Are you good?

Speaker 1 (01:00:54):
You know, just been trying to be on my best behavior.
You know, it is always real, it's always real. But
you know, I said, as long as you're sitting right here,
you know, listen.

Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
I'm gonna be fine. I'm on you know, will it in.
But as I'm home alone, I'm rogue. Y'all know I'm wrong. Well,
I'm gonna go rogue nothing.

Speaker 3 (01:01:17):
Yeah, I mean, what's your really? Dad with me for
We've been doing this ride for too long.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
This is true, This is true. I was just listen.
I was just trying to on.

Speaker 3 (01:01:23):
The plus plus plus plus spectrum.

Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
I was just trying to act like, you know, I
like I was brand new.

Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
No, I was just trying to act like I got
a little you know, off, I told him. As we
get closer to the new year, now I say, you know,
I start trying to make my New Year's resolution before December,
because it takes twenty one days to create a habit.
So however I want to be for next year, I
have to start working on it now and give myself
time to fall and get it back together.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
So he asked me.

Speaker 1 (01:01:50):
So, he asked me last year, what was my resolution
for uh? Coming into twenty twenty four?

Speaker 2 (01:01:56):
He asked me. He's like, so, what's your What's gonna
be your new Year's resolution? Beloved? So I told him
to be worse than I was in twenty two.

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
Look, I was just about to tell you my only
goal is to continue to be miss Patty Petty.

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
I said, tell that that's that's so, that's my goal
for the twenty twenty five. If the Lord say the same,
whe's your goal to be worse than I was in twenty.

Speaker 3 (01:02:19):
Take this goal. But I'm gonna love myself more than
I love myself ever before. Oh, I like, I am
one hundred percent falling in love with me.

Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
I like that.

Speaker 3 (01:02:28):
We're gonna we gonna love ourselves more in twenty twenty five,
and we're gonna be super duper petty, Yes, super dupa.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
Flyp Yes, Yes, yes, I like that being a rain petty.
Oh listen, matrix matrix up in this mad just.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
Better catch the patty yeah and listen as as always,
if you want to find me, you can find me
over on Patty Island because I spend a lot of
time over there. Now listen speaking to Petty Island. Okay,
this next hot topic. You're gonna see why I spend
a lot of time over there. So now listen, you

(01:03:08):
are this next hot topic.

Speaker 2 (01:03:10):
Ladies, you dating a man.

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
And the fellas Listen the man he finds out that
she is dating other men. Remember now, they just dating,
spending time together and getting to know each other, and
it's possibly, now, listener, she may be intimate with somebody
else during his dating phase.

Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
Does he have a right.

Speaker 1 (01:03:40):
To be upset if she's spending time and possibly intimate
time with somebody else in the course of them dating
and getting to know each other. He finds out, Listen,
he'd gone snoop through the phone and he found out

(01:04:03):
she got some friends. So now he has rocks in
his jaws because she got some friends.

Speaker 3 (01:04:11):
And now he's about to tell on himself because he
was snooping.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
He was snooping, So.

Speaker 1 (01:04:16):
Is he wrong for feeling some type of way that
he you know, because he then found out, Listen, she
got some friends. But they're dating, they're not in a relationship,
they're not exclusive or anything. So how should this man
handle this? What do you think he should do?

Speaker 3 (01:04:37):
Number One, he shouldn't have been being a b I
t h going through her phone like a female. Would
you know what I'm saying? If you're only dating, then
you ask the question are you seeing other people? That
It's just that simple and if she lied, and you're
gonna catch you in that line down the line. But dude,

(01:04:57):
don't be going through no jabodi phone now. I feel
like it's okay for him to have rocks and his
socks and in its jaws, because I would if if
if if I feel like I'm dating you and I'm
not seeing anybody else, and then I feel like you're
still seeing other people, I'm you know, i'mna feel a
certain type of way. But if we didn't discuss we

(01:05:18):
are exclusively dating, I have no right snapping on you,
being angry at you. He have no rights snapping and
angry in it trying to you know.

Speaker 1 (01:05:30):
You don't be trying to ruffle her if the discussion
was not made.

Speaker 3 (01:05:35):
Communication is key. When you assume, you make a what
out of yourself. So if you assuming that this is
exclusive because I'm exclusive, then you make a little little
but at yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
Then get a little so hey, mate's how you doing? Hey, Kashia,
how you doing? And cause she she's up here laughing.
So listen, here's the thing. Now, here's where the petty
comes in at Okay, first of all, you too nosy
for me, dude. Okay, what in the world I'm the
only one supposed to be snooping through phones.

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
Don't be I can snoop through your phone.

Speaker 1 (01:06:15):
This is the way I would find This is the
way how he feels, is how I would feel if
I found out he was dealing with somebody else.

Speaker 2 (01:06:24):
I'm gonna dump you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:25):
Whether under these same godlines we're dating and we have
not made anything exclusive, you are mine.

Speaker 2 (01:06:32):
The moment we get to entertain in each other, you
are mine.

Speaker 1 (01:06:36):
Okay, whether we we have made it official or not,
you are mine. And the moment I find out that
you are, you've been tainted by another woman. I don't
want you anymore. I don't want you. You have ruined
the fantasy. Now you are just for everybody. And even

(01:06:57):
though we haven't made an exclusive Guys, I don't like
this new age stuff like I just but like the old.

