July 18, 2022 • 13 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, my husband and I got married 2 months ago and I haven’t been getting any sleep. I need your help on how to get my husband to calm down. I married a very religious man and he wanted to be a pastor, but changed his mind about a year ago. Because of that, he already thinks he is one. He insisted that we wait until marriage to have sex, so we did… kind of................................
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com.
All you have to do is click submit Strawberry Letter.
We could be reading your letter live on the air,
just like we're going to read this one right here,
right now, and you never know, it could be yours.
(00:23):
You never know. Buckle up and hold on tight. We
got it for you here. It is the Strawberry Letter,
subject a game of cat and mouse every night. Dear
Stephen Shirley, my husband and I got married two months
ago and I haven't been getting any sleep. I need
your help on how to get my husband to calm down.
(00:44):
I married a very religious man and he wanted to
be a pastor, but changed his mind about a year ago.
Because of that, he already thinks he is one. He
insisted we wait until marriage to have sex, so we
did kind of. We pooled around once just to see
if we were compatible, and it was great. So I
(01:05):
was excited for a married life with him. As soon
as I said I do, he was ready for some action.
We had sex between the wedding and our reception while
I was trying to change into my second dress. I
was not even in the mood, but he started quoting
scripture about how a woman is supposed to treat her man.
I tried to stay at our reception as long as
(01:27):
I could because he kept whispering to me all that
he was going to do to me that night. I
was too tired for all of that, and he didn't care.
We have had so much sex since that night, and
I have to run, hide and make up excuses to
get a break from pleasing him. Don't get me wrong,
it's fantastic, but too much of a good thing is
(01:48):
a problem. He likes the game of cat and mouse
and capturing me all over the house. I suggested we
try sex at lunchtime, and he said it will make
him too tired to finish his day In the mornings.
He said he has to prepare mentally for his day,
so sex won't work. He only wants to have sex
at night, all night, like three times a night. I
(02:11):
sat him down and set him down and told him
we have to compromise, and he looked so defeated that
I felt bad for him. We're both thirty, and my
aunt said he will settle down soon. At what age
does a man settle into a sensible sex schedule? How
do I handle this? Well? I would think a sensible
(02:33):
sex schedule would be one that you guys, you know,
to use your word compromised about, And right now that's
not happening. You know, maybe as he gets older forties, fifties,
maybe he'll slow down. Then he wanted to be a pastor,
you said, but he changed his mind. I really don't
think that's how that works. When you have a call
(02:53):
in your life to be a pastor but you have
other problems. You're trying to get him off you. That's
what you're trying to do. And this is something because
if you're complaining this soon into the marriage, it's only
been two months, okay, you're newly was that's what you're
supposed to be doing. You're supposed to be doing it,
(03:15):
doing it a lot, Okay, Then later on, like your
aunt said, it slows down. But this is your issue.
It's important to you. You're right. Sometimes too much of
a good thing, is, you know, too much? It can
be your husband has lived a sheltered lifestyle trying to
be a pastor and all that, and he's trying to
get it in as much as he can without any
(03:36):
regard to your feelings. It's all his way or no way.
He even quotes the Bible to get you to try
and guilt you into having sex with him. He could compromise,
like you say, with you do some morning, some lunchtime,
some afternoons. But no, he says, that doesn't work for him.
But what about you? You know? And then nighttime you
(03:58):
know is good of course, but not all night. You
got to go to sleep at some point. Again, your
man needs to learn and understand the meaning of the
word again, compromise if you guys are going to be
happy in this marriage. And that's the thing. You guys
have years to be together, God willing, So what is
the rush? Slow it down just a little bit, that's
(04:19):
all you're asking. This is not a race, it's a marriage.
So after this honeymoon period, you can start to pace
yourself because you're gonna have to get some sleep at
some point. And he needs to know that just because
you're his wife and you're there, you know, that doesn't
mean that, you know, he gets to pounce on you
whenever whatever however he wants to. It's not just about him.
(04:39):
This is about you too, Steve. I have answers to
all these questions this woman has. And before we get
to him, let's go through some parts of the letter
that I found to be all interesting. A game of
cat and mouse every night, that's the name of subject.
