April 10, 2025 • 16 mins
Could the way we celebrate kids at school actually be leaving many of them behind? In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the hidden costs of awards, assemblies, and school trips. From motivation to mental health, they explore how traditional recognition systems can impact children—and what we can do instead to help every child feel seen, supported, and valued.
KEY POINTS:
-
Awards ceremonies often benefit the same high achievers, leaving many students feeling invisible or unworthy.
-
External rewards can reduce intrinsic motivation, especially in areas of creativity, effort, and behaviour.
-
Assemblies can either unite a community or create anxiety and disconnection, depending on how they're run.
-
Away days and camps offer valuable opportunities for growth—but need to be inclusive and purposeful.
-
Children thrive when they feel seen, valued, and part of something bigger than themselves.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“Kids don’t need a trophy to know they matter. They need connection, encouragement, and a belief that they belong.”
KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS:
-
Praise effort and process, not just outcomes.
-
Be cautious about over-relying on rewards—consider what motivates your child from within.
-
Talk with your child about how school events make them feel—do they feel recognised and included?
-
Encourage educators to focus on connection and belonging in school-wide activities.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
-
Deci & Ryan’s research on Self-Determination Theory
-
Studies on rewards and motivation from Alfie Kohn and Carol Dweck
-
Justin Coulson’s book 10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
-
Ask your child how they feel during awards assemblies—validate their emotions.
-
Focus your praise on effort, character, and perseverance rather than outcomes.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I can't believe it's Easter.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I can't believe that I'm talking about being the sort
of the Easter holidays.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
This is doing my head in.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I can't get my head around how fast this year
is going.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Do you think it just gets faster because we're getting older.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
There's some research that says that that can happen.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Or is it just a fact that as the older
you get, the fuller your life gets and therefore time
moves fast.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I think it's a bit of that as well. But
it is already April and we're halfway through it. Just
about like at the end of this weekend, we're halfway
through April. Doing my head in. We should do the
intro Hi. This is the Happy Families podcasts. We're just faster.
We're Justin and Kylie Colson Real parenting Solutions every day
on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. Every Friday, we relax
(00:51):
a little bit, become a little bit more informal, and
we do this thing called I'll do Better Tomorrow. We
have a look at the week that was, look at
what was working, what wasn't working, and how we can
make our families happier as a result. Of some intentional introspection. Kylie,
I want to share an email that we received that
blew my mind before we talk about our old do
(01:11):
better tomorrow, and you haven't heard this, so I'll be
curious to get your reaction. This was such a great email. Hi,
Justin and Kylie. Your recent episode The Worst Mother Who
Got It Right?
Speaker 1 (01:23):
That was on the.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Twelfth of March, Episode one and ninety eight.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Twelfth of March still Anor's Skanezzi.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it was truly eye opening. Something
just clicked for me about giving kids responsibility. I have
an eleven year old who often struggles with getting the school.
The anxiety of leaving the house can be overwhelming, even
though she loves school once she's there. The other morning,
I had to take one child to band practice early,
but my eleven year old was having a particularly tough time.
(01:51):
She was stressed, upset, and in no state to leave early.
But I still had to get her sister to band
whether she was ready or not, so I gently suggested
that I had without her. If she felt up to it,
she could get herself ready to lock up the house
and take the key with her on the bus. For
the first time ever, she looked at me in amazement,
as if she couldn't believe I would trust her with
such a grown up responsibility. Then she smiled and nodded.
(02:14):
She hesitated for a moment and asked, what if I
can't do it. I reassured her that if she needed help,
I'd be back soon to take her to school. But
I also told her I knew she.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Could do this.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
To give her the full experience of managing it on
her own, I stayed at BAND a little longer than necessary,
timing it so that I wouldn't get home before her
bus left. Honestly, I half expected to return and find
her still at home. But when I arrived, the house
was locked, she was gone. She had done it, and
now she's decided this will be her new routine on
(02:44):
band days.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Hurrah. Kylie was absolutely right.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Quote our children will walk out the door with confidence,
feeling empowered because someone believes that they are capable of
doing something hard. Close quote yeah, apparently you said that.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
That's why we do this podcast.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
I love that. I absolutely love that, And I can
just literally imagine this eleven year old girl getting on
the bus and high fiving yourself.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Deal, let me high five me.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I'm just such such an empowering move.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Yeah, and I'm so glad to receive the email. You
can email us your success stories. We love hearing them.