Speaker 3 (01:07:06):
Let me help you out, Jay, let me help help me.
The thing is is no one understands what the word
dating means. And just because we feel like we're dating,
and I've been a victim of this myself, of making
myself think because I'm kicking it with you, or I'm
dating you, or I feel this type of way, then
it's supposed to just be us. But that's not what

(01:07:28):
dating is. Dating is finding your mate now only the
Lord better. No, I don't think you're supposed to be
sleeping with everybody that you're dating in this whole little
dating pool. You're supposed to just be having come to coffee,
going out the East End if you like the people,
trying to wind up down and it don't take you
forever to figure that out. But dating is what it

(01:07:50):
is until we establish it's us. I really like you,
because if I don't like you like that, and you
over here being going through my phone and I ain't
even realized, you know, I ain't even got to the
point of I want to spend the night at your house.
I want to leave you know, a pair of undies

(01:08:11):
for you. I ain't even got there yet, and you
done went through my phone, and now I don't like
you no more, because you didn't turn me off because
you acting like me, you didn't turn me off. Now
I'm gone. Now you can't have me.

Speaker 2 (01:08:20):
Now see that's why I say this new stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:08:24):
I just you know you all helped me because again
this new stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:08:29):
I don't like this new stuff. I don't like you.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
Know, there's so many rules and godlines and stuff that
you have to remember. And I'm like, you know what,
I don't want to do that, and I'm not gonna
do it. I just want to be in a situation
where I can just relax and be free and I
don't have to worry about any dumb ish So, like, listen,

(01:08:54):
after I say two times we went out two or
three times, if you still entertaining somebody, then it's time
for me to go. I cannot agree with you because
I have not made my impression on you.

Speaker 2 (01:09:12):
Like in three.

Speaker 3 (01:09:13):
Times on three dates, you could have made an impression.
But now don't mean in three dates. I want to
marry you. I want to spend the rest of my.

Speaker 2 (01:09:21):
Life with you. But you want to go on a
fourth day.

Speaker 3 (01:09:24):
Yeah, We're gonna go on the fourth day.

Speaker 1 (01:09:25):
Oh, then that means that you gotta let go everything
else that you got going on here.

Speaker 3 (01:09:31):
I don't know about that now. I don't like Listen,
somebody schooled me a long time ago. Just let me
know my work. I was told that the women hold
the power. Cedric chime in. Let me know if this
brother told me wrong, and he wasn't trying to holler
at me or nothing. He is one hundred percent a
friend who was engaged. They all of that, nothing extra

(01:09:55):
going on. He told me that I should have been
going on a date. I could go on a date
every day if I want to, because I am only
dayting right, And a man who is secure in himself
would not care if I told him I got another
date I'm going on Saturday.

Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
Now.

Speaker 3 (01:10:19):
If he get mad and he got his pennies all
up in a bunch, then he is secure number one.
But he's supposed to be secure enough in himself to
know you gone on that date with him on Saturday.
I see you Sunday, Well, I see you know Saturday
but' and I can't paraphairase everything he told me because
this was years ago when he told me this, but
it definitely from hearing it from a man. It was

(01:10:39):
a confidence booster, and he was and he was basically saying,
with women we do that. We meet these guys and
we instantly fall his over heels for them, and it's
me and it's you and it's us. Now when their
minds and their hearts don't move that fast. Now, if
they see potential in us, they may like us. If
they don't like us, you know, dude, ain't coming back.

(01:11:00):
They gonna go with you anyway. We're still trying to
be like.

Speaker 2 (01:11:03):
I like him the way lot I like.

Speaker 3 (01:11:05):
I like the way he I see his little jan
in front of his pants. He and please don't let
us sleep with you, fellas, you have to understand that
for a good girl, if you sleep with me, you
is mind and I is yours. That's the contract. But

(01:11:29):
that's the way we think. And if y'all understand that,
then you are hold off on sleeping with us till
you know for shizzle for sure. But I'm I have
learned like these few couple of days, I need a
lot of dates. I need them because I need Joe.
I need your banana pills to start coming down a
little bit more. I need your banana pill halfway down,

(01:11:50):
because you know, the first couple of months we front
front y'all. The first the first year we fronting. By
year two, Oh, I really see you got Oh you
do get angry cause you I ain't never heard you
say a bad word.

Speaker 2 (01:12:04):
Oh oh you.

Speaker 3 (01:12:06):
Don't clean behind your toilet. You were just doing that
in the beginning. Oh see, you gotta you gotta take
your time. We be rushing stuff. You gotta take your time, y'all.
Two two and twenty five time.

Speaker 1 (01:12:21):
So Cedric is saying, have you told him what it was?
And then he's also saying living the lie. So my
thing is this, Like I like transparency, so and I
know that I don't like my patience level for this stuff.

(01:12:41):
I don't have a good patience level because I don't
like the games, Like I don't like all of the
back and forth and the behind your back type of stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:12:51):
So I'm like, I'm not that type of person, Like
I don't like that.

Speaker 1 (01:12:55):
And I know people the best to say that you
know that it's dating, this is what you're supposed to do.

Speaker 2 (01:13:02):
But I just I start hearing.

Speaker 1 (01:13:08):
Once I find out if I found out that you see,
this is where pillow talk with j came from, because
once I find out that the same bull junkie that
you whispered in my ear, you whispered it in somebody
else's ear, it becomes null and void over here would
be so now I don't want.

Speaker 3 (01:13:28):
To hear anything.

Speaker 1 (01:13:30):
The fact that he's whispering anything in anybody else's ears
is you become null and void to me. And I'm
just like, you know what, I'll fall back because I'm
just like, you know what, Listen, your energy is not
your energy is not.

Speaker 2 (01:13:48):
All the way over here.

Speaker 1 (01:13:50):
And because I'm like that, So what I think I
have learned because I've been told you can't expect people
to date like you date just because you don't want
to date multiple people at the same time. That's that's you,
that's because you don't want, but you can't expect everybody
else to follow that notion. So unfortunately I kind of

(01:14:12):
accepted a little bit, but it still has not changed
how I react once I find out, because once I
find out, like, no, I'm like, I'm not you, You're
not You're not my boo.

