March 16, 2025 • 16 mins
Schools are failing our children when boys who make sexual threats remain in class with their victims. A toxic combination of pornography access, weak responses, and "boys will be boys" attitudes is forcing young girls out of education.
Quote of the Episode:
"When schools allow boys who make sexual threats to remain in class with their victims, they're making a value judgment. They're saying a boy's uninterrupted education matters more than a girl's right to learn without fear." - Justin Coulson
Key Points:
- Sexual harassment via school laptops is happening as early as Grade 7 (age 12)
- Schools often respond inadequately to sexual threats, prioritising perpetrators' education over victims' safety
- Easy access to pornography is fuelling inappropriate sexual behaviour among young boys
- Parents must make noise and demand accountability when their children are victims
If your child is a perpetrator, taking responsibility and ensuring consequences is essential
- Parental monitoring of screen use is the number one protective factor against digital harm
- The e-Safety Commissioner should be contacted in cases of online harassment
- Media attention and public pressure can force educational institutions to take appropriate action
- Both victims and perpetrators need support systems focused on responsibility and empathy
Resources Mentioned:
- E-Safety Commissioner (for reporting online harassment)
- Happy Families
- "Know My Name" by Chanel Miller (book about sexual assault)
- Dan Principe
- Melinda Tankard Reist
- Collective Shout
Action Steps for Parents:
- If your child is a victim, make noise—report to school authorities, police, the e-Safety Commissioner, and escalate to education departments if necessary.
- Monitor and supervise all screen time—know what your children are viewing, typing, and who they're communicating with.
- Have open conversations with your children about online harassment, showing them real examples and developing response strategies.
- Teach children to block harassers and not engage, as responses often fuel further harassment.
- If your child is a perpetrator, hold them accountable rather than minimising their behaviour.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
While it's not explicit, the content of today's podcast may
not be suitable for younger listeners. We encourage parents to
use discretion ahead of this particular podcast episode Today. What
happens when inappropriate sexual content is being shared on school
laptops during school hours and after school hours with kids
(00:28):
at school. We tackle that based on something that happened
last week on social media that absolutely blew up on
today's Happy Families podcast. We're so glad to have you
along real parenting solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded
parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Colson. Kylie, until
I told you that we were going to record this
and talk about this, you didn't even know what blew
(00:50):
up on social media last week. You don't follow doctor
Justin Colson's Happy Families on Facebook? Am I understanding that correctly? No?
I do, And you just don't read my content well because.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I don't interact with it. It doesn't come up in mind.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
It's just getting worse. Don't don't read it, don't interact.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Only have fifteen minutes on socials today. I'm looking for
artwork for our home.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I'm going to blame our screen time limits. All right, well,
this is a really serious conversation, so I don't want
to I don't want to have too much comedy at
the beginning. Here's the setup, and just to ask questions
as we go, as you need to. I'll probably have
a lot more to say, at least in the initial
stages of this discussion than you. So last Monday, I've
got an email my office sent through an email that
came from a mum who was just desperate. She was saying,
(01:35):
my daughter's getting this these threats, these sexual threats from
a boy in her grade. They're only in grade seven, so.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Just stop there. Yeah, grade seven.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Grade seven, so the twelve years old.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
How is this even possible.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I've got one word. One word answer is sufficient. That
one word is pornography. So you give your kids a phone,
and the phone becomes the center of the world and
it unlocks it unlocks everything, absolutely everything. And unfortunately most
parents when they give their kids a phone, usually at
the beginning of high school, although it does happen earlier,
(02:09):
it becomes it just becomes their world, It absolute becomes
their world. Anyway, this mum says, my seven year old
daughter has been getting these threats I've reported to the school.
The school is responding, but they're not moving fast enough
for me. And the boy is still in class with
my girl and he needs to be out of the school,
Like why should my daughter be the one who misses
out on school, Like she doesn't want to go to
(02:30):
school anymore. And she just said, I'm not quite sure
what to do. I've spoken to the police. They've said
that he's doing the wrong thing, but they've got a
limited amount that they can do, but they have been helpful.