If we've inspired any goodness in your life, we'll share it.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Podcasts at happy families dot com dot you at podcasts
with an s at happy families dot com dot you.
Right o, Kylie, let's talk about our I'll do better
Tomorrow's you go first.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Well, you have a lot to talk about todays. I
don't plan on sharing too much, but I just want
to set it up that the reason you have so
much to talk about is.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Because I had to do parenting this book.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
My best friend, who I have not seen for a
very very long time, happened to be in Brisbane the
morning and I had to be in Brisbane the following
day and was stuck there for a day while my
car was being looked at. And I looked at that
opportunity and thought, could we do something a little bit tricky,
And so I messaged her and I said can you
(04:15):
stay the night? And she said yes, So I got
to have a night. Now, I remember back to the
days when having a night away was so hard to orchestrate,
and you would organize it for me, and I would
resent having to go home because I felt so starved
(04:35):
of time to myself or time together with you, and
it never ever felt like enough. But these days that
at one night a gift, like absolute gift to each
other to be able to just have one night where
we got to talk as late as we wanted and
wake up the next morning and keep talking for as
long as we wanted.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I was desperate for a text message.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I just wanted some contact, and I was like, Kylie's
having to much fun, not in touch with me at all.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I'm pining.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
We laughed, we cried. It was just so good.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
It was great.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
So it meant that you got to parent less.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Which I mean the I'll do better tomorrows have been
fairly scant on my side lately. I've been really just
struggling to find stories because I've been traveling so much
for work.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
That's the nature of what I do.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
I go and make everyone else's families happy while you
stay at home.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
And look after ours. But because you went away, I
had to really step up.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Fortunately, my travel schedule has slowed down as it always
does at the end of term, and I've got I've
got several things that i want to share so quickly,
but they're all related, and they all happen because you
are away. I despise. I absolutely hate. I can't stand
school assemblies. They are possibly the most boring, frustrating, annoying,
just stick flaming bamboo shoots under my fingernails instead of
(05:53):
sending me to a school assembly kind of thing, like
just they're the worst kind of torture anyway. Our daughter
who has just returned to school after a couple of
years of home schooling, Lily, aged fifteen, grade ten, has
just completed term one at a school called the Industry School,
so we looked at putting her back into mainstream schooling.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
She just didn't want to go.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
She's had horrible bullying situations, she doesn't really love school.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
She's got a fairly clear idea.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Of where she wants to go with life and an
atar path isn't necessary for her. And as we looked around,
we discovered the Industry School. This is not a sponsored thing.
It's just as a school that gives children alternative education
opportunities because they might want to go and do a
trainees ships or apprenticeships or school based work related things.
(06:41):
So she does five weeks in school and five weeks
in industry and she's just loving it. It's still had
a few bumps along the way, but it's generally been
an outstanding experience for her.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Well.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
At the end of term, they do this thing that
they call a roof shout. Apparently it comes from New Zealand.
When you put the roof on a newly constructed house,
everyone shouts.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Or osam or look that we are.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Because we've built the house. And so at the end
of term it's kind of like a celebration assembly. We
got one of those emails. Your daughter will be receiving
an award. Don't tell her, but we'd love for you
to come along. You couldn't make it now, Normally I would.
I would absolutely handle this one to you. This is
the hospital pass. You're going to the assembly. I've got
work to do, I've got important things I can't go.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
But I had no choice. I had no choice, So
I show it up. And I was sitting in the hall.
She walked in. First, first thing.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
She did with scan for parents, and she spotted me
and she waved, and then she whispered to her friends.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
She told me.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Later, she whispered, I think I'm getting an award my
dad did, because my dad would not that banded an
assembly for anything. This must be a special day. And
she didn't just receive one, she received three. She got
one for her science, she got one for business, and
she got the Principal's Award, which our kids have been
(07:57):
pretty skinny on awards over the years. But it was
really cool to sit there and see our daughter in
an environment where she feels capable and competent, she feels
like she has good relationships and she's choosing to be there.
Those basic psychological needs are being supported in this environment,
and she's thriving as a result.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
As a parent, making decisions for your child often we
don't have any way of quantifying whether or not those
decisions will actually pay off.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yeah. Good decision, bad decision.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
We've got to suck up and see Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
And when it comes to homeschooling, there was no way
for me to know whether or not she was behind
in her learning, ahead of her learning grade wise, and
the thought of putting her back into the school system,
it was almost like my parenting and particularly my education
(08:50):
capacities were really going to be.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Under the microscope. Yeah examined.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Yeah, have I failed my daughter's homeschooling exactly?
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I was really really stressed. So for her to come
out with so much confidence and capacity is just a
really nice pat on the shoulder. Not that I did much.
She has been fully responsible for her own learning over
the last twelve months.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
But home school taught her how to do that.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Yeah, And I honestly to I wish I had a
been there, just not because don't it was because I
care about the awards. It's not actually about the awards,
but it's about the acknowledgment that she is getting this stuff.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Take our message.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
School environment matters this so much more. I have to
tell you about you being away that you don't know about,
and that's coming up in I'll do it to tomorrow
after break, Okay. So basic psychological needs in a class
or a school environment have a huge impact on the
(09:57):
ability that our children have to do well to thrive,
to flourish, and we've really been able to see that.
I'm kind of anti bribery, right, I'm not big on
bribing kids and saying, well, if you do this, i'll
give you that. I've always always argued strongly against that however.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Unless it's eating an oyster.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, okay, I have bribed the kids to eat oysters
and they still don't like oysters, which can't prove it,
but their.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Bank account was a little bit healthier by the end
of it.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, the stomachs were, not should point out, but that
proves the point, right, when you bribe people, they're not
doing it for the right reason.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
So if you're trying an oyster.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Because you want to get twenty bucks, then you're never
going to really like oysters because you believe I have.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
A true an oyster bus, you're not enough.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
That's right anyway.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Something that I feel quite differently about is that when
your children do well, if you want to give them
an unexpected surprise at random intervals, just because it's nice
to surprise them because you're.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Stoked for them, I'm all for that.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
So I took Lily down to the Malulabar Esplanade and said,
let's go get gelato. Been on a health kick. It's
so funny. I bought this gelato about a week ago.
What it's still kind of in the freezer.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Some of it's been eaten.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Lily had a pretty good crack at hers, but I
bought a leader of it, and I just thought, let's
lash out, let's celebrate, and we all love gelato. Bought it,
had fun buying it, had fun tasting it, but haven't
really had fun eating it because our bodies are kind
of responding to this sugar in ways that they haven't previously.
(11:31):
But I just wanted to emphasize how fun it was.
It was pouring with rain, the weather was obviously rotten,
but we still got to hang out and eat gelato
and just enjoy being in.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
One another's company. It was really nice.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
It sounds like I should go away more.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Either that or do better at school. Maybe I'll have
to treat you to some gelato. You don't want it.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
The last thing that I wanted to touch on, just
while we're doing it.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
It's the end of term.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Term one is done, I'm pretty sure right around the
country now, maybe there's a couple that are still finishing up,
but Termine's more or less done. And I've noticed something
about our eleven year old. She's just had a birthday,
just had a party, and I've noticed that she is
a different kid as a result of homeschool. Now, I'm
not saying that everyone should homeschool their kids. School is
(12:18):
brilliant for a lot of kids, they really really thrive.
But we've had a number of ups and downs with
our children through the years during their school experiences, and
looking at what homeschool did for Lily, but also looking
at what it's doing for Emily, our beautiful eleven year
old daughter. There was a time where she was losing
all confidence. She felt like she was completely incompetent. She
(12:40):
didn't like who she was, and school seemed to be
the catalyst for her. She was struggling with her teacher,
she was struggling socially. Nothing was quite working out. And
over the last two years we've worked extremely hard. Well, no,
you've worked extremely hard as her home school provider.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
I don't know what the word is.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
You've been her mum, but you've also been her teacher.
And we've got a confident, excited, delightful human being, full
brimming overflowing with confidence, really balanced. I just want to
sort of emphasize, as we focus on I'll do better tomorrow,
sometimes we have to make decisions that are really hard
(13:23):
to make, decisions that we don't even necessarily want to make,
but we are in charge of protecting our children and
helping them. And as we wrap up term one, I
want to point to Emily's confidence and her delight in
life as a reflection of us making a hard choice,
(13:46):
you doing extremely hard work, and you making enormous sacrifices.
I mean, go one, are the days where you had
six hours during the day where you could do the
things that were important to you and to us. Instead,
you've given all of that time to being present for
a little girl. But what it has done for her,
(14:06):
I think is just astonishing. And so that's how I
kind of want to wrap up term one. I'll do
better tomorrow by paying tribute to the decisions that you've made,
the decisions that we've made that have helped our children
to thrive, even though it's mean meant stepping away from
the mainstream and frankly acting with not just uncertainty, but
(14:28):
therefore courage to do what we see is right for
our kids, even if a lot of people look down
their noses at it or say what on earth would
you do that for you? Maybe or weepy, Well, that's
because because you love our kids.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Right, making decision to homeschool our kids has been one
probably in the making for ten a good ten years.
It was so hard to say yes. It was so
hard to say yes to this, and living it on
a day to day basis has some really significant.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Challenges, massive impacts.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
But I wish we had have done this so much earlier.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
That's the question I was liscerally going to ask you.
You've answered it before I got there. Yeah, I'll look
at it and think, how would all of our kids'
lives have been different if we'd been able to do that. Obviously,
not everyone can, and frankly not everyone should.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
And I don't actually believe we could have done it
much earlier.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Possibly, but.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Seeing the change in our kids, and even like I said,
acknowledging Lily going back into a school system an entirely
different kid.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Because it's an entirely different school.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
But internally she's different. She's had nearly eighteen months to
get rid of the voices of everybody else and just
hone in with the voice that matter and have time
to regroup, to recenter, to just navigate challenges at a
(16:09):
much slower pace. And that has been the gift, that
is the gift of homeschool.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Well, our time is up.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
The take home message, do what's right for your kids,
even if it's hard, and even if people think your
bonkers for doing what you're planning on doing.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Have a great school holiday experience.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Hopefully you get some good quality time together with you,
with the kids, with the family.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
We will be back.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
With podcasts right through the break, so if you're looking
for any parenting inspo, it'll be there. It'll be on
your podcast speed. We hope that you check it out.
The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruhlan from
Bridge Media. If you'd like more information and more resources
to make your family happier, visit happy families dot com.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Dol a
I can't believe it's Easter.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I can't believe that I'm talking about being the sort
of the Easter holidays.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
This is doing my head in.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I can't get my head around how fast this year
is going.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Do you think it just gets faster because we're getting older.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
There's some research that says that that can happen.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Or is it just a fact that as the older
you get, the fuller your life gets and therefore time
moves fast.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I think it's a bit of that as well. But
it is already April and we're halfway through it. Just
about like at the end of this weekend, we're halfway
through April. Doing my head in. We should do the
intro Hi. This is the Happy Families podcasts. We're just faster.
We're Justin and Kylie Colson Real parenting Solutions every day
on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. Every Friday, we relax
(00:51):
a little bit, become a little bit more informal, and
we do this thing called I'll do Better Tomorrow. We
have a look at the week that was, look at
what was working, what wasn't working, and how we can
make our families happier as a result. Of some intentional introspection. Kylie,
I want to share an email that we received that
blew my mind before we talk about our old do
(01:11):
better tomorrow, and you haven't heard this, so I'll be
curious to get your reaction. This was such a great email. Hi,
Justin and Kylie. Your recent episode The Worst Mother Who
Got It Right?
Speaker 1 (01:23):
That was on the.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Twelfth of March, Episode one and ninety eight.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Twelfth of March still Anor's Skanezzi.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it was truly eye opening. Something
just clicked for me about giving kids responsibility. I have
an eleven year old who often struggles with getting the school.
The anxiety of leaving the house can be overwhelming, even
though she loves school once she's there. The other morning,
I had to take one child to band practice early,
but my eleven year old was having a particularly tough time.
(01:51):
She was stressed, upset, and in no state to leave early.
But I still had to get her sister to band
whether she was ready or not, so I gently suggested
that I had without her. If she felt up to it,
she could get herself ready to lock up the house
and take the key with her on the bus. For
the first time ever, she looked at me in amazement,
as if she couldn't believe I would trust her with
such a grown up responsibility. Then she smiled and nodded.
(02:14):
She hesitated for a moment and asked, what if I
can't do it. I reassured her that if she needed help,
I'd be back soon to take her to school. But
I also told her I knew she.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Could do this.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
To give her the full experience of managing it on
her own, I stayed at BAND a little longer than necessary,
timing it so that I wouldn't get home before her
bus left. Honestly, I half expected to return and find
her still at home. But when I arrived, the house
was locked, she was gone. She had done it, and
now she's decided this will be her new routine on
(02:44):
band days.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Hurrah. Kylie was absolutely right.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Quote our children will walk out the door with confidence,
feeling empowered because someone believes that they are capable of
doing something hard. Close quote yeah, apparently you said that.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
That's why we do this podcast.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
I love that. I absolutely love that, And I can
just literally imagine this eleven year old girl getting on
the bus and high fiving yourself.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Deal, let me high five me.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I'm just such such an empowering move.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Yeah, and I'm so glad to receive the email. You
can email us your success stories. We love hearing them.
If we've inspired any goodness in your life, we'll share it.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Podcasts at happy families dot com dot you at podcasts
with an s at happy families dot com dot you.
Right o, Kylie, let's talk about our I'll do better
Tomorrow's you go first.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Well, you have a lot to talk about todays. I
don't plan on sharing too much, but I just want
to set it up that the reason you have so
much to talk about is.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Because I had to do parenting this book.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
My best friend, who I have not seen for a
very very long time, happened to be in Brisbane the
morning and I had to be in Brisbane the following
day and was stuck there for a day while my
car was being looked at. And I looked at that
opportunity and thought, could we do something a little bit tricky,
And so I messaged her and I said can you
(04:15):
stay the night? And she said yes, So I got
to have a night. Now, I remember back to the
days when having a night away was so hard to orchestrate,
and you would organize it for me, and I would
resent having to go home because I felt so starved
(04:35):
of time to myself or time together with you, and
it never ever felt like enough. But these days that
at one night a gift, like absolute gift to each
other to be able to just have one night where
we got to talk as late as we wanted and
wake up the next morning and keep talking for as
long as we wanted.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I was desperate for a text message.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I just wanted some contact, and I was like, Kylie's
having to much fun, not in touch with me at all.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I'm pining.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
We laughed, we cried. It was just so good.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
It was great.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
So it meant that you got to parent less.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Which I mean the I'll do better tomorrows have been
fairly scant on my side lately. I've been really just
struggling to find stories because I've been traveling so much
for work.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
That's the nature of what I do.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
I go and make everyone else's families happy while you
stay at home.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
And look after ours. But because you went away, I
had to really step up.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Fortunately, my travel schedule has slowed down as it always
does at the end of term, and I've got I've
got several things that i want to share so quickly,
but they're all related, and they all happen because you
are away. I despise. I absolutely hate. I can't stand
school assemblies. They are possibly the most boring, frustrating, annoying,
just stick flaming bamboo shoots under my fingernails instead of
(05:53):
sending me to a school assembly kind of thing, like
just they're the worst kind of torture anyway. Our daughter
who has just returned to school after a couple of
years of home schooling, Lily, aged fifteen, grade ten, has
just completed term one at a school called the Industry School,
so we looked at putting her back into mainstream schooling.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
She just didn't want to go.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
She's had horrible bullying situations, she doesn't really love school.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
She's got a fairly clear idea.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Of where she wants to go with life and an
atar path isn't necessary for her. And as we looked around,
we discovered the Industry School. This is not a sponsored thing.
It's just as a school that gives children alternative education
opportunities because they might want to go and do a
trainees ships or apprenticeships or school based work related things.
(06:41):
So she does five weeks in school and five weeks
in industry and she's just loving it. It's still had
a few bumps along the way, but it's generally been
an outstanding experience for her.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Well.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
At the end of term, they do this thing that
they call a roof shout. Apparently it comes from New Zealand.
When you put the roof on a newly constructed house,
everyone shouts.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Or osam or look that we are.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Because we've built the house. And so at the end
of term it's kind of like a celebration assembly. We
got one of those emails. Your daughter will be receiving
an award. Don't tell her, but we'd love for you
to come along. You couldn't make it now, Normally I would.
I would absolutely handle this one to you. This is
the hospital pass. You're going to the assembly. I've got
work to do, I've got important things I can't go.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
But I had no choice. I had no choice, So
I show it up. And I was sitting in the hall.
She walked in. First, first thing.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
She did with scan for parents, and she spotted me
and she waved, and then she whispered to her friends.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
She told me.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Later, she whispered, I think I'm getting an award my
dad did, because my dad would not that banded an
assembly for anything. This must be a special day. And
she didn't just receive one, she received three. She got
one for her science, she got one for business, and
she got the Principal's Award, which our kids have been
(07:57):
pretty skinny on awards over the years. But it was
really cool to sit there and see our daughter in
an environment where she feels capable and competent, she feels
like she has good relationships and she's choosing to be there.
Those basic psychological needs are being supported in this environment,
and she's thriving as a result.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
As a parent, making decisions for your child often we
don't have any way of quantifying whether or not those
decisions will actually pay off.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yeah. Good decision, bad decision.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
We've got to suck up and see Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
And when it comes to homeschooling, there was no way
for me to know whether or not she was behind
in her learning, ahead of her learning grade wise, and
the thought of putting her back into the school system,
it was almost like my parenting and particularly my education
(08:50):
capacities were really going to be.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Under the microscope. Yeah examined.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Yeah, have I failed my daughter's homeschooling exactly?
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I was really really stressed. So for her to come
out with so much confidence and capacity is just a
really nice pat on the shoulder. Not that I did much.
She has been fully responsible for her own learning over
the last twelve months.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
But home school taught her how to do that.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Yeah, And I honestly to I wish I had a
been there, just not because don't it was because I
care about the awards. It's not actually about the awards,
but it's about the acknowledgment that she is getting this stuff.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Take our message.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
School environment matters this so much more. I have to
tell you about you being away that you don't know about,
and that's coming up in I'll do it to tomorrow
after break, Okay. So basic psychological needs in a class
or a school environment have a huge impact on the
(09:57):
ability that our children have to do well to thrive,
to flourish, and we've really been able to see that.
I'm kind of anti bribery, right, I'm not big on
bribing kids and saying, well, if you do this, i'll
give you that. I've always always argued strongly against that however.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Unless it's eating an oyster.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, okay, I have bribed the kids to eat oysters
and they still don't like oysters, which can't prove it,
but their.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Bank account was a little bit healthier by the end
of it.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, the stomachs were, not should point out, but that
proves the point, right, when you bribe people, they're not
doing it for the right reason.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
So if you're trying an oyster.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Because you want to get twenty bucks, then you're never
going to really like oysters because you believe I have.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
A true an oyster bus, you're not enough.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
That's right anyway.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Something that I feel quite differently about is that when
your children do well, if you want to give them
an unexpected surprise at random intervals, just because it's nice
to surprise them because you're.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Stoked for them, I'm all for that.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
So I took Lily down to the Malulabar Esplanade and said,
let's go get gelato. Been on a health kick. It's
so funny. I bought this gelato about a week ago.
What it's still kind of in the freezer.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Some of it's been eaten.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Lily had a pretty good crack at hers, but I
bought a leader of it, and I just thought, let's
lash out, let's celebrate, and we all love gelato. Bought it,
had fun buying it, had fun tasting it, but haven't
really had fun eating it because our bodies are kind
of responding to this sugar in ways that they haven't previously.
(11:31):
But I just wanted to emphasize how fun it was.
It was pouring with rain, the weather was obviously rotten,
but we still got to hang out and eat gelato
and just enjoy being in.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
One another's company. It was really nice.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
It sounds like I should go away more.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Either that or do better at school. Maybe I'll have
to treat you to some gelato. You don't want it.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
The last thing that I wanted to touch on, just
while we're doing it.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
It's the end of term.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Term one is done, I'm pretty sure right around the
country now, maybe there's a couple that are still finishing up,
but Termine's more or less done. And I've noticed something
about our eleven year old. She's just had a birthday,
just had a party, and I've noticed that she is
a different kid as a result of homeschool. Now, I'm
not saying that everyone should homeschool their kids. School is
(12:18):
brilliant for a lot of kids, they really really thrive.
But we've had a number of ups and downs with
our children through the years during their school experiences, and
looking at what homeschool did for Lily, but also looking
at what it's doing for Emily, our beautiful eleven year
old daughter. There was a time where she was losing
all confidence. She felt like she was completely incompetent. She
(12:40):
didn't like who she was, and school seemed to be
the catalyst for her. She was struggling with her teacher,
she was struggling socially. Nothing was quite working out. And
over the last two years we've worked extremely hard. Well, no,
you've worked extremely hard as her home school provider.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
I don't know what the word is.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
You've been her mum, but you've also been her teacher.
And we've got a confident, excited, delightful human being, full
brimming overflowing with confidence, really balanced. I just want to
sort of emphasize, as we focus on I'll do better tomorrow,
sometimes we have to make decisions that are really hard
(13:23):
to make, decisions that we don't even necessarily want to make,
but we are in charge of protecting our children and
helping them. And as we wrap up term one, I
want to point to Emily's confidence and her delight in
life as a reflection of us making a hard choice,
(13:46):
you doing extremely hard work, and you making enormous sacrifices.
I mean, go one, are the days where you had
six hours during the day where you could do the
things that were important to you and to us. Instead,
you've given all of that time to being present for
a little girl. But what it has done for her,
(14:06):
I think is just astonishing. And so that's how I
kind of want to wrap up term one. I'll do
better tomorrow by paying tribute to the decisions that you've made,
the decisions that we've made that have helped our children
to thrive, even though it's mean meant stepping away from
the mainstream and frankly acting with not just uncertainty, but
(14:28):
therefore courage to do what we see is right for
our kids, even if a lot of people look down
their noses at it or say what on earth would
you do that for you? Maybe or weepy, Well, that's
because because you love our kids.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Right, making decision to homeschool our kids has been one
probably in the making for ten a good ten years.
It was so hard to say yes. It was so
hard to say yes to this, and living it on
a day to day basis has some really significant.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Challenges, massive impacts.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
But I wish we had have done this so much earlier.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
That's the question I was liscerally going to ask you.
You've answered it before I got there. Yeah, I'll look
at it and think, how would all of our kids'
lives have been different if we'd been able to do that. Obviously,
not everyone can, and frankly not everyone should.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
And I don't actually believe we could have done it
much earlier.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Possibly, but.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Seeing the change in our kids, and even like I said,
acknowledging Lily going back into a school system an entirely
different kid.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Because it's an entirely different school.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
But internally she's different. She's had nearly eighteen months to
get rid of the voices of everybody else and just
hone in with the voice that matter and have time
to regroup, to recenter, to just navigate challenges at a
(16:09):
much slower pace. And that has been the gift, that
is the gift of homeschool.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Well, our time is up.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
The take home message, do what's right for your kids,
even if it's hard, and even if people think your
bonkers for doing what you're planning on doing.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Have a great school holiday experience.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Hopefully you get some good quality time together with you,
with the kids, with the family.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
We will be back.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
With podcasts right through the break, so if you're looking
for any parenting inspo, it'll be there. It'll be on
your podcast speed. We hope that you check it out.
The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruhlan from
Bridge Media. If you'd like more information and more resources
to make your family happier, visit happy families dot com.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Dol a
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