Speaker 3 (01:14:26):
You all of our booths and I don't share if
I'm dating you, you ain't my boo yet we dating.
But while you're my boo, why are you my boo,
because I'm talking to you.

Speaker 2 (01:14:35):
Good morning, beautiful, good morning. Hey Hey.

Speaker 1 (01:14:38):
Once I find out that that's a chain message, I
don't listen. Just say what's up, bro? What's up dog?
Good morning, big dog. Just say something. Don't say the same.

Speaker 3 (01:14:48):
Don't say how many of my loves din half? I mean,
I got to the realization of dag one. None of
them people my love, but this one here, this is
my love. Right here, this this right here, this is
my love.

Speaker 2 (01:15:02):
I'm just like, I don't even want to hear it.

Speaker 1 (01:15:04):
It becomes just like instantly, it's just like special nickname.

Speaker 2 (01:15:09):
Just call me bro. What's up?

Speaker 1 (01:15:10):
Bro?

Speaker 2 (01:15:11):
That's broke. You could call me bro.

Speaker 3 (01:15:14):
Please don't say bro.

Speaker 2 (01:15:16):
You can say you. Besides all that, good morning, queen.

Speaker 3 (01:15:23):
You don't already let me know. I'm in the friend
zone and my feelings ain't moving. What is in that cup?
Because that don't look like coffee. She's so judgmental, Geese.

Speaker 1 (01:15:33):
This is it is a delicious coffee over here, now,
cream and water.

Speaker 3 (01:15:43):
Okay, it's never brown, you're usually his.

Speaker 1 (01:15:48):
It's a little bit. It's like my color. That means
because I hadn't put too much carmel in there. So pretty,
Tasha said, exactly right. Dating is not exclusive. I do
not like to be called boo and it ain't nothing
serious yet and you know what, and I'm with all
of that. So my thing is, I don't mind being
called boo or anything like that, just as long as

(01:16:10):
you're not calling nobody else that.

Speaker 2 (01:16:11):
But if you calling us all boo, I don't want
you to call me boo.

Speaker 1 (01:16:16):
You could say, hey, you miss lady with something that
you're not calling the rest of them because I must
stand out set. You can saying tricks are for kids,
toys are for boys, and I'm a garral man up
and here he said, So moving around, moving around, if.

Speaker 2 (01:16:37):
That's the issue you on. See, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (01:16:40):
Right there, spoken from a man, moving around, if that's
the iss that you on. But my problem was listening, sir,
do not go through the phones. But my thing, I
don't like multiple people. I'm just I'm not gonna do
it because I don't have the attention speed, I don't
have the desire.

Speaker 2 (01:16:59):
And then I can keep up with it. And it's like,
you gotta know what this person like you allergic to shrimp?

Speaker 3 (01:17:06):
I have brought.

Speaker 1 (01:17:07):
You a shrimp basket and and I brought you the
wrong thing because he liked the shrimp and you like
the cheese. Look I had that happened before. I was
talking to somebody and I was like, I was gonna
be real nice. I was like, you know, he said
that he like cheese cake, and this is that. It

(01:17:30):
wasn't even him.

Speaker 3 (01:17:33):
So I was like, I.

Speaker 2 (01:17:34):
Had got up.

Speaker 3 (01:17:36):
That's why you got problems with all this stuff because
you ain't know how to do it right.

Speaker 2 (01:17:41):
That's the problem.

Speaker 1 (01:17:42):
You can't keep up, so you can't keep up. They
can't keep up. I said, you know what this is,
this is not the life for me.

Speaker 2 (01:17:51):
Like I cannot sega you still with that?

Speaker 1 (01:17:54):
But stillos Okay, I'm telling you, I promise you I'm
gonna get it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:58):
I'm gonna I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get it.

Speaker 1 (01:18:01):
Remind me this weekend subject so I can so I
can get it when I go to the store.

Speaker 2 (01:18:06):
But I don't like, like I said, I don't like
all of that, like you.

Speaker 3 (01:18:10):
Know it's it's it's I will admit when I think
about a time when I was trying to do all
that dating and you remember one draw me off and
the other and pick me up. This is too much.

Speaker 7 (01:18:21):
I cannot And then I thought the other one was
gonna punsh me in my eye. It's always cought me shorty,
shorty man, shorty, you know too much, shorty, Like I
didn't even do nothing.

Speaker 3 (01:18:32):
We're just dating, Like what are you talking about? Because baby,
they don't like when you because I have I had
a disclaimer. I just got a very serious relationship that
I've been here since I was a kid, and I
just want to live my life and I just want
to have fun. So I hope you down with this program.

Speaker 2 (01:18:48):
I was honest. I put it out there.

Speaker 3 (01:18:51):
It wasn't my fault that you know, he couldn't handle
that he roughed me up because I'm hood I wish
you would touched me.

Speaker 1 (01:18:58):
It's like with this, So when you are dating, in
that dating rim, then I think that definitely honesty is
definitely the best policy, like be up front and let
people know. And again you all can say, you know,
listen for those that hide behind the we're just dating.

(01:19:19):
So why do I have to have this conversation. It's
just out of respect, leave.

Speaker 3 (01:19:24):
That person because that person is just one of them
things in the.

Speaker 1 (01:19:26):
First, that's gonna be on some garbage just like you
have it, because if nothing else, don't you have some
respect for me and let me make a decision on
you know what, if I want to be in this setup,
like if I want to be just another number.

Speaker 3 (01:19:42):
I also think that if I.