And she said, I've spoken.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Do you mean they've got a limited amount that they
can do when she's literally.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Got proof, So essentially because of his age, they indicated
to her that from a legislation point of view, And
again I'm repeating this third hand, and I'm not a lawyer,
but from a legislation point of view, my understanding is
all they can really do is give him a warning,
a slap on the wrist. It's probably not even that,
quite honestly, And unfortunately, we just see more and more
evidence of kids that are just so brazen they're not
(03:04):
bothered by authority giving them a slap on the wrist
because the consequences don't hurt. So anyway, she said, I
don't know what to do, and she asked me with
her permission. I then shared her email and the screenshots
on my Facebook page. Now, at time of recording, that
particular post had something like two two and a half
thousand what do you call them likes, and some four
(03:27):
or five hundred comments and four or five hundred shares
as well, So based on Facebook's algorithm, this kind of
went pretty viral, given that things don't go viral like
they used to. But I want to read exactly what
I wrote. I think that needs to set up the
conversation that we need to have today on the Happy
Families podcast. And again today's about real parenting solutions, so
we need to get to solutions. We need the context first.
(03:49):
Here's the context. This is what I wrote Monday morning,
ten o'clock on Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families on Facebook,
and we cross posted it to Instagram. My mother just
wrote to me about her daughter's first year of high school.
She's been there about a month. Instead of excitement and growth,
this girl has faced sexual threats via school laptops, including
rape threats from a classmate. I've shared the screenshots beware.
(04:13):
This is ugly and it's happening in grade seven on
school laptops. Despite police confirming these actions as illegal, the
boy remains in her class. This is the second time
she's endured this from classmates this year. Both boys have
(04:33):
at this stage received nothing more than a quote slap
on the wrist. Close quote. The principal of the school
has encouraged to be in touch with police and applauded
her standing up for her daughter, but the boys are
still at school. I'm going to interrupt what I wrote
for a second. The principal. I've actually seen the emails
from the principal. The principal is being really wonderfully diplomatic
and saying I'm glad you going to the police, and
(04:54):
you should pursue this. I really appreciate that he's doing that.
But for me, applauding mom and saying good on you
for standing up for your daughter, for me, that's not enough.
He needs no, no, no, he needs to stand up for
her daughter as well.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
That's ex exactly right. His job, literally, his job is
to safeguard all the children within his care. And while
ever he allows these boys to do what they're doing,
he's actually not helping them.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
So let me continue with what I wrote.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
And we'll let alone protecting her.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
We'll come back to that. So the boys are still
at school. The result her daughter quote doesn't want to
be part of the school system ever again close quote.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Can you blame her?
Speaker 1 (05:37):
This is not just unacceptable, it's a catastrophic failure of leadership.
Let's be clear about what's happening. When schools allow boys
who make sexual threats to remain in class with their victims,
They're making a value judgment. They're saying a boy's uninterrupted
education matters more than a girl's right to learn without fear.
(06:00):
They're betting on the wrong horse. These aren't incidents to manage.
They are character defining moments for schools, families, and communities.
The harsh reality is that schools pile hormone fueled, underdeveloped
brains together in confined spaces, then act shocked when problematic
behavior emerges. Add pornography to the pocket of every teen
(06:22):
boy in our community, a series of boy code beliefs
that amplify sexualized behavior, and parents of boys who are
unwilling to confront the reality that their boys are behaving
badly and instead write it off as boys will be boys.
It's not okay. Three uncomfortable truths. One. Schools that respond
(06:43):
weakly to sexual harassment aren't neutral. They're complicit in teaching
boys that predatory behavior carries minimal consequences. Two. Girls are
dropping out because adults in power positions have decided their
trauma is an acceptable cost of doing business. Three. Every
(07:04):
girl who leaves education represents a failure of our entire system,
not just an individual school. So what's actually needed. Schools
must respond with consequences proportionate to the harm caused. Boys
who demonstrate these behaviors need immediate, intensive intervention focused on
responsibility and empathy. We need clear pathways for boys to
(07:29):
repair harm, not just do their time. Robust supports systems
are needed as well for victims that prioritizes their continued
access to education, and parents must demand accountability from school
leadership with the same ferocity that they bring to academic failures.