(05:01):
Every night. We gonna do this every night. Now, she'd
been married to the husband for two months and she's
been getting no sleep, and she needs some help on
how to get her husband to calm down. She said,
I married a very religious man that he wanted to
be a pastor, but changed his mind by the year ago. Okay,
(05:25):
I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know
you could take your call and then just go. I
ain't even to do that. Well, I guess you could
not answered the call, but I guess you change your mind.
Y'all headed for some for some more rocket roles. I'm
gonna just tell you that since he's a very religious man,
because of that, he already thinks he's won. So he
(05:46):
insisted that y'all waiting to marriage before y'all had sex,
And you did that kind of but your food around
one time. Make sure y'all was compatible. You know that happens,
that's life, and it was great. Okay, So you was
excited to have a married life with him. But as
soon as you said I do, homeboy was ready for action.
(06:08):
So right after the wed before the honeymoon, when you
was changing dresses for your reception, here he come. Oh,
boy was ready. And then you was trying to go
when I'm standing and go into your second dress, and
(06:28):
you weren't even in the mood, but he started quoting
scriptures about how a woman is supposed to treat her man.
I'm gonna stop right there because I have several questions
at this point about this letter. All right, Steve, we'll
have part two of your response coming up at twenty
three minutes after the hour. Today's subject a game of
(06:48):
captain mouse every night. We'll get back into it right
after this. You're listening show, All right, Come on, Steve,
let's recap today's strawberry letter. Finish up your respon the
subject is a game of cat and mouse every night. Well,
this woman and married this religious man who was called
to be a preacher, but a year ago he decided
(07:10):
he wasn't gonna do that because he wanted to live
a more Obviously, different lifestyle than pastor and would require
so he bagged out of that. But since he that,
he still think he's a minister. And so you all
decided not to have sex before you got married. But
then y'all went on the food around one time to
make sure y'alls comparable compatible. That's human nature. So happened.
(07:32):
It was good. So now you're really looking forward to
married life. But as soon as y'all said I do,
I'm talking about right after the vibe, he homeboard ready
for action. They pictures. No, no, damn all the pictures.
Out't took these pictures. But you know where my hand is,
(07:53):
thought you. So now y'all had sex between the wind
and and your reception. Wow. And then you were trying
to change into your second dress for the reception evening.
You weren't even in the mood, but he started quoting
scriptures about how a woman it's supposed to treat our man. Now,
(08:17):
let me ask you a question. Can y'all please send
all of us me and this scripture? What is the
scripture that he's getting all this sex on? Can send
us the scripture so we can have the scripture because
I'm very unfamiliar and if anybody knows the scripture that
(08:39):
make it a require minute that y'all do what we
want y'all to do and how you want to do
it in many times? Can you please send us a
copy of the thank you? What are you going to apply?
I'm gonna read it to my wife. Yeah, now here's
(09:00):
another problem. And then she said, I tried to stay
at the reception as long as I could because he
kept pushing to me all that he was gonna do
to me that night. I was too tired for all that,
and he didn't care. You know, I've noticed a lot
of women because of the activities of the wedding day
and the reception, I've heard a lot of people say
(09:21):
that that night, that night of the wedding, it don't
be all that y'all thought it was gonna be because
she'd be wore out. Yeah, so you know, but he
don't care. The lady said, we have had so much
sex since that night that I got to run, hide
and make up excuses to break to get a break
(09:43):
from pleasing him. Then she tried to fix it. Don't
get me wrong, it's fantastic, No it ain't. But too
much of a good thing is a problem, and then
he want to play cat and mouse all night long
and then and that's what it's up. So she had
to go hide and then he find her. Now this
ain't Captain Mouth, this is hide and seek. The only
way you're gonna get out of this problem is from
(10:05):
now on, when y'all play hide and seek, you're gonna
have to leave the house back though completely sneak out.
Did you say, put a ladder up against the garage
and climb up on it and then kick the ladder open.