Speaker 1 (01:19:43):
Want to be another day of the week, let me
know if I just want to be Saturday, or if
I want to be Sunday or.

Speaker 2 (01:19:47):
Friday, let me know that I'm one of those days. Okay,
what's that?

Speaker 3 (01:19:53):
Noriega had his Wednesday chick on one of the movies.

Speaker 2 (01:19:56):
I can't think. I think he was.

Speaker 3 (01:19:58):
I don't remember.

Speaker 2 (01:19:58):
Yeah, but it's like, yeah, let me know what you
know so I can decide. You know what, you're gonna
have to replace me. I'm gonna get out this rotation.

Speaker 1 (01:20:06):
Then I'm gonna let you put somebody else in there,
and I'm good on you. It ain't no hard feelings,
and I can respect a situation like that, But if
I gotta find out that on Thursday to the Gravene.

Speaker 2 (01:20:18):
Then I'm like, I don't want to, Like, I don't
want to do it anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:20:21):
I feel like it. Also on the opposite side of that,
it allows me to know how to carry myself if
we're if if we're at a place where you know
you're still dating other people, it's some other prospects you
know on your list and you ain't figured out, you
know where you want to go. Let me know so
that I know how to carry myself so that I'm

(01:20:42):
not over here feeling like, oh, we're exclusively dating, it's
just you and not because maybe if you still dating
other people, then that mean I could still go over
here and I could still be looking. And if in
this looking, we come back and we realize, okay. The
communication allows people to be able to make their own
decisions and choices, and you're not taking their choices away. Like,

(01:21:04):
if you want to step out, I want to see
other people, you need to bring that to your partner
so that that person can make a decision. Do I
want to be here?

Speaker 2 (01:21:10):
Don't I want to sit around?

Speaker 3 (01:21:12):
Not take my choices and my decisions away from me.
And when you take my choice away from me, that
is a huge turn.

Speaker 2 (01:21:18):
Off for me, A huge turn off.

Speaker 1 (01:21:20):
And like I said, for me, just the fact that
you know, we've we've seen each other for a few times,
we've been out a couple of times, and for me,
I start looking at it like this, You're still looking so.

Speaker 2 (01:21:34):
Clearly I'm not.

Speaker 1 (01:21:36):
Who you checking for. So I'm gonna go ahead off
and I'm gonna eliminate myself from the situation because I'm
trying to figure out how many times, how many dates,
how many times do we gotta go out before you decide?

Speaker 2 (01:21:48):
You know what she cool? I want to see what's
up with her?

Speaker 1 (01:21:51):
Well, you're not gonna take a whole six months to
be davy before you figure out.

Speaker 2 (01:21:56):
Oh well, and then you constantly add.

Speaker 1 (01:21:58):
New people in the road see this, and now people
would be like, well, why why you man his business? Well,
it becomes my business because my feelings are involved in this.
I'm in this, so I'm involved in this situation, so
I need to know how far to go. So if
I'm assuming that because we've been dating for six months
and we always together, we always talking, I'm assuming that

(01:22:21):
I'm assuming you feeling me, but you don't feel.

Speaker 2 (01:22:25):
Your raster up.

Speaker 1 (01:22:28):
I don't want to be a part of that mess,
but I understand that this is the jacked up way
in the jacked up world that we are living in,
and this is what people are doing. And so I say,
people that like to do this, listen, rock out, continue
to do you, but listen, you got to count me out.
Count me out of this bull junkie. In that order,

(01:22:53):
I'm speaking of count me out. Tonight, we're talking about
knowing your partners really love language. See, because now after
you know I did all of this, and now y'all
to clear JR.

Speaker 2 (01:23:10):
Roster.

Speaker 1 (01:23:12):
Now y'all together, you and I, we are together, and
we are on our way.

Speaker 2 (01:23:21):
We are on this journey.

Speaker 1 (01:23:23):
We are on this path in this road to love,
happiness and all that other ish that's at the end
of the rainbow.

Speaker 2 (01:23:32):
And that's at the end of this road. But how
do we get there?

Speaker 1 (01:23:39):
We again, we talked about this a little bit earlier
when we were talking about knowing how to please each
other sexually. You cannot assume the one size fit all.
You cannot assume that what worked and what you were
doing with this last person or with your previous relationships,
that always going to be a home run for everybody

(01:24:05):
that you meet. And that's where it comes in at
with us talking about love languages and knowing what your
love language is. So the love language is for those
that don't know what the love language is. The love
language is the way that you receive love.

Speaker 2 (01:24:26):
It's what makes.

Speaker 1 (01:24:28):
You feel loved, value and important in a relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:24:33):
Now, according to an online source.

Speaker 1 (01:24:38):
There are at least there are five types of love languages.

Speaker 2 (01:24:44):
And the first one is quality time.

Speaker 1 (01:24:48):
The next one is words of affirmation, that's affection and
appreciative statements. The next one is acts of service doing
kind things for.

Speaker 2 (01:24:59):
EA each other just because.

Speaker 1 (01:25:03):
The fourth one is gifts, and the final one is
physical touch.

Speaker 2 (01:25:10):
Now, this can.

Speaker 1 (01:25:11):
Be shown in the form of hugs or cuddling. It
may or may not be sexual. It could be a
pat on the you know, a slap on the butt,
a kiss on the cheek. It may be a forehead kiss,
some type of physical touch that does not have to

(01:25:31):
be sexual, but it's something that it resonates with your heart. So, now,
when we talk about the love languages, I believe that
most people have at least one love language. Some people
have more than one love language. Lord, do you have

(01:25:52):
a love what's your love I know you do, because
what's your love language?

Speaker 2 (01:25:59):
All right?

