May 22, 2025 • 11 mins
Sometimes, the best thing we can do for our family… is slow down. In this reflective I’ll Do Better Tomorrow episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson share the power of pausing, being present, and choosing connection over control. From Sunday night beach walks to heartfelt conversations with teenage daughters, this episode is a gentle reminder that the simple moments matter most.
KEY POINTS:
- Presence > Productivity. Slowing down, ditching the schedule, and being together—like a spontaneous walk after dinner—can be the reset your family needs.
- Connection is the goal. Whether you're navigating tough teen years or sharing a sunset, strong relationships grow from time, conversation, and attention.
- Repair matters more than perfection. Every parent will make mistakes. What counts is how we acknowledge, repair, and grow through them.
- Children are wired to connect. They want close relationships with us. Our job is to not let ego or defensiveness get in the way.
- Grace + ownership = healing. When your child opens up about past hurt, resist defensiveness. Instead, acknowledge it, own it, and seek forgiveness.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“Our children are biologically wired to connect with us. We’ve just got to make sure we don’t get in the way of that.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- The Parenting Revolution – Dr Justin Coulson’s latest book
- Happy Families School Membership – For parent engagement and wellbeing resources
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
- Plan nothing. Take one evening this week to leave the agenda behind. Go for a walk, sit together, be still.
- Check in deeply. Ask one of your kids: “What’s been hard for you lately?” And listen—fully.
- Apologise when needed. If your child opens up about hurt or resentment, resist the urge to defend. Acknowledge their truth and offer a sincere, humble “I’m sorry.”
- Model forgiveness and grace. Let your children see that love doesn’t require perfection—just connection and accountability.
Strengthen the bond. Say “yes” to spontaneous togetherness. It might become a memory your child cherishes forever.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
The subtle art of not going to fast. That is
what we're talking about today. Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast,
Real Parenting Solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded
parenting podcast, where Justin and Kylie Coulson and every Friday,
so I'll do Better Tomorrow, we analyze the week that was.
We have a look at what's working and what isn't
(00:26):
and how we can be better parents. Kylie, a couple
of things that I'm going to share today before we
step into you and your insights and the way that
you want to be better tomorrow. First one that I
want to share is just the delight, the joy that
I get from traveling around the country and giving talks.
Over the last few weeks, I have been literally NonStop.
(00:47):
I've been in almost every single state of the country
giving talks and it has just been such a joy,
such a delight. You and I went out on Friday
night last week. We were in Melbourne for a foster
care group called Key Assets. They were having their gala dinner.
We got dressed up. You were wearing your ballfrock. You
(01:08):
looked fabulous. I was wearing my suit and tie and
being able to stand in front of a room of
foster care as people who have not only raised their
own children, but they're stepping in and supporting, they're giving
their hearts and their homes to kids who don't have
a safe place to be.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Yeah, it's a gift of stability, connection, oh my goodness,
and safety that they in most cases haven't experienced before.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
And the extraordinary privilege that it is for me to
stand up in front of that audience and given after
dinner a keynote for twenty or thirty minutes. It's one
of those things where I stand up I think I
don't have anything to tell you. Your people are incredible.
You're amazing for what you do. Like, truly, genuinely, in
my heart of hearts, I'm astonished at what they do.
(01:55):
And yet when I give my talk and they come
up and say that was incredible. We needed that. The
chair of the board literally leaned over and said, that
was such a gift. You're a gifted speaker. Thank you
for giving us what you gave us. And you sit
there and go, oh my goodness, this is I'm the
one that should be thanking them. I walk out of
a night like that and think I want to be
better because of the great job that you guys do.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
They interviewed a couple of the parents in the room.