(10:25):
He will never find you up there, but you have
got to get out of that house. So now here's
the problem too. He don't like sex doing the day
because she didn't. Tried to tell him, let's have a lunch,
but he doesn't. He can't get it in the morning
because he wants to have sex. You know. He told
(10:46):
you that he can't compromise because I suggested to have
sex and lunch, he said, to make him too tired
to finish the day. Then in the morning he got
to prepare medley for his day, so sex won't work.
He only wanted to have sex any night. I set
him down and told him we got a compromise. He
looked so defeated. I felt bad for him. We're both thirty,
and my aunt said he will settle down soon. At
(11:08):
what age doesn't man settle into a sensible sex be cut?
How do I handle it? Well, let me help y'all
with that, because I know exactly when his ass is
gonna settle into a sensible sex schedule. As soon as
y'all have kids. Boom, settle case clothes, you ain't got
where about all this where you every night? And then
he gonna help out with these kids. He got to
(11:29):
get up in that two hour feed and scheduling all
that soon as y'all have kids. If I'll tell you
something else, if he tried to open a business, Oh,
he's gonna set his ass right on down, tired. Oh
you got to think now, See, so y'all just missing
(11:52):
a couple of things. Y'all ain't got no family started,
and y'all ain't got no real business going. Y'all both
at work. As soon as y'all get to have a
dreams and aspirations, as soon as y'all sit down and
fill out that vision board and find out what everybody
won't and think, And now you realize what it's gonna
take to make that vision board come through, come true. Oh,
you're gonna get on a sensible sexual schedule. Then you
(12:14):
can believe that some kids and some visions. All you
got to do is wan't more and have more and
here comes a whole bunch of sensible as six. Congratulations,
you are now into this sexual or sensibility phase of life,
(12:35):
and them kids gonna help you be real sensible. All right, Steve,
I sent you're a scripture. Yeah, I'll read it when
we come back. Send it to me too. Now I'm
gonna say, I'm gonna you ain't gonna want to come
all right? All right, thank you. You can hit us
(13:02):
up on Instagram at Steve Harvey FM to comment on
today's Strawberry Letter. You can also check out the Strawberry
Letter podcast on demand. They're coming up next in a
sports talk with Tommy That should be fun. Yes, right
after this, you're listening to the Dame Harvey Morning Show
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com.
All you have to do is click submit Strawberry Letter.
We could be reading your letter live on the air,
just like we're going to read this one right here,
right now, and you never know, it could be yours.
(00:23):
You never know. Buckle up and hold on tight. We
got it for you here. It is the Strawberry Letter,
subject a game of cat and mouse every night. Dear
Stephen Shirley, my husband and I got married two months
ago and I haven't been getting any sleep. I need
your help on how to get my husband to calm down.
(00:44):
I married a very religious man and he wanted to
be a pastor, but changed his mind about a year ago.
Because of that, he already thinks he is one. He
insisted we wait until marriage to have sex, so we
did kind of. We pooled around once just to see
if we were compatible, and it was great. So I
(01:05):
was excited for a married life with him. As soon
as I said I do, he was ready for some action.
We had sex between the wedding and our reception while
I was trying to change into my second dress. I
was not even in the mood, but he started quoting
scripture about how a woman is supposed to treat her man.
I tried to stay at our reception as long as
(01:27):
I could because he kept whispering to me all that
he was going to do to me that night. I
was too tired for all of that, and he didn't care.
We have had so much sex since that night, and
I have to run, hide and make up excuses to
get a break from pleasing him. Don't get me wrong,
it's fantastic, but too much of a good thing is
(01:48):
a problem. He likes the game of cat and mouse
and capturing me all over the house. I suggested we
try sex at lunchtime, and he said it will make
him too tired to finish his day In the mornings.