Speaker 3 (01:26:00):
So physical touch and I don't know which one? Quality
time fall up under butt.

Speaker 2 (01:26:07):
It's a separate one. It's quality time. Way I got it,
because I got it.

Speaker 3 (01:26:11):
It's quality touch and physical touch, and the physical touch
is my number one. I love to touch.

Speaker 2 (01:26:18):
We don't.

Speaker 3 (01:26:18):
It's not about sexual touching, you know, it's just sitting
by each other and being like this. It doesn't have
to hold hands or anything like my skin gotta touch
or is you know? I play with ears, so I
gotta you know, be a le.

Speaker 1 (01:26:34):
Ear.

Speaker 3 (01:26:34):
If you got a problem with that, then you're gonna
have a problem with me. Quality time. I don't know
through the questions how physical touch came first, but quality
time is number one for me because we hear twenty
four hours in the day, and you probably spend ten
to twelve of them at work and the other eight
you spentis sleeping. You better invest at least an hour

(01:26:58):
on texting and talking to me throughout the day. I
don't mean want to act, but we get two off days.
Will you give me one of them off days? Will
you spend time with me? This capricorn right here, loyal baby,
she ain't going nowhere? You spending time with me? We
can't That time is the one thing in life we
cannot get back, and nobody understands that, and you give

(01:27:21):
me your time, and I give you my time, and
please don't waste my time, please don't.

Speaker 1 (01:27:27):
Yeah, and see, and my thing is this mine is
my mind is quality time, definitely quality time, and then
communication would be next for me. So by knowing my quality,
by knowing mine, my love languages. So now let's flip it, dude,

(01:27:50):
we know our partners love language, and are we tapped
into are we really invested into what our partners want,
what works for them? Because okay, mine is again quality
time and communication.

Speaker 2 (01:28:09):
I can't go.

Speaker 1 (01:28:10):
Assuming that just because that's mine. So now I'm getting
my need back. But what about our partners? So how
often do we take the time to figure out and
even ask what do you like?

Speaker 3 (01:28:30):
What do you need?

Speaker 1 (01:28:32):
What can I give you in this space to make
you more happier, to make this thing work, to make
this thing healthy, not just for me, but for you?
Are we looking at that? Do you know what your God?
Do you know what his love language is?

Speaker 3 (01:28:52):
Affirmation?

Speaker 2 (01:28:53):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (01:28:54):
Because again, and that's and the reason why I ask
that is because again a lot of times we get
wrapped up in okay because we quality time and they
may be gifts so they're giving you gifts because that's
what they like. So it's not it's not so I

(01:29:15):
had a situation where gifts don't really resonate with me,
especially like dudes like you got like you got money,
so it's like it's nothing for you to bobby things,
but to spend time with you with me the world
like so it's like it's nothing like spending quality time.

(01:29:39):
But again that's where the love languages come in at
because it's like, Okay, this could be your love language.

Speaker 2 (01:29:46):
So for me to show you love, I may need.

Speaker 1 (01:29:49):
To give you gifts, but for you to show me love,
I need your time. And a lot of times that's
how we clash.

Speaker 3 (01:30:00):
We love, we love. I know for me, I wasn't
even loving people off of my love language. I was
loving off of what I thought would make them happy.
So me, I'm a gift giver. I love. I show
my love by giving gifts by and I think it's
more so like nurturing and take care of you. But

(01:30:21):
I'm gonna spend all my money on you. I'm gonna
go buy you things that I heard that you said.

Speaker 2 (01:30:24):
That you liked.

Speaker 3 (01:30:26):
I want to go out to eat. I'm a I'm
a like, we want an expensive restaurants on me?

Speaker 1 (01:30:31):
And so, so how did you get that as being
a that's interesting.

Speaker 3 (01:30:35):
It wasn't so much of as it was a love language.
This okay, before I even learned what love language was
for it was just in my mind. This was how
I wanted to express love because I like to go
out and eat, and that has nothing to do with
my love. And that I call my friends like, hey,
let's go out to eat. I don't have no money.
I didn't ask you that I got you came on,

(01:30:56):
let's go out to eat. So even in my relationships,
I was doing that, you know, like, oh back in
the cassette tape, Oh you want that casset tape. Let
me go give him this cassette tape. I like for me,
I like small things. It's the small things that matter
to me. I'm having high flash as you went about.
You bought me a fan. Oh my god, you love me.
Stuff like that. So I think and I listened to

(01:31:18):
little things like that, but I never realized the love
languages and the book was introduced to me over ten
years ago. I read the book. I apply the Love
Languages to my children because I learned I can't love
each one of them the same. Each one of them
needs something different. But since we on this topic, there
is an app, and I use the app, both of us.

(01:31:41):
We both have the app downloaded on our phones. It's
called Love Nudge, and you take the quiz and it
basically tells you, you know, these are all his love languages.
It tells me which ones are higher, and then minds
are on there for me to see what my love
languages are. And then we could go there and we
could say, okay, right now, Well, the last time I

(01:32:03):
did this was a while ago, but it says how
love do you feel today? And I put the last
time I did it was eighty five percent. The last
time he did it, it was at ninety percent. We could
leave little messages on here, like I left him a
message like, hey, I want movie night on Sunday and
it and it's and I'm not gonna lie y'all, it's it's,
it's it's amazing. It's been pretty cool. Even I didn't, Joe,

(01:32:27):
I didn't been at thirty five percent on here. I
don't even I don't. I don't even want to talk
to you today. But then it leads the conversation to
what's going on, like why do you feel that way?

Speaker 2 (01:32:36):
And that is so important.