To the mother who wrote to me, I wrote this,
your daughter's experience isn't an unfortunate incident. It's a predictable
(07:53):
outcome of systems that consistently undervalue girl's safety. Run everything,
challenge every week, response, escalate to education departments. Fine, parent
allies make noise, because here's the brutal truth. Educational institutions
move when their reputation or funding is threatened, not when
(08:15):
children are the next generation of men is watching how
we respond every week, need milk toast response to sexual
aggression tells boys exactly what society truly values, and right
now we're telling them the wrong story. So that's what
I wrote. After the break, let's talk about what parents
(08:35):
can do about situations like this. Okay, Kylie, you've heard
what I had to say. What's your response.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Well, as I was listening to I was actually flicking
through the images that you've posted.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
As the screen the boys had to say.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
The dialogue, and oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Send shivers down your spine when you think the twelve
year olds are saying this stuff, and you talk to
people like Dan Prince pay or Milita tank card Re
collective shout, and I'll tell you it starts in grade four.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Just like that's just a whole other world. And for
that and many other reasons, our ten year olds at home,
I literally I can't imagine subjecting my child to that
brutality and absolute disgrace. So I guess understanding and knowing
that our job here is to help parents.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Yeah, real parents out that's the podcast.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
In this position. How do we help How do we
help this young girl specifically, but all of our girls.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
So here's the really good news, because this mom came
to me and we were able to put it up
on social media. So many people just try to deal
with it. They keep it in house, they keep it
under wraps, they let the school look after it, or
they just deal with it at the local level, at
the individual level. But when we shine a light on
it with a big platform, all of a sudden, like
(10:04):
the comments, the stories, the fact that so many people
have said dealing with the same thing went through it
a couple of years ago, it's been horrendous. The response
from parents number one and lets you know that you're
not alone, helps you to know that you've got allies.
But number two and I think this is the critical thing.
People realize that accountability is demanded. Accountability is necessary, there's
(10:29):
responsibility that must be taken, and it forces education departments,
that forces schools and principles and leaders to say, Okay,
we really need to respond to this proactively and clearly
we've got to do something about the culture here. To me,
we need to amplify this sort of stuff, not reduce it.
It means that there'll be more reports, it means we'll
get more scared, but ultimately it's going to bring it down.
(10:52):
Why because people have to start to own their stuff.
So to me, that's the first thing. You shine a
light on it and you make as much noise about
it as you can. The second thing is, as parents,
we have got to stop outsourcing our children's care to
algorithms and screens and platforms where there are no people
(11:16):
with prefrontal cortices to help kids to make wise decisions
like Parental monitoring and supervision is the number one protective
factor to keep our kids from both being victims and
perpetrators of this behavior. If you are going to allow
your child to be on a screen, you have a
responsibility to know what they're looking at, to know what
(11:36):
they're doing, to know what they're saying, to know what
they're typing, to know who they're communicating with and how
they're communicating. If you don't, I'm not into shaming parents,
but I need to say this really clearly. If you
don't keep an eye on what your kids are doing
from a screen perspective, it's an abrogation of your responsibility
as a parent, and they will either hurt or be hurt.
(11:57):
So they're probably my two big take home messages. Make
noise if it happens to you. And oh and if
your child is the one who is doing the perpetrating,
don't keep this quiet. You make sure that he absolutely
And I'm using he because in ninety seven percent of
cases it is a he. There are girls who treat
each other horrendously badly too. I'm not making this a
(12:19):
gendered thing. Just statistically, it's more likely to be a guy.
If your child does the wrong thing, own it. Don't
be one of those parents. Like I said it in
the comments. You remember brock Turner, the guy who sexually
assaulted a girl at university at Stanford a handful of
years ago. I've got Shanelle Miller's book on my bookshelf.
It's one of the most brilliantly written books know my
(12:41):
name that I've just stunningly well written and profound in
terms of how it outlines the impact of sexual assault.
Brock Turner was the perpetrator, and in court his dad said,
I feel like my son's paying a steep price for
twenty minutes of action. Wow, this is number one victim
(13:02):
blaming and number two just an absolute unwillingness to own
what's going on. If we want our boys to own,
or our children to own their poor decisions, we as
parents have got to guide them to that ownership. We
can't shield them minimal consequences, absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
They need to experience the pain of that decision in
order for them to learn and grow.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Yeah. So number one, if you're the victim, make noise.