He said he has to prepare mentally for his day,
so sex won't work. He only wants to have sex
at night, all night, like three times a night. I
(02:11):
sat him down and set him down and told him
we have to compromise, and he looked so defeated that
I felt bad for him. We're both thirty, and my
aunt said he will settle down soon. At what age
does a man settle into a sensible sex schedule? How
do I handle this? Well? I would think a sensible
(02:33):
sex schedule would be one that you guys, you know,
to use your word compromised about, And right now that's
not happening. You know, maybe as he gets older forties, fifties,
maybe he'll slow down. Then he wanted to be a pastor,
you said, but he changed his mind. I really don't
think that's how that works. When you have a call
(02:53):
in your life to be a pastor but you have
other problems. You're trying to get him off you. That's
what you're trying to do. And this is something because
if you're complaining this soon into the marriage, it's only
been two months, okay, you're newly was that's what you're
supposed to be doing. You're supposed to be doing it,
(03:15):
doing it a lot, Okay, Then later on, like your
aunt said, it slows down. But this is your issue.
It's important to you. You're right. Sometimes too much of
a good thing, is, you know, too much? It can
be your husband has lived a sheltered lifestyle trying to
be a pastor and all that, and he's trying to
get it in as much as he can without any
(03:36):
regard to your feelings. It's all his way or no way.
He even quotes the Bible to get you to try
and guilt you into having sex with him. He could compromise,
like you say, with you do some morning, some lunchtime,
some afternoons. But no, he says, that doesn't work for him.
But what about you? You know? And then nighttime you
(03:58):
know is good of course, but not all night. You
got to go to sleep at some point. Again, your
man needs to learn and understand the meaning of the
word again, compromise if you guys are going to be
happy in this marriage. And that's the thing. You guys
have years to be together, God willing, So what is
the rush? Slow it down just a little bit, that's
(04:19):
all you're asking. This is not a race, it's a marriage.
So after this honeymoon period, you can start to pace
yourself because you're gonna have to get some sleep at
some point. And he needs to know that just because
you're his wife and you're there, you know, that doesn't
mean that, you know, he gets to pounce on you
whenever whatever however he wants to. It's not just about him.
(04:39):
This is about you too, Steve. I have answers to
all these questions this woman has. And before we get
to him, let's go through some parts of the letter
that I found to be all interesting. A game of
cat and mouse every night, that's the name of subject.
(05:01):
Every night. We gonna do this every night. Now, she'd
been married to the husband for two months and she's
been getting no sleep, and she needs some help on
how to get her husband to calm down. She said,
I married a very religious man that he wanted to
be a pastor, but changed his mind by the year ago. Okay,
(05:25):
I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know
you could take your call and then just go. I
ain't even to do that. Well, I guess you could
not answered the call, but I guess you change your mind.
Y'all headed for some for some more rocket roles. I'm
gonna just tell you that since he's a very religious man,
because of that, he already thinks he's won. So he
(05:46):
insisted that y'all waiting to marriage before y'all had sex,
And you did that kind of but your food around
one time. Make sure y'all was compatible. You know that happens,
that's life, and it was great. Okay, So you was
excited to have a married life with him. But as
soon as you said I do, homeboy was ready for action.
(06:08):
So right after the wed before the honeymoon, when you
was changing dresses for your reception, here he come. Oh,
boy was ready. And then you was trying to go
when I'm standing and go into your second dress, and
(06:28):
you weren't even in the mood, but he started quoting
scriptures about how a woman is supposed to treat her man.
I'm gonna stop right there because I have several questions
at this point about this letter. All right, Steve, we'll
have part two of your response coming up at twenty
three minutes after the hour. Today's subject a game of
(06:48):
captain mouse every night. We'll get back into it right
after this. You're listening show, All right, Come on, Steve,
let's recap today's strawberry letter. Finish up your respon the
subject is a game of cat and mouse every night. Well,
this woman and married this religious man who was called
to be a preacher, but a year ago he decided
(07:10):
he wasn't gonna do that because he wanted to live
a more Obviously, different lifestyle than pastor and would require
so he bagged out of that. But since he that,
he still think he's a minister. And so you all
decided not to have sex before you got married. But
then y'all went on the food around one time to
make sure y'alls comparable compatible. That's human nature. So happened.
(07:32):
It was good. So now you're really looking forward to
married life. But as soon as y'all said I do,
I'm talking about right after the vibe, he homeboard ready
for action. They pictures. No, no, damn all the pictures.