Speaker 1 (01:32:37):
That's kind of why I wanted to talk about this
because sometimes we get we get it's we become one sided.
So we you know, we become we get we get
so consumed on what we want, what we want, what
we want and what we need and what we not
getting it all into that, but we forget sometimes we

(01:32:59):
forget that like, okay, you want all of this, but
what do you give it? When was the last time
you checked in to make sure that the person, your mate,
your spouse, significant other, whomever. When was the last time
you checked in and you made sure you were giving

(01:33:21):
them what they need? Because once you bring that conversation
to the forefront, and I think it should, we should
be open. A lot of times, you know, some people,
you know, we like to just push it all out,
do whatever, do whatever you feel is right. No, no, no,
you can't tell me to do what I feel is right.

(01:33:44):
Like we have to have a conversation, We have to
have a dialogue. In order for you to get what
you want, you got to communicate. Sometimes we expect people
to be a mind reader because I know listen, maybe.

Speaker 3 (01:33:56):
You should know what I won't back exactly you.

Speaker 1 (01:34:00):
We been doing this for too long, and you mean
to tell me that you don't know. You don't know
that I hate but not us, And how do you not?

Speaker 2 (01:34:12):
Baby?

Speaker 1 (01:34:12):
Look okay, I just went like, how you don't know
I don't like lemon cake?

Speaker 3 (01:34:19):
Like how could you? And then the bad thing about
it was j his It almost was like his feelings
was hurt because it was like, I thought about you.
I brought you something you ain't even supposed to be
eating sweets, and I brought you this, and you know,
I speak with my face and my face turned up, y'all,
and I was like, I don't even like lemon cake.
And I'm just sitting there like how you don't know

(01:34:40):
that because I put lemon in my water, I eat lemons, whatever,
but I don't like lemon moringe pound want your lemon
pound cake?

Speaker 2 (01:34:49):
I don't lemons.

Speaker 3 (01:34:51):
I took a piece of that lemon cake, and I
was like, and I could have been the old me
would have been like I don't like this. I had
hell you you'll know I don't like this, but I
was just like I need you to remember I don't
like lemon cakes.

Speaker 1 (01:35:04):
See, I understand because that's how it feel like, you know, again,
like I say, with bananas or with chocolate.

Speaker 2 (01:35:13):
Or things like that.

Speaker 1 (01:35:13):
But I think that what I would do is I'm like,
I'm always striving to be mindful of those in the
moment things like you thought of me to bring me this,
and I'm gonna graciously accept it. And then later on
I'll come back, not in that moment, because I don't
want to kill your spirit in that moment, but I'm

(01:35:36):
like in later on topics, you know, I'll find a
way to bring it up and be like, you know,
I hate some oh you know, I hate bananas with
a passion, And they'd be like, I just bought you
a banana such and such.

Speaker 2 (01:35:51):
I'm like, yeah, and I appreciate it.

Speaker 3 (01:35:53):
Something.

Speaker 1 (01:35:53):
Well, why you didn't tell me that you didn't like
it right then and there? Because I appreciate it. It
was not the fact that it was a banana, see,
And that would have overkilled That would have overshadowed the
whole moment of me genuinely being appreciative because you thought
about me and you did not have to. So for that,

(01:36:13):
I'm not going to kill that in the moment, but
I will bring it up at a later time so
that we could just be on one accord on you know, listen,
this is what I like. Thank you so much, Maurice
Logan for the stars. We appreciate it. This is what
I like. But with that being said, and what I like,

(01:36:35):
let me make sure I'm giving you what you like?

Speaker 2 (01:36:40):
What do?

Speaker 1 (01:36:40):
What do you desire? What can I do more of?
What am I? What do I need to.

Speaker 2 (01:36:46):
Do less of?

Speaker 1 (01:36:47):
That is you know, because listen without saying stop talking someone,
because that's I'm not gonna happen. But I will limit
the times that I talk. So I just let me
get it all out and then you're.

Speaker 3 (01:37:02):
Good because I don't know if I'm better help you
on that.

Speaker 2 (01:37:05):
Don't just don't say that I could tell.

Speaker 3 (01:37:08):
What I could tell? Though you have pay attention to
they cues. Oh I'm just talking, okay, let me go
over here and be quiet.

Speaker 1 (01:37:14):
Oh oh, I understand. I'm just like listen that that'd
be the story of my life. But we gotta get
back to, you know, catering to each other.

Speaker 3 (01:37:26):
Like what can I do?

Speaker 1 (01:37:28):
Like?

Speaker 2 (01:37:28):
You know, are you okay? Like? How are you feeling? Look?

Speaker 1 (01:37:32):
What can we do, what can I do to make
this better for you? Like without it always happen to
be a confrontation. It's like, when we get better at
checking in with each other and checking in on each other,
then I think that relationships will become healthier, we will

(01:37:53):
become happier. But it takes two people. You cannot be
in a relationship now. One person can be telling you
what they want and what they need, but then you
act your party and then they're just like you should not.
I mean, you have to figure it out, like I
have to figure it out, Like Okay, clearly.

Speaker 2 (01:38:14):
What I'm doing is not working.

Speaker 1 (01:38:16):
So my figuring it out is not working because I'm
figuring it out based upon my perception and based upon
what I like.

Speaker 3 (01:38:25):
And your experiences and all of those things. You think
because that fellow you was dating over here, he liked this,
so you gonna like it because you're a boy. Or
this girl like getting flowers all the time, so I'm
gonna give you flowers all the time because it made
her happy, and that might not be what it is.
And now you're sitting here with your feelings her because
we're not doing what communicating.

Speaker 2 (01:38:47):
Now, Cedric said, you cold blooded.

Speaker 1 (01:38:49):
I'm not sure which one of us is cold blooded
with me, Cedric explained, tell me who cold blooded?