There was one woman who has been doing foster care
now for twenty two years, with one hundred and three
children who've come through her doors.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I can what an impact.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Just crazy. She was diagnosed with cancer three years ago
and thankfully at this point she's in remission and she's
doing fine. But just understanding their stories. I looked in
that room and so many of those families would be
doing life tough, like it's not like it's easy street
for them, and yet they're opening their doors and their
(02:54):
hearts to bless a less fortunate child. Like it just
blows my mind.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Yeah, absolutely amazing. Hey, I just want to also mention
so much travel and so many talks. This week. I
was at Padua and Mount Albernier Colleges in the north
of Brisbane on Monday night and Tuesday night I was
at Nambor Christian College and on Wednesday I hung out
at King's Christian Last couple of days I've been working
on my book. I had a little bit of a
space in my diary. But next week I take off
(03:22):
on Sunday and next week I'm in Western Australia all week.
I'm going to be at christ Church Grammar on Monday,
at Cottislow Primary on Tuesday. On Wednesday I'm at PLC
and Perth, and on Thursday I'm doing a whole lot
of stuff with Catholic school parents. W Way, what a
privilege again to be able to do it. I just love,
love what I get to do. And today, instead of
(03:43):
talking about all the usual stuff, just a really quick
i'll do better tomorrow. For me, it's a really simple one.
On Sunday night, we had our family together. We had
a lovely barbecue. You made an incredible salad. I cooked
some meat on the grill, and then after dinner, we
just jumped in the car and drove down to the
beach and walked along the esplanade and I don't know
(04:05):
how long we were there, maybe forty minutes, maybe an hour,
and I completely fell in love with my family and
being outdoors and just that it's something that we don't
do that often, slowing down, dropping the agenda, the dishes
can wait, Let's just go for a walk. And it
felt so good. That's literally my i'lder be it tomorrow,
(04:26):
Like I said, the subtle art of taking everything off
the schedule and just spending time with the kids, meaningful conversations, connections, insights, questions,
What a delight.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
It's pretty magical when you just get the temperature right
and the atmosphere and the kids are all happy and
you get to enjoy that time together.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Take her message, Sometimes it's really nice to let go
of the schedule, let go of the agenda, and just
be outside in one another's company. That's kind of all
you're really need and want. Kylie, what about you? What's
your older bedit tomorrow? For today's podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Episode, Mine's probably an extension of your Sunday night walk
along the Beach. I was having a chat with our
eldest daughter and we were just discussing some of the
challenges in both of our lives right now, and she
just shared the most beautiful thought with me, and she said,
(05:34):
I can have a falling out with my sisters, I
can have a falling out with my friends, but the
idea that I would lose the relationship that I have
with you as my mom, and she got really emotional
and she just said, I couldn't live without you.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Well, and I've that's better than a birthday and a
Thursday and the Christmas present all at Lin's, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
What was so beautiful about that is our shared journey
together has not been perfect. We've had some really really
challenging times and moments where I actually wondered whether I
would ever get her back. And to be able to
sit together on the grass overlooking the water and for
her to share how deeply she feels grateful for the
(06:17):
relationship that we share was just so profoundly touching and moving,
and I feel so privileged. I feel so privileged to
have her in my life, but not only her five sisters,
and for the amazing human beings that each of these
(06:39):
girls are growing into, and the lessons that they teach me,
and the way in which they elevate me and my
thinking and my desire to be a better person for them.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It reminds me of the thing that I've said all
the way along, and that is our children biologically wired
to connect with us. They just they want to have happy, healthy,
strong relationships with us. We've just got to make sure
we don't get in the way of that. We've got
to support them to be who they are so that
they can savor being with us.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yeah, I think it goes a little bit deeper, though.