Make noise parents. You know what I love about this
story most of all, I've got a mum. I don't
love the whole mamma bear thing, but in this case
it's perfect. Right, here's a mum who's saying, my little
one needs protection, and I Am going to go full
tilt into protection mode because that's my job. My job
(13:50):
is to protect my kids. My daughter has been harmed.
She's only been at school for a term, not even
a term, half a term, and this is happening at
her brand new school that she was so excited for,
to the point where she doesn't want to be there anymore,
and rightly, so understandably, so go loud or if you're
the parent of a perpetrator, own it, accountability, responsibility, it matters.
(14:14):
I'm really pleased to see, by the way that after
we launched this big time on my Facebook page, news
media picked it up around the country like this thing
has gone off and police have been involved, and like
it's happening properly. The second thing is monitor, Monitor, and supervise.
They are the two action steps that I think are
more important than anything else. If there's a third one,
(14:35):
talk to your kids, say hey, here's what I heard
on the podcast today. Go back to my Facebook page,
have a look at the screenshots, like this is not unusual.
This stuff is happening all day, every day in schools
around this country more than you would possibly believe. This
is not unusual. Show them the screenshots, talk about it,
Ask them how they feel, Ask them if it's happening,
(14:57):
Ask them if they'll talk to you about it if
it ever happens to them. Come up with contingencies, ways
to respond, keep your kids safe. They're my three action steps.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I guess if I was going to add anything to
that from a practicality point of view, the conversations we've
had with our girls when they've found themselves in tricky situations.
Block the person, don't engage in conversation because whenever you add,
no matter what it is, whether it's a retort or whatever,
(15:27):
you actually add fuel to the fire. You give them
exactly what they want. So regardless of whether she has
engaged or not, the behavior is disgraceful, disgusting and wrong
in every way. But by stopping it, there's nowhere for
them to build traction because you're not giving them anything.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yeah, and I should have also mentioned there's the e
safety commissioner. It's absolutely got to be reported to the
safety commissioner. It does have to go to the school.
When I say make noise, I mean you tell everybody,
all the authorities, you escalate it, you do all of
those sorts of things. So I just I want to
make sure I cover that off. I reckon that's probably enough.
So we really hope this has been helpful. We will
link in the show notes to the Facebook post and
(16:05):
the information if you'd like more about it, and more
than anything, talk to your kids, keep them close, monitor
what's going on, because this is the sort of thing
that you really don't want to have happening in your
kitchen and living room, or worse, in your child's bedroom
where they suffer or attack alone. Thank you so much
for listening. The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin
(16:28):
Ruland from Bridge Media. We would love it if you're
enjoying the podcast, could you leave us a rating and review?
Those five star We like the five stars. Five star
ratings and reviews help other people to find out about
the podcast. We get to reach more people. It'll take
you about thirty seconds and it'll give you a warm fuzzy.
If you'd like more information and more resources about making
your family happier, visit us at happy families dot com
(16:49):
dot you
While it's not explicit, the content of today's podcast may
not be suitable for younger listeners. We encourage parents to
use discretion ahead of this particular podcast episode Today. What
happens when inappropriate sexual content is being shared on school
laptops during school hours and after school hours with kids
(00:28):
at school. We tackle that based on something that happened
last week on social media that absolutely blew up on
today's Happy Families podcast. We're so glad to have you
along real parenting solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded
parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Colson. Kylie, until
I told you that we were going to record this
and talk about this, you didn't even know what blew
(00:50):
up on social media last week. You don't follow doctor
Justin Colson's Happy Families on Facebook? Am I understanding that correctly? No?