Speaker 2 (01:38:54):
Because you know, hey, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:38:57):
But when get down to it and just say, you
know what again, let's just check in with each other.
Let's see how this is going. And I know some
people may be like, oh, Jay, that's in a fairy
tale world.

Speaker 2 (01:39:12):
No no, no, no no.

Speaker 1 (01:39:14):
We gotta make time for each other. We gotta make listen,
we just gotta have some downtime. I saw so many
like techniques where and videos where you know, listen, we
just gotta stop, and we just gotta reconnect. We you know,
have some silent jazz or some you know, some natural
sounds and just reconnect, stretch and just do different things

(01:39:36):
to reconnect with each other, and you know, just change
the energy in the relationship. But it's like you gotta
do that. You gotta put forth that time. But it's
like if you only about what, you won't Okay. So
they've given you everything that you want, so now you
over there happy, but they looking for somebody else right

(01:40:00):
because you not doing what needs to be done for them.

Speaker 3 (01:40:04):
Are you just sad and miserable and not happy?

Speaker 1 (01:40:08):
And you're not doing anything about it. You know why,
because you're getting what you want out of it. But
are you giving what they need? Are we tapping into
what our partners need? Or do we even care?

Speaker 2 (01:40:24):
Listen? As a partner, how are you as a partner?
I mean we listen. We all love to think that
we are just great. How are you?

Speaker 3 (01:40:33):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:40:33):
Listen, I am the end all be all listen and
just say and add the other stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:40:43):
Listen.

Speaker 1 (01:40:43):
I can be a little sensitive, I can be a
lot of spoiled. I can be a lot of you know,
a lot of that. But I'm more sugar and than spice. Okay,
I'm more good things than the bad things.

Speaker 3 (01:41:00):
The spice bad is good.

Speaker 1 (01:41:03):
Well, it depends on what people love. What's they tolerance
level for spicy?

Speaker 3 (01:41:08):
Spicy is amazing? They gonna will together?

Speaker 1 (01:41:10):
Depends on what Listen, what's the what's the dominant what's
the dominant taste?

Speaker 2 (01:41:15):
If that dominant taste is spicy, like them.

Speaker 1 (01:41:17):
Gingerbread cookies, Yeah, you know so, But it's like, can
the person that you're with, they gotta be able to.

Speaker 3 (01:41:26):
Accept and enjoy all that combination.

Speaker 1 (01:41:31):
But again, you're not gonna know ginger what they what
they like or what they want if you not talk,
you know, if you not checking in with them. So
it's like when you first met y'all first got married,
and you would just pop off, and you know he
loved that, like man, you was like.

Speaker 2 (01:41:46):
Man like waiting to say that ish turn me all
the like yeah, but now you now you now you're
not switched, but.

Speaker 1 (01:41:57):
You don't realize now you more conservative, a little bit
more reserved. And he liked that, right, He still won't
the you know, he still won't the one that he
But if we not talking to each other about it,
we're not saying nothing. Now we're holding all of this
stuff in our hearts and we have no idea how

(01:42:20):
each other, how we're feeling about each other because we're
not talking about it communication, were not talking about it.
But you are quick and you don't do this no more.
And you don't do that no more.

Speaker 3 (01:42:32):
And da da da da da, and stop being sensitive.
When somebody try to tell you what they need or
what they want, you get so we get so defensive
because somebody said, I miss when you used to What
you mean you missed when I used to? I don't
do this you saying I don't love you. I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying I miss when you. You know you
used to do that. You stop doing that.

Speaker 2 (01:42:52):
Cedric is saying, I absolutely agree.

Speaker 1 (01:42:55):
It's about mutually investing in each other keyword mutually absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:43:00):
And it's just like one person's feelings.

Speaker 1 (01:43:03):
It's like when you see a lot of this stuff
on social media, it's always I, I I Everything is
I focused.

Speaker 2 (01:43:11):
I want this, I want that, I won't won't want
What are you giving? What are you doing?

Speaker 1 (01:43:18):
What can this person? What can they expect from you?
How are you gonna treat them? How are they gonna
benefit from the relationship? How will one benefit from being
involved with your house?

Speaker 2 (01:43:32):
Exactly?

Speaker 1 (01:43:33):
And that's a lot of times I think that we
we forget that like that the other person what they want.

Speaker 2 (01:43:40):
It falls to the wayside, especially we getting what we
want and what we need.

Speaker 1 (01:43:46):
Man, listen, he do I did this, this, this, this
and this, and you just baby, you gone, you gone.
When was the last time you asked them? When was
the last time you did something for him?

Speaker 2 (01:43:58):
Or vice versa.

Speaker 1 (01:44:00):
She's doing all of this for you, She's doing all
of this and she's taking care of everything. When was
the last time you checked in and asked her what
she needs, how she feeling, how she doing?

Speaker 2 (01:44:11):
Where was the last time you did something nice?

Speaker 3 (01:44:14):
And answer the question when they asked, when was the last.

Speaker 2 (01:44:19):
Time said how you doing?

Speaker 5 (01:44:21):
Baby?

Speaker 3 (01:44:21):
I'm okay. You're looking at them weird because you're trying
to figure out what's wrong while you asking me these questions.

Speaker 2 (01:44:26):
What you what?

Speaker 3 (01:44:27):
Is you all right? I'm okay, I'm just checking in.

Speaker 1 (01:44:30):
And it's like when we start looking that way, it's
like because we've never done it, we are used to it.

Speaker 2 (01:44:37):
It's just like, woo, child, what's what? What is this coming?

Speaker 3 (01:44:41):
I'm uncomfortable with change. I am so uncomfortab while you
were in here, why are you doing that?

Speaker 1 (01:44:49):
I'm like, listen because and this is how we take
each other for granted. When we stopped checking in, we
stopped seeing about listen, come see about me.

Speaker 3 (01:45:01):
We got to come.

Speaker 2 (01:45:02):
See about each other. We gotta make sure we shone up.

Speaker 3 (01:45:06):
For each other, Go for your friends, your kids, for everybody.
The five Love languages is not just for relationships marriages,
It is across the board. Will help you so much
and dealing with people. I can't friend her, love her
as a friend the way I love all my other friends,

(01:45:27):
because we all bring something different to the table to
each other. Now collectively as a group, we all one way.
But I can't go over her house and act the
same way or love her the same way, be the
same way with her because she's different from this other friend. Right,
And if you're treating everybody the same way, you gotta
take a look at yourself. We gotta step out of ourselves,

(01:45:50):
like you said, and do love each other in ways
that that person needs you to show.

Speaker 1 (01:45:54):
Up for them, because again, loving each other, just like
with your family, it's not a one size fit all.
Like listen, love is the key. So love is the
feeling that we feel. But the way we show that
love to each family member is going to different because

(01:46:15):
everybody is different. So the way that I show love
for my son is different from the way or from
this sister, different than the way I show love to
this sister, because.

Speaker 2 (01:46:25):
You gotta know what each personality needs.

Speaker 1 (01:46:28):
Everybody's personality is different, so you gotta talk to each
person a different way, and that's.

Speaker 2 (01:46:34):
How your love resonates with.

Speaker 3 (01:46:39):
Right, I ain't even realizing I'm loving this person.

Speaker 2 (01:46:44):
So true, and that is that's a really good point.
I'm not.

Speaker 3 (01:46:46):
It ain't no favoritism. I'm just giving this person what
they need. This this son loves quality time. This son
will come in my room. He is the grown man,
and he's still gonna lay in his mama bed up
under the cover with her. This one we go outside,
we're gonna shop and we're gonna eat it. That's his
quality time. It's the same kind. It's the same thing, right,
both of them is quality time, but they different. I

(01:47:09):
just want to coddle with you, mama. I just wanna
come lay in the bed with you, laughing joke and
talk and watch a movie. No, I want to go
outside with.

Speaker 1 (01:47:15):
You and see. And that is so true. So even
though I just got one kid, but like I noticed
that with.

Speaker 2 (01:47:21):
Like my nieces and my nephews, Like I love all
of them.

Speaker 1 (01:47:25):
Like, but it's like you have to do different things
for each one of them because they're all so different
in their own way. And it's just like, well, one
may be all up in your face and you can
talk and do this thing with them, but you have to,
you know, do this thing with the other person.

Speaker 2 (01:47:43):
But the whole gist of it and.

Speaker 1 (01:47:45):
The whole important thing to know and just take away
from it is that we gotta make sure we're check
it in. We gotta make sure that we check it
in with our partners. We gotta make sure that not
only if we're expecting something, but we gotta make sure
that we stepping our game up for what it is

(01:48:06):
that we're giving to our partners, we're giving to a
significant others, we're given to our spouses. We got to
make sure that we're giving out just as much as
we're expecting. We gotta make sure that that giving and
that paying attention to what it is that they need.
We gotta make sure that we are on one accord
with that. But this checking in and just seeing how

(01:48:28):
each other is doing, I believe that peace is just
it's huge.

Speaker 2 (01:48:34):
It's huge.

Speaker 1 (01:48:34):
Cedric is saying having love for someone and genuinely loving
someone are two different things. I absolutely absolutely agree. And
so having love for somebody to me, that's not you know,
don't have love for me and being no relationship with me.
Have love for me because we friends and we cool,

(01:48:56):
but we in a relationship. I need you loving on
me because I'm loving on you, not because I got
if I can say if I would describe my relationship
and say, oh, I got love for.

Speaker 2 (01:49:07):
This person, I don't need to be in our relationship
with you. I got love.

Speaker 1 (01:49:14):
That's when we're in the data phase, we dating, when
we seeing each other, Yeah, I got love for you.

Speaker 2 (01:49:19):
We cool, But once we become.

Speaker 3 (01:49:20):
Exclusiveing about it, I got love for you. To me,
that's just like we just broke up and it's like I.

Speaker 2 (01:49:25):
Still got love for you, but exactly, And it's like.

Speaker 3 (01:49:28):
It's levels anyway. It's levels to love anyway, because I
could be with you for ten years and fall out
of love with you. I'm not in love anymore, but
I love you. But we can fall back in love
with each other.

Speaker 2 (01:49:42):
If we're willing to do the work.

Speaker 1 (01:49:43):
So the takeaway for tonight is just let's make sure
that we know our partners love language, make sure that
we check it in on each other to see what
we need to make things grow so that not only
we can be happy and we can be fulfilled and
we can be content, but we want to make sure
that our partners are happy for filled and content as well.

(01:50:08):
So guys, listen, I want to thank you all so
much for tuning in. Please do me a favor you all.
Go to our page and like our page at the
J spot. Follow us on Twitter at j spot. Also
follow us on Instagram at the J spot and J
is spelled j A y e for all three. Why

(01:50:29):
you at it? Go right around the corner. Go to
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the J spot Radio. Subscribe to our channel and then
go to TikTok like and follow us there the J
Spot J.

Speaker 2 (01:50:42):
A y e.

Speaker 1 (01:50:44):
Turn on the notification bill for all platforms until next time,
you guys, take care of yourselves at each other.

Speaker 2 (01:50:51):
Good night, guys, Thank you, good night guys. Yeah, make
sure you figuring out how much for radio dot com
dot com dot