There is going to come a time, I'm anticipating it
where she's going to remember a conversation that we had
or an interaction that we had that really hurt, and
there's going to come a time when she's going to
want to reconcile the emotions around that or you know,
(07:34):
kind of her feelings with it all. And it's so
easy in those moments as a parent to become really
defensive and to justify our actions or to tell her
that she got it wrong, that it wasn't like that,
or she has no idea what it's like to be
a mum, or whatever it is. And yet what I've
(07:54):
learned throughout my life experience is that in those moments
are the moments where not only do I need to
offer myself grace and recognize that I did the best
I could with what I had but it still wasn't enough,
but acknowledge that her experience is hers, and the only
(08:16):
thing I have to offer her is not only an
acknowledgment that I got it wrong, but a request for
her forgiveness that she can recognize and know that in
spite of my shortcomings that I love her.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Dearly, Yeah, more than any of those mistakes. Yeah. I
don't remember who said it, but there's a very famous
quote that basically says, as a parent, it's guaranteed you're
going to stuff your kids totally. You can't not. So
what really matters is that that you recognize that you will,
and then you do the best that you can to
make up for it and to develop the relationship in
(08:54):
spite of it, and to teach your children that it
is human to make those kinds of mistakes. Incidentally, know
about that daughter and the cherishing, the relishing, the delight
that we find in the relationship that we have together.
Got a text message from her the other day which
totally cracked me up. So my fiftieth birthday coming up
later this year, we're going to take the entire family
(09:15):
away for a couple of days and we're going to
do a four day bike ride about one hundred and
fifty hundred and sixty k's on a disused rail trail,
Like lots of people go and ride bikes along these
rail trails and there's accommodation and you can go camping
or whatever, and we're going to do one of these
rail trails for about one hundred and fifty k's the
whole family, and I've been saying to all of them,
even though it's not until the end of the year,
(09:36):
you really need to get used to sitting on a bike,
because if you hadn't, haven't sat on a bike for
a while, and then you sit on a bike for
an hour, hour and a half, two hours, four hours
in a day, the next day when you sit on
that saddle, you're not going to be able to touch it.
You're going to have to ride for two or three
or four hours standing up because your bum's going to
be so sore. She sent us a text on Monday
(09:58):
for those of you who have not sat on a bike,
you might want to look at starting Indian. I just
did about fifteen kilometers and my butt is very, very sore.
So four days on a bike. You want to make
sure that those relationships are okay and that whatever forgiveness
needed to be offered has been done, because otherwise there's
going to be a whole lot of hate and a
whole lot of misery and complaining. Is that a good
(10:21):
birthday present? I think it's a great birthday present. I'm
not sure if the family is going to have the
fond memories that I'm hoping for. Have we made a mistake?
We will find out, Yes, we will. That's going to
be a fun I'll do better tomorrow. I can't wait
to report on that one. That'll be right at the
end of the year. We'll fill you in anyway. Thanks
so much for listening. I hope that you've really enjoyed
what we're doing on the Happy Families podcast and the
(10:42):
way that it's designed to help your family to thrive.
Have a great weekend, and hopefully these ideas will help
you to do better tomorrow. The Happy Families podcast is
produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. If you like
more info and more resources for supporting your family and
helping your family to be happier, check out my book
The Parenting Revolution, the most important parenting book that I
(11:04):
can think of to recommend for you. You'll find that
and a whole lot of other resources at happy families
dot com dot au.
The subtle art of not going to fast. That is
what we're talking about today. Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast,
Real Parenting Solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded
parenting podcast, where Justin and Kylie Coulson and every Friday,
so I'll do Better Tomorrow, we analyze the week that was.
We have a look at what's working and what isn't
(00:26):
and how we can be better parents. Kylie, a couple
of things that I'm going to share today before we
step into you and your insights and the way that
you want to be better tomorrow. First one that I
want to share is just the delight, the joy that
I get from traveling around the country and giving talks.
Over the last few weeks, I have been literally NonStop.
(00:47):
I've been in almost every single state of the country
giving talks and it has just been such a joy,
such a delight. You and I went out on Friday
night last week. We were in Melbourne for a foster
care group called Key Assets. They were having their gala dinner.
We got dressed up. You were wearing your ballfrock. You
(01:08):
looked fabulous. I was wearing my suit and tie and
being able to stand in front of a room of
foster care as people who have not only raised their
own children, but they're stepping in and supporting, they're giving
their hearts and their homes to kids who don't have
a safe place to be.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Yeah, it's a gift of stability, connection, oh my goodness,
and safety that they in most cases haven't experienced before.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
And the extraordinary privilege that it is for me to
stand up in front of that audience and given after
dinner a keynote for twenty or thirty minutes. It's one
of those things where I stand up I think I
don't have anything to tell you. Your people are incredible.