I do, And you just don't read my content well because.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I don't interact with it. It doesn't come up in mind.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
It's just getting worse. Don't don't read it, don't interact.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Only have fifteen minutes on socials today. I'm looking for
artwork for our home.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I'm going to blame our screen time limits. All right, well,
this is a really serious conversation, so I don't want
to I don't want to have too much comedy at
the beginning. Here's the setup, and just to ask questions
as we go, as you need to. I'll probably have
a lot more to say, at least in the initial
stages of this discussion than you. So last Monday, I've
got an email my office sent through an email that
came from a mum who was just desperate. She was saying,
(01:35):
my daughter's getting this these threats, these sexual threats from
a boy in her grade. They're only in grade seven, so.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Just stop there. Yeah, grade seven.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Grade seven, so the twelve years old.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
How is this even possible.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I've got one word. One word answer is sufficient. That
one word is pornography. So you give your kids a phone,
and the phone becomes the center of the world and
it unlocks it unlocks everything, absolutely everything. And unfortunately most
parents when they give their kids a phone, usually at
the beginning of high school, although it does happen earlier,
(02:09):
it becomes it just becomes their world, It absolute becomes
their world. Anyway, this mum says, my seven year old
daughter has been getting these threats I've reported to the school.
The school is responding, but they're not moving fast enough
for me. And the boy is still in class with
my girl and he needs to be out of the school,
Like why should my daughter be the one who misses
out on school, Like she doesn't want to go to
(02:30):
school anymore. And she just said, I'm not quite sure
what to do. I've spoken to the police. They've said
that he's doing the wrong thing, but they've got a
limited amount that they can do, but they have been helpful.
And she said, I've spoken.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Do you mean they've got a limited amount that they
can do when she's literally.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Got proof, So essentially because of his age, they indicated
to her that from a legislation point of view, And
again I'm repeating this third hand, and I'm not a lawyer,
but from a legislation point of view, my understanding is
all they can really do is give him a warning,
a slap on the wrist. It's probably not even that,
quite honestly, And unfortunately, we just see more and more
evidence of kids that are just so brazen they're not
(03:04):
bothered by authority giving them a slap on the wrist
because the consequences don't hurt. So anyway, she said, I
don't know what to do, and she asked me with
her permission. I then shared her email and the screenshots
on my Facebook page. Now, at time of recording, that
particular post had something like two two and a half
thousand what do you call them likes, and some four
(03:27):
or five hundred comments and four or five hundred shares
as well, So based on Facebook's algorithm, this kind of
went pretty viral, given that things don't go viral like
they used to. But I want to read exactly what
I wrote. I think that needs to set up the
conversation that we need to have today on the Happy
Families podcast. And again today's about real parenting solutions, so
we need to get to solutions. We need the context first.
(03:49):
Here's the context. This is what I wrote Monday morning,
ten o'clock on Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families on Facebook,
and we cross posted it to Instagram. My mother just
wrote to me about her daughter's first year of high school.
She's been there about a month. Instead of excitement and growth,
this girl has faced sexual threats via school laptops, including
rape threats from a classmate. I've shared the screenshots beware.
(04:13):
This is ugly and it's happening in grade seven on
school laptops. Despite police confirming these actions as illegal, the
boy remains in her class. This is the second time
she's endured this from classmates this year. Both boys have
(04:33):
at this stage received nothing more than a quote slap
on the wrist. Close quote. The principal of the school
has encouraged to be in touch with police and applauded
her standing up for her daughter, but the boys are
still at school. I'm going to interrupt what I wrote
for a second. The principal. I've actually seen the emails
from the principal. The principal is being really wonderfully diplomatic
and saying I'm glad you going to the police, and
(04:54):
you should pursue this. I really appreciate that he's doing that.
But for me, applauding mom and saying good on you
for standing up for your daughter, for me, that's not enough.
He needs no, no, no, he needs to stand up for
her daughter as well.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
That's ex exactly right. His job, literally, his job is
to safeguard all the children within his care. And while
ever he allows these boys to do what they're doing,
he's actually not helping them.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
So let me continue with what I wrote.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
And we'll let alone protecting her.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
We'll come back to that. So the boys are still
at school. The result her daughter quote doesn't want to
be part of the school system ever again close quote.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Can you blame her?
Speaker 1 (05:37):
This is not just unacceptable, it's a catastrophic failure of leadership.
Let's be clear about what's happening. When schools allow boys
who make sexual threats to remain in class with their victims,
They're making a value judgment. They're saying a boy's uninterrupted
education matters more than a girl's right to learn without fear.
(06:00):
They're betting on the wrong horse. These aren't incidents to manage.
They are character defining moments for schools, families, and communities.
The harsh reality is that schools pile hormone fueled, underdeveloped
brains together in confined spaces, then act shocked when problematic
behavior emerges. Add pornography to the pocket of every teen
(06:22):
boy in our community, a series of boy code beliefs
that amplify sexualized behavior, and parents of boys who are
unwilling to confront the reality that their boys are behaving
badly and instead write it off as boys will be boys.
It's not okay. Three uncomfortable truths. One. Schools that respond
(06:43):
weakly to sexual harassment aren't neutral. They're complicit in teaching
boys that predatory behavior carries minimal consequences. Two. Girls are
dropping out because adults in power positions have decided their
trauma is an acceptable cost of doing business. Three. Every
(07:04):
girl who leaves education represents a failure of our entire system,
not just an individual school. So what's actually needed. Schools
must respond with consequences proportionate to the harm caused. Boys
who demonstrate these behaviors need immediate, intensive intervention focused on
responsibility and empathy. We need clear pathways for boys to
(07:29):
repair harm, not just do their time. Robust supports systems
are needed as well for victims that prioritizes their continued
access to education, and parents must demand accountability from school
leadership with the same ferocity that they bring to academic failures.
To the mother who wrote to me, I wrote this,
your daughter's experience isn't an unfortunate incident. It's a predictable
(07:53):
outcome of systems that consistently undervalue girl's safety. Run everything,
challenge every week, response, escalate to education departments. Fine, parent
allies make noise, because here's the brutal truth. Educational institutions
move when their reputation or funding is threatened, not when
(08:15):
children are the next generation of men is watching how
we respond every week, need milk toast response to sexual
aggression tells boys exactly what society truly values, and right
now we're telling them the wrong story. So that's what
I wrote. After the break, let's talk about what parents
(08:35):
can do about situations like this. Okay, Kylie, you've heard
what I had to say. What's your response.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Well, as I was listening to I was actually flicking
through the images that you've posted.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
As the screen the boys had to say.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
The dialogue, and oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Send shivers down your spine when you think the twelve
year olds are saying this stuff, and you talk to
people like Dan Prince pay or Milita tank card Re
collective shout, and I'll tell you it starts in grade four.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Just like that's just a whole other world. And for
that and many other reasons, our ten year olds at home,
I literally I can't imagine subjecting my child to that
brutality and absolute disgrace. So I guess understanding and knowing
that our job here is to help parents.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Yeah, real parents out that's the podcast.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
In this position. How do we help How do we
help this young girl specifically, but all of our girls.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
So here's the really good news, because this mom came
to me and we were able to put it up
on social media. So many people just try to deal
with it. They keep it in house, they keep it
under wraps, they let the school look after it, or
they just deal with it at the local level, at
the individual level. But when we shine a light on
it with a big platform, all of a sudden, like
(10:04):
the comments, the stories, the fact that so many people
have said dealing with the same thing went through it
a couple of years ago, it's been horrendous. The response
from parents number one and lets you know that you're
not alone, helps you to know that you've got allies.
But number two and I think this is the critical thing.
People realize that accountability is demanded. Accountability is necessary, there's
(10:29):
responsibility that must be taken, and it forces education departments,
that forces schools and principles and leaders to say, Okay,
we really need to respond to this proactively and clearly
we've got to do something about the culture here. To me,
we need to amplify this sort of stuff, not reduce it.
It means that there'll be more reports, it means we'll
get more scared, but ultimately it's going to bring it down.
(10:52):
Why because people have to start to own their stuff.
So to me, that's the first thing. You shine a
light on it and you make as much noise about
it as you can. The second thing is, as parents,
we have got to stop outsourcing our children's care to
algorithms and screens and platforms where there are no people
(11:16):
with prefrontal cortices to help kids to make wise decisions
like Parental monitoring and supervision is the number one protective
factor to keep our kids from both being victims and
perpetrators of this behavior. If you are going to allow
your child to be on a screen, you have a
responsibility to know what they're looking at, to know what
(11:36):
they're doing, to know what they're saying, to know what
they're typing, to know who they're communicating with and how
they're communicating. If you don't, I'm not into shaming parents,
but I need to say this really clearly. If you
don't keep an eye on what your kids are doing
from a screen perspective, it's an abrogation of your responsibility
as a parent, and they will either hurt or be hurt.