Out't took these pictures. But you know where my hand is,
(07:53):
thought you. So now y'all had sex between the wind
and and your reception. Wow. And then you were trying
to change into your second dress for the reception evening.
You weren't even in the mood, but he started quoting
scriptures about how a woman it's supposed to treat our man. Now,
(08:17):
let me ask you a question. Can y'all please send
all of us me and this scripture? What is the
scripture that he's getting all this sex on? Can send
us the scripture so we can have the scripture because
I'm very unfamiliar and if anybody knows the scripture that
(08:39):
make it a require minute that y'all do what we
want y'all to do and how you want to do
it in many times? Can you please send us a
copy of the thank you? What are you going to apply?
I'm gonna read it to my wife. Yeah, now here's
(09:00):
another problem. And then she said, I tried to stay
at the reception as long as I could because he
kept pushing to me all that he was gonna do
to me that night. I was too tired for all that,
and he didn't care. You know, I've noticed a lot
of women because of the activities of the wedding day
and the reception, I've heard a lot of people say
(09:21):
that that night, that night of the wedding, it don't
be all that y'all thought it was gonna be because
she'd be wore out. Yeah, so you know, but he
don't care. The lady said, we have had so much
sex since that night that I got to run, hide
and make up excuses to break to get a break
(09:43):
from pleasing him. Then she tried to fix it. Don't
get me wrong, it's fantastic, No it ain't. But too
much of a good thing is a problem, and then
he want to play cat and mouse all night long
and then and that's what it's up. So she had
to go hide and then he find her. Now this
ain't Captain Mouth, this is hide and seek. The only
way you're gonna get out of this problem is from
(10:05):
now on, when y'all play hide and seek, you're gonna
have to leave the house back though completely sneak out.
Did you say, put a ladder up against the garage
and climb up on it and then kick the ladder open.
(10:25):
He will never find you up there, but you have
got to get out of that house. So now here's
the problem too. He don't like sex doing the day
because she didn't. Tried to tell him, let's have a lunch,
but he doesn't. He can't get it in the morning
because he wants to have sex. You know. He told
(10:46):
you that he can't compromise because I suggested to have
sex and lunch, he said, to make him too tired
to finish the day. Then in the morning he got
to prepare medley for his day, so sex won't work.
He only wanted to have sex any night. I set
him down and told him we got a compromise. He
looked so defeated. I felt bad for him. We're both thirty,
and my aunt said he will settle down soon. At
(11:08):
what age doesn't man settle into a sensible sex be cut?
How do I handle it? Well, let me help y'all
with that, because I know exactly when his ass is
gonna settle into a sensible sex schedule. As soon as
y'all have kids. Boom, settle case clothes, you ain't got
where about all this where you every night? And then
he gonna help out with these kids. He got to
(11:29):
get up in that two hour feed and scheduling all
that soon as y'all have kids. If I'll tell you
something else, if he tried to open a business, Oh,
he's gonna set his ass right on down, tired. Oh
you got to think now, See, so y'all just missing
(11:52):
a couple of things. Y'all ain't got no family started,
and y'all ain't got no real business going. Y'all both
at work. As soon as y'all get to have a
dreams and aspirations, as soon as y'all sit down and
fill out that vision board and find out what everybody
won't and think, And now you realize what it's gonna
take to make that vision board come through, come true. Oh,
you're gonna get on a sensible sexual schedule. Then you
(12:14):
can believe that some kids and some visions. All you
got to do is wan't more and have more and
here comes a whole bunch of sensible as six. Congratulations,
you are now into this sexual or sensibility phase of life,
(12:35):
and them kids gonna help you be real sensible. All right, Steve,
I sent you're a scripture. Yeah, I'll read it when
we come back. Send it to me too. Now I'm
gonna say, I'm gonna you ain't gonna want to come
all right? All right, thank you. You can hit us
(13:02):
up on Instagram at Steve Harvey FM to comment on
today's Strawberry Letter. You can also check out the Strawberry
Letter podcast on demand. They're coming up next in a
sports talk with Tommy That should be fun. Yes, right
after this, you're listening to the Dame Harvey Morning Show
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