You're amazing for what you do. Like, truly, genuinely, in
my heart of hearts, I'm astonished at what they do.
(01:55):
And yet when I give my talk and they come
up and say that was incredible. We needed that. The
chair of the board literally leaned over and said, that
was such a gift. You're a gifted speaker. Thank you
for giving us what you gave us. And you sit
there and go, oh my goodness, this is I'm the
one that should be thanking them. I walk out of
a night like that and think I want to be
better because of the great job that you guys do.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
They interviewed a couple of the parents in the room.
There was one woman who has been doing foster care
now for twenty two years, with one hundred and three
children who've come through her doors.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I can what an impact.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Just crazy. She was diagnosed with cancer three years ago
and thankfully at this point she's in remission and she's
doing fine. But just understanding their stories. I looked in
that room and so many of those families would be
doing life tough, like it's not like it's easy street
for them, and yet they're opening their doors and their
(02:54):
hearts to bless a less fortunate child. Like it just
blows my mind.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Yeah, absolutely amazing. Hey, I just want to also mention
so much travel and so many talks. This week. I
was at Padua and Mount Albernier Colleges in the north
of Brisbane on Monday night and Tuesday night I was
at Nambor Christian College and on Wednesday I hung out
at King's Christian Last couple of days I've been working
on my book. I had a little bit of a
space in my diary. But next week I take off
(03:22):
on Sunday and next week I'm in Western Australia all week.
I'm going to be at christ Church Grammar on Monday,
at Cottislow Primary on Tuesday. On Wednesday I'm at PLC
and Perth, and on Thursday I'm doing a whole lot
of stuff with Catholic school parents. W Way, what a
privilege again to be able to do it. I just love,
love what I get to do. And today, instead of
(03:43):
talking about all the usual stuff, just a really quick
i'll do better tomorrow. For me, it's a really simple one.
On Sunday night, we had our family together. We had
a lovely barbecue. You made an incredible salad. I cooked
some meat on the grill, and then after dinner, we
just jumped in the car and drove down to the
beach and walked along the esplanade and I don't know
(04:05):
how long we were there, maybe forty minutes, maybe an hour,
and I completely fell in love with my family and
being outdoors and just that it's something that we don't
do that often, slowing down, dropping the agenda, the dishes
can wait, Let's just go for a walk. And it
felt so good. That's literally my i'lder be it tomorrow,
(04:26):
Like I said, the subtle art of taking everything off
the schedule and just spending time with the kids, meaningful conversations, connections, insights, questions,
What a delight.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
It's pretty magical when you just get the temperature right
and the atmosphere and the kids are all happy and
you get to enjoy that time together.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Take her message, Sometimes it's really nice to let go
of the schedule, let go of the agenda, and just
be outside in one another's company. That's kind of all
you're really need and want. Kylie, what about you? What's
your older bedit tomorrow? For today's podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Episode, Mine's probably an extension of your Sunday night walk
along the Beach. I was having a chat with our
eldest daughter and we were just discussing some of the
challenges in both of our lives right now, and she
just shared the most beautiful thought with me, and she said,
(05:34):
I can have a falling out with my sisters, I
can have a falling out with my friends, but the
idea that I would lose the relationship that I have
with you as my mom, and she got really emotional
and she just said, I couldn't live without you.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Well, and I've that's better than a birthday and a
Thursday and the Christmas present all at Lin's, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
What was so beautiful about that is our shared journey
together has not been perfect. We've had some really really
challenging times and moments where I actually wondered whether I
would ever get her back. And to be able to
sit together on the grass overlooking the water and for
her to share how deeply she feels grateful for the
(06:17):
relationship that we share was just so profoundly touching and moving,
and I feel so privileged. I feel so privileged to
have her in my life, but not only her five sisters,
and for the amazing human beings that each of these
(06:39):
girls are growing into, and the lessons that they teach me,
and the way in which they elevate me and my
thinking and my desire to be a better person for them.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It reminds me of the thing that I've said all
the way along, and that is our children biologically wired
to connect with us. They just they want to have happy, healthy,
strong relationships with us. We've just got to make sure
we don't get in the way of that. We've got
to support them to be who they are so that
they can savor being with us.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yeah, I think it goes a little bit deeper, though.