(11:57):
So they're probably my two big take home messages. Make
noise if it happens to you. And oh and if
your child is the one who is doing the perpetrating,
don't keep this quiet. You make sure that he absolutely
And I'm using he because in ninety seven percent of
cases it is a he. There are girls who treat
each other horrendously badly too. I'm not making this a
(12:19):
gendered thing. Just statistically, it's more likely to be a guy.
If your child does the wrong thing, own it. Don't
be one of those parents. Like I said it in
the comments. You remember brock Turner, the guy who sexually
assaulted a girl at university at Stanford a handful of
years ago. I've got Shanelle Miller's book on my bookshelf.
It's one of the most brilliantly written books know my
(12:41):
name that I've just stunningly well written and profound in
terms of how it outlines the impact of sexual assault.
Brock Turner was the perpetrator, and in court his dad said,
I feel like my son's paying a steep price for
twenty minutes of action. Wow, this is number one victim
(13:02):
blaming and number two just an absolute unwillingness to own
what's going on. If we want our boys to own,
or our children to own their poor decisions, we as
parents have got to guide them to that ownership. We
can't shield them minimal consequences, absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
They need to experience the pain of that decision in
order for them to learn and grow.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Yeah. So number one, if you're the victim, make noise.
Make noise parents. You know what I love about this
story most of all, I've got a mum. I don't
love the whole mamma bear thing, but in this case
it's perfect. Right, here's a mum who's saying, my little
one needs protection, and I Am going to go full
tilt into protection mode because that's my job. My job
(13:50):
is to protect my kids. My daughter has been harmed.
She's only been at school for a term, not even
a term, half a term, and this is happening at
her brand new school that she was so excited for,
to the point where she doesn't want to be there anymore,
and rightly, so understandably, so go loud or if you're
the parent of a perpetrator, own it, accountability, responsibility, it matters.
(14:14):
I'm really pleased to see, by the way that after
we launched this big time on my Facebook page, news
media picked it up around the country like this thing
has gone off and police have been involved, and like
it's happening properly. The second thing is monitor, Monitor, and supervise.
They are the two action steps that I think are
more important than anything else. If there's a third one,
(14:35):
talk to your kids, say hey, here's what I heard
on the podcast today. Go back to my Facebook page,
have a look at the screenshots, like this is not unusual.
This stuff is happening all day, every day in schools
around this country more than you would possibly believe. This
is not unusual. Show them the screenshots, talk about it,
Ask them how they feel, Ask them if it's happening,
(14:57):
Ask them if they'll talk to you about it if
it ever happens to them. Come up with contingencies, ways
to respond, keep your kids safe. They're my three action steps.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I guess if I was going to add anything to
that from a practicality point of view, the conversations we've
had with our girls when they've found themselves in tricky situations.
Block the person, don't engage in conversation because whenever you add,
no matter what it is, whether it's a retort or whatever,
(15:27):
you actually add fuel to the fire. You give them
exactly what they want. So regardless of whether she has
engaged or not, the behavior is disgraceful, disgusting and wrong
in every way. But by stopping it, there's nowhere for
them to build traction because you're not giving them anything.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yeah, and I should have also mentioned there's the e
safety commissioner. It's absolutely got to be reported to the
safety commissioner. It does have to go to the school.
When I say make noise, I mean you tell everybody,
all the authorities, you escalate it, you do all of
those sorts of things. So I just I want to
make sure I cover that off. I reckon that's probably enough.
So we really hope this has been helpful. We will
link in the show notes to the Facebook post and
(16:05):
the information if you'd like more about it, and more
than anything, talk to your kids, keep them close, monitor
what's going on, because this is the sort of thing
that you really don't want to have happening in your
kitchen and living room, or worse, in your child's bedroom
where they suffer or attack alone. Thank you so much
for listening. The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin
(16:28):
Ruland from Bridge Media. We would love it if you're
enjoying the podcast, could you leave us a rating and review?
Those five star We like the five stars. Five star
ratings and reviews help other people to find out about
the podcast. We get to reach more people. It'll take
you about thirty seconds and it'll give you a warm fuzzy.
If you'd like more information and more resources about making
your family happier, visit us at happy families dot com
(16:49):
dot you
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