There is going to come a time, I'm anticipating it
where she's going to remember a conversation that we had
or an interaction that we had that really hurt, and
there's going to come a time when she's going to
want to reconcile the emotions around that or you know,
(07:34):
kind of her feelings with it all. And it's so
easy in those moments as a parent to become really
defensive and to justify our actions or to tell her
that she got it wrong, that it wasn't like that,
or she has no idea what it's like to be
a mum, or whatever it is. And yet what I've
(07:54):
learned throughout my life experience is that in those moments
are the moments where not only do I need to
offer myself grace and recognize that I did the best
I could with what I had but it still wasn't enough,
but acknowledge that her experience is hers, and the only
(08:16):
thing I have to offer her is not only an
acknowledgment that I got it wrong, but a request for
her forgiveness that she can recognize and know that in
spite of my shortcomings that I love her.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Dearly, Yeah, more than any of those mistakes. Yeah. I
don't remember who said it, but there's a very famous
quote that basically says, as a parent, it's guaranteed you're
going to stuff your kids totally. You can't not. So
what really matters is that that you recognize that you will,
and then you do the best that you can to
make up for it and to develop the relationship in
(08:54):
spite of it, and to teach your children that it
is human to make those kinds of mistakes. Incidentally, know
about that daughter and the cherishing, the relishing, the delight
that we find in the relationship that we have together.
Got a text message from her the other day which
totally cracked me up. So my fiftieth birthday coming up
later this year, we're going to take the entire family
(09:15):
away for a couple of days and we're going to
do a four day bike ride about one hundred and
fifty hundred and sixty k's on a disused rail trail,
Like lots of people go and ride bikes along these
rail trails and there's accommodation and you can go camping
or whatever, and we're going to do one of these
rail trails for about one hundred and fifty k's the
whole family, and I've been saying to all of them,
even though it's not until the end of the year,
(09:36):
you really need to get used to sitting on a bike,
because if you hadn't, haven't sat on a bike for
a while, and then you sit on a bike for
an hour, hour and a half, two hours, four hours
in a day, the next day when you sit on
that saddle, you're not going to be able to touch it.
You're going to have to ride for two or three
or four hours standing up because your bum's going to
be so sore. She sent us a text on Monday
(09:58):
for those of you who have not sat on a bike,
you might want to look at starting Indian. I just
did about fifteen kilometers and my butt is very, very sore.
So four days on a bike. You want to make
sure that those relationships are okay and that whatever forgiveness
needed to be offered has been done, because otherwise there's
going to be a whole lot of hate and a
whole lot of misery and complaining. Is that a good
(10:21):
birthday present? I think it's a great birthday present. I'm
not sure if the family is going to have the
fond memories that I'm hoping for. Have we made a mistake?
We will find out, Yes, we will. That's going to
be a fun I'll do better tomorrow. I can't wait
to report on that one. That'll be right at the
end of the year. We'll fill you in anyway. Thanks
so much for listening. I hope that you've really enjoyed
what we're doing on the Happy Families podcast and the
(10:42):
way that it's designed to help your family to thrive.
Have a great weekend, and hopefully these ideas will help
you to do better tomorrow. The Happy Families podcast is
produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. If you like
more info and more resources for supporting your family and
helping your family to be happier, check out my book
The Parenting Revolution, the most important parenting book that I
(11:04):
can think of to recommend for you. You'll find that
and a whole lot of other resources at happy families
dot com dot